Author's Notes:

So some shit happened and the chapter didn't post when it should have. Better late than never.

Leave a like or a comment to let me know how I'm doing, all that jazz.

Stay Cool, Kids

Edit: Fixed some plot holes and adjusted some stuff that wasn't really terribly important. It bothered me, so I did it.

Chapter Nineteen: A Lesson Well Learned

Fuck mornings, fuck cooking, and fuck having to get out of bed. I woke up on the wrong side of everything with no idea why, but I was quite moody and it was seeming like a good day to do a whole lot of nothing. I made something to eat, got showered, shaved, dressed and went to go find some kindling for a bonfire I was going to have later that night. Everything was nice and dry due to the summer heat and Rainbow Dash stealing all the clouds in the surrounding area to ruin my property, so after a few hours of working in the oppressive morning aridity, I had a nice log cabin style campfire ready to go. I had filled it high with some spanish moss, pine splinters, and spare paper. It would be quite the spectacle, if I do say so myself.

With my sour mood somewhat abated, I grabbed my book and got stepping. I still had to check with Twilight about the title of my book, and see if I could get her to read it, but I still had some doubts about it. I was pretty sure that she was immune to the effects of smut, at least, in the way that I wrote it, so there wasn’t much of a point in having her read my book if she wasn’t going to enjoy it. It wasn’t smut per se, but there were still steamy bits within that would deter the reader if they weren’t into it, and I felt no desire to push Twilight into reading my work if she didn’t want to. I really needed to find someone as educated as Twilight that could help me work out some of the kinks in my bullshit, but I doubted that there were many people on the planet that could rival her sheer intellect. Perhaps I could write something more along the lines of an adventure story?

I arrived at Twilight’s in the late afternoon due to my slow start in the morning, and Spike, of course, was the one to answer the door.

“Oh. What do you want?” He asked testily.

“Here to see Twilight, but I think we need to talk more than I need to talk to her. Wanna take a quick walk?”

“No.”

“Look, Spike, I’m sorry I lied to you, but I was trying to protect your feelings, mate. That’s all there is to it. I wasn’t trying to pull the wool over your eyes or hurt you in any way, shape, or form; I just didn’t want to see you heartbroken over unrequited love. I’ve been there, done that. Not something I want to see a friend go through, you know?”

“I don’t really get it, but I guess I accept your apology. Don’t think that I’m not still mad at you, though!”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, mate. I don’t expect things to be all honey and roses after a few words.”

“Well you shouldn’t.” Spike continued blocking the way into the Treebrary.

“No shit. That’s why I said so. Can I come in now?”

“No.”

I felt a muscle in my jaw twitch and I ground my teeth. “Then go get Twilight so I can get out of your nonexistent hair.”

“No, I don’t really feel like it.” He slammed the door in my face and it took more self control than I’d like to admit to not rip the goddamn thing off of its hinges and beat him to death with it.

I took a breath to calm myself and stepped back. I circled around the Treebrary, chucking pebbles at the windows until I got a response. A few times, it was Spike shaking a fist at me from behind them, but after the fourth time, he opened the window and I couldn’t control myself: I threw the largest rock I had as hard as I could and it whistled past his head, barely missing the fellow. I heard something break inside and Twilight shouting, so I went back to the front door and knocked again.

Twilight was the one to answer. “Max! Did you throw a stone through my window!?”

“I did. I’ve been trying to get your attention all morning, and Spike has been quite the bitch. I asked to see you and he denied me entry.”

“Well he’s a mad teenager! What did you expect!?”

“I expected you to respond to having your windows pelted by pebbles. Honestly, Twilight, take some interest in the happenings around your home for once will you?”

“That- No, I’m not even going to respond to that. How are you going to fix my vase?”

“I’ll pay for another one, if that’s what you’re asking. Otherwise, I’ll do it with glue and plenty of time.”

“You can’t buy another one like that! My brother got that for me when I became Celestia’s student, and it’s a one of a kind!”

“Don’t you have a spell or something that can fix it? I’m no expert, but a quick repair spell should do the trick.”

Twilight blushed and rubbed her head. “I hadn’t thought of that. I was mostly just upset that somepony threw a rock at my vase.”

“Yeah, sorry for that, love, but I was aiming for Spike’s head.”

Her eyes widened. “Max!”

“Yes, I know! I shouldn’t have let my anger get the best of me, and I already regret it, so let’s skip the Aesop and get on with our day, yeah?”

“I-I…” Twilight huffed and shook her head. “I honestly don’t see how ponies deal with you on a regular basis.”

“You’re one of the ones who do, so you tell me. It’s probably easier since I’m more lovable when people aren’t pissing me off at every turn. You know, I tried apologizing to Rarity and she threw me out of her shop, and I tried apologizing to Spike, but he’s still acting like a salty little prick. What happened to the whole ‘apologizing fixes everything’ deal you guys had going?”

“I don’t really know, but I think your actions probably had plenty to do with it. How did you apologize to Rarity?”

“I said I was sorry for the things I actually was sorry for. She wanted me to apologize for calling her a liar, but she lied and it was the truth, so I refused.”

“...I see your side of that, but nopony likes to be called a liar.”

“And yet you and your friends jump at the opportunity to call me one.”

“We do not!” Twilight protested.

I gave her a flat look and she balked. “Well, maybe we say it more often than we should…”

I took a deep breath and let it out. “Your double standards astound me sometimes. I find it to be quite frustrating, you know, when people expect me to uphold standards that they themselves won’t abide by.”

“I don’t do that, do I?” Twilight asked softly.

“Not that I’ve noticed. I shouldn’t have implied that you yourself do that. My bad.”

She sighed a breath of relief. “I’ll talk to Rarity-”

“No, don’t bother. If I can’t get her to see my side on my own, then I’ve failed her as a friend. I’ll give her some distance and try again another time when my relationship with Pinkie is looking better. After all, I’m rather sure that’s what’s causing her to be such a twat.”

“I know that word is an insult, but I don't know what it means, so I can’t really tell you not to call her that.”

“Great. Remind me not to tell you what cunt means either.”

“...Yeah, no. I want you to explain that one.”

“Nah, I don’t feel like it. Instead, why don’t we get on to the reason I’m visiting in the first place?”

“I suppose we could do that. What brings you over? It’s not just a normal visit, is it?”

“It is, actually. I wanted to ask for your help in naming my book since I’ve finished it. I was thinking of calling it ‘A Single Breath’.”

“Hmm… Without reading it, I can’t really say if it’s appropriate.”

“Does that mean you're interested now?” I raised my brows and leaned toward her.

“I’m not sure. I’m still upset that you broke my vase and threw a rock at Spike! In fact, I’m very upset about that.” Twilight glared at me. It was adorable.

“You’re too cute when you’re mad, love. Almost makes me want to mess with you some more, just so I can see how cute you get.” I grinned at her.

“Rarity really did put it best when she said you were insufferable. Have a good day, Max.”

“Damn. I’ll try again some other time, then. Take care, Twilight.”

I walked away and wondered what the hell I was going to do now when it suddenly struck me! I had to get supplies for my bonfire! I didn’t need anymore wood, but I did need snacks, though I figured that without Twilight, the activity would be less fun, so I decided to hold off on it until she wasn’t mad at me. Another thing occurred to me, and it was that I should invite Celestia and Luna over.

I needed more snacks. And lawn furniture.

With something to do in mind, I headed over to the local bank, withdrew some funds, and set out to get what I needed. Sadly, the furniture store I had visited before didn’t have much in the way of out door furniture, but I bought a few deck chairs to replace what I had lost, a chiminea for shits and giggles, and another wicker table. It cost me quite the pretty penny, but I thought that is was worth it, so it was all good. I had some mover fellows take it back to my house for me and continued on with my shopping. It was a pleasant day, all things said, if you gloss over the Twilight’s poor vase and Spike’s petty rubbish.

I’d picked up a few more things while I was out for decorations around the house, but I don’t consider any of them important enough to write down, so I’ll leave them out for now, except for the statuette I picked up for my bedroom. It was quite the piece, depicting a Gryphon fighting a chimera in a marvelous marble that I found very tasteful, but I both loved and hated it. I felt as though I was the chimera, and the Gryphon was the evil nature that I was constantly battling against. Of course, the Gryphon appeared to be winning and the chimera was being beaten down handily, but it served as a good reminder that I needed to keep myself in check and be aware of my struggle against my own nature lest I lose what’s important to me. It was a sobering thought, and frankly, one that I needed if my actions with Spike were anything to go by.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I wrote out invitations to both Celestia and Luna, inviting them to the ‘party’ I was holding in two days. I’d hoped that it was enough time for them to work out a gap in their schedules, but if they couldn’t make it, I would hold another one some other time. I wasn’t exactly close with Luna, but I wanted to see her again some time. She was a pretty cool person if you could get past the barbed comments and archaic vernacular, but she was a bit of a loner. Hopefully, a little get together could help her get out there a bit and make some friends, but I worried that her stature as a princess would get in the way of her actually befriending anyone.

Look at me, being all thoughtful and shit. Fucking disgusting.

Since I had written a couple of invitations, I figured that I could bear writing a few more, so I wrote one for Applejack, Twilight, Fluttershy, Lyra, and Zecora. I also wrote a few for Spike, Rarity, Pinkie and Big Mac, despite how rocky our relationships were. I figured that extending an olive branch would be a nice thing to do, and with any luck, smooth out some of the rocks in the road. I didn’t invite Rainbow because fuck that house wrecking bitch. In any case, those I had invited were at least on half decent grounds with me, and since Pinkie apologized properly, I could give her a pass.

I wondered if Spike or Rarity would show up, but their attendance wasn’t terribly crucial. In fact, the only people I really cared about coming were Twilight, Flutters, AJ and the Princesses. I like Lyra well enough, but I wouldn’t be sad if she had other matters to attend to, and the rest were invited for politeness sake anyways, so if nothing else, I had plenty of snacks to spare. I had really loaded up on them while shopping, and would probably try to pawn them off on Applejack if no one showed up at all.

After sending off my notes, I picked up where I had left off on the workbench I had been making before Rainbow fucked my day up and managed to get it constructed in the space of a few hours. It wasn’t the prettiest thing, so I sent Applejack another note, inviting her to come inspect my workmanship when she had a chance. It was about six now, so if she did come, we would only have a couple more hours of natural light to work with, but I did have a light on the back porch to help with visibility. I had never actually used it before, so it would be something to check out once the sun fell below the horizon.

I faffed about for an hour before Applejack showed up at my door. She smelled of apples and a bit of sweat, but it wasn’t like she was particularly odorous, so I allowed her to come in.

“Hullo, my sweet apple pie. How’s the day gone for you?” I gave her a winsome smile.

She returned it with an insincere one of her own. “Just peachy! Never had a better one!”

