Author's Notes:

This is Where Lupa's quest begins, so check that out and tune back in for Chapter Thirty-Four

Trying something new with Max's thoughts in italics. Let me know what you think.

Liek, cumment, && supskripe. Or just like and comment.

I seriously finished this Chapter two days after the behemoth that was the last one, and I'm super hype. Share my hype. Share it with your friends and family.

As always, Stay Cool, Kids.

Edit: Yeah, I started actually editing my shit around this point, so now I'm pretty much just reading over and checking for plot holes. Stay Rad.

My arrival in Ponyville was met with a few friendly faces that showed up to welcome me, namely Fluttershy and Twilight. Rarity had already come back and told them to expect me sometime today, even though we’d originally planned to leave right after we saw the Equestrian Harmonic. I guess she thought that I’d want to spend more time with Fleur and Fancy or something, but either way, I was glad that my girlfriends had come to welcome me home.

Fluttershy and Twilight bombarded me with questions about what I did while Rarity was gone, so I told them about meeting up with Twilight’s parents and a few of my own new friends to go see the Equestrian Harmonic. I let it slip that I’d missed Rarity the entire time in hopes that Fluttershy or Twilight would tell her later, but maybe that was too indirect of me. I tried again by just telling them that I’d wished things had gone differently with Rarity. Twilight was on my side, but Fluttershy was on Rarity’s, though I made it very clear that there were no sides. There was, however, a friendship that needed to be patched up with some time and kindness, and I asked both of them if they wouldn’t mind supporting Rarity in my stead. They agreed, of course, and Fluttershy went off to go do just that since she knew Rarity was still feeling pretty bad about what had gone on in Canterlot. I tried to ask what she meant when she said that Rarity was feeling bad, but she and Twilight both dodged the Hell out of my questions.

With Fluttershy gone and my question unanswered, I was tempted to grill Twilight because I knew I could break her, which ended up being the reason why I didn’t ask her anything. Knowing that you can force someone to spill a secret is a powerful thing that shouldn’t be abused, and I was fairly certain that pressuring Twilight would have been abusing that power. I lead the way back to my place and Twilight caught me up on some of the things I’d missed while I was away. Apparently Pinkie had learned that Twilight had a toy too and tried to have them swap controllers for a day, but Twilight balked hard and that idea went down the drain. Applejack had started visiting Fluttershy more often, though no one besides the two of them (and me) knew why, and they weren’t telling anyone any time soon. Spike had finally asked Sweetie Belle out, but she shot him down because of the thing with Diamond Tiara, so Twilight wanted me to talk about that with him when I got a chance. I made a mental note of it and asked Twilight to catch me up on any other happenings.

Besides Rainbow learning a few new tricks and Apple Bloom looking for me, not much had happened. It was pretty early in the day seeing as how it was only about two or so in the afternoon, so Twilight and I went back to my house, got my stuff put away and went to go talk to Spike since he wasn’t in school at the moment. I changed from my Baron apparel into some more casual attire while I was there, though I probably should have told Twilight I was going to change before I started stripping. I did it in my house, so by my rules, it was perfectly acceptable and Twilight just had to deal with it.

On the walk back to her place, Twilight asked, “So why are we starting with Spike? Apple Bloom could have wanted you for something important.”

“When did Spike ask Sweetie Belle out?”

“Two days ago. What does that have to do with anything?” Twilight Inquired

“When did Apple Bloom tell you she was looking for me?” I asked.

“About two days ago. You don’t think they have anything to do with each other, do you?”

I gave Twilight a flat look. “You think they don’t? It’s oddly specific timing and it’s pretty clear that Spike is probably one of the most eligible bachelors around his age.”

Twilight blinked. “Spike is a bachelor?”

“Does he have a girlfriend?”

“Well, no, but-”

“He’s a young bachelor, cherry. No ifs ands or buts about it.” I patted Twilight’s shoulder. “Spike is growing up slowly but surely, and picking up interest from the opposite sex is a natural part of that process.”

Twilight came to a dead stop. “Dear Celestia… I have to raise Spike to be a stallion.” Her hands went to her head and she tilted backwards. “Shit.”

“Twilight, did you just swear? On purpose?” I asked incredulously.

“Max, I have to raise a stallion and I don’t even know the first thing about raising a foal.”

I could see where this was going so I took Twilight’s hands from her head, tilted her forward, and planted a passionate kiss on her lips. After a good ten or so seconds, I stepped back to survey the result of my efforts. Twilight had a dreamy look on her face, so I squished her cheeks together.

“Hey look, It’s a fish pony! Does that make you a seahorse?” I asked, grinning.

Twilight snapped out of it and looked around. We were in the middle of town, so we’d garnered a fair bit of attention, making Twilight blush adorably. I couldn’t help but wear a big goofy grin on my face as I threw an arm around her and shuttled her off to the Treebrary. Once we were inside, Twilight started babbling about being embarrassed, so I used my lips to stop hers from moving and after another ten count, Twilight had that familiar look on her face. I patted her cheek a few times to bring her back to… Well, not Earth, but Equus, I guess. Twilight’s eyes shot open and she looked around again.

“Why do you always look around after I kiss you?” I asked.

Twilight blushed lightly. “It’s a little embarrassing. Haven’t I suffered enough today?”

I embraced her and held her head to my chest. Just to add my own little spin to it, I licked her horn and she pushed me away.

“Sorry cherry, but you haven’t learned the true meaning of suffering. Not yet at least.” I grinned evilly.

Twilight made a face. “Fine, but only because you tell me things all the time.” She took a deep breath to calm herself and said, “When we kiss, I kind of drift off, like my mind gets really fuzzy. It’s like you’re made of a warm blanket of dark grey smoke that fills me up and makes it hard to think…” She trailed off and got a faraway look to her face.

I waved a hand in front of her. “Twilight, cherry. Come back to me.”

She blinked at the mention of her name and blushed furiously. “S-Sorry, I just started thinking about it and got a little off track.”

I gave her a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry about it. I know exactly what you mean.”

She blinked thrice. “You do?”

“Yeah. When I kiss you, my head fills with static and it takes me back to a happier time in my life. I thought I was just crazy or something; I never thought that kisses might affect you in a similar way.”

Twilight sighed her relief. “I’m just glad I’m not the only one.” Her face went blank soon after and she appeared to be deep in thought, so I tapped her shoulder.

“Twilight? Something you’d like to share?” I asked.

“Oh! Sorry, I’m just extra spacey today I guess.” She said with a nervous smile.

“Don’t worry about it, just try to stay with me, okay?” She nodded. “So what were you thinking about?”

“I was just wondering…”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes? Twilight, never be afraid to ask me a question.”

She nodded again. ”Right. So, do you get the same feeling when you kiss other mares?”

I thought about it for a moment. “Well, no. I only get that feeling when I kiss you. It’s a different feeling with other mares, not quite as addictive.” I said honestly.

“...Do you mind if I ask what you felt from Celestia? I mean, the Princess?” She asked cautiously.

I shook my head. “Not at all. When I first met her, I felt like Celestia was sending electricity through my body. Just enough to tingle. Then, when we started dating, her kisses started reminding me of a mild summer day, probably somewhere close to water…” I lost myself in the memory of Celestia’s lips. Her's hadn't been as soft as Twilight’s but her skill with her tongue far surpassed her students.

Twilight snapped her fingers in my face and I jolted. “Glad to see I’m not the only one who gets lost sometimes.” She gave me a playful smile.

I rolled my eyes. “That was just silly of me. I was being silly.”

“Glad you’re such a silly head then!” Twilight teased.

I scooped her up in my arms and spun her around. “Would a silly head do this?”

“Yes! Put me down!” Twilight half laughed, half spoke.

I complied with her wishes after a couple more spins and by the end of it, we were laughing our arses off for no other reason for our own silliness. Spike walked in on us and cocked his head to the side.

“You know, I was listening for the mushy kissy stuff, but I never heard a joke. Why are you two laughing?”

Twilight and I looked at each other and our laughter redoubled in its intensity. Spike walked off to go do something else and Twilight and I were still trying to catch our breath. Through my pained wheezes, I said, “Hey Twilight?”

She wiped her eyes. “Yes?”

“I love you.” I stated simply.

Twilight gave me a warm smile. “I love you too, Max.”

I would say that things got mushier from there, but I’d told Twilight what was on my heart. I really did genuinely enjoy being around her. Everything from her goofy laugh to her terrible dancing made me want to smile, but not because I felt like I was supposed to. I was truly happy when I spent time with Twilight, but I’d just assumed that I felt that way because I was obligated to return the love she felt for me. While I was spinning Twilight around, I realized that I would want a child with this woman in time, that I could start a family with her and never regret taking my freedom from myself. I fully believed that I could spend the rest of my life with Twilight, if she would live as long as I would. I prevented my thoughts from darkening any further by thinking of things that I liked about Twilight, like her intelligence, or her quick wit when the occasion permits. Her sense of justice and fairness also gave me more to love, and I couldn’t help but keep a goofy grin on while we talked some more.

Twilight eventually had to go help Pinkie Pie with something, so I got my chance to talk to Spike. I caught him reading a comic book in the library part of Twilight’s house, so I pulled up a chair next to his bean bag and chilled out for a little bit. Once he finished his book, he was ready to talk.

“So what’s up, mate? I’m sure Twilight wants you to talk to me about the Sweetie Belle thing.”

I cringed at his use of ‘mate’ but kept it to myself. “She does. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. I’m just disappointed. I should have waited for her to cool down before I asked her out, but I just got so excited!” He clutched his head and leaned back. “Dude, I messed up big time.”

I reached over and patted his leg. “Maybe not, my friend. I have to do some digging, but I have a hunch that there might be a girl who wants your attention if Sweetie Belle doesn’t.”

“Didn’t you say girls like persistence? Why don’t I just keep going after Sweetie Belle?”

“I’m just giving you options right now. It’s up to you to pursue who you want, Spike. The only thing I can do is stack the deck in your favor, you’ve got to play the right cards at the right time.”

Spike sighed. “Big Mac said something similar. I think I’m just going to think about it for a little while. I don’t think I should give up on Sweetie Belle, but if there’s another girl who likes me, then I feel like I should give her a shot too. What do you think?”

“Mate, when I was your age, I had absolutely no girls after me. If you want my advice for someone your age, then it’s pick a girl and stick with her until you know her pretty well. If you like what you see in her, then go for it. If you don’t, then leave her alone, even if she’s interested in you.”

“What would you do if a girl was interested in you, but you didn’t feel the same?” Spike asked.

“Well, take my relationship with Twilight for example. I wasn’t in love with her when we started. I just wanted to get to know her for awhile, and now I’m some goofy, mushy, dumbass spinning her in circles, laughing for no reason.” I shrugged. “Dating is like being friends, but with certain expectations. You’re supposed to show a girl all of the good things about you while hiding the bad, but that’s the exact opposite of how I picked up Twilight and Fluttershy. You remember how much of a dick I used to be, right?”

“Boy, do I. You threw a rock at me once!”

“Because you were being a little shit. Do you get what I’m saying though?”

“I think so. I think you’re saying that dating is like, getting to know someone, but you try really hard to get them to like you, but from what you and Big Mac have told me, I have to try without looking like I am.”

“That’s basically the gist of it. Though if you need another way to look at it, dating is a like looking for someone you wouldn’t mind having in your life everyday.”

“I don’t know… There are some days where I just don’t want to deal with anypony.” He remarked.

“And you’re going to have to find someone who’s willing to deal with you on those days, just remember that it’s give and take, bud. You need to be just as willing to work with someone as they are with you, if not more so just because women are difficult most of the time.”

“Isn’t that one of those things Twilight told you to stop telling me?”

“Tell me that Twilight can’t be the most difficult person for days on end.”

“Dude, don’t you love her? I thought you weren’t supposed to say anything bad about the mare you love.”

“You should know me well enough that I preach differently from what I practice. I’m telling you what's supposed to work, mate. What might really work for you might be something else entirely. I mean, look at the types of guys you’re learning from. Big Mac is tall, strong and handsome, I think. He’s the classic buff farm boy with a heart of gold and a penchant for being picky with his words. If you look at me, then I’m the wise cracking rogue who plays by his own rules with a heart made of a substance better left unsaid. We’re two completely different guys who look for completely different women, so our techniques won’t always work for the women you want.”

“What about me?” Spike asked. “What kind of man am I?”

“A growing one. People change a lot from your age up until adulthood, but based off of how you are now, I think you’ll be the genuine, small town kid with a big heart and a strong sense of justice, given to you by your big sister. You’ll attract your ‘mares’ at your own pace, kid, don’t be in a hurry to grow up.”

Spike flopped his arms down to his sides. “I guess you’re right, huh? I mean, I still have years until I’m an adult. I have time to learn this stuff before I need to know it as long as I keep it up with the lessons and paying attention in general like you said.”

“How’s that going by the way?” I inquired.

Spike scratched his chin. “I noticed a lot of things and talked to Twilight about a lot of things I just never thought to pay attention to before. I mean, I saw Applejack coming from Fluttershy’s late one night while I running an errand for Twilight because she was in one of her moods, but when I asked Applejack what she’d been doing, she told me I wasn’t old enough to know. I never really thought about it until I saw her again under the same circumstances, but I looked at her, like, actually paying attention. Her hair was all mussed up, she had a button wrong on her shirt, and she seemed a bit wobbly. Big Mac told me those are all signs that a mare’s been having sex, but I never thought-”

“Yeah, I know,” I interrupted, “I was probably the first to figure it out. Congrats on being either second or third though.”

“Who else would know besides us, Applejack, and Fluttershy?”

“Macintosh, who Applejack usually has to go home to. I suggest that you keep it quiet for now. The thing is, Applejack told me that she had left her lesbian ways behind her, and if she’s doing Fluttershy, then something sexy is going on.” I commented casually.

Spike sat up and crossed his legs. “Wow. What do you think they’re doing?”

“Do you still sleep in the same room as Twilight?”

“No! I stopped doing that months ago!” He protested.

“Say years next time. Don’t ask, just do, mate.”

“Why?” He asked innocently. Wha

“Because you’re too old to be sleeping in Twilight’s room and that probably should have stopped when she started to become a woman.” I explained. “Though I do imagine you got some very creative explanations at a young age, I’m pretty sure no one’s ever had ‘The Talk’ with you.”

“...I heard Twilight mention it once, but she sounded terrified.” Spike murmured.

“It can be scary if you’re trying to teach a relative something you yourself aren’t very familiar with, especially when it’s a taboo subject like sex. I would give it to you, but I’m not really sure if it’s my place. If anything, I’ll have a talk with Macintosh and Twilight sometime and see who wants to step up to the plate.” I was thinking of just having Macintosh and I give it to him so we could spare Twilight the embarrassment, but I wanted her opinion since she was Spike’s guardian.

“Is it really that bad? I mean, I see lots of ponies in relationships, and I’m sure they had to have ‘The Talk’ too. It can’t be that bad if everypony goes through it.”

