I woke up and looked at Twilight’s sleeping form, aided by the light of dawn that was just breaking. She always looked so beautiful when she slept, and knowing that she was sleeping in my bed just made things that much better. I didn’t mind sleeping in Twilight’s bed, but having her in mine was just so much better for reasons I can’t really explain. All I know is that waking up to the person I’m most dedicated to in this world fills me with more contentment than just about anything else. While I was gazing at Twilight, I heard her heart pick up its pace a bit and wondered if she was having a nightmare. I remembered that I could walk through the dreamscape if I really felt like it, so I closed my eyes and focused on trying to get there, but it was hard without someone’s help. I wondered if I could ask Noir, and since I hadn't had a chance to visit her last night, I figured that it was prudent to do so while I had the time.

I closed my eyes and three breaths later, I opened them to find Noir in a very pink room that looked a bit like a nursery filled with massive stuffed animals. If that wasn’t creepy enough, the stuffed animals looked emo as shit and were often sewn together in hellish ways that made it look like someone with a sword had come through, sliced them all up, and then felt bad enough to repair them with a giant needle. I wondered what the fucking fuck was wrong with Noir, but then I saw her using her wings and a sword to make the gashes in the toys in the hard to reach places. She followed up by sewing them up with a massive needle and thread until she finished with one and moved on to another. I was fucking terrified.

I didn’t really want to ruin Noir’s creepy, weird fun, so I took myself to my old safe house and played some vidya gayms because I do that sometimes. I was making a pretty decent run through The Binding of Isaac when Noir mosied into the room through the kitchen door and conjured up a chair to go along with the glider I’d made. She watched me play for a little bit and asked if she could have a shot with the run I’d built, but I told her that I was playing to get my mind off of what I’d walked in on.

Noir rolled her eyes and teleported the controller into her hands. “Really, Maximus. That was not the worst thing you have caught me doing.”

“No, it really was. Masturbating with a sword was weird, but that shit was straight out of some hyper-scene, Nightcore listening, bubblegum death metal, Blood on the Dance Floor bullshit. Seriously, what is wrong with you?”

Noir paused the game and hit my arm. “Their culture is colorful and colorless. I like the contrasts and the style.”

I rubbed my arm. “You’re fucking weird.”

“Did you not go through an emo phase?” Noir scolded.

“I went through a ‘wear-black-because-that-makes-it-harder-to-be-seen’ phase. You already know the real reasons behind that, so shut up and play so I can forget what you just put me through. Seriously, I’d rather walk in on you sticking a dildo on a teddy bear.”

She rolled her eyes and started playing. “You are being melodramatic. It really wasn’t that bad. All I did was damage some stuffed animals and repaired them in a way I saw fit.”

“You were being edgy and gross.”

“You are being judgemental and narrow-minded.”

“Say what you want, you’re not making me feel bad for calling you out.”

“Whatever you say. And before I kill this character out of spite, Twilight is not having a nightmare. She was dreaming of you.”

“Fucking sweet. Can we leave this behind and go see what she’s dreaming about?”

“We could, but then that would invade her mind and thus her privacy. Did you forget why you stopped dreamwalking in the first place?”

“...Fair enough. I may have forgotten about all that.” I sighed.

“I could tell you what the dream is about since I know your mind is racing.” Noir offered.

“How’s that any different from me going in there myself to see?”

She shrugged. “I could always be lying.”

I shook my head. “I’d like to know, but like you said, that would be like invading her thoughts. I’ll just ask when she wakes up.”

Noir had the avatar stay put for a moment so she could kiss my cheek. “I do enjoy it when you play nice on occasion.”

“I’ll make sure to be more of a prick then.” I thought of her chair disappearing and watched when she had herself a humorous little pratfall.

I stood as she tried to do the same to me and she gave me the most adorable little glare. “I am not adorable.” Noir stood and rubbed her bum.

I stepped into my shadow and came up behind her, so I wrapped my arms around my favourite mentor and tried picking her up off of her feet. It didn’t work at all, so she broke my grasp and picked me up like a child.

“I am not fat either!” She said, shaking me.

“I never thought you were!” I defended.

“You thought I was dense!”

“You’re fucking heavy anyway!”

Noir dropped me on my arse and I glared at her. “You are right. It is adorable when you do that.”

I grumbled some curses under my breath and thought of the thing that would make her most uncomfortable. Namely, a room full of living, breathing dicks that hugged things with blue manes. Noir pulled out a sword and I quickly realized that I fucked up real good, my hands firmly clamped over my own gentleman’s sausage for fear that she would cut it off. I quickly took us to Twilight’s house and left the dicks out of the equation, though the next thing I tried was courtesy of Zone-Tan and their contributions to the Internet. Noir’s eyes widened as each of her limbs were seized by a tentacle and her jaw dropped when she saw the penis shaped one.

“Kaid Gadai, I swear to all you hold dear in this life that I will give Twilight debilitating nightmares until the day she dies if you let this- this- Thing! If you let this thing touch me-”

I made the fifth tentacle come closer to her face. “You’ll what, blackberry?”

“Max, please.” She said in a small voice.

I made a bed appear beneath her and released the construct. Noir sat up and covered her mouth and nose with both hands, breathing heavily. There didn’t seem like much I could do, so I came over and put an arm around her.

“Okay, that was obviously a bit too far. I’m sorry, Noir, I didn’t mean to scare you like that.” I said gently.

She kept her eyes closed and evened out her breathing. “It is fine, it is just that I had a run in with a similar creature. They used to plague Equestria before my sister and I came to power, and they did not care what their target was. I teamed up with Uror to kill most of them, but they are not dumb creatures.”

“...Did you get raped by a tentacle monster?” I asked, completely shocked.

“I do not want to answer that question.” Noir replied shakily.

I just looked at her for a moment. “You’re going to make me press you for this, aren’t you.” It really wasn’t a question.

“Please don’t.”

“Noir…” I tried holding her head to my chest, but she’s still a lot taller than me.

I gave up after a moment and imagined us in my house, particularly on my sectional. The corner bit afforded us the space required for me to do what I intended to do, but Noir was still clammed up. She obviously didn’t want to talk about it, but she’d made me talk about my past experiences and I’d ended up feeling better for it. Granted, we’d had to stay in the mindscape for hours waiting for me to get a hold of myself and waiting for the flashbacks to end. I asked Noir if she’d feel more comfortable if I started with something from my own past and she started spilling the story about the tentacle monster. Then a couple others. Again, it’s not my place to record what she told me, but the only comfort I had for her was that the things that had hurt her were no longer around to do so. Noir didn’t cry long, but she did ask me to leave for a few minutes, so I left the room instead of exiting the dreamscape entirely. She told me telepathically that she’d wanted me to go back to Twilight, but I told her that I wasn’t leaving until I knew she was okay. I felt my eyes begin to close, so I used my fingers to hold them open, but my vision slowly turned black anyway and I felt myself shift until I was lying on my side.

My vision was still dark, but once I blinked, it was returned to me. Twilight was still asleep, so I got up and looked for my pocketwatch, counting exactly five minutes before I went back into the dreamscape. When I got back in, Noir was laying down on my couch, staring at the ceiling.

“You know, in all the time I have spent on Equus, whether in my own body or in someone else's, I have never told a single soul what I have told you.” She said softly.

I walked over to her and knelt beside her. “That goes both ways. I’ve told you things I haven’t even told Twilight.”

She broke her staring contest with a light and looked at me. “I have known two people as intimately as I know you, or rather, I have known them as completely. This time is different.”

I grabbed one of her hands and held the dorsal side of her fingers to my lips for a moment. “It’s rude to speak of past relationships with your current lover.”

“I do not think there is anything left that I could hold back from you. Boundaries that would hold others, even between yourself and Twilight, should not exist between us.”

“I suppose they shouldn’t, but then again, they never really have. I accepted that I would never be able to hide anything from you. I guess I’m asking that you do the same for me.”

Noir was silent from a minute. “Any question. Ask and I will answer.”

“What’s your happiest memory? It can be anything, not just the afterglow of a hard-fought victory or your proudest moment. The thing that made you happiest.”

She thought for a moment. “Throughout my entire life span?”

“Pick a few if that makes it any easier.”

“...The first that comes to mind is the first war I ever won. The final battle was fierce and lasted for seventeen days, the fighting going on day and night. I spent entire days doing nothing but ending lives, but when there were no more people willing to fight, I stood among the last of those with our weapons in hand. I faced a Dragon and a few Naga, striking them down readily. I was the only one who left that battlefield. I was the last person standing.”

“And that made you the happiest?”

“No. For a long time, I told myself that surviving through that made me happy. I realized while I was in Luna that it was actually one of the saddest in my life, but realizing that I was wrong made me happy. It made me feel like I was a real person again.”

“As opposed to a killing machine?” I asked.

“...Yes.” She answered.

I kissed her fingers again. “I’m guessing it was also one of the saddest moments?”

“You would be correct.”

“So what makes you happy now? I’m sure that having new things to explore has helped you fill some time.”

She looked away from me and I could see a bit of a blush rise to her cheeks. “I suppose I still owe you an answer. Seeing you happy makes me happy, even if you’re not being happy with me. I like it when you spend time with Twilight.”

“And what about some of the things I do? Like that fight with Blueblood?”

She smiled and looked at me again. “I was proud. You thought you were letting him off easy by breaking his horn, but the beating you gave him was satisfactory nonetheless. Next time, fight someone stronger.”

I ran a hand through her nearly intangible mane. “I would go picking fights to test my strength, but I wouldn’t have even fought Blueballs if he hadn't had his dummies pour drinks on Twilight. I’m happy enough being left alone, love, but if I ever go on another mission and switch modes… Well, I’m sure you’ll be watching.”

Noir pulled her hand from mine and stroked my face. “I love you, Max. Not like Twilight loves you, but it’s love all the same.”

“Is this a bad time for a kiss, or is this the perfect time? I’m really getting some mixed signals right now.” I gave her a crooked smile.

“Now is a good time for anything you want. Ask and it is yours.” Noir said softly.

Well that’s awfully broad. “There’s nothing I want from you, Noir. Nothing you don’t already give me.”

“Intercourse is on the table. I know that your desire for me is still-”

“Not right now. I mean, I kind of want to ask Twilight’s permission-”

Noir sat up. “She already gave it to you, whenever we are ready. Maximus, I am prepared to give myself over to you, and I would like to do it before you fulfill your plans today.”

“...Are you sure you’re not just feeling emotional over spilling your secrets? I mean, I’ve waited this long for it, I don’t mind waiting longer.”

She put a hand on my shoulder and swiveled using her hips to bring her legs around. “I am sure. I may be out of practice, but I assure you that I will be better than Rarity.”

“Then let’s skip the awkward pause and get started then, yeah?”

(Ctrl+F Scene Is Over To Skip)

Noir waved a hand and we appeared in an unfamiliar room, one that I don’t remember ever seeing in our time together. It’s walls were cut out of a black stone that gleamed and sparkled as I looked at them, so I assumed that it was magical, and it seemed to be somewhat sparsely decorated. There was a large circular bed that was covered with a dark blue comforter that had Noir’s Seal on it, and when I looked down, I realized that the motif was shared on the floor, though it was on a much larger scale. Due to the sheer darkness of the room, I couldn’t see that it was circular until Noir cast a few spell. I added a lamp because I felt like it and she rolled her eyes.

She was across the room, but as I walked, the distance felt like it grew, even though I could see that it was shortening. I hoped that I would make this as pleasurable for her as I possibly could, and when I reached her, I let go of a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding. Noir gave me a disarming smile and leaned down to kiss me, stepping into territory I was actually familiar with for the time being. Noir took things slowly and I followed her lead for the first minute, but I felt something inside of me push me forward to explore her mouth with my tongue. I put a hand on her waist and the other cupped her face, gently stroking her cheek as we kissed.

I wanted to revel in the moment for as long as I could, but I knew that my hands would only stay put for so long. The hand on her cheek slid to her waist and I stepped as close as I could get to her without breaking our kiss or running into her voluptuous breasts. I’d never been a breast man, but with Noir, the temptation was too strong, so I let my hands wander upwards and palmed them gently until she took her arms from around my own waist and pressed them against her mammaries more firmly, squeezing them a little too hard in my opinion. I guessed that Noir wasn’t one for soft loving, but I thought at her, telling her that I would be rougher during the actual event.

She pulled away for a moment. “Maximus, I am no gentle flower. I am a blade forged by war and toilsome ventures. Do not try to treat me like the proper lady you think I am.”

“I can do rough. Just let me know if I start going too far.” I replied, a little out of breath.

“No spanking. I do not find it sexy.”

“So try and break you the normal way. Again, quite doable.”

She gave me a sultry smile and turned around, exposing the back of her dress to me. “If you could assist me with this.”

I located the bow holding the laces in place and pulled on the right string to make the dress release its restraints. Noir turned around again and allowed me to help her out of the old-fashioned apparel though I was surprised to see that she quickly changed the sports bra she was wearing to a lacy black number. I raised a brow at her and she shrugged.

“I thought you would appreciate this more.” Noir said simply.

I rolled my eyes at her. “Whatever makes you comfortable is fine by me.”

I had to step a little closer as she raised her arms to allow me to unhook the bra, pulling it off of her and releasing her sizable breasts. I keep mentioning their enormity because they really are noteworthy. They’re the largest I’ve ever seen on a woman in person, so it’s understandable that my hands gravitated towards them. I held each weighty globe in my hands and Noir allowed me to sink my fingers into her soft, pliant flesh. I wanted to try and tease each of her inverted nipples until they were hard, but I desired another kiss. However, she had other plans and relieved me of the shirt and trousers I was wearing before she allowed me to go any further.

Noir’s beautiful teal eyes met my dichromatic ones and I felt like she saw straight through me, knew every plan I had for her and then some. Of course, she literally did know all that, but feeling it was something else entirely. She raised a brow at me while I was trapped in her gaze and I blinked to snap myself out of my reverie, reminding myself that I had nipples to lick. I firmly grasped her right breast and maintained eye contact as Ilicked its tip. It tasted faintly of blackberries, though it wasn’t like I was surprised at all. With that out of the way, I decided to see if I could tease the nub out of its hiding place by licking inside its enclosure, and when I felt it stiffen slightly, I decided it was time to try a bit harder. I placed my mouth over Noir’s areola and sucked gently, but when I drew no results, I got a bit rougher with her, biting her breast in a way that made her gasp.

“That is new. I have never had one of my breasts bitten.” She murmured.

‘I’m full of surprises. You know that already’. I thought at her.

“Yes, yes you are.” She sighed.

I felt her nipple breach the surface of its hiding place and decided to try nibbling on another part of her breast and that actually made her moan a bit. With her nipple in view now, I switched and went to the left one, giving it the same treatment. I used the tip of my tongue to sweep around its full circumference before latching onto it and biting down while sucking. I kept teasing the other breast all the while, splitting my attention between the two tasks to the best of my ability. Once her left nipple made itself known, I held it between my teeth and pulled, making Noir gasp again, but she didn’t say anything, so I rolled it around for a moment until I let go.

With both of her nippes in view, I took them between the index and thumb on each hand and gently rolled them around, getting firmer with each rotation. Noir gave me a lascivious look and I couldn’t help but want another kiss, but this time, we were both aroused and ready to take control. Noir tongue wrestled with mine as each of us tried to assert dominance. Her was significantly longer than mine, but my tongue was more… muscular, I suppose. It was a bit like using a sword against a whip: hers would wrap around mine and we would be in a stalemate as our lips met, but there was nothing she could do to overpower me unless I allowed it to happen. I was not going to lose in snogging, no matter the opponent.

I kept up my assault on Noir’s breasts while I worked and she moaned into my mouth when I got rougher with her, often when I suddenly pulled at both at the same time. I suddenly let go of her breasts and withdrew my tongue, and when she did the same, I nibbled on her lower lip because it seemed like a sexy thing to do. The look she gave me when I did it would have been enough to make a lesser man lose a load then and there, but at this point, I was certain that my shaft was harder that actual wood, blocking off any sort of fluid escape.

My mentor hooked a finger into my boxers and literally tore them off, tossing the discarded material off to the side. Before she could kneel, I imagined a memory-foam pad since kneeling on stone floors fucking sucks and she looked down when she made contact with it, raising her brow again.

“Why do you always think of the most random things?” Noir asked, taking my rigid member in her hand.

She started stroking me as I spoke. “Are you complaining right now?”

Her brow went down and she gave my helmet and shaft a long, slow lick using the entire length of her tongue, dipping my rod into the back of her throat so she could use all of the muscle. "No, I am not."

That was all she said before she let her tongue wraparound the top portion of my member, covering the tip entirely before she eased it into her mouth, looking me in the eyes the entire time. Her tongue massaged my shaft and she used her lips to form a seal, sucking hard. Noir started slow, teasing me to no end as she lubricated my shaft for easy access. She knew that I would have preferred to go down on her first, but then again, I was in bliss while she blew me. Her blowjob easily rivalled Fleur’s, and I know it’s terrible to compare the women, but it’s hard not to. I’d thought that Noir would be rusty after thousands of years without any action, but I felt as if she had been waiting all this time, preparing for the day we would finally be together and it showed in the careful attention she was giving me. My mentor was careful to give my helmet plenty of affection while she whirled her tongue around it, and the only time she took a break from taking my shaft into the back of her mouth was to spit on it and work it a little more with her hand.

As she sucked, Noir stroked the base of my shaft and I thought I was in heaven until she showed me that she was just teasing. In one sudden go, I was in the back of Noir’s throat and her nose was touching the base, but she didn’t stop there. She held me and pressed her face against me a bit harder, massaging my tip and some of my shaft with her throat as she turned her face side to side, making me doubt that my stamina would last much longer. That was when I felt Noir’s throat relax and she extricated my member from the depths of her mouth, though she didn’t let me pull all the way out. She lightly held my tip between her teeth as if to gauge the distance and that’s when she started in earnest. On her next pass, she took her time with getting me back into her throat, but when I felt her tongue wrap itself around my shaft loosely, I felt my eyes widen and she began to bob her head, picking up speed as she went along.

