As I said last time and since I don’t have a good segue (Thanks, past me), I was riding the train back to Ponyville, pretty much coming to terms with the fact that my life was an orderly mess when we arrived in town. It took a deep breath and the promise of better bourbon than even Fancy Pants had to get me moving, but when I stepped past the train doors, the delighted smiles of Fluttershy and Twilight kind of made me wonder what the fuck I even left for. Rarity and my duties as a Baron were the main reasons, although the more I thought about it, the more bitter toward Celestia I was and I didn’t want to keep letting that wound fester.

I leapt back into life as I knew it with Twilight and Fluttershy flinging questions and flooding me with inquiries about my side of the story and the stuff that had gone on after Rarity left. Apparently they were under the impression that Rarity and I were fighting because I didn’t respect her as a mare and Twilight was the first to ask if I really did. When I flat out said no, the hurt looks on their faces sucked, but there was little I could do about it without lying to them.

Standing around and being sad didn’t do us any good, so I said, “Twi, Butterbear, it’s not like I hate Rarity-”

Fluttershy held her arms as we walked. “You two bicker a lot…”

Twilight carried on with, “And you two kind of…”

“Kind of?” I asked, genuinely interested.

“... Rarity won’t say why she blanches when you give her that look…”

“It’s… It’s like you’re hurting her, Max… She just won’t say anything, but…”

I stared at Fluttershy. “Oi…”

“N-No! It’s like that’s what it is! I know for a fact that you- you wouldn’t just hurt ponies for no reason!”

“Y-Yeah! Even if you do get violent, you’re so apologetic when you calm down!”

I sucked air through my teeth and sighed while they defended me and my morals from and against each other, breaking their increasingly awkward ramblings with, “Rarity likes it when I humiliate her, and the further I push it, the more she gets off on it.” They shut up. “The mare pushes me until I get fed up with her on purpose, and honestly it was more or less a game of chicken when it started.”

“... When what started?” Fluttershy’s voice was soft; inquisitive and more interested than she probably meant to let on.

“Rarity was running her mouth while I was visiting her in her shop one day and I gave her the look. She shut up for all of ten seconds before doubling down on the bullshite, so I told her that she could either close her mouth or put it to better use. She kept going, so I took her to the front of her shop, whipped it out, and didn’t get an ounce of resistance from her.”

“B-But-” Twilight stammered, fanning herself and looking a little mortified for being in her mid-twenties. “That’s not Rarity!”

“I recognize why she didn’t tell you herself, but no, I don’t abuse Rarity against her will. If she really had a problem with it, my status as a Baron wouldn’t mean shit against an Element of Harmony, regardless of whether or not I’m Celestia’s friend. If I didn’t have my dick in every gossip’s mouth around town, my reputation outside of Ponyville would be absolute shite for my sluttery…”

Fluttershy giggled. “Whorsie.”

“You love it,” I deflected, not letting the blow do more than glance off my metaphorical shoulder. It was another slap that told me I needed to keep it in my pants, even if adultery was acceptable..

Fluttershy and Twilight started catching me up on some of the things they’d been doing while I was away and Twilight mentioned that Pinkie had somehow managed to slip her toy in her knickers and steal the vibrator during a sleepover. Purps was pretty upset about it, so I gave her a hug and told her that we could do some platonic, clothes-on cuddling whenever she wanted and I got a mild look for it. Fluttershy, on the other hand, stole a kiss and got several more before taking her leave so she could get back to mending Bearett’s broken toes. I didn’t know bear’s could break toes, but apparently Lupa was a big help on that one.

When Flutters departed, Twilight told me a little more about her specific sphere of Ponyville and mentioned that she’d spoken to Spike a lot about love and what she was learning from her time spent with me. Before we could get into that, I asked, “So what have you learned about love through being with me? What all have you observed?”

I was ready to be slapped all over again with a harsh truth that had developed under my nose, but Twilight reached for my hand and held a knuckle to her lips. “... I’ve learned that it’s a different kind of affection when you’re dealing with your special somepony, but that’s not everything. You can have a perfectly healthy relationship based on intellectual conversation and emotional support without the physical aspects, a-although…”

We were nearing the Treebrary since Ponyville wasn’t exactly huge and we’d done a fair bit of talking already. “Although…? The intimacy is nice when it comes around, isn’t it?”

