Author's Notes:

Long ass chapter is long. Would've done it yesterday, but I had shit to do because life. Rate and comment, I still wanna know how do I do when I do. Hope you enjoy.

That that is, is that that is not, is not.

Stay Cool, Kids

Edit: Fixed some wording and spelling errors that I missed the first time around. Grabbed Diction by its head and whipped it around a bit.

I was sitting in Velvet’s living room after she and Celestia had given me their verdict. I was idly juggling throwing knives (a skill I picked up after learning how to throw them) as Lupa paced around Velvet’s easy chair where the mare herself resided. Velvet had told me on the way over that she already regretted even bringing up the idea of sending me to Ponyville, and Celestia didn’t seem terribly pleased either, but I thought they were punishing themselves more than me. Who can stand not having me around? I’ve gotta be the funniest human on this planet, though it doesn’t hurt that I’m probably the only one. In any case, Velvet seemed rather distraught and Lupa didn’t seem to happy herself. Judging by Celestia’s manner when we left, she was going to miss me, but I meant what I said pertaining to visiting Velvet; Celly and I shared a twisted sense of humor, and if Velvet liked it in me, I hoped that she would also enjoy Celly’s particular brand.

I didn’t really know what a polyamorous relationship entailed: were Celestia and Velvet expected to be romantically involved at all? Or were they only connected by me, and if they were, would I have to manage my time between them? It was going to be tough come Christmas time if I had to choose between them, or on dates. I was going to have to play to each of their interests, spend quality time with both of them, effectively putting in twice the normal effort, and I didn’t doubt that I was up to the task, nor did I doubt that I loved both of them. The only thing I was really worried about was them getting along, seeing as how Celestia was the highest power in the land besides Luna. If Celly said jump, it would take time before Velvet stopped asking how high mid-air and seeing as she was a Pegasus, it would be amusing to see how long she would float in place before asking.

I tried to put my thoughts aside, but with sharp objects in the air, I was kinda worried about breaking my concentration, so I caught them one at a time and placed them aside. Velvet finally looked at me once she noticed I’d stopped and offered me a weak smile. I could tell that she was a little perturbed and more than a little guilty about proposing the terms of my punishment without knowing the situation, but I’d already told her that I was ready to handle it like an adult, and that it was a good idea. Velvet still didn’t look convinced and her body language told me a lot, like that her arse was still sore. It also told me that she was deep in thought.

“What’s on your mind, love? I’m telling you that Ponyville isn’t that dangerous, I was just unlucky with my selection of ‘friends’. After a little chat, I probably won’t see them more than a couple times. I’m not exactly Mr. Social, you know.”

“I hear ya, darlin’, but I know to trust ya on that. If you’re good enough to lay the Princess Celestia, I’m sure you’re smart enough to talk your way out of a scuffle with some small towners.”

Something still wasn’t right. “If that’s not what’s on your mind, then what is? You told me yesterday that nothing good comes from keeping your worries locked up.”

Velvet sighed and rubbed her face. “I ain’t tryin’ to keep nothin’ from ya, but I just don’t know how to tell you without soundin’ foalish.”

“Trust me, you’re far from it, love. Disregarding how it sounds, talk to me, let me in.”

“I’m just worried about Celestia is all. I know I’m not much compared to her, and she has everything you could want in a mare; money, power, influence, looks. There’s not much I can offer ya that she can’t, Max, and it kinda niggles at my pride.”

“You don’t need to bring anything to the table other than yourself, Vel, that’s all I’ll ever want from you. I like you and Celestia for different reasons, and her position has nothing to do with why I find her attractive. It’s the way both of you make me feel that I enjoy, and it’s not just the physical aspects. You make me feel like I have someone, besides Lupa, that I can talk to about anything. I don’t doubt that you’ll judge me, but I trust that you’ll give me your opinion without being a twat about it and I just don’t get that from Celestia.” I paused and thought for a bit “You make me feel at home. Celestia, on the other hand, is funny and a little harder to read which makes her interesting in her own way. I can’t even really compare the two of you which is probably why you occupy two very different parts of my heart. I see in you the woman I always felt I needed and I see in the Celestia the woman I always thought I wanted. To be completely honest with you, I’m more confident in our relationship than I am with Celly’s because you seem more… Grounded, I guess. She’s down to earth for a noble, but you just make more sense to me is the way I would describe it. That’s not to say I think it’ll work out between us and not between me and Celestia, I just don’t see us fighting as much.”

“Seems like you’ve put a lot of thought into the whole thing. I had a feeling that you thought more than you spoke, but I wasn’t expectin’ you to go all out.”

I shrugged. “I just want to make both of you happy, and that takes thought.” I resheathed the knives I had placed aside.

“Can’t say my worries are gone, but I do feel better. Thank you for that, Max.”

“Just know that if I can help, I happily will. You mean a lot to me, Velvet, and I hope you remember that the next time you’re caught up in your thoughts.”

“If I didn’t have the majority of those chocolates left, I’d say you’re the sweetest thing in Canterlot, darlin’. Don’t think you’re off the hook for that joke you and The Princess pulled earlier, though. That was just evil!”

“If you were in my position, I don’t think you would’ve done it, which just makes it even better. I know you’ll laugh at it later, just give it a while.”

“I’m not laughin’ now, so you’re still in some hot water. I still can’t bring myself to believe that you managed to get that close to one of the princesses so soon! How did you even do that?”

“Treated her like I treat you: as a person. Don’t get me wrong, I still give her respect because she runs a frigging country and did so alone for a millennia, but she’s still just another person who needs to cut loose and relax every now and then.”

“I guess it’s just going to take me awhile to get used to the prospect. I’m so used to treating her like a ruler that becoming something other than her subject just shocks me.”

“Speaking of, what is Celestia to you in one of these types of relationships? Is she like, your lover too? Or is she like a sister or something to you now?”

“Well, as far as I know, it just depends on how close we become. I know some stallions, usually nobles, keep somethin’ like a harem of mares and within that harem they call each other sisters, but if it’s a smaller thing and the mares in question look at each other romantically, I think it’s called a ‘Minog a Troy’ or somethin’ like that.”

“You mean a Menage a’ Trois?”

“Yeah that thing. In the end, it really just depends on me and Celestia. I can’t say I haven’t given it some thought to what it’d be like to marry one of the Princesses before-”

“Wait, you’re bisexual?”

“Yeah, I guess. I’ve yet to do anything other than kiss a mare, but I’ve always been curious, and that little threesome-”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Why not? You did pretty well, considering you had two mares to please.”

“And I’m still paying for it. It would be hotter than the fires of Hell if you and Celestia had a go, however. I would love to see that.”

“Hm, Hearth’s Warming Eve is coming up in a few months, you might have something to look forward to.”

“I don’t know what that is, but I think I like it now.”

“You don’t know about Hearth’s Warming Eve!? Next you’ll tell me you’ve never heard of Heart’s and Hooves Day, or Nightmare Night!”

“Not ringing any bells, love.”

“Oh lordy, how can you not have heard of those? Have you been living under a rock?”

“No, I've been living in a different planet or dimension by my reckoning. And before you ask; no, I don’t know how I got here. I just know it’s been better than what my old life was so far.”

“You’re from a different world? How did that not come up in conversation?”

“No one ever asks. I’m kinda offended that you wanted my body more than you wanted to know me.” I fake pouted.

Velvet and I delved into the world that was my own after I’d laid down that tidbit of information. Apparently I became even more interesting and exotic once I’d told her that I wasn’t from ‘Mane’, a northern territory of Equestria. She had thought that my ‘accent’ was from there, and had ruled out ‘Bridleland’, the island analogous to England, because I didn’t use pony swears like they did. Once I had informed her that my home nation was basically that of Bridleland but with humans, she connected the dots and fawned over my ‘handsome’,’authentic’ Equuish. I told her she was full of it before I realized she was being serious. I knew Americans back on my world had admired the way my people spoke, but I hoped that they didn’t like it as much as Velvet did. I would bet that the mare asked more questions just to hear me speak rather than genuine curiosity, but it was nice that she was listening and taking an interest in me. Call me an attention whore, but I never realized how much I wanted it before I actually got it. It was nice to have someone look at you as more than just another bug to be scraped off their boot or some guttersnipe that wasn’t going anywhere in life. It really just reaffirmed what I’d said about her earlier; she made me feel like I belonged, that I was interesting.

We talked long into the night before a courier came and delivered a letter telling me to meet with Luna in the morning before I left for Ponyville. I assumed she wanted a debriefing about what went down in Gryphonia or to give me another mission. Either way, I figured that since it was past midnight anyways, it counted as morning, so I asked if Lupa or Velvet wanted to accompany to the castle again. After a few hurried excuses from Velvet and a yawn from Lupa, I just went by myself which really didn’t bother me. I was beginning to enjoy my walks alone since I didn’t have to talk to anyone, but that did mean I was stuck with my own thoughts and that never went terribly well for me.

I kept pondering who I would speak to first in Ponyville; Applejack, Fluttershy, Or Rainbow Dash. I figured I would give Rainbow my gratitude first, talk to Fluttershy second, and save Applejack for last, though I wasn’t sure about how what I was going to say to her would go over. If she really had been the wreck Twilight had said she was, then I don’t know how I would handle the situation. I didn’t want to forgive her without some overdue groveling, and I didn’t feel there would be any point to it without meaning it. It would be harder to forgive her than it would for Fluttershy, though I had to admit that I was still rather pissed with her. I understood Fluttershy’s point and why she had blabbed, but that didn’t mean I was terribly happy about it.

I was in front of the castle again before I had time to sort everything out, and I met some of the Night Guards. I explained that I was due to speak with Princess Luna and they let me right in with no hassle, though one did ask me who I was and why I didn’t have fur. I told the one guard to eat a dick and the other chuckled before trying to regain a semblance of his former stoic silence, but not before his partner cut him a sharp glare. I wished the chaps a good, peaceful night and received a wave in return. Velvet was right, Night Guards were much better than their daytime counterparts.

It took no time to get an audience with Luna, which surprised me a little bit. Apparently Night Court had no visitors to speak of, so I was able to see her right after filling out the least amount of paperwork I had ever had to deal with in the castle. I don’t know why it felt like Luna had no power due to this, but it made me feel rather sorry for her. Celestia was universally loved, and half of the ponies I had talked to seemed to forget that there was more than one princess, though I guess the absence of one of them for a thousand years had something to do with it. Honestly, if Celly hadn’t let the country forget about her, I think Luna would’ve come back good instead of evil. It’s just a thought, but who knows? Shit might’ve gone down differently if that had happened. Hindsight is twenty/twenty, but foresight is blind. '

I filled out all two pages of paperwork and went on in to the throne room. Luna sat there on her ebony throne looking bored before I walked in. I gave her a wave and her eyebrows furrowed.

“Hey there, how’s the night been?”

“Thou- er, you, were not supposed to be here until morning, Maximus. Why have you come now?”

“Because three a.m. is still the morning, love. The sooner I talk to you, the better I believe.”

“And what doth thee mean by that?” She said bristling.

“I figured you wouldn’t have asked for me if it wasn’t pertinent, so here I am. Don’t get so upset over nothing, Lulu,” I grinned at her, “I’m just trying to be thoughtful.”

“Don’t call Us-me, Lulu. That honor is reserved for Celestia.”

“Sorry, I’ll wait until we shag to call you that again. Speaking of, did you even have to talk to Celestia when I left? She said she was pretty upset over what she said.”

“I do not know what you mean by ‘shag’, so I cannot comment, but do not call me that again. No, I did not have to speak with her, though I did nonetheless. I see she followed my advice, but now We have our doubts on whether We- er, I, should have spoken to her on your behalf. I do not approve of her entering a relationship with one of our guards.”

“Sorry, Moon Moon, but both of them want a piece of me and there just so happens to be enough to go around. It’s not my fault that roguish charm is irresistible to women. Blame Velvet and Celly, not me.” I gave her a shit eating grin.

Luna was not amused. “I can make sure there’s less of you to go around.” Well that's terrifying.

“...So why did you call me here?”

“We-I, wanted to ask you to perform a task for me while you go to Ponyville.”

“Last task you had me do ended with blood on my hands and souls on my conscience. Forgive me if I’m not terribly enthused.”

“This task only requires you to slay one beast, one that Crimson Tide himself said you were more suited to.”

“And what beast would this be that you couldn’t have another of your tougher, faster agents handle? You realize I’m rather frail in comparison to most Ponies, right?”

“Yes, I do understand that you lack certain aptitudes that some of my subjects possess, but few have your dexterity, and from Crimson Tide’s reports, your apropos of certain dangers. From what he told me, your ability to sense and avoid the guards of Hedard’s manor was nearly inpony; something that one going to the Everfree will need in spades.”

“Yeah, I was with you until the beast slaying, and you double lost me at the Everfree; only thing I ever heard about that place is steer clear. Granted I think most ponies are wimps,” Luna glared at me before she conceded with a hand motion, “but I think they might have the right idea when it comes to the murder hole that is that forest.” I thought for a moment. “Wait, did you have Crimson tail me during the mission?”

“Maybe. Normally I would concede to your point, but seeing as how you will be in the area anyway-”

“I’m not okay with that, Luna. I may have worked with Crimson but that is not permission for him to spy on me, nor is it permission for you. Hell, when did he even have the time? We were only together from one floor and he spotted just as many patrols as I did!”

“You were acting under our authority, making it our responsibility to see how our Operatives would act in the field. Crimson Tide is one of our most trusted agents, and his assessment of you is critical to whether or not you will receive more missions from us- er, me in the future. Whether thou- er, you agree or not is of no concern to me. If you want to continue acting as an Operative of mine, then ye must at least show some simulacrum of respect.”

Luna was starting to piss me off something fierce “I never said I wanted to be one of your damned Operatives; I just wanted to do you a favor and it burned the hell out of me! What makes you think I would ever want to work for you again? And why the bloody fuck do you keep switching between modern and archaic terms? It’s confusing, dammit!”

