Author's Notes:

At 7720 odd words, this has been the largest chapter by far. Radical. If you like the story so far, give a thumb so I know whether I'm doing well or making a shit sandwich. I've put this note on top this time because I felt like it. Hopefully there's no issues with this chapter. If there are, lemme know in the comments.

Stay cool, kids.

Edit: So this is where I started saying Stay Cool. Huh. Fixed a few sentences, broke up a paragraph or two. Nothing big

I arrived in a small town near the border of Gryphonia named ‘Farrier’, which seemed to be slightly larger than Ponyville. Seeing as how Ponyville was a small town anyway, Farrier was not terribly impressive. I left the Teleportation Station with Velvet Breeze’s note tucked away in one of my pockets and made my way over to the museum where I would be briefed on the finer details of my mission. Strolling through Farrier without my usual confident swagger felt off, to say the least. My ego had taken quite the bruising at the hands of Celestia, but for some odd reason, I just couldn’t bring myself to be upset with her. After all, I probably gave her good reason to be mad at me, but as is the case with most of my dealings with females, I didn’t know precisely why. Of course, my crass manner and brutal honesty (at times) probably didn't help my case, but even thinking of how cruel she had been when she betrayed my trust by mentioning my brother and how I had abandoned him, I couldn’t feel justified in giving her a piece of my mind. It just didn’t sit well with me, no matter how hurt I was. I decided that once I finished my job, I would go back and talk to her civilly as an adult instead of the so called ‘petulant stallion’ she saw me to be, and maybe win her back. Come to think of it, I never even technically had her, but I lost her all the same.

Snapping out of my reverie, I realized that Farrier was just as colorful as Ponyville and Canterlot were, though it seemed a little more spread out compared to Ponyville's densely populated Town Square area. At the armory, I had been given around two hundred or so bits for traveling expenses and possible bribes, should the need arrive or should I be here longer than I originally planned. I thought of a few extra things I might need for my mission while I walked past some odd shops and thought of a way to hide my identity; it wouldn’t do to have my identity revealed to the enemy. I stopped by a clothing and accessory shop by the name of ‘Shirts, Shoes, and Sweets!’ and met a disgustingly neon stallion whose attitude was more sour than a can of Charms crossed with a lemon puree. When I brought a mottled, bedraggled scarf that was dye various shades of grey to the counter, he gave me the most disgusted look I’ve seen in my time in Ponyland. I politely told to to ring the damn thing up before I shoved it down his throat.

And so he did.

There was a reason I picked the scarf; the shades of grey combined with the black outfit I was planning on wearing gave the effect of a shadow with speckles of light, which in my experience so far had kept me from being caught multiple times. That, and I think grey goes well with most of my wardrobe, seeing as how it’s made of varying shades of blue, black, and the occasional green (which I started wearing to signal that I was looking for a job back in England). After I shoved the scarf in the satchel I’d been given back in Canterlot, Lupa and I kept on to the Museum, though the looks she was getting were rather amusing. It’s not every day you see a dire wolf strolling around with a hairless ape after all.

We alighted at the Museum of Equestrian History shortly. We were almost charged a fee, but once the receptionist mare realized who we were, she hustled us through the foyer into the offices in another wing of the building. We passed a few exhibits of little interest; things like old timey wagons and water pumps were on display. It would’ve been a very boring walk if the mare leading us by the hand hadn’t had quite the shapely posterior. Lupa must have sensed my attention leading elsewhere because she gave me an awfully bleak glare after nipping my heel. I gave her a sheepish smile and she rolled her eyes, looking forward once more while I returned to having some fun. The receptionist left us in front of the poshest looking door in the building and went inside. After a moment of waiting, we were lead in. The mare sitting behind the desk seemed to be up in her years, though she still had a bit of fire in her eyes. Her slightly faded forest green coat and lighter emerald green mane streaked with greys and a couple strands of white gave her an air of authority.

“Maximus I presume?” The green mare asked cordially.

“The one and only. And you are, miss…?”

“I am Grape Sprinkles, the Cur-”

“You what?” I giggled.

Ms. Sprinkles gave me a stern look. “Grape. Sprinkles. As I was saying, I am the Curator of The Museum of Equestrian History, and Her Majesty Princess Luna has given me your orders to be delivered immediately upon your arrival.”

“Sounds about right. Are they in a document, or are you going to give them to me orally?” I was fighting a smile at this point.

