Fuck weddings. First and foremost, fuck weddings, and fuck all the bullshit they entail. Before moving on to the events of the 'Royal Wedding', there were a few days between my last entries and now, so I’ll cover them now: They were boring. I ended up asking Celestia if I got a reward for winning my match against Blueblood since I finally remembered to do it, but she told me that she was working on hammering out the final details. I told her that I just wanted to collect a favor for giving her a show, but Celestia reminded me that I could ask anything of her anyways, so I was stuck wondering what the prize was.

While I was on my remembering shit streak, I’d had a chat with Rarity and told her about making sportswear for women and she took to the idea rather well. I helped her draw up a few sketches that she refined, but within a few hours, we had something functional that would hopefully bear fruit sometime soon. I also asked if Blueberry Tart had approached her about mass producing a specific design for her shop as a test run and Rarity told me that she hadn't given it much thought. I let her know that it could help spread her business even more and she eventually warmed up to the idea, though she liked her stuff to be one-of-a-kind.

After waking up next to Twilight on the first day, we did our usual things. Coffee, showers, then breakfast. I made some frittatas because Pinkie showed me how to make them in the past and I was rather fond, thus I taught Spike how to make them so he could surprise me on whatever bulshit holiday he wanted. Twilight liked them well enough, but she said that they tasted strange, like there had been something else in the pan before I’d cooked the vegetables.

Of course, the taste she was most likely describing was meat from a weird goat thing I’d found in the Everfree. I’d cooked it the night before using the same skillet, but I thought that I’d washed it well enough to scrub off any remaining flavors. Apparently cast iron holds onto those flavors pretty well, because I could taste the slightest hint of goat in my frittata as well. Spike was totally down for it and devoured his food like it was the first meal he’d seen in months and even offered to clean up since he’d appreciated my cooking so much. I'd have to remind myself to have him over for a bite of steak or something later.

Once breakfast was done, Twilight actually had to go tend to the library since some people were complaining about it being closed whenever they went by, but I found that to be completely fucking stupid since no one ever stopped by anyways. Seriously, in seven or so months of living in Equestria, I’d only seen three people come in to check out a book of any kind, so I was understandably frustrated that I had to miss out on spending the day in my home. I still got to spend it with Twilight, but that’s not what I’m bitching about.

There were no visitors throughout the day, so Twilight and I lazed about on the couch until I got bored and started doing pushups. I never did enough at once to make me break more than a slight sweat, but even when Twilight thought adding her weight would be funny again, I still didn’t make much of a mess. Twilight requested that I take my shirt off for some unknown reason, but since we were in private all day, I didn’t mind too much. She spent quite some time tracing lines on my skin, though she focused on the fading ‘Kingslayer’ scar that was still on my forearm. She asked why it hadn't healed yet since my healing factor should have taken care of it, but I didn’t really have an answer for her, so we sent a note to Celestia asking if she knew. She did, in fact, know why the scar wasn’t fading, and it was a combination of Old Magic and the way the cuts were applied. I shrugged it off since it didn’t really bother me in my day to day life, but Twilight wanted the thing gone since it was a memento of some good old fashioned regicide.

Other than that, nothing happened on the first day, and the second day saw an awful lot of packing. Since I’d slept at Twilight’s, we started picking out outfits for her first, though she was loathe to pack a real pair of pants. I told her to stop being so lazy with her attire and she took offense to that until I explained that I thought slipping on a skirt was easier than putting legs in pants. Twilight asked why I didn't wear more skirts as Roxy, or at least, why I didn’t wear them very often in public and I told her that I really just didn’t like crossing my legs when I sat down; a token of my male superiority.

Noir just told me that I should start nailing males if I think they’re so much better. If I didn’t find the idea so unappealing, I’d do it just to fuck with her.

Once we had Twilight’s bags packed, we walked over to my house instead of teleporting so we could enjoy the weather. Packing my shit was a lot easier than packing hers because damn near everything I own matches. When your wardrobe is as limited with its color scheme as mine, it’s not very hard. I had Twilight pick out my most official Baron suit so I could be presentable for the wedding, but the rest of the things she suggested were the shirts that we’d gone shopping for the other day. I was already wearing a tight purple crew neck as per her request, so I figured I would take two of Twilight’s favorites and one of mine so it was fair. Twilight tried to argue that I’d gotten to pick out more of what she was going to wear, but I reminded her that I’d only packed four outfits while she’d packed six, so that conversation was nice and short. I still didn’t understand why she needed so many different outfits since her bridesmaid dress was going to be made for her and we’d only be there for two or three days, but it wasn’t really my place to question the complexities of the female mind.

Once our two day buffer was up, the girls all met up at Twilight’s and we walked to the train station so we wouldn’t wear her out. The girls talked the entire way to Canterlot, but all Twilight wanted to do was stare out the window and tune out the babbling. I wanted her attention more than she wanted to look out of the window, though the way I went about getting it might have been a bit cheaty. I used my tentacle to stroke the insides of her thighs while she was deep in thought, waking her from her daydream. Twilight whacked me and called me lewd, but when I went to retort, she told me that embarrassing her would only make her withhold any favors, so I whispered that she could guzzle cum like the greatest of sluts into her ear when she started staring out of the window again, making her choke on her own saliva. I got hit for that, but it was so worth it.

We arrived in Canterlot around noon and started making our way toward the Castle. On the way in, we’d passed through some kind of magical barrier that made my stomach churn when we passed through, nearly making me lose my breakfast, but the nausea passed soon enough. There were a fuck ton of Day Guards around when we got off the train, but Rarity said that it was most likely just the ‘necessary precautions’, but I found the whole thing to be rather dumb since it wasn’t like anyone was going to pull anything in the Capital where two of the most powerful beings on the planet resided. I mentioned my thoughts to Twilight offhandedly, but she wasn’t really paying that much attention, so I let it slide. In any case, anyone who wanted to attack Canterlot was either suicidal or retarded. While we travelled through town, the girls took time to sightsee and look at just about everything while I just wanted to hurry the fuck up and get there. I kept my comments to myself, however, and busied myself with plying my old trade while we were slowly making progress.

I didn't actually steal anything, but I got a few people with some slight of hand when I stole watches, rings, and bracelets right before their very eyes. The girls watched me from time to time while I worked, but Twilight was more focused on making sure I gave things back than trying to figure out how I could simultaneously chat and steal. I never kept anything because I didn’t need to, and most people were just entertained by my slight of hand.

I saw Fancy and Fleur out and about while we were taking our time, but Twilight told me that we could stay an extra day if I really wanted to visit them. I accepted these terms since they were reasonable enough, but I was still a little irritated that I hadn't been allowed to take my own aside like everyone else had. Twilight explained that she was sure that I’d end up talking to them for far longer than anyone else’s little matters of intrigue, but when I rolled my eyes at her, she stopped trying to make excuses.

After taking far too much time strolling through Canterlot, we got to the Castle nearly two hours after getting into Canterlot. It doesn’t even take a full hour to get there if you’re not slow as fuck. I blamed Rarity for stopping by damn near every shop we’d passed along the way, but no one else had a problem with the fact that her bullshit had made us late while my bullshit would have taken all of five minutes. Seriously, for a land that’s all about fairness and that garbage, they really do turn a blind eye to double standards.

With my mood mildly soured, we were greeted at the gate by none other than the Great White Prick. He rushed over once he saw us and stopped in front of Twilight. “Twily! It’s so good to see you!”

Twilight crossed her arms and glared at him. “I’m sure it is.”

Shining glanced around at the girls who were all looking away. “Okay, something’s not right here.”

“What’s not right is that I had to find out from Princess Celestia that you were getting married! I didn’t even know you had a special somepony!” Twilight set her jaw.

“Oh. That.” He said sheepishly. “Look, I’ve just been really busy-”

“Too busy to write your own sister?” I cut in. “Mate, you really need a better excuse. If you’re busier than either of the Princesses, I’ll eat my nonexistent hat.”

“Who asked you?” Shining spat.

Twilight snapped her fingers in his face. “There’s my special somepony, so where’s yours?”

Shining recoiled. “Twily, he’s not your special somepony if he’s dating two other mares and doing who knows what with how many others!”

“If you actually bothered to read the letters I sent you, you’d know that Max picked me. And actually, I know what because Max tells me.” Twilight said venomously, flashing him her ring.

“...Oh.” Shining said, his face coloring. Something clicked. “Wait, you can't be engaged to this guy!”

“I’m not, we’re waiting on that, but I really don’t see how it’s really an issue to you. It’s not like you even care.” Twilight huffed shakily.

“Twily, I really do care, but being the Captain of The Guard isn’t easy! I’ve been maintaining a shield over Canterlot for weeks now,” He winced, “and it’s really been taking its toll on me. The only reason I’m even getting through it is because of my special somepony-”

“Who I still haven’t met yet.” Twilight interrupted.

Shining sighed. “You know her personally, Twilight. I wouldn’t just pick up some random mare and not tell you about it.”

“That statement is so flawed, I’m not even going to touch it. Twilight, bandying about with words isn’t getting us anywhere. Let’s just go get you introduced to Cadance.”

“That’s Princess Mi Amore Cadenza to you.” Shining snarled.

I laughed at him. “I’ll call her whatever the bloody fuck I want, mate.”

Shining shot me a dark glare that promised I’d pay for my words, but when Twilight snapped her fingers in his face again, he turned back to her. “Look, Twilight, I’m sorry that I haven’t been in touch, but protecting Canterlot is my sole duty right now. Here, watch this.”

He stepped back and his horn lit up with some pretty gay magic, but once it seemed to charge up, he released a beam of magic that went straight up into the barrier surrounding us, making it turn slightly more opaque. Shining winced again and put a hand to his head, grimacing.

Twilight winced right along with him. “So you’re the only pony holding this barrier up?”

“Yeah. There was a threat against Canterlot, so Princess Celestia had me ramp up security. I’m the only one who can cast the spell, so the burden’s been on my shoulders all this time.” But you don’t have any spare time. None at all?

“Oh… I guess that would keep you awfully busy.” Twilight said, losing most of her steam. “Still, you should have told me that you were getting married!”

“I know, Twilight, but I guess it just slipped my mind…” He said sadly. “If you’re that upset about it then I guess you wouldn’t want to be my Best Mare.” Bribery. Way to go, mate.

Her eyes lit up. “Me? Your Best Mare? Shining, I’d be honored!”

I sighed inwardly, disappointed with Twilight for giving in so easily. “I’m glad to hear that! I wouldn’t have anypony else anyway.” Shining grinned.

Twilight smiled at him. “Thank you! So who is this mare anyways? I’ve never heard of another Princess other than Celestia and Luna.”

Shining grinned deviously. “You know her pretty well. After all, you were really fond of Cadance.”

Twilight tapped her chin. “The only Cadance I know of is my old foalsitter, but you…” She trailed off and Shining just kept smiling. “It’s THAT Cadance!?”

“Yup.”

Twilight squealed and started going on about the things they used to do together when she was still a foal. Playing on swings, having picnics, walking around town fixing relationships with love magic: Typical Equestrian bullshit. While Twilight was practically bouncing around, Shining and I chuckled at her excitement, though when we heard each other, he tossed a glare my way. I rolled my eyes and went back to watching Twilight, barely listening to her babbling since I already knew all of this. As Twilight was chanting something about Shining marrying Cadance, the candy colored Princess herself showed up.

“I hope I’m not interrupting something.” She said severely once she was a few meters away.

I frowned immediately. Cadance wouldn’t take such a fierce tone needlessly, and something just wasn’t right about the way she walked. I gave her a little more attention and noticed that she was walking like she was about to deck someone, but the Cadance I knew was too mild for that.

Twilight completely missed her tone. “Cadance!” She rushed over to her and started doing a goofy little dance. “Sunshine sunshine, ladies bugs awake! Stomp your hooves and do a little shake!”

I bit my thumb to prevent myself from straight up laughing at her, though I heard a few snickers from the girls. Cadance just looked at her like she was completely retarded. “Right. What was that?”

Twilight ignored her tone again, but it felt like the Princess didn’t remember my lover at all, despite discussing her for hours when we’d first talked. “Cadance, don’t you remember? It’s me, Twilight! You used to foalsit me when I was little!”

Cadance gave her a disdainful look. “Uh huh.” Alright, there’s a red flag.

She joined Shining Armour and lightened up considerably. Shining threw an arm around her and said, “I’ve gotta go make sure Canterlot stays running, but Cadance will be dropping in on you and your friends throughout the day, so I’m sure you guys will have plenty of time to catch up. I think I speak for both of us when I say we’re happy to see you.”

“Absolutely.” Cadance said, narrowing her eyes.

Twilight gave her an odd look and Cadance told the girls where they needed to go. Spike was lost since he had to plan the bachelor party and hadn't even known what one was up until we’d been on the train, so Cadance told him to ‘figure something out’ like she didn’t really give a shit about what he did. Twilight scratched her head at the ice cold reception she’d gotten, but she couldn’t really say anything at the moment. She eventually went to go check on the decorations and whatnot, but I had to stay by Cadance’s side, much to my displeasure. Even if I was doing something boring, I would have rather been with Twilight.

Once we were alone, Cadance started walking away from me without saying anything. She’d gotten a decent distance away until she realized that I wasn’t following. “Um, hello? Are you coming?”

“Change your tone and I might.” I replied flippantly.

Cadance stood up straighter. “Get over here. now.” Red flag number two. Something’s up.

“Bitch, did you not fucking hear me? I don’t know who the bloody fuck you think you’re talking to, but it sure as Hell isn’t me.” I snarled.

She pointed to the ground in front of her. “Are you not my attendant?”

“No, I’m your friend. What’s up your arse, Cadance? First you snub Twilight, now you talk to me like you think I can be cowed or something.”

Cadance stormed over to me. “You are a servant. You do what I say, when I say it. If I tell you to jump-”

I slapped her. “Get the fuck outta my face.”

She held her cheek and gaped at me. “Y-You hit me.”

“No shit. Do I have your attention now?” I curled my lip.

“I’m a Princess. You can't hit me!” She protested.

“I’m a prick. You learned that the first time you met me. If you really think that I’m just going to let you be a fucking cunt to me all day, then you’ve got another thing coming.”

“Do you have no respect for authority?” Red flag number three. Suspicious as fuck.

“None at all. Keep that in mind the next time you try to order me around.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Give me one reason to not call the guards on you.”

“Uh, they’re not going to do shit to me? Cadance-”

“Who said you could call me by that name?” She hissed.

