Author's Notes:

And so our story continues.

I didn't mean for the chase/hiding sequence to as long ass it is, but it was fucking fun to write.
It reminds me of something I'd do, if I was magically inclined and a bit of a child at heart.

As Always, Kick Ass, Take Names.

Stay Cool, Kids.

After spending my previous day doing effectively fuck all, I decided to do something productive for once and got up early to go see Twilight. I wore her favourite shirt and my favourite jeans just to add to the sucking up I was about to do, though it’s not like I needed to do it for any particular reason. I just woke up at three in the morning again and felt like being nice, so I grabbed a bottle of wine. I tried some to see if I could drink it at all and found that as long as it was weak, I could stomach a few glasses. I didn’t test my limits, but I did grab a couple of bottles and leave a note for Nashoba and Krel, telling them to open a window in the room they’d done unspeakable acts in. I knew it was a bit hypocritical for me to be sickened by them having sex since I’d been the one to suggest it in the first place, but I’m allowed to change my mind, especially when it comes to my furry sister getting nailed.

I put one of my ancient bottles of wine into my satchel and added a pretty weak breakfast wine in there to go along with it. I didn’t know what all Twilight had in her pantry, so I made sure to grab a few things from my own so I could make a half decent breakfast. Suited up and ready to go, I started on my way over to Twilight’s but before I could get out of the door, I heard some pretty disgusting noises coming from further in my house. I didn’t stick around or go back for anything, despite knowing that there were things I left behind.

The walk over was boring, and since I’d gotten up so early, it was a little chilly out. I wasn’t complaining since I’m a cold weather kind of guy anyway, but it was like, four in the morning when I left my house, so that played into my walking speed pretty heavily until I realized that I could snuggle up to Twilight for a few hours until she woke up. That made me pick up the pace so I could get over there before I lost my chance.

I arrived to find the front door locked for once, so I grabbed my gloves from my satchel and started climbing up the tree like I’d done twice before, only to find that the door to the balcony was locked too. I had my picks in my boots, so I knelt down and had the lock open in two minutes flat. Yes, I did time myself. No, I’m not that rusty. Either way, I was allowed entrance into Twilight’s room and that meant that I was sneaky breeki-ing my way over to Twilight’s bed. I discerned which side she was facing and figured that I wanted to be the first thing she saw when she woke up, so I kicked off my boots quietly and slipped into bed. I tried to keep my hands to myself, but all I wanted was to touch her at the moment, so I pressed her fingers against my lips and gave them a good sniff. Someone had been a bit naughty before bed if the strength of the scent was anything, and when I gave her fingers a lick, I was a little more certain.

Carefully, I adjusted myself so I could flick Twilight’s horn with my tongue, and when I popped the tip into my mouth, she let loose a mild sigh, so I tried sucking on it with force that would make a vacuum proud. She fidgeted a bit in her sleep, so I stopped and went back to licking her grape flavoured appendage until she started shuddering. It had taken about thirteen minutes of gentle teasing, but Twilight let out a nice sigh and the smell of grapes in the room strengthened. I waited a little bit to see if she would wake up, but when she didn’t, I made a point of it to get her whole horn in my mouth and go full vacuum again. I had her cumming again within moments and when she discharged her throat numbing magic, I waited a little longer to see if she would wake up. She didn’t, so I wiped her horn off and decided to take a turn under the covers.

I realized that she was only wearing a nightgown when I got under there, so getting her soaked knickers off was pretty easy, and when I began stroking her folds, her legs started to open for me. From there, the obvious thing happened and I did my best to stop her from ruining her bed any further by catching her nectar as it came. When she was finished with her orgasm, Twilight whisked the blanket from over my head and I looked up at her.

“Hullo cherry.” I said brightly.

“Amour~” She sighed.

“It’s a good morning already, yeah?”

“It sure is. You’re sleeping in the wet spot.”

“Can’t you just magic it dry?”

Twilight went silent for a moment and I saw her horn glow, though it didn’t cast any light. After that, Twilight patted the spot next to her and I crawled up beside her. She nestled her head into my chest and didn’t say anything else, so I assumed that she was going back to sleep. I stroked the soft fuzzy fur on her arm while she drifted off until Twilight’s magic grabbed my hand and put it on her hip. I let my hand stay there and so did she, which was nice.

“I prefer it there.” Twilight whispered.

“As long as it’s on you, I’m happy.” I replied softly.

Twilight smiled and carefully avoided stabbing me in the chin with her horn so she could get a kiss. “You can go a little further back if you want. I don’t mind.”

I gave her bottom a squeeze and she giggled, but I put my hand back where it was. “I like it here. I can fondle you later, if you want.”

“I might take you up on that. For now,” Twilight moved my hand back to her rear. “Leave it there. No squeezing.”

I rolled my eyes, but it was pretty nonvisible. “That’s fine by me.”

My lover drifted off soon enough and I was left to gaze upon her beauty in the darkness. I wasn’t complaining. Twilight only slept for another hour or so before I felt her hand creep towards my thigh. She stroked it for a moment before her horn lit up and teleported my trousers off of me. I was glad that I’d chosen to wear nice boxers since she placed her hand on my bottom. I didn’t think my arse was all that nice, but I was glad that she liked it, if the squeeze she gave me was anything to go by. Twilight may have woken up, but we weren’t doing anything for the time being, leaving me with a handful of booty and nothing to do with it.

We stayed in bed for awhile until Spike knocked on the door. Twilight rolled the covers down a bit and sat up, so I followed suit as she told him to come in.

“Hey Twilight. I was just wondering if you were coming down for breakfast.” Spike said.

“I’ll be down in a moment. I have to spank Max for breaking into our house again.” She replied.

I wrapped an arm around her waist. “You wouldn’t whack little ol’ me just for trying to give you some pre-dawn affection, would you? After all, you’ve broken into my house while I was sleeping multiple times.”

“I’m pretty sure I locked the balcony door.” She replied drily.

“You did, I watched you do it.” Spike added.

I stuck my tongue out at him. “I thought you were supposed to be the coolest little brother!”

He shrugged. “I don’t have to live with you.”

“Would you like to?” Twilight asked out of the blue.

“Well, it’d be cool to have a bigger room and a nicer kitchen I guess.” Spike said, tapping a claw against his chin.

Twilight nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind. Now, if both of you could step out so I can change, that would be nice.”

I huffed and rolled out of bed before putting my trousers and boots back on. “We’ve both seen you wearing less. Your situational modesty is ridiculous sometimes.”

Twilight threw a pillow at me on my way out, so I stuck my tongue out at her too and joined Spike in heading downstairs. I asked how his stuff with Apple Bloom and Scootaloo was going and he told me that it was going pretty well. He had a date with Scootaloo later in the afternoon and he’d been saving up to take Apple Bloom to Sugarcube Corner for milkshakes. It was pretty mature of him to split his time up like that, so I told him that he could come to me if he needed money for more dates. He told me that he’d rather earn it himself and that earned him another point of my respect.

Speaking of Spike in general, he made some omelettes for breakfast that were pretty damn good when Twilight finally decided to join us. She’d actually worn some form-fitting tights and a loose shirt over them that I was extremely fond of, so I let her know that it was one of my new favorite outfits of hers, though that was mostly because I caught a glimpse of her arse every now and again. I called them tights once and she corrected me, calling them leggings, so I quietly pointed out that they made her posterior look fantastic, eliciting a blush from her. I was a little sad that it wasn’t going to matter what she wore since we had to get dressed up for Fleur’s party anyway, but I liked it nonetheless.

Twilight and Spike were reorganizing the library, so I made myself scarce after breakfast and decided to go visit Applejack since I wasn’t doing shit. I really did miss hanging out with her and usually didn’t get much time to do it, so I decided that I was going to remedy that by doing what I just said I was going to do. I grabbed a few snacks on the way over since Spike never cooks enough for me to sate my appetite and stopped by Blossoms and Blooms to grab a bite to eat once I’d finished munching on the fruit I’d inhaled. I got some spinach alfredo that was simply ridiculous and headed off to Applejack’s once I was finished up with my business.

Granny Smith was sitting outside when I came down the well worn path, so I had a seat next to her and we shot the breeze for a little bit until Applejack and Macintosh came in from the orchards. Macintosh wanted to talk to me first, so he did.

“I need to talk to ya ‘bout Spike.” He grunted.

I looked at the ladies present. “It wouldn’t happen to be because of that kiss he and Apple Bloom shared, would it?”

Applejack gasped mockingly. “What? Big Mac would never be that over protective!”

Granny cackled. “It was just a kiss, sonny! Besides, Spike’s a good colt; he knows where to keep his hands and where to put his lips.”

Macintosh grunted again. “I don’t like him kissin’ Apple Bloom. Not yet.”

“Does that mean I can’t kiss Applejack anymore? Because I’m pretty sure Spike’s known Apple Bloom longer than I’ve known anybody on this planet.”

“That ain’t it.” Macintosh looked away.

“So what is it?” Applejack asked. “We know ya don’t like it, but that don’t mean ya gotta be such a mule about it.”

He sent a glare her way. “Their little puppy love ain’t nothin’ to worry about. I just don’t think Spike and Apple Bloom are gonna be happy down the line.”

“I can’t have kids and I’m perfectly fine. Spike might want them at some point, but I’m sure they’ll see adoption as a viable option.” I said, guessing at Macintosh’s worries.

He gave me an incredulous look. “How’d you know that was on my mind?”

I deadpanned. “I’m really good at guessing.”

“Seriously?” He asked.

Applejack scoffed. “He deals with mares twenty-four seven. He kinda has to be if he wants to pull off that whole ‘asinine but loveable’ thing.”

I nodded. “Knowing what’s on your woman’s mind is a skill that takes practice. Get too good at it and they feel like they can’t hide anything from you, and that tends to scare ‘em off. You know how females can be.”

Applejack glared at me. “That ain’t true and you know it.”

Granny Smith chuckled. “I ain’t seen it happen, but you know full well Max is wise beyond his years.”

Macintosh nodded. “Eeyup.”

Applejack looked between her family members. “Y’all just like takin’ his side, don’tcha?”

“Eeyup.” The three of us chorused.

“It doesn’t hurt that I’m right so often.” I added.

Applejack rolled her eyes. “What are you even here for? I’m sure you’re not just tryin’ to take shots at every mare in Equestria.”

“I actually came to hang out with you for a little bit, maybe see if we could make Macintosh any redder by shoving an apple in each entrance.” I said cheekily.

Macintosh stood up straight. “That’s an exit only zone.”

“Not when I get done with ya big boy!” I winked at him and he took a step back.

His sister stepped toward him. “You know, I think he likes the idea more than he’s admittin’. Maybe we really should give it a shot.”

Granny Smith rose from her rocker. “Just two apples, right? No need to try a third yet.”

Macintosh got lost real quick and I had a chuckle with Granny and AJ. “So what do you want to do, Applejack? I’m game for just about anything.”

“Ya wanna buck a tree?” She asked.

“...Do you seriously do that for fun?”

She raised a brow. “No, I do that because I gotta stay in shape. Come on, I’ll show ya a good tree to start with in the west side.”

I glanced at Granny Smith. “Is she serious?”

“Didn’t you just say you always know what’s on a mare’s mind?” Granny asked.

“I know she’s serious, but I’m asking you to emphasize how ridiculous her suggestion sounds.”

Applejack rolled her eyes and grabbed my arm. Come on, city colt. I’ll show you how the Apple Family bucks!”

“You’ve already shown me multiple times!” I objected.

Applejack lit up and Granny cackled. “You set yourself up for that one, sugarcube!”

“Both of you just hush! If ya don’t wanna buck a tree, then what do you wanna do?” She challenged.

“I was thinking we could walk and talk, just like old times.”

The orange one raised a brow. “Seriously? We’ve seen everything in Ponyville a hundred times and I think we’ve talked through just about all of our good stories.”

“I’ve got a new one you might like to hear. You ever hear of something called a Dryad?” I inquired.

“Yeah, but they ain’t real. Even foals know that, Max.” Applejack sighed.

“They are real, you just need to spend a month in the Everfree to be able to see them. Or you need to have their Matron’s blessing, which Twilight has now. She doubted me like you do up until we had to fight that Ursa Major.”

Granny paled. “You’re tellin’ me I really did hear those roars?”

Applejack glared at me. “Now don’t you go fillin’ Granny’s head with nonsense! She was just hearin’ things!”

“Applejack, I told ya I heard somethin’ comin’ from the Everfree! I told ya!” Granny pointed a bony finger at her.

“I won’t take the side of someone who’s wrong, firefly.” I said soothingly. “Granny Smith most likely heard that massive fucking star-bear.”

Applejack gave me a look. “If it was that close, then how come the entire town didn’t panic?”

“It was six hours into the fucking Everfree! We both know Granny Smith is a little on the insane side,” The old woman shrugged, “but so is Pinkie and if I know anything about insanity in Equestria, it’s fucking magical as shit. How many times has Granny Smith warned you against something that’s come true?”

Applejack folded her arms. “Look, even if I did believe in tree spirits, which I don’t, I don’t believe you could take down an Ursa Major! Twilight had to rock an Ursa minor to sleep because we couldn’t do nothin’ against it!”

“We didn’t kill the damned thing, we just soothed it with some overpowered magic. You’d know if I was lying to you, Applejack. You really should think better of me.” I sniffed.

She glared at me some more before Granny Smith laid a hand on her arm. “Don’t get so caught up in your beliefs that ya ain’t willin’ to listen to a friend, sugarcube. It won’t do ya no good.”

“Why do ya always gotta take his side, Granny?” Applejack asked quietly.

“I don’t. We bicker back and forth when he comes to visit and you’re not here. It’s just that when it comes to you, he’s usually just pokin’ fun at ya, and you never give me a chance to be on your side ‘cause you don’t reply.” Granny said simply. That and I'm funny as fuck.

“...Oh.”

“Yup. So do you want to hear the rest of the story or not? It ends in some super hot, definitely worthy lesbian sex.” I wiggled my brows at her.

“Max! You’re sayin’ this kinda stuff in front of my grandma now!?” Applejack spread her hands.

“Oh, that don’t even cover the time he told me about lickin’ your-”

“Granny!” Applejack cried, beet red.

“Tongue. Where’d ya think I was goin’ with that, Applejack? Somepony has a guilty conscience.” She grinned deviously.

“Y’all are gonna put me in the grave twenty years early, I swear.” Applejack sighed.

“I could put it in your rear in twenty minutes if that makes you feel any better.” I offered.

Applejack’s entire face and a good portion of her neck mimicked Macintosh as Granny Smith laughed her way into the house. The cowgirl watched her go and turned to me when she was gone.

“I’m gonna throttle ya. You got a ten second head start.”

I gave her a look. “Now that’s just-”

“Nine.”

“Applejack-”

“Eight.”

