Author's Notes:

Long ass chapter, and they seem to be getting longer. Lemme know what you think in the comments, tell me how I'm doing, all that jazz.

That said, this chapter wasn't as much of a bitch to write as some others. A thousand or so words an hour isn't a terrible pace if you ask me.

Stay Cool Kids

Velvet’s smile wavered as she gave me a confused look. It was then that she gave me a more complete once over and raised her eyebrows, whistling.

“Looks like you’ve been put through the ringer, guess it wasn’t that much of a snatch and dash, was it?” I could’ve sworn she didn’t have a southern accent when I left. Not that I minded. In fact, I thought it was a plus.

“Sadly. It wasn’t. Much as I’d love to stay and talk to you a while longer, I think I have about half an hour to find a bed.”

“What happens if you don’t?”

“I’d have to ask you toss me on Lupa. I’m pretty sure she could carry me wherever I need to go. How about it?” I stroked Lupa’s head, her tongue lolling about as she tried to play dumb.

“I don’t think she heard you.” Velvet giggled.

I mock sighed. “Such a shame, everything I say is so profound. Maybe I’m just tired. Could you get a message to Princess Luna for me, love?”

“Of course, write it down and I’ll send it to her right away, though I can’t guarantee when she’ll get it. The sun hasn’t even set yet, and it probably won’t for another hour or so.”

“Well damn, I didn’t think there was that much of a time difference between here and Farrier. I’d ask you to change that to Celestia, but I’m sure she’s still pissed at me. Know of any good inns around here?”

“I don’t know about many that would accept a fella like yourself,” She frowned, then snapped her fingers smiling once more, “but with the seal of a guard or one of the Princesses you could probably get a room at one of the guard barracks. There’s plenty of spare beds, though I can’t say they’re very comfy. And I don’t know if they’d let you keep your dog with you.”

I let the dog comment slide. “I’ll take what I can get at this point. Why wouldn’t some inns accept me?” I could almost feel my minuscule reserves of energy fading fast; I was getting awfully slow on the uptake.

“Well, around here if you don’t have money or aren’t one of the Princesses chosen few, you don’t get very far. That, and an awful lot of ponies around here are pretty discriminatory when it comes to extra-pony races. I’d say you’re probably in the worst town to be in with your situation right now.” She gave me a pitying look.

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. “Fuck ‘em. As long as there are still people like you around, I guess this upper class hell hole isn’t to bad. I thought ponies were supposed to be all peace and love anyways, but there are always exceptions, I guess.”

I hadn’t known Velvet too long, but she seemed like a friendly type to me. A little more than friendly if her proposition from our first meeting was anything to go on, but still a pleasant sort nonetheless. She also seemed like the smiley type; she was doing it again, and besides a few exceptions, it was pretty much her default expression.

“Well thank you, but most of the Night Guards are like me. We might look more intimidating than the Day Guards, but that just means we try harder to be friendlier. To a certain point, it kinda just sticks with you.”

“I’m glad for it. If you don’t mind, I’ve got to go find some place to crash before I pass out standing up.”

“Weeeeeell,” Velvet began.

“Yes?”

“You could always spend the night at my place. I get off when sun sets today, if you think you can wait that long.”

I may or may not have blushed a little. “Sounds like a fun time to me, though I can’t promise I’d be awake too long. It’s been a wild forty eight hours, and I really could use the sleep.”

She giggled. “I know, that sort of thing can wait, darlin’. I’m just saying my place is closer than any other prospect and there’s no paperwork to fill out.”

“Lovely. I’ll wait then. Is there a place I can get off of my feet?”

“Your what now?”

I pointed downwards. “Feet. Like hooves, but with little finger like appendages.”

“Oh, you mean like monkeys?”

“I guess you could call me a great ape, but I ain’t no monkey, love.”

“Are you sure? You kinda look like a shaved monkey to me.”

“All natural, believe me. No shaving necessary for the most part.”

“I’ll take your word for it. You can have a seat in the over there,” She pointed at an uncomfortable looking bench behind me, “while I burn an hour.”

“Doesn’t look like you have much to do right now. We can keep talking if you want.”

And so we did. The Teleportation Station in Canterlot seemed about as busy as the one in Farrier, which is to say, not busy at all. Velvet Breeze explained that it was because most ponies get sick after teleporting long distances, and that long-distance travel was the only reason to use them. As it was, ponies hated teleporting enough to pay unicorns to do it for them. Apparently runic teleportation and unicorn teleportation felt different, and few enough unicorns had the raw power or specialization to use the teleportation spell, so the ones that could use it were paid hefty fines for it. Around Canterlot, Twilight Sparkle was famous for her magical know-how and her willingness to use it. Unfortunately that ended with a pony or two stuck in a wall in her early years, which required Celestia or a team of powerful unicorns to pull them out. After that happened a few times, she stopped using the teleportation spell until she went to magic school and learned how to do it properly. I asked how Velvet knew all that and she said that Twilight was pretty well known since she was Celestia’s personal student. The stories of her successes and failures were pretty much common knowledge among the castle staff and guards.

The time passed quickly as we talked, and although I was still tired, I was feeling a little better when we left. Lupa had taken a quick nap and moved sluggishly before we finally landed at Velvet’s flat. It was a pleasant Brownstone. If I knew more about architecture, I’d go further into detail, but frankly I thought I was lucky to even recognize it for what it was. We entered and I learned that it was much bigger inside than it had seemed on the outside with plenty of space for Lupa to have a lie down. I, on the other hand, excused myself, went straight to Velvet's shower and started pulling out clothes that I would change into. With no soap or shampoo of my own, she graciously allowed me to use her brother’s that he’d left from the last time he’d visited. It smelled pretty good, like teakwood or something similar, and definitely masculine enough to not make me feel like a pretty princess. The hot shower did my aching muscles a world of good, and washing off the sweat, dirt and grime I had accumulated made me feel even better. It wasn’t until I found blood underneath my fingertips that I really thought about anything.

That meant my mind was plagued by the eyes of the men I had killed, the lives I had snuffed out without so much as a second thought. I didn’t feel guilty about it, but I felt guilty about not feeling guilty, if that makes any sense. It made me wonder what kind of monster I had become to kill so easily. I also pondered how I even got blood under my nails until I remembered the pony whose eye I had put out with a throwing knife. Retrieving that one had been grizzly business and I managed to get out of the shower over to the john before I threw up. I dried myself off and rinsed my mouth out before cleaning up the water I had spilled everywhere, doing everything I could to focus on the task at hand instead of my crimes. I failed miserably. I couldn’t avert my thoughts from the seven dead men and I scrubbed the floor furiously with a towel like I could wipe my sins away with manual labor. I don’t know how long I was sat there, stark naked wiping away at the floor, but I knew it was a while.

Velvet knocked on the door. “Hey Max, you okay in there, darlin’?”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine. Just got caught up looking at myself in the mirror.” I weakly jested. My voice had cracked and I felt something warm run down my cheek.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I’ll be out in a mo’.”