She was not amused, though I did hear the receptionist gasp. “This is a very serious matter, Maximus, and I wish you would take it as such. Your orders are to cross the Gryphonian border on foot. We have located the artifact in question and have found that it now resides in the manor of Hedard, one of Queen Elfriede’s lesser vassals. His manor is close to the town of Hildegarten, which is a five hour journey from here. Keep off the main roads. Upon your return, you will return the Diadem of Sovereignty to me for inspection, then take it back to Canterlot to be placed our sister Museum.” She sighed heavily after the last part.

“Why take it back to Canterlot? Can’t you just ramp up security here?” I asked, sensing a story.

“That is along the lines of my own request; I do not want one of the few exhibits of meaning to leave my Museum, it is my pride and joy after all. But I have little say in the wishes of the Princesses. I understand that if the premises were compromised twice already, there is little reason that they could not be compromised once more. It truly does sadden me to have the Diadem leave us, but to keep it in Equestrian hands is far more important than my own selfish desires.” She sighed again.

“Well, has the princess said anything about the Warbling blade? If I can’t return the Diadem to you, I could at least bring that one back.” I offered.

She waved it aside while I was still speaking. “It is of little use to anypony, and having it in the museum was… Unsettling. I personally wouldn’t mind if it never came back, but if you were to find it, I believe Princess Luna may reward you for the extra effort.”

“What do you mean by unsettling? And the Princess told me the blade was pretty old itself, why wouldn't you want it?”

“My museum named it the Warbling Blade because once it’s touched, it creates the most eerie sound we have ever heard, somewhere between what I would imagine a banshees cry to be and the sound of striking metal tongs.” She shivered “As I said; rather unsettling. So far, everypony avoids it as much as possible, and the poor mare that used to clean our displays quit after touching it one too many times, so no. We do not want it here and would be quite happy, I assure you, if you did not retrieve it at all. That evil weapon can rust in Gryphonia for all we care.” She stuck her nose up and huffed.

“Well I plan on grabbing both if possible. It can’t possibly be that bad, now can it?” I was trying to lighten the mood. It wasn’t working.

“I suggest that you stick to your mission, Mr. Maximus. Merry Melon, please show this stallion the way out.”

“Of course Ms. Sprinkles”

“Wait, what about my guide? Princess Lulu told me she had someone to get me to where I need to go. Also, what about exfil? I’ll need a way home, right?”

“...Lulu?”

“There were other parts to that question, you know.”

“Yes,” She paused, rubbing her temples, “You'll meet your contact at the Stoic Stallion, and he will await your return in Hildegarten. It is a border town, so it’s not uncommon to see ponies there, just do not do anything to compromise your positions.”

“Alright.” I patted Lupa’s head and turned toward Merry Melon. “Let’s go.”
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The Stoic Stallion was an average looking pub, nothing outstanding stroke the evidently handsome unicorn stallion sitting in the corner who was garnering plenty of attention from the females in the establishment. I couldn’t see what all the fuss was about, besides the fact that he happened to be jet black with a crimson red mane, which was ridiculously over styled if you ask me. And before you say so; no, I was not jealous, just a little confused. After all, he seemed like just about every other stallion I had seen so far, except he never smiled. Even when he laughed his face never really moved.

It was rather uncanny.

I took up a spot at the bar and ordered a myself a beer and a bowl of water for Lupa to pass the time. We sat alone for the most part since the patrons gave us a rather wide berth; Having a wolf that’s as tall as you are doesn’t hurt when you want to be left alone. It also doesn’t hurt when you want to be spotted. The black stallion strode over with his groupies in tow until he politely informed them that he a was more of a ‘stallion’s stallion’ and most of them backed away, dejected and a few visibly upset. He sat next to me when he was clear and extended a hand my way.

“Crimson Tide, at your service.”

I shook the proffered hand “Max and Lupa, I’m sure you can figure out who is who.”

“I can. We’ll leave at nightfall, if you’re already prepared. No offense or anything, but I wasn’t expecting Max to be so big.”

“I’m Max, mate. The wolf’s Lupa. Got a question by the way.”

“Nothing else to do. Go ahead.” He sipped the drink he brought with him.

“Are you you really gay, or did you just say that to get over here unencumbered?”

“Does it really matter?” He raised an eyebrow.

I replied with a cheeky grin. “What, can’t sate a little curiosity? If we’re working together, I might be able to use that.”