“It really isn’t that bad if you’re the one receiving the talk. It’s just awkward to try and tell someone younger about sex and what it entails.”

“Wait, so haven’t we already had the talk? You and Big Mac have told me all about sex!”

“We’ve told you that you don’t need to worry about it right now, which is true. We haven’t really explained what it is, to my knowledge.”

“How hard can it be?” Spike thought about that for second.

“It can be pretty hard if you have no idea what you’re doing, and it’s even worse if neither of you know, which is why I’m pretty sure I’m going to be giving you at least a part of your talk.”

“Is it because you’re good at sex?” He asked.

I scratched my head. “More like I probably have the most experience with it. I’ve done some weird stuff, mate.”

“What kinda weird stuff?”

Well, I could tell him about Twilight, Pinkie and the toys, or about the threesome with Applejack and Fluttershy. Or I could not ruin his image of his surrogate older sisters. “While I was in Canterlot, a couple asked me to play with them for a night. I’ll tell you now Spike, if you ever get an offer to have sex with someone’s wife, make sure their spouse is okay with it before you do anything. I didn’t do that, but I got lucky and was set up by two different spouses on two different nights.”

“Wait, so some ponies in a relationship asked you to have sex with them?” SPike asked, stunned.

I nodded. “That’s the gist of it, yeah.”

“Aren’t relationships supposed to be sacred or something? Like, you told me that I should ask my fillyfriend before I ever try even dating a different mare.”

“Some people just have relationships that don’t work like they’re supposed to. When I got together with the fellow’s wife, he set me up with her, and I thought that the message was pretty clear. If I wasn’t certain, I wouldn’t have gone for it.”

“Wow… How many times have you had sex with married mare?”

“Married? Once, as far as I know. A woman in a relationship? I’d say twice because I don’t know if Mary is in a relationship with anyone.” I shrugged. “It doesn’t exactly happen often.”

“Wait, you mean Mary as in the Mayor?”

I nodded. “Yup.”

“Dude, keep it in your pants!” Spike exclaimed, chuckling his head off.

“Sorry I’m an attractive piece of man meat, but I can’t really help it. Girls like me and I like spending time with girls.”

“...Have you ever had sex when you were Roxy?” Spike asked cautiously.

“Yeah, a few times. It’s one of the first things I did when I was turned into a girl. Before you ask, I didn’t sleep with a guy because it felt wrong to me, though I did sleep with a couple girls. Sex feels better as a woman, so remember what I told you about taking care of them first.”

“Right. So what’s being a girl like?”

“It’s not much different from being a guy, they just do different stuff, like go shopping or have little get togethers. Girls are more social in general, so they spend a lot more time together than guys usually tend to. I don’t know why that is, but I know that when I spend time with guys, we don’t really talk all that much.”

“We talk a lot, don’t we?”

“I’m supposed to be mentoring you, so of course we do. The only way I know how to show you a lot of the stuff I need to teach you is through words.”

“Being a stallion sounds like a lot of work…”

“Growing up is a lot of work, but it’s not like you have to do it all at once. Bits and pieces at a time, buddy, take it as it comes.” I advised.

Spike nodded. “That sounds like what Twilight keeps telling me, but I don’t think she’s really ready for me to grow up. I don’t think I’m ready for me to grow up!”

“You’ve both got time, so don’t try to tackle it all at once now. Before you know it, you’ll be a man and you’ll be just as prepared as everyone else, so just take it easy and enjoy your time.”

“I will… I don’t think I have any more questions.” Spike said.

“Cool. Do you want to talk about something else?” I asked.

“Eh, not really. I think I’m gonna process some of the information you gave me.”

“Even better. I’m going off to see the Apple Family, don’t process too hard.”

I fist bumped Spike and was on my way. Twilight caught me as I was leaving since her thing with Pinkie fell through and asked if we could get together tomorrow and do something, so I suggested that we go for a walk in the Whitetail Woods since I couldn’t remember if I’d ever shown Twilight a few of my favorite spots. I also asked her if she wanted to be there for The Talk, though she didn't give me a straight answer. If the weather wasn’t so cold, I would have suggested that we make a picnic out of it, but dinner at Blossoms and Blooms would have to suffice. Sadly, they were pretty much the best restaurant in town that I could eat at since the only other two were limited to Pony foods. I could probably get one Hell of a salad or something, but Blossoms and Blooms had this fettuccine alfredo that made my knees go weak at the thought of it, so it’s not like I was upset about it.

I still had plenty of daylight left, so I took my time walking down to Sweet Apple Acres. Granny Smith met me when I arrived at the farmhouse and invited me in for a mug of warm cider, so I offered to tell her a few of my more interesting stories as payment. I ended up listening to Granny Smith ramble for an hour or so, going off on tangents whenever she got too deep into detail. I’d had some practice with the scatterbrained ways of the elderly, so I was able to follow the story and the asides well enough to make it seem like I was listening intently. I’m sure Granny knew that I was lost about fifteen minutes in, but old people just don’t give a shit sometimes.

Macintosh was preparing to head out for some reason or the other, so I managed to catch his attention before he left so I could see what he’d been teaching Spike while I was away. It turned out that he’d left ‘The Talk’ on the table and was actually about to come see me about it. We agreed that we would get together at my place and water down some whiskey for Spike so he would feel like he was a part of a conversation for men. Of course, Macintosh and I would be drinking it like water, but that wasn’t important. What was pertinent was that I had Macintosh’s support and approval for my drafted plan, as well as Granny Smith’s. We’d included our senior in the conversation due to her wisdom, and she helped us put the whiskey idea together so we could simultaneously give Spike a taste of adulthood, yet keep him relaxed. It was a little underhanded, but it’s not like we were trying to hurt the guy.

Apparently Apple Bloom and her friends were all playing in their treehouse, so I had Macintosh lead me over there. Apple Bloom was the first to spot me and came running up, leaving her friends in the dust.

“Max!” She exclaimed. “Boy, am I glad to see you.”

Macintosh and I traded a look before he shrugged. “I’ve heard you’ve been looking for me. Sorry I was gone, but I had some business to attend to in Canterlot.”

Apple Bloom shook her head and smiled. “It’s fine. Do ya mind if I have a word with you in private?” She said, glancing at her brother.

“Eeenope. You remember the rules, Max.” He grunted.

I patted his shoulder. “I’ll let you and Applejack handle all that, I’m just giving a little advice.” We had an agreement that if Apple Bloom ever came to me about puberty or anything relating to it, I would deflect her (gently) to either Applejack or Macintosh, but I was in the clear when it came to things like love.

Apple Bloom looked at me, confused. “How’d you know I needed advice?”

Macintosh and I traded another look before he just shook his head and walked away. “Let’s just say I’m smarter than I look and leave it at that.”

“If you know that I need some advice, then do you know what it’s about?” She asked skeptically.

“My first and only guess is that it’s about Spike.” I said softly, watching the other girls.

Apple Bloom lit up. “How’d you know!?” She cried out.

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo started coming closer, but I waved them off. They looked like they wanted nothing more than to come over anyway, but they respected me enough to listen. “I pay attention, love, that’s how I get by. I heard from Twilight that Spike asked Sweetie Belle out a couple of days ago, and you wanted to ask me something around the same time, so I figured the two were connected.”

“Wow… When ya say it like that, it sounds real obvious.”

I patted her head because I could. “Really obvious. And to me, it was. So what do you want to ask?”

“I just wanted to know what kinda stuff Spike likes. I mean, I know Sweetie Belle likes him too, but I just can’t stop thinkin’ about him, and it’s startin’ to drive me nuts! I just don’t know what to do!” Apple Bloom hugged herself, so I took a knee and looked her in the eye.

“Look, love, I don’t have an easy answer for you here. I want nothing more than to tell you to go for Spike, but I don’t know how that might affect your friendship with Sweetie Belle. I think the right thing to do would be to talk to Sweetie Belle about how you feel for Spike.”

“But what if Sweetie Belle doesn’t wanna be my friend anymore because I took Spike from her?”

“What if Sweetie Belle takes Spike from you?”

“I… I guess I’d be sad…” Apple Bloom admitted.

I gave the young woman a hug. “Love isn’t easy, Apple Bloom. It’s confusing and painful, but it’s also wonderful and blissful. I can’t really tell you what you should do,, but I do suggest that you talk to your friends. If they’re really your friends, they’ll at least try to understand. If they don’t, then maybe you need friends who care more about how you feel.”

“Applejack told me that I should talk to Sweetie Belle too, but then I remembered that she said that she and Rarity did the same thing-”

“If you’re talking about with me, then that’s not really a fair shake for either of them. Applejack just made one too many mistakes and Rarity can’t deal with me as I am, so I don’t think our little love triangle is the one you should be looking at. Take Twilight, Fluttershy and I for example. Twilight and Fluttershy are both dating me, but they’re still friends. Maybe you and Sweetie Belle could try sharing Spike?”

“See, that’s what I thought would be best, but Big Mac told me that I shouldn’t be going after a stallion that has more than one mare at my age.”

“Did you tell him who you had a crush on?” I asked.

“Well, no.” Apple Bloom admitted.

“Your brother is worried about someone taking advantage of you. There are too many eyes on Spike for him to even try, and that’s not even mentioning that he’s a great guy. If there’s anyone around your age that I think could handle multiple love interests, it would probably be Spike.”

“I know! He’s so mature and confident, but he’s also really sweet and nice.” Apple Bloom interlaced her fingers.

“I sense another question.” I stated kindly.

“Well… What if Spike doesn’t like me back? I’ve already asked Applejack, but I wanna know what you have to say.”

“You know, I can’t really say that you should give up if he doesn’t like you. Hell, I didn’t really like Fluttershy when we started dating, but now I’d give my life for her. Hell, even after Applejack almost killed me, I fell head over heels for her, but that just didn’t turn out well. It just depends on the person, I guess. I say that you should keep trying, even if he turns you down.”

“Wait, you’re in love with my sister?”

“Not as much as I used to be, but yeah. I guess I still am.”

“...So not bein’ with her doesn't bother you?” She asked.

I thought about it for a few moments. I mean, I’d forgiven Applejack for making me bite my tongue off, but we just weren’t the same. I wanted to be with her, I was just afraid of being hurt again, and that’s really all that was stopping me besides Applejack herself.

I drew a deep breath and sighed. “It does bother me, but Applejack doesn't want to be with me and I’m scared of her, so it just wouldn’t work out.”

Apple Bloom stamped her foot, suddenly determined. “If you both love each other, then why don’t you just be together? You adults don’t make any sense!”

“It’s not that simple, love. Applejack blew her second chance, and now we’re dealing with the consequences. It might not make either of us happy, but we keep getting hurt while we’re together, so it’s just better to stay apart.”

“So why don’t you just promise to never hurt each other again and mean it?”

“That basically already happened, Apple Bloom. That was Applejack’s second chance.”

Apple Bloom stomped again. “Well maybe she just needs a third one!” She huffed.

I rolled my eyes. “It’s not that simple. I wish it were, but it’s really not.”

“Fine. I’m gonna tell Applejack that you love her! I know my sister won’t just stand by and let love go to waste!”

I sighed. “It’s not going to waste, it’s-”

“You’re not lovin’ each other, so it’s goin’ to waste!” Apple Bloom said petulantly.

“Yeah, not arguing with a kid. Good luck with Spike, AB.”

“You’d better be wishin’ me luck with my sister, mister!” She said, pointing at me.

“You’d have a better chance of getting Rainbow into something prissy and frilly. Goodbye.” I said before walking off. I waved as I went, trying to think of what was next on my itinerary.

I couldn’t think of anything that I absolutely needed to do besides go grocery shopping again, so I did that and got my crap home and put away before pulling out my favorite bottle of comfort: strong tequila. It was a special import from Mexicolt, and it even had a few of the little hardy snakes swimming around in the bottle. It was my go to bottle for playing my favorite drinking game; How Do You feel? Now all I needed was someone to play with. It was only about five in the afternoon, so I didn’t really have many choices. I ended up writing a note to Macintosh and invited him over to play with me.

Macintosh knew the game pretty well himself, evidenced by the potent moonshine he brought along with him. We sat down in my living room and played through a few rounds. By the time we both said ‘Good’ after being asked ‘How Do You Feel?’, we were fucking hammered. I vaguely remember dropping Macintosh off at his house, but the next morning, I didn’t wake up in my bed.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I rolled over and immediately went to clutch my head, but I found that my hands were bound. Through the fog and pain, panic streamed through my veins, though I controlled myself well enough to not freak the fuck out. I opened my eyes and surveyed my surroundings. I was on a bed in a rather drab, grey room. It didn’t seem like much. There was a dresser, a chair with some clothes on it and a couple of nightstands, but that was pretty much it. I looked to my hands and saw that they were tied to the bed posts, though my feet were free to move. The knots tying my hands were definitely not done by an amatuer, and my struggling only made my head hurt worse.

I had few options, so I figured that my first order of business would be to meditate and clear my head. Once I finished with that, I examined the knots that held me once more. They were well tied and tight enough to restrict movement without hurting. Whoever had tied me up knew what they were doing. I jostled around a bit under the cover and felt that the clothes below my waist were gone, and I could still feel my dick, so it’s not like I had been taken to some organ harvester. If someone went around chopping off dicks, would that make them a lumberjack or a psychopath?

I put that quandary aside and listened as the door opened to reveal a blast from the fucking past. “Mineral Zeal? Is that you?” I asked, unsure. If you don’t recall, Mineral Zeal was Onyx’s old assistant. I’d met her back when I was looking for a job around town and we’d had a row within seconds of speaking to each other. Then, she hired some goons to try and rough me up in an alley.

We didn’t have the best relationship.

She was wearing fewer clothes than I would have liked her to be wearing seeing as how she was only wearing an open shirt and some panties, and the look on her face spoke volumes about how pissed she still was at me. “Yes, it’s me. I’m guessing you don’t remember last night.”

“I wish I could say that I did.” I pursed my lips. “I’m guessing we had some sex.”

She scoffed. “Might be the best I’ve had in years, but that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t like you. Once I get you untied, I want you out of my house.”

“Fine by me. Where are my pants?”

Zeal came over and started working on the knots. “They’re on the floor.” She answered tersely.

“Look, I’m sorry we started out bad, but I’m sure-”

“Shut up. If I want another piece of you, I’ll tell you. I want you here within an hour. No exceptions,” She commanded, stopping her work on my hands to glare at me.

I looked at her like she’d lost her damn mind. “What the hell? Are you my dom or something?”

She looked at me and whisked off the blanket covering my lower half. I saw an awful lot of candle wax. “Yes. I am.”

I stared in silence until I mustered up the courage to say, “I’m not much of a sub when I’m sober.”

Zeal got my hand free and climbed over me to get to the other one. “You’re not much of a sub when you’re drunk.”

I froze. “Zeal, did I come on to you last night?”

She gave me a genuine smile. It was terrifying. “What, you don’t remember?”

“Not at all.”

