Author's Notes:

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Stay Cool, Kids.

Edit: Fixed the usual shit. Same old diction and syntax corrections.

I sailed down the Everfree at noon, the time where the forest was at its calmest. During the dawn hours, the nocturnal and diurnal predators were switching shifts, so I hoped that I would be able to avoid them for a while. My time in the Everfree had taught me much about it, and I had honed my skills to a fine edge so I was confident that if I were to be bothered, I could handle whatever came at me. Sailing went smoothly for about half an hour as I allowed the current to carry me out of the forest, but a few wobbles warned me that something big was coming. I unsheathed the short sword that I had taken from the ruins of the castle and stood on my raft, waiting for whatever was coming to make itself known.

The water parted a little ways ahead of me and up rose a familiar purple scaled beast.

“Why hello there! What brings you to my river?” Steven Magnet asked cheerfully.

“Hull-” I coughed hard, my voice dry and raspy after not being used in a while. “Hullo. We’ve met before, Magnet.”

The serpent coiled closer and looked at me closely, curling his mismatched mustache. “Why, I don’t believe so. I think I would remember- Oh! Yes, I remember you!” He grinned. “My favorite little ape, come to visit me again!”

“Actually, I’ve just spent a month in the Everfree, so if you’d like to point me in the general direction of Ponyville so I can sleep in a real bed, that would be lovely.”

“Oh, don’t say that! Don’t you want to stay and chat for a while?” He batted his eyelashes at me.

“As long as we do so above the water, I have no problem with that. I delivered that crown to Rarity, by the way.”

“I know, she came by shortly after to thank me. Thank you for that, by the way. It’s not often I get a chance to head into Ponyville. Well, I never get a chance, but you know how that is.”

“I really don’t. Why don’t you tell me about it on the way there?”

“Well, if you’re heading to Ponyville, you really should be going the other direction.” He pointed behind me.

“Shit. Just my luck. Would you mind helping me out? A favor for a favor?”

“Of course! Now, you simply must tell me how Rarity is doing.”

I told him of how she and her friends were before my departure and Magnet seemed to eat up every ounce of gossip I could remember, though there wasn’t much. I’d never been much of a gossiper unless it pertained to a job I had to do, so I just told him about the last few things I had done while in Ponyville, who I had to apologize to, and who still needed to apologize to me, not that I cared any more. Spending a couple fortnights away from your friends and lovers really puts things into perspective, like the value of spending time with them and the true worth of getting some.

Steven Magnet towed me along and told me some of his own uninteresting gossip, but he panicked when he quickly ran out. I assured the fellow that there was no need to be embarrassed since there wasn’t much of a social scene in the forest unless you were one of the animals in the Gathering. Speaking of, I found it to be quite odd that I hadn’t come across any of them during my stay in the Everfree, and that besides the odd whispers at night, nothing seemed to be happening there at all. The castle had turned out to be the perfect place to lay low for a while if you were looking to drop off the map. I wondered what would happen to it while I was gone, but with no real desire to return, I would lose no sleep over leaving my temporary home, though I was curious as to just how long it had been there. I was by no means an expert on such matters, and Magnet couldn’t tell me about any other such structure in the Everfree, though he did know about the castle.

I relished the conversation and did my best not to let it lull too long, but my time away from home had gotten me used to saying nothing for days on end, so practicing social niceties were a bit beyond me in my current state. It would be no small wonder if any of the Ponies even recognized me since I had left. My hair had grown longer, needing to be held back out of my face, and I had grown a pretty decent beard that I decided that I was probably just going to shape up rather than shave completely off. My clothes were in tatters from the harsh flora of the Everfree, and even though I bathed bi-daily in the river, I doubted that I smelled terribly pleasant. Steven Magnet was kind enough to only politely inquire about my state, but when I reminded him that I’d been away from civilization for some time, he asked why I hadn’t just hopped in the river and come looking for him. Honestly, I had no desire to see him again, but I didn’t tell the poor fellow that, so I instead went with a viable excuse: If the Everfree was dangerous, why wouldn’t its waters be the same? Steven assured me that he was the biggest thing in the river, but he did have to admit that there were far meaner creatures under the water.

Silence was unallowed. I spoke as many of my observations of the Everfree as I could think of and tried to ask Magnet of his thoughts, but our experiences were too different for either of us to agree to much, although it did keep the conversation going as he towed me further along the river. I wondered if I had anything that might be nice for Magnet to have, so I offered him one of my battle axes and one of my four bottles of wine, both of which he gladly accepted. He put the battle axe on the river bed and immediately drank the wine, though his reaction told me that it probably wasn’t the best idea to keep the rest of my stores. After one comparatively tiny bottle, I had gotten a river serpent rather intoxicated, and Magnet started weaving through the river rather than the relatively straight line he had been maintaining. We still reached the edge of the forest with a bit of time, but Steven lay his head on the bank just as we broke the tree line to rest a bit. Swimming against the current for three hours had taken a lot out of him, and he told me that the wine had upset his stomach quite a bit, an event that I quickly apologized for.

I stayed with him until the worst of his ailment passed and bid him good day before I started back home. I was on the south side of Ponyville, not too far off from Fluttershy’s cabin, but I wanted to get back to my house more than I wanted to see anyone right now, so I set off toward my preferred destination. Walking over flat terrain made me feel strange, and my high stepping gait had to be managed back into something that didn’t account for roots and branches in one's path. The Everfree had changed me in ways that I wasn’t yet aware of, like how I walked and my posture, though rectifying those issues was just a matter of paying attention. I straightened my back and lowered my steps, carrying on normally.

I arrived at my house to find that it had been taken care of while I was gone. After a brief yet thorough examination, I found that all the broken windows had been repaired along with the siding, and that the porch furniture I had bought was still in its rightful place, so with those former problems taken care of, I tried walking in through front door, only to find that it was locked. That may have been something of my own doing, but I couldn’t really remember, so I grabbed the key that I left under a rock nearby and finally entered my home after thirty four days. I stood on the stoop for a moment before entering, taking in the smells of my home, doing my best to commit the moment to memory. It was unnecessary, but I wanted to know what my real home felt like, just in case something along the lines of what I’d just been through happened again. My house smelled faintly of sandalwood, even though I had switched scents to a more masculine cologne some time ago, and I could catch whiffs of cake, vanilla, apples, and grapes on the air from time to time depending on where I stood. Fluttershy, Celestia, Twilight and Applejack had all been in my house at some point, though I couldn’t figure out when for the life of me, so I didn’t think too hard about it and went to grab my journals, winding my watch before I got started. It struck me that I had left my food and other goods lying outside, so before I got started, I went and grabbed them, placing my food, water, and alcohol in the kitchen, and my weaponry on the couch. It also felt like a good time to change clothes and perform other hygiene rituals, at least, after I got the itchy growth on my cheeks tamed.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The sun was setting by the time I got what I could remember put own on paper. During my time in the Everfree I had taken it upon myself to recite what had happened during my first few days orally and to commit the interesting bits to memory whenever I was meditating so that I would have something to write about when I got home. I had forgotten some of the finer details in my conversation with the Watcher, but I was confident that I had relayed the most important parts of my meeting, so I couldn’t be too upset with myself. It had been a month, after all. Once I finished up with my writing, I sent Celestia a note with two words written on it, ‘I’m Alive’. I was hoping for a quick response, but since I hadn’t signed the note, I didn’t believe she knew just who was telling her about their state of living, so I sent another note ten minutes later, and I swear the Dragon Fire jar flashed at me for not waiting for a response. A minute and twenty seven seconds later, Celestia teleported straight into my house and whipped her head about wildly, looking for any sign of me. She had teleported with her back to me, so I used my psychic wizard shit to tap her shoulder which made her spin around.

I lifted a hand. “Wotcher, hun. How’ve you been?”

Celestia ripped me out of my chair with her magic and tried her damnedest to crush me as she wrapped her arms around me. She was quiet as she squeezed my breath out of my lungs, but I was trying my best to return her enthusiasm with a hug of my own. Seeing her had meant much to me, a sign that I wasn’t tripping balls off of some fruit in the Everfree and was truly back home, safe and sound. When Celestia finally released me from her grip, I held on, almost as if I were trying to absorb her through osmosis. In a manner of speaking, if you considered smelling absorbing, I was doing just that.

“Good lord, did I ever miss you, Celestia.” I murmured through her mane.

“Where have you been!?” She asked from my shoulder. I let her go, but took her hands to keep her from getting too far away.

“Got lost in the Everfree for a month or so.” I shrugged. “Fuck that place.”

Celestia lowered her head and looked at me. “...Are you sure you don’t have anything else to say?”

“Haven’t really talked much since I’ve been away, though I did speak with the river serpent that brought me back. That was an awkward conversation.”

She shook her head and gave me a pleading look. “Are you serious!? You’ve been gone, presumed dead again, and all you have to say is that you ‘got lost’!?”

“What else do you want me to say? I’ll tell you of what happened while I was there, if that’s what you’re asking. I’d rather just shut up and have a nap in my own bed with my favorite person, but I can make a few sacrifices.” I brushed my thumb along her cheek. “You will never know how much I missed you.”

Celestia took my hand and held it to her face. “I understand better than you might think. Tell me, what happened?”

And so I spilled the beans. I started with my attempt to find the Naga, the chase through the forest, and my time at the Gathering and ended with an abridged version of how I spent my days in the forest. Celestia gasped when I told her that I had taken up residence in her old home and told me that the pace was haunted to Hell and back, though not in those exact words. I assured her that all was fine, though that did explain the time I found a suit of armor standing outside my door one night. I thought it was creepy, but just blamed Everfree bullshit and went back to bed. When I showed her the weapons, she cast spells on them to check and see whether or not they themselves were haunted, but her search turned up with nothing, and when I showed her the sword and shield that were behind Luna’s throne, her face told me that she wasn’t happy to see the items. She told me that they were the weapons that Luna had once bore against her during her power grab, and that seeing them once more brought up bad memories, though she would take them back to her sister to see if she still wanted them. I felt a little attached to the sword since it had slain my dinner a few times, but relented since it wasn’t truly mine, even though I had used it more than Luna was ever going to in the future. Fucking bitch, stealing her shit back.

“So, I’ve actually been in town for a few hours now.” I idly commented after Celestia told me she was taking my shit.

“...And you waited this long to tell me?” She massaged her temples. “Just how many ponies did you tell before you told me?”

“None. You were the first one I wanted to see after I got cleaned up a bit. I still have my clothes from my time in the Everfree, though they’re out back. When I got through with my shower, I could actually smell what was on them so they will not be staying inside until I can get a load for the washer.” I scratched at my wonderful beard. “I suppose I could just burn them, tough. Not like I’ll ever wear half a shirt and ruined pants.”

“Max, you’ve been back for nearly a day and you haven’t told any of your friends that you’re still alive? Do you, no, can you even comprehend how selfish that is?”

I gave her a sharp look and she winced. “I’ve been stuck in a murder forest for a month. Forgive me for wanting to make myself presentable.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” Celestia avoided my gaze.

“It’s fine.” I patted her leg with my translucent tentacle from a few meters away and she jumped.

“What the hay was that!?” She scrambled and tried to rub off whatever was on her.

I gave her a puzzled smile. “As much as I love watching you dance around, I think you might be even jumpier than me.”

“No, something just touched me! I think you might be haunted, Max.” Celestia seemed worried.

“Maybe it’s just in your head? I haven’t noticed anything.” I waved the tentacle in her face and she blinked a few times.

“I swear I see something. Like heat waves in the air.” She bit her lip and squinted.

I grinned and patted her bottom with my tendril, causing her to jump again. “I’m going to get so much fun out of this.”

Celestia looked at me with her eyes narrowed until she realized the source of the disturbance. “It can’t be… You-”

“Yup. Picked up a tentacle while I was gone.” I walked over and gave her a hug. “Sorry for messing with you, but I wondered if you could see it.”

“If I wasn’t paying attention, I probably wouldn’t have. How?”

“How did I gain this totally radical thing? Dying, but not in the Everfree.” I added quickly. “I just never had a reason to use it before I left.”

“...You’re going to be awful with that thing.” The corners of her mouth twitched.