That was all the evidence I needed. I wrapped my invisible tentacle around her throat and came in close. Her eyes widened as she felt the pressure increase. “Alright love, we’re taking a field trip. Walk normally, or you die. Call for help, and you die. Try anything and guess what?” I loosened my tentacle.

“You don’t scare me.” She hissed.

“Then you’re a fucking fool. Let’s go.”

I marched her through the castle towards the room I’d stayed in during my first trip to Canterlot because I knew the way by heart. I could keep up a half decent pace and ‘Cadance’ didn’t try anything stupid, though she did talk to an awful lot of people on our way there. I listened close for any potential cries for help, but the only one she tried was silenced as it was leaving her throat by tightening my telekinetic hold around her. She got the point after that and didn’t try anything else.

When we arrived at our destination, I stopped a passing butler and asked him to make sure that we weren’t disturbed for the next two hours, give or take and he swore that our secret was safe with him. I thought that was amusing, so I let him think whatever he wanted and carted ‘Cadance’ into the room, locking the door behind us. I drew the Warbling Blade and poured some Dark Magic into it, forming it into the stiletto so I could draw defenses on the door, just in case someone could break into my impromptu interrogation room. I considered taking her to Celestia, but on the off chance that it really was Cadance, I wanted to keep these matters between us.

Once I’d drawn my sigils, I turned to face her, but she was trying to cast some kind of magic. If her behavior hadn't tipped me off, then the color of her magic would have. I tightened my tentacle and she lost focus, losing the spell she’d been building up. I stalked over to her and flipped the Warbling Blade in the air as I stepped, catching it by blade or handle with the ease that comes from years of doing similarly dumb shit.

I pulled up two chairs and forced our imposter to sit in one while I took the other. “Alright, so you’re obviously not Cadance.”

She glared at me. “Who the buck do I look like then?”

“Cadance, but you’re not her. You made too many simple mistakes to be the candy-coated lover-girl I know.”

The imposter continued trying to drill holes into my eyes. “I am Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, and I will not stand-”

I reached over and backhanded her. “Keep lying to me and I’ll start doing that with a knife.”

She started shaking. “What can I do to convince you that I’m me?”

“How about remembering the girl you took care of for years? Or maybe by remembering a guy that you tried to sleep with two years ago.” Her eyes widened. “And maybe you could start by having the right color of magic. Cadance’s is light blue. Yours is green.”

“Maybe I forget a pony or two over the years-”

“I met Cadance and the first thing I did was what?” I challenged.

“How am I supposed to remember!? That was years ago!” She argued.

I sat back in my chair and chuckled. “That wasn’t even three months ago, love. You swallowed your own hoof.”

The imposter’s eyes widened as she realized I’d caught her in a lie. “So what? I meet a lot of ponies-”

“That’s right. You meet a lot of Ponies.” I smirked at her. “If you recall, Celestia told you I was a one of a kind being. A…?” I gestured for her to continue.

“It’s obvious I don’t remember.” She spat.

“So you don’t remember meeting the only member of a species? You’re not gaining any ground here. You know, I’m sure Celestia will understand.” I rose from my seat and started pulling her right up along with me.

“Wait!” She cried.

I raised a brow and her horn started glowing again, but I wasn’t having any of it. “I can literally see you casting magic.”

“...If you take me to Celestia, Cadance dies.” She threatened.

I pushed up one of her sleeves and cut her quickly. She winced and tried to pull away from me. I noticed that her blood was green, telling me that she wasn’t even a pony. “I told you that I’d start using the knife if you keep lying to me.” I shoved her sleeve back down, the sickly green staining it quickly.

The look of fury on her face made me smile. “I’ll tell you where the real Cadance is, just don’t go to Celestia!”

I crossed my arms. “Why not? Celestia can rip that information from your mind, and as an Operative, it’s my duty to help weed out the worst when I can.”

She balled her hands up so hard I could hear her knuckles pop. “I’ll make you a deal. Anything you want; Just name it.”

I cracked up at that. The imposter just stared at me until I stopped laughing at her ridiculous suggestion. “What do you have that Celestia herself doesn’t? I have the favor of both Princesses, so it’s not like you can offer me anything.”

She glared at me before changing shape before my very eyes, growing taller and paler until she turned all the way into Celestia. “I can give you any mare you want. Any stallion, too. All you have to do is let me go and I’ll leave you alone for as long as you want.”

I laughed harder this time, actually doubling over. I still kept my eyes on the shapeshifter and she still glared at me. “Look, love. If I hadn't already laid Celestia, I might honestly be tempted, but I dated her for awhile. Do you have anything other than sex? Because most Ponies aren’t really all that hard to convince for a quick romp.”

“If ‘quick’’ is a problem for you, I can fix that with magic.” She said, hope glimmering in her voice.

“My dick is magic.” I smirked.

“...Please tell me you’re kidding.”

“Tell me who you really are.”

She bit her lip and looked off to the side, but I wasn’t falling for that old trick. I stared at her with a bored expression and started marching her out the door, but she said, “Please! Anything you ask! Anything!”

“There’s two ways you’re getting out of this room: Dead, or heading toward Celestia. Keep it up and we’ll see if you change forms after dying to death.” I said simply.

She switched back to being Cadance. “I see. If I must meet my fate, then I’ll do it with dignity.”

I nodded. “Wise choice. Same rules, same promise. Understand?”

“I do.”

“Then let’s get a move on.”

I marched her out the door and she tried to sprint out once the door was open, but strangulation has a funny way of putting a damper on plans like that. She clutched at her throat until I loosened up, but when I came out of the room, she held her head high like she hadn't just tried to run like a cornered rat. I was finding the constant strain of keeping my telekinesis up to be rather headache inducing, but I needed to keep it up, so I steeled my resolve and kept going.

Celestia was in her room, according to the random staff member I asked, so I took Cadance through the Castle and into Celestia’s wing, but our pace was starting to get to me. I considered just giving her a Black Eye to make things easier on my brain, but I doubted that any of the guards would have allowed me to carry around an unconscious Princess. Hell, I was surprised that there weren’t any surrounding me with spears after I’d slapped her, but I guess I built up a bit of a reputation for being a dick in general around the Castle.

When we came to Celestia’s room, the shapeshifter tried to have me open the door, but I asked one of the Day guards to do it for me. ‘Cadance’ argued that a gentlecolt would open the door for a lady and I reminded her that I never claimed to be one. She tried ordering me to do it, barring the guards from doing it themselves, but I told them that I’d have Celestia look into them personally if they disobeyed me on this. The shapeshifter used Cadance’s status to overrule mine, so instead of taking my eyes off of her to open the door since it swung outward. I beat on Celestia’s door a few good times because I’m not fucking stupid.

The shapeshifter was visibly pissed, but I was making it hard to breathe since she’d tried to pull some bullshit on me, so she couldn’t really say anything. It took a minute, but Celestia opened the door with a furious look on her face that made the shapeshifter flinch. It swiftly changed to one of matronly kindness once she saw the imposter, but I didn’t miss the narrowing of her eyes when she saw me.

“Maximus. I’m assuming there’s a reason you were beating on my door like somepony just burned down the castle.” She said irritably.

“I would ask why you’re so quick to assume it was me, but I really need you to step out of the way right now.” I said in the same tone.

Celestia’s brow furrowed. “I’m busy at the moment-”

“This can’t wait.” I interrupted.

“I see. You can’t even wait for me to finish a sentence?” She asked icily.

“What part of fucking urgent do you not fucking understand?” I said through my teeth. The pounding in my head had only grown since coming into Celestia’s wing, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep up my restraints.

Celestia glared at me for a moment before throwing her door open, barely missing me in the process and breaking my line of sight on the shapeshifter. I lunged past it quickly and caught the imposter in the middle of a spell, choking her and causing her to clutch at her throat again. My poor brain ached at the strain and the sudden movement, but I was too close to getting this over with for me to fuck it up now. The guard immediately pointed spears at me, though I wasn’t worried about them.

Celestia levitated me with her magic once she saw ‘Cadance’ was struggling to breath. “Maximus! Let. Her. Go.”

“That’s not Cadance! Check her blood, it’s green!” I hissed.

Celestia’s eyes widened and her eyes searched the imposter’s body for any sign of green
blood as I eased up the pressure on her. She gasped for air and Celestia latched onto the arm I had cut, lifting her sleeve to see that I was telling the truth.

“Mother of Equus…” Celestia dropped me, jarring my concentration and giving the imposter the chance to light her horn up again.

In one desperate attempt, I grabbed a knife from my boot and threw it straight into one of her arse cheeks, breaking her concentration and allowing Celestia to cast a spell of her own. A bubble formed around the two and I just rolled over onto my back, pressing my palms into my eyes in an attempt to quell the pain behind them. I noticed that I was being levitated again, but I didn’t really care where I was going at this point since Celestia seemed to have things covered, so I was just along for the ride.

After a long walk and some time to recover, I felt like I could open my eyes without sending serious pain into my brain, so I gave it a shot. It was bright as fuck, but I’d had my eyes closed for a good ten minutes, so what the fuck did I expect. Once I started looking around again, I asked Celestia to put me down so I could go throw up in one of her decorative urns, but at least I hadn't just done it on the floor. Celestia maintained the bubble and had magical handcuffs on the imposter, so she wasn’t going anywhere soon, though she did float my knife back to me after I was done being ill.

We alighted to the rarely used Throne Room and Celestia had a servant grab Shining Armour and Twilight from whatever duties they were doing at the time so that they could join us. Twilight just teleported to us and looked around, spotting me sitting on one of the steps to Luna’s throne and Celestia with her bubble. She wasted no time in rushing up to Celestia.

“Princess! Why do you have Cadance in a containment bubble!?” She asked, panicking.

Celestia shook her head. “Twilight, this isn’t Cadance. You remember the creatures called Changelings, yes?”

“The ones that can… Change their forms…” Twilight’s jaw dropped and the imposter glared at her.

“Once your brother returns, we will find the true Cadance, so do not worry.” Celestia said calmly. “He should be arriving at any moment.”

In Equestria, in most cases, Shining would have shown up then and there, but it took the guy a good twenty minutes to arrive. When he did, he looked pissed off to no end and straight up ignored Twilight, Celestia, and the Changeling, preferring to focus his attention on me. My best guess is that the butler guy did not keep our supposed tryst a secret. Shining strode up and cocked his fist back, but I was too tired to dodge it and I really just wanted to see him lose his position for clocking someone who hadn't done a damned thing to him. Sadly, before he could get a real good fuck up in, Twilight stopped him with her cheatsy bullshit magic.

“Twilight, let me go! This- this, creature has the nerve to sleep with my fiance the day before my own bucking wedding!”

I groaned. “Mate, do you not see Celestia standing not even five meters from you? I’m not dealing with your shit, so fuck off.” I folded my hands over my stomach and leaned back onto the steps. It was very uncomfortable, but it made me look like more of a prick, so fuck comfort.

“Shining Armour.” Celestia said, deceptively calm. “You’ve failed me once today, don’t add to the list.”

Twilight’s magic faded with Shining’s anger. “What? What do you mean, Your Majesty?”

Celestia pointed at the imposter and it changed forms slowly, like it was resisting whatever Celestia was trying to do. In a minute or so, everyone was now looking at a pony that had an insect-like carapace, a long, sharp horn, and holes in everything from her wings to her limbs. She was somewhere between the most terrifying thing and the coolest thing I’d ever seen, but what was even cooler was seeing Shining’s face collapse as he realized his lover wasn’t who he’d thought she was. I know I’m a right arsehole for taking pleasure in his pain, but there really was no love lost between us.

“...What is that?” He murmured.

“This, Shining Armour, is a Changeling. One that slipped through your barrier, and I’m willing to bet that this is the orchestrator of attack that’s supposed to be coming.” Celestia said matter-of-factly.

Twilight came and sat next to me, so I leaned forward and put an arm around her. “Princess, if that Changeling is posing as Cadance, then where is she really?” Twilight asked fearfully.

“We’re about to find out.” Celestia stated. The Changeling tried to move, her wings fluttering furiously, but she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

Celestia touched her horn to the Changelings and I could hear the corrupted looking creature hiss and swear some creative curses at the solar Monarch. It took a few minutes, but once Celestia had what she wanted, she added more magical shackles to the Changeling before dropping the bubble.

“Shining, Cadenza is in the catacombs below the Castle. Send a squadron down to search for her, but be warned: You will not be able to cast magic down there, so do not go yourself. Patience is a virtue that would serve you well.” She advised.

Shining stared blankly at her for a long moment before shaking his head and saluting, dashing off to go fulfill his orders. I took the time to rise from my seat with Twilight following close behind until I made it clear that I was heading for the Changeling, but all she did was hesitate for a step before following me.

Celestia gave me an odd look when I waved a hand in front of our prisoner’s face. “So you’re not dead. That’s a plus, right?”

She glared at me and glanced at Celestia. “The effect is still the same. My people will starve.”

I cocked my head to the side. “Alright, you’re going to have to explain that one. I’m not seeing how posing as a princess no one knows of feeds anyone.”

She glanced at Celestia again, waiting for her to say something. When Celestia stayed silent, she said, “My people, my Changelings feed on emotion.”

I looked at her expectantly for a few moments, but when she didn’t say anything, I spread my hands. “Seriously, I need more than that. As long as you didn’t kill anyone, I’m sure you’ll get out of this alive.”

She narrowed her eyes. “I haven’t killed a person yet. Doing so would limit my already small resources.”

I rolled my eyes. “Are you just going to dodge the question until I slap you again, or are you going to speak up?”

She spat in my face. “Only cowards assault prisoners.”

I wiped her saliva off of my face. Celestia put a hand on my shoulder, but she couldn’t stop me from doing the same to the Changeling. I may have hocked a loogie that she couldn’t wipe off. “Celestia, did you learn her motive or her name?”

Celestia gave me a disapproving look and magicked away the mess on the Changeling’s face. “I do. She planned on attacking Canterlot so that she could allow her Changelings to feed on the populace, but it should be known that this was her final move. Queen Chrysalis has no more viable means to feed her people.”

I thought about it for a moment. “So her species is going to die off because they can’t get fed?”

Celestia nodded. “It is unfortunate, but I don’t see a way that we could help her, and I’m woefully against doing so anyway. She was planning on leaving my niece to die.”

