The morning was crisp, clear, and invigorating. I sat on my front porch with a hot mug of coffee, nestled in a blanket I had brought with me from my room. I knew that I shouldn’t be bringing it outside, but the morning was just perfect in every way. I idly puffed on the corncob pipe next to me and jostled my box of matches. There were plenty left, but I’ve run out suddenly before, which is why I kept such a stock them. It made me hope that the cigar I’d made was actually smokeable: So many things needed to have gone right.

With my thoughts bouncing around from topic to topic, I surveyed the beautiful scene before me. The Sun rising over town was always a great visual to start the day, though it made me long for any sort of artistic talent. If I could capture the rustic scenery, I’m sure that someone would be willing to pay for it.

A note flared into existence in front of me and I snatched it from the air. A quick scan told me that Twilight was asking for my attention later that night since she was going to visit her parents for Hearth’s Warming Eve. We would spend the day in Ponyville with the girls, and then we would leave at six or so to go to Canterlot. I wasn’t exactly thrilled since we I was probably going to get the boyfriend treatment from the male members of her family, but I had agreed to visit Twilight’s parents with her at some point, and I intended to keep my word.

I finished my morning ritual and drained the last few sips from my mug. I didn’t have to be at Fluttershy’s until noon, so I had enough time to get ready and triple check the gifts that I had gotten each of the girls. I thought that two apiece was fair, though I can’t say all of my choices were inspired. Still, some presents were better than no presents.

I spent my morning cleaning up. Most of my spare time was devoted to either writing or cleaning in order to keep my house looking decent. I longed for the days where my entire house took two hours to clean. Unfortunately, I had a lot more to work with, though I did appreciate Bliss Berry’s efforts whenever she stopped by. She may not have been the most effective maid, but she was definitely one of the hottest, and I was almost certain that she wasn’t aware of it. I could go on for hours about that woman, but it wouldn’t do me any good.

I prepared to head over to Fluttershy’s and got my wagon ready for pulling. Lupa was already there, so I didn’t have to worry about getting her lazy arse in gear, so I left without a hitch. Well, there was technically a hitch on the wagon, but that’s not what I was talking about, so go fuck yourself, you nit-picky twat.

I arrived at Fluttershy’s and was greeted with a hug. I was second to arrive, so Twilight and Fluttershy helped me put my gifts under the tree and soon a warm mug of eggnog found its way into my hands. Fluttershy had been the one concocting the brew, so my mug had a shot of whiskey in it; just the way I like it. Rainbow Dash was next to come, followed by Pinkie and Applejack. Rarity had to be fashionably late, so she showed up last, and I chewed her out for it since she was over thirty minutes late.

Rarity’s lack of consideration aside, we started the exchange of gifts. I got a few sculptures and various things for my house from the girls, but Fluttershy gave me a little coupon booklet that I wasn’t allowed to read when I got it. The girls either liked the gifts that I gave them or were nice enough to pretend that they did, though I was pretty sure that their enjoyment was genuine.

Once that was out of the way, Twilight took me aside and asked, “So, Max. Are you ready for our trip?”

I checked my pocket watch. “We still have two more hours before we have to go anywhere. What’s the rush, Twi?”

“Oh, no rush, I’m just excited! My parents haven’t met any of my friends since I was just a filly, and even then there weren’t that many.” Twilight twirled a lock of hair around a finger.

“Have you considered the fact that I intend on going as your boyfriend?” I asked skeptically.

Twilight blinked. “What?”

“Yeah, I thought this was a couple thing, not just a friend thing.”

“Well, it can be either really. I don’t mind either, but if you’re going as my boyfriend, I’m going to have to warn you about my brother. He can be very protective of me!”

“It’s Shining Armor, right? If anything happens, I’ll just pull rank on him or something. Being a Baron and an Operative should give me some clout to throw around.” Twilight gave me a womanly look. “Hey, it’s not like I plan on being a prick to the guy for no reason! I’m just preparing for the worst case scenario.”

“Of course you aren’t. Just be nice, will you?” Twilight asked.

“I’m always nice, love. Don’t be surprised if I want to show off a little, though.”

“I don’t know how you plan on doing that, but I trust that you won’t do anything too bad.”

I rolled my eyes and told Twilight to relax before rejoining the rest of the girls to enjoy my holiday. It’s not like I had a job per se, but I did like spending time with my friends when there wasn’t anything else we had to do. Sadly, it was one of the few things that I got to enjoy these days besides sex, drugs, and whatever I could find for my record player. They were new technology in Equestria and were getting more and more popular as time passed. In fact, I had given each of the girls one for not-Christmas, which is probably a part of why they liked the presents I brought. The gift of giving really was rather pleasant, and the looks on their faces when they saw my presents had filled me with pride.

Twilight and I wrapped up our visit by passing out hugs, and I was told by Rarity and Fluttershy that I had another present waiting for me whenever I gave them a chance to prepare. I was pretty excited about that, so I was struggling between being apprehensive for my visit with Twilight’s parents and being ecstatic about the surprises waiting for me when I got home.

Actually, it was a pretty good reminder that I wasn’t going to get laid that night. I’d respected Celestia’s wishes and kept my hands off of Twilight, though the purple woman probably wouldn’t have let me get very far anyways. Unless she was in estrus, Twilight was actually very prudish when it came to things of a sexual nature, and I made sure to tease her about it whenever I got the chance.

Twilight and I headed to the train station after saying our goodbyes to the girls. She was kind enough to teleport my gifts home for me so I wouldn’t have to come and pick them up later, so we were able to get a move on and board our train at a decent time. Twilight teleported our overnight bags to us before we got on the train, and without any further delay, we were off to Canterlot.

I’d seen the scenery between Ponyville and its neighboring towns enough to know that I wasn’t missing much. I tried to strike up a conversation with Twilight, but all she wanted to do was gush about seeing her parents again, so I played the part of the attentive boyfriend and lent her an ear so she could get it all out before we actually saw her parents. With a little practice, I had gotten rather used to being talked at, so I was prepared for Twilight’s rambling. All you need to appear as if you’re paying attention are some well timed nods, a few ‘uh-huhs’, and a ‘right’ every now and again; something I had down to a science.

While Twilight talked on, I gave some thought to my current situation. Long story short, I was bored. My life was boring, and I needed to find something to give it that spark of life once more, so I reminded myself to send a letter to Luna once I got back. Another mission would do a lot towards getting my head screwed on straight, and frankly, the prospect of murdering more dudes wasn’t as repulsive as it had been before. I made my peace with the nature of my work some time ago, but now the problem was finding more of the work to do. Luna had said that she would let me know if any high profile cases were available, but she hadn’t contacted me with any details in some time, hence the need to send her a letter.

When Twilight found a good place to stop, I breathed a sigh of relief. I’d spent most of the time in my head, but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t still be bored out of my gourd during the time where I actually was half listening. No one ever appreciates how much effort it takes to pretend that you care until you stop pretending.

Thankfully, I was spared from Twilight getting a second wind by our arrival in Canterlot. I grabbed our shit and let Twilight lead the way to her parents house since I wasn’t supposed to know where it was. The memory was pretty fuzzy anyway, but I was confident that I could have picked the house out of a line up.

We arrived at Twilight’s parents house a little after sunset and were welcomed in from the cold quickly. Twilight Velvet took our coats before leading Twilight Sparkle further into the house. I made to follow them, but I was forestalled by Night Light.

The blue stallion stepped in front of me as I went to stay by his daughter’s side. “So. It’s Hearth’s Warming Eve and you’ve come to my house with my daughter. Now, I don’t want to seem like I’m an overprotective father, but it seems to me like you’re dating my daughter.”

My eyes shifted from side to side before focusing on Night Light. “...I’m pretty sure I told you I was dating Twilight when-”

“Ah ah ah! Let papa talk, will you?” Night Light raised a brow, so I gestured for him to continue. “You see, Twilight is my baby. She’s the youngest of my foals, and she’s my only daughter, so that means her brother and I look out for her as much as we can from home.”

“Look Night Light, I’ve kissed Twilight and that’s the sum of it. Your daughter is safe-”

“What did I just say about letting me talk?” Night Light asked a little harshly.

“You’ve got to learn who the fuck you’re talking to mate, because I’m sure as Hell that it isn't me. If you want to bluster and threaten, you had better be ready to make good on your promise because I could have you anytime I want and there isn’t a soul who could stop me.” I snarled back.

Night Light’s lip curled. “I don’t know who you think you are, but no stallion is going to disrespect me or my family under my roof!”

“Then how about you leave me be? Have I ever given you any reason to doubt that I’m anything other than a decent guy? Let me answer that for you; No. I’m not going to hurt Twilight, and if I do, then do as you please, but don’t assume that I’m going to let you try and cow me when I’ve done nothing wrong.”

He set his jaw and glared at me. “It’s a father’s duty to protect his children, and I know you see that. I apologize for not addressing you as a stallion.”

“I apologize for being a prick. Let’s put this behind us and have a good visit, yeah?” I extended a hand.

Night light shook it and lead me down their entrance hall, but before I could join the Twilight’s, Shining Armor came down the hall and caught my arm. I was tempted to start throwing punches when he grabbed me so rudely, but I was willing to put up with a little more before I knocked the faggot out. By the time Shining dragged me back to the front door, I was a little annoyed.

He stopped suddenly and spun to face me. “Let’s get one thing straight right now-”

“Your Dad just finished giving me this speech, so I’ll tell you what I told him: I’m not going to hurt Twilight, the furthest we’ve gone in the time that we’ve been together is kissing, and there are no prospects of going any further. I’m not with Twilight for any silly, frivolous reason. I like her for her intelligence, patience, and compassion, not her body, so don’t worry about me abusing or taking advantage of Twilight and chill the fuck out. Next time you put your goddamn hands on me like that, you better be ready for a fight.”

Shining blinked before shaking his head. “If you think that a few nice words are going to get me off of your back, then you’ve got another thing coming!”

“Okay, fine. Threaten a Royal Agent. Try to bully a fucking Baron. See where it gets you.”

“I don’t care what your title might be! If it means protecting my sister, I’d even go up against Celestia herself!”

I nodded. “Keep harassing me and that’s exactly what you’ll be doing. I don't know how much Celestia values you, but I guarantee that she’ll listen to me over you any day.”

Shining scoffed. “That’s a load of hot air and you know it. Are you seriously suggesting that Princess Celestia would choose a minor noble over her own Guard Captain?”

“Actually, I think Celestia would choose her former lover and friend over her Guard Captain.” I shrugged. “The sad thing is that I don’t even have to go to Celestia. I could ask Luna to take care of you and I know it’ll get done. I could have Queen Elfriede trump up some charges and disgrace your entire family.”

Shining somehow got paler when he realized just who exactly he was fucking with. “If any of that is true, there’s no way you’d only be in charge of Ponyville!”

I shrugged again. “I prefer to live a quiet life, and Celestia knows that. Oh, and technically, I’m also over Cloudsdale, but I can’t get up there, so they send me a report on the important stuff”

“How can I be sure of anything you’ve told me?” Shining spat. “You could be full of nothing but lies!”

I smirked. “Ask your sister to confirm any of it. Or all of it. Shit, it doesn’t matter to me, I’ll send a letter to Celestia right now if you really want to fuck with me.”

Shining pursed his lips and turned around in a very manly huff. I swear, If I’d been insulted or threatened by someone else, anwhere else, arses would have been kicked. As it was, Shining spent much of the first hour glaring at me, though Night Light had apparently seen reason. I was sure to kiss Twilight in front of her brother, which embarrassed her to no end. It pissed Shining off plenty, leaving me with a little smile.

Twilight Velvet was a whole ‘nother story. The woman was probably as pleasant as Fluttershy, but talked a lot more. I saw where Twilight got her conversational skills from within moments of Velvet opening her mouth. The woman droned on and On about trivial nonsense, but I did my due diligence as a potential son-in-law and listened like my life depended on any given word. I actually tried to be engaging and asked questions every once in awhile to let Velvet know that I was paying close attention. If I’m not mistaken, my efforts were rewarded with some brownie points from both parents. More from Velvet than from Night Light, but brownie points nonetheless.

Things got a little awkward when they started showing me around the house. I vaguely remembered a lot of the things that they showed me, and I was still somewhat familiar with the layout of the house from the couple of hours I’d already spent in it way back when. I nearly lost it when Twilight Velvet tried to tell me that this one little statuette was haunted. I remembered that little statuette; it was the one I used as a centerpiece for the maze.

We moved on to dinner and I spent most of it listening to Twilight talk to her parents in a rapid fire exchange that was prone to digressions. Shining and I had a staring contest for a few minutes, but we never really did sort out any kind of winner. I started making faces at him when no one else was looking, so I couldn’t tell if he was blinking, thus I kind of just assumed that I won.

Gift giving was fun. Velvet liked the necklace that I’d gotten her, Night Light was immediately enraptured by the puzzle cube, and Shining Armor even had to wipe the scowl off of his face when I presented him with a man bracelet that had each of his family members names on it. I figured that getting a soldier something to remind them of their family was a pretty clear bet, and by Shining’s reaction, I was right.

Twilight, Night Light, and Shining were all talking about something or other when Twilight Velvet took me aside. I followed her willingly since she’d been nothing but pleasant to me, though I did wonder what she wanted to talk about.

Once we were alone, Velvet asked, “So how are you enjoying your Hearth’s Warming Eve so far? I know it can’t be easy being away from your own family.”

I shrugged. “My parents are both long gone, so I haven’t really spent a holiday with them since I was young.”

“Oh, you poor colt! What happened to them?” Velvet asked tenderly.

“My mother killed my father and eventually died of an autoimmune disease.”

Velvet blinked her surprise.“...Oh.”

I grimaced. “It’s not a happy subject, sorry for bringing it up.”

“No, it’s fine! I was the one who asked, it’s just… Well, from the way you act, it’s easy to tell that you’re weren’t really close to your parents. It seems like you shy away whenever Night Light or I start talking to Sparkle or Shining.”

“Oh, I just don’t want to intrude on your time together is all. I’m sure that Shining’s work keeps him busy, and I know it’s been awhile since Twilight’s been able to come and say hi, so I don’t really want to get in your way.”

Velvet patted my arm. “How thoughtful of you! You know, I’m surprised that you’re not scared.”

I lifted a brow. “Why would I be?”

She gave me a look. “I know Night Light and Shining already had a word with you.”

“Yeah, Night Light was easier to get off of my back. I actually had to threaten Shining with Royal consequences.”

Velvet rolled her eyes. “You do know that he’s the Captain of the Guard, right?”

“I do. That’s actually how I met Shining Armor. I had Celestia do me a favor, and she called him in to help get it done.”

“Shouldn’t you address the Princess as ‘Princess’ or ‘Her Highness?” Velvet asked.

“I haven’t called Celestia ‘Princess’ since I met her. We’re too close for me to be using her title outside of public events.”

Velvet’s eyes widened. “So you’re Celestia’s personal friend?”

“Celestia’s, Luna’s, and Elfriede’s. For some odd reason, my general flippancy with ruling parties goes over pretty well.” I shrugged. “I’m not complaining. Celestia is fun, Luna’s funny, and Elfriede is scary in all the right ways.”

“Who is this Elfriede you keep mentioning?”

“The Queen of the Gryphons. I met her the last time I went to Gryphonia and we became friends after some events I’m not allowed to talk about since it pertains to my duties as an Operative.”

Velvet looked at me, a smile growing on her face. “You’re an interesting stallion, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told. It’s probably half of why I’m not currently dead.”

Velvet pinched my cheek patronizingly. “It doesn’t hurt that you’re just so darn cute! I was worried that Twilight was never going to get a cute coltfriend, and here you are! Polite, well connected, cute as a button, and respectful of my daughter's wishes; There’s nothing more I could ask of you.”

“Well, if you find something else that I could do, let me know. I plan on making Twilight as happy as I can during her short life.”

Velvet’s smile dropped. “What do you mean by ‘short life’?”

“I mean that I’m going to live for a long time, and your life span is pretty small compared to mine. I’ve already made my peace with the fact that I’m going to outlive everyone I love right now, so I might as well try and make my friends happy in the time being, yeah?”

She crossed her arms and bit her lip.“Oh… You know, Max, I thought that you were just some well mannered colt that got lucky, but I now I think there’s more to the story.”

“Of course there is. I’ve died more times than anyone else alive, survived the Everfree for a month without help, made friends with the Princesses and a queen, and put up with plenty of bullshit. I’ve worked for what I have, though I’ll admit that some of it was thrown at me. The house was definitely thrown at me, but in my defense, I could have bought it myself.”

“I’ll have to bring Night Light to visit you sometime, then. Don’t get me wrong; I like Sparkle’s home, but it’s just not what I’m used to. A mare gets used to a certain lifestyle at a certain age, and she just doesn't want to deal with anything else, you know?”

“Trust me, I understand. I might not get it for the reasons you gave, but I know the feeling well enough. You’re always welcome in my home, Velvet, just don’t start calling yourself ‘Twilight’ while she’s over so we can avoid some confusion.”

Velvet laughed. “Of course! That’s why I call her Sparkle. I’m the original, so I should be called Twilight, am I wrong?”

I chuckled. “Sorry Twilight, but Twilight is the original Twilight to me.”

She huffed playfully. “I was here first, so I should be Twilight!”

“You shouldn’t have named your daughter after yourself if you wanted to keep your name.” I jibed.

“Touche. Maybe I just need to send Sparkle off to a different town so I can be the only Twilight.”

I grinned. “Tell you what, I’ll take her with me when I go back home. I’ll keep her safe and fed, and you can keep your name!”

“Sounds like a plan to me!” Velvet beamed. “Let’s go tell everypony the great news!”

I followed Velvet back into the living room, and she actually did break the news to Twilight. She sat her daughter down, and with a very serious, rather worrisome tone, told Twilight that she was going to be sent away to a small town. Twilight was understandably confused, so Velvet clarified by telling Twilight that she was going to be living with me in a little town called Ponyville because Canterlot just wasn’t big enough for two Twilight’s.

Night Light smothered some snickers and Shining armor just smiled at his mother’s antics. Twilight, on the other hand, was completely lost and had missed the joke entirely, so I came over and solemnly laid a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s for the best, Twilight. We can’t have Twilight getting confused whenever someone calls for her, and having you come with me is the easiest solution. It’ll be okay, Twilight. You’ll make plenty of friends where we’re going, and Twilight can write you whenever.”

“Wait, are you talking about me, or are you talking about my Mom?” Twilight asked, befuddled.

I nodded. “Yes.”

Velvet hid a grin and laid a hand on Twilight’s knee. “I hope you understand, sweetie. It’s nothing personal.”

Twilight looked between myself and her mother. “Neither of you are making sense! Am I going somewhere with Max, or are you? And what’s this about Canterlot being too big for two Twilight’s? We lived here just fine for years!”

“Don’t worry about it, Twi, they’re just being difficult.” Night Light said.

His wife shot him a dark glare and he tugged at his collar. After that, Twilight figured out what we had meant and chided both of us for our brilliant wordplay. She tried to stay mad at me, but with Twilight’s parents on my side, she never stood a chance at denying my charms. I kept it nice and kosher, all very parent appropriate, if anything then to keep Shining Armor off my arse. He’d chilled out over the course of the night, but I could still feel his eyes on me from time to time when I spent too long ‘too close’ to Twilight.

At midnight, Twilight and her mother cracked open a bottle of wine and her father brought out a bottle of something old, brown, and expensive. I had brought a bottle of bourbon that I was particularly fond of, so the men of the family tried my supply first, preferring to save the best for last. Night light drained his glass like a champ, but Shining took his like a filthy casual and sipped it. I had had the same idea as Night Light and was ready to move on to his whiskey by the time Shining was halfway through with his drink.

Night Light’s liquor was pretty good, though I’d had better. Hell, I actually had better whiskey in my cellar, but it would have been rude to outdo a man in his own home, which is why I brought something middle ranged, but nice. Shining hadn’t brought anything to the party, so we kept our glasses full with my bourbon.

Twilight was more friendly with a few drinks in her, and her mother was even more loquacious than she had been before. Between the two of them, Shining, Night Light and I could hardly get a word in edgewise. Which was perfectly fine by me, by the way. Eventually Night Light got tired of listening to the women in his life talk about nothing and took Shining and I into his parlor to play some billiards. All of my wins were hard fought against Night Light, and I lost more often than I won. That man could make the cue ball spin around other balls to hit his target, and he wasn’t even using magic! It was fucking bullshit, and the only reason I ever won against him was because he didn’t always land his shot perfectly.

Shining Armor was a whole different story. The guy was straight up awful, so Night Light and I took it easy whenever we played him to save energy for our next match. I’m pretty sure Shining knew that he was the worst in the room, but since he had stopped being such a massive prick in favor of being an annoying prick, I didn’t rub it in.

I can be nice, dammit.

Night Light and Twilight Velvet were ready for bed around the same time, which meant that Twilight, Shining and I were due to get tucked in as well. Night Light and Shining had been pretty adamant about me sleeping on the couch, but the Twilights had my back and argued on my behalf. After swearing to keep my hands to myself, I was allowed to sleep in the same room as Twilight. After literally having my hands bound, I was allowed to sleep in the same bed as Twilight. I thought it was a little much seeing as how all I was expecting was a kiss for my efforts, but it was worth it to be able to share a bed with someone I love on not-Christmas.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Twilight had given me more than a kiss that night, but we still didn’t have sex. I gave Shining Armor my most shit-eatingest grin at breakfast, though I never did tell him why I was looking at him like that. Twilight Sparkle didn’t put it together, so she couldn’t say anything, but I was pretty certain that her mother knew exactly what had happened. That, or the extra whipped cream on my smiley face pancakes was just because she liked me. The knowing grin she gave me when she was putting it on tipped me off, though I wondered how she knew. I glanced over at Twilight and saw that she was rubbing her jaw.

Small wonder, right?

I got a letter during the latter half of breakfast that waited until we finished to get read. Depending on how you look at it, it was a good thing that Celestia requested my presence on Hearth’s Warming Day. I had gotten her a present that was special to me, and a short sword for Luna, but they were in Ponyville at the moment, so I would have to have one of them teleport me back so I could grab them.

Once breakfast was finished, my visit with Twilight’s family was over, so I asked Twilight if she wanted to join me when I went to go visit the Princesses. She agreed, so I had someone to talk to on my way to the castle. I didn’t stop anywhere while we were walking and the guards at the gate let us pass after I flashed them the seals on the Warbling Blade, so we made some pretty good time. I didn’t know where we were supposed to be going, so I had Twilight cast a location spell and followed her to Celestia. We meandered about the castle until we came to a room in one of Celestia’s towers. I politely knocked before entering and found both of the ruling sisters in the room.

“Celly, Lulu! Happy Hearth’s Warming Day!” I said, feigning cheer.

Celestia and Luna both stood, though Celestia was the only one who came over to hug Twilight and I. “It’s good to see you two! I’m glad you were able to come!”

“So am I. Tis the season to surround yourself with friends and family, right?” I said with a smirk.

Celestia gave me a look. “Which one am I?”

“Right now? Family.” Because you don’t get to choose family, and they tend to fuck you over.

“Aww!” Celestia hugged me again. “Thank you, Max! That means the world to me.”

“If you’re done with your… Emotions,” Luna spat jokingly, “then we can get on to exchanging gifts.”

Twilight froze since she hadn’t brought anything, but I had her covered. “Speaking of, the gifts I got for you two are in my house, and so are Twilight’s. Mind sending me home so I can grab them?”

Luna waved a hand and I appeared back in my living room. After a quick jog to my tree so I could pick up what I had gotten for Celestia and Luna, I sprinted up to my room and took stock of the stock of just-in-case presents I had bought over the past couple of months. I kept them all in one of my closets, though they had started to spill over into other rooms before I caught myself. I’d gone completely overboard and had dozens to choose from, all shelved according to price and size. I settled on some generic but nice jewelry for Luna when a note dropped in front of me. Apparently Twilight had already gotten a present for Celestia, but she needed to get one for Luna. I wrote her back and told her that I’d just finished getting a spare present for Luna. When that was settled, I sent the necklace to Twilight via Dragon Fire ( which was cool as shit) and sent Celestia a note, telling her that I was ready to come back.

A few moments later, I was back in the sitting room. Twilight popped in a few seconds later and we both found somewhere to sit. The gift giving started immediately since Celestia hadn’t taken the whole day off, leaving us a bit pressed for time. I gave Celestia a signed, first edition copy of my book, A Single Breath. I’d found a publisher for it over the last month, and it was already popular among single and older mares. It was actually the first book that had been printed, which was why it was special to me. I gave Luna a short sword that I had forged myself. The steel wasn’t anything special and it was a bit wonky to be honest, but I had engraved the handle and guard myself, and that had actually turned out pretty well. I received hugs for both of my gifts, though I did have to explain that I had already given Twilight her gift.

Twilight ended up giving Celestia a summarized report of all the things she’d learned about friendship, love, and parenthood since moving to Ponyville. It wasn’t as much of a report as it was a solid novel, but Celestia thanked her anyway and seemed genuinely intrigued about Twilight’s insights. Luna wasn’t thrilled about the necklace, but she could fucking deal with it since it had been either that or nothing from Twilight.

Celestia gave me a bunch of weapon stands and things to go on said stands. I was thrilled since I had mentioned that I’d wanted some to fill in some of the empty space in my house and had even told Celestia exactly where I wanted them. I’d forgotten about it in the time since I’d told her, but the fact that she remembered was cause for some serious brownie points. She gave Luna a well crafted statuette of them sitting in their thrones, back to back, and Twilight a bracelet with each of the girl’s Cutie Marks as charms.

Luna gave me a bow because there’s no way I could possible fuck that up, and Celestia received a lovely ebony comb. It was gilded and had pieces of ivory set into the handle, making for an overall beautiful piece. Hugs were passed around, and information was shared about the gifts. She gave Twilight some unimportant knick knack that she'd probably made while trying to figure out how to make Celestia's comb At this point, no one was terribly shocked to learn that everyone had made their gifts themselves save for the necklace that Twilight had given Luna and the weapon stands Celestia was giving me.

With the main festivities over, Celestia had to go back to Court and be a ruler, and Luna wanted to go to sleep, so I had the blue princess teleport mine and Twilight’s shit to my house before we left. I was tempted to have her just teleport me and Twilight home since she could, but I wanted to enjoy a little more time in the city with her before we were thrust back into our lives in Ponyville.

I had Twilight show me around the town, but we couldn’t really go anywhere since most things were closed. We did find a nice little cafe that was still open, however, and had a nice cup of coffee before heading off to the station. I noticed that Twilight sat a little closer to me on the ride back home and that she was receptive when I initiated some super tame hand holding, hopefully a sign that I was growing closer to her. It’s not that Twilight was particularly distant, but she wasn’t one to show much in the way of physical affection, meaning that beyond the occasional kiss or hug, there wasn’t much contact between us. Knowing that this little trip had gotten Twilight to open up to me, even if just a little bit, made me smile.

Oddly enough, on the train ride home, I noticed a familiar looking red mane poking out above a newspaper. I would have said something then, but I figured that Crimson Tide was concealing his identity for a reason. I left it alone until Ponyville, and when Twilight went to get off, I told her that I had something to take care of. A few moments later, I was sitting next to Crimson Tide, trying to look inconspicuous.

“Hullo, stranger. What brings you ‘round to my neck of the woods?” I asked.

Crimson folded his newspaper. “How did you know I was following you?”

That was news to me. Time to play it off. “I have my ways. Why are you following me, Crimson?”

“I need a favor, and you’re the only one that can help me at the moment.” Crimson turned to me. “Right now, I need to know if you’re willing to stick your neck out for me.”

“I’ve got your back, mate. Are we getting off here in Ponyville, or are we riding further?”

Crimson stopped to think about that. “We could stay for a day or two, though I’ll need to stay away from town. I think your place is far enough away.”

“Great. It’ll give me time to tell the girls that I’m leaving and I can grab my Dragon Fire.”

I rose and Crimson joined me in heading toward my house. The look on his face when he saw my abode was priceless, which made me remember that he hadn’t been to my place since before I’d become a Baron. It was amusing to see his reaction to the outside, but his reaction to the inside was less than I might have desired. Crimson disagreed with my choice in decor, so I told him to fuck right off and find another spy’s house if he didn’t like mine.

Crimson shut up.

I got him settled in one of my upstairs guest rooms and started putting a bag together. I was glad to have a reason to wear my casual clothes while out and about for once, and I missed the ratty old scarf that I’d worn through all of my missions. After sending out notes to the girls explaining a temporary absence so I could help out a friend, I put my Dragon Fire in the pocket of my bag and set it out in the living room. Crimson was already there, so I pulled out some wine and started asking questions.

“So what the Hell is going on, Crimson? Why are you in trouble?” I asked.

“A contact burned me in Mexicolt. I was working with a cabal of Dogs, trying to shut them down, and things went sour. Now I’m being followed by two of their assassins.”