“Actually, I can make it multiple things . It’s like telekinesis, but more tentacle based. The thing itself is intangible if I don’t give it anything more than a direction to go,” I looked around and put a small candle on the underside of my coffee table. After stepping back with Celestia, I reached out with my mental tentacle and grabbed it through the top of the table and banged it against the underside a few times before bringing it up and over. Unfortunately, I set it down a bit too hard and cracked the glass casing, but thankfully didn’t smash it. “So my control needs some work, but it’s still useful.”

“Is that the only magic you know?” Celestia asked.

“It’s not really magic, more like psychic prowess.”

“If you can’t explain it better than that, I’m still going to call it magic.”

“What if I told you that I was effectively forbidden from having magic by the being that gave the ability to me?” I countered. Not quite true. He just said that He wouldn't give it to me.

She rolled her eyes. “It wouldn’t really matter since levitation and telekinesis are both forms of magic.”

“You suck sometimes. You do it well, but you still suck.”

“I’m the best and you know it.” She grinned.

“Even the best sweepers still suck at the end of the day.” I muttered. “So do you want to spend the night? I would appreciate the company.”

“As much as I would love to, I still have to run a country-”

“Isn’t Luna back from Gryphonia? Trusting her with the day court for a bit would really improve your relationship, if you ask me.”

“I didn’t ask you, and I’ve done so a few times to spend time with you. Neither of us particularly enjoy leaving the other to do our work you know.”

“Understandable, but I’d like to spend as much time as I can with you while I can.” I gave her my best puppy dog eyes. “I’ve been so very lonely in the forest.”

Celestia bit her lip and her eyes flicked downward. “We could spend some ‘quality time’ together, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“... That’s not really what I’m asking, but far be it from me to turn you down.” I kissed her cheek and moved on to her lips.

Things were pleasant from there.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning came and I was alone in my bed, Celestia having left at dawn to do her daily duties. I took my time getting out of bed, aching from the softness of a mattress that wasn’t a thousand years old. Celestia had told me that the castle was a remnant from the time when she and Luna had their fight, so it was a bit older than I had originally thought, but that didn’t change the fact that it had been my place of refuge for a month. I started to miss it as I stretched, trying to work out all of the kinks in my muscles.

All of my food was gone, but my icebox still had some water in it so I got a quick drink and started planning out who I would visit first. I ran through my admittedly short list of friends and decided that Fluttershy would come first since she was both my lover and the Lupa’s former caretaker. If my pupper was back home too, that’s where she would be if she wasn’t here, and I needed to let Fluttershy know that I was alive anyway.

I checked myself in the mirror and marveled at the clarity of the tiny scars that crisscrossed my face. I was covered in tiny bites and scratches that had left pinkish lines all over my upper body from where briar and various small creatures had taken their toll, and I wondered if they helped make me look more roguishly handsome. I decided that they did. Feeling naked without my sword, I prepared for the day by meditating on my back porch for an hour, after which I truly began my day and headed over to Fluttershy’s.

I could smell her long before I could see her, though it wasn’t as if she were stinky. In fact, she smelled just as lovely as usual, just further away. I was a good clip from her cabin, but I could already pick up whiffs of her and her various animal friends, a little gift from the Everfree, if you will. I wondered if I could speed up my walking by using my telekinesis to lift myself, a thought that was quickly dashed when I got a meter off of the ground. Walking would do just fine.

Knocking on Fluttershy’s front door, I suddenly heard a ferocious barking from inside which sent me straight into 'Fight or Flight Mode'. I wrenched the door open and ran inside, only to be tackled by Bearett who had apparently been about to get the door. He stood over me with one paw weighing down on my chest.

“Good to see you too.” I wheezed.

Bearett let off and snorted, though he didn’t allow me to rise. “You made the Broodmother sad.”

“You dropped me off in the middle of the Everfree!” I smacked his nose with my power.

“I did not expect you to take so long in your return.” He swiped at his nose and rubbed it.

“You expected me to die you prick! You just left me there!”

The barking sounded again, much closer this time. “We will speak more on this matter. There is someone who wants to see you more than any other.” Bearett let me up.

“Is that person yellow or black?”

Lupa answered that question when she ran into the room, skidded across the floor and came straight for me.

“Whoa, chill!” I said as I dodged her first lunge.

She was preparing for a second go when I raised my hands. “Lupa, seriously, chill before you hurt something.”

“But you’re here!” She barked. “You’re back!”

“I know I’m back, but that doesn’t mean you have to risk ruining Fluttershy’s house.” I walked over and calmly gave her a hug. “I missed you too, Lupa. Next time, let me know before you go off to the Gathering will you?”

She cocked her head. “I may. The Zgon aren’t really supposed to talk about it, though.”

“I understand. Just let me know before you just disappear next time, okay?”

“You disappeared too! Krel said you would have to find your own way out of the Everfree, but I thought that they would eventually help you.”

“Eventually my arse. The only favor the Gathering did me was drop me off at the castle, and apparently that place is evil too.”

Lupa stood on her hind legs and licked my face a few times, abruptly ending our conversation. I guess she was just glad to have me back, though I would prefer it if she had another way of showing affection, other than covering me in slobber. I wiped my face off with her fur during the hug I gave her which probably wasn’t the most sanitary way to do things, but it was her own fault.

“So where’s Fluttershy?” I asked once Lupa let me go. “I can’t imagine that she’s too far off.”

Lupa said nothing and headed for the door, so I opened it for her and followed her out. Our destination turned out to be a tree not too far from Fluttershy’s cabin, but the woman herself wasn’t there. Lupa laid down at the base of the tree, so I sat with her and assumed that we would wait there.

“She’s not on the premises, is she?” I asked.

Lupa yawned and put her head in my lap. “The Broodmother is not here, but she often passes this tree when she returns. This is where we wait for her should we need her assistance.”

“I can deal with that. If nothing else the Everfree taught me the true value of patience. That, and the value of being smarter than your opponent.” I scratched behind Lupa’s ear.

“It is a good place to learn the Old Ways, master. The forest is where I spent the last few years of puppy-hood and learned to hunt more efficiently.”

“So you weren’t born in the Everfree?”

“I was not. The forest is far too dangerous to raise pups, or any young for that matter, if one is not one of the more powerful beings that live there. Manticores and Orthus' may raise young there, but most creatures only use the place to sharpen their fangs so that they may return to their home with more experience. That is the way of the Zgon, at least.”

“But what about the Kendani that live there? Do they breed in that hellhole?”

“They do, but the Kendani will live anywhere there is food or a mate.”

While we’re on the topic of mates, I never did get your opinion on any of mine. Well, besides Velvet.”

“I approve of your choices so far barring the Alpha Female, though my kind prefers to keep our mating to a few. Your kind obviously does not share our values.”

“Actually, humans are mostly monogamous, only keeping one mate for decades. I’ve only started seeing other women here because of Pony society.”

“That is interesting to hear, even if I do happen to think males of all species are largely promiscuous.” Lupa snorted.

“If you want to take it down to the instinctual level, then it’s probably just to spread our DNA around as much as possible, but since I can’t have kids with Ponies, or rather, I hope I can’t, that’s not really my case.”

“So you’re a slut?” Lupa huffed.

“Fuck you.”

“I’ve seen it, you’re too small for me.”

I flicked her ear “Bitch, I will fucking eat you.”

“Who is that threat more realistic with? me or you?”

“Just shut up you mangy mutt. God, I liked it better when I couldn’t understand you.”

“You know I’m the best wolf you’ve ever met.”

“You’re the only one I’ve properly met. Not much in the way of competition there.”

She rolled over on her back. “My statement still stands. Belly rub?”

I mock sighed and started stretching my fingers. “Right back to where we left off, yeah?”

“You’ve got more little lines on you, but yes, if you exclude your constant bickering with your mates.”

“Hey! I don’t bicker with Fluttershy or Applejack that often!”

“You do with the studious horned one, the gross horned one, the smaller two, and the Alpha Female”

“The studious one is Twilight, but I started dating her while you were gone, though she isn’t my ‘mate’ in the way you mean. The smaller two have to be Pinkie and Rainbow, but you weren’t really there for either of those arguments, and Celestia’s a given. I actually love her, so some bullshit in my brain makes me want to squabble with her as often as possible-”

“You know she does not love you as you do her, right?”

I stopped stroking her belly and looked straight ahead. “I know. That’s what I realized after I thought she was using me. Celestia’s warped in so many fucked up ways, and frankly, I doubt she could ever truly give a piece of herself over to anyone, but she’s trying to with me. You see that too, right?”

“I do not, but I know that she does not give off the same scent as Fluttershy when she is around you. There is little love there, but there is plenty of lust.”

I started stroking Lupa’s belly again and sighed. “Again, I know. Not really something I want to think about.”

“You may not want to, but you should. If Celestia does not love you, then you are wasting your heart yearning for one that can only give you her body instead of her soul. Be with the Broodmother; she will treat you as you deserve.”

“I like Fluttershy, but she just doesn’t feel the same as Celestia. We joke and jibe with each other in private, but I know that she’ll balk if I ever try to get her to help me mess with someone directly.”

“Have you ever tried getting her to do some of your silly things?”

“Well, yeah actually. It went pretty well, but it’s not the impromptu hazing Celestia and I can do out of nowhere.”

“Does it not bring its own joy to share moments like those with the Broodmother? All I am suggesting is that you treat Celestia as you do the Broodmother and treat the Broodmother as you do Celestia.”

“Look, it’s just not that easy, no matter how you try and spin it. They’re two completely different people who I feel different ways about. Don’t get me wrong, Fluttershy already has a piece of my heart, but Celestia holds more of it than anyone else ever has.”

Lupa snorted. “You Two-Legs make things unnecessarily complicated. Get yourself a clearing, put on a display, see who likes it. That’s the way it’s done for most Zgon and Kendani, and it’s worked just fine for us.”

“Your society is a whole different thing, though. Where you guys live by your instincts, humans, and ponies, think about things like how an action will affect others, or how the consequences of said action further down the line will affect you. It’s not cut and dry like it seems to be in the animal kingdom.”

“As I said, unnecessary.”

I rolled my eyes and kept on making Lupa a good dog, yes she is, and just enjoyed not being in mortal peril. I assumed that since she hadn’t brought anything I'd said in the past while I couldn’t understand her into the conversation, it struck me as far more pertinent to shut up and enjoy being back. We sat under Fluttershy’s tree for a few hours and chilled out. It was a nice way to spend the morning.

Eventually, Fluttershy came back, and she was looking quite fabulous. She had evidently gone to the hairdresser, if the luster in her mane was anything to go by, and I could smell the perfume she was wearing and whatever lotion she'd applied. I tend not to pay that much attention to beautification products, but smells have a funny way of being recognizable.

I would have risen to greet Fluttershy when I saw her, but Lupa was napping on me and she seemed quite comfy. It didn’t take long for me to pick her up with telekinesis and drop her a foot or so away. Her panicked scrambling was hilarious, but I felt a little bad for doing it. Hopping up to my feet, I thought about calling out to Fluttershy, but I didn’t feel like it, so I followed her back up to her cabin, waiting until she got inside to knock. Once I did, she quickly opened the door.

The look on her face when she realized who it was… It brightened my week.

“M-Max?” She asked tentatively

I gave her a small wave. “Hullo, poppet. Did you miss me?”

She answered by way of glomp and buried her face into my shoulder. “I can’t believe it’s really you!” She said, muffled. She lifted her head and gave me a watery smile. “We thought you left because you didn’t feel like you had any friends left or that you got hurt and lost or that you-”

“Slow down, please.” I gave her a quick peck. “I’ll explain once I get all of the girls together so you can ask your questions then. I really don’t like repeating myself over and over again.”

Fluttershy beamed and went back to hugging me. “I’m just so glad you’re okay!”

“I’m glad I’m okay too, but I’m happier to see you whole and healthy. I worried about you while I was gone.”

“I would ask where you went, but you just said that you don’t like to repeat yourself.”

“Exactly.” I nodded as a thought occurred to me. “Hey, do you wanna help me do something?”

“I-I guess? Yes?”

“Atta girl.”
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“I don’t see what was so important you just had to have us come over. It’s not like you to spring stuff on us like this, Flutters.” Rainbow Dash said irritably.

“While I disagree with her wording, it is rather unlike you to call us all together like this.” Rarity stated. “Why, if you had something to tell us, you could have told me while we were at the spa!”

“I-I know, b-but it’s really important...”

Applejack coughed. “Fluttershy has her reasons, I’m sure. We just gotta wait patiently for whatever her surprise is.”