“You know you’re awful at lying, right?”

Applejack sighed and rubbed her face with her hands. “I know. It just hasn’t been a good day, sugarcube. One of the doors on the barn fell off, which got me behind on fixin’ up Big Mac’s cart, which meant that we couldn’t get our apples back from the orchard, which meant that we had to carry everythin’ by hoof. Then Granny Smith laid into me because I didn’t clean my room, but I didn’t even have time to do it between tryin’ to fix everthin’ and get the scheduled work done, so I don’t even know what the old bat wants from me! And to top it all off, Big Mac started some nonsense about Apple Bloom talkin’ to ya and that didn’t exactly end well, and we ended up makin’ the poor filly feel somethin’ awful, and now she thinks you’re some kinda evil!”

“Wow… It has been a shit day. Thank you for making the time to come and see me, despite how it’s gone so far. I really do appreciate it, love.”

She sighed again. “No problem. Sorry if I stink, I just didn’t wanna keep ya waitin’, so I rushed over once I got my stuff done up. I still gotta get another wheel put on that cart, but It shouldn’t be too hard, just time consumin’.”

“Well how about this; We go back to the farm for a bit, I try to get that wheel on the wagon, you get the grime of a hard day’s work washed off, and we sit Big Mac and Apple Bloom down so we can talk things out?”

“I dunno, Max. Mac still doesn’t like ya much and the wheel is awful heavy for a non-Earth Pony, and double that since you’re… Well…”

“Actually, since I died, I’m quite a bit stronger.” I stepped in and hugged her, lifting her off of her hooves. “See?”

“Put me down! I’m gross!”

I did and licked her face. “You’re not gross, just a bit sweaty.”

She scrunched up her face and wiped my slobber off. “Whatever. We got more important stuff to talk about. Did you just say you died?”

“Yeah. Drank a potion I had Zecora make and it killed the fuck outta me. Celestia and Twilight managed to bring me back, but a creature called a Leshy made me tougher while I was floating about out of my body, and now I’m about as strong as a normal pony. Not a bad trade if you ask me.”

“See, when you say you died, I have an awful hard time believin’ that seein’ as how you’re not, you know, dead!”

“Ask Twilight and Fluttershy. I was properly dead for a good twenty or so minutes before Celestia brought me back to the world of the living.”

Applejack walked in and paced around for a bit. I stood by and watched her with an amused look on my face. When she finally stopped, she slapped her face with both hands and shook her head.

“Seriously. You died? You’re not lyin’ to me?”

“Yup, dead as a doornail. I’m surprised Fluttershy or Twilight didn’t mention it to you.”

“I’ve been so busy at the farm I haven’t really had the time, but I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about this sooner, Max! What the hay is wrong with you!? Did you not think I’d want to know that I almost lost a friend!?”

“I didn’t tell you because I forgot. I don’t consider it that big a deal, love. I died, came back to life, and I’ve been carrying on normally, so why would I freak you out by telling you about it? I know I’m handling it better than most-”

“You’re talkin’ about it like you stubbed your toe or somethin’! What the hay is wrong with you!?” Applejack grabbed my shirt and shook me.

I took her wrists and got her to stop, lowering them back down to her sides. Cupping her face in my hands, I gave her a quick peck. “There’s a lot of things wrong with me, Applejack, but since I’m alive, there’s no point in panicking now. Breathe, relax, and let’s get a move on back to Sweet Apple Acres. We don’t have all day.”

“I thought I had you figured out. How are you not terrified that you died?” She asked, exasperated.

“I never said I wasn’t, I’m just dealing with it better than I could be. I see no point in fretting over it since I’m still here, so you shouldn’t worry about it either. It was just another event, love, and I made it through. Like I told Sunbutt, don’t get worried until I do.”

Applejack rubbed her temples and walked out through the open door, leaving me to follow her as we trekked back to her home. I could understand her frustrations, but I wondered why one of the most level headed women I knew freaked out over something that had essentially helped me, so I decided to ask.

I jogged to catch up to her since she was walking at an elevated pace. “What’s going on, Applejack? I thought you of all people would keep a cool head about this.”

She stopped suddenly and I could see tears in her eyes. “What do ya expect from me, Max? Do ya want me to just let the fact that one of my friends almost died and didn’t tell me about it!? Do ya want me to just forget about it and move on like it never happened in the first place!?”

I blinked. “Well, yeah. I apologize for not telling you about it sooner, but this is the first time I’ve seen you since it happened.”

Applejack’s frown deepened. “I don’t wanna lose ya, Max. Not after I almost killed you.”

“I thought we were going to forget about that.”

“I know you won’t and I know I can’t. You mighta forgiven me for it, but it made me realize just how precious life is, and here you are talkin’ like you don’t even care about it!”

I pursed my lips. “I know better than most how precious life is, Applejack, and I know how miniscule my own is in the grand scheme of things. I’m happy I’m still here; that I can still spend another day with you and the girls, but I can’t just let the fact that I was gone impede my life. It just wouldn’t accomplish anything.” I shrugged. “I could break down and be a complete mess, or I could stay my path and deal with it by ignoring it and being grateful that I came back.”

Applejack’s hands returned to her face and she let out a frustrated groan. “I don’t get you. Ya make sense most days, and when ya explain it like that, it makes sense, but dyin’ isn’t supposed to be somethin’ ya can just get over, Max! It’s…” She let the rest of her breath out. “I don’t even know. I really don’t.”

“Well, I don’t think you can really tell me what dying is supposed to be like since you’ve never died.”

“You know what I mean!”

“Look, you can flip your shit all you want, and I’ll happily stay by your side while you do it. Just let me know if this is the moment where you need a hug, or if it’s later down the line.”

“I could use one now, if ya don’t mind. You got me more stressed out that I was.”

I enveloped her in some physical affection and gave her a peck on the cheek. “I’m told that it’s a special talent of mine. Hopefully I don’t get a tattoo on my arse for it.”

“A little color never hurt anypony, especially since you’re kinda off white just about everywhere.”

“Hey, I have different pigmentation in different spaces!” I grinned.

“Riiight. Can we get a move on? We don’t have much light left.”

“I’m waiting on you, love.”

Applejack shrugged and we were on our way. She was still somewhat quiet on the trip over, which I blamed on the heavy news I had casually tossed at her, but I found it mildly annoying that I was the one who died and my friends were taking it worse than I was. I mean, shit, I went to Hell! I have no clue how long I was there, but if the fuzzy memories were anything to go by, then it was far too long for my tastes. Actually, I wasn’t too sure about where I had gone when I died anymore, and reading through my notes made me feel like I was tripping balls while I was writing, but He had said that it would be like that. I trusted myself to accurately relay what had happened in my journals, but I was starting to doubt myself more by the day. I lost myself in my thoughts while we walked and eventually ended up bumping into Applejack when we reached the gates of her farm. I excused myself and she gave me an odd look before leading the way onto the property.

I really don’t know why they referred to it as a farm, seeing as how it was predominantly an orchard, but ever since I suggested that Applejack get rid of her animals since they were pointless, I found it even more confusing. I had never followed up to see whether or not she had actually seen them out, but I imagine that Macintosh would be quite the brick wall when it came to changing certain things about their lifestyle. I couldn’t really blame the fellow due to the fact that it was me who suggested it in the first place, but I was hoping that Applejack could make the fellow see reason and save them some money. Hope didn’t count for shit, apparently, since I could still smell animals on the breeze, though the perception thing just made them smell even worse.

It really wasn’t my problem, so I shrugged it off and followed Applejack into her home, taking the time to have a proper look around. The last time I had been here, it was to visit Applejack while she was languishing in her misery, and the time before that, she nearly punched me to death, so I never really paid attention to the decor in the farmhouse. It was nice, rustic place that reminded me a bit of the cottages around Bristol or Bath, but far larger on the inside than you might think. It was decorated warmly with light and dark hardwood furniture, which gave it a very homey feeling, like the farmhouse was well looked after, even if it was plenty lived in. It reminded me that Applejack’s grandmother, Granny Smith, was older than dirt and had been one of the people who had helped build this place. There’s something to be said about frontier workmanship, but I don’t believe much of it is good, though given how old this place was, it should be no surprise that things were constantly falling apart. Unless I could do something about that. Hmm. Something to think about the next day, but the beginnings of a plan were forming in my head, and what a wonderful plan it was.

Applejack waved a hand in front of my face, and I realized that I had been staring off into space and grinning like a fool.

“Hello? Equus to Max?”

“Sorry, love. Just having an idea hatch. How would you feel about me building another house on your land?”

Applejack blinked twice “What?”

“I have the funniest feeling that you talk to your sister way too often.”

“What?” She repeated.

“Never mind. I want to build you some temporary lodgings so we can do some renovations around the farm. Get the barn fixed up properly, no more squeaky floors in the house, all that faff. What do you say?”

“Yeah, no. I appreciate the offer, sugarcube, but I don’t think anypony in Ponyville has the scratch for that. There’s just too much work to be done, and what you’re talking about would take months-”

I cut her off. “Not with the power of a Royal Operative pushing for a hasty completion and plenty of cash to back it up. I don’t know what all needs to be done around here, so I’d put you and Macintosh in charge of overseeing, but believe me when I say I have the scratch for that. You’re talking to someone with more wealth than some nobles, love.”

Applejack’s jaw dropped. “There’s no way! You’ve only been here for a couple o’ months! What could you have possibly done to get so much so quickly? We’re talkin’ at least three thousand bits here!”

“Only three? Rarity told me she would need four for advertising and general investments.”

“You're the sucker she got to pony up that dough!?”

“I’m the friend who was willing to invest in her business. Hell, if I accept my bits back from her, then that’s all I’d need to get things done. So what do you say? Let me invest in Sweet Apple Acres.”

“I-I couldn’t let ya do that, Max. There’s never-”

“Applejack! Is that you?” An elderly voice called out from the general direction of what I assumed to be the kitchen.

“Yes, Granny?” Applejack shouted back.

“Did ya bring somepony over without askin’!?”

“I was just about to introduce ya, just wait a minute!”

I chuckled and Applejack shot me a half smile, rolling her eyes. “It’s about time you met-”

“Hurry up and bring ‘em in! I ain’t gettin’ any younger, darnit!”

I broke out in chuckles and lead the way to Applejack’s kitchen before she could get herself into more trouble. The first thing I noticed was the smell of delicious mulled cider in the air, carrying cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg right into my nose which made my mouth water for a taste of the lady was making. I swallowed twice and looked around before I saw her. Granny Smith was definitely ancient with her pure white hair and multitudes of wrinkles that gave her the appearance of that old woman down the street who used to give me her scraps when I still lived with my mother. My heartstrings were pulled taut and I felt my breath catch: she could have been Ms. Altham’s carbon copy, if that printer turned them out in a shade of light green. I collected myself and reminded my heart that Ms. Altham was gone, and that I had already dealt with that in what felt like a different life.