“Then it’s probably for the best that I don’t say~.” She sang. The evil grin on her face didn’t go anywhere, and once my other hand was free, it was around her throat.

“Did you rape me?” I asked, a centimeter away from her face.

“I thought you were fine with it.” She said, maintaining that evil grin.

I let her go. I got dressed. I went home. I wrote a note. I went back with a friend of mine.

I had just finished knocking on Mineral Zeal’s door when she whisked it open. “I thought I told you that I’ll tell you when I want you.” She hissed.

I looked at her blankly. “I have a friend who would like you to answer some questions.”

“Well tell them to buck off. You’re not wanted right now, so-” Mineral Zeal poked her head out to look for my friend. She saw Luna resting against the house, just out of sight if you were looking from inside. “Princess Luna. Oh.”

Luna stood up straight and shoved Mineral Zeal into her house. The door closed while I was still outside, so I just sat on the doorstep and waited for Luna to come out. Twenty or so minutes later, she came out with something invisible slung over her shoulder.

“She did the deed. You did not consent last night. Apparently you put up quite the fight, but you were too drunk to stop her.” Luna stated factually.

I nodded. “What few memories I have of last night seem to correlate. I knew she wasn’t a good person when she had her minions come after me, but I never thought a Pony in Ponyville would be that evil.”

Luna shifted her load and patted my shoulder. “We will speak when I return. Go home, Maximus, and try not to scrub too hard. You only feel dirty, despite being physically clean.”

“I’m okay, Luna. Just a little shell shocked. I’m going to take that shower, but because I actually need it, not to scrub off the grossness I feel inside.” I reassured her.

Luna gripped my shoulder. “I will return soon.” And with that said, she was gone.

I walked home and was glad that the ponies gave me a wide berth for once. Maybe it was the bloodshot eyes, or walking like I was ready to end someone, but I was glad that I wasn’t being bothered up until Pinkie caught up to me. She skipped long by my side and waited for me to greet her, but when I didn’t she hopped in front of me and held out a hand.

“Not now Pinkie. Just… Not now.” I said, brushing past her. Pinkie continued following me, however, and even followed me all the way into my house.

` She stayed in my living room, thankfully, which meant that I was free to head upstairs and see how much skin I could scrub off. I hadn’t really lied to Luna, but I did feel like I shouldn’t be touched. I knew that I was freaking out because of what happened, but knowing what I was freaking out about made it easier to rationalize all of my thoughts away. I wasn’t less of a man because I was overpowered by a woman: I was blackout drunk and unlucky. I wasn’t unclean just because someone had taken something from me that I hadn’t freely given: I was unclean because I had a dirty mind anyway, which made me chuckle and brought a much needed smile to my face. I still felt… Off. Just… Wrong, but I was doing pretty well if I do say so myself. My shower was only fifteen or so minutes long and I hadn’t even broken down or cried yet. Hell, I didn’t even remember it, so I couldn’t be that upset, could I? I mean, I didn’t remember what happened when Rarity supposedly raped me, and I had forgiven her and barely even thought about it now. I just needed to handle this event the same way and keep things moving. I came back downstairs to find Pinkie sitting on my couch, kicking her feet. I’m just glad I didn’t catch her masturbating again.

“Sorry about that, Pinkie, It’s just been a rough day already.” It was only one in the afternoon.

“It’s okay! I’m sure that your party with Mineral Zeal took a lot out of you!”

My stomach churned, causing me to be sick in my kitchen sink. It had been a close call, but I made it there. Pinkie came over to check on me, but when she mentioned Zeal’s name again, my stomach churned once more, though nothing else came up. I rinsed my mouth out with some wine and spat that into the sink as well, washing the unpleasantness down the drain.

“Pinkie.” I said softly.

“Yes Max?” She asked, concerned.

I took a deep breath and decided to just man up and say it. “I got raped last night by Mineral Zeal.”

Pinkie stood as straight as an arrow. “What?”

“Don’t make me say that shit again. My pride already took that hit, and it doesn’t need another.” I may have tried to console myself, but it didn’t work. I still felt like the same helpless child I had been once, and I still remembered the Chief’s efforts well enough that Mineral Zeal’s little reminder did me no favors.

“Max… I’m so sorry, I didn’t know…” Pinkie said. “Did she hurt you?”

“Nothing that will leave a mark.” I told her.

Pinkie came over and hugged me, though it really wasn’t what I wanted at the moment. I still felt dirty, and not in the fun way. “It’ll be okay, Max. We’ll go to the police, and they’ll take care of everything!”

“I went to Luna. Zeal is as good as dead.” I commented numbly.

Pinkie looked up at me and beamed. “Even better! Now she can’t hurt you or anypony else ever again!”

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I just had to suffer a little so we could get that sick fuck off of the streets.” I could feel the corners of my mouth twitch. It wasn't so bad if I thought about it like that.

Pinkie went back to trying to break my ribs. “Exactly! Don’t let what happened hurt you anymore than it already has, Max! If you don’t let it get to you, then it’s like a slap in the face to Mineral Zeal!”

I returned Pinkie’s hug and picked her up off of her feet. “Sometimes your backwards logic kills me, but I think it’s just what I needed today. Thank you Pinkie.” I put her down gently.

Pinkie let me go and dialed her smile down a few notches. “I thought so! I knew something was wrong with you, but my Pinkie Sense doesn’t tell me what exactly is wrong, so I had to bother you, and I’m glad I did!”

“So am I, love. So am I.” I patted her head and Pinkie just grinned.

A few moments later, Luna teleported in. Luckily, Pinkie was still looking at me, otherwise she would have seen the blood on Luna’s hands. I saw it, however, and it made me smile for the best of reasons. Luna raised her hands to show me properly, then magicked them clean before announcing her presence to Pinkie.

“I see you’ve already come to your friends for help.” Luna commented.

“I came to a friend when I came to you, Luna. Don’t forget that so quickly.” I admonished.

“Yeah! Max was just telling me how you took care of his problem with that awful mare!” Pinkie said. “That sounds like a really nice thing that a friend would do to me!”

“That’s because you don’t know how I’m handling it.” Luna said casually. “Max, would you like a full report on what goes on?”

“I would be delighted.” I said with an evil grin.

“I wanna know too! Well, I already know, but I still wanna be in the loop!” Pinkie protested.

Luna looked at me and I shrugged. “Pinkie Pie can keep a secret, and I don’t doubt that she already knows.”

Luna scoffed. “Tell me, Pinkie. Name two things I’ve done so far to punish Mineral Zeal.”

Pinkie thought about it for a moment. “Hmm. You sat her down on a big wooden triangle and you tied her hands to the floor so she can’t get off of the edge. It looks like it hurts a lot.”

Luna’s eyes widened. “H-How did you know?”

“Don’t ask, Luna. Just don’t ask, and you’ll get out of here with your sanity.” I warned.

Luna shook her head and launched into the time she’d spent with Mineral Zeal already. It made me smile. Normally, Celestia would have just sent her to Tartarus by way of punishment, but that’s why I asked Luna. I wanted Zeal dead and I wanted her to suffer, and I doubted that Celestia would have given me that pleasure, seeing as how she bases her life off of the ideals of friendship. I know Celestia’s done some fucked up things in her time, but Luna had always struck me as the darker of the two. I was sure that I would be hearing from Celestia about why I hadn’t come to her first, so I wrote her out a note describing what had happened and made a couple of copies to be sent to Fluttershy and Twilight.

Once Luna finished her report and I finished with my notes, Luna went back home and Pinkie suggested that we go see Rarity. I told her that it might not be the best idea, but Pinkie told me to trust her, so I did. She babbled about anything and everything on our walk over there, and I was happy that Pinkie was so good at providing distractions. I focused on keeping the conversation going and felt a bit of the weight on my heart lift. When we got to the Carousel Boutique, Pinkie Pie skipped right on in, though I knocked a few times before entering. Rarity was in the back of the shop, and I could hear her sewing machine going at full tilt. I tried to get Pinkie to leave her alone so she could work, but Pinkie dragged me to Rarity like my opinion didn’t matter.

Rarity continued with what she was doing for a few more minutes while Pinkie and I waited. I noticed that she’d put her hair in a ponytail, which I found both ironic and more than a little sexy. I pretended as if I could clip the ‘sexy’ out of that thought and cast it away. Rarity eventually finished up with her piece and turned to face us.

“Hello Pinkie, Max. What brings you over?” Rarity asked. Now that I could see her face, I noticed that she was wearing less makeup than usual. She was still beautiful, but it was a more muted beauty, like she was being modest.

I looked to Pinkie and she skipped out of the room. “Well shit. I was hoping that she could tell me too. Pinkie kinda just asked me to come with her. I figured she had something she wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh. Well, you know how Pinkie is sometimes. I’m willing to bet that she thought we needed to talk.” Rarity replied, shaking her head.

“That’s what I’m thinking. We do need to talk, Rarity.” I said carefully.

She sighed. “We do, but I would really rather not.”

“I feel the same way, but at the same time, you mean too much to me to just let our friendship wither. Rarity, you can have me any way you want, just don’t step out of my life.”

“So you would be willing to take me as a wife, even if I asked that I be the only one?” She tested.

“...I couldn’t, not in the long run. I love Twilight and Fluttershy too much to do that to them, and I think you do too.” I replied.

Rarity sighed again. “You’re right.” She turned back to her work and set her head on her hand.

“...What would you be willing to work with?” I asked after a minute of silence.

Rarity turned and looked at me. “I’ll not be with you under conditions, Max. I know that will make you unhappy.”

“Making you unhappy makes me unhappier than having my freedom restricted, bonn- er, Rarity. If you can share me with Fluttershy and Twilight, but only Fluttershy and Twilight, then I can cut the other women out of my life, as far as intimacy goes. That means Fleur, too.”

Rarity bit her lip. “I-I… I think that’s really all I want. I just wanted to know that you’d be willing to make sacrifices to be with me.”

“I’m ready and willing, Rarity, it’s not just talk. Say the word and I’ll start writing notes.”

Rarity stood up and embraced me, pouring so many words into one kiss. I returned her kiss with some fervor, though I kept things PG-13 because a romantic kiss and an intimate kiss walk fine lines. When Rarity pulled away, a single tear streaked through her make up, so I wiped it away, though it did make the makeup smear on her coat.

“Alright, so you’re going to have to fix that smudge, but otherwise, you’re still as beautiful as usual.” I grinned.

She rolled her eyes and gave me a comforting smile. “I would hope so. A little smeared makeup has never stopped me.” I gave her a look and she blushed. “Well, maybe that’s a little less true than I would like it to be, but no matter. I’m just so happy that I can call you my special somepony now!”

I hugged her again because I felt like it, rather than because it seemed like the right thing to do. “I’m proud to be that special some‘pony’ for you. It’s not often that I can claim such an amazing woman as my own.”

Rarity pushed me back gently and gave me a stern look. “Now don’t you go insulting Fluttershy and Twilight just to compliment me! I’ll-”

“Rarity, my love, that’s not what I meant. They’re amazing in their own ways, but you’re unique, so take the compliment, will you? I’m looking at you right now, not them.”

She tried to pout, but a smile broke through her attempts at being mad at me. “I should have known that you didn’t mean it in such a terrible way. Just another example of the work I need to do for you.”

“While I appreciate your effort, it’s not necessary. I think that if I actually try to explain what I mean instead of just giving your attitude back to you, we’ll probably make more progress.” I hypothesized.

“When you say it like that, the problem still starts with me, darling. I’ll do my best to consider what you were trying to say, and to not get mad when I take something the wrong way.” Rarity promised.

“And I’ll do what I just said I should do.” I promised back.

Rarity chuckled. “I see you’re still not one for repeating yourself.”

“It’s just unnecessary! If people are listening, then you really shouldn’t have to.”

Rarity patted my man tiddy before sitting back down. “Whatever you say, darling. I hear you Now, if you don’t mind, I really do have to get these dresses done.”

“Shuttling me out already? What, no kiss to seal the deal?” I said, wrapping my arms around her shoulders.

Rarity reached up and squeezed my forearm. “I’ll have to owe you one, darling. I must get these done.”

I gave her a peck on the cheek. “I understand. I love you, Rarity.”

“I love you too, Max.” She replied. I saw that she was wearing a smile when I left, so I considered my work here done.

The next thing I had to do was go see Twilight for that date, and explain what the fuck the note I’d sent her meant for me. While I was walking to Twilight’s, I thought about how many times I’d told my lovers that I’d loved them. I mean, it was something that rarely came out of my mouth in the past few months besides when I called someone ‘love’. It was a little strange that I’d started to feel things again, and even though the emotions were still rather muted, I thought that it was a welcome change. I believe that Fleur getting me to open up about my suicide attempts and the murders really did a lot for me, though that did meant that I was probably going to have some explaining to do when it came to ending it with her. I was grateful that Fleur had somehow managed to crack the wall that I’d built around my emotions, but I enjoyed my time with Fleur as a friend, not a romantic interest. Mary would most likely understand, and I wasn’t that upset about not being with her anymore, but I was pretty certain that Fleur had chiseled away some of the ice around my heart. It wasn’t just me that owed her, but my loved ones too, and I hated that I was going to have to repay her kindness by turning her down. I sighed to myself and wondered if I should wait until I saw her again to break the news. I figured that I owed her at least that much, so I stopped in the middle of the inappropriately named Town Square, turned around, and headed for the Town Hall.

Mary’s receptionist gave me a knowing smile when I asked to see her, despite me telling her that I wasn’t here for quote unquote ‘business stuff’. Still, she sent me on up to Mary’s office, and when I opened the door, I caught her doing something she probably shouldn’t have been. Mary was used to me just walking in willy nilly, so she kept on with what she was doing when she realized it was me.

“If it isn’t my favourite Baron!” Mary purred. “Come to outperform this little toy?”

I closed the door behind me. “Actually, I’ve come to put a moratorium on our little trysts. Rarity asked me to make a commitment, so I’m ending relationships that don’t start with ‘girl’ or end in ‘friend’.”

Mary stopped her explicit actions. “Are you saying that we’re not friends?”

“No, I’m saying that we’re not dating, so I can’t give you dick anymore. At least, not until I clarify whether or not Rarity actually wanted me to end my friends-with-benefits relationships.” I answered.

She sighed and set the controller to whatever toy she was using on the table. “I suppose I knew that it was too good to be true, I just thought that you would get tired of me, or that you would suddenly have too many mares on your hands to be with me anymore.”

“Look, Mary, I wouldn’t have kept coming back if I didn’t enjoy having sex with you. There are things that you’ve taught me about how to please a woman that I never even thought of, and you’re generally a pretty pleasant person, though I only learned that after sleeping with you. If Rarity does give me the okay to keep sleeping with you, then we’ll see if you still want dick from some young arsehole.” I stated plainly. Mary really was rather fun, and I was sad to end this particular connection between us, but hopefully we were still friends.

“They way you say things sometimes… I know that you can be as polite as the snootiest of aristocrats, but then you come with such vulgarity that it’s like night and day.” Mary chuckled. “We’ll see what happens. Even if you can’t come back to me, I wish you well, Max.”