“Good going, mate. Why don’t we just post up here and kill them?”

Crimson looked at me. “I’m a Unicorn Operative. If it was that easy to kill them, I would have done so by now.”

“Are you sure you’re not just super weak with magic? I’m pretty sure I know someone who could just teleport them wherever we needed.”

“I’ll have you know that while I’m not exactly the most magical Unicorn, I can cast spells If you don’t want to wake up with an itch you can’t quite scratch, keep messing with me.”

“Is that seriously your worst threat?” I deadpanned.

“Beyond minor teleportation, I’ve never really studied magic.” He shrugged. “I never wanted to be one of those Unicorns.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean that some Unicorns just take magic too seriously. Take Twilight Sparkle for example; Star pupil of the Princess, top marks in magic. She’s actually good at magic in general, but there were a lot of times in Canterlot that she bucked up big time because she was trying things that were above her level. Unicorns like that get labelled dangerous pretty quickly.”

“Yeah, but Twilight is now probably one of the most powerful magical beings that isn’t something stupid old or insanely evil, so I can’t really see your argument there, man. If I was a Unicorn, I would abuse the fuck out of any magic I had.”

Crimson scoffed. “Easy for you to say, seeing as how you don’t actually have magic. If you abuse your power as a Unicorn, you get sent to Tartarus, and sometimes, innocuous spells can get you into deep shit if things go wrong. It’s a miracle Twilight Sparkle hasn’t been arrested by now.”

I gave him a stern look. “Why do you keep going after Twilight? She lacks common sense on occasion, but I consider her a close friend.”

His eyes widened. “I didn’t know you two were friends. I probably wouldn’t have said anything if I’d known.”

“Don’t worry too hard about it. That does make me wonder what you have against her though.”

“I just don’t like her, man. No particular reason, I just don’t.” Crimson shrugged again. “I’m sure she’s a fine girl, but her station allows her too much leeway and her family’s position is all because she just happened to be good at magic.” A dark look crossed Crimson’s face.

“Mate, don’t kill my girlfriend. If you want to get her brother or something, I might lend a hand, but I do kinda love Twilight, or whatever pale simulacrum of love I can accomplish.”

Crimson shut his eyes and inhaled slowly. “I don’t hate her that much. I just don’t like her, Max, that’s all there is to it.”

“If you ever start feeling differently, let me know. It’s in my best interest to keep my friends both alive and free from killing one another.”

Crimson nodded. “I will, though I doubt that I’ll ever get to that point. I’m just the one guy who doesn’t like Twilight Sparkle, as is required for all people.”

“What about people who live alone on deserted islands with loving parents? If there’s only three people on one island and there’s nothing to argue about, how mad could they be with one another?” I inquired.

“Shut up, Max.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, mate. So are you only being chased down by two assassins or-” I felt a disturbance in the force. “are there more?”

Crimson’s ears flicked and I scanned the room. “There might be more, but I just don’t know. We should be safe here.” He said with a pointed look.

“Right. I’m going to go make some tea. Care to join me?”

Crimson rose and I lead him to my kitchen. Someone was definitely in the house, but without any detection magic, I couldn’t tell where. Barring any long range killing techniques, we would be fine, but I wasn’t willing to chance our safety on hopes, so I moved our party to the parlour. Once inside, I had Crimson stand out in the open while I hid under my billiards table. After thirty minutes of waiting, the door to the parlor creeped open while Crimson back was turned and I caught our assailant with my telekinesis.

Crimson spun around, confused as to why the assassin wasn’t moving. I made sure to keep my grip tight on the Dog we’d caught while I came out of my hiding place. Once I was out, I inspected our friend, but couldn’t discern much more than that it was a Dog. It growled at us as Crimson and I checked it over for weapons and tried to bite me when I relieved it of its various knives.

“Alright, Crimson. Any questions for our new friend?” I asked once Crimson was finished checking them out again.

“None that she’ll answer. Is there anywhere you would prefer to dispose of her? I’m sure you don’t want to ruin this lovely carpet with this filthy mongrel’s blood,”

I tapped my chin. “How about we just not kill her and say we did?” I loosened the tip of my tentacle and allowed her to move her mouth. “What do you say? Fuck off and start a new life or die here, in a strange land full of strange people that would have probably come to love you?”

She growled some more and Crimson scowled. “You can’t just let her live, Max. She’s trying to kill me!”

“And what happens when we kill her? More assassins come behind her-” I started.

“And she can tell them about us and our habits!” Crimson objected.

“Look, mate, I’m just saying that we should give the girl a say in her own fate. Treat others as you want to be treated.”

“...Are you drunk?” The Dog asked.

“Shut up, mutt.” Crimson snarled. “Max, are you drunk?”

“I maintain a pretty steady buzz these days, but I’m not actually drunk right now, so go fuck yourselves, both of you. Kill the bitch for all I care, mate, I was just wondering if you’d go for it. Just do it outside somewhere in the Everfree. Her corpse won’t be there in the morning.”

“Rot in Tartarus, both of you filthy Equestrians!” The puppy yipped. “My brothers and sisters will avenge me!”

I muzzled her with my tentacle and started dragging her outside. It was slow going since I can’t really move and use my telekinesis all that well, but it got easier once I started moving the assassin ahead of us. We carried her off into the forest and I made a bunch of noise by thrashing about before crushing her head quickly. Luckily, nothing had gotten on me, however, Crimson had the pleasure of pulling a rather large chunk of skull and brain off of his mouth. I don’t know how it landed there, and it would have been in poor taste to ask what it tasted like.

Crimson seemed perturbed by the event so I said, “Just speak your mind mate. You’ve obviously got a thought on the tip of your tongue.”

That was not honored with an answer, though I thought it was well warranted. I thrashed around a bit more and started to get the hell out of dodge before something came over to try and make a meal of me. Crimson followed closely and we decided that we would leave before the night was over. We went back to my place, grabbed our shit, and I allowed Crimson to take the lead from there.

Thanks to God or some other unseen force, there was a redeye at the train station that we would only have to wait an hour for. We were both a little on edge, though Crimson had much more practice keeping his cool than I did. As much as I liked to poke fun at the guy, he really did know his shit. He did a sweep of the premises every so often and sat in a way that would allow him to get up quickly without appearing like he could.

The train came and we were on our way to Hooverton. Sadly, we couldn’t go via Teleportation Station since this wasn’t something we wanted on any sort of books. The train was largely anonymous and a great way to get around if you didn’t want to be tracked, though whoever was tailing you could probably find out where you were going based on the train’s schedule. I chose to not worry about that and asked Crimson about his past.

Much like the last time I’d inquired about anything other than work, he wasn’t very forthcoming with information. He told me that he’d grown up in a larger town, joined the guard, spent a few years doing that and was hand picked by Luna when she returned to be an Operative after she saw his track record. He did not go into detail about that track record, but he did tell me that the usual training to be an operative was grueling and that I was lucky that I’d skipped it. I pointed out that my own training had been a whole different monster and Crimson happily changed topics and tried asking about what I’d done as a thief. I was feeling merciful, so I launched into what I hoped was a thrilling tale about some thrilling heist I’d barely pulled off. If I didn’t understand that the past was a touchy subject sometimes, I probably would have pushed him for information.

Crimson told a few stories that he didn’t mind sharing, which helped the trip go by a little faster. Still, Hooverton was pretty far away and changing trains multiple times didn’t help either of us want to stay awake. I filled the time writing a sequel to A Single Breath, but I eventually ran out of motivation and saw that Crimson was knocked out next to me. I hadn’t even noticed anything while I was writing, making me immediately suspicious. I kept an eye peeled, but the only people in our car were an older stallion and a mare with a child, and they were all snoozing away the midnight oil. I tried to relax, but something just didn’t seem right to me.

My worries turned out to be for nothing. The train rambled on and nothing happened. After a ten hour trip, I was glad to be on solid footing again, though Crimson looked as if he could use a few more hours of rest. Being up for days on end tend to take a lot out of a guy, and I was well aware of the dangers of going too long without sleep.

I didn’t really remember how to get to Nebula’s, so Crimson had to lead the way, which would have been fine if he wasn’t exhausted. We took quite a few wrong turns, but we eventually ended up at the right house. Crimson knocked on the door and we patiently waited for Nebula to answer the door, and when she did, she snatched both of us inside by our shirts. Which was fucking rude. I put aside my indignation in favor of listening to what Crimson had to say.

“Star, I need your help.” Crimson spoke quickly. “I’ve got a cabal of dogs after me and I need some of your ‘Special Sauce’ to help get rid of them. I would prefer to do this the boring legal way, but-”

Nebula’s grin was a mile wide. “Say no more! I’m always happy to peddle my poisons to a fellow Agent!”

“Got anything that would ensure a quick, pleasant death?” I asked casually.

“Not for you! You’ve gotta suffer through life, just like the rest of us buddy. You know, Crimson, I’ve gotta say that I’m surprised at your first choice of companion. This guy doesn’t seem like the most reliable kinda guy to me.” Nebula chided.

“Hey! You know me! You even let me stay in your house!” I objected.

“And you made some pretty decent breakfast if I remember correctly. The best part was that I didn’t even have to sleep with you to get it!” Nebula fucked off deeper into her house and I traded a look with Crimson. The girl was weird on her best days, and I wondered if Twilight could have turned out like Nebula, but with magic instead of poison.

Nebula returned with a familiar white vial and a small, padded pouch to contain it with. “I’m sure you remember all the details; No touching, no smelling, no tasting. Usual agreement?”

“The usual, to be called upon whenever you so desire.” Crimson sighed.

“Great! I’d like to call it in now, if you don’t mind. Max, go see a show or something. I’ve heard there’s one going on in town.” Nebula’s eyes were glued to Crimson as she shooed me away.

I scoffed. “If all you wanted was some dick, I would have offered. I’ll be back in three.”

As I turned to leave, I heard Nebula mutter, “Who asked for your opinion?”

I decided to leave it at that, but I was curious as to how Crimson was okay with nailing Nebula if he was gay. I mean, if he was bi, that was one thing, but if he was gay and openly so, then it was kind of a stretch for Nebula to ask something like that of him. Either way, it wasn’t my dilemma to handle, so I didn’t waste much more brain power on the issue. I wandered around town for a little bit and saw the show that Nebula mentioned. It was terrible, but it did pass two hours pretty quickly, so I can’t complain. I returned on the third hour to find Crimson chilling out on the couch. He asked if I went to see the show and I told him a bit about it. We agreed that it sounded and was terrible. Nebula was off in her lab testing some new shit, though Crimson explained that she often experienced a sudden burst of inspiration after ‘the usual’. I asked what ‘the usual’ was, and Crimson told me that it was just rekindling an old memory.

That was a fucking downer, so I changed the topic and asked the guy about some of his days as a guard. He was actually willing to talk about some of that, so that was nice. The rest of the night was spent sleeping because Crimson was still exhausted and I was going on two days without sleep. I made breakfast with some stuff Nebula had around the kitchen because I’m the nicest guy around, though it could have been better, as Nebula herself was keen to tell me. In my defense, I’d had little to work with.

Crimson and I took our leave around ten, when it was nice and fucking cold. Our next destination was somewhere out west, which meant more train rides in our immediate future. I would write about some of what went on, but it got monotonous very quickly. No one really felt like talking to strangers on their way to a hardly settled land, but I was feeling pretty good, all things considered. It was nice to get out of Ponyville and to feel the adrenaline rush of nearly being killed again. Being stuck in Ponyville had activated some deep sense of wanderlust that had lay dormant for years, and to a certain point, it was being fulfilled in my journey to help Crimson out of his bind. While I was thrilled to be in danger again, I wished that I could share the experience with the girls, as fucked up as that sounds. If they would get the same rush as I did from being on missions, then I would consider taking them on one if I didn’t think at least half of them would die at any given moment.

After a LONG journey full of changeovers, back tracking, and confusing maps, we got to a little town called Appaloosa. Crimson had a contact there who could get us across the border without a hitch, though why we needed to be smuggled across the border, I’ll never know. Still, we met up with some chap named Braeburn that Crimson had worked with in the past. The guy wasn’t an Operative or anything, nor was he even slightly related to the field beyond his contact with Crimson, and by the looks of it, they had plenty of contact. I don’t want to repeat what I heard. I want to forget the dirty, dirty words they used. I considered writing Celestia a note, asking if she would delete some things from my memory for me, but I thought that would be a bit much. Still, I made it a point to leave after the second time they started shoving their tongues down each other’s throats. There are levels of personal displays of affection that should not be breached, and there are things you just don’t say around polite company.

While I was doing some introspection on whether I’d ever been that… Hands on with any of my girls in public, Crimson came out and directed us toward the only inn in town. His boyfriend had offered to let us stay with him for the night, but I shut that shit down the moment the last words left his lips. There was nothing to do in Appaloosa, and I’d be damned if I was going to spend my whole night avoiding the sounds of sex.

That is to say, Crimson did ‘sneak’ out in the middle of the night to go visit his special friend, though I would have understood if he’d just told me. It wasn’t that I had a problem with him being gay, it was the fact that he and Braeburn were just too… exhibitionist-esque. I’m fine with kisses and hugs in public, but tongue wrestling is off the table entirely. Shit’s just awkward for everybody involved, especially if you’re not involved. Some people might say that you should just look away if you don’t like it, but those people forget the magnetic effects of some events. No matter how much you want to look away, you can’t, and you’re forced to live through that moment.

Absolutely traumatizing.

The next morning, I hauled a noticeably stiff legged Crimson to our first destination. I would have taken it easier on the fellow, but he should have known better than to do something so strenuous before we had to get into Mexicolt. Sadly, we learned that the journey was going to be made in the false bottom of a tented wagon with limited water. That meant we would be in close quarters for the better part of a day, though I did convince the wagon’s driver to let us keep the false bottom open when the coast was clear. It was fucking hot the entire time, and I desperately needed a shower before the halfway point was even in sight. Crimson wasn’t in any better shape by the time things were through, though we were assured that a little charcoal would knock the stink right off when we set up camp.

We actually did try it out and it worked up to a certain degree. It wasn’t a substitute for a bath by a long shot, but it did take the edge off of our stink, so I Was content enough. As we ate trail rations in the middle of our convoy, I considered how much closer you get to a person after your lives are in danger together. Spending about fourteen hours in a box together didn’t exactly hurt the process either. I knew that I liked Crimson, but he was still such a mystery to me that I couldn’t help but wonder what had turned him on this path. He seemed like a nice, easy going fellow most of the time, but I knew he was lethal when he needed to be, as evidenced by his actions in Gryphonia.

We had another long day ahead of us, so I stayed up a bit later so I could sleep on the journey. We weren’t expecting any trouble, so I figured that it was a luxury that I could afford myself for the time being. When the time came, however, I was just drowsy for the ten hours I spent in the little compartment. It was better than being bored, but not by much, and it did mean that I Was caught off guard while we were crossing the border. The hour we spent with the hatch shut was a blistering, dark Hell. No amount of charcoal could have prevented the level of stink that occurred, and two lives were saved when we were allowed to air ourselves out.

Once we were across the border, we met another contact of Crimson’s named Fluffy Puff and I was shocked that she hadn’t died of heatstroke the second I met her. The woman was the fuzziest pony I’d ever seen, and her coat was probably thick enough to get her through winter back in Ponyville no problem. She was quite terse, but she did point us toward somewhere to stay for the night, so I can forgive any social inequities.

We spent the night holed up in an old hotel room. Thankfully, there was a usable shower, though the water was a very sketchy beige color. Our accommodations weren’t the best, but we had enough space to stretch and something soft beneath our heads, so we weren’t complaining.

We got a late start the next day, but we didn’t have anywhere to be until nightfall anyway, so it wasn’t very important. We stayed in the room for most of the day and snacked on rations we’d brought along with us, doing little more than saying the odd word to each other. It was a very boring day, but when the Sun began to set, Crimson began to move. He’d told me during the hours we’d spent in our room that this was the town that we needed to be at to wipe out the majority of the dogs. All we would need to do is poison whatever spirits they had with Nebula’s little mix and let it work its magic. Hopefully the poison wouldn’t be too effective too fast, otherwise someone might realize something was up. Crimson assured me that things would go well, but the last time he told me that, we ended up getting jumped and I killed some guys.

According to Crimson’s old intel, the cabal was located inside town on the south side, so I followed him there. Thankfully, cloaks were common among most of the people walking about, so we didn’t stick out much. Other than the cloaks, neither of us really had area appropriate attire. Mexicolt definitely had a different vibe than Equestria, and I wasn’t sure that I liked it. I prefer my days nice and snowy rather than hot and languid, but there was no sign of any relief from the heat here besides the rather cold nights. It was such a stark contrast that I found myself caught off balance by it, but I muddled through all the same.

Crimson and I didn’t pass many people on our way to our destination, and once we were there, he had me play lookout while he entered through a back door. For fifteen minutes, I watched and listened for an attack that wouldn’t come until Crimson suddenly came tearing out of the building. My reflexes had been dulled after months of inactivity, but my body still knew when to get the fuck up and go. Crimson had a good head start on me and there was no chance in Hell that I was looking back, so I took to the back alleys of the town and weaved through there until I couldn’t hear footsteps behind me anymore. Once I had a chance to catch my breath, I went from running to climbing, easily scaling the slap-dash brick and mortar works. I didn’t have the pleasure of being able to rest, so I made my escape on rooftops until I came to a familiar part of town. From there, I crossed the rooftops and some alleys to get to our inn. I didn’t think that walking in through the front door would have been a good idea, so I took my new favourite route and went in through a window on the second floor. After sneaking to our room and having a listen at the door, I entered carefully and performed a quick scan of the room. Crimson hadn’t been by yet, so I grabbed my shit, left him a carefully worded note and climbed out side to sit on the roof and scout.

I waited through the night, but Crimson never came. I did have a few visitors, however, and they didn’t seem like the kind I wanted to be involved with. From what I could hear, they didn’t have Crimson in their custody yet, though it was only a matter of time. They found my note for Crimson and followed the false lead that I’d laid, taking the bait hook, line, and sinker, which allowed me to get the fuck out of dodge.

I considered my current situation: I was stuck in a foreign land without a guide, my friend might be dead, and I had no way of getting out of the country. I was up Shit Creek without a paddle and hole in the boat, so I had but one choice. I spent the morning visiting every seedy bar in town, dodging dangerous looking Dogs, and trying to find the right person. By one in the afternoon, all I had learned was that Crimson was awfully popular at the moment, and I was no closer to finding him. I had far too many close calls with Dogs asking the wrong sort of questions while I was still around for me to keep digging, so I found another inn in town and holed up there for the rest of the day. Luckily, I’d brought plenty of travel funds so I could afford to wait to find Crimson, though I was worried that I might not find him. We had agreed that our inn room would be the rendezvous point, and if he hadn’t shown up, then I was sure he would have made a break for Equestria.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I spent a few more days in town trying to find my partner, but there was no sign of him, so I hired a guide to get me to an Equestrian border town. I’ll skip that journey since my guide was quiet fellow and nothing really happened besides some awkward cattle riding. Honestly, one never realizes just how boring a journey is until there’s no good company to help it along. Walking in silence sucked something fierce, so I was glad to be back in Ponyland proper.

My guide got me back to Appaloosa and I replied to the notes that I had gotten over my journey while I was there once I got settled in at the hotel. Twilight and Fluttershy had both sent notes expressing concern about my well being, so I sent them notes telling them that I was alive and fine, on my way home. I had to write Braeburn a note, asking him to meet up with me at the inn so I could ask him if he’d seen Crimson, though that did leave me with time to spare, which I spent writing. In the two hours before Braeburn showed up, I found a name for my second romance novel; A Pause In The Wind. It didn't sit very well with me, but I made some decent progress, so I considered the time spent pretty productive.

Braeburn showed up around six, according to the hotel’s clock. We met in the saloon area and had a drink. After getting greetings and other pleasantries out of the way, we got down to brass tacks.

“So have you seen him?” I asked bluntly once Braeburn got settled down.

“I haven’t seen him, but he sent me a letter a few days ago tellin’ me that he was goin’ into deep cover for awhile. I don't know what’s goin’ on, but you’ll find him, won’t you?” Braeburn asked.

“I can’t say that I can, mate. I’ve spent the better part of a week looking for him, and honestly, you were my last lead. Crimson’s an Operative, if he wants to be gone, he’s gone, which is a good thing. He’ll resurface when the coast is clear, but know that he’s a competent guy with a good head on his shoulders most of the time. Crimson will come back when he’s ready.”

Braeburn narrowed his eyes. “Most of the time?”

“Is that really the thing you’re going to focus on? Shut up and drink your beer if you’re going to be like that.”

Not that he was doing as I’d said, but he shut up and drank his beer like a good little Pony. After a good chunk of silence, he asked, “So how often have you worked with Crimson?”

“Not that often. I’ve only worked one job with him before and I’ve only technically met him like, three times, this being the third.”

He narrowed his eyes again. “That makes no sense. Why would he come to you for help? I know for a fact that he’s worked with other ponies more often than that, and I don’t doubt that they’re just as capable as you.”

“Look, I don’t know either. Crimson just showed up tailing me and I had a word with him about it. He asked for my help and I gave it to him, but that doesn’t mean he told me much.”

Braeburn shook his head. “Crimson always has been a secretive guy.”

“Comes with the territory.” I sipped my beer.

Braeburn finished his drink and left soon after, meaning that I was exactly nowhere closer to finding Crimson. Since I didn’t have any leads, I only had one choice, and that was to go home. I stopped by the Appaloosa train station and bought a ticket. It was going to be a long, lonely ride to Ponyville. I was frustrated about not being able to find Crimson, but I couldn’t let it keep me down, so I hopped aboard and started my journey home.

The trip was boring, though I did meet a nice elderly woman that had some awesome candy during my second changeover. She was super sweet, but I never did catch her name. Other than that, I didn’t feel the need to talk to anyone, so I didn’t, which meant that my trip was passed under a veil of anti-social silence.
________________________________________________________________________________________________

I was glad to be back in Ponyville, but Crimson was still on my mind. I felt like I had let him down by not being able to find him after our little scramble, but I trusted that he could hold his own, despite the circumstances we had parted in. Without any moves to make, there was nothing I could do, and it was something that I had to keep telling myself to stop from heading back in the direction I came from. I really don’t like feeling helpless, and at the moment, there was nothing to stop me from feeling that way, so I went home.

After a much needed shower and shave, I sent Twilight a note and asked if I could swing by. It was already nine at night, so I wasn’t expecting her to say yes, but to my surprise she agreed, though she did ask me to hurry. I didn’t want to waste any time screwing about, so I got my shit together and walked over to Twilight’s.

Spike answered the door with a yawn and little else. He was ready for a nap and I couldn’t blame the guy, but I needed to talk to Twilight. Spike pointed me in the right direction, leaving me to go find Twilight for myself. I spotted her in the library, reading as she usually does, but she didn’t spot me, so I skirted around the side of the room until I was next to her. Just as I was drawing breath, Twilight caught me.

“Hi Max. What brings you over?” She asked without looking up from her book.

“Just wanted to talk to you for a little bit. I had to leave a friend behind on a mission, and it’s kind of eating at me.”

Twilight closed her book and gave me her full attention. “Why did you have to leave your friend?”

“Things got complicated really fast. He should be okay, but I just don’t like the fact that I don’t know where he is right now.” I responded. “I should have been able to stick with him, but we would have both gotten caught if I did.”

Twilight gave me a worried look. “I don’t really know what to say. Is this a part of your Operative business?”

“It is, but it’s not really official business, so I can answer most of your questions.”

“Wonderful! What were you and your friend doing?” Twilight asked excitedly.

“We were trying to take care of a little problem Crimson ran into with some Dogs down in Mexicolt.”

“What kind of trouble are you talking about?” She inquired.

I took a moment to twist my words around to some semblance of the truth. “His cover was blown and he needed me to help smooth things out since I have a way with words. Things didn’t work out as we planned, obviously.”

“...When you say it like that, I don’t see why anypony worries about you while you’re gone. It seems like you're just running from bullies.”

“It’s cute that you think that.” I patted her head.

Twilight used her magic to remove my hand. “So why can you talk about this, but not any of your other missions?”

“Well, this one wasn’t as dangerous and, like I said, it’s not official business so I can say whatever I want.”

She beamed and proceeded to ask more questions than I wanted to answer, but I had expected something of the sort. Within an hour, Twilight knew pretty much everything I knew about Crimson, though she was pretty bummed that he didn’t like her. I had wondered if I should tell her in the first place, but she asked if she knew him and apparently he knew her, so I filled in the blanks. Possibly not the best choice, but it's the one I made, so suck it.

When I was ready to leave, I gave Twilight a kiss good night and started on my way back home. The memory of our parting kiss danced around my mind and I was happy for the distraction, as meager as it was. I still felt like I’d betrayed Crimson by giving up and coming home, but I just had to keep telling myself he would be fine. After all, you don't get to be a successful Operative by being bad at your job, right?

When I got home, I noticed that my front door was unlocked. I was sure that I had locked it before heading out to help Crimson, so I was immediately suspicious. Carefully, I snuck my way down dark halls and listened hard for any disturbances. I could hear the sounds of something heavy breathing in my living room, so once I got in range of the lights, I flipped them on and Lupa raised her head.

“Turn the light off, I’m busy!” She barked.

“Busy napping. How did you even unlock the door?” I asked.

Lupa licked her chops. “I didn’t unlock the door. There was an intruder. “

“Should I ask about what happened to that intruder?”

“It would explain the stain on the carpet. It’s upstairs, right next to your room. Can’t miss it.”

“I would be upset, but you’re too cuddly to stay mad at, so I’ll let you off with a warning. If you have to kill anything else, please try to drag it outside if you can.”

She snorted. “You Two-Legs and your material possessions. The stain is hardly even noticeable.”

“Aren’t you colorblind? And isn’t the carpet in front of my room blue?” I took a moment to consider that. “Well, I could always just say it’s a part of the motif in my room. Do you remember anything about the intruder?”

“It wasn’t a Pony, I can tell you that much. It smelled like a Dog, but walked on two legs like one of you, so make of that what you will.”

“It was probably another fucking Dog assassin then. When were they here?”

“A few days ago. I never bothered relocking the door since I can’t use your stupid Two-Leg keys.”

“Fair enough then. What did you do with the body?”

“I dragged it into the Everfree. If it had looked tastier, I might have eaten it.” Lupa idly commented.

“You’re a sick little puppy and I love you for it. I’ll let you get your beauty rest. Good Night, Lupa.”

“Sleep well, Max. Surely something will require your attention tomorrow.”

“Of course. This place could never run without me.” I replied sarcastically.

Lupa just closed her eyes, so I turned the light off and stumbled my way up to my room. After filling out some journal entries, I lazed around in bed until I finally fell asleep.
________________________________________________________________________________________________

I woke up at three, so I spent my morning writing. It wasn’t anything new; I had been filling the wee hours of the morning with some writing and drinking for some time now, though I guess that drinking before the Sun is up isn’t really the best habit. Still, I found it to be mildly therapeutic and it really did help with the boredom of being the only person active, so I continued doing what I was doing until seven. Then, I made some breakfast for myself and Lupa before heading over to Fluttershy’s cabin. It had become something of a routine for me to offer her some help with the animals in the morning when I was up, so I went ahead and got started with some of the nocturnal creatures. For some odd reason, the bats didn’t like me very much, so I just set their food on the ground and let them come to it. The bats had never liked me , though I never knew why. In fact, a lot of the rodent creatures weren’t terribly fond of me, but I never did get a reason. Squirrels, chipmunks and rabbits were all fine with me, but mice, rats and bats detested me something fierce. I blamed it on my cat-like grace.

I got most of the animals fed by the time Fluttershy came out, which was fine by me. If I could get some of her work done for her, I was happy to help, though that did beg the question of why I was so reluctant to help Applejack with farm work. I suppose I just don’t like the idea of working on a farm at all, and it doesn’t help that I’m not strong enough to kick apples out of trees. Seriously, that shit makes no sense, but somehow, the Apples make it work.

With the feeding and stuff out of the way early, Fluttershy had some time to spend with me and was quite eager to give me my Hearth’s Warming Day present. Fluttershy gave me some freedom in the bedroom and wore some very alluring lingerie for me. I was very grateful for such a wonderful gift. I can’t go into detail about what I did with said gift, though I can say that I very much enjoyed it. Fluttershy is fun on average, but she was something else entirely for the duration of our time together, which made me excited for the next holiday.

Fluttershy and I decided to make a day of it and went on a date, though it was pretty much limited to walking around town and talking. It’s always nice to spend time with Fluttershy. I do wish that there were more to do in Ponyville. However, I still had a good time spending the day with her, even if I did want for something more beyond sex and walking to life in Ponyville.