The stimulation was powerful and a little scary. She’d been holding back this entire time, but now, she was giving it her all and I let a moan escape from my lips, despite not being a terribly vocal lover as a male.

“I don’t need to tell you that you’re doing the best thing you’ve ever done.” I said breathlessly.

‘You have not even tried the goods yet. You will enjoy this.’ She thought at me.

A bottle of scented oil appeared in her hand and she lifted it up for me to take, so I accepted the welcome distraction and read it aloud. “Edible oil? Blackberry flavor?”

‘You’ll see.’

That was the only hint she gave me, but she never let up on her amazing blowjob while we were talking and I was getting close. From the skilled manipulation of her hands, tongue, and mouth, there was little I could do against her, and we both knew it. Minutes passed without another word between us until I started getting ready to pop. Noir slowed down, but increased the pressure in her throat as she bobbed her head, making me feel like I was about to burst and about a second before I let my first load loose, she let my tip slip out of the back of her throat and increased the suction. I gave her shot after shot, my orgasm lasting for a good ten seconds before I was finished and Noir made sure to show me what she had collected.

Once I had my breath back, Noir was already standing, so I knelt before her majesty until I realized that she was too tall for me to take her panties off that way. I raised myself a bit and pulled them down with my teeth, the scent of her arousal hitting me in the face full force. Noir was already soaked , and when I brought her panties to the floor, I knew that she wouldn’t complain if I skipped the cunnilingus and went straight for the main event.

“Fuck that noise.” We said in unison.

I grinned and pushed her onto the bed, though it only happened because she let it. “Blackberry, I think you’ve earned a bit more than usual for that.”

“Your lips are flapping. Put them to better use.” She said huskily.

I nodded and spread her legs as I scooted the pad under my knees so I wouldn’t have to deal with that pesky stone floor myself. I let myself stroke the dense fur of her thighs for a moment, taking note of how thick it was in comparison to most ponies. It was also a bit longer near her knees, but as I moved my hands upward, the hair became shorter and finer until I was sure that I was touching skin. Noir put some pillows underneath her head and shoulders so she could watch what I was doing and I couldn’t really blame her. I was going to give her the special touch since it was our first time together.

I kissed my way down her thigh slowly, taking my time and giving myself a chance to get used to the heady scent emanating from her. It made me want some blackberry cobbler and it helped stir my member from half mast to nearly erect again, but I had to be patient and take my time. It was hard not to dive right in since she’d shown me such a good time, but as I came to her honeypot, I held myself back from giving it a taste and instead kisses around the outer edges where her nectar hadn't reached. I stopped right above her clitoris and stroked the thigh I’d just kissed as I began my trip down the other one. Again, it was difficult to go slowly and build up like I wanted to, but then again, I knew that a slow build up would mean a good release shortly after.

Once I’d kissed my way down toward her entrance, I gave her thighs a few more strokes before tracing her outer lips with my tongue, collecting some of her nectar on the tip while I maneuvered it around her most private area. I did as Noir had done and tried to look her in the eyes while I was working, doing my best to keep her mesmerizing gaze. I was doing pretty well until one of her hands ran through my hair, blocking my view.

“I am not a patient mare, Maximus.”

I gave her slit a lick, barely entering her with my tongue. “You’re going to have to be. You know it’ll be for the best.”

She groaned. “Only for you will I put up with this.”

I rolled my eyes and got back to work, though I did pick up my pace slightly. I moved my plans ahead a bit and teased her hood until her clit was exposed before giving it a gentle flick with the tip of my finger. Noir didn’t even budge, so I tried doing the same thing, but considerably harder and she made a noise somewhere between a gasp and a moan. With that information, I tried gauging how much pressure I could apply before I actually hurt her, but settled for pinching the somewhat large button and rolled it around with my fingers until Noir grabbed my hand and pinched harder than I ever would have considered doing to a woman. She writhed under the pressure and held my hand there, so I figured she liked it a bit rougher than I had expected. I did my best to grind her clitoris into a fine powder and explored her honeypot with my tongue, lapping us the steady trickle of her nectar

I quickly learned that Noir was either tight because she had made herself so, or that the passage of time had made her that way. In any case, I could feel her constrict around my tongue and I was rather scared for my penis, all things considered. I was also fearing for my head since Noir was making sure that I wasn't going anywhere soon, but at the very least I had long arms that allowed me to keep up the pressure on her clit without too much trouble. I tried my usual trick of spelling out a page or two from random stories I had written with my tongue, but Noir pulled my face closer to her, as if it would allow me to reach places I’d been unable to go before. Sadly, my mouth muscle wasn’t as long as hers was, but at the very least I was trying.

At this point, maintaining eye contact with my hand in the way was impossible, so I let go and Noir released my head with her legs, but her hand still firmly grasped my hair. I tried to move upward for the next stage of my plan, but she wasn’t letting me go for a moment. I didn’t stop while she held me in place, but after a minute of her being frustrating, I had to stop entirely.

‘Oi! Lemme go for a moment and you can put your hand back where you want it.’ I thought at her.

She grumbled something mean under her breath and let me go, so I didn’t waste a second before placing my mouth over her clit.I sucked on the nub as hard as I could, but that barely elicited a half-assed moan from her, even when I started teasing it with my tongue. It just wasn’t the level she was looking for, so I nibbled on her clit gently and she started giving me more appropriate reaction. I had her squirming a bit now, so I increased the pressure until I thought I would actually puncture the tender skin, and that when she came for the first time. It had taken me nearly twenty minutes to get her off, but when I did, I was proud with the results. A dumbass would have stopped there and called it, however, I am no dumbass most of the time. While Noir was writhing, I had to hold onto her thighs to avoid actually hurting her, moving with her thrashing, but she didn’t calm down, and I’m sure that adding a finger into her entrance to search for her G-Spot was no help to my cause.

When Noir finally did come down from her ecstasy, I found her G-Spot in a few tries, exploring with my middle finger until I found it. From there, I put as much pressure on it as I and, though I still licked her clitoris since I’d never bothered to let go, but her grip on my hair tightened and I got the point. She was still quite tight when I added a second finger to her honeypot, but now that I knew where that familiar little bump was, I could stroke it as hard as I wanted, as long as I wanted, and that’s exactly what I did. Noir had never quite stopped writhing, but by the time her second orgasm came, I was fully prepared to get on with it and I suspected that she was too.

I pulled away and licked my fingers clean before doing the same to her entrance, licking up every drop of her sweet honey until I couldn’t taste it from anywhere other than her entrance. My mentor locked eyes with me again, but her gaze was a little unfocused, though that didn’t stop me from flicking her clit with my middle finger one last time, but now I actually tried to hurt her. She jolted and moaned before setting her head back down on the pillows she’d laid for herself.

“Would it be cruel of me to call it there?” She sighed.

“Very. We still haven’t used that edible oil.” I pointed out.

“...I was planning on using that to get you hard again.”

I looked down and Noir sat up. “I guess it can wait until next time.”

She levitated the oil over to me and I picked it up. “You have three guesses as to where that goes, and if you put it in the wrong place, then I’m on top.”

I lifted a brow. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Guess.”

I stood up and started pouring the oil on her breasts, hoping that I really was correct. When she didn’t stop me, I assumed that I was and started rubbing it in once I had a decent amount drizzled on her massive mammaries.

“You guessed well.” Noir flirted.

“It was this or somewhere a little less visible. I’m guessing you like things going there about as much as I do.”

“That is correct. Do not expect me to try that.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, blackberry.”

Once I was sure that the oil was everywhere it was supposed to be, Noir scooted the pad back so she could kneel in front of me again and placed her fleshy globes around my rob. She raised a brow as if she was asking permission to start, so I nodded and she pressed her breasts against me. She didn’t move after a moment, so I figured that I was supposed to be the once doing the thrust, thus I began. It was a new feeling since I’d never had a boobjob before, but it was a nice feeling that I wouldn’t mind having again. All in all, it was fun, but it just wasn’t pleasurable for both of us, and it wasn’t even all that good for me.

“Alright, I’m going to stop now, but I like your creativity.” I said.

Noir shrugged, letting her breasts fall. “I thought you might like it. Perhaps I’ll shrink my breasts a bit next time and pair it with a blowjob as foreplay.”

I grinned. “Did I mention how much I like your creativity?”

“You mentioned that you liked it, but not how much.” She gave me a teasing smile.

“Let’s go with a lot for now and get on with the main event, yeah? I’m actually aching to get into it. Well, you. You know what I mean.”

Noir rolled her eyes. “Sometimes you truly do have a way with words. That ‘way’ makes me want to close my legs.”

I smirked. “We’ll try butterfly too, don’t worry.”

“And they are opening again. Slowly but surely.”

Clear head. No jokes. Must keep straight face. “Don’t give me opportunities during sex. There’s a reason I don’t spend much time talking.”

Noir rose and crawled onto the bed, flicking her tail back and forth to give me the barest glimpse of her sex. “Then do less talking and get on with the main event, ‘yeah’?” She replied in my accent.

I shut up and crawled on after her, but when she rolled onto her back and spread her legs, I just gave her a look and she closed them again with her hooves high in the air, beckoning me forth with a finger. I accepted her invitation and closed the small amount of distance between us so I could tease her entrance with my lower head, holding her legs over my right shoulder so I could guide myself in properly. Noir evidently thought I was being too slow about it and grabbed my rod, trying to put it in herself, but she didn’t account for me not moving once I was ready to go. She gave me a look that was met with a shit eating grin before I eased the tip in. Once my head was enveloped in her folds, I scooted forward a bit and let my hips fall behind.

Just as Noir was about to ask what I was waiting for, I gave her as much of my length as I could in one go, hilting her from the very beginning. Her eyes shot open and her hands gripped the comforter like she was holding on for dear life. My mentor’s mouth opened in a silent scream, but as much as I wanted to start giving it to her as hard as I could, I could barely move from the constriction of her walls. It’s not like that stopped me from trying, and did I ever try. I pulled out until just my tip was inside of her and rammed my rod into her as fast as I could, making her legs shake and tremble when I hilted her again.

This was going to be fun.

Even with Mary I held back since, and I’m not really trying to brag, I’m decently endowed. I was actually surprised that Noir had been able to deepthroat me as easily as she did since pretty much no one else could have done that besides Fleur, which is what made me compare the two in the first place. Even as I was as deep inside her as I could go, Noir found the breath to tell me to keep going, and so I did, doing my best to not give her a moment’s rest as I pistoned myself into her sodden entrance, hilting her with each thrust and making her breasts jiggle in the most delectable fashion. I found it amusing that she actually had to hold them to stop them from slapping her in the face, but that just made me want her to ride me so I could play with them as they dangled.

I kept my thoughts on literally anything other than the pressure her pussy was exerting on me, but it was a losing battle until I looked into Noir’s eyes again. That now familiar hunger bubbled up inside of me and I resolved to make sure she could never find another man as good as me. With each thrust I rattled her, and for a few minutes, that was all fine and good until I decided to turn her onto her side and keep one of her legs in the air. My mentor just looked at me, but when I adjusted my positioning and hit her G-Spot with as much force as I could muster, the silent scream returned. I assumed that she’d want me to keep going, and now that I could actually use my full length and abuse her clitoris, it was effectively over for her.

Thrust after thrust, I make my shaft disappear entirely into her folds, but once Noir met my gaze again, I found the stamina within me to keep going, never breaking eye contact while I drove myself as deep as I could go. On every other thrust when my dick was redirected by her walls, I could feel something touch the tip and I assumed that I was bottoming out, which made me happier than you could know. I tried to reach the back of her honeypot as often as I could, holding my position until she came once again. I broke eye contact after that so I could have some release for myself. I felt the boys tingle as I fired a load into Noir mid-thrust, but I wanted to fill her up from the back to the front, so I kept going until I felt her cervix again and waited for my orgasm to end.

Noir was panting by the time it ended and she wiped away the sweat on her brow with her hand. “That… That was nice. That was really nice.”

I didn’t bother to pull out. “We’re not done yet, blackberry.”

She just looked at me until she read my mind. “Oh.”

“What? You think I’m done after one?” I asked, letting her leg down.

“I have cum multiple times. I was expecting you to be satisfied with that.”

I gave her a look and she blushed. “Perhaps I was mistaken.” She said, probably feeling me stiffen right back up inside of her.

I shook my head at her. “If you would please get on your hands and knees, that would be lovely.”

Noir complied and it took doing on both of our parts, but I was now holding onto her hips while squatting in a pretty awkward fashion. I took a moment to get myself properly situated and gave it to her easily at first so I could get the pacing right and slowly built my way up. The discontented sigh my mentor gave me pissed me off a little bit, so I sped up and tried a little harder. After a few minutes of this, Noir actually propped her head up and looked back at me.

“Is. That. All. You. Have. For. Me?” She asked in between thrusts, sounding bored.

I stopped and pulled out. “Doggystyle isn’t your thing.”

“Is that what it is called? I would call it piss-poor. Where is the depth? The feeling of being full?”

“It probably doesn’t help that I can’t reach that little button.” I sighed.

Noir turned around and had me lie down. “I am riding you. No exceptions.”

“No exceptions, no complaints. Commence the riding whenever you’re ready.” I lifted my head and placed a firm pillow under it.

Noir climbed on top of me and leaned down to give me a kiss that I propped myself up receive. Due to that kiss, I missed out on watching her put me inside of her, though I could definitely feel something viscous drip onto my tip just before entering her. Noir practically dropped herself onto my member and her inner walls still held me with the same grip that she’d had before, though I felt like I was missing out with having my eyes closed. I still reached up with one of my hands to fondle one of Noir’s breasts as she pulled away from the kiss to ride me as she pleased. She leaned over me, and due to her height, her bouncing breasticles were in my face.

I decided to take initiative with them and wrenched the fuck out of one while finding some tender spots on the other to bite, though whether that made Noir grind her hips on me or if she just decided to do it herself, I don’t know. Either way, I switched targets and gave each of them the same treatment I’d given the other, but Noir waited until she was free from my teeth to start moving again.

“When you bite me-” I pulled on both of her nipples, making her moan, “It is harder to move.”

“I’ll keep it to a minimum.” I let a small grunt slip.

We didn’t need to say anything else, so Noir continued bouncing along on my rod, though I was surprised that she was lasting as long as she was. I was glad to lay back and let her do the work, but when my hand went to her clit, she swatted it away and remembered to take care of the most important part, though when she finally did try and crush her little button, her walls tightened, clamping down on my dick, but she rode on through her orgasm. Unfortunately, we still had the problem of going slowly when she was in the midst of a climax, but it mattered less when she stopped leaning over me and started all over again, forcing my cock into her. It hurt a little bit since she really was that fucking tight, but I wasn’t complaining since it’s not like she could break my dick.

I panicked for a little bit when that thought crossed my mind, but as it did, Noir opened her mouth and made no sound, her walls still rather snug around my member. She threw her head back and actually stopped, breaking eye contact and giving me time to appreciate just how firmly she was really squeezing me. It took my breath away and I couldn’t help but let out a strangled groan, leaving me to hold her hips as she ground herself onto me some more. I hadn't noticed that Noir’s walls felt as though they were undulating, milking my shaft for all it was worth, and that feeling was incredible all its own.

Noir’s honeypot eventually stopped constricting me, so my mentor’s gaze returned to meet my own. She began again, letting her breasts bounce as they pleased, and with my stamina bolstered, I made it through until she suddenly looked away. I figured that she was trying to get me to cum along with her, so I let myself get lost in pleasure for the moment. When Noir’s walls clamped around me for the final time, I thrust myself as deeply into her as I could from beneath and she let her weight do the work for her, her walls rippling around me as I filled her with a second dose of my seed. Shot after shot, I gifted Noir my… Well, I don’t have any children at this point, so you could say I was I was just firing blanks into her. When I finished with mine, she was still squeezing out everything I’d just put so much effort into getting inside, so I just watched and enjoyed the view until she fell forward, swinging her breasts dangerously close to my face.

She panted for awhile, her chest heaving above me. I thought it would be a good time to lick each of her nipples and she sat back, my member never leaving her entrance. I slowly began to stiffen again, but Noir placed a hand on my chest.

“That was enough. I would like some cuddle time before you have to go.” Noir said.

“I don’t control the thing, I just wear it.” I replied.

Noir removed my member from herself and went to lay down next to me before rethinking that decision, preferring to clean me up real quick. I would have done the same for her, but I’d never felt that comfortable with eating my own semen, and by that I mean I just didn’t like it. I’d tried it before with Twilight and felt absolutely disgusting because of it, but I can’t really explain why, so I didn’t try it again. Noir, however, seemed to like it better inside, evidenced by her magicking everything she’d collected into her honeypot for use at a later date, I suppose.

(Ctrl+F Scene Is Over To Skip)

We just thought ourselves clean of whatever sweat we’d accumulated and Noir did the bed so we could get to the cuddling, though she did put her sports bra back on. Once her mammaries were sealed away, I fixed my boxers and replaced them. She asked if I minded being the little spoon and I submitted to her will since it was a reasonable request. Her breasts still squished against my back, which was rather nice and being held by Noir was usually pretty pleasant anyways.

“So how was it?” I asked once were we settled in.

“You are good, but Alicorns are notoriously hard to sate when it comes to sexual appetite. That being said, you did very well.” She stroked my arm.

“I’ll be sure to be rougher next time, or whatever it is that gets you off.”

She nibbled on my ear. “Once you realize that I am far tougher than you think, you will be fine.”

“Well, it just doesn’t help that most of my teeth are pointed-”

“Which I like.” Noir interrupted.

“I noticed. I just didn’t want to hurt you.” I summarized.

“I have been stabbed more times that I can count. Pain has far less meaning to me.”

“Why do I feel like you’re bragging?”