It felt as though I was being pulled in half by the forces of two different worlds, and no matter how much I reassured myself that Granny Smith and Gladys Altham were two different people, tears still threatened to spill and I felt as weak as a child, ready to run into her arms and eat a slice of her shepard pie. I quickly wiped away the tear that had fallen and steadied, preparing myself to get over my shitty feelings.

“Hullo, you must be Granny Smith,” I extended a hand, my voice cracking, “I’ve heard a lot about you from Applejack.”

The wizened woman took my hand and grinned toothlessly. Well, she had a couple, but it was close enough in my book. “Hello! You must be the Max I’ve heard so much about. Ya know, I hear you’re quite the ladies man.” She gave me a sly grin and I blushed.

“Don’t believe everything you hear. I mostly just make the ladies mad enough to stop talking to me. I don’t see why, I’m just little ol’ me.”

“Modesty’s a good thing to have, sonny. It’ll make ya more friends than you could ever want.”

“Maybe I should practice it more often. I seem to be losing more friends than I make these days.”

Applejack coughed. “It’s just a difference of opinions. Things’ll clear up soon enough, trust me.”

“I do, that’s why I’m here trying to talk things out with your siblings instead of staying at home and finishing up my workbench. Speaking of, where are the little scamps?”

“I can tell ya now that Big Mac ain’t gonna hear nothin’ ya say. Most of what I’ve heard about ya has been from him, and not much of it has been any good.” Granny Smith said before going back to her work on the stove.

“Well, believe what I told ya, rather than what Big Mac says. I actually know Max.” Applejack huffed.

“Yup. I’m sure ya know him pretty well.” The old lady chuckled to herself.

Applejack lit up and I snickered. “Granny!”

“What? Am I wrong?” Granny Smith asked.

I nudged Applejack and gave her a cheeky grin. “Remember, Applejack, Honesty is the best policy.”

“You shut up!” Applejack chided.

“Now AJ, that ain’t no way to talk to your ‘friend’.” Granny turned and gave her a smile. “Especially if he’s a good enough friend to let ya stay the night so often.”

“Applejack, I love your grandma. Granny Smith, if you ever need anything, please let me know and I’ll take care of it.” I grinned.

“Well thank ya, kiddo, but I got enough grandbabies to handle just about anything I need, and I don’t handle much on the farm no more, so I can’t think of nothin’ I need ya to do. That is, unless ya wanna marry Applejack.”

If she had been drinking, Applejack would have done a spit take. “Granny, please!”

“You should hear the way she talks about ya. She dotes on ya like a lovesick puppy, I tell ya.”

The orange mare buried her face in her hands. “Granny, please stop talking! What have I ever done to you?”

“More than I can remember, I’m sure.” She barked cheerfully. “I’m just havin’ some fun with ya, kiddo, don’t take it so seriously.”

“Yeah, AJ, appreciate the fact that your grandmother likes you, instead of focusing on the embarrassment. Speaking of,” My grin grew, “are there any interesting stories about Applejack you might be willing to share, ma'am?”

“Just call me Granny, sonny, and I have plenty of stories! Why, there was the time Applejack and Big Mac were in the tub-”

“And just like that we have the thing with the girls we have to do! C’mon Max, let’s go do that thing.” Applejack said hurriedly.

Granny Smith and I shared a devious look, but I waved her goodbye nonetheless and spared her granddaughter the horrors of hearing about one’s childhood. It was an awful lot like being piss drunk for about ten years; everyone else has a laugh about your antics, but you barely remember doing anything, let alone the reasons behind it. I would have been quite happy to listen in on a bit of Applejack’s life before I knew her, but the woman had respected my wishes for the most part, so it would be unfair of me to go against hers just for my own enjoyment. Perhaps if I were to grow closer to her, she might be willing to share more, but I wondered how much closer you could get to a person after you had literally been connected by the soft bits. That made me wonder how Granny Smith was astute enough to realize that I had been the one laying Applejack, but when I put more brainpower on the subject, I realized it was pretty clear. Applejack most likely wouldn’t lie about where she was going, but I doubt she’d be straightforward about what went on while she was away from home. I would have to remind her to start packing extra clothes in the future.

I toiled away in my mind while I helped Applejack put the heavy ass wheel in its rightful place. She wasn’t using any manner of hyperbole when she said I wouldn’t be able to lift it, at least, not with my pre-death amount of strength. As it was, it still took some sweat to get the damned thing off the ground and rolling it while keeping it upright was still a bit of a chore. My second favorite mare thanked me for my help and shocked the hell out of me when she said that she had been planning to do it alone. I highly doubted that I could have done it and wondered just how strong she actually was, betting that she had held back while fighting me. If that wasn’t the case, then I have no idea how I was even alive. It made little difference now, but I couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty that Applejack had been right: I wasn’t going to be able to forget that event so easily, despite trying to push it further back in my mind, and I doubted that she was going be able to anytime soon either, though she hid it well. I found myself struggling with the idea that our friendship was a farce, that Applejack was being kind and understanding because of her guilt, rather than her nature. Of course I never shared the insidious ponderance with her, but it didn’t leave my mind while we were finishing up with the cart.

Macintosh had taken Apple Bloom into town for a few hours, shopping for various school supplies, clothes, and a few things for the farm. Neither of them were terribly happy to see me when they returned home, although Applejack was already doing damage control before the conversation even started. She and the big red fuck argued in harsh whispers, during which Apple Bloom sidled closer and closer to me until she was actually touching my arm.

“I hate it when they do this.” She murmured.

“By the looks of it, they do this often. Sorry I keep bringing you so much trouble.” I replied softly.

“I don’t think it’s all your fault. Big Mac just don’t like ya much.” She looked up at me. “I’ve heard his side, but Ms. Cheerilee always says that you should hear both sides of an argument before formin’ an opinion.”

“Ms. Cheerilee seems like a smart woman. I don’t really have a side of the argument to be honest with you. Macintosh doesn’t like me because I made Applejack mad, then made her sad. I don’t feel any particular way about him because I don’t really know him.”

“You don’t hate him because he hates you?”

“Not at all. I understand why he doesn’t like me, but I just don’t feel the need to respond to his kind of negativity, you know? It’ll accomplish nothing in the long run, and it won’t change how he feels about me, other than making him feel justified about hating me.”

“...That sounds like somethin’ Ms. Cheerilee would say.”

“Great minds think alike, love.”

“I hear that a lot too, but it’s usually from Diamond Tiara.” She scowled.

“The first bit or the last bit?”

“The first bit.”

“Then she’s not a great mind. The more one repeats something, the less it means, if you understand what I’m saying. If one calls themselves great constantly, then they must be trying to use words to shore up their shortcomings.” I hoped that my impression of this Diamond Tiara was correct, otherwise, I had just insulted her friend.

My impression was proved correct. “That’s what Granny says, more or less.”

“I just met Granny Smith. I like her.”

“You should! She’s the coolest grandma ever!”

“She’s cooler than mine, I’ll give you that. Does she make cookies?”

“Occasionally, but it’s mostly pies and stuff. Can I tell ya somethin’?”

“Is it something you want me to keep quiet?”

“Well, yeah.”

I nodded. “Then I’ll do that. What do you want to say?”

“I really ain’t too fond of apples. I mean, they’re still good, but most of the things we eat around here have somethin’ to do with apples one way or another.” She sighed.

“Well maybe you can stop by with Applejack sometime and I’ll cook for you two. Macintosh is invited as well, of course, but if his appetite is proportional, then I’ll have to go shopping beforehand.”

“Actually, Applejack eats more than he does! I don’t know where she puts it all, but I seen her-”

“You have seen her, love.”

Apple Bloom grumbled. “Gosh, you sound an awful lot like my teacher, correctin’ my grammar. I have seen her put away three pies in one sittin’.”

“That’s a lot of pie,” I commented with a smirk, “I’ve never seen her eat that much.”

“She usually doesn’t let anypony besides family see. She tries to be all proper, but I know her too well.”

“No wonder, she’s your sister after all. May I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What do Macintosh and Applejack say about me?”

“Well, Big Mac says you’re mean and untrustworthy, but Applejack says you’re nice when you wanna be and you won’t betray nopony. She also says that you’re not like a Pony in a lotta ways, but that you’re just from a different place and was raised different, so you’re still gettin’ used to life in Equestria.”

I hummed. “Macintosh isn’t wrong when he says I’m mean. I try to be nicer, but it doesn’t always work out for me.”

Apple Bloom tapped her chin. “At least you’re honest about it, I guess. It’s not you’ve been mean to me, I don’t think.”

“You haven’t really given me a reason to be mean. It’s usually something I do as retaliation, but I hope you don’t use that as an excuse. I’m sure that with Applejack and MAcintosh around, you were raised better than that.”

“I was, even if I don’t remember much about my parents, I know they wouldn’t want me actin’ like Diamond Tiara or Silver Spoon. What about what Applejack says about ya? Is that true too?”

I scratched my cheek. “I’d like to say that I am trustworthy, before I get to that. I won’t betray trust given to me, if I can help it.”

Apple Bloom nodded, looking at me expectantly.

“What Applejack says is true, for the most part. I’ve told you that I’m not a Pony, thus I can’t be a nice Pony since I am not a Pony,” Apple Bloom scratched her head. “but that doesn’t mean I don’t try to be less of a meanie pants. Where I’m from, teasing each other and trading jokes that most Ponies would consider hurtful is just an everyday thing; a part of daily conversation. It’s hard to curtail that into the nicey nice crap that you Ponies do.”

“...So… You’re not a pony, and because you’re not a pony, you can’t be a good pony?” She asked slowly.

“Yes.” I nodded.

“And because you’re from a place that’s mean, you’re mean?”

“That’s what it boils down to, yes.”

“So when you say mean stuff, you’re not actually trying to be a jerk?”

“Exactly. It’s just how I communicate.”

“But what about when you do mean stuff?”

“Well, that depends on the situation. Some people would consider some of the pranks I pull to be mean, but they’re rarely meant to be. If I’m being a jerk because of something someone did, then I mean to be mean.”

“So you’re not mean just for the fun of it. It’s usually because somepony else was mean first, right?”

“Yep. Don’t follow my example, though. I’m a terrible role model. Be like Applejack or Fluttershy, they’re both pretty awesome.”

“I dunno, Rainbow Dash is more awesome in general, but Applejack is pretty cool too.”

“Rainbow Dash is a jerk in my book. She might do some cool tricks while she flies, but she’s arrogant and full of herself.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t let Scootaloo hear you say that, she’ll probably be mad. Why do you say that, anyway?”

“Rainbow Dash recently blew a storm over my house which caused some pretty heavy damage. She did it because I was mean to Pinkie Pie for doing something incredibly stupid to me, which I find to be extremely childish.”