“You wish to court my sister, yes? If you are one of my Operatives, you have a claim to be a member of our court, which would make the proceedings much easier on yourself and Celestia. As for my speech, Celestia has been trying to get me to change my ‘outmoded’ way of talking in favor of a more modern approach.”

“So you’re saying that you’re trying to help me by putting me in mortal danger? Because that’s pretty fucked up, Luna.”

“It was common in my time for knights to be tested for their worthiness before being considered suitable for nobility. Think of it as I holding you to a higher standard than the common fools that make up the aristocrats. From what mine sister and Crimson Tide have told me of you, it would seem that my first impression was wrong.”

“That ‘I’ was supposed to be a ‘me’, and thinking of it that way makes it feel like you’re sugar coating the whole ‘suicide mission’ thing. I’ve never fought an animal, Luna, and I have no experience with the monsters of this world. In my world, stuff like Manticores, Teumessian Foxes, the fucking kraken in Ponyville lake; all myths, legends. They never had a place in my life.”

“If we-I did not have faith in your abilities, I would not send you on this mission. Should you choose to accept, it would be a kobold that you slay, and as they are little more than nuisances to most ponies. It should not be a difficult task for one such as yourself.”

I sighed and rubbed my eyes, my energy waning. “Tell you what; I’ll take the job, but I want your word that you won’t purposefully put me in a position to kill another sentient, sapient being again. If I can understand the way it speaks or can learn it's language, I really don’t want to kill it.”

“By our-my understanding, it was through Crimson Tide’s oversight that you were put in that position to begin with, for which we do apologize on his behalf. Though if you are to accept more missions like the previous one, it would be your actions that decide whether or not you kill another creature, not any oath on my behalf. I must warn you though, kobolds are about as intelligent as your average two year old foal; they are not bright creatures but they are wily.”

“...I guess I can accept that. Speaking of the job, A kobold is a dog thing, right? Shouldn’t be too bad. Why is it something you need me to kill if you have other agents?”

“No, kobolds tend to be bipedal lizard-like creatures. I wish to see how you operate under pressure during a mission in which your objective is not to take something. That and I have precious few operatives doing other work for me at the moment.”

“I’m still taking a life, if you count that as taking something. I thought that, since you’re a princess and all, you’d have your pick of people to do whatever dirty work you needed done.”

“I wish it were so, Maximus, but we-I am still acclimating to the new society that I find myself in. It has been difficult to come back after such a long absence.”

“I can imagine, but I would never know. I’d offer to help you in whatever ways you may need, but I don’t know much about pony society myself besides what I’ve read, and most of Twilight’s and the castle’s books are outdated by a decade or two, written mostly in retrospect.”

“I have learned this myself. Much of what I have learned so far has only served to alienate me further from the younger ponies, though my older subjects find it refreshing that one as youthful as I knows of their culture.”

“Youthful. Right.” Luna glared at me. “Oi, you’re one of the two oldest beings I know. Put any ten grandparents together and they still don’t have anything on you, Luna. I’m pretty sure the only youthful things about you are your appearance and temper.”

“Our temper is just fine, thank thee very much.”

“Going archaic again on me, love.” I said with a grin.

“I take back what I said earlier,” Luna said blushing, “My first impression was correct, you are insufferable.”

“Insufferable and loveable. Trust me, I grow on you once you stop taking me so seriously all the time; it’s the only reason I ever had friends in the first place.”

“You will find that Celestia and I do not share an opinion when it comes to the Harmonic Values. I do not find Laughter to be terribly vital, regardless of how much it helps.”

“I think I know what you’re talking about. The Harmonic Values are an elder term for the Elements of Harmony, right?”

“They are. You, however, do not fit any of them well.”

“Hey now, I’m funny sometimes! Honest and Kind? Not so much. Nor am I very Generous, but I can be Loyal-”

“Not when it matters, apparently.”

I was silent for a minute. “...That was a low blow, Luna.”

“It does not make it any less true. However, if you were to explain it to us-er, me, perhaps I would understand.”

I sighed. “I didn’t want to watch my brother die a slow, painful death. I couldn’t bear to see him suffer until the end, and the only saving grace I had was that he was brain dead before they pulled the plug. He never would have known I was there, anyway. Regardless, it was wrong to abandon him,” My heart grew heavy at the memory. When the doctor had told me that there was no chance of him ever coming back, I ran and I never looked back. The only person suffering at that point was me.

“...That is a different connotation from what Celestia said before. It was my understanding that you simply left him to bleed out: if he was already ‘brain dead’ as you say, then it would be no different from taking your leave from his corpse.”

“That’s not the part that matters. I should’ve been there with him until his heart stopped beating, until his body died and not just his mind.”

“It is arguable that they are one in the same. If it is any consolation to you, if my sister were to pass in the same manner, I could see myself taking the same route. I would not now, but there was a time that I would have.”

“Doesn’t make me feel… Actually, that does make me feel a bit better. I don’t know why but it does.” I was more than a little shocked that Luna was actually being nice for once.

Luna nodded. “I have no further business to speak of. Have you any more questions?”

“Just a few. First, what have you done with the real Luna?”

“What?”

“Second, is there a deadline to the kobold mission? I assume the faster I put it down the better for the ponies, right?”

“You are correct. There is no solid deadline, but I suggest that you slay it within a few days of your arrival in Ponyville.”

“Alright. Third, how do I find the damned thing? The Everfree was pretty labyrinthine last time I was in there.”

Luna’s horn lit up and a circular metal disc appeared in her hand, which she then floated over to me. “This compass will serve as your guide, it has been treated so that it will detect the presence of a kobold within two miles.”

“What’s that in kilometers?”

“Roughly three. That is an estimate, but it should be close enough for whatever your purposes may be.”

“Thanks, Princess. Is there anything I can do for you before I head off to Ponyville?”

“Remember to bring me back a cupcake from Sugarcube Corner. I would ask Celestia or do it myself, but I must attend court while the bureaucracy is still being reformed.”

“I’ll do my best, but I can’t make any solid promises. Why don’t you just take some time off like Celestia did and head down there in disguise while I’m in town? I’ll do the talking, you do the snacking. And speaking of the bureaucracy, how’s that going so far?”

“I will keep your suggestion in mind. It would do me well to take some time off I suppose. To answer your question, I must ask you one in turn. How was the paperwork to gain entrance to my court?”

“To be honest, it wasn’t bad at all. Two pages of some pretty simple stuff. Are you saying that’s the revised version?”

“I am. We- er, I, took your advice and asked a few of our newer ponies in entry level positions to help us streamline the process and it has worked tremendously, despite the backlash from some of the more annoying aristocrats. They believe that there is an elegance behind mountains of paperwork. They rarely have to deal with such paperwork. It was easy to convince them after giving them each a stack the same size of Celestia’s daily load to fill out.”

“I swear, I never spent much time around the upper class in England, but from what I understand, they pretty much all sound alike. That might be a gross over-generalization, but still, they seem all too happy to trouble someone else”

“Indeed. I am glad that Celestia and I have always been above such things.”

“How many servants do you have?”

“Silence!”

“Just saying, princess. With that, I think I’ll take my leave. Have a good night, Luna.”

“I wish the same to you, Maximus, however detestable you may be at times.”

“Oi, it’s all apart of the charm.”

I gave Luna a silly bow and left the throne room with the prospect of more bits dancing through my mind. I knew it wouldn’t pay as well as the first mission, but it sounded like a chance to do some real good and I guess I could use the bits any way. I was burning through the travel fund I had been given at an expedient pace, but I considered that to be a bit of an issue for later. I still had about a hundred bits left and there wasn’t much I could think of that would consume them if I spent them wisely. Or I could give them to Velvet via leaving them scattered around her home and use what I had earned from the Gryphonia mission. I highly doubted that she would take the sum from me if I just gave it to her, but it wouldn’t hurt to try anyways.

After a few minutes of walking through the castle with no real target in mind, I decided to visit Celestia for a moment before I took off for the sunshine and rainbow factory that is Ponyville. I knew she wouldn’t be awake, but I wouldn’t get a chance to see her before I left in the morning and since I was in her wing of the castle anyway, I thought it would be nice. I had been there a few times before so it wasn’t a matter of finding my way there, just getting past the guards at this point, so I came to her corridor and promptly snuck my way out of the window onto the stony face of the castle.

Now, I don’t recommend that anyone without years of climbing experience try anything of the sort seeing as how it’s extremely dangerous and I don’t see either of my lovers approving, but since neither of them were anywhere to be seen, I climbed across the well worn wall, testing my handholds as well as I could before I moved. It was a time consuming process, but it helped me clear my mind like nothing else ever could. I felt myself being to slip a few times and choke on the headwinds from the sheer height of the castle, but I made my way over to Celestia’s window without dying so I was happy. I poked it open silently and crept inside, the only sounds in the air being her soft breathing and a few muted coughs from a guard just outside. It took me little effort to stay quiet as I made my way over to Celestia , and in the process, I had the best idea I’d had in days. I kicked off my shoes, removed my shirt and slipped into bed behind Celestia, carefully draping my arm over her as I held back laughter from my thoughts of the following morning. The only reaction Celestia made were a few murmurs that amounted to a whole lot of nothing. I snuggled up closer and closed my eyes.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I woke up to a startled white mare that morning, magicking pillows at me until I rolled out of bed.

“MAX! How did you get in here!? Specifically, how did you get in my bed!?”

“Can’t that wait til after breakfast? Or until I catch some more rest? I swear dawn was about to break when I got in here.”

“That answers exactly none of my questions.” Celestia began smoothing her mane down, not that it needed it.

“Fine, I came in through the window and I just got in bed; isn’t that what lovers do? Sleep together?”

“That’s more than just a little creepy, Max.”

“It’s all in how you think about it.” I climbed back into Celestia’s cloud-like bed. “I thought it was romantic. I was going to wait for you to wake up so I could whisper sweet nothings into your ear, but damn do you have a fine bed!”

“I have the oddest feeling that you’re not telling me the whole truth. What were you really doing?”

“Wanted to see you again before I left, and decided to stay a bit longer. I figured it’d be funny to see your reaction when you woke up.”

“That makes me want to start having pegasus guards look after that window. I suppose it’s innocuous enough if it’s just you. What harm can my little hairless ape do?”

“Plenty if you let me, though I don’t think that’s your fetish.”

“You’re right, I’m more of a giver than a receiver in that respect but I wouldn't mind being on bottom sometime.”

“Did you just proposition me for kinky sex?”

“How is that a surprise? As much as we flirt, I’d be surprised if you haven’t missed more than you’ve heard.”

"As much as I would love to treat you like a catholic school girl who just got caught stealing from the headmaster’s office, I’m still tired, love.”

“Oh yes, which reminds me, you need a royal seal if you’re going to be an Operative of Equestrian Interests. That, and I want you to stop calling me ‘love’.”

“The seal I can get later. Why do you want me to stop calling you ‘love’?”

“The seal we can do now. Do you have one of your blades on you?”

I finagled the Warbling blade from its sheath underneath me and held it up. I felt Celestia’s magic tug it from my hands and heard something akin to the sound of plates sliding together, which was enough to wake me up completely and motivate me to give Celestia a dirty look. She floated the knife back over to me and I gave it a once over. It now had her Cutie Mark emblazoned in white and gold on one side and what I assumed to be Luna’s Cutie Mark in black and blue on the other. I like liked the way they seemed to be anodized into the metal, not taking away from it's finish at all while making it even more interesting to look at.

“Now, the reason I want you to stop calling me ‘love’ is simple. You call a lot of mares ‘love’. I would like it if your had a different pet name for me when you return from Ponyville.”

“You’ve got doll, poppet, and pet to work with. Maybe ‘hun’, though it sounds weird to me.”

“I think I prefer hun out of all of them. I am nopony’s doll or pet, and I don’t know what a poppet is. Hun sounds endearing and sweet to me.”

“Lovely. With that matter solved, can I go back to sleep or are you going to continue torturing me?”

“I do not torture, and sadly I must have you leave for now. I can teleport you back to Velvet’s abode if you can tell me which street it’s on, however. I can’t promise to put you on her stoop, but I can get you close.”

“I can’t tell you the street, but I can tell you it’s a Brownstone on the east side of town near a bakery.”

“The bakery is the ‘Brownie Blitz Bakery’, yes?” Fucking alliteration.

“I believe so, yeah.”

I had been in the process of redressing and turned to face Celestia when she enveloped me in a lovely, squishy hug. I think she had planned to surprise me, but I couldn’t complain either way: Celestia is very good at hugs. After a quick kiss and a bittersweet goodbye, I was standing in front of another establishment with an alliterated name. Seriously, why does every shop in Equestria have an alliterated name? It makes no sense to me.

I entered Velvet’s flat to find that Lupa was knocked out on the couch. She blearily lifted her head to see who entered and once she saw it was me she laid back down to continues snoozing. I stopped by her to scratch behind her ears and give her a quick kiss on her brow before going upstairs to see Velvet. She wasn’t awake yet, so I went back downstairs and washed up, which meant I was officially out of clean clothes. I’m pretty sure I had a laundry room in my home in Ponyville, but I didn’t really give the house a good look while I was there so I’d find out later in the day.

If no one was up, I thought I’d be kind and make some breakfast only to find that Velvet was pretty much out of everything. I took it upon myself to get out and go grab her some groceries since I’m sure Lupa had eaten her stock through and through. I strolled out and about, stopping at the general store down the road a-ways to pick up some assorted spices and a few fresh goods. The mare at the counter was surprised to have a customer mere minutes after opening up shop, but I had chatted with her for a minutes, explaining that I had basically been up all night and wanted to do something nice for a special someone. She gave me a knowing look (and a discount) and I was on my way back to Velvet’s when I ran into someone I never expected to see in Canterlot.