She giggled. “It’s pretty nice, but I think the rarity of it makes it so special…”

I scoffed. “You say that, but let’s be real here, Twilight.” Her expression was pensive as I soldiered on with my prerogative. “I mean, we both know I have a lot of sex and it’s kind of just something I do. It’s another addiction, I guess, but it’s not an addiction I feel the pull of with you.” We stopped near the stoop and I tried to explain myself since Twilight looked confused. “Twi… I don’t know how to tell you that sex was introduced to me as pain and fear, then I got to know it as a tool. With you, it’s not sex. It’s making love, and I don’t really care what you say; we could make love every day and it would probably be just as magical as it was when you kissed the Ol’ Chap on Hearth’s Warming Eve.”

Twilight’s face was a bright, ruby red and she couldn’t really meet my gaze, the goofy smile on her face crushing my heart into sugarcubes while she ground her hoof into the dirt. “... I’m not just some mare you… Rut…”

Kaid sent a message to Max and Max told the smartarse to stop pointing out that I was a whore with permissions. “No… It’s weird that I see sex so casually, isn’t it?”

Twilight pulled an apologetic face. “I think you love me enough to let me say that your life sucked enough to make it a logical conclusion. I understand, and it’s just that much more touching that you’re willing to share something like that with me, especially since I didn’t even have to make tea!”

I chuckled and came in for a little kiss. “I dunno. Maybe I just feel more at home around you?”

“Well… If you ever decide to start wearing hats…” Twilight’s goofy little flirtation earned her another kiss, but I just took a moment to hold her, to look at her. “Is everything alright, Amour? You seem… Stressed?”

To answer your question, I hate my life and I only truly enjoy the company of an amount of people I can count on my fingers. “I’ll get there. What else did I miss while I was away? Did someone unwisely try to steal you away from me?”

Twilight smiled shyly and tried to be coy while walking her fingers up my chest. She pressed a little too hard and popped her finger. “Ow. I- Oh, darn it, I was trying to be cute!”

“Cherry, that’s like trying to be a Unicorn.”

She gave me a look. “I am a Unicorn.” I bit my lips and waited. “What?”

“You’re so cute, Twilight, and it hurts my pancreas specifically. Speaking of cuteness, when you were being extra cute, what were you gonna say?” I wrapped my arms around her and smirked, trying to tease an answer out of her.

It wasn’t that hard. “Well, I was just gonna say… I don’t really find guys attractive… I mean… I’ve talked to stallions, but… You seem so much more… In-touch with yourself, I guess… And you always notice little stuff, so… I don’t know… Well, I guess I don’t know how to say…” She blushed and looked away.

“Twilight Sparkle, were you gay?”

“A little…” She glanced at me. “I-I’m allowed to change my mind-”

“Of course, who the fuck is in charge of who you love if you aren’t?”

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief that I didn't really get until she said, “Well, I just thought that you might be worried that I was more attracted to Roxy than Max.”

“Are you?”

Her bashful smile was the perfect picture of ‘I know something you don’t know’. “Oh, I wouldn’t say anything for sure…”

“You’re absolutely evil, you know that?”

“You say that, but the real evil one might be you. Spike asks some tough questions these days!”

“You said he was having some lady trouble, right? Did you want me to talk to him?”

“If you could. Do you mind if we head inside? It’s kind of chilly out here, even if you’re really warm.”

“You can always lead the way, but I could also nibble on your ears to keep them warm.”

She giggled and gently pushed me away, walking through the light snow to her doorstep. We knocked the rubbish off of our shoes and took them off at the door, but my socks were no longer optional since Twilight knew I would touch her with them. While we were talking about Spike’s lady problem, my littlest lover put on some tea so we could cuddle on her couch. I eventually managed to sneak a kiss in that lead to another and a few more, but I wasn’t trying to take it anywhere other than smooching. I pulled away from Twilight with a contented feeling that I never knew I needed until I had it, smiling all the while.

However, she seemed to be pretty out of it. I waved a hand in front of her to see what it would do, just for her to keep puckering up. “Twilight, love. Come back to me.”

She blinked at the mention of her name and blushed furiously. “S-Sorry, I just... Started thinking about it and got a little off track.”

I gave her a reassuring smirk. “Don’t worry about it. I know exactly what you mean.”