“I might be doing just that, now shut up and bask in the afterglow.”

I did shut up, but the afterglow felt kind of like it was dark anyway. Granted, it was dark in a good way, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d done something similar to Twilight having sex with Celestia. I would give away half of my fortune just to see that, but when Noir pinched me for think of other women while I was with her, I told her that she was better than Celestia anyway and that Twilight was just too hard to compete with. She pinched me again, but this time she didn’t have an excuse, so I rolled over to face her and roughly grabbed a handful of her arse. She just rolled her eyes at me, so I tried imagining that my grip could crush coconuts and tried again. I actually got her to yelp when I did it that time, so that was nice.

We basked for a couple of hours before Noir let me know that it was time to go back to my true love. I gave her a hug and a kiss goodbye, and after blinking slowly, I opened my eyes to find Twilight stroking my hair with a smile on her face.

“Good morning to you too, cherry.” I sighed happily.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “You haven’t even been up long enough for me to ask how your morning’s been.”

“I woke up before you did and decided to take some time to visit Noir.” I covered my mouth as I yawned. “Have I ever mentioned how disconcerting it is to not be sleepy in the mindscape, then come back to reality and get real sleepy?”

“You mean get ‘really’ sleepy.” Twilight corrected.

“If I had a cup of coffee in my hand, I would kiss you angrily for that.” I said flatly.

“If you don’t want to be corrected, speak properly.” Twilight teased.

I rolled my eyes. “I miss the days when you were shy and reserved. What happened to the blushing ball of anxiety I used to know?”

“She found a good stallion to help her mellow out.” Twilight kissed my nose.

“Oh yeah, that’s what happened. Just imagine how calm you’ll be when I start giving you the penis.”

It was Twilight’s turn to roll her eyes, though she still blushed. “Oh no, I might just melt into the bed!” She said sarcastically.

“I might have myself some premature ejactulation just to mess with you.” I knocked on my wooden headboard.

Twilight grabbed a handful of my hair and shook me around gently. “I think I know what that means, so don’t you dare do it on purpose.”

I stuck my tongue out at her and she licked it. “Okay, I wasn’t expecting you to do that.”

She smiled. “I know. That’s why I did it. How did your visit with Noir go?”

“Pretty good, all things considered. I finally got her to open up about the rougher parts of her past, and soon after that, we reached some point of catharsis and she offered to do the bedroom waltz with me.”

Twilight’s brows lifted. “I’m interested about her past, but I’m more surprised about the intercourse. Did you take her up on her offer?”

“She was rather pushy about it, in my defense.”

“Amour, I already gave you permission to do it with Noir whenever you two decide you’re ready. As long as it was good for both of you, I’m not exactly offended.”

“It was good, all things considered. Hell, It was great up until she literally propped her head up to give me the most bored look I’ve ever seen from a woman during sex.” Well, since the first time, that is.

Twilight stared at me in shock. “...I don’t see how she could even do that.”

“Noir likes it rough and deep.” I sighed. “I ruined her already.”

She continued running her fingers through my hair. “I’m sure that you can do something while in your mindscape to please her, but that makes me want to ask if it was just good for you.”

“No, we switched positions a few times. She liked the first two better that the rest, but still. My ego took a bruising.”

“After coffee, I’ll kiss it and make it better.” Twilight offered.

“Does that mean we have to get dressed, or can we have breakfast in our night clothes?”

“I was planning on wearing your night gown for as long as you let me.”

“I’d never ask you to take it off. You look too good in it for me to ask that of you.”

“So strip immediately and put on something less attractive?” She smiled.

“I’d say less alluring, tantalizing, or tasty, but attractive works too.” I stroked her thigh under the covers and closed my eyes.

I must have dozed off because Twilight shook me gently. “Amour, we’ve got to get up some time today.”

“Right. Coffee, bookstore, cuddles. Gotcha.”

“Wait, you were serious about my ‘perfect day’ list?” Twilight asked.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked.

“I don’t know, I thought you were just asking for future reference.”

“Nah, I’m gonna make today a good one for you.”

“Well, I guess if we get up now we’ll have enough time to show my parents around Ponyville.”

“I kinda forgot they were here.” I tilted my head away from Twilight and yawned before sitting up. "Do you want the first shower?”

“Well, somepony still owes me that tummy rub.” Twilight batted her lashes at me.

“Roll over and we can start the day nicely.”

She did so quickly, so I laid back down and snuggled up nice and close so I could turn her into my tummy slut all over again. I had to hike her nightgown up rather far to have unlimited access to her tummy, but it was worth it, and by the time I was done, Twilight made a mess on my bed that we decided not to leave there, just in case her parents came in, and from there we took a shower together. There was no further funny business, though we did play a little grab-arse because no one was watching.

Twilight asked me if I wanted to pick out her outfit for the day, so I went with the one that I knew was her favorite. It was a white blouse and periwinkle sweater-vest combo that paired pretty well with the dark pink, nearly red skirt she was fond of wearing. My lover had bought some calf-high socks that matched the skirt perfectly. Once I was done with her outfit, she picked out a brick red button down for me so we could match and tried getting me into a sweater-vest, but that’s some shit Max just don’t do. She settled for some dark denim trousers that I was rather fond of anyway and with that, we were ready to head downstairs.

We saw that Night Light and Velvet had gone and made some coffee already, so that was nice. After Twilight and I got the first few sips down, we got our morning kiss out of the way, though I noticed that she let her lips linger a little longer than necessary. It’s not like her parents were watching us or anything of the sort, but I was still a little hesitant to return it. When Twilight pouted, I gave her a longer kiss because I’m weak, and what's wrong with that?

With our coffee in hand, Twilight joined her father in the dining area while her mother and I got started on breakfast since we could actually cook. I snacked while we were preparing things, though Velvet was sure to point out that I’d eaten an entire meal before we’d even finished cooking. I told her that I just needed to eat more than the average person and she told me that I was going to get heavier, one way or another. I took the opportunity and told her that she already looked heavier this morning than she did last night and I got hit for that, but it was kinda worth it. She ended up making angry face pancakes for me and smileys for Twilight and Night Light, and every time I reached for the syrup, she scooted it out of reach until I got a little annoyed.

“You know, Velvet, can I tell you something?” I asked, a devious edge to my tone.

Twilight instantly stopped eating. “Max, no.”

Velvet waved Twilight aside. “That depends on what you have to say.”

Night Light coughed. “I heard that comment in the kitchen, Max. I hope you’re following it with a compliment.”

“It’s a compliment, so no one worry too much.” I smirked.

Twilight eyed me uneasily and I gave her a wink. Velvet rolled her hand forth. “Get on with it. I’m sure it can’t be worse than calling me fat.”

“On the contrary, I was just about to tell you that you have the best figure I’ve ever seen on a woman,” She blushed and gave me an odd look, “that is, over the age of sixty-five.” I gave Velvet an evil smile.

Night Light teleported out and Twilight just sat there with her jaw on the table. Velvet’s face contorted into something I would call a smile, I think. “Why thank you, Max, but I happen to be a little younger than that.”

“Sixty-one?” I asked, digging the hole deeper.

“Colt, I will end you.”

“Well, I was just thinking that a woman as respectable as yourself wouldn’t dare have a foal under the age of thirty, but that might just be some nuances from my world carrying over. My first guess is that you’re barely out of your thirties, but then that would imply that you met Night Light a little earlier than I think you did.”

“Are you trying to get poisoned? Because I can make that happen.” Velvet said brightly.

I tilted my head. “You wouldn’t happen to know Starshine Nebula, would you?”

Velvet’s smile wavered. “I’m rather surprised that you do.”

“She’s a friend of mine. Operative business and all that.” I gave Velvet a smile.

“Don’t change the subject, dear. I’ll give you to the count of three to take back what you said.”

“What if I told you that you’re my second favorite Mum?”

“Three.”

“Brains and beauty? That’s a great combination.”

“Two.” She warned.

“Max, just take it back! She won’t hold a grudge!” Twilight said quickly.

I rolled my eyes and Velvet spoke again. “One. Don’t make me go to zero-”

I sighed dramatically, cutting her off. “I take it back, though I meant the compliments.”

Velvet nodded and sniffed. “That’s what I thought.” If I didn’t love Twilight, I wouldn’t be putting up with your lame ass threats.

“You know you’re special when I bother teasing you. Take it as a compliment in the future.” I suggested.

“The next time you call me heavy, I’m making you impotent.” She threatened casually.

“If you make me impotent, I’m putting you to sleep for a week.” I replied, reaching for the syrup again.

Velvet raised a brow. “There’s no antidote for that poison.”

“I’m not going to use poison.” I poured some sweet, sticky goodness on my pancakes.

“Max, Mom, can you please stop threatening each other?” Twilight asked, her voice tight.

I looked at Velvet. “I guess we’re stressing cherry out.”

“It would appear that way.” Velvet responded.

“Should we kiss to make her feel better?” I asked.

“Would you really want to kiss a mare as old as myself?” She asked doubtfully.

“If I liked her well enough, then yes. I like ya plenty, sugar.” I said in a goofy Southern American accent.

“Well thank ya, darlin’, but my husban’ might take some offense ta that.” She replied just as goofily.

Night Light walked back in from the living room. “Did I miss anything important? Is Max in trouble?”

Velvet shook her head. “No to both. All you missed was a little make up kiss.”

“It’s too early for you to be making jokes, dear.” Night Light sighed before sipping the coffee he’d left behind.

I chimed in. “Oh, she’s not kidding. She gave me a three count, I apologized, and then I asked if she and cherry wanted to kiss for my own personal pleasure.”

Night did a spit-take. “You what!?”

Twilight sighed and cleaned it up. “Max, stop terrorizing my parents.”

I wiped my lips off with a napkin and leaned over to give her a kiss. “Sure thing, cherry.”

Night Light looked between the three of us. “He is kidding, right?”

“Yes, dear.” Velvet rolled her eyes.

“Why would I ever kiss Mom like that?”

“I was kidding, Pops. I’m a prick, not depraved.” Incest is creepy anyways.

Night Light shook his head. “I never expected you to take jabs at Velvet, and yet you pushed her far enough to count.”

Velvet laid a hand on his arm. “He was just making use of some verbal openings I gave him. Without our dear Sparkle in the room to cull his tongue, he really is a smartass.” She finished drily.

Twilight hit me. “He knows better. I bet he doesn’t even think you’re heavy.”

“I really don’t.” I said simply, cutting down the rest of my reply.

Velvet raised a brow. “Do you really have nothing else to add to that?”

“Well, I could say that if Twilight looks like you when she gets older, I’d be happy, but I don’t know how old you are and I’d be happy even if she didn’t.” I shrugged. “I thought it would cause more trouble than what it’s worth.”

Velvet nodded. “Wise decision. Night Light, dear, do I look heavy to you?”

“Only when you get scary.” He replied under his breath. More loudly he said, “Not at all, dear. Why do you ask?”

I stopped paying attention at that point and Twilight pinched me when I missed a question directed towards me. “Max, Dad asked you a question.”

“Sorry, I was lost in pancakes. Mind repeating that?” I asked.

“Not at all. I just asked if you would mind showing us around town with Twilight. She said she would be happy to take us around, but I wanted to know what you thought.”

“I’d be happy to come along and provide some commentary, though Twilight knows more about the town than I do.” There really aren’t any seedy bits, so I never really pay that much attention.

Velvet and Twilight murmured their assent before we started getting stuff cleaned up so we could hurry up and leave. Night Light and Twilight took care of washing the dishes since they couldn’t cook worth a damn, and once that was done, we got out and started walking towards town. I saw one of Mother Goose’s goslings walking about and asked him how his mother was doing. He said that she was fine, but that some bad bread had upset her stomach something fierce, so she was taking a few days to rest at Fluttershy’s. It sucked to hear, so I asked him to give Fluttershy and his mum my best whenever he went back there and he said that he would. Night Light and Velvet tripped out about me talking to a goose up until Twilight mentioned that she could kind of follow the conversation, though she only got the gist of it. Personally, I blamed the Matron and her odd nature magic.

Showing Twilight’s parents around town took an hour or two. They’d already met our friends, and there weren’t many landmarks to stop by, so we stopped by Blue’s shop so I could introduce them to my parent. Nothing important was said, though Velvet did ask how she put up with me on a daily basis and Blue told her that she just understood me in a certain way. It didn’t take her long to get used to some of my more wild words and she rarely took anything I said seriously unless I spoke with a certain tone, so she started giving Velvet and Night Light some tips on how to deal with me as a parent and as a friend. I thought some of her suggestions were pretty strange, like waiting for me to smile after I said something stupid or seeing which side of my mouth I smirked with when I said something derisive towards someone, but they seemed like solid hints.

I fucked off with Twilight to go look at some things she thought were cute for a little bit and we found some leggings for her that I was rather fond of. She looked around and found some cute shoes to go along with them, so we brought them to the counter while Blue, Night Light, and Velvet were discussing theories as to why I am the way I am. Blue was doing a good job of telling them that I would let them know whatever they wanted to know whenever I was ready, despite them trying to find loopholes. I told them that I’d be happy to answer their questions whenever they wanted to ask them, and since I was pretty comfortable with everyone in the shop at the time, I suggested we get it over with.

Since I know why I’m a prick, I’m just going to summarize the questions. Night Light asked why I was so fond of messing with people and I told him that it was the environment I was raised in and that I just didn’t take offense to much. Velvet asked why I was so willing to cross lines and I told them that it was because I just liked to know where they were and how close I could come to them, but her question was soon followed by another and she asked why I was so violent, point blank. I told her that I’ve tried solving things nonviolently and that I could solve things that way, but my line of worked left me fucked in the head in ways that I just couldn’t explain. Twilight held my arm after I said that, but I didn’t need the comfort at the moment. Her parents were a little hesistant to keep it up with their questions, but I welcomed them. They asked me why I loved Twilight so much and I told them that it was because she was so willing to understand and accept what I needed in a relationship. She knew when to push and when to pull away, when to smother and when to give me my space. It was important to me that I could talk to Twilight about anything, bring anything to her and know that she would accept it for what it was, even if it took a little explaining. In short, she was willing to work with me. Night Light’s next question was how many lives I’d taken and I told him that it was in the double digits, giving him a good reason to pull me in for a hug. Again, it was unnecessary, but I got one from Velvet too. Blue recognized that it was an unneeded and told them not to worry unless I was visibly upset. There were a few more questions, but they were unimportant and I don’t feel like writing them down. If you weren’t there to remember it, then fuck yourself with a cactus.

With that out of the way, we caught some lunch at Blossoms and Blooms. I went with some spaghetti since I had never tried it in Equestria, Night Light had an artichoke steak, and the ladies went with similar salads instead of trying something new or decent. We had some light conversation over lunch, but I could easily tell that Night Light and Velvet wanted to go home and have a conversation about what they’d learned. Velvet covered her concern by talking to Twilight incessantly, and when I tried to give my opinion on a topic or two, I was gently reminded of my place on the sidelines by pretty much being ignored. I would have let it get to me, but the rest of the day was supposed to be ideal for Twilight, so I let it go and kept myself entertained. I would have done something other than stare at a wall until my mind went blank, but I’d finished my spaghetti all too quickly and Night Light didn’t want to talk to me if his short responses were anything to go by. What else was I supposed to do?

Twilight tapped my arm and told me that they were preparing to leave, so I pulled myself out of my mind and asked what was next on the itinerary. Twilight’s parents wanted to go home for reasons that were bullshit on the best and worst of days, but I needed to go to Canterlot to do Twilight’s bookstore thing anyway, so I didn’t put up any resistance to the idea of going back with them. We stepped outside of Blossoms and Blooms to teleport because it’s rude to do so inside public places, and once we were in Night Light and Velvet’s living room, Twilight and I said our goodbyes before she lead the way to the bookstore.

Seeing A Thousand Moments on one of the shelves made me ask Twilight if she’d had a chance to read through the Midnight Stroll book yet. She said that she had already proofread it and sent it off to my publisher in my stead, so it would likely come out sometime next month, which was pretty nice. I mentioned that Midnight Stroll and the Bewildering Broach was done as well, which made Twilight want to go home so she could give it a look. I wondered if she’d had anything she wanted to look at while we were in the shop, so I asked if she was looking for something in particular. Besides the final book in my romance trilogy, she said that there wasn’t anything she was looking for, but she did say that she would rather read my book than any other in the shop, so that swelled my ego pretty well.

I offered to Shadow Dive us back home so we wouldn’t have to keep teleporting everywhere and my new bit of magic interested Twilight enough to make her want to try it. We found a nice, empty part of the store to give it a shot in and I held Twilight hand as I knelt. When I put my hand to the shadow of a bookcase, I felt us fall through it and we resurfaced in my closet since that was pretty much the best place I knew to go at any given time. After finding the first draft, Twilight found another blank book to duplicate it onto and she got to reading while I got to writing. I filled out my journals and Twilight used a memory spell to help me pick up some of the pieces I didn’t remember all that well, but Noir’s assistance was good enough as it was. There wasn’t all that much I couldn’t remember, however, I just don’t want to record the unimportant things.

We spent quite a while writing and reading respectively, cuddling all the while. I occasionally touched Twilight because I could and she did the same, usually absent mindedly stroking my face with the back of her fingers. As Twilight read, she corrected my mistakes with a red pen, though there weren’t all that many, so she mostly just fixed some phrasing issues that I didn’t catch during my first go ‘round, and I kept working on my shit up until this point. I like it when I have time to write.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Twilight and I just did some good old fashioned snuggle time for most of the day, though I asked if she’d rather have me cook us something or just go out to eat. She didn’t want to trouble me, but I kept some of her favorite herbs and plants in my icebox just in case, so I made her a salad and some stir-fry as the main course. I can’t bake worth a damn, so I just made some hashbrown casserole for myself and that turned out just fine, but Twilight wanted to try a bite. It wasn’t just a bite, but I made plenty of it anyway to help sate my voracious appetite. We ate off of eachothers plates and I nabbed some spinach from her salad because I like spinach. Popeye is one of my favorite things to come out of America, but I really can’t say why I was fond of it. The guy was barely understandable and used superfood steroids to defeat his foes, which was a little less than heroic. Still, I do like me some spinach.