When we finished with our date, Fluttershy and I went back to her cabin to pass out some extra winter provisions to her animals, and after that, we spent some time on her couch cuddling. Whenever I spent time with Fluttershy, one way or another, we usually end up cuddling, though I can’t say that I’m upset about it. Slowly but surely, Fluttershy is getting better at teasing, and it really does make a difference when we cuddle. It doesn’t always lead to more, but it is nice to have a more physical relationship. I liked the mental connection I had with Twilight, but nothing could replace good old fashioned contact, and Fluttershy was always happy to give me plenty of it, whether or not it was platonic or romantic, which I appreciated. As much as I like a battle of wits, or intelligent conversation in general, I have a soft spot for skinship. Maybe I was just never hugged enough as a child, or maybe it’s a kind of emotional crutch. Either way, it feels nice and it makes my life suck less, so fuck you.

I parted with Fluttershy around six after multiple prolonged kisses that I probably could have done without, but I wanted them, so I got them. On my way out, Lupa let me know that she was going to stick around for a little while and would catch up with me later in the night. I told her to avoid getting pregnant by Bearett and she essentially told me to fuck off. Fluttershy and a few of her more intelligent creatures got a giggle out of that, though Lupa found it less amusing.
________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next day saw me joining Rarity for a fitting. I needed a nice suit for some gathering of nobles that I had to attend for some reason or the other, and Rarity was kind enough to tell me that I didn’t own anything fancy enough to attend one of Fancy Pant’s parties. I would have been offended if it weren’t for my general distaste concerning upper class attire, though the blow was softened by Rarity offering to be my plus one for the party anyway. I would happily follow her lead if it meant that I didn’t have to deal with nobles alone, and I considered it an added plus that Rarity had wanted to go but hadn’t been invited. She’d been bothering me ever since I became a noble to go to one of the events held in Canterlot, but I never really felt it. I doubted that I would feel like it when I had to go, too.

Once we were finished with the fitting, Rarity sat me down for a cup of tea. “Max, can I ask you a personal question?”

I sipped the mild brew. “Of course. You know what I will and won’t answer.”

Rarity pursed her lips. “Right. I was just curious if you’d spent much time with Spike lately.”

“I’ve been teaching him some guy stuff every now and again. Twilight doesn’t let me into his schedule very much, but I try to keep things interesting when she does. I know that his time with Big Mac is a little lackluster.”

Rarity eyed me and steepled her fingers. “You see, therein lies the problem. I think some of the ‘guy stuff’ you’ve been teaching him might be a little much.”

I cocked my head. “Like what? I’ve been giving him the most important things like protecting your loved ones and keeping a cool head, but I don’t think those are really detrimental in any way shape or form.”

“No no no all those things are fine. I’m talking about the advice you’ve been giving him about fillies!”

I cocked my head to the other side. “What about it?”

“From what Sweetie Belle tells me, you’ve turned Spike into a mareizer!”

“A fucking what?” I asked, genuinely confused.

“A mareizer. A stallion that picks up mares and tosses them away like nothing!”

I gave Rarity a ‘what the fuck' look. “What the fuck? Do you really think Spike is that kinda guy? Do you think I'm that kinda guy?”

“I’m just going by what my sister has told me, Max, and I believe her!”

“I get that she’s your sister and all, but don’t you think that there might be more to the story? What if she just has a crush on Spike and saw him talking to another girl? She’s still young, something like that would get to her.”

Rarity tapped her lips with a finger. “...That actually seems to align itself with what Sweetie Belle told me pretty well.”

I spread my fingers. “If you would quit ignoring the character of your friends and jumping to conclusions, that would be great.”

“Well… I really have no excuse.” She sighed. “I should have paid more attention to the situation. I’m sorry for coming after you when you didn’t do anything.”

“Apology not accepted. Give me a kiss and we’ll talk about some forgiveness.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “I believe I’m fresh out. If you would be so kind as to help me find one, I might be persuaded into giving it to you.”

I blew Rarity a kiss and she rolled her eyes again. “There’s one. Now give it back plus a hug.”

“What? I thought you said you just wanted a kiss!” Rarity protested with a chuckle.

“That was before I had to lend you one.” I grinned.

Rarity got up and gave me what I’d asked for. “You’re simply insufferable sometimes, you know that?”

“I’m also lovable and handsome.” I wrapped an arm around her waist and smiled up at her.

“If I told you that it was true, your head would fill my kitchen, so I think I’ll pass.” Rarity said drily.

“That would mean that more people would get to see my lovely, huge face.”

“Breaking news! Mass blindness plagues citizens of Ponyville!”

I crossed my arms. “That was just mean, and you know it.”

“If you were in my position, you would have done the same.” She scoffed before returning to her seat.

“If I were in your position, I wouldn’t be wearing that blouse with that hairstyle. Simply horrendous!” I jested.

Rarity was not amused. “Don’t get me started on appearances, Maximus. I can find far more faults with your attire than you can mine.”

“That’s true. The only real problem I have with what you’re wearing is that you’re wearing it.”

“Would it kill you to be less crude?” Rarity said, rubbing her temples.

“It would not, though it would take some fun out of messing with you. That, and I like your physique a lot. It’s not as good as your personality, but it's close, and that’s saying something” I flattered.

Rarity wasn’t buying it. “Which would you prefer to spend you time entertaining? My mind or my body?”

I surveyed my options. “Both would be preferable, especially if it’s a combination like some good old fashioned snuggles paired with some light conversation.”

“Well played. Most stallions would have defaulted to saying one or the other.” She complimented.

“I’m not most stallions, bonny. I’m the charming rogue who steals your heart and plays its strings like a finely tuned viola. I would say violin, but I like violas better.”

“Isn’t a viola just a large violin?” Rarity asked. No shit.

“Pretty much. On the same train of thought, I also like cellos.”

She shook her head. “And I imagine that basses are your favorite?”

“Eh. I prefer a good cello, but bass has its place.”

“Perhaps you would be interested in joining me for a symphony some time? There’s going to be a performance by one of my favorite orchestras, the Equestrian Harmonic, in a week and a half in Canterlot.”

I didn’t need to think about that too hard. “Sounds like fun on a bun. Count me in.”

“Splendid! Should we ask the girls to go?”

“I don’t know. I think the only ones who would enjoy the trip would be Twilight and Fluttershy. I don’t think Applejack is one for high society events-”

“Isn’t the same true for you?” Rarity interrupted. “I was under the impression that you only begrudgingly accepted your title as a noble.”

“Yeah, it’s true, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy good music performed by great musicians. As long as I don’t have to do it alone, I don’t really mind the aristocratic lifestyle. I don’t want to be a part of it, but I don’t really have a choice in the matter, so I’ll make do.”

Rarity reached over and patted my hand. “There there, you poor colt. Being gifted a title, land, and wealth must be so difficult for you.”

I looked at Rarity. “Sounds like someone’s a little envious. May I remind you that I prevented a war to earn what I have?”

Rarity waved a hand. “I know, Max. I was just teasing you.”

“It’s weird to think that I’ve rubbed off on you girls so much. Well, mostly Fluttershy, but still.”

Rarity missed the double entendre. “It’s a result of proximity, darling. Hopefully we’ve rubbed off on you just as much.”

“Fuck that shit. Imma go bully some kids and eat Opal.”

“I swear by Celestia, if you touch my widdle puddy cat I will ruin you!” Rarity threatened.

“What does a shaved Pony look like?”

Rarity looked at me. “Where did that question come from?”

“Just curiosity. I was thinking about shaving your cat and the double meaning to that just ran through my head and coughed up the thought equivalent of a hairball.”

“Double meaning? How many ways can there be to shave a cat?” Rarity asked.

“I don’t know how many ways there are to shave one, but I know that skinning one has plenty of avenues.”

“Skinning does not sound like a nice word. What does it mean?”

“You know what? Don’t worry about it. It’s better off this way.”

“Whatever you say, Max.” She sighed. “Could I tempt you with a little information about your Hearth’s Warming Day gifts?”

“Gifts as in the plural form of ‘gift’?” I asked.

“Well, that would be the implication of saying ‘gifts’, now wouldn’t it?”

“Fair enough. Go ahead, tempt me!”

“I’ll only say that the first one is finished, though the second one needs some more work.” Rarity grinned deviously.

“The information you have given me is insufficient. Tell me more, please.” I asked politely.

“I’m sorry, darling, but that’s all you’ll hear from me for now. However, you have given me a thought for another present for myself.” Rarity’s eyes slowly slid up to the ceiling and she appeared to be deep in thought.

I waved a hand in front of her face. “Earth to Rarity, we need you back on sea level.”

She snapped out of her reverie. “Sorry! I just got caught up in a new design for… Well, you’ll see!”

I nodded. “I hope I will.”

I stayed and talked to Rarity until night fell. The tea was good and the company was nice, so I stayed a little longer than I should have, though I still made it home before midnight. On my way home, I thought about my relationship with Rarity and considered how strange it was. She was a confidant to me, though I couldn’t share everything with her. I liked Rarity, despite the general bias against me whenever it comes to a matter involving a female when I’m male. Rarity often assumed that I was in the wrong, but she usually saw my side of things after a little while, and I couldn’t really blame Rarity for speaking her mind when she gets frustrated. There were times when I wanted nothing more than to smack her into February thirtieth, but for the most part, Rarity was a pretty good gal, though the sex could use some work. Sadly, Rarity is not terribly animated in the bedroom, which really sucks due to the fact that it feels like you’re doing a doll. It’s a really good looking doll that makes some nice sounds, mind you, but it’s still kind of creepy when she just lays there.

Not safe for work thoughts aside, Rarity wasn’t terrible. She could use some work on where she places her blame, but other than that, she was pretty much fine. I let my mind wander from Rarity and found myself thinking of Pinkie.

I drank a lot that night.
________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hungover and achy, I began my day with some meditation so my healing factor could kick in. I’ve never mentioned it before, but the healing thing was a major boon when it comes to drinking. I could easily out drink most ponies, and my hangovers were usually gone within a few hours of conception. With a little bit of mediation, however, my healing factor sped up even more and allowed me to get shit done the next day if I wanted to go a bit wild the night before, as I often did when I put too much thought into trying to understand anything about Pinkie Pie. I was feeling particularly masochistic that morning, so I wrote Pinkie a note and asked if she wanted to spend the day with me before I got my morning routine done. It was too early to go help Fluttershy, so I walked to my living room and started sorting out my not-Christmas presents like I’d meant to last night.

After I found places for the art I’d gotten, I started copying my journals into the enchanted book Twilight gave me. The book was enchanted so that it would hold as many pages as I needed, and with the hundred or so pages I had on hand from earlier journal entries, it was something that would keep me busy for a while.

Looking back on my earlier entries, I realized that they fucking sucked. I cringed while reading them and the format I’d used was far too willy nilly. Still, I left them as they were when I copied them into my new journal for authenticity because I felt like it was a part of my past now. I’d written in such a way that I felt like it reflected poorly on my skills as an author, but as I read through more of my journals, I saw that they didn’t suck as bad. They actually started sucking less around the time I went to Gryphonia to steal the Diadem of Sovereignty, and looking back on it now, it felt like such a long time ago since that had happened, even though it had only been some months.

I quit reading ahead in my own life story and went back to copying my first few entries. They seemed so sparse in detail that they passed rather quickly, and by the time I heard a mysterious knock on my door, announced by a magical chime, I was ready to move on to the first Gryphonia mission. I placed my materials on my desk and exited my study. Once I got to the front door, I opened it to reveal Pinkie. I hadn’t expected her to be up before the Sun, but that’s the risk you run when you try to hang out with extra dimensional beings.

“Hullo Pinkie.” I said when I saw who it was. “I wasn’t expecting you to be up for a few more hours.”

“This party never sleeps, Max! You should know that!”

“Right. Well, what do you want to do today?” I asked.

“Weeell,” Pinkie said in a singsong voice. “We could always do some baking! You never bake with me!”

Well shit. “Sure, sounds like a plan to me. Want to stop by and help Fluttershy with her animals before we get started?”

“That sounds great! but, if we help Fluttershy, then we’ll have to clean up before we get baking, which will waste time!”

“I don’t mind taking a shower before we get started.” I remarked.

“Neither do I, but I would mind even less if you let me shower with you!” Pinkie beamed.

“Not happening, love.”

“Aww! Can I touch it anyways?”

“No.”

“Can I see it?”

“No.”

“Can I lick it?”

“That would be touching it, which is covered by the earlier no.”

“Can I smell it?”

“What would that accomplish?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Nothing! I just wanted to see if you’d let me.” Pinkie smiled some more and I knew that I was going to be in for a long one.

“What would it take to get you to stop sexually harassing me?”

“Well, you’ve never actually asked me to stop.” Pinkie pointed out.

I blinked. “Oh. Pinkie, would you please stop harassing me?”

“Nope! I’m going to bother you until the end of time!”

I rolled my eyes. “Lovely. You know, I have another gift for you from Hearth’s Warming Day.”

“Really!?” Pinkie asked, her eyes going wide. “Whatisitwhatisitwhatisitwhatisit!?”

I let her ramble on and left her in my doorway. She followed me into the living room ,asking what her present was the entire time. I had her wait there while I fetched it from the closet I kept my spare presents in until I returned. Once I did, I handed her the box and said, “Here you go, love. This one can be a little secret, just between us.”

Pinkie beamed some more and tore the wrapping off of the present. She reached into the medium sized box, dug around a little bit, and pulled out a remote control vibrator.

I did not mean to give her that.

I could feel Pinkie’s spirits soar. It was as if someone had poured tainted honey on me, and boy was it sticky. I felt incredibly gross, but Pinkie’s thousand watt smile made me feel even grosser. Seriously, I had just given a loli a sex toy and I was willing to bet that she was expecting to use it.

“Pinkie, that’s the wrong present.” I tried to tell her. “That was a gag gift meant for Luna whenever she pisses me off.”

Pinkie’s smile disappeared and the honey turned into sludge. “Are you saying I can’t keep it?”

“...Does it really mean that much to you?”

“It would make my month!”

I sighed. “Then by all means, it’s yours.”

Pinkie dropped the box, though the toy was still in her clutches. She wrapped me in a tight hug. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!”

“You’re welcome, just-”

“Are you gonna help me use it? Is this your kink? Do you like watching other ponies get off in public? Are you an exhibitionist or a voyeur? Where should I put it first? Can I wear it to Fluttershy’s? Are you gonna get one for her too? Why do kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch? What was my original present?”

I blinked a couple times and backtracked. “In order; I wasn’t planning on it, it’s not my kink, I do like watching other people get off, though doing it in public is something new for me. I’m more of a voyeur, I suppose, though I like to think of myself as somewhere closer to the middle. I don’t care where you put it first, decide on your own. You can do whatever you want with it, I might, I don’t know how you know what that is, and your original present was a dildo.”

“Will you please handle the controller for me? Pretty please?” Pinkie asked.

“...I really don’t want to.”

Pinkie held the vibrator fast in her hand and tried to pass me the wireless controller. I simply looked at her hand and tried to get her to take the hint, but after three minutes of nothing, I took the controller from her with a sigh. “Pinkie, why are you trying to force me to do something I don’t want to do?”

“Because nopony else ever makes you do anything!” She grinned innocently.

“People make me do shit all the time. I just agree to do it because I know I don’t really have a choice.”

“You just say that because you feel obligated. You don't actually have to do anything."

I tried to give the controller back to her, but Pinke put her hands behind her back. “I don’t want to play this game, love.”

“You can either play ball or you can watch me put it in.” Pinkie threatened cutely.

“Penalty kick. Batter up. Play ball.” I muttered darkly.

Pinkie Pie grinned and bounced off to one of my guest rooms to… Ew. I don’t even want to think about it. Once she came out, she was wearing the silliest grin, so I turned the little machine on and her smile evaporated into a sultry look.

I set the controller on my couch while Pinkie wasn’t looking and lead her to Fluttershy’s. The buttery mare was happy to see us, though her animals were less thrilled to be dealing with Pinkie, which was a sentiment I could understand. While Pinkie scared off some of the animals, Fluttershy and I got the ones the pink menace wasn’t bothering quieted down and fed properly. Once the job was done, Pinkie started talking to Fluttershy about going shopping for something or other, and when I went to scratch my face, I noticed that I was holding something that I hadn’t been previously.

The controller was back in my hand and I had no idea how it had gotten there. I cast a quick glance at Pinkie, but she just sent a devious smile my way and mimicked making adjustments to the controller. Thoroughly sickened, I turned the knob on the controller up a notch and Pinkie’s eyes shot open. I turned it up a few more and heard her voice began to quiver. I tried messing with the controller some more to see what would happen, and eventually, Pinkie’s face became so red, Fluttershy invited her into have a seat. Pinkie walked on shaky legs into the cabin and sat down gratefully.

I turned it up to full blast and Pinkie had to put her head down. She shook and shivered as I played with the dial some more, and Fluttershy hovered over Pinkie the entire time. I got a sick sort of pleasure from torturing Pinkie, however, it was well tempered by the disgust I was also feeling. I was torn between enjoying myself and being sickened, so I gave up on my emotions and just gave Pinkie what I assumed that she wanted. I kept the vibrator on while Fluttershy tried to see what was wrong with her, though I didn’t turn it up to full strength again.

Pinkie eventually sorted herself out when I lowered the vibrations and told Fluttershy that she’d just been feeling a bit under the weather every now and again. Fluttershy helped her out of her seat unnecessarily and I saw that there was a wet spot left behind. Pinkie gave me a quick glance as Fluttershy was leading her to the living room, so I grabbed a napkin off of Fluttershy’s table and wiped it away. I couldn’t help but smell the bubblegum in the air. I don’t like bubblegum anymore.

I followed the girls into the living room and turned the controller up as Pinkie went to sit down. I doubted that it was a coincidence that she had sat in just a way that would allow me to see up her skirt, but I didn’t comment on it. Fluttershy tended to Pinkie Pie for awhile longer before I turned the knob all the way up again. I could swear that I heard a faint hum while I was next to them, though I can’t say for sure.

Pinkie shut her legs and squeezed her hands between her thighs. Her eyes were shut tight, and her body shivered and shook while she was in the throes of her orgasm. I manipulated the controller skillfully, if I do say so myself, and I think Fluttershy was beginning to clue in, so I escorted Pinkie from Fluttershy’s domicile and took her back to my place.

The moment we were through the front doors, Pinkie embraced me and smiled. “That was so fun!” She exclaimed. “We have to do that again!”

“It was kinda fun, though it does feel rather wrong.”

“That’s half the fun!” Pinkie let me go and her hands found the hem of her skirt. “I think Fluttershy would have started to notice after much longer, though.”

“Which is why we’re here and not there. Do you want to get started on baking, or do you want to visit somewhere else?”

Pinkie gave me a half lidded look. “I want you to turn it up a notch.”

I held the controller up and complied. Soon enough, Pinkie pie was on her knees, moaning and gasping. I turned it off before she could have another orgasm and walked past her so I could get up stairs. Pinkie followed behind me once she could walk again.

“Why’d you stop so soon?” She asked when she caught up.

“You’re wearing a skirt and I don’t want to have to clean up after you.” I replied casually.

Pinkie Pie ran in front of me and lifted her skirt up. “You’ve already done the damage, so finish me off already!”

I averted my gaze and tried not to vomit. The strawberry pattern hadn’t helped the gross feeling of borderline pedophilia I was currently coated in. “How about I pass you the controller and you can do that while I go wash up?”

“How about I help you wash up and we see what happens from there?”

“Nope. Not happening.” I skirted past Pinkie and she let her attire fix itself with gravity.

“Come on! Just give me a shot won’t you?”

“Look, Pinkie, it’s nothing against you personally, it’s just that you feel like a kid to me.”

“But I don’t look anything like a baby goat!”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I’m saying you remind me of a child, so the thought of having sex with you makes me feel like a pedophile.”

“Oh.” Pinkie blinked. “What’s a pedophile?”

“Someone who has sex with kids or underage people in general.”

“What’s underage?” Pinkie asked, her brows furrowed.

“It means that someone isn’t sexually mature, i.e they haven’t gone through puberty or become an adult. I guess the equivalent around here would be preying on children who don’t have their Cutie Marks.”

“Really? I’ve heard about mares snatching up colts before they get their Cutie Mark, but it’s not like it’s illegal or anything. It’s not something everypony does, but it’s not really bad.”

I gave Pinkie my most befuddled look. “Pinkie, how old are you?”

“It’s obvious isn’t it? I’m twenty three!”

“What the shit? How am I younger than you!?”

Pinkie Pie gave me an odd look. “Because you were born after me, duh. You know, you can be pretty silly sometimes, Max.”

I shook my head. “That’s not important, though we’ll talk about it later. Do you mind if I ask when your first time was, Pinkie?”

“Well, I still haven’t really had it!” She answered happily. “I took my own cherry because I wanted it more than anypony else, and there hasn’t really been a stallion in my life that I want to pursue.”

“That’s actually pretty surprising. We’ll talk about that after we get this whole pedophile topic worn out. Are you seriously telling me that some women go after children here?”

Pinkie Pie tapped her chin. “I guess so, but most ponies wouldn’t ever accuse me of being serious. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

I just sighed and shook my head. “It’s a disgusting, barbaric practice, Pinkie. I know you Ponies don’t feel the same way, but to a human in the time period I left, going after someone underage is despicable and is very illegal.”

“Wowie! Maybe we should tell other ponies so they don’t get in trouble?”

“If it’s not illegal here, then there’s no reason to. I might find the idea fucking disgusting, but if it’s not illegal, then I can’t really- Hold up, I’m friends with Celestia. Why am I being retarded?”

I quickly gathered up some materials to write with and sent Celestia a carefully worded letter about the dangers and sickness of pedophilia. She sent me back a note asking why I cared, and I told her that it was something left over from my world. Celestia told me that she would talk to Luna about establishing an age floor for sexual activity, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Granted, I despise children and child-like beings with a passion, but that didn’t mean that I wanted to see them be taken advantage of by some creepy older fuck with boundary issues. Statutory Rape is still rape in my book, and I wouldn’t, nay, couldn't allow others to go through what I had if I could help it. Come to think of it, I suppose Equestria is the best place to be a child if there are pedophiles creeping and crawling about. Most people I’d met in Equestria were nice, at least, though I doubt that it would matter that much when you’re under some freak that thinks it’s okay to nail an eight year-old. Maybe I was just blowing this out of proportion, making a problem where there wasn’t one, but I truly felt that I had just done some good in the world.

After my little exchange with Celestia, I had Pinkie stay put in my living room while I went to go wash my hands and face. I would have taken a shower since I like hot water, but I was pretty certain that Pinkie would have had a peek or two while I was busy, so I decided to avoid giving her the opportunity. When I came out of my room, I saw Pinkie in the living room doing something that I should have warned her not to do. Since I had something else I wanted to forget (bringing my total for the day up to an even dozen) I opened up my icebox and produced a bottle of vodka. I poured twelve shots into a mug and slammed it down because fuck my esophagus, larynx and tonsils. Pinkie Pie watched on with mild interest while I played ‘Eraser’.

“Max, why are you drinking so much?” Pinkie asked calmly.

“Because fuck you, that’s why.” I answered politely. “Want some?” I asked, holding the bottle up.

“Sure! I’ll take a couple shots!”

It was not just a couple shots. Pinkie and I ended up turning my kitchen into a hellscape while we were hammered, though I was sure to keep myself under control, just in case Pinkie tried something funny. Of course, I didn’t have much control after twelve shots, but I remembered enough of the few hours I spent with Pinkie to know that I didn’t sleep with her. We sobered up around seven and got to cleaning, despite us talking about spending the rest of the day drunk because we could.

Cleaning was a bitch, so I’ll skip that bullshit. Pinkie was a clumsy drunk, so I spent a fair amount of time recleaning what she cleaned, but I wasn’t terribly upset about it because it provided plenty of distraction from her advances. More than a few times, I had to physically remove Pinkie from my side, though I was relieved all she wanted were hugs. I was happy enough to give them to her, but it was a completely different matter when her hand dipped below the belt. That almost got a bitch slapped.

Once I was finished cleaning, Pinkie and I tried to eat what we’d made. Long story short, the cookies were completely inedible, so we took out party outside and grabbed a bud off of a plant that I had prepared ahead of time. We had the bud, but my pipe was long gone, so I asked Pinkie if she could find it for me, thinking that one of two things would happen: either she would find it, or she would tear my house apart. Luckily, Pinkie pulled it out of nowhere. Unluckily, that nowhere happened to be from under her skirt.

I had a back up pipe. Pinkie Pie got to keep the one she found.

My backup was a nice number made of mahogany. Think of your classic tobacco pipe, and you have it in your mind. I never used it because it was so nice, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and these were the most desperate of times. I suppose it said a lot about how much I valued my time with Pinkie, but in my defense, the girl grated on your nerves faster than an automatic cheese shredder. I was also still reeling from the fact that she was three years older than I was, but that wasn’t the important bit.

We sat down in my parlour to smoke since I liked the view of the forest that the room provided. The floor to ceiling windows were Hell to keep clean when I had people over, but they also provided me with a literal window into the forest behind my property. Technically, the Whitetail Woods were mine as well as the Everfree, but I wasn’t about to claim the latter any time soon.

Three bowls deep, Pinkie Pie suddenly switched topics from what she had been talking about. “Hey, Max?”

“Yes love?” I answered pleasantly. Just because I didn’t want to be bothered with her questions didn’t mean I had to be rude.

Pinkie hesitated and her hair visibly straightened a bit. “...Why don’t you like me?”

I blinked and puffed on my pipe. “You know, I think it’s just you being you. You make and keep friends pretty easily, you always have a smile for someone, and you’re generally happier than I am.”

“...You don’t like me because I’m happy?” Pinkie asked.

“Well, kinda. The other bit is that I can’t get a read on you. I don’t know what you’re going to do next, and you seem to be pretty damn magical, so you kind of scare me. In short, you could say that I dislike you because I envy you and I don’t understand you.” I shrugged.

“...So it’s not because I’m annoying? Or because I keep coming after you, even though you keep saying no?”

“I’ve met more annoying people than you, love, believe me. And the constant harassment is basically the most annoying thing you do.”

“Oh…”

I patted her shoulder and passed her the pipe. “I wouldn’t let it get to me if I were you, Pinkie. There are more things that I like about you than things I don’t, so don’t worry over it and just take a puff of the magical plant.”

Pinkie looked at the bowl for a moment before setting it aside. “Max, we need to have a talk, and it’s one that’s been coming ever since we met."

Fucking shite. I sighed and leaned forward in my seat. “Alright then, let’s hear it.”

Pinkie’s eyes glided over to the window and I joined her in staring outside for a minute or so. “I know you don’t find me attractive like you do Fluttershy or Rarity, but I still kinda hope that you’ll change your mind one day.” She said, turning her head back to me. “It’s probably pretty foalish for me to think like that, but you’re the first male friend I’ve ever kept for more than a few days. I guess I just want something more from you.”

Pinkie folded her hands together and started making strange gestures. “I don’t think it’s fair that I want to be more than friends after you’ve already made it clear that you don’t want me, but I just want what I want, and I want you.”

“I’m sorry, but you already know how I feel, Pinkie. This isn’t a surprise.” I said softly.

“I know, and it’s not, but…” Pinkie frowned deeply, appearing as if she was ready to cry. “Sometimes I think that you’re the only chance I’ll get at having a husband.”

“Trust me, love, I’m not the only fish in the sea. You live in Ponyville where the gender ratio is so skewed, most guys get propositioned at least twice within their first few minutes of getting into town. If you get out of this small town and into a larger city, I’m sure you’ll have more luck with love.”

Pinkie’s hair poofed up a bit. “Wait, so you’re saying it’s just because I live in a mare heavy town that I can’t find a special somepony?”

Are you retarded? That's most of the problem for the majority of people!“I’m saying that it’s most likely a huge part of it. If you take anything from this conversation, let it be that love is hard to find most of the time, and that a larger sample size always helps.” I replied.

Pinkie beamed at me and her hair poofed back up. “I think I get what you’re saying! Just because you’re not the stallion for me doesn’t mean that there isn’t one out there!”

“Bingo, though I thought that was pretty clear anyways.” Pinkie shrugged and I rolled my eyes. “Does this mean that you’ll hop off my dong and let me be?”

“Not a chance! Messing with you is fun!” Pinkie responded gladly.

“Didn’t I just tell you like, five minutes ago that the sexual harassment makes me not like you?”

“You did, but you also said that you have more reasons to like me than to dislike me!”

“Completely disregarding my wishes is a pretty fast track to getting sworn at thoroughly. If you ignore my feelings, I’ll ignore yours.” I warned.

Pinkie popped up and hopped into my lap, which made me very uncomfortable. “You know, I still have that toy, daddy.”

Pinkie Pie went home after I apologized for slapping her and things were pretty much cool between us. I made sure that she was well aware of the line that she had crossed, though that didn’t exactly remove my handprint from her face. I felt pretty terrible about slapping her in the first place, but it had been a knee jerk reaction that I couldn’t really control. I also felt great for doing what I’d wanted to do all day, but let’s keep that between me and these pages, yeah?