I gave her a look. “Don’t pretend like you haven’t done worse things for the sake of your own people. If all she needs is people to feed off of, then why aren’t we asking what happens after Changelings feed? What emotions do they feed on? Who can we offer them so that this doesn't happen again? Can we start offering criminals a choice between Tartarus or being a Changeling slave or something?”

“...I forget that you’re not an idiot all the time, but then you make statements like that and I wonder why you act like a fool.” Celestia looked to Chrysalis. “As much as I would enjoy seeing your people suffer for being leeches,” Damn, that’s harsh, “I believe that you would be far more useful as an ally. Until further notice, you are a prisoner of Equestria, but once Luna awakens, we will mete out our terms.”

Chrysalis looked like I’d smacked her around with party balloons while expecting them to do something. “...Are you telling me that you will actually consider helping my people?”

Celestia gave her a stern look. “I would hate for an entire race to die off just because I was angry, though I’m not afraid to correct a mistake.”

Twilight grabbed my hand and I squeezed it. “See, Chryssy? This is what you get when you try being nice instead of being a fucking cunt.” Chrysalis drew breath, but let it out without saying anything. To no one in particular, I said, “If I’m not needed, I’ve still got a brutal headache. Let me know what happens; I’ll be napping in the Gardens or something.”

Celestia stopped me with magic. “Once Cadenza is found, she’ll most likely want to thank you.”

“Then she can come find me. It’s not like I’m heading back to Ponyville or anything.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’ll heal your headache if you come with me.”

I held my hands palms up as if weighing my choices. “Sit around and have a nap, or follow you to who knows where. I’ll take my chances, hun.”

Celestia wasn’t about to let me go, but Chrysalis spoke before she could. “Is he like this to everyone? I thought he just saw through my disguise.”

Sunbutt gave her a dark look. “You’re still a prisoner, even if I plan on assisting you.”

“No need to be rude, Celly. Yes, Chryssy, I’m like this to all authority figures. Fuck you guys.” Maybe figuratively, maybe literally.

Celestia gave me an irksome look. “Shut up, Max.”

Twilight stuck her tongue out at Sunbutt in my defense, which was both endearing and adorable. Celestia just rolled her eyes and started walking Chrysalis out of the room. I didn’t really want to follow them, but I really didn’t have much of a choice. Twilight dragged me along behind the Monarchs, so I stopped giving a shit and tried jamming my tongue in the roof of my mouth to calm the storm in my head. I made a mental note to never sue my telekinesis for over thirty minutes again, but I was pretty sure that I was going to fuck that up sometime. Maybe not soon, but eventually.

I asked Twilight if she could heal my headache since Celestia told me off for not accepting the deal she gave me in the first place, but my future wife didn’t know much in the way of healing magic. I started bitching to her about Celestia and her awful color scheme until I felt something very unwanted in a very private place. It was a swift reminder that Sunbutt’s magic hair was complete bullshit, but then again, I’d captured a queen with telekinesis that was supposed to be weak. Granted, it only worked to a certain distance and what I could lift with it was tied to my physical strength which wasn’t all that great, but it was still quite the effective weapon. Experience and trials had proven this time and time again, though the backlash sucked.

Speaking of Queen Chrysalis, she had gotten awfully complacent once Celestia agreed to open negotiations and I doubted that the restraints were even necessary at this point. Still, Sunbutt left them on as we walked through the castle, and I was surprised to find that we were actually heading outside. We stopped at the front gates and Celestia summoned a contingent of guards to help escort us to our mystery destination, though why someone who could dry the seas and level forests with a thought needed extra guards, I don’t know.

We practically paraded through town, but it didn’t seem to phase Chrysalis in the slightest. She kept her chin held high and her posture dominant as we strolled onward, and I couldn’t help but chuckle at the pride of royalty. I started cracking jokes to Twilight and the guards until Celestia made us stop completely and stared deep into my soul. Her light purple eyes met my mismatched ones, fixing me with a flinty glare until she noticed something. She asked why my eyes were different colors and I told her that Twilight abused me so much and so often, the life started to drain from my eyes. Twilight took offense to that until I kissed her, but when I did, Chrysalis let out a contented sigh and Celestia slapped the everloving shit out of her for feeding off of the ambient emotion that came from Twilight .

Chrysalis lifted her hands and touched her jaw. “Hit me again, mommy. I love it when you do that.”

Celestia looked sickened by that, but I couldn’t control myself. “What the fuck was that?” I cackled.

The Bug Queen glared at me. “With stronger personalities come side effects. I believe I absorbed a bit of yours.”

One of the guards snickered, but he shut up when Celestia glared at him. Once she was done with him, she turned to me and said, “You’re a sick stallion.”

“Insult me some more, mommy! Call me your dirty little slut!” I said, failing to keep a straight face.

She rolled her eyes and a couple more of the guards started shaking for the oddest reason, but Twilight abused me for being a smartass so I quit. We continued with our walk until we came to the edge of Canterlot, overlooking the cliffside. Once we were there, Celestia had Chrysalis make some buzzing noise and a smaller, less interesting version of her appeared after changing shape from a butterfly. It couldn’t pass through the barrier, but it didn’t really need to since it could hear her anyway. Chrysalis simply told it that the attack was off and that relief would hopefully come soon, so without any other bullshit to take care of, I had a few questions for Chryssy.

On our walk back, I was next to Chrysalis, though Celestia seemed wary of my interest. “So, Chryssy, what happens after you feed on someone? It’s not like you leave them as an emotionless husk or anything, right?”

She snorted. “As I said, hurting Ponies to feed off of them is self-defeating. We prefer to keep our prey nice and happy so we can skim off their excess emotions. This way, we keep a food source and the Pony we feed off of doesn’t notice anything, though it’s not as though feeding in general will cause many adverse effects. Rarely will it result in more than a day’s worth of mild fatigue.”

“So you’re a smart predator with plans for the long term. I have to ask, why didn’t you ask for help in the first place? Celestia has the reputation of being kind and the Ponies aren’t always super xenophobic-”

Chrysalis scoffed hard and I raised a brow. “I have asked Celestia for help. I approached her nine hundred years ago and again five hundred years ago. I thought that if centuries wouldn’t change her mind, then little else would.”

I craned my neck to look at Celestia. “Oi, is that true Celestia?”

Sunbutt gave me a quick glance. “I didn’t understand the implications of my actions then. I spent much of the last thousand years furious that my sister turned on me and mourning her absence, so I was feeling less than cooperative.” Bitch, are you serious?

“That’s fucked up and you know it. No wonder Chrysalis resorted to attacking Canterlot; you snubbed her twice when she reached out and I’m willing to bet that you told her to deal with her own problems when you did.” I said harshly.

Chrysalis looked at me. “I do not need your pity.”

“What? You’re not getting any, mate. I’m telling Celestia off for being mean, so shut up and enjoy the show.” I said testily.

“Nopony is telling anypony off.” Celestia said, her eye twitching. Seems like a good time to shut up.

“You’re right. It’s more like I’m nagging you for shit you should have and shouldn’t have done.” I said casually.

Twilight gasped and hit my arm. “Max! You know that’s a slur!”

I gave her an odd look. “What, shit? I say it all the time and no one else says anything. Hell, you don’t say anything.”

She gave me a look. “No, the N-Word!”

I replayed the conversation in my head. “Oh yeah, nag is a bad word around these parts. I forgot about that.”

“If you know it’s bad, then why don’t you stop saying it?” Celestia chastised.

“Because it’s like finding out that ‘corn’ is suddenly a bad word. Again. It doesn’t make any sense to me at all.” I stated.

“Regardless of whether or not it makes sense, you really shouldn’t say it.” Twilight said.

I let go of her hand and grabbed her side, making her jump and make an adorable noise. ”I shouldn’t eat ass either, but you still ask me to do it.”

“I would never ask you to eat a Donkey!” My lover protested.

“Someone’s a little thick.” I heard one of the guards mutter.

“Watch it, mate. The only person allowed to make fun of the purple one is me.” I said, keeping my eyes straight ahead.

There were a few well disguised coughs and I heard someone get hit from off to my left, but I just smiled and kept walking. Celestia raked her eyes over the group and looked for the cheeky fucker, but she couldn’t pick him out the seven other guards that were walking about. I didn’t doubt that she’d heard him, but Twilight was blissfully unaware and asked what I meant when I said someone was making fun of her. I told her to let it go since no one had said anything mean enough to upset me and she let it go because I'm quicker to anger than she is.

The walk back was quick enough since Celestia wasn’t showing off her new prisoner anymore. We still garnered a lot more attention than I was comfortable with on the way back, but the eyes weren’t on me, so it was fine. Chrysalis either pretended to not notice or not care, but in any case, she was still the center of attention and Celestia made sure that she was quite visible through our escort. I shut up for once because I was a little worried about whether or not Cadance would be okay, but I kept my worries to myself since Twilight was looked pensive enough as it was. I asked Celestia if our presence was still needed so I could have a quick word with Twilight, but she told me that I was to stay by her side until we found Cadance. That annoyed me and made my head throb again, but I dealt with it since I ain’t no bitch.

We got back to the Castle and Celestia had us follow her down into the dungeons, but Chrysalis swore a magic oath that she would do no harm, barring self defense, while she was treated as a guest in the Castle. Celestia agreed to her terms since they were plenty reasonable and vague enough to cover most circumstances, so she had the guards escort her to her rooms and Celestia, Twilight and I alighted to the Gardens so we could wait some more. I asked Twilight if she minded sitting on the grass for a little bit and she offered me her lap. I felt like some bullshit, spiky haired, harem anime protagonist for a moment, but then I realized that I already knew who I loved and it was actually more of a dopey couples thing. Celestia just smiled at us from time to time, though I couldn’t help but notice that the looks she gave us were a little sad.

After enough time for me to doze off, some guards came out into the Gardens and announced that Cadance was coming, but they barely got the words out before she and Shining came out themselves. Celestia rose to greet them and Twilight made me sit up so she could go greet the real Cadance with a hug. I got off my lazy arse while Celestia was checking to see if there was any lasting damage on Cadance, but once she gave her the okay, she started telling her about how I’d dragged Chrysalis to her after learning that she was an imposter. Cadance wasted no time in locating me.

I gave her a casual wave and yawned. While I was covering my mouth, Cadance bolted over and wrapped me up in a hug that could rupture lungs. “Max! Thankyouthankyouthanyou so much!”

I returned her hug and patted her back awkwardly. “Can’t breathe.”

She let up a bit and held me at arm’s length, her face streaked with tears. “Sorry, but thank you, Max. Thank you.”

I pulled her in for a nonlethal hug. “Anytime, candy arse. Do me a favor and try not to get kidnapped again, though.”

Cadance laughed weakly and I could feel her wipe her eyes from over my shoulder. After a moment, she asked, “How did you even know it wasn’t me? Shining Armour and Auntie Celestia couldn’t even tell.” Because they don't love you like I do.

I let her go and Shining, Celestia, and Twilight joined us. I looked around at the group. “So who wants to hear a quick story?”

Celestia gave me a look. “You already have everypony’s attention.”

I grinned. “I sure do, don’t I?”

After a minute of me not talking, Twilight sighed. “I’d like to hear your story, Max.”

“There we go. That wasn’t so hard, now was it?” I got two glares from the crackers, a shake of the head from Twilight, and a chuckle from Cadance. “Alright, so first things first; Having a shit ton of guards around made me suspicious already, so when ‘Cadance’ started acting out of character, my mind ran wild. The first thing was that she barely even spared Twilight a glance, but I remembered the real deal telling me all about her days babysitting Twilight, so that threw up a flag. The next thing was that she didn’t remember me, and honestly, whether you love me or hate me, I’m not terribly forgettable.”

“You’re literally the only member of your species. Who wouldn’t remember?” Cadance chuckled.

I nodded. “My point exactly. The second thing was that ‘Cadance’ didn’t remember that I don’t take shit from anyone, regardless of their status. She tried ordering me around and getting up in my face, so that got her slapped.”

Celestia tilted her head. “You slapped someone for being rude?”

“I slapped someone for treating me as a lesser creature. The bullshit ‘Cadance’ tried to pull was extraordinary, and I knew for a fact that the Cadance I’d met wasn’t that big of a spoiled cunt. Not remembering that I show reverence to no one unless I’m physically forced to was red flag number two.”

Cadance traded a small smile with Celestia. “It’s awfully hard to forget about being chastised for being difficult the first time you meet somepony.”

“You yelled at Cadance the first time you met her?” Twilight asked incredulously.

“I spent like, an entire day trying to find her only to learn that she was in a place I’d checked twice! I was a little annoyed!” I huffed.

Celestia rolled her eyes. “I’m sure there’s no bad blood here.”

Cadance laid a hand on my shoulder. “There isn’t.”

I nodded. “Right. Let’s see… I think the thing that made me decide to interrogate her was the fact that she was so against me calling her ‘Cadance’ instead of Cadenza. The woman I know and rather like was adamant that I call her by her nickname, so that was strike three.”

Cadance, Shining and Twilight stared at me. Twilight cleared her throat and asked, “Max, what do you mean by ‘interrogate’?”

I shrugged. “I started asking her questions, like about the time the real Cadance and I met. She put her hoof in her mouth a couple times, so I took her to Celestia. That’s pretty much all there is to it.” Besides roughing her up a little and threatening her life a few time, that is.

Cadance gave me a little smile and threaded her arm through Shining Armour’s. “So how did you trick her?”

I grinned mischievously. “I told her that we met years ago and that you tried to sleep with me.”

The candy coated princess blushed hard. “Haven’t you been in Equestria less than a year?” How tactful. It’s best we skip that sex part.

Celestia picked up on it if the twitching of her cheeks was anything to go by. “Yes, you’re correct. Max has only been with us since early last summer.”

I spread my hands and tried to look vain. “What can I say? I’m just some handsome, charming, tricksy Human.”

Twilight grabbed my hand. “You’re just difficult most of the time, but you have your moments.”

I squeezed it. “Would it kill you to inflate my ego every now and again? I just saved your favorite babysitter, I think I could do with a little narcissism.”

She rolled her eyes and pulled me down so she could kiss my cheek. “I’ll pay you in kisses, but you can inflate your own ego.” If I don’t get laid for this, that’s what I’m doing.

“Kisses are far more valuable. I accept your terms, foolish Unicorn.” I chuckled.

Twilight bumped me with her shoulder and I noticed that Cadance and Celestia were just enjoying the show. Shining looked like he wanted to be pissed at me, but I’d just saved his fiance, so he could shove it.

“So what now? I’m guessing that catching an imposter means I don’t have to be Cadance’s errand boy.” I asked.