When my lover noticed that the Sun was starting to set, she told me that we had to go get our business at the Town Hall done. I didn’t really feel like it, but I wanted to keep spending my day with Twilight, so I came along with her and we walked in companionable silence. It was rather nice, and when we got into town, I asked if she wanted to stay the night at her place. She said that she didn’t mind either way, so I took that as a yes and we agreed that we could grab some stuff from my place and carry on our two person party in her home when we finished up with our business.

Upon arriving at the Town Hall, something just felt off to me, so when I went to open the door for Twilight, I closed my eyes and focused for a moment. I heard at least ten different breathing patterns, but I wasn’t expecting a surprise party or anything of the like. I went to draw the Warbling Blade and Twilight put her hand on mine, shaking her head. I stood up straight from the crouch I hadn't realized I’d gone into.

“Rarely do I ever hear so many people in the Town Hall. Is this a press conference or something?” I asked.

“I guess you could call it that. Some ponies just have a few questions for you.” Twilight said, shifting her eyes to the side.

“...I trust you enough to assume you’re not walking me into a trap.”

“It’s only a trap if you’re a really negative pony.”

“Then it’s a good thing I’m not a Pony.” I swung the door open.

We walked in and the first thing I noticed was the ‘Happy Birthday!’ banner in blue, black, and grey hanging in the lobby. I turned and gave Twilight a hug because, even though I didn’t want it, she’d done something nice for me. I walked on in with her following close behind and saw that there wasn’t anyone here that I didn’t know, which was already a bonus. Spike came running up to me along with Pinkie and they asked how I liked the party so far and I told them that using my color scheme was a great touch. Pinkie mentioned that they’d even used it on my cake, so I gave her a hug of my own free will and she whispered that I should save my plans for another night. I agreed with her since I was blindsided by the party anyway, and it just didn’t feel like the right moment.

I went around and said hello to everyone since it was the polite thing to do. Fluttershy, Rarity, and Applejack all gave me a hug and asked if I just didn’t want to have party in the first place. I told them that I really didn’t, but it was nice to have friends and family come together to say hi at the very least. Trixie and Blue found their way over to me and I received more hugs and a whack from my Mum for not telling her that my birthday was today. I told her that I’d actually forgotten about it since I stopped caring before I came to Equestria, and that got me another hug since I’d told her why I’d stopped caring. Trixie and Blue gave way to Fancy and Fleur who told me that I had a present waiting, but I told them that I wasn’t supposed to be getting any presents. They just smiled like arseholes and Fleur gave me a peck on the cheek.

Celestia, Luna, and Cadance all showed their faces since I’m fucking awesome, though Luna was the only one who didn’t hug me. She asked how Noir was doing and I told her that we’d grown a bit closer over the course of a few hours in the morning, but that just earned me a raised brow. Celestia asked to have a word with me in private, but when Twilight went to follow us, she said that she really did mean private. I was loathe to leave my lover behind, but I couldn’t snub Celestia in front of so many people, so I gave her the thing she wanted.

Once we were in a separate room, specifically the one I’d abused Strawberry Petal in the first time, she leaned against the table and crossed her arms. “You know beating Blueblood again deserves another reward, right? I’ve been looking for a reason to strip him of his titles, and striking a Knight of Equestria as well as cheating during an Honor Duel are both very good reasons. Thank you for that.”

“If it’s a reward for pummeling that pillock, I’m game for it. As long as you didn’t get me a present on top of it, we’re fine.”

Celestia raised a brow. “Twilight said you didn’t want any presents, but I thought that was ridiculous. I just added the money you spent on Trixie’s house back into your account if that makes you feel any better.”

I gave her a pointed look. “It’s not doing something nice for someone if it doesn’t really affect you.”

“It’s the thought and the fact that you were willing to do it that really matters, Max, and don’t you tell yourself any different. As for your reward for beating Blueblood, I’ve decided to up the ante.”

I groaned. “Don’t tell me you’re adding more towns to my Barony.”

She shook her head. “No, Fleur de Lis and Fancy Pants have told me that you don’t garner much respect in the upper echelons of Canterlot society.”

I raised a brow. “...And?”

Celestia gave me a sly smile. “Barons may not get that much respect, but Dukes do.”

I groaned loudly. “Are you fucking kidding me!?”

She came over and patted my shoulder. “There there, I’m not making you a Duke. I’m just pulling your metaphorical tail.”

“That’s evil, but at least-”

“Ah ah ah!” She said playfully. “I’m not making you a Duke, but I am giving you Blueblood’s title.”

It took me a second to put together her words. “I’m sorry, did you just say that I’m a fucking Prince now?”

She grinned evilly. “Consider that me collecting my due for allowing you to dominate Luna.”

“She asked me!” I nearly shouted. “Celestia, seriously! I don’t want to be a royal! Don’t do this to me on my birthday!”

She maintained her evil grin. “My my, I thought that being royalty was the best gift a pony could be given.”

“You know I know better than that! What about my town, Celestia? What about Twilight and my friends!?”

She shrugged. “Then I suppose you’ll have to build your new city around the one you have. You could always keep Ponyville as the Old Quarters and call your new city something else.”

I ran my hands through my hair and had myself a seat. “You don’t understand how hard I’m going to spite you for this.”

I felt a hand on my shoulder. “You’ll thank me in time, sweetheart.”

“You’ve dumped more responsibility on my lap than I ever cared to handle, locked me down in Equestria, painted a target on my back, probably estranged me from the few enough friends I have, forced me into being something I never wanted to be, expect me to change my town and what it is-”

“Maximus, since when do you listen to me? Do what you want; you’re a prince now.” She said softly. “I’ve given you diplomatic immunity, every opportunity you could ever dream of, and the freedom to do as you please within reason-”

“I already had that, Celestia. I had what I needed and wanted to be happy, and that’s all I ever cared to have.”

She tilted my head up and looked into my eyes. Within hers, I could see some regret and a bit of discontent, making me sure that she was wavering on her decision. “You’ve already done a lot for Equestria, Max. It’s only fair that you’re rewarded for your deeds.”

“How happy are you being a princess? How happy are you knowing that millions of lives rest on your shoulders?” I asked.

Celestia fell silent for a moment. She didn’t say anything, so I spoke. “If you want to make me happy, then I have things I need your help to do.” I said gently.

“...That depends on what you want me to do.” She said hesitantly.

“The first thing is that I want Applejack’s farm to grow as a business and as a home. I know you can make that happen.”

Celestia blinked. “I-I suppose I could do that. Are you asking me to make her house larger or are you asking me to fix it up?”

“Fix it up, complete remodeling.”

“That’s doable. I suppose I could also help her get her wares across Equestria more easily.”

I nodded. “Thank you. The next thing is that I want Rainbow Dash in the Wonderbolts Academy.”

She gave me an odd look. “Twilight told me that you’re the one who broke her hand.”

“And she let me do it. Her penance is fulfilled.”

“Then I’ll have a word with Spitfire when I return to Canterlot. Do you want her to speak to Rainbow personally?”

“Yes. Warn her that Rainbow is a little cocky and quite the super fan.”

“Done. What else?”

“I want Twilight’s lab to be upgraded. She can perform a lot of the experiments that she wants to do as is, but she can’t do them all.”

“You know she’s going to blow something up, right?” Celestia sighed.

I shrugged. “I didn’t make her a crazy Unicorn. Blame her parents.”

She shook her head. “I’ll consider it. I’m assuming you want something for Rarity, Pinkie, and Fluttershy as well?”

“I do. I want some new fabrics and materials for Rarity, I need to find out what Fluttershy wants, and I want Pinkie to have a house.”

“Done, done, and done. Are you sure there’s nothing that you, personally, want?”

I thought about it for a minute. “Well I’ve heard there’s a war coming, so I’d like a sword and a shield. Speaking of, You have the Dryad Matron’s aid if you want it when the time comes.”

Celestia stared at me for a moment. “How many people know what you’ve just told me?”

“Just myself and Twilight.”

“Keep it that way.” She ordered.

I nodded. “No need to spread panic. That might just make things start earlier”

“Exactly. I know you can keep a secret, so keep it well.”

“I will, though you could always persuade me further by licking my bumhole.”

She rolled her eyes. “If that’s all you have to say, then we have a party I’ve been keeping you from. I’m still going to make you a Duke, by the way.”

I sighed. “Whatever makes you happy.”

Celestia smiled and lead the way out of the room, but I quickly found out that Cadance and Shining were waiting for her to be finished with me so they could have a turn. I sighed heavily and stepped back into the room so they could have their time, but all they wanted to do was thank me for showing them the joys of bondage and sadomasochism. Apparently Cadance liked it even more than she thought she would and Shining, much to his shame, liked it more than vanilla sex. I asked them to keep the details out of it since Shining was supposed to be my brother or something, but no one ever listens to me, and I needed some mind bleach by the end of our talk.

Once I finished up with them, I returned to Twilight’s side, but it was now time for some cake. The cake itself was pretty awesome since it had my seal and both the Warbling Blade and Nacht on it drawn in icing, matching my color scheme perfectly. Luna used some sketchy looking magic to light the candles and when I tried to blow them out, they relit every time. I stared her down as she just gave me a mischievous grin, but she wasn’t expecting me to pick up one of the candles and eat it. I felt like a badass until I burped up smoke. Luna quickly extinguished her magic before it could cause me any actual harm, and I was handed a knife so I could slice the cake as I saw fit. I cut it evenly because I felt like I was supposed to and I was given the first piece since it was my fucking cake in the first place. It was actually dyed a nice royal blue on the inside and tasted like it was vanilla mixed.

I ate my slice after everyone was served, and that’s when Pinkie brought out a bottle of punch she’d been saving for a few years. Apparently it was so packed with sugar, she’d had to distill it to kill some of the sweetness. Everybody except Spike got to taste it, but as we were all knocking back our shots, she let us know that it was up there with Zap Apple Jack. That explained why it hurt so much and sent most of the ladies into a coughing fit. Fancy, Macintosh, and I were alright, though the three of us weren't going to ask for a second one any time soon.

While we were there, Orchid reminded me that her party was going to be in a couple more days and I assured her that I would be there along with Twilight. Speaking of my lover, she only left my side a few times throughout the party to talk to Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and Shining. I caught a glimpse of her talking to Fleur in a corner for a moment, but I figured that tuning in to their conversation would be rude, so I busied myself by talking to Macintosh, Fancy, Spike, and Shining since we were the only males at the party. Twilight came to rejoin me and handed me my pipe and an ornate box, though I didn’t know where she got them from since I hadn't seen her bring them along with us when we came. It’s not like I was complaining, but still. She teleported her own pipe into her hand and asked me if I wanted to have a little fun with everyone, so I asked if she minded handling the party for a little while so I could run back home and grab some drinks for those who didn’t want to smoke.

I Shadow Dived home and filled my satchel with Zap Apple Jack, gin, bourbon, whiskey, some white wine, but before I left, I poured some of the gin into another jar and mixed it with the Local Special because I’m evil like that. Nashoba walked into the living room as I was kneeling and I asked if she needed anything before I went anywhere and she told me that she wanted a hug before I left, so I gave it to her and asked what she’d been up to while I was away. She simply said ‘Wolfmother business’ and left it at that, though I wanted to ask what she meant by that. She didn’t give me a straight answer, so I stopped asking and told her that we’d have to spend more time together sometime soon, but she said that she would catch me when she caught me. I gave her another hug and went back to the party, rising in Strawberry Petal’s shadow because I’d felt like it. She practically had my face in her arse, but once I stood up, the problem was solved and I joined the circle of people standing, handing the booze off to random people as I made my way over to Twilight.

My lover told me that it was time to open my presents. I did not want the presents, but I had to take them because it would be very discourteous to deny them. Someone had mentioned that my lover had asked that everyone band together and get me a typewriter and some ink for it, which I thought was extremely kind. Twilight teleported the stuff home for me, and I had a few gifts left to unwrap. Trixie got me a cape because she’s goofy, Blue gave me some pleasant cologne, Fancy gave me an expensive blend of herbs, Luna gave me a painting that I was rather fond of, and Twilight gave me something that she told me to open when we got home. The box was light and flat, though if the blush on Twilight’s face told me anything, it was that I’d like it a lot.

Along with the blank books of varying sizes, I got some interesting pens in different colors since everyone knew I was a writer at this point. I gratefully accepted my gifts, though I still reminded everyone that I’d specifically asked that no one get me anything. My words were met with scoffs of different intensities and Celestia told me that I should be grateful that people liked me enough to get me stuff in the first place. I told her that the next thing I bought for her would be the biggest dildo I could find and that garnered gasps from across the room until Celestia playfully threatened to beat me with it.

Mary took me aside during a lull in the party to tell me that Ponyville now had some plans for expansion and that the Princesses were going to help finance some of the public works, sos we didn’t need to worry on that front. The talk got really boring and political after that, so I’m leaving it out since I don’t even want to remember that shit, but we got past it soon enough and we went back to the party once we were done. Strawberry slipped up and called me Master while I was talking with her, Fleur, and a few others. I found it amusing to no end when she tried to play it off, but when Applejack asked why she was trying to cover something up, I stepped in and said that Strawberry just liked calling me Master because it sounded better than Baron. It did to me, anyway, so it wasn’t necessarily a lie, but Fleur and Twilight saw through it. I rather wished that Blue hadn't, but I’m just not allowed to have nice things sometimes.

The party wrapped up and everyone went home. Fleur and Fancy were going to stay at my place for the night for some odd reason, but it’s not like I was going to tell them no since they asked politely, though Twilight started acting a bit strangely. On the walk home, I discreetly asked her if she was okay and she said that she and Fleur had teamed up to give me another present that the rest of the party couldn’t see. My hopes soared until I remembered that Fleur was like an Aunt to Twilight, pretty much shooting down any hopes I had for kinky, kinky sex.

When we got back to my house, Fleur and Fancy caught me up on the stuff that was going on in their lives and I gave them a summary of the things Twilight and I had been up to. Twilight seemed rather nervous for reasons unknown, so I held her hand with both of mine and she seemed to ease up a little bit. Fancy excused himself to use the restroom and Fleur asked me to go grab some wine from the cellar, so I figured that they were going to have a quick chat while I was gone. I went downstairs, scanning my recently restocked supply of wine and figured that I might as well grab some plum wine and a nice chardonnay to go along with it. I liked the chardonnay well enough, so I’d probably share a couple glasses with Fleur. With Fancy in mind, I wandered upstairs and found that he’d poured himself some bourbon that we’d brought back from the party, that being the only liquor we’d returned with.

I had that glass of wine and it was nice and unsucky. Twilight seemed to have calmed down while I was away, so that was nice. We started up the conversation again, but I noticed that Fleur and Twilight were directing it while asking questions between Fancy and I. Not being one to bandy about with words in the fashion they were doing, I told them to spit it out already and Twilight told me that she wanted to watch while I spent some Quality Time with Fleur. I thought that was stranger than a four legged water fowl, but I was willing to give it a shot. We went upstairs to one of my guest rooms since Twilight didn’t want me laying another woman in the room we shared, which was understandable.

There’s always time for foreplay, but Twilight couldn’t even sit through that. She left the room and I apologized to Fleur for not being able to show her a good time, but I was assured that I should be pursuing my lover instead of apologizing to Fleur, so that’s what I did. I used the Pathfinder enchantment to help me find Twilight, but all it did was tell me that she was outside on my porch. It was dark as fuck out there, so I went back inside and flipped the porch light on. Twilight was sitting with her hand over her mouth like she was trying not to vomit, so I sat next to her and wrapped an arm around her.

“I-I’m sorry, amour, I thought I could handle it, but…” Twilight looked at her hooves.

I hugged her closer. “It’s okay, cherry. Don’t try and force yourself to be okay with something.”

She sighed. “I just wanted to give you something good for your birthday since I couldn’t give it to you myself…”

“Twilight, I don’t need to tell you that you’re better than Fleur again, do I? I’d rather have you any day of the week, no, my entire life, and that’s just a fact. Even if we’re waiting for marriage, I’d prefer that special thing you do for me over the course of ten minutes than hours of sex with Fleur, cherry, and I need you to realize that.”

Twilight wrung her hands. “...Then why do you sleep with so many mares?”

I took a deep breath and searched for an answer. I found the most plausible truth after a few minutes and spoke. “I think it’s because I feel obligated. I feel like it’s my responsibility to satisfy women as a man who doesn’t suck at sex, which is why I’m so quick to give out advice to those who need it. That, and I like to make people happy, and sex does that so easily, even if it’s only for a few moments. It doesn't hurt that I get something out of it too, but Twilight, you know that all you need to say is that you want me to be with you and you alone and I’ll make it happen. One way or another, it’ll happen, Twilight.”

She let out a breath. “Max, I know I have your heart. If I tell you that I don’t want you to sleep with a mare, it doesn’t happen. I don’t have anything to fear when it comes to a mare stealing you away from me… I just… Just not Fleur. For some reason, I can’t deal with it if it’s Fleur.” Twilight looked at me with tears in her eyes. “I know I’m not the prettiest-”

I removed my arm from her shoulders and kneeled in front of her. I grabbed her hands and held them in my own, looking her in her eyes. “Twilight Sparkle, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, in body, mind, and spirit. Fleur is a friend to me that I like to stick my dick in, but I could never have with her what I have with you. She looks fine, she acts fine, but she just can’t compare to you, Twilight. No one can, and I don’t know how to explain this in another way so that you’ll see it. I love you, cherry. Nothing will ever change that or come between us if I have a say in the matter, and I need to know that you understand that.”