I wiped away the warm streak on my cheek and numbly realized I was crying. The incident in Gryphonia had taken a heavier toll on me than I had previously thought, which was good; meant I still had some humanity. I quickly got dressed and suppressed the feeling; stiff upper lip and all that. Once I was sure there would be no more stray tears, I opened the door and stepped out. Velvet was leaning on the left side of the door, chewing on her lip looking worried. I gave her the best smile I could conjure at the moment and she meekly returned it.

“Max.”

“Yes Velvet?”

“I could hear you, you know.”

“Sorry, was my showering singing that bad? I’ll try to keep it to a minimum.”

“I know we haven’t known each other long, but you can trust me, darlin’. You don’t have ta’ keep it all bottled up.”

I nearly lost it right there. Her sincerity touched me deeply, but I still held the little grin I had put on when I stepped out of the lavatory. Call me whatever you will, but I couldn’t bring myself to confess to her. I couldn’t trust someone with my darkness so soon after being betrayed, after being burned by someone so badly.

“I am trusting you, Velvet. Otherwise I wouldn’t be here.” I joked. It sounded a little off to me, but I was hoping she wouldn’t notice.

She didn’t have to. She reached over and wiped a stray tear off of my face that I had noticed. “I don’t know why stallions think they can’t share what’s on their minds. Keep it to yourself too long and it’ll eat you up. Won’t leave much of ya’ behind either.”

“I don’t want to trouble you with my problems, love. I’ll be over it soon enough, don’t you worry.”

She sighed and crossed her arms, giving me an apologetic look that confused the hell out of me.

“I can’t make you talk to me…” She paused.

“Nope.” I interjected, grinning a little wider like a smile could hold back what I was feeling.

“Killin’ ain’t easy, but it’s a necessary evil sometimes.”

I was blindsided. In hindsight, it must’ve been rather obvious, but I still wonder how she knew.

“I know that, love. It’s a lesson humans have been teaching and learning for generations.” I wiped away another stray tear.

“Your eyes are a lot more honest with your feelin’s than you are. It’s eatin’ you darlin’. I promise I won’t say a word to nopony, just talk to me. This ain’t somethin’ you should have to deal with alone.”

My voice shook slightly as I spoke. “Last time I trusted someone with my secrets, they threw ‘em in my face.”

“I can promise you that I won’t do that to you, Max.” Velvet took my hand. “And I can promise than nothin’ you say will ever leave this house if you don’t want it to.”

I looked down, not able to meet her eyes. “I’m dirty in ways that I can’t clean.” I tried to pull my hand away from her. She was stronger than me.

“I killed a pony, Max. It’s not somethin’ I’m proud of, but the only way I was able to look past it, to see myself again, was to talk to somepony. I know what it feels like.”

“Velvet…”

“Yes?”

“I know I did what I had to. I already talked to my partner on the job about it.”

“But?”

I took a deep breath and the tears fell freely now, completely betraying the wall of stoicism I had hastily constructed. My voice quaked with every syllable.

“I didn’t think twice. I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t feel bad about it for long. What kind of creature can even do that?”

“A pony with it’s back to the wall is dangerous. Its instincts come out in ways they never knew possible, and yeah, a lot of ponies get eaten up by the act of killin’ another. Some ponies get eaten up because they know they’re supposed to feel bad about it and don’t. The fact that you’re cryin’, the fact that you’re feelin’ somethin’ about it means you’ve still got a heart, Max. You’re not some monster, and you’re not a beast. You’re just a stallion that did what he had to to come out on top and see another day.”

“There were other ways, Vel. There was something I could’ve done to make it come out some other way. I killed four people because I didn’t think hard enough.” Velvet embraced me.

“It’s so easy to look over the other options, darlin’. When you’re neck deep in it, you hardly stop to think of all the ways you can dig yourself out, you just claw until you’re clear. It’s not your fault.”

“It is.”

“Those ‘people’ didn’t have to back you up. They didn’t have to push you to the point where you felt it was necessary to take their lives. Trust that you made the best decision in the moment, and be thankful you had the stomach to do it. Otherwise we wouldn’t be here talking.”

I had nothing else to say. Everything Velvet had said rang true, and in the warmth of her arms, I lost myself. I let my heart crack, and the world around us faded away until all I could feel was the ache I had put in the back of my mind. I don’t know how long she held me, but I do know that we ended up on the couch and fell asleep sometime that night.

I awoke that morning with Lupa on my lap and my head resting on Velvet Breeze’s shoulder. I thought back to the night before and knew that I had made the right choice in trusting her. Thinking back to the event, I noticed that some of the sting was gone and that my heart wasn’t as full as it was before. I could breathe without that indomitable weight on my chest and the only thing I wanted now was to rest a little while longer. I closed my eyes and dozed off and on again until I woke once more, realizing that I was considerably more horizontal than I had been the last time I woke up. Velvet had gone off somewhere and Lupa was nowhere to be seen. I sat up and listened to hear the sound of something in the kitchen, where I was assuming Velvet was cooking. I got off my lazy bum and stretched, meandering over to the delectable scent of cooking eggs as I looked around, actually taking in my surroundings. Velvet’s abode was actually rather nice, if not a little spartan. A few bits and bobs of modern looking furniture were tastefully strewn around her flat, though I didn’t see anything that would specifically mark the place as decidedly male or female. I rather liked it, to be honest.

I walked into the kitchen and was greeted with a smile from Velvet herself and a bark from Lupa who immediately started nudging me with her head towards Velvet. I allowed myself to be pushed and chuckled all the way, pushing my big hunk of furry love away when I was a meter or so away from the grey mare. I gave her a smile that I could put my heart behind and received one in turn.

“I see somepony’s feeling better.” Velvet chimed

“Thanks to you, love. I owe you for last night.”

“I think I’ll keep that favor for later if I ever decide I need some extra hands when I move. You eat eggs?” She pointed at the skillet on the stove.

“I sure do. Thank you."

“You’re welcome.”

I went to sit down, but Lupa was right behind me, pushing me towards Velvet again.

“What do you want, Lupa? “

She barked and looked at Velvet. Velvet and I looked at her, then at each other.

“I don’t speak wolf, do you?”

“Nope, don’t believe I do.”

Velvet looked at the skillet. “You think she wants some eggs? I gave her some bread and gravy earlier, she might still be hungry.”

Lupa growled.

“I don’t think she wants eggs.” I stepped closer to Velvet and Lupa’s tail wagged twice.

Another step, another wag. I stepped back and she growled.

“I think she wants you to come over here, darlin’.”

“You’re probably right.” I walked over until I was within arms reach of Velvet.

Lupa barked and wagged her tail, walking in a circle. She sat up and looked at us expectantly.

“What do you think she wants?” Velvet asked me.

I reached over and turned the stove off, moving the skillet to a different aisle. Taking Lupa’s hint, I wrapped my arms around Velvet.

“I think she wants me to show some gratitude.” I grinned and kissed her gently, trying to let my actions speak what my words wouldn’t be able to.