Celestia gave me an evil grin. “The favor was that you would be Cadance’s attendant until the day of the wedding. You still have about four hours of errands to run.”

I raised a brow. “You’re not even going to give the woman a moment of respite? She just got back from being kidnapped, Sunbutt. I doubt she wants to bother with wedding preparations at the moment.”

Cadance came to my defense. “Auntie, I’m not going to ask my savior to do something he doesn’t want to do. That just makes me feel like the biggest ingrate this side of the Gryphonian border.”

I leaned over and patted her shoulder. “You know what? Keep it reasonable and I’ll do it, though I want to be asked instead of told.”

Cadance looked confused. “Asked to be my attendant or asked to perform tasks?”

“Yes.” I nodded.

Shining looked like he was about to say something, but Celestia silenced him with a brow. “That sounds like a reasonable request. Max, do you want to be Cadance’s attendant until the wedding?”

“Sure, but I’m calling Cadance candy arse every time I see her.” I said finally.

Twilight squeezed my hand rather hard. “Does that mean what I think it means?”

“Yes, but just look at it! It just looks sweet!” I kept a straight face.

Shining cleared his throat and checked with Celestia to see if he was allowed to say something. She gave him a nod. “What does that even mean?”

“It’ll make you hate me more if I tell you, so I’ll keep that information to myself for now.” I nodded sagaciously.

Shining cut me a glare, but Cadance put a hand on his arm. “Dear, don’t worry about it too much. You always say that Max gets under your fur, so let him stay quiet for once.”

“It’s really for the best, Shiny.” Twilight sighed.

“I don’t know why you think it’s a bad thing, Twilight. I would love for a decent enough looking stallion to tell me that I have an attractive flank.” Celestia’s eyes switched from Twilight to me and I could see copious amounts of mirth. Decent enough? Fuck you.

Shining Armour took a moment to process that. When he did, Cadance started dragging him away before he could throw another punch and Twilight abused me until I made her look at Cadance’s perky posterior as they were walking away. After badgering her about it while being hit multiple times, Twilight told me that it was nice, but that mine was nicer in a shy voice. Celestia chuckled when she heard that and told us that we should go check up on the girls and see how they were getting along with their day.

I took my time walking along with Twilight, but once we started heading toward the kitchens, we ran into Cadance. She was embarrassed at being caught while making sure the wedding was being set up properly, but Twilight assured her that it was natural for a bride to be concerned about the goings on leading up to their wedding. I reminded Cadance that she could probably do with some rest, but she told me that she would rest later.

Applejack was doing a Hell of a job with ordering the kitchen staff around, tasting things occasionally and making sure that the ‘vittles’ we perfect down to the very last one. She was an orange blur, weaving around chefs and never staying in the same spot longer than a few seconds. I thought her work ethic was shining through just fine and Cadance loved the crap she came up with, so that was cool. I’d honestly thought that she would prefer something a bit more on the aristocratic side, but then I remembered that Cadance was more down-to-Earth than most of the girls.

We visited Rarity next and she showed Cadance some drawings and a few fleshed out prototypes that seemed to extend the visit for hours. I didn't give a single shit about whatever it was that they were talking about, so I wandered around for a little bit until Cadance asked me to go grab her something to drink. Rarity asked too, but she wasn’t very nice about it, so I told her to go get it herself and asked Cadance what she wanted. Rarity tried to whack me for being a prick, but a glare from Twilight stayed her hand and Cadance told me that she wanted some plum wine, preferably sweet. I fucked off to go get it, but I didn’t know where to find the shit. I ended up asking a maid to lead me to wherever they kept the wine and she offered to go and grab it for me. I thought that it would have defeated the purpose of making me Cadance’s bitch for the day, so I just had her lead me there and back since I was a little lost in the first place. My headache still hadn't abated completely and I wasn’t really paying attention to where I’d been going, so the maid was a Godsend.

When I came back, I found Cadance in a chair out cold. Twilight and Rarity told me to leave her alone, but I told them to shove it and asked Twilight to just teleport her to the room she was staying in. Twilight didn’t know where that was, so she teleported to Celestia and asked where it was. A minute or two later, Twilight showed up with a mild blush, saying that she had caught Celestia in the middle of 'changing'. I asked if she remembered to find out where Cadance’s room was and she said that she did, so we got her into bed and continued checking up on the girls.

Rainbow Dash was struggling to make the Rainboom thing happen consistently, so Twilight told her some shit about aerodynamics that made absolutely no sense to me since Pony science is retarded half the time. She said something about using Pegasus magic to break the air wall and I told her to try and make herself as narrow as possible since I was pretty sure that she was breaking the sound barrier. Between our advice, Rainbow started getting every other one to work, though she had to practice outside of town after the third one she’d gotten in a series shattered a bunch of windows in the middle of town.

Fluttershy was doing her thing with her animals and it seemed to be going well. The choir sounded nice and she sang along with them, filling in the words to the song. Her voice was quite pleasant, so I found a somewhere to stand and listen while out of sight for a little while. Twilight gave her a passing grade and praise for being talented, so after that, we moved onto Pinkie.

The Great Pink Menace already had everything set up. She was playing Pin The Tail on The Dragon by herself until we showed up and asked us to join her for a few more games while we were there. I had no reason to decline until Pinkie made an offhanded comment about Noir. Since it was just her, Twilight and myself in the room, I started asking questions.

“Okay, seriously, how did you know.” I asked in a low tone.

Pinkie shrugged. “I know a lot of things, like that time you almost slept with Princess Mi Amore Cadenza!”

Twilight’s breath caught. “What?”

I grimaced. “Yeah, the first time I met Cadance, I tried charming her. It worked, but we agreed that it would be something to discuss later.”

“...You almost slept with my brother’s fiance.” Twilight said.

I glanced off to the side. “...Yes?”

Twilight stared at me blankly. “You hate him.”

“Yeah, a little. The guy’s never shown me a modicum of kindness or respect.”

“Sleeping with the mare he intends on marrying would have been the ultimate slap in the face.” I know. That's why I didn't do it.

I shrugged. “I left it up to Cadance’s discretion and his permission. I have some morals.”

Twilight blinked slowly. “I’m… I’m really just surprised you didn’t go for her immediately. I don’t doubt that you could have talked your way into her bed if you really wanted to.”

“Keep in mind that I almost did. If Cadance wasn’t dating someone, then it’s likely that I might have made it there. Hell, I think the real reason she was considering it was because Shining had an affair.”

“Shining had an affair? My brother?” Twilight asked, shocked.

“According to Cadance a couple months ago; Yeah. I didn’t ask for much information beyond that.” Probably shouldn’t have brought that up.

Twilight just shook her head. “Wow… Well, I guess if you’re interested in Cadance…”

“Woah now, if you’re not okay with it, then I’m not laying so much as a finger on her.” I objected.

Twilight waved my concerns away. “I already know that you’ve been holding back a lot for me. Think of it as a reward for not going straight to Fluttershy or Rarity when I put you on punishment.”

“Still, I’d want Shining Armour’s permission before we did anything, and there’s no telling if Cadance still wants a piece of me.”

Pinkie Pie had been unusually silent while we were talking. “How could she not!? You saved her life and her wedding!”

Twilight and I looked at her. “The wedding part is the thing I’m concerned about.” I said. “If Cadance does want to sleep with me, I’m pretty sure it could do some serious damage to her relationship.”

“Well Shining really should have realized that Cadance wasn’t Cadance! Even I knew that!” Pinkie huffed.

“First, how do you even know about that? Second, why didn’t you say anything?” Twilight asked.

“I know things and I thought Max would figure it out!” Pinkie beamed.

“...You scare me, Pinkie.” I told her.

“Are you sure it’s not scarousal?” She asked, batting her eyelashes.

“Pinkie,” Twilight said severely, “what did I tell you about coming on to Max in front of me?”

Pinkie sighed. “To only do it if Max looks like he’s interested.”

“That’s weird. You girls are weird. Ponies are fucking weird.” I said, turning around and walking out of the room.

Twilight and Pinkie caught up to me soon enough and they started talking about some wedding plans that I didn’t really care about, so I pretty much just ignored anything that didn’t have my name in it. The day was closing quickly, but I still had shit to do, so I sent Twilight and Pinkie to collect the girls so they wouldn’t stay up too late. While they were gone, I went to go visit Celestia in her room (which smelled like her juices) and asked if I should be present for the negotiations with Chrysalis. She told me that, without any real political power, I wouldn’t really have much of a say in official business. It was better for me to just wait and hear the results, though she did ask if I wanted to be a bridesmaid instead of a bystander. I told her to go fuck herself, though she was quite confused as to why I wouldn’t want to be in the wedding.

I told her that I didn’t want any part of the matter, but that I was planning on bringing Nacht and the Warbling Blade with me when I Went and she asked if I would mind being something like Cadance’s personal bodyguard during the wedding. It would give me plenty of time to spend with Twilight since she was going to be around the bride and groom most of the day, so I agreed as long as I could poke someone if they started trouble. My request was denied and I was ordered to detain instead of maim, but I didn’t really have a problem with it.

Celestia sent me off to bed, however, I totally ignored her so I could say hi to Luna when she woke up. I got a hug from the lunatic and she told me that she would see me at the wedding, but that for the time being, I needed to go join Twilight in bed. I shrugged off the mild snub and went to go find my own lovely dose of purple rain. Luna teleported me to her once I came to her room after being lost for thirty minutes. No one had told me what room she was in, so I needed a little extra help.

One ‘pop’ later, and I was standing in front of a door. I knocked before I just up and opened it to find Shining Armour staring at me. Fucking shite “Wotcher.”

“Hi.” He replied. Well, at least he’s not pissed

We stood in awkward silence for a moment, so I stepped off to the side. He looked at me and said, “I wasn’t planning on leaving.”

“Were you planning on letting me in?” I asked.

He stepped out of the doorway and I walked in. Twilight was nowhere to be found, but I did realize that the room had obviously been decorated for Cadance when I walked in. “Alright, so I was supposed to be teleported to Twilight.”

Shining closed the door behind me. “I need to talk to you anyways. Let’s take this to the balcony.”

We crept around the bed where Cadance was peacefully snoozing away and Shining opened the door to the great outdoors as quietly as he could. Once the door was shut, I asked, “So what are who talking about? Twilight, Cadance, or us?”

He sighed. “Might as well get all three done in one shot. Where do you want to start?”

“Let’s go with Cadance since she should be the easiest.” I leaned over the railing and he followed suit after a moment. Shining didn’t say anything right away, so I broke the ice. “I don’t want anything for helping her out.”

He looked at me, surprised. “Really? You know it’s well within your right to ask for a reward.”

“Mate, ever since I’ve been in Equestria, the only thing I really want to do is help people. It usually benefits me in some way, but helping people in itself just makes me feel like I’m less of a piece of shit. Makes me feel like I’m worthy of being around.” I told him honestly.

“... I didn’t know that about you.” Shining said quietly.

I spread my fingers. “Few enough people do, though it’s mostly because of how I go about helping people. My way isn’t the nicest of them.”

“Princess Celestia read Chrysalis’ mind and told me about what you did to get her to talk. Even if she was an imposter, those were arrestable offenses.” He stated.

“Violating someone’s mind is a worse crime in my book.” I responded calmly.

“I feel the same way, but the Princess makes the rules. That, and I wish you would have done a lot worse.” He said darkly.

“If I didn’t have Celestia or Luna around, I would have.”

He nodded. “You’re too dangerous to be around my sister.”

“Mate, Twilight is dangerous. She’s not the little girl you knew anymore. She’s grown up into a beautiful woman, come into her own. Trust me when I say that she can take care of herself most days.”

Shining sighed. “I guess I just never stopped seeing her as my number one filly. I still don’t like the fact that she chose you.”

“We didn’t really choose to fall in love. Twilight’s just always been there for me, and something in my heart makes me want to do the same.” I explained.

“Care to give me an example?” He asked.

“...Since we’re getting all touchy feely, why not? After a rough night in Canterlot and a rougher morning after that, Celestia teleported me to Twilight’s house. I didn’t want to be there, so as I was leaving, Twilight caught me and told me to stay before I did something rash. She told me that we didn’t have to talk, but that she couldn’t let me be alone. Something made me ask her to never betray me and she promised me that without a doubt in her mind. She gave me a reasonable answer when I asked something unreasonable of her, and from there, I told her about my darkest secrets. She took them in and keeps them as her own now.”

“...So Twily listened when you needed somepony to talk to?”

“No, she was there for me in all the right ways as the problems popped up. It’s not just having someone to talk to.”

“...I get it. Cadance was there for me when I accidentally killed a pony, but she didn’t ask me to talk about it.”

I nodded. “They’re both wise beyond their years.”

“They really are. So what do you like about Twilight?”

“Her intelligence is a big one, but her fierce loyalty is even more respectable. Twilight’s compassion and insight are great too, but what I really love is how goofy she is sometimes.” I chuckled.

Shining gave me an odd look. “Goofy? Like how?”

“Have you ever seen her dance? It’s simply awful, but I’ve never seen someone enjoy the simple act of moving so much. She also likes to try and be flirty, but she’s so obviously uncomfortable with anything sexual that I just kiss her to save her the embarrassment. I’d never judge her for anything she does, but the fact that she thinks she can embarrass me is endearing all the same.” I looked up at the stars and sighed because cliches.

He shook his head. “Twily’s never been much for dancing, but I have to ask…”

I looked at him. “Go ahead. Anything’s on the table.”

“Have you two…?” He left the question unasked.

“The answer’s still no. We’re waiting until we get married.” I informed him.

“Is that her idea or yours?” He asked, trying to maintain a neutral tone.

“She’s tried to initiate it before, but I just didn’t think she was ready. I guess you could say it was my idea.”

“You turned her down?” Shining asked incredulously.

“Not outright, I just postponed things.”

“...You’re not the stallion I thought you were.” He said softly.

“You never gave me a chance to be anything but.” I said drily.

“In my defense, she’s my only sister.”

“That’s not a real excuse for threatening someone the first time you meet them.”

“...Fair enough. I’m sorry I’ve been such a buckhead to you.” Shining said earnestly.

“Don’t worry about it.” I replied simply.

We stood in silence for a little bit until Shining said, “So why did you get her a ring if you’re not engaged?”

I pulled the other one out of my pocket. I kept it on me, just in case the right moment arrived. “Because this is the engagement ring. I just wanted to get Twilight something nice to show her that I care.”