He frowned. “I don’t think I particularly enjoy the idea of being used, Max.”

“Well if you’re straight, would you really want to hit on another man?”

“If I was straight, why would I want to do that?”

“First, gotcha. Second, if you’re as popular with dudes as you are the ladies, you could pretty easily get us out of a jam if need. Just think, we run into any guards on our way out, you could talk us out of trouble.”

His frown eased and he gave me the side-eye. “You could have started with that. You know there are ponies out there that don’t like ponies like me. They’re few and far between these days, but you never know who will judge somepony just because of their tastes.”

“Personally, I don’t give a shit what you want to stick your dick in; it’s your choice after all. I just like to mess with people, sorry if it’s a touchy subject.” Wait… Did I just apologize?

While I was coming around the realization that I just apologized for only possibly offending someone, Crimson Tide was giving me a thousand watt smile.

We talked for a little while longer. It turned out that he was one down-to-earth fellow with a penchant for fashion, ironically. We traded stories until nightfall and promptly left the building. I had forgotten that pony liquor was a little stronger than the stuff back home and had already done a few shots to maintain a nice buzz. That was, of course, before I stood and stumbled. I could walk a straight line if I had to, but I still needed to dip into some more of my travel fund to grab a pretzel from a bakery that was closing up.

Munching the soft, chewy pretzel and having fed Lupa some fish, we began our journey to Gryphonia. Now, I know some people would expect me to chronicle our super cool journey down the barren dirt roads that lead to the border, but honestly? It was boring. Besides trading a few more stories, nothing really happened. Crimson did fall once (which I got a laugh out of) but other than that; completely unremarkable. It was a pretty eye opening lesson into why the journey itself often gets skipped in stories.

We came to the border and found Hildegarten soon enough. The first thing I noticed was that it was far more spartan in decor. Stone and brick made up most of the architecture and the whole city was drab and grey: a far cry from the colorful, warm atmosphere that plagued Ponyland. It felt more like home with it's overcast sky and dreary mood, and I couldn’t help but feel some regret that I had left. My life the crummy old town I was born and raised hadn’t been all peaches and cream, granted, but it had been home until I wound up in the technicolor Hell that was Ponyville The damned happy, smiley, all too friendly ponies reminded me too much of what I’d lost, and of my own dark nature that I held from them as much as I could. Not that I did it well, but I tried at the very least.

In any case, my homesickness could wait until I was safely back in friendly territory. As it was, I needed to locate the mark, wait until nightfall once more (it was morning by the time we’d arrived) and get a good nap. Crimson and I hadn’t stopped since we had left Farrier, so we were both ready for a nice place to grab a hot meal and a soft bed. Lupa. on the other hand, never seemed more happy with her tail wagging to the beat of an unheard song. It must have been awfully up tempo, because every time she hit me with the damned thing it felt like a ten year-old was beating me mercilessly with a plastic cricket bat and I swear it was beginning to leave a bruise. Instead of just telling her to stop, we continued onward after a brief moment with the town guards men and it was then that I noticed just how terrifying the Gryphons were. They were majestic in a sense; apex predators with a the sleek grace that only being at the top of the food chain can give someone. Their sleek plumage came down to the collarbone on average, some a little further, some stopped a bit short, and their fur was different from the ponies. It was more lustrous, like they had been built from the ground up to be aerodynamic and it all blended together to give each individual Gryphon the same air of ‘Fuck with me, and I’ll eat your family.’.

These were not people to screw with unless I had a knife in hand. Which became evident all too soon. Crimson had the bright idea of asking a local for directions to the nearest inn, and the bloody fucker told us to follow him. I voiced my concerns in harsh whispers, telling him to reconsider, but my concerns fell upon deaf ears. He stated his reasoning to be that if we did get ambushed, that we may be able to talk our way out of any trouble, possibly gaining more information on a few other relics that had been lost and forsaken. I retorted that getting ambushed was a great way to get killed until we died to death.

I was ignored.

We followed the stocky fellow into the alleyways of Hildegarten, my eyes flickering to every shadow, looking for any alcoves or any other places there may have been another fellow waiting, and Lupa's tail had stopped wagging, a low growl building in her that was barely audible. Corner after corner we followed the nameless Gryphon until we found ourselves in the shittiest side of town, to put it bluntly, and seconds after leaving the dark, sketchy alleys we found ourselves surrounded by five Gryphons including our ’guide’ and two shady looking ponies, both of the ‘earth’ variety. I had stopped at the edge of the alley way to ‘tie my boot’, surreptitiously pulling three throwing knives and my dirk though I had my doubts of whether it would do me much good here. After all, it was a only about fifteen centimeters long, and regardless of how pretty the Damascus steel was, I doubted that I could stun them with my taste or with the edge I kept. No, we were in for a slugfest where Crimson and I were the special guests.