“The same to you, Mary. I’ll let you know as soon as I can.”

Mary picked her controller back up and I left after making sure that I wasn’t pitching a tent, continuing on my way back to Twilight’s. I really was going to have to talk to Rarity. Thinking back on it, she’d just said that she wanted to know that I was willing to make sacrifices, rather than actually having me make any. I would keep it in my pants until I had a definitive answer, in any case, though I would have liked to know sooner rather than later.

I arrived at Twilight’s soon enough, though she wasn’t home when I got there. Spike told me that she’d gone over to my house, so I wrote a note and had him send it to her, telling Twilight that I was at her place. While I waited for Twilight to show up, I took the piss with Spike and lead him around in verbal circles until he refused to talk anymore. After a few minutes of me talking about Twilight and all the things I liked about her, he realized that I was in far too good a mood to shut up, so he asked if I wanted to try reading any of his precious comic collection.

For those of you bastards who don’t know Spike, the guy is a fanatic about his collection. He’s had Twilight use magic to protect every single one of them, and he even hides them in a place that I've never been able to find, and I spotted a wall safe from outside someone’s house once. Believe me when I say that it was a small miracle for Spike to allow me to browse some of his precious graphic novels. I asked for the first issue of the series he had been reading earlier and went downstairs to borrow some gloves from Twilight’s lab, as per his request. I wasn’t complaining since I was going to get to do something he’d never let any other person do.

Spike met me in the library and set the book on the table. The rules were that I could not lift the book, save for its pages. I was not to breath directly on its pages, and I wasn’t allowed to criticize the author for any plot holes, no matter how glaring. With those rules in place I made quick work of the relatively short book. It was alright, but they were really made for a younger audience, and I was not young enough to be a member of it. However, I told Spike that I’d liked what I’d read because I still felt like being nice.

Twilight came home while Spike was accessing his hiding spot, and when she saw me in the library, she tackled me to the floor before I could say so much as hello. She buried her head in my chest and I laid there for a moment with the wind knocked out of me. Once I could breathe, I tapped her shoulder and she looked up at me, giving me the perfect opportunity to flick her horn.

She sat up, straddling me, and held a hand to her horn. “Ow! Why’d you flick me?”

“Why’d you tackle me?” I asked.

Twilight blinked and looked around for Spike. “...Is what you said in that note true? Did you really get… Did that really happen?”

I propped myself up on my elbows and looked at Twilight. “Yeah, it’s true. Pinkie and Luna already did a lot to help me get over it-”

“Max,” She interrupted, “something like that isn’t ignorable like the rest of your problems! You-”

“Oi!” I cut her off. Twilight shut up and I softened my tone. “I know, Twilight. That’s why you know in the first place. I’m hoping that if I’m more up front about this than I am with my Operative stuff, I’ll start healing faster. I already feel alright, though that might just be because of where you’re sitting.”

Twilight looked down and calmly got off of me, though she did turn bright red. Once she was kneeling next to me, I sat up and gave her a peck on the cheek. “If I think it’s getting to the point where I can’t handle it alone, I’ll come to you, cherry. I’ll happily share this burden with you.”

Twilight looked at me and sighed. “I know, it’s just that I wish I could do more to help.”

“Just keep being you, Twilight. Between being my friend and lover, I can’t really say that there’s anything else that I want or need from you.” I gave her an honest smile.

Twilight returned it, her blush fading. “I’m glad that I can help without trying, though it kinda feels weird.”

I patted her head. “Don’t think about it too heard, you might make smoke pour out of your ears.”

She rolled her eyes. “That was one time, and it wasn’t even my fault!”

“I’ve gotta say, Cupcake Roulette was fun. We should play that at the next slumber party.”

“It was, but Pinkie’s hot sauce is too hot.” Twilight said, shivering.

“Cherry, you think cinnamon is spicy.” I remarked.

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean that Pinkie’s sauce isn’t too hot. In fact, didn’t you say that yourself?”

“I never said you were wrong, I just wanted to talk about cinnamon for a little bit.” I grinned.

Twilight lightly swatted my arm and stood up. “I never know what I’m going to do with you.” She sighed.

“You could always try kisses. Those seem to make both of us pretty happy.” I replied, standing up myself.

Twilight stepped over and gave me a quick peck. I gave her a pouty look and she rolled her eyes before coming closer for a longer one. This time, I had to pull away, though I was surprised to find that Twilight didn’t have that dreamy look on her face. Instead, she was smiling goofily.

“I came back and you didn’t even have to say anything.” Twilight beamed.

“Looks like someone’s making progress.” I wrapped an arm around Twilight. “What do you say we go for that date?”

Twilight’s looked changed from triumphant to worried. “Are you sure you’re okay with that? I mean, wouldn’t you prefer a nice night inside?”

I blinked a couple times and glanced at the window. “It’s not raining or snowing, so I don’t see why we would. Don’t tell me that you’re afraid of the ‘Big Bad’ Whitetail Woods.”

“It’s not that, I just thought that after what happened…” Twilight trailed off.

“Being stuck inside my own home like some shut-in, cowardly, invalid doesn't sit well with me. Pinkie told me earlier that I should live my life like it never happened as a slap in the face to that piece of shit, and I agree with her. I won’t let that cunt rob my love from my loved ones, and I’ll be damned if one little incident costs me what little peace of mind I have. I’ve been raped before, the only difference this time is that I don’t have to go back and get my revenge. My friends have already done that for me.” I grinned.

“...What do you mean by that, Max? When you say your friends have already taken care of it for you? Don’t misunderstand: I’m glad you’re taking it so well, but what did Luna do to Mineral Zeal?”

My stomach churned again ,though luckily, I didn’t have anything in it. Twilight looked on in concern. “Sorry, cherry, that name makes me a bit queasy. Luna took her away and that’s all we need to know. Luna’s handling the situation as she see’s fit.”

Twilight bit her lip. “So you know exactly what Luna’s doing.”

“Yes, and I don’t want to tell you what that is. Trust me when I say that it makes me feel better, and that you don’t want to know.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, then I suppose I don’t need to know.” Twilight said uneasily.

“Thank you for understanding, Twilight.” I beamed.

She returned my smile with one of her own. “If you want to go on that date, we should probably hurry. We won’t have light for much longer.”

I agreed, so Twilight let Spike know that we were leaving, and we went to Blossoms and Blooms to grab a bite to eat. I ordered the fettuccine alfredo that I had been craving and Twilight followed my lead. She said that it was better with the daisy sauce, but I was pretty sure that would end up getting me killed, so I stayed away from it. Hell, before that trip to Canterlot, I probably would have tried it. It’s strange how things are one way one day, then completely different the next, but that’s just how life is sometimes.

When Twilight and I went on our walk, we didn’t say much. We’d talked plenty during dinner and before, so some companionable silence was well warranted. It gave me far too much time to think, however, and my mind wandered back to Fleur. I didn’t really want to break things off with her, but I wanted Rarity to be happy, so I was willing to make that sacrifice. It did mean that the threesome with Fluttershy was out of the question, though, and that was very disappointing. I was hoping to have Fleur teach Fluttershy a few new tricks, though I guess I could just teach her myself. I shook those thoughts out of my head and turned my attention back to Twilight. I would be willing to give up Fleur for any of my girlfriends if they asked, so I mentioned it to Twilight.

I told her the conditions that I’d met Fleur under and what she had done to help me, though I dodged the question when Twilight asked how many suicide attempts I had. Twilight tried to beleaguer that point, but I told her that I would talk to her about it when I was ready. I continued on and told her about some of what Fleur and I had done, being very careful to mention that her husband was aware of everything, and had even watched twice. Twilight was, of course, weirded out by it like I had been, but she agreed that letting go of someone like that would be difficult, even though she still didn’t know what good sex was like. I asked her about what I should do and she gave me the same answer I’d already had: Talk to Rarity. I made a mental note to do that the next day and switched topics to some of the other stuff that happened in Canterlot. I mentioned meeting Vinyl and Octavia, though I did leave out that Octavia had set me up with her girlfriend.

Twilight and I parted ways when it was nice and dark out, so getting home took a little bit longer than usual. I live outside of town, obviously, so it’s not like my way back home was lit. The moon didn’t offer much light that night either, so I was practically walking blind until my eyes got adjusted to the darkness. Even then, all I could make out were vague shapes in the darkness, but I still managed to get back home because my house is a fucking monolith to luxury.

Which reminded me that I needed to talk to someone about having a heated pool installed. That would be super dope. When I got home, I wrote Celestia a note, asking if she enjoyed her cake and if she knew anyone who could put a hot tub in my house. I could totally use my bathtub as one, so I scribbled the last part out and asked if she could find someone who could convert my bathtub so that it serves a dual purpose. I wasn’t expecting a response anytime soon, so imagine my surprise when Celestia sent me back a note that simply said, “Why don’t you ask Luna?”

I wrote her back and asked her to come see me so we could talk, even though I was getting awfully tired of having feelsy talks. I’d been having them all day and really wasn’t looking for another, but I knew that I should explain myself to her. A minutes after sending that note, Celestia teleported in, arms crossed, posture standoffish.

“Hullo, Celestia. Can I get you something to drink?” I asked politely.

“We can skip the pleasantries. Why did you go to Luna instead of me when you learned that you’d been raped?” Celestia asked with more than a little salt.

“Well, there are three main reasons. The first two are that you would’ve either wiped Zeal off of the face of the planet without even checking to see what really happened, or you would have sent her to Tartarus after checking to see what happened. I didn’t want either of those things.”

Celestia scowled. “That’s untrue. I would have checked before obliterating her, based on the information you gave Luna.”

“I didn’t know that for sure.” I replied evenly.

Celestia snorted. “Whatever you say. What’s the third reason?”

“I just don’t like asking you for big things. I don’t want you to throw your weight around just because I ask-”

“But you’re perfectly fine with asking Luna?” Celestia asked skeptically.

“That’s because it’s just how Luna and I work. We give each other absolute Hell, but we still pull through. That, and Luna’s handling Zeal the way I would have.”

Celestia huffed. “I’d like to think you and I are more alike than you and Luna.”

I shrugged. “Luna’s darkness and my darkness are alike. Our darkness is different. Luna and I are more hands on, but you’re an administrator. If you’re getting your hands dirty, then it’s for a good reason. Handling things ourselves is just how Luna and I operate. Remember when she went to Gryphonia in my stead?” Celestia nodded hesitantly. “And do you remember how I handled things in Gryphonia?” She nodded again. “Two different ways of being more hands on.”

“Be that as it may, I would like to think that our relationship would sway you towards my side when it comes to favors.” Celestia huffed again.

I grimaced. “Actually, a large reason why I don’t ask you for many favors is because, well, look around you. I owe my house, most of my art, a lot of my possessions, and much of my fortune all to you. You’ve already done a lot for me, and I don’t want you to think I’m getting greedy. I know it’s not the most logical thing, but it’s how I feel. That, and it’s really hard to ask someone you’re separated from for a favor. It’s just awkward.”

Celestia sighed. “You should know that you can ask anything of me, Max. If you want something handled a certain way, tell me and I’ll make sure it gets handled properly. If you feel awkward about asking something of me, don’t. Once you share your body with someone-”

“Niceties fall to the side.” I finished for her. “I know. I just… It feels wrong.”

Celestia gave me a womanly look. “Just keep it in mind next time something or someone hurts you like that. Hopefully there won’t be a next time, but your track record is terrible.”

“You’re telling me. Thanks for coming to talk to me.” I said sincerely.

Celestia came over and gave me a hug. “Any time, Max. And I’ll look into having someone come by and convert your bathtub, but I want to be one of the first ponies in that tub when it’s finished.”

I pulled away and shook her hand. “I’ll have you and Luna over to christen it. Feel free to wear whatever you like or nothing at all.” I said cheekily.

Celestia gave me an odd look. “You haven’t flirted with me since we broke up.”

“The pain is fading. Do you know a woman named Fleur de Lis? Her husband was one of your Guard Captains, a fellow named Fancy Pants.”

Celestia nodded. “I’m well acquainted with them, seeing as how Fleur was personally trained by me, albeit in a disguise, and Fancy was handpicked by me to become the Guard Captain.”

“That’s actually pretty cool. Anyway, Fleur gave me some counseling and Fancy gave me his wife for a couple nights, so I’m doing better than I have been. I’m not as eager to die, and I’ve even started to open up my heart again.” I guess my healing factor extended to more than just my physical well being, all it needed was a good kick start.

Celestia’s face lit up like it was Christmas morning. I didn’t stand a chance at dodging her bone crushing hug in the slightest. “I’m so happy for you Max! I’ve been so worried about you these past few months, but I thought that once you got your shell up, there was no getting to you without risking our relationship, as unsteady as it already is.” She looked away from me in shame. “I didn’t want to risk losing you more than I already have.”

“So you were willing to let me stay dangerous for months on end just so you could keep me around?” I wheezed. I barely managed to get the brow right.

“...It sounds a lot worse when you say it like that.” She let me go.

I shrugged. “It is what it is. I understand why you held your tongue, but you already know that when we argue, things that need to be said get said, and then we make up. It’s pretty much how I work, though I’m trying to change that now.”

Celestia kept her eyes off of mine. “I didn’t think about what you needed. I just knew that I was afraid of losing you entirely.”

I patted her shoulder. “Hindsight is twenty-twenty, hun. Just keep it in mind for the future, yeah?”

She finally looked back at me. “I will. I didn’t take your words lightly, Max. I will change for you.” Her face was set in determination.

I examined her closely, looking for any hint of dishonesty. It touched my heart when I couldn’t sense so much as an insincere word. “Thank you, Celestia. That means a lot to me.”

Celestia let a smile slip. “You know, it’s been just as long since you’ve called me ‘hun’ as it has been since you’ve flirted with me.”

“What can I say? Once the healing process is started, I try to get it done quick.” I grinned.

Celestia sighed and looked out of a window, into the inky blackness. “These fifty years won’t pass quickly enough, but I’ll be getting better while they take their time. I want to be ready to be the mare you deserve when our time apart is up.”

I was so very tempted to tell her that we didn’t need to wait fifty years, that we could start over again right here and now, but I remembered the pain she had caused, and though it didn’t hurt as much as it did once, I remembered it all the same. My innate skepticism told me that holding my tongue was the best move, so I carefully constructed a response.

“They’ll be as long as they need to be. I look forward to seeing how different we are when that time comes.” I gave Celestia a smile that I wasn’t quite feeling.

Celestia immediately saw through it. “I feel like you’re being honest, but something isn’t quite right.”

I sighed. “I’m scared, Celestia. I’m eager and scared. I want to be with you again because there’s no one else who makes me feel the way you do, but I don’t want to keep getting hurt, and I don’t want to be watching my back at every turn, waiting for you to delete whatever mistake you’ve made from my mind. I still love you, but I just don’t trust you like that.”