“Applejack’s right! We know it must be important if Fluttershy asked for a meeting.” Twilight agreed. “

“I just wish it was a party! Wait, is it a party?” I could hear Pinkie Pie’s Cheshire-esque grin from my hiding place upstairs.

“W-Well, kinda? I-I did get some cookies and some tea, but I don’t know if I’d really call it a party.” Fluttershy responded.

“Cookies and tea are all well and good, but how about we make this a real party! Ooh, ooh, we could make it a slumber party!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“I-If you want…” Fluttershy meekly started.

“Pinkie, calm down. If Fluttershy wanted a party with all the fixin’s, she woulda asked. Like I said, we just gotta wait.”

“W-Well, since we’re all here, I guess I can tell you now.”

Time to make my entrance.

“NO WAIT!” I shouted, bolting down the stairs. “I’ll tell them!”

“Who in tarnatio- MAX!?” Applejack yelled.

I gave them all my most winsome smile and put my hands on my hips. “The one and only! I’m not dead!”

After Applejack’s little outburst, things got awfully silent.

“...So no one besides Fluttershy is happy to see me? Well, Flutters and Lupa, but still.”

Twilight shook her head and blinked. “Sorry, it’s just that…”

Rarity glanced over and picked up where she left off. “It’s just that after you disappeared, we tried asking Princess Celestia where you’d gone and she didn’t know. We thought we’d driven you off when we didn’t invite you to the picnic…”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, no, that’s definitely not what happened. I went to go see some friends of mine in the Everfree and got super lost during a chase with an Orthus and with a Manticore.”

Twilight screwed up her face, but Rainbow Dash was the one to speak first. “Dude, who do you know that lives in the Everfree besides Zecora?”

“Lizard slash snake people called the Naga. I was going there to ask them how to hunt or trap game so I don’t have to constantly eat plants.”

“Wait, do you mean that you eat animals?” Applejack asked slowly.

“You guys are herbivores, I’m an omnivore. Deal with it and be glad I’m not dead. Seriously, you’d think I never went anywhere by your reactions.” I crossed my arms.

“It’s kinda like seein’ a ghost, to be fair. I thought you finally kicked the bucket.” Applejack rose and walked over to me. “I’m glad you’re back, but I’m also glad you went away. Gave me a bit of time to figure some things out.” She put her hands on my shoulders and stared into my eyes. “If you ever disappear again, I’m gonna break your legs.” Applejack leaned forward and gave me quite the passionate kiss.

When she let me go, I gave her a smile. “I’d do it again if I get another kiss like that!”

Applejack gave me a flat look and I dropped my gaze. “Kidding, jeez. Take a joke.”

Twilight and Fluttershy came over to stand on either side of Applejack. “It's not a funny one. We really thought we lost you, Max.” Twilight’s eyes welled up with tears, so I took her into my arms and held her for a minute.

“Don’t worry about me too much, love. I’m made of tougher stuff than you think.”

“If you’re made of tougher stuff, then why are you covered in scars?” Twilight asked from my chest.

“The Everfree’s tougher than me. It’s all nicks and scratches, though. I didn’t get seriously hurt or anything, though getting mounted by that Orthus was traumatizing.”

“Dude, you got mounted by a two headed dog?” Rainbow giggled.

“Shut up, Blue Bean, I’ll kick your arse up and down the street for shits and giggles.” I sneered.

“Whoa, what the hay? The first thing you say to me when you come back is a threat!?” Rainbow asked, befuddled.

“I didn’t forget that you threw a goddamn storm at my house, you twat. Oh yeah, Pinkie?”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes narrowed into slits as she prepared to lunge at me.

Pinkie’s eyes were stuck to the floor, but when I mentioned her name, she cringed and looked up. “Yes?” She asked softly.

“You’re forgiven. The damage you caused was repairable, though I want you to promise to never do that or something like it again.”

Pinkie’s hair puffed up and her eyes shone. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!”

What the fuck was that shit?

“...Don’t you mean ‘cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye?”

I garnered some blank stares for that. “What? It’s how it goes in my country.”

Fluttershy grinned and whispered in my ear. “If your country’s that bad, maybe you should go back to the Everfree.”

“Wait, what did she say?” Twilight asked, letting me go.

“Something absolutely savage that you don’t need to worry about.” I winked at Fluttershy and gave her a thumbs up. “So, Pinkie. To be completely honest with you, you’re starting from zero trust, but you can build it by being reliable or whatever. I can’t really control how much I trust you, but I can control how much I give you, so make of that what you will and try not to piss me off on purpose.”

Pinkie saluted. “Aye aye, captain!”

I turned back to Rainbow who had relaxed a bit. “Don’t wreck my house again and we’ll be cool, though I’m still quite upset about that.”

“It was kind of a jerk move…”

“No shit. That was a very mean thing to do and you should feel ashamed.” I huffed. “Speaking of my house, who fixed it?”

“Why, the Princess of course. She was adamant that something be done, just in case you came back.” Rarity explained.

“Huh. How thoughtful. I knew I liked her for a reason.” I smirked.

Fluttershy grinned again, but instead of whispering in my ear, she went and got snacks. I hadn’t eaten all day, so I may or may not have destroyed the cookies. My manners had taken a hit, but were quickly put back in place once I realized that I had an audience. I was still smarting a bit from the lackluster effect my entrance had, which was kind of souring my mood. I was expecting them to be happier to see me, but I suppose that not being on speaking terms with three of them when I got lost put a damper on that. Still, I was presumed dead and gone; you would think that would count for something when it comes to returning not dead. Maybe it was the fact that I’d already died once?

All deaths or possible deaths aside, it turned out to be a nice night. I ended up getting hugs from Pinkie and, with a little extra time, Rarity, so I was now on pretty decent terms with all of my friends. Rainbow and I would still have to hash things out, but once I forgave Pinkie, Rarity was much warmer towards me, which is exactly what I thought it would take to regain her friendship. Points for a good guess, I suppose.

I spent a lot of the night telling tales from the Everfree, like how the chase with the Orthus actually happened, and how I started taking down predators for food. The girls were awfully squeamish when it came to the more violent parts of my tale, so I learned from my mistake and focused on telling them about some of the flora and fauna from the deeper parts of the forest. Oddly enough, when I told them about the castle, Twilight told me that it was actually the place where they fought and defeated Nightmare Moon, cementing their friendship early on. If we were indeed talking about the same place, then it was quite the coincidence that two elder beings sent us there at different times, and I wondered if the Watcher and Celestia knew each other. I mean, I assume that the Watcher is old, and I know Celestia is, so it wouldn’t be a far stretch for the two leaders to have met at some previous juncture.

The party was soon concluded due to some social exhaustion that I had been battling with since coming down the stairs, but Fluttershy gave me some potent puppy dog eyes and convinced me to stay with her for the night, though I thought they were a bit much since I would have agreed anyway. Her home may not be as wild as the Everfree, but the animals that were out and about made me feel more comfortable, and Fluttershy’s presence in and of itself was comforting after spending so long alone. I would have immediately gone to bed with Fluttershy, but Rarity had stayed behind to speak with me.

Fluttershy headed upstairs to get ready for an extended nap while Rarity and I stood awkwardly at the door. “So what do you want to talk about? I’m guessing this isn’t about missing me.” I asked.

Rarity steepled her fingers and looked at them. “I just wanted to apologize for being… Well, for being a bad friend.” Rarity’s eyes met mine. “I know I was against you in the incident with Pinkie, but after she told us that you agreed to drop that horrid nickname, I looked upon my actions and I did not like the mare performing them.”

“While I both appreciate and accept your apology, I would hate to let you think that I just gave up calling ‘Pinkie’ ‘Cuntie’.”

“...Then why would she say otherwise?” Rarity asked carefully.

“Because I did stop calling her Cuntie, but I utilized an old method of deciding whether or not to drop the nickname.”

She pursed her lips and glared at me. “If you tell me that you flipped a coin, I am going to hurt you.”

“I don’t have to tell you since you already know. That also means you can’t hurt me because I didn’t tell you: you told yourself.” I grinned at her.

Rarity sighed. “I suppose I should have found that suspicious after you were so angry with Pinkie. Your willingness to stop calling her by your mean little name, I mean.”

“I suppose you should have. Is that all you wanted to talk about?”

“Well, there is something else…”

I mimicked her past actions and made a ‘go on’ gesture.

“You’re not making this very easy for me, you know.” She pouted.

“If you just get on with it, I won’t be able to make it hard for you.” I paused for a moment. “That doesn’t sound right.”

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about, but I suppose I could just get it over with now.” Rarity took a deep breath. “I would still like to maintain our agreement, if it’s okay by you. We’ve had a rough patch, as we’re both well aware, but I don’t want to let that impede the progress that we were making before… Well, everything that happened.” She was sporting a blush by the time she finished.

“I see no problem with it.”

“I know you must be upset, but honestly I- Wait, did you just agree?”

“Yeah, I did. Why did you think I would be upset?”

“The way I treated you was so awful! You came by to apologize and I was just so standoffish and bullheaded that I didn’t even bother to consider how you felt! And you were completely right. I did lie to you, and I was wrong for that, but I do hope you understand.”

“I still don’t, but I don’t really care. You’ve been pretty good to me, all things considered, and if you want to keep things moving, then I’m happy to help push.”

“...What?”

“How often do you talk to Apple Bloom?”

“Not very. Why do you ask?”

“No reason, just curious. So when do you want me to sex you?”

Rarity blinked twice. “That’s… That’s not how you word that.”

“Fine, when do you want me to do the sexual to you?”

“I find you less attractive the more you speak.”

“I wonder how long it would take for me to make you lose interest completely.”

Rarity gave me an irritated glare. “Keep it up and it won’t be much longer.”

“Nah, you totally love me, just like Applejack.”

Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. “Wait, Applejack is in love with you too!?”

“I think so, but I won’t push the issue. She’ll say something when she’s ready, and me rushing her won’t do the woman any good. She likes to take things at her pace, and it might not actually be love I‘m feeling from her. Might just be some leftover Everfree paranoia working its way out or something.”

“Well, if you ask me-”

“I’m not, but go ahead.” I interrupted

Rarity glared. “As I was saying. If you ask me, I think you should be direct with Applejack. I believe I know her quite a bit better, and I don’t think that she’s the type of mare who would be so forward about developing what she probably feels is a passing crush. I also doubt she wants to risk alienating what you two had before you left for something unknown.”

“I think Applejack’s too brave to let that stand in her way. When she’s sure that I’m the guy she wants, I don’t doubt for a moment that she’ll come after me. Can’t say I didn’t like what we had before though, it was like having a best friend you could put your stiff bit in without them being offended.”

“... Maybe we should continue your lessons on proper manners.”

“Maybe it’s literally my first full day out of the Everfree and I don’t want to watch what I say? Just a thought.”

“I would argue with you, but it is getting rather late, and I’d like to get home before dawn. I’ll see you soon, Max.”

“Bye, Rares. Have a good night.”

Rarity sent a small smile my way and closed the door behind her as she left, which I was grateful for since it meant I didn’t have to bother. I turned and went upstairs with a spring in my step. Now I was finally on finally on speaking terms with everyone again, and boy did it feel good, I tell ya. Actually, that’s a load of shit. It was a nice thing, but not something I really wanted. Pinkie and Rainbow could fuck off for all I care, but I guess I’d prefer it if I could talk to them. It’s not like I really needed more enemies, though I can’t really say for certain how many enemies I have in this world. I would have a few, but all of those guys are dead, so there aren’t that many people besides maybe Grape Sprinkles. I thought a little longer and realized that there was someone else, a miss Mineral Zeal that I hadn’t seen in some time. She was quite the twat, though stealing her job seemed like it was a little much, even if it was somewhat warranted. It felt like ages since I had met her in the Lock Pad and secured my first job in Equestria, and I wondered if I should have invited Onyx Lock to the party I didn’t show up to, which reminded me that I would have to hold another one some time.

Fluttershy was already lying down, reading by lamp light when I managed to get my head out of the clouds and back down to Earth, or rather, Equus. When she saw me, she gave me a warm smile and patted the spot next to her, but sadly, there were a few of her furry friends occupying the space. With a little effort from both of us, we managed to coax most of them to consciousness and placed them in some of the surplus animal beds that Fluttershy kept on hand, just in case. With them out of the way, I was free to take my place beside my favorite Pegasus.