I fucking booked it. I knew that I’d be screwed on open ground and I wasn’t sure how adept Applejack was at climbing trees, so I headed toward town since it was closer than my house and seven seconds later, I peeked over my shoulder to see Applejack gaining ground on me rather quickly. That just seemed like a bucket full of fuck it, so I tried running on my toes since I remembered hearing some bullshit about it on the internet from some crossfit-fags, but that didn’t give me the speed boost necessary to get out of Applejack’s way and into the clear. I glanced over my shoulder every few seconds to find that our gap was closing faster and faster every time I turned, but we weren’t even off of the property yet.

I stopped dead in my tracks and stuttered to a stop while Applejack kept coming at me. When she got within about ten meters of me, or thirty feet for you Imperial System fucks, I wrapped my tentacle around her and lifted her off of the ground.

“Hey! Magic is cheatin’ you lousy, no-good, embarrassin’ stallion!” Applejack yelled.

I took a moment to catch my breath and walked up to her, though I stayed out of arm’s reach. “Trust me, your Pony physiology is just as cheaty as using magic. Fluttershy is faster than me when she’s serious, and that’s just not fair.”

Applejack flailed about for awhile longer. “I swear to Celestia, if ya don’t put me down I’m gonna pummel ya till you’re black and blue!”

I pretended to think about that. “So what happens if I put you down?”

“I only throttle ya till you’re blue!”

“Neither of those sound like a real option to me. I think we might just have to go and see Twilight for a little bit.”

“What’s she got to do with this!?” Applejack asked indignantly.

“Nothing, I just know I can climb her house and that you can’t.” I grinned evilly and started walking back toward Ponyville with Applejack in front of me.”

“I might not getcha today or even this week, but I’ll getcha!” She warned.

“If I offered to give you some good dick, would you let it go?”

“You can shove your ‘good dick’ up your rear!”

“I could. It’s long enough to do that.” I smiled.

“I swear, Max, I’m gonna have Twilight teleport me right next to ya and I’m gonna punch you more times than you can count!”

“Alright, so I’m looking at three punches at the very least.” I said flippantly.

“Ooh! There ain’t no words for what I’m gonna hit ya with!”

“Smack me around with those things on your chest and we’ll both be happier for it. I swear, if you turn around too quickly, you could knock someone out.”

We got a few strange looks as we came into town, but Applejack just covered her chest. “They ain’t that big!”

“Are you sure? Let me feel ‘em so I can double check.”

I felt someone tap my shoulder and I gestured for them to come around in front of me. It turned out to be Orchid of all people. “Hey Max, I’m sure this is a bad time, but I need to talk to you about something.”

“How good are you at climbing trees?” I asked.

“Uh… Ponies don’t climb trees.” She answered unsteadily.

“This one’s gonna get good at it just so she can whoop you!” Applejack growled.

“...Maybe we can talk later?” Orchid suggested.

“Don’t let meaniehead over here scare you. She’s full of hot air and apple juice. What do you want to talk about, love?”

“It’s about Trixie…” She trailed off.

I sighed. “Of course it is. Applejack, if I let you down, are you still gonna be violent?”

“Darn straight!”

I nudged Orchid. “Looks like you’re joining me in the tree unless you want to talk now.”

“I think I’d rather look you in the eyes while we talk. I don’t think you can look away from Applejack right now.” Orchid said softly.

“I really can’t. At least it’s not a far walk.”

And it really wasn’t. Applejack kept struggling against me on the way to Twilight’s, so when we got there, I put her on the balcony and she tried Twilight’s door, letting herself in so she could come out before I could get too high. Sadly for Applejack, I’m fucking good at what I do, and by the time she got outside, I was already out of reach from the ground and Orchid was levitating beside me, so there wasn’t much she could do besides ask Twilight to teleport her to my location. I didn’t think that was going to happen, so I climbed to the top of the tree and set Orchid down on one of the branches so we could have a moment in the privacy of some dense foliage.

“Alright love, so what about Trixie?” I asked once we’d gotten settled.

“Well, it’s just that…” Orchid trailed off.

“It’s just that what?”

“I feel like Trixie wants to be with me, and I want to be with her, but I’m looking for a more ‘ph-physical’ relationship right now, and I don’t know how to talk to her about it.” She blushed furiously.

“I’m sure you could try talking to her about it. It’s not like Trixie’s particularly prudish or anything.”

“I know, it’s just… Every time I bring it up to her, she started getting really awkward and stutters a lot.”

“How do you bring it up?” I asked.

“Well... I usually ask if she wants to come over for a cup of coffee-”

“Trixie doesn’t have much experience in the dating scene. It’s likely that she doesn’t understand what that means, and she’s not terribly fond in the first place. She probably gets flustered because she doesn’t want to turn you down. My best guess is that you should try talking to her about taking your relationship to the next step since you two seem to be getting along fine anyways.”

Orchid gave me a small smile. “My friends say we get along too well.”

“Do you talk about her all the time? Dote on the small things? Try to shower her with as much affection as you think she’s comfortable with?”

Orchid blushed hard. “W-Well…”

“She does the same thing. I’d say you two are pretty good together, if this infatuation is anything to go by.”

She smiled again. “You know, for a stallion as notorious for upsetting mares as you, you sure do have a way of making them feel better.”

“All of my friends are female. I need to be good at defusing situations because I’m so annoying. It’s cause and effect, love.”

“Well, I think it’s causing me to like you a little more and the effect is that I want you to come to a little get-together I’m holding in a couple days.” Orchid gave me a pleasant smile.

“I’ll be there, just remind me the day before or I’ll forget. Nothing big ever comes up on my itinerary anyways, so it should be clear.”

“If nothing big ever comes up, why would you forget?”

“Because I’m forgetful. I forget things. I thought that was obvious.” I gave her a look.

Orchid seemed a little embarrassed. “M-Maybe I should have put more that into that.”

“Maybe you should have put more thought into your outfit!” I chided. Orchid looked hurt immediately, so I carried on. “Have you even looked at yourself in the mirror? You should be ashamed of yourself, walking around in public looking that fucking adorable! What if someone were to look at you twice and think ‘oh, that mare has great taste’ or what if Trixie saw you? Did you ever think of that!?”

“W-Wait, what?”

“I can only imagine how she’d feel! I bet she’d be furious that you’re this damn cute, but you didn’t share with her now did you? How selfish; keeping yourself to yourself! I’m really disappointed in you right now, Orchid!” I huffed.

She was completely bewildered. “I-I-I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry?”

I crossed my arms and sniffed. “You should be thanking me. I just gave you a compliment. Why do you have to be so difficult all the time?”

“I’m so confused.”

“That’s why I did it. That was the point. Put more thought into things, Orchid.”

She shook her head. “I’m sorry, but are you chastising me or complimenting me?”

“Yes.”

Orchid sighed. “Is this your notorious side coming out?”

“No, this is the whimsical side. I’m like a coin that's more like a dodecahedron. I have many sides.”

“That doesn’t make any sense!” Her shoulders slumped.

“Well, while you’re sorting that out, I’m going to go find another woman to torment. You know, this is actually pretty fun!”

“Wait! I can’t get down from here by myself!” Orchid cried.

“You should have thought of that before you joined me in a tree. You said it yourself: Ponies don’t climb trees.”

“You wouldn’t really leave me up here, would you?” She asked, terrified.

“No, but I would make you think I would.” I gave her a shit eating grin

“How do you go from being the sweetest, wise, considerate stallion to tormenting innocent mares!?”

“I get tired of being sweet, wise, and considerate. If I’m too nice, people start praising me and I just don’t like that very much.” I made a distasteful face.

Orchid sighed. “...Please be nice for my party.”

“What are you talking about? I’m always nice.”

“You really aren’t.” Orchid crossed her arms and gave me a womanly look.

“That’s the spirit! Come on, let’s get out of this tree before Applejack finds a way to climb it in cowboy boots.”

I wrapped my tentacle around Orchids waste and peered over the side of the tree. The way down was nice and clear, so I set her down on the balcony before climbing down myself. I put her on the ground and went to follow her when I saw Applejack walk out of the Treebrary, following Orchid to wherever she was going. I shrugged and waited for Applejack to get out of view before climbing down the rest of the way and letting myself into Twilight’s house. She and Spike were putting books back into their rightful places when I knocked on one of the walls.

“So how mad was Applejack really?” I asked to no one in particular.

Twilight put a few more books back into their place before giving me a very womanly look. I’d earned quite a few of them so far. “Max, what did I, Noir, Celestia, and Rarity tell you about enraging mares?”

I shrugged. “I dunno, do it until they ask you to cum inside?”

She rolled her eyes until she realized what I meant. “Seriously Max?”

I grinned. “Is that my new pet name? Serious Max? What about Ugly Twilight. If we’re going with the exact opposite of what we are, then that one suits you.”

She crossed her arms. “All I heard was ‘Ugly Twilight’.”

“I know you did, but what did I?” I bounced my brows up and down.

“Dude, stop digging the hole!” Spike stage whispered.

“Oh no, let him dig himself as deep as he wants.” Twilight told him.

“If it gets me deeper into your mind, I’ll happily keep digging. Hey baby, did you use an endowment spell on yourself? Because you look well.” I winked at her.

“That barely makes sense.” Twilight said curtly.

I heard the library door open behind me and my first instinct was to hide, so I hopped behind a chair and peeked around it. Applejack and Orchid were walking toward Twilight, though no one was saying anything.

“Alright, so Orchid said he was still in the tree. Do ya think he’s comin’ down anytime soon?” Applejack asked.

“Ask him yourself. He’s hiding behind that chair.” Twilight, you fucking traitor!

I drew up a quick plan and the Warbling Blade was in my hand in less than a second. I used the stiletto form to make a quick series of scores before my cover was yanked away from me. I was now staring at Applejack’s crotch, so I looked up slowly and she gave me a grim grin.

“Fancy seeing you here, firefly. You know, I was just about to-”

Applejack reached forward and I met her hand with my own, forcing the Dark Magic to be released in her direction. It bowled her and Orchid over and loosed a few books from the library’s shelves, but I didn't stop for anything other than my one liner.

“Sorry! Gotta catch a breath of fresh air!” I darted out of the room and started towards Sugarcube Corner since it was my next closest asylum.

I checked over my shoulder just before I came to the door and nearly knocked some kid down in my haste. I gave him a quick apology and vaulted over the display case holding various snacks and whatnot until I realized that Pinkie, and the Cakes were looking at me. I probably could have smoothed out my landing, but at least it was more amusing for me to be on the floor.

“Lovely day for a snack, yeah?” I said a little breathlessly.

Pinkie beamed and waved. I returned her smile and waved back since I felt like being nice for the moment. Mr. Cake shrugged and walked off, though Mrs. Cake was less pleased with me. “Baron, why did you just run into my shop like somepony is after you?”

“I’ll give you and Pinkie fifty bits apiece to not sell me out. I’m having a lot of fun.” I offered.

Mrs. Cake raised a brow. “Show me the money, honey.”

I pulled out two fifty bit coins and passed one to her. “Do we have a deal?”

“That depends on who comes after you. You did just break two rules in my shop, and you have a history of starting trouble here.” She said, giving me the look your mother gives you when you keep doing stupid things.

“Alright, so if the bribe fails, can I still have fifty bits worth of baked goods?” I asked.

“Sorry, no trades.” She stepped over me and went into the back of the shop.

I turned to Pinkie. “You wanna help me have some fun with Applejack and a stranger?”

She beamed. “They’re coming down the street right now! You’d better do a good job of convincing me to not sell you out!”

“I’ll do you a sexual favour in the form of the wireless vibrator.” I offered.

“Deal!” Pinkie came over and prepared to shake my hand when the doors flew open. She jerked away and stood at the register, so I tried to crawl into the kitchen.

“Hey Applejack! Max was just here looking for you!” She said cheerfully.

“He’s here, ain’t he.” Applejack deadpanned.

“I dunno, what’s that information worth to you~?” Pinkie asked.

“I’ll give you some of the family reserve.” Applejack bargained.

“He’s in the kitchen!” Pinkie said happily.

I crawled away from the kitchen while Applejack and Orchid made their way over. Once I was kneeling behind Pinkie, I held up the fifty bit coin I’d offered her in the first place and she dropped it into a pocket before shooing me out the door. I figured I was running out of options rather quickly, so I took a couple alleys and showed up right behind the Carousel Boutique. I let myself in through the unused back door and saw a few of Rarity’s failed creations in her closet of shame, but that wasn’t were I wanted to stop quite yet.

I managed to find the door through racks upon racks of clothes, but it had an old fashioned keyhole that I wasn’t sure I could pick. I peered through it and actually tried listening for anything, figuring that I would be safe until it was dark out, but all I could see was Rarity at her sewing machine, doing her usual thing. I tried knocking on the door softly a couple of times and she stopped her work to look around. When her hands were clear of the needle, I knocked a little harder and she looked in my direction before walking over, but as she did, I heard the chimes of the front door ring faintly. That was enough to convince me that I should probably hide, so I meandered through the racks, picking one that nice and low to the ground to get behind. I tried moving some of the racks around quietly, but when I heard the door to the main shop open, I decided that it was time for some tricky dicky type stuff.

“Max? Are you in here?” Rarity asked.

I could hear multiple people breathing just outside the door, so I wasn’t about to fucking answer. I did, however, get over to the other wall by feeling my way there and open the door to the alley.

“Twilight! You cut him off! I’ll look through this stuff and see if I can’t find him!” Applejack announced.

Rarity flicked on a light and I took my brief opportunity to get back to my preferred hiding place and lay down, hoping that I wouldn’t be caught as soon as I though I would be. I heard Applejack shove her way through the racks and Twilight came in through the back door.

“Alright, so he either ran away out of town or he’s still in here somewhere.” Twilight said. Thank you for not using the Pathfinder enchantment.

Applejack continued looking through the racks and I saw her looking a little lower every time, so I made a ballsy move and blindly rustled some racks on the other side of the room with some telekinesis. Everyone leaped at the distraction and I crept my way under the racks until I realized that Rarity was watching the door since I could see shoes that were awfully stylish. I’d fucked myself real good until I realized that if I really wanted to get out of there, I still had one more trick up my sleeve. I drew the Warbling Blade while the girls scrambled back to where Applejack had gotten close to me, and once I had it out, I trickled some Dark Magic into my blade and tried to use the Dark Aura to ward them away from me. I was enjoying myself a lot, but that didn’t mean I wanted to get hurt for having fun.

“He’s gotta be in here somewhere!” Applejack yelled.

“He is in here, I just don’t know where. Seriously Max, if you come out now and don’t make us look anymore, you’ll get off easy!” Twilight called out. Fat chance, cherry.

I added a little more power to the Dark Aura, but I felt like I could add a little twist to it. I tried picturing the word ‘Doubt’ in my mind, trying to imagine the world slipping into the Warbling Blade itself. I stayed quiet and silenced my breathing, but as I tried to focus, a rack him me in the head, although I still managed to stay quiet. I moved when I saw someone try to push the rack again, the slight shaking of the clothing giving it away, but I needed to find a new hiding place awfully quickly.