With Pinkie out of my house and daylight left to burn, I went over to the local joke shop and had a word with the clerk. He escorted me into the back of the shop, and I made a purchase or two that I was sure would thrill... Well, someone. With Celestia, I could have gotten a lot of fun from the wireless vibrator I bought, but with her off of my list, there were only three women I knew that I could give it to. Honestly, if I’d put more thought into it, I probably wouldn’t have gotten another one since I didn’t have anyone to use it on. I doubted that Fluttershy was into exhibitionism with her level of shyness. Twilight was out due to the nature of our relationship, which only left Rarity, who would most likely believe herself above such base activities.

All of that meant that I now had a vibrator and no one to use it on. I could always just shove it up my arse and see where that took me, but I didn’t feel like walking around, going from a regular dick to a dick with a vibrator up his arse. Would that make me a dildo?

Sunset came early as it tends to do during winter, so I was walking around in the dark at five in the fucking evening. The cloud cover that had persisted all day made it even darker out, so I was glad when I spotted Twilight’s house. I knocked and waited for a little bit until Spike opened the door.

“Oh, hey Max! What’s up dude?” He asked.

“Not much, just looking for Twilight so she can turn me into Roxy for a day or two. Have you seen her?”

“Not since she went over to help Applejack with something. She should be back soon if you wanna wait for her.”

“I’ll do that. I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you about something. Mind if I step in?”

Spike stepped out of the way and let me in. I lead him into the kitchen and had him have a seat across from me. “So what did you want to talk about?” He asked once I sat down.

“Someone thinks that I’ve been teaching you how to pick up chicks.” I said flatly.

“...So I’m overdoing it?”

“No shit, mate. I taught you how to pick up girls so you could land a solid girlfriend, not so you could flirt around.” I crossed my arms and levelled a glare at him.

Spike squirmed under my gaze. “I-I didn’t mean to! It’s just that Diamond Tiara started talking to me and she was so nice-”

“Mate, I’ll tell you right now that Diamond Tiara is one of the worst people in town. Don’t get involved with her if you can avoid it.”

“How do you know that?” He asked.

“Because I’ve seen her bullying Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle before and she was a right proper twat when I met her. Just because she’s nice to you doesn't mean that she’ll be nice to your friends.”

“...Well, I guess you’re right. You haven’t really steered me wrong yet.”

“And I won’t if I can help it. Why don’t you just go after Sweetie Belle like we originally planned? Hell, if you wanted, I’m sure you could get Macintosh’s permission to date Apple Bloom if you wanted.”

Spike didn’t answer immediately. “I guess I just don’t want to make that step yet. Flirting is fun and nopony gets hurt-”

“Except for Sweetie Belle. She came to Rarity the other day about you.”

“Is that why we’re having this talk?”

“In a manner of speaking. It’s partially because I don’t want you to use the powers I’ve given you for evil, and I think you’d make a good match with Sweetie Belle. She has a lot of the qualities that make Rarity pleasant, but she’s closer to your own age, cuter-”

“Hold up, dude. Sweetie Belle is not cuter than Rarity.”

“Bullshit mate, and you know it. Rarity is beautiful, not cute. How many times have we gone over the triangle? There’s pretty, cute and beautiful. Fluttershy is pretty, Rarity is beautiful, Pinkie is cute.” I opened my mouth to continue on with my well worn lecture, but Spike raised his hands.

“I know, mate! I think my triangle is just different than yours.”

Hearing ‘mate’ from Spike was gross. I was tempted to tell him to never say that word again, but instead I said, “It might be. I have no idea how you could ever classify Rarity as cute.”

“It’s because she’s cute!”

“Fine. I’ll let you have that one, but my point about Sweetie Belle still stands, and I have another point to go along with it; Sweetie Belle is still pretty young. When she grows up a bit more, she could be even better than Rarity.” I pointed out.

“...Maybe I should be investing in the future.” Spike muttered.

“That’s the ticket. Consider the present, but keep an eye looking ahead of you.”

Spike was about to respond, but I heard the front door open, so I changed topics. “And if you want other men to respect you, you have to show respect first. It’s earned, not given.”

Since I’d done it multiple times in the past, Spike knew what I was doing. “But what about who gives respect first? Is there any precedent for that?”

Twilight popped her head into the kitchen and gave us both a bright smile. “I’m glad to see that you two are bonding!”

I rolled my eyes and Spike followed suit. “Men don’t bond, we become more solitary together.”

“Yeah! We’re like islands in an archipelago!” Spike added.

Twilight just shook her head and smiled. “Whatever you two want to call it, it’s nice to see you guys doing it. What are you guys going over?”

“Right now? Respect and when to show it. As I was about to say, Spike, usually the younger man shows respect to the older man first, or who ever has higher station. For example, I showed Twilight’s Dad respect when I visited, but Shining Armor can eat a bag of dicks.”

“Hey!” Twilight objected.

“Oi, you don’t know how your brother acted when you weren’t around. The fucker actually tried to threaten me!”

“He’s just being a good big brother, best friend forever!” Twilight huffed.

“He was being a prick, and you know it. Your Mom is awesome, though. I like her.”

“Really? I thought you wouldn’t get along with her at all since she talks so much.” Twilight commented.

I gave her a flat stare and she shrugged. “What?”

“You really have no room to talk, Twilight.” Spike answered for me. “Between you and Twilight Velvet, you guys could fill the day with nothing but observations.”

Twilight blushed. “Okay, so I might be a little guilty of talking more than my fair share, but-”

I waved her words aside. “You were meeting up with your family for the first time in months. I’m not surprised, nor am I accusing you of talking too much: I’m just saying that you can talk a lot when the situation calls for it.”

Twilight’s blush began to fade. “I was about to say. There are plenty of ponies who talk more than I do!”

“I doubt there’s one who asks as many questions as you do.” He muttered under his breath. I kept a straight face, though it was somewhat difficult.

“There sure are, Twilight. Let me finish up with Spike here and we’ll have a word.” I said.

“Sure thing! I’ll be in the library if you need me.” Twilight said before leaving.

I waved her off and turned my attention back to Spike. “Remember; Stick to the plan, man. Macintosh and I have given you the tools, now you just have to use them while not appearing to use them. Do you think you can handle it?”

Spike looked at me with fire in his eyes. Literal fire, mind you. It was odd. “I know I can handle it! I’ll ask Sweetie Belle out tomorrow!”

“Atta boy, now just keep it down, alright?” I whispered. “If Twilight finds out that I’m teaching you this kinda stuff, she’ll stuff me.”

Spike nodded and we parted ways. Well, we left in the same direction since the kitchen was it’s own separate room and only had one exit, but you get the idea. I saw Twilight relaxing in an easy chair, so I pulled up the only other one in the room and sat next to her.

“Whatcha doooin’?” I asked after a moment.

Twilight looked up from the paper she had been reading. “Proofreading my report before I send it off to the Princess. What did you want to talk about, Max?”

“I need you to turn me into Roxy for a day so I can make something up to Pinkie Pie.”

“...What did you do?” Twilight asked slowly.

“I may or may not have slapped the everloving piss out of her for calling me daddy.”

“Oh, Max.” Twilight facepalmed, “Why would you do that?”

“I didn’t mean to! It kinda just happened.”

“I believe you, but what does becoming Roxy have to do with making up with Pinkie?”

“Oh, we’ve already made up, love. I just feel bad for slapping her, so I’m going to let her do to me what I did to her earlier today.”

“You mean you did something worse than slapping her?” Twilight asked cautiously.

“Define ‘worse’.”

“Causing more harm than slapping her.”

“In that case, no. You don’t really want to hear about what we did. Just know that it was totally against my morals, and it’s a new kink of mine.”

“What do you mean by ‘kink’?”

“It’s sexual lingo, love. I don’t think you want to hear more than that.”

“Well maybe I’ve decided that I should know more about… Sex,” Twilight cringed a bit, “than I currently do.”

“...Right”. I pulled the toy I bought from the Joke Shop from my pocket and laid it on Twilight’s leg. “If you can tell me what that’s for, I’ll tell you what I did with Pinkie.”

Twilight picked up the little ovular thingy. Besides being silver and having a clear line of symmetry, there wasn’t really much to give her any kind of hint. “...I guess I don’t know. Can you tell me what you did with Pinkie anyway?”

“It involves one of those things. Not that particular one, mind you, but one of those.”

“...I’m going to guess that this goes inside?” Twilight half asked, half stated.

“You would be correct.”

“But why? I can’t imagine anypony getting anything from just sticking it inside of themselves.”

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the controller. Once I had it in clear view for Twilight, I clicked it on and she dropped the vibrator onto her lap in shock. The tights she was wearing offered little protection against the vibrations, and thanks to some quick thinking and some recently greased reflexes, I was able to turn it up a notch. Due to it’s location, Twilight quickly understood why someone would shove it up their nether regions. Much to my surprise, she left it where it was for a good ten seconds, just staring at it until I lowered the ‘volume’. I clicked it off and Twilight’s eyes unstuck from the toy and she looked at me, her face a deep, rosy red.

“...So that’s what it does.” She said after a moment.

“It sure does do that.” I nodded sagaciously.

“...Could I ask you a question?” Twilight asked tentatively.

“You just did.” I replied.

“Can I ask another?”

“Second verse same as the first.”

Twilight figured it out quickly enough. “Max, can I borrow that some time?”

My eyebrows raised, and I’m sure there was a twinkle in my eye. “I’ll let you have it right now, on one condition.”

She bit her lower lip and looked off the the side, calculating. “...What’s the condition?”

I grinned. “Let me handle the controller.”

Twilight’s eyes widened slightly before narrowing in determination. “Okay. Deal!”

“You know you have to be within a certain range for it to work, right?” I asked skeptically. I mean, I think it does.

“... I may not have taken that into consideration.” Twilight admitted. She bit her lip again and dove into thought for a good fifteen or so seconds. I let her have her time because I knew her well enough to know that she was working out a compromise, and I was willing to bet my fortune that I would be totally fine with whatever she came up with. I’d call that one 1:2 odds, wouldn’t you? A fifty-fifty shot?

Just as Twilight broke out of her brainstorming session, I got my two bits in. “Look, cherry, we’ll take this at whatever pace you want. I’m just enjoying the journey with you at the moment. We don’t have to dive into the bedroom stuff; let’s just take our time and mosey along, see what you’re comfortable with, yeah?”

“One moment. Did you just call me ‘cherry’?” Twilight asked, bewildered.

“I’m trying out a new pet name for you. It’s because you’re usually cherry red whenever I’m around.”

She smiled and rolled her eyes. “Moving on. Thank you Max. I think I’m okay with you seeing me like… That…” She paused to gather some words. Twilight drew a deep breath and closed her eyes, exhaling slowly. “I believe I’m fine with you seeing me orgasm, but I’d like to add the condition that I be allowed to keep my clothes on.”

I just doubled my fortune. “I’m totally fine with that. I kinda expected you to keep your clothes on anyway.”

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m glad that it’s okay with you. I hoped that it wasn’t going to be a deal breaker.”

“Never. Like I said, we’ll go at your pace and find out what you like when you feel like it.” And I meant it, too. I wasn’t in any hurry to have sex with Twilight because I had other outlets for my sexual desires. Would I like to lay Twilight someday? Absolutely. That day didn’t and doesn’t have to be today, however, so if Twilight wants to take things slow, we’ll lag behind snails.

She smiled and leaned in to give me a peck on the lips. We had barely parted when she came in for a second, longer, much more passionate kiss. I felt my mind go a little fuzzy at the touch of Twilights lips and I revelled in the moment. A kiss from Twilight always takes me to a happier place, to a more innocent time. Back when I never thought I’d actually have blood on my hands.

It was a consistent moment of relief. One that I never knew that I needed until I had it.

I tried to exhale my melancholy emotions, but had to settle for shrugging them off as I usually do. I’ve heard that compartmentalizing your problems is dangerous, but fuck dealing with that bullshit. If there’s anything I’ve learned from multiple manslaughters and some straight up premeditated homicides, then it’s that not dealing with your problems is the best way to deal with your problems. Sure, it might make you a cold, nearly emotionless prick who barely gives two shits about whether or not they see tomorrow, but it was easier than looking your loved ones in the eyes and telling them that you’re a fucking monster, and that you’ve done horrible things just so you can maintain your standard of living. I understand that it’s a gross oversimplification of what really went on, but it's how I feel about myself and what I’ve done. I’ve come to accept it for what it is.

Depressing bullshit aside, I was having fun in Twilight’s company. Good Lord, the contrast between this paragraph and the last one are astounding. I would scribble that shit out, but it’s there now, so fuck it. Why am I writing about all of this? Maybe I’m going crazy.

Maybe I need to get my fucking shit together. Journal entry; Go!

Twilight broke our kiss and caught her breath., “So… When do you want to… use it?” She asked shyly.

“Whenever you want, wherever you want. I’m just glad that I get to share this moment with you.”

“Oh, Max!” Twilight held her arms vertically against her chest, resting her chin on her hands. She looked like she wanted to hug me. “When you’re sweet, you’re the sweetest!”

“Just don’t tell anyone, okay? I don’t want them to think I’m actually a decent guy.”

“I’ll be sure to tell everypony, as per your request!” Twilight beamed.

“You’re evil sometimes, you know that?” I chided playfully.

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t do the same.”

I checked Twilight’s lap and saw that she had set the toy between her legs, though not as high as it had been last time. I used my telekinesis to edge it a little higher and turned the controller up to the last notch. Twilight jolted hard and pressed her hands down onto it, instinctively trying to stop the vibrations, though all she managed to do was arch her back. Twilight’s hands were stuck in place, so I scooted them down her legs and the vibrator went along with them. I shut it off and Twilight shakily sat back down.

“That was mean and you know it.” Twilight said once she caught her breath.

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t do the same.” I parroted cheekily.

She picked up the little ovaloid and held it in her hand so I wouldn’t get her again. “Do you think we could use it soon?”

“If we go to my house, we won’t have to wait for Spike to go to sleep.”

Twilight closed her eyes and a moment later, we dropped onto my couch. She beamed at me and looked around. “I see you’ve put some of your Hearth’s Warming Day gifts up.”

I leaned back on my couch. “Yeah, I thought I’d better get them set up before I got tempted to leave them where they were.” I answered jokingly.

She smiled and stood up. “I don’t know whether or not you’re being serious, so I’m going to assume that you’re joking.”

“I am. I like what got, helps perk up the room a bit.” I watched as Twilight took a look at the wooden wolf statuette that Applejack made me. She’d made it in the general shape of Lupa, and I had to say that it was a pretty well made piece, though there was some marring from a few bad shaves against the grain of the wood.

“I wouldn’t say that, but it is nice that you put your stuff where everypony could see it.”

I shrugged. “I want people to see them. My friends are a big part of my life, and if I don’t represent that in some of my choice in art, what am I doing?”

“You know, I never really took you for an artistic kind of person.” Twilight commented. I never took me as the type to have friends.

“...You know I’m a writer, right?” I asked.

“I know that!” Twilight blushed. “I meant that I never took you as one for the visual arts.”

“Well, when you steal things that look like this stuff for a living, you start developing a taste for it.” I chuckled. “So many pieces of art, like the ones I have right now, have passed through my hands, I could probably curate my own museum of stolen goods.”

“That’s probably not something you want to brag about, pumpkin.” Twilight scrunched her face up. “Pumpkin sounds terrible.”

“Absolutely atrocious. Let’s leave that one where it is, cherry. Moving on to the other thing you said, I’m sure there are worse things to brag about.”

“Let’s get you a pet name before we broach that subject.” Twilight requested. “It’s not fair that you have one for me, but I don’t have one for you.”

I sighed. “Do you want some help coming up with one, or do you have this under control?”

“I’ve got this! How about sugar?”

“Too generic, and I’m not sweet that often.”

“...True. Booga?”

“Don’t flick me, baby.” I chuckled.

“Okay, that one’s bad too. What about amour?”

“That means love, doesn’t it?” I asked.

“It does. I didn’t know you knew any Prench.”

“I don’t know Prench, but I have some experience with French. I’m guessing that France in this world is called Prance?”

“That depends. Are your French famous for their cuisine and culture?”

“Well, yeah, but they’re more famous for being smelly, stuck up pricks.”

“That doesn’t sound like any of the Prench ponies I’ve met, but I guess it might just be a difference between the worlds.”

I started playing with the vibrator and Twilight jolted again, though the toy was in her hand. “That’s probably it. That, and I’m sure you met nobles. I met some commoners with a bone to pick.”

“I think that would do it. Well, it might, or you’re just putting words together for no reason.” Twilight said with a blush. Her eyes flickered between me and the toy.

“I don’t usually do that, but I understand where your concern is coming from.” I grinned.

Twilight just smiled and held the toy. She stopped talking, so I said, “Let me know when you’re ready to use that. I’m going to go grab something to drink. Do you want tea, wine, whiskey, juice…?

“I-I’ll take some wine if you don’t mind. Whatever you pick is fine.”

“I’m sure I have something you’ll like. Red or white?”

“Red please.”

I nodded and headed off to the kitchen to grab a couple glasses that I set down in the living room. Once I had that set up, I went down into my cellar and browsed through bordeauxs and pinots until I found a nice cherry wine that I had a few bottles of. I had no idea if it was any good, but it smelled nice, so I went with it, despite having cherry wine that I knew I liked.

I came back upstairs to find Twilight studying the toy some more. I interrupted her inspection with a glass of wine that reminded me a lot of some Cheerwine that I’d gotten from a bloke overseas during a cultural exchange. The only difference is that this wasn’t carbonated and it was a dry wine, which only made me thirstier as I drank. I ended up going back to the kitchen to grab some juice.

When I came back with two more glasses, Twilight said, “Max, I think I’m ready.”

I passed Twilight’s glass off to her and we both drained our drinks. Seriously, that wine was so dry. “Well, I’m ready when you are.” I sat down and waited for Twilight to do something.

(CTRL+F Scene is Over to Skip)

“O-Okay…” Twilight held the toy up, letting the light reflect off of it. She kept it in the air for a little while before she asked, “So… What do I do with it?”

I blinked. “Alright, so there are a few ways we can do this. You can let it stay on top of your clothes, or you can put it between your coat and your clothes. You could also try leaving the room for a bit to, er, find a place for it.” I said tactfully.

Twilight lit up bright red. “I-I think…” She bit her lip.

“Take it easy and breathe, Twilight.” I reminded.

Twilight took a deep breath and exhaled. “Right. Thank you. Can you turn around for a moment?”

I turned around and covered my eyes because I’m sweet sometimes. “Not looking. Definitely not looking.”

“Jeez! When you say it like that, it makes me think you’re looking!” Twilight said nervously.

“I’m not looking, Twilight. That would undermine the whole ‘take this at your pace’ thing”

“...Right.” Twilight was quiet for a few more seconds. “Alright, you can turn around now.”

I turned around because I felt like it, not because Twilight said I could. When I looked at her, I noticed that she wasn’t looking at me and that her blush was still there in full force, so I reached over and gently took her chin in my fingertips. She offered little resistance and eagerly accepted the kiss that I gave her, calming down rapidly. I guess we both got something more from locking lips.

“How are you feeling now?” I asked when I pulled away.

Twilight was still leaning forward with her lips puckered until she realized that my face wasn’t there to be kissed. “Oh! Sorry, did you say something?”

“Just asking how you were feeling.” I grinned.

If she hadn’t already been blushing, I’m sure she would have done so now. “Oh… Fine, I guess. Why do you ask?”

I laid my arm across her shoulder and Twilight snuggled up to me. It had taken some time, but we had learned that Twilight was more comfortable being next to me than on me when it came to cuddling. “You just seem really tense, though if that means I can steal another kiss from you, it might not be such a bad thing.”

She grabbed my hand and held it. “Thank you for noticing, Max. It’s just that I don’t really have much experience in stuff like this.”

“Which is perfectly fine.” I grinned deviously to myself and rolled the controller around in my free hand. “It’s normal to be nervous when you’re stepping into new territory.”

“You’re right. I should just relax~” Twilight voice caught when I turned the toy on. I kept it nice and low for her, though Twilight’s shivers made me want to crank it up immediately. If it were someone else I would be tempted to give them a quick orgasm so I could take my time with the following ones, but since this was Twilight, I was going to have to slow my roll and dial it down a notch.

“Sorry Twilight. You were saying?” I said cheekily.

“Max, that was not funny!” Twilight whimpered.

“What was that you said about relaxing?” I gave her a kiss on her forehead and Twilight reached up and pulled my arm from around her, preferring to hold onto my arm. Her breasts felt quite pleasant against my arm and her occasional trembling put a smile on my face, so I turned the vibrator up another notch and just listened to Twilight make fun noises for a few seconds. I turned it back down for a little bit and Twilight relaxed a little.

“It’s h-hard to relax when this... thing is going off!”

I grasped her hand gently, yet firmly. “You’re already doing pretty well.” I lied. I hadn’t even gone above the second notch, and there were twelve of them. “Just keep your breathing even and you’ll do just fine.”

“Alright. I’m ready~!” Twilight’s voice hitched as I turned the toy on again. “S-Stop t-turning it on w-while I-I’m talking!”

I grinned and turned it back down. “The sounds you make are too adorable to miss.”

Twilight swatted my leg, so I gave her another kiss and turned the vibrator back on. Twilight clutched my arm like she was about to fall off of the couch, but I wasn’t done yet. I turned it up another notch and Twilight tried to withdraw further into herself, but she was already curled up pretty tight. My arm was beginning to get a little numb, so I tried to pry it away from Twilight to no avail, which made me turn the dial down a bit. Twilight’s muscles relaxed suddenly and she melted against me.

“Oh my.” She gasped

“How was that?” I asked, trying to subtly work some of the blood back into my arm.

“...I-Is it naughty of me to say that I liked it?” Twilight inquired adorably. She lifted her head from my chest and gazed into my eyes.

“Probably, but that’s not a bad thing.” I leaned in for another kiss, and Twilight responded rather positively. She was beginning to loosen up a bit, if the tongue she slipped me was anything to go by. I think Twilight tried to assert dominance during our kiss, but my experience overshadowed her enthusiasm by miles, despite me trying to take a more relaxed role.

I switched the vibrator back to the first notch and Twilight started shivering again, though she didn’t cling to me like she had before. After a minute or two of gentle support and plenty of pecks to keep her occupied, I turned it up another notch and Twilight’s shivering increased, and though she still held my hand firmly, she wasn’t curled up like she had previously been. I tried to go for the gold once Twilight got used to the vibrations, but she started to curl up again. With my arm at risk, I quickly began giving Twilight a distraction by way of snogging so she wouldn’t tear my poor appendage out of it's socket.

She received my attention well. Twilight tried to balance kissing and moaning, but she couldn’t control her voice, leaving me to pick up her slack. I wasn’t complaining; giving Twilight some pleasure while adding in kisses amused me greatly, and seeing her squirm didn’t hurt at all. I dialed the vibrator down for a moment and just as Twilight drew breath, I ramped it up by three notches. Her eyes shot open and her hand flew to cover her nether regions, her mouth falling into a silent scream. Twilight started shaking violently and made some garbled noises, which I assumed meant that she was on the precipice of an orgasm. I closed Twilight’s mouth for her and gave her a pleasant kiss before turning the knob up one more notch for prosperity’s sake.

Twilight did her best to crush my hand while riding the waves of her climax. I’d taken Twilight into my arms, lowering and raising the level on the controller to make her shiver and wriggle some more. After a very entertaining minute and a half, I turned the dial down to the first notch and Twilight went limp.

I stroked her hair and hummed softly because it felt like the right thing to do at the moment. Twilight took a while to recuperate, but I was glad to give her the time she needed. The air smelled like normal wine, which told me that I’d done my job well. I sat and held Twilight until she sat up and turned to look at me. A lock of hair was stuck to her forehead, so I brushed it away for her.

Twilight wasn’t wearing a smile, and that worried me. “Are you okay, cherry? Did I go overboard with the controller?”

“No, that’s not it… I’m just…” Twilight’s cheeks grew rosier. “I’m just…” She mumbled the last bit, so I couldn’t hear.

“Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”

Twilight mumbled again, so I asked her to repeat herself. The third time, she closed her eyes. “I’m just happy it was you!” She nearly shouted.

I smiled and gave Twilight’s nose a peck. “I’m happy I could share this moment with you. I don’t get to see this side of you very often.”

Twilight looked and, though I could see that she was smiling now. “It was rather nice… maybe we could do it again sometime?”

“Cherry, say the word, and I’ll jump at the opportunity. Can I say something?”

Twilight couldn’t quite bring herself to look me in the eye, but her smile still seemed genuine. “Of course!”

I leaned in and whispered in her ear, “I love your voice. I wouldn’t mind hearing it more often.”

Twilight gave me a puzzled look before she realized what she meant. When she figured it out, her eyes shot open and her hands immediately went to her face. “Oh my gosh!”

I just laughed and embraced Twilight once more. I liked the innocent streak in her, though corrupting it was also nice. I didn’t want to turn Twilight into anything other than what she already was because manipulating people is wrong, but mostly because she was fantastic just the way she was and is. I enjoyed exploring with Twilight, even though we rarely ever did it. It was nice to know that Twilight trusted me enough to handle some very intimate things for her and that I could actually manage it for her decently.

Twilight had me turn around so she could remove the vibrator from wherever she had put it. I wasn’t going to ask since she hadn’t offered the information, though I assumed that she hadn’t just gone and put it in anywhere due to her speedy recovery. The look on her face when I took the toy from her and popped it in my mouth was priceless.

Hey, at least it was relatively clean now, right?

We spent a few more hours in each other’s company before Twilight teleported back home. She would have walked if she could have stood up straight, but she couldn’t so she didn’t. I had myself a fap session before bed since someone hadn’t taken the time to help me alleviate any stress, and it was just as disappointing as I'd thought it would be. Still, I wasn’t going to sleep with blue balls, so I couldn’t be that upset.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Lupa came back just in time to see me off to Canterlot, though I doubt she would have come if Fluttershy hadn’t chided her in some way. After a few words of warning about something I was already keeping a close eye on, Rarity and I boarded our train and I was already dreading the night. Hopefully I would be able to take out some of the frustrations I was bound to pick up over the night out on Rarity when we got back to our hotel room later in the night, but I wouldn’t be terribly upset if I couldn’t.

Our hotel was pretty nice, which was what I’d expected from Rarity. The fact that I was fronting the bill didn’t bother me, but the amount of luggage Rarity had brought along with her did. We were in Canterlot for some party that I had been invited to, though we were going to stay for a few days to see the Equestrian Harmonic like Rarity had asked. I’d packed pretty lightly and she’d packed like we were heading to Russia to invade during winter. She’d even tried to get me to carry some her crap, but I’d already told her a week in advance that if she overpacked, I wasn’t helping her with any of it. Lo and behold, she did the thing I told her not to do.

When we got to the suite, the place was massive, most likely larger than my old house. There was a master bedroom and a few other rooms. Rarity tried to claim the master bedroom for herself. She tried. While I wasn’t exactly upset about paying for the entire trip, I did expect to get the biggest room since I was fucking paying for it. Once I explained that to my companion she offered me a compromise. The bed was large enough for the both of us and then some, so we would sleep together, though Rarity was very clear that all we would be doing was sleeping. She may have said that, but we both knew that she wouldn’t put up much of a fight if I initiated something.

We arrived an hour and a half before the party, leaving us with little time to get any extra preparations done. I changed into the suit that Rarity made for me and Rarity wore a lovely white evening gown that accentuated her figure rather well. Rarity had used some of her connections in Canterlot to arrange for a carriage to be sent for us, so we located it and boarded shortly after leaving the hotel. The ride was sucky and bumpy, but it was better than walking, at the very least.

I watched some people walk by as we ambled down the street. Rarity was babbling about something or other, which meant that I was smiling and nodding as usual, though I did pay enough attention to actually be able to respond when prompted. It's a skill taught from years of listening to people talk when I wanted nothing more than to be doing something else, and I figured it would serve me well at the party.

Rarity and I arrived at Fancy Pant’s mansion with time to spare, but when we got there, I was mildly surprised to find that Fancy’s house was fairly larger than mine. He had a third story to his home, but not much in the way of land to go along with it. That’s what happens when you live in the capital, or at least in a metropolitan area.

While I searched for our host, Rarity searched for his wife so she could introduce us properly. I told Rarity that I’d already met her, but when I told her that I hadn’t really spoken to Fleur, she was adamant that I meet the woman again and actually say something to her. I didn’t really have any objections to that, but I wanted to talk to a guy that wasn’t Spike or Onyx for once. Fleur may have been drop-dead gorgeous, but that didn’t mean that I was willing to use my limited amount of time away from Ponyville talking to more people I didn’t want to. Thankfully, I found Fancy before she found Fleur, so I got to talk to him first. Rarity fucked off to go find Fleur, leaving me alone.