We sat and talked for a bit before we both went to sleep without any funny business. I would say that I was a bit let down that Fluttershy didn’t jump my bones, but having some company at bedtime doesn’t always mean that there will be any sort of activity, and it was nice just to have someone there with me. That, and Fluttershy’s squishy where it counts and her bed was firmer than mine. The former was just nice and the latter made me feel like I was back at the castle, which made me sleep a bit more easily. I still woke up a few times, but I was too comfy to let it bother me for long.

Fluttershy woke up before I did, and her absence in bed was duly noted since the morning was oddly cold. I had never bothered to learn the Equestrian calendar, but I guessed that it was probably equivalent to September now, closing in on fall, and that meant that the nights would be perfect for my bonfire! I deemed it a worthy venture to move the date for my party up to sometime in the next few days and went to go ‘borrow’ some of Fluttershy’s mouthwash.

All the mirror held was some sexy fucker, so I tried flirting with him for a bit. It got real awkward when Fluttershy caught me dirty talking to myself, but I played it off poorly enough to make her laugh, so that was a plus. She wanted to have breakfast at Blossoms and Blooms, so I negotiated for brunch so I could go home, get showered, and change clothes, so we would meet there around ten.

Lupa accompanied me back home, though she didn’t say much on the way over, stating that just because I could understand her didn’t mean that she would suddenly start talking more often. By her own words, most animals were predominantly silent unless they were looking for assistance or a mate, so I couldn’t really blame her for not being a conversationalist, no matter how nice I thought it was that I could comprehend her. After all, what good is being able to talk to animals if they never talk?

I was tempted to get rid of my beard while shaving, but for some odd reason, I was starting to feel a manner of attachment to it, like it was a new friend that didn’t really impact my life. I kept it for the time being and finished up with the rest of my morning routine, choosing to go outside of my general comfort zone with a red T-shirt that I found in the back of my closet. Red was not my color by any means, but it’s nice to change things up occasionally. Saying fuck it to vegan bullshit, I ate some of the dried meat I had brought with me from the Everfree and poured myself a shot of thousand year old wine.

Looking back on it now, I should have realized that it was a terrible idea.

Fucking sloshed, I stumbled my way into town with a sloppy grin on my face and an irritable wolf by my side. I happily waved to just about everyone I saw and received many odd looks for my good mood and general drunkenness, though I wasn’t paying much attention to them. Eventually, I made my way to the restaurant a little after ten, quickly finding Fluttershy. I had a seat and Lupa pushed a chair out of the way, sitting between us.

“Hullo, poppet. Lovely day, isn’t it?” I slurred with a grin.

Fluttershy smiled and narrowed her eyes. “It is rather nice out, but don’t you think it’s a bit early to be drinking?”

My grin widened. “In my defense, it was wine and I didn’t have much.”

“Right. I would be more offended, but I don’t think it would do either of us much good.”

“Why would you?” I cocked my head to the side.

“If a stallion shows up to a date drunk, it’s usually not a good sign. At least, that’s what Applejack and Rarity say.”

“Trust me, sweetcheeks, if I show up to a drunk date with you, then it was an accident.”

Fluttershy rolled her eyes but kept smiling. “You mean ‘if I show up to a date drunk, right? Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have a drunk date with you sometime, but I don’t now is it.”

“I totally said that. Why you gotta correct me, beautiful?”

She blushed and gave me a sly grin. “If I don’t correct you then it means I don’t care, sweetie.”

I scrunched up my face. “I don’t think I like sweetie.”

“You can pick from sweetie or honey then.”

“I call Celestia hun, though.”

“You call her hun, not honey”

“Awfully close iddinit?”

“Isn't it.”

“That’s what I said.”

Fluttershy reached over and patted my hand. “I love it when you’re on the receiving end.”

My face flushed. “Nothing is going in there. Ever.”

Fluttershy gave me an odd look, but the waiter finally came over and took our orders. I had hash browns again while Fluttershy went for artisan veggie waffles, which I found to be both pretentious and gross, but it’s not like I had to eat it. With some food on my stomach, I started to sober up, finally able to keep my words from mushing together like they had been, though I was still enjoying a good buzz. And to think, I still had three whole bottles and one with only a shot taken out of it.

We continued our date with a walk through the park in town and saw Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle doing something or other in the park. A few steps later and we could see that they were talking to two other tweenagers: a pastel pink one with a light purple mane that had a white streak ,and a greyish one with a silver mane who was sporting some comically large glasses. Fluttershy suddenly stopped in her tracks and let go of my hand once they had come into view and worry was etched into her face. It didn’t take a neurosurgeon to understand why she had stopped, so I took upon myself to help out my friends’ younger sisters. Fluttershy grabbed my arm as I started walking towards them and shook her head, but I just rolled my eyes and started dragging her along with me.

“M-Max! We shouldn’t interfere!”

“We’re not interfering. I am. You’re just there to be sweet and cuddly.”

“This is a bad idea Max-”

“All of my ideas work out one way or another, so relax poppet, and trust me, will you?”

She still seemed unsure but still followed me. “P-Please don’t be your normal self. Especially not to children…”

“Ye of little faith.”

Apple Bloom spotted me first, and from her body language, she was happy to see me, though her friends were still focused on their antagonists.

I waved once we made eye contact. “Afternoon, Apple Bloom. What’s up?”

The group of girls ceased their faggotry when they heard me, but the other two didn’t go anywhere. The pink one crossed her arms and glared at me and the grey one soon followed after seeing that her boss was doing it. Straight up, I could already tell the archetypes these two little twats filled, and neither of them are worth speaking to at any given moment. I was willing to bet my fortune that they were both wealthy (or as wealthy as one can get in a small town) bitchy, condescending, and insecure as fuck.

“Heya, Max.” Apple Bloom greeted.

Sweetie Belle turned to look at me, though I swear she almost went cross-eyed from trying to keep one eye on her foes.

“So are you girls out enjoying the weather? It’s a pretty nice day to be out and about.”

“Yeah, kinda. We were going to see if we could get our Cutie Marks from identifying the species of trees, but we were interrupted by our... friends.” Apple Bloom forced a smile, but her friends just scowled harder and the other two matched them.

“Oh, how nice!” I turned to the nameless girls and waved, though they ignored me completely. I don’t like being ignored.

Fluttershy’s hand weaved around my bicep, but I just shrugged her off and walked into the middle of the group, facing the grey one first.

I extended a hand. “Hullo! Name’s Max, what’s yours?”

Her lip curled and I felt the controllable desire to smack that look off of her face, but she took my hand and shook it anyways. “Silver Spoon.”

“What a lovely name. I’m sure you’re just a delight, now aren’t you?” If sarcasm had a physical from, then it would have been pouring out of my mouth, slowly burning a hole to the center of the planet.

Silver Spoon may have sensed something was up, but she just gave me a half smile and craned her neck around me to glare at Scootaloo some more.

I turned to the pink one, but she spoke before I could. “My name’s Diamond Tiara. No I don’t want to be your mushy gushy friend.”

The grin I had kept on my face grew wider and I offered my hand to her. “Hullo, I’m Max. What’s your name?”

Diamond Tiara scowled at my hand. “I just told you, didn’t I?” Smacking you seems like more fun.

“Humor me.”

She rolled her eyes and huffed, giving me plenty of time to form my little tentacle friend, encircling her completely, but I left a gap for her hand to pass through. She eventually took my hand, and once she did, I yanked her towards me, simultaneously tightening my psychic grip until she could neither move nor speak.

I leaned in and whispered in her ear. “I swear to Princess Luna that I will murder your entire family if you so much as breathe another hateful word to these girls. I will rip your fathers’ bowels out, force your mother to eat them, drink her tears myself and start feeding them both pieces of you until I think you’ve learned your lesson. If you tell anyone, I will kill your parents. If you think about telling someone, I will kill your friend.”

I let her go and she stumbled back, her face as white as a sheet. I let my lips retract and showed off my pretty canines. “Now run along you two little skanks, I’m sure Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle will play with you some other time.”

Diamond Tiara back away slowly with Silver Spoon looking between us. The pink girl turned and bolted out of there as quickly as her feet would carry her, leaving her friend to try and keep up, but I’ve seen fear in action: Silver Spoon never stood a chance.

Fluttershy spun me around while I was still waving them off. “Max.”

She was pissed.

“Yes, poppet?” I let my smile die down since my cheeks were hurting.

“What. Did. You. Say. To. Her.”

“Nothing much.” I patted her shoulder and her glare started getting more intense, like it was drilling into my head.

“Max.”

“Yes?”

“What. Did. You. Say.”

“You know, if you keep badgering me about it, I don’t think I’m going to tell you.”

Fluttershy reached over and put a hand on my shoulder, her gaze making me quite uncomfortable. “You’re going to tell me one way or the other.”

Apple Bloom wormed her way between us. “Hey! Leave Max alone!” She glared up at Fluttershy, but when her eyes locked onto Apple Bloom’s, the poor girl excused herself and stood with her friends.

“I think Fluttershy’s really mad.” I heard Sweetie Belle whisper.

“I don’t see why, all he did was scare 'em off by the looks of it.” Apple Bloom whispered back.

With Fluttershy’s stare back on me, I started squirming, though I couldn’t look away for some odd reason. She opened her mouth again to say something else, but the day was beginning to dim rapidly and her words made no sound. I saw her flesh start peeling off in flickers and flashes. One moment, she was whole and angry, and the next she was rotting away. Guilt and terror held my intestines fast in its grip, images of Hell surfacing in my mind. I felt my heart race and my hands become ice cold, fight or flight response primed and ready to go.

All of a sudden, I was standing across from a perfectly fine Fluttershy, though her look had turned from one of fury to one of concern. “M-Max? A-Are you okay?”

I walked away from her, noticing that my hands were shaking rather hard. I pressed them against temples and tried to work out the headache that was building swiftly. Fluttershy caught up to me laid a hand on my shoulder, but I flinched away and she let me go.

“J-Just give me a moment. I-I got a bit rattled there.” I weakly chuckled.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to hurt you, it’s just that you said you wouldn’t be mean, and then Diamond Tiara looked so scared, and I just…”

I sat down with my back to one of the parks many trees and clasped my hands together. “Never said I wasn’t going to be me, I just said you had little faith.”

The steel returned to Fluttershy’s voice. “I might feel bad about giving you the Stare, but that doesn’t mean I’m happy with you.”

“Is that what you call it? Because of your little ‘Stare’, I looked at you and saw your flesh rot off your bones.”

“What.”

“Yeah. Never do that again. Please.”

“I-I-I… Nopony’s ever said that happened, th-they just say that felt really guilty…”

“Not a pony.”

“...Right.”

We were silent for a few minutes, and once I got my shit together, I rose and glanced at Fluttershy. She was still normal, so I turned to look her in the eye. “Can we go home?”

She bit her lip. “...After you tell me what you said to Diamond Tiara.”

“Ask her yourself. If she answers you, I have work to do.”

“Wait, that’s really foreboding, Max.”

“No shit. I don’t know or really care about what you do for the rest of the day, but I’m going home and going to sleep.”

And so I did.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The morning after that was a stressful one. Lupa had gone off while Fluttershy and I were on our date, but hadn’t said anything to me beforehand, so I assumed that she would be back in her own time. Seriously, I was beginning to feel like a parent with how much time I spent worrying about Lupa. The freaky nightmares were not helping at all, and when I say freaky, I actually mean hellish. I didn’t quite understand what Fluttershy’s Stare had to do with them, but I was willing to wager that it had made my sleep significantly worse. I still managed to get through my morning routine and what not, but I saw my breakfast a few more times than I wanted to and that was all I needed to call it a day early and go back to bed.

The day after that, I was feeling considerably better, though I still woke up at four in the morning. It wasn’t exactly a bad thing since I got my journals caught up, but as I went to retrieve them, they seemed… out of order, like someone who wasn’t me had been in my house and went through my shit again. That, or I was just being paranoid. I shrugged it off and told myself that it didn’t matter as much as I thought it did, finding something else to do until noon.

Noon came and I was making decent headway in my new book, but I needed to go have a quick chat with Rarity, then go see Fluttershy, and I wanted to find something to do with my weaponry on the couch. It’s not like I could use any of it, seeing as how I could barely lift the battle axe without telekinesis to assist me, and the zweihander was just too damn long for me. I would have to see about getting some fixtures for them when I had the chance..