She was a little surprised at first, but kissed me back in no time, surprising me in turn with a little tongue. I pulled back and grinned at her, enjoying the warm, fuzzy, comfy feeling that had enveloped my heart.

“If that’s how you show gratitude, I wonder how you’ll pay back that favor.”

“Any way you want, love.” I looked over at Lupa with Velvet still in my arms. She cantered over and ran a little circle around us; a blessing she’d never given me with Celestia.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I left a little bit after one, having enjoyed a nice breakfast with Velvet and Lupa. I'd decided to leave Lupa behind for now with Velvet's blessing so I would attract less attention. After getting some directions, I tracked down the Canterlot Museum of Art and History, the Equestrian Museum of History’s sister location. It was about an hours walk from Velvets flat, and the entire way there, I was comparing Velvet and Celestia. I know that’s not fair to either of them, but I was pondering the differences in the way they me feel, rather than their physical differences, seeing as how I’m not some shallow, topical twat. On one hand, the more I thought about the way Celestia had made me feel electrified like sparks were jumping between my digits, the more it felt like I had been engaging in some forbidden romance, like I had been trying to raise my self to her level so I was worthy. The comfort I felt with Celestia was… fabricated in a way and I wondered if she left all of her subjects with a similar feeling. The more I recollected, the more I was sure that I had fallen for Celestia’s image and stature, rather than the woman herself. Sure, we had flirted and joked back and forth, but in hindsight, it felt like Celestia was enjoying being treated as a normal person more than any real interest in me. I wasn’t completely sure that I wasn’t just bitter at having my trust betrayed after it had some time to settle in or if I was accurately remembering how I felt with her, so I decided to withhold final judgement until I talked to her again.

On the other hand, Velvet had given me a radiant feeling of warmth, different from what Celestia had. Velvet was soft and gentle, like stirring the coals of a fire that was ready to burst back into life, while Celestia’s had felt like the sun, constant and inviting until it burned you. I would have to talk to her to fully understand what I felt, but I was wary of getting hurt once more. I had little trust in her now, and felt like like she would take a stab at me if she felt justified. My head was muddled throughout my journey and it wasn’t until a guard stopped me and asked me just what exactly was I doing before I realized that I’d walked around the museum a few times now. With a quick explanation of ‘woman troubles’ and an apology, I headed inside. Already, the Canterlot Museum was far more grandiose than it's sister with it's tall marble columns and multi-storied layout. The place held similar relics to that of the Farrier Museum, but everything seemed to have an aura of importance that Farrier’s exhibits had been lacking, possibly given by the tapestries and decor of the Museum. It was a lovely place if you were a history oriented fellow, but I had been absent for a lot of the interesting history classes in school and didn’t care much for Equestria’s boring tales. No real wars to speak of, besides one with Gryphonia a long time ago, and one with the ‘Changelings’ that had barely any details. All in all, it was boring and tedious, though I had done some reading at Twilight’s despite the intense lack of interest.

I met the receptionist (an elderly stallion this time) and he led me to the office of the Curator. Maybe it was upper-crust atmosphere in the fellows office, but I already didn’t like the bastard. His faded black mane and mustache paired with his beige coat gave him an air of douchery that I was none to eager to converse with. That and the sheer disdain he glared at me with caused my lip to curl and the hair on my arms to stand on end. I could spot a sleazeball a mile away and I had big one right in front of me.

“You… are this Maximus the Princess has told me about?” He sneered.

“I am.” I pulled the Diadem of Sovereignty from my satchel and set it on his desk.

“I can’t believe you put the Diadem in some… bag. Do you even know what this item is worth?”

“Not enough to deal with you, I assure you. Can I go now?” I snarked.

“Please do.”

And so I did. Man, fuck that guy. I’m pretty sure he had some redeeming quality like ‘money’ or ‘status’, but other than that I got the same feeling from him that I got from a crime boss in Wiltshire; slimy and despicable with fewer morals than a desperate junkie. If I didn’t have to, I wasn’t going back to that place anytime soon and was quite happy that it was over and done with.

I stroked the Warbling Blade’s hilt as I left, taking long strides to get the hell out of there as soon as possible. I was stopped by the receptionist and he gave me a check that I could cash at Canterlot City Bank. It was worth eight thousand bits, but it felt like I holding a used bog roll. From the check, I learned that the dickbag's name was Bourgee and I cracked up at that. He certainly seemed the type, though I doubt any pony of Equestria would quite get the adequacy of his name.

I left the Museum in no small hurry and began the hour long walk from there to Canterlot Castle. I sighed inwardly, but I knew that I had to talk to Celestia at some point, and that point may as well be sooner rather than later. The trip itself was uneventful, but I did make a few stops along the way. My first was to the bank to cash my check and open an account there. The Teller seemed awfully surprised at the sum, though I was rather nonplussed. It wasn’t until later that I learned that I could rather easily buy a house in Canterlot, and furnish for it with that amount. It made me wonder what my house in Ponyville was worth and whether or not I should sell it to move here. I stashed the thought away for another time and continued walking. I left all of my earnings in the bank since I still had a little over a hundred and seventy bits in the pouch I had been given at the castle armory. I didn’t quite realize just how much I had been given at the time, though now I was seeing the gold, silver, and bronze pieces in a new light.

I don’t believe I’ve recorded the currency system of Equestria in my journals before, so I’ll do so now. The bronze bits were worth one, the silver twenty five, and the gold were worth fifty. It wasn’t a terribly complex system, so I never thought to jot it down, but I figured now would be the time just in case I became an amnesiac and needed to remember.

Come to think of it, thirteen entries in isn’t really the time to write that in, but I had run out of room in my earlier pages so fuck it I guess. It got explained. As it was, I had a gold bit, four silvers and twenty bronze to buy Velvet a present with, so I stopped at a sweets shop called 'Canterlot Crown Confectionery' and browsed their selection. I found a box or two of interesting looking chocolates for fifteen bits a piece and bought one as a thank you for my temporary roomie. I didn’t know what she liked, so I figured one of the variety boxes would do, and if nothing else, they would make a great snack for myself.

I made one more stop at a pet shop and bought a massive personalized collar for Lupa. I didn’t know how she would feel about it, but I figured the least I could do was get her something nice. I do know that she is colorblind, so any colors on it would for my benefit more so than hers, thus Lupa ended up with a black and royal blue collar that matched her eyes and coat rather well. With all of my purchases made, I continued to Canterlot Castle.

It didn’t take me much longer to get there, though the Day Guards at the gate were right pricks. It wasn't until I threatened them with Luna’s fury that they let me through. The thing was that they had their damn eyes closed the entire time! Up until I threatened them, they were happy to turn me away, but they looked when I incited a Princess’s name. If they could do their damn jobs I wouldn’t have given them the tongue lashing I did. Hmph. Fuck mothering twats.

I got an audience with Celestia an hour or so later, and let me tell you, standing in front of her had to be the most awkward experience so far. She had stammered a greeting and formally requested a private audience.