Crimson Tide looked around and seemed a little less worried than he should have been. I did a quick scan and saw no weapons among them (at none that were visible) and debated on ditching Crimson to let him deal with his stupidity by himself, or to back him up. I made a mental note to deck him later and took up a position by his side with Lupa. I’d love to say that we made a formidable trio, but all we had was a pretty boy, a shaggy young thief, and a wolf the size of your mums arse. Lupa was the scariest thing we had going for us, but I didn’t want her getting hurt on my watch. God forbid someone touch my fucking pupper and live to tell the tale. I’d be on them like a metaphor on a simile.

“So, gentleman. What have we here, a little welcoming party?” Crimson flashed a winning smile. I swear I saw one of the Gryphons blush.

The Gryphon that lead us there smirked. “Yeah, thought I’d introduce ya to some of my pals, eh?”

I had to put my hand over my mouth immediately. This man here had the thickest, most stereotypical Canadian accent I’d ever heard, and I died a little on the inside trying to hold back my laughs. Thankfully attention was on Lupa and Crimson or I believe we might’ve gotten jumped before I could get myself together.

“Well how nice of you! Maybe we can all grab a drink later, on me. For now, my friend and I just need to find a place to lay our heads; it was an awful long journey for us to get here.”

“Ya know, don’t get too many hosers like you fellas ‘round too often. Yeah, we got Scratch and Jam,” He threw a hand in the general direction of both ponies respectively, “but there ain’t too many Ponies come around here without reason. And more than a few bits to see whatever reason that is through, ya know what I mean?” His smirk grew and the group around us gave a few dark chuckles.

The bad feeling was back with a vengeance and I took inventory. Three throwing knives in my left hand, and three more in my left boot. One dirk in my right. A larger, though shitty, throwing knife in my right boot opposite the sheath for my dirk. I had a good shot at pissing off at least three of them and giving one a good shank before they pummeled us into a gooey, delicious, sarcastic, pulp. Crimson was trying to work some magic, but apparently he wasn’t that kinda unicorn. I would say it wasn’t working out too well.

“Now, gentlemen, I’m sure we can come to some sort of agreement, yes? My friend and I will hand over half of our travel fund, and we can all walk out of here while looking forward to a nice meal and a stiff drink. What do you say?” Crimson bargained

“Hmm,” The stocky fellow pretended to think, “Nah.”

Crimson’s face turned placid. “I will break every bone in your body.”

A few jaws dropped, mine included. While they were busy being stunned, I quickly whipped my three knives out, one catching the pony named Jam in the eye, dropping him. Another hit a random Gryphon in the throat and he fell as well, clutching at his throat. My last knife caught our new friend high in the pectoral, and as my last knife flew, so did Lupa, rushing the last pony. She lunged at him, maw agape and began ripping pieces off of him, his screams echoing throughout the hard, grey bricked building until the his last blood filled gasps permeated the air. Four Gryphons remained and they were all staring aghast at the corpses of their former friends, at least, they would have if Lupa hadn’t sprung into action once more, taking one of them down and ending him much like his friend. I had enough time to grab my larger throwing knife as well as my smaller ones. The last three Gryphons were easy pickings. Not for me, but for Crimson. I hadn’t noticed, but when Lupa had taken down her second target, Crimson had bounded towards them and delivered swift, lethal blows to our former guide. The other two wised up quickly and began to run, so I fixed my grip on the larger knife and let it fly, the extra weight and momentum driving it deep into the taller Gryphons back. He dropped and I could see the terror and tears in his colleague's eyes when he realized he wasn’t getting back up. He had hesitated too long; Lupa and Crimson were on him, both of them forcing the poor bastard to give up the ghost. I looked around us, the area now awash in what felt to me like a sea of blood. Numb, I collected my daggers from the bodies nearest me with Crimson returning the rest. I wiped them off on a nearby cadaver and resheathed them.