The racks started being pushed against the wall, so I waited for the next one to be pushed and did a little dodge roll, trying not to disturb anything. Apparently they weren't looking all that hard since I was able to do it without getting caught, though I almost cut myself since I still had my knife in my hand. I was rapidly running out of time, so I started pumping more magic into the blade.

“You know girls, I don’t think he’s in here. I’m sure we would have found him by now.” Rarity said after a few minutes.

“You’re forgetting that Max used to be a thief, Rarity. If he doesn’t want to be caught-”

“We ain’t gonna find him.” Applejack finished.

“Maybe we’re just looking in the wrong places? I would try to hide in the corners.” Orchid suggested. Which is why I didn’t hide there.

“I think our best bet is to lock the doors and root him out. That’s what we do when we have critters in the barn.” Applejack said.

Okay, so the Dark Aura wasn’t working against them for some reason. When they locked the doors, I wouldn’t have that long to pick one of the locks and get out, but luckily, the doors were being blocked by racks, so all I needed to do was maneuver around them and plan carefully. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I would get away from Twilight, but I didn’t know why she hadn't just teleported me to her side in the first place if she was going to use the Pathfinder to follow me-

Hold up.

I took my necklace off and tried using my Aura again, this time keeping to my plan of just making them uncomfortable enough to doubt that I was in the room.

“Girls! I don’t want to say it, but I think Max left!” Twilight said nervously.

“What makes ya say that, Twi?” Applejack asked.

“I just can’t sense him in here. I think he might have learned to teleport or something!”

“Wait, does Max have magic?” Orchid asked.

“Kinda. It’s a long story, but you don’t have to be a Unicorn to have magic.” Twilight explained.

“Yes, yes, I’m sure we can explain all of this outside of this horrid room. I’ve spent far too much time in here already.” Rarity complained. “If this place wasn’t full of failures, I’d happily look until we really did find Max, but…”

“We understand Rares. Come on, girls, let’s go grab a bite or somethin’.” Applejack sighed dejectedly and I grinned a mile wide.

I heard the girls shove some racks out of the way, so I sat up and stretched, sheathing the Warbling Blade and waiting a little while before I made any move to leave the room. I was glad that I waited so long because the girls ended up whisking the door open about eight minutes into my wait from both ends, but luckily, I’d decided to stay hidden for a little while longer. I shoved my necklace into my pocket and crept over to the back door, catching a glimpse of Applejack and Orchid as they wandered off. I looked around for another avenue of escape and went with the rooftops since I was a swag master mother fucker who’d just sorted a situation like the aforementioned adjectives would imply.

The climb was a little difficult, but I managed it just fine, though the shingles on the roof neighboring Rarity’s shop were hotter than fuck. However, with my vantage point, I could see that the girls and Orchid were heading further into town, so I decided to follow them Assassin’s Creed style. I’d never been one for free-running without someone with a sharp object chasing behind me, but I knew enough to not break my fucking neck, so I leaped from rooftop to rooftop, though one of my landings made someone come out of their house to inspect what the shit had just happened.

I kept things nice and light after that, though some of the more slanted roofs didn’t offer me that luxury. A few jarring landings later, I figured that I could probably hop down off of someone’s awning so I did just that and rolled, though it did make my clothes a little dirty. I brushed off the worst of the dirt and went back to Twilight’s tree so I could talk to Noir for a little bit. I still fit the odd visit to her in before bed, but I just felt like I was neglecting her and that made me feel terrible, so I resolved to get some time in with her once I had myself hidden from the sun in the branches of Twilight’s tree.

I lightly jogged across town because I still wasn’t trying to be caught and got up the Treebrary as fast as I could, though I settled for bending a few of the younger branches around so I could get some proper shade instead of taking the risk of being spotted from the ground. I assumed the position on a high branch and took the customary three breaths before I opened my eyes to see Noir just sitting on the floor of my old flat. She wasn’t doing anything; just sitting.

“Hullo, Noir. It’s been a few days.” I said softly.

“I know. I sped up time here so I would not have to wait for you as long.” Noir gave me a sad smile.

I walked over and sat next to her. “I can’t imagine I’ve been a terribly good friend to you in the past couple of days.”

“Max, you are the best friend I have had since I was a child. You cannot make time for me every day and I understand that better than anyone-”

“Regardless, you’ve done too much for me. I shouldn’t have let myself slip so badly. I’ll make it a point to visit you after I wind my watch every night.” I said firmly.

“...Thank you. I know I said that I cannot become depressed, but becoming lonely is just as bad in some ways.”

I wrapped an arm around her and she shrunk a bit so I could put my arm over her shoulder. “I understand. You know, for some odd reason, I’m just glad that you’re not telling me off for messing with women all day.”

“You were having fun in your own way, so I cannot blame you. If Applejack was less modest about some things, life would not have escalated to this point.”

“Still, I probably shouldn’t have prodded her until she felt the need to hurt me, though I’ll admit that the thrill of being chased while not being in life threatening danger is fun. It’s a lot like playing tag, but with a punishment at the end.”

“Twilight would not let Applejack hurt you with more than a few punches to the arm, and Applejack only plans on leaving a bruise. As mad as she pretends to be, she is not feeling terribly vengeful.”

“I figured as much. I still don’t want to get hit.” I said stubbornly.

“Then let’s move on to a different subject. You laid Uror.” Noir stated.

I beamed. “I sure did, though I’d like to point out that Twilight is just as guilty as I am.”

“She could have broken that kiss at any time, but I suppose that being ‘snogged’ by a Matron is rather interesting. When I laid with Uror-”

“Wait, you got with her too!?” I held up a hand for a high-five.

Noir fist-bumped it. “Yes. As I was saying, when I laid her, she was quite pleasant. Her mind melding techniques link pleasure and make orgasms far more interesting.”

“You’re right on that. I felt like I was getting something from every orgasm being had at the moment, and it was nice to get off at the same time as they did.”

“It is a very pleasant experience, but what really worries me is that Discord is active again. Celestia and Luna do not stand a chance against him, Sombra did not, and neither did my sister and myself. Things are looking very grim for the fate of the world if Discord is planning what the Matron says he is.”

“So what even is Discord? He doesn’t sound like a Pony and I’ve never heard anyone mention his species before.”

“He is something known as a Draconequus; a terrible combination of a few creatures. I would tell you more, but I truly do not wish to speak of him.”

“The guy seems like a real piece of shit if you ask me. I don’t see why he’s got to stir the pot when it just needs to simmer a while longer.”

Noir looked at me. “You think the world would collapse on its own?”

“I do. Celestia’s way might be the best way, but one way or another, I think a resistance is going to form right underneath her nose, if there isn’t already one. Hell, I know you remember how fucked the situation with Crimson was.”

“I do, and that was only one man. You know he is most likely alive, correct?”

“...If he is, then he knows I betrayed him.” I said softly.

Noir reached over and grabbed my hand. “He would at least respect the fact that you could not bring yourself to kill him over something so trivial as a difference of ideals. I hate that you had to make that decision in the first place, but you are in a tough bind with your position.”

“You’re telling me.” I snorted. “Celestia’s got my nuts in a vice, Luna’s got a knife at my throat, and I can’t get away from either of them. If I leave the country, Twilight has to choose to stay with me or her family, and that’s not even mentioning that I’m bound by oaths to serve Equestria, if not Celestia and Luna. Technically-”

“The Elements of Harmony are your bosses.” Noir said.

“Fuck that noise.”

“Indeed. Give those audible vibrations in the air a proper dicking.” She said solemnly.

“Dick it in the butt and swirl it around in the poo poo.” I grunted.

Noir kissed my cheek. “I see your whimsy still hasn’t faded.”

I kissed hers in turn. “I see you’re anxious to get up and do something. Is there anything you had in mind?”

“I want to train you with a proper sword, if that’s fine by you. Your abilities with your current weapons are above average, but to avoid getting you killed, you must actually train.” Noir advised.

I groaned and got to me feet, offering her a hand up. Noir grew back to her original giantess size and we were suddenly standing in a field, and thus we started our training, which absolutely sucked ballocks. Noir basically just whacked me around for hours on end, but she wouldn’t let me tire or quit because I was sore from the punishment she gave me. Well, it’s not like I asked her to stop at any particular point in time since I actually did want to be decent with a sword. As it turned out, I was half decent with one, though my form was pretty garbage. There was a lot of wasted energy in my strokes, and I didn’t get the most of of my swings when I swung anyway. I did, however, have a good grip, decent footwork, and tenacity. We agreed that your normal longsword just wasn’t my thing and that I needed something lighter since I was more of a light weapons specialist anyway, so we started training with a shortsword and a shield.

My shield ended up being a buckler like the one I’d had in the Everfree, though Noir assured me that Luna was better with the weapons that I was training on that I’d probably ever be. I didn’t take offense to that since she’s like, four thousand years old, and has had three thousand years to perfect her art. Hell, the only reason I ever beat her in that one fight was because she was rustier than a classic car that hasn’t been taken care of, and even then, once she knocked the rust off, she was ready to knock my block off.

Still, once I was decent enough with the sword and shield combo, Noir had me switch hands and learn to do it the other way around too. It wasn’t all that bad, but it was still tricky to try and keep up with some of her harder constructs. I also learned that throwing your shield is a quick way to get you shit wrecked, even if you do manage to land the blow. I guess we can’t all be Steve Rogers.

Noir ended up keeping me around for fourteen hours in the mindscape, but with the way she slowed the time down, she assured me that only fourteen minutes had passed in the ‘real world’. I found that to be fucking incredible and asked her if she could teach me something other than combat for a little bit. She asked what I had in mind and I told her that I wanted to learn how to do the shadow teleport thing since it would’ve come in handy with my chase sequence. She agreed on the condition that I only use it a few times a day, otherwise, I might get stuck in the Shadow Realm and she’ll have to fish us both out. I agreed to a three per day limit and Noir spent the next eight hours of our time together letting me fall on my arse as I tried to dive through the shadows. We set up two couches on either side of a familiar clearing with a fucking massive tree in it and I tried jumping, squatting, falling, and eventually, we found that kneeling next to a shadow and placing my hand on it was the best way for me to enter the Shadow Realm.

Staying still while falling was actually a little hard to do, but I managed once Noir told me to calm down and trust my own strength. Still, falling face first into darkness was difficult at best, but through the course of three more hours on top of the eight we’d spent just getting the basics down, I found that I could do it pretty consistently. I ended up behind our Yggdrasil a couple times, but for the most part, I rose through the couch and came to my usual position. I also tried Shadow Diving directly behind Noir a few times, and that was fun. I was often rewarded with a hip check when I stood up, or a nice, delectable hug that smelled like blackberries.

Once I had Shadow Diving down, Noir finally released me from the mindscape, though I’d wanted to spend a little more time with her. She told me that I was getting better at Shadow Diving because I was losing my grip on reality, so I conceded and gave her another hug and some puppy dog eyes until she gave me a quick smooch. It occurred to me to ask her about the reason why my Seal was tainted with Dark Magic and she told me that Seals were True Magic and that it came from the soul. Since my soul was bonded with hers, my magic was tainted and it was as simple as that. With my visit over, I closed my eyes and opened them just in time to see Twilight and the girls heading my way. Of course, I rather doubted that they knew I was in the tree, so I held my position and climbed down onto Twilight’s balcony so I could taunt them a little bit. I put my necklace back on and went inside, tiptoeing my way down Twilight’s hall until I was at the top of the stairs.

I heard their voices carrying from up the stairs and they were still theorizing about how I could have escaped from a locked room with two people guarding the doors. Twilight was complaining about having to redo her library again until Rarity pointed out that all she really had to do was put a few books back where they belonged. Twilight huffed stubbornly, but she acquiesced nonetheless since I’m too handsome to stay mad at. Applejack did some bitching about how I didn’t know when to stop playing around and Orchid agreed, saying that she’d been near tears until I called her outfit cute. Then she’d just been confused. I chuckled to myself and crept down the stairs, peeking into the library for a moment to find that Fluttershy had joined them, but just hadn't said anything while they’d been there. She and Orchid were sitting together while Twilight and Rarity occupied a few chair, though Applejack was standing around.

Imma fuck with ‘em.

I tapped on one of the windows in the library a couple of times and garnered the girl’s attention, so I used the tiny gap that I had to quickly sneak behind the chair in the corner that I’d once occupied and tapped another window to make them think that I was outside. I’d had to close my eyes and imagine my eyes working through my tentacle, which was fucking weird at its best, but it worked and I was able to meander my way through the library to get the other one.

“I think he’s just tauntin’ us at this point, girls!” Applejack said frustratedly.

“It would seem like that’s his whole thing.” Twilight sighed.

“M-Maybe he just wants to be chased?” Fluttershy suggested.

“He does seem that foalish at times.” Rarity said drily. “It wouldn’t surprise me one bit to find that he was just distracting us so he could sneak in here either.” Alright you fucking psychic, you’ve spent too much time around me.

“Huh. It does sound like something he’d do. Maybe his necklace is- He's in here somewhere!” Twilight yelled.

I knelt and put my hand on the shadow of the chair, waiting for someone to discover me. Of course it was Twilight, so I gave her a cheeky grin and a wink before fading into the shadows and appearing in my closet. I stood up straight and went downstairs to smoke a bowl for a little while. I was relaxing in my easy chair when I heard a series of furious knocks on my door, so I packed another bowl and lit it before heading over to open it. I already had a feeling that I knew who it was, so I was pretty confidant that I was going to be just fine.

Once I turned the handle and saw my visitors, I said, “Welcome! How’s it going?”

Twilight glared at me. “Since when can you teleport!?”

“Since I beat you at Rarity’s shop. Come on in, girls. And cherry, of course.” I puffed on my pipe and lead the way into my living room.

“You’ve been cheatin’ all day, you vermin!” Applejack said.

“Well, I couldn’t beat you in a foot race if I was twice as fast as I am now, so of course it seems like I’m the one who’s cheating. It’s not fair that you ponies are so much faster than me.” I explained.

Twilight scoffed. “Magic is always cheating when you’re in trouble.”

“What about Earth Pony Magic? Or Pegasi using their wings? Both of them have magic and use them, which is why, despite Rainbow being physically fit as a fiddle and being focused toward cardio, she can’t really beat Applejack in a race. Honestly, Earth Ponies and Pegasi use magic all the time, they just aren’t as overt with it.” I said wryly.

“...Okay, that’s actually true.” Twilight said meekly.

“See? I’m not the only one cheating.” I said smugly.

Applejack huffed and picked a spot with me and the girls following suit. “Doesn’t change the fact that you owe me some licks.”

“Spread your- You know what? Never mind.” I chuckled.

“Now you show some restraint!? You couldn’ta done that in front of Granny!?” Applejack asked in disbelief.

“Take what you can get and don’t throw a fit.” I smiled.

Orchid sighed. “You really are like a naughty colt sometimes. I thought better of you, Max.”

“Oi! That hurts, love.” I rubbed my chest.

Rarity sniffed. “Perhaps a little pain is what you need. Chastising you doesn’t work, and neither does staying away from you. We should just say hurtful things until you get the point.”