Once we were in a more private sitting room, she took a deep breath and calmed herself.

“Max, I’m so sorry, I never meant to hurt you like that. I was just frustrated and I felt everything I said was being ignored. The moment you left the room I cried for an hour, I never should have thrown the information you trusted me with in your face like that. I felt so terrible…” She looked like she felt terrible too. She seemed sincere, and my gut told me that her words had some veracity to them.

“I understand, Princess.” I replied evenly. I still couldn’t bring myself to be much more than irritated with her, despite her brutal words.

Celestia looked at me worried. “Do you forgive me, Max?”

“That’s a hard question to answer, Princess. I don’t want to forgive you, but you tried to warn me about Luna’s task, so I feel I owe you something for that.” Celestia looked stricken and confused.

“What do you mean? What happened during your mission?”

“I dirtied my hands with blood for the first time. It took it's toll on my soul.”

She looked like she was about to cry. “I’m so sorry, are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you, Max? I know it’s hard-”

I held a hand up to silence her. “A friend allowed me a shoulder to cry on and enough rationalizations to get the worst of the burden off of my heart. I don't doubt that I’ll have nightmares about it, but nothing will change the fact that I’m a killer now. I wish you would’ve told me about that before I left.”

“I tried, but I couldn’t! How would you look at Luna if you knew she dealt with trained killers? What would you think if I told you about our darker dealings?”

“Love, I wouldn’t have thought of you any differently. You forget that I’m not one of your innocent little ponies to be protected and sheltered. The moment I met you, I knew you had shady dealings that you couldn’t tell me about; no empire survives without them and yours is no different, it’s just more peaceful now. Did you really think that someone with as shady a past as mine would think less of you for some dirty work? I know you two have black operations that no Pony knows of, and I’m sure both of you have blood on your hands. Hell, you’ve lived for thousands of years; there’s no way you got here without spilling blood.”

“...You knew. You knew and you still trusted us?”

“Is that the royal 'Us' or yourself and Luna?”

“Max, please.”

I rolled my eyes. “I thought it was amusing. Yes, I still trusted you. I had no reason not to. For the most part, you’ve been nothing but good to me: giving me the benefit of a doubt when it came to the incident with Twilight, giving me a house of my own, bringing me to Canterlot to help me recover and stop me from getting revenge on Applejack and Fluttershy. All that adds up to a pretty decent person if you ask me.

Celestia was silent for a minute, digesting what I had just told her.“You’re different now. More mature than you were before you left.”

“Taking multiple lives tends to do that to people.”

“You still never answered my question, Max.”

“And that was?”

“Can you forgive me for betraying your trust?”

“I can. Don’t expect it now, however. That still hurt.”

She was quiet again. “On a scale of one to ‘I’ll kill you in your sleep’, how upset are you with me?”

“Uh, I’m really not? I’m hurt and a little wary of giving you more trust, but other than that, we’re fine Celestia. I could say I forgive you now, but I wouldn’t mean it completely and that’s the whole reason I would even say it.”

Celestia sighed a breath of relief though she still seemed upset.

“Something on your mind, Sunbutt?”

“I really wish you’d give that nickname up.”

“I could call you Double Sun.”

“Why would you do that?”

I gave her a cheeky grin and gesture toward her sizable bosom.

“That’s like me calling you Monkey Dick!”

“I assure you, I’m much larger than a monkey. You should know that, Double Sundae”

Celestia and I chuckled, enjoying the back and forth we had during the days when we first met. It seemed so long ago that we just flirted back and forth without getting anywhere back in Ponyville that it felt nice to get back to square one.

“What say we give this another shot, Max? I think we can talk through our issues if they come up, as long as I remember our boundaries. I can promise you that I won't betray your trust again like that.”

Uh oh.

“W-Well, I dunno how to put this, Celestia…”

“Max.”

“I’m kinda seeing another mare at the moment.”

“Oh thank god, I thought you were gay for a moment! You went on that mission with Crimson Tide and said you cried on a friend’s shoulder, I just went to the worst case scenario!”

“What’s so bad about being gay? Homophobic much?”

Celestia blushed and flustered. “There’s nothing wrong with homosexuality, Max! As long as my little ponies are happy, so am I. I was just worried that I wasn’t going to get another shot after messing up so badly.”

“You didn’t mess up badly enough to turn me gay, but doesn’t the whole ‘seeing another mare’ thing bother you?”

“Why would it? Polygamy isn’t uncommon these days.”

“What.”

“Does England not have polygamous relationships?”

“No, not really. It’s not unheard of, just looked down upon.”

“Are you saying you don’t want to try it?” Celestia’s ears twitched and lowered.

“...I’ll try anything once?”

“You don’t sound too sure about that, Max. Don’t force yourself to do it, you’ll only make yourself unhappy in the end.”

“Well, I’d have to bring Velvet over to meet you to see if she’s okay with it. I mean, It’s not fair to break up with you after one mistake, but it’s not fair to break things off with Velvet after what she’s just done for me. That, and Lupa gave us her blessing, so I think that’s a good sign.”

“Lupa never gave us her blessing.” Celestia pouted. It was adorable.

“You also never made me breakfast after consoling me, to be fair.”

“So Velvet is the owner of the shoulder you borrowed?”

“She is. Like I said, I’ll bring her here whenever it's convenient for both of you to meet, I think you’ll get along well.”

“We can only hope. I’ll arrange to take the rest of the day off so I can meet her properly.”

“In that case, I’ll be back shortly.” I gave her a peck on the cheek before I left.

I’ll admit, I was a little dazed after my meeting with Celestia. After all, it’s not everyday you find a Princess asking for your hand in a poly-amorous relationship with a mare that your dire wolf pushed you together with.

Good God, my life has gotten fucking weird real quick.

Luckily my walk wasn’t all that long since I had actually passed Velvet’s flat on the way over. I was going to stop by before to drop off my presents, but I didn’t think about it too hard and forgot to do so, but now I thought that the addition of chocolates to the news would soften the blow, or at least lessen some of the shock. Or maybe I could work this in a certain way and fuck with her. Yup, definitely going to fuck with her. I grinned like the devious bastard I was as I walked to her flat and knocked on the door. I had to make sure to wipe it off of my face before she realized something was up. After knocking twice and hearing nothing, I let myself in to find Lupa viciously mauling the poor mare on the floor like a wild animal!

Well, when I say ‘viciously’ I mean adorably and when I say ‘mauling’ I mean licking. Velvet was obviously going nowhere anytime soon and was giggling her head off as Lupa nuzzled and slobbered on her. I closed the door and leaned on it, smiling to myself wondering what I had done right in a past life to see such a heartwarming scene.

“Lupa, heel! Stop! Sit!” Velvet cried from underneath the wall of floof

Lupa did sit, but she chose her seat well. She was still squishing the poor mare and licking her face. I figured she had had enough so I intervened.

“Lupa, heel!”