“Oh Max! Darling! How have you been? I see you’re in far better shape than you were in when we last met, Canterlot has done you quite well!” Rarity gushed. I had to admit, she looked great in the white gown accented in blue-violet that she was wearing. Her hair was perfectly coiffed, as usual and her eye shadow brought out her eyes very well. She was striking in all the right ways, but her aristocratic accent killed the effect for me. It took much self control on my part to not sneer and her face and flip her off, but since she had been nothing but kind to me, I owed her the effort.

“Wotcher, Rarity, it’s good to see you. I’ve been well, seeing as how Celestia has been taking pretty good care of me.” I inwardly chuckled. “I’m all patched up now, and speaking of, I’m actually heading back to Ponyville sometime today, though I won’t be there for long. How have you been? What brings you to Canterlot?”

“You really should address the Princess by her title, Max! What if she heard you?”

“I call her Celestia to her face, love. Luna may not approve, but the woman herself has told me she doesn’t mind.” If only I knew if it was okay to tell her about my and Celestia’s current status. I had no clue if Twilight shared the information she gathered when she walked in on us, but I didn’t want to tell more than I needed to.

Rarity look scandalized. “But she’s a Princess! You shouldn’t forego social nuances just because you don’t like to respect authority!”

“You basically just ignored the part where I told you that she asked me to leave out the honorifics.”

“Nevertheless. She’s a mare worthy of your respect.”

“Let’s just forget I said anything and go back to ‘how are you’, and ‘what brings you to Canterlot'.”

She looked like she wanted to pursue the topic, but I gave her a look and she switched gears. “I have been well, I suppose. My business has grown a bit and I’m starting to get more business in Canterlot, hence my presence here.”

I looked around. “I don’t see many shops or houses around here. grabbing some food while you’re out and about?”

Rarity held up the bag of supplies she was carrying. “No, I’m actually heading to as clients house as we speak to make measurements for an order. Imagine my surprise to find you here!”

I hefted the bags of groceries I was carrying. “Yeah, I’m just grabbing some food for a nice lady that’s been having me over for a few days,. Just trying to say thanks for putting up with me and Lupa. I’m pretty sure Lupa ate everything in her house twice over, so I need to replenish her stocks before I leave.”

“I would compliment you on your nobility and sense of responsibility, but I’m sure your ego needs no further inflating.”

“That wouldn’t do much for my ego, love. If anything it would motivate me to do more noble and responsible things, but I guess I’ll just go back to my evil deeds and be happy with that” I faked a sigh.

“Oh hush, I know that you’re trying to reform, which you seem to be doing rather well with by the way. You shouldn’t joke about throwing away your progress!”

I rolled my eyes. “I joke about everything; nothing is sacred. As long as I know I’m doing good, that’s fine by me. I need no recognition, just self assurance.”

“There’s something to be said about confidence in a stallion. I personally find it to be an attractive feature, just not in you.”

“Ow, careful there Rares, you might hit me in the feelings if you keep going on like this.”

“I’m certain you could stand be knocked down a peg, it may do you some good, darling.” I should have flipped you off.

“Normally I would agree with you, but my soul was shattered a couple days ago and I’m still rebuilding.”

“Oh my! what happened?”

“A little heartbreaking, a little bit more of something that shouldn’t be spoken of in polite company that hurt me in ways you will hopefully never understand.”

“I’m so sorry bout your broken heart, but the latter part is what worries me, Max.”

“Don’t worry about it, I have counsel, should I ever need it. Celestia and Velvet Breeze have offered to lend an ear on multiple occasions. In fact, I’ve already borrowed Velvet’s shoulder.”

“Is this Velvet Breeze the pony you’re staying with? I would like to meet her sometime, especially if she consoled a friend in my absence!” That was an assumption, but I felt no need to correct her.

“She is. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind meeting you. I’ll probably be at her place all until one, when I leave for Ponyville. Which reminds me, I need to buy a train ticket.”

“That’s when I’ll be returning as well! We’ll have to sit together and catch up some more. As it is, I have to hurry, my appointment is in a few minutes. Where does this mare live?”

We were on the road so it wasn’t hard to just point down the street to her house. Rarity had passed it when we ran into each other. “It’s that one on the end. If you get there in time, I’m making breakfast in an hour or so.”

“I’ll be sure to hurry, then. Farewell, Max!”

“Bye Rarity, don’t poke anyone.”

“Hmph! I assure you I’m far too skilled for that”

“So you say. Later, Rares.”

We went our separate ways and I went back to Velvet’s flat. I spent some time petting Lupa as she snoozed before the sun actually rose enough to shed more than its early morning glow. It was high time to make breakfast, so I started sauteeing some vegetables for my omelettes and started doing that terrible thing I do. Thinking. I need to stop doing that, but in the meantime, I had my veggies finished and made a large omelette for Lupa who had joined me once she smelled the food. Velvet joined us soon enough and after a few minutes of idle chatter, I remembered to mention Rarity to her. She said it was fine that I invited her and that she wanted to meet some more of my friends later. I let her know that there were precious few I considered friends and Velvet let me know she was pretty much the same. We continued our idle chatter until we heard a knock at the door, signaling Rarity’s arrival. Velvet and I met her at the door and I swear her jaw would have dropped if she had less control.

“Hello, My name is Rarity, Max's friend. It’s a pleasure to meet you!” Rarity beamed. She extended a hand.

Velvet shook her hand. “Velvet Breeze, the pleasure's all mine. Please, come in and join us for breakfast.”

Rarity walked in and Velvet’s smile melted the moment she knew Rarity wasn’t looking. She gave me a glare that promised words later and I took her arm for a moment, giving her a befuddled look.

“What’s wrong, love?” I whispered.

“You’ve brought some stunner in here and expect me to think she’s just a ‘friend’?” She whispered in turn.

“I would tell you if she wasn’t, I just know her from Ponyville. She’s no threat to you or Celestia; I’ve already got two beautiful mares to give me all the affection I need. That and she’s a little on the vain side for my tastes.”

Velvet seemed to ease up after than and we ceased our little aside. Rarity had been looking at us with a perplexed expression, so I waved her worries and lied a little. I told her that we hadn’t been talking about her and she bought it hook, line, and sinker, so I made breakfast with no further fuss. Rarity and Velvet traded some small talk. Both of them asking the other how they met me, how life as a guard was and how stressful it was working as a seamstress for Canterlot ponies. I finished the omelettes I had cooking and prepared some stovetop toast to go with it, and even though it was a little simple for Rarity’s tastes, I believe she was being honest when she said they were good. We finished breakfast and continued with the small talk until noon or so. I already had all my crap packed, so there was nothing else to gather and Rarity had only brought one bag with her since she had only planned to stay in Canterlot until noon. When it was time to go, I gave Velvet a kiss and a hug, along with a promise to return soon. Rarity, Lupa and I were walking towards the train station when I asked why she had that peculiar smile on her face.

“Oh nothing, darling. It’s just nice to see you with a mare is all. I know you had that little snafu with Twilight after your party, but I never thought anything would really come of it. Maybe you’re more of a gentlecolt than I thought. “

“I’m quite the gentleman when I have reason to be,” Lupa snorted at that, “I just rarely feel a reason is good enough. For a mare like Velvet, most of the time is a good time to be nice, though I do a fair bit of teasing when other people aren’t around.”

“I’m sure she prefers it when you have company around then, but from the way you two were acting, I couldn’t tell that you were an item! You really should be more affectionate to your fillyfriend, Max.”

“We’re not exactly teenagers, Rares. We’re adults who like our space. We don’t have to be hanging on each other to enjoy the others company.”

“And yet you never so much as touched her! I could tell something was bothering her, and I don’t believe I’d be mistaken to say that it was your lack of attention.”

“I think it was more her thinking you were competition I didn’t tell her about. I told her she had nothing to worry about.”

“I would like to think not! We’ve barely spoken, I know so little about you, not to mention the sheer amount of vulgarity that leaves your mouth! If only you had a mare such as myself to turn you into a proper gentlecolt rather than the fair weather fiend you are now.”

“We’re not close enough for you to insult me, love. Keep talking and I’ll have you trying to slit your wrists with a stick of butter.”

Rarity stared at me agape. “I cannot believe you’ve just said such a horrendous thing, Max! How- how crude!“

“I’ll warn you now before you keep it up; I have less patience than I did when you met me. I don’t like being insulted, Rarity, and I doubt many people do. Keep that in mind the next time you try to tell me what you think I need.”

“...I will. I do apologize for hurting your feelings, darling, I tend to go overboard. I couldn’t tell you how many times my mouth has gotten me into trouble."

It wouldn’t surprise me if it got her out of just as much trouble. “Apology accepted, forgiveness given.” I paused to think trying to change the topic. “Why do you think you would be a good mare for me? As far as I know, we’re near polar opposites”

“Well, you could do with somepony to help you be… more polite. Your language is awfully coarse and your posture: all that slouching must be terrible for you back!”

I scanned the surrounding area and figured that we had another fifteen or so more minutes before we got to the train station.

“I’ll try to cull the cursing while I’m around you, then.” I stood up straighter and relaxed my shoulders. “Wouldn’t hurt to try and look presentable for Velvet when I return, I suppose.”

“Fantastic! We’ll have you looking the part in no time, though your marvelous accent already gives you an edge over the stallions around Ponyville, and some mares would even say it beats the Canterlot cadence by a mile.” She fluttered her eyelashes at me and I raised an eyebrow.

“Sounds like someone’s implying things. I accept that the accent is a chick magnet, but I’ll not actively use it to pull women; it’s not my style.”

“Oh but it is apart of it my dear stallion, and your charm could do so much for you! I promise you that I didn’t get to where I am today through hard work alone; it was through charm and ingenuity in addition to effort and style that saw me through.”

I already knew I was going to regret it, but it would at least give her something to talk about for a while.

“Why don’t you teach me how to use my charm more effectively, then? It wouldn’t hurt to be able to talk my way out of more things.”

“Ah, the idea sounds wonderful to me,” Rarity enthused, “if you’re willing to let me turn you into the proper gentlecolt I know you can be-”

“No no no, you’ve got me all wrong, Rares: I want to weaponize charm” I grinned evilly. Charisma could carry one far, and using it to my advantage would help round out my min/maxed thief build thing I had going on. I had spent far too much time playing RPG’s in secondary school.

“I highly doubt that you can weaponize it, but at the very least you could be presentable in polite company.” Rarity scoffed at my idea, but I knew I could find a use for it.

We continued our idle chatter and I tried to keep the flirting down to a minimum, but it was somewhat of a disposition of mine to default to either flirting or teasing when it came to attractive women. I had to remind myself of what it was that Rarity wanted out of her valuable time, and usually found myself disappointed in the shallow goals of reaching the pinnacle of such a vapid, vain glorious group of hoity toity pricks. Rarity herself was rather bearable once you tuned out just about every other word, however, I still found myself rolling my eyes at a few of her suggestions during our long train ride. She wanted to completely change my wardrobe to suit that of the Canterlot elite, while I was happy to just have modernized a little. I found no faults in my plain black V-neck tee and dark denim jeans combo, but Rarity has dead set on making me one of her kinds of people. The more I thought about being transformed into what I despised more than just about anything , the more I thought about whether or not Rarity would be worth the effort of getting to know better and I came to the conclusion that she would be far better as a friend than a lover. Sure, she was supposedly famous around Ponyville for being a generous lady, but the little voice in my head told me she would be the highest maintenance woman I would ever invite into my life. At least Celestia was independent, even if we had to spend our time together around a schedule, and the same was true for Velvet. In fact, I had lucked out with my last few days in Canterlot as it was the weekend and she had time off. Tomorrow she would have to work all night and I would have had no one to bother all day.

I kept up the chat with Rarity while half of my mind well in the clouds, so of course I missed the announcement that we had stopped at Ponyville. Rarity actually had to garner my attention to get me out of the carriage, and with a few quick goodbyes and a set time for our first appointment before she caught me for one last word.

“You know Max, you really must speak to Applejack while you’re in town, she really needs it.”

“I’ll see her when I see her.” I stated evenly.

“I would press the issue but I don’t think it would do anything other than upset you. Still, I would consider it a personal favor if you did stop by.”

“I’ll keep it in mind. Goodbye Rarity.”

“Goodbye Max.” Her previous chipper demeanor changed to a glum one. I figured it was more for my lack of interest in talking to Applejack rather than the fact that we were parting ways.

In no time at all we were back home with a bag full of dirty laundry and little else. It was then that I leaned down to sniff Lupa only to find that she actually smelled fine. I had expected her to smell like, well, a dog, but she had a somewhat smoky aroma to her that I attributed to Velvet’s fireplace and no other odor to speak of. Lupa had given me a look with her head cocked to the side when I sniffed her, but I just patted her back and walked around the house until I found my laundry room. Sadly, I lacked soap for both myself and my clothes, so it was time to head back into town.

I was browsing various body washes when I literally bumped into Fluttershy.

“Oh! I’m so sorry I wasn’t-” She stopped when she realized it was me. I waved at her while she gaped.

“You’re fine, Flutters, I probably should have paid more attention. What soap do I use for a wolf? I don’t think Lupa needs conditioner, but it couldn’t hurt I guess.”

“You’re back!” She shouted. Well, as close as Fluttershy could get to shouting.

“I am. What brings you to the men’s section of the soap aisle?”

“You’re back! Max, you have to talk to Applejack, she-”

“Rather deserves whatever misery she’s in. I’ll talk to her in my own time.” I went back to checking out different soaps. There was a sandalwood variant that I was enjoying. I held it out to Fluttershy for her to try. “What do you think?”

“Max, you don’t understand!”

“I’m listening.” I put it back and grabbed another that looked interesting.

“She’s been a wreck since she’s hurt you! Please Max, just go talk to her.”

“If you insist.” I sighed and set it down. Far too peppery.

She was silent. Lupa yawned.

“Is there something I can help you with, Flutters? Also, seriously, why are you in the men’s section?”

“...You’re not going to talk to Applejack, are you?”