The walk to the Carousel Boutique was uneventful. Nothing happened, no one gave me any odd looks, no one actively shunned me or welcomed me. It was like I was invisible. I loved every second of it. During my first months in Equestria, I attracted stares from just about every source, but now I felt like I actually belonged in a manner of speaking. It reminded me of being in a larger town where people didn’t give a shit about you or what you do as long as it doesn’t affect them. It was a nice feeling.

I knocked on Rarity’s door and waited patiently for her to come to it, but then I remembered that she still had the clothes that I had apparently paid for, so I was technically here on business. I let myself in and felt like an idiot for fucking around in the first place. Rarity had let herself into my house before, and extending the same courtesy, or lack thereof, to her was only fair.

Looking around, I saw no sign of her, so I assumed that she was in the back room, probably making garments or whatever that thing she does is. I took it upon myself to check and I did not find her, oddly enough. I wondered why Rarity would leave her shop open if she wasn’t there, but it wasn’t terribly crucial for me to see her at the moment, so I made an about face and nearly ran into her as I was exiting.

“Oh! Hullo, Rarity.” I greeted. I heard a little cough after a moment and looked behind her, spotting a visibly irritated Sweetie Belle. “Afternoon, Sweetie Belle.”

“Hello Max!” Rarity beamed. “I was just out picking up some groceries with my dear sister. What brings you to my humble boutique?”

I stood aside to let them in. “Just stopped by to say hi, pick up my knives, and try and make you keep the investment money. You know, just normal me things.”

Rarity shook her head. “I nearly forgot about your bits. It’s going to be awfully difficult to get me to keep them. Now that I have a few more connections in Canterlot, advertising isn’t really as much of an issue.”

I pulled at my beard. “Are you sure you don’t need it for anything else? I mean-”

She cut me short. “I am quite certain that I will not need your bits, though I do thank you for lending them to me in the first place. Perhaps you could try convincing Applejack to allow you to invest in her farm?”

“I tried already, but I don’t think she’ll go for it without having Macintosh’s support. Hell, it’s not like I’d offer her unreasonable terms.”

“Unreasonable terms?”

“Well, it’s not like I’m dropping thousands of bits just to be nice. That’s a part of it, but I’d also like to make it an actual investment, you know? I’d like to see a possible return over a period of time and help out my friend. Two birds, one stone.”

“Oh.” Rarity said. “Is that what you wanted from me as well?”

“I hadn’t really given it that much thought at the time, but it would be beneficial to both of us if we did.”

“...That’s actually a good idea. I guess you’re full of surprises.”

“Shush, you marshmellow, I’ll eat you.”

Rarity rolled her eyes and Sweetie Belle giggled. We went to the kitchen and I helped them put their things away, though I was surprised to find that Rarity ate pancakes. I was going to ask, but decided it wasn’t pertinent at all. Rarity and I sat down and started getting a business arrangement settled, but since I had no experience in the field, I was effectively at Rarity’s mercy. I trusted her enough to give me decent terms, but I knew that as an entrepreneur, it was in her best interest to lean things toward her side. I didn’t particularly care, but since I didn’t have a steady job, a little bit of extra income wouldn’t hurt.

I left Rarity’s with my knives, the new clothes and a promise of a legal document to be sent my way once we could get a lawyer of some sort to fill in the bullshit bits so it’s airtight. My next stop had to be my house so I prepared myself for a day full of walking. Speaking of, the trip back home was just as boring as the prior walk, so that also made me happy. After I got my weaponry situated and my clothes stuffed into a closet, I started on my way to Fluttershy’s.

Upon arrival, I was mobbed by Lupa and a familiar fox that ran circles around me and made pointless animal noises while doing it. I assumed it was a game of sorts to them, but didn’t really care enough to ask since they weren’t really bothering me. I knocked on Fluttershy’s door with Lupa and Mr. Foxy still acting silly and waited for a response. A minute or two later, she answered the door and welcomed me in with mixed emotions. We sat down in her living room, scootching her tenants out of the way.

“Lovely day out, isn’t it?” I said pleasantly.

“It is…”

“A little balmy, but nice. I can’t imagine that it would be terribly good for your hair though.”

“I like it, it’s not bad.”

“...Yeah, small talk isn’t really my thing. What’s on your mind, poppet?”

“Oh, nothing much.”

I levelled a withering glare in her direction. “Really now.”

“W-Well… I guess there is something…”

“You only stutter around me when it’s something big. Just get it over with so we can deal with it like responsible adults, or whatever pale facsimile I happen to be able to conjure up at the moment.”

“...Right. I was just wondering what you said to Diamond Tiara…”

“Too bad, I’m not saying. Can we let that be the end of it?”

Fluttershy gave me a very womanly look and I sighed. “You can keep asking, but I’m not telling unless you have a good reason for wanting to know.”

“Isn’t it important in a relationship to be honest with your spouse?” Fluttershy objected.

“I’m not lying. There are certain things that I’ll never talk with you about, and it’s not just you personally, it’s everyone. Somethings only need to be said once, and there are things that I’ve said and done in the past that would tarnish our relationship, so of course I’m not going to go out of my way to tell you about them. What I said to Diamond Tiara is just one of those things.”

“Max, how many times do I have to tell you that you can trust me? I won’t let any of your secrets out, and I want you to know that you can come to me with anything, not just the topical details. I know you’re a more secretive stallion than most, but don’t let that get in the way of you trying to be better like you’re doing now!”

I spread my hands with my palms facing upward. “Look poppet, I trust you with my life. It’s not even remotely close to a matter of trust, it’s how much I value your opinion of me and what I do. What you think of me matters, and I don’t want you to think I’m a bad guy-”

“Then why do you keep doing things a bad guy would do? I may not know exactly what you said to Diamond Tiara, but I talked to her yesterday and she was too scared to even come out of her house! You menaced a child, Max! I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that you threatened her at this point! In fact, that’s exactly what you did, isn’t it?”

“I let an arrogant, stuck up bully know the score since someone I call a friend had to put up with her shit. If some prick came and did the same to you, I wouldn’t hesitate to jump to your defense.”

“That’s not even what we’re talking about! You need to learn that ponies have to fight their own battles-”

“Like you did with Applejack when she was depressed? You just let her fight her own battle and totally didn’t come after me because I was the cause?”

“That’s different and you know it!”

“No, I don’t know it! It’s the same damn concept!”

“It is not! Bullying somepony into making them do what you want them to is completely different from trying to help your friend, and if you can’t see that, then there’s no point in talking!” Fluttershy huffed.

“You know what? Fine! If you want to know what I said to Diamond Tiara that fucking badly, then I’ll just tell you so shut the hell up about it.” I sneered. “I told that prissy little cunt that I would murder her entire family and feed pieces of her to her parents until I thought she learned from her mistakes. I told her that I would rip her Dad’s entrails out and feed them to her mother while she watched. I told her that if she said anything to anyone, that I would kill her parents and her little friend. So what do you think? Was it really worth all the time you’ve wasted?” I finished with a glower.

“...Yes, I think it was.” Fluttershy said softly.

We stood in silence for a minute.

“Max, please leave.”

I turned and left without a word. Of course I knew that I shouldn’t have told her, but I was just as fed up as she was. If Fluttershy chose to stay by my side, I’d be quite surprised, but after what I’d just said, I found the idea to be rather far fetched. There are certain things that you don’t say in Equestria, lines you don’t cross, and I’d just leaped over one of Fluttershy’s in the most idiotic way. I regretted what I’d said to the little prick but I stood by my decision to help out a friend, and there was precious little that would change that.

With the joy sapped out of my day, I considered going home to enjoy some much needed alone time, but I still had to see if there were any fixtures for heavy medieval weapons in town, so I skulked my way to the furniture shop, only to be let down. I hadn’t been expecting much, but I’d still been hoping to have some luck. With that venture being a bust, I stuck around town for another hour, trying to see if I could find a smithy of some sort. There actually was one in town, but the specialized in fittings, nails, and the occasional tool. The head Smith himself told me that he’d never tried so much as forging a knife, let alone any real kind of weapon, so he didn’t know how to make fixtures for them since they were few and far between. I resolved to build one myself once I went back home, so I bought some wood and sandpaper while I was out.

When I got back home, I learned that carpentry is a bitch, and that working with a hammer while angry is a costly and hazardous venture. I bent more nails than I could count, and mashed my thumb a few times, both events causing a flurry of swearing whenever they happened. At the end of the day, I wasn’t much closer to having my weapon rack complete, both of my thumbs were throbbing, and I’d blown through about fifteen bits worth of nails. The only thing that could have possibly made it any worse would be having Fluttershy knock on my door just to continue our earlier argument.

Things got worse.

I’d just finished showering to get all the sawdust off of myself when Fluttershy knocked on my door. If I’d known it was her before I opened it, I probably would have just fucked off and went to bed, but sadly, I wasn’t blessed with X-ray vision and now Fluttershy was sitting on my couch.

She hadn’t said a word since she’d come in, so I spoke first. “Can I get you anything? I don’t have much-”

“Max, I know you’re upset with me, and I know you’re just trying to be courteous, but can we just talk for a moment?”

Now wasn’t the time for quips. “Of course.” I sat down in my easy chair, but Fluttershy rose and tugged on my hand, sitting me down on the couch next to her.

She sighed, leaned forward and pressed her fingers against her forehead. “You know what you did was wrong, right?”

“I stand by it.”

She sighed again. “That’s not what I asked.”

“Yes, I know it was wrong.” I replied.

“Then why did you do it?”

“Because she was giving one of my friends a hard time.”

“Do you even know that for sure? Do you know what they were talking about?”

“I can read body language like an open book, I don’t need to hear them to know that Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have been picking on Apple Bloom and the others for some time now.”

“Reading ‘body language’, whatever that is, doesn’t give you all the evidence you need to make a judgement call like that.”

“It does in my book. If you knew what body language was, and knew how honest it is, you’d probably use it to make calls too.”

“I don’t, so please don’t try to use that excuse.”

“Don’t patronize me.”

“I’m not, Max, honestly. I just… It’s hard to see that side of you. I knew it was there, and I know it’s probably always going to be there, but…”

“I’m a bad person.”

“No, you’re not.” Fluttershy said, exasperated.

“How is threatening someone on pain of death not something a bad person would do?”

“It is something a bad ‘person’ would do, it doesn’t make you a bad ‘person’ though!”

“Most of my actions would classify me as a prick. How many times have I argued with you and the girls? How many fights have started because of me? How much strife have I sewn since I’ve been here!? I’m not a good person, and I keep trying to tell you this, but-”

“Shut up. Just SHUT UP!” Fluttershy shouted, louder than I’d ever heard her. “Do you even think about how hard this is for me? Do you think about how much you hurt your friends when you act like this? You said you were trying to get better, but I can’t remember you trying that hard before you left, and now you’re not trying at all!”

“...I would say that I am, but when I went to the Everfree, I stopped caring. I realized that life is too short for me to lie to people I despise, that it’s a waste of my time to sit back and let things play out. If we don’t play and active role in our own lives, and the lives of the people we hold dear, then we’re wasting so much valuable time worrying, being frustrated for nothing. I learned that if we don’t preserve what and who we hold dear with all of our strength, someone will come along and take it from us.”

Fluttershy’s eyes widened. “You- You. You’re a bucking idiot. You are a bucking foal if you truly believe that. I’ll tell you right now Mr. ‘Active Role’, Mr. ‘Paranoid to the Moon and Back’, that nopony in Equestria is going to steal from you, nopony in Ponyville will ever strike out at you when you least expect it, and most of all nopony period is going to try and take your peace from you, so why don’t you get that into your thick skull and quit being such a jerk! Half of the things you get mad about are contrived annoyances that you take too seriously anyway! So what Pinkie read your little journal? Boo hoo, let’s all be sad for Max. So what I told our friends that you were lying to them? I’ve never wanted to be around a liar anyway, and the girls feel the same way! You’re so caught up in yourself that you don’t care how your actions affect others, and I’m willing to bet that you don’t even really care about what I think of you! I bet you were just trying to get out of talking about the asinine, evil stunt you pulled with Diamond Tiara!”