Apple Bloom pursed her lips. “I guess I can’t really say nothin’ for Rainbow on that. It sounds like a pretty mean thing to do. What did you do to Pinkie?”

“I called her names, insulted her dignity and appearance, and said I was going to burn some of my furniture because she sat on it.”

“That’s a little overboard, don't you think?”

“Well she stole and scribbled in my journals, which I hold very near and dear to my heart. And she told Applejack a secret that I never wanted anyone to know, and I didn't even tell it to her. To explain, she eavesdropped on a conversation I was having with a friend and told your sister about what she heard, and when they confronted me about it, that lead to Fluttershy overhearing and Fluttershy eventually told our friends at a picnic, which lead to me having a scuffle with Applejack. Essentially, Pinkie Pie sold me out, nearly ruined my friendship with the girls, caused an argument between Fluttershy and I, and a fight between Applejack and I.”

“...What?” Apple Bloom scrunched her face up.

“What are you asking ‘what’ about?”

“You foughtApplejack!?”

“Yeah. She won.”

“If she won, then why was she so sad about it?” She cocked her head.

“If she hasn’t told you, then I won’t.”

“Well why bring it up if ya ain’t gonna explain it?”

“Because I didn’t know she didn’t tell you.” I shrugged. “Nothing personal, Apple Bloom.”

She pouted and I realized that the elder Apple siblings had been watching us for some time, finished with their earlier argument. Macintosh was still frowning at me, but it wasn’t the scowl that he had previously had, and Applejack had a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth. Whatever they had been talking about, she had most likely won, if her triumphant posture was anything to go by.

“I see you two are gettin’ along just fine. Applejack’s smile widened.

“Sis! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you and Max had a fight!” Apple Bloom blurted out.

“In Applejack’s defense, it’s not something either of us are proud of, and it sets a terrible example for you. One shouldn’t use violence to solve their problems,” I said clearly, “unless circumstances make that option seem unavoidable.” I added under my breath.

Applejack’s grin had faded and Macintosh raised a brow. “Max is right, we shouldn’t have fought, and it wasn’t really somethin’ I wanted to tell you about, just in case it made you think that it was okay.”

“Well if you can do it, why can’t I?” Apple Bloom protested.

“Because Applejack and I shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Everyone makes mistakes, but you should be learning that we made the wrong choice.” I replied.

“No, I should have made the right choice. Max didn’t even throw a punch.” Applejack sighed. “It was me makin’ the wrong choice. Max came to see Rainbow, and I just let my anger get the better of me. It really wasn’t much of a fight, just me hittin’ him till he stopped moving.” Applejack clutched her arm and looked at the ground. Shame was engraved into her every feature.

I walked over and put a hand on her shoulder. “And yet we still made it right in the end. Don’t beat yourself up over, AJ, you hit too hard for that nonsense.” Macintosh and I chuckled.

“Eeyup.” He stated elegantly.

Apple Bloom seemed appeased, but she was still curious. “If that’s the case, why were you so torn up about it? You didn’t come out of your room for days!”

Applejack clasped her hands together and looked like she’d rather be anywhere else but in that spot. “I hurt Max pretty bad. He had to go to Canterlot to get patched up.”

Apple Bloom’s eyes widened. “And you just forgave her for that!?”

All eyes were on me now. I shrugged. “Not really. I forgave her because I could see how guilty she felt, and some extenuating circumstances happened while I was away let me see the value in forgiving someone for their deeds.” While they were still alive.

Applejack gave me an odd look. “Then why haven’t you forgiven Pinkie?”

“Because fuck you, that’s why.” I muttered. In a voice Apple Bloom could hear, I responded louder. “Because you only messed up once. Pinkie Pie keeps doing stupid crap that she should know better than to do.”

Applejack glared at me and shot a glance toward Apple Bloom. “Don’t be like Max, sugarcube.”

“Eeyup.” Macintosh put his two shillings in.

“He already said he ain’t a good role model, so don’t worry about that, but now I don’t think you’re a very good pony to look up to either.” Apple Bloom said quietly.

Applejack looked stricken, so I stepped in again.

“You’re wrong there, Bloom. You remember when I said that Applejack was a good person to look up to?” She nodded. “I meant it. She made a mistake, we rectified it. The lessons you should be getting out of this are as follows: Violence solves nothing, if you make something wrong, make it right, and don’t be like me.” I looked to Applejack and Macintosh. “Am I missing anything?”

“Eenope.” Macintosh replied.

“I don’t see why I shouldn’t look up to you. You sound like a pretty smart pony- er, well, whatever you are. I don’t get a bad feelin’ from ya like I do with some ponies.”

Macintosh coughed. “Max ain’t all that bad. I’m a bit biased.”

Applejack nodded, though she still seemed troubled. “I wouldn’t suggest that ya look up to him, but if ya like what ya hear, I guess he ain’t too bad most days.”

“I’d be upset if that weren’t true. I’m telling you, Apple Bloom, I’m not really all that nice, though I’m pretty sure I’ve already explained that to you.”

“You did, but I haven’t seen ya do nothin’ to make ya seem like a bad pony.”

“You haven’t been watchin’ long enough.” Applejack said flatly.

I poked her side and she jolted, glaring at me again. “Maybe you’re right, kid, your sister’s pretty mean herself sometimes.”

Macintosh and Apple Bloom shared a chuckle and a knowing look at that. With everything said that needed to be, I bid the siblings goodnight and headed back to my house, resolving to get back into town tomorrow to hire some contractors to fix my house, and to write Luna to see if she had any jobs for me. I didn’t know how her assassination had gone and hadn’t talked with Celestia or herself since any involvement on my part had been completely and utterly vetoed, and I worried a little before I remembered that she was thousands of years older and far, far more experienced than I could ever be. Celestia wouldn’t have let her go if she thought her sister’s life would be in danger, so I brushed the thought aside and focused on how my visit with the Apple family had gone.

All things considered, I thought it had gone well. Apple Bloom thought I wasn’t a shit head, Macintosh seemed less… angry with me, and Granny Smith had been quite the pleasure to meet. I figured that I now had could count Apple Bloom and Macintosh in when it came to my little get-together, and wondered if I should try talking to Rarity tomorrow to see if my talk with Pinkie had influenced her in my favor once more. I somewhat doubted it, since I hadn’t really forgiven the evil pink one for much, but I did stop calling her Cuntie, so I thought that would be a boon, if nothing else. I wondered if I should bring some flowers along to aid me in my plight, but then I realized that she had shit to apologize for as well. Maybe I’d leave the flowers for another occasion, like when I went to properly apologize to Twilight.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After I woke up the third time that night, I gave up on sleep and tried to catalogue my nightmares, hypothesizing that writing them down instead of keeping them in my head would help me sleep better. I elected to leave them out of my journals for two simple reasons: I didn’t want to remember them, and I didn’t want to think about them later down the line. The damned things had been plaguing me for a while now, ever since the Gryphonia incident, and they were costing me more sleep than ever. The only thing that seemed to stave them off was company in bed. I took to rapping my knuckles on my headrest as a way to be sure of where I was, but even that small comfort had eventually been incorporated into my dreams, leaving me with little else in the ways of possible recourse. It was frustrating to know that, every night, I was trapped inside my own mind until I met another grisly fate that woke me, but I didn’t let it impede me. Much. I’d had night terrors for years now, and a few more weren’t going to stop me from living my own goddamn life, so I pondered what exactly I could do to fix it. I jotted down a note to Celestia, asking if she knew of any dream magic that could purge nightmares, but didn’t get a response. Not surprising since it was three hours before dawn at the least.

I settled in for a long day and started writing another book. I decided on a happier tale, one that mimicked my life in ways, but deviated in others so that the main character wasn’t just stealing random shit for people. Rather than being like me, he would ‘reclaim’ stolen goods from evil ponies, and I even had my first case, modeling it after my first job. Midnight Stroll would be infiltrating the castle of the wicked Doctor Droll, taking back the pendant of a mare named Lilly Pad. Of course, in real life, I had just stolen some jewelry for some greedy old crone, but that doesn’t really seem heroic, now does it?

My new story ate up time with my creative juices flowing torrentially since the actions in the book were somewhat based off of true events, and it only felt like an hour had passed when I looked up and realized that noon had come and gone. I put my scribblings aside for the time being and headed out for the day, stopping by at the local florist to pick up a bouquet of various fresh flowers for Twilight. The woman who ran the shop, a Miss Briar Heart, was quite the character. She casually threw out more swears and slurs than I could count, ruining a few ponies’ days, and I couldn’t help but feel a connection to her. We traded barbed compliments and she slipped a few of her own cross pollinated creations called ‘Briar Roses’ into my gift to thank me for being a likeable prick. I paid her double the amount she’d asked and I was off to see the wizard. Mage. Witch? Whatever Twilight was supposed to be. I don’t even care.

I arrived at my destination and announced my presence, which was probably a mistake because the door went unanswered. I rolled my eyes and went for the approach I knew best: Sneaking in. I stuck the bouquet in my mouth and clambered up the Treebrary’s branches with a practiced ease, knocking on the door to the balcony when I arrived at my slightly altered destination. I waited around for a little bit and I considered getting a pocket watch to track just how long I spent waiting on shit to happen throughout the day, not that I would ever be petty enough to bring it up when said waiting was done. I just like to know these things.

After waiting entirely too long, I let myself in and had a look around. The last time I had been in here while sober, it was during Pinkie’s welcoming party, and it had been darker than my sense of humor. In the daylight, I realized that it was Twilight’s room that I was standing in, so I hurried out of her personal space and into the hallway, nearly running into the woman I had been looking for. She was looking very cute in a pleasant royal purple sundress, and she had put her hair into a ponytail which was very fitting. Twilight stared at me and whisked her head around to the direction of the front door, whipping her hair in my face as she did so. Thankfully, it was quickly removed from my mouth when she turned back to me.

“Max…” She said slowly

“Hullo love,” I spoke quickly, taking a step back, “brought you a present!” Holding the flowers up for her, I grinned.

Twilight didn’t look as amused. “Did you just come in through my balcony?”

I winced. “How much trouble am I in if I say yes?”

“A lot.” She crossed her arms and tapped her hoof on the floor. It was a little odd since she actually had to raise her leg to do so.

“Teleporting accident?” I shrugged, turning the charm up to eleven. “Does it really matter though, love? We’re together, I brought some flowers, you look lovely, I’m undeserving of someone as sweet, intelligent, and forgiving as you, and-”

Twilight blushed slightly, but still ended up rubbing her temples. “Why.”

“Why what, love?”

“Why did you break into my house? Dear Celestia, I swear, it must just be my family or something! First my parents, now me!”

“In fairness, I didn’t break into your parents place, I don’t think.”