“I said I would, so I will. I’ll do it when I feel like it, and not a moment sooner.” The soap I had now had the most intriguing icy freshness. It couldn’t beat the teakwood based soap that Velvet’s brother had left at her place, so I went looking for it.

I had just picked it up when Fluttershy slapped it out of my hand. She was glaring at me with the beginnings of tears in her eyes that spoke volumes of her vexation. “I hate seeing my friend like that, and you should too! I know Twilight told you that Applejack never meant to go so far, that she felt absolutely terrible about what she’d done. I don’t expect you to forgive her, just talk to her! Please!”

“That’s not the best idea. I stayed in Canterlot so long because Celestia wasn’t sure what I’d do if I came across Applejack, I’m still debating on whether or not I’ll stick a couple knives in her knees and leave them there, Flutters, and I know that’s not the way I really want to handle the situation. And seeing as how you’re the fucking cunt who betrayed my privacy and told a secret that I had made it quite clear that I didn’t want to get out, I really don’t see how you have any right to tell me what to do, or rudely slap things out of my hands.” I picked up the soap, and laid it back where it previously occupied. I didn’t like it that much. “The only reason I haven’t cursed you to hell and back is because you gave me Lupa, and that really is the only saving grace I can think of for you, so unless you want to help me pick out a new signature scent that’s both recognizable and classy while still remaining subtle, I suggest you find another aisle to be mad in. I’m rather sure I was here first.”

Tears streaked down Fluttershy’s face as she stormed off, and I felt like less of a human for it. I had very callously laid out the facts as I knew them for her, and thought little of it. Did she deserve my harsh words? Yes, but I knew she was only acting out of concern for Applejack, but I was never going to forget the pain she caused me. I took a deep breath, picked the sandalwood soap and found a cologne that matched it pretty well. At least I had gotten something good done so far.

I walked back to my house with my bag of detergents and smelly goodness when I realized I had no food in my house. I just sighed and headed over to the market proper where I could find more groceries, but at least I knew now what I would need after shopping for Velvet earlier. An hour later, I was carrying a lot of heavy crap and was ready to put them down. Halfway to my home, Rainbow Dash swooped down out of the sky and landed next to me.

“Hey dude, you’re looking better.” She greeted brightly.

“Celestia’s healing magic is pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. Listen, Rainbow, about that incident with Applejack-”

“I really wish you knew how bad she’s hurting right now, bud. I know you’re not gonna be happy with her, but-”

“It would mean a lot to you slash her if I would go talk to her. Not necessarily forgive just talk. Yeah, I’ve heard it all day Rainbow. I’ll talk to her when I talk to her, I just wanted to thank you for saving my life.”

“No problem, but if I had any say in what’cha do, I’d suggest you go talk to AJ. You can thank me later, dude, she’s the one who needs to hear from you.”

“Just what’s so bad about being down in the dumps a few day's? I swear, a little guilt would do you ponies some good seeing as you never get punished for anything.” I scoffed. I was already annoyed from my earlier encounter with Fluttershy and was in no mood to be badgered about doing something I was already planning to do later.

“You don’t get just how bad it is, Max. She’s been skipping meals and work, just barely gets out of bed. Nopony’s seen her in a few days and she won’t even talk to Big Macintosh or Apple Bloom! Seriously, if you really want to thank me, go talk to her.” Rainbow crossed her arms, her concern tempered by her steely resolve.

“Fine. I’ll talk to her after I get my stuff back home. Just stop bugging me about it!”

“Dude, I’ve only been talking to you for like, two minutes!”

“And you’re the third pony from ‘our friends' to tell me to stop by and say something to the damned woman! At this point, I might cuss her out before I can say anything else.” I grumbled. Rainbow gave me a hard look and shook her head.

“That’s because we’re worried about her, Max. When she hurt you, she hurt herself too, and she hasn’t been the same since; the guilt is eating away at her and I’m one hundred percent sure that you’re the only one that’s going to be able to reach her.”

“If that’s the way you feel, then you should consider helping me carry these groceries so I get home faster. That way, my long awaited visit happens even sooner than I’d like” Rainbow rolled her eyes and we continued towards my flat, Rainbow opting to hover low to the ground rather than deigning to walk like the rest of us plebeians.

I got everything squared away under Rainbow’s impatient eye, getting my groceries put up and my laundry started. Rainbow joined Lupa and I on our walk across town, and we caught up on the few, pointlessly boring events that had happened while I was away. Her protoge, Scootaloo, had starred in some play at school and had apparently done well according to Rainbow’s reaction. I called her out on her mushy, oh-so sweet pride in her surrogate little sister, and she gave me a bruise for it. I chuckled the pain away as we sallied forth. We turned up at Sweet Apple Acres soon enough, and luckily I had cooled off from my earlier state so I was feeling confident in my ability to handle Applejack. We knocked on the door of the well worn farmhouse when Big Macintosh, the big red bastard himself, answered the door. Rainbow began explaining our presence, but our gracious host only had eyes for me. I met his gaze readily, my hand resting lightly on the Warbling Blade as I prepared for him to make a move. I think he would have gone for it had Lupa not given the most bone chilling growl I had ever heard from her. Both mine and Big Mac’s eyes flickered to the snarling mass that was my guardian.

“I don’t know why you brought that… Thing, here Rainbow. He ain’t welcome on my property and he never will be.” His hands clenched.

“Max is here to talk to AJ, nothing else. Just let us in dude, I swear I won’t let him do anything other than talk."

“Get. Off. My. Land.” He threatened.

“Fucking make me, mate.” I challenged

“Max! You’re not here to pick a fight, man!”

Macintosh and I continued glaring at each other and Lupa growl rose in volume.

“Lupa, heel.” She stopped her growling, but her massive teeth were still bared and ready.

It was a standoff: neither of us was going to move and I was sure that Macintosh was going to try and finish what his sister had started. I held my position and shifted my balance, feeling the familiar rush of adrenaline course through my veins.

Big Macintosh spoke to Rainbow. “You’re gonna want to get out of here. Things are about to get messy”

Rainbow looked worried, stuck between the two of us. The only one here she could handle was me, but even she couldn’t do much against Big Macintosh but run. I, on the other hand, was ready to draw blood. I don’t like being threatened, and I’m just as fond of being told to fuck off when I was trying to do something nice.

“The only mess getting made here is you, Red. I suggest you step aside and let us do what we came here for.”

“Not happenin’. If you were a real stallion, you wouldn’t hide behind your dog.”

I drew steel, the seals of the Princesses flashing in the bright daylight. Let's see if this works.

“If you insist on interfering with royal affairs, then it’s well within my right as an agent of Princess Luna to remove you.”

Big Macintosh’s eyes widened slightly at the seal I bore. “That ain’t real.”

“I assure you it is. Step. Aside. Unless you want to face the wrath of the Princess of the night.”

“I’ll take on anythin’ to protect my sister.” Well there goes handling this peacefully.

“Then we do this the hard way.” I sheathed my knife. “Lupa.”

She lowered her center of gravity.

“Max?” Rainbow asked timidly.

Big Mac drew back. “Hold him down, if he tries to hurt you, rip his throat out.”

Lupa lunged and Big Mac fell under her weight, off balanced and floundering. He raised a fist to knock her off of him, but Lupa’s teeth already surrounded his throat. He stilled his hand and I walked over his prone body.

“So where’s Applejack’s room?” I asked Rainbow Dash casually.

“Dude, call her off!”

“I came here to talk to Applejack, not get bullied by some cock huffing hick. Lupa won’t kill him if he plays nice, so are you coming or not?”

Rainbow looked extremely conflicted: stay and help Big Macintosh, but risk getting him killed, or follow me and get this over with as fast as possible. She chose the latter option and quickly lead the way to our destination while Big Macintosh threw every curse in the Equestrian book at me. Rainbow knocked on a door and called out to the mare we were there to see, but got no response so I tried.

“Applejack! It’s Max! I want to talk to you” I shouted through the door.

I waited for a minute before the door finally creaked open revealing a pair of faded green eyes.

“I know ya don’t really wanna talk.”

“If I didn’t want to talk, I wouldn’t be holding your brother hostage via dire wolf right now.”

The green eyes behind the door grew large before the door flew open. Applejack came rushing out and stopped in front of the rather terrifying scene we had left in the doorway. She looked back at me and I snapped my fingers, signalling Lupa to back off. She did so slowly with a watchful eye on the big red stallion who rose just as slowly, trying to put distance between them, but when Lupa began to crouch again, he stopped moving.

“Wh-why did you have Lupa on my brother!?”

“I told him I just wanted to talk to you and he barred my path. I showed him the seals of the Princesses and stated that I was on a royal errand, and he persisted, so I had Lupa detain him for a moment so we could speak.”

“Ya could’ve just knocked on my window!”

“Nopony’s been able to talk to you for days, AJ! I thought that if came in through the front and said we were here for peace that we’d get a chance to see you.” Rainbow explained.

“I suppose you’re right on that.” Applejack conceded. She turned to me. “You got me out here. I doubt that you’re here to tell me you forgive me.”

“You’re right, I’m not. You damn near killed me and left me in pain I’ve never felt, never imagined for weeks. I don’t want to forgive you, nor do I plan to anytime soon.”

Rainbow gaped and Applejack’s shoulders sagged at my words.

“Look, we weren’t really friends, so it’s not like you fucked up a friendship, and I’m, by my own admittance, a liar and a thief. There was never going to be much between you and I, so let’s just face the facts; the sooner you get over it, the sooner you can stop worrying your friends to death over your state. Have you even been eating? Because you honestly look like Hell warmed over. Trust me when I say that my opinion of you should be worth less than the dirt on your boots.”

Applejack’s empty eyes bored into me, her body language unreadable.

“You’re sayin’ there’s nothin’ I can do for you to forgive me?”

“I’m saying that if you want it right now, it’s not probably going to happen. You have to understand that I wanted nothing more than to come back to Ponyville and hurt you like you did me for a time, and that it’s a miracle that I’m here right now and you’re not bleeding. I’ve learned since then that it’s just not worth it. In time, I may forgive you, but it’s just not in my heart to do so.”

“I can feel that you’re bein’ honest, and I appreciate that Max. I just wanted you to know… I’m so sorry, I lost my temper and I nearly killed ya because of it. I never should have gotten that upset. I should’ve seen things from your side, but I can’t take none of it back now. On that, you’re right: I do need to move on and just accept it, but I never meant to hurt you like that Max. I came at you angry and I’m sorry I just…” Applejack began to cry, sputtering through her tears apology after apology.

I knew that the right thing to do was to forgive her, but also felt that evil spot of spite rise up within me, begging me to tear her down further, but I couldn’t, not after she had offered such genuine regret and remorse. I was caught between my stubborn hatred and my sense of goodness, and the humanity I was so desperately hanging onto won out. I hugged Applejack and held her close.

“I accept your apology, Applejack. Dear God does it hurt, but I do.”

We stood while Applejack was slowly dehydrating herself. I let her wear herself out on my shoulder before she pulled away and looked at me, her eyes regaining some of their color.

“Ya don’t know how much it means to me, Max.”

I took a deep breath. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’ve just met. Name’s Max. I’m a former thief who’s trying to redeem himself, and I’m trying to change my old ways. It’s nice to meet you miss..?”

“...Applejack, Co-owner of Sweet Apple Acres, hard workin’ mare. It’s nice to meet you too Max.”

Rainbow looked on in confusion. “What?” She turned to Big Macintosh. “Do you know what’s going on?”

“I think they just wiped the slate clean.”

“Oh. That’s pretty cool.”
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Rainbow stayed behind at Sweet Apple Acres while Lupa and I went home. My heart felt lighter than it had since before I left for Gryphonia, but I was still conflicted about giving Applejack a fresh start after all the suffering she put me through. My good and evil sides were battling it out, and the evil side was making my heart ache while my good side was rationalizing away my doubts. I couldn’t help but feel cheated out of proper revenge, but I would have to take my own advice and move on sometime, and the sooner I did the better off I would be. The moments that my good side was winning told me that I probably shouldn’t have threatened to kill Big Macintosh, but he was being a right twat so I felt justified in a sense; he had come to no real harm so I didn’t dwell on it. Lupa hugged my side the entire way there, which I took as her way of saying that she would support me whenever I was being my own worst enemy. I appreciated the hell out of it and showed it by cooking her a nice dinner of baked fish with some bread and the vegetarian gravy Velvet showed me how to make, though I really needed to find a way to show her how much she meant to me. Lupa had been by my side nearly every moment since I’d gotten her and that sort of loyalty deserved reward. I mean, of course there was the time that she sold me out to Celestia, but I was willing to waive that.

We settled into a nice evening with a lovely sunset when I hear a gentle rapping, a persistent tapping, upon my chamber door. Lupa was out cold and had barely twitched when whoever was knocking went for a second round. I put the book I had been reading aside, one of a few I picked up during my grocery shopping, and answered my caller. Fluttershy stood in front of me in a cream colored knit sweater and a skirt that went to mid thigh. Needless to say, she was quite cute in her outfit, but I remembered our interaction from earlier and it soured the effect.

“Wotcher, Fluttershy.”

“H-hi, Max.” She murmured.

I stood and looked at her for a few seconds, and she began to squirm under my gaze. When she looked away and started stroking her mane, I leaned in closer until I was nearly touching her. When she turned back towards me, her nose bumped into mine and I booped it. She made the most adorable ‘eeep!” and I couldn’t help but chuckle. Damn my weakness for shy women.

“Are you going to come in or just stand on my stoop for a few more minutes? It is a rather nice stoop, after all, and having you on it only makes it better.” I hoped that a compliment would help her ease up a bit. I was wrong.

“I-I-I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for the way I acted earlier.”

“Thanks, apology accepted. Well, for that at least.”

“...I don’t want to apologize for telling your secret.”

“Then don’t. Not like I’m going to force one out of you, It’d defeat the point.”