I sat back and ground my teeth, hearing a few unpleasant truths in her words, but more bullshit than I was willing to let slide. “Alrighty love, let’s take it from the top: You’re forgetting that my ‘peace’ has been stolen from me by you girls more than anyone else, and you’re supposed to be my friends, so forgive me if I don’t think the rest of the world is up to scratch since the Elements of fucking Harmony themselves are shitheads half the time! You think the things I get mad over are bullshit? Then why don’t you take another look at what exactly I’ve forgiven: I’ve forgiven Applejack for nearly killing me, Twilight for nearly getting me killed and indirectly accusing me of date rape, Rarity for lying to me directly, treating me like a pariah, and spitting on a gesture of friendship, Pinkie Pie for sexually harassing me, stealing something I hold more precious than anything else, and selling me out with information she gained illegally. I forgave Rainbow Dash for trying to sneak me, causing massive damage to the only real home I’ve had in over a decade, and pummeling when we first met! I’ve let so much shit slide for you girls, and you don’t even appreciate the effort it takes for me! So what if I didn’t want my past known? You, as a friend, should have known that little good would come of it, and yet you still acted blindly, not even caring about what I thought, so you can shove that little tidbit straight up your arse! At the very least I know I’m being a right and proper bastard, but you girls are so fucking blind to your own flaws that when I get mad for shit you should have known better than to do, that I’m still the bad guy! And finally, we come to the last bit. If you think that me trying to get out of talking to you about what I said to Diamond Tiara is abnormal, then you obviously didn’t pay any fucking attention to what I said earlier!”

“...Is that really what the girls and I have done to you?” Fluttershy asked slowly.

“The big stuff, yeah.” I said, cooling down after a few moments.

“What do you really think about us?” She inquired softly.

“All together or separately?”

“...It doesn’t matter to me.”

I sighed and scratched the nape of my neck. “All together, I think you’re a good bunch, you just don’t think enough before you act, something I’m guilty of too, which I’d like to apologize for. Separately, I’ll start with Twilight. Twilight is a brilliant idiot with a big heart and a logical mind, but she’s naive and can be awfully shortsighted when she has a goal in mind or if she's in one of those moods. Rarity is kind, sociable and tactful for the most part, but she’s also extremely biased, and once she makes a decision it would take a lot for her to realize she’s in the wrong. Applejack is, of course, honest and hardworking, but I feel like she has the same problem that I do when it comes to things that she just won’t talk about. That woman has my kind of darkness in her, but she doesn’t let it get to her.”

I stopped and looked at Fluttershy. “Please keep going.”

“Okay. Pinkie Pie is a child. She doesn’t think before she acts, pays little attention to the consequences and is generally pretty narrow minded when it comes to what other people want, but she is kind and can be thoughtful when the mood strikes her. Rainbow Dash is rash, arrogant, and an idiot, but she’s loyal and perseverant-”

“You switched order for Pinkie and Rainbow.”

“I’m starting with what sticks out to me most.”

“Oh. If you don’t mind…”

“I’ll carry on. I think you’re kind and sweet, but with some darkness to you too. I can’t say for sure who has more of it in them between you and Applejack, but I’ve seen more of yours than hers.”

“Oh…”

“It’s not a bad thing, Fluttershy. People have to have darkness for there to be any light. I think that’s why the good things I do stick out so much: when in comparison to the bad things I do, they shine more and give people false hope in me. Getting back to you, I think that you’re a complicated person. When you’re around people you’re not comfortable with, or more than two or three, you retreat into your shell and people think you’re just a shy doormat, but you’re a tough woman in your own way. You’re not afraid to stand up for what you think is right, but the main problem with that is that you have to be pushed so far to act, that if you would have done or said something earlier, things probably wouldn’t have gotten so bad. Basically, you’re a reactionary person, but you can still fight back when push comes to shove.”

“So you’re saying that I should be more like you?”

“No, I’m saying I think you need to be more proactive.”

Fluttershy rubbed at her eye. “Do you really think we see you as the bad guy every time something happens?”

“At least half of you do at any given time.”

“I don’t do that…”

“Applejack.”

“How does that count?”

“You tried to force me to go see her when I had every right to avoid her. You were on her side then, even though I was the one in the right.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’. I meant it when I said I let a lot of things go, but that doesn’t mean you girls see it.”

“We do! We… Would you want to talk about your mistakes?”

“I’m forced to constantly. It’s a large part of our interactions.”

“...I think I should go home.”

“I’m not angry with you, Fluttershy. You spoke your mind and I respect that.”

“I’m still upset with you, though. I didn’t choose to fall in love with you, Max, I just did. I wish you would make things easier on both of us, but listening to you, I realized that I don’t do as much as I can. Maybe we should just… I don’t know, take a break for a while?”

“If that’s what you want, I’ll accept it.”

“...What do you want?”

“I want you to see things from my perspective.”

“I meant do you want to separate?”

“No. I think we can talk this out, we just have to be willing to get uncomfortable and listen to what the other has to say.”

“I think we’ve said as much as we needed to…”

“I think I still have something on my heart that I need to say.”

Fluttershy’s frown deepened, but she nodded her assent.

“Look, Fluttershy, you mean a lot to me. You’re easily in my top three favorite ponies, and if you don’t think much of me-”

“Max, you know better than that.” She interrupted. “You know I love you.”

“You just said that you didn’t choose to; that you were essentially forced into it. I couldn’t blame you if you started feeling some resentment towards me for that.”

“I don’t resent you, I’m just frustrated. You seem like such a great stallion sometimes, but then you do and say some awful things, and I wonder if you’ll ever change.”

“I will, but it may not be in the way you hoped. I warned you that I wasn’t a Pony, that I wasn’t your brand of good, so it shouldn’t be a surprise when I have a lapse in judgement. “

“That’s just it, Max, I hold you to a higher standard than you do because I think you’re better than what you pretend to be. You’re not a good pony, but you’re not bad… You’re… Grey?”

“That sounds about right, to be honest with you. I’ve always walked a fine line ever since I started thieving, and in my home, it helped to have a mean streak in you just so people don’t mess with you twice.”

“There’s the problem: You don’t need your mean streak here! Ponies will usually talk things out with you, or they’ll leave you alone if you don’t like them, so you don’t need to-”

“Actually, Fluttershy, I got jumped in a back alley during my first few weeks here, and my mean streak did me pretty well, so I think I’ll keep it. It’s not useful all the time, but I’d rather keep my blades sharp just in case I ever really need them, you know?”

Fluttershy’s eyes widened. “Wait, you mean you were attacked and you didn’t tell anypony!?”

“I handled it and it never happened again. Hell, I came out of that fight without a scratch, so no, I didn’t think it was worth worrying anyone over.”

“...Do you know who the ponies were?”

“No, but I do suspect that they were sent by Onyx Lock’s old employee. It happened a while ago, so don’t worry about it now.”

“How many times have you been attacked?”

“In Ponyville? I don’t know, like, four times I guess? There was those three guys, Applejack once, and Rainbow twice, so-”

“Two of our friends have hurt you three times?”

“If you would quit interrupting me, that would be great.”

“Sorry…”

“Apology accepted. Yes, our friends have made up the majority of my assailants. It’s mostly just Rainbow, though.”

“...We really are terrible friends…” Fluttershy sniffed.

“Just to me, as far as I know.”

“That’s no excuse!” She cried. “How are you supposed to get better if your friends set a terrible example for you!?” Fluttershy’s eyes were full of tears.

I took her hand and pressed my lips against it for a moment, waiting for her to calm down. “Fluttershy, I’m a grown man. I may have more to learn, but I’ll make my own mistakes, and I won’t let you make yourself feel bad just because you girls aren’t perfect. No one is.”

She gripped my hand tightly. “...In the same minute, you’ll go from arguing to consoling the same pony you were arguing with.”

“What can I say? I’m one talented bastard.”

“Bastard doesn’t sound like a nice word.”

“It isn’t.” I gave her a half smile that she meekly returned.

Fluttershy laid her head on my shoulder and dried her eyes. “You make it hard to give up on you.”

“Like I said; talented bastard. I’ll admit, just this once, that I’m more nice than mean, and if you ever tell anyone I said that, I’ll tie you up and shave you bald.”

“Big, tough Max doesn’t want ponies to know he has feelings other than angry?”

“That’s the gist of it. It’s a guy thing.”

“Maybe from your world, but guys here are… Well, you might have a point.”

“Of course I do, I couldn’t be the best without being right all the time.”

“And you call Rainbow arrogant!”

“False bravado and arrogance are two different things. I hate myself with a passion, poppet.”

Fluttershy lifted her head and looked at me. “Why do you say that?”

“Because I’m a toxic person. Every manner of relationship I have, I ruin in one way or another. I’ve helped people but I’ve done more harm than good for a long time even if I do try to be be more nice than mean. I mean, look at my interactions with you girls. I’ve pissed you all off at least once, and I wasn’t even trying, it just happened. Celestia told me that I’ve made her cry more since I’ve met her than she has since Luna was sent to the moon, so all that evidence makes me feel like there’s little for you to love. I don’t really know why you like me, I just know that I want to give you as few reasons as possible to not stop.” Not that the girls haven't largely been pieces of shit to me too, but I'd already passed that.

Fluttershy laid her head back on my shoulder but didn’t say anything. We sat in silence for some time, but it wasn’t the awkward silence that often occurred after an argument; it was more like we both had things on our mind that just didn’t need to be shared anymore. Night fell, and we had shifted around until I eventually ended up laying my head on Fluttershy’s lap with her gently stroking my hair and singing the most enticing lullaby. Things weren’t magically okay, but we had worked through issues that had been bothering us and got enough of it off of our chests that I, at least, was tired. Sharing my feelings was never easy for me, and I doubted that Fluttershy got a chance to do it often, so our shouting match had been pretty therapeutic, though I wished we could have talked it out without becoming so upset. Such is life sometimes.

Fluttershy eventually left and I went back to writing. As mentally tired as I was, my body still had energy to burn, and I had some new ideas for my book. That, and I still needed to find a publisher or something for ‘A Single Breath’, which could wait a while. I was chilling in my living room, casually getting words on paper when I heard to thumps at my door, and saw it open. Lupa let herself in, closed the door behind her and hopped up on the couch.

“You know, as little time as you spend home, you sure are making yourself comfortable.” I subtly jabbed.

“What are you, my mother?” She barked back.

“I worry about you when you disappear like you often do.”

“While I appreciate your concern, it’s not worth it. It’s been quite some time since I was on any predators menu.”

“Doesn’t mean I won’t worry about you. You’re like a sister to me, Lupa, and one of the few friends I have that has stuck by my side, no matter what.”

She snorted and rolled an eye to look at me. “I may be young for my breed, but I know that you will outlast me, Master. You should be preparing for my death in advance.”

“...You’re one morbid bitch, you know that?”

“I feel like I should take offense to that.”

“Why waste your time? You’re going to die anyway.” I shot back.

Lupa snorted and we left it at that. I was glad to have her back, but it frustrated me that she cared so little about my feelings, though it made sense if you looked at things from a different perspective. She was basically telling me that I shouldn’t get used to always having her around since her lifespan was shorter than mine, but that was true for everyone except Celestia, so why wouldn’t I just get used to not seeing everyone I cared about if they were only going to die long before I ever did?

I had to stop writing when I was seized by a mild panic attack, caused by delving too deep into the inevitable. Lupa came to my side once she heard me start hyperventilating, but that just made things worse. I retired to my room after a few minutes and eventually calmed down late into the night.

The next morning, I woke up exhausted, so I went back to sleep. I got up a little after noon and wondered what I should do with my day. I hadn’t visited two thirds of my friends since I’d been back, so I decided to make Twilight my first visit of the day. Completing my morning ritual at a leisurely pace, I left my house and went to go see if my little wizard was at home. Lupa and I ate brunch and got the show on the road within the hour, so the Sun was high when we arrived.

For once, Twilight answered the door and welcomed me in. Spike gave me a lazy wave as I passed him, so I assumed that a month’s worth of time was plenty for him to get the fuck over his little bullshit. I waved back and Lupa split off to go screw around with him for a while if her playful nips were anything to go by. I think Spike may be one of the few things she can chew on that won’t immediately die, so there’s always that. Spike, on the other hand, grew more afraid of Lupa the more he saw her, most likely due to her nibbling on him whenever they meet. I found it amusing.

Twilight and I sat down in the kitchen and she made us some tea, though sadly, there were no biscuits to go along with it. Non-English oversight punishable by sarcasm. I would have let her have it both barrels, but I was feeling like a nice guy, so I let her little misstep flow away like water under the bridge.