“Well that could have gone better. I hate it when they don’t listen.” Crimson sighed and I stared as he and Lupa began dragging bodies to the alley, covering them in rubbish to hide them. I was shaking harder than I ever had in my life. Once they had finished, my eyes met my guide’s and I promptly threw up.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“What’s gotten into you, Max?” Crimson asked over a meal. We’d found an inn on the better side of town called the Halved Horn and reserved rooms. Well, Crimson did the talking as I stood off to the side.

“I…” I began I couldn’t find the words.

How could I tell him that I’ve never actually killed anyone? I’ve gotten people killed, usually not on purpose and I usually didn’t even know, but I had finally soiled my hands with blood with lucky shots at that. I’d had plenty of time to practice throwing knives, but the guys I hit in the eye and throat were really just bad luck. I had taken the lives of four people without a second thought, regardless of whether or not I aimed to kill. Four sons, possibly fathers, brothers or lovers. All dead by my hand. Seven, if you counted my presence in guilt to be doled out. My rationalizations couldn’t protect me from the sheer hatred of myself over what I had done.

“Max. Look at me.” Crimson garnered my piecemeal attention. “Have you ever taken a life prior to what happened this morning?”

I shook my head. He gave me a look full of pity and comprehension. Lupa whined with her head on my lap. She'd never left my side after we got her and Crimson cleaned up, and I was willing to bet it was because she could feel my distress.

“You heard those stallions, Max. I rather doubt we would’ve walked away from that with a few bruises and a good story. And from what the Princess told me, you wouldn’t have survived. You did what you had to to to see another day, and don’t you dare regret that. Even Ponies, as soft as most of us are, have the instincts that tell us to survive.”

“I get it, mate. I do. Me or them, kill or be killed, whatever spiel you want.” I buried my face in my hands for a moment, the strength I had held onto for hours leaving me all at once.

“I get it, but we could’ve handed over the money and ran. You coulda magicked them into leaving. We coulda fought it out without killing them. Hell, I know there was another way but it’s not the guilt that getting to me right now, it’s the fact that I only felt bad about it for a few hours. What the hell kind of monster kills four people and walks away without a care in the world? What kind of monster feels nothing mere minutes after ending lives? I’m a thief, mate. I’m a liar, a cheat, an arse, but never, never, Did I ever think I would be a murderer.” I whispered.

He was silent for a few minutes. We both digested what I had said as I picked pecked and at the food on my place while Lupa lay on the floor. The three of us just sat there for awhile, taking in the silence and the calm.

“You know this isn’t going to be the last time if you continue working for Princess Luna, right.” It wasn’t a question.

“From the way you handled yourself, I figured as much. I’ll deal with this shit later, compartmentalize. Let’s just,” I took a deep breath and let it out to the count of ten, “let’s just focus on the task at hand. When do we leave for Hedard’s manor?”

Crimson gave me a worried look. “We can wait until tomorrow, if you’re… indisposed. There’s no deadline to this mission, Max”

“The sooner it’s over the sooner I can go back. And we don’t know if anyone saw us when we… Killed those guys.”

His face hardened. “Then shape up, we leave in two hours.”
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hedard’s manor was easier to find than a massage parlour that did a little extra in London. It was the biggest house I’d ever seen besides an estate in Canterlot that I’d passed on my little midnight romp, and it was rather well guarded. Two men at every entrance, though we weren’t going in through the front door. No, Crimson and I had scouted the place out once it was too dark to see much and found that someone had left a window open. The only problems were that it was on the second floor and we didn’t know where exactly the artifacts were being kept. Our entrance being on the second floor and the high wall around the estate meant that we’d have to leave Lupa behind at the inn. I gave her my orders and she promptly left to go back to her bone, though she did give my hand a few goodbye licks, possibly as a good luck charm. Once she was out of sight, I was in charge. Breaking and entering were my specialty, after all.

“So what do we do from here?” Crimson requested.

“Get us over the wall and onto the ground, we’ll make our way over to the wall and you’ll go up first; I can’t see from here if I’ll have any handholds, but your coat should make you hard to see anyway. A little scouting never killed too many.”

“I really don’t like the way you word things sometimes.”

Crimson got us over the wall with no problem with a little levitation spell, both of us keeping a lookout over the barely lit grounds for any signs of life. Once we were sure the coast was clear, we sauntered across the open ground and got to the window soundlessly. Crimson went up first and I found that the bricks jutted out well enough that I could scale it with no issues. I got the all clear from Crimson once he was inside and began my ascent. Having climbed up more difficult walls in the past, this one wasn’t so bad. Once inside, I found that we were in an empty guest room. After a quick search, I found a few baubles that I felt it was within my right to keep, no matter the dirty looks I was getting from my partner.