Twilight’s lover lip quivered and she shed a few tears while I was talking. “I-I… I needed to hear that, Max. Amour. Don’t let me keep you from having f-fun on your birthday. I-I’m okay with y-you-”

“No, you’re not. It’s tearing you up just thinking about it.” Now’s not the time, Max. Don’t say it now. “I’ll tell Fleur it’s not happening and we can go to bed, or we can talk as long as you want-”

“Max it’s not about me!” Twilight cried. “Today isn’t about me, but you’ve been doing things for me all day! Why can’t I be okay with doing this one thing for you!?”

I sighed. “Making you happy makes me happy, Twilight. I don’t get happiness from people doing things from me anymore; I find my happiness in doing things for others. That’s why I like to cook for you. That’s why I like to do favours for you. That’s why I like shopping with you, no matter how boring it gets. Being around you and seeing you happy makes me happy.”

More tears fell and I wiped them away. “M-Max…”

I gave her a warm smile. “Are you starting to get it now?”

“...I-I don’t know if you’re telling me to s-stop letting me do things for y-you or to start asking you to do m-more for me.” She said shakily.

“I appreciate the things you do for me, like the party. I just prefer that you don’t force yourself to try and make me happy because I want you to be honest with how you’re feeling.”

She squeezed my hands and took a deep breath. “Amour, I don’t want you to sleep with Fleur again.”

I gave her a crooked smile. “Then I won’t. Is there anyone else?”

“...Luna.” Damn, I still haven’t gotten a piece of her. Oh well.

“Done. What about Celestia or Cadance?”

“I… I made my peace with you having a relationship with Celestia in the future, and I…” She blushed brightly. “Well, I’d kinda like to sleep with Cadance again myself.” She said, getting more quiet as she went along.

I rested our hands on her knees and kissed her knuckles. “I’ll see if I can make that happen, though that might mean I have to pull multiple favours for that.”

She sighed. “What do I have to say for you to understand that today is supposed to be your day?”

“I get it, cherry, I really do.” I gave her a mild smile. “All I want from you is that gift you got me, but I understand if you don’t want to use it tonight.”

Her eyes widened. “Do you already know what it is?”

“I have a few ideas, but nothing concrete.”

Twilight stood up and tugged me to my feet. “I can still show it to you tonight, if you want. Fancy and Fleur were prepared to leave if things went badly.”

I let go of her hands and cupped her face before kissing her gently. Twilight returned the kiss eagerly, but we kept it kosher, only going for lip contact. We just stood around for a little while, enjoying the moment until Fancy coughed. I turned to him and gave him the flattest look I could possibly conjure up, though Fleur just avoided looking at me for a moment.

I opted to let him speak his peace before bitching at him. “Maximus, I believe that tonight could have gone a bit better, but as always, Fleur and I are glad to make your acquaintance. Sadly, I think it might be in our best interest to head back to Canterlot for the time being.”

“It’s always good to see you, Fancy, Fleur. Do you need Twilight or myself to take you back home?” I asked politely.

He and Fleur looked at each other. “...You can teleport now?”

“Kinda, but not really. Twilight teleports, I Shadow Dive. Anywhere there’s a shadow, I can go, but I can only do it so many times a day.” I shrugged. “It takes a little longer, but it’s cool.”

Fleur shook her head. “I trust you, but I’ve never heard of such magic. I think I would prefer it if Twilight teleported us, that is, if she so chooses.”

Twilight held my hand. “It’s no problem, but I want to talk to you, Fleur.”

The older woman sighed. “I thought as much. I think we could have this conversation here, if you don’t mind. Both of us are going to tell our spouses-”

“No, this is going to have to remain private.” Twilight interrupted softly.

Fleur looked at her strangely. “As you ask, sweetie. If there’s nothing else…?”

Twilight told me that I should probably stay home, so I did just that and went back inside to go grab my pipe and the special blend of herbs Fancy gave me. Turns out, the special blend included a heavy indica that I could barely taste over some saffron and blue lotus, but it was still nice. I’d cut down one of my other trees and that one turned out to be an indica, so I went out and grabbed a bud from that one, chopping it down nice and fine until I could pack myself a nice, fat bowl and puff at my pleasure. I didn’t let it go empty for long until Twilight came back, but that had taken the better part of an hour.

When she returned, she seemed to be a bit happier, and when she had a seat on my lap while I was chilling in my easy chair, I knew that things had gone well. I still asked what had went on while she was gone and she said that she and Fleur had cemented their relationship as niece and aunt instead of going for something more. I didn’t dig any further than that, but I did offer to see if we could get incredibly high. She turned me down and teleported the flat box with ‘my’ present in it into her hands, telling me to go upstairs and wait for her. I did as she asked because I was eager to see it, and when Twilight finally joined me upstairs, I was seven shades of thrilled.

She’d bought some tasteful lingerie. I can’t describe it because Twilight’s too embarrassed to let me record it, but I’m allowed to say that it was black and purple, sheer and sexy. I received a special birthday mouth-hug that was simply delightful and Twilight apparently picked up a few tricks since the last time we were together in such an intimate way. It was a nice way to end the day, but the thing that made it even better was that Twilight let me return the favor after she got me off twice. She did so reluctantly, but I really just wanted to see if she tasted like wine and she totally did. We ended the night with Twilight snuggling close into my chest and me ignoring a note that came when Twilight had just fallen asleep.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I woke up before the Sun rose and disentangled myself from Twilight gently, grabbing the note from where it had fallen on her shoulder. After taking myself to my study, I sliced it open with a letter thingy and gave it a quick readthrough. The handwriting was neat and rather calligraphic, so as I was reading through it, I knew that it wasn’t anyone I’d traded letters with in the past. Reading through the note told me that I was going to have a visitor soon enough, but it didn’t tell me who sent the letter, so I went back into my room and roused Twilight with some pleasant kisses. Well, I thought I was rousing her. She was actually just kissing back in her sleep, so I decided to slip her some tongue and see what she made of that. My intrusion into her mouth actually did wake her up and she started kissing me back fervently. We kept going until we heard the magical chime sound downstairs

I got distracted, okay? It was pleasant, dammit!

We took a quick break and Twilight hid under the blankets so no one would see her in her lingerie up until I reminded her that she had enough time to change while I went to handle our visitor. I waited around until she got out of bed so I could grab myself a handful of arse. I shouldn’t have done it while she was turned around since that got me slapped, but it was so worth it. I Shadow Dived downstairs to save some time and came out of the closet next to my door, thinking of how big and muscular Macintosh was. He’d have such a hard time fitting himself into such a tight little hole. As I reached for the knob, I wondered if his massive mitts would be gentle or firm if he were handling it, but the more I thought about it, the more sure I became that he would treat it tenderly as if it were his own. Of course, I had no idea how he treated his knob in his own home, but I was certain that his gruff exterior hid a kind soul that would turn knobs with the gentlest of ease.

Knob talk aside, I opened the door because it was rude to keep people waiting. Who the fuck else would be leveling a shitty glare at me other than the Queen Bug Bitch herself, fuck mothering Chrysalis.

“...Good morning?” I tried.

“It’s not good yet. Are you going to let me in or not?” She asked in her somewhat demonic tone.

“Sure. I’ll get some coffee started.” I said warily.

Chrysalis raised a bluish green brow at me and crossed her arms, waiting for me to move. I shook my head and lead the way in, directing Chrysalis to my living room and warning her that Twilight was coming down in a moment. Once I got the coffee done, I brought out three deep mugs and filled them with my special brand of love, taking them to the living room. I returned to find Twilight blankly staring at Chrysalis from the bottom of the staircase, and the Bug Queen was staring right back at her. Since Chryssy was closer, I set her mug down in front of her and carried Twilight’s favorite one over to her, not spilling a fucking drop like a boss. I had to stand directly in front of her to get her attention, but once I had it, my lover grabbed her coffee and stared at me instead.

“Max,” She whispered, “why is Chrysalis in your house?”

I shrugged. “She said she wanted to see the person responsible for helping her.”

“Okay, but why is she here?” She asked again.

“Have a seat and we’ll find out together.” I patted her shoulder and went to go sit in my loveseat.

Twilight joined me after a moment, and when she sat down, I addressed Chrysalis. “Alright, so you said you wanted to see me. I’m guessing that’s not all you wanted?”

“You’d be correct. I want to offer you a position in my main hive.” Chrysalis coolly sipped her coffee.

“I’m a Duke and an Operative of Equestria. I really couldn’t, even if I wanted to.”

“No, you’re misunderstanding me. I’m not asking.” She said evenly.

Twilight’s fingers interlaced with mine. “What do you mean you’re not asking?” She inquired. I could see her horn glowing slightly, preparing a spell.

Chrysalis raised a brow. “I mean it’s already been accepted on your behalf. Celestia has named you an ambassador on behalf of Equestria. You are not the only one in this position, and you won’t be forced to do anything, but if Gryphonia chooses to strike at my Changelings, you will act as the liaison between all three nations since you have ties with them. Your title is honorary like the Advisor role you play to Elfriede, but you will be called to act as your position demands by the end of the next month.”

I sipped my coffee. Then I drained half the cup. “Good God, I wish this was scotch right now. Shit, I’d take moonshine at the moment. Whichever means that I get to put my head down and go back to sleep.”

Twilight leaned over and put her head on my shoulder. “It’ll be okay, amour. I’m sure that Celestia wouldn’t agree to anything you couldn’t handle.” Right.

Chrysalis and I scoffed at the same time, but I spoke first. “Celestia is an evil bitch at times. I barely managed to talk her out of making me a prince, and I’m pretty sure that I only got out of it because I guilt tripped her pretty hard.”

“It is news that she would give a male any kind of real power. I’m assuming you would have lived in her castle?” Chrysalis half asked, half answered.

I shook my head. “No, she told me that I’d be building a city around Ponyville, and I just don’t want to do that. I like Ponyville the way it is, and I think the people here like it the way it is. Changing things now would just make everyone miserable.”

Chrysalis’ eyes went wide. “Then I’m surprised you didn’t take her up on that offer. Most men in your position would have leaped for the opportunity, giving up all they hold dear for that power.”

“Most men haven’t had it drilled into their head that with power comes responsibility. If I shirked my duties as a prince like I do as a Baron come Duke, then people would suffer for it. I don’t want people to suffer for my mistakes. I don’t need power. I would be perfectly fine with being an Operative, earning my money through the most dishonest honest means I’ve ever come across, even if it meant I spent some time away from my loved ones.”

Chrysalis gave me a fang filled smile. It told me that I’d fallen face-first into a trap I’d never seen coming. “Then you’ll be happy to hear that Celestia asked me to come to you with a mission if you seemed interested. I was supposed to come to you with it before your birthday party, but she told me to wait until afterwards once she received an invitation.”

I set my jaw and Twilight did her best to break my hand. “He doesn’t accept. It doesn’t matter what it is.”

“Why didn’t Celestia herself bring me the mission while we were at the party?” I asked coldly.

“Max, you can’t be thinking of accepting it!” Twilight cried. I’m not. Not even for a moment.

Chrysalis’ horn lit up a moment and a thick envelope popped into her hand. She waved it about and kept smiling. “She didn’t want to ruin your party. You can ask her yourself if you doubt me-”

“I will and I do.” I interrupted.

She rolled her eyes. “Be that as it may, your mission, should you choose to accept it, takes you into Bridleland to investigate some disappearances among some Ponies in a place called ‘Wiltshire’-”

“NO!” I roared, ripping my hand from Twilight’s, nearly toppling the loveseat as I stood.

Chrysalis kept smiling, making me want to pluck her fangs out one by one. “I simply love that you think you have a choice in the matter. The facts are that this-”

I booted my coffee table out of the way and grabbed one of Chrysalis’ hooves, dragging her into the shadow, but not sending her anywhere in particular. Noir told me that being left in the Shadow Realm was extremely dangerous for all of those involved, but I was trying to scare Chrysalis into leaving me the fuck alone. There’s no way in Hell that I’m going back to Bridleland if I can help it, and knowing that I’m going to Wiltshire specifically terrifies me to no end. There isn’t a single fucking doubt in my mind that going back there is going to get me sent back to Earth, and if I can help it, there’s not a snowflake’s chance in the darkest, hottest pits of Hell, Tartarus, or whatever the fuck kind of place horrible people go in the afterlife that I would go back of my own free will.

While we were in the Shadow Realm, Chrysalis tried kicking me to make me let go of her, and once I clambered up her carapace to try and wring her neck, she bit me a few times before I managed to get a firm grasp. Suddenly, there was light in the inky darkness and Noir appeared, peeling my hands from Chrysalis’ throat and flinging me backwards. She shouted something unintelligible at me and I felt a numbness spread from my fingertips, slowly travelling higher while she fought with Chrysalis hand to hand. The Bug Queen was losing badly, as I expected from a combat hardened super Alicorn on the darkest kind of steroids. If Noir could defeat Celestia in her prime, then I had no doubts that she could defeat Chrysalis in a similar manner without any issues.

I raised my hands once I’d seen that Chrysalis was knocked down again and found that they just weren’t there, my arms stopping a bit above my wrists. I never knew that Noir could force me out of the Shadow Realm, but I’d doubted that I could get past the Bug Queen’s exoskeleton anyways, so I was grateful for the save, even if I’d been winning in the beginning. Bitch’s very skin was harder than my dick had been when I was getting ready to give it to Noir, and that scared me, as much as I hated to admit it. I still wasn’t all that strong in comparison to an Earth Pony or the like, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t wreck face like Chuck Norris when need be. Man, now that I think about it, Walker: Texas Ranger was a fucking awful show. One of many to come out of the States, I guess.

Random thoughts aside, when Noir had finished pummeling Chrysalis into unconsciousness, she dragged her over to when she’d flinged me and picked me up by my shirt.

“Maximus, do not dare use the Shadow Realm to dispose of your enemies.” Noir snarled.

I pursed my lips. “Gotcha. I’ll kick her arse in my living room when I get back.”

She snorted. “Unnecessary. The damage you sustain here will appear on you when you return. Just remember that you cannot kill anything here unless you want to be sent straight into Tartarus. The shadows are sacred ground and I have already risked much by coming to your aid. Granted, I have no physical form, but I am not supposed to intervene here and I may still be punished for doing so.”

“Message received, understanding reached. I’m listening, blackberry.”

She gave me a quick peck and let go of my shirt. “Good. Now get out of here before she wakes up and get to Canterlot. You may have just started a war if Chrysalis is unwilling to forgive you.”

“Should I bring her with me? Celestia can detain her if need be-”

“Chrysalis will be furious if she is the one in chains. You assaulted her, unprovoked, as she was delivering a message from Celestia herself. You may be unused to it, but you are in the complete wrong here.” Fuck me running sideways with a chainsaw.

“Goddamit, I probably just forced myself into doing this bullshit!” I facepalmed hard.

“Do not worry. I am sure that going back to Wiltshire will not send you back to Earth.” Noir said a bit more gently.

I shuddered. “If it does, I’m not stopping until I find a way back.”

Noir shook her head. “If it does, I’m sure that you’ll find your way back in time.”

I sighed hard and put a hand on Chrysalis. “Any words of advice before I go?”

“Tell Celestia everything before Chrysalis can. I can only hope that she will be somewhat lenient with you.” Noir sighed along with me.

I shook my head and Dived us out of the Shadow Realm because there was nothing else to say. When I surfaced, Twilight was doing her best to wear a hole in the floor, clutching her half of our necklace so hard, I swear I could see the veins in her arm pop out. Rising quickly, I stopped her in her tracks.

“Twilight, we need to get to Canterlot. Now, preferably, but later isn’t an option anyways.” I spoke rapidly.

Twilight hugged me tightly before grabbing my hands. “Where did you go!? I’ve been trying to locate you for- for- I don’t know!”

“Shadow Realm, beat up Chrysalis, need to get to Canterlot now. I’ll explain everything to you when I explain it to Celestia, but we need to leave now!.” I emphasized.

Twilight stared at me and her eyes flickered to Chrysalis’ unconscious form. She shook her head and a moment later, her horn glowed and we were in the middle of Day Court, interrupting some stuck-up looking faggot. He tried telling us off for popping into Day Court and I tried radiating Dark Magic to make him uncomfortable enough to leave and he stopped in the middle of his sentence, looking rather terrified, but I don’t really know if that was because I’d just tossed him a vicious look or if the Dark Magic had something to with it.

“Maximus, Twilight.” Celestia said calmly. “Why are you interrupting Day Court?”

“I probably just started a war. Why didn’t you just tell me yourself that you wanted me to go back to Bridleland so we could cut out the middleman?” I inquired, trying to keep my voice level.

Celestia stared me down. “Don’t tell me you assaulted Chrysalis.”

“That’s exactly what happened.” I said bluntly.

“Max!” Twilight cried.

Celestia immediately facepalmed and slid her hand downward. “I know you have difficulty reigning yourself in sometimes, but are you bucking kidding me right now?”

“She’s out cold in my living room. Lock me up or do what you will, but I’m not going to Wiltshire.” I said.

“You just struck any sort of choice you had in the face and spat on it while it was falling.” Celestia snarled. “Are you seriously telling me that you’re willing to assault a bucking queen over one little mission? It’s not that big a deal!”

“If I go back to Wiltshire, I go back to Earth!” I shouted. “That is not a Goddamn option!”

Celestia opened her mouth to reply, but something appeared to stick out to her. “Did you just say what I think you said?”

“Yes.” I said, my chest heaving. “Celestia, I can't do the mission-”

A green flash of light erupted from behind me and I whirled around, staring a pissed off pony-shaped insect in the eyes. She was a bit more than upset, if the hand she had wrapped around my throat was any indicator.

“You absolute piece of filth! You dare lay your dirty hands on me!?” Chrysalis boomed, slowly lifting me off of the ground.

“Queen Chrysalis, calm down.” Celestia said soothingly. “I’m sure that Maximus would be willing-”

“If he is willing to give me his life, then I’ll not wage war on this soft country.” Chrysalis hissed.