Shining gave it a good look. “It’s nice. Those stones are beautifully cut too.”

I nodded. “That’s why I went with the design. It’s simple, but beautiful. Kinda like Twilight.”

Shining nodded and there was some more tasty silence. I figured the conversation wasn’t over so I waited for him to say something else. “You know, a few weeks ago, Cadance asked me something.”

“What was it?” I inquired.

“She asked if she could sleep with another stallion before we got married.” I have a funny feeling I know where this is going.

“Did she, now? That’s interesting.”

He nodded. “She said she had one in mind. She met him a couple months ago, and she liked the way he treated her. She said he treated her like a pony instead of a princess.” Aw shit. Don’t try me, mate.

“Royalty tend to appreciate that after awhile. It’s why I’m friends with Celestia and Luna.” I replied.

“...You’re the stallion she’s talking about, aren’t you?”

I pursed my lips. “Probably. Don’t worry, mate, I’m not going to touch her without your permission.”

Shining put his head on his arms and stared straight ahead. “It’s only fair. I wasn’t exactly the best special somepony. I cheated on her with some random mare I don’t even remember, and it’s unfair of me to ask her to only be satisfied with me.”

“Talk to her about how you feel when she wakes up. The wedding isn’t until the day after tomorrow, right? We’re holding off on the events so she can get a day to collect herself. Take the time to chat with her about it.”

“I already have. I agreed to let her do it as long as she told me who it was before she did it. That wasn’t fair of me either, but it’s…” He sighed. “I can’t trust her to just anypony, you know?”

I nodded. “I understand fully. I would need to meet that person if Twilight ever wanted to sleep with someone else.”

More silence. I decided to break it this time. “So what made you want to talk to me?”

He gave me an ‘are you serious’ look. “You saved my fiance’s life and my relationship with her. I owe you.”

Something crossed my mind. “Did you learn how long Chrysalis has been masquerading as Cadance?”

“About a week and a half now. Why do you ask?”

“When’s the last time you had sex?”

Shining narrowed his eyes before widening them. Suddenly, he was leaning over the balcony, expelling his dinner from his stomach. I rubbed his back and waited until he stopped dry heaving. “I can’t bucking believe it. I bucked a monster.” Shining turned around and slid his back down the railing.

“Probably shouldn’t have brought that up.” I said tenderly.

“No… No, it’s good that you did. I need to talk to Cadance about that.” He buried his face in his hands and levelled out his breathing. “Dear Celestia, how do I explain that I didn’t notice an imposter and that I slept with it?”

“It wouldn’t surprise me if she’s been using some kind of magic to make you pay less attention to those kinds of things. Has she cast any spells on you in the past week and a half?” I asked.

“Yeah, a lot of them. I thought she was just getting rid of my headaches, but it’s entirely possible. We need to have somepony check.” He said numbly.

I offered him and hand up and we entered the his room just as quietly as we’d left it, making quick headway to Night Court. Sadly, it was closed for the wedding, so Shining and I had to hunt Luna down for ourselves and we eventually found out that she was in her room. I noticed that few of the Night Guards seemed to actually like Shining Armour, though I didn’t comment on it since it seemed unimportant. In any case, Luna didn’t want to see any visitors, but when I threatened to knock a hole in the door, I found myself surrounded by spears and swords until Shining told them to calm down. I told them that pointing sharp shit at me was a quick way to get killed until they died to death of being slain and Luna came to the door, annoyed by the fuss outside. She let me in, but told Shining to stay outside until I told her that I needed her to check if Shining’s mind had been tampered with. After a five minute diagnostic spell, she confirmed that someone had been making Shining turn a blind eye to Chrysalis’ bullshit.

Shining shed a tear in relief that he hadn't just been a dumbass and Luna shooed him away so she could talk to me. I thought her method of dismissing him was a little rude, but Luna wanted to ask how Noir and I were getting along. I mentioned that I knew what Noir tasted like, but that there was little beyond that as far as our relationship went. Luna asked me how I knew what Noir’s flesh tasted like and I told her that I knew what a certain part of her tasted like. Her face lit up when she realized what I was talking about and asked if Noir had been in estrus or something. Something was off when she asked about that, so I told her that Noir couldn’t really go into estrus.

(Ctrl+F Scene Is Over to Skip)

Luna asked if I’d be willing to help her out with something and I was immediately suspicious because she’d just brought up estrus. My suspicions proved correct when Luna asked if she could change me into Roxy so I could show her how to… Apply, some of the toys Celestia had provided her for their month of estrus. Apparently, Alicorns were only subjected to the wild throes of estrus once a year, but in exchange for having to deal with it less often, it was usually more intense and lasted the aforementioned month. Luna had been scraping by up until now and she needed some relief, so I accepted the awkward task of teaching a four thousand year old princess how to masturbate.

She asked me to keep it a secret between the two of us, but I still want to record it since it was a terribly interesting event. Luna and I teleported back to my house so we would have some privacy and so that I could use some of my own toys. We stripped down in my bedroom, though I had to put on some undergarments so I wouldn’t be the only one completely naked and I showed Luna how to use a simple wired rotor. She wasn’t terribly fond of it, so I showed her a plain black dildo that she wasn’t terribly fond of using in front of me, so I pulled out the wireless rotor I used for Twilight and myself on occasion. I had her cast a cleaning spell on it and dropped it in her hands, inviting her to place it wherever she wanted. Luna didn’t let me watch, but it took her too long for her to just place it against her lips, so I started her off nice and slow. After showing her how to work the controller, I gave her a little butt plug that had been languishing away in my closet and some lube to help her along, but Luna couldn’t get it in.

We’d agreed that we wouldn’t touch each other and that this was simply a 'normal thing' that friends would do for each other, so imagine my surprise when Luna asked me to help her put it in. I protested, saying that I would need to touch her in very inappropriate ways, but Luna pleaded with me and said that she was willing to try anything to get some satisfaction at all. I gave in after arguing for about ten minutes and agreed to help her get it in, but she hadn't lubed herself up like I’d advised, evidenced by the fact that only the crotch of her knickers were wet.

I chastised her for not following my directions, but she didn’t really have anything to say. I ordered her to bend over so we could get this over with and she meekly complied, acting rather strangely. She’d been quite submissive during the entire ordeal, which I thought was rather odd, and when I went to apply the lubrication to the area that needed it, I found that she was completely relaxed, giving her arse over to me while I made sure she wouldn’t feel any more discomfort than the usual. I mean, having something put in your bum is rarely pleasant, but Luna didn’t seem to mind all that much.

The room had filled with the scent of her arousal and I was certain that she’d never taken the rotor out, but I didn’t comment on it. I kept my head cool and avoided looking at anything other than her arse, though I was sure that Luna wouldn’t have minded too terribly if I just ripped her knickers off and went to town. I rolled my eyes at my thoughts and eased the butt plug into her, and once it was in, Luna had an entertaining orgasm. I hadn't really thought of her in a sexual way since we’d first met, but my original impression was still an opinion I held; Her beauty rivalled Celestia’s, even if she wasn’t as well endowed.

Luna apologized profusely for cumming while I was just trying to help her out, even going so far as to slip into her archaic mode of speech. I assured her that I’d known she would probably get off while I was teaching her how to use some of this stuff and she thanked me for being understanding. Once Luna had something in both places, she said that she couldn’t get the rotor out. I told her to remove it with magic and she said that she couldn’t do to the stimulation, and since my fingers were smaller than hers, it only made sense for me to do it for her. I told her that it wasn’t happening and that she could turn the rotor off long enough to get her focus, but she only did so after I gave her permission. Once she had it out, I gave her a wired rotor and told her to try it again, but this time, to crank the vibrations all the way up. She gave me an eager look before doing exactly as I’d asked while I averted my eyes, and by the time I found something else I thought she’d like, she came again.

She apologized again for cumming without my permission and I told her that I was going to spank her if she couldn’t control herself. Luna said that she wouldn’t submit to something so degrading, but I didn’t miss the light in her eyes when I said that I would mix in a little pain.

I never thought I was going to use that paddle. I stand corrected.

Luna loved every precious spank and even taunted me to hit her harder while she rode out orgasm after orgasm. By the time I was done, I felt incredibly dirty and Luna was whimpering into my comforter, her rosy red arse high in the air. She’d insisted that she leave the plug in while I spanked her, and I had no reason to tell her to take it out, so that was that. I could tell that she wanted more than to learn how to use some toys and a spanking at this point, but I was unwilling to give her much more than I already had. Once she recovered from her ass whooping, Luna asked if she could watch me use the biggest dildo I had. I informed her that I was still a virgin as a woman and she gave me an odd look, asking why I hadn't found myself a stallion or at least used something penetrative on myself. I told her that it just didn’t seem that appealing to me, so I never bothered with it.

She’d had her fill when she asked why I never actually put anything inside of myself, so she turned me back into my usual self after getting dressed and magicking herself and my toys clean. Luna allowed me to change in privacy like I’d done for her, though I knew she wanted to sneak a peek and see where it went from there. It wasn't as though I didn't want to add Luna to my list of Royal Conquests, but I really just couldn’t allow myself to go any further than we already had. Twilight gave me permission to do certain things without telling her about them as long as I didn’t have sex in any form with whoever I was doing things with, so I honored our agreement.

We teleported back to the Castle and Luna started hiding some of her toys, though I noticed that she had a wireless rotor on her bed that didn’t seem like one of mine. I bid Luna goodnight and asked her if she could teleport me to Twilight since I still had no idea where she was. Luna did as I asked, but before she sent me off, she requested that she be able to call me ‘Sir’ in private. I didn’t have a problem with it beyond the obvious, so I asked her what the deal was. Luna told me that she liked it when I told her what to do and that she was even more ecstatic when I spanked her. She blushed furiously while saying this and kept her eyes on the ground, but I was too busy being surprised that someone as lethal as Luna was a sub instead of a dom.

Shit was weird.

(Ctrl+F Scene Is Over to Skip)

I told Luna I’d think about being her dom and left it at that for the time being. She teleported me straight into Twilight’s room after thanking me and I looked around. Twilight was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling when I came in. She had a few questions about the Chrysalis thing that she needed clarified, like how I’d convinced her to come into a room alone with me and how she’d managed to fool Shining. I shared the information I had and asked Twilight if she would be surprised if I started something with Luna. Twilight said that she would be, in fact, quite surprised if I started giving Luna sex, but I explained to her that I wasn’t doing sexuals to Luna, just sexual things.

We had a complicated conversation about the ins and outs of BDSM as I understood them and Twilight asked if we could try spanking or orgasm deprivation sometime. I had no reason to disagree, but now just wasn’t the time. Twilight agreed and asked me if I’d had fun with Luna, but I told her that I couldn’t really tell. It had been a strange feeling to dominate someone that could and would kill me if I ever became too powerful, but it wasn’t all that bad. It wasn’t something that I would mind doing again, though I wished that I’d known what I was getting into.

We eventually took our happy asses to sleep, though it wasn’t like we had to do anything tomorrow besides keep track of what was going on. I would probably be stuck next to Cadance all day and Twilight would be doing same, so I told her that I loved her before closing my eyes and visiting dreamland.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next day was boring as shit. Rarity finished up the wedding dresses, Applejack had the menu figured out, Pinkie was revising her party, Rainbow could pull off a Sonic Rainboom with decent consistency, Fluttershy’s choir still sounded great, and I’d had to listen to Cadance talk to every one of them. Our entire morning and a chunk of the afternoon was spent doing little other than talking, and I was chastised by Twilight and Cadance for looking bored throughout most of the day. I asked them if they just wanted me to lie to their faces about how I felt and they told me yes, so I oversold the act and eventually got kicked out of the Castle and into the Gardens for being obnoxious. I took the time to consider what they had been wearing since I hadn't really paid attention while we were walking. Cadance had looked quite nice in a stately dress that matched her color scheme quite well, though I felt like she could use a bit more in the chest area to help fill it out, not that I was looking. Twilight’s outfit had actually garnered most of my attention throughout the day since she was wearing a lovely indigo blouse, a black skirt that went to mid thigh, and a pair of thigh highs with some lace on the top. I thought they both looked fantastic, but Twilight was the clear winner

I strolled about the Gardens for a little bit and talked to some of the animals since most of them were actually really relaxed. I asked them why that was and they told me that it was because they were all technically pets, which aligned with something that Lupa had told me some time ago. Philomena the Phoenix actually came down from Celestia’s room to do some flying and I admired his majesty as he flew around while I laid down in some grass because it was nice out. I stayed there until I heard two sets of hoofsteps coming to me, but I didn’t feel like being bothered so I closed my eyes. Once they stopped, I opened my eyes to see Twilight and Cadance standing over me.

“Nice panties, can I sniff ‘em?” I asked flippantly.

Twilight knelt next to me and flicked my forehead. “Stop saying whatever comes to mind and get up. You’re supposed to be guarding Cadance.”

“I was doing that until I got kicked out, remember? Some ladies thought I was being too excited about a royal wedding or what the fuck ever this is.”

Cadance knelt on my other side. “You’re a difficult stallion at the best of times.”

“Actually, at his best, he’s one of the most thoughtful stallions around. He just defaults to being difficult because he’s lazy.” Twilight corrected.

I sat up and scooted back so that I could look at both of them at once. “Are we going to keep talking about how amazing I am, or are we going to go do something?”

Cadance and Twilight traded a look. “Actually, Twilight and I had a discussion while you’ve been out here.”

“Do you remember what we talked with Pinkie about yesterday? When you told me about the first time you met Cadance?” Wait, does this mean…?

“...Yeah, I remember. What of it?”

“Well, Cadance and I had a talk…” Twilight said. Hopes rising

“A long talk.” Cadance added. Interest piquing.

“And we thought we’d ask you how you felt about a-a…” Twilight trailed off. Don't stop now, I'm at half mast!

“What Twilight is trying to say is that she wants to watch while we… You know… If you’re willing, that is!” She added quickly.

I tried to make my face stop twitching, but my cheeks wouldn’t listen to me and it was ever so difficult to to not jump for joy. I had three parties giving me permission to lay a princess. “You know what? Give me some time to think about it.”

They traded a surprised look. “But… I thought you were interested if you had permission!” Twilight said a bit more loudly than necessary.

“I just said I need a little time is all.” I was struggling to maintain the facade, so I stood up and walked over toward the edge of the Gardens. I didn’t see anyone in sight when Iooked around, so I thrust my arms into the air and shouted, “FUCKING YES!” at the top of my lungs.