“I’ll meet every one of your insults with embarrassing compliments. Don’t think I won’t.” I warned.

“Your mane looks terrible. It’s like you haven’t styled it since the last time you had me cut it.” Rarity said haughtily.

“I love the way you suck my cum off of your lips instead of licking it off.” I replied.

Rarity turned bright red and covered her mouth. “I do not!”

“Wait, how many mares in this room have slept with Max?” Orchid asked.

“All of them besides you, and you’re attractive enough to be added to list if it weren’t for the fact that you’re dating my sister.” I gave her a shit eating grin.

“...You judge mares based on their looks?” Orchid asked, covering herself.

Twilight gave her a look. “He really doesn’t. I'm the mare he’s with, and he could have had Fluttershy, Applejack, or Rarity-”

“Oi.” I said firmly. “Don’t you think for a second you’re less pretty, hot, or sexy than any other woman on the face of this planet.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Right. I understand that I’m not the prettiest-”

“Shut your lying face hole!” I pointed a finger at her and her eyes opened wider. “What did I just tell you? No one’s allowed to insult my cherry, not even you.”

There was silence for a few moments before Applejack spoke. “Twi, have I told you that I like your outfit today? Very cute.”

Twilight stared at me as she answered. “Thank you, Applejack.”

Rarity chimed in. “It really is quite fetching. The addition of socks and stockings to your wardrobe really have bolstered your personal style, though I like the low-fidelity look of the smock and legging combo.”

“I-I thought the blue stockings with that sky blue skirt the other day was pretty great.” Fluttershy added.

Twilight broke eye contact and looked around. Are we just complimenting me so Max doesn’t hurt anypony?”

Orchid coughed a couple times. “I actually wanted to compliment you on your smock. I think the stonewash denim looks really good on you.”

Twilight blushed. “Thank you, Orchid. I think your blouse goes really well with your eyes.”

“Have you seen her shoes? They’re just lovely, aren’t they?” I put my two shillings in.

“...Okay?” Orchid and the girls stared at me.

“What? Am I not allowed to compliment people too?”

“No, you’re not.” Twilight said flatly.

“I love it when you put your hair into a ponytail. It’s sexy and ironic.” I told her.

“Ponytail?” The girls chorused.

“Yeah, when you pull your hair back and tie it off, it’s called a ponytail in my world.” I expounded.

“So you’re calling her a butthead?” Orchid giggled.

“A sexy butthead.” I corrected. “A big, sexy butthead.”

“Did you just call me fat?” Twilight asked incredulously.

“No, I called your head-butt big and sexy. It holds that powerful thinker of yours, so it has to be big.” I stated factually.

Applejack chuckled. “Can I hit him now?”

“Go for it.” Twilight shook her head.

Applejack came over and I stood up so she could get her licks in. She grabbed my right arm and gave me three hard jabs that I was sure would leave a bruise before going back to her seat. “May I just say fucking ow?”

“It was supposed to hurt, amour.” Twilight said.

“You call Max ‘amour’? That’s adorable!” Orchid gushed.

“I call her cherry.” I said, rubbing my arm.

“That’s pretty cute too, but Prench is so romantic!”

“I know, right? I like Max’s pet name for Twilight, but hers for Max is just so endearing!” Rarity said.

Twilight blushed. “Thanks girls.”

I rolled up my sleeves and check to see a bruise quickly forming where Applejack had hit me in the same spot. Shit hurt. “Can we go back to complimenting Twilight? That was pretty nice.”

“You know, it’s not often you hear of somepony asking for ponies to compliment somepony who isn’t themselves.” Rarity pointed out.

“It’s not often someone loves someone as much as I love Twilight. I just like hearing people say nice things about her.” I said.

“Aww!” The females in the room chorused.

“Max, that is so sweet!” Orchid and Rarity said in unison.

“See? That’s what I was telling you girls!” Fluttershy exclaimed.

I groaned. “I spent the past two and a half hours pissing you girls off to ruin my reputation and you’re still calling me sweet? Who does a guy have to infuriate to get his point across?”

“Wait, you lead us on a chase through town just to make us mad?” Orchid asked.

“No, I lead Applejack on a chase through town because it was fun. I just thought that it was worth my time to torment you along the way. Speaking of, I never left Rarity’s little closet place. I just took my necklace off once I figured out that it was how Twilight was tracking me.”

Twilight groaned. “It only works passively when you’re wearing it! I should have known!”

I grinned cheekily. “To add on to that, I was behind that chair for far too long. You girls should have figured out where I was sooner.”

Twilight levitated me over to the loveseat she was sitting on and pressed the spot where Applejack had hit me. “Ow! Knock it off before I stick a finger in your bum!”

“You wouldn’t dare. You wouldn’t get any for a week.” Twilight threatened.

“I know when your cycle starts. You wouldn’t even last two days without me.” I smirked, picking her up with my tentacle so I could steal her seat.

Twilight made me scooch over and sat with me. “I did it just fine for eleven years without you, and I’m sure I could deal with it for two days.” I didn’t miss the blush on her cheeks.

“But could you go the full seven?” I asked.

“You wouldn’t be mean enough to stop me from going to another mare.” Twilight huffed.

“I would if you stopped me from seeing another woman.” I said playfully.

“Can y’all do this some other time?” Applejack groaned.

“I concur. Let’s go back to complimenting Twilight.” Rarity said.

I reached up and tugged on her ponytail. “You know, you should let me play with your hair for a little bit.”

Twilight gave me a look. “...I guess you could do that.”

“Max, darling, you really should let me cut your hair again.” Rarity said.

“Let me fix Twilight’s ponytail so it’s even cuter and we’ll get right to that.” I said, getting up from the loveseat to stand behind Twilight.

“What do you mean? I thought you liked my mane pulled back.” Twilight protested.

“I do, but I’m just going to tweak it a bit.” I pulled her tie out of her hair and fluffed it a bit. “Actually, let me be right back. I have some silk ribbon I meant to give Rarity that would go great with your hair.”

“It’s a mane, Max. You have hair.” Twilight pointed out.

“I’ll tie your tail to your mane if you want to be difficult.”

“Hair it is.” Twilight said quickly.

As I was walking away to head upstairs, I heard Applejack say, “I don’t know who’s in charge most days with you and Max.”

“It’s mostly him, but he just lets me do whatever I want most days.”

“Hey, that’s what I tell people, but it’s the other way around.” I called back.

“Shut up and go get your ribbon!” Twilight yelled back.

“I can hear you whisper from across the house! I’m shouting for your benefit!”

“Can he really?” Orchid asked quietly.

“Yes.” Twilight and I answered. She said it at normal volume: I shouted again.

I went upstairs and found the light blue ribbon and a few other colors that I’d bought from Canterlot in a catalogue one day because I’d felt like it. You never know when it’s going to come in handy, after all. I came back downstairs with a particular knot in mind and went to go stand behind Twilight, but when I did, I noticed that everyone was staring at me.

“...Can I help you?” I asked tentatively.

“I believe you may, Maximus.” Rarity said curtly.

“Orchid said you gave her some advice on how to talk to Trixie.” Twilight explained.

I gathered her hair and left some of the shorter locks on the side. “I thought it was pretty solid advice myself.”

“Oh, don’t think it wasn’t. We’re just wonderin’ why you didn’t just go and have her talk to Trixie right away.” Applejack said.

I shrugged. “I didn’t think it was necessary at the moment. If she wanted to clear things up from the start, she would have done what she thought was right. Far be it from me to push someone to do something they don’t want to.”

“Haven’t you had multiple discussions about intimacy with my brother against his will?” Twilight asked.

I shrugged again. “Sex once a week with no release for the woman in your life is pitiable. I gave him a fighting chance at fulfillment in the bedroom.”

The ladies in the room blushed. “Why does everything you do revolve around sex?” Orchid asked. Because I’m good at it.

“It’s not everything I do, just a lot of it. I do other things.” I replied, mildly offended

Orchid looked around. “This from the stallion that’s had… Quality Time, with most of the mares in this room?”

“I didn’t ask anyone to do anything they didn’t want to.” I responded. “Not everyone is as gay as you, Orchid.”

“Hey! I like both!” She objected.

The girls looked among themselves. “Amour, I think you’re the straightest person in the room, except for when you’re Roxy. Then that would make you the gayest.”

“I’m the straightest and the gayest. Well, somebody told me that you had a boyfriend that looked like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year. It’s not confidential; I’ve got potential.” Completely out of context, but it fits right now.

Twilight sat up straighter and Rarity looked at me. “What’s ‘February’?” Rarity asked.

“They’re song lyrics from my world. Don't worry about it too hard.” I sighed. I tied off my knot and wiggled it a bit. It looked a bit like a necktie, but it was pretty.

Twilight fingered the rogue locks. “Why did you pull my hair back, but not all of it?”

“I think it’s quite fetching.” Rarity said. “It really helps show the shape of your face.”

“I just think it’s cuter. I like it.” Orchid gave her a smile.

“Don’t tell me you just tied it back with a bow, though.” Applejack said.

“Nope, I used a special tie knot. I learned it from otherworldly sources.” Namely Maggie.

“I-It wasn’t from another mare, was it?” Fluttershy asked.

“It was not. It’s a knot.” I grinned at my pun.

Rarity, Fluttershy, and Orchid came over to check my work. “Wow, can you teach me how to do that? I’ve never seen a bow lay flat!” Orchid gave me a smile.

I told that I would and she had a seat next to Twilight, putting her hands over mine so she could feel what I was doing rather than seeing it for herself. After about ten minutes of trying to recreate it, she got it right and showed the other girls how to do it, but Applejack was content with just tying hers at the end like she always did up until Rarity threatened to do her mane like a proper Canterlot nobles.

Once we got our knotty business out of the way, we had some tea and biscuits before I pointed out that Orchid should probably go have that talk with Trixie. She lit up bright red and excused herself to go do what I’d advised her to do and Applejack followed her shortly after. Fluttershy was next to go, so I figured it was a good time to ask Rarity if she’d been invited to Fleur’s party. She said that she had, checking the clock in my living room to see how much time she had before. It was only about four, but I wanted to get to Canterlot a bit early, so I asked Twilight if she minded that we get prepared and head to Canterlot before the shops closed. She gave me an odd look, but agreed to do as I asked as long as she could watch me get dressed.

I made sure to put my suit on as sexily as I could and asked her to come tie my necktie for no other reason than the kiss that was supposed to come after. I ended up having to redo the Canterlot Cross Knot she set, but it was fine. We went to her house shortly after I strapped the Warbling Blade onto myself and got my checkbook slipped into my pocket. I also brought my pipe and a box of a rather strong sativa so I could keep the party going, but that’s not what was important. The important part was that Twilight tried to be sexy while putting her dress on and failed miserably, which was even sexier than her doing it properly. If I didn’t want to get there early, her dress would have been coming off and we would’ve been late.

Twilight teleported us to her parents house for a brief visit, but when we knocked on their door, no one was home. I wasn’t terribly upset since that meant I could drag Twilight along to go get her present. She asked where we were going in such a rush, but I told her to be patient until we got to Smoky’s shop, and once we were inside, we spotted her parents. Night Light was having his pipe repolished and Twilight Velvet looked terribly bored and coughed every once in awhile due to the residual smoke, but Twilight and I were fine since we regularly smoked much stronger herbs. My lover sighed and I asked if she was ready for a surprise and she told me that my pipe was perfectly fine the way it was, but I just grinned at her and waved at Smoky. He pulled a slightly smaller, rather feminine piece from a case under the counter and placed it carefully into a kit.

I wrote out a check for him while Twilight talked to her mother about ‘stallions and their toys’, but Night Light and I had a nice conversation about our favorite blends of herbs. I was partial to mugwort and datura since they had mild hallucinogenic effects while Night Light liked catnip and acacia for their calming effects. I bought a case of my specially ordered datura blend while I was there and paid for Twilight’s new kit and my shit. Once I handed my check over, Night Light and I joined our ladies and I asked Twilight if she still had that corncob pipe. She gave me a confused look and said yes, but she was going to have to clean it soon. Night Light was about to start in on how to properly clean a pipe when I told him that the herbs we used left a resin that was harder to get out than most and opened Twilight case, presenting her present to her.

Twilight jaw dropped at the Purpleheart pipe. I’d asked that it have her Cutie Mark engraved into it, and so it was, but the pipe itself had been worked in a way that made it slimmer and generally more refined than any other pipe I’d seen. The bowl was a little on the large side, flaring out from the slender pipe, but it’s not like it was disproportionate. Whoever had made it had done exactly as I’d asked and gone the extra step on top of it. Twilight picked it up from its case and asked me if it really was hers, so I had to resist the temptation to lie. I gave her an affirmative and offered to buy her the first box of whatever mix she wanted, though the first thing I gave her after giving her the pipe was a box of the sativa I’d brought along, which fit nicely into her carrying case.

Twilight carefully placed the pipe back into its case and gave me a hug, stating that I didn’t need to get her something so expensive. I, of course, returned her hug and told her that I’d wanted her to have something nice, making her look at her ring. I then clarified that I meant something else as nice as the ring and the Twilights both raised a brow at me. I looked at Night Light and he told me that I could always keep digging myself deeper, so I shrugged and started hitting on his wife, digging myself as deep as I could get as quickly as I could get. Twilight just rolled her eyes at me, Velvet blushed, and Night Light told me to stop being better with words than he was, and I asked if they had been invited to Fleur’s party as well. They pointed out that it was Fleur and Fancy throwing the party, but I explained that I’d left Fancy as an implication because I didn’t feel like saying both of their names.

I got some more eye rolls for my linguistic laziness, but my lover and I were invited to her parents house to pass the time. We talked on the way about unimportant things and I told them about meeting the Dryads, though they didn’t believe a word out of my mouth until Twilight vouched for me, stating that they were invisible unless certain conditions were filled. After that, the conversation was filled with questions about them, though Velvet seemed awfully let down that they were less wise and more childish. Night Light didn’t give a shit, but he asked a few random questions to keep things moving once his wife learned that fairy tales were for children for a reason. Children ignore things they don’t like and focus on what they do, after all.

We arrived at the old people’s home and Twilight and I packed our pipes and got to smoking. I was rather bright eyed and bushy tailed while Twilight was in the mood for some cuddling and light conversation, so we took ourselves to the Sun Room. Her parents took the loveseat since they’re evil, so Twilight and I pushed some chairs together so we could hold hands while talking. Apparently Twilight Velvet had recently made a discovery on some Prussian historical poisons and would be travelling there fairly soon to investigate and Night Light was training a new batch of ‘lily-livered, no-good wimps’ at the Castle Guard, so that was fun to hear about. Between him and another Drill Sergeant, they were whipping them into shape, but many of their new recruits were just too soft to do much more than patrol on light duty. I offered to mix in some better verbal abuse, but he declined my offer, stating that he wasn’t trying to break them down emotionally, and that’s when I told him that an effective soldier was one who had been broken down and built back up, just like he had been.