“Do you really need the necklace?”

“No, but why not?”

“You’re ridiculous” He shot me a frown, though the edge of his mouth twitched.

“I’m a thief, mate. It’s damn near in my blood.”

“I’m sure the Princess will understand.”

I put the necklace back.

We continued our endeavor, sweeping the second floor completely in about half an hour. I had Crimson move upstairs to sweep the relatively safer higher floor while I took the first, the one that would most likely be the best guarded. Turns out, I was right. I dashed from cover to cover, never allowing more than a minute squeak as I made my way around the first floor. Every few minutes I ran into a guard patrol that I avoided by ducking into a room or staying still and silent in an alcove. I was halfway through when I found the treasure room.

It was rather pretty if you ask me, and my sticky fingers ached to grab every pretty little bauble I saw, knowing I could fetch a good price for each of them. I saw multiple swords of varying lengths, suits of armor, necklaces, brooches, pendants, rings, raw uncut jewels. In short; everything a thief could ever want. Every shiny thing I saw, I yearned for deeply, and since I was putting old skills to good use anyway…

I had to stop and remind myself of what I was looking for: a dagger and a crown, and nothing more. Repeating that mantra to myself over and over again until my hands stopped aching, I continued my search, weaving in and out of the somewhat dimly lit displays, more than a few still catching my eye despite the constant reminder. It took me a little bit to find exactly what I was looking for first; The Warbling Blade. It was clearly marked on it's display, though the previous descriptions did it no justice at all. It was a beautiful Damascus hunting knife around twenty-five centimeters long, with a curved, shiny silver quillion that seemed like it would hold your finger just right, which rested on top of a lovely ebony handle that seemed to draw in light. The pommel was chased in silver and curved slightly forward to form an interesting looking face that looked somewhat human, though it was somewhat hard to tell: the image shifted and swirled, making it awfully hard to actually discern what it was. I had to have it. Doing a quick check around the case for any pressure sensitive plates or trips, I did another quick scan around the room, lifted the case and took the dagger along with the sheath that held it. When it touched it, I heard nothing except the odd howling of the wind that seemed to pick up once I added the sheath to my belt.

With the Warbling Blade in hand, I skulked over to the case that appeared to hold the crown or whatever I was actually looking for, crouching low. I scanned it as I did the other case and found a pressure plate underneath it, which complicated things quite a bit. I was willing to bet that with the level of tech I’d seen so far in Equestria wasn’t advanced enough to have terribly sensitive pressure plates, so I just needed to find something heavier than the crown to place there. I began looking around before I face palmed. I could just flip the case and be done with it. Not like I had to place a replica. I lifted the case carefully and set it on the pressure plate, being especially cautious as I slowly pushed the crown off. The crown fell and I caught it just in the nick of time as the alarm went off.

So much for my brilliant plan.

I raced upstairs and ran smack into Crimson, both of us staring wild eyed as we retraced our steps back to the room we’d came in from. We could hear the guards tromping about, making their way toward our general direction as they swept each room. Without further ado, I held the Diadem of Sovereignty tightly and Crimson grabbed my shoulder, teleporting us outside with a little effort. We made a mad dash across the estate grounds toward the thick treeline that would hide us. We heard guards call out, but I couldn’t quite hear what they were saying, but the look I got from Crimson told me to keep running. I didn’t exactly need any extra impetus to beat feet, so we ran like the Cerberus himself were after our asses. We broke the treeline and I saw Crimson look back every few meters to see if I was keeping up with him, which I was barely doing on flat ground. Once we got deeper into the forest, however, my agility allowed me to maintain most of my speed, dodging trees and hopping over roots while Crimson had slowed a little. We kept up that breakneck pace for as long as we could, finally stopping after climbing high into the safe cover of what seemed to be a sugar maple. I couldn’t tell the exact species because I’m not an arborist or whatever and it was dark as hell. The trees leaves were densely packed and provided excellent coverage from the air and ground, and that’s really all we gave a damn about. Barring a tree to tree search, we wouldn’t be found and could catch our breath for a moment, or at least, I could. My lungs had been on fire a few minutes into the forest and I’d had a stitch in my side; not terribly conducive to running. I was a duck and sprint kind of thief, not one much for a long haul, and at the moment I could not be more envious of Crimson’s stupid pony stamina. He was as out of breath as I was and he looked like he needed to be lead to some water, but otherwise his panting ended a full minute and a half quicker than mine and with no mentionable aches. We stayed in the tree for the rest of the night, and once dawn broke, I donned my cloak and we went back to the town of Hildegarten to collect Lupa.