“I don’t know about that, because breaking in just to reorganize kinda seems like something you would do at times!” Twilight scowled.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Time to play it cool. “Not really. If I break in, it’s probably for a good reason, and I rather doubt I have a reason to break into your parents place.”

She huffed and and her grimace lightened. “I guess. You’re still in trouble!”

“I really don’t see why. You girls have let yourselves into my house on multiple occasions.” I replied.

Twilight’s nose twitched and her breathing picked up. “That was different.”

“You wanted to see me, I wanted to see you. The only thing that changed was the quantity of visitors and the deeper purpose of the visit.”

“You are so not talking your way out of this one.”

“Can I kiss my way out of this one?”

“No, you can’t.”

“I’m sorry?”

“No you’re not.”

I was running out of ideas. “Will you at least take the flowers? Briar Heart even added some of her own special fusion.” I wiggled my brows.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “I doubt it. Briar Heart is one of the meanest ponies in town! There’s no way-” I held up one of Briar Heart’s flowers. “Oh.”

“You forget, I’m the meanest thing in town, love. Briar and I are kindred spirits, and as such, I think you should look past her vulgarity and think of her as female me, but less cute than I’d be.”

Twilight took the flower from my hand and nibbled on it. I had forgotten that ponies ate flowers. “Wow… It’s an honest to goodness Briar Rose.”

“Yup, red, white, and pink petals with chopped off thorns. Briar Rose indeed.”

Twilight pursed her lips and shifted her stance. “I don’t think you understand how hard it is to coax one of these from her.”

I pulled two more from the bouquet. “How about six? How hard is that?” I stuck them back in the bundle and handed them off to her.

Twilight’s jaw dropped and I grinned. “Do you get why I was so eager to see you now?”

“Okay, it’s getting pretty hard to be mad at you. How did you manage to get six!?” The of corners her mouth slowly lifted.

“Like I said, kindred spirits. Briar’s a lot like one of my old friends, and she reminds me of myself when I’m in a good mood.”

“You talk like that when you’re in a good mood?”

“I used to. Things change.” I shrugged.

Twilight shook her head and gave me a bright smile. “Well, I’m glad you got it out of your system. Is this your way of apologizing for my vase?”

“Yes, yes it is, but let’s not bring that up right now. I’m just happy I could make you smile.”

“Aww, you’re so sweet when you want to be!” Twilight gave me a peck on the cheek and nibbled on her flower.

“I’m always sweet, it’s just that you have to get past the sour. While we’re on the topic of sweet things, I love your dress, quite fetching.”

“Well thank you! Rarity made it for me so I’d have something to wear to the picnic-” Twilight’s eyes widened and she covered her mouth.

“I’m guessing I wasn’t invited for a reason?”

“Max, it’s not that we don’t want you there, it’s just that… Help me out here?”

I snorted. “Rarity and Rainbow don’t want me there. Don’t worry, Twi, I’m not exactly offended. Wouldn’t exactly be thrilled to show up anywhere Rainbow Dash is anyways.”

Twilight’s mood seemed well and truly doused. “I forgot you were having troubles with Rainbow Dash too…”

“Again, don’t worry. We’ll work it out eventually." I might punch her, but things will work out. "Feel free to share your flowers with the girls.” I gave her a smile and pecked her cheek before letting myself out through the front door.

I can’t say I was terribly upset about not being invited to their little get together, seeing as how I wasn’t on good terms with three out of the six attendees. Hell, I wasn’t even phased that they had kept it a secret. I suppose I could have chosen to be offended, but life was too short to be mad over small things. That was when I stopped being mad at Pinkie Pie. Shit just wasn’t worth it, to be honest. Yes, she had pulled quite the load of rubbish, but in the end, the damage had been repairable and the only thing stopping us from being friends again was my own stubbornness. That didn’t mean I was about to forgive Rainbow for wrecking my house, but it did mean that I could give Pinkie some good news. Maybe my brighter mood was influencing my decisions.

With nothing else to do, I figured that I could go for a walk in the Whitetail Woods, mostly because walking through town would have brought me by Ponyville Park, and that was where I assumed they would be since it was such a pleasant day out. I didn't think any of them spent enough time in my neck of the woods to find my little clearing, so that was my next stop. After I picked up some edibles and got my pocket watch, of course.

I had been travelling in the general direction of my house, but the local jeweller’s shop was in the opposite direction, so I made an about face and kept on keepin’ on. The shop I stopped at was called ‘Blissful Baubles’; a nice little place with a friendly cream colored stallion manning the counter. He started me off with some of the cheaper watches he had in stock, but once I vetoed pretty much all of his designs, he began showing me the more interesting pieces. I decided on a skeletal piece that was well crafted, but rather expensive. I liked how I could see the gears move, and the general design of the piece. It had the motif of a Timber Wolf’s face on the front and an engraving of the rest of the creature on the back, the casing made of a dark, hardy, well crafted steel and the hands of the clock crafted from obsidian. The numbers on the faces were gilded in gold, and the gears inside were made of alternating dark and light steel, which I found to be quite intriguing. Overall, it was a good purchase in my book, though I had the vaguest feeling that Rarity would definitely find it atrocious, despite how much I liked it.

My new trinket only needed to be wound bi-daily and would stop after being wound to a certain point, so I could wind it whenever I felt the need to, which would help me out since I tend to forget about things like that. Once I incorporated it into my daily routine it wouldn’t be such a problem, but getting into the habit of doing it was the hard part anyways, so I made a mental note to wind my watch before I started on my journals.

With my new fancy pantsy doodad tucked away in my pocket, I made my way over to Blossoms and Blooms and had them make me one hell of a hoagie. Of course, there was no meat, but I figured I could go home, scramble some eggs, and make it a sandwich worth eating. Honestly? I was kind of getting tired of eggs and beans to source my protein. The vegetarian diet had never been my thing, and I’d always hated fish ever since my old man made me try pickled herring as a boy, so I was kind of stuck unless I wanted to try hunting something. Without any weapons, experience, or general knowledge of traps or snares, I was stuck, for lack of a better word. I had no hope of finding a trapper or the like around the Ponyville area to teach me, and on top of that, the ponies were fucking herbivores anyway. I thought as I walked and nearly punched myself when I realized that I shouldn’t be looking at the ponies for dietary guidance: I had the Naga!

I went back home, threw my vegan hoagie in my satchel, and started prowling around the Whitetail Woods until I found the broken branches that marked the trail the Naga men had used to bring me back home. It should've been about a two hour walk if I didn’t stop for rest, so I started my journey without further ado.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

If my nightmares were anything to go by, then the Everfree wasn’t very far off from being Hell. I spent four fucking hours dodging and running from Manticores, an Orthus, something I thought was a Bunyip, and a Roc that kept swooping down on me when I thought the coast was clear. I don’t even know how I managed to dodge that damned thing after the third time since I was so exhausted from being chased by the Orthus, though I was happy that the Manticore eventually gave up. The two headed dog on the other hand? Persistent. And horny, if the red rocket it was sporting throughout the chase was any indicator.

In my defense, my boosted perception apparently kicks into overdrive when I’m pants-shittingly terrified.

I lost my way rather quickly after pummeling the Orthus to death with a rock (not a Roc) and was bleeding rather profusely from where it had bitten my shoulder while trying to mount me. I did not envy their females if that’s how they show affection. I managed to staunch the flow of blood by shredding strips off of my shirt, but I was still hopelessly lost, and the Everfree was expansive to say the least. I had fucked myself pretty well; I had no survival training, no knives for self defense, and I was rather certain that most creatures of the Everfree could smell blood. Long story short, I was up Shit Creek without a boat, let alone a paddle.

I climbed high into a tree and calmed myself, assessing my situation to the best of my ability. After an hour of deep thought, my conclusion was that I was fucked unless a small miracle happened. Sitting around and thinking had gotten me nowhere, so I decided to keep moving. I knew that the Sun was beginning to set now, and from my time in the canopy, I could see that it was definitely not directly above me, so I headed in the general direction that it was going, hoping that it would lead me home.

It didn’t lead me home, but it did lead me to what must have been the largest tree in the Everfree. The tree was a great Evergreen that towered over its surroundings, but it’s branches were too high off of the ground for me to reach easily, and it’s trunk was far too wide for me to shimmy up, so I looked around for anything that could help me scale my arboreal asylum. Vines hung from just about every tree, so with the daylight I had left, I weaved the and tied them off on one end to make something like a weighted rope. It took me quite a while to complete, but If I could get off of the forest floor for the night, it would make the effort well worth it.

Sadly, the lowest branch of the pine was still a good two and a half meters above me, and the rope I’d made just didn’t have enough weight to get over it. I considered tying it to a rock, but it was too thick, and it was a bit rigid. I started working the vine to break up some of the fiber so it would flex, but getting the whole length done would take time I didn’t really have, so settling for a little less than half of the seven or so odd meters, I tried to get the job done as soon as I could. My hands were quickly rubbed raw from the effort, but since I couldn’t find my way to the edge of this damned forest, it was my best bet. I hefted the rope for a couple more tries and after the second, my efforts were rewarded. I wiggle the rope over the relatively smooth bark and brought the other half down, allowing me to tie a messy slipknot. By no means was it either pretty or my best work, but it was the best I could do at the moment and I was confident in my handiwork. I wrung the rope upward and pulled it taut with my full body weight.

I swung for a few moments with my eyes wide open, praying that it would hold. It felt like it would fine, but my hands were alight. I had multiple nicks and scratches of various depth all over my mitts that were making my grip slip. That, and they hurt like hell, but I could ignore the pain, if nothing else then for the fear of being caught napping within easy reach. I wiped them off to the best of ability and tried to used my legs to hold as much of my weight as I could while I made my way up, but I still needed to advance with my hands and my upper body was never really my strong suit. Despite every desire to quit and lay down, I forced myself to continue and eventually got the branch itself. I heaved myself up and took a much needed rest as I slowly worked on untying my rope, which came apart after a few more minutes. Once I was on the tree, the branches were smaller and closer together, often just out of reach. If I planned my route, I could get to the one directly above me within a few minutes. I tied the rope around myself and went for my first jump, wrapping my arms around the branch and hauling myself over before taking another quick break. The next few were a bit easier, with me only having to lean to touch the majority of them. I still had to risk jumping to them, but the further I could go, the safer I’d be.

I scanned the tree for a few seconds, trusting my senses to alert me to any noises or visual oddities that would tell me of possible predators and found nothing that stood out. I closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of the forest, hoping that it wasn’t just my vision that had been altered. I can’t say for sure if it was, but I could distinctly hear more than I had thought possible while focusing my efforts elsewhere, including what sounded like bipedal footsteps somewhere below me. My eyes shot open and I climbed further out onto the branch I was visiting and looked: It was a Goblin of some sort. Short and green with large pointed ears, it appeared to be looking for something. It hefted a small primitive spear that I doubted would do much to any of the larger creatures of the forest unless it was thrown in combination with a dozen others, so I closed my eyes and listened in to see if I could hear any more of them. My patience allowed me to hear at least four others that were in the area, so I carefully inched my way back to the trunk of the tree and sat still. I wasn’t out of range if theydecided to start throwing their stone tipped weapons, so playing it safe was my best bet if I didn’t want to deal with more injuries.