“Please understand that I just didn’t want to lie to our friends! I just-”

“Put my business out there after you heard me beg and barter for Pinkie and Applejack to keep it hush hush? Yeah, you sure did do that.”

Fluttershy was quiet for a minute. I rolled my eyes and went back inside to get a cuppa and have a seat, but I had left the door open as an obvious invitation. Minutes passed as I was sitting in my living room, sipping my tea with a cup cooling on a coffee table in front of me before Fluttershy wandered in. I waved her over and gestured to the cup.

“Have a seat, Fluttershy. I figured you would’ve gotten the hint earlier.”

“I thought you were going to come back…”

“I invited you in. I blame you for that one, poppet.”

“I guess that’s fair.”

“Look, I don’t care if you just say you’re sorry for snitching me out: you’re pretty obviously not too repentant for it. Just don’t expect me to trust you worth a damn.”

“But trust is what friendships are built on, Max! We can’t be friends if you never trust me!”

“Do I have a reason to trust you? Because honestly, the only reason I’m talking to you is because of her.” I pointed at Lupa’s formerly snoozing for. She had woken up once Fluttershy sat down and laid her head on the mare’s lap. “I’ve already said as much earlier.”

“You can trust me, I just-”

“Can’t keep a secret. So if I ever have something on my mind I don’t want someone else to know, I can never go to you. It wasn’t just physically damage I received Fluttershy, and frankly I’m tired of you ponies throwing what little good will I give out back in my face.”

“...You’re not a pony. You’re not a pony at all.”

“I know. I’m a human, and we tend not to forgive so easily, especially when someone who’s wronged us refuses to admit it.”

“I stand by what I said, Max. You shouldn’t have tried to lie to us. We would’ve understood!”

“You should have understood that I wanted somethings to remain private! It wasn’t your place!”

“Well you should have trusted us not to judge you for your past!” Fluttershy stood and Lupa’s whine went ignored

I followed suit as Fluttershy and I were now standing nose to nose. “How the Hell do you expect me to trust people I don’t even know!? I just wanted a second chance! To have a life that I could be more than some sticky fingered loser everyone looked down on and you tried to take that from me!”

“Your life is what you make of it you, you, idiot! If you’re honest with ponies, they’re honest with you! I was trying to help you in the long run, but all you want to see is something to be mad at!”

“That’s because you betrayed trust I hadn’t even given you! How could you possibly think that I would be grateful that you deliberately went against my wishes!?”

“So you’re not even going to comment on your lack of honesty? I may have gone against your wishes, but it you have to admit that lying to ponies to make them think that you’re anything other than who you are is never going to do anything for you!”

“Then it’s a lesson I needed to learn on my own! You need to learn that you can’t interfere with someone’s life and expect them to be happy about it, even if you’re trying to help!” I bumped her shoulder as I walked past accidentally and Fluttershy caught my arm, spinning me around.

“Just what the hell-” My words were interrupted by the onset of Fluttershy’s lips against mine, her hands taking fistfuls of my hair. Her sizable chest met my considerably flatter one and the morphemes that once swam in my head found themselves on a dry river bed, all fluids rapidly flowing elsewhere. My mind was going completely blank from the sudden about face and the only thought that could rise from the barren field was that Fluttershy’s lips were very soft. I could almost feel Velvet smacking the shit out of me, and that was when my hands rose automatically to Fluttershy’s shoulders and pushed her away, simultaneously high fiving and slapping myself.

“What the fuck was that?”

Fluttershy blushed. “M-most p-ponies refuse to argue with m-me when I’m right.”

“If you were right, that would make more sense.” I now recognized what seemed to be lust in her eyes when I had disagreed with her. It really didn’t make much sense to me, unless…

“Fluttershy, are you in estrus right now?”

She made the adorable 'eep' sound again. “That’s not a question you should ask a mare, Max!”

“It’s a question I’m asking a mare that I went from arguing to kissing in all of five seconds. It’s really not fair by the way, I was perfectly happy arguing and then you go and spring that on me!”

“It’s quite fair; if you didn’t want to be kissed you shouldn’t have stood so close.” Fluttershy huffed, turning her nose up.

“That’s what you do when arguing! You get up in the other party’s face and have a shouting match! That’s arguing one-oh-one! Man, how the hell am I going to tell my girlfriends I kissed another mare?” I rubbed my face, and then it came to me! “I don’t! I tell them the truth. Your honesty spiel is actually right sometimes!”

“It’s not some spiel, it’s the truth! If you don’t overcome your dishonest tendencies, you’ll never be happy!”

“I can be perfectly happy with my dishonesty in most cases; it tends to keep me out of trouble. It’s just in this one case that honesty happens to be the best policy.”

“Oh, you’re so frustrating! It’s like you just want to disagree for the sake of it!”

“I’m disagreeing because I’m right! You think you’re right, which is wrong by the way, and that’s why we’re arguing! Again!” Thinking back on this as I’m jotting it down, I realize how needlessly obtuse I was being. I think I may have been trying to get another kiss.

Fluttershy’s face was flushed and I was still trying to think of horribly depressing thoughts to calm my second head down, which I was failing at miserably.

“I can’t believe you! You’re just a hateful, contrarian, pig headed liar that refuses to admit it when he’s wrong!” She poked my sternum with each adjective. Bitch, don't get your shit slapped.

“If I was wrong I would admit it, but I’m not so I won’t! You’re every bit as stubborn as I am, you self righteous, over bearing, better-than-thou, twat!”

“I don’t think I’m better than you and I am not self righteous! I want to help you learn so you don’t have to run into the troubles I have! Is trying to look out for a friend really so bad?” Not going to deny the over bearing part? Smart move.

“It is when that friend wants to handle their own business in their own way! That’s a lesson you could stand to learn: meddling is still meddling even if you’re trying to do some good!”

“I’m just trying to look out for you! Can’t you see that?” Fluttershy fumed. We were nose to nose again, and neither of us were going to give ground.

“I swear, I will be very upset with you if you kiss me again.”

“That’s the only reason I would.” Fluttershy’s face reddened further.

We stood, glaring at each other with less than an inch between us when I heard another knock at my door. Neither of us budged until the third try, and even then I walked backwards to open the door. I made the ‘I’m watching you gesture’ and turned to see just who was interrupting me during my argue time to find that it was Celestia herself. She beamed at me until she felt the mood of the room and saw Lupa in a corner looking confused and scared.

“Max, what’s going on?”

“I was having a nice session of quarreling with Fluttershy when my own personal Sun came knocking. What can I do for you, hun?”

Fluttershy harrumphed, whether at my flirting or my description, I don’t know. Celestia appeared rather worried and I could see her switch from lover mode to mediator mode.

“I’m sure we could talk this out, what’s wrong?”

“Fluttershy stands by her point, saying that her telling my secret was to help me. I say it was a gross invasion of my privacy. Neither of us are backing down. That and she kissed me in the middle of it, so I’m confused about what’s really going on.”

“Hey!” Fluttershy cried softly.

Celestia looked even less pleased. “She kissed you, or you kissed her?” Fluttershy shrank against a wall. I was tempted to do the same, seeing as how Celly’s scorn was something I’d been warned against by Luna during dinner conversation some time ago.

“Uh, she kissed me?” Celestia’s gaze shifted to Fluttershy.

“Is this true?”

“I-I uh, um. W-well,” Fluttershy sputtered, confused as to why it even mattered, “Yes?”

“...I see.”

“So, how ‘bout that moderating you were going to do?” I asked.

Celestia glowered at Fluttershy a moment longer and turned to me.

“You’re an infuriating stallion, you know that, right?”

“I do. I still say it’s apart of my charm.”

“I beg to differ. Somepony please explain to me in depth what’s going on.”

Fluttershy and I both explained our sides of the story without interjecting, like proper adults, but that didn’t stop me from making faces at her when Celestia wasn’t looking. It was more for my own amusement (and to see her reactions) than ill will, but Fluttershy gave as good as she got until Celestia caught us. The disapproving, exasperated shake of her head we received was enough to get Fluttershy to stop, but not me.

“Fluttershy, I see your point, but you did invade Max’s privacy and completely disregard his wishes. Regardless of your good will, you’re still in the wrong here. And Max?”

“Yes hun?”

“I suggest you stop enraging mares. Stallions too, if Rainbow’s report of the happenings at Sweet Apple Acres is anything to go by.”

“Wait, you already went to Applejack’s?” Fluttershy asked

“Yeah, I did. I told you I was going to but someone doesn’t know how to trust people.”

“I know how to trust ponies! You just seemed so reluctant to go…”

I scoffed. “Well I wasn’t going to go then and there just because you asked, no, told me to. I said I was planning on seeing her when I felt like it, but Rainbow cashed in a favor so I was obligated to go sooner than planned. I pay my debts, one way or the other.”

“You should show more of that same nobility more often. That is apart of your charm, Max.”

“The Princess is right.”

“Both of you shut up,” Fluttershy gasped, “Flutters, we can continue another day. I’m sure Celestia and I have some business to attend to.

“Max! You can’t talk to the Princess Celestia like that!”

“What’s with mares telling me what I can and can’t do? Not exactly a child here.”

“Sometimes I doubt that.” Celestia smirked at me.

“If I’m a child, that makes you a pedophile, hun.” Fluttershy gaped and looked between Celestia and I.

“That might explain a few things about your anatomy.”

“Low blow, Sunbutt. Last I checked, you weren’t complaining when I did that thing you like much.”

“W-w-w-what?” Fluttershy was blushing up a storm. She was hugging herself and had her legs firmly crossed, and I swear there was a strange smell in the air.

Celestia herself blushed when she realized Fluttershy was still there. “I… Pretend you never heard any of that and I’ll consider it favor.”

“D-don’t worry P-princess, you’re a mare with needs too, after all.” Fluttershy’s eyes were anywhere except Celestia and I at any given moment. I raised my eyebrows at Celestia to signal that I wanted to mess with her a bit, but she took it the wrong way.

“Max, while I think it would be fun, I don’t think that would be a good idea,” Celestia whispered in my ear with magic. I gave her a befuddled look.

‘What do you mean?’ I mouthed back.

‘I can’t go around sleeping with my subjects!’ They both stared at me when I burst out laughing.

“I wasn’t talking about that.”

Fluttershy gave me an odd look. “...Are you okay, Max?”

“I’m sure he’s fine.” Celestia replied for me, understanding dawning on her face. She shifted in her seat, giving me a thumbs up.

“I’ll be even better once Fluttershy leaves so we can handle our,” I paused and looked at Celestia with half lidded eyes, “business.”

Fluttershy’s cheeks colored and Celestia giggled. “Now, Max, you shouldn’t lead a mare on unless you plan to follow through.”

“I always follow through, especially when it comes to you, hun.” I winked at Celestia.

Celestia cast a quick glance at Fluttershy and caught my eye. She raised her eyebrows twice and I couldn’t figure out what exactly that meant, so I improvised.

“You know, Celestia, two’s company, but three’s a party.”

“I concur, Max, but where would we find a third pony? One who wouldn’t mind having some fun with royalty and an odd creature not from this world?”

“Where indeed. I imagine a 'pony' like that would be have to be a wise, adventurous, and they’d probably be good with animals” Fluttershy’s head jolted up to stare at me, which I ignored for the sake of our little prank.

“Yes, yes I believe you’re right. It would be a plus if they were yellow; I do adore the color yellow.”

“I think wings are a must, I might I have a fetish for them.”

Celestia looked behind her to see her own and they quivered. “You may not have known, but a Pegasus’ wings are actually very sensitive. Come here for a moment, dear.”

I walked behind Celestia and placed my hands on the largest joints of her wings. They were more fuzzy than feathery and quite pleasant to the touch. I stroked and played with them for a while, enjoying myself. I assumed my fondling had gone too far once Celestia covered my hand with her own.

“Sorry, I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to touch wings before. They’re very soft.”

“Thank you. I must say, for somepony who hasn’t touched wings before you’re rather skilled.”

“Lock picker’s hands, hun. Well tamed and quite deft at whatever work you give to them.”

“With all your bragging, I do believe a massage is in order, but I would feel just terrible if I was the only one receiving. Fluttershy, what say you and I have our resident human work some tension out for us? I’m telling you, his hands are quite capable.”

“I-I-I don’t know, P-Princess… I should be getting home” Fluttershy stammered.

“Oh don’t be coy, dear, we both know Max would say something if he had a problem with it. I’m sure your animals can fend for themselves for a while” I thought we were just going to fake Fluttershy out, but I didn’t mind giving a massage or two. I had a little experience in being a masseuse from a girlfriend I’d had when I just turned eighteen, but that had been two years ago and I hadn’t done it since. I hoped I remembered how to do it well enough to not balls it up completely.

“I’m game, though we’ll have to use my bed. Don’t think I’ve got any sort of massage table around here.”

“Actually, you do. Have you even seen your shed?” Celestia corrected

“I have not, but it worries me that you know what I have better than I do.”

“I picked everything out for you, remember? I made sure you had one just in case I came over.”

She teleported it in and I shrugged and set it up. It wasn’t terribly difficult. Once I had the vinyl and memory foam table set up, I noticed the smell in the air had gotten a touch stronger, though I still wasn’t sure where it was coming from. I paid it no mind as Lupa circled the table, standing on it with two legs. She deemed it safe for use (I think) and Celestia stepped out to what I had deemed my guest room.

I felt like making some small talk. “Do you actually want a massage, Fluttershy? I’m giving Celestia one regardless, but I don’t want you to feel obliged.” I

“Well, it does sound nice… I usually go to the spa with Rarity, but she’s been too busy to take time off lately.” Fluttershy said anxiously.

“I can’t promise you the full treatment, but I’m sure I won’t leave you with any more knots than you may already have.” I chuckled.

“...Don’t you feel a bit odd giving a mare you were just arguing with a massage?”

“Yeah, but I’m going to call this a proverbial olive branch. An apology for being so dickish earlier.”