It was a considerable walk, even with Crimson’s path-finding spell to lead our way. Turns out, he’d tagged myself and Lupa with a location spell when the bartender in Farrier gave us our drinks. I was none too happy about having a glorified GPS chip put in my drink and I doubt Lupa would be pleased either; if he’d told us about it we probably might’ve given our consent. Okay, that was a lie, but I still would rather have been asked. No matter how I felt about the issue, it was leading us back to my pup and we’d soon be out of Gryphonia all together, back home where I could deal with the emotional trauma I had accrued. Man, fuck was that was going to suck, but I could hopefully just put it off until I grew into a cold heartless bastard incapable of feelings. Come to think of it, I’d rather just deal with the pain all at once; I never have been a fan of prolonging anything that can be handled quickly.

We broke the tree cover and found Hildegarten in a frenzy with Gryphons and ponies scurrying about like mice. After some inquiries, it turned out that our little party in the slums had been discovered and we needed to get out. Now. We did as the Romans did and picked up the pace, power walking back to our inn. Guards stopped us twice on the way there, asking where we’d been yesterday, and since the exact time of the murders would have to be discovered by forensic unicorns later, we were able to skate by on the grounds that the innkeeper of the Halved Horn vouched for our whereabouts. From there Lupa rejoined us and we got the fuck outta dodge via the forest, led by Crimson’s path-finding spell once more.

Seven or so odd hours later, we were back in Farrier with no events occurring on the trip back. We’d stayed in the forest for quite a while before taking the main road again since I didn’t really want to be seen with a bulging bag and a rather large knife on my hip. It wasn’t as uncommon in Hildegarten for people to carry weapons of various kinds, but in Ponyland? Thankfully the Warbling Blade had an extra strap that allowed me to carry it horizontally so I could hide it, but the bulging satchel was fairly obvious and we got a look or two in town, but nothing more. Our little trio got to the Museum of Equestrian History weary and tired from the nonstop walking, though Lupa was fine of course. Crimson and I, on the other hand, were exhausted from going nearly forty eight hours with no sleep and we were running on fumes by the time we hit town, and I know only the prospect of being done with this sordid affair was keeping me going.

The same receptionist met us at the door, and after one look at our enervated expressions, she knew not to hold us any longer than she had to. That or she was just an expeditious person. Either way, neither mattered; I was ready to be done and back in Canterlot before sunset and nothing, not even Ms. Sprinkles and her ‘affable charm’ could hold me back. Through my exhausted eyes I barely recognized the place I’d been only a day or two ago, though I did recognize Grape Sprinkles herself. Her sour expression hadn’t changed in the slightest, and it didn’t abate even as Crimson and I walked through the door behind Merry Melon.

“I suppose you have the Diadem of Sovereignty with you?” She asked, cutting strait to the point.

“We do.” I replied.

“Then why are you here? I thought I gave you your orders? You’re to return it to Canterlot, not bring it back here you fool. It’s a small marvel you were even able to reclaim the Diadem if you’re so incompetent!” She riposted. Bitch, you told me to bring it back so you could inspect it!

“Look here you bloody fucking twat, if I wanted to hear your condescending bullshit I’d just fuck ya and marry your bitter wrinkled ass. As it is, if ya don’t shut your fucking trap, I’ll stick it closed with a knife. Ironically, the knife I was planning on bringing back to you is the knife I’ll do it with, so you can either thank me for being a nice fella, or you can shut the fuck up and we’ll be on our way” I snapped back.

Sprinkles was silent for a moment, her eyes wide. “Did you just threaten to stab me?”

“Is that really all you got from that?” Crimson asked, as tired as I was.

“It was the most Important part, if you ask me.” I cut in.

He sighed and shook his head. “We brought you the Warbling Blade. I don’t see what’s so special about it, but Max apparently loves it. If you want it, we can leave it. If not, he’ll keep it.”

“We do not want that accursed thing here. Take it with you and please let the door hit you on the way out.” Sprinkles replied with some venom.

I whipped the blade out and presented it to her. By slamming the point into her desk. “I’d want to keep this if I were you, it’s an awfully pretty piece.”