“So Max, how are you doing since you’ve been back? I can’t imagine that transitioning from civilization to the wild and back again is terribly easy.”

“It’s been kinda sucky so far, but I’m getting back into the groove of things. Humans are, if nothing else, some adaptable creatures. I’d like to say we conquered most of the known world back on Earth, but there’s so much of the sea and space that we don’t know about that it’d be a pretty inaccurate thing to say.”

“I’m sorry that you haven’t had it easy coming back, but I’m sure things will get better! They tend to.” Twilight gave me a bright smile.

I scowled in return. “Things only get better for a little while, if my time here’s anything to go by. I don’t want to be a prick, but my time in the Everfree showed me some things that I haven’t really thought about since I’ve been here.”

Her smile weakened. “What do you mean?”

I shook my head. “I mean a lot of things, but don’t let me ruin your good mood. You look especially lovely today Twi.”

She blushed, but her pursed lips and narrowed eyes told me that she wasn’t willing to be waylaid by my compliment. “Didn’t you say you were going to work on opening up to ponies?”

“Haven’t you learned that forcing me to talk only ends in disaster? Fluttershy just relearned that lesson and I would hate for you to do the same.”

Twilight opened her mouth to argue, but I took a page from Fluttershy’s book and shot her my darkest glare. Her jaw clamped shut with her gulping and diverting her attention. “The weather’s been just wonderful, hasn’t it? Rainbow and her team sure are doing a good job.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. “They have. The morning are starting to remind me of home more and more every day.”

“Max, it’s been getting progressively colder and soggier in the mornings.”

“Someone’s never been to ‘Bridleland’” I held up air quotes.

Twilight’s face flushed and she drew a little circle on the table with her finger. “I transferred into Princess Celestia’s personal class before the regular one went on that trip.”

“Then we’ll have to make a go of it sometime, yeah? I may not know what’s over there or how it’s going to flow, but if it’s anything like home, I can get us around without any hassle. My England wasn’t always the nicest place, and the traditional food was a bit shit to be honest, but the people always understood fear and respect.”

“...Which one did you use more often?”

“The first thing that you have to understand is that I’m only tall in comparison to your average pony, and that being an omnivore with the sharp teeth,” I tapped one of my canines, “really only lends itself if you’re talking to someone without them. That being said, I had to use respect more than fear because in my world. I’m not exactly a pissed off Macintosh with a halberd, as you may have noticed. In fact, I was about as threatening as you without a horn.”

Twilight lifted her eyebrows. “So you weren’t scary in England. Huh.”

“I’m not exactly scary here you know. You ponies have flight, magic, and strength on me, and the only thing stopping you from using them against me is your own shitty moral code.”

“Wait, I think you insulted me!”

“Look love, you’re not the most intimidating thing out there, and I should know better than most, but it’s not like you need to be scary for anything. You’re short and adorable so just be happy with that.”

That brought a smile to her face. “I’m not short, though. I’ll have you know that I am the average for a female pony of my age.”

“The average height is pretty low if that’s the case.” She shot me a mock glare that I returned with a grin.

“It’s perfectly average, thank you very much. It’s called an average for a reason.”

“Right. Do you have any plans for today, Shorty?”

“I do, and don’t call me that.”

“You have Shorty, Shrimp, and Small Fry to pick from.”

“You remember how the only thing holding ponies back from using magic against you was a ‘shitty’ moral code?”

“Isn’t the weather just wonderful? Rainbow must be working her arse off to keep the skies so pretty.”

“That’s what I thought.” She grinned and nodded. “I was planning on making my first visit to the spa with Rarity and Fluttershy in a few hours, which should be a new experience at the least. I’ve never been to a spa, and Rarity has been trying to get me to go for so long, I figured now would be a good time.”

“Doesn’t sound like much fun to me, but I’m severely lacking in an extra X chromosome, so that might explain my general unease about going somewhere like that.”

“What’s an X chromosome?”

“One of the two types of chromosomes that determine the sex of a child in development. You have two X chromosomes, and I have one and a Y chromosome. I can’t really tell you much more than that, to be honest. I may know what they are but I’m not exactly a biologist or whatever.”

“Well can you tell me what a chromosome is?” Twilight asked.

“To my knowledge, they’re the basic building blocks of genetic code that make you who you are.”

“Fascinating!”

“Can’t really tell you much more than that, but if Equestrian technology ever gets to the point where you can study microorganisms, then you’ll probably have a heyday or something.”

“Microorganisms? You mean tiny life forms and things like that?”

“Yes, I mean exactly that. There are things all around you that just aren’t able to be seen with the naked eye, like bacteria and shit.”

“Doesn’t …’shit’ mean… well, you know…”

“Yes, but the word itself can also mean different things depending on how you use it. When I said shit, I meant various other things, not fecal matter”

“Ahh, that clarifies things a bit.”

Twilight launched into a full on interrogation about any and everything science related, giving me quite the headache after an hour of intense scholarly questioning. The woman took notes over everything I said, but I couldn’t understand why for the life of me. I had told her that Equestria lacked the technology to even get started on researching half of the crap I told her about, but, like a dog with a brand new bone, she wasn’t letting go anytime soon. Fluttershy and Rarity became my saviors when they came to collect her for their relaxing day at the spa, but Twilight wanted to stay behind and ask more inane, useless questions before she went. After I eventually caught Fluttershy’s eye, she prodded the girls in the right direction, and I finally regained my freedom.

With my liberty returned, I wandered off in the general direction of Sugarcube Corner so I could see what Pinkie was up to, but Lupa saw where we were going and told me that she was going to Fluttershy’s, not that I blame her. I figured she was up to work, so that would be a quick little visit that still accomplished my goals. Upon entering the bakery, I waved to Mr. Cake who gave me a confused smile and waved back cautiously. I walked up to the fellow and started a conversation.

“Hullo, Mr. Cake. How’s the day been?”

“It’s been pretty good, if I do say so myself. You know, I think your name slipped my tongue. Would you mind telling it to me again? I’ll do my best to remember it.”

“It’s no problem, friend. Name’s Max.”

Mr. Cake’s face fell abruptly. “Oh. Didn’t recognize you with the beard.”

“Can’t say I’ve gotten much of that, but the people I converse with are the ones I see most often, so I can’t really blame you.”

He nodded silently, biting his lower lip. Mr. Cake’s eyes skid around the room, looking for a medium of escape.

“You know, I don’t think I ever apologized for breaking in that one night. Sorry for that, mate, but I was looking for Pinkie.”

His eyes widened he set his jaw off to the side. “Takes a big stallion to own up to something like that.”

“I did it, I should take responsibility. Just never tell anyone I said that to you, yeah? It’ll ruin my image of being a scary badass.”

“I don't think you’ll have to worry about that too much, buddy. You run with the Elements of Harmony, and those girls get a bad enough rap as it is. You haven’t even heard half of the crazy stunts they’ve pulled around town.”

“I thought Twilight and the girls had a pretty good reputation around Ponyville?”

“Their reputation is fine: everypony knows they’re great mares. It’s some of the things that they do that scare the folk around here. You know that Twilight and Pinkie nearly blew my kitchen up on three separate occasions? Of course I can’t ban Pinkie from there, but she’s not going in the back while Twilight is here.” He harrumphed.

“Come on, mate, you’ve got to tell me the stories behind those!” I smiled.

He balked at the sight of my teeth, but relaxed when I settled for a closed mouth grin. “Well, the first time, Pinkie told me that they were trying to see how they could make marshmallows fluffier, but that ended with a sticky mess and gooey white stuff oozing from every door in here. You wouldn’t believe how hard it was to deal with all of it!”

“Sticky white stuff that needs to be dissolved by water? I can imagine the clean up process on that, and it doesn’t sound pleasant.”

“It really wasn’t. My foals got into and the Missus had to wash it out of their hair. The worst part was that she blamed me for the whole thing, even though she was the one that told those mares that they could use our kitchen!”

“Mate, that’s just women for you. Even if there’s no way you could be at fault, it was all your doing.”

"You’re telling me, brother. The second time, Twilight wanted to test and see if the amount of yeast added to a loaf of bread affected the taste as much as the density. That one wasn’t as bad as the marshmallows, but it was still all over the kitchen.”

“How do you even mess up that badly? Aren’t you only supposed to use like, a tablespoon of the stuff at a time?”

“She used an industrial sized bag. All of it.”

I gave Mr. Cake a ‘what the fuck’ look. He pursed his lips and nodded a few times. “Twilight might be smart, but she sure as sunshine isn’t the brightest.”

I scoffed and nodded. “You’re telling me. She nearly got me wiped off of the face of the planet once.”

“How’d she do that?” He asked, befuddled.

“The night of my welcoming party, she was coming on to me rather heavily, so after things were said and done, we went off to have some drunken fun-”

“Hey, that rhymed! You were a poet and you weren’t even aware!” Pinkie exclaimed from behind the counter. Mr. Cake barely spared her a glance, but I stared for a moment before shaking my head, chalking it up to Pinkie just being herself.

“Sure, Pinks. As I was saying-”

“Hold on, are you sure you should say something like this in front of one of your friends? One of your female friends?” Mr. Cake asked.

I rolled my eyes. “Pinkie’s female?”

“Hey!” She blurted. “I’m just masculine!”

“With that six pack and those taut biceps? Girl, you make my lady parts quiver.”

Mr. Cake looked between us. “I see why you two are friends now.”

“Is it our off color humor?” Pinkie inquired.

“Nah, it’s gotta be the mild insanity. I say mild for my benefit, by the way.”

Pinkie just grinned like an idiot, so I continued with my story. “Where was I?”

Mr Cake coughed. “Drunken fun.”

“Right. So we went off to do some of that, but Twilight was too hammered to go any further, so I ended up carrying her back to her room that night. Well, the next morning, she wakes up with a headache and some odd feelings, but no memory of how the night went, so she tells Celestia-”

“You mean the Princess Celestia?” Mr. Cake asked.

“I do. So Twilight told her, and Celestia shows up the next day saying that I defiled her student or some shit, but I cleared that up after a bit. By Celestia’s orders, I’m not allowed to give Twilight the sex, so make of that what you will. I just think she’s jealous.”

“...You know what you just said is pure treason, right?” Mr. Cake asked slowly.

“She’s basically my fiancee. I get certain liberties from that.”

“Wait, you’re going to marry Twilight and that means you can say what you want about the Princess?”

“No, I’m going to marry Celestia so I can say what I want about Twilight.”

Even Pinkie scratched her head at that one, but it’s not like I was going to explain away my fun. “So Pinkie, what’s up?”

“You know, just working!” She beamed and Mr. Cake gave her some serious side eye.

I lifted my brows and found particular interest in the ceiling. “Yeah, working. I’ll leave you to that, then. Have a nice day, you two.”

“Wait, aren’t you going to order something?” Mr. Cake asked before I could get up.

“Oh yeah. I suppose I could have a smoothie or something”

I did have a smoothie and it was good.

With two of my friends off my list, I still had to go see Rainbow Dash, so I asked Pinkie where she was before she left. Pinkie told me that she was in the fifth tree in the second row at Sweet apple Acres, and that she would be there for a few more hours since she was napping. How she knew this, I do not know, nor do I care.

I found Rainbow in the specified tree and climbed up to Rainbow’s branch, but instead of waking the snoozing speedster, I went a little higher until I found a nice little perch for myself. I settled in for the long haul, though I never dozed off. I did, however, enjoy the early autumn breeze and the warmth in the air that would fade all too soon in favor of biting winds and frostbite. After a two hours and thirty two minutes, Rainbow started stirring below me, and it the day was nearing its end. I never understood how some people could sleep whenever they felt like it, and Rainbow was no exception. When she began her descent, I drew a deep breath and let out the loudest shout that I could manage from the top of my lungs.

Startled, Rainbow fell from the tree and landed flat on her face, which I found to be quite amusing. Something considerably less amusing was the look on Rainbow’s face when she picked herself up. She glowered up at me and I waved with a smile, though I made haste when she started climbing again. Fortunately, Rainbow wasn’t very nimble in the tree’s limbs, and I was showing why I had been nicknamed ‘The Gecko’, so I stayed out of her reach and even leaped into the next tree over when she cornered me on the edge of a branch. When Rainbow made her jump, she over shot it and wound up a a meter and a half above me, giving me enough time to get out of the tree and onto the the floor where I could hopefully make it to the farmhouse without being caught.