Night Light facepalmed and gave me my due respect for pointing out something he hadn't really thought about. I asked how they had gotten along so far without doing exactly that and Night light admitted that he might have grown a bit soft in his advancing years. I told him that men aged forty to sixty often have the very same problem and he agreed with me wholeheartedly until his wife suddenly burst out laughing. She didn’t give up the joke, but she did try and shoot me a glare that failed miserably since she was still laughing. Night Light and Twilight just looked at us before asking what we were laughing about, but neither of us wanted to get in trouble, so we said that it was just an in-the-know kind of joke and left it at that. Twilight tried badgering me about it for a little bit and Night Light tried bargaining by whispering something into Velvet’s ear, but that just made her laugh harder, leaving him with a confused look on his face. Twilight asked what was going on and I told her that it was soft loving.

Velvet died all over again and I couldn’t wipe the goofy grin off of my face, but Twilight and her dad were still lost as to what we found so amusing. I told them both that I’d tell them when they were older, but they pointed out that I was the youngest person in the room. Velvet got ahold of herself by the time we’d gone through that bit and asked if I wanted pancakes, which made me burst out laughing. When I managed to calm down, I asked if she’d give me extra whipped cream on them again and she hid a smile behind her hand while her daughter and husband just shook their heads at our goofiness. She offered to make the pancakes in the shape of a smiley face and I asked her if she was trying to get us caught. Velvet waved my worries aside and offered to make some cookies instead since we had another two hours before the party started. I fucking lover mother-made cookies, so I agreed before taking off the jacket of my suit to help her with doing some back. Night Light and Twilight stayed behind to theorize about what we’d been doing, so Velvet and I had some time to ourselves in the kitchen.

“So, Max. I noticed Twilight has a little ring on her finger.” Velvet said casually as she grabbed some flour.

“Did she not tell you about it?” I listened in for any sign of eavesdroppers for the moment and leaned in close to Velvet. “It’s the first of three. Do you want to see the engagement ring?”

If Velvet’s mane was down, she would’ve whipped me in the face. “That’s not the engagement ring?” She whispered.

I reached into my right pocket and pulled it out flashing it to her. She held the case in her hands and her eyes twinkled. “What are the gems?” She she asked breathlessly.

“Sapphire and Amethyst. I haven’t thought of suitable gems for the wedding ring, but I’m thinking colored diamonds.” I responded with the same volume.

Velvet’s jaw dropped. “How do- How did you even afford this? Twilight says you haven’t even been here a year!” She murmured.

“Royal Operative who’s friends with multiple Princesses here, Mum- I can call you Mum, right?” She nodded quickly. “Right. I come with percs. Few enough of them, but the ones I have are great.”

I heard two sets of hoofsteps and snatched the ring from her hands and shoved it into my pocket before Night Light and Twilight could turn the corner. Simultaneously, we held a finger to our lips and Velvet started laughing. I took that as my cue to grin and chuckle, and when Twilight and Night Light came into the kitchen, that’s all they saw.

“You two get along far too well.” Night Light said teasingly. “If I were a jealous stallion, I would think you’re coming for my wife, Max.”

I raised my brow and pursed my lips. “Well, she does look like cherry.”

“Cherry?” He asked.

“That’s his pet name for me.” Twilight explained.

“I know a mare named Cherry-” His wife shot him a pitch black look that made me look away. He let his words die in his throat after that.

“Wise move, mate. I call her cherry because she’s usually bright red around me.” I smiled and Velvet touched my arm.

“That’s very sweet, Max. Twilight, what’s yours for Max?” Velvet asked.

“I call him amour. I just liked the sound of it and I do love him.” Twilight blushed lightly.

Velvet smiled and Night Light walked over to his wife. “So what were you two laughing about before we came in?”

“Oh, Max was just telling me the funniest story!” Velvet lied.

I turned to Twilight. “I was telling her about the day’s proceedings.” I looked at Velvet. “Should I recap for those that weren’t present?”

She nodded, so I started telling them the story, though Twilight was far less amused than her parents. My lover was mortified when I told them what I’d said to Applejack, word for word, but she laughed when I told her about me chewing Orchid out for looking nice. Night Light told me that I shouldn’t be complimenting other mares while I had his daughter’s hand, but I told him that Orchid was my sister’s girlfriend and he asked who my sister was. He remembered that Trixie had actually studied magic with Twilight at Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns, but that she had been arrogant at a young age, if not a little bit aggressive. I explained that her childhood had been rather rough, even by my standards, so he tried digging, but I stonewalled him every time, saying that it wasn’t within my rights to say more than I already had.

Night Light didn’t want to let the subject go and Velvet’s own morbid curiosity was piqued until Twilight stepped in and told them that I wasn’t going to talk if I didn’t want to. Velvet threatened to withhold her cookies, so I told her that if my morals could be broken by something so paltry as cookies, I wouldn’t even be with Twilight in the first place. In essence, I put my foot down and bore no further questions. It earned me respect from Night Light and a hug from Velvet, which made me realize that I’d just passed an impromptu test of some kind. It was actually pretty cool, though I still pointed out that Twilight had told them about my secretive nature, but they’d just needed a reminder that I was the real deal.

Velvet had been getting the cookies done while asking questions, and fifteen minutes after the end of that conversation, I was willing to roast my mouth on some of her hot, gooey, motherly love. Sadly, the Twilights made me wait while Night Light snuck one and enjoyed it with the most bliss filled look on his face while the ladies were looking at me. I didn’t rat him out, despite my intense envy of his delight, but I didn’t need to be envious for very long since Velvet teleported his cookie into her hand and finished it for him. She then scolded him for doing something she’d just said not to do, but I pointed out her hypocrisy and she rolled her eyes.

While she was rolling her eyes, I was stealing a cookie for myself and got half of its scalding hot goodness into my mouth before Twilight took it from me and finished it. I didn’t give a single fuck since I’d gotten what I wanted anyway, though Twilight took her time while I was chewing through my mouthful. Night Light was a little salty since he’d only gotten a bite or two out of his cookie and I’d gotten a bit more than that, and the ladies had gotten plenty. It soon became a war over who would get the next cookie, so I held onto my Twilight and Night Light held on to his and we backed our way towards the cookies in tandem. The unspoken rules were no magic, and no sexual distraction, but what Night Light and Velvet didn’t know was that I knew Twilight like the back of my hand.

I ended up giving her tummy a rub, but Twilight tried shifting around in my grip, and it was awfully hard to keep up my mild torture while reaching for a cookie, so I let her go for a moment and she whirled aroud, but I already had a cookie in my hand for her. She took it, confused, until I grabbed the pan and knelt down, Shadow Diving with my own projected darkness and ending up in the living room. I started casually munching on some of the cookies and heard hoofsteps trampling around the house, so I hopped over the couch and sat down with the cookie sheet on my lap.

Twilight was the first to find me, though she was shortly followed by her father, and her mother teleported by their side when Night Light called out that I was in the living room. I gave them a wave with a cookie in my hand.

“To be fair, that wasn’t teleportation.” I said with a chocolatey grin.

Twilight huffed and came over for a cookie, but Night Light just levitated the pan into his hands. “That was a dirty trick in any case.” He scolded.

“In fairness, at least I’m still in the house.”

Twilight whacked me. “I’d actually be upset with you if you stole my Mom’s cookies.”

Velvet threw a pillow at me with magic. “You’re simply evil!”

“I’m the best son-in-law you’re going to get and you know it.”

“Celestia help us all.” Night Light said around a mouth full of cookie.

“She’d be on my side, but she’d just steal the cookies anyway.” I said, levitating another cookie to myself.

Twilight teleported it out of my tentacle and into her hand. “Nope, no more cookies for mister cookie thief.”

“If you don’t let me have another cookie, you’re not getting another kiss tonight.” I warned.

Twilight scrunched up her face adorably. “You know that’s not fair!”

“Cookie please.” I responded.

Twilight appeared to think for a moment, but her mother beat her to the punch. “Twilight, if you cave, I’m licking every cookie.”

Night Light shrugged. “That’s fine by me.”

“I don’t care. Your threats amount to nothing, knave!”I pointed a judicious finger at Velvet.

Twilight’s face scrunched up again. “Max, that’s so gross!”

“You came from your Mom and I kiss you all the time. It’s not that gross.” I said casually, levitating another cookie to myself.

Velvet took it from my grasp and licked it all over. “Are you sure about that, Mr. Thief?”

The little smirk I had faded. “Touching a nerve there, Mum.”

She looked at me. “You stole the cookies.”

“I stole a cookie. I gave the rest back. If you remember as I do, Night Light also stole a cookie which you stole from him. We’re all thieves here since Twilight stole my cookie from me.” I reminded.

Velvet pursed her lips. “When you put it like that, it’s actually pretty reasonable. You’re still not getting another cookie.”

“Oh come on, Mum! Pretty please?”

Twilight sighed and handed me the cookie she stole from me. “Fair’s fair, after all.”

I broke it in half and handed the larger bit to her. “Thank you, cherry.”

She smiled at me and laced her arm through mine. “I wasn’t expecting you to share.”

I kissed her cheek. “You could have kept the cookie and Mummy dearest would have let you have as many as you cared to have. If it’s our last cookie, we might as well have it together, yeah?”

Twilight laid her head on my shoulder. “See Dad? This is the better half of the stallion I fell in love with.”

He wore a little smile. “If he keeps it up, he might get my approval.”

Velvet levitated the cookie tray for a moment and pulled Night light down to her level so she could whisper something into his ear. His eyes went wide after a second. “Are you serious?”

“He even showed it to me. It looks real.” Velvet inspected her fingertips since Ponies don’t actually have nails, oddly enough.

Twilight pulled away from me. “Max! Please tell me you didn’t!”

“If I did what I think you’re accusing me of, then I think your Dad might be throwing punches at me right now. Seriously Twilight, you just got done lauding me for being decent.” I gave her a look and chewed on some chocolate chip goodness.

She blushed brightly. “I never know what you’re going to do sometimes! Don’t blame me for jumping to conclusions!”

Velvet tsked. “Terrible, Twilight. Simply terrible. You really should think better of the stallion who just showed you that he’s made of better stuff.”

Night Light gave her a look. “With something that expen-” Velvet hit him in the chest pretty hard.

“Shut up!” I cried.

Night Light held his chest. “What did I say!?”

“It’s what you were about to say! I wouldn’t have whispered it to you if I wanted you to blab about it!” Velvet said hotly.

“Christ, man! You nearly stuck your foot in a plan I’ve had for months!” I added.

Twilight looked at the scene that was unfolding. “Wait, what’s going on? Are you guys keeping a secret from me?”

“Yes we are, and no, you’re not going to learn what it is.” Velvet said firmly. “You’ll have to be content with being in the dark until it’s time.”

“Time for what?”

Night Light opened his mouth, but I glared at him fiercely. “I’ll make sure you never have another kid if you spill. One way or two others.”

“And I’ll be furious. Nothing for months, Night Light. nothing.” Velvet threatened.

He slowly backed out of the room.

Once he was gone, Velvet came over and sat next to Twilight. “Trust me, sweetie, you’ll love the secret when you find out what it is.”

Twilight looked between me and her mother. “I trust both of you too much to ask anymore questions. Just don’t hurt Dad, okay?”

Velvet looked at her. “Oh no, he’s on the couch tonight in any case.”

“If that’s the worst of it, then I guess that’s okay…” Twilight said. Someone’s never been put out of their own bed.

Night Light eventually rejoined us, though Velvet was still pretty upset with him for almost spilling the secret. In fairness, I was almost ready to deck the guy, and if Velvet hadn't already hit him, I might’ve been tempted to show him how Brits do gut punches: With plenty of force and a twist in the hips to get your weight behind it. I figured I was going to have to hurry up if I wanted to cement my hold on Twilight and avoid someone fucking things up for me. It wouldn’t be tonight, most likely, but it would be soon enough. I can’t say that it’s been easy to not just pop the question to her whenever we have a moment alone, but I know that Twilight loves me, and I’m well aware of the fact that I love her, so I can’t say I’m pressed for time. Still, I’d rather know for certain that I have a real claim to her heart.

We ended up talking about some stuff going on in Velvet’s life for a little while, and we eventually moved on to Twilight, but her main thing was the Crystal Empire visit. I already knew about it and how she felt towards the event, but as she told her story to her parents, she asked me to fill in some of the bits she wasn’t there for. I mentioned that I’d coached Shining through some issues, but wouldn’t say what they were so I could maintain his privacy. He’d never actually asked me to keep things quiet, but I figured that he wouldn’t want his parents to know that he might be getting banged in the butt by his wife. While we were talking, the cookies were distributed evenly among us and I was glad that Velvet hadn't kept her word on denying Twilight and myself more of their deliciousness. Seriously, those cookies were fucking great.

We left for the party with enough time to get there and a little extra so we could hopefully catch Fancy and Fleur before they got too bogged down in the bourgeoisie. We talked some more on the way over to the party, but other than that, nothing really happened on our walk. When we got there, we quickly learned that this was far larger than any party I’d ever attended. Fancy’s lawn wasn’t exactly large in comparison to his estate, but much of it was filled with people and I realized that there wasn’t a snowball’s chance of this winding down until Twilight was ready to go home. I was already disappointed and Twilight sensed it, but I don’t know whether she chose to hold onto my arm because she was feeling nervous about being around so many people like I was, or if she was just trying to comfort me. Either way, I felt better for it.

We saw Rarity on our way in, but she was locked in a conversation with some drab looking fellows, so we had to wait for a minute before we got to greet her. She told us that the fuckers who’d been talking to her were trying to flaunt their wealth and buy some of her affection, but she assured us that it was a pretty common occurrence and nothing to get offended over at this point. Rarity then offered to introduce us to some of the more polite aristocunts around, but I really wasn’t trying to do so. My opinion didn’t matter since I was trying to be nice, so Rarity showed us some folks that weren’t actually that bad. I mean, they were still gaudy and over dressed for just about any occasion I could think of, but they were tolerable enough people when they learned that I was a Baron and that Twilight was Celestia’s personal student.

After a while, I started doing some of my usual tricks with people like taking watches, bracelets, and rings as I shook hands, but I always returned them to their rightful owners. Some fucker with a fake diamond in his ring tried to tell everyone that I’d stolen his real ring, but Twilight cast a truth spell and he got shunned pretty hard for trying to lie about his own garbage tier jewelry. Fancy actually found us shortly after the event and saw the fellow out of his home himself, stating that he’d tried to steal things from people in the past and that he should be ashamed of himself as a ‘Pony and a noble’. Fancy returned to us quickly enough to have a chat since he’d just had to end a conversation to deal with the matter.

“Maximus! Twilight! I wish I could have found time for you under better circumstances, but you know how these things are.” He gave us a wry smile.

I shook my head. “I don’t know how these things are. I’m not fond of being around this many people unless I’m rolling marks.”

“I have no idea what that means.” Fancy replied simply.

“You probably don’t want to. How’ve you been, mate? I’m sure you’ve been keeping busy.”