I returned to the ladies with a flat face. “I gave it some thought.”

Cadance looked at me like I’d done the goofiest thing she’d ever seen and Twilight just shook her head, smiling at my antics. “What did you decide on?” Cadance asked needlessly.

I shrugged. “I mean, I guess I could do that for you girls. The answer is yes.”

They both rolled their eyes, though Cadance said, “Thank you. I know it’s greedy of me to ask you to do something like this, but I wanted to sleep with another stallion before I got married and the only candidate I had was you.”

“No problem. If saving princesses gets me kinky threesomes, then I’m totally down for the work.” I grinned. “So when are we doing the thing?”

Twilight and Cadance took a moment to confer among themselves. Twilight faced me and said, “Well, we have an hour right now if we hurry.”

I raised a brow. “An hour is a quickie at best.”

Cadance blushed. “That’s longer than I’ve ever had.”

Twilight looked at her. “Really? Max and I usually take two hours if we have the time.”

Cadance choked and blushed harder. “T-Two hours?”

I nodded. “Yeah. One for me, one for Twilight.”

Candy arse looked between us. “H-How- You two are worse than rabbits!”

Twilight blushed. “We don’t do it all the time! We only do that kind of stuff a few times a week!”

“You do it more than once a week!?” Cadance asked, her shoulders slumping.

I shook my head. “Twilight, fix Cadance’s schedule so we can get an extra half hour for foreplay-”

“A half hour for foreplay?” Cadance asked incredulously.

“...Alright, make sure I add talking to Shining to my itinerary too.” I said after a moment.

Twilight blushed. “I really don't know how I feel about you talking to my brother, who’s older than you by the way, about sex.”

“Cadance, have you ever had an orgasm from sex?” I asked.

“...Am I supposed to?”

“That’s what I thought. That talk is happening, Twilight.” I said firmly.

She put her hand to her mouth. After moment, she placed that hand on her cheek. “That’s the weirdest thought ever. I’m not even going to talk about it. I’ll see what I can shift around while you two head to our room. You remember where it is, right?” You were thinking about me fucking Shiny, weren't you?

“I do. We’ll meet you there.” I said.

Twilight nodded and teleported somewhere or other while Cadance was busy being in shock. I gave her a moment, but got bored so I tapped her shoulder and pointed a thumb in the direction of the Castle. Cadance shook her head, though her blush was still rather bright. We made decent time as we headed through the Castle and I asked candy arse about her job. She told me that she was the soon to be princess of a land to the north of Gryphonia, which was pretty cool if you asked me. I tried to keep the conversation light as we walked so she wouldn’t get cold feet, but I knew what Cadance’s mind was on.

When we were alone in the halls, she had a few questions. “So, Max…”

“Yes, candy arse?”

She pursed her lips at the nickname. “Are you really okay with Twilight watching? I talked to her about it, but is it okay with you?”

“I don’t see why it wouldn’t be. I plan on making you into an example.” I gave her a predatory grin.

Cadance flushed. “W-What do you mean?”

“I mean I’m going to give you my best, and I’m willing to bet that Twilight’s going to enjoy the show.”

She stopped in her tracks. “You’re not going to do anything weird, are you?”

“Depends on what you consider weird. Don’t think about it too hard and just let me take care of you for now. Afterwards, you might want to talk to Celestia about getting the most out of your man.” I suggested.

Cadance started walking again. “I trust you, but I’m a little nervous about letting Twilight see me naked. I mean, the last time we bathed together was when we she was a filly!”

“Wait, was watching Twilight’s idea?” I asked.

Cadance nodded. “I thought it was a little strange at first, but she said that she wants to know exactly what happens during sex. I guess I can’t be surprised with her curiosity.”

I chuckled. “It’s just how she’s always been. You know, I’ve only ever seen her completely naked once, and we were both hammered at the time. Even if she changes clothes in front of me, she always does the top first and the bottom last.”

“Well, it’s natural for a mare to be choosy with who sees her undressed.”

Cadance and I talked about that for a little bit while we walked, switching from subject to subject, but staying on sexual topics while we were alone. On the odd occasion we’d come across someone in the halls, we both knew how to come up with random topics and continue on like we hadn't been talking about them at all in the first place. It was fun to have someone as verbally sneaky as I was, and while I was thinking about that, we nearly passed my and Twilight’s room.

While we waited, I did some pushups and squats to pass the time. I eventually convinced Cadance to join me because maintaining physical condition is fun, but she stopped before she could break a sweat. I was perfectly fine since it was rather cool in the room anyways, so I continued doing what I was doing until Twilight teleported in on top of me. She ended up losing her balance on my back while I was doing a set of pushups and squashed me on the floor though I was alright.

“Sorry, Max!” She said from my spine.

I held up a thumb. “S’all good.”

Twilight stood up and I rose. Her eyes wandered over my bare chest as they usually do and she pulled me to her, giving me a fantastic kiss before pushing me away. “Alright. I’m ready when you two are. I managed to get us two full hours.”

I turned to face Cadance who was sitting on the bed, looking rather nervous. “I guess I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

I shrugged walked over to her, kneeling. I took her hand in mine and kissed it. “Let me know if you’re uncomfortable, okay? I’ve got too much in my repertoire for me to let you stay that way long.”

Cadance nodded and gave me an anxious smile. “Thank you, Max. So where do we start-”

I didn’t let her get any further. I pressed my lips against hers gently, warding off anymore needless talking.

(Ctrl+F Scene2 Is Over to Skip)

I started slowly to get a sense of where Cadance’s level of intimacy lie, but after thirty seconds of incredibly tame kissing, I decided to slip her some tongue and she tensed up when I prodded her’s with mine. I moved one of my hands from her shoulder to her waist and pulled her up so that we were standing. Cadance was inexperienced with French kisses, so I took control with no problem and had her lightly panting through her nose in a matter of minutes.

It was a bit odd that her hands stayed at her sides, so I grabbed them and placed them around my neck before cupping her face with one of my own, adjusting the angle so I could work my magic just a little bit better. Cadance’s breathing started to get a little ragged, so I nibbled on her lip as I pulled away and she gasped for some reason. I was sure that she had absolutely no idea where to go from there, so I took her hands from my neck and placed them on my chest, making her bite her lip as she traced the definition in my muscles.

“Cadance, love, you can put your hands wherever you want. Do a little exploring.”

She immediately looked down. “Can I-”

“Not quite yet. Anywhere else is fine.”

She gave me a pouty look, but she seemed to be content with feeling me up just about anywhere else anyway. I stepped in a little closer and locked lips with her again so I could unzip her dress, but this time, she kissed back with an eagerness that couldn’t be ignored. I’d sparked a fire in Cadance and I knew the perfect way to stoke. My hands found her zipper and she pulled away once I couldn’t get it to go down any further, but Twilight shored up our faults with a little magic from the sidelines. I gave her a thumbs up while snogging Cadance some more and helped her out of her dress after a few more minutes of kissing. She couldn’t get the obstacle out of the way fast enough and kicked it off to the side when she did.

I took a moment to examine her choice in lingerie: Pink, yellow, and purple lace that blended well together and covered enough while revealing just the right amount. I allowed my hands to wander over her body, taking in every centimeter of her gentle curves and slim physique until I let them rest on either breast. I reached behind her with one hand and twisted the strap loose with a practiced ease, surprising her considerably. Her bra fell away since there were no shoulder straps and I made our lips meet again, allowing the soft, warm fur of her breasts brush against my chest.

Cadance’s heart shaped bottom was just calling out for attention, so I grabbed each cheek firmly and Cadance let out a noise that was somewhere between a moan and a squeak, but I’d had enough of the softcore stuff. I broke contact and she gave me a confused look before I gently pushed her onto the bed, climbing on top of her so I could give her some special attention. I placed a knee between her legs and lifted her thigh because I wanted to and no one was going to stop me. With that little distraction out of the way, I started kissing her collarbones, peppering them with the lightest touches of my lips and gently blowing on them with warm breath. I could hear Cadance’s breath hitch and waver as I moved onto her neck, but when I moved my hand to her breast, she placed hers over mine and lead my fingers to her nipples.

It was the first time she’d taken some initiative, so I was happy to oblige, gently tweaking the little nub, eliciting a pleasant moan from her while I gave her my attention. I lightly nipped and nibbled on her neck for a few more minutes, hearing someone else’s breathing pick up. I lifted my head to see Twilight staring at us hard with her hands pressed firmly between her legs, so I gave her a smile and a wink. She responded by undoing my belt with magic, so I took a quick break from giving Cadance the best foreplay she’d ever had to jump out of my trousers.

She sat up when I disengaged, but when I met her lips again, she seemed like she was ready to go. Her hand found my member the moment I knelt next to her on the bed and my own hand stroked the insides of her thighs. When my caresses took me too close to the end goal, I noticed that her knickers were sodden already, despite me not actually touching her lower lips at all. Once I noticed that, I figured I could bear to speed things up a little bit, so I took Cadance’s hand from my shaft and got off the bed, confusing her even as I knelt between her legs.

“M-Max? What are you doing?” She asked breathlessly.

I raised a brow. “If you don’t know, then that’s a shame. Lay back and just let me take care of it, okay?”

She glanced over to Twilight who must have given her a positive response since she did as I asked. I slid my hands up her legs and down again, mussing up her fur slightly as I did so, but when I reached for her knickers, Cadance sat back up.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” She asked.

Twilight cleared her throat. “Give him a moment.”

I grinned at Twilight and gave her a slight nod before pulling Cadance’s panties off, finally getting a good look at her special Princess parts. A hunger from deep within told me to give her a lick before allowing her to spread her legs, and when I did, the hunger only grew. Cadance shivered hard and gripped the blanket on the bed tightly, relaxing and tightening her hands as I spread her legs for easier access. Her lips were moist, so I did what came naturally and licked the outer edges, collecting her dew on my tongue. I wasn’t all that surprised to find that she tasted a bit like strawberry taffy, which wasn’t really a bad thing. It wasn’t my favourite flavour in the world, but it was fine for now.

Cadance shivered and jerked as I started working my way inward, but my focus was broken by the soft sound of hoofsteps coming closer. I figured Twilight was interested in having a better look, so I spread Cadance’s lips and gave her a lick from her entrance to her clit, flicking the somewhat large nub with my tongue a few times before shifting the hood back to expose it to my ministrations. Cadance let out a low moan when I latched onto the sensitive button and I could feel the heat radiating from lower down grow slightly warmer. She arched her back slightly and her breathing became uneven, but I never stopped my assault on her for a moment. Once she calmed down enough, I eased a finger into her soaked entrance to find that she was rather tight, so I tried easing a second finger into her and she let out a lovely noise. Placing my hand a few inches below her navel, I used my fingers to search for her G-Spot, and once I found it, I rubbed the familiar little bump while flicking my tongue over the node I loved so much.

My efforts paid off as she came again, though it was far more impressive this time and I struggled to keep up my good work as she thrashed about, nearly kicking Twilight who’d knelt next to me. The purple unicorn backed off a little bit, her face a furious red. I took a moment to check her hands and saw that they were still dry, so I spent a moment catching my breath and teasing Cadance while she twitched and spasmed from time to time.

“Oh dear Celestia.” She said, panting hard.

“Twilight told you that you’d like it.” I smirked and rose, shedding my drawers.

Cadance made a noise that didn’t mean anything, so I shrugged and started thinking of the position I wanted to take her in. Missionary was out of the question entirely and my personal favourite, butterfly, wouldn’t have given Twilight a very good view, so I rose and pulled her legs closed before leaning them off to the side . Cadance lifted her head for a moment, but dropped it before she could say anything and Twilight moved out of my way so I could finally give Cadance what she’d asked for. I pressed my tip against her entrance and rubbed it against the length of her slit a few times, coating my member in her juices before I started easing my way in.

The candy coated princess just moaned once I had my tip in and I remembered that her G-Spot would be easily accessible from this position, so I debated on whether or not I should give her the time of her life or show Twilight the soft side of making love. I decided to go with a bit of both and eased about half of my length in, finding that Cadance just got tighter the further I went along. She made some whimpers that told me to be a bit more gentle, but I figured that two orgasms and plenty of lubrication had given her time to soften up a bit, so I thrust the last few inches of my member into her at once and Cadance came on me, tightening up to the point where I couldn’t even move for fear of hurting myself.

I stood there, buried in Cadance up to the hilt, so I decided to have a little more fun since I couldn’t really do anything else. I held my hand out to Twilight and she got the idea rather quickly, taking my middle and index fingers into the moist, demanding chasm of her mouth. She licked on them a little longer than I thought was necessary, but I was willing to bet that she herself was ready for some release. Speaking of, Cadance’s walls released me when Twilight let me have my hand back, so I pulled out until I left the tip in her and thrusted in once, giving it to her hard. Cadance cried out ass she tightened up again, but this time, I used my newly lubricated fingers to explore the dank depths.

Cadance’s eyes shot open like I’d stabbed her and her arse tightened around my fingers, but her maidenhood loosened up enough for me to begin slowly thrusting into her. Cadance let out a weak moan and grabbed my hand with hers.

“I-I don’t think…” She gasped for air.

I removed my fingers and wiped them on the blanket since I don’t eat arse. “Something to try another time.

Twilight rose from her position on the floor, staring at the point where Cadance and I were connected the entire time. She sat on the bed next to Cadance and I rolled the older woman over so that her legs were together, high in the air. Twilight kept her hands folded tightly as I started thrusting again, though I could smell two different unique scents in the air, and I was willing to bet that there would be a wet spot when Twilight rose. I was not, however, expecting her to unfold her hands and lift her skirt up a bit before laying down next to Cadance. I continued thrusting at the same slow pace, making sure to fill Cadance with every go while Twilight lifted her skirt a bit and showed me that she was wearing panties that matched her outfit.

Her arousal stained the dark fabric, and when she started reaching down to feel her most private area, I brushed her hand away for a moment and felt for myself, managing to keep up my efforts with Cadance and split my attention between the two. Twilight removed her knickers herself and spread her legs as much as she could given the limited space. I took the hint and set myself on autopilot for a moment so I could caress Twilight’s dripping sex. Unlike Cadance’s, her clit was exposed, so I started there, lubing my fingers with her nectar so I could give her pleasure in the way I knew she liked. Twilight let out a small moan when I started giving her some attention, so I got myself started on her and turned my attention back to Cadance.