She blinked thrice. “You do?”

“Yeah. When I kiss you, my head fills with static and it takes me back to a happier time in my life. I really do feel… More at home, I guess, around you. I thought I was just crazy or something; I never thought that kisses might affect you in a similar way.”

Twilight sighed her relief. “I’m just glad I’m not the only one.” Her face went blank soon after and she appeared to be deep in thought, so I tapped her shoulder.

“Twilight? Something you’d like to share?” I asked.

“Oh! Sorry, I’m just extra spacey today I guess.” She said with a nervous smile.

“Don’t worry about it, just try to stay with me, okay?” She nodded. “So what were you thinking about?”

“I was just wondering…”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes? Twilight, never be afraid to ask me a question.”

She nodded again. ”Right. So… Do you get the same feeling when you kiss other mares?”

I thought about it for a moment. “Well, no. I only get that feeling when I kiss you. It’s a different feeling with other mares, not quite as addictive.” And most often not worth doing in the first place. Your lips are the best lips.

“... Do you mind if I ask what you felt from Celestia? I-I mean, the Princess?” She asked cautiously.

I shook my head. “Not at all. When I first met her, I felt like Celestia was sending electricity through my body. Just enough to tingle. Then, when we started dating, her kisses started reminding me of a mild summer day, probably somewhere close to water…” I lost myself in the memory of Celestia’s lips. Hers hadn't been as soft as Twilight’s but her skill with her tongue far surpassed her students. I wasn’t smiling, but it was still something to think about.

Twilight snapped her fingers in my face and I jolted. “Glad to see I’m not the only one who gets lost sometimes.” She gave me a slightly worried smile. “You don’t seem very-”

I rolled my eyes. “That was just silly of me. I was being silly, and it wasn’t really a happy aside, but let’s not worry about that.”

“Glad you’re such a silly head, but...” Twilight trailed off.

I scooped her up in my arms, standing only to spin her around to change the subject. “Would a silly head do this?”

“Yes! Put me down!” Twilight half laughed, half spoke.

I complied with her wishes after a couple more spins and by the end of it, we were laughing our arses off for no other reason for our own silliness. Spike walked in on us and cocked his head to the side.

“You know, I was listening for the mushy-kissy stuff, but I never heard a joke. Why are you two laughing?”

Twilight and I looked at each other and our laughter redoubled in its intensity. Spike walked off to go do something else and Twilight and I were still trying to catch our breath. Through my pained wheezes, I said, “Hey Twilight?”

She wiped her eyes. “Yes?”

“I love you,” I stated simply.

Twilight gave me a warm smile. “I love you too, Max.”

I would say that things got mushier from there, but I’d told Twilight what was on my heart. I really did genuinely enjoy being around Twilight. Everything from her goofy laugh to her terrible dancing made me want to smile, but not because I felt like I was supposed to. I was truly happy when I spent time with Twilight, but I’d just assumed that I felt that way because I was obligated to return the love she felt for me. While I was spinning Twilight around, I realized that I would want a child with this woman in time, that I could start a family with her and never regret taking my freedom from myself.

It took a moment for me to put my finger on the feeling, but contentedness was as close as I could get to naming it. I fully believed that I could spend the rest of my life with Twilight, if she would live as long as I would. I prevented my thoughts from darkening any further by thinking of things that I liked about Twilight, like her intelligence, or her quick wit when the occasion permits. Her sense of justice and fairness also gave me more to love, and I couldn’t help but keep a goofy grin on while we talked some more. There’s a lot of things I like about Twilight, and few of them are reasonable, which is how I knew I had bad for her. I don’t know if I’ve felt this way towards anyone else on Equus, but Maggie…? Somewhere near the same place in my heart. It’s a little scary, but Cherry isn’t my little crumpet. She and Maggie are two different people, and I have to remember that unless I want to be miserable before my time.

Twilight eventually had to go help Pinkie Pie with something, so I got my chance to talk to Spike. I caught him reading a comic book in the library part of Twilight’s house, so I pulled up a chair next to his bean bag and chilled out for a little bit. Once he finished his book, he was ready to talk. “So what’s up, mate? I’m sure Twilight wants you to talk to me about the Sweetie Belle thing.”