She gave me a sad smile. “Thank you for being more honest with me, even though it doesn't make me very happy. I’ll find a way to prove to you that I’m worthy of your trust again, but I’m in no hurry. We’ll rejoin each other when the time comes, I’m sure of it.”

I gave her a crooked smile. “I agree, and I hope you do. I’ll be keeping an eye on you, Sunbutt.”

She rolled her eyes at the nickname. “I hope you’ll be keeping your eyes above the waist, otherwise you might not see anything important.”

“Hey, I can stare at your bottom and listen at the same time! And I suppose we could broker out a deal to keep my eyes at chest level.” I grinned deviously.

Celestia just gave me another hug and a peck on the cheek. “As much as I would love to continue this, I was in bed when you wrote me, so I need to get back to that.”

“Sorry to keep you away from your beauty rest, as unneeded as it may be.” I complimented.

Celestia chuckled. “You know, it’s been so long since I’ve met a man who could make me smile and cry in the same day. You really are a special fellow, Max.”

Hold up, what? ”Did you just say ‘man’?” I asked, mildly shocked.

“What, you don’t think I say ‘somepony’ or ‘anypony’ to nonpony races, do you? I just got back from a little conference in the Dragon Lands, so I’m back to the standard ‘man’ and ‘woman’ style of speak for right now. I’ll correct it once I go to bed.”

So I couldn't have even fucking asked you for anything anyways?“Actually, if you wouldn’t mind using the standard stuff around me, I would greatly appreciate it. The Pony specific words kinda make me feel like I’m just that much more different from all of you.” I requested. I guess now was a good time to start being more open.

Celestia blinked. “Huh. I never thought about that. It’s been a few hundred years since I implemented it in the first place, so I guess forgot about how it would feel for a non-Equestrian to be called ‘somepony’.”

“It’s weird, I’ll tell you that, especially since all the other races use the words that I’m familiar with for the most part.” I commented.

“I’ll try and keep that in mind. If I slip up in private, just let me know.”

“Will do, though that does make me wonder why you started using Pony specific words in the first place.”

“When Luna went to the Moon, I struggled to keep Equestria whole. I ended up using Pony specific words to breed patriotism and loyalty to Pony causes.” Celestia shrugged. “It’s made my people a little xenophobic, but at least they’re nice about it.”

I couldn’t help but break down laughing. At least the racists were more left wing than right, otherwise you’d have a nation of the Klu Klux Klan instead of your average social justice warrior who’s never actually spoken to anyone darker than themselves, though it was still bad that they were racist in the first place. I explained why I was laughing to Celestia and she just shook her head before leaving. Nice racists. The thought and the actuality both made me chuckle for hours after the fact.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I woke up at noon the next morning. It was the first night of truly restful sleep that I had gotten by myself in the longest time, and I didn’t even have a single nightmare. Not once did I wake up shaking or in a cold sweat, and Dear God did it ever feel amazing. It felt so good that I lazed around in bed for an extra hour before continuing what I’d been doing last night before I went to bed. My new journal was coming along nicely, and I was picking up the pace as I wrote along. I had just gotten to the part where I’d gotten lost in the Everfree when there was a knock at my door. I told the magical chime to shut up since I heard the damn door in the first place, but it ignored me, so I flipped it off.

I opened the door and saw Rarity and Fluttershy standing there wearing matching dresses, though the color schemes were different. Fluttershy’s was based around greens and muted Earth tones while Rarity’s was a study in blue, white, and violet. Their each wore tights that matched their dresses and blouses that complimented their outfits. It was like looking at two different styles, despite the fact that they were wearing identical clothing in different colors.

“Merry Christmas to me.” I said, beaming.

“Hearth’s Warming Day has already come and gone.” Rarity remarked. I’d told them about the similarities between Christmas and Hearth’s Warming Day when they’d first brought it up.

“And yet I’m still getting presents. Come in, girls, and let me get some tea prepared.”Please don't let this day be a dream.

I took their coats and hung them before we travelled further into my house. I decided on a fragrant, floral tea that Fluttershy had given me to try. I’d never had an occasion to bring it out, so now seemed like the best time to do it. Rarity used magic to make the tea boil faster since it had been fucking cold outside, and I looked through my pantry until I found some snacks to accompany the tea.

Returning with the snacks, I set them on my coffee table and poured myself a cup of tea since the girls were already drinking theirs. I didn’t blame them: The wind had hurt my face when I’d let them it, so I could understand their desire to get warm.

“So what brings you girls over?” I asked, sipping my tea. “Besides brightening my day, I can’t think of any other reason.”

“Has it been that bad already?” Fluttershy asked, concerned.

“What? No, it’s actually been great so far. I slept until noon without waking up or spending half the night tossing and turning. No nightmares, no old memories. Just good ol’ fashioned sleep. And after I was lazy in bed for an hour or so, I’ve been copying my journals into the enchanted book Twilight gave me for Christ- er, Hearth’s Warming Day up until you two showed up. My day’s been great.”

Fluttershy beamed. “I’m glad to hear that! Though I think I was happier to hear that you’ve decided to go out with Rarity too.”

I smiled. “It’s really been a net positive the past couple days. Hell, I’m even doing better with Celestia.”

Fluttershy and Rarity shared a look before turning back to me. “Are you sure you’re alright?” Rarity asked, leaning forward. “We heard about what happened to you two days ago, and I don’t think that’s exactly something to be happy about.”

I shrugged. “I bit the bullet so no one else had to. Or, in terms you would understand, I suffered so no one else had to. It might have rattled me a little, but Pinkie Pie and Luna gave me some solid advice that I’m sticking to, so I’m doing alright. At least I’m better than I could be. Bitch is either dead or wishing she was, so I’m not really that upset about it. What she’s going through is far worse than what she put me through.”

They traded another look. “Max…” Fluttershy said cautiously.

“...Where is Mineral Zeal?” Rarity finished.

My stomach did a little flip. “I don’t know, nor do I care. What I do know is that Luna said that she would handle it personally, and that I trust her to do so.” I lied. You've got to make happy sometimes

Fluttershy sighed her relief and Rarity leaned back. “We were worried for a second. We thought you might be torturing her or something.” Fluttershy said.

“I considered it, but that would have gotten me arrested, no matter how friendly I am with the Princesses.” I sipped my tea.

Fluttershy turned a little green, so Rarity changed topics. “So, Max, what do you think of our dresses? Fluttershy came up with the design and I made one for everypony, so whenever you feel like being Roxy, stop by and grab yours.”

I nodded my approval. “I rather like them; quite fetching. Your color schemes make me feel like I’m looking at two completely different outfits, and yet they still look like they’re cut from the same cloth, so to speak. Why don’t we have Twilight turn me into Roxy for a couple days so we can do some stuff?”

“What a wonderful idea!” Rarity exclaimed. “We could go shopping!”

“Or to the- Well, not the spa…” Fluttershy said, casting a furtive glance my way.

“Anything but the spa.” I agreed, nodding sagaciously.

“Right. Well, we can still go shopping!” Rarity beamed.

I nodded and drained my cuppa. “Let’s. Once you girls get warmed up we can go see our resident wizard.”

“Weeell…” Fluttershy began with a grin.

Rarity mimicked her. “We had something else in mind first. You wouldn’t mind if we spent some quality time with you, would you?” Fucking score.

My heart skipped a beat. “That sounds like a stellar plan to me, but I need to ask you something before any intimacy ensues. A couple of things, actually.”

Rarity looked at Fluttershy, then back to me. “You mean me specifically?”

“Yes, Rarity. You specifically.” I answered.

She gestured for me to continue. “It’s about Fleur.”

` Rarity frowned. “What of her?”

“I want to request that be able to stay friends with her, if at all possible. Fleur-”

Rarity waved my words aside. “Max, you can keep sleeping with Fleur, just don’t move to Canterlot to do so. The mares you have now are fine, but I just don’t want you sleeping around willy nilly.”

I nodded. “I tend not to, so it really shouldn’t be an issue. The only women I’ve slept with that I’m not dating are Mary, Fleur, and someone named Vinyl scratch, and that encompasses about two to three months, so it’s not like I go out and look for sex.”

Fluttershy beamed. “Good, because you don’t have to! You have us to keep you busy!”

Rarity got a worried look. “Speak for yourself. I don’t believe I could keep up with Max, even if he went at my pace.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “You could at least try. In fact, why don’t we give that a shot now?”

A couple hours later, Rarity was walking funny and Fluttershy had a devious little smile on her face. Rarity ended up giving me a couple of my Hearth’s Warming Day presents in the form of livery for Roxy and some for herself. I would have preferred to have someone model my gift for me, but we were on our way to Twilight’s anyway, so I got a chance to do it myself, and damn did I look good. I made me wet.

...Moving on

We stopped by Rarity’s on the way so we could pick up my version of Rarity and Fluttershy’s collaboration. I had Rarity’s other gift in a bag that I was having her carry since I was still a dude at that point, and I didn’t want to be caught carrying around female undergarments, just in case some random bullshit just so happened to occur. Rarity thought I was just being paranoid and dramatic, but she still held my shit like I’d asked.

We got to Twilight’s in decent time, though I would have gotten there much more quickly if I’d been walking alone. I didn’t mind the cold that much, but the wind was still brutal, and my companions were slower than frozen molasses, leaving me no choice but to deal with it. I’d go on about how much of a pain in the arse it’d been, but there’s no real reason to, and it’s not like Rarity or Fluttershy could control the weather. Well, Fluttershy could, but it wasn’t her actual job, so it’s not like I could ask her to do something with it. Rainbow, on the other hand, would be asked to make the weather warm the fuck up whenever she came around.

Bitching aside, Twilight got me changed so I could wear Rarity’s presents. Twilight was already wearing her version, which was mostly purple in various shades. My own version was the same, but in blue so that Rarity’s, Twilight’s, and my own could be told apart. Our color schemes were a little on the similar side, but the accents and the details of the dresses made it a lot easier to tell them apart, though I do wish that someone wore red or something more often. Preferably Rarity or Twilight. I just realized how effeminate that sounded. Fuck.

After Twilight spent some magic, we had Spike send Applejack, Rainbow, and Pinkie a couple notes, telling them to join us for our trip. An hour later, everyone was ready to go, and there was already talk of turning our day out into a night awake, though I might have helped with that. I wanted to share my good mood with my friends, so staying with them a little longer was a good way to accomplish my mission.

I must say, when you actually kinda give a shit, the incessant talking is actually kind of fun to follow. Seeing where topics change and who changed them were my way of paying attention to what was going on without losing my mind to the constant babbling going on, and it allowed me to follow what was going on so that I could add my input whenever I thought that it was needed. However, Fluttershy and I mostly talked to each other since we couldn’t really get a word in edgewise.

While I was talking to Fluttershy, she let me know that Rarity, Twilight, and herself had all talked about me the other day. The topic was me, for the most part, and who could have me when. They agreed that allowing me autonomy to go see who I wanted when I wanted was better than having scheduled days since it had worked pretty well with us so far. They also agreed that they needed to share as much information about me as possible, just in case someone makes a mistake and doesn’t know how to go about rectifying it, or if they learn about something I like or dislike. It was rather touching to hear about how much thought they were putting into being with me, which made me feel a bit guilty that all they were receiving for their efforts was me. Granted, it was probably going to mean that I’d be more pleasant or easier in general to deal with, but I couldn’t help but think that even me at my best wasn’t quite good enough. I cast my self deprecating thoughts away and assured myself that the girls saw something in me that I just couldn’t, telling myself that I spent too much time trying to tear myself down.

I kept my worries to myself since there was no point in ruining anyone’s mood, so I started telling bad jokes. Pinkie quickly joined our conversation because of her sense of humor, and after a few more groans, the rest of the girls started listening in for more opportunities to bemoan my brilliance. Pinkie and I decided to have something of a joke war, though few of hers made any sense to me whatsoever. I had a higher quality supply, but Pinkie had an entire arsenal of nonsensical punchlines, and I swear that she actually had a pattern to the jokes she told. On every third one, it seemed like the punchline coincided with the first. The second would go with the fourth, and then the cycle would restart, making it seem like she was just being random.

I mentioned my findings to her offhandedly and received the fiercest look I’d ever gotten, despite not really doing anything. I made a mental note to never try and make sense of Pinkie’s madness, just in case I figured it out and she came back to kill me for it.

Thoroughly disturbed by Pinkie’s sudden shift in demeanor, the girls and I threw ourselves into our shopping. I wasn’t really looking for anything in particular, so I had Applejack and Rarity help me pick out accessories. I didn’t normally wear anything without a purpose as far as accessories go, which is why I was having Applejack help me find something study, though I was having Rarity find me something with drastic edges. Between the two of them, I found a heavy studded bracelet that looked like it would fit right in with the goth chavs. It really wasn’t light enough to be worn all the time, so I thought it would be perfect to protect my wrist, just in case I ever needed to back hand someone with poor aim. It was a stretch, but at least it was pretty unisex, so I could wear it as Max or Roxy.

I’d set the pace, so the girls eventually gave up on shopping for new outfits and settled on joining me in looking for random baubles because Ponies are herd animals, and I’m the goddamn Alpha in this bitch. That, or the fact that I actually found something that I wanted made the girls think they would find something too. Either way, I’m still cool. If I keep telling myself that, it’ll become true.

We finished up with shopping after sunset and everyone went their separate ways to get ready for the slumber party, grabbing favourite snacks, secret stashes, and whatever alcohol there was on hand. I brought out a couple bottles of wine, one blueberry, the other normal grape. I wasn’t really planning on drinking, so I didn’t take out any of my hard stuff. I hadn’t touched a drop since the incident with Zeal, and there was precious little that could convince me to do so again. If I’d been in my right mind, it never would have happened, so I swore to myself that I would never get like that again. Thinking of it now, I realize that my drinking was beginning to get out of hand anyways. I dipped into my stores daily, and though I didn’t really think of it at the time, I realized that I had been telling the truth when I told Crimson that I maintained a pretty steady buzz most days, and I just didn’t like the sound of that. It reminded me a lot of what my mother used to do. I don’t want to be like her.

Twilight and I had flipped a coin, but Pinkie unwrapped it and ate it. I’d had that coin in my pocket all day. I had felt for myself that it was real. Twilight and I tried to push the party off on each other after that, but I caved because Celestia would probably be willing to fix just about anything in my house if I asked her to. The same was true for Twilight, however, and she could even fix her shit herself, so I didn’t see what the problem was. Still, at least I wouldn’t have walk back into town.

Fluttershy and Applejack showed up first, which was perfect. I had a few questions I wanted to ask. Once they were settled in the living room with some tea, I asked, “So are you two romantically involved, or is it a friends with benefits kinda deal?”

Applejack choked on her tea and Fluttershy colored a little. “W-We’re just friends with benefits.” The buttery fluttery one answered.

“I was curious. So what made you two get together, if you don’t mind my asking? I thought you were straight, AJ.”

Applejack cleared her throat. “Well, it kinda just started off as Fluttershy tryin’ to make me get my head out of my rear. I was feelin’ somethin’ awful about makin’ you bite your tongue off, and Fluttershy told me that sex always made her feel better, so we gave it a shot. It made me feel better, so we kept doing it, and that pretty much catches you up.”