“That’s what I like to hear, Max!” Celestia beamed at me in a plush white robe and four white towels I’d been previously unaware of. Seriously, I was going to have to check this damn house out more thoroughly when I got the chance.

“Save it for Twilight, Sunbutt. Unlike her, I already know the ‘magic of friendship’.”

Fluttershy and Celestia scoffed. “If that were true, you wouldn’t spend so much time arguing.”

“Blah blah blah, do you want a massage or not?” Celestia rolled her eyes and sat on the table.

She let her robe fall and I caught an eyeful of her capacious mammaries for the first time in decent lighting. She blew a kiss at me and laid stomach down, her breasts squishing delectably against the vinyl covering of the table. I noticed that she was still wearing lacy white panties that I enjoyed very much, and that those panties had a bit of a damp spot on them when she spread her legs a bit. She looked back at me and smiled.

“Like what you see?”

“It would be hard not to. Before we get started, aren’t we supposed to have some kind of oil or something?” I asked.

Celestia stretched out a hand palm up and magicked a bottle of some expensive looking stuff into it. I took it from her and laid the towels over her, covering the more interesting parts of her anatomy before I oiled up my hands and squirted a bit onto her back. She shivered from the feeling of the cold oil and waved a hand in the air, teleporting a record player onto my coffee table. While I enjoyed the convenience of magic, I despised it for it’s sheer laziness. That and it made anyone who used it rather overpowered, in my opinion I cast my thoughts aside and focused on the lovely mare in front of me. I began working the oil through her fur and felt a knot immediately in her muscle. I increased the pressure and moiled away at it, feeling it ease up after a few minutes before I moved onward in long, even strokes. I felt something touch my lower head and I jolted suddenly, pulling back from Celestia.

“What’s wrong, Max?” She asked with a seductive smile.

“Nothing, hun. Thought I saw another horn on your head for a moment.”

I spread more oil on Celestia's shoulders and began working at the numerous knots that lie beneath the surface. I swear, the woman had more knots than a tree, and they had obviously been there quite a while. She molested me the entire time, eliciting a reaction that I carefully hid from Fluttershy. I had been using the heels of my hands to tend to her back, but with her wings in the way, I had to switch to my thumbs, which as, any one who has given a massage knows, is a quick way to end up with sore thumbs if you’re not used to the task. In fact, even if you are used to it, using one’s thumbs for a prolonged period while exerting pressure still causes pain, but I was determined to finish what I’d started.

Celestia let out contented sighs as I toiled away at the coils in her shoulders, and each of those sighs made me a little happier. I was doing rather well by my standards and she hadn’t given me much in the way of direction, so I continued, slowly gaining confidence in my performance as I worked out knot after knot. I had them done in about ten minutes and moved onto her arms, surprised by their tone and sculpting. I hadn’t taken Celestia as a physically strong mare, but what I felt told no lie; she could probably knock a fool out. Her arms took much less time than her back and shoulders, so I was able to advance to her hands in no time at all. I found her hands to be absolutely rigid and she wasn’t even contracting in the slightest! Mountains of paperwork had turned her slender fingers into pieces of wrought iron that took me seven minutes apiece to fully relax.

With Celestia’s torso completely covered in oil, I took a quick break, making sure I didn’t face Fluttershy as I headed to the restroom. My hands were beginning to ache a little, so I took my time and after I had adjusted myself so my arousal wouldn’t be quite so obvious, I walked back into the living room where I noticed that the odd smell had grown even stronger. Lupa had left some time ago to rest in my room, otherwise I would’ve asked her to locate it for me, but the sweet, heavy smell vaguely reminded me of something that I couldn’t put a finger on.

“Does anyone else smell that?”

“Smell what?” Both mares answered in unison. Fluttershy sat stiffly with her hands tucked in between her thighs and Celestia gave me a little smile and a wink. I was feeling pretty dumb at the moment, since the smell had been acting as an incense that was clouding my thoughts, I could still think straight, but it took more effort than I was willing to put forth at the moment, so I shrugged and went back to the task at hand.

Thankfully, I was now at the fun part where I would be able to tease and toy with Celestia as I pleased. I had read online and figured out through experimentation the right places and the right amount of pressure to use to properly arouse a woman without touching her privates. I grinned to myself and prepared her legs with long rows of the vanilla scented oil and started with the space above her hooves, wondering if I could even tickle her.

“So what did you two lovely ladies talk about while I was gone?”

“Nothing terribly important. Just some of the pros and cons of ‘camping’.” Celestia giggled

That one was fairly obvious, so I snorted and ran my nails up her hoof, which elicited a spasm and laughter from the white mare for some reason. She looked back and glared at me as I chuckled. Fluttershy hid a smile behind her hand and kept the other tucked away for reasons I was unsure of. I had noticed that she hadn’t moved her hands since she sat down, but thought nothing of it.

“If you do that again I’m going to kick you.” Celestia warned. Of course I did it immediately, and nearly got hoofed in the chest for my impudence.

“So what did you come up with? The pros and cons of camping, that is.”

“Well, we found that we’re both quite fond, really. It’s an attractive prospect.” Fluttershy’s face flushed and she looked at the floor, peeking at me from behind her hair after a trice. I raised an eyebrow in turn and started working my way up Celestia’s well-muscled legs.

I put plenty of effort into her calves as I went. Her sighs came faster the further I went until I reached her thighs. There were no knots there, but I was going to enjoy myself on way or another. I positioned myself behind her and stroked the length of her legs lightly before I added more force. The oil had made her short fur slick, so my hands slid easily along her thighs. I squeezed them and repeated the process a few times, her sighs changing to moans whenever I reached her thighs. With a bright smile, I took to her side and began working each toned thigh with a firm gentleness that I had had enough time to get back into the groove to by now. I edged closer and closer to her inner thigh and steadily caressed the soft flesh there. I could feel the heat from her vulva a few times when I slid further than I anticipated, but those times were well rewarded as Celestia struggled to keep her voice down. She tortured me in turn with her evil hair, wrapping it around my member as she tried to tug it upward, making it more visible. I suspected that she had quite the exhibitionist streak in her, because after ten wonderful minutes of my full attention, she didn’t bother. After her loudest moan yet, I stopped and grabbed the oil with a hand towel and lathered my hands; it was time for her wings.

“Please tell me you’re not stopping there.” Celestia groaned.

“As soon as you tell me where to do, I’ll start on your wings.” Celestia perked up and Fluttershy ‘eeped’.

“Focus on the joints, they’re the only parts that get much use.”

“Thanks, hun.” I started working on the outermost joint and less than a minute later, Celestia gave me a long low moan and twitched on the table. I wondered if I had made her climax as I moved to her other wing and did the same. It took too long to do each individually, so instead of doing one at a time, I took her middle joints and applied a little pressure, garnering another low moan for my efforts. I cast a glance over to Fluttershy who had one hand on her chest, breathing heavily as she watched me work. If Celestia was an exhibitionist, then Flutters was a voyeur.

After spending a few more minutes on her middle joints, I was finally done with Celestia’s massage. From the noticeably limp state of her, I knew she was going to be a few minutes, so I excused myself once more.

“How was it?” I heard Fluttershy ask.

“You’ll know soon enough." Celestia murmured in turn. I found it odd that they had practically spoken at the same volume, that volume being Fluttershy’s usual whisper, but I had heard them easily enough.

As I washed my hands under warm water to stave off the ache that had been building once more, I pondered the situation. I had (probably) just made Celestia orgasm, and now I was going to give innocent little Fluttershy the same treatment. I wasn’t too sure how I felt about that due to my cloudy mind, but I said I would do it. If she still wanted a massage, she was an adult who knew what she was getting into. I splashed some water on my face to clear the fuzz, but whatever that smell was, it had been impairing my judgement for some time and a little water wasn’t going to do much for it. I stopped by the laundry to pick up a towel and grabbed some soap from the kitchen to clean off the massage table. Fluttershy had most likely gone into my guest room to get changed while Celestia was melting in the recliner I never used.

“You’re not bad at massages, Max. We might have to make this a regular thing.” Celestia slurred.

“I wouldn’t mind, it’s relaxing for me too in a sense, and I like the challenge of getting you off without touching anything too private. Speaking of, are you okay with this?” I asked as I was wiping down the table.

“I spoke with Fluttershy. I don’t mind since I know about it, but I would probably tell Velvet once you return to Canterlot. I know I can’t always be there to satisfy your desires as a stallion, so if you choose to do so with Fluttershy while you’re here, I won’t blame you. Just let me know before you do so I can see if I have time to join in on the fun.”

“So you’re proposing a more open relationship? I can’t say I’m shocked with how easily you accepted Velvet, but doesn’t it bother you in the slightest?”

Celestia looked at me through a half closed eye. “I’ve been alive for thousands of years, Max. The only thing I want is for you to be happy while we’re together because I know I won’t have you for long.” She closed her eye and I felt my heart break for the poor mare.

“I never even thought about your side of things. I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience something that terrible, Celestia.”

“It’s just what happens when you’re practically immortal. I accepted it long ago, and if you truly do want to be with me, you’re going to have to come to terms with it as well. Though I will say this; you’ve already made me a happy mare, dear, and I wouldn’t trade the time we’ve spent together for much. Your view of the world and your personality are things I’ve never experienced from a being as surprisingly respectable as yourself. Usually when I meet somepony who trusts nopony and hates with their whole heart like you do, they’re trying to kill me. That’s why I was so cruel with my words the night you went to Gryphonia. I thought you were jumping at the chance to kill something, and despite my better judgement, I was scared that loving you would end with nothing but pain. Luna and I talked about you for a long time that night, and you know what we came up with?”

“I won’t until you tell me.” I was hanging on her every word, Celestia had as much of my attention as I could give her.

Celestia chuckled. “We agreed that, at your core, you are more scared than spiteful. You have been through enough to make you world weary at such a young age, and that’s why you seemed so needlessly harsh. You strike before you can be stricken and that’s how you protect yourself. When we sat down and thought about it, we realized just how amazing it is that you’re a stallion who wants to change and is actually taking steps to do so for the most part, though you could work on your interpersonal skills a bit more.”

“It’ll come in time, hun.” I leaned down to kiss her. “Some things just take time as I’m sure you’re aware of. I hope that I can be a man worthy of your love before my time is up, as evil as you can be sometimes.”

“Hey! I’m not evil!”

“I’ve been called evil for screwing with people, and you’re a helluva lot better at it than I am when you get into it. If I’m evil, then so are you.”

It was then that Fluttershy made her presence known by knocking on a wall. I whipped my head around and blushed, I’m not the most macho fellow, but some moments I would prefer to stay between myself and my lover.

“...How much of that did you hear?”

“...After Celestia said you struck out at ponies because you didn’t want to get hurt.”

“So the most embarrassing part. Tell you what; keep that one to yourself and I’ll forgot about our little incident.”

“Awww, you’re so cute.” Celestia teased,.“Are you worried about your fragile masculinity being prodded?” I rolled my eyes and grabbed one of the joints in her wing, squeezing down hard.

“Hey! Stop it~” Celestia moaned.

“Huh. I thought that would hurt.” I let go.

“It does a little, but not enough to make me ask you to stop.”

Fluttershy covered her face with the sleeves of a cream colored robe, which I assumed was one of mine.

“No need to be shy, Flutters. I’ve got the table clean and ready for you.”

She cautiously approached the table like it was going to bite her before she started to disrobe. She cast a furtive glance my way and I averted my eyes to Celestia who then tilted her head towards Fluttershy. I turned back and caught a pleasant peek at her breasts. They weren’t as large as Celestia’s but they were still quite ample, and her nipples were like two little cherries on top. I dragged my eyes away from the wonderful sight that be boobs to find that Fluttershy was giving me a sly little smile. I noticed that she puffed her chest out a bit while I was looking at her face and my gaze returned to her chest. I replied with a dirty grin and my trouble from earlier had returned with a vengeance, helped along by Celestia’s undistracted ministrations. I had gone soft in the restroom, thus shifting my member. Now I was casting a shadow unabashedly, considering that I didn’t have to hide it for any sense of modesty I’d had before I knew Fluttershy wanted a piece of me.

“Like what you see?” Fluttershy parroted.

“It would be hard not to. I’ve got to say, I never took you for the bold type, Fluttershy.”

“When you’re endowed like I am, you’re not afraid to show it off.” She bragged.

“When you’re endowed like you, it’s more difficult to hide it.” I looked down and inwardly grinned at my lifelong friend. I don’t really want to write down descriptions of my cock on paper because it feels weird, so I’ll just say he gets the job done with room to spare.

Fluttershy lay prone on the table and I grabbed the oil once more, this time working from her arms and shoulders downward instead of starting with her lower back like I did Celestia. I stood in front of her, my aching rod mere centimeters away from her face as I spread the oil on my hands and her shoulders, gently pushing down.

“You can be a bit firmer, I won’t break.”

“Can do.”

I pressed down a bit harder and began again, this time eliciting a sigh from Fluttershy as I worked her upper back. She was lacking the knots that Celestia had had, and was softer and squishier in general, lacking much in the way mentionable muscle. When I got to her deltoids and infraspinatus, however, I noticed more knots than I had thought possible in a mare her size. I attributed them to the constant and demanding task that was caring for a wide variety of animals and spent minutes on each of them, making sure I could feel nothing but putty before I moved on. I felt both Fluttershy and Celestia touch my shaft as I moved to her side and bit my lip, wondering if there was going to be a light at the end of this tunnel.

I tried a few more knots in Fluttershy’s lower back and made great progress, easing up the coiled masses that were her muscles as she played with the pull tab on my zipper, teasing me a bit more. I was plotting plans for revenge at that point, on both her and Celestia for their frustrating toying and when Fluttershy straight up grabbed my member, I moved the towel I had placed on her posterior and grabbed a handful of her soft, pliant ass. She gasped and Celestia leaned forward, looking excited as I squeezed. I saw that her Cutie Mark was a trio of butterflies and found it to be quite appropriate for her general character, stroke today’s happenings. I also noticed that she was wearing pink silk panties that covered most her bottom, which explained the difference in texture.