Sprinkles gave me a glare. “That is most certainly not the Warbling Blade. The blade is-”

Every eye in the room was one the blade as it transformed into a plain, smaller knife. It was worn with a simple light brown handle. It had altered into a completely unremarkable piece.

“-Yes, we’ll keep it!” She nearly shouted.

I prepared my most shit-eating grin and let it go, full force. “Touch it.”

She looked between myself and Crimson, worry etching itself into her face for a moment before she tentatively extended a hand across her desk. The moment her finger made contact with it, the blade made the most eerie, most terrifying silence I had never heard. Every pony in the room shivered and Grape Sprinkles retracted her hand, holding it as if she had been bitten, while Crimson and Merry Melon cringed. Lupa shook her head and I raised an eyebrow at the reaction of the ponies.

“That was entertaining. I think I’ll keep it, seeing as how you fellows can’t use it.” I picked up the blade and it warped back to the form I was familiar with.

“How?! We need to study it, to catalogue it, understand it!” Merry Melon nearly shouted.

“How do you plan to study it if you can’t even touch it? It’ll stay with me until further notice, and in case you and Sprinkles don’t remember, I was told to keep it. I was told that you didn’t want it, but now that it’s interesting, you’re oh-so possessive.” I was being a dick at this point. I was planning on letting them study it, of course, but even in my exhausted state I still love screwing with people.

“What do we have to do to convince you, Maximus? Anything within our grasp, you’ll have, just name it.” Melon and Sprinkles were looking at me intently, and I could tell that they were getting desperate. My only question now was whether or not to screw with them some more or just hand it over.

“I don’t know, I went through an awful lot of trouble to nab this, ladies. What do you have that could persuade me? I’m friends with at least one of the ruling Princesses, so I’m pretty sure their favor could land me just about anything I could want. I didn’t see anything in your museum that caught my interest and the only thing I want at the moment,” I grinned at Merry Melon, remembering the first time I’d visited the museum with Lupa, “is a piece of Melon. I’ve heard it’s sweeter around these parts.”

The mare in question was blushing up a storm and Sprinkles looked outraged that I’d even suggest such a thing. Crimson, meanwhile, was trying not to laugh and was failing. Before things got worse, I forestalled Sprinkles’ outburst with a raised hand.

“Relax, I’m kidding. You can study the knife, but I want you to send it to me once you’re finished.”

“We can’t study unless you’re around! We need you to stay here so we can delve deeper into its mysteries.”

“Not happening, love. I’m going back to Canterlot tonight, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me on this. I’m ready to get out of the field.”

Sprinkles sighed and drummed her fingers on the table. “Then there’s no point in keeping it here. Take it and go, I don’t want to deal you anymore.” She massaged her temples. I’ve noticed I had that effect on people.

Crimson and I left while left while the sun was just beginning to set. We walked and talked a little more, both of us chuckling at my antics at the museum. Lupa nipped my leg while we were laughing at Melon’s reaction, so she obviously didn’t approve, but it was worth it to see Melon’s and Sprinkle’s faces after my sultry insinuations. Farrier was still a smallish town, so we arrived at the Teleportation Station in no time.

“Glad you were my partner on this, Crimson. Can’t think of any other Pony I would rather have with me.”

Crimson extended a hand. “It was my pleasure. Who knows, maybe we’ll work together again sometime? If you keep working with Princess Luna it’s likely.”

We shook. “Don’t know if I will.” I drew a deep breath and sighed. “I’m none too happy about what we did. The actual mission part I wouldn’t mind doing again, but I don’t know if I can take anymore blood on my hands.”

“Understandable, not everypony can do what we did, just be glad you made it through in one piece.”

“I am. Why don’t you come to Ponyville some time? I've got a house there, and I know the area pretty well. We could grab a drink at the local bar, and I could probably get you laid.” I gave him a cheeky grin.

“I don’t have much trouble on that front, friend. Goodbye, and good luck.”

Crimson began walking toward the town and raised a hand with his back towards me. I didn’t bother waving back, instead opting to go into the Teleportation Station. Lupa lead us as we met a brown stallion who waved us onto the runes without a word. I was grateful to not have to trade niceties for once and closed my eyes. A moment later, I opened my eyes and the face of the mare I had met before my departure greeted me with a pleasant smile.

“How’d your trip go?” Velvet asked brightly.

“Fuckin’ sucked."