I nodded. “Well, I’m glad you two found a partner in each other. If you ever need some tips, just let me know.”

Applejack chuckled. “I think I have us covered, sugarcube. You forget that you ain’t the only one with some experience.”

“You’re right, I kinda did.” I admitted. “You know, apple fritters and cake sounds like a weird but good combination to me.”

They both blushed and giggled. We talked about them for a little longer, up until Rarity and Pinkie showed up. Rainbow followed them, and Twilight was last, oddly enough. She lived closer than Rarity and Pinkie, but when I saw the ridiculous amount of board games she brought, I understood. I mentioned Cupcake Roulette to Pinkie while Twilight was busy putting her stuff in the parlor, and Pinkie pulled fourteen different cupcakes out of her overnight bag, setting them with the other snacks. She told me to stick with my favourite color, so I didn’t eat any of them since none of them were blue. My next favourite was dark green, but Fluttershy snatched that one up when Pinkie put it on the table, so I went with a purple one and cut my losses.

Sadly, I knew from the first bite that I had fucked up. I fucked up real bad. Thankfully, I had plenty of milk in my icebox. I probably shouldn’t have finished the cupcake, but I never did like to let food go to waste. The girls laughed as I chugged, which made me laugh. Things got messy when I started laughing, so I put an end to my whimsy in favor of not having milk shoot out of my nose. I shot Pinkie an evil glare once my mouth stopped being on fire and she just smiled.

With that, the party was started. I suggested that we play hide and seek because my whimsy had returned, but all I received were chuckles for my efforts. Instead, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Rainbow bombarded me with questions about Canterlot. I considered leaving out the more intimate parts, but I decided to go with full disclosure because I was on a decent streak and told them everything shy of the topics of a few conversations. I garnered a lot of blushes, but Rainbow and Pinkie were more excited about me meeting Vinyl Scratch in the first place, let alone laying her. Rarity mentioned that she had met Octavia some time ago, but she mostly apologized for making me think that our friendship was over. I waved her apologies to the side, stating that they were unnecessary, but she remained firm, so I accepted her apology before Rainbow and Pinkie made me spill everything I knew about Vinyl. There wasn’t much to go on, though I did say that she was pretty fun in bed. They told me she was a DJ or something, which I totally believed, but what they called... 'Ponelectonica', just didn't sound like my kind of music. I was still a firm believer that jazz was one of the only good things to come out of America, if that tells you anything about my taste in music.

Rarity didn’t like that very much, so I switched topics. “So I’m thinking of turning my bathtub into a hot tub because reasons.”

“Because reasons?” Twilight asked. “What reasons are they?”

“They are, and that’s all that matters.” I answered cryptically. “I asked Celestia if she could look into it for me, but she hasn’t said anything yet. Speaking of, I need to check up on her some time.”

“You really should. I know it makes me happy to have some of my friends in Cloudsdale send me letters.” Fluttershy commented.

“Yeah! Everypony likes to hear from their friends!” Pinkie added.

“I agree with you wholeheartedly, which is why I’m going to write her tomorrow. I’d do it now, but she’s probably asleep.” I stated.

Twilight beamed. “I’m glad to see that you two are still so friendly. I saw a few bad break ups when I lived in Canterlot, and I’m glad to say that you two don’t show any of those usual signs.”That’s because Celestia’s a benevolent tyrant and I’m a broken mess. We don’t exactly have the same mannerisms as normal people.

“We have our moments, but they usually happen in private. We both want to give it another shot, but unlike some people, we’re actually taking a step back to see what needs to change so that we’ll stay together next time around.”

“So do you and Celestia have a date set for when you want to get back together?” Rarity asked. “You always say that you plan on getting with her again, but you never say when.” Because I don't wanna fucking talk about it

“Our break is supposed to last fifty years, though I doubt I’ll last that long. I’ll probably cave in to her again within the next few years once I have some time to remember all the good moments I shared with her.” I answered casually.

“Fifty years!?” Applejack exclaimed. “We’ll all have grandbabies by then!”

I pursed my lips. “Not really. I can’t procreate.”

Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy’s faces all fell flat. The mood in the room sobered considerably until Pinkie asked, “What’s procreate mean?”

“It means Roxy can’t have foals.” Twilight answered. “We see her as a Pony, but Roxy is a Human. I guess Nopony ever thought about it.” Seriously? The whole 'different species' thing didn't clue you in?

I sighed. “I have, I was just hoping that you girls had too. I don’t really want kids anyways, but I know that I’m probably the outlier here, so we’ll handle that when it comes to it.”

Fluttershy gave me a smile and patted my leg. “It’ll be fine. Just because we can’t have foals of our own doesn’t mean that we’ll never have the opportunity. Like you said, we’ll handle that when it comes.”

“Why don’t we just turn Max into a Pony?” Pinkie asked simply. “I’m sure either of the Princesses could do it!”

“No offense to you girls, but I’ll never become a Pony of my own free will. I was born as a Human, I’ve lived my entire life as one, and it’s one of the few connections I still have to my old world. It might be lonely being the only member of my species, but I wouldn’t trade who I am for anything.” I answered. “I could only deal with it for so long before I would have to turn back. It just sounds so wrong to even think of betraying my species like that.”

“It’s not like you’d have to stay as a Pony.” Rainbow said. “Get it in, leave a gooey present, get it out, rinse and repeat until you get the ‘desired result’, as Twilight would say.”

I blinked at her. “That was probably the smartest thing you’ve ever said. Let’s just do that, whenever the time comes.”

Fluttershy lit up like a Christmas tree. “Let’s do it now!” She exclaimed softly.

Every eye turned to Fluttershy. “Sweetie, I’m not ready for kids. I need to be able to deal with myself before I try to raise another person.”

Fluttershy started to curl up under the attention. “Right…”

“I’m gonna have to agree with Roxy on this one, Flutters. Y’all still got plenty of time before ya need to start worryin’ about a foal.” Applejack commented casually.

“But I’m running out of time to have a foal! What if we wait too long and we miss our chance?” Fluttershy protested.

“You say that like you’re getting into your forties or something.” I scoffed. “You have years, poppet. I have multiple lifetimes, granted, but years are still quite long on their own.”

“I’m getting closer to thirty every day, though!” Fluttershy said.

“Fluttershy, chill. You’re making me feel like I’m your grandma or something.” Rainbow scowled.

“You’re only a year older than me.” Fluttershy objected.

“I’m still older than you, and here you are talking about how old you’re getting.” Rainbow shook her head. “Didn’t your mom ever tell you to respect your elders?”

Fluttershy grumbled, “Shut up, grandma.” under her breath. If I hadn’t been sitting next to her, I probably would have missed it.

We let the topic drop and picked up some cupcakes. No one caught the bad one that time around, but I’d already had two cupcakes now, so I wasn’t in the running any more. Rarity, Twilight, and Applejack were the only ones who hadn’t gotten their second ones yet, so Rainbow, Pinkie and I egged them on. Once they chose their cupcakes, they all bit into them simultaneously. Twilight and Applejack both breathed sighs of relief, but Rarity was in the kitchen before they could take a second bite.

Rarity told us that she had to go fix her makeup, and that she would be back in about fifteen minutes. I tripled that time to get my estimate, and doubled that to get an accurate time frame. The rest of the group filled the time with wine and random bits of conversation. I ended up showing off my new pipe, though no one besides Twilight really wanted to partake. We ended up smoking a lot more than we should have, though I was surprised to find that Twilight was keeping up with me rather well. She told me that she’d asked Zecora to help her find some of her own, and that she’d been smoking before bed for a month or so now, and I was proud of her for maintaining her life while smoking like a responsible adult. I told her as much and was rewarded with a brilliant smile, though I had to explain why I was proud of her.

By the time Rarity came back, Applejack was ready to crack open the jar of moonshine she’d brought along with her. “Hey Roxy, you ready to get the party started for real?”

“I think I’ll pass, sweetie. Drinking isn’t as attractive as it used to be.” I responded.

“I figured you would. You’re usually the one who brings out the hard stuff first, and I haven’t even seen you drink so much as a glass of wine.” Applejack remarked.

I shrugged, and Applejack said, “So what’s with the sudden change of heart? As long as I’ve known you, you’ve always been a drinker.”

“I got raped because I wasn’t able to fend off my assailant. I couldn’t fend her off because I was blackout drunk. It just doesn’t seem like a good idea to keep putting myself at risk when I know that I could be in danger.” I sipped my tea.

“Sugarcube, are you really going to give up doing something you enjoy because a terrible pony hurt you?” Applejack asked. Is that really your question?

“Why wouldn’t I? I might drink again in the future, don’t get me wrong, but if I’d been able to get away from the cunt, I never would have been raped.” I reasoned.

“Sounds an awful lot like you blame yourself for what happened, and I don’t think anypony here likes that very much.” Applejack stated. Her words received nods from the girls.

I looked at them, and they waited for me to say something. “I’m not placing the blame solely on myself. If that cunt wasn’t a terrible person, then I would have been fine, but If I hadn’t given her the opportunity, nothing would have happened. Don’t get me wrong, I see it as a blessing in disguise since I was the only one who got hurt,” Besides Zeal, “and now she’s somewhere where she can’t hurt anyone else.”

“You shouldn’t blame yourself at all!” Fluttershy protested.

“She’s right, darling. You really shouldn’t.” Rarity added. The rest of the girls voiced their assent, but my mind wasn’t going to change.

“Then we can agree to disagree. Besides, my drinking was getting out of control anyway. I spent a lot of my days either tipsy or in the process of getting there, and it would have only gotten worse.”

“That’s how Big Mac and I spend most of our winter, Roxy.” Applejack said flatly. Then that would make you alcoholics, Applejack

“I don’t know how it is with Ponies, but I was starting to show signs of moderate alcoholism. A lot of the times I didn’t hang out with you girls were because I was too fucked up to leave my house.” I admitted. There was no small amount of shame involved with that. “It really is for the best if I stick to smoking. No hangovers, tastes better, and I don’t black out.”

“If things were getting that bad, why didn’t you say anything?” Twilight asked. “We would’ve done anything to help you!”

“I know, sweetie, I know. It’s just how the sickness is. It’ll make you think that you’ll be fine as long as you have your intoxicant of choice nearby, and that your friends won’t help as much as said intoxicant.” I shook my head sadly. “I knew exactly what was happening, I just didn’t want to admit that I had a problem.”

Things got a little quiet. “...So are you better now?” Rainbow asked. Gotta remember that I can't blame Ponies for being retarded about psychology.

“I’m getting there. I think that giving up drinking will help with that a lot.” I replied.

“Maybe you just need to learn some moderation!” Pinkie exclaimed.

I gave her the flattest look I could. “If literally anyone else had said that, I might have taken it seriously. As it is, I’m just going to wait until I feel safe drinking again. I know you girls would keep an eye on me and protect me if things got out of hand, but it’s just too soon, you know?”

Twilight reached over and put a hand on my shoulder. “We understand, Roxy. It’s just odd to think that the only pony who could go hoof to hoof with the Apple Family when it comes to drinking would give it up so suddenly.”Was it odd that a Baron got raped on his own land?

“I thought Berry Punch was notorious for being able to hold her liquor.” I said.

“She is,” Applejack chimed in, “but she can’t hold a candle to me or Big Mac. We’re probably some of the toughest drinkers between here and Canterlot.” She said proudly. Like I said; alcoholics.

I chuckled. “Constantly drinking hot toddies made by Granny Smith probably never hurt. I swear, every time I drink some of her cider, there’s at least two shots in the mug.”

Rainbow Dash snickered. “You’re telling me! I went over to lend a hoof the other day with something or other and Granny Smith kept feeding me cider until I couldn’t fly anymore!”

We all got a laugh at that and started sharing stories of silly things we’d done while drunk. Rainbow’s stories often ended with her either striking out or getting laid, while Pinkie’s stories always ended with a mess to clean up. Twilight only had one, and that was the time when she’d come onto me so long ago. I filled in her blanks for that one, and tried to embarrass the shit out of her. I succeeded because I get shit done, and Twilight ended up reciting damn near every incidence in which I misspoke and said something goofy. I had forgotten that I’d said a lot of the things, but the memories surface at their mention, and soon enough, Twilight managed to do something she’d never done before: she turned the tables on me completely.

It wasn’t something the girls were about to let me forget any time soon. I took my punishment with a smile and laughed at some of the ridiculous things I’ve said, though I laughed harder when Twilight started taking turns with everyone. Twilight’s memory was truly astounding, seeing as how she could remember at least ten things for every person there. Eventually, Applejack, Rainbow and I began to think that Twilight was having a bit too much fun, so I caught their attention and synchronized our attack. Just as Twilight was about to move on to Pinkie (which would have been pointless), I grabbed Twilight and pulled her into my lap. Applejack seized her legs, and Rainbow went for the kill.

We tortured Twilight until she warned us that she had to pee. Rarity used her magic to pull Rainbow off her, and I held Twilight until she caught her breath, resting her head between my fun bags. That detail wasn’t important, I just wanted to write ‘fun bags’ down at least once. Twilight had some choice words for us when she finally stopped twitching, though they were saved until after her bathroom break. She scolded us for not letting her just have her revenge, but Rainbow and I teamed up to tell her that it was just how we do. Twilight was the one who was late on the game, though she took it rather well once Fluttershy and Rarity agreed that getting back at a friend for getting back at you was perfectly fair play until someone went too far.

Pinkie and Rainbow were unusually silent after that.

The living room was fine and all, but I had a fucking billiards table and I knew how to play plenty of games with it. Snooker, 8 Ball, 9 Ball, and Straight Pool were my favourite four, so I taught the girls how to play and had Twilight and Rarity set up a tournament for Straight Pool first. Applejack and Pinkie would face off first, then me and Fluttershy, then Rarity and Rainbow. Twilight said that she’d played a lot of it with her dad, so I debated with the girls in order to give Twilight the bye because I knew that she would wreck the shit out of anyone she played with if she had faced off against her dad when he was serious.

Out of Applejack and Pinkie, Applejack took the victory, though it was probably because Pinkie just liked the noises that the balls made. I tried not to destroy Fluttershy, but she’d said that she could count the number of times she’d played pool on two hands. I took it easy on her during the first few shots, but when she completely missed three easy shots that I’d set up for her in a row, I buckled down and ended the match without giving her another turn. Applejack was understandably nervous after that since we would be facing off in the next round, though I was more nervous about Twilight than anything. I would enjoy the challenge, however, I just didn’t want to lose. I’m not a sore loser or anything, I just prefer to win like a fucking normal person. Anyone who says otherwise is weird.