Twilight tried prying Chrysalis’ hand from my throat, but to no avail. “Let him go! Please!” She begged, my vision going dark from the sheer pressure.

Celestia teleported me from her grasp, though she didn’t protect me in any other way. “Chrysalis, it is well within your right to take your pound of flesh, but I ask you to realize whose life you are threatening. Maximus saved yourself and your people from certain death-”

“And that excuses him from his penance!?” The Bug Bitch roared in response. “I’ll have his head on a platter!”

“And I’ll come back to life and kill you, regardless of whether or not I want to.” I croaked. “Killing me won’t do a damn thing, but beating me like a dog might make you feel better.”

“Max, don’t do that! Don’t let yourself get hurt!” Twilight sobbed. I suppose it’s a bit much, isn’t it? Watching your lover be harmed while you’re powerless to stop it.

Chrysalis whipped her head toward Twilight and grinned darkly. “Take his punishment for him, then.” She strode toward Twilight and I saw Celestia bristle.

Any ill effects I was feeling were gone as that blank feeling took over, wrapping me in nothingness like it had once before. Celestia teleported to Twilight’s side and I did the same, though a murky smoke followed me as I did so. The Solar Princess and I were both brimming with a calm fury, staring down Chrysalis. To her credit, The Bug Queen only too a single step back when she realized that both of us outmatched her by a good deal by ourselves. I gestured for Celestia to hang back while I took another step forward, the smoke rising from my pores trailing behind me.

I gently took Chrysalis’ chin in my hand and gazed into her eyes, seeing flickers and falshes of old memories within her eyes. I can’t really write down what I saw since I don’t understand it now, but in the moment, it was like reading an open book written in Times New Roman that was a decent font size. That is to say, I saw Chrysalis for who she was and what she was.

“Queen Chrysalis.” I said softly, my voice resonating through the mostly empty chamber. “Punch me, kick me, stab me, shoot me. Do as you please to me. Touch my Twilight, my true heart, and I will rip your children apart in front of you. I will force them to rape each other, whispering lies of promised mercy into their ears before I eviscerate them and make you watch. None will escape me, and once I’ve located and slaughtered every last one of your breed, I will let you feed for a thousand years until I decide to kill you, and it will not be the quick death you beg for. I will corrupt your very soul with my own, link your life to mine, and steal your power from you, but leave you unable to die. Do not threaten my love, for it is the only thing keeping you alive in this moment.”

I held her chin for a moment longer and let my hand fall back to my side. Celestia put a hand on my shoulder, but I only had eyes for Chrysalis right now. “Max. Maximus.” She shook me. “Maximus, be calmed.”

“Celestia, I am calm. I will not harm Chrysalis any further as long as her demands for payment are reasonable.”

I felt a smaller hand wrap itself around my arm, so I turned to see my Twilight looking up at me will tear filled eyes. “Amour, please.”

“Anything. Ask it of me, and it shall be done.” I replied softly.

“...Please go back to normal.” She practically sobbed.

I drew my arm from her and I saw her heart break through her eyes, but all I wanted was a single kiss. I cupped her face with my hand, sealing off the magic leaking from my body so I could touch her without harming her and got what I wanted. When I pulled away and opened my eyes, the clarity was gone, though Twilight still seemed scared. I glanced over to see Celestia standing between me and Chrysalis, though I don’t know whose sake she was doing it for at this point. Looking back to Twilight, I put my hand on her arm and gave her a sad smile.

“I don’t like it when people threaten you.” I said hoarsely.

“I don’t like it when you threaten people.” She replied fearfully.

“...Can I hug you?”

“Please don’t...” Well… That hurt more than just about anything else.

I tried to put it behind me for the time being, but I couldn’t resist the urge to reach out for her hand. Twilight pulled it away and turned from me slightly, so I choked down the new pain and turned back to face Celestia and Chrysalis.

“Now that we’re all thinking like calm, rational adults, let’s talk this out.” I said thickly.

Celestia looked to Chrysalis who seemed a little shell shocked. She blinked once and nodded. “Yes. I believe we should talk this out.” Chryssy said levelly.

Celestia looked between us. “If you two can avoid throwing punches, threatening, or killing each other in the time it takes me to tell the guards that I’m mediating, that would be just lovely.”

I held up a weary thumb and Chrysalis nodded her assent. We had nothing to say to each other for the time being, so we just waited for Celestia to come back. The Bug Queen stared of into space while I cast furtive glances at Twilight. I knew exactly what she was feeling right now, and I hated that those disgusting words had ever come out of my mouth, but I’d meant every one of them when I’d said them. If Chrysalis dared to put her hands on Twilight, I would make an entire species extinct for the simple fact that it was Twilight she was fucking with.

Celestia returned and addressed Twilight first, asking if she wanted to retire to her old quarters until our business was finished or if she wanted to go home for the time being. Twilight said that she just wanted to go home, and that made me want to cry, but I swore that I would make it up to her in some way though some impossible feat to show her that I wasn’t the evil being she’d seen twice now. Celestia had to get me moving since I’d been stuck staring at the spot Twilight had teleported home from for a few seconds, but once we got to going, it was hard not to start breaking random things just to vent some of the pain I was trying to keep pushed down and locked away. Once I got it sorted, I felt my pectoral muscle grow cold, so I shivered and pulled my shirt away to see that my Seal was glowing somewhat dimly, and the cold feeling just wasn’t going away.

Celestia took us to a room I’d never seen before, but Chrysalis seemed to recognize it when we walked in. I assumed that it was the room they’d used for negotiations when I’d originally pulled Chrysalis’ arse from the fire, but beyond that, there was nothing terribly spectacular about it. The Solar Diarch had us sit on opposite sides of the table near one of the ends so she could sit at the head.

“First things first, Maximus, you need to explain yourself and apologize for your actions.” Celestia demanded.

“Queen Chrysalis, I’m sorry and truly apologize. I unjustly assaulted you without even giving you the reasons behind my absolute denial of the task you were asked to bring to me.” I said calmly.

Her lip curled. “When you speak without inflection, it makes you sound incredibly sincere.”

I looked at Celestia. “Is the inflection from my voice gone again?”

She furrowed her brow. “I thought that was you trying to keep a cool head.”

“I’m as calm as I’m going to get without being asleep or dead.” I pulled my shirt down a bit and showed her the Seal. “This glows when I become emotionally distant.” I showed it to Chrysalis as well. “It doesn’t make my words any less true, however.”

The Bug Queen’s eye twitched. “How convenient for you.”

“It’s a sign that the Dark Magic inside of me is eating away at my emotions.” I stated.

She seemed to ease at that. “Is it reversible?”

“Only by a couple of people. It takes deep knowledge of Dark Magic to make any progress with it.” I replied.

She smirked. “Good, though I preferred the heartache you were feeling earlier. It tasted nice.”

Celestia didn’t say anything to that, so I figured I would. “I’m sure you did.” Fucking sadistic cunt.

Celestia coughed. “Before either of you starts something else, why don’t you explain why you were so resistant to going back to Wiltshire in the first place?”

I nodded. “The last time I went to Bridleland, I felt a strong force pulling me towards an undisclosed location and I knew for certain that it was trying to send me back to my world. If you haven’t guessed, my world and this one are similar. I was teleported here from the Wiltshire in England, my homeland, and I am sure that returning there will send me back.”

Chrysalis’ evil smile from earlier came back. “Then I know what I want as payment. Once I beat you as you had that horrendous mare beat me, I want you to fulfill your mission.”

Celestia looked to me and I nodded. “I will serve as the judge. You were obviously in good enough condition to return her without a scratch or internal injury, so keep in mind that I will not allow you to ‘accidentally’ break Maximus’ bones.”

“Breaking bones isn’t the only way to inflict pain.” Chrysalis looked at me with malicious intent and I just stared at her, bored.

“Then let’s get this over with.” I said, rising from my seat. I glanced at the bite marks on my arm and noticed that they had stopped bleeding some time ago, though how no one else noticed, I don’t really care.

Chrysalis rose from her seat and Celestia followed soon after. I walked around the table and stared her in the eyes as she cocked her fist back and let it fly into my jaw. Shit hurt. The next few were body shots, but when she pulled away, I just rose from my doubled over position and kept staring at her with the same blank expression. I couldn’t feel my face move, so I guessed that I wasn’t really in that much pain until she hit me below the belt. I threw up on her and had to stop myself from slaying her then and there for doing something I knew for a fact Noir never did, but Celestia held her with her magic before I could even get my tentacle formed.

“Chrysalis, I know for certain that Max would never strike you there. This is over.” She growled.

“And you would rob me of my recompense!? He had his servant pummel me into unconsciousness!”

I wiped my mouth. “Noir isn’t my servant. I didn’t ask her to do a damn thing. If you remember correctly, she threw me from you when my hands were around your throat, and everything she did to you was of her own accord.”

Chrysalis fumed. “You’re just going to push the blame onto someone else for your mistakes!?”

Celestia magicked the sick away. “If what he says is true, then your fight isn’t with him in the first place. From what I’m hearing, Maximus did not real harm to you, but then I see that you already tasted his blood.”

“And it was delicious.” Chrysalis hissed.

I rose from my knees. “Blood-hungry whore.”

“Cowardly filth!” She snapped back.

“I’d rather be a coward than a helpless little insect. You’re very quick to forget that I saved your life.”

“Bully for you. Do you want a cookie?”

“I want you to be less of a sadistic, psychotic cunt, but then again, if you weren’t psychotic and retarded, then you never would have tried coming to Canterlot in the first place.” I said easily, getting my breath back.

Chrysalis went to throw another punch at me and Celestia silenced both of us with magic. “Both of you spew evil like you’re spitting water from a glass, so shut your mouths before I cut your tongues out.”

Chrysalis shut her fucking face, but I had a question. “How long do I have before the mission?”

Celestia glared at me. “Keep talking and I’ll send you in your pajamas.”

I shrugged and knelt down, using the last of my Shadow Dives to go home and start getting things put together. I changed into a dark T-Shirt and denim trousers, put on my trusty newish boots still holding my throwing knives and dirk, strapped on the Warbling Blade, and grabbed my Charcoal grey jacket, just in case it was winter or something when I went back. After packing a few spare outfits into my satchel, I took my journal along with me and sat down on my easy chair, giving myself too much time to think. That quickly turned into me trying to find something to do so I could keep my hands busy. I redirected my mind to thinking about what I might be leaving behind and decided that I needed to take my wallet along with me since it held my Identification Card. If you need to know what that is, then ask me. If you’re reading this and you’re afraid to ask, then I’m probably gonna rip your innards out through your bunghole.

There was nothing else for me to do, so I wrote notes out to everyone explaining that I was going away on an Operative mission. I didn’t explain what the mission was or that I might never be able to come back because it made my hands shake when I tried, so I just got the same note written down a few times and sent them off with my Dragon Fire. I left the jar on the kitchen table along with my pipe and boxes of smokeables since I knew I’d want them when I came back. Figuring that my staff needed to know stuff too, I asked them to keep up my house until Celestia told them to stop, though I told Berry to stop by more than a few times a week since I wouldn’t be able to keep up with my own shit anymore.

I couldn’t think of anything else to do, so I wrote in my journals for a few hours, jotting down everything I could think of until I came to this point right here. Honestly, I’m not that scared of going back to England, but I’m stone-cold horrified of the possibility that I might never be able to come back. When I thought about it too hard, my heart skipped a beat and my chest felt colder before it felt a bit warmer, and I knew that, despite the emotional numbness I was feeling brought on by hurting Twilight, I was about to have a panic attack. There was actually enough trembling in my hand to convince me to take a few shots of the leftover bourbon I had from the party, though that quickly turned into downing a full glass at a time. I wasn’t quite hammered when Celestia and Luna showed up in my living room, but I was getting there.

They located me quickly enough and Celestia teleported the glass I’d just filled out of my hand. “I thought you quit drinking.”

“Now’s a good time to start again.” I screwed the top back onto the bottle of bourbon and slid it over to her across the counter top.

“...If this wasn’t a part of your punishment for attacking royalty, I wouldn’t make you do this. Do you even realize how terrible you look?” She asked sensitively.

“I’m sure it’s not good. My future wife spurned the fuck out of me because I said some evil shit, and I fucked up and can’t fix it without doing one of the few things I refused to do. I already hurt Twilight, so why the fuck not at this point? Maybe I don’t deserve to be here, living this life. I mean, besides the odd rough patch and killing enough people to fill one of my guest rooms, life’s been good in Equestria. I never deserved it. I never deserved to love Twilight.” I closed my eyes.

Luna scoffed. “Self pity does not suit you.”

“Damn straight, which is why this sucks even more. I can’t help but dwell on my decisions.”

Celestia came over to my side and put a hand on my shoulder. “You’ll survive through this, Maximus. You don’t know for sure that you’ll be put back on Earth, and all this mission is going to be is finding thirteen ponies that no one else can find. I’m sure that you’ll be able to track them down.”

I took a deep breath and looked Celestia in the eye. “I don’t know how to track people.”

“...Really?” She asked, shocked.

“I find things, not people. Beyond asking sketchy people about expensive things, I’m not exactly an expert at tracking.”

Luna shook her head and Celestia bent over, putting her head in her hands. “I don’t know why I thought you had experience in finding people. Max, I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t worry about it.” I cut her off. “I’m assuming you’re here to send me off?”

She and Luna traded a look. Celestia cast a spell, leaving us in an opaque shield like the one Luna had used not too long ago. “...We could lie to Chrysalis. Tell her that we sent you and keep you in hiding in Bridleland. If we keep you at a safe house…” Celestia perked up.

Luna grinned. “She would never even know. We would have to keep you there for some time, but we would not risk losing you forever!”

I looked between them and sighed for some reason that I wasn’t aware of. Words that weren’t mine spilled from my mouth. “As much as I would like to deceive that cunt, it’s for the best if I locate your Ponies.”

Celestia stared at me. “Max, your voice has inflection again.”

“Is that so? Maybe the prospect of doing something good is making me feel better?”

“Something’s not right.” Celestia whispered to Luna.

“Sister, his eyes switched-”

Both of of their pairs of eyes glazed over and I felt my mind go numb for a moment and I knew that some higher power was fucking me hardcore right now. Without another word, Celestia and Luna teleported me to the Wiltshire train station and my legs carried me to forest in the dead of the fucking night. I resisted with everything I had in my body, but my body refused to listen to me in any manner and my eyes wouldn’t even blink until I thought about it. I rapidly blinked a few times to clear my eyes and kept going.

This continued for an hour, leading me through the somewhat familiar layout of the town until I came to an old building that looked a lot like the old church I used to hide out in. I heard ‘Hold no hope. Fear no evil. Trust in yourself.’ in my mind and that shook the fuck out of me since the voice was more like a cadence than a singular voice, kind of like how I described the voice of God in my journals. I’d read over the pages so many times that I’d practically committed them to memory, and when I heard soft laughter at my realization, it hit me hard that I was supposed to do this when I originally came to Bridleland. That fucked with my head a little bit and I just knew somehow that the Ponies that went missing were all perfectly fine in their homes, none the wiser to the fact that they’d even been gone. I was supposed to go back to England for some reason I just wasn’t aware of, and as I walked through what I smelled to be a forest, I cursed myself for not realizing that the reason shit had gone so far south today because I’d forgone the quest in the first place.

When I came back, whenever that was, if that was ever to be, then it would be after I’d done whatever bullshit task this higher power had set for me. I raged at myself and at God for my mistakes, for my cowardice, but I knew that a normal person in my situation… Well, a normal person never would have been in my situation. I made my shit sandwich on my own through the choices I’d made, and swallowing that pill was tough, but there was nothing I could do about it. Fucking Christ did I ever regret not just getting it over with while I was already in Bridleland. I didn’t know how long I would be gone, but I prayed in my head that I wouldn’t lose too much time to this journey.

While I was beating myself up over my choices, I noticed that the air grew colder and the ground underfoot felt harder. I’d been right in my assumption that it would be winter in England, but I guessed that the higher power had influenced me enough to make sure I didn’t have to face anything I couldn’t handle like frostbite. My legs kept moving until I came to the old church, but unlike the one in Equus’ Wiltshire, the Earth’s Wiltshire church was actually an old church. I hate repeating myself, but that was the best way to get my fucking point across, so fuck you for nitpicking, you overly analytical cock gobbler.

Okay, so I might be a little irritated as I write this, but that’s because I don’t know why the fuck I’m back here on Earth. There was no sudden epiphany, no instant revelation that made me realize that I had something to do while I’m here. On top of that, it’s fucking cold, but something does strike me as kinda important.

So I just walked over to the usual stash place where I hid that pendant oh so long ago. It was still there, but there’s no one to return it to since the people I stole it from are long dead. Ironically, their surnames had been Wiltshire which makes me chuckle as I write.

I just heard a noise outside. I don’t remember anyone ever coming here besides me in the past few years. My telekinesis still works here, so I think my buffed perception does too. I guess I’m gonna go investigate.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I found out what the noise was, and you’ll never fucking believe what it was. It was fucking Maxwell, alive and not fucking dead. Yeah, he’s thinner than when he was healthy, but as I stood there staring at him, we both just gaped for a moment. We couldn’t believe our fucking eyes. I think he was just as shocked as I was, and once we got a good look at who the fuck we were looking at… It was like seeing that your fucking brother isn’t dead. Shit, I don’t know how else to describe it. It was the most intense feeling of relief and anger that I could have ever felt, so my first words were a little harsh.

“Mate, you’re fucking dead!” I cried.

“The fuck are you talking about!? you're dead!” Maxwell replied just as loudly.

We gaped for a little longer, but all I wanted to do was hug my brother and apparently he wanted to do the same. We stood there for a few moments, just enjoying each other’s company. It had been years since I’d seen him, so I had a few questions.

I held him at arm’s length and looked him up and down. “Max, seriously, how the fuck are you alive?”