When I walked up to him, he was just finishing a conversation, so I waited until he was free to say, “Lovely party you have here.”

Fancy turned to look at me and grinned. “I’m glad you think so, but you should have seen the last one. It was far smaller, but the company was so much better.”

I nodded. “As it tends to be. Large parties mean that you’re more likely to run into someone you’d rather not.”

“And I suppose you find that I’m someone you’d like to run into?” Fancy asked.

“You’re a pleasant fellow from what I’ve seen, which is more than I can say for some of the sycophants running around. You know, I actually heard someone say that they didn’t like the wine because it wasn’t strong enough in one conversation, then they turned around and said they loved it because it was strong.”

“You say that as if some ponies aren’t known for changing their mind at the drop of a hat.” Fancy chuckled. “You know, when I met you at your ceremony, I thought that you might be an interesting fellow.”

“That’s a pretty popular opinion of me; one the Princesses share. I try to make everyone’s life a little more interesting, but I don’t think this is quite my setting.”

Fancy and I took a moment to examine the garish decorations, lavish furniture, and overpriced art. “Fair enough, I suppose. I don’t believe you were born a noble, were you?”

“I was not.” I answered simply.

“It shows, old chap. You hide it somewhat well with some of your mannerisms, but I’m willing to bet that you’ve had someone help shore up some of your shortcomings.”

“In a manner of speaking. My date for the evening likes to point out any lapses in my manners, and she’s not terribly shy about it when she does, so I try not to give her any excuses. Speaking of dates, I believe mine went off to find yours.”

“Who is your companion? If you don’t mind my asking.”

“It’s a certain Miss Rarity. Violet hair, stylishly coiffed, wearing a fetching white evening gown.” I replied.

Fancy scanned the crowd. “I know her, though I don’t believe she’s on this floor. What say we go find our dates and continue this conversation?”

I gestured for Fancy to lead the way and so he did. “You know, I should probably buy a house in Canterlot, if nothing else so I can hold parties or something.”

Fancy turned to look at me. “Since you’re not one of the usual crowd that hangs off of my tailcoat, I’ll advise you against that. If anything than for the simple fact that buying right now would be unnecessarily expensive.”

“I wasn’t going to rush into it by any means. I’m not one to blow my money on things that I’m not one hundred percent sure about.”

“Smart stallion. I was wondering what kind of noble you would be.”

“Let’s hope I stay on the ‘bored and intelligent’ path, yeah?”

Fancy chuckled. “Bored is always an accurate descriptor for a noble. Unless there are parties going on, most of the foals around here sit around their estates and gorge themselves on whatever carnal desires they have while criticizing others for doing the exact same thing.”

“Hypocrisy and nobility go hand in hand, mate. There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it, which is why I like to stay in my small little town with my friends. Trouble rarely enough pops up, I have the women that I want in my life, and it’s quiet where I live in particular.”

“It sounds like you have quite the life, then. Many stallions of your stature find that they can’t be satisfied with a few mares and go overboard with trying to satiate their desires.”

“I can see why, though I try to avoid it. I have four mares I like to see, and I don’t do much more than talk to one of them.”

Fancy blinked at me. “So what is your vice? If it’s not mares, money, or alcohol, what is it?”

“It’s intoxicants in general. I probably won’t drink at this party since I don’t want to hurt someone’s feeling by being a brutally honest prick.”

“No, I didn’t mean to ask if you liked to drink, I meant what is your weakness? What makes you crumble every time?”

I shrugged. “I don’t suppose that there’s really anything that I can’t resist besides kisses, but that sounds completely retarded.”

Fancy suddenly barked out a laugh. “Glad to know that if I ever need to calm the beast that dwells within, I can do it with a kiss.”

“Oi, no mustaches! If you’d like to find a brave woman to do it in your stead, then do so and save us both some trouble.”

“Is my mustache really the problem here? Or are you just trying to get me to set you up with a mare?”

“I’m not homosexual unless I’m a woman, and I’m sure I could set myself up with just about any mare I want. I won’t because I’m happy with who I have, but I could!” I playfully argued.

Fancy shook his head and nodded off in some direction. I followed his line of sight and saw Rarity happily chatting to Fleur, so we skirted around the mass of people on the second floor until we sidled up next to them. Fancy and I had stopped to talk to people while we were moving around, so I got to Rarity with three watches, two rings, a wallet (which made no sense because there's no paper money in Equestria), and someone’s earring. Don’t ask how I got all of the stuff, just know that I set it down on a table when I realized that I had it.

Rarity finished what she was saying to Fleur before gesturing to Fancy and I. We were only a few meters away, and it was obvious that we were heading towards them. Once Fancy and I were standing next to our respective dates, Rarity said, “Max, Fleur, I know you two have already met, but maybe you two could get to know each other a bit better. I’m sure you have plenty in common!” She beamed.

I extended a hand to Fleur and she took it daintily. “Charmed.”

“Likewise.” She responded cooly. “So, Max. Rarity tells me that you’re quite the stallion.”

I couldn’t tell if she simply meant ‘male’ or ‘stud’ when she said stallion. “I would hope so. I try to be nothing less.”

Fleur lifted a brow. “She also tells me that you’re quite the mare.”

I shrugged. “Most of my friends are female. Donning a disguise to spend more time with them is my way of getting into the inner circle without forcing my way in.”

“You know, a pony could argue that switching genders as you please is a betrayal of yourself and what you stand for.” Fleur commented idly. Fancy was about to say something to her, but I waved him off.

“You could also argue that switching between personas might drive you insane. People say a lot of things; you have to figure out what you care about, and I care about my friends.”

“So you would be willing to become a female for them?”

“For a short amount of time. It’s a way of meeting them in the middle, so to speak.”

“It sounds as though it were a reasonable compromise.” Fleur acquiesced. “What do you do with your friends while you’re a mare?”

“Usually we go shopping or have a slumber party. Girl stuff in general that I would feel silly doing in my man suit.” I was tempted to ask if she and Fancy would mind tagging along on a shopping trip with Rarity and I, but I didn’t want to waste money and Fleur was kind of confrontational in a very passive aggressive way, so fuck that noise.

“Your ‘man suit’?” Rarity asked.

“That’s what I said, isn’t it?” I raised a brow.

“Yes, dear, you really must learn to listen better. He said it quite clearly.” Fleur added.

Rarity caught herself before she could get flustered. “You really must forgive me, it’s just that Max says some strange things every now and again. You see, when he says ‘man’, he means stallion.”

“So he said that he wears a stallion suit. I suppose that if you change between the sexes often enough, the different forms begin to feel like separate ‘suits’ if you will.” Fancy clarified for her. “It’s really not that strange once you’ve put some thought into it.”

“Thank you both for defending me against my date. She’s always trying to embarrass me, one way or another.” Rarity colored slightly and the look in her eye promised retribution. I grinned at her. “You know, there was this one time where Rarity had a bit too much to drink and she tried to ‘pair up’ with another mare for a quick-”

“Max, no! That is not true!” Rarity protested. “Please ignore him. These are some of the strange things I warned you about.”

Fleur passed me a sly smile. “If it’s all the same to you, dear Rarity, I’d like to hear the rest of the story.”

“I’m so sorry to disappoint, but the story is all false anyway. This is the first formal party I’ve ever gone to with Rarity.” I said.

“Surely you have more stories, though! Any stallion worth his bits has a few good ones he likes to tell.” Fleur stated.

“How true. Do tell us something from your past, if it's no issue.” Fancy asked.

I tapped my chin. “Well, I can’t tell you much about my work as an Operative, and the only things of interest that I’ve done are illegal. I could tell you some of my life before I came to Equestria I suppose, though I don’t think the subject matter is terribly proper for polite conversation.”

Fleur and Fancy cast a few quick glances around us. Fancy said, “Perhaps we’ll take our conversation where polite ears can’t hear?”

“That does sound like the best plan of action. Our new friend has piqued my interest.” Fleur’s smile turned sultry and I wondered just what we were going to be doing, wherever we were going.

Fancy obviously noticed his wife’s sudden change, but all he did to address it was lift a brow. I’ve noticed that outside of Ponyville, the Ponies tend to be a bit more astute when it comes to social nuances and certain inflections. I still considered Ponies gullible by and large, but that didn’t mean that there weren’t a few that are as keen as I am. Crimson, for one, pays enough attention to get by, but I would like to cite that incident in Gryphonia as evidence of certain Ponies not having much of a self-preservation mechanism.

The mustachioed gentleman lead the way up stairs. Apparently the third floor was cordoned off for private conversations and the like, though I could hear more giggling from the rooms than any actual conversation. I mentioned that to the group and I got a few chuckles for my attentiveness. Rarity laughed because she didn’t know what the Hell we were talking about, but it was fine. She didn’t actually need to know what was going on until someone started stripping, though I may have just misread Fleur’s look. Still, my boosted perception allows me to know how someone is feeling most of the time, and it told me that Fleur wanted a piece of me.

Using the same power, I could tell that Fancy was mostly indifferent to his wife’s flirtation, though I swear I could sense some envy coming from him, and it wasn’t aimed at me, however, I do think it was because of me. If I wasn’t mistaken, then I had two nobles trying to put the sex on me. And here I thought that I’d needed to bring a date.

Fancy took us into his study and had Rarity and I take a seat. He grabbed some crystal from a cabinet and Fleur did the same. Fleur set a wine glass in front of Rarity and Fancy set a tumbler in front of me. None of the four glasses stayed empty very long, and when Fancy tool the first sip of his scotch, I took it as my cue to delve into some of my more exciting feats. Within twenty minutes of telling them about the time I stole a replica of the royal crown from an armored truck using a very well mapped out plan, I had everyone in the room wrapped around my finger. As with all good stories, I kept the embellishment down to a believable level, though I may have exaggerated the worth of the fake crown. I’d only gotten a few thousand quid for the thing, though I knew it was worth a lot more since it was made from real gold, but I’d had one Hell of a time trying to fence the thing myself.

Once I finished up with my third story, Fancy regaled us with some of his own. I found them to be quite interesting, though Fleur and Rarity seemed to think otherwise. During a bathroom break, Rarity told me that it was because all we were doing was bragging about our glory days like old men, so I gave her a kiss on the cheek and called her my favourite trophy wife. Rarity actually took it as a compliment. What that says about her character, I’ll not write here.

We rejoined Fleur and Fancy for some more drinks, though I dropped a hint to Fancy so that we would allow the ladies to speak. He picked up the hint and accepted it reluctantly, and I quickly found out why. At least when we had been talking about ourselves we’d actually been sharing important information from our past that explains why we are how we are. Fleur and Rarity just gossiped for forty minutes, and I was ready to blow my fucking head of by the ten minute mark. Eventually, Fancy asked Rarity if he could show her around a bit, which meant that Rarity really couldn’t refuse for fear of being rude, leaving me with Fleur. Alone. In a secluded area. Where people were already playing around. After quite a few drinks. If I wasn’t being set up, then I didn’t know what was happening.

Fleur sat down next to me once her husband and my date were out of the room. “So, Max. You have some very interesting stories, though I can’t say that I believe them.”

I extended a hand and she placed one of hers within its grasp. “You’re a smart woman. You should never believe what you hear, though in this case, I’m sad to say that most of what I’ve said is true.”

“Why would you be sad to be a dashing rogue?” Fleur flirted shamelessly. “Living above the law, meeting all kinds of ponies, taking what you want.”

“It’s because there’s plenty more that goes into it than that, love.” Fleur blushed lightly. “There’s the constant paranoia, betrayal, and double crossing you’ve got to keep an eye out for, as well as making sure the law doesn’t catch up to you and doing your best to make the right decisions the first time.”

“Yet you managed all of it and came out on top.” Fleur complimented. “That has to take intelligence, perseverance, and stamina.”

“You’re right, and I’ve got them all in spades. But what about you, my sweet flower? What are you made of?”

“You know, not many ponies know that my name is Prench.” Fleur answered, dodging the question.

“I’m not a pony, and I’m not most people anyways. I’m a one of a kind, love.”

Fleur took her hand from mine and stroked my cheek. “Yes, you are. I daresay that I’ve never seen a creature quite like you.”

“That’s because I’m the only one, you xenophile.” I grinned. “I’m the only human on this planet that we know of.”

Fleur smiled at me. “Truly one of a kind, then. You know, there’s something about you that I just can’t put a finger on.”

I held up her ring. “Is it this?”

Fleur glanced at her hands and her eyes widened. “I never even felt it!”

I handed it back to her. “Skilled hands, love. Sorry for taking your lovely ring, but I wanted to prove a point.”

“And that point is?”

“If I could steal your ring without you noticing, what does that mean for your heart?” I grinned devilishly.

Fleur leaned forward and rested her hand on her chin, grinning. “A thief who can take nearly anything. I see why you’re an Operative.”

I smiled. “That includes people. What do you say, Fleur? Could I steal you away for the night?”

Fleur’s hand went to her bosom. “Why, Max, I had no idea you were thinking of such things! What would my husband say?” She gasped playfully.

“I think he would say ‘Hurry up, I can’t keep Rarity busy forever.’.” I chuckled.

Fleur smiled and stood up. I followed her to the door with my eyes and watched her lock it before she came back and offered her hand to me. “I trust that you know how to treat a lady?” She asked.

I rose and stepped well within her personal space. “What I know and what I do can be very different things, love. I’ll try not to mess your hair up, if that makes you feel any better.”

I don’t know if it made her feel any better, but I do know that the first time around, Fleur’s mane survived well enough. By round three, I’d gone and fucked it up nice and proper, and Fleur had loved every second of our time together. Thankfully, I’d learned some shit about fixing hair from my time as Roxy and was able to help her get it under control, though me helping her with her hair lead to us messing it up again. Fleur would have gone for round five had I not reminded her that we were on a time limit that we’d most likely run down during round two. Fleur was thoroughly disappointed, and that tickled my pride in just the right way.

Fleur and I left the study roughly two and a half hours after we’d started. I asked Fleur if Fancy was going to bother trying to charm Rarity and she told me that there wasn’t a chance. I asked what she meant and she said that Rarity just wasn’t Fancy’s type, which kind of confirmed my earlier suspicions. While we were on the second floor looking for our dates, I asked, “Is Fancy gay, or is he just really picky?”

“Why the ‘or’? Can he not be both?” Fleur teased.

“I was just curious. You know, I thought marriage was supposed to be exclusive despite the polygamous aspects of Equestrian life.”

“Are you really worrying about that now?” Fleur asked, surprised.

“I’m not worrying about it at all. I would have asked you three hours ago, but you’re both attractive and pleasant, so it’s not like I was going to risk asking questions.”

Fleur touched my arm and gave me a smile. “To answer your question, it’s supposed to be, but Fancy and I have an agreement of sorts. I do trust you’ll keep this conversation between us, won’t you?”

“Love, you and Fancy are some of the few nobles I actually like. I’m not going to risk alienating some of the most pleasant people I’ve met for the sake of gossiping. I believe Fancy and I share an opinion on the matter.”

We dodged some people on our way back to the first floor. Music was still playing, so Fleur took a moment to enjoy it over the dull roar that was the crowd. “I’m glad that you and he share the same sense of loyalty, then. I would have expected something similar from Fancy himself.”

“The fellow and I have a lot in common, though our tastes are different. I’d like to say that mine is generally better.”

“Oh? Would you dare say that to Fancy?” Fleur asked coyly.

“I would. His sense of decor is perfectly fine, but his taste in ‘partners’ could use some work. Why go for anything other than the masterpiece he already has by his side?”

“If you flatter me any more, we’re going to have to go back upstairs.” She warned me, completely serious.

“As tempting as that might be, I do believe the party’s winding down.” I observed. There were fewer people than there had been, but there were still plenty around.

“I assure you, Fancy can handle Rarity as long as he needs to.” Fleur said. “We could spend the rest of the night together and I doubt that she would be able to get away from him if he didn’t want her to.”

“The power of polite conversation and social maneuvering can be quite scary. It’s nice to know that I don’t have to deal with anyone using that particular piece of leverage against me.”

“How so?”

“I don’t care that much. If I really want to get away from someone, Rarity and I have very different ways of disentangling ourselves.”

“And what would your way be, hmm?” Fleur asked.

“Cussing someone out until they get the picture. It might not be the prettiest way to get someone to leave you alone, but I find it to be one of the most effective ways of verbally degrading someone until they no longer feel the desire to talk to you. In fact, it’s been known to work longer than most other ways. I’ve cussed people out and had them avoid me for years, despite seeing me on a daily basis.”

“Ooh, does this mean the the 'Big Bad Operative' is going to be mean to me?” Fleur asked coquettishly.

“No, it means that the ‘Big Bad Operative’ might not stop between rounds next time.” I remarked casually.

Fleur gave me a dirty smile. She touched my arm again and pointed out our dates. I hadn’t really been looking since I was secretly hoping for round five, but I was fine with finding them. Rarity looked relieved when she spotted us, and I couldn’t help but wonder just how boring the past couple of hours had been for her. Just as I was about to mention that Rarity’s dress seemed like it had gotten tighter, I bit my cheek, so I took that as the universe's way of telling me to shut the fuck up.

Fleur and I rejoined Rarity and Fancy. Fleur was quick to send Fancy and I off for some drink so she and Rarity could talk. The older gentleman and I grabbed some champagne, though I stopped him on our way back to ask, “Are you sure you’re okay with the night’s events? I can’t take my actions back, but I can apologize for stepping on your toes.”

Fancy shook his head and waved his glass about. “I knew that my Fleur would take a liking to you within minutes of meeting you, so I set you two up. I wouldn’t have taken Rarity for such a long walk if I hadn’t planned for Fleur to ‘get some action’, as it were, tonight.”

“Back in my world, we’d probably be fighting right now.” I chuckled. “It’s odd to think that I was set up by a woman’s husband.”

“I suppose it is, but it’s just how Fleur and I operate. I’m sure she’s told you that these words don’t need to be repeated.”

“I already planned on keeping it quiet. Lord forbid we give some of the folks around here any more to talk about.”

“My thoughts exactly. Just between us chaps, how was she?” Fancy asked.

“She was probably the second best I’ve ever had to be honest with you. Before I continue that sentence, I need to know that you’ll let this information stay within this conversation.”

“Of course. Mum’s the word.”

“Lovely. The only woman that I’ve had more fun with was Celestia herself.”

“Surely you jest!” He exclaimed suddenly, his eyes shooting open. He also spilled a few drops of champagne, but they were unimportant. Fancy just stared at me for a moment.

“I’m being completely serious, and don’t call me Shirley.”

Fancy closed ranks and got closer to me so we wouldn’t be overheard. “You know that I have the connections to confirm that, correct?”

“You’re welcome to utilize those connections, though I still want you to keep it on the down low. Celestia and I didn’t go public while we were together for a reason.”

“Wait, you courted the Princess?” He asked incredulously.

“I did. I met her student, Twilight Sparkle, and she introduced us. My general lack of respect for authority and willingness to treat Celestia like any other person got me into her good graces, though I don’t suggest that anyone else do it. I only get away with talking so much nonsense to royalty because, and I quote, ‘I’m cute and exotic’.

“My dear sir, you Imust tell me about some of your experiences with the Princess!”

We stopped and I told him about the first time I got to lay Celestia, or rather, the time I almost got to lay Celestia. Twilight’s interference was something that I had to remind myself of. I still needed to make her apologize for that. Fancy got a kick out of that story, so I told him about the time Celestia spanked me in the middle of Day Court while Luna watched, and some of what happened afterward. I lied about why Celestia had turned me into a woman, though I did leave in the part where she forced me to stay a woman for a week. Since she hadn’t done it as a form of punishment, and I had agreed to it (As far as Fancy Pants knew), it wasn’t illegal. The spanking story took some convincing, but by the end of it, I think Fancy believed what I’d told him. I didn’t really care whether or not he believed me outright, but I didn’t want the guy to think I was just some spinner of tall tales and I told him as much.

It had taken about twenty minutes to get back to our dates, though they appeared to have not noticed our extended absence at all. We handed off drinks to each others dates to see if they would notice and they just kept talking like we weren’t there. Fancy caught my eye, so we bounced.

He’d lead the way the last couple times we’d walked together, so I took him outside and showed him a little item that I’d brought along with me. “So Fancy, do you fancy a little smoke session?”

Fancy reached out and pulled a beautiful pipe from his own pocket. It was gilded and chased in gold and silver, and the wood was a lovely, dark ebony. “I wouldn’t mind too terribly. Do you have your own mix of herbs that you like, or do you go with the shop special?”

“I don’t know about a mix of herbs, but there’s one in particular that I like.” I pulled out the little box that I keep my finely chopped bud in. “I don’t believe there’s a shop that sells smokeables in Ponyville.”

“Oh? So where did you get this from?” Fancy asked.

“This comes from my own personal garden, and it’s one of my favorite intoxicants. I can’t promise that you’ll like the taste, but everyone I’ve shown it to likes the effects pretty well.”

“So what is this herb called? It reminds me a lot of mugwort.”

“I forget what it’s called in Equestria, but on my planet it was called marijuana, weed, ganja, or grass.” I stuffed my pipe and handed the box off to Fancy Pants before lighting up a match. I puffed on the plant easily. “Make sure you don’t draw too hard. It’ll make you cough if you’re not careful.”

“Trust me, lad, this isn’t my first rodeo.” Fancy chuckled. He packed his own wonderful little piece and handed my box back to me. Once he took his first puff, recognition dawned on his face. “I know this herb! I was having brunch with Princess Celestia and a stack of brownies suddenly appeared along with a note, and those brownies tasted a bit like this!”

“Sorry you got caught up in my prank, mate, but I’m sure you had a good time with it.” I grinned.

Fancy mimicked me. “I did, though I didn’t move for a few hours. The guards came in and thought we were poisoned!”

I had been hitting my pipe at that moment, so I choked on smoke and laughter. “Dear Lord, I didn’t take that into account! At least Celestia wasn’t too mad at me.”

“Fleur may not be happy with you when she learns that you’re the one who nearly got her arrested for treason. When she partook in your prank, she came onto Princess Luna rather fiercely. If nopony else had been affected, then I’m sure that Princess Luna would have done something.”

“Luna isn’t really the playful one out of the two of them, though she does have a mischievous streak in her.”

Fancy and I passed the time, puffing on our respective pipes and talking about nothing of importance. Fancy loosened up and actually swore a couple times after he finished his bowl, which surprised me quite a bit. I was even more shocked to find that he was still standing since I was pretty lit myself. Fancy told me that his pipe had a smaller bowl than mine did, and I took his word for it because I’m not about to go digging through the guy’s pockets to figure out whether or not he was telling the truth. Rarity and Fleur eventually came outside to tell us to get our arses out of the biting wind and snow, but Fancy and I were perfectly fine where we were. My English blood offered me a little resistance to the cold and Fancy had been through worse in his time as a soldier, so neither of us were in a rush to come back outside, and the drinks we had in us probably didn't hurt at all. Our dates, however, had decided that our presence was necessary then and there, so we finished what we’d been smoking on and rejoined them.

Fancy and I learned that the reason they wanted us around was so that we could say our goodbyes to the majority of the party goers. Midnight had come and gone a few hours ago, so luckily there weren’t many people to see off, though Fancy asked Rarity and I to stay behind so we could spend some more time together. I was actually glad that I was going to get to talk to Fancy Pants some more. The guy was cooler than a polar bear’s toenails, and far more pleasant to look at. Fleur was also pleasant, but I desired male company more than meaningless sex at the moment, so I wasn’t as excited about spending more time with her.

It took an hour for everybody to get the fuck out of the house, and Rarity was looking pretty tired, despite her claiming that she was wide awake. I left it at that since she’s a grown ass woman who makes her own decisions, though I did warn her that I would purposefully forget her coat if she fell asleep. Rarity in turn warned me that she would forget to give me my presents if I did that. Of course, I objected heavily to her using gifts that were already late as bargaining chips, but I guess finding her coat wouldn’t suck enough to make me avoid getting it. Still, that was some real bullshit.

I saw Fleur walking towards us and waved. She stopped where she was and gestured for us to come to her. We ended up following her upstairs, and I started to get a little nervous. We went up to the third floor and started walking toward the study, which made me even more nervous before I realized that I didn’t give a single shit whether or not Rarity knew that I slept with Fleur. What was she going to do, bitch at me? Take my presents away?

Our little trio walked into the room and I was surprised to find that it didn’t reek of sex. Sure, you could catch a whiff of it on the air, but someone had been polite enough to light a few candles and open a window. That did mean that it was a bit chilly in there, but Fancy closed the window when we came in, allowing the fireplace to do its work. Rarity and I sat on a large loveseat a few meters away from where Fleur had taken up residence on Fancy’s lap.

“You know, it’s rather rare for us to have guests over after the party.” Fleur commented, inspecting her nails. “I suppose that would mean that you two are special.”

I didn’t miss the inflection in her voice, but Rarity did. “Thank you for having us, Fleur, Fancy, it really has been a wonderful time! Hopefully Max will throw a party sometime soon so you can come visit us- er, him, in Ponyville.” Rarity smiled uneasily after her misstep. She’d told me that she didn’t want anyone to know that she was from a small, no name town, despite my assurances that her status as an Element of Harmony would negate any negative responses. Hell, everyone in Canterlot already knew, according to Fancy. Neither of us guys understood why she was so worried about representing her home town, though I did mention that there were just sucky people out there that would judge her for something she had no control over.

“I might.” I admitted. “I’ll probably only invite you two and a few others from Canterlot. As much as I tolerate my position as a Baron, I’m not exactly looking to dive into the life of an Aristocrat.”

“It certainly does take some getting used to.” Fancy admitted. “I know when I became Guard Captain, I was unused to dealing with nobles or the noble way of life. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the luxury of being able to take it as it came, though I did have Fleur to help me out.”

“That’s pretty much where we are.” I replied. “Rarity helps me with things of this nature, and I suffer for it.” I grinned. Rarity swatted my shoulder and I leaned away from her.

“You do not! Why, I’m beginning to think that you just want ponies to think I’m evil!” Rarity protested.

“He’s just having some fun with you, dear. No need to take it to heart.” Fleur admonished gently.

“If he would learn to stop, I wouldn’t mind as much.” Rarity responded drily. Fancy and I had a chuckle at that, though Fleur narrowed her eyes at her tone.

“Perhaps if you weren’t so serious all the time, he wouldn’t poke fun at you.” Fleur replied with an edge to her voice.

I decided to step in before things got uncomfortable. “It’s just how I am. Rarity has already come to terms with it, she’s just trying to make me into a more polite fellow.”

Rarity snapped and beamed. “Exactly! I wanted to say that, but I didn’t want to embarrass you.”

I heard Fleur mutter, “It’s embarrassing enough to have you on his arm.” Fancy also picked up on it since she was sitting in his lap. I didn’t miss the pinch he gave her as a result, though, yet again, it seemed as though Rarity was completely oblivious. Of course, Fleur hadn’t exactly shouted what she’d said, but I thought that it was audible enough. Sometimes my advanced perception screws with me.

“You can’t embarrass me, Rarity. I embarrass you, that’s how these things go.” I remarked calmly while giving Fleur a pointed glare.

“Oh Max, with your charm, I doubt there’s much you could do to embarrass a mare that you couldn’t fix.” Fleur surmised.

“Darling, if you spent more time around him, you would know exactly what I mean.” Rarity gave me a small smile and some side eye. “Max might be charming and loveable, but sometimes he likes to argue.”

“Hey now, that’s just false. I don’t like to argue, I like being right!” I smiled goofily.

“Don’t all stallions?” Fleur sighed mockingly.

“You say that, but it goes doubly so for mares.” Fancy chuckled. We traded a look and the women did the same.

“Come to think of it, Fancy, I know that you’re older than me, but you don’t feel like it. How many years have you been on this planet, if you don’t mind my asking?” I inquired.

“I’m forty three, but I was sure that you knew that already.” Fancy said.

“I never asked.” I said, scratching my head. “You know, the last person I asked gave me a similar response. Do you Ponies just know each other’s age on sight?”

Rarity, Fleur and Fancy looked at each other in turn. “...I guess I never really thought of it.” Rarity admitted.

“I believe it’s the same story for us.” Fleur said.

“That’s so strange.” I stated. “Maybe I should ask your age if I can get you away from the strict limitations of polite conversation.” I said cheekily.

“Don’t you know it’s impolite to ask a lady’s age?” Rarity chided.

“Don’t you know it’s impolite to point out someone else being impolite? We’ve had this conversation, bonny.”

Before Rarity could respond, Fleur said, “Bonny? What an adorable little pet name!”

“Why, thank you!” Rarity held a hand to her chest. “Max told me that it means beautiful in his country.”

Fancy raised a brow. “What does it really mean?”

I shrugged. “Beautiful. I was raised in a way that won’t allow me to call a woman anything she isn’t, which is why I never call Rarity cute.”