I fucked up. Lupa’s head whipped around and she set her sights on me, leaping off of Velvet and lunging wildly. I managed to dodge her first attempt and tossed my bag off to the side. Lupa circled around and lunged at me again, but this time I tripped on my recently discarded bag and ended up flat on my arse with a slobbering wolf now standing over me. She pushed me down and I had no choice but to close my eyes and mouth and take my punishment like a man, though I’m pretty sure some of the sounds I made deducted points off of my man card. A good five or so minutes later, Lupa had had enough and let me up, covered in drool and fur. I looked around to find the source of the giggling that had been going on since I was pinned down and saw Velvet with a towel in hand.

“Thanks for the assist, darlin’. I don’t think my mane would’ve appreciated being soaked in dog drool.”

“Lupa’s not a dog, love, but I hear you. Can I have that for a moment or two?” I asked, chuckling

She tossed the towel my way and I got the worst of the drool off before Velvet asked me a question,

“So what do you mean when you say Lupa’s not a dog?”

“Well, she’s not a dog.” Lupa barked. “She might act like it sometimes, but she’s definitely not a dog.

“So what exactly is she? I’ve never seen a bear that friendly or a timber wolf that furry.”

“From the size of her, I’d say she’s a dire wolf, or something like it at least. I thought You knew that.” I cocked my head to the side with the wolf in question mimicking me.

“I’ve never seen one. I thought she was just a really, really big dog of some kind.”

I fished around in my bag for Lupa’s collar and her chocolates. “You could say that, but she’s more than just a friendly fluffball if she needs to be.” I handed the chocolates to Velvet and held the collar up for Lupa.

“Awww, you didn’t have to, but I’m glad you did. I’ve been meanin’ to get down to the Triple C sometime.”

“Glad you like them. I figured I’d give you a little something for opening your home to Lupa and I.” I approached Lupa with the collar and she cocked her head again, looking at me with some confusion.

“Again, you didn’t have to, darlin’. If Lupa’s not a dog, why are you tryin’ to put a collar on her?”

“Because I think it’d be cute on her. Besides, if she has a collar, more Ponies are going to be less terrified of her.” I’d gotten the collar around Lupa and she trotted off to the general direction of the bathroom.

Velvet and I shared a look before going in after her to see what was up. We peeked in to see a massive wolf preening in the mirror.

“I think she likes it.” Velvet said after a moment.

“It even has her name on it.”

We walked back to Velvet's living room and I took a moment to observe her attire: A nice white cardigan over a dark blue camisole with dark denim jeans. Quite tasteful, if you ask me. Velvet noticed me looking and gave me a puzzled smile, which I returned. I took a deep breath and readied myself for some possible shouting.

“So how do you feel about polygamous relationships?”

“They’re fine. I wouldn’t mind one, if that’s what you’re askin’.”

“That is what I’m asking. I just came back from speaking with the woman who supposedly left me ‘heart broken’,” I used some air quotes, “and we decided that ending it over one mistake didn’t sit well with either of us. She enlightened me to the odd fact that polygamy isn’t uncommon among you Ponies so I figured we could give it a try. If you’re willing, that is.”

“Well, I’d like to meet the other mare in this equation before I agree to anything. Though that makes me wonder what you’d have done if I’d said no.”

“I’d have chosen you. It takes a kind soul to accept and console someone they barely know. It’s not as hard to restrain someone from seeking revenge if you’re in a certain position.”

“That’s true, but I’m not too sure you should trust somepony that just broke your heart so soon.”

“Everyone deserves a second chance. You’ll understand better once you meet her though.”

“What’s her name?”

“You’ll find out when we get there, though we should probably wash up first.”

Velvet shot me a sultry grin. “If we shower together, it’ll be faster”

Lupa tactfully made herself scarce as Velvet and I started kissing in the living room. We started innocently enough with pecks and smooches, but they soon devolved into a contest of will, each of us playfully struggling for dominance. I let her win, of course, but that didn’t stop her from taking advantage and exploring my mouth with her tongue. Her control wasn’t the finest, but her enthusiasm more than made up for it. We allowed our hands to roam across each other’s bodies. Mine started with her breasts and ended on her fine derriere which was a beautiful balance of plump and squeezable yet toned; proof of vigorous exercise and careful sculpting. I cupped each lovely cheek in both hands as her own hands stroked my chest and arms, eventually weaving around my back to pull me closer which caused her pleasant C-cups to press against my chest in the most delectable way. All the while we never broke our kiss as we continued to probe and analyze the other. She broke our kiss by biting my lip and entreated me to a sexy smile. Velvet took hold of my hands and lead me to her lavatory where we began anew, this time without the haste we’d previously had, slowing down to enjoy the moment. Velvet, ever the proactive one, removed my shirt and began working on my belt with no further motivation.

With my trousers and shirt gone, I took off my last piece of clothing and Velvet grasped my member with vigor, firmly enough to let me know that she had plans for it. I interrupted her with another kiss and whisked her cardigan with her camisole following soon after. I grinned at her blue silk covered brazier and unclasped it quickly, taking a moment to kiss each pert tip before I began working on her jeans.She stepped out of them in a hurry to continue where we’d left off, but my fully erect member demanded attention after being let down on two different occasions. Velvet took it in her hand once more and pressed my tip into the moistening folds of her sex as I kissed and nibbled on the nape of her neck, following her lead by rubbing my tip against her nether regions. I had taken control and I could hear her barely suppress moans from my efforts which only emboldened me to further. I leaned down to take one of her now stiff nipples in my mouth and felt her hand pushing my head back. I gave her a befuddled smile.

“We can do foreplay another time. I want you now, Max”

I grinned and hooked my fingers through her panties, pulling them down.

“Your wish is my command”

With the last article of clothing finally gone, Velvet turned around and lead my member to entrance, not wanting to wait longer than absolutely necessary. I eased my way in, moaning at the feeling of her velveteen walls as they held me firmly, pulsing around my shaft and tip. When I had fully hilted her, I began thrusting slowly, not wanting to waste the moment. During my exploratory motions, I had found a familiar little bump with my tip, causing Velvet to finally release her lovely voice. I grinned to myself and angled myself by hiking a leg up on the rim of the shower, grinding her G-spot with my shaft as I thrusted into her. I was rewarded with another beautiful moan and that’s when I began in earnest, picking up the pace. With my hand feathering and stroking her clitoris, I switched angles on every eleventh thrust to keep my mind focused on lasting longer, and to vary her experience. I felt her walls quiver while I was on my sixth cycle and Velvet when silent for a moment, her moans beginning with a new vitality they’d not had before. She was getting close and so was I. Redoubling my efforts, I maintained my pace while thrusting deeper into her now dripping sex, using the full length of my shaft to grind against her little bump. Velvet’s walls tightened and I could feel her squeezing down on my shaft, my poor endurance taking a heavy hit as she climaxed. I was seconds behind her and kept thrusting all the way through, my seed spilling deeply within her. We sat there and enjoyed the afterglow for while longer before my member could come back to strength.