“I’ve been quite fine. Say, I don’t have much time to spare right now, but I am holding an after party once this is over. Would you care to join Fleur and myself at eleven for a meet and greet with the truly elite?” He asked.

Twilight answered for me. “We’d be honored, Uncle Fancy.”

He looked at me and raised a brow, so I nodded. “We’ll be there. Might be a little late or a little early, but we’ll see you.”

“Simply fantastic! I look forward to catching up with you two.” He gave us a courteous nod and weaved his way through the crowd to go back to wherever the fuck he’d come from.

I turned to Twilight. “Smoke break?”

She nodded. “Smoke break.”

We headed out the back door to join the rest of the pipe puffers to join them in their circle. There were tables and chairs with magnificent spreads on them, but the circle of smokers was largely silent except for conversations between a few neighboring people. It seemed like more of my kind of deal, but most of the men with dates were sitting in the circle while their lady friends were in a group talking to each other. There were a few women in the circle, but their dates stood behind them and I warned Twilight against accepting any herbs from them if they mentioned anything about poppies or opium since a lot of their pipes reminded me of old fashioned opium pipes. I wasn’t about to let Twilight get hooked on that garbage, so I was rather resolute when she asked why she shouldn’t try something new. I think she just wanted to know the reason why I was so firmly against it, but when I started pointing out that a majority of those women with opium pipes were barely moving or were staring off into space, I could practically see the chill run down her spine.

I let Twilight have the seat I’d picked out and she packed her bowl, though she quickly garnered interest from our neighbors. On one side, we had an older woman that appeared to be in her thirties with an old fashioned Sherlock that came over and asked Twilight where she’d gotten such a unique piece. I explained that I’d had it specially made for her and gave the artisan license to do practically whatever they wanted with it and pulled out my own piece and packed it. She asked to see both and marvelled at the workmanship, stating that she wanted me to have something drawn up for her on the spot. I asked what she wanted and tried to go in depth with my questions, but it’s not like I had a pen and paper with me. Twilight teleported some to me and I thanked her before writing down the woman’s order as best I could. I went as deep into the nitty gritty details as I could, but the way the woman described her pipe was a little nonsensical at best. I let her read over what I’d written, but instead of finding it to be a little rambly like I had, she actually liked the way it sounded.

We learned that the woman’s name was River Song and that her husband was inside, meeting and greeting while she was having a moment to enjoy some fresh air and herbs. While we were talking to her and learning some things about each other, our other neighbor joined the conversation and we took our new little circle away from the smoking group. The new fellow was an Earth Pony named Mountain Mix, and he had some indica that was simply divine, though I was surprised to find that someone other than Twilight or myself was smoking the good grass in a high society party. Heh. High society.

Mountain Mix and River Song were rather pleasant all around, but through our talking, they seemed to be pretty much like your average rich person: a little bland and proud. Other than that, they were perfectly fine people and I liked them well enough. We traded different herbs around until I accidentally made River Song trip balls by letting her pack her unnecessarily deep pipe with my datura blend. She was actually quite susceptible to its effects and while I found that to be amusing, she was going to have a few hours before she came down from it. I apologized for my oversight and she told me it was fine and that she was actually having a bit of fun with it.

I still got hit by Twilight, but it was worth it.

We left our new friends and wandered around the party for a little bit so we could burn off some of the energy we’d gotten from taking in so much of the sativa. Well, we mostly just talked to people that weren’t complete arseholes and Twilight had to stop me from fucking someone up once or twice when they were particularly rude, but other than that, things were going fine. As we were walking, we noticed that some people were already leaving, which meant that the second floor was quickly becoming the dance floor. Twilight didn’t want to strut her stuff like a goofball, but I had learned how to ballroom dance from Noir, so I told her to follow my lead and dance we did. My toes were stepped on multiple times, but I wasn’t upset about it. Just knowing that Twilight’s little flaws were there made me feel better about being with her, as petty as that might sound. Sometimes it was too hard to think of something that was wrong with her, though I knew there was the occasional thing I didn’t like, such as her assuming that I would show her mother my wedding tackle for no reason. I understood why she was worried, but I still thought that it was wholly unnecessary to think so little of me.

Things were going fine with the party until I spotted an old face that I still hadn't received a reward for wrecking. Prick fucking Blueballs had decided to show up and had a gaggle of girls behind him, doting on his every word as he ignored the fuck out of them most of the time. He would occasionally address one of them and they would rush off to go do something or run off in tears, but for some odd reason, the stupid twats hanging off of his tailcoats didn’t get the picture and decided to keep sticking around the fuckboy. One might mistake my spite for the man for envy or jealousy, but I honestly just hated the guy because he was a fucking prick for no real reason.

I’d barely spared Blueballs a glance, but we still made eye contact. He turned to one of his tagalongs and whispered something in her ear that made her frown, but after a moment, she started nodding quickly and ran off somewhere. I decided that it was a good time to get gone before he started some bullshit that got him killed, so I checked my pocket watch and saw that we still had a pretty good amount of time before the main party was over. Twilight asked if we could grab a bite to eat and I happily obliged, but as we were making our way off of the floor, I saw the young woman Blueblood had been talking to earlier beelining her way towards us with a glass of champagne in her hand. I whispered my findings to Twilight and asked if we should wait and see what she wants, but Twilight didn’t think that anything good would come from being around someone who liked the guy I beat up.

She was proven correct when the woman stopped in front of me and threw her drink in my face.

I was about to find some creative way to punish her for being foolish and whatnot when she fucking slapped me. I cleared the alcohol from my eyes to find that Twilight’s horn was glowing along with her hand and that she had a fistful of the woman’s hair.

“What the buck did you do that for!? What kind of bucking mare are you!?” She yelled at the dim bitch.

The woman squealed like a stuck pig and tried to get away, but I was willing to bet that Twilight was bolstering her own strength. “Let me go! You’re messing up my mane!”

“Apologize you worthless bucking sow!” Twilight growled, wrenching the woman hair back.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Let me go, please!”

I put a hand on Twilight’s shoulder. “That’s good enough, cherry.” I said softly.

Twilight let her go and the silly bitch fell on her arse before running off in tears, which really didn’t surprise me. My lover magicked my face clean and opened her mouth, but I held a finger to my lips, then put that finger under her chin and gave her a kiss that I hoped showed my gratitude. I wrapped an arm around her waist and let myself get lost in the innocent feeling Twilight’s lips always gave to me, but I kept an ear out for anyone approaching. It was hard to make out over the general hum of conversation, but once Fleur entered the space that had cleared around Twilight and myself, it was easy to pick her out.

I broke our kiss and turned to face the former Operative. “Hullo, Fleur.”

She gave me a womanly look. “Max, don’t tell me you’re starting trouble in my home.”

Twilight crossed her arms. “Max didn’t do anything. That mare was the one who started it! She threw her drink in his face and slapped him for no reason!”

“So you grabbed her by her mane?” Fleur asked, sounding disappointed.

“I could have teleported her to the roof of Canterlot Castle and waited for her to fall off.” Twilight said darkly.

I grinned brilliantly. “I got me a good one. She’s very protective.”

Fleur shook her head. “You two have to stay out of trouble. If I’m not mistaken, that was one of Blueblood’s mares.”

“Should I have a word with-” I started up until two mares simultaneously poured their drinks on Twilight’s head.

“Put your hands on us, you trollop!” The one with a green mane said indignantly.

“Yeah! Why don’t you just-” The one with a yellow mane stopped cold when she saw Fleur. “Oh. Hi.”

Fleur was glaring daggers at them. “Both of you are out of here. If I see you in my home again, you’ll never be seen in Canterlot again, do you hear me.” It wasn’t a question.

Both of them nodded and started walking away with their heads held high until I ripped their dresses to pieces with my psychic tentacle. Sometimes Hentai is the best way to learn how to do certain things. They looked at each other and at themselves and their now distinct lack of modesty. Twilight gaped and Fleur looked on with her brows raised until the girls hugged each other and started crying. They weren’t getting a damned thing from me, and even then, I only had the one jacket so it wasn’t like it would do much. A few gentlemen from nearby offered them something to cover themselves with and I turned back to Fleur, but Twilight spoke first after magicking herself clean.

“He’s very protective of me, you know. Celestia forbid somepony actually try to hit me.” Twilight gave Fleur a dark grin.

Fleur returned it. “I’ve never seen this side of you Twilight. You really are my favourite niece!” She came in for the hug.

“And you’re my favorite Aunt! Are you terribly busy right now?” Twilight asked out of the blue.

Fleur checked her tasteful little watch and squinted at it. “I am for the next hour. What say you two go have a word with Blueblood and I’ll meet Fancy downstairs so we can get some ponies out of the way? I’m sure you’d like to put a fist in his face by now, Max, and I wouldn’t be opposed to watching you do it.”

“Sounds good to me. I can’t wait to wreck his shit again.” I smirked.

“Max, didn’t he try to cheat the last time you fought him?” Twilight asked, worried.

“I dare him to try such tactics in my home!” Fleur huffed. “I was there for the knife challenge. He never stood a chance anyway, but that was still incredibly dishonorable.”

I nodded. “I’ll be sure to challenge him to a fist fight then. Well, I won’t really get to choose, but we don’t really have anything else to work with.”

“Fancy has a few swords he kept from his days as a guard, but I don’t think that’ll work in your favor.” Fleur said, pressing her thumb to her lips.

“I’ve got some training with shortswords and longswords, but not much else. If anything, fisticuffs is my best bet. Last time I fought him, I don’t think I had the ability to cheat too.” Or I just didn’t because it was unnecessary.

“Amour, please don’t stoop to his level.” Twilight requested.

“Even if I start losing?” I asked.

She nodded. “Especially if you start losing.”

“That sucks, but if that’s what you want.” I sighed comically.

Fleur and Twilight rolled their eyes. “You’ve got your hands full with this one.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the crowd was parting and saw Blueballs arrive with his entourage of shitheads. A circle around us quickly formed and Fleur stood in the middle with myself and Blueballs, looking between us. The prick took off one of his gloves and marched toward me.

“Not only have you insulted two of my dear friends by showing your face here,” He announced loudly, “your sow of a-”

I started towards him, but Twilight caught my arm.

Blueballs smirked. “Your sow has assaulted a member of my herd, and I’m willing to bet that you assaulted the other two! I challenge you for your honor, Maximus! Here and now!”

“Bring it, Blueballs. I’ll crush you underfoot like I did the last time.” I kept my face placid and my voice calm. There were mutterings about the Honor Duel in the crowd, and I heard a few people ask if Blueballs was really going to challenge me again.

“If you accept like the foal you are, then I suppose you already have something in mind?” He sneered.

I took off my jacket and put the Warbling Blade in one of its pockets. “Fisticuffs. We settle this like men, once and for all. When I win, and I will win again, you take your ‘herd’ and leave with your tail tucked between your legs like the abandoned mongrel you were when you first came to Canterlot.”

Blueballs looked pissed. “How dare you call me-”

“Exactly what you are? A pumped up, prissy, punk ass, bitch-made, loser? You’re a failure of a Pony, Prick Blueballs. A failure as a Pony and as a noble, so shut your shit spewer and get ready to have your teeth shoved down your throat.” I snarled.

Blueball’s horn lit up and I felt myself levitate off of the ground quickly, so I formed my tentacle and slapped him across the face quickly, but before I could hit the ground, Twilight caught me and I had an opportunity to wrap my tentacle around Blueblood’s throat and drag him toward me.

“Go ahead, faggot. Use magic and I’ll break you real nice.” I snarled in his face.

I let him go and he rubbed his throat, but before we could break out into a fight, Twilight pushed me back a little bit and Fleur stared him down. Twilight was talking to me, but I was too busy glaring at Blueballs to really be paying attention. Fleur looked back and told Twilight to take me downstairs, so my lover took me by the hand and I started paying attention to her again. I asked Twilight what she’d been saying while I was staring Blueballs down and she repeated herself, saying that she’d been telling me that I could have a proper piece of him whenever I wanted, but we had to go downstairs so we could have a good audience. She lead me to the middle of the room and went off to go find Fancy, but Rarity took her place by my side shortly after her departure and asked if I cared to dance. I told her that I was about to have a very physical word with Blueblood since he’d insulted Twilight. Rarity told me not to hurt him too badly and I told her that there was going to be blood, one way or another.

Fleur came down with Blueballs shortly and she left him next to me. He talked some mad shit about me and my status, but I didn’t have a single fuck to give about anything he said toward me. I called him a pathetic leech and he actually threw a punch at me, but I ducked and he over swung, making himself topple over. Fancy and Fleur raced over, so I stepped away with my hands up and told them exactly what happened, so Fleur picked Blueballs up off the floor and Fancy put a hand on my shoulder and lead me outside. As we travelled, we picked up a lot of interest and soon had a good majority of the party following behind us when we got outside.

The lawn was abuzz with commotion, but people gave Blueballs and I our space. We had about twenty feet in diameter of space to work with which was a lot more than I was used to when it came to fist-fights, but I was sure that my speed and general experience would outweigh whatever strength advantage Blueballs may have had over me. Before we got started, I spotted Night Light and Velvet pushing their way toward me and Twilight was right behind them.

Night Light reached me first, but Velvet was the one with words. “Max! What are you doing!?”

“Well, I’m preparing to make this guy regret having his dumb cunts pour drinks on my woman and break his teeth in for calling her a sow. Are you trying to convince me to not break this guy?” I asked.

Night Light bristled. “He did bucking what to my daughter!?

I nodded. “Yeah. I’m going to hurt him for that.”

Velvet huffed. “Why don’t you just let it go? Sparkle isn’t one to hold a grudge, so you should follow her lead.”

“Because, Velvet, noe one pulls bullshit with my future wife. I don’t expect you to like it, nor do I want you to. If you don’t want to watch or deal with the aftermath, then feel free to excuse yourself. I won’t be upset with you. This is just something I have to do as a man.” I explained.

Velvet pinched the bridge of her nose. “And if I ask you to back out you’re going to tell me that it makes you look like a coward.”

I laid a hand on her shoulder. “No, I’d tell you that it would feel like I’m disrespecting Twilight for allowing someone to insult her and come after her personally. I don’t give a shit about what people think of me, but if someone thinks they can fuck with Twilight because I’m not going to do anything, then that’s a problem.”

Velvet sighed. “I can see I’m not talking you out of this. You’re still young and dumb right now, so I guess I can’t expect you to make wise decisions.”

“He makes wise decisions, he just has a weird code he likes to live by.” Twilight kinda defended.

Velvet shook her head and went to the outer edge of the circle. Twilight gave me a kiss for luck, but Night Light stayed behind for a moment. “Max.”

“Night Light.”

“If you win, you have my total approval to marry my daughter.” He said sincerely.

“So what do you want me to call you? Pops?” I smirked.

“We’ll sort that out when that buckhead is on the ground.” He said gravely before going off to join his wife and daughter.