Rarity sat up a bit straighter and looked at me. “What do you mean by that?” She asked with a bit of an edge to her voice.

“I have to admit, you’ve sparked my curiosity.” Fleur said.

“First I pique your interest, now I spark your curiosity? Hopefully I’ll galvanize your attention next.” I grinned.

“Max, I would like it if you answered my question. “Rarity said coldly.

I let the smile melt off of my face. “Change your tone and I’ll consider it.”

Rarity crossed her arms and leveled a glare at me, so I ignored the fuck out of her. “Could I interest you in some more marijuana, Fancy?”

“I believe I’m fine, but I would like Fleur to try some if you don’t mind.” Fancy replied.

“Not at all.” He pulled his pipe out and I tossed him my box. Fancy got everything set up for her, and Fleur took a hit.

“It’s better than your usual blend.” Fleur stated neutrally. “What’s this called again?”

“Marijuana. I’d say I grow it myself, but I have a gardener who takes care of my plants when I don’t feel like doing it.” Which is pretty much all the time.

Fleur took another puff and frowned at the pipe. “It’s awfully strong, isn’t it? I think I’m beginning to get a little light headed.”

“That’s the point of smoking it. It induces lightheadedness.” I answered with a grin.

Fleur looked at Fancy and he nodded, so she shrugged and puffed away. Fancy levitated my box back to me because Unicorns are fucking lazy in Equestria, though I wasn’t about to say that. I packed my own pipe and started puffing on it.

“So how did you two meet?” I asked once I got my shit lit.

“Oh, please dear?” Fleur asked, batting her eyelashes at Fancy.

He rolled his eyes and patted her thigh. “Go on.”

Fleur’s smile grew brighter. “I met Fancy when he was still just a member of the Guard, and I was still in Magic School. I was a young filly, and he was the most dashing stallion I’d ever seen.” She said sweetly. “I’ll never forget the day my class went on a field trip to see the guard’s training grounds. Fancy was standing there, clashing with one of his fellow guards during a sparring match. I still remember the way his mane stuck to his face, the sound of his sword clashing against that other stallion’s-”

“Stone’s Throw was a mare, dear. And she was a buffalo, actually.” Fancy corrected

“Hush and let me tell the story, will you?” Fleur asked, giving Fancy a pout that she was probably too old to be using.

Fancy gestured for her to go on, and so she did. “As I was saying, I can still see the way the sweat gleamed from his muscles when I look at him.” Fancy rolled his eyes again and smiled. “From that day on, I’d always had a massive crush on him.”

“I accidentally had her arrested because of that crush, once.” Fancy stated.

“It was just a simple misunderstanding.” Fleur said quickly.

Fancy wiggled his mustache and I saw the gleam in his eye. “She was around fifteen, and was trying to sneak into my apartment to get… Wait, what were you looking for?”

Fleur looked away from him and muttered something. “What was that, dear?” Fancy asked.

“I said that I was looking for the shirt you’d worn while sparring that day.” Fleur admitted. Her face was bright red. “I was young and in love! You can’t possibly hold that against me!”

“You know I don’t, my sweet flower,” I withheld a chuckle directed toward Fancy. “Because you don’t hold what I did when I caught you against me.”

“What did you do?” Rarity asked.

Fleur answered. “He tied me up and held me at sword point until some of his friends that were on duty showed up.”

Fancy chuckled and played with his mustache. “It wasn’t one of my better moments, but I had just gotten back from escorting an ambassador into Catro, and things went terribly for pretty much the entire. I almost got stabbed by a Cat around Fleur’s age while I was there, so I wasn’t willing to take any risks when I got home.”

“I’d noticed that he was gone the day that he left.” Fleur said proudly.

It was a shame that they faked every emotion they’d shown during the story. “How astute of you, though I’m sure Fancy didn’t necessarily feel the same way.”

“If she was older, I would have filed a restraining order.” Fancy said flatly. “Luckily for both of us, I went to talk to her after she got arrested and she told me everything about myself. I was a little amazed-”

“And a little creeped out.” I added.

Fleur looked offended. “I’m quite sure that nothing I did was creepy!”

Fancy just pursed his lips and looked down, finding particular interest in Fleur’s dress. Fleur swatted his arm. “Fancy Pants, you tell them that I wasn’t being creepy or else!”

“Or else what?” I challenged. When I realized what I’d said, I blinked. “Sorry, I’m so used to being the one in trouble that it just kinda came out.”

“It’s the stallions curse, old chap.” Fancy chuckled. “For the record, however, I thought it was very romantic of Fleur to pursue me as she did.”

I lifted my brows. “Right.” Fancy and I traded knowing looks and turned our gazes to our dates. Rarity made a point to not look at me, and Fleur whacked Fancy again. “You know, if you keep abusing Fancy Pants over there, I’m going to have to take you to see a fellow named Shining Armor.”

Rarity rolled her eyes and excused herself to go ‘powder her nose’ before Fleur said, “That stallion has no sense of humor.”

Fancy shook his head. “I’ve met the rest of his family. The Twilight’s are both lovely women and his father is a very kind man, which makes me wonder how he turned into such a stiff.”

“I agree for the most part, though I’ve seen Night Light’s rigid side for myself. He and Shining favor just a little when it comes to Twilight, but other than that, they’re rather different for being father and son.” I said.

“Wait, are you laying Twilight?” Fleur asked incredulously.

“I would ask which one, but the answer is the same for both of them at the moment.” Fancy and Fleur leaned forward a bit. “I’m dating Twilight Sparkle but I’m not laying her. I might like Velvet, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go after her.”

“So you’re dating Princess Celestia’s own personal student? Cudos to you, Max!” Fleur grinned.

Fancy coughed. “If it’s status you’re congratulating him for, then I believe he’s already gone above dating Celestia’s student.”

“What do you mean by that?” She asked.

I gave Fancy a sly grin and he said, “Max? Care to explain?”

“Of course. What Fancy is getting at is that I’ve dated Celestia.”

“Preposterous!” Fleur exclaimed as Rarity was walking back in.

The white mare froze in the doorway. “I believe I’ve missed something.”

Fleur and Fancy turned back to me, so I said, “Fleur and Fancy were just asking about my relationship with Celestia.”

Rarity crossed her arms and glared at me. “I didn’t ask you anything.”

“Rarity, stop acting like a petulant fucking child and get over yourself for the duration of this conversation. You’re always barking at me about maturity, so take your own advice and just let it go.”

Rarity turned her nose up at me and I just stared at her. She opened an eye to peek at me and saw that I wasn’t having any of her shit, which made her sigh and drop the bullshit. “When you’re right, you’re right. I suppose. I apologize for being difficult.” She said before reclaiming her seat.

I grabbed her hand and gave her a winsome grin. “It’s fine. Next time you have a problem, just ask to have a word with me outside or something. You know I’ll listen to you, no matter what.”

Rarity beamed and looked to Fleur. “I just love his reasonable side! It never fails to shine through whatever mood I happen to be in.”

Fancy and I traded a look. Fleur and Rarity had started talking about the good sides and bad sides of us, which meant that we were stuck listening to them. I saw Fancy start packing his pipe, so I did the same with mine. In the middle of me pinching some bud to put in my bowl, I noticed that Fancy was hovering his own stash of smokeables in front of me. I went half and half since I still wanted to get high, and used my telekinetic tentacle to send both of our boxes over to him. Fancy did the same thing I did; sit back and tune out the babbling going on.

Rarity said something to me and I came back to Earth. “Beg pardon, love? I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Really?” She said blandly. “I hadn’t noticed. Fleur asked about your relationship with Celestia, and I told her that you two had dated, but broke up for some reason. I asked what that reason was.”

“Oh. Celestia messed up a few too many times for me to forgive.” I answered simply.

Jaws dropped around the room. “What? Is there something on my face?”

Fancy had broken out of his own reverie to stare at me. “When you said that you dated Celestia, I was certain that she’d broken up with you.”

“How does one break up with Princess Celestia of all ponies?” Fleur asked, shocked.

“I do concur, Max. I never knew that you broke up with her!” Rarity said, equally stunned.

“I don’t talk about it for a reason. We didn’t really break up, we’re just separated at the moment.” That made me think about the number of mares that I’d slept with outside of Fluttershy and Rarity. That number was only three, which included Mary, the Mayor, and now Fleur. I don’t think I recorded the time I spent with Lyra, though I didn’t really count that one as ‘sleeping’ with her. Still, I’d upped my number by a bit, though it wasn't like I couldn’t do that while I was with Celestia.

“So it was a nasty break up.” Fancy guessed.

“It was pretty bad.” I admitted. “We talked things out in the end and we’re still friends now, but some serious changes need to be made before we can get back together again.”

“Like what?” Fleur asked, leaning forward as I’m sure Rarity would have done if she hadn’t been sitting next to me.

“Like she needs to keep her hands out of my life when it doesn’t concern her, and that’s as deep as I’m going into this topic. I hate to be impolite, but it’s really not something I want to talk about.”

“Are you sure you dumped the Princess, and that it wasn’t the other way around?” Rarity asked.

I gave her a hurt look. “I’m pretty sure that I told the woman I loved the most in this world to take a hike, yeah.”

Rarity pursed her lips and looked away. I wasn’t actually hurt, but I knew I was supposed to be or something like that, so I played the part. In fact, I didn’t mind talking about my relationship with Celestia at all as long as we didn’t get too far into it, but I didn’t want to give away any of Celestia’s secrets since I knew that could undermine her position if used properly, so I tried for the ‘forlorn, heart broken fellow who did what he had to’ routine.

“I do apologize for bringing up such a sore subject, but my curiosity got the better of me.” Fleur said. “Could you forgive us for our tresspasses into your privacy?”

I jabbed Rarity in the side, causing her to jump and squeak adorably. “You see, Rarity? This is what Pinkie should have done when she stole my journal. Apology accepted and forgiveness given, Fleur.”

“I already know that. Why did you poke me?” Rarity huffed.

“Because you do cute things when I do.” I answered.

“I thought you said I wasn’t cute?” Rarity crossed her arms.

“You’re not cute, you’re beautiful. You just happen to do cute things.” I shrugged.

“What’s the difference!?” She blurted.

“May I take this one?” Fancy asked. I gestured for him to go ahead and he said, “There is a certain difference in beauty and cuteness, my dear Rarity. Foals are cute, mares are beautiful. Either way, Max is giving you a compliment. I do believe that this is what he meant earlier.”

Rarity blushed and covered her mouth. “Are you saying that I got so upset over being complimented?”

“Yes, we are. I was wondering why you were upset.” Fleur said.

I raised a hand. “I knew why, I just wasn’t having your attitude.”

“So instead of clarifying you exacerbated the problem?” Fleur asked.

I shrugged. “I never said that I was nice. I did say that I would have answered her question if she changed her tone, however.”

Fleur continued looking at me. “...Maybe you didn’t understand me. I just pointed out that you made the problem worse-”

“I know what exacerbate means, love, and I know what you meant. What you don’t understand about me is that I’m apathetic about, well, most things. It’s so incredibly difficult for me to give a damn that I stopped trying. If it doesn’t happen naturally, I rarely try to force it these days.” I shrugged. “I didn’t care for Rarity’s attitude, so I wasn’t going to deal with it.”

Fleur and Fancy traded a look. “...How much of your business as an Operative does Rarity know of?”

“Not enough to keep going down this path. Who here likes the Canterlot Crown Confectionery?” I tried to switch topics.

“Max, how many lives have you ended?” Fancy asked softly.

I glanced at Rarity. She was staring at me. “We’re not talking about this. Not right now.”

“Max, you know I wouldn’t judge you for anything-” Rarity started.

I cut her off. “You do it constantly. There’s no reason for me to give you more to judge me on, and there’s no reason to continue on this topic.”

Fleur tapped Fancy Pant’s shoulder twice and got up from his lap. He rose, walking over to Rarity. “I believe Fleur and Max have something they need to discuss. Perhaps we could pick up where we left off?”

She looked between myself and Fancy. “While I appreciate the offer, I’d rather be by Max’s side.”

I closed my eyes and sighed. “It’ll be easier on all of us if you just go with him, bonny. I’ll finish up with Fleur soon enough.”

Fancy gave me a look that screamed ‘Dats wot u tink m8’, Cockney accent and all. “Leave the door open when you’ve finished; we’ll make a few circuits around the house before returning.”

Rarity reluctantly followed him out, and Fleur took her place next to me on the loveseat. “You know, Max, it really does help to talk to somepony. I’ve been where you are, and you’re not alone in this.”

“Fleur, I’m literally the only human on this planet.” I chuckled.

She frowned deeply. “That’s not funny.”

“It is to me. I’ve made my peace with what I’ve done and who I am now, Fleur, I’ll be okay. We don’t need to have this conversation.”

Fleur gave me a long, hard look before she presented her forearm to me. “Feel my coat.” She commanded.

I raised a brow at her and ran a finger down her arm. “Okay, I’ve touched your coat.”

Fleur continued to stare at me while she took my hand and pressed it against her forearm. I felt something there that made my heart skip a beat. “You feel it, don’t you?”

“...Yeah.”

“I used to say the same thing you are now. I used to tell my friends that I was fine, and that I would get over it eventually. I lied to Fancy’s face and told him that I’d already made my peace with my work as an Operative. He found me, and the only thing that saved my life was the magic he learned as a Day Guard medic. I know what it feels like when you don’t care whether or not you see tomorrow, and I know what it feels like to feel so alone that even the ponies closest to you feel like their on the other side of the planet. I have been there, Max. I’ve felt your pain, I have lived through your struggle. I know we aren’t exactly the best of friends, but let me be there for you, as one Operative to another.

“Humans are different from Ponies, Fleur.” I stroked her scar gently. “I will be fine, I just-”

“You just what? You just want to make your friends and loved ones suffer when your gone? You just want it to be over so you don’t have to deal with it anymore?”

I grit my teeth. “I just need more time. I will get over it, if not for my own sake then for my friends and loved ones.”

“I can see I’m not getting through to you.”

“No, Fleur, I hear you! I’m listening. It’s just that-”

“How many times have you tried already?”

“...I’m not answering that.”

“Max.”

“Fleur.”

Fleur set her jaw and the sleeves of my suit suddenly went up my arms, exposing my forearms. “Kingslayer?”

“A token from a mission.”

Fleur’s jaw dropped. “You didn’t.”

“It’s effectively the reason I’m a Baron. Hurt like a bitch.”

Fleur shook her head. “Did you do this?”

“No, someone else did. It should have healed by now, but the cuts were pretty deep. If she hadn’t sewn me up, I probably would have bled to death.”

“It’s good that you didn’t do this. I don’t see any other scars…”

I had to grit my teeth to avoid blurting out that the other ones had healed when I’d died. No one besides me and Celestia knew about the first ones. “You won’t. There aren’t any more.”

Fleur’s horn glowed weakly. “That’s not the whole truth, Max.”

“Are you seriously using lie detection magic on me? Fucking seriously?” I said indignantly.

“If you would just tell me the truth, I wouldn’t have to.” Fleur said evenly.

I got up to open the door to the study, but Fleur’s magic enveloped my hand. “Let. Go.” I murmured darkly.

“How many times have you tried to kill yourself?”

“I lost fucking count after twenty, now kindly fuck off.”

Fleur’s jaw found it’s usual place on the floor. “...How are you alive?”

“I heal too fast to slit my wrists, eat poison, or drink myself to death. There aren’t any high places near Ponyville, so I never got to try jumping. Drowning only works if no one catches you, so that one was a bust. Nothing in the Everfree is willing to risk crossing me anymore, so there goes getting eaten alive. Is that the answer you’re fucking looking for, Fleur? Did you really want to reopen old wounds so you could close them like they already were!?”

Fleur took my hands in hers, but I snatched them away. “Max, those wounds aren’t closed-”

“Well they were perfectly fucking ignorable until you brought them up, so thanks for that, really.” I snarled.

Fleur sighed. “So how many lives have you taken?”

“By my own hand, fifteen. I’ve technically killed twenty people.” I said, losing a bit of my steam.

“Wow… You’re so young.” Fleur shook her head sadly. “It’s a shame that you’ve had to go through this, but I doubt that there are many who would have lasted as long as you have.”

“The only reason I’m alive right now is because I died and came back stronger. I would have been perfectly happy staying dead.”

“How did you die?” Fleur asked. I guess she knew better than to ask if it was true.

“I had a witch doctor whip up a couple potions for me and a friends so we could talk to animals. It worked, but the berries we used to make the potion are poisonous to humans, and they killed me within a few minutes of drinking it.”

“How are you alive?”

“Celestia and Twilight Sparkle brought me back with magic, though they were aided by something far more powerful than both of them, if my journals are correct.”

“So you don’t remember what happened after you died?” Fleur asked.

“I did. Long enough to get everything written down. I don’t know if I was hallucinating before I died, but when I came back, I knew exactly how long I’d been gone and who was trying to bring me back. I also knew that I had new powers that I didn’t have before. My journals said that the thing that gave me my powers made it so that I would only be able to remember what I’d gone through long enough to get it written down.” My heart had twinged throughout, warning me to be a little more vague.

“I know I’ve just spent the past few minutes digging far too deeply into your personal life, but do you think I could read those entries sometime?” Fleur asked.

“I would, but if they get read by eyes other than mine, and I knowingly let it happen, I’ll die a very painful, very long death, so I’m not exactly loose with the information I’ve given you. As it is, I could feel some things that are telling me that I can’t really explain much more than I already have.”

“Do you know what brought you back? I mean, if there’s something out there more powerful than Princess Celestia-”

“To answer your question, yes I do know what brought me back. I tell people that it was a Leshy, and that’s effectively what brought me back, depending on you definition of a forest.” You could call a planet with trees on it a forest. It has trees like a forest. My logic might be a bit wonky, but that’s my story and I’m sticking to it, though by my own logic, you could technically call Earth a house. “And there are a lot of things out there more powerful than Celestia. It’s just that when you’re immortal and nearly all powerful, doing whatever you want loses it’s luster, so most of them just keep their hands off the world. The only reason Celestia rules Equestria is because she feels like it more often than not.”

“But if that’s the case, then why don’t other countries have leaders as powerful as Princess Celestia? If there’s as many as you say, then there should be far more immortal rulers than the two that we have.”

“I’m guessing that Celestia is just in a certain place on the power ladder. She’s more powerful than the mortals, but she’s not as powerful as the Almighty. She’s probably just somewhere in the middle” I shrugged. “I don’t really know.”

“You know, you really are an interesting stallion.” Fleur grabbed my hand and smiled. “Keep that in mind next time you’re tempted to try another attempt.”

“And you really are nosier than an anteater.” I responded drily, Fleur looked taken aback before I let a small smile slip. “But, I do have to admit that you were right. The lives I’ve taken will always weigh on my conscience, but I needed to get my suicide attempts off of my chest. I trust that this conversation never leaves this moment.”

“Of course, though I want to request that I be allowed to tell my husband if he asks.”

I nodded. “It’s fine by me, but if I hear that this spread on your watch, I’m coming back to kill you.”

Fleur rolled her eyes. “I’m certain that if such a thing were to occur, that you’d only take a single limb as payment.”

“You never know: I might show up pissed and start making blood slugs.” I lifted my hands, palm upward. “You just never know.”

“As much as I love being idly threatened, I think I’ll just keep our conversation between us and Fancy.”

“Please do. I’ve never actually made a blood slug, and I don’t really want to start.”

“Let me know if you ever do. I’m sure some well placed morbid curiosity might lead us to something new.”

What the fuck? Was this bitch neck deep in Katawa Shoujo or something? “...You might want to reword that, love, because it sounds like you have an amputee fetish.”

Fleur blushed and swatted my arm. “The only fetishes I have are rough sex and roleplaying! I assure you, I have no interest in amputees.”

“That’s pretty shallow of you. Have you ever considered how they might feel? Because being snubbed by a woman as beautiful as you might drive them to something drastic.”

“How is that my problem? If I don’t find them attractive, then I have no obligation to them whatsoever, shallow or not.” Fleur huffed.

“It’s not your problem. You ate the bait, love.” I grinned and Fleur swatted me one more time.

“Talking to you is like trying understand Neighponese, I swear.” Fleur chuckled. “I really haven’t met another creature like you in all my years.”

“Speaking of your years, how many of them are there?” I asked.

“Didn’t Rarity tell you that it’s impolite to ask a mare her age?” Fleur scolded playfully.

“I think the need for politeness goes out the window after you sleep with someone. After you’ve given your body over to a person, is there really any reason to maintain social grace in private?”

Fleur tapped her chin. “I suppose you have a point, just don’t be upset with me.”

“Why would I be?” I asked.

“Well, being over thirty means that some stallions aren’t as proud of their conquest.” Fleur answered, looking down at her hands.

“I honestly don’t see why. I’d be proud, no, I am proud that I nailed one of the three hottest women I’ve ever met. I don’t see why being over thirty would have anything to do with anything unless you’re some kind of pedophile.”

Fleur patted my leg and chuckled. “I know you understand why, but it’s nice of you to say that.”

“Alright, just because I get it doesn’t mean I approve, obviously. Really though, why would you think that age matters to me? I dated the one of, if not the`oldest being on this planet.”

She blinked a couple times. “I didn’t think about that. I guess I just assumed that you thought like a stallion around your age, despite what you’ve shown me of your character.”

“How old do you think I am, sixteen?” I responded, mildly offended.

“I know it’s poor decor to tell a pony you’ve slept with about past experiences, but I think it’s rather important to the conversation for you to know that I’ve been spurned at least four times because I pretend to be younger so I can fit the ‘trophy wife’ image.” Fleur scrunched her face up in disdain. “If it wouldn’t ruin me, I would be honest about how old I am, but it will so I won’t.” She shrugged.

I patted her knee and sighed. “C’est la vie. At least know that I'm not going to judge you for being over thirty, though that does beg the question of which thirty are you.”

“I’m the first one after zero.” Fleur chuckled. “Approximately ten years older than you.”

“How do you know how old I am?” I asked.

“Didn’t the odd fact that ponies immediately know each other’s age come up in conversation?”

“Okay, fair point. Still, that’s super weird to me.”

“It’s just a normal part of Equestrian life, as far as I know. The question has never come up while I was abroad either.”

It took me a second to piece together ‘abroad’ rather than ‘a broad’. “Speaking of, where all have you been so far? It’s pretty rare that I meet another Operative.”

“Oh dear, I’ve been just about everywhere. Neighpon, Gryphonia, the Dragon Lands, Bridleland, Scotchland, Whales, Mexicolt, you name it, I’ve probably been there. I just recently retired as an Operative, after all.”

“It does pay pretty well. Care to share any interesting missions?”

“Well, there was the time I went to Neighpon to assassinate some rebel upstart, though I think I would rather hear about you. How did you get to Adolph when even Princess Luna failed?”

“I’ll tell you if you tell me about Neighpon, wherever that is.”

“It’s a medium sized island on the east coast Zhongguo, one of the largest countries in the world.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re talking about the equivalent of my world’s Japan, then. They fit the description pretty well.”

Fleur nodded and proceeded to tell me about the Neighpon mission. According to Fleur, it was her third mission as an Operative, and it had taken months of preparation . Luckily, Fleur had always been good with languages, so learning Neighponese wasn’t an issue, though she did forget a word every now and again. She’d entered the country via Teleportation Station and met up with the contact there before taking a long wagon ride to a place called Noshappu, a town on the Soya Bay Peninsula. Once she arrived there, she spent a week scoping out her target and the security before making her move. The night she was slated to kill her target, however, ninjas showed up and actually helped her with the job. She later learned that the ninjas were two of the fellows sons that had grown up to hate their father because of his abusive ways and harsh nature.

Fleur told me that when she’d watched the fellow, all she’d ever seen was him picking up and playing with his younger children while he was outside. Apparently, he’d actually been a pretty good guy in life, and learning that a year after the hit nearly destroyed Fleur. I noticed that her enthusiasm took a severe hit, so I told her about my assassination of King Adolph. She shook her head at my method of getting to him, and I really couldn’t blame her since it was needlessly violent, though she assured me that she was just surprised that it worked. Fleur’s jaw found the floor again when I told her that Queen Elfriede had actually, physically caught me, but let me go after I pretended to be a rebel that was trying to put her in power. I made sure to hold Fleur chin for her when I spoke about Elfriede wanting some dick from me so it wouldn’t bruise or get from spending so much time on the ground.

I had just finished my story when we heard a knock on the door. “Oh my, how long have we been talking?” Fleur asked before getting up to go get the door.

“About two hours. It’s already four in the morning.” I answered.

I heard Fancy say, “I hate to interrupt, but are you two finished?”

Fleur let them in. “We’ve actually been finished for some time now, we just forgot to open the door.” She giggled.

“I see from your mood that things went well.” Fancy observed.

“Yeah yeah yeah, we had a real Hallmark moment.” I grumbled loudly.

“I don’t know what that is, but it sounds like a good thing.” Rarity chimed in.

“It is. After our little talk, Fleur and I have been trading stories from times gone by.” I explained. “We kinda lost track of time.”

“I’m sure you could stand to learn a lot from Fleur, if you pay attention.” Rarity said.

Fleur pouted comically. “Now Rarity, that’s unfair to Max. He’s been quite the well mannered colt while I’ve been looking after him.”

Rarity snorted. “He’s only so well mannered for so long. I’m honestly surprised he hasn’t offended anypony yet.”

“Who says I haven’t? Maybe I offended Fleur while you were gone, ever think of that?” I jested.

“It wouldn’t surprised me.” Rarity yawned. “As much as I’d love to stay, shouldn’t we be getting back to our room, Max?”

“It is pretty early.” I tilted my head toward Rarity.

“Don’t you mean late?” She asked.

Fleur, Fancy, and I all chorused, “No.”

“Well then.” Rarity said, pursing her lips. “I suppose I’m out of the loop.”

“You can be in my loop anytime you want to be.” I grinned and stood up before stretching.

“Speaking of the time, isn’t it a little late in the night slash early in the day to be going places?” Fancy asked. “Why don’t you two just stay here for the, well, not quite night, but you know what I mean.”

I looked to Rarity. “We’d be delighted!” She answered for me.

Fleur caught my eye and gave me a subtle wink, making me grin in anticipation of the delayed round five. Fancy lead Rarity and I to separate rooms, but neither of us objected. I think Rarity was just happy that she didn’t have to share a room with me for when the morning came, and I was glad to be away from her morning halitosis. Seriously, shit was absolutely savage.

Rarity was worried about not having her usual kit with her, so Fleur and Fancy teamed up with her to teleport back to our room in the hotel to grab some of our things. Apparently they trusted me enough to leave me alone in their house, so I made sure not to betray that trust and stayed put in the study while they were gone. They came back with a ‘pop’, making me jump a little, though any noises that they claim I made did not happen.

Fancy was carrying my shit, and Fleur was helping Rarity levitate the ridiculous amount of things she’d brought with her. Fancy and I had a conversation without words about women and excessive packing, both of us chuckling. If you’ve never had a conversation without saying anything, then you probably don’t understand. I’m not going to fucking explain here because I understand it, and if you’re reading this, then I better be there to explain it, or I’m knocking your teeth down your throat, through your ass, then back into your ass and through your mouth. If you’re not with me, that’s your fucking problem, now iddinit?

Asides aside, I only had to wait thirty minutes for someone to come knocking on my door, though much to my surprise, it wasn’t Fleur. Rarity stormed in right past me when I opened the door. Thankfully, she’d totally ignored the thing I said, so I was in the clear for the time being.

“Maximus, do you even realize how terrible you made me look to Fleur and Fancy? You can’t even trust me enough to tell me how many ponies you’ve killed, but you can tell Fleur?” Rarity hissed. “Are we even friends, Max-”

I cut her off with a black glare. Rarity took the finger she was pointing at me,curled it to allow it to join the other fingers, then lifted that hand to her chest like she was pulling a string that would dump a bucket of fecal matter onto her. I wasn’t even mad, I just wanted her to shut up so I could say something, but I had to pretend to be mad for the sake of seeming like I have emotions. Life is really tedious sometimes.

I pointed a finger at her. “Rarity, don’t go there. I trust you with my life, and you damn well know that, so don’t you even think for a moment I don’t consider you one of the closest friends I’ve ever had.” Which was fucking sad, but true. I paused for dramatic effect and lowered my finger. “The reason I talked to Fleur instead of you or any of the girls is because she was an Operative like I was. What you need to understand is that everything about my works need to stay secret. When I say everything, I mean it. What I do cannot escape my lips beyond vague hints if I’m not talking to another Operative, save for Celestia and Luna.”

Rarity set her jaw when I stopped glaring at her. “So why did you tell Fleur and not either of the Princesses? You always claim to be friends with them, don’t you?”