The goblins gathered around the base of the tree and faffed about, picking up clumps of needles and earth, sniffing them and dropping them repeatedly. I hadn’t delved terribly far into their existence when I had the chance, but Twilight’s bestiary did mention them a few times. Their bite was mildly poisonous, and as with most two legged creatures, they held a modest intelligence. They weren’t as smart as kobolds, but they made up for it by being as crafty as a two year old and their opportunistic ways meant that attacking wounded prey was pretty much the way they filled their stomachs. I remembered that they were often seen in the wake of a larger predator, which made me wonder just why they were gathering around my chosen pine. I hadn’t had any trouble since I had reached it, so they must have been late in their arrival, or they were looking for a sugar daddy to pass them along some scraps.

Both of my explanations made me feel a bit better, but the equally viable scenario of them following me by the scent of my blood sent chills down my spine. I had to keep my breathing slow and inaudible, hoping that with time, my new guests would give up and fuck off, but when more arrived, making the current total around twelve, I realized that they were bedding down for the night, meaning that I was essentially stuck unless I could keep quiet while making my last jump. This wasn’t a decision to be made lightly: I could either spend a night on my uncomfortable, yet relatively safe branch that was slightly lower to the ground, or I could go for one nearly three times its size and considerably more secure, but with the added risk of being discovered by my new ‘friends’. I rationalized that I needed as much rest as possible and that the added comfort of the larger branch would help facilitate that, so I went for it harder than I really should have. Instead of jumping just enough to get on the branch like I had been, I tried my hardest and nearly sprung over my target, which actually meant that I expended less energy in reaching it. Hiking a leg over the side, I checked the forest floor and saw that the goblins were stirring about, but apparently hadn’t heard my leap of faith. I breathed a sigh of relief. My gamble had paid off.

My mind was abuzz, trying to lock down all the information I had learned throughout the day. If you crushed one of the heads of an Orthus, half of it would die, Manticores were assholes, and the birds of the Everfree were assholes too, just with better wings. I was homesick already, and there was nothing more I wanted to do than have someone come to my rescue and pull my ass out of the fire, but since no one knew where I had gone, I couldn’t expect a Thunderbirds style team to come after me anytime soon, so I steeled my resolve and planned my course for the next day. I would rise with the Sun and head in the same direction it was travelling, taking me further west toward where I hoped Ponyville lie. Hell, if I could find the river and visit that Steven Magnet fellow, I would be quite happy since he could give me a rough idea of where to go, and I could wash off the grime I had accumulated over the course of my shitty day. With that in mind, I tied myself to my branch and settled in for an arduous night
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I awoke the next morning with a familiar beak in my face, twitching and bouncing as it clicked. I froze in terror as it gazed at me, taking in every minute detail of my body. I had slept upright, and the hawk-like Roc towered over me. It was at least two meters taller than me, and once it flapped its wings a few more times, I was willing to bet that it’s wingspan was more than adequate to allow it to carry me off if the massive raptor so chose. It leaned forward, sticking its neck out a bit to nudge my head with its beak. It hadn’t done so with much force, but I had though that I was about to have my head ripped off, so I closed my eyes and waited for the inevitable. When the inevitable became less clear, I opened my eyes once more and saw that the bird had back off a bit. The Roc opened its beak and let out a piercing cry.

“WHAT ARE YOU?” I understood its speach, but the volume was damn near ear shattering.

“A-A Human. Only one of my kind. Please don’t eat me.” I shook like a leaf as it stepped forward, its large talons easily gripping the wide branch I had been resting on.

It cried once more. “NASHOBA.”

I winced and covered my ears, blocking out the worst of the sharpness. “I know her well. She’s my companion. Do you know her?”

“I DO. I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO TAKE YOU TO HER.”

“Sorry, but you look more deadly than she does.”

The Roc preened its feathers for a little while, evidently proud of the compliment I had given it. I began untying my rope from the branch, but remained sitting, lest I be blown off of my perch by the Roc’s gusts.

“So you haven’t been trying to kill me since I’ve been here?” I asked tentatively.

“YOU LOOK TASTY. I CANNOT EAT MY FRIEND’S MASTER.”

“That’s nice to know. Can you turn the volume down a bit?”

It clicked its beak twice and answered with a few chirps instead of its brutal screeching. “I can. I will take you to the Gathering, human.”

“Yeah, that’s better. I would be ever so grateful if we could do that now, friend.”

“I am not your friend. I am your temporary guardian. If you lose favor with Nashoba, I will eat you. You will be tasty.” It stated simply.

I was hesitant to trust the creature after it said that. And before it said that, actually, but knowing that my relationship with Lupa was the only reason I was still alive, I had little choice. Before I had a chance to ask another question, the unnamed Roc grabbed me with one of its claws and took off, breaking the tips of the tree’s branches as it flapped. I was, of course, terrified to no end, and the higher we climbed in the sky, the more I was made aware of the fact that all it would take was one uncoordinated muscle movement for me to end up a meal. A jelly-like, splattered meal. The Roc gripped me tightly, though, and I wasn’t going to be in any danger of falling if it kept its hold on me, so my main worry was dying from the sheer force of the wind, something that I hadn't taken into account. It was a difficult journey, and my fear of heights kept me from opening my eyes during it.

Now, one might wonder how someone with the nickname ‘Gecko’ could be scared of heights, but I considered climbing and flying to be two very different things. At least with climbing, you had a chance of holding on to something before you fell to your death, and that provided a bit of an adrenaline rush. Flying, on the other hand, was fucking awful. I counted myself lucky that I was in the ‘arms’ of something that had been flying for the majority of its life, but I still didn’t like being so high in the air with little to keep me from dying. If humans were meant to fly, we would come with fucking wings, but we weren’t given that little boon, so we are forever blessed with not doing that.

The trip took far longer in my mind than it probably did in life, but either way, I was quite happy to be on the ground again. I didn’t stop to look around when I felt myself drop to the ground, instead, settling for making sure how much planet Equus knew how much I loved its gravity. When I got over my fit of temporary insanity, I looked around and found all manners of creatures looking at me: a few bears of varying types, foxes, wild cats, a few timber wolves, the Roc and a few of its friends, hares, snakes, alligators, large lizards, a single manticore, and a massive pack of shaggy black furred creatures that seemed awfully familiar. My heart leapt when I realized that they were dire wolves, much like Lupa. I looked around and tried to spot her, but the ring around me was closing in and I was far more focused on staying calm, trying not to let my fear overtake me.

I lifted a hand and waved. “Wotcher.”

A bird far larger than the Roc marched its way through the crowd and stood in front of me. I could feel every hair rise, and when the bird shifted its wings, I could see sparks of electricity fly from its feather, making more of the creatures back off. The Thunderbird leered at me for a few minutes before I noticed a bear and a dire wolf make their way toward the front of the ring around me. They appeared on my left and came to stand on either side of me, allowing me time to see them properly before they took up their positions. I recognized the bear as Bearett, but the wolf wasn’t Lupa if her green eyes were anything to go by.

Bearett stood on his hind legs. “Krel greets the Watcher.” He roared. I think animals just like shouting at each other.

The dire wolf followed suit. “Lycas greets the Watcher.” Its voice sounded male.

They both looked towards me and I stood as well. “M-Max greets the Watcher?” I called out in an unsure voice.

The Thunderbird nodded and the dire wolf sat down, though Bearett and I stayed standing.

“THERE IS A TWO-LEG AMONG US.” The Watcher cried, causing its entire audience to cringe away from its sheer volume. “Two-Leg, what have you to say in your defense?”

“Uhh… I was brought here without my consent?”

Mutterings of weakness could be heard, though they were few and far between. Waves of fur shifted and shone through the early morning light, and I wondered just what was going to happen to me.

“Regardless, Two-Legs are not permitted in the Gathering.” The Watcher picked a loose feather from its wing and laid it before me. It was at least a meter long, crackling with static as it fell. Honestly, the thing looked more like an elven sword than a feather.

“Take this and leave. Let it remind you to keep away. You will only be warned once, Two-Leg. Tread here again, and you will be a meal.”

The Roc that had brought me here screeched and I looked in its direction. It was completely silent after that, so I imagined that it had just called dibs on me should that ever be a problem. I was going to do my best to make sure that it wasn’t.

I turned back to the Thunderbird. “You see, I don’t know how to get out of this forest. If you could have someone get me out, I would be very happy to never bother you again.”

“Nashoba has told us much about you, Two-Leg. She says you are trustworthy, that you have done the forest a favor in slaying a cell of the Kobolds.” It puffed its chest out. “I say you have attacked the forest and its inhabitants.”

“Isn’t murder common in this forest? Most of the inhabitants will attack you if you come across them in just about any way, so you can’t say this a peaceful pace, Watcher; life here is dangerous. Hell, I stayed on a path, something that was supposed to grant me safe travels, and was driven through the forest! You can’t say that the Everfree is anything but dangerous!”

The Watcher clicked its beak. “The Everfree is only dangerous to non-inhabitants-” Half of the animals present snorted some dissent. “...Well, perhaps you have a point. In any case, you will not die here, so take your life and go home, Max.”

“Yes, happily, I just need to know where to go and I’ll be out of your feathers, mate. Point me in the right direction.”

“...You seriously don’t know how to leave the forest? Even fledglings know the way back home, Max.”

“I just so happen to be from the exact opposite of a forest, so forgive me if my navigational skills relate more to human settlements more so than this hell hole. Wasn’t born in the forest, never spent much time in one, and the Everfree is not the place you want to learn unless you have little choice.”

The Watcher ruffled his feathers. “I don’t care about your petty Two-Leg problems. If you choose to tread in the Everfree, you should be aware of the consequences.”

“Actually, don’t you have two legs too? I mean, two wings, two legs; Don’t you count as a Two-Leg?”

The Watcher flapped its wings and bowled me over with the gust it created. “Insolence! Krel, take the human and go. Return once you have dropped it off somewhere that isn’t here. This Gathering will convene upon your arrival.” The Watcher turned around and awkwardly waddled back to his previous place in the group. The bear I knew as Bearett lumbered over and huffed at me, picking a direction seemingly at random and walking off. With him acting as my guide and all, I followed ‘Krel’ closely, away from the oppressive animal smells.