I cringed at his use of ‘mate’ but kept it to myself. “She does. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. I’m just disappointed. I should have waited for her to cool down before I asked her out, but I just got so excited!” He clutched his head and leaned back. “Dude, I messed up big time.”

I reached over and patted his leg. “Maybe not, my friend. I have to do some digging, but I have a hunch that there might be a girl who wants your attention if Sweetie Belle doesn’t.”

“Didn’t you say girls like persistence? Why don’t I just keep going after Sweetie Belle?”

“I’m just giving you options right now. It’s up to you to pursue who you want, Spike. The only thing I can do is stack the deck in your favour, you’ve got to play the right cards at the right time.”

Spike sighed. “Big Mac said something similar. I think I’m just going to think about it for a little while. I don’t think I should give up on Sweetie Belle, but if there’s another girl who likes me then I feel like I should give her a shot too. What do you think?”

“Mate, when I was your age, I had absolutely no girls after me. If you want my advice for someone your age, then it’s pick a girl and stick with her until you know her pretty well. If she wants to know you back, you’ll have a relatively easy time of it. If you like what you see in her, then go for it. If you don’t, then leave her alone, even if she’s interested in you.”

“What would you do if a girl was interested in you, but you didn’t feel the same?” Spike asked.

“Well, take my relationship with Twilight for example. I wasn’t in love with her when we started. I just wanted to get to know her for a while, and now I’m some goofy, mushy dumbarse spinning her in circles, laughing for no reason,” I answered, popping my fingers. “Dating is like being friends, but with certain expectations. You’re supposed to show a girl all of the good things about you while hiding the bad, but that’s the exact opposite of how I picked up Twilight and Fluttershy. You remember how much of a dick I used to be, right?”

“Geez, do I ever. You threw a rock at me once!”

“Because you were being a little shite-bite. Do you get what I’m saying though?”

“I think so. I think you’re saying that dating is like, getting to know someone, but you try really hard to get them to like you. From what you and Big Mac have told me, I have to try without looking like I am.”

“That’s basically the gist of it. Though if you need another way to look at it, dating is like looking for someone you wouldn’t mind having in your life everyday.”

“I don’t know… There are some days where I just don’t want to deal with anypony.” He remarked.

“And you’re going to have to find someone who’s willing to deal with you on those days, just remember that it’s give and take, mate. You need to be just as willing to work with someone as they are with you, if not more so just because women are difficult most of the time.”

“Isn’t that one of those things Twilight told you to stop telling me?”

“Tell me that Twilight can’t be the most difficult person for days on end.”

“Dude, don’t you love her? I thought you weren’t supposed to say anything bad about the mare you love.”

“You should know me well enough that I would say it to her face and say something nice afterwards.” He acquiesced. “I’m just telling you what was supposed to work, mate. What might really work for you might be something else entirely. I mean, look at the types of guys you’re learning from. Big Mac is tall, strong and handsome, I think. He’s the classic buff farm boy with a heart of gold and a penchant for being picky with his words. The strong, silent type with a work ethic and deep loyalty to his family. If you look at me, then I’m the wise cracking rogue who plays by his own rules with heart made of a substance better left unsaid. Loyal to a fault myself, but also a huge prick. We’re two completely different guys who look for completely different women, so our techniques won’t always work for the women you want.” Wonder if Big Mac would’ve went for Flutters? Seems like his type.

“What about me?” Spike asked. “What kind of man am I?”

“A growing one. People change a lot from your age up until adulthood, but based off of how you are now, I think you’ll be the genuine, small town kid with a big heart and a strong sense of justice, given to you by your big sister. You’ll attract your ‘mares’ at your own pace, mate, don’t be in a hurry to grow up.”

Spike flopped his arms down to his sides. “I guess you’re right, huh? I mean, I still have years until I’m an adult. I have time to learn this stuff before I need to know it as long as I keep it up with the lessons and paying attention in general like you said.”

“How’s that going by the way?” I inquired.

Spike scratched his chin. “I noticed a lot of things and talked to Twilight about a lot of things I just never thought to pay attention to before. I mean, I saw Applejack coming from Fluttershy’s late one night while I was running an errand for Twilight because she was in one of her moods, but when I asked Applejack what she’d been doing she told me I wasn’t old enough to know. I never really thought about it until I saw her again under the same circumstances, but I looked at her, like, actually paying attention. Her hair was all mussed up, she had a button wrong on her shirt, and she seemed a bit wobbly. Big Mac told me those are all signs that a mare’s been having sex, but I never thought-”

“Yeah, I know,” I interrupted, “I was probably the first to figure it out. Congrats on being either second or third though.”