I looked over at Blueballs and Fancy was talking to him, occasionally glancing back at me. His gaggle of girls were taking turns kissing his knuckles for some stupid reason, but that just incentivized me further to avoid getting hit. I didn’t want their slobber all over me in any way shape or form, so when Fancy stepped out of Blueball’s way and started announcing the rules.

“Alright everypony! Prince Blueblood of Canterlot has challenged Baron Maximus of Ponyville! The rules are no holds barred, no attacks to the groin, no magic, no eye gouging! The challenge is over when when either contestant surrenders or is unable to continue! Are there any objections to these rules?” Fancy called out.

There were no hands raised, so Fancy continued. “Under my authority as a Knight of Equestria, this contest may begin!”

He moved to the edge of the circle and Fleur joined him shortly after. I noticed Blueballs charging me like a fool, so I stood there and crossed my arms while he closed the distance, swiveling out of the way at the last moment so I could hook my foot around one of his hooves and pull it toward me. Blueballs fell over, clutching at his groin since I’d made him do the splits rather suddenly. I was tempted to punt him while he was on the ground, but I figured that it would be a little much, so I took a few steps back and watched as his horn lit up. Blueball’s head whipped around toward toward me and I threw myself to the side as he let loose a beam of magic that nearly hit the audience, and would have if it weren’t for someone’s quick thinking and a shield spell. After that, Fancy and Fleur stormed into the impromptu ring and berated Blueballs for being a piece of absolute filth. While Fancy was still yelling about him being dishonorable and generally just being a petty, bull headed, ‘foalish’, dumbass, Fleur came and asked me if I was still interested in finishing the fight. I told her that if we did, it was going to be until I broke something on Blueballs, regardless of the damned rules. She shrugged and said something to Fancy and they both looked at Blueballs, telling him that if he broke the rules twice that he would be arrested for dishonoring the duel.

Blueballs shakily got to his legs and tried arguing that I’d gone for an assault on his groin first, but no one agreed with him. It was his own fault for being reckless and all I’d done was make him suffer for it. I hadn't actually hit him in the groin, which was what the rule implied. Blueballs asked for someone to heal him, but Fancy barred it immediately since I’d performed a legal action and his pain was a result of it.

That pissed the Prick off to no end, but at this point, he just wanted to try pummeling me to death and I was getting ready to do the same. Blueballs tried shaking off the worst of his pain, but he’d fucked up pretty badly and I noticed that he was limping heavily, favoring his left leg to carry weight. I knew I hard his ass in a glass, but he’d probably just tried to kill me again, so I rushed him, but when he prepared for me to throw a punch, I pivoted and drop kicked his right shin, nearly making him fall on top of me until I rolled out of the way. As he was getting up, his leg gave out on him and I saw his horn light up again, but I was having none of his shit. I grabbed the Unicorn by the pointy bit and threw a punch with as much weight as I could get behind it straight into his face.

I felt his nose break on impact and he tried to push me away, but I still had his horn in a vice grip. He fucked up thoroughly by not even trying to guard, which meant that the tooth cracking uppercut I sent into his jaw was devastating. It would have made his head snap back if I wasn’t still holding onto his horn, though that was probably the only reason he was still conscious. I was feeling particularly brutal, so I rammed my knee into his teeth and let him go so I could see if he would even try to get back up.

The only compliment or anything of the like that will ever come out of my mouth regarding Blueballs was that he had fire in his belly. If he wasn’t such a piece of shit, it might have meant more to me other than just being a good reason to keep trying to fuck his face up. I let him crawl away, standing exactly where I had been when I tried cracking his teeth. When he stopped, he spit something out into his hand, so I walked around and saw that it was a tooth. I held back a smile and waited for him to either give up or come at me, but he just sat there for a moment. While I was waiting, I noticed that he was trembling and the thought crossed my mind that he might be crying, but when he turned his head and saw me standing there, he fucking roared and got to his hooves, all pre-existing pain forgotten.

“Oi, mate. You’re missing one of the front ones.” I smirked.

His hate filled look probably would have scared someone lesser than I, but me? I didn’t give a shit. I was probably enjoying beating this fuckwad up too much for my own good, but he rather deserved it in my book. It mildly surprised me when he started took a few calm steps toward me, but I wasn’t exactly shocked to see that his horn was lighting up for a third time. It took me a moment to figure out why he wasn’t casting any spells, but then I realized that his hands were glowing and that the air around them seemed to warble and waver. Fancy also noticed the shift in his hands and came out of the circle to end the match, but when he stood in front of Blueballs, the Prick smacked across the face and Fancy went down hard.

That pissed me off.

The whole source of the issue was Blueblood using his magic to cheat, so I decided to fix that for him. I wrapped his horn with my tentacle, and as he was going to kick Fancy while he was down, I broke it in half. The snap was audible over the gasps of the crowd and when people saw that half of Blueball’s horn was now floating into my hand, there was silence. Blueballs reached up with a blank face and felt for the missing half of his horn, so I held it in my hand and waved it at him. He fell to his knees and stared at me while Fleur rushed over to check on Fancy, and once she was sure that he was okay, she lunged at Blueballs and wrapped a hand around his throat and started beating his face in. Blueballs was too far into shock to even feel the blows, but I’m assuming Velvet and I noticed that Fleur was bleeding from her hand around the same time since Velvet pulled her away with magic. I took over and gave Blueballs the heaviest uppercut I believe I’ve ever thrown and then he was out.

I know that hitting an opponent while they’re down is dirty and despicable, but so is assaulting noncombatants, cheating, and trying to use lethal magic in what was supposed to be a fair fight. I stood over Blueballs and spat on his face because he’s officially lower than dirt and looked around for my Twilight. She was still standing with her parents, so I checked my knuckes and saw that my right hand was fine while my left seemed a little bloody, though whether it was from Fleur or Blueballs, I don’t know. I wiped my hand off on Blueball’s shirt and found that I was a little bruised up, but that was about it, so I went over to go check on Fleur and she was trying to magically overpower a familiar mare named Soleil. When Fleur realized I was near, she stopped and ‘Soleil’ let her go, though she still kept an eye on her.

“Maximus, please tell me that you broke that stallion’s legs.” Fleur hissed.

I held up the half of his horn. “I have this, if you want it.”

She glanced at it and did a double take. “...Max, what is that?”

“A good bit of Blueball’s horn.” I answered simply.

“...I am so very tempted to keep this.” She whispered.

Velvet seized my arms. “Maximus, I can’t believe you! Blueblood wasn’t even moving and you still hit him! It was over!”

“Oh, it was over when he hit Fancy Pants.” Night Light said darkly.

“Do not encourage this kind of behavior!” Velvet scolded.

“Oh hush you stubborn mare!” Night Light snapped. Velvet looked taken aback. “What would you expect him to do, sit back and allow hit to beat Fancy without recourse? Just let some pumped up shit licker strike out at whoever he pleases? It was obvious that Blueblood was cheating again, might I add, and he could have killed Fancy if he’d hit him in the wrong place. Max has proven, without a shadow of a doubt, that he is a stallion that I want by my side in a battle and in life. I’m proud that my daughter found such a morally apt stallion to protect and care for her when the need arises and you should be too.”

Twilight chimed in. “For what it’s worth, I don’t like that Max broke Blueblood’s horn, but he was continuously trying to use magic throughout the fight. If I know my amour, then he grabbed Blueblood’s horn when he was trying to cast a spell, not just to control his head. Am I right?”

I nodded. “Blueball’s was casting another spell. I saw his horn start to glow, so I laid into him for cheating again.”

‘Soleil’ coughed. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but the former prince Blueblood has been caught cheating too many times to deserve any leniency, even if he is the nephew of the Princesses. Breaking his horn was extreme, though it wasn’t unjustified.” Stripping his titles already? There we go!

“The main question is: what do we do with it?” Fleur asked.

“Keep it and put it on your mantle.” I suggested.

I garnered some stares for that. “...Or we could stick it back on with some glue. Whatever works, I guess.”

Fleur walked back over to Fancy and left the horn with ‘Soleil’ for the time being. “I will reattach it. Not right now, but maybe I’ll give it to one of the Princesses when I remember to.”

Velvet was still staring at her husband, so Twilight tapped her shoulder. “Mom? Are you okay?”

Velvet shook her head to clear it. “I’m sorry, but did you tell me to ‘hush’?”

Night Light looked straight into her eyes. “Yes, I did.”

“You’re on the couch for the next month.” She said with steel in her voice.

“I’ll fuse the couch into the bed if you want to be that petty.” He shot back.

Velvet went to slap him, but Twilight caught her hand. “Mom, you really can’t say anything about Max if the first thing you resort to is violence against your own husband.”

Velvet seemed to cool off. “...This isn’t over, Night Light.”

Night Light decided to be the mature one and just shook his head before going off to look after Fancy with Fleur. Velvet and Twilight both seemed upset, but Velvet just sighed out her frustrations. “Max, you knew Blueblood was going to cheat.”

“I played fair until he hit Fancy. It’s not my fault he challenged me after fucking with Twilight.”

“Leave Sparkle out of this and what do you have? A fight between two colts over some bad blood-”

“That started because of something I had no control over. My feud with Blueballs was started by him and I thought I ended it already, but he’s still the aggressor here. If you want to scold someone, go talk to the unconscious guy with the missing tooth and tell him to stop picking fights with people that are more lethal than he is.” I said calmly

“So you’re not even ashamed of hitting a stallion while he’s down? You feel nothing for stooping to Blueblood’s level?” Velvet asked.

“If that’s the way you’re looking at it, then I doubt I can convince you otherwise.” I said, not bothering with her questions.

She sighed. “You’re so much better than this.”

“I know you are, but what am I?” I jested.

Twilight shook her head and handed me my jacket. “I don’t think I ever saw you get hit.”

I took it from her and replaced the Warbling Blade in its sheath. “I really tried to avoid getting hurt, just in case you worried or something. It’s not like Blueballs was particularly adept at fighting. I’m willing to bet that most people are just too scared of his title to do anything about him.”

‘Soleil’ nodded. “Speaking of him, I should probably go teleport him somewhere else. I doubt he has many friends here now.”

“Please do. I’m sure he’ll be hard enough to handle once he wakes up and realizes he doesn’t have a horn anymore.” Velvet said.

‘Soleil’ went off to go do what she said she was going to do and Velvet went to go join her husband and Fleur in trying to rouse Fancy. I looked around and saw that the crowd was pretty much dissipated by now, so I turned my attention to Twilight.

“So what do YOU make of this, cherry?” I asked.

She pursed her lips. “I told you not to cheat, but you only did so to help somepony else. I’m just happy you didn’t break anything on Blueblood that couldn’t be fixed.”

I went to put a hand on her shoulder and she took it her her own, inspecting my knuckles. “I’m fine, cherry. Nothing that won’t clear up by the end of the night.”

“That’s good. I’d be upset if you actually got hurt.” Twilight gave me a smile. “Aren’t you surprised I’m taking this so well?”

“I am, but I’m glad that you’re not freaking out or scared of me.” I said.

“I’ve seen you at your worst, and this isn’t it. I can’t really tell whether I should be proud of you for stopping when you did or disappointed that it came to this in the first place, but I think I’ll settle for proud. Just know that I don’t want you to kill anypony for doing something to me, okay?”

“I won’t kill anyone for pouring drinks on you, but if someone seriously hurts you, then I can’t make that promise to you.” I said soberly.

Twilight grabbed my tie and brought me down for a kiss. “I wouldn’t have you any other way. I love you, Max, and I want you in my life, exactly the way you are, even if you change.”

Temptation rising. “I love you too, Twilight, and there’s nothing that could change the way I feel about you. I’ve noticed that you’ve been changing, but I couldn’t fathom loving you any less for it.”

Twilight tilted her head. “What do you mean when you say that I’ve been changing?”

“You’ve gotten used to me. A couple months ago, you would’ve been horrified at the sight of me handling Blueballs like I did. Now, you get why I do the things I do.” I gave her a sincere smile.

Twilight hugged me suddenly. “I have to try and understand you, otherwise I wouldn’t be loving you properly.”

I returned her hug, thought racing through my mind. “Thank you for not trying to change me too quickly.”

I felt Twilight let go, so I did the same. “Come on, amour. I think we’ve said what needed to be said. Let’s go check on Fancy.”

And so we did. When we came over, he was sitting up, rubbing his jaw and Fleur and Velvet were casting a healing spell on him. He was fine a few moments later, if not a little grassy from being knocked onto the lawn. He immediately banned Blueballs and any of his hoes from coming back to his property, though it took some convincing to get him to not ban those associated with Blueballs as well. It was mostly Soleil and Velvet convincing him, though Twilight chimed in and took their side. Night Light and I remained neutral since we didn’t really care about Blueballs’ friends, but Fleur was the first out of herself and her husband to be persuaded, so that was nice. Soleil disappeared with Blueballs soon after he started coming around so no one had to deal with him, taking his horn along with her.

Fancy was a trooper about getting laid the fuck out and continued the party. After the challenge, I was pretty popular with a handful of people, got a few congratulations from a few others, and was avoided by a good number. I guess few people were willing to risk offending me, just in case I challenged them or something. Maybe they were friends of Blueballs. I didn’t give a fuck either way and tried to remember some names of the people I met, but I really just didn’t care that much. River Song came up to me and gave me a hug for wiping the floor with Blueballs, despite him cheating multiple times, though I had to warn her that Twilight might try and do the same thing to her if she didn’t let me go fast enough.

Mountain Mix eventually found me and offered to smoke with me again, so I asked Twilight if she was down for another smoke break. She was ready for something to do other than talking to people, so we headed outside and Mountain Mix allowed us each to have a bowl of his shit and we traded him some of ours since he was chill as fuck and we ended up smoking through a good portion of our stashes when a few people decided they wanted to try it as well. I blamed my newfound popularity, or at least, the interest I was picking up due to wrecking Blueballs.

The party went on for a little while longer, but just as Fancy said, it wrapped up around eleven and the nobles fucked off. Hired staff came through and started clearing tables and picking up discarded glasses, so it’s not like anyone had to help clear up any of the messes the nobles thoughtlessly left behind. While Fancy and Fleur were directing people out of their home and saying goodbye to people they barely knew or liked, Twilight, Velvet, Night Light, and I made our way upstairs to the study along with River Song and her husband, Bass Burst. There was also a fellow named Hoity Toity that seemed too pompous for his own good, and a Pegasus woman named Swift Key that seemed seemed alright enough. Our new group waited in the study until Fancy and Fleur showed up and I quickly realized that River Song and Bass Burst had the same arrangement that Fleur and Fancy did. Hoity Toity seemed to be there for whatever reason and Swift Key didn’t appear to be present for any particular reason.

Rarity showed up soon after Fleur and Fancy, though that did make me wonder what had taken her so long. I chalked it up to her need to be late to just about everything she could and left it at that, though her arrival meant that we no longer had enough seats. I gave mine up to her because I’m nice sometimes and the after party began.