Rainbow and Rarity were just about dead even with Rainbow taking the game because she outmaneuvered Rarity on the last few balls. They were both actually pretty good, and Rarity said that it was because of her experience with it. Rainbow attributed her success to her skill at flying, saying that comparing angles in a high speed maneuver to a game of pool just made sense to her somehow. Applejack and I took to the table and squared off. Unfortunately for her, she got to break, meaning that I was able to poach stripes since they were in better positions. I went five balls straight without missing a shot, and when Applejack missed two shots, it was all over. Rainbow and Twilight were up next, and Twilight got to break. Rainbow got to shoot once after Twilight botched a trick shot, but that was the only time the Aerial Ace got a chance to do anything.

Twilight and I were the clear front runners, so everyone was pretty interested in the game. We had to flip a coin to decide who would go first since neither of us wanted to give the other an edge. It was decided that we would play a best of five, and since I won the coin toss, I had the advantage. I got lucky on my first break and cleared half of the solids from the table. Twilight pulled out some mad skill and knocked all but one of her stripes into the pockets. I ended up taking the first game, so I was doing my best to get inside Twilight’s head. Just as she was lining up her break shot, I said, “Twilight sure does have a great arse, doesn’t she? Especially when she sticks it out like that.”

Twilight jolted and bollixed the shot. She glared at me, her face bright red, but all I could do was smile and line up the three easy kills she had given me. I’d learned how to spin the ball from Night Light, so I tried to make it happen on my fourth shot, but it was no going. Still, I had cleared a decent amount of my balls from the table, so now I was just waiting to see what Twilight was going to do. Twilight let me know that she was no longer holding back and I just grinned. Up until she had two balls left on the table, I was feeling good about myself. With her last shot, Twilight had screwed me something fierce, so I took a moment to figured out a plan. Once I had it in my head, I started carrying it out, taking measures to calm down so I could analyze every shot. Twilight tried to make embarrassing comments, but I barely heard her. My attention was fully on the game, and I knew how to keep it there.

I made every ball up until the last one, so I made sure to give Twilight the worst possible shot, but it just wasn’t bad enough. Luckily, I’d been able to distract her when she went for the eight ball, which ended up giving me the round.

“You cheated!” Twilight protested. “You know I’m sensitive about my chest!”

“Sweetie, I love your chest, and that’s all I said.” I grinned deviously.

“Still, you knew it would be distracting!” Twilight continued.

“Of course, darling. That’s why she said it.” Rarity said idly, inspecting her nails. “Really now, Twilight, you should know that mental attacks are fair play.”

“Now wait just a minute, that just ain’t right. Gettin’ inside your opponent’s head is playin’ dirty.” Applejack put in her two shillings.

“Not really. It’s a part of the challenge of the game. As long as you don’t actually like, touch someone to make them mess up, then it’s fair.” Rainbow said.

“Pinkie? Fluttershy? Do you two have anything to say?” I asked.

Fluttershy shrugged noncommittally. “Not really. It doesn’t really bother me, but if somepony asks you to stop, then you should.”

“Well I think that messing with somepony’s head is wrong!” Pinkie objected.

“Looks like we’re at a deadlock then.” Rainbow said, grinning.

“Not if you count Fluttershy’s vote as the deciding one.” I pointed out. “If you do, then it’s up to the people playing to decide whether or not trash talk is allowed.”

Everyone agreed with that since it wa a nice compromise, and that’s how we played. Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow were all game for trash talk, despite Applejack’s earlier disagreeance with it. Of course, I was better at it than anyone else, but that’s because I cared less about certain boundaries. We ended up playing four tournaments, one for each game I had taught the girls. I won one more, and Twilight took the other two, so we played a loser’s bracket, which ended with Rarity taking two tourneys, Rainbow one, and Applejack one. Fluttershy and Pinkie were awarded a punishment for sucking by way of a three shot Quick Draw.

The name of the game says enough about it, but in case you’re not very attentive, the basic rules are that you have to finish your shots before your opponent. If you lose, then you have to do three more even faster. If you balls up your second attempt, then it’s a two shot penalty. The original Max and I used to play all the time between jobs, and I was glad that I could share an old memory with the girls. Rarity and Fluttershy got all teary eyed when I started reminiscing, so I didn’t do it very long, but when I stopped, they asked me to continue.

“Roxy, why don’t you ever talk about the original Max?” Twilight asked. Because he's fucking dead.

“Please call him Maxwell, it was his real name, and it’ll stop us from getting confused about which Max we’re talking about.” I asked politely. Twilight nodded, so I continued. “I don’t talk about him because I never really accepted that he was gone. I mean, it’s not like I ever went to his funeral, though I did visit his grave. I knew he wasn’t coming back, but my heart still held hope, you know?”

Applejack came and wrapped an arm around me. “Trust me, sugarcube, I know what you mean. When my parents passed, I never really dealt with it either. Big Mac and Granny Smith were torn to pieces, but I just kept things movin’ so we wouldn’t fall behind on the work that still needed to be done. Granny Smith sat me down after about six months and made me face it.”

“How’d she do that?” Rainbow asked.

“She took me to their graves and told me to say goodbye.” Applejack said simply.

I nodded. “I tried to do it with Maxwell, but I could never muster up the courage to say anything. Guess I lost my chance. Why do we keep getting on depressing topics?”

“Because it seems like a good time for you to break down some of the walls you’ve put around your heart.” Rarity stated factually. “I, for one, am glad that you’re being so forth coming with information.”

“Miracles do happen!” Fluttershy slurred from the floor. She’d fucked up the second round of Quick Draw and was paying for it.

We chuckled at her and I replied, “I’m fine with the personal questions, but let’s not ruin the mood of the party, yeah? We’re here to have a good time; if you want to take me aside and talk to me, then just ask or something. I don’t want to depress all of you or something.”

“Why don’t you tell one of your happier stories about your time with Maxwell?” Pinkie asked, bobbing a little. On top of being a lightweight, she’d drank plenty of wine, and her three shots were doing her few favors.

“Sure, why not?” I thought about telling them how Max and I met, but they already knew that one. “How about the second job Maxwell and I did together?” I asked.

I got a round of nods, so I began my story. “Alright, so Max and I had turned in the swag from the first mission we ever did together and were talking about doing another one in a few days. I had a target that I’d been scouting for a few months, but there were so many valuables up for the taking that I’d never thought to go it alone, but with Maxwell, I actually had a shot of pulling it off. We took our time with scoping out the marks house, making sure to note any security that went off by accident or any that we could see. Maxwell was always better with the electrical side of casing a place, so he rigged the alarms to go off at a set time every night for a week. We made sure to never be seen while we were doing our ground work, and always scouted the place out in a different spot every day. Of course, we didn’t stick together so we could cover more ground and see more, so when the day came that we were ready for a midnight stroll, we were well prepared.” I took a break to sip my tea.

Even Fluttershy had rolled over on her side to watch me as I told my story, so I continued. “The night we went to case the joint, the property’s owner decided to get a guard dog. Luckily, it wasn’t very well trained yet, so I pacified it with some snacks I brought along with me while Maxwell tried to pick the lock to get us inside. After I fed the dog and Maxwell couldn't get us in, I took a turn and cracked the lock within a few minutes and got us in, which reminds me that I need to pick up lockpicking again. Anyway, Maxwell and I took everything we could fit in our bags, but we hadn’t accounted for the people living there to have a live in maid who was a night owl. She caught us on our way out and Maxwell had to coldcock her so we could get out.” I started chuckling at the memory. “Damn, that guy had one helluva hook.”

“Roxy, that’s just terrible!” Fluttershy garbled. “How could you hit a pony like that?”

“In fairness, I didn’t hit her, Maxwell did, and don’t let him come back to life and tell you any different.” I said firmly.

Rarity rolled her eyes. “I’m sure that it was you.”

“Hey, just because I’m not the gentlest in bed doesn’t mean that I beat women!” I argued.

Rarity blushed and shut up, and the rest of the girls giggled. Twilight coughed a couple times to get everyone’s attention and said, “Is that the end of the story?”

“Pretty much. We fenced our swag and lived like street kings for a couple months, occasionally taking jobs so we wouldn’t just play Quick Draw or ‘How Do You Feel?’ all day.” I answered.

“How do you play ‘How Do You Feel?’?” Rainbow asked.

“You and a buddy get a bottle of something strong and ask each other how the other feels. If you say anything other than ‘Good’, then you take a shot. The game continues until either no one can talk straight anymore or you both say ‘Good’.” I replied.

“...Isn’t that the game you played with Big Mac the day- The other day?” Applejack asked.

“It sure is.” I told her.

“...With the shape y’all woke up in, I’m not surprised you quit drinkin’ anymore if that’s what you consider fun. Hay, Big Mac didn’t get out of bed until the next day. I’m surprised you were up and moving at all.”

“My healing factor makes getting drunk a little harder than it used to be.” I said. “It also helps stave off the worst of hangovers, and if I meditate, then they go away faster.”

Rarity caught my attention. “So, Roxy…”

“Yes, bonny?” I asked.

“Can I ask what it was like? To be… You know…” She trailed off.

“Raped? Yeah, sure. I was too drunk to remember what happened during much of it, but I do remember waking up tied to a bed with candle wax poured all over my… Nether regions. It felt dirty and humiliating, like you don’t want to face anyone because you feel so violated, so very unclean. The first thing I did after was send a note to Luna and sit in the shower for an hour, trying to scrub my soul with earthly soap and water. It didn’t work. I still feel dirty inside, but I know that it’s in my head, so I try not to let it bother me much.”

It’s really a toss up on whether or not I should have kept my mouth shut. On one hand, it was hot under all of the girls, and if they’d stayed there much longer, I might have had a problem with it, but on the other hand, there was always something squishy under each hand, so that was nice up until Applejack threw a quick jab at my ribs for palming her hindquarters. I told her that it had been an accident, which it actually was. I didn’t say, however, that I had been targeting Rarity instead. In any case, the group hug wasn't needed, but it was still nice to know that the girls would comfort me, even if I was treating the ordeal like a small event.

After many assurances that Mineral Zeal was getting exactly what she deserved and that I was so strong for making it through okay, the girls eventually got off of me and continued to shower me with praise and consolations. It was nice. They tried asking me about a few more personal things like what it was like to kill someone, or what it was like to have sex as a man compared to how it was being a woman. I tried to give them satisfactory yet honest answers, and for the most part, I think I succeeded. I eventually got tired of talking about myself and turned the tables on them, asking in depth questions about whatever I could remember that they do. I asked Twilight about repairing books, Applejack about how to make shine, and Rarity about making dresses. Pinkie and Rainbow told me about baking enmasse and flying in general. Fluttershy was out cold, so I took the opportunity to practice moving and using telekinesis since I don’t do it very often. I couldn’t go much faster than a half decent walking pace, but it was easier than carrying her and it was still some much needed practice.

I came back downstairs after tucking Fluttershy in to find that Applejack had passed out soon after. Pinkie and Rainbow took themselves to bed, which left myself, Rarity and Twilight to keep the party going once I’d levitated Applejack to her room. It was about five in the morning, so we still had plenty of darkness left. We stayed in my parlour to keep playing some billiards. I showed them how to play Cutthroat, and they took to it like sluts to dicks. Or sluts to pussy. Whichever, I don’t judge on preference.

I took the first few games, but when Twilight and Rarity got a better understanding of the game, things got a lot more difficult for me. Rarity and Twilight were constantly knocking my balls in, teaming up to take me down. I started playing extra dirty after I lost three straight games in a row. Rarity was up, preparing to the first shot of the game when I whispered in her ear, “I can’t imagine what your bumhole tastes like.”

She floundered, botching the break completely and slamming her forehead on the pool table. I couldn’t help but fall on the floor, laughing my arse off. Rarity abused the Hell out of me while I was busy laughing and Twilight was trying to pull her off of me to see if she was okay. Besides a lump that was quickly forming, Rarity was just fine, if not a little disturbed about what I said. Twilight cast some magic and the bruise faded just as quickly a sit had formed.

“Really, Roxy? That was so vulgar!” She chided once she was healed.

I was still working out some of my giggles. “But it was so worth it! You should have seen the look on your face before you hit the table!” I broke into another round of laughter.

Rarity huffed, crossing her arms and turning her back to me while Twilight was just shaking her head. “Really, Roxy, you should apologize.” Twilight admonished.

I waited until I caught my breath. “Rarity, bonny, I’m honestly sorry that you got hurt. That wasn’t my intention.” I said, cracking up again.

“Then what was your intention?” She asked testily.

“To make you miss your shot. I succeeded, right?” I got off the floor and looked at the table. “Yes! If it’ll makes you feel any better, I’ll pay you back with kisses wherever you want them”

Rarity gave me some serious side-eye. “Kiss my tail, you insufferable mare!”

I shrugged and grabbed her tail by the base since she still had her back turned. Rarity went limp as I pulled on it, and when I kissed it, Twilight started giggling. When I let her go, Rarity looked scandalized and Twilight was turning beet red because she was trying not to laugh too hard.

“Don’t look at me in that tone of voice! You told me to do it!” I protested.

“I didn’t think you actually would!” Rarity exclaimed, her back against the wall.

Twilight was getting over her giggle fit. “You shouldn’t be surprised. You should know better than to tell Roxy to do something you don’t want done.”

Rarity’s blush deepened. “I suppose I should have. Let us never speak of this again.”

“Fine by me, but I can’t wait to tell the girls about how you face planted!” I chuckled.

“If you can repeat what you said, you’re welcome to it.” Rarity sniffed. “Although, I could never see how you could repeat such terrible words.”

“What did you say, Roxy?” Twilight asked once she had gotten her giggles.

I made a come hither motion and whispered it into her ear. Twilight ended up headbutting my boob, which hurt more than I thought it would.

“Fucking ow! Why are you overreacting so hard?” I asked petulantly.

Twilight stood up straight and covered her face. “I can’t believe you just said that!”

“Oi! Short, purple, and horny! That shit hurt!

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” She exclaimed. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but you didn’t need to react like that,” I chastised, “I would have gotten the point if you’d just covered your face or something.” I shook a finger at her.

“Roxy, I’m sor-” Twilight started.

“And why do you have to have a horn anyway? I don’t have a horn, and I’m perfectly fine! Does having a horn make Unicorns just want to headbutt me and my possessions!?”

“Wait, What-”

“And another thing! Why are you so damn purple all the time? Why don’t you ever dye your coat a different color? Are you too good to be blue or green or something!?” I chided.

“...Are you even mad at me?” Twilight asked after I finished.

“What? No, I just wanted to bitch at you since I never get to do it.” I stated plainly.

Twilight gave me that look women give to men when we do something we know we shouldn’t have. If you haven’t received that look, you probably either aren’t a guy or you’re not very active. Either way, Twilight gave me a stern talking to about leading people on to think that I feel a certain way when I’m really fine. Rarity chimed in and they double teamed me, spewing their hot, salty words all over me like it was some kind of verbal bukkake. By the end of it, I was feeling very metaphorically sticky, and I had a few choice words stuck in my mouth that I had to swallow because I had to be a good girl for my mistresses.