The Princess was looking at Twilight with interest, so I picked up my pace a little bit while still giving her my full length. Cadance continued her whimpering as I thrust into her, though it took a little longer for her to have another orgasm. The wait was well worth it since it was the biggest one yet, and seeing Cadance cum encouraged Twilight. I don’t know if they’d suddenly synced up, but as Cadance was riding into her climax, she and Twilight grabbed each other’s hands. Less than a second later, they both cried out at the same time with Cadance tightening on my member again and Twilight spilling her nectar on my fingers.

I was so tempted to pull out and give Twilight a taste of what I’d given Cadance, but I reminded myself over and over again that now just wasn’t the time, despite the pleading look that Twilight was giving me. Cadance must have sensed my desires subconsciously, because she chose that moment to wrap her legs around me and pull me in close. While I was immobilized by Cadance, I kept my fingers working on Twilight, teasing her entrance and occasionally giving her the tip until she grabbed my hand and forced it inside of her. She winced when I curled my finger upward to avoid breaking her hymen, but she let my hand go and I was aware of how deep I could reach now.

Cadance eased up enough to allow me some movement, but just as I started thrusting, I heard the door open behind me. I froze in place before slowly turning my head to see Shining Armour standing there. I took my hand away from Twilight like he had a gun on me, but other than that, I didn’t move at all.

“...This is a bad time.” He said sluggishly.

“This is a real bad time, mate.” I replied.

“I’m just going to… Yeah…” Shining locked the door, checked it, and closed it behind him.

I looked back to Twilight and Cadance. The former looked mortified and the latter was trying make me keep going, so I shrugged and picked up the hint like it was a shilling on the street. Twilight saw that we did not give a single fuck, but her legs were tightly closed as they had been when she’d heard the door start to open, so I licked her juices from my fingers and started rubbing her thigh comfortingly, though I was sure that she didn’t notice. I stopped thrusting into Cadance and pulled out, gesturing for her to roll over onto her stomach. Once she did, I grabbed her hips and she tried to hold herself up, but she had no strength in her arms, so she was face down when I inserted myself into her.

Twilight snapped out of her reverie to look at Cadance as the poor woman tried to hold herself up, rocking her hips into mine as I thrusted, trying to make me go deeper. Twilight shook her head and copied Cadance, leaving me with two wonderful arses to look at as much as I pleased. I started with Twilight again while taking care of Cadance, though I went slowly to get her back in the mood. I was surprised to find that she got back into the swing of things quickly enough, though in the time it took her to do so, Cadance had another climax and I was starting to get close myself.

From doggystyle, I could actually keep moving while Cadance was tightening up, so I picked up my speed as she was orgasming and pistoned my member into her like I was on the brink. I gave Twilight a little extra since I wanted the three of us to get to the big one at the same time, so I had her move a little bit so I could finger her honeypot and rub her clit more easily, though that got her off in about seven minutes. I tried keeping up the pace with Cadance, but having Twilight cum again had incensed me to the point where it wouldn’t be long until I came myself. I slowed down my thrusting and started grinding harder on Twilight’s G-Spot, making her cry out in bliss. While focusing on bringing them up to my level, I held out a little bit longer, but I still ended up cumming seconds before they did.

I released shot after shot deep into Cadance. Before I could finishing expending my load, she and Twilight grabbed each other’s hands again and cried out in unison, Twilight gushing more of her nectar and Cadance squeezing out every last drop of my seed from my member. I leaned back to catch my breath, but Cadance pushed her hips into me, not allowing me to soften or pull out with magic. Twilight kept my fingers inside of her the same way when I tried to reclaim my hand, so I resigned myself to my fate and tried not to twitch too hard when Cadance’s walls randomly squeezed me.

While I was just standing around, I asked, “Who wants to let up on the magic so I can get back to doing what I was doing?”

Cadance and Twilight looked at each other and back to me. I didn’t get an answer from either of them, so I did what any other man would do: I stuck a finger in each of their arses. I was released instantly and started going again, but Cadance moaned.

“Too sensitive!”

Twilight sighed and started backing off of the bed, falling to her knees when she tried to stand. I pulled out of Cadance and tried to give her a hand up, but Twilight waddled her way over to her former babysitter’s exposed entrance and watched as my seed spilled from her for a few moments. Imagine my surprise (and arousal) when Twilight pushed herself up to lap up the white liquid from Cadance’s honeypot, wiggling her tongue in deeper to get every last drop. Cadance let out a sexy moan and shivered continuously while Twilight ate her out and I just watched the spectacle at full mast again.

Once she had gotten as much as she could, Twilight turned to me and opened her mouth, showing me the ludicrous amount she’d collected. I’d known that there was plenty to go around, but I hadn't expected to give her a damn near literal mouthful. Twilight closed her mouth started climbing back onto the bed, rolling Cadance over onto her side so she could give her a kiss. My brows raised as I watched the two exchange the load between each other, but with Twilight taking the lead. It was sexier than just about anything else I’d ever seen to watch her in control of someone that had once been in charge of her for some reason that I don’t really understand. Not that it mattered much to me: I was enjoying myself far too much to not try to commit every second to memory.

Once they’d had their fun, I saw each of them swallow and Twilight gave me a half lidded look. “How was that for taking initiative?”

I clapped softly. “ ‘A plus’ for effort, showmanship, execution, and overall sexiness.”

Cadance rolled onto her back. “Wow.”

“‘Wow’ what?” Twilight and I asked in unison.

“‘Wow’ as in I never thought sex could be like that.” She said

Twilight chuckled. “That’s just Max, if other mare’s opinions are anything to go by. I can honestly say the only time he doesn’t leave me walking a bit funny is when we have to do something afterwards.”

I went to sit on the bed next to Twilight, but she rolled over and had me lay down in between her and Cadance. “I’ve gotta say, that was fucking awesome.”

The ladies chuckled and Twilight put her head on my chest. “So who was the pony that walked in on us?”

I rubbed her ears and she sighed. “You don’t want to know, cherry.”

“I really hope he didn’t recognize us.” Cadance sighed.

“I might’ve gotten hit if he did.” I commented. “I thought we locked the door when we came in.”

“We didn’t. We thought Twilight was going to walk in, remember?”

“Oh yeah.” I said loquaciously.

“Seriously, who was that?” Twilight asked. “I mean, I don’t want to be caught doing this kind of stuff by anypony, but you two seem to think that it was like, the worst possible pony.”

“It really was.” I sighed.

“...Please don’t tell me it was Shining.” Twilight pleaded.

Cadance and I shut up.

“Oh. Oh my gosh. Oh my bucking gosh. It was him, wasn’t it?”

We said nothing.

“I can’t believe my big brother just caught me doing-”

I leaned over and kissed Twilight so she would stop talking because I wasn’t really trying to hear it and I doubted that Cadance really wanted deal with it at the moment. It sucked hard that we’d been caught red handed, but then again, it was fucking hilarious. After pulling away from Twilight, Cadance asked for a kiss and I gave her one as well, though it wasn’t as long as the one I’d given Twilight. We rested for a few more minutes before Twilight decided to clean me up without me ever having to ask, and she managed to get me off faster than Cadance had. The princess watched, fascinated as Twilight bobbed her head on my rod and asked if she could try it. Twilight warned her not to touch me with her teeth, and Cadance did kinda meh. It was a bad blowjob compared to what Twilight had been giving me, but I dealt with it for the five minutes it took for Cadance’s jaw to get tired.

We had to get cleaned up, so Cadance cleaned herself and Twilight up with magic while I just took a shower instead of being lazy. Cadance couldn’t walk straight, so Twilight cast a spell she’d learned from the Pony Sutra to help her get on her feet again, though the taffy tasting woman winced from time to time when she stepped in the wrong way. She mentioned that she was still incredibly sensitive, so I gave her flank a spank and told her to have fun trying to get around for the rest of the day. That comment made us check the clock, and between foreplay, sex, and a little basking in the afterglow, we’d eaten up nearly four hours.

(Ctrl+F Scene2 Is Over to Skip)

The three of us needed to hurry our arses to supper, so Twilight teleported us just outside of the dining hall so we could enter politely. Once some butler guy announced our presence, I grimaced and realized that the three of us showing up together would likely tip Shining off big time since he’d seen us. I was grateful to see that he was late in joining us for dinner, though Rarity and Applejack were quick to bring up the fact that we’d practically disappeared for a sixth of the day.

I explained that Cadance and Twilight were catching up on the time they’d missed and that I’d tagged along since I had a vested interest in both of them, and that seemed to quell any other questions. Celestia rolled her eyes at my half truth and Luna looked a little jealous that she’d missed out on some fun, but neither of them said anything.

Shining joined us later in the evening and refused to meet my eyes, blushing whenever I spoke. I was tempted to fuck with him for it, but I wanted to avoid any questions from him regarding who I’d been shagging. He probably already figured that the one with their legs around me was his soon to be wife, but I rather severely hoped that Twilight’s thigh highs had been enough to make him think that her coat was a different color. Twilight refused to look at her brother and Cadance seemed a little off, but other than that, dinner was perfectly fine.

When everyone had gotten their fill and I’d devoured half the table by myself, we started filing out of the Dining Hall in pairs until Celestia asked me to stay behind. I figured I knew what it was about, so I told the girls to have a good night and gave Twilight a kiss before she joined them and the royal couple in leaving. Luna and Celestia moved to sit on the side of the table I was sitting on, sandwiching me between them.

Celestia cleared her throat. “You know, Max-”

“-We have heard quite the interesting rumor.” Luna continued.

“Right.” I replied. “Can you not do the tag team thing."

“We could stop-” Luna started.

“-But we won’t.” Celestia finished.

I sighed. “Okay, can one of you just say the rumor?”

“We’ve heard whisperings in the Castle-” Celestia grinned.

Luna nudged me. “-Mentions of cries of passion coming from your room.”

“It wouldn’t be an issue-”

“-If people weren’t saying they heard two different women.”

“Two familiar voices.” Celestia said.

“Alright, I had a bit of a threesome with Twilight and Cadance.” I stated.

Celestia cheered while Luna groaned. "Yes! I called it! And you said it was going to be the longest shot you’d ever seen!” She gloated.

“Be silent, sister. No one likes a braggart.” Luna said tersely.

“Wait, hold up, did you guys seriously bet on whether or not I’d get myself involved in a threesome?” I asked.

“No, we bet on who the threesome would be with.” Celestia explained. “I said that it would be Cadance and Twilight, but Luna took the safe bet with Rarity or Fluttershy paired with Twilight.”

“Celly cheated.” Luna huffed.

“I did not. Max, did I push you and Cadance together at all?” Celestia asked. How the fuck should I know?

“No, but Luna kinda did by making me clear the air with Shining. Speaking of that guy, do you know if he knows?”

“If his inability to look at you during dinner is anything to go by, I’m going say he figured that you were laying Cadance, but most likely didn’t suspect Twilight at the same time.” Luna chuckled.

I sighed. “Man, I really hope he wasn’t staring at my arse. I mean, I’m sure it’s nice, but I’m not trying to turn him on accident.”

“What about on purpose?” Celestia asked with a playful smile.

“Oh, I rather like the thought of that. The Captain of The Guard getting dominated by everyone’s favourite Human sounds like it would be interesting to watch.” Luna licked her lips.

“That’s what I want for my birthday next year, No exceptions.” Celestia smiled at me.

“Oh come on-” I protested.

“His back or his belly?” Celestia giggled.

I glared at her before reaching over to rub her stomach. Celestia looked at me like I’d just shoved my hand down her pants until she gave me a moment to get started. She started leaning back in her seat and let me do what I wanted like a good little tummy slut, so I turned to Luna.

“Do you want a tummy rub too, or do you want to watch?” I asked.

“...How wrong is it if I say both?” Luna inquired.

“About as wrong as it would be if I made you ask me to do it.”

Celestia sighed and swatted my hand away. “As much as I was enjoying that, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. Thank you for learning about Shining being mind controlled, by the way. His ‘little’ mistake nearly cost him his job.”

“Think nothing of it. Like I told him, I try to help people.” I said.

“As it is, we will most likely be dropping a large sum of bits into your account to reward you for your service. Consider it your wedding fund.” Celestia rose from her seat.

“That’s nice. Thank you.” I said neutrally. It’s not like I need it, but whatever.

“You don’t sound excited.” Luna commented.

“Twilight just ate my cum with Cadance after licking it out of her. That was all the reward I needed.” I sighed and smiled dreamily.

Celestia chuckled and walked out, bidding Luna and I good night. I turned to face Luna and she asked, “What the buck is wrong with you?”

“A lot of things. Keep it up and you’ll get another spanking, and this time, I won’t let you heal with magic.” I warned.

Luna looked at me for a moment with a gleam in her eye. “You’re a bucked up stallion.”

“Spanking it is.”

Luna beamed and teleported us into her room, but before we did anything, I sent Twilight a note telling her that I was going to be busy with Luna for a little bit. Twilight responded with much love and told me to have fun while I ‘worked’, so I told Luna that she could wear her plug. Moon Moon was thrilled and things got a little kiny from there, including the advent of some handcuffs and hoofcuffs that I didn’t know she had.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Twilight and Luna had the same problem for the same reason during breakfast, but I’d like to point out that Luna was handling it better. I permitted both of them to heal themselves while the wedding was going on, but not a moment before Cadance walked down the aisle. Twilight found that to be a bit unfair, but when I sat her down with Luna and explained that I was doing it because the mild lasting effect was the fucking point of spanking in the first place, they both agreed to my terms and Luna asked me to give her a refresher. I told her that she would get what she wanted if she called me ‘Sir’ in front of Twilight. Luna said it immediately and Twilight just gave me a funny look. I gave Luna her time and told her that she either had to wear a plug during the wedding or go without panties.

Luna went with both.

Amused to no end, I caught up with Twilight and walked around with her, making sure everything was tip top and turnt up before going to join Cadance so I could guard her body. I was glad that I’d packed the extra clothes now, though it wasn’t like I’d worn the suit for the wedding before it was time. I still wanted to look nice because I’m not some fucking plebe or something. While on the topic of looking nice, Twilight trid on her Best Mare dress and she looked absolutely stunning in Shining’s colors. The bridesmaids would be wearing Cadance’s stuff which was all well and good, but I still maintain that Twilight looks best in blue, even if I don’t really like the shade of Shining’s hair and tail. Maybe it’s just some leftover irritation working its way out.