“I had to fake my death for a few years, mate. Slick Sagiano had a hit on me and I needed to disappear. That, and I actually had cancer.” He shrugged. “I used the money from casing the Rottiney place that I told you was impossible to pay off some doctors to tell you that I was brain dead. Legally, I need you to call me Will from now on.”

My eye twitched. “Are fucking serious? You couldn’t trust me to keep a fucking secret? After everything we’ve been through!?”

‘Will’ held his hands up. “It was for the best, Kaid, I’m telling you. If Slick thought I might still be alive, he would’ve taken your skinny arse to town. Speaking of skinny: for a dead guy, you’re fucking toned.”

I ran a hand through my hair and grabbed Will’s arm dragging him toward the church until he cried out. “What’s the problem?” I asked, letting him go.

“Fucking Christ, do you break bricks with your bare hands now or something!?” He rubbed his arm.

I looked at my hand. “...I’ll explain in a little bit. Let’s get out of the wind and hope no one heard us. Two dead guys being seen together can’t be good.”

“Kaid-”

“Oi. My name isn’t Kaid anymore. When I went away, I took your name” I said softly.

“The fuck would you do that for?” Will asked derisively.

“Fucking reasons. I’ll explain in a bit, so let’s just get into the church, yeah?”

“Whatever you say, man. It’s flipping windy out today.”

“We’re not talking about the weather until we exhaust the fact that I haven’t seen you in years and I’ve been on a different planet for the past eight or so months.”

He followed behind me as we walked. “That’s not that inventive. I don’t take you for someone to leave the good ol’ island.”

I turned around and looked him in the eye. “I’ve been on a different planet for months.”

Will stared at me. “You never could lie to me, mate.”

“Then you know every word is true.”

“...How?”

I waited a moment before answering. When I didn’t feel pain lance through my heart, I shrugged and said, “God. The Capital G sent me off. I’m practically immortal now.”

Will rolled his eyes and whacked my arm, though he shook his hand after making contact. “That’s a crock of shit, and there’s no way you’re telling me any different.”

I looked around for something to show him with. I formed my tentacle and pointed to a tree. “Oi, you see that tree?”

He rolled his eyes again. “No shit, there’s a bunch of-” I swung my tentacle and sank it deep into the wood, gouging out about thirty centimeters of trunk, “... Holy fucking shite.”

I turned back to Will and picked him up with my tentacle. “Don’t doubt me, Will.” I put him down. “I’m telling you the truth. Every word.”

He stared at me, wide eyed. “...How? How can you do that?”

I pointed toward the church. “It’s cold and this jacket isn’t that thick. Let’s talk inside, yeah?”

“Yeah. Yeah, let’s do that.” He said numbly.

And so we had ourselves a seat on some of the old pews and thus began the long process of trading stories. Ma- Will, told me that he’d come here so early in the morning to reminisce and feel some nostalgia about the good old days when we were the Midnight Strollers and that he’d only been back in town for a week since Slick Sagiano had finally moved on to bigger and better towns. The hit on him was forgotten for the time being, and the first thing he’d done when he came back was start digging around, trying to find me. He said that after following a decent string of hints and tips, he’d bribed Oscar the constable to talk about the day when I’d gone into the Chief’s office and never come out.

I had Will tell me about the rest of the things he’d done while he was away. Apparently he only thieved on the side now, preferring to work with computers and hack money into his account rather than the physical stuff we used to do. I applauded him for moving on up in the world and he told me that he could probably get me a job where he worked, but I turned him down and he asked if I was still up to my old ways. I told him that we’d get to it when he told me about his new woman. He wasn’t surprised that I knew he had a woman, but I’d just assumed that he did since he had a nice haircut and was wearing decent looking clothes. The job helped with that, but I was just curious.

Apparently he’d started going out with an old flame that I’d known named Beatrix, and she was keeping him on the straight and narrow for the most part. I’d liked Beatrix since she wasn’t afraid to fight like a man if the situation called for it, and that fire in her belly was the same reason that Ma-Will, came to love her all over again. She’d found him while he was in hiding and took care of him while he was in remission, so now he was trying to pay her back for her kindness. He mentioned that I’d only been gone for a couple months offhandedly and I told him that I’d been gone for far longer on Equus, so he asked if time just worked differently. I assumed that it did since Equus apparently wasn’t in the Milky Way, according to what I could gather.

Something hit me and I had to tell Will that I had met Uror, the Maiden of the Past. He gave me an odd look and asked what I meant until it clicked and his jaw fucking dropped. He was even more stunned to find that I’d had a threesome with her and my wife-to-be and he asked me to tell him the story, so I told him about the Dryads coming to me for help since I’m apparently strong as fuck with Dark Magic. He asked me to show him some of what I could do and I mentioned that I could dive through shadows, but that I could only do that three times a day. I showed him the drawings I could do with the stiletto form of the Warbling Blade and I even let him hold it, half expecting it to go full ‘Banshee’s Razor’ on him. Much to my surprise, it did not, though he nearly dropped the damned thing because of its sheer weight. I flipped it around casually while he called the thing a sharp barbell.

Before I could get started on my full story, Will wanted to reintroduce me to Beatrix so I could share my story with her. I grabbed my satchel and told him that I’d be happy to share my new life with him, though I didn’t want to be spotted dawdling about town until I could get something that would help hide my face. We decided to take the old routes through back alleys since the main roads were going to be dangerous and Will offered to let me hole up at his new flat until I figured out what I needed to do. We carefully avoided talking about how long my visit would be since neither of us wanted to ruin our reunion by putting a time limit on it, but when the conversation lulled a bit, I knew it wasn’t just on my mind.

The back alleys smelled fucking awful. Seriously, I was actually ill in one of the rubbish bins lining the place, and when Will asked what was wrong, I told him that my senses were incredibly sensitive ever since I died and got lost in a murder forest. He really wanted to talk about that, but we had all day since it was still early on a Saturday morning. After I gave up on trying to breathe through my nose, I just held it closed with a hand and we made good time on our way over to Max- Will’s flat. It was in the middle of town, so it was one of the better places and I asked how he’d been able to swing it. His answer was that Beatrix had clean connections that owed her favors for some work she’d done in the past, and when I inquired about that work, he told me that she’d actually become a lawyer mostly dealing mostly in small claims since I saw her a few years before leaving. She’d actually been in law school when I’d met her and when Will went into hiding, he’d taken up refuge in the town where her university had been, which is how she found him.

When we got up to Will’s flat, which was a nice enough place. Beatrix was home, but she didn’t recognize me. She chastised Will for bringing some random guy into their home without telling her first, though she was nice enough to ask him for a word in private. I heard him tell his lover that I was actually 'Kaid' and that she’d met me when she first met him, but she maintained that he should’ve asked her first until he reminded her that I was supposed to be either dead or in jail and that I could do things that she needed to see to believe.

Once they finished up with their business, Will lead the way back into the living room and I sipped on the delicious Coke he’d given me. The artificial flavours tasted weird on my tongue, but it was a good kind of weird. Once they came into view, I gave them a wave.

“Hullo again.” I said casually.

“You know, if you’re supposed to be dead, how are you here?” She asked tersely.

I raised a brow at her. “I didn’t die. At least, I haven’t died here yet. I’d tell you what really happened, but you’re going to think I’m just a spectacular tale-spinner until I prove my powers to you.”

Beatrix scoffed and Will grinned. “What ‘powers’,” She held up some air quotes, “are you going to demonstrate for me? Levitation? Are you going to spontaneously combust or something?”

“I can’t catch fire, but I’ll bet you a night on your couch that I, by myself with no help, can lift you off of your feet without using earthly means to do so.”

She hesitated and looked to Will who was just smiling. “...I swear, if you try something weird, I’m kicking both of you out on the street.”

I wrapped my tentacle around her, but didn’t quite touch her yet. “Will, if you would come over near me.”

He did as I asked and Beatrix crossed her arms. “Look, if you’re just going to stand-” I lifted her with my tentacle and had her legs dangling in the air, “What the bloody fuck!? Put me down! Put me down!” She shrieked.

I put her down gently and lifted the bottle of Coke to my lips, making eye contact with her as I drank from it without using my hand. After putting it in my hands so I could put the lid back on, I looked at her.

“So what are you willing to believe now?” I asked cheekily.

“H-H-How did you do that?” Bea whispered. She’s Bea now. Beatrix takes too long to write.

Will furrowed his brow. “What now?”

“She asked how I did that.” I clarified.

He stared at me. “Mate, she barely moved her lips.”

I tapped my ear. “I hear a lot more than you'd think. I heard your entire conversation in your room, and right now, I’m listening to both of your heartbeats speed up. You’re embarrassed, but don’t be. I usually choose to ignore the shit I overhear because it’s just impolite to listen in, but I’m telling you that I really can’t help it.”

They both stared at me, but Bea spoke first. “...What are you?”

“Technically? I’m an augmented human, but if you want to get into semantics, I’m kinda like a Demigod since I’m pretty much unkillable.” I shrugged. “If you really want to be a dick about things, you could just call me a very strong person.” Or a Revenant. That too.

Will shook his head. “How unkillable are you?”

“Like, I don’t stay dead for more than thirty minutes. No, you’re not allowed to try and kill me because if you do, it’s like a ninety to ten shot that I’ll come back and rip you apart for it. That’s not really something I have control over.”

“Holy shit, mate.” Will ran his hand over his close cropped hair.

“Holy shit is right! Will, what the fuck did you just bring into our home!” Bea cried.

“I brought my brother.” He said defensively. “He’s not the same person he used to be, but that doesn't change the fact that we’ve spent too much time together for him to be anything but!”

“I’d say I’ll leave you guys to it, but Wiltshire thinks I’m dead and I only have like, ten quid in my wallet. I’ve got some gold for you if you’ll let me stay.” I offered.

Bea glared daggers at me. “And just how did you come across this gold?”

“Honest work for the princesses of Equestria.” I said proudly.

“And it’s not in the form of necklaces or bracelets?” She said critically.

I reached into my coin pouch and flipped her one of my hundred bit coins. “I’ve got some silver too.”

“...This can’t be real.”

Will motioned for her to pass it to him. “I’d know better than you would. Lemme have a feel.”

Bea gave him the coin and his eyes shot open. “Bloody hell, this thing has to be at least five grams!”

“It’s probably more. You never were good at weighing things by hand.” I commented.

“Mate, how many of these do you have?”

“Back in Equus? Enough to make you rich and not worry about it. I’m fucking loaded now. I’m telling you, my house is a fucking mansion, but I need to explain why I got it in the first place.” I shrugged. “If we can get a few of these exchanged for cash the legitimate way, then why don’t we go to a buffet or something? I’m pretty sure you don’t have enough food in your house to feed me.”

He and Bea exchanged a look. “We can get you market price on this. Set your bag down somewhere and feel free to take the couch for tonight.”

I grinned. “Radical-”

“Are you still saying that?” Will asked.

“Evidently. Can we get food now?”

They traded another look and Bea shrugged. “I guess you two can catch up after breakfast.”

Will smiled. “Oi, I want you to hear some of this too. Seriously, babe, he’s saying he’s been on a different planet!”

Bea gave me a worried look. “I don’t really doubt it at this point.”

I raised my hands in a placating gesture. “I’m not an alien: I’m just magical, which is still weird, granted. I’ll just read you guys some stuff out of my journal when we get back instead of trying to hop around from place to place so you can get a pretty good idea of where my life’s taken me over the past few months.”

“Then let’s hurry up and feed you so you can tell us about this acid trip you call a life.” Will grinned.

I nodded and we looked at Bea. She sighed and shrugged. “I don’t why you’re looking at me. I just live here.”

Will went over to her and wrapped an arm around her waist. “That’s the spirit, babe!”

And so we were off. Beatrix was about as fond of the back alleys as I was now since they fucking reeked, but I assured her that the smell would only stick if we stopped too long. Will said that it was going to stick to our arses like white on rice anyway. He got hit by his fiancee for having a dummy dumb brain and Bea tried hitting me for lying to her, but when her hand met my arm, she recoiled, shaking it until the pain went away. I’d barely felt a damned thing.

I told Will and Bea that it would probably be fore the best if they didn’t hit me anymore and they both scoffed, stating that they just needed to hit me with something harder, so I wondered if I could get away with bending spoons with my bare hands as a parlour trick. Of course it wouldn’t be a trick and I’d probably be able to do it with my newfound strength, but still. It was incredible that I was so strong back on Earth and I really wanted to see just how far that strength went. On a whim, I tried jumping while we were in the alley and I noticed that I went just a bit higher than usual, and by that I mean I almost fucking cleared Will when I tried harder. He and Bea watched for a moment when I tried to pry a brick out of a wall, and while it took a fair amount of effort, I still managed to do it.

I was fucking psyched.

Will made me stop fucking around so we could hurry up and go get food, but I wanted to try conjuring my Seal since I had the rest of my powers. Will just stared at the Star of David looking thing and Bea mentioned that I wasn’t wearing a yamaka, but I told her that I might as well be one of the chosen people anyway with a shit eating grin. They just rolled their eyes at me and kept walking until we surfaced in the buffet’s part of town. The name of the place isn’t all that important, but their food was pretty good and Will and I had come here often after a big job to fill up on what we could since it was nice to eat all you could without restrictions. We came in and Will paid for the three of us to have some edibles.

I absolutely horrified both of them with the sheer amount of food I put into my stomach, but it was all tasty as fuck and there was enough roast beef for me to have eaten the fucking cow. All the food was fresh since it was so early and there were only a few other patrons besides us, so I was able to clear out a few things from the buffet in a couple of trips. Bea just watched after my third trip since she hadn't been that hungry in the first place and Will started watching after my fourth trip because I was doing something pretty fucking incredible. It didn’t help that I absolutely love Chinese food like no one’s business and hadn't been able to have it while I was in Equestria.

I finished up with a plate full of egg rolls and got cursed at by some of the staff for clearing out their displays so early in the morning until I pointed out that it was an all-you-can-eat kinda place and that I could still eat more. I’d just chosen to stop because I didn’t want to go for their General Tso’s chicken if other people wanted it too. We almost got kicked out because Will decided to be a prick about the whole thing, but Bea made him chill out and I was the one who started the bullshit, so once I left, all was fine.

I started telling them about what I’d been doing when I first got caught and got sent to Equestria, though Beatrix was pretty annoyed that I’d been stealing in the first place. I told her that it was for an officer of the law, and as such, she should blame society and not me. She lightly shoved me, but apparently I was heavy as fuck as well now, so I barely budged. It was nice to be stronger than everyone, but I made a Seal that was pretty much the same as the one I put on Lupa. That mother fucker hurt to put on, but it was worth it to be able to hit Will like the good old days and not break shit. Bea came back and hit me harder when I told her that I was less strong, so I flipped her off and we continued on our way back home, though my hand ached for a good ten minutes after I applied that Seal.

We got back to Will and Bea’s flat soon enough, and when they got me sat down on the couch, I continued with my story, grabbing my journal and glancing at it from time to time to see if I was remembering things correctly. I gave them the rundown of everything from getting tackled by Rainbow right after exiting the Everfree and kept talking up until I hit my first mission in Gryphonia. Will gave me a fist bump when I mentioned that the first thing I did upon meeting a princess was hit on her, but Bea just gave me a withering glare and told me that I should have had more respect for her authority. My argument was that she was receptive to my compliments and that she’d never really given me any signs that she wanted me to stop. Hell, even before I left, I knew Celestia liked to flirt with me and would do so for as long as I was willing to come up with good stuff.

Will was willing to accept that I’d killed a few sentient beings, but he reasoned that killing people in a street fight when you’re as heavily out numbered as I was had to be difficult on the mind. I told him that it fucked me up something fierce for awhile until I talked about it with a few people that helped me ease my conscience, though Bea mentioned that I still didn’t really have any inflection in my voice and I told them about what had happened before I came here. In any case, I’d still had to use some old skills to reclaim the Diadem of Sovereignty. They asked what exactly it was and I told them that it was just a really old crown that only the Princesses could use, though I didn’t know what they’d even use it for.

It was a little past four in the afternoon by the time I got to that point, and Bea was asking if I had more stories to tell. I let her know that me going to Gryphonia had been in mid to late summer, or sometime around then and that I was now approaching summer again, probably coming close to a full year in Equestria, despite my estimates saying that I’d probably only had about eight or so months there. I actually had no clue how long I’d been in Equestria, so that threw me through a bit of a loop since I’d never really put that much thought into it. I’d already spent so much time in Equestria and on Equus that I didn’t even really think about what that meant for me, but now that I thought about it, I’d done a lot of changing in the course of the ten or so odd months I’d been there. I mean, I mentioned to Will that I’d forgiven someone for beating the shit out of me because they were genuinely apologetic, but he and Bea just stared at me like I’d lost my damned mind since I told them that I’d later learned that I’d died from that beating. It was strange to note that, instead of telling me that I’d done the right thing in letting it go, they told me that I was a fool for letting my revenge go un-exacted.

Honestly, it just struck me as wrong to withhold forgiveness from someone who was truly apologetic now. That didn’t mean that I wouldn’t do it because I’m spiteful sometimes, but I’m just less of an angry person like I used to be. I started telling them about Twilight after that since she was my whole world, my heart and soulmate. She was also the main reason I’d calmed down so much since she was just so level headed about most things, and as I spoke about her, Bea and Will held hands and grinned the entire time, recognizing my love for what it was. I spent about thirty minutes just talking about Twilight, so I decided to dive into the rest of my friends while we sorted out what we were going to do for dinner. We decided to order takeout from an Indian place in town since Will is just as fond of curry as I am. Instead of taking the back alleys, he just lent me a hooded jumper and we made our way through town.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After dinner, we put a hold on my stories so Will could bring out a special bottle of liquor. He’d been saving it for some time, so I told him to continue saving it for when he and Bea got married since I wasn’t much of a drinker anymore. He asked what had caused my sudden change of heart and I told him that I just couldn’t get drunk that easily and I’d gotten raped the last time I did get drunk, so it just never held the same appeal to me anymore. The bourbon I had before coming to England notwithstanding, of course. In my defense, I’d only drank so much because I was trying not to dwell on the fact that I might be going away and never coming back, but now I was rather sure that I would be returning to Equestria once I finished with my business here.