Things changed once I was out of the tree, and it wasn’t for the better. Rainbow Dash took off while still in the foliage of the apple tree and caught up with me in no time, and the only thing that prevented me from being caught was quick thinking and agility whenever she swooped down to grab me. Rainbow ended up in trees more often than not, so I used the time that I earned to sprint away, but when she changed tactics to follow me on foot, I knew my advantage was about to be gone even with the decent head start I had gotten. There was little I could do besides run up a tree and hope she followed, but the farmhouse was within my sights so I pushed myself harder. I never made it there, but points for effort, right?

Rainbow Dash tackled me from behind and dragged me to the floor. I was feeling a bit winded from all the running, but that didn’t stop me from fighting back. She and I were about evenly matched, but my high protein diet and wily ways proved to be more than she could handle. I took my place on top and smiled down at her as I held her hands above her head.

“No fair!” Rainbow shouted, struggling against my grip.

“Hey, you tackled me! You had the upper hand and you let it go to waste, so you can only blame yourself here.”

“Get off!”

“Make me, Baby Blue!”

Rainbow struggled harder, but I held her wrists firmly and she couldn’t get much in the way of leverage in the loose dirt that we were on, so she was well and truly stuck. I gave her my most shit-eatingest grin and she stuck her tongue out at me.

“Alright, you’ve made your point, so let me up already!”

“I will, just promise me that you won’t make me regret doing so.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine, I promise that I won’t make you regret letting me up.”

I glanced at her fingers and saw that her index and middle fingers on both hands were crossed. “Yeah, no crossing your fingers when you make promises. That’s a no-no.”

Rainbow uncrossed her fingers and huffed. “I promise, okay?”

I let go of her wrists and backed off, offering her a hand up. Rainbow got to her feet and shot me a dirty look. “What did you want anyway? You could have just woken me up if you wanted my attention that badly, you know.”

“I don’t like waking people up, it’s rude. And I didn’t really want your attention that badly, I just wanted to mess with you for a bit.”

“Dude, that’s messed up.”

“It was fun. If you were in my position, you would have done something along the same lines, though I think you would have gotten me while I was sleeping like the dirty trickster you are.”

“Me? The dirty trickster? I think you might be looking in a mirror, bub.”

“This mirror makes me feel cocky and bull headed.” I grinned.

“Yeah yeah yeah, laugh it up. I’ll get you next time!”

“Well, we already know I can’t run, so hiding is going to be my best bet. I’m sure I have some hiding places that you couldn’t get me in.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Why would I tell you that?” I spread my hands.

“I dunno, maybe you can’t keep a secret.”

I gave her a flat look and she blushed. “E-Everypony slips up now and again.”

“You keep forgetting that I’m not a Pony. I don’t slip up, I make bad choices.”

“What’s the difference?”

“The difference is fuck you.”

“Dude! That doesn’t make any sense!”

“Neither do Pinkie and Rarity but you still hang out with them, now don’t you?”

“Rarity makes sense if you look at it from a frou-frou frilly kinda perspective.”

“Fair enough. I’d ask you if there’s anything you want to do today, but we’re going to be out of daylight soon enough.”

“Sweet! Night’s my favorite time of day! You can sleep all you want, nopony’s up to bother you, and you can practice all you want outside of town!”

“I’m more of a night owl myself, though I prefer it for its serenity and climate. Never have been fond of overly warm weather.”

“I’m gonna warn you now; things get cold here in Ponyville.”

“Do you know anything about the winters in Bridleland?”

“Not really, I just know that they’re pretty brutal some years. Why the weather ponies operate like that doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“It just so happens that I’m practically from Bridleland, so I think I’ll be fine.”

“Suit yourself, dude. Just don’t come cryin’ to me like everypony else when the first few snowflakes show up on your lawn.”

“Unless you make it go higher my house, we’ll be fine. Just give me a heads up before the real bad stuff comes in, yeah? I need to make sure I have enough food and water on stock.”

“Didn’t you have weather ponies drop off supplies where you’re from?”

“Uh, no? We don’t have weather ponies at all since all of our Ponies have four hooves and can’t fly, let alone people that can actually move clouds like you can. Magic doesn’t exist in my world, remember?”

“Uh, no? I don’t think you’ve ever told me that.”

“Must have been Twilight then. The woman asks so many fucking questions!”

“Yeah, well, I have a thing I gotta go do.” I deadpanned. “No seriously! I’m supposed to help Pinkie bake something since Twilight isn’t allowed to help her any more.”

“Oh, I heard about that. Don’t do anything that might get you kicked out of the bakery, yeah?”

“Whatever, dude, it’s not like I’m experimenting or testing anything. It’s just baking.”

I rolled my eyes and started walking to the farmhouse. “You only ever need one tablespoon of yeast.”

Rainbow didn’t answer, and when I looked back, I could see dust swirling as well as her chromatic trail fading off into the distance. I made a face, thinking about how easily she could have caught me if she was being serious about it, but she wasn’t and I still got taken down. It was a sobering experience, having your pride take a hit from someone shorter than you, especially since I knew there could be a repeat performance sometime in my near future.

With the possible consequences of my actions ringing through my head, I rapped briskly on Applejack’s door and awaited a response, which came after a few moments. My favorite old lady (besides Celestia) answered the door with a grin and sat me down in the kitchen, fixing up a nice cup of ice cold cider for me. It may have just been apple juice, but I prefer to refer to Applejack’s juices when I speak of the topic, though she’s told me to stop a few times. I chuckled to myself while Granny Smith rambled on about some fairly interesting history that would have been more engaging if she could have followed a single train of thought for more than fifteen seconds at a time. In any case, I had a good time trading stories with Granny, but I found that I didn’t need to censor anything with her like I did with the girls, stroke Applejack. I suppose I could see where she got her world wise ways from, if Granny Smith was anything to go by.

While I was telling Granny Smith about the time I stole a man’s watch from him during a conversation, Applejack and Apple Bloom swung in, though Apple Bloom was only there for a quick snack for her and her friends so she only stayed for a few minutes. Applejack, on the other hand, only caught the tail end of my story before I cut it off for Apple Bloom’s sake, so I told my story again and garnered a withering glare from Applejack, though Granny Smith was chuckling through most of it. When the older Apple started with some interesting lines, Applejack hurriedly made an excuse for us to be anywhere but there, and thus we were on a walk through town with the sun setting and the townsfolk petering out of the streets.

“So what brought ya by?” Applejack asked as we entered the town. “I don’t think you just wanted to listen to Granny, and I kinda doubt that you just wanted to swing by.”

“Actually, I was planning on taking a few days to visit everyone and you were the last one on my list from our circle of friends, so yeah, I did kinda just swing by.”

“Aw, would ya look at that. Max here is checkin’ up on his little buddies.” Applejack jibed.

“You’re one of those little buddies, just so you know. Now I’m regretting saving you for last.”

“Why did you put me last anyway? I thought you woulda saved Fluttershy or Twilight for my spot.”

“I saved the best for last, of course.” I answered with a grin. “You’ve been a better friend to me than any of the girls besides that one thing, so you’re pretty much my best friend here.”

Applejack went quiet, though we kept walking. The silence didn’t feel awkward, but I could tell that there was something on her mind.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about, AJ?” I inquired.

“Just wonderin’ how the pony that put you halfway in the grave became your best friend.”

“It’s a curious conundrum, isn’t it? It either means that you’re a great friend, or that the rest of the girls are terrible people.” I commented casually.

“I’m hopin’ that it means I’m a great friend, ‘cause I ain’t too fond of you talkin’ trash about the girls”

“Look, love, they’re our friends. You’d be lying to yourself if you said they haven’t shown some pretty bad qualities.”

“I ain’t sayin’ that they don’t, it’s just that ya shouldn’t be talkin’ about friends like that.”

“I would never say anything to you that I wouldn’t say to any of them in person, and you should know me well enough to believe that. You and the girls have some pretty glaring character flaws if you ask me.”

“Oh yeah? What’s so bad about me?” Applejack stopped and put her hands on her hips.

“Your temper, for one. In fact, I’m pretty sure that you’re getting heated over this conversation, so let’s just let it go.”

“I don’t think so, buster! You done opened this can of worms, so I think you should-”

“Drop the subject before I actually go and piss you off?” I interrupted. “Seriously, you’re just trying to be mad at this point. Just let it be, love.”

“Don’t call me love.” Applejack snapped.

“Would you prefer something else?” I responded evenly.

“I dunno, yeah?” She huffed.

“How about Bunbun or Peaches?”

Applejack cooled off quickly, though she seemed annoyed now. “I have a cousin named Sweet Peach, and Bunbun sounds too close to BonBon.”

“Hmm… How about we scratch anything fruit related right now?”

“Good idea. Sorry about gettin’ so upset, I-”

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s move on, yeah?”

Applejack gave me a grateful smile and we started walking again. “Let’s not do that, actually. It’s not like I’m your fillyfriend or anything, so I don't really need one.”

“That’s true, but I already gave Rarity a pet name and she’s not my girlfriend, so I think you deserve one too.” I returned her smile with a muted one of my own.

“Oh really? What do you call Rarity?”

“Bonny. It means beautiful.”

“That’s pretty fittin’, not that I find her attractive.” She added quickly. “I just recognize that she looks good, that’s all.”

“Are you telling me that you wouldn’t shag her if you had the chance?” I lifted a brow.

“Sugarcube, I’ve had the chance and I passed, though I mighta just read the situation wrong. How about we leave this topic behind and go back to pet names?”

“I thought you didn’t want one.” I teased.

“I’d rather get a pet name than explain that one”

“You know, normally I would press you for that story since it seems harmless enough-”

“It really ain’t.”

“You had my interest, and now you have my attention.” I grinned.

“Not happenin’. How about firefly? I don’t know anypony with that name and I like it. Around here, if you call one of your mares firefly, it means that they help guide ya through tough times.”

“You have done that for me. I guess you can be my little firefly.”

Applejack grimaced. “When ya say it like that, it gets awful patronizin’.”

“You picked it out, firefly. Now you gotta deal with it.”

“If that’s the way it is, then why don’t I give you one?”

“I’m open to the idea. I’m fond of Stud, Stud muffin, Sex Ba-Bomb, Italian Stallion, and Dikfuk.”

She gave me a stern look. “Yeah, no. None of those sound quite right. How about Sugar Butt?”

I returned her look with one of my own. “No.”

“Champ?”

“What am I, your kid brother?”

“What about Good Lookin’?”

“Generic as Hell. How do you feel about Ace?”

“We’ll come back to it. How does Killer sound to you?”

“Never call me that, please.” I requested softly.

Applejack’s eyes widened. “I-I’m sorry, I forgot about that.”

“Skip it and move on. Hell, I’d even take 'twinkle' at this point.”

She gasped and pointed at me. “That’s it! It’s perfect!”

“Wait, what? No it’s so not perfect!”

“No, it is! You always get that little twinkle in your eye when you’re about to do somethin’ stupid!”

“...It’s going to stick, isn’t it? Can’t we go back to Ace?”

Applejack grinned and lightly cuffed my shoulder. “Sorry twinkle, but I just don’t think it’s goin’ away.”

It was my turn to grimace. “I won’t call you my little firefly in public if you don’t call me twinkle.”

“It’s more of a private thing anyways.”

“I just wish you hadn’t picked something so embarrassing.”

Applejack gave me a brilliant smile and we walked on through the town. We chatted all the way to the park where we sat and watched the sunset, which was another romantic thing that I probably should have done with someone that I was actually dating, but that thought brought another in turn: Why not date Applejack? Besides the one thing, she had done little besides be a pretty good friend to me, the sex was fucking phenomenal, she looked good, and she was loyal. There were a lot of things that I could see in Applejack that were good girlfriend material, but I didn’t want to stretch myself too thin by dating too many woman. My heart ached a little, but I thought it would be for the best if I left our relationship where it was, rather than push for something I didn’t even know if she’d accept. I suppose now that I should have looked at the clues that the universe seemed to be throwing in my face, but even as I gaze back in hindsight, I still believe I made the correct choice when I held my tongue. Of course it would irritate me to see her with someone else, but...

Ah fuck. I’ve fallen in love with my best friend.