I laughed in her face because she thought she had a point. “Listen, you really don’t understand my relationship with the Princesses. I’ve already told you that Luna has plans to kill me, and I assure you that she will enact them if the time ever comes. Luna will not hesitate to strike me down, so why would I talk to her about what’s just on my mind? We make barbed jokes to each other, play some pretty mean ‘pranks’, and occasionally talk about what’s on her mind because I’m one of the few outlets she has.”

Rarity opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. “And that’s probably the healthiest relationship I have out of the two of them, honestly. At least I know where I stand with Luna; with Celestia, she could kiss, kill or kidnap me, and there isn’t a damned thing I could do about if she really wanted to. If you could understand the levels of bullshit that Celestia has put me through,” I stopped before I could say that she’d made us forget multiple occurrences, “then you would understand why I deal with Celestia at length now. Seriously, do you think I really want to be talking to her right now? Do you think that our correspondences mean that I’ve magically forgiven her for… Multiple mistakes? Because I haven’t, Rarity. I’m still livid with Celestia, but she could wipe me off of the face of this planet, just like her sister will if she thought I didn’t need to be around any more.”

Rarity stared at me with her mouth slightly open, like words were dying on her breath as she drew air. I grinned. “My life has literally been at risk ever since I first spoke to Celestia, and I rather doubt that thought has crossed your mind, seeing as how you happen to think that the Princesses are really my friends. I’m allowed to ask favors of them because I make life interesting for them, I listen when they want me to, and they fuck with my life enough as it is that doing something nice for me every once in awhile isn’t a big deal, especially when they ask for something in return.”

There was a knock at the door, so I answered it, and once I saw that it was Fleur standing there, I said, “Oh, hullo there. Gimme like, fifteen to twenty minutes to make things up to Rarity and I’ll be right with you.”

“...Is everything okay?” She asked cautiously. “I’ve been here for a little while.”

“I’m just doing some much needed venting about my relationships with the Princesses. If you could-”

“I’ll never repeat a word. I’ll see you soon, Max.” Fleur said with a flirtatious smile.

I just grinned by way of response. I turned back to see tears streaming down Rarity’s face. “If it makes you feel any better, I’m not mad at you any more.”

“M-Marginally, b-but I-I can’t b-believe the P-Princesses m-mistreat you so, Max!” She half sobbed.

“I deal with it. It’s not as bad as I said it is, I was just angry, so things came out harsher than they really are.” I lied. Well, it may have been the truth. I thought what I’d said was correct, but it’s not like I could see into Celestia and Luna’s minds.

“R-Really?” Rarity asked through her tears.

“Pretty much.” I shrugged. “Oh, and Fleur and Fancy don’t think you’re a bad friend or a bad person. Fancy left with you because I can’t legally say anything to him, either.”

Rarity dried her eyes and I brought it in for a hug. “That actually does make me feel a fair bit better. Thank you.” She said, gently pushing me away.

“I spend too much time infuriating you, don’t I?”

“Far too much, but it makes it even nicer when you actually try to be pleasant.” Rarity offered me a little smile.

“I try all the time, I just don’t put much effort in on occasion.” I gave her a peck on the cheek and she lazily swatted at me before heading toward the door.

“Of course you do. If I pass Fleur on the way to my room, I’ll send her in... “ Rarity paused with the door halfway open and closed it. “Max?”

“Yes, bonny?” I raised my brows.

“...Are you sleeping with Fleur?” She asked slowly, as if she were testing the words out before releasing them.

“Yup. Sure am. Fancy knows.”

“I was going to tell you that he did, but if you already know that he knows… How can you look him in the eye?”

“Because he set me up with her. It’s just how their thing works.” I shrugged.

Rarity pursed her lips and nodded. “Do you mind if I ask if you’ve been with her recently?”

“Do you really want that question answered? Fleur isn’t going to replace you in my life or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about. I already have one hard headed, stubborn, fashion obsessed piece of delicious marshmallowy goodness, and I don’t think I need another.”

Rarity blinked a few times before responding. “I don’t believe I’ve ever had a stallion that could truly guess, without any help, what was on my mind. I would feel silly for feeling that way since we’re not even dating, but I’m too busy being surprised.”

“Guess that makes me a one of a kind.” I sighed. Thanks to Fleur bringing up the fact that I was soul crushingly lonely, that phrase lost a fair deal of it’s luster.

Rarity narrowed her eyes. “Is something wrong?”

“Just the usual only-being-of-my-species-on-a-foreign-planet-with-no-hope-of-seeing-my-home-again.” I answered casually. “I tried not to think about it, but it came up earlier while I was talking to Fleur, and I still don’t really care to address it.”

“I would press you, but I don’t want to make you angry again…”

I wondered if I should tell her that I faked most of the emotions she saw for a moment. “At least I don’t stay mad very long. Just have a neutral party interrupt while I’m yelling, and look scared when I turn back to look at you. I’ll feel bad, and even if I know what you’re doing, it’ll probably knock the edge off.”

“You know you’ve just given me a free pass to infuriate you whenever I see fit, correct?”

“You could do that, but I might end up killing you because I can hold a grudge like no other.”

“...I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.”

I threw my hands up in the air. “That’s why I don’t talk to anyone about how killing people makes me feel! It’s super uncomfortable!”

I swear Rarity closed her eyes and counted to ten. “Goodnight, Max.”

“Sweet dreams, bonny. Sweet dreams of me, that is.”

Rarity walked out the door while muttering, “Celestia knows I need another nightmare.”

“I heard that!” I called out after her.

In the ten or so minutes I had left before Fleur was due to come back, I changed into my night clothes so I could chill in bed without wrinkling my suit. I probably could have just gone naked since everyone in the house knew I was about to get laid, but I thought that seemed a little excessive. Besides, it was more fun if you had clothes to take off of each other: just like unwrapping a present.

Fleur returned soon enough and we proceeded to do a little dance, make a little love, and get down. Actually, we just had some rough sex that ended with me gaining the knowledge of what being bitten by a pony feels like. It’s really weird. Their teeth are a bit wider than a Human’s and they’re all flat, so it didn’t hurt at all, it was just a bit unsettling. It was like being bitten by a giant crisp clip that had little indentations mottled about it’s teeth. I didn’t mention any of this to Fleur since I didn’t know if she’d even get what I was talking about. I did, however, whisper sweet nothings in her ear until she fell asleep like a good little gigolo.

The Sun rose soon after I finished up with Fleur, and I was still wide awake. I fixed that issue with the advent of some herbal remedies and eventually passed out while marvelling at how soft Fleur’s mane was. Needless to say, I’d probably ruined the room with the smell of weed and sex.

I just realized that I live a life of vice. High five.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I woke up at two in the afternoon and waited for Fleur to get up. She’d taken her makeup off last night before we’d gone to bed, so I looked at her natural countenance and whistled. Rarity looked better without the colorful gunk, but Fleur was still a stunner in any case. She stirred when I brushed a lock of hair off of her face and opened her eyes when I pulled back from a kiss.

“Good afternoon, sleeping beauty.” I smirked.

Fleur blinked a couple times and a smile started to ease it’s way onto her face. “Hello there, handsome. Care to try kissing me awake again? I’m not quite there.”

I leaned down and gave her another kiss.

“One more?”

Another kiss.

“Really mean it this time!”

I shrugged and went for it. By the time I was done, we were both panting lightly. It was nice to have someone who could keep up with me again. “Do you want another one, or was that good enough?”

“Different lips, same kiss. Be sure to do that thing with your tongue.” Fleur said with a cheeky grin. She pushed the comforter off of her and stretched.

I complied with her wishes, and thus began the umpteeth round. Fleur really was a voracious lover, though I was happy to try and sate her desires to the best of my ability. Honestly, I hadn’t had that much fun with sex since I’d been with Celestia. All due respect to Fluttershy, Rarity, and Mary, but they just couldn’t hold a candle to Fleur's appetite.

After some more great adult fun time, Fleur left to go fulfill her morning routine and I did the same with the amenities in my room. Luckily I’d brought my knives with me so I could shave, though the Warbling Blade is the only one sharp enough to use for such a purpose. I was very careful not to nick myself and even got a nice, close shave while I did it. Shaving with a knife always adds points to the Man Card, so I felt like the risk of cutting bits of my face off was worth it. If it weren’t dangerous, it wouldn’t be worth doing.

I meandered about the house for a little bit until I found Fancy puffing on his pipe outside on the patio. I went back upstairs to grab my coat and pipe before I joined him, though all we did was sit in companionable silence and listen to the sounds of Canterlot. I didn’t feel the need to say anything because we’d already talked all fucking night, and I was pretty sure that he felt the same way. I was going to stay out and smoke another bowl, but Fancy got up and asked if I wanted to collect the ladies to go grab some breakfast at a little shop he knew. I was all for it since it meant I didn’t have to cook. I doubt that Fleur or Fancy would have let me, but still.

Fleur joined us an hour before Rarity got her lazy arse up and moving, so we spent the time telling stories to each other. Fleur told another story of her adventures as an Operative, Fancy went with his first assignment as Guard Captain, and I cut down the story that I’d used for my Midnight Stroll book so I wouldn’t take up too much time. Rarity came down to the sitting room around five thirty, so we finally got a move on and went to a some bistro with a complicated name. Every dish was fancier than Fancy himself, but that didn’t dissuade me in any way. I never understood why people back on Earth used to take pictures of their food. Just fucking eat it, nobody cares.

Our late lunch was nice, although there was a biting chill waiting to escort us home. It took it’s toll on my nose, but I was fine enough with my coat, gloves, and ratty old scarf. Fleur and Rarity had dressed for cold weather, but none of us had expected it to get so cold so quickly, which meant that our poor damsels were in distress. I caught Fancy’s eyes and nodded toward Rarity. He gave me a nod in return and we removed our coats simultaneously, handing them off to Fleur and Rarity respectively. They thanked us because they were supposed to and I embraced the cold like I was a Stark, my nipples turning into diamonds within seconds.

Luckily I was wearing another suit, so it’s not like it was noticeable. Without my warm peacoat, it was a little brisk out, though Fancy seemed to be weathering the weather whether he had his coat or not. I mimicked his stoicism in the face of face-numbing adversity and we soldiered on through the cold winds. I tried to keep everyone’s spirits up by telling terrible jokes on the way, and I got the pained groans I desired from my witty puns. Despite being told to end Rarity’s suffering, I abstained from beheading her as per her request.

Fancy and I walked Fleur and Rarity back to their mansion so we could get some quality archipelago time in. The older fellow lead the way toward his favorite smoke shop, a place called ‘Smoky’s Bowls and Better’. The name was rather uninspired, but it’s not like the name had anything to do with the quality of the shop’s wares. Just walking in, there was a sense of old money that seemed to choke the air, though that might have just been the copious amount of smoke in the room. Displays with beautiful pieces lined the walls and there were a few islands dotted about that held the particularly expensive pieces.

Fancy and I roamed around to see what I liked, and this one piece stood out to me above all others. It was a dark, ashen wood with a high polish and a timber wolf motif etched into it, wrapping around the sides with the majority of the picture on the bottom of the pipe. I fell in love with it immediately and pulled out my pocket watch to compare the engravings. Looking at them together, they seemed awfully similar, so I showed Fancy Pants my little discovery and he asked the clerk to remove the pipe from the display case so I could purchase it. The older gentleman hobbled off into the back room and returned with a replacement for the case in a handkerchief. He used some magic to lift the case and swapped the pipes, using another handkerchief to pick up the one I intended to buy.

Fancy asked me to show the old man my pocket watch, so I did, and when he saw them together, he told me that they’d been made by the same mare, and he even knew where she worked. I gave him a nice tip for that information and paid for my new piece before dragging Fancy along to go meet my favorite luxury item producer. Our destination was actually pretty close since we were in the arts and crafts section of town, so it didn’t take us long to cross the fucking street.

We walked into a shop that only had a menagerie of tools as decoration on its sign, though there wasn’t anyone at the counter. In fact, the front of the place looked like it was rarely ever used, so I called out, “Hullo? Anyone home?”

There was a clash from further in, but I thought it would be rude to invite myself in any further, so I hung back at the doorway until a disheveled looking woman came strutting in from out of my line of sight. She was around my age, if I had to guess, and she looked awfully familiar. She had a cream colored coat and a dark brown mane that hung to her shoulders. She reminded me an awful lot of Nebula, come to think of it.

“Who the hay are you?” She asked testily.

I help up my purchase from earlier. “Did you make this?”

She came closer and took the piece from me to inspect it. “Yeah, I did. What’s it to you?” She handed it back.

I held up the pocket watch. “You make this too?”

She did the same thing with it. “Yeah, I made them. Again, what’s it to you?”

“I like the things you make. How do I know if you made them?” I asked simply.

The woman blinked. “I’m the only pony who uses timber wolves that I know of.”

“Well that solves that. If you make anything else, send me a message via Dragon Fire or carrier pigeon. Whichever works for you. I’ll probably buy whatever it is, if it’s the same quality as either of these.”

“Sorry to rain on your parade, bub, but I stopped making that garbage a couple years ago.”

I shook my head. “Shame, you were good at it. I suppose I could leave you to whatever you were doing now.”

“Please do. It was very important work.”

“I swear, if you say that you’re cooking up poison, then I’m going to flip my shit.”

She just looked at me. I took that as my cue to leave, so I lead Fancy out onto the streets, and he took over from there to get us back to his place. It didn’t bother me that there wouldn’t be any more timber wolf pieces, but it did bother me that I hadn’t learned the craftswoman’s name, despite seeking her out. At least I had met the person that made my cool shit.

Fancy and I had our coats back, so the cold wasn’t as much of an issue as it had been before. There was another place that my host wanted to show me, so I walked with him to a genteel club that was full of stuffy old dudes. Most of the rooms in the placed had smoke pouring out of them, and the heady herbal odor made me go anosmic within minutes. Still, I got this one old guy incredibly high, so the trip was well worth it.

After I’d had my fun and Fancy had done a smidge of damage control, we went back to his place, and from Fleur’s body language, I immediately knew something was wrong. Fancy picked up on it himself and went to go have a word with her, so I went to go find Rarity to do the same, but before I could get far, Fleur told me that Rarity had gone back to the hotel room in lieu of staying around any longer. I asked about what happened and she said that she and Rarity had just had a disagreement on whether or not some secrets need to stay secret.

Fleur was of the opinion that some secrets could only be told to certain people that fulfill various requirements. Rarity believed that a secret shared with a friend was sacred, the ultimate form of trust, and she thought that I had robbed her of the opportunity to grow closer to me. Fleur had argued that the information I shared would have alienated her from me, despite Rarity’s claims, and Rarity had a problem with that. After a brief clash of harsh words, Rarity stormed out. I couldn’t do much more than shake my head at my friend’s particular brand of bullshit. It killed me that she still didn’t quite get the idea of me not being able to talk about certain things, but I was tired of explaining the same thing to her, over and over again. I felt like I needed to have a very loud word with her on the specifics of why she shouldn’t keep asking about what I do as an Operative. I mean, a loud conversation would get my point across in the usual fashion, but I thought about going for a scolding based around staring Rarity down. I knew that I could, and I could be more polite that way while sounding lethal, so I decided to go with that.

Fancy wished me luck and Fleur told me that she hoped Rarity would get over it. She wasn’t quite that blunt, but that’s pretty much what she said. I marched on through the streets of Canterlot, backtracking every so often because I hadn’t really been paying attention when Rarity and I rode to Fancy’s. When I got to the hotel, I learned that I’d actually shown up before Rarity. I waited around in her room until she came in, shivering and miserable. She plopped down next to me and laid her head on my shoulder. I was tempted to shrug her off, but if I could solve this in a nice way, I guessed that I could do that.

“Bonny, what’s really eating at you?” I asked softly.

“Oh, I don’t know! I thought that I was jealous of the attention you were giving Fleur, but then it just got out of hand. I heard you last night and this morning, and I just… It’s hard to let you be your own stallion sometimes. I… I don’t want to be just friends with you, but I refuse to share you as anything but a friend! Do you understand what I’m saying, Max?”

“You’re either in love with me or obsessed with me.” I answered casually.

“...You’re not making this easy.”

“Let me ask you a few questions and I’ll make it easier.”

Rarity hesitated. “Go on.”

“Why wait until now to say anything? We went months without much more than the occasional cuddle, and all the while I was with Fluttershy, but you never said anything. Why do you feel threatened by Fleur, but not by Fluttershy?” I asked.

“Fluttershy is just so different from me that she doesn’t really threaten your affection for me in my eyes. I really tried to keep my emotions out of our agreement, Max, I really did, but after the first time I woke up in your arms… It was over for me.” She admitted.

I closed my eyes and sighed, drawing in the silence for the moment. I looked at Rarity and said, “I’ll tell you the same thing I told Fluttershy, and the same thing I told Celestia. I’m not someone you can tie down and expect to keep on a leash at you leisure. I will not allow you to control my life beyond the interactions I have with you. I’m a terrible person with terrible secrets, and if you can’t accept these four facts, then you’ll only end up miserable by my side. Fluttershy learned to let me talk when I’m ready, and Twilight learned to ask the right questions. What have you learned?”

Rarity thought about it for a moment. “...I suppose I haven’t really given what you need much thought. I thought that you only needed a shoulder to cry on on rare occasions, but I didn’t want to face the fact that you don’t really cry anymore. You hold your pain inside and only let it show during those rare times when you can open up. It’s not really a question of whether or not you want to, it’s more like it’s whether or not you can.”

“That’s pretty accurate, though it’s not like I ever really want to open up. I’ve never been one to share his feelings beyond an argument, which is how Fleur got me to talk in the first place.”

“So I have to make you angry for you to let me know how you feel?” Rarity asked.

“Depending on what you’re trying to find out, then yes. I’d prefer it if you just let me have my space, but that’s usually what needs to happen for me to get something off of my chest.”

Rarity sighed heavily. “I suppose I’ll have to keep my distance from you once I apologize to Fleur for being so unpleasant. As much as I would love to try and work things out…”

“We’re just too different.” I summarized.

“That, and I don’t believe that we’ll ever find happiness with each other. I’m far too possessive to share you with just any random mare, and you desire your freedom too much.”

“What if I told you beforehand and asked if it was okay by you? I don’t exactly sleep around often, and I don’t mind as long as you get some peace from it.”

Rarity shook her head. “It wouldn’t be enough. I think it’s just better if we end our agreement and stay friends.”

“I can’t say that I’m not disappointed, but I do understand where you’re coming from. Thank you for honoring our agreement, even if it is a little late.”

“I wish that I could say it was no problem, but it’s been on my heart for some time now.”

I nodded sagely. “Understandable. So are we still going to the Equestrian Harmonic in a couple days?”

“With all due respect, I believe I’ve had my fill of Canterlot for now. I bought a ticket back to Ponyville while I was out, and I leave in two hours, so I really do need to speak with Fleur before I go. If you want to join me, you know that you’re welcome, but I do hope that you’ll stay to see them perform.” She gave me a wan smile. “It would be a wonderful opportunity for you to take Twilight’s parent’s out so you can get to know them better, and you can spend some more time with Fancy and Fleur. I know you’ve taken quite the liking to them.” Rarity said wistfully.

“I’m sure that Fleur will forgive you, and I know Fancy understands your struggle better than I do. I’ll ask Night Light and Velvet if they want to go, because that’s a fucking wonderful idea. I like those guys.”

“I hope she will, and don’t you usually only say ‘fuck’,” She used some air quotes, “when you’re upset.”

“No, I say fuck all the time. I use fuck to describe a lot of things, actually.”

“I’ve noticed, but you say it more often when you’re upset.”

“I tend to, but it’s not always an indicator. Fuck you for thinking that, by the way.”

Rarity rolled her eyes and rose from the bed. “Whatever you say, Max. I’m going to go see Fleur, are you coming?”

I thought about it. “Do you want me there for some kind of emotional support?”

“It would be easier for me, but I’m not asking you to come with me as anything other than a bystander.”

“Then I’m just going to head to Twilight’s parent’s place, if that’s the case. I’ll meet you at the train station before you go.”

“Don’t bother.” Rarity said quickly. “It’ll just be an inconvenience for you.”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to, bonny-”

“Please stop calling me that.” Rarity asked.

“...Yeah. Okay. I’ll see you in Ponyville then.”

“Until then, Max.”

Rarity left the room and I suddenly felt like I didn’t want to be there either, so I grabbed my coat and hit the streets. It was pretty dark out, but the street lamps lit the main roads just fine, though it didn’t matter to me at all. I was travelling through the alleyways, looking for a spot of trouble or a scuffle to get my mind off of Rarity. I hated that things would never be the same between us, and I wished that I could have fallen in love with Rarity so that I wouldn’t have had to lose her. It already caused a little ache in my chest, knowing that I’d probably just lost a friend as well as a lover, and I wasn’t trying to deal that shit at the moment, so I did what I did the first time I was allowed out and about at night in Canterlot: I found a place to case.

I wanted nothing more than to get into action, but I had to keep a cool head if I was planning on plying my trade, so after I marked my mark on my mental map, I meandered through the streets until I found Night Light and Velvet’s house. If I could, I would try to burn some time there so my mark had a bit of time to go to sleep, but it’s not like I would hold them up if they were preparing for bed themselves.

After waiting for a minute or two, Night Light answered the door. He greeted me much more cheerfully than he had the last time, so I asked him if he and his wife would like to accompany me to the Equestrian Harmonic in a two days. Night Light told me that they’d already been planning to go and invited me to sit in the balcony seating they’d secured with a few friends. There were still a few open seats as long as I bought a ticket for one of them, so I agreed to sit with them as long as I could include Fancy and Fleur in some of the aforementioned open seats. He was kind enough to let me know that Fleur and Fancy were also planning on attending, so that meant I pretty much had my night to myself if I so desired.

I couldn’t find a reason to take up any more of his time, so I bid him goodnight and fucked off, trolling through back alleys for a couple hours. It was one in the morning when I came across a familiar little jazz joint that still had it’s lights on. I pushed my plans for breaking and entering to the back of my mind and walked in. Surprisingly, the first thing I noticed was that the same cellist was on stage. I kept an eye on her while I walked into the bar, which caused me to bump into someone. I whipped my head around and spotted a slightly off white colored coat that happened to be on a rather cute young woman. Her hair was a combination of blue and electric blue that told me that this one liked to party and her shades were pretty cool.

“My bad, love, I wasn’t watching myself.” I apologized.

She looked me up and down with a scowl. “Be more careful, will you? It’s not like it’s exactly close quarters.”

“If I hadn’t just apologized, I’d do it here. Let me buy you a drink to show you that I meant it.”

She gave me a befuddled look. “Don’t most ponies just apologize again and go on with their lives?”

“You might want to take your glasses off, love. I’m not exactly a Pony.”

She smirked and took her glasses off. “Wow, they make you look better.”

“I think you look fine without them, don’t be so hard on yourself.” I jibed.

She rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t talking about-”

I interrupted her. “I know what you were talking about, I’m not dumb. I suppose you would have figured that out if you weren’t so busy making cliche jokes.”

The woman shook her head at me before sitting at the bar. I stood by for a moment to see if she would say anything else, so I wasn’t surprised when she asked, “Didn’t you say you were going to buy me a drink?”

“Sorry, I only buy drinks for people with names.” I said as I sat next to her.

She rolled her eyes again. “My name’s Vinyl Scratch, and I’d like a Wonder-Clap.”

The bartender heard her from a meter or so away and raised a brow at me. I gave him the nod and thus I opened a tab for the night. “So what the Hell is a Wonder-Clap?”

“It’s a Cloudsdale special, a mix of a Wonderbolt and a Thunderclap.” Vinyl answered.

“What goes into it is what I’m asking. The liquor, not the names.”

It was a night for eye rolling apparently. “How do you drink, but not know what goes into anything?”

I pulled out my pipe and packed it while she was talking. “Because I don’t usually drink at bars or clubs. There just isn’t much of a club scene where I live, though I might start coming here if the cellist on stage keeps coming back.”

“So you’re not a Canterlot native, nor do you live in Canterlot. Why the buck are you here at party pony hours?”

“I ran out of shit to do. I was originally just here for a party with some nobles I don’t despise and to go see the Equestrian Harmonic next time they perform, but now I’m looking for some trouble.”

Vinyl snorted. “That explains why you look like some stuck up douche, but that doesn’t explain why you’re here.” She said, pointing downward. The bartender passed her her drink, and it looked pretty good.

“Oh. The first and last time I came here, the cellist was playing, so I stopped looking for trouble and came in for a drink.” I just went with some bourbon because it felt like a bourbon kinda night to me. My drink was a lot easier to make, so I got it within seconds

“You know the cellist has a name, right?”

“People tend to, don’t they?” I asked sarcastically.

“You’re a real smart ass, you know that?”

“I also induce headaches and arousal depending on the conversation. Sometimes I do both at the same time.”

Vinyl laughed. “I’m so warning Octavia to stay away from you. You’d send her straight into a conniption or something like, five minutes into a conversation.”

“Do whatever you want as long as you don’t cock block me. If her hands can work an instrument like that, just think about what she could do to you.” I chuckled.

Vinyl guffawed. “Dude, I’m telling her you said that when she takes a break. That’s just too funny!”

“Give me a chance to tell her that she’s great before you do. I’d like her first impression of me to be half decent at least.”

“You say that like you care.”

“Hey, just because I approached you with snark and sarcasm doesn’t mean I do the same thing to everyone.”

“You bumped into me! Sorry I was a little salty, but you could’ve tried being nice or something.”

I scoffed. “You’re not crying or mad, so be happy. I could have been a much bigger prick if I felt like it.”

“You say that like I couldn’t be just as bad.” Vinyl said, sipping her drink.

“I doubt it. You’re too short and sweet to be mean.” I flirted shamelessly.

“Smooth… Wait, what’s your name again?” She asked.

“Max. I can’t believe you already forgot my name. Am I that boring?” I asked with a grin. I hadn’t mentioned my name on purpose so she would have to ask, though I’ll warn any eligible bachelors out there that it only works if a girl is interested in you in any way.

“Max. I don’t think you told me your name. I would remember something as interesting as that.”

“Are you sure you haven’t just been drinking too much? You’ve had so many Wonder-Claps, your hair turned blue!”

Vinyl looked at me like I was stupid before smiling like she was stupid. “Hey, what do you say I introduce you to Octavia now? She just finished her set.”

I looked over to the stage to see that Vinyl was correct. Octavia had left her cello resting on a stand, but she herself had disappeared. “Huh, would you look at that. Yeah, we can do that if you don’t mind.”

Vinyl picked her drink up and I left a fifty bit piece on the counter when I grabbed my own because I wasn’t done yet. I followed Vinyl onto the stage and through the curtains to a back room where Octavia was changing clothes. I immediately left the room, though Vinyl didn’t follow me, which I imagined was her plan in the first place. She’d probably lead me in there to see whether or not I would stay for an eyeful, and I hoped that I’d made the right choice in leaving.

While I was bemoaning the fact that I may have just ruined a potential threesome, Vinyl opened the door and gave me a shit eating grin. “Sorry, I forgot that Octy likes to change when she’s finished with her sets for the night. You can come in now.”

I gave her a flat look and her smile deeped. “Oi! Octavia!” I shouted.

Vinyl gave me an odd look. “Yes?” I heard from behind the door.

“Are you decent?” I called back.

“Yes.” She responded. Vinyl just huffed and went back inside, so I followed her shortly thereafter.

When I stepped back into the room, I saw that Vinyl had removed the jacket she had been wearing and that Octavia was, in fact, clothed this time. “Hullo, Octavia. It’s nice to put a name to the number.” I extended a hand to her.

“You are speaking of a musical number, yes?” She said, tilting her head.

“What else would he mean?” Vinyl asked.

“He could mean a literal number. I am unaware of all the possible ways that Max may know me.” Octavia stated.

“For the record, I know you from here. I was having lunch one day while I was meandering about town and saw you play. That was a few months ago now, but I’ve always wanted to compliment you for your artistry.”

Octavia nodded. “Thank you for your compliment. Is there anything else you wished to address?”

“Not at the moment. Thank you for your time.” I raised my drink to her and turned to leave, but Vinyl caught my arm.

“Dude, is that seriously all you have to say?” She asked, bewildered.

“I told you all I wanted to do was compliment her. What do you want me to do, bend over and ask her to shove her bow up my arse and play my intestines like she does the cello?”

“For the record, I would not fulfill that request.” Octavia remarked.

“Thank you, I wouldn’t ask you to do that.” I replied.

“If you have a song you would like to hear, I will play it for you if I know it.” Octavia offered.

“I don’t really know much about Equestrian music to be honest with you. I’d love to see you play again sometime, though.”

“If you are interested in more orchestral music, I will be performing with my band during the interlude at the Equestrian Harmonic’s performance the day after tomorrow.”

“Looks like I’m in luck, then. I already have plans to attend so I’ll see you there.” I gave her a crooked smile.

Octavia returned it with a muted one of her own. “It will be nice to know that I have a fan in the audience.”

Vinyl patted her back heartily. “You always have fans in the crowd, babe! You just need to have some confidence in yourself for once!”