“Who else would know besides us, Applejack, and Fluttershy?”

“Macintosh, who Applejack usually has to go home to. The thing is, Applejack told me that she had left her lesbian ways behind her, and if she’s doing Fluttershy, then something sexy is going on.” I commented casually.

Spike sat up and crossed his legs. “Wow. What do you think they’re doing?”

“Do you still sleep in the same room as Twilight?”

“No! I stopped doing that months ago!” He protested.

“Say years next time. Don’t ask, just do, mate.”

“Why?” He asked innocently. What part of don’t ask-

“Because you’re too old to be sleeping in Twilight’s room and that probably should have stopped when she started to become a woman.” I explained. “Though I do imagine you got some very creative explanations at a young age, I’m pretty sure no one’s ever had ‘The Talk’ with you.”

“...I heard Twilight mention it once, but she sounded terrified.” Spike murmured.

“The Talk isn’t really scary so much as it is awkward and Twilight’s already awkward.” He shrugged. “That being said, I’ve had a chat or two with Macintosh about it, and I honestly think it would be for the best if you heard about sex and more of that type of shite from guys rather than a girl. I’ll ask Twilight about what she wants to do, but I’ll be all too happy to spare her the stammering and fumbling.”

“Is it really that bad? I mean, I see lots of ponies in relationships, and I’m sure they had to have ‘The Talk’ too. It can’t be that bad if everypony goes through it.”

“It really isn’t that bad if you’re the one receiving the talk. It’s just awkward to try and tell someone younger about sex and what it entails.”

“Wait, so haven’t we already had the talk? You and Big Mac have told me all about sex!”

“We’ve told you that you don’t need to worry about it right now, which is true. We haven’t really explained what it is, to my knowledge.”

“How hard can it be?” Spike thought about that for a second.

“It can be pretty hard if you have no idea what you’re doing, and it’s even worse if neither of you know, which is why I’m pretty sure I’m going to be giving you at least a part of your talk.”

“Is it because you’re good at sex?” He asked.

I scratched my head. Should a slut really be telling an innocent young man about sex…? “More like I probably have the most experience with it. I’ve done some weird stuff, mate.”

“What kinda weird stuff?”

Well, I could tell you about Twilight and Pinkie, or I could not ruin a guy’s image of his surrogate older sisters. “While I was in Canterlot, a couple asked me to play with them for a night. I’ll tell you now Spike, if you ever get an offer to have sex with someone’s wife, make sure their spouse is okay with it before you do anything. I didn’t do that, but I got lucky and was set up by two different spouses on two different nights.”

“Wait, so some ponies in a relationship asked you to have sex with them?” Spike asked, stunned.

I nodded. “That’s the gist of it, yeah.”

“Aren’t relationships supposed to be sacred or something? Like, you told me that I should ask my fillyfriend before I ever try even dating a different mare, right?”

“Some people just have relationships that don’t work like they’re supposed to. When I got together with the fellow’s wife, he set me up with her, and I thought that the message was pretty clear. If I wasn’t certain, I wouldn’t have gone for it.”

“Wow… How many times have you had sex with married mare?”

“Married? Once, as far as I know.” On Equus... “A woman in a relationship? I’d say twice because I don’t know if Mary is in a relationship with anyone.” I shrugged. “It doesn’t exactly happen often.”

“Wait, you mean Mary as in the Mayor?”

I nodded. “Yup.”

“Dude, keep it in your pants!” Spike exclaimed, chuckling his head off.

“Sorry I’m an attractive piece of man meat, but I can’t really help it. Girls like me and I like spending time with girls.” I also probably have some manner of hypersexuality ruining my intimacy, but let’s not get into that. Thanks, Babs.

“... Have you ever had sex when you were Roxy?” Spike asked cautiously

“Yeah, a few times. It’s one of the first things I did when I was turned into a girl. Before you ask, I didn’t sleep with a guy because it felt wrong to me, though I did sleep with a couple girls. Sex feels better as a woman, so remember what I told you about taking care of them first.”