Velvet began to stand before a placed a hand on her lower back.

“What, no round two?” I asked innocently

Velvet turned her head and grinned at me, her answer clearly expressed without a word, though she did remove me from her soaked entrance. She kissed me passionately on shaky legs while my restored member was making it known that it was ready for action. Velvet lifted a leg and held me against her, gripping my lower head. She placed me against her entrance once more and this time I felt a little less resistance as our juices mingled. From this angle, I couldn’t feel that familiar little protuberance, but that didn't stop me from giving her my best. The second time around I knew I would last longer, so I wasted no time setting a quicker pace. My work paid off as I had Velvet moaning again in under five minutes. Her slick walls were exquisite, and now that I had more time, I maintained my pace and held her shapely posterior with one hand and rubbed her clit with my thumb. I slipped the tip of my finger in her bottom and her half lidded eyes shot open. I had plenty of lubrication to work with, so I gently eased my middle finger deeper, causing her to bite her lip and murmur softly.

“I didn’t quite catch that, love.” I said in time with my thrusts.

“I-I said we’ve got to t-try that next t-time!” She stammered

“What’s stopping us now?”

I kept impaling her on my shaft, so it as hard to hear her answer so I cut my speed in half.

“Say again, love?”

“I said buck me however you want,” She replied in between breaths, “just be gentle”

I kissed her once more, taking my turn to explore her mouth as she moaned through her nose. I wasn’t ready to pull out just yet, so I waited for twenty two strokes and removed myself slowly as Velvet sighed. She turned once more and presented her impossibly perfect posterior towards me again, reaching back to spread herself and give me quite the view. I dipped two fingers into her wet sex and coated them thoroughly before lightly prodding her rosebud with my index finger. Once I had pressed it as far as it would go, I removed it and inserted my middle finger, stroking her insides as I pulled it out. I repeated the process until she had a small orgasm, shuddering from my endeavors. While she was still mid-climax, I worked two finger into her, going as slowly as needed in order to avoid hurting her. By the time I had added a third, I was only semi hard and she was nearly ready. I rubbed my tip against her sodden entrance to lubricate it once more and pressed my tip into her, sliding in with a 'pop'. She gasped and moaned as I smoothly worked my way in, her tight, bumpy walls giving me a different sort of pleasure than before. I continued to work her clit the deeper I went, and she had another small orgasm around the halfway point. I kept at it until I was fully inside of her, and I was struggling to hold on as her walls flexed around my shaft. It was something I had only read about before and found myself enjoying it profoundly. Velvet murmured a few times, softly begging me to start. I had no reservations and began thrusting gradually, my fingers never stopping their assault on her clit though they did alter their methods; lightly pinching, stroking and flicking. I couldn’t help but pick up the pace a little as my pleasure grew, though I was careful to avoid going too quickly for her. The music she awarded me with along with her urges to hurry up and go faster were all the motivation I needed. I set a decent pace and knew that I had mere minutes to get Velvet to her climax before I met my own, so I counted my strokes and her moans as my pleasure kept rising. Fortunately for me, I only needed to work for a few minutes before I recognized the silence before the storm. I pulled out and quickly dipped my member in her wet sex once more before reinserting it into her other entrance. From there, it was only a minute more before Velvet was in the throes of her most intense orgasm yet, and as her walls tightened around me, I found myself unable to move. I was paralyzed as her walls squeezed my shaft, unable to thrust until her climax subsided. I slid my rod from her and her legs collapsed from underneath her. Catching her just it time, I eased her down and let her rest against my chest.

“We still have to shower, you know”

Velvet muttered something under her breath along the lines of ‘Go buck yourself”

I chuckled and held her, my erection not subsiding. I took the time to gently play with her breasts, stroke her mane and nibble on her ears. All brought different sounds with them. A few minutes had passed and Velvet was finally able to get back on her feet, however unsteady. I walked her over to the shower and turned it on, waiting for the water to get warm before helping her in. We washed each other, though it was strange using a full body shampoo on someone, but it wasn’t too odd. My erection was still making it's presence known, even after a thorough washing (probably because of the washing come to think of that). Once I was clean, Velvet knelt down and popped my tip into her mouth, her wide tongue wrapping itself about. As she began to bob her head, I focused on enjoying the moment, not wanting to make her work longer than necessary to get me off. I had been close at her last orgasm and I was coming back to that point quickly from her skills. I had felt the ever so recognizable feeling of reaching my climax once more before I had warned her. Once I did, Velvet augmented her efforts by working my shaft with her hands and swirling her tongue around my helmet until I was ready to orgasm again. I fired load after load into her silken mouth as she kept working. Once I had finished, she opened her mouth and showed me what she had collected before visibly swallowing. We traded contented smiles and dried off, groping and fondling each other whenever we saw something we liked.

“So, darlin’, how was it?”

“Better than you could ever know, love”

We’d taken so long in the lavatory that the sun was only an hour or so away from setting, so I ushered Lupa and Velvet out of the flat and onto the street. I took my long strides and Lupa kept up without a problem, though I noticed after a spell that Velvet was lagging behind, so I slowed down a bit and let her catch up.

“You know I can’t keep up with ya after what ya just did to me right? My legs are still tryin’ to figure out how to work again.”

“Sorry love, I’ll keep it in mind. At least, I would, but I don’t want to surprise anyone who happens to glance down, they might get jealous.” I quipped, my mood boosted.

“If ya want me to take a jab at your ego, keep talkin’.”

I shut up.

We covered ground quickly enough, though we had to stop once or twice to let Velvet rest a bit. I didn’t know what she was feeling so I was happy to oblige, and Lupa was just enjoying the time outside. I talked to Velvet, trading some stories with her as we strolled and hearing her input on the upper class society of Equestria. Before she had been demoted to a guard at the Teleportation station, she had been a rank and file Night Guard. In fact, she had gone to the most recent Grand Galloping Gala and had quite a bit to say about the ‘stuck-up, lazy, no good, spoiled rotten foals’ that had attended. It seemed that we shared a lot when it came to the nobility and we even had the same feeling about the curator of the Canterlot Museum of Art and History; he was sleazeball who most likely lied, cheated, and bribed his way into his position. I held the man in low regards if any, but Velvet actually hated the bastard. Apparently he had groped on one of her assignments, then denied the action citing that she was ‘a filthy commoner who should be grateful that a man of his stature even deigned it worth his time to talk to her.’ I was going to punch that guy the next time I saw him, well connected or not.

This time around, the Day Guards let us onto the Castle grounds without any kerfuffle since Velvet was a Night Guard herself. They took the time to glare at me and I flashed them an ‘up yours’ gesture. Of course they didn’t get it, but I did and that’s all that mattered. We walked into the castle and Lupa walked off to the castle gardens before Velvet asked the question that had been bugging her for half the day.

“So just who is this paramour of yours? If she works in the castle she must be important, or maybe you just like the maid outfits.”

“I do like a proper maid outfit, but she’s not one of the maids, little more stature than that, love.”