“You can play with that when we’re done, I’m trying to focus here, poppet. You too, Sunbutt.”

“Me? I’m all the way over here, Max. What could I possibly be doing?”

“Magic.”

I placed the towel back into it's original position, but Fluttershy whisked it away, leaving her behind uncovered.

“If you’re just going to grab it, there’s no point in having the towel, is there?” She inquired seductively.

“Fair enough. You do have a nice arse, Fluttershy.”

Celestia rolled her eyes and shifted in her seat as Fluttershy giggled. I had finished with her lower back and was about to move to her legs when I had an idea. I glanced over at Celestia and caught her eye, tilting my head down towards Fluttershy. She pretended to think for a moment and gave me a thumbs up. She then pulled the lever on the recliner and opened her robe, exposing her massive mammaries once more. Celestia made sure she had my attention as she removed her last article of clothing and began to stroke her sodden lips in a circular motion.

“What’s wrong Max? I know you like it, but you don’t have to stare.” Fluttershy turned to look at me, utterly oblivious to what Celestia was doing.

“Just thinking, poppet. How full body do you want your massage?”

“...How do you get more than full?”

“Take these off,” I tugged at her panties, “and I’ll show you”

Fluttershy took them off quickly, eager to get the ‘complete experience’ and the odd smell that had filled the room hit me full force; she had been the source all along! I knew then that it was her arousal I was smelling, if the soaked knickers she had discarded were any hint to go by. Celestia had gotten a much better view than I had and dipped a finger into her honeypot, moaning as she did so. I was tempted to get a taste of Fluttershy then and there, but my will power held out. I spread a good dollop of oil onto each plush cheek and began to ‘massage’ her bottom with enthusiasm. I moved to stand behind her and spread each cheek, firmly grabbing them before I started working my way down her legs. I added a bit more oil and mimicked the long, firm strokes I had used on Celestia, except this time, my hands went to Fluttershy’s rear instead of stopping short. After a few minutes of that, I had worked Fluttershy’s legs completely and moved back to her inner thigh, feeling the difference in fluids as I did. I was careful to brush her dripping sex with every stroke; not enough to get her anywhere near a climax, but enough to let her feel my pain.

Fluttershy was moaning quietly in minutes, though in her case she may as hell have been screaming at the top of her lungs. I let my hand slip and it landed between her lips, my index finger enveloped by her soft folds. I lightly played with the outer edges of her lips before I took my hands away all together, lathering my hands up once more before moving on to her wings.

“Why’d you have to stop there?” She murmured.

“Because we’re about to get to the fun part. Spread em.” She began to move her legs.

“Your wings, poppet. We’ll get to that later.” Fluttershy left her legs where they were and let her wings sag. They had been standing straight up, though I don’t know why. After a minute or so, Fluttershy managed to get her wings down and I began on the joints located near her shoulder blades. Celestia hadn’t felt much from it, so I guessed correctly that it was a good place to start. She pouted when I started there, but still surrendered to my will. Her sighs were lighter than they had been before, however, when I started on the middle joint of her left wing, the other shot up, whapping me good, causing me to grip her wing to avoid falling back. Fluttershy cried out and shuddered, her wings flailing about as she spasmed on the table. I let go once I had regained my balance and saw that she was most definitely a squirter. Once she had calmed down the the point she was only twitching every now and again, I squatted down in front of her.

“You okay there, poppet?”

Fluttershy muttered something unintelligible and I decided that it was time for a break. I lightly spanked her ass as I passed it by and she just moaned. Celestia was panting heavily and had been licking her fingers clean as I approached her.

“That may have been an accident, but it sure was a spectacle.” Celestia grinned dirtily at me.

“Sorry, not listening. I want you now, Celestia. It’s been three hours of torture and I am so ready.”

She just continued smiling and beckoned me over. I had been stripping as I spoke and my attire now matched Celestia’s. Somehow I had picked her up from her position on the recliner despite the fact I could never have done so easily under normal circumstances, but with the aroma of Fluttershy’s estrus incensing my lust, I had gained strength I never knew I had. Celestia was surprised as well, though she seemed to be enjoying herself nonetheless. My destination was was my bed and I nearly ran there. I had forgotten that Lupa was taking refuge from our lewd acts in my room, and she wasted no time skedaddling somewhere else once I entered with Celestia. I stood still for a moment and tried to register whatever had just happened, but I could barely think due to the intense strain I was feeling in my lower body and shrugged it off, finishing my journey as quickly as possible. I set Celestia down as gently as I could manage at the time, but I had basically ended up dropping her. She appeared to not care as I crawled between her legs and wasted no time positioning myself against her sodden sex. In one smooth motion, I entered her and felt nothing but bliss. I had finally begun the process of getting the release I waited all too long for, and I was going to fucking love every minute of it.

Celestia was already prepared in the best of ways, so there was no need for me to be gentle. In fact, I set a quick pace and she egged me on, begging me to give it to her harder, to speed up further. I was so happy to oblige. I could barely feel my member as I pistoned into her, the pleasure I was feeling resonating through my whole body, which I was rather pleased with. I imagine women felt much the same and I simply couldn’t get enough as I thrust into the beautiful white mare. Celestia moaned and stammered my name, breathless as I relentlessly pounded her. I had no warning when her first orgasm came besides the vague sensation of her fingertips on my back. I snapped out of my reverie for a moment and slowed down as she writhed. Waiting til her orgasm subsided, I steadied my breathing and cupped her face with my hand.

Celestia was panting heavily. “Little...Rough...There”

“I-I’m sorry, don’t know what came over me.” I was confused and my head was still foggy, but the feeling on my back had brought me to lucidity.

“I wasn’t...Complaining. Are you okay? Why’d you stop?”

“I don’t really know.” I kissed Celestia gently, feeling the familiar sensation of electricity tingling throughout my limbs that brought me all the way back to reality. With the fog gone, I felt like I was seeing Celestia for the first time again.

“Max…?”

“Do you mind if I turn the light on?”

I heard the switch flip and Fluttershy was standing in the doorway with a seductive look.

“Light’s on, let’s party!”

I looked back to Celestia and she was giving me a worried smile; I felt strange, like something wasn’t quite right here. I knew I wanted to lay Fluttershy, and that I was having fun with Celestia, but it was… Off.

“Hey, how much does estrus impair a mare’s judgement?”

Celestia tilted her head. I mean, it was a pretty odd question considering I was hilt deep in her and had shown no signs of subsiding. I turned to look at Fluttershy as she sashayed over to my bed and laid beside Celestia.

“Don’t worry, I wanted to try you before today.” Fluttershy assured me. Something still wasn’t quite right, but if she was happy with it, so was I.

I began again, pulling all the way out of Celestia before I dipped my tip into her, hilting her quickly, causing her to arch her back and moan. Her finger clawed at my back once again (though she didn't have nails) and I realized that she was still sensitive, so I decided to have some fun with her. I gave Celestia long slow strokes, actually searching for her G-spot now and ground against it with the length of my shaft. Celestia crooned as I pulled and gasped as I pushed, giving me the odd sensation of playing a pony shaped violin with my dick. It took much self control to not break out laughing at my comparison, but it was all that was on my mind as I continued ‘playing’ Celestia. My efforts were rewarded when she had another, smaller orgasm that squeezed me in many lovely ways. With my rationality regained, I was able to feel my manhood again, though it was still slightly numb. I gave it to Celestia nice and easy through her orgasm and was delighted when Fluttershy began playing with her breasts, and was even more so when she clambered on top and flicked Celestia’s clitoris with her tongue, swirling it around in little circles.

Once I pulled out to give Fluttershy what I had promised earlier, she promptly engulfed my tip, licking and sucking Celestia’s juices from I as the white mare meekly lifted her head to Fluttershy’s dripping sex. It was quite the sight to behold. Fluttershy lacked any real kind of skill, but the way she used her tongue like she was licking a lolly was pleasant in it's own way, especially since she was treating my helmet with extra care. However, I had never been more grateful for the ponies herbivorous nature when I felt her teeth slide along my shaft. I winced and bore it, hoping that perhaps she was just rusty. I was wrong; Fluttershy was applying skills she had heard of, but never actually used if her performance was anything to go by. After a few more minutes of fear incarnate, I withdrew, a strand of either precum or saliva connecting my helmet to her lips. I gave Fluttershy a reassuring smile since she had seemed worried about her performance. Celestia tapped her thigh twice and Fluttershy knelt beside her, but when Celestia sat up, she pushed the yellow mare flat on her back, straddling her. I was entreated to the sight of two rather wet, very attractive prospects just waiting for my attention. Remembering the taste of Celestia, I gave her a long slow lick and savored the sweet vanilla flavor that came along with it before I looked down further and tried Fluttershy. I was surprised to find that she didn’t taste like lemon squares as I had anticipated, but instead reminded me of a mild Bundt cake.

I had never been with Fluttershy before so I took it slow, placing my tip against her entrance and swirling it around, spreading her soft lips as I did. I tried to go it a little deeper, but I found that Fluttershy was incredibly tight. An odd thought about marrying flavours crossed my mind, so I eased my way into Celestia first, coating my member completely with her juices before I triedFfluttershy again and found that it was now much easier to fit my tip in. I was a few centimeters in when I felt an obstruction in my path, which could mean one of two things: Fluttershy was tighter than I had originally assessed, or she was a virgin. I guess I know what was off from before.

“Flutters?” I asked, leaning around Celestia to look at Fluttershy.

Her face grew rosier as she met my eye and she promptly looked away. Celestia looked between us, bewildered.

“What’s wrong, dear?”

“I might be tripping, but I think I’m brushing against something.”

“My guess would be fur, love” Celestia quipped sarcastically.

“T-That’s n-n-not what he’s talking about.” Fluttershy murmured, not looking at either of us.

Celestia removed herself and looked at where Fluttershy and I were joined, her eyes widening.

“Is that true Fluttershy?”

“W-Well…”

“Are you sure you want-”

“Yes!” Fluttershy blurted, looking me in the eye for the first time.

“Why me? I’m sure there’s better men that I you could give your first time to.”

“You ask t-too many questions.”

Celestia and I traded looks and I set my hand on Fluttershy’s muns, tenderly rubbing her clit. If I was going to take my first cherry, I was going to make the process as unsucky as possible. If Fluttershy trusted me enough with her first time, I was going to do my best to make sure it was a good one. I eased the first centimeters of my member back and forth, careful not to poke her hymen until I was ready to pierce it. I gently thrusted into her tight entrance and began using my tried and tested methods on her clit. During the throes of the orgasm she achieved a few minutes later, I thrusted sharply and broke through in one clean motion. She gasped suddenly and looked down, a little confused once she stilled.

“...Is that it?”

Celestia and I traded a look again.

“What do you mean? Of course there’s more to sex than one thrust.” I answered

“I thought it was supposed to hurt more.”

I began slowly thrusting into her, enjoying how her slick walls clung to every inch of my member.

“It would if you hadn’t just gotten hours of foreplay and a massage.” Celestia prevented any more talking by kissing Fluttershy, squeezing and toying with her expansive breasts as her own hung and swayed. It was rather enticing.

I knew I wasn’t going to last much longer with Fluttershy being so damned tight, but I held out for another few minutes until Fluttershy was on the precipice of another orgasm before I ejaculated deep inside her. As I was mid way through my climax, Fluttershy reached her own with a vengeance, flailing wildly as she had her first true orgasm. I softened slowly as I pulled out and Celestia hungrily cleaned up after our mess, not letting a drop of my cum go to waste. I was suddenly more tired than I had ever been in my life, and it was a struggle to stay upright.

I twisted and fell off to Fluttershy’s left and laid there awhile, trying to catch my breath, my vision rapidly darkening and lightening. It was an odd effect that I noticed less as my body began to ache and protest against the smallest movement. I took a few moments to breath and relax as the visual effect subsided and the ache grew dimmer. I had pushed myself most of the night and I was now feeling the effects, though my lower area felt amazing after finally finding release. Fluttershy had cuddled up next to me. On my right and Celestia on my left. I embraced the moment and finally relaxed, wondering what the bloody hell had just happened.

We laid there for hours, but Celestia had to go back to the castle eventually. After kissing me goodbye, she left and I was alone with Fluttershy. I had enjoyed the night with her, as weird as it was considering we had been arguing for a good bit. However, the fact the she still trusted me with her first time and that it had been relatively painless made me proud. I was planning on asking her why she had given her cherry to me of all people, and if she would keep it hush hush for a while until I could get a letter to Celestia asking if we were ever going to go public. My thoughts flickered back and forth between making my relationship with Celestia public knowledge and what this night had meant for Fluttershy and I. We could continue the relationship and see where that goes, but I would have to ask Velvet what her opinion was, and just because Celestia was fine with it didn’t mean Velvet would be. The thought worried me so much that I had to get a message to her, even though my clock told me it was four in the morning.

Celestia had given us each two bottles of dragon fire to send messages: a blue one that only worked if you put two missives in it and a red one for individual messages. The red one worked by whispering the name of the pony you wanted to message into it with a clear picture of their image in your mind, though they couldn’t send a message back unless they had a similar apparatus. I quickly jotted down a letter describing the night’s events and asked her opinion on them. I say quickly, but it was still two pages worth of dialogue to go through, and by the end of it, I was sure that any normal human woman would slap the ever loving shit out of me. I sighed and sent it off, returning to bed shortly after. Fluttershy hadn’t moved much, so I was able to return to my original position without much fuss, though she did latch on to me once she felt my presence again.

I got no sleep whatsoever that night, my mind doing flips and keeping me awake. I was thinking about getting the Warbling Blade’s sheath decorated when I felt Fluttershy stir around five or so. She took a moment to get her bearings having woken up in an unfamiliar place when she realized she was holding onto me.

“Morning, poppet.”