“Right. So what’s being a girl like?”

“It’s not much different from being a guy, they just do different stuff, like go shopping or have little get-togethers that guys don’t really have. Girls are more social in general, so they spend a lot more time talking and going over shite that I don’t particularly care to remember than guys usually tend to. I don’t know why that is, but I know that when I spend time with the guys, we don’t really talk all that much unless it’s about ourselves and our pasts or our observations..”

Spike chewed his thumb, which always sounded like it hurt when he did it. “So… I’ve noticed that we talk a lot about important stuff- Er, well...”

“Spike, I was beating around the bush and you just said it.”

“... Ouch.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s kinda sexist, Max.”

“You wouldn’t believe how many mares don’t understand why stallions talk about the shite that makes them the way they are. I guess guys are more about the big picture and the frame while gals are more about the details and the shading.”

“So… Guys care about the general idea and fillies are more about the stuff that leads up to it?”

I nodded, rubbing my nose with my thumb. “That’s basically my understanding of it. The best way I’ve ever heard it put was that guys have waffle brain and girls have spaghetti brain. Men think in boxes and partitions, tackling the biggest thing or the smallest thing. Meanwhile women think more along noodles and streams with everything kind of intersecting at some point.”

“That makes Twilight make a lot more sense…” He rubbed his chin. “No wonder she can do an experiment and read a few books at the same time. She’s thinking about all of it at once!”

“Pretty much. Any other questions or whatnot?”

“I don’t think I have any more questions.” Spike said.

“Cool. Do you want to talk about something else?” I asked.

“Eh, not really. I think I’m gonna process some of the information you’ve given me.”

“Even better. I’m going off to see the Apple Family, don’t process too hard.”

I fist-bumped Spike and was on my way. Twilight caught me before I could go and asked if we could get together tomorrow and do something, so I suggested that we go for a walk in the Whitetail Woods since I couldn’t remember if I’d ever shown Twilight a few of my favourite spots. If the weather wasn’t so cold, I would have suggested that we make a picnic out of it, but dinner at Blossoms and Blooms would have to suffice. Sadly, they were pretty much the best restaurant in town that I could eat at since the only other two were limited to Pony foods. I could probably get one Hell of a salad or something, but Blossoms and Blooms had this fettuccine alfredo that made my knees go weak at the thought of it, so it’s not like I was upset about my option.

I still had plenty of daylight left, so I took my time walking down to Sweet Apple Acres. Granny Smith met me when I arrived at the farmhouse and invited me in for a mug of warm cider, so I offered to tell her a few of my more interesting stories as payment. I ended up listening to Granny Smith ramble for an hour or so, going off on tangents whenever she got too deep into detail. I’d had some practice with the scatterbrained ways of the elderly so I was able to follow the story and the aside well enough to make it seem like I was listening intently. I’m sure Granny knew that I was lost about fifteen minutes in, but old people just don’t give a shit sometimes. That’s one of the good things about Granny; she knows how to keep you entertained as long as you’re willing to be polite and indulge her craziness. I honestly really like the old nag as much as I probably could. She’s incredibly wise, hella funny, and she makes a great drinking partner. Everytime I meet her I feel like I have a fuckin’ family to come home to when the bottle’s calling my name, and I’m kinda sad to say that I’ve ended up at the farm more than once while incredibly drunk. Granny’s always got my back, though, and Mac’s a brother like no other.

It’s a far cry from what we started as, but it’s a part of the reason I stayed in Equestria after everything. You don’t get love like that by being a bad person, and being reminded that I was worth a damn happened to be valuable to me.

Macintosh was preparing to head out for some reason or the other after he got in from the showers, so I managed to nab his attention before he left to catch a line on what he’d been teaching Spike while I was away. It turned out that he’d left ‘The Talk’ on the table and was actually about to come see me about it. We agreed that we would get together at my place and water down some whiskey for Spike so the atmosphere would be more like that of a real talk between men. Of course, Macintosh and I would be drinking it like water, but that wasn’t important. What was pertinent was that I had Macintosh’s support and approval for my drafted plan, as well as Granny Smith’s. We’d included our senior in the conversation due to her wisdom and she helped us put the whiskey idea together so we could simultaneously give Spike a taste of adulthood, yet keep him relaxed. It was a little underhanded, but it’s not like we were trying to hurt the guy.