Once they were done bitching at me (and I was done ignoring them), we took ourselves to bed because the sun was starting to rise. Twilight and Rarity flipped another coin to see who would join me in my room, and luckily for my nose, Twilight won it. I would have preferred it if I didn’t have to turn one of them away, but they’d already settled the matter, so my input wasn’t necessary.

Twilight was pretty ecstatic that she was going to get to sleep in my bed with me, and I was rather happy to have her there. Rarely enough did Twilight and I share a bed, but when we did, we spent most of our time snogging like a couple of teenagers who just figured out that locking lips felt nice. I gently kissed Twilight into dreamland and followed her shortly after. All in all, it was a good end to a good day.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I woke up in another great mood. Twilight was using me as a pillow and her breath didn’t smell terrible, so I didn’t mind that she breathed in my face. I gently extricated myself from her embrace and looked at the clock on my nightstand. It was a little after eleven, meaning that I had gotten all of three hours of sleep. Not being one to waste a good thing while it’s going, I sat up and noticed that a note was on my bed. I gave it a read, and all it was was an apology from Fluttershy for not staying up as long as everyone else. She’d gone back to her house to feed her animals and would be back in an hour or so to, though unfortunately, she didn’t timestamp it, so I didn’t didn’t know how long she had been gone. I guessed that she had just left, otherwise, I wouldn’t have woken up for no reason.

I got out of bed and got my morning routine done, plus a few extra steps since shaving downstairs as a woman was a lot less harrowing than as a man. Some might argue that point, but those people aren’t me so they can fuck right off and shove it. I rarely attempted to shave myself with a knife as a man because I don’t know if they can reattach the important dangly bits. I know that Unicorns can, however, heal minor cuts, so yes, I considered it much safer. I was happy that alterations to myself stayed the same between my forms, though the scale of those alterations could be wonky sometimes. For example, as Max, my Kingslayer scar takes up the entirety of the underside of my forearm, but as Roxy, it’s about half the size. I ended up looking at myself in the mirror for a while playing with myself because I didn’t have any toys.

Oh wait.

I didn’t bother getting dressed since everyone in the house was probably still asleep, and on my way to the newly named ‘toy closet’, I didn’t hear anyone stirring in the house. It was a little disconcerting that I could still pick out which room everyone was in solely based on their breathing patterns, but I tried to ignore it and opened a few boxes of various things that I’d purchased for no real reason. I settled on something like the one that I had given Twilight, though I was pretty sure that it was made for the alternate entrance. I wasn’t completely certain, but then again, it’s not like I was exactly familiar with half the toys I had.

A sexy thought crossed my mind, so I found the camera that I’d never actually used, donned the livery that Rarity had made for me, and started taking pictures. I’d spent plenty of time looking at old pinups in Onyx’s shop when I’d worked with him, so I had plenty of poses to pick from. I ended up taking a lot of pictures. Like, there were thirty in all. I ran through half of my store of film in one go, and when I surveyed my efforts, I used the toy I’d gotten from the closet.

How narcissistic is it to masturbate to yourself?

Thanks to the miracle of magically focusing lenses, most of the pictures were actually pretty solid, though six of them were just bad. I had twenty four pictures to distribute, so I cordoned off six each for Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy. I signed each picture with something different for each girl, though that left me with six that weren’t going to anyone. A bright idea popped into my head, so I signed the rest and sent three to Fleur and the other to Mary using Dragon Fire. Fleur was the first to respond, though she was just angry that I sent her pictures of another mare up until I explained that I was that mare. Once that was cleared up, Fleur sent a few creative photos back, and I was rather thrilled. They immediately went into my dresser, and while I was hiding them, I got a response from Mary. I’d written on one of them that I would see her soon, and she told me that she wanted to see me now. I responded, telling her to wait her turn and she sent me a rather good drawing of a pouty face. I’d never known that Mary was the artistic type, but dear Lord, was she fucking good at it. She’d used her own face as the template and the drawing was incredibly detailed for only having taken fifteen minutes. I put the drawing on the dresser that had my female clothes in it and picked out an outfit for the day.

After switching livery to something that was clean, I ended up going with form-fitting jeans and a plain navy T-Shirt. I checked myself out in the mirror because I’m vain and exited the room to masturbate to myself again. Don’t blame me for thinking I’m hella sexy; you probably would too up until you saw my face, but some well applied makeup can fix that anyways.

Dressed and ready for my day, I went down stairs and made some coffee before catching my journals up. I longed for the day when I would be able to stick bookmarks in between entries so I could find them more easily, but for that to happen, I needed to get the new journal filled with the old stuff. I had about three hours to do nothing but write, and so I did. I ended up getting through the part where I turned into Roxy for the first time, and I’d had a laugh while doing it, up until I reread about the break up. That part just reopened some wounds that I would have preferred stay closed.

I took a break after that because most of the girls had woken up. Fluttershy had come back some time ago and had made breakfast for everyone because she’s sweet. She even cooked some fish that Bearett had caught earlier for me, and I was extremely grateful since hadn’t had meat in the past couple of weeks. I’d been meaning to get back into the Everfree, but the place had quieted down a lot, and most of the residents had gone rather far into the forest. I asked Fluttershy if she would mind me borrowing Lupa for a little bit since she rarely came around anymore. I missed my pupper, and getting to see her away from Fluttershy’s house was even rarer than seeing her in the first place. Lupa had told me that she was longing to return to her ancestral home, but when I’d asked what she meant, all she did was stare at the sky. I asked Fluttershy what she’d meant and the girl clammed up.

Lupa was either preparing to leave forever, or she was going to die soon. I didn’t like either of those options, so I dropped what I was doing and immediately went to Fluttershy’s house. Lupa asked me not to tell anyone about what she was going to go do, so I won’t record it here. I will say that it brought me no small amount of relief and a larger amount of pure, unadulterated joy. When I returned to my home with Lupa right behind me, relieved sighs were heard all over my living room. Lupa went straight to the pantry and ate the last few strips of dried meat that I’d been saving like a naughty little bitch, putting my meat in her mouth without my permission. Lupa stared at Rainbow until she got uncomfortable and moved off of the couch so she could take up her usual spot.

“Dude, have I ever mentioned how weird Lupa is?” Rainbow asked.

I gave her my attention. “You know she can understand you, right?”

She shrugged. “I already said it. It’s not like I can take it back.”

“I like this one.” Lupa chimed in. Because she's mouthy, like you. Bitch.

“Lupa says she likes you.” I told Rainbow.

She scratched her head. “I don’t see why. I just insulted her.”

“Tell her it’s because she looks tasty.” Lupa said.

“Lupa! That’s not nice!” Fluttershy exclaimed. “Roxy, don’t translate that!”

I turned to Rainbow. “She says you look tasty.”

“Roxy!” Fluttershy objected. Rainbow and I cracked up at her reaction, though Rainbow kept an eye on Lupa after that.

“She’s not going to eat anyone, so chill.” I said to Rainbow and Fluttershy.

“Right.” Rainbow said skeptically.

I rolled my eyes and sat next to Lupa. There was space on the couch for someone else, but the only person willing to get close to Lupa now was Fluttershy.

“You ponies should be ashamed of yourselves! Lupa wouldn’t hurt a fly!” Fluttershy contested.

Lupa and I traded a look. “I won’t tell her if you don’t” She said.

“Like Hell. I’m not saying a damned thing.” I scoffed.

“Roxy. Lupa.” Fluttershy said in a warning tone.

“Drop it, Broodmother. You will not find happiness on this path.” Lupa advised.

“You drop it! You’re the dog!” Fluttershy said harshly.

I gave her a black glare. “Fluttershy, that was very unnecessary.”

Fluttershy turned away from me. “Well maybe I wouldn’t have said it if you two kept me in the loop.”

“It’s Operative business, sweetie. Lupa is held to the same oaths I am.” I lied through my teeth.

Fluttershy’s shoulder slumped a little and she pouted. “It’s not fair.” No shit.

Rarity shook her head. “Oh, darling, you should have been there when he talked to a near stranger about his Operative business, but not me.” This again? Fucking seriously?

“Fleur was an Operative! She’s one of like, four that I know. I can’t really discuss Operative business with someone isn’t or hasn’t been one.”

“Is that handsome black and red stallion one of your Operative friends?” Fluttershy asked.

“I forgot you met Crimson. Yeah, he’s one of my Operative buddies.” I answered.

Fluttershy blushed and looked down at her hands, murmuring, “I wish I could’ve gotten to know him better.”

I leaned over and whispered, “He’s gay and has a boyfriend.”

Fluttershy just sighed wistfully and gave me a look. “Am I not allowed to dream?”

“No, apparently not.” I grinned and patted her leg.

Twilight finally came downstairs, a little miffed at being the last to arrive again. Her arrival rounded out our group, and since she was present, that was the unspoken cue for everyone to start leaving. Fluttershy and Rarity walked out together, and Twilight along with Rainbow made up the second pair to go. Just before she skipped out the door, Pinkie whispered something to Applejack that made her wait around until we were alone.

I poured us both cups of tea and waited for Applejack to stop wasting time, debating on whether or not she should just leave. Eventually, she decided to rip the band aid off nice and quick and came around the corner.

“Max, we need to talk.” She told me.

I gestured at the seat across the coffee table and her rapidly cooling tea. “Real name, bad sign. I know, I was waiting for you to hurry up and get over here.”

Applejack blushed and had a seat. Her hands trembled ever so slightly as she lifted her cup up to take a sip. “So…”

“So. What did Pinkie tell you?” I asked.

“...She told me somethin’ that my sister told me too. I need you to confirm.”

“Did she tell you that I still love you, despite your bullshit oversights and straight up mistakes?” I asked casually.

Applejack sank in her seat a little. “She didn’t say it quite like that, but that was the gist of it.”

I shook my head. “I don’t see why she told you.”

“Max, I love you too.” Applejack admitted. She interlaced her fingers and waited for me to say something back.

I looked from side to side before focusing on her again. “That’s not news to anyone here. If you want me to accept you as a lover, I need to know that you’re not going to hurt me again.”

“I don’t want ya to accept me as a lover, otherwise I woulda said somethin’ before now. Pinkie just told me that we needed to talk and I thought it was high time we did.” Applejack said irritably.

In fairness, I was being quite the prick, so I dialed it down a little. “I’m glad that you came to talk to me. Sorry if I’m being a dick head, but you’ve got to understand that I was willing to give a piece of my heart to you, that you were my best friend. I trusted you above any other person on this planet, and you threw that trust in my face. I-”

“Max, do you honestly think I didn’t know that? You told me that I was your best friend, which is why I don't deserve to be with you. I was supposed to always have your back and watch out for you, but I’m the most dangerous pony to you!” Applejack set her tea down and clenched her hands. “It’s hard enough as it is to look you in the face, to be around you and know that I so royally bucked things up between us. It’s hard to see you be happy with another mare, knowin’ that I could have had that too.” Tears began to fall, but Applejack soldiered on. “I accepted that I made my own shit sandwich and that I was gonna have to eat it, but I never knew that you loved me too. That just makes it so much worse…”

“...So what do you want then, Applejack? Why tell me any of this.” I asked wearily. Today started out so good, too.

“I… I just need you to know that I ain’t gonna forget that I hurt you. I’ll carry that weight with me for the rest of my life.” She said through her tears.

“Applejack.” I said softly.

“Yeah?” She answered.

“Stuff your bullshit and forgive yourself already.” I spat. “I forgave you a month ago. You made some mistakes. You’re obviously trying to learn from them. If you were really that bad, that cruel of a person, I would have just killed you when I came back from Canterlot, fuck the consequences.”

Applejack wiped her tears and glared at me. “If it was that easy, I woulda done it already! I just can’t get over-”

“It. Yes. You need to get over it. Like I said, if I thought you were irredeemable, I would have either killed you or had you killed already, so take that and run with it. I’ve met many people who are worse than you, and not all of them are humans. Hell, you’re really not even all that bad for a Pony.”

“You keep sayin’ that you woulda killed me-”

“If you were a bad person. Yes. I would have.” I stated matter-of-factly.

Applejack froze. “Wait, you’re bein’ serious?”

“As serious as Granny Smith breaking both hips.” We simultaneously knocked on the wooden coffee table.

“So you’re tellin’ me that if I was a bad pony, I wouldn’t be here right now?” She asked.

“Yes, that is exactly what I’m telling you.” I said. “I swear, woman, you were so much better at listening when I was giving you dick.”

Applejack shook her head. “You think I’m a good pony, after everything I’ve done to you? After I betrayed your trust?”

“Yeah, I do, oddly enough. You’re not bad most of the time. Trust me when I say that, Applejack. It takes a bad person to know a bad person, and you most certainly don’t fit the bill.”

Applejack chuckled. “Even after all of us told you that you’re not that bad, you still think you’re a bad pony. Do you not see the irony here?”

“No, I see the hypocrisy. I’m being a hypocrite. Look, love, remember your sins all you want, just don’t beat yourself over them. The past is the past, it’s what you do now that matters.”

“Aren’t you supposed to say ‘sweetie’ while you’re Roxy?” Applejack asked, chuckling some more.

“Aren’t you actually supposed to call me Roxy while I’m Roxy?” I jabbed back.

“Fair point. I guess I’ll take your words to heart, Roxy. I don’t think it’ll happen anytime soon, but you’re right. It don’t do me no good to stay upset over somethin’ I’ve already been forgiven for.” I could've told you that. I have told you that.

“But that’s just how you are.” I sighed. I gave her a crooked smile. “It’s a part of why I fell in love with you in the first place, and it’s one of the most infuriating things about you.”

Applejack rose and I followed suit shortly. “You know, for such a bad pony, you sure do have a way of telling ponies what they need to hear.”

“What can I say? I’m wise beyond my years.” I said magnanimously.

“Stow it, ace.” Applejack shook her head and let out a deep breath. “So.”

“So.” I replied ever so loquaciously.

“What’s the score now? I mean, I’m pretty sure we’re still friends, but…” She shrugged and looked at me.

I scratched at a beard that wasn’t there. “If there’s something in particular you want, I’m willing to listen.”

Applejack rubbed the back of her head. “There really ain’t nothin’ I want from ya. I still don’t think I deserve to be with ya in any way, so that’s off the table. I guess we could start doin’ stuff together again.”

“Is that all you want?” I asked. She nodded, so I said, “Then I see no reason why not to. I missed spending time with you.”

Applejack smiled. “Glad to hear it. You know where I live, so feel free to swing by any time.”

“As long as you promise not to make me kick trees, I will.” I swear to whatever deity the Ponies hold dear, if I have to kick a fucking tree, I’m going to be so pissed.

Applejack just chuckled. “Deal, though I might have ya help me fix another wagon.”

“Shit, I have telekinesis now. I could probably do it solo.” I bragged.

“Glad you offered! Let’s get a move on already!” Applejack hopped over the table and started dragging me out of my house.

I stopped her and told her that we should probably grab our coats if we’re heading outside. Applejack let go of me for a split second and I was fucking gone. It took her thirty minutes to find me hiding under my bed, but only thirty seconds to get down there and drag me out.

Life is so unfair sometimes.