Fluttershy sighed with content and nuzzled my chest. “Good morning.”

We laid there for a few more minutes before Fluttershy sat up and stretched.

“Do you mind if I borrow your shower, Max?”

“Not at all. I don’t know if I have any feminine sundries in there, but if I do you’re welcome to them. If anything, that sandalwood soap I got is somewhat unisex.”

“Princess Celestia said she had some things in the guest room.”

“Somehow that doesn’t surprise me. You’re welcome to whatever you need, I’m going to make breakfast. Do you have any preferences?” I asked for politeness sake, not that I particularly minded. I just wasn’t sure if she’d want it.

“...I like pancakes.”

“Can do, though you’ll have to forgive me if they’re not the best. It’s been a while since I’ve made them.”

Fluttershy mumbled something.

“Say again?”

“...I… W-well, you c-could join me in the shower, i-if you want.” She hid behind her hair and looked away from me.

I cupped her face in my hand and gave her a gentle kiss. “I’ll be there shortly, let me pick something out for the day.”

It was a nice shower. Mine was a fair bit larger than Velvet’s so we didn’t have to get too close. We didn’t have to, but we did anyway. Fluttershy was back to her normal shy self, so I experimented a bit with her, seeing where she didn’t mind that I put my hands as I helped her wash and found that she was very receptive to her breasts and bottom, but less so to her midsection and her shoulder blades. That or she enjoyed it enough to shudder. Washing her wings was fun, but we allowed each other to wash our own privates, though Fluttershy was very interested in the wedding tackle that had taken her cherry. So much so, she was constantly touching it, even as I was washing her back, which only served to excite me. Once we were out of the shower, she jumped my bones in the bedroom and rode me until she came again, switching to missionary to let me finish. We needed another shower after that, so it was seven by the time I got started on breakfast.

Fluttershy left to go take care of her animals just before eight, so I had plenty of time to get started on my preparation for my journey into the Everfree. I took all of my knives and wore a black long sleeved shirt that I hoped would protect me from the worst of any stray branches. Lupa had been avoiding me all morning and but once I approached her, she warmed back up soon enough, though I think she was mad at me for being a bit of a slut. That thought niggled at me, no matter how much I tried to push it away, and when I asked her if that was what was bothering her, she just turned away and opened the door, trotting outside without a sound. Now I felt bad.

My satchel had two day's worth of provisions in it and a canteen I had picked up the day before was strapped around my shoulder. I was as ready as I was going to get. The Everfree was on the other side of town, so I would pass by Fluttershy’s on the way in. The walk itself was uneventful, though the fact that my pet thought I was some kind of whore still bothered me; whatever happened to unconditional love and loyalty? I shook off the negativity I was feeling and focused on the fact that I had just gotten lucky via two magnificent women, both of whom were pleasant to be around most of the time. That had put a smile on my face and a bounce in my step, so reaching the Everfree took less time than I thought it would have.

Now, most of the ponies I had spoken to about the Everfree told me to do pretty much anything other than than enter it due to it's dangerous nature. Twilight had explained that there was a lot of dark magic that congregated there from kilometers around the area, so I was feeling quite a bit of trepidation about entering, but with the Kobold Compass giving me a general direction of where I was going and a normal compass and map to get me back, I swallowed my fear as I passed by Fluttershy’s home. There were plenty of animals around, but I didn’t see the mare herself, thus I passed without visiting and headed into the Hellhole that is the Everfree.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Everfree was dark and dank, the smell of rot and decay filled my nose and I felt certain sense of nostalgia. The Everfree had been the place where I’d originally come to Equestria, so it was odd coming back. Suddenly, I was worried about getting transported back to England the same way I was sent here. I still had no idea how I had gotten here, and the memories of what the Rat Bastard and the Chief had done to me nearly caused me to be sick. I had done a good job of repressing those thoughts until now, and I couldn’t help but worry more and more until I had to take shelter from myself in the roots of a gnarled Elder tree. I collected my thoughts and pushed my memories back as far as they would go. My foray had only taken me a few hundred meters at this point and I was already freaking the fuck out and I hadn’t even seen the Kobold.

When I had gotten a handle on myself, I followed the compass further into the Everfree. I only had to stop once when I saw a massive creature with a lion’s body, bat like wings, and a tail like a snake. Not just like a snake, it was a bloody fucking snake! I hid behind a tree and watched. It was tearing apart what seemed to be a saber toothed cat of some sort, and the smell of blood permeated through the air, sharp and metallic. I skirted around, keeping my distance before it suddenly lifted it's head. Lupa lowered herself, hackles raised and I drew my longest blades. Lowering my stance to make sure I could move as I pleased, I was worried about the outcome of the fight that was seemingly about to befall us. My worries proved well warranted when the Manticore turned our way and charged, it's lunch completely forgotten. Lupa dashed towards it, using her agility to her advantage as she dodged around the monstrosity, making the Manticore stop in it's tracks to try and turn towards her. It was then that I saw my opportunity to strike: I leaped forward and sunk the Warbling Blade deep into it back until I felt It lodge between two of its vertebrae. From there, I stabbed and slashed as quickly as I could with as much force as I could muster. The Manticore’s blood flew from my brutal assault, and when Lupa began ripping and tearing at its throat, it bled all the more. Its back legs went limp after my strike with the Warbling blade and its front legs flailed about, jerking spasmodically before it began to still. By the end of the sordid affair, Lupa and I were covered in the blood of our felled foe and it lay still, breathing final breath. Lupa and I stood over the beast as we came out of our battle fury. She began trying to get bits of fur, gore, and blood out of mouth when I knelt down and helped her. It took some doing, but once she was mostly clear, we continued on our way.

I hadn’t been expecting to run into any creatures such as that, but now that I thought about it, I realized it was inevitable. Shit was going to get sideways while we were in this hell hole, so it was pertinent that we got out before either of us got hurt. We followed the Kobold Compass deeper and deeper until we finally found it on its own, fishing with a crude spear in a stream. It was the size of an eleven year old or so, and was covered in scales, reminding me of a lizardman from a few different games I had played. It was green and drab, wearing nothing save for a gourd that it drank from occasionally. We watched it for an hour, watching it fail time and time again until it speared a trout and ate it raw. After observing it for so long, I couldn’t help but feel the glimmer of intelligence it had from a distance. I knew that it wasn’t very smart, but I felt like it wasn’t my place to end the creature, that it was just minding own business. That is, until, I saw it walk off to the north. Lupa and I had followed it from afar, rounding a bush where we could hide and still see what was going on. It stood over the body of a female Pony with gouges and bites taken out of it all over it's body. It seemed like it had been dead for sometime, and I hadn’t heard of any recent kidnappings from Ponyville, so she may have been from Cloudsville since the Pony was a Pegasus I wondered why it was there and why the Kobold had even bothered fishing if it had a meal already until I saw something completely disgusting: It was raping the cadaver. I couldn’t believe my own eyes. This thing was going to die, and I was not going to let it be a quick journey to the end. I began to stand when I heard rustling come from further north and saw three more of it's kind join it. They squawked some sort of greeting and one of them took up a position at the mare’s mouth and inserted it's disgusting thing. The other two were evidently females, which I guessed after they each squatted over the mare’s hand and pressed them against their lower bodies.

I was nearly sick at the sight. It was at that moment that I became a flaming racist against Kobolds. I drew four of my throwing knives and put them back, instead favoring the Warbling blade and my fighting dirk. I was going to enjoy every second of dismembering these sick fucks, and I wanted to feel it up close and personal, despite the risks. I nodded to Lupa and we ran, crossing the distance between us and the four necrophiliacs at a breakneck pace. The first never saw it coming as I slammed the hilt of my dirk into the back of its head, knocking it out cold. The other three had jumped so hard they left the ground when Lupa ripped off one of the supposed female’s arms off. I threw my dirk and stuck the second male high in the thigh, bright red blood gushing from its wound and Lupa lunged upon the final one standing, crushing against the ground with her massive paw. It reached up to swipe at her and I stomped it's claw, feeling its bones shatter much like mine once had. I could muster no pity for these foul creatures. With the Warbling blade in hand, I disemboweled the kobold that Lupa had ‘disarmed’ so it would feel a little bit more pain before it died. The kobold I had stabbed in the leg was trying to limp away, losing a lod of greenish blood as it went. That one I jumped on, leaving it stomach first on the ground which gave me the access I needed to punish it accordingly. I slit its back twice and laid my knife carefully on the ground, and reached in. The Blood Eagle was made for despicable being like these. Two were left; the one with a broken wrist and the one I had knocked out. The one I had knocked out was the one I was saving the worst punishment for, and the one on the ground was going to get a fun treatment.

“Lupa,” She was still snarling at the terrified rapist, “crush it.”

I could hear its bones snap, crack, and pop as Lupa increased the pressure on it. The Kobold’s ribs broke and pierce through its scales as it wheezed and groaned. By the time Lupa had let off, it had been spewing blood from its mouth and torso, dying moments later. The other two kobolds had died quite painfully a few meters away, leaving only their sleeping companion. I pondered what I would do to this one when Lupa stalked over and bit one of its hands off. I collected my dirk and began sawing its feet off when it woke up screaming. It kicked and swung its ruined arms at me as I broke its tibia and cut the rest of the tendons in that leg. I could swear that it was crying when Lupa stepped on it, ceasing its movements. Instead of the laborious process that was breaking and cutting through its leg, Lupa saved me the trouble by ripping it off at the knee. The kobold fell silent, but was still breathing when we left. We had solved the problem we had come for, but I had new plans. After scooping out a decent sized grave for the poor mare, I checked the Kobold Compass and we followed it further in.

We came across a small encampment of the horrid creatures. I may have only come for one of them, but my newfound prejudice would not allow me to leave a single one of them alive. The sun was setting and the Kobolds were retreating into their primitive structures. We had come at just the right time. When night fell and the moon was high, we began our morbid task. I entered one of the huts and stabbed two Kobolds in their hearts, ending them without so much as a peep. As I left, I heard the rending of flesh of Lupa did her job, attracting the attention of as many of them as possible. I held my knives and rushed the three kobolds with spears, ending them in quick succession. The eight that were left were being torn apart by Lupa one by one in a bloody massacre, and I helped the process along, taking them down at my leisure as they were focused on the whirling dervish that was my partner. Their screams did nothing to slow us down. By the end of the night, we had hit two more camps and the Kobold Compass showed us no more of them, so we started back to Ponyville, covered in the dried blood of over a three dozen Kobolds.

It was an arduous walk through the Everfree, though we met no more threats on our way out. The terrain provided its own challenges as we travelled. Roots popped up where there had previously been none to see, low hanging branches snagged at my clothing and I as very grateful that I had decided to don a long sleeved shirt for the task. I was also glad it was black, because I was quite sure that I was dyed in greenish red from head to toe. Lupa’s fur was matted down in most places, so we detoured to a calm stream that I don’t believe held any super sized twink river serpents. After a quick bath in the cold, formerly clear water of the river, we were somewhat clean, but still reeked of their fetid blood. I felt no such thing as regret, just grim determination to kill as many of them as I could in the future. Lupa and I stalked out of the forest and my energy faded rapidly. I hadn’t slept in all too long, so I was going to get some good rest tonight, but we still had to get across Ponyville.

Judging by the shadows the moon cast, it was late as fuck. I could see the beginnings of the sun on the horizon, so we picked up our pace to avoid being seen in the wretched state that we were in. I didn’t want one of the towns ponies to come across me and fret over nothing but a few scratches and the odd cut or three. Home had never looked so good when we arrived. After I had given Lupa a proper bath and scrubbed away some extra blood that the river hadn’t managed to wash, I wrote a note to Luna stating that I had done the task and a little more than that. Only a few minutes passed before she straight up teleported into my living room where I had been about to nap on the couch.

“Oi! Don’t you know how to knock?”

“Your report was very vague, Maximus. What do you mean when you say that you’ve ‘done a bit extra’?”

“I mean I exterminated the Kobolds I could find.” I stood, went into my room, and came back out with her compass. “They were disgusting creatures, I couldn’t let them live.”

She took it from me and checked it. “I only asked you to slay the one that was troubling Sadelle.”

“I saw four of them rape the corpse of some poor woman. They ate a good bit of her, but saved enough for their sick deeds. Creatures like that don’t deserve to live, Luna.”

“They what.” It obviously wasn’t a question. Luna’s starry mane began to whip about wildly like cosmic flames. I held up and hand.

“There’s little point in getting mad now. I’ve killed all of them that were within about twenty or so kilometers.”

Luna didn’t calm down much. “To think that such filthy creatures were on our land!”

“Again, there’s little point in being upset about them now. Lupa and I have handled the ones we could find.”

“And I will handle the rest. You will be well rewarded for this, Maximus. Thank you for bringing this plague to my attention.”

“No problem. It was worth the time and effort. Very well worth it. Leave the compass with me and I’ll be sure to comb the Everfree for more of them when I have a chance.”

“It will not be necessary. I will send my Dogs of War through the forest to hunt them down.”

“Why didn’t you just do that in the first place?”

“We-er, I needed to assess your abilities, remember? I will personally review your work. Be awake when I return.”

“Luna, I’m running on fumes right now. I haven’t slept in three day's and it’s a miracle I’m awake right now.”

“Thirty minutes. I will return shortly.”

I sighed heavily and Lupa rested her head on my lap after hopping onto the couch. I petted her for a few minutes before I just fell asleep. I didn’t stay asleep very long, since Luna was back in fifteen minutes. She did not look happy.

“I saw many of the corpses you left behind. I would appoint you to Head Custodian if I the position still existed.”

“In fairness, the ones that were in pieces were Lupa for the most part.”

“And the one with its lungs on its back?”

“That was me, yes.”

“Brutal. Not terribly efficient, but it does send a message.”

“That’s the point. Can I sleep now?”

Luna rolled her eyes and teleported away, leaving me to rest. I laid down and the sweet bliss that is sleep took over.