I tried talking to Bearett as we walked, but he would have none of my questions, so after a while I gave up and tried to avoid any droppings, which were made more frequently than one might think. After a few too many close calls, I started walking by his side, and the thought that he was doing it on purpose had crossed my mind a few times. Fucking animals. With no real idea where we were going, it became one of the longest walks of my life. I was so eager to get home and out of this shit hole that there wasn’t much I was willing to put up with, so every root and branch in my way was dutifully dodged or broken in turn. We trekked on for what felt like ages, even though I knew only an hour and a half had passed, which made me grateful for my pocket watch. Small comforts really do go along way when one finds themselves in a murder forest, or a like situation.

Through the damp heat of the day, I started feeling terrible. Since I had left my satchel behind during my encounter with the Orthus, and hadn’t brought any water with me, I was parched and hungry without a break in the foreseeable future. When Bearett eventually either got tired of walking along or just wanted a drink, but either way, when he brought us to a river, I was extremely thankful, even though I was sure he had held out for as long as he could to punish me for something or other. I drank water by the handful, trusting whatever lie beneath the surface to bite my fucking face off if I gave it the chance. Bearett finished up with a fish between his jaws and tore it apart before we got a move on. Seeing him make short work of that fish made me wish that I had saved my hoagie, but what is lost is lost. Perhaps I would make another when I got back to town.

The thing is, Bearett didn’t take me back to town. It was about five in the afternoon when he finally stopped, turning around to face me.

“Do you know where we are?” He grunted loudly.

I looked around, seeing that pieces of stone were littered about the forest floor. They all appeared to be well worn, but from their general uniformity, I could tell that they weren’t naturally occurring, leading me to believe that we were near a ruins of some sort.

“My best guess is some kind of ancient Pony settlement, long forgotten. Probably here from a time before the Everfree became like it is.”

Bearett grunted. “You’re right. The Watcher was here for its erection, and here for its fall. This is where we part ways.”

“Hold up, how do I get back to Ponyville from here? I mean, I’ve never even heard of ruins in this forest! Can you at least send someone along to help me out of here?” I protested.

“I am your help. The Everfree protects those who protect themselves, so I suggest you begin your journey from here, where the forest doesn’t watch.”

“Look, mate, it’s not that I don’t appreciate you getting me here safely, it’s just that I’m still fucking lost. I can tell you right now that I should be dead-”

“And yet, you are not. Even the weakest creature has hidden strengths, and you should take care to learn what your own are. One more thing,” Bearett turned to leave,” Do not make the Broodmother sad, Two-Leg, I will find you if you do.”

“Who’s the Broodmother? Seriously, all this coded bullshit is getting old.”

“The Broodmother is your mate, fool. One of them, at least. The Brood Mother is a friend to the Kendani and the Zgon, whether she is aware of it or not, and is under protection from much of the Gatherers, so I suggest that you tread lightly with her.”

“Can you answer a few more questions before you go?” I asked, following his steps.

Bearett stopped and looked at me. “I suppose. Ask your questions.”

“Alright, so what are the Kendani and Zgon, and are you telling me that Fluttershy is basically a dryad or something? Why is she being guarded by so many animals?”

He snorted and swiped at a bug that had settled on his nose. “The Kendani are the dumb animals, and the Zgon are those like myself and Lupa. The Kendani make up the weight of the balance, and the Zgon are the watchful, the ones who make sure the scales do not tip.”

“Okay, I think I can understand that. Why are there two separate groups? And why is Fluttershy so important?”

“There have always been a separation, though even the eldest creatures do not agree on an answer. Some say that the first tortoise and owl together formed the Zgon, teaching their ways to those who could grasp them, allowing those that could not to continue as their instincts tell them. Some would argue that the Kendani have simply always been, and that the Zgon rose from their ranks due to druidic magic. The most popular story is that the Dryads that once roamed the planet freely gave gifts to Kendani that assisted them by spreading their seeds and fruits, helping them birth new Dryads. None of those I have spoken with have ever known the full truth, but I believe that it is by a combination of these three stories that we will find our answer.”

“...So you don’t really know. Gotcha. What about Fluttershy?”

“The Broodmother is caretaker to all those who would seek her out. She has nursed many of the Gatherings’ members in their time of need and will be protected for her kindness.”

“Have you spoken with Fluttershy yet? Does she know how much she means to you guys at all?”

“The Broodmother lacks your gift to speak with us, or I would have told her.”

“Actually, long story short, Fluttershy can freely communicate with you due to some luck on my part. Well, I would call it unlucky since I died as a result, but she can understand you as well as I can now.”

He scratched at one of his ears. “...I was not aware of this. Perhaps I will leave this Gathering early.”

“Yeah, if you do, take me with you please.”

Bearett tossed his head and lumbered off without saying anything else. Unfortunately, I was still stuck without knowledge of a way home, but at least I could do some exploring and hopefully find some food. I was confident that I could find the river that Bearett had shown me, but without food, I was going to eventually keel over and that just wouldn’t do, so I set watched until I couldn’t see Bearett past the thick foliage and set out to find some stuff out about my temporary home.

Now, I’ve never seen true ruins in person. Never been to Rome, haven’t seen any of the ancient Chinese architecture, didn’t think to save up and visit India, but seeing the dilapidated castle that sprawled across the Everfree’s land filled me with more awe than seeing pictures of it ever could. From the crumbling stone towers to the worn out drawbridge that was now residing over a disgusting moat, I carefully examined every inch of the place from the outside, walking around it to mark it in my mental map. I often brushed my hands along the walls, just to feel the years that had taken their toll on this once magnificent structure. I had never been one much for history, but even in my beat down, scraped up state, I couldn’t help but want to delve into this castle’s story, to learn as much as I could about it. The wounds on my hands had closed up during my walk, so I scaled one of the half-rubble walls and let myself inside after finding nothing of interest on the outside besides more crumbling ruins.

The inside was dustier than your mother’s nether regions; obviously it hadn’t seen any traffic in centuries. I took the time to look around and saw a few tapestries depicting Celestia and Luna, though they didn’t sport the same hair color that they did now. Instead of Celestia’s pastel rainbow, it was more of a muted pastel pink, and Luna’s was a light blue, a pleasant periwinkle. I wondered what had made them change it up, but didn’t dwell on it very long, opting to see what else I could find. The roof had been left mostly intact, a characteristic of good masonry, and the floors were smooth where the roof covered them. In the open air, some of the marble flooring had been eroded away by rain, and there were little divots where you could see that the water flowed. Without any other sort of plan, I followed the trails downward to the castle’s original entrance where the heavy wooden doors were still intact somehow. They were covered in moss and splintered in places, but otherwise had held up well through the years, though I saw that the rusty hinges they resided on were a strong wind away from giving. The lobby itself was pretty well off with only one fallen wall giving it over to the elements, but what really interested me were the suits of armor that seemed to be in fantastic condition considering their apparent age and where they were. I examined one that held a large zweihander and saw that the blade was also in fine condition, though upon closer inspection, I could see pinpricks of rust near the handle. I switched subjects and went back to the plate armor, seeing that the joints were also rusted, though the plates themselves seemed to be fine from what I could see.

My heart leapt when I realized that I could probably pick up a weapon here, which would make my life considerably easier. I cracked open the visor on the plate armor and sniffed it, seeing if there were any odd smells that might warn me of possible insect residents. I didn’t smell any sort of rot or the like, so I pushed it over, forsaking my previous withholdings in favor of finding something I could use to defend myself. With a loud clash of steel against stone, the armor’s weakened joints broke apart and revealed absolutely nothing. I had been hoping that there would be some manner of hidden thing inside, but I was still feeling good about finding something usable here.

I decided that following the water would only lead me to more things that were most likely too rusted to be useful, so I headed back up toward what I assumed was the court hall and had a look around there. I noticed that there were more suits of armor in the shadows that I hadn’t seen, but all of them held large weapons that I couldn’t use, so I kept looking elsewhere. Up seemed to be my best bet, so I climbed a flight of stairs and headed to the room with the biggest doors that I could find. My efforts were rewarded with the throne room. It was smaller than the one in Canterlot and the thrones were shorter than that of Celestia and Luna’s current ones, but I was willing to bet that the solar slash lunar stylings were once theirs. I knew that the ruling sisters were old and had probably moved the Capital once or twice, but I couldn’t help but wonder what made them ditch such a pleasant place for the side of a fucking mountain.

I approached both thrones and studied them in depth. I saw the petrified remnants of wooden arms and supports, but the seats were primarily made of stone and looked as if they were perfectly sculpted to each of the sister’s bodies so that their thrones could never be comfortable taken by another. Me being me, I tried having a seat in Celestia’s throne and found that the wing-wells that had been carved into the stone made for a more comfortable seating experience, though due to Celestia’s Amazonian height, I couldn’t quite get comfortable, so I tried Luna’s, which I found to be much more accommodating for someone my size, though the divot in her seat was a bit more shallow than Celestia’s had been. I had forgotten to take into account the amount of arse each of them had, and when I started trying to piece together what their general body types had been like, I came to the conclusion that Celestia had once been even curvier than she was now, and that Luna had pretty much stayed the same. I briefly wondered how big Sunbutt’s bum had been if there was such a large difference in their seating arrangements but cast the thought aside with a small chuckle.

After having a look around, I found a small sword and a buckler behind Luna’s seat. The sword had evidently been well oiled before it was left behind of the small amounts of translucent residue were anything to go by. It was free from rust, though the cloth wrapping on the handle could use some redoing, although it seemed usable as it was. The wood that encased the tang was well preserved by whatever epoxy had been applied to it, so I now had something to stick into whatever was going to try to kill me and a nice little shield that would hopefully do me some good if I ever needed it. I had thought the buckler to be made of wood, but when I gave it a thorough once over, I saw that it was more like a large discus with riveted straps and a handle. I couldn’t identify the metal offhand, and since my light was fading quickly, I just picked it up and went along with finding somewhere to sleep for the night.

As I checked from room to room, I tested any cloth I came across to see If I could use it to repair my new sword and shield, but much of what I found was too rotten or moth bitten to use as anything other than kindling, so I took my samples and dropped them off in the throne room in case I came across any flint later on. As it was, I was looking at a cold though safe night, and I was extremely grateful for that comfort. I continued exploring until I found myself in one of the towers that was adorned in Celestia’s Cutie mark. I hoped that her former private chambers were in here somewhere, and my hopes were correct, if the wrought iron, four post canopy bed was anything to go by. A flight of fancy struck me and I searched through the the ramshackle wardrobe and some of the chests to see if I could find anything. Oddly enough, I found some interesting livery that had maintained throughout centuries of abandonment. The dull undergarments were made of silk which had allowed them to survive, but I was more focused on repurposing them into a wrap for my sword more so than any nefarious purposes.

Most helpful panty raid ever.