It was boring. Hoity Toity talked about the latest fashion, which interested Rarity and Fleur, but Night Light, Fancy, Bass Burst and myself were about to fall asleep. Twilight didn’t care that much and neither did her mother, so it was quite the relief when Swift Key and River Song offered to perform a duet on Fleur’s piano in the parlour. Our merry little band of nobles went downstairs and they did their thing, but Twilight started yawning and I was loathe to wait until she was actually exhausted to get her back home. Night Light and Velvet offered to take us back to their place and loan us Twilight’s old room for the night, which Twilight quickly accepted before I had a chance to say anything, though I would have said yes anyway. Fleur gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek before we left and Fancy just gave me a brotherly hug before thanking me for fucking Blueballs’ face up, though I pointed out that his wife had done her fair share.

I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get to talk to Fleur and Fancy as long as I might have liked, but then again, it wasn’t as if I couldn’t just go and see them pretty much whenever I felt like it anyway. Still, it would have been nice to get to talk to them with Twilight and her parents, but mostly just with Twilight around. I knew they had history together and that was pretty cool, but it just didn’t sit well with me that I hadn't been able to introduce some of my coolest friends to my future wife like I’d wanted to. In any case, it was just nice to see that they were okay and doing well enough, even if I did sense that Fleur was starting to get a little frustrated in some way. I don’t know what tipped me off, but she just didn’t feel quite right.

Thoughts aside, we walked back to Twilight’s parents house and had a proper meal since no one had really had any of the hors d'oeuvres and we’d had enough time to let the cookies digest. Twilight’s mom made a tasty stir-fry that would have been far tastier with chicken, but I didn’t mention that and just thanked them for the meal before asking Twilight if she could teleport us home to just grab some sleeping clothes. She asked if we could just bring her parents with us to Ponyville so they could visit like we’d wanted them to back when I first became a Baron and I offered to let them stay in my house if we used the hot tub. Twilight told me that I wasn’t allowed to use the secret jets and that we couldn’t do anything that we liked while her parents were in the house, so I agreed on the condition that we still get to cuddle in bed. Twilight said that it was a foregone conclusion and that I should feel silly for even suggesting that it wouldn’t happen.

We brought the suggestion to her parents and they agreed since their schedules were clear for the next few days. Well, Night Light’s wasn’t, but he used some Dragon Fire to make sure that is was and I told them to bring bathing suits. Velvet blushed and told us that the one she usually used wasn’t one that she’d been in for a couple of years, but Twilight told her that hers was a little form fitting too and that it really wouldn’t be a problem unless I let my eyes wander. I was mildly offended by that, though Velvet was kinda milf-esque. Well, not kinda, she was a bit of a milf, but I wouldn’t be letting my gaze go anywhere indecent on my future mother-in-law.

Night Light just liked the fact that he wasn’t going to have to sleep on the couch, so after they grabbed their shit, Twilight had us all hold hands so we were easier to teleport. We appeared in my living room and went into the master bath for a moment, though the girls made Night Light and I leave immediately after entering so they could don their swimwear. Us guys just avoided looking at each other or talking during the transition and I had to be careful not to fuck up my suit as I put it back in my closet. I had a little blood on it, but nothing too debilitating or noticeable, besides a few speckles near the cuffs. Once we were clothed, Night Light and I talked about the fight a little bit and he told me that I was easily one of the quickest fighters he’d ever seen and I told him that toes were just better than hooves when it came to anything other than running. Dexterity fucking counts.

Twilight opened the door to the loo and told us that they were ready to receive our presence, so Night Light and I entered soon after and I got the hot tub up and running. It never took the water too long to warm up, which was nice, and once it got going, I hit the jets and it got even better. There’s nothing better than a nice soak after a fight and it’s pretty good after just about anything else anyway. Twilight and I rarely used the damned thing these days, but it was still one of my favourite things about my house. My lover and future mother-in-law talked to each other about random things, tastefully avoiding the fight until Velvet started sinking lower and lower into the water. I called it a night when her chin touched the water and she jolted awake, stating that she was fine for another hour, but Night Light agreed with me and we hopped out of the lovely tub. It was about half past two at this point, so we’d had plenty of time in the water anyway, so Night Light and I dried off first before doing the thing we’d done in the hot tub, but this time, getting dressed in sleeping clothes.

I dug around my boxes of weed for one that I’d marked as an indica and packed a bowl while waiting for the ladies to get out. Twilight poked her head out of the door and asked if we could hand them their sleeping clothes and I went through some of Roxy’s drawers and found a nice nightgown for Twilight that I liked. It was sexy, but modest enough to wear around polite company, so I asked if she wanted it or the sleeping clothes she usually wore. Twilight asked to see it before she even thought about wearing it and Night Light passed her Velvet’s shit so she could get dressed while Twilight was considering things. The door closed and didn’t reopen for a minute or two and I realized that the nightgown was a little shorter on Twilight than it had been on Roxy, but if she was taking so long to put it on, then it was probably a good sign. On me, it came down to the knee, which I liked for modesty reasons, but I was willing to bet that it would be a little higher on Twilight.

When the ladies came out, I realized that it was a little shorter than I’d expected, but it still looked nice, so I wasn’t complaining at all. Twilight met my smile with a small blush and her dad gave me a look.

“Since when is something that short okay?” He asked mockingly.

I shrugged. “Well, I kinda forgot that Twilight’s taller than I am when I’m female. I just thought I’d like the way it looks on her.”

“I think it’s very cute. A little too cute, but still cute. I’m more surprised that you bought it for yourself instead of your mare.” Velvet teased.

“Cherry can wear pretty much I have for Roxy, so it’s not like I hoard it all and keep it to myself.” I explained.

Twilight came over and laced an arm through mine. “That’s right. Most of Roxy’s stuff is a little small, but things like skirts and blouses work just fine on me. Speaking of, you know that smock I wore earlier? When I was chasing you through town?” I nodded. “I want you to wear that as a dress one of these days.”

“I’ll ask next time you turn me female. I thought it was very cute on you.” I complimented.

“Thank you. What about the nightgown? Do you think it’s cute on me?” Twilight asked shyly.

I gave the sheer lace a gander and let my eyes wander down a bit, passing over her breasts like they weren’t there. “I think it looks better on you than it did on me, and you know how I feel about me as a female.”

Velvet gave me a strange look. “That would imply that you think you’re attractive as a female.”

“I do. It’s like looking at a different person that I can control.” I grinned.

Night Light coughed. “That doesn’t sound like something I want my future son-in-law to say.”

“Can we drop the ‘in-law’ bit? I like you guys too much to keep referring to you as such, and you already told me that I won your approval. Both of you, actually.” I requested.

Velvet and Night Light exchanged a look. “One moment.” They said in unison before stepping into my restroom.

As usual, I could hear everything I said, but for politeness sake, I pretended like I didn’t like I usuallly do. Hell, I don’t even write down that I hear people most of the time, so why’s this time any different? Fuck me for being weird I guess, and fuck you for reading this if you’re not me, Twilight, or Celestia. While Twilight’s parents were discussing that business, I took a moment to give Twilight a kiss and ask what her idea of the perfect day would be. She told me that it would start with waking up next to me, then going to her favourite bookstore in Canterlot, followed by some cuddling, then ending with a good book that she wouldn’t have to rush to read. I told her that we would be doing exactly that tomorrow and she told me that we couldn’t due to unrelated circumstances. She assured me that we could spend most of the day doing the things she wanted, but that we had to be in Ponyville so she could take care of some business at the Town Hall and I had to admit that I was a little disappointed. I was looking forward to spending a full day with her, but I would take what I could get.

Before Night Light and Velvet came out of the bathroom, Twilight told me that I needed to come with her anyways once she saw the disappointment on my face and I figured that Baron duties had come in for the save. Night Light and Velvet finally came out of the bathroom once they’d reached their verdict and Twilight and I waited for them to give it.

“You know, Max-” Velvet began.

“There are things we both like about you and things we don't.” Night Light finished.

“For example, I appreciate your wit and obvious love of Sparkle.”

“And I like that you’re protective and are willing and able to provide for her if need be.”

Velvet sighed. “But I can’t but hate your violent streak.”

Night Light shrugged. “You’re a smartass.”

They looked at each other. Velvet spoke first. “I can’t help but wonder if you’d be willing to turn your hand against Sparkle.”

Twilight held a hand to her chest. “Amour would never do such a thing, and even if he did, he’d never forgive himself!”

“I’m worried that he’ll push you away.” Night Light said softly.

“Twilight’s the only one I can't push away. It’s her dedication to me that makes me want to be a better person for her.” I said sincerely.

“A better stallion wouldn’t assault another for no good reason.” Velvet said firmly.

“Mom, you’re the only pony in the room who thinks that Max didn’t have a good reason for slugging Blueballs.” Twilight said, exasperated.

Velvet’s eyes widened. “Wait, Sparkle, you can’t be serious! You agree with that!?”

“You didn’t know the real Max when he came back from a couple of his operative missions. He would’ve killed Blueblood for the reasons he gave him.” Twilight said softly.

I nodded. “Twilight’s my grounding wire, my focal point. When I say her will is mine, that means her mercy is mine. If I didn’t love and respect Twilight with the entirety of my heart, Blueballs would be dead right now.”

Night Light shook his head. “I know the feeling. I was nearly kicked out of the Guard when I was younger because I was too brutal. Twilight Velvet calmed me down a lot and she’s the reason that I am the stallion I am.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

Velvet looked up at him. “Yes, but you would have thought twice about killing somepony!”

“Not in Catro.” He answered solemnly.

“...You don’t talk about Catro.” Velvet said softly

“Neither does Fancy.” He replied.

Velvet shook her head. “We’re getting off topic. Max, we like the good side of you, but I just don’t know if I can handle the bad.

“He only shows it when ponies give him a good reason! It’s not like Max is bad all the time, he’s just different! And if you don’t recall, you told me that you shouldn’t judge somepony for being different, and I know you told Dad the same thing!” Twilight said vehemently.

“Cherry, my beloved, it’s not worth arguing over. I can deal with being and ‘in-law’.” I kissed her cheek.

Night Light spread his hands. “And just like that, he’s back to being reasonable. He wasn’t even being unreasonable in the first place. Max, I’d be proud to call you my Son. Just don’t call me Dad; I have too many munchkins calling me that already.”

I gave him a smile. “Sure thing, Pops.”

We shook hands and he pulled me in for a mighty hug. When he let me go, everyone looked at Velvet expectantly. “I suppose the ball is in my court now?”

I nodded. “I won’t make you do anything you’re uncomfortable with. Just give me some time to smooth out some of the rough spots a bit more and we’ll talk about it again, okay?”

Velvet smiled and came over for a hug. “That’s the stallion I’m so fond of! Why can’t you be like this all the time.”

That would make him boring, Mom.” Twilight pointed out.

“Boring is nice!” Velvet protested, letting me go.

“You’ve never seen my brand of interesting.” I smiled.

“If it’s your usual business, I think I’d rather remain in the dark.” Velvet said drily.

There were eye rolls from me and Twilight. “If you think you’re better than the Princesses, that’s all three of them by the way, then you tell them yourself. That, or I can rat you out to the best one and you can sort it out from there.” I threatened, completely full of crap.

Night Light chuckled. “I don’t think Cadance would be too hard to get over to your side. After all, you did save her wedding.”

And I fucked her silly. “She is rather fond of me. Which reminds me that I need to write her sometime.” I scratched at the stubble on my chin.

Velvet looked away and Night Light found particular interest in the ceiling. Twilight noticed this and asked, “Have you two been meaning to write her too?”

Velvet touched her face. “Well, it’s just that it can be so hard to remember things sometimes. We are getting along in our years.”

Night Light snorted. “We just forgot. It’s not that we’re old, we just don’t dote on our foals much these days, and it’s not like she or Shining have written us.”

“They are pretty bad about keeping in touch.” Twilight admitted.

“I’m a little offended. I think I’m going to write that letter now.” I said before heading toward my office.

“Be nice!” Twilight called after me.

“I might.” I replied.

I heard Twilight’s parents say that they were going to pick a room for the night and Twilight advised them against going in the one downstairs. It still smelled like sweaty bears and horny dogs, so that shit was off limits to anyone other than Berry Blitz since she’d signed up for messes like that. Hell, after the opening the door, I’d closed it and had to go spray a rag with cologne just so I could open a window in the damn place, and the bed. Oh dear God, the bed. I could’ve sworn it would break if I’d tried to lift it.

Disgusting thoughts aside, I wrote that note to Cadance and wrote a shorter one to Shining, asking if my tips had helped them out at all. I wasn’t expecting a reply, so I joined Twilight in bed after sending them off. She made sure that she wasn’t facing me, and when I snuggled a bit closer, she wiggled her rear into my pelvis and all was right with the world until she kept wiggling and made the Ol’ Chap rise from his slumber. When I was sure that Twilight could feel it, she scooted away from me and rolled over.

I couldn’t see her in the darkness, but I could practically hear her smile. “I can tease too.”

"Keep it up. I’m a lot better at it than you are.” I reminded.

“I’ll take my chances. What are you going to do, stop in the middle of Quality Time?”

“Yes, actually. You just sealed your own fate.” I rolled over.

Twilight draped an arm across me and pulled herself closer. “Don’t be like that, amour. That’s just going too far!”

“Am I getting anywhere tonight?” I asked.

“Not a chance. My parents are in the next room!”

“I know, I can hear their breathing. I guess you’re just going to have to deal with your consequences.”

“Amo~our.” Twilight cooed.

“Che~rry.” I replied.

“You still owe me a tummy rub, if I’m not mistaken.” She said playfully.

I sighed and rolled back over. “You’re the worst kind of person.”

“I’m a Pony, not a person.” She kissed my nose.

“Actually, ‘person’ encompasses all species. ‘Pony’ only covers Ponies, so it’s not only racist, but it makes what you just said a lie.”

Twilight was quiet for a little bit. “My Dad was right, you are a smartass.”

“You’ve known me too long for that to be a surprise.” I reached up and aimed for one of her ears. My hand glided along her mane until I found what I was looking for, so I fondled them gently before I started petting her.

“I know you like my mane, but you don’t have to stroke it every chance you get.” Twilight teased.

“Who’s the prettiest little Pony in all of Equestria? You are, my perfect little Pony, yes you are!” I said patronizingly.

“Only Equestria? Is there a prettier pony than me in the world?”

“You’re my world, so I can’t really say for sure. I’m sure there’s a part of you I haven’t explored yet.”

Twilight was quiet again for a moment, making me wonder why she wasn’t saying anything. I was left to my curiosity until I felt her lips press against mine, but I didn’t really feel like there needed to be any words at this point. I knew I’d said the right thing without really meaning to and my lover’s feelings about what I’d said were getting across pretty clearly through the casual contact. It wasn’t a particularly passionate kiss, but it was pleasant all the same.

When Twilight broke the contact, I found myself wanting another taste of her lips, but she drew back once mine found hers. “Maximus.”

“Twilight Sparkle.” I answered softly.

“I love you.” She murmured.

“I love you.” I replied.

Nothing else needed to be said, though tummies did need to be rubbed.