Speaking of, unlike Will and I, Bea had no issues asking how long I would be imposing on them. I told her that I knew that I was going back somehow, but I just didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing that would allow me to do so. In essence, I was stuck until I could find a way to unstick myself and no one was happy about that.

“Why don’t you just stay?” Will asked. “You don’t have to stay here. You could get a normal job or you could work with me in my company, Max, and we could-”

“Mate.” I said softly.

He sighed and Bea grasped his hand. “Look, I know you’ve got a lot going for you in Equestria, but you have things here too! You have me, and…”

I looked at him. “Will… The only thing holding me on Earth is you, and I already said goodbye to you. I thought you were dead, and I’m glad you’re not, but I buried you when I thought I was never coming back to see your grave again. I have a lover and a gaggle of pretty decent friends in Equestria on top of being a fucking Duke, having the favor of every royal being I know except for one, and being able to do pretty much whatever the fuck I want. I told you that the Ponies are good people at their core, even if they do some retarded shit from time to time. Honestly? If I could bring you with me and watch over you so things are easier on you than they were for me, I would.”

“Mate, how do you straight up just tell your entire species to go fuck itself!? Flip off your own planet just because another one’s a bit nicer! It’s not just personal, but come on! It’s like, a betrayal of your being!” Will argued.

“Babe, it’s not like that. Would you really ask Max to leave behind the life he’s built for himself just so you can have him around?” Bea proposed.

Will looked away from her. “That’s not what I’m asking.”

“That’s exactly what you’re asking, Will.” She said softly.

He looked at me. “So you’re choosing Equus over Earth?”

I pursed my lips. “If you want to say it like that; Yes, I am.”

Will nodded. “I guess I expected that when you didn’t want to talk about it in the first place. Might as well make some nice memories while we have the time then, yeah?”

“Yeah, exactly.” I gave him a crooked smile. “I’d say let’s go hit the town, but we’re both spoken for and I can’t ask my woman for permission to give some human ladies a try anyway.”

Bea made a distasteful noise. “I still find that absolutely weird.”

“It’s literally a different planet. It doesn’t have to make sense to you.” I pointed out.

“You’re just a slut.” Will laughed.

“Oi! I only became a slut when it was okay to be one! It’s not that I go hunting for dat pusoir! It just falls into my lap, bounces up and down for a little bit, then hops off!”

Bea made a disgusted noise. “Seriously, you’re like the man every man wants to be. A tragic hero with questionable morals and loose women all around.”

I took offense to that. “Hey, the women in my life aren’t loose except for one, and even then, she’s still more than just lips on legs.”

Bea raised a brow. “Which one would that be?”

“A sexy Milf named Fleur.” I crossed my arms.

“And does Twilight let you sleep with Fleur?” She asked, brow raised.

“She asked me to not do that, so I don’t. Twilight and Fleur are like family anyways.” I sniffed.

“So she’s not okay with you just going around and shagging just any random woman?” Will asked.

I nodded. “We have an agreement that we have to meet anyone the other person wants to sleep with, and even then we have to have permission to do anything with them.”

Will shrugged. “If it works for you, it works for you. You said you haven’t actually slept with Twilight yet, right?”

“Not as a guy, but I have as a woman.”

He and Bea stared at me.

I raised a brow at them. “Yes, I’ve been a woman. No, I’ve never had a period. Yes, female orgasms are so much better.”

Will blinked. “Fucking magic.”

I nodded sagaciously. “Fucking magic indeed. Magic I use to fuck.”

“Shut up.” Will and Beatrix said in unison.

I shut up for a few moments before saying, “You’re just jealous that I’ve seen both sides and can flip in between them pretty much when I want.”

Will shrugged. “A little.”

Bea just shook her head. “Men.”

Will and I traded a look. “Women.”

Bea rolled her eyes and huffed. “Seriously, I need to bring my sister over so I’m not outnumbered by you numbskulls.”

I grinned at her. “I know you love him already, but you’ll come to find that I can be quite likeable if you give me a chance. Maybe magicking you a meter into the air wasn’t the best idea for a reintroduction, but still.”

She rubbed her forehead. “Look, you’re a pleasant enough guy, and if Will trusts you, I trust you. I just… You’re pretty much an alien at this point, and I’m sorry to say that, but you don’t really strike me as the Human type.”

That hurt more than I was willing to let on, so I just shrugged. “I get it. I’m magic as fuck and am practically Jesus reincarnate. Speaking of, he was real, but he wasn’t the son of God.”

Will gave me an odd look. “How do you know about that?”

“The second time I died, I met God and he let me write down some stuff in my journal before wiping it from my mind. I still think I might be crazy, but I’m more certain that it actually happened and that they’re not just psychotic ramblings.”

Bea groaned. “For a dead bloke, you’re getting along pretty well.”

“That’s what happens when you have a higher power looking after you. Shit gets done, though I don’t know why.” I said.

“So you seriously think you met God? Like, Capital ‘G’?” Will asked.

“Something has to be moving me between the worlds, mate. If it’s not Him, then who or what?” I replied.

Bea shook her head. “I honestly just can’t believe that God, the Almighty and All-Knowing, would choose a thief of all people to be, like, the next Jesus or something.”

I waved her words aside. “No, you must have misunderstood me. I’m not the messiah by any means, I’m just interesting. He finds me unique, so he’s been putting me through some trials and shit to test my mettle.”

Bea stared me down. “Are you seriously telling me that the God I’ve worshipped my entire life is just some whimsical guy?”

“From what I wrote down, I can tell you that He is the Creator, but he doesn’t have his hands in any earthly business. He makes a planet, lets nature take its course, then sees what he can tweak for the next one. I’m not asking you to believe me as far as my words on God go, but I’m just telling you what I’ve gleaned from my journal.”

Bea sighed and buried her face in her hands, so Will wrapped an arm around her. “So what was dying like, if you remember it?”

“I’ve died three times so far and each one was different.” I said casually.

“Can you describe them?” He asked.

“No problem. The first time, when I was beaten to death, everything fucking hurt until the darkness claimed me. It was basically like blacking out and it was every bit as terrifying as blacking out. The second time was absolutely, gut wrenchingly horrifying. I still remember bits and pieces of going to Hell,” I shuddered as I spoke, “but God wiped that from my mind so I wouldn’t go insane for the rest of my life. The time after that, when I got impaled by a dragon, it was really warm and pleasant, then it got cool quickly and it was a lot like falling asleep. Like I said, each time was different.”

Bea’s head rose from her hands. “You’re one of God’s chosen few and you still went to Hell?”

I shrugged. “Apparently everyone goes.” She looked horrified, so I quickly added, “You don’t stay there forever, you just serve your personal time and move on to heaven once you’re done. Jesus went to Hell for a few minutes and,” I flipped through my journal and found the place I was looking for, “Hitler went for a few million years. I only went for,” I checked my journal again, “one thousand and one hundred years.”

“That was AFTER you killed a bunch of people, right?” Beatrix asked, her voice tight.

“Yup. I probably added a lot more time to my next sentence, but at least I know that Heaven’s waiting for me when it’s over.” Silver linings and all that, I guess.

Bea sighed a breath of relief. “Can I repent for my sins and reduce my time?”

“I have no clue, love.” I admitted. “It never struck me to ask.”

She gave me a womanly look. “You didn’t even think to ask if you could limit your sentence?”

I glared at her. “One thousand and one hundred years. Torn asunder and put back together again just to have the same shit happen over and over again. No, it didn’t fucking strike me to ask if I could’ve repented because I didn’t want to think about it anymore.”

Will coughed and averted his gaze from us. Bea looked a little pissed at my tone, but I could tell that she got the point. “Don’t talk to me like that.”

“I’ll try not to.” I said evenly.

“No, I didn’t ask you to try-” Will removed his arm from her shoulders and put his hand on hers.

“He’s not going to make you a promise because he knows he won’t keep it if the moment comes. Him telling you that he’ll try is the best you’re gonna get, and it’s really not worth arguing over, babe.”

Bea looked offended. “Why are you taking his side on this?”

“It’s a matter between my lover and my brother. I fucked up with Max and I owe it to him to be a better brother.”

I shook my head. “Being alive and happy is all I want from you, bruv. If you want to switch sides to save yourself some trouble, feel free.”

Bea sighed. “Now I feel like a right twat for starting bullshit. Thanks for that.”

Will squeezed her hand and we traded brow raises. Neither of us said what we wanted to because getting thrown out would suck, so I asked if they wanted me to catch them up on a few more of my stories. Bea didn’t want to hear anymore of my heresy and she didn’t want to listen to Will and I talk about the good old days, so we vegged out in front of the telly. For those of you who don’t know what a television is, it’s basically a movie, but on a smaller screen that you can fit inside your house. There are different things on the television you can watch called ‘T.V. shows’ and there are actual movies on T.V, though the things you can watch vary greatly. If you need a more in depth explanation, just ask me, Twilight and/or Celestia, and if you’re not either of them, shit into a cup and snack on it, you filthy fuck.

I started writing in my journal since I had the time when an idea struck me in the face like a metric fucktonne of bricks. I asked Will and Bea if they’d be willing to buy me a lot of pens and gave them half of my remaining gold and silver bits to pay for their time and the money they were using. An hour later, I was cramming pens into every pocket of my satchel, grinning like a fucking fool since this meant that I wouldn’t have to use the crappy fountain pens that Equestria offered for the foreseeable future.

Before I could finish up and mark off where I’d left off, I decided to meditate for a little bit and see if I could still visit Noir. As it turned out, I totally could, and when we saw each other, the first thing we did was embrace like we hadn't seen each other in years. I enjoyed her natural, pleasant scent over the artificial ones that had been pervading from Will and Bea since I’d come across them. Pony body odor smelled kind of like Pepperami, but human body odor just fucking reeked, and Will’s deodorant wore off a bit too early for my tastes, though I know for a fact that he didn’t actually smell all that bad. Smell related things aside, I was glad that Noir was here with me, though I kinda figured that she would be since she was bonded to my soul and not to Equus.

“Maximus! You have no idea how good it is to see you!” She said happily.

“It’s only been like, a day and some change, blackberry.” I replied, confused.

She gave me a worried look. “You have been gone for weeks! When you were walking through the Wiltshire forest, I felt like I was lost in the void until you surfaced near your old safe house. Only then did time return to its natural flow here.”

I stared at her. “I’ve barely been gone for a day and weeks have already passed?” I whispered.

She held my shoulders and looked at me. “It is as you say. Do not fret over something so inconsequential: It could have been years.”

“Still, Noir, fucking WEEKS!” My shoulders slumped and I ran a hand through my hair.

She hugged me tightly again. “Do not worry, my dearest friend. All will work out in the end as it should.”

I hugged her back. “How long do you think it’s going to turn out being?”

“The way you worded that is confusing.”

“But you understand what I mean.” I said.

“I do. I think months may pass in Equestria before you return.”

I sighed hard. “Fuck.”

“Fuck indeed. Would you like to spend some time cuddling or sparring to take your mind off of things?”

“Can we do a bit of both? Sparring first. Preferably against Chrysalis.”

Noir let me go and gave me a look. “I’m not going to let your aggression toward her build any further. You were wrong both times, Maximus.”

“She threatened Twilight, I threatened her species. I think that’s fair.” I said conversationally.

Noir rolled her eyes at me. “One match, and you will stop at first blood.”

“Fucking swag. Let’s get this party started!” I smiled widely and Noir just shook her head, taking us to the usual clearing.

She constructed a replica of Chrysalis, bug wings and all. I looked over to my mentor and she gave me the thumbs up, the sign for me to begin when ready, but as I started toward Chrysalis, the Bug Queen teleported behind me and bit my neck, so I translocated myself behind her and hopped on her back. Once I was properly in position, I reached around, grabbed her chin with one hand and her mane with another, wrenching both in the same direct until I straight up ripped her head off since apparently she has no bones. I found that to be simply delightful and swung her head around once her body fell. Goo was being flung pretty much everywhere and that put a smile on my face until Noir just gave me a disappointed look.

“It is one thing to kill your opponent, but to desecrate their corpse is another.” She scolded.

On a whim, I stopped swinging the head and punted it as hard as I could, doing pretty damn well, if I say so myself. “It’s one thing to threaten me, it’s another thing to threaten Twilight.”

“If I did not know you as intimately as I do, I would say that you are using Twilight as a mere excuse to be evil. That is how you sounded to her.” Noir snarled.

I froze in place. “Really?”

“Yes, really. Doing evil in the name of another is still evil, Maximus. I thought you would realize that on your own.”

“...I guess I could stand to tone it down a bit.”

Noir nodded sharply. “You could indeed.”

I didn’t say anything and just made Chrysalis’ body disappear. I wasn’t going to let go of the fact that she’d offered to beat Twilight instead of me, but I did see Noir’s point. I did seem pretty fucking evil, now that I thought about it. Guilt tingled on my heart since I now knew exactly why Twilight had seemed so hurt, but the only thing that made me feel better was that I hadn't been in control in the first place. I would have said things differently if I wasn’t in ‘Revenant Mode’, though they still would have amounted to the same thing. It might not have made Twilight shy away from me, or maybe she would have been glad that I was so protective of her.

“Stop saying that you will hurt others, at least in detail, in front of Twilight and you two should be fine.” Noir said, losing the edge to her tone.

I shook my head and started walking in a random direction. Noir followed me and caught up quickly since she’s tall as fuck and her strides are longer than mine, but when she was by my side, she allowed me to do my thinking. I didn't like hurting Twilight or making her feel like she was a paltry excuse for violence, and being so far away from her, knowing that my window to apologize for my actions was either closed or was closing rapidly didn’t make me feel any better. I just wanted to be by her side so I could tell her that I would do anything to protect her, but that I would be willing to listen if she told to hold back. I wanted to tell her that she was the one who could tame the hateful beast inside me that wanted to lash out at those who tried to strike against her, but I just couldn’t. Not right now, at least. I needed to do whatever the Almighty wanted me to do while I was on Earth before I could return to her side, but even then, I knew there were changes within myself that had to be made. I’d been slowly regressing back into a prick, but I needed to show Twilight that I could be as good as she saw me to be.

“Twilight loves you, Max.” Noir said softly.

“And yet I keep showing her the worst side of me.”

She laid a hand on my shoulder and stopped me. “She loves that side of you too, but it is hard for a peaceful Pony to see in person.”

“It’s hard to know that you could lose control and mentally scar the person you love at any given moment. Noir, is there really no way to stop me from doing that ever again?”

My mentor looked at me sadly and shook her head. “Now would be a good time for some platonic cuddling.”

“Agreed.”

And so we did. We went back to my old house, choosing to sit on my old couch and watch a movie. I laid my head on Noir shoulder and she wrapped an arm around me, holding me close to her. I didn’t bother watching the movie and just closed my eyes, focusing on Noir’s scent and the white noise the movie quickly became. I eventually opened my eyes and she let me go, holding my hand with both of hers.

“Finish your journals and rest. It has been an emotionally trying day for you.”

I nodded and sighed, closing my eyes to follow her advice. When I opened my eyes, Will was snapping his fingers in front of my face and I just gave him a look. “Can I help you, mate?”

“Yeah, actually. Beatrix and I are hitting the sack. You need a blanket or something, or are you super magical and don’t need one?”

“I’d like one if you have one to spare.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Something’s wrong with you, man. You sounded dead before you started meditating, but now you sound like you wish you were. I got time to talk, if you want to.”

I sighed. “I threatened to massacre a species in front of my fiancee and that made her think that I was using her as an excuse to go and do bad shit. I made her feel like I didn’t love her for who she was and that kills me.”

Will nodded. “Shit would fuck with anyone, but you always have been a bit softer when it comes to women you like. When you get back to Equestria, I’m sure you’ll be able to talk to her and clear things up. I know for a fact that you’re not using her as an excuse.”

“Damn straight, I just hate that I made her feel like I was.”

He clapped my shoulder. “Shit’ll work out for you. It usually does, one way or another. I’m gonna go grab you that blanket.”

“Thanks. Not just for the blanket-”

“Shut up. You don’t thank many people and I don’t want you starting now.”

“Eat a dick, wanker.” I chuckled.

He smiled. “That’s the prick I know and love.”

Will went off to grab me that blanket and I took out my journal so I could continue where I’d left off. I kept a lamp on so I could finish up and he asked if I put everything into my journals and I told him that I did, so he asked if I put sex in there. I told him that I did, in fact, record some of my sexploits beyond the odd mention or two. It was a little awkward since I knew he wanted to read what I’d written, but didn’t want to read about my sex life at the same time since that would be a little weird. I offered to tell him about it in the morning, but he said that he would be going to church with Bea and that they most likely wouldn’t be back until noon. With that being said, he wished me a good night and told me that he and Bea had talked while I was meditating. I could use their home as my own until I figured out what I needed to do, so that was nice.

After he told me that I had time to figure out what I needed to do, I rested a bit more easily, though sleep isn’t going to come easily. As I write, I wish I knew that restful sleep spell Twilight and Trixie knew so I could catch some shut eye, but I know it’s not going to happen. I’m just laying here, waiting for the familiar-

Wait.

I know what I have to do. Sagiano wants my brother dead and he’s just now coming back into town after being away for months, which just so happens to be around the same time I was sent back to Earth. That’s not a fucking coincidence, and if it is, I can’t deal with that. I need to keep an eye on things.

Looks like Kaid is coming back.

Author's Notes:

Another chapter, more words to read.

I don't have much to say about this Chapter. Looks like Maxwell isn't dead though, so that's cool.

As Always, Stay Cool, Kids.