I followed Cadance around for a little bit until it was time to get her dressed, but even then, she had me guard the door while some maids helped her get changed into her wedding gown. She had me turn around and give her my opinion when she was done. Honestly, she looked fucking amazing and I told her as much since she’d asked me to be brutally honest. I may have looked a little longer than necessary, but that was mostly because I spaced out, thinking of Twilight in a similar dress on a similar day.

There was a knock on the door as we were preparing to leave, so I eased it open and stepped out before Shining could have a chance to look inside. “Wotcher, mate.”

“Watch her? You’ve said that before, but who am I supposed to be watching?” He asked nervously.

“Not ‘watch her’. Wotcher. It’s a greeting in my country. What can I do for you, broom groom?”

“Broom groom?”

I shrugged. “You’ve got to sweep Cadance off of her feet sometime tonight.”

“Right. So I need to talk to you.” He said.

“I need to talk to you too, but it’s about sex and this little doohickey.” I held up the cock ring I’d gotten for him.

“...What is that?” He asked.

“Something to help you last a little longer tonight.” I handed it to him and patted his shoulder. “It should adjust a little to fit you, but slip it on when your little friend is soft and it’ll stay on while it’s hard.”

He blushed. “...If you’re talking about what I think you’re talking about, then I’m pretty sure that it’s too big.”

I pulled out two more. “I thought it might be, which is why I brought a couple of them. See what fits and you should be able to dick her down nice and good.”

He took the smallest of the three. “...These haven’t been used, right?”

“That would be gross as fuck.”

He nodded and let out a breath. “Thanks, I guess. Did Cadance say something about my… Stamina?”

“She never complained about it, but I heard somethings that I just can’t abide by, so let me tell you about the birds and the bees.”

“I already had that talk!”

“Not from a sexpert, mate. Before I got with Twilight, I was getting to be pretty experienced.”

Shining gave me a dark look, but I paid it no mind as I started giving him tips and tricks about things he should do for Cadance during the reception no one was supposed to attend. He didn’t pay very much attention until I told him that he was supposed to take care of his woman’s needs before his own, guilt tripping him into taking my advice. I would feel worse about it, but the guy hadn't really even tried to get Cadance off, according to his own words. I felt bad for the girl, so I asked Shining if he had enough magical power to teleport me to Celestia’s room. He asked why I needed to go there and I told him that I was lending him the biggest hand he’d ever seen.

I returned with a nice little rotor that would help Cadance along quite nicely and told him how to use it, explaining everything in great detail until a maid popped her head out of the room Cadance was preparing in to tell us to go the fuck away. I asked if she’d heard anything and she told me that all she could hear was murmuring, so we left it at that. Shining went off to go take his part in the wedding and I wished him the best of luck during and after.

Cadance asked what Shining Armor had wanted and I told her that he’d sought a piece of her sweet candy arse. She hit me for that, but I thought that it was well deserved and well worth it. Other than that, we had a few minutes before I had to escort Cadance to the actual event, but I was surprised to hear that she wanted me to walk her down the aisle. I thought it would be a bit tasteless to have me do the deed since I’d given her some serious D like, yesterday, but she was adamant about having me see her to Shining’s side. I asked why she wanted me to do it and she said that I was now one of her best friends and that being my savior earned me a spot in her wedding beyond just standing out of sight.

We hadn't practiced that shit during the rehearsal, so we just agreed that I would scan the crowd when we got there and would stand on either her side or Shining’s depending on who had more space. Most of the girls were going to be with Cadance, so I figured that I would end up with the groom. We talked about it a little more before Celestia sent us both a note, telling us to stop ‘bucking around’ and get our arses in gear. Cadance rolled her eyes and teleported us somewhere near the Throne Room so she could savor the moment a little longer. I didn’t bitch about it since it was Cadance’s day to do whatever bullshit she wanted.

The doors opened magically and I rested my hand on Nacht as I walked slightly behind Cadance, scanning the crowd for any potential trouble makers. Finding no one sticking out, I kept pace with Cadance which meant that I had plenty of time to pick a spot on the raised dais that Celestia and Shining were currently standing on. Twilight whispered something to her dad and he made a little space for me, though he didn’t look happy about the fact that he’d had to move.

Cadance took her time in getting to the thing and I was already fucking bored, but I suffered through it until I got to stand next to Twilight. Night Light gave me a look, but I tilted my head toward Shining and Cadance to tell him to put his focus elsewhere. Celestia continued on the with the overly long, terribly drawn out proceedings and Spike came down the aisle with the rings and shit. They said the words and put the rings on each other.

There were tears and cheers. I didn't cry, but I did try to look happy because I was expected to. I really don’t care for marriage anyway, though it was cool to see two people that obviously loved each other, even if they were having some issues with the whole sex thing. Twilight shed a few tears and I whispered to her that our day would be even better and she patted my arm, whispering back that she wasn’t a Princess. I told her that she was my Princess and she gave me a nice hug before the photos started.

Cadance got a picture with just about everyone, but Shining just wanted to get a couple of pictures with his wife, his sister, parents, and all of the males in the party. The photographer practically told him to fuck off when he asked, so I stepped in and threatened to stab the faggot if he didn’t listen to the goddamn groom. Seriously, it was like Shining Armour didn’t even matter since everyone’s attention was on Cadance. I made sure to stick by his side throughout the congratulations Cadance received, but I was fucking pissed that few people barely even bothered to say something to him. I get that Shining Armour isn’t the most popular guy, but he’d just gotten fucking married, so I thought that he warranted some attention.

Shining seemed happy enough to let his wife hold all the attention, so I held my tongue, though I made a note to get my feelings off of my chest to Twilight and Noir. It annoyed me that men barely had parts in their own goddamn weddings, but I couldn’t really say much since I didn’t think two people should have to get married to prove that they love each other. I wanted to do something incredible for Twilight, but I wanted at least some say in what went on in our wedding.

All bitching aside, the stuff after the wedding was nice. The food was good, the outfits were nice, and I got to dance with Twilight, Cadance, and Twilight Velvet at the reception. I couldn’t really partake in the toast that Twilight gave, but I raised my glass anyways and dealt with the pain in my stomach after taking a sip to avoid being rude. Celestia slipped me a note and asked me to come up with a toast on the spot. I said something along the lines of ‘To health, wealth, and happiness; May no one else get kidnapped.’. I got a round of chuckles, so I figured it went over pretty well, though Celestia rolled her eyes at my bullshit.

Just before the bride and groom took the floor to have their dance, they got everyone’s attention and formally thanked me for saving the day. I didn’t really know what to do with everyone’s attention on me, so I just nodded in their direction and said, “No problem.” I got hit by Twilight, Celestia, Rarity, and later Cadance for answering so nonchalantly. I pinched everyone except Cadance for hitting me, stating that being put on the spot like that was bullshit anyway.

The reception ended and everyone went their separate ways, though Cadance, Shining’s family, and the princesses stayed behind so we could all have another glass of wine and congratulate the happy couple before Shining took her to go give her some post wedding dick. Celestia and Luna fucked off to go do their thing, giving Twilight and I the time to tell Night Light and Velvet that we planned on getting married ourselves. Night Light took me aside to give me some father talk bullshit that I straight up ignored. When he got salty that I wasn’t putting up with his bullshit, I showed him Twilight’s engagement ring and told him to keep his mouth shut if he didn’t want me to change it to something hideous. It was an empty threat and I had to tell him that I wasn’t being serious to make him lighten the fuck up. He eventually caved and told me that he just wasn’t sure about giving his little girl to me and I told him that I’d earned Shining’s blessing.

He stopped giving me trouble after that, trusting his son’s judgement more than his daughter’s for some reason. I thought that it was some serious fuckery on his part, but I kept it to myself and joined Twilight for bed once the night ran late. I waited for Twilight to fall asleep before I did some meditation while in bed, sending myself off to the mindscape.

Noir was sitting on a lawn chair, chilling out in some comfy looking sport attire while staring out over the ocean. “You know, I was never terribly fond of weddings myself, but at least I do not have to worry about being in one.”

I conjured up a chair and sat next to her. “If it makes Twilight happy, then I’ll deal with it. Seriously though, why don’t guys have much say in their weddings?”

“Because male tastes in aesthetics are simply awful. You might be a bit of an exception, but I am sure that Twilight would prefer that you not have a blue-violet wedding.” Noir said lazily.

I thought of a giant inflatable penis and dropped it on her. “Suck on that, hellion!”

Noir batted it aside and cast a sidelong look at me. “You are such a child.”

“I know you are, but what am I?”

“Annoying.” She answered. A sign appeared that said ‘Annoying’ with an arrow pointing in my direction.

I figured that Noir was busy relaxing, so I conjured up a blowup doll of her and took it to the water where I sat and rode the waves. Shortly after I hopped on and straddled her, Noir appeared next to me on a fake version of myself, though it was anatomically correct. The way she sat on it caused it to fold in half until she reinforced with some more air.

“I see you’ve decided to ride me. Good choice.” I grinned.

“You should have had Cadance ride you. It would have been interesting to see how she handled it.” Noir said.

“It would have been fun, but I was trying to show her what good dick was like. She could barely move like, halfway through.” I grinned. “I know you saw her walking funny down the aisle.”

“In fairness, you are most likely larger than Shining Armor, if Cadance’s tightness was anything to go by.” Noir brought forth a pool floaty thing and rolled off of the fake me.

I copied her since I was done being weird. “Through all of our dick measuring contests, mine really was bigger. I fucking knew it.”

“He could most likely beat you in a pissing contest, despite not being a racehorse.” Noir chuckled.

“All Ponies are racehorses to me. Fuck your natural speed in a straight line.” I grumbled.

She scoffed. “You’ve twisted too many hooves to even complain.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. So what do you make of the threesome? Should I have done it, or should I have kept it in my pants?”

“You most likely should not have done it. I doubt there will be a repeat performance, and now that Cadance has had a taste of ‘the good D’, as you say, she might not be satisfied with Shining Armor anymore. I doubt that it will harm their relationship too much, but you should have considered the consequences before agreeing.”

“Oi, I said I’d think about it and I did. Cadance is only my second Princess if you don’t count dominating Luna-”

“I swear to all you hold dear, if you try to spank me, I will make you impotent.” Noir threatened.

“What if you find out that you like it?”

“Then I’ll spank you whenever you want, but I refuse to be dominated.” She said harshly.

“...Okay then, no fuzzy handcuffs for you.”

We floated along for a little bit before I felt and unseen force anchor us into place. Noir said nothing for awhile, so I asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I do not.”

“Then why do you think Luna’s submissive? I thought you and her were a lot alike.”

“We are, but not in our sexual tastes. Keep in mind that Alicorns change during their estrus. Certain mannerisms are magnified, so do not expect Luna to continue addressing you as ‘Sir’ when her cycle ends.”

“Damn, I was getting into the whole domination thing.” I sighed. “I guess I’ll enjoy it while it lasts, but I’m just wondering how Celestia is going to feel about it when she learns that I’ve been doing naughty, dirty things to her sister.” I folded my hands behind my head

“I would wager that she already knows. She and Luna hide very little from each other.” Noir said casually.

“...Well fuck. I hope she doesn’t try to turn the tables on me.”

“You hate being under someone else’s control as much as I do. That is quite impressive.”

“I’ve been through too much to be okay with it. I’m guessing it’s the same for you.”

“And just like that, we’re leaving this conversation behind.” Noir sighed.

I shifted the scene to the therapist’s office and had a seat in the leather chair Noir had sat in when she talked to me about getting Crimson killed. Noir got up off the floor and shifted the scene back to the beach, but I changed it back to the office. This went on for awhile until Noir came over and swung her hand at my face, though I ducked and rushed her for a hug. I placed my chin on her massive mammaries and looked into her eyes.

“You can talk to me about anything, Noir, even if it’s hard on you. If you need to get something off of your heart, then I’m always going to listen.”

She scowled for a moment, but her face softened and she placed a hand on my head. “Thank you, Maximus, but I don’t believe that I’m ready to open that wound yet. I’ve never spoken to anyone about that event.”

“I went months without talking to anyone about being raped by Chief Graham and years without talking about the first time something like that happened. I know it wears on you after awhile and the longer you hold it in, the harder it is to share, but I know you understand that I’ll always be here for you when you need me. I might not be by every day, but when we do get together, I’m listening.”

She pressed my face into her bosom. “Save your sweetness for Twilight. I get plenty of your affection as it is.”

I put my hands on her shoulders and pushed her back a bit so I wouldn’t be talking into her fun bags. “I’m not trying to be sweet, I’m being honest.”

“Which is quite sweet of you. Perhaps I could reward you with a movie?” She wiggled her brows. Distraction. Nice.

My eyes widened. “You need to see Pulp Fiction!”

Noir rolled her eyes and shifted the scene so that we were standing in the lobby of my old local theater. I focused on getting us some popcorn and lead Noir to a random showroom, picking out some seats that were slightly higher than in the center of the room. I kicked my feet up and sat back, grinning at Noir while she got the movie started.

It was the same thing I remembered, so it was pretty dope, though Noir asked me what the shit was going on when she couldn’t figure out how the first three segments tied together. I told her that she should take the title as a literal thing and she got the picture pretty well after that. We sat and watched another movie, though Noir got to pick. She thought Die Hard sounded like a nice evening, so I refilled our bucket of buttery goodness and we sat through it.

She liked the movie well enough, though she let me know that she’d already given it a look while I’d been busy with the wedding. I was a little disappointed that I hadn’t been able to share the experience with her, but she assured me that she would wait to watch another movie with me. I told her that she could watch whatever she wanted, but Noir firmly refused, stating that she could watch Die Hard over and over again, yet never find it boring.

I was told that I had to leave so I could catch some real sleep with my lover, so I gave Noir a hug and a kiss goodnight and promised her that we’d watch something interesting the next time I saw her, like Boku No Pico or something. Noir hit me and told me to quit being a faggot, which I thought was very offensive and quite homophobic. She reminded me that she was old as fuck asd was allowed to be as racist as she wanted to be. I conceded and told her to have fun saying the N-word and yelling at children to get off of her property and she shooed me away, telling me to get off of her property. She also called me the N-word, but I told her that I wasn’t fond of that at all so she apologized.

I blinked slowly and found myself looking at Twilight once again. I brushed a lock of hair from her face and gave her one final kiss and watched her until my eyes grew heavy.

Author's Notes:

Something to listen to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4q4HyvdAYw&index=23&list=PLM_juHbvel_4azKgn01K5x12h4yTIdTjS

It makes no sense for Max to not spot Chrysalis right away, so that's what happened.

As Always, Stay Cool, Kids.