I used the swords still sharp edge to cut the pieces into one long strip and coiled it around the handle, tying the excess off around the pommel. It took me a few tries, but I eventually managed to wrap it in a way that was both comfortable and functional, leaving me with nothing else to do but sleep.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Morning light broke in through the shattered windows, but I had already been awake for the better part of an hour. With the nightmares and odd noises of the Everfree preventing any sort of restful sleep, I was determined to get the hell out of this forsaken forest as soon as possible. I had slept on the ruined mattress that was left of Celestia’s old bed which kept me off of the cold, hard stone floor, so I was better off than I could have been, but the bed was still dusty as hell and left me scratching like I had just laid in a bed of fleas. I could have, for all I know, but I preferred to blame the dust. With my sword and shield repaired and ready, I continued exploring the castle in the dawns light and made my way down to the kitchens. I wasn’t expecting to find anything to eat or drink, but I did find a few bottles of wine that were left intact and a piece of flint and steel that had been left behind. I had a way to make fire and a way to get hammered, so I considered it a net positive. I searched around some more and found a few empty bottles that weren’t broken. I could use them to gather and boil water, so my day was already starting to look up. When I got all of my supplies put in the throne room, I headed out into the courtyard to see what was going on in that part of the castle. As is the case with most ruins, there was nothing of note. With my belly growling loudly, it was time to see if I could kill something worth eating.

It took me a few hours, but I managed to find and kill a really big chicken. I say chicken, but I mean Cockatrice. I had found it pecking at the corpse of some poor goblin and snuck up on it, trying to get as close as possible so my lunge would allow me to kill it in one blow. I had had no idea if the things were even edible seeing as how the lizard- like tail and stature of the thing stated otherwise. That, and their petrifying stare would normally be enough to ward me off, but today, I was as hungry as I’d ever been, and I was certain that my elevated healing had something to do with it. If I could shrug off being poisoned once, I was sure that I could do it again. I soundlessly made my way towards the cockatrices back, carefully avoiding deadfall or anything else that might give me away. Luckily, the moist ground helped absorb my missteps and my experience helped me stay out of its line of sight. Once I was about two meters away, I sprung, charging the oversized drumstick, chopping it's head off in one fell swoop. I looked around for a few minutes and saw nothing that would come for my kill, so I began the tedious task of dragging the bird back to my lair.

With no experience in hunting, cleaning, or cooking an animal I’d killed myself, I tried to emulate Bear Grylls and Les Stroud to the best of my abilities, plucking as many of the feathers as I could from the Cockatrice’s legs. Utilizing some dryish branches and my pile of kindling, I headed down to the castle's kitchen and started a fire in one of the ovens, constantly feeding it more fuel to keep the fire hot. I wondered if I should just chuck my massive drumsticks in while the fire was going, but decided to wait until they died down a bit and shoved them in while the coals were glowing. I left them in the oven for forty five minutes and hoped that they’d had enough time to cook. With a mitt made of more undergarments, I pulled them out and set them on the island in the middle of the kitchen to let them rest before digging in. My stomach roared for me to tear into my precious meat before some unfortunate event took them from me, but if I could wait two days for a meal, another few minutes wouldn’t kill me. Well, in the Everfree it might, but that’s not the important bit.

Once my food had cooled off, I tucked in. I had overcooked the outside, and the ash on the flesh dissuaded me from eating it, but the meat closer to the bone was done to near perfection; perfect for a starving omnivore. I swear, I had never tasted anything better in my entire life, so much so that I ended up eating much of the ashen meat anyway. I heaved the other drumstick back into the oven after cutting it into strips, hoping to make some sort of jerky out of it so I would have something to eat when I prepared to leave the forest come jungle. I had filled my bottles while I was out hunting, so after chasing down the Cockatrice meat, I was ready to start looking for a way out of the Everfree.

I took a heavy battle axe with me to help mark my path as I dived back into the wild forest, cleaving branches from trees every so often, leaving markers to get me back to the castle if I couldn’t find my way out. I had chosen to follow the Sun once more, but after hours of trying to find an exit, night was beginning to fall, and I needed to get back to safety.

Days passed in much the same fashion. I would leave early in the morning with some food and water packed, and I would pick a direction to follow and hope that today would be the day, using some blood I collected from my kills to mark the days on the island in the kitchen. Eight had passed since I originally went into the Everfree, blending together into what felt like one, and my hope faded with each passing day until I crashed. I spent the ninth day doing nothing, wallowing in despair and feeling sorry for myself, but on the tenth, I had caught my twelfth wind and got back to trying to get the hell out of this shitty place. The castle had held many secrets like trap doors and other traps, but with a little attention, I found that I could pick any unsprung ones out with a rather impressive success rate.

My senses became more attuned the longer I spent in the Everfree, and I felt more comfortable as time passed. What had once felt like an evil forest now felt somewhat similar to a second home. A home wrought with traps, poisonous things, and deadly creatures, but it made a modicum of sense to me now. I could see patterns in the way predators moved, often chasing prey on a kind of cycle. Some days I would see Manticores and Orthus’ hunting long legged, deer like creatures, and others, I would see Cockatrices hunting Goblins or other smaller game. The trees that bore fruit were off limits since I didn’t know what I could eat, but I spent one of my days staking various plants out, seeing what came along for a meal. Often, Fruit bearing trees were left alone, but there was one tree that appeared to have coconuts that were popular among the herbivores. I used those trees as hunting ground and hid in nearby ones with dense foliage. The palm-esque trees held no branches for me to hide in, but they were magnets for edible creatures, so when I killed one of the deer-like creatures, I took the fruit it had been trying to crack and went home.

That night, I was violently sick, which I attributed to the fruit. I lost much in the way of water and nutrition when that happened, so the next day, I tore into my venison like I was starving all over again. Day sixteen came and went, and I still had no clue how to get out of the Everfree. My hopes of getting out were replaced with a drive to survive, though with a steady source of food and water, I had little else to do during the days, so I took up meditating in the courtyard. The castle had remained unaccosted since I had been there, so my sanctuary was the perfect place to rest and collect myself when I felt I was at wits end. Through my meditation, I remembered a lot of things that I would have preferred to let rest in the pits of my mind, and those memories made me even jumpier, despite them being from a different world and dimension. My thoughts of home made me miss England, and my thoughts of Hell made me doubt my sanity. Not that it mattered much when you find yourself in a dangerous forest surrounded by things that think you look like a fresh Snausage, but it still worried me nonetheless.

Day Twenty brought a revelation during my hours of meditation: I could actually use telekinesis. I had pretty much forgotten about it, which was most likely due to not needing it, but I learned that I could actually use the skill once I had a breakthrough on why I was so willing to give trust now. The breakthrough dealt with my desire to find something good in the world and my subconscious desire to be trusted in turn, which made me wonder just why I was as pessimistic as I am. I shoved that aside when I opened my eyes and saw that various pieces of rocks were levitating in the air around me, each of them dropping when I lost concentration. I blinked my surprise and tried to lift one actively, feeling something like an extra hand extend from my mind. It was like I had suddenly grown an impalpable tentacle that would do my bidding as long as I focused; barely visible and effervescent. I allowed the pale blue, translucent appendage drift across the stone in the courtyard and immediately started testing my limits.

It turned out that they weren’t terribly high. I could use my telekinesis to a distance of five to six meters, but the further I went with it, the less I could lift, which I learned through transporting a rock. The psychic appendage could carry a five kilogram rock to about four meters with no problem, but if I used it in close range, I could lift rocks that I could barely get off the ground, given that I was willing to deal with the mental strain that ensued. Using my telekinesis gave me headaches to varying degrees that ranged from mild annoyances to blinding agony, but after three days of faffing about with it, my limits expanded a bit and the headaches were less frequent and far less severe. At day twenty four, I could stretch my telekinesis to about nine meters and carry the same five or so odd kilogram stone to the same distance. The more I practiced, the better I got until I came to a plateau, which frustrated me to no end. I could heft a heavy stone to about ten meters, but I still couldn’t lift anything particularly large.

With no scale or anything of the sort to help me judge weight, I tried to gauge just how much I could lift and found that I could get a boulder about my height off the ground if I was standing next to it. Sadly, my physical strength was no match, and when I tried lifting something larger, I immediately blacked out. I’m not proud to say that I fainted multiple times before giving up, despite having recognized the cause. I let my failure lie and spent the rest of the day trying to utilize more tendrils instead of just using one. I found that using more than two severely limited what I could do, so I stuck with that and tried to see if I could break past the cap that was forestalling any more progress. In short, it didn’t help me out much, though I was definitely fine tuning my control. Before, I could only point the appendage in the general direction I wanted it to go, but now. I could steer it rather well, able to pick up a discolored stone from a pile of others without much of an issue. I could also perform actions other than grabbing things now, and during one of my morning hunting expeditions, I used it to slap the fuck out of a Cockatrice that wandered too close to my territory.

I had been about five meters away from it, and the Cockatrice had spotted me. Through the thick underbrush of the forest, I peered through leaves and thin branches to get a good look at the creature. I sent out my tendril, reared it back, and brought it home with as much force as I could muster, whipping its neck in a very unnatural way. I didn’t need the meat at this point, but it was becoming a routine to walk around the castle and pee on trees to mark them with my scent, and since the bird-lizard thing had been unlucky enough to cross my border, it was dealt with as any other being of the Everfree would.

The little scuffle with the Cockatrice had lifted my spirits considerably, and had given me something new to try with my powers. Slapping rocks didn’t do much other than give me headaches, so I switched to trees. I could put a pretty good dent in your average one, but when I tried manipulating my tendril to take another from, the real fun started. If I flattened it out, it made a pretty effective blade, and with a bit of effort, I could cut about fifteen centimeters into living wood. If I sharpened it into a lance like point, I could drill about six centimeters into a tree, and if I formed a ball, the whipping action I used was devastating. All of these actions depended on how far away I was, but I trained them to the point where I could break off a thick branch from about ten meters away. I was quite happy with my progress.

Day thirty came, and I was accustomed to life in the Everfree. Most creatures gave me a wide bearing since I had learned to effectively use my telekinesis. I still needed to stand still while I used it, for the most part, but I was beginning to grasp moving while using it without losing my concentration, though going any faster than a gentle stroll ruined my focus. In any case, I was now a force to be reckoned with, and most of the Manticores that I came across were well aware of that fact now. I stopped going hunting once I’d learned how to smoke meat without burning it to a crisp and focused on building a raft that I could use to travel on the river. My high protein diet had given me some decent gains and my occasional purging with the coconut like fruit kept me lean and mean, so hefting logs and the like to the clearing near the riverbank was less of an issue than it would have been prior to my stint in the Everfree. With my telekinesis and newfound physical strength playing a large part, I finished my raft in two days.

On day thirty three, I brought food, water, the wine I had found, and a few weapons to my raft. With more hope than I'd felt in a while,
I hoped to head home.