“Then who is it? Is it the Head of Staff?”

“You got me. It’s no fun if you guess it,.” I pulled a fake frown while I was inwardly grinning.

“You know that mare is wound up tighter than a spinster's rear, right? I don’t see what you see in her and I’m pretty sure I’ve known her longer.”

“You might’ve known her longer, but I know her better.” We took a turn and continued chatting about the pros and cons of the ‘Head of Staff’.

The sitting room Celestia had instructed me to go to when I returned was empty when we arrived, so I offered Velvet a seat while we waited. I lounged on a couch for a while before Celestia returned with a cake and a pot of tea behind her.

“It’s about time you got here, Max! I’ve been waiting for hours!” Celestia chided

Velvet's jaw dropped as she scurried to kneel before her ruler. “P-Princess! I-er-we weren’t expectin’ you!”

I bit my lips in order to hold back a smile and glanced over at Celestia and raised my eyebrows. She gave me a womanly look before it turned into a mischievous smile.

“Rise, and take a seat. May I have your name?” Celestia asked politely

“I-I’m Velvet Breeze, member of Princess Luna’s Night Guard”

“And I’m Max”

Velvet shot me a glare before she rose and took a seat. I hadn’t moved but I did smooth my face over before she could see.

“Hello Velvet Breeze, I see you’re waiting here for somepony?” Celestia set the tea set and the cake down.

“Y-yes Your Highness, We’re waitin’ for Ms. Moonlit Stream, the Head of Staff.”

“Oh, well I’m sorry but Moonlit Stream will be unavailable for quite a while; there was an issue with the staffing for next week and she’ll be sorting through it until later tonight when Princess Luna takes over.”

Velvet looked even more nervous, most likely because we didn’t have someone to vouch for us now. “Well t-that’s unfortunate, perhaps we’ll see her another time.” She glanced over at me with an expression that said ‘we need to go’.

I maintained a straight face and raised an eyebrow. “Hey Celestia, mind if I nab a cuppa?”

Velvet looked horrified.

“A cup of what?”

“Cuppa tea if you please.”

“Of course! Would you like some cake to go with it? I’m rather fond of it myself.”

“I dunno, what kind is it?”

Velvet looked at me with her eyes wide. She couldn’t believe what was happening.

“Germaneigh Chocolate,” Celestia poured me a cup and floated a slice over to me, “from the best shop in town, if a princesses palate is anything to go by.”

I tried the cake, and of course it was delicious, but seeing Velvets face made it even better.

“I don’t think your palate works right, this ain’t nothin’ to praise.” I winked at Celestia and she pretended to be offended.

“Well, now. Maybe it’s your palate that doesn’t work! I think Canterlot Crown Confectionery does just fine.” She huffed

By now Velvet had buried her face in her hands. Celestia and I shared a look.

“I think we should have Velvet Breeze be the tiebreaker, do you agree, Max?”

“Yeah, if her sense of taste is as refined as her arse I think she’s a pretty good choice.”

If Velvet looked horrified before, she looked absolutely mortified now. To be embarrassed in front of a Princess! She shot me the darkest glare I had seen in awhile, though it came off as incredibly adorable due to her intense blush. Celestia floated a piece of cake and a cup of tea over to her which she took in trembling hands. She set the tea down and took a bite of the cake.

“I-I agree with the Princess, it’s good.” She said in a small voice.

Celestia herself tried a piece of the cake and made a face. “Ew. Max, how did you eat this?”

“I was trying to be polite, but fuck, love. I told you it wasn’t up to par.”

“How true. I believe Ms. Velvet was just trying to preserve my feelings.” Celestia and I looked at her and she shrunk into her seat, trying to make herself invisible and failing.

I couldn’t hold it anymore and neither could Celestia: We burst out laughing at the same time, rocking Velvet’s poor little world in her seat. She looked so lost and confused it was hard to stop. After what felt like an hour I finally managed to get a hold of myself.

“Hey, Vel!” I giggled

“W-what?” She still looked completely lost.

“Meet our girlfriend, Princess Celestia!” The mare in question lost it and made the cutest snort. At that we looked at each other and began anew.

“Wait, What? What are you two laughin’ at!? What do you mean?!” Velvet all but screamed

“Celly’s the ‘Head of Staff’ I was talking about, love. She’s the 'tight ass' who quote unquote ‘broke my heart’. Still feel like telling her off?”

“It’s been a pleasure meeting you Velvet. I hope we get along well in the future!” Celestia giggled

“Are you bucking kidding me?! You-” She pointed at me, “ and you?” She pointed at Celestia

“Yes, that’s what we’re telling you. I apologize for the joke, but your reactions were so priceless!” Celestia got up and walked over to the mare in question. I stood next to her and gave both of them a peck on the cheek.

“Are you okay, Vel? You look like someone just tickled your bum. Oh! And speaking of, “ I turned to Celestia, “on the way over Velvet and I were having a chat and it turns out she lost some rank due to a chap named Bourgee. Apparently he molested her and when she brought it up to her commanding officer, the bastard had the nerve to insult her and deny it simultaneously! Can you believe that?”

“Dear Celestia, I need to lie down” Velvet said in disbelief.

“You don’t have to tell me, dear, feel free. I will look into this matter,” Celestia looked outside, “Now, actually. A simple truth spell will sort this matter out, and the sun has only begun to set. The Museum should be open for a few more hours. What say we take a stroll, Max? Velvet?”

Velvet was lying down, still thunderstruck.

“We’ve got the time for her to come back, don’t we?” I asked, amused

“We do. So why did it take you two so long to get here?” Celestia asked with a glimmer in her eye.

Velvet shot up straight. “We were attacked by Lupa, she went absolutely savage, licked everything, sat on top of me for hours!”

Celestia raised an eyebrow at me. “I don’t know how long Lupa was on her, but it was obviously a while. She was covered in drool when I got back to her flat. The Lupa switched to me and I was stuck on the ground for a bit. Both smelled like wolf slobber, had to clean up.”

Velvet shot me a grateful look and Celestia hadn’t lowered that eyebrow yet.

“What?” I asked trying to sound innocent.

“If you two go at it again and don’t invite me, I’m arresting both of you.” Celestia said with a completely straight face.

“Fair enough,” I replied calmly. “But you’ve got to have a visit with Velvet sometime. Lovely flat, very tasteful. Great arse too, I wasn’t messing about on that.”

Celestia and Velvet blushed and shared a look. “Ya know, if we’re sharin’ him it's only fair.” Velvet said meekly, a smile forming on her face

It was Celestia’s turn to smile. “True, it’s only fair.” They both looked at me and grinned.

“I think I need an adult.”

“I’m one of the oldest beings on the planet.” Celestia’s smile grew a little darker

“I’m an adult too.” Velvet’s did the same.

I knew running was pointless, so I tried charm.

“How about you two lovely ladies not and say we did, yeah? We still have something to do if you don’t recall, absolutely gotta make it to the Museum!” I gave them my most winning smile.