“I possess confidence in my abilities-”

“But not in yourself?” I asked.

Octavia stared at me. “It is very impolite to interrupt someone.”

“It’s also impolite to blah blah blah, but something, words, and I don’t know you well enough to think that you’re a good person or something.”

Vinyl joined Octavia in staring at me. “You know you’re supposed to try and be supportive, right?”

I shrugged. “I can’t be supportive to someone who’s already doing extremely well. What if their ego explodes and I go to prison for manslaughter? Or ponyslaughter. Whichever.”

Octavia and Vinyl traded a look. “He reminds me of you.” They said in unison.

I looked between them. “Does that mean the threesome Vinyl promised is back on?

Vinyl burst out laughing and Octavia looked at me some more. “I feel no desire to participate in sexual acts involving more than one pony.”

“How about now?” I asked.

“The answer is still no.”

I snapped and sighed. “Got my hopes up for nothing.”

Vinyl caught her breath. “Octavia, you should’ve heard what he said earlier!”

“I feel as though I should not listen to anything pertaining to your actions together.” Octavia said.

Vinyl gave her a stern look. “I told you I was past all that!”

“Past all what?” I asked.

“I used to be a real party mare. Like, I really liked parties, and the things you may or may not do at them after a few drinks.” Vinyl replied.

“Ah, so you were a nympho.” I nodded sagely. “I understand your struggle.”

Vinyl joined me in nodding. “It’s so hard sometimes. Especially when I see that it's hard.”

“I know the feeling. When I see a woman with a nice bottom pass me by, it’s difficult not to try and charm her.”

Vinyl looked at me then turned around and looked at her arse. “Is that why you started talking to me? I’ll bet you were just using that bump as a way to get to me!”

I chuckled. “No, that would have failed if I’d done it on purpose. I was actually just watching Octavia play while walking.” I checked her out. “Though I probably would have talked to you anyways. You do have quite the arse.”

Vinyl rolled her eyes at my antics. “I totally just gave you a great setup, and you blew it.”

“Sorry, love, I’ll do better next time. If I feel like it.” I grinned.

“Do better now and you might get lucky.” Octavia said.

Vinyl and I looked at her. I was a little shocked that those words had actually come out of her mouth. “He might get lucky with you, but his chance at me is already gone.” Vinyl stated.

A smile started to grow on Octavia’s face. “I would be willing to bet that Max could change your mind with minimal effort.”

Vinyl snorted. “Fat chance. Have you heard this guy talk? He’s been throwing jabs at me since I met him!”

“Haven’t you ever heard that boys are mean to the girls they like?” I said with a grin. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to change your mind with words, though.”

“If you can do it with a kiss, I will give you twenty bits.” Octavia offered.

Vinyl opened her mouth to argue and I went for it. Thankfully she closed her mouth so I could actually kiss her, though she pursed her lips and tried to push me away once. I risked being a prick so I could win the bet, and it paid off since Vinyl stopped trying to get away after that one time. She eventually started getting into it, but before I let her win a bout of tongue wrestling, I pulled away and wiped away some excess.

“How’d I do?” I asked. Vinyl wasn’t as aggressive as Fleur, so I’d been able to go at my own pace.

Vinyl, however, was a little out of breath. “G-Good. You did good.”

I turned to Octavia and gave her a wink and a thumbs up. She shook her head at me, sighing. “I did not think that would happen.”

“What were you expecting? Did you think he was just going to give me a peck and be done?” Vinyl asked, crossing her arms.

“As a matter of fact, yes. Yes I did.” Octavia remarked.

“Well then maybe you should see if you want to sleep with him after one little kiss instead of trying to get me laid, if that’s how you think.”

Octavia stepped a bit closer and examined me closely. It was a bit weird since I swear I could feel her gaze, but I withstood the awkwardness and awaited her verdict all the same. “I do not want to take the risk. I must be at my best for the show.”

Vinyl scoffed. “It’s in like, two days. You have time to get some and gather yourself in two days.”

“I still do not wish to take the risk.”

I coughed a couple times to garner some attention. “I can respect that, though I’m wondering why you’re trying to get your friend laid since she doesn’t seem to have a problem with finding her own boy toys.”

“Oh, dude, Octavia’s not my friend, she’s my mare. We’re dating.”

I blinked. “That just fills me with more curiosity, both about my question and about other things.”

Octavia held up a hand. “Save you gutter thoughts for another time. I am trying to have you sleep with Vinyl because I have been unable to perform my duties as her special somepony due to my schedule. Vinyl has been abstaining from intercourse because I asked her to, but I know that it has been hard for her. I find you to be an amusing fellow, and Vinyl seems to like you, so I am okay if she chooses to sleep with you.”

I nodded. “You really just want to know who she’s doing before she does. When am I going to get those bits, by the way?”

“Exactly. And I'm sure that you will receive adequate payment.” Octavia answered.

“Well then.” Vinyl pursed her lips. “If you’re going to give me permission, then I’m just going to catch you at home…” She scratched her head. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“I would not have said so otherwise, honey bunny.” Octavia stated drolly.

Vinyl blushed hard and I grinned. “The pet name is strong with this one. I like it.”

“Shut up and let’s get a move on, we don’t have all night, and I’d like to get some sleep before noon.” Vinyl said.

I scoffed. “Good luck doing anything tomorrow. I’ve brought more experienced women than you to their knees. Not for anything in particular, it’s just a dominance thing.”

Vinyl swatted my arm and gave me a dishonest frown. “The more you talk, the drier I get.”

“Sorry love,” I said, leaning into my ‘accent’ a bit, “I wasn’t being considerate. Let me make it up to you, yeah?”

I saw the corner of her mouth start twitching and she said, “We’ll see. Let me say goodbye to Octavia and I’ll catch you at the bar.”

I nodded and said farewell to my new favorite wing-mare. She didn’t even really know me and she was about to let me bang her girlfriend, which was kinda weird, but I was going to get laid out of it, so who am I to complain? I drained my drink on the walk back to the bar and picked up my pipe from where I’d left it. Usually I wouldn’t be so careless with my items of interest, but the club only had a few patrons anyway and the pipe was still full of some unknown herb, so I figured that it would be safe enough. I struck a match and mimicked a few of the other patrons, blowing smoke rings into the air. It had been some time since I’d done it, but once you learn, you don’t really forget.

Vinyl caught up with me at the bar and was eager to get back to my hotel room, so I finished my drink and we were on our way. Just to keep things from getting too quiet, I asked Vinyl a few personal questions and she gave me a whole lotta snark. In fairness, I gave it right back to her when she started asking her questions, but she did it first! Bullshit aside, we got to the hotel unaccosted. I would write down what happened, but I guess I was spoiled by Fleur. Vinyl was perfectly fine in that she could keep up, but it was like something was missing. Still, I had fun, and after a few rounds, I even got off. By the end of it, Vinyl was passed out and I was wide awake with the Sun rising on a new day. After lying around for an hour, basking in the afterglow, I lit my pipe and pulled a couch over to the window to watch the world slowly rotate. The coffee I made was expensive because it was an expensive hotel, but it was well worth it.

I spent my morning burning through my stash like it was going out of style, but I had plenty left in my bags. I’d assumed that Rarity was going to be annoying the Hell out of me during the entire trip, so I’d packed accordingly. Now that she wasn’t around to irritate me, I missed her and her prissy ways. I knew that sitting around and longing for her company wasn’t going to do me any good, which is why I stayed high all morning. Sadly, I couldn’t fall asleep, despite my constant smoking, so I got a few spare sheets of paper and wrote my journal entries.

Vinyl woke up a few minutes before I finished with my writing, but it wasn’t like she was going anywhere. We’d gotten to the hotel at five thirty or so in the morning and hadn’t gotten any rest until ten. It was six by the time Vinyl woke up, and I realized that I’d wasted an entire day waiting for her to get the fuck out of bed. There was some good news in the form of Vinyl offering to meet up with me if I was ever in town again, and a little parting gift from her by way of mouth hug. She left shortly after a shower that I’m sure was lonely, and I followed her lead about thirty minutes later.

I didn’t have anywhere that I wanted specifically to go, so I headed to the castle to say hi to Luna since the Sun had already set. Unfortunately, the castle wasn’t very close to the hotel, so I had a bit of a trek ahead of me, though I would get to stop by the Triple C on my way there. When I got there, I bought some various chocolate covered fruits for Luna, a small Germaneigh chocolate cake for Celestia, and a few biscuits for myself. They were chocolate chip, and straight out of the oven, so they still retained their gooey nature. I was in heaven for the duration of my snacking.

The Night Guards at the castle gates had no idea who I was until I flashed them the Warbling Blade. I actually got some respect from them for that, so I was sure to wish them a good night and good luck because they weren’t pricks. I knew that the Night Guards were generally more laid back than their daytime counterparts, but the disparity between them was a little excessive. I think I remember Velvet Breeze telling me that Night Guards tried to be nicer to offset their intimidating appearance.

I shouldn’t have brought her up. That still smarts a bit.

Luna really did take my advice to heart when I told her to revamp the bureaucracy. I only had to sign one paper to get into Night Court; a far cry from the ten I still had to fill out if I ever wanted to see Celestia. After giving the steward guy a completely unnecessary (and probably unwanted) hug, I walked into the Court Hall and said, “Who’s ready for a snack?”

Luna lifted her head from her hand and looked at me. “Maximus. It is good to see you, though I wish you would have told me that you were coming beforehoof.”

“Sorry, but you know how spontaneous I can be.” I grinned. “I brought you a present.”

“Present your present, then.” Luna punished.

I groaned and grabbed the box of candy I’d gotten her, walking closer to the dais. “You know that was super gross, right?”

She sniffed. “I don’t believe I know what you’re talking about. Puns are perfectly acceptable.”

“My puns are acceptable. Yours make me wish I was underneath a very large, very loud man, getting my fudge packed.” I remarked.

“I don’t see what confections have to do with anything. You really must learn to use fewer colloquialisms with me.” Luna scolded.

“If I didn’t say things you don’t understand, I wouldn’t get away with half the shit that I do.” I grinned and handed her the candy.

She opened the box and tried a piece. “Chocolate covered oranges?”

I cringed. “Okay, that sounds pretty bad. It’s supposed to be chocolate covered fruits, but I didn’t know that there were random things in there. I figured it was cherries and strawberries or something.”

Luna ate another one. “They’re not terrible. I suppose you can be nice.”

I rolled my eyes and sat down next to the throne. “You’re full of crap. Wait until you get the piece I shoved a thumbtack into, then you’ll get the idea.”

Luna tossed a piece to me. “I hope it’s that one. It would serve you right to have your own tricks turned against you.”

I popped it into my mouth. “If that’s so, then my mischief tastes like honeydew. I fucking hate honeydew.”

“So do I. That’s why I gave you that piece.”

“You suck sometimes, you know that?” I asked.

“I believe I do less sucking than yourself. How often have you found a stallion in your mouth?”

“Not as often as you have, I guarantee it. Unless you’ve been a lifelong lesbian, you’ve got little chance.”

“I would argue that a thousand years would be a long enough time to invalidate any previous encounters.”

“Eh, I’ll give it to you, though the only time I ever had a dick in my mouth, I bit it off.” I jested.

Luna chuckled. “One would assume that such a brutal method of castration might make you many enemies.”

“I’ll say. It made the rest of the gangbang rather awkward.”

Luna covered her mouth and bit back her laughter for a few seconds. Once she was done convulsing, she sighed and said, “Thank you for that. I needed a laugh.”

“Anytime, Lulu. As long as I get to keep calling you Lulu without dying or being gelded, I’ll come up with funny shit to say.”

She used her magic to whack the back of my head. “Then any other kind of abuse is fine?”

“Don’t push your luck, Blue Bean, I’ll give you a wet willy you’ll never forget.” I threatened.

“What is that?” Luna asked. I slobbered on my pinkie and put it in her ear, though the effect was different than I’d intended. Instead of shivering in disgust, Luna punched me in the ribs and that shit hurt. I took a moment to gather my breath and Luna pawed at her ear, trying to get my spit out of it.

“Why was your finger wet!?” She demanded.

“Because it’s a wet willy.” I gasped.

“I do not like them. Do not seek to give me another.”

“No problem. Won’t hear me complain.” I massaged my side.

“What manner of nonsense was that? Did you put your finger in your mouth or something?”

“It’s not like I brought a bottle of water with me.” I replied.

Now Luna shivered. “Disgusting!”

“Playground bullies have been doing it for hundreds of years, love. I’m surprised you didn’t have something like that back in your time.”

“Never. A pony’s ears are very sensitive. Too sensitive for any manner of tomfoolery.” Luna huffed.

I reached over and started rubbing her ear. Luna turned her head to look at me like I was dancing through a minefield. “I’m sowwy Lulu, I didn’t mean to huwt your eaw.”

“What are you doing?”

I grinned at her. “Rubbing your ear.”

“Why are you doing that?”

“How does it feel?”

“...Pleasant. Please stop.”

I stopped and kept my hands to myself. “I’ll have to try rubbing someone’s ears sometime. If theirs are as soft as yours, then I’ll have fun with my little experiment.”

Luna shook her head. “Playing with a pony’s ears is an intimate gesture. If my guards didn’t already know that you are my friend, they most likely would have seized you.”

“I figured they would’ve gotten to me when I got up here on the dais if they didn’t already know. When you say that it felt pleasant, what do you mean?”

“When you rub a pony’s ears, it can be either mind numbingly comforting or sensual.”

“I’m going to guess that I’m not supposed to guess which one you are out loud.”

“Your supposition is correct.” Luna tugged at my arm until I bent over so she could pat my head. “Good Max.”

“I’m not your dog, love.”

“I’m not your love, dog.”

I traded some more quips with Luna for a while longer because it’s always a fun time and she usually has some great comebacks. I left Celestia’s cake with her along with an explanation as to why I was there in the first place. Telling someone that you just desired their company is a good way to make someone’s day on occasion, and I was glad that I could make Luna smile without saying something completely retarded for once.

I didn’t really feel like doing anything, so I went back to my hotel room, and thankfully, the maid service had come through like I’d asked. I fell into bed and stared at the ceiling for a little while. I didn’t feel like doing anything, so I made myself get up and get my journal caught up. I didn’t really want to bother with them since I would have to copy them into my new journal anyway, but I didn’t want to forget anything important, so I did it anyway. I went to bed shortly after and lied there for a few hours until I eventually got dragged into the undertow.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning, I woke up a bit sore. I’d gotten plenty of sleep through the night despite waking up a few times, so I wasn’t lacking in energy too badly, though my pelvis was letting me know that I should have slept after having Vinyl over. In any case, I had hours before I had to head over to the Canterlot Concert Hall, so I was going to spend my time doing something productive. I decided to continue the sequel to A Single Breath, but couldn’t remember if I’d named it or not. I was only a few chapters into the story as it was and wanted to take it in a different direction, so I tore out the pages I wanted to retcon and started from there. A Thousand Moments would be better than A Single Breath if I had anything to say about it. It was going to be chock full of sweet romance, but I couldn’t help but grin at the tragedies I’d already had planned out, and thus I began my scribbling.

I passed hours with the inspiration Rarity and Vinyl had given me. I even made sure to give one of my main character’s friends some very Rarity like qualities so she could live on in my stories. I wanted to write in a character like Fleur, but I couldn’t find a way to do so that gave her the proper respect she deserved, though I tried my best anyway. Fancy also made it into the book as a love interest for the protagonist, but he was ultimately going to be dumped because of some contrary bullshit reason that I hadn’t thought of yet. The book was shaping up better than it had been before and I wondered if I should revamp the Midnight Stroll book I had in progress. I thought about it and decided to continue the series, but with a few of my less interesting stories mixed in. I was about halfway done with A Thousand Moments when I realized that I was running low on time to get prepared for the Equestrian Harmonic’s show.

I got dressed quickly and hoped that it wasn’t a black tie event. Navy blue would probably be passable, but I thought about switching up until I said fuck it and told myself that it really didn’t matter that much. I grabbed my essential gear and got to stepping, glad that I would be able to go home once this was all over. I mean, I wanted to see Octavia perform and all, but I had wanted to see the Equestrian Harmonic with a good friend and now that friend was probably not feeling very friendly toward me if our last encounter was anything to go by. I tried not to let it get me down, but it was still depressing to think that I had lost both of my original friends with benefits after love was involved. I hadn’t lost Applejack due to love, but still.

With my mood thoroughly soured, I was looking forward to seeing my noble friends so I could cheer the fuck up already, so I walked through the streets of Canterlot at a brisk pace. After a quick check with my pocket watch, I saw that I had ten minutes before the show started and only a five minute walk, so I picked up the pace and got my arse into gear. I arrived at the Concert Hall with time to spare and spotted Fancy and Fleur in the audience already, though Twilight Velvet and Night Light were nowhere to be seen. Fleur gestured for me to sit next to her, though I wondered why they were so far in the back of the balcony seating. I could see the stage just fine, but I doubted that Fleur or Fancy could. I shrugged it off and took my place next to the magnificent creature that is Fleur.

The show started and the first piece was a heartbreaker, causing Fleur and Fancy to shed a tear at the end. They started strong and the show only got better as it went, and luckily, Velvet and Night Light showed up in time to catch the majority of it. The only part I wasn’t happy about was the fact that they didn’t sit with Fancy, Fleur and I, but I dealt with it. Soon enough, the interlude began, though it was going to take a moment for Octavia and her group to get set up. Fancy went off to go talk to Night Light and Twilight Velvet for a moment, and the second he left the row, Fleur was in my lap.

“Fleur, as much as I love having you where you are, I’m kinda dating Night Light’s daughter and I really don’t want him to think I’m fucking around on her.” I said.

“Don’t worry so much. Fancy went down there to keep them busy so we could have some time. I really have taken a liking to you, Max.” Fleur flirted.

I grinned. “I see, but do you really have to be in my lap to show me that?”

“Does it hurt at all?” She asked.

“Not in any way that matters.”

Fleur kissed my nose. “Exactly. Now shut up and listen; they’re starting again

Fleur leaned so that she was out of my way and I watched as Octavia began the first few notes of her song. It was an enchanting, somewhat melancholy melody that made my heart ache, though I didn’t know why. It reached me in a way that the Equestrian Harmonic just couldn’t. Eventually the interlude ended and Fancy returned, signalling for Fleur to get off of me. I crossed my legs and waited for the band to begin again.

Sadly, I wasn’t to be left alone to enjoy the show. Fleur poked and prodded around my lap subtly until she found what she was looking for. When she did, she gave it a galvanizing squeeze, and then took her hand away, giving me a devious smile. I lifted an eyebrow by way of response and saw that Fancy was looking on with mild interest. Fleur gave me a wink and Fancy gave me a nod. I was being set up again, but this time, I was sure that Fancy would be watching, which creeped me out a little bit.

Here’s to new experiences, yeah?

(CTRL+F Scene Two is Over to Skip)

I slowly nodded by way of response and Fleur’s magic made quick work of my belt and zipper. I looked around to see if there was anyone with wandering eyes, but most people seemed solely focused on the show. I tried to relax as Fleur leaned over, but my eyes were pretty much glued to her cleavage. She took my member into her hand and gave it a couple strokes to bring it to full mast. Fleur removed the glove she’d been wearing and tried again, and this time, I was quite aware of how soft her coat was. It was odd to think that Ponies really were covered in fur rather than just having differently colored skin, but Fleur was a Pony and I’ve been told countless times that they have fur. Still, Fleur’s grip was tender, yet firm and it was enough to make me sigh softly.

Fleur stroked me gently for a few minutes and Fancy pants watched on. We made eye contact and he gave me a knowing smile that I didn’t know how to return. I was still busy being floored by the fact that he had just given me permission to fool around with his wife in public. Well, I was busy doing that up until Fleur gave me a long, slow lick. My attention immediately switched back to her ministrations and I stopped caring about the fact that her husband was watching his wife prepare to give me sucky sucky.

The elegant former Operative looked up and gave me a brilliant, sexy smile before taking my entire length into her throat in one go. I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from making a sound, but then Fleur began using her tongue to swirl around my shaft, and I couldn’t help but draw a comparison to Celestia. They were both incredibly skilled, but I was beginning to think that Fleur's ability to ply her craft more often than Celestia may have given her a leg up in this situation. Fleur had me tapping her shoulder within five minutes of her bobbing her head.

Fleur knew all too well how to properly tease someone, and I learned that as she gave me one last lick that nearly sent me over the edge. After a few moments to cool down, Fleur began again and I had my stamina back. I slouched a little in my seat and listened to the wonderful hymns that were beings played as Fleur turned my lower half into jelly.

Soon enough, I was ready to pop again, so I let Fleur know by tapping her shoulder again. She immediately pulled away, though she kept her mouth open just in case I’d been a little late. Luckily for her and her makeup, I had been right on time and after another brief cool down period, Fleur went back to work and this time, I actually tried to hold out. Ten minutes later, I failed miserably. I placed my hand on Fleur’s shoulder and she got the idea. This time, there needn’t be a break. Fleur’s head bobbed slowly, milking every moment leading up to my climax in the perfect way.

I was finally at the peak of my pleasure when Fleur bit me.

I shoved down tonnes of pure panic and tried to let her work her magic, but I was freaked the fuck out until I realized that it didn’t hurt at all. It actually felt like a welcome addition, though I wasn’t sure about how Fleur felt about the load in her mouth. I got my answer when she placed my member back where it had been, fixed my trousers, and showed me what she had collected. Then she turned around and showed Fancy. With a clearly visible swallow, my children were gone and Fleur flashed a triumphant smile.

(CTRL+F Scene Two is Over to Skip)

“Next time, we’re going to the theatere.” She announced. I glanced over to Fancy and he was raising a brow. I mimicked him and we nodded at the same time for some odd reason that I didn’t really understand. I guess the next time I came to town, I was going to get a slinger at a play or something.

The show ended with a clash of symbols and I was too busy replaying what had just happened in my head to realize that the concert was over. Fleur and Fancy shuttled me off to go say hi to Night Light and Velvet, although I’d already planned on seeing them before we left. Fancy offered to have Night Light and Velvet join them for the evening and they agreed, though I had to cut my visit short so I could collect my things and get back home. The four of them were sad to see me go, though I think Fancy and Fleur were a bit more upset than Twilight’s parents. Fancy asked me to join them very politely and very specifically, which meant that I couldn’t say no without being impolite, so I told them that I would be over shortly after paying for another night at my hotel. Fleur asked that I bring my things over and just stay the night and I agreed because, again, it would have been rude to say no.

Politeness gets you into trouble sometimes.

Fancy, Fleur, Night Light, Velvet and I borrowed a carriage so we wouldn’t have to walk home, despite the fact that all four of them were unicorns and could have teleported us home. I pointed that out and heard a collective groan from my older friends before they all joined hands. Moments later, we were out of the carriage and in Fancy and Fleur’s house. I then pointed out how lazy it was for them to teleport home instead of just waiting out the carriage ride, and I swear Night Light was about to send me back to the Concert Hall just for being difficult. I dialed it down a notch and thus a long night began.

Velvet and Fleur held up the conversation by themselves, so us fellas decided to take our party out into the cold so we could smoke in peace. No one said anything, which made me realize that guys in Equestria rarely talk that much when they’re alone, or at least, all the males I had been alone with so far didn’t seem like they wanted to do much talking. Maybe it was just because mares did so much talking that no taken man feels the need to say anything when they’re away from their spouse. After fifteen minutes of some very male silence, we headed back in because it was dark and colder than shit. Apparently Night Light and Fancy’s magic didn’t extend to keeping a person warm, which I found to be some bullshit. Twilight could do just about anything, but other Unicorns were extremely limited in what they could do.

I brought that up and apparently one’s aptitude in magic depends on their personality, rather than random Ponies having random amounts of power like I’d thought. Apparently Twilight and her mother were rather alike though since Twilight Velvet was actually a well respected scientist, though that information was news to me. I hadn’t been aware of the fact that Velvet actually had a job in the first place, so imagine my surprise to find that the chatty, sweet woman I knew was actually one of the brightest people in the city.

While I was busy lauding Velvet’s choice in career, Fancy and Fleur went off to go grab some alcohol because aristocrats really are just well behaved alcoholics. They returned with a bottle of whiskey and wine respectively, though I wasn’t sure which I’d rather have. I went with the whiskey because I had to keep up my appearance as a macho man, even though Fleur’s cherry wine was made by one of my favourite vineyards.

Velvet and Night Light left around midnight, and I was hoping to get to sleep soon. I wanted to be in Ponyville before the majority of the day was over, so I was going to need to get moving in the morning, but Fleur and Fancy had other ideas. They had a proposition for me that I didn’t really want to accept, but I figured that letting Fancy watch while I nailed his wife was only fair. For the thousandth time that night, I reminded myself that I was basically a cuck.

After that little event, I was allowed to go to sleep by myself, though restful slumber eluded me until Luna pulled me into the Dreamscape. We policed dreams for a little while to get my mind off of the night terrors and Luna let me wake up with the Sun. Fancy and Fleur were still in bed when I got up, so I went downstairs and had a seat in the sitting room so I could pick up where I left on with A Thousand Moments. Fleur was the first one downstairs, surprisingly.

She peeked into the sitting room and saw me writing. She walked in and said, “Thank you for being so understanding last night. It’s just one of Fancy’s fetishes that we never get to indulge in.”

“No problem.” I said without looking up. I wasn’t trying to be rude, I was just trying to finish a sentence.

Fleur waited for me to say something else, so I put my book off to the side and gave her a smile. “It was definitely something new, but it got easier when you started moaning.”

She blushed and shook her head, smiling. “If we hadn’t broken down so many walls when we first met, I might’ve been surprised that you said that. What are you doing?”

“Just writing. I’m working on a sequel to my first book, A Single Breath.” I stated. “Nothing too important. Is there something I can help you with?”

Fleur eyes widened when I mentioned my book. Her horn lit up and a familiar book appeared in her hands. “You wrote A Single Breath?”

“Yeah. It started out as a prank on one of my friends, but then she liked it, so I kept it going.” I shrugged. “Do you like it?”

“Like it? Max, this is one of the most popular books in Canterlot! I have to have you sign mine for me!”

“Bring it over and I will, love, just don’t freak out on me.” I said, raising my hands.

Fleur beamed and brought the book over to me. “I know you’re going to make it out to me, but could you write something special? Just for me?” She pleaded.

“Of course, love.” I cleared my throat and said, “To Fleur, my all time favourite fan. Stay beautiful.”

Fleur nearly snatched the book away from me and giggled. “Thank you! I never thought for a moment that I was-” She stopped abruptly. “I slept with the author of A Single Breath.” Fleur swooned and I raced to catch her. I should have let her fall, but I’m nice like that sometimes.

She came to a few moments later with a flutter of her eyelashes. “W-Where am I?”

I looked deep into her eyes and said, “My dick is magic.”

“...You know you wasted a perfectly good moment, right?”

I dropped her and offered her a hand up. “Can I offer you a hand, my lady? The floor is no place for one of your beauty and grace.” I said with a bow.

Fleur scowled and accepted my help. “If you didn’t drop me, I wouldn’t have needed the hand.”

“My deepest apologies, but I was simply stricken by your countenance. It was like I’d opened my eyes for the first time all over again, and I couldn’t help but recoil. I didn’t deserve to touch you.” I flattered, trying to sound genuine with every word.

Fleur seemed uneasy. “What are you trying to do?”

I grinned. “Am I not allowed to tell a beautiful woman that she is, in fact, beautiful?”

“...I suppose it wouldn’t hurt. I’m still upset with you for dropping me!”

I closed the distance between us in a single step. “Let me make it up to you.” I murmured to her.

Fleur’s breath caught at my tone and sudden change in demeanor. “If you want.”

I did want, and so I did. By the time I was done with her, we both needed another shower, so we took one together. After that, we were both dirty all over again, so Fleur grabbed some lube so we could get dirtier. After that, I made Fleur behave and prepared to get my shit together and leave, hoping to catch the next train to Ponyville. I hugged Fancy before I left and Fleur gave me a peck on the lips because why not. After bidding farewell to my favourite new friends, I headed to the train station and had my ticket exchanged for a small fee.

The train ride back to Ponyville felt like I was leaving a piece of myself behind in Canterlot, and I suppose that was true. I was leaving my tolerance for nobility and city life behind to get back into my usual comfort zone in my small town life. It would be nice to be back home, but I would miss Fleur, Fancy, Vinyl, and Octavia.

Hopefully I’ll meet them again sometime. Maybe Canterlot isn't as bad as I'd thought.

Author's Notes:

Long ass chapter. Very long ass chapter. Let me know what you think.

Leave a comment or a like to let me know how I'm doing.

Stay Cool, Kids.

Edit: Fixed some phrasing and syntax. Shit like that. I forgot what all I fixed since I had to do this chapter over multiple days, but I'm on some serious swag noways. Shit took forever to read since I haven't had time for it.