They traded looks once more. Celestia gripped me with her magic and they both approached me slowly. “I’ll have to set an alarm for an hour, I do want to get our business done” Celestia said.

“We have two until the Museum closes, and I’m sure Bourgee doesn’t head home right at closin’.”

It was a going to be a long two hours.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After our time was up, and my pelvis was aching terribly. Velvet, Celestia and I were walking down to the Museum. Lupa had joined us as we left the castle and was trotting along happily. Celestia had to don a rather attractive disguise, but other than that, nothing worth mentioning happened. Well, nothing besides Celestia molesting both Velvet and I in public with her magic mane. I struggled to walk a straight line, though I wasn’t complaining, and the ladies were walking with a certain bounce to their step that had been missing before those two hours that were not worth mentioning again.

Every so often Velvet would twitch and I knew that Celestia was doing something. She diverted her attention to me every once in awhile and I had to duck down a side alley once to adjust myself. It was a fun walk, all things said, and by the end of it, all three of us were blushing up a storm. When we had finally gotten into the Museum, we had brought some blue maned, white coated stallion inside with us. He had been waiting outside, so I assumed Celestia had ordered him there or something, though he didn’t really say much.

Celestia transformed back into the stunning mare I knew her to be, and our little party fell in line behind her. I swear the elderly receptionist nearly had a heart attack when he saw her, but he bowed nonetheless. Celestia strolled through the Museum like she owned the place, probably because she did, and knocked authoritatively on Bourgee’s door. The salty fuck yelled something inaudible which she took to mean ‘come right on in!’, so that we did. The fellow hurriedly stuffed something under his desk and looked up with breath drawn to yell. He saw who it was and thought better.

“Your Highness, what a pleasant surprise! Have you come for a tour of the Museum?” He asked nervously.

“Shining Armor,” The blue maned guy stepped forward. “Cast the spell.”

His horn lit up and Bourgee’s eyes glazed over with a magenta sheen. His expression went from nervous to fearful.

“Bourgee, did you accost a Night Guard named Velvet Breeze and use your connections to drop her rank?”

“Yes Princess.” He replied, his voice shaking like he was trying to hide it.

“Then you will be accompanied by guards to Day Court first thing tomorrow morning. I thought you were a pillar of the community, Bourgee. I can't express my disappointment in you.”

Celestia turned to leave and the rest of the party followed. Velvet and I turned back to see the look on the slimy bastards face: he looked like someone pissed in his soup. It was suitable.

We all walked outside, though not before Celestia turned her disguise back on. The guy who I later learned was the Captain of the Guard was speaking to Celestia when Velvet, Lupa and I rejoined them.

“-still haven’t found the culprit. I don’t understand, Your Majesty! Who breaks into somepony’s house just to reorganize it?!”

I looked away and tried not to look guilty. Velvet gave me an odd look.

“I’m sure we’ll find whoever made a mess of your parents home, Shining, there can’t be many ponies with that kind… of… expertise.” Shit. Looks like Celestia put it together.

“We will, Your Majesty. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Not at the moment, thank you Shining Armor. You are dismissed."

The dude left and our little party shrank a little. Celestia glared at me for a moment before teleporting us all back into the sitting room we’d previously been in.

“Max.”

“Yes love?”

“...Why did you break into my Guard Captain’s parent's house?”

Velvet gasped and I put on a surprised face. “Whaaat? Me, no way! I’ve been out of town for a while and I spent the night at Velvet’s. When did the crime happen?”

“The same night you went to Gryphonia.”

“The night we met?” Velvet asked incredulously

“That’s the one. I don’t know what you’re talking about, Celestia.”

“Lupa, did Max break into a house that night? Bark for yes, growl for no.”

I looked at Lupa and silently pleaded for her not to sell me out.

“Woof!”

Fucking mutt.

Celestia shook her head and rubbed her temples. “Did you take anything?”

I sighed. “I considered it, but I thought it’d be funnier if I made something.”

“You turned their entire downstairs into a maze with a pyramid of chairs in the middle. How?”

“You can get a lot done when you’re quiet”

“Is this seriously the kinda thing I’m gettin’ myself into?” Velvet asked.

“Yup.” Celestia and I answered at the same time.

“In fairness, nothing was damaged, nothing is missing, and no one was hurt. How about we let this one go unsolved?”

“You know those are… You know what? Never mind, you’ll find out soon enough. As punishment…” Celestia thought.

“Don’t be too hard on him, Your Highness, I know you gotta do somethin’, but if you lock him up it looks terrible.”

“I would never dream of it, Velvet! And please do call me Celestia in private, if we’re going to make this work, we need to be on equal ground outside of politics.”

“Does anyone my input?” I asked

They both responded. “Shut up, Max.”

“What do you suggest, Velvet? I don’t really know what’s suitable yet not too harsh. I’d like to be able to talk to him and scold him whenever I want. Of course, I'd extend any methods of communication to you as well, dear.”

“He has a place in Ponyville, right? Make him serve his time there.”

Celestia and I shared a look.

“There’s somethin’ ya’ll aren’t tellin’ me, me isn’t there?”

“I may have had personal vendetta’s against two of the residents in the past.”

“...Do I even want to ask?”

Celestia sighed and made a gesture for me to tell my story. I gave Velvet the rundown.

“I was a former thief looking for a new life. Two friends of the woman I was staying with at the time learned about my past, so I begged them to keep it a secret. Another one of those friends overheard my story and called me out during a picnic. I stormed off, nearly got sucker punched, sucker punched the mare that almost sucker punched me and fucked off for a bit. Went to apologize and nearly got killed by one of the ponies I asked to keep my secret. Woke up in a hospital pissed as all Hell so Celestia brought me to Canterlot to let me heal and cool off. I’ve healed and cooled off, but I can’t promise not to deck the pony that nearly killed me or the one that spilled my secret. That’s about it.”

“...I’m so confused.”

Celestia went into more detail with her explanation and Velvet was brought up to speed.

“Well, maybe Max is ready to face them? He seems like he’d be mature enough to handle it without killing somepony.” Velvet reasoned. I blanched at the mention of killing someone.

Both mares saw that and looked at me. “Well, you have grown since you’ve come back. If you don’t feel like you could keep yourself under control, you can stay here.” Celestia bartered. I think she forgot that it was supposed to be a punishment.

“I’ll be fine, love. I’m ready to speak with Applejack, and I’ll need to talk to Fluttershy, but as long as they both don’t mind there shouldn’t be a problem.”

“I’m not sure I’m okay with this; we just consummated our relationship, after all. I know that Luna's agents aren't in one place for long, but I'd really like to spend some more time with him before we send Max off somewhere he nearly got killed!” Velvet reasoned

“I've got a few jars of dragon fire we can use to send messages back and forth, if that's any consolation. We’ve got to have faith in him. If he says he can handle it, we’ve got to trust him.”

“So that’s it? I’m off to Ponyville? To a point, I think I'd prefer a short stint in jail”

No one seemed very happy about that. So much for my good day.