With that out of the way, I asked about Apple Bloom and Mac had no idea what was going on, but he figured that my own self-proclaimed ‘Colourful Cousin’, Apple Bloom, wanted more advice on how to camp and stuff like that. I’d been around plenty of times to mention stuff about my adventures (The ones Applejack wouldn’t hit me for telling) and to give advice on their Cutie-thing karma. I wasn’t supposed to tell them what they were actually good at which was apparently the way to get their Dharma Karma or whatever, but I complimented them on the stuff they excelled at anyway. I keep getting hit for it, and it’s not really worth it. Apparently Apple Bloom and her friends were all playing in their treehouse doing more Karma Ma- Cutie Mark stuff, so I had Macintosh lead me over there. Apple Bloom was the first to spot me and came running up, leaving her friends in the dust.

“Max!” She exclaimed. “Wowzers, am I glad to see you!”

Macintosh and I traded a look before he shrugged. “I’ve heard you’ve been looking for me. Sorry I was gone, but I had some Operative stuff and some crap in Canterlot soon after.”

Apple Bloom shook her head and smiled. “It’s fine. Do ya mind if I have a word with you in private?” She said, glancing at her brother.

“Eeenope. You remember the rules, Max.” He grunted.

I patted his shoulder. “I’ll let you and Applejack handle all that, I’m just giving a little advice.” We had an agreement that if Apple Bloom ever came to me about puberty, sex, or anything relating to those things, I would deflect her (gently) to either Applejack or Macintosh, and I was grateful that they’d asked instead of me having to. It was awkward to think of advising on girl stuff in general, but love was a little easier to me.

Apple Bloom looked at me, confused. “How’d you know I needed advice?”

Macintosh and I traded another look before he just shook his head and walked away. “Let’s just say I’m smarter than I look and leave it at that.”

“If you know that I need some advice, then do you know what it’s about?” She asked skeptically.

“My first and only guess is that it’s about Spike,” I said softly, watching the other girls.

Apple Bloom lit up and her coat was indistinguishable from her mane. “How’dya always know!?”

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo started coming closer, but I waved them off. They looked like they wanted nothing more than to come over anyway, but they respected me enough to listen. Between my advice and bluntness, they came to “I pay attention, love, that’s how I get by. I heard from Twilight that Spike asked Sweetie Belle out a couple of days ago, and you wanted to ask me something around the same time, so I figured the two were connected.”

“Wow… When ya say it like that, it sounds real obvious.”

I patted her head because I could. “Really obvious. And to me, it was. So what do you want to ask?”

“I just wanted to know what kinda stuff Spike likes. I mean, I know Sweetie Belle likes him too, but I just can’t stop thinkin’ about him, and it’s startin’ to drive me nuts! I just don’t know what to do!” Apple Bloom hugged herself, so I took a knee and looked her in the eye.

“Look, love, I don’t have an easy answer for you here. I want nothing more than to tell you to go for Spike, but I don’t know how that might affect your friendship with Sweetie Belle. I think the right thing to do would be to talk to Sweetie Belle about how you feel for Spike.” Teenage polygamy… Christ, this planet is weird.

“But what if Sweetie Belle doesn’t wanna be my friend anymore because I took Spike from her?”

“What if Sweetie Belle takes Spike from you?”

“I… I guess I’d be sad…” Apple Bloom admitted.

I gave the young woman a hug. “Love isn’t easy, Apple Bloom. It’s confusing and painful, but it’s also wonderful and blissful. I can’t really tell you what you should do, but I do suggest that you talk to your friends. If they’re really your friends, they’ll at least try to understand. If they don’t, then maybe you need friends who care more about how you feel.”

“Applejack told me that I should talk to Sweetie Belle too, but then I remembered that she said that she and Rarity did the same thing-”

“If you’re talking about with me, then that’s not really a fair shake for either of them. Applejack just made one too many mistakes and Rarity sucks.” Apple Bloom’s jaw dropped and I rolled my eyes, “Anyway, so I don’t think our little love triangle is the one you should be looking at. Take Twilight, Fluttershy and I for example. Twilight and Fluttershy are both dating me, but they’re still friends. Maybe you and Sweetie Belle could try sharing Spike?”

“See, that’s what I thought would be best, but Big Mac told me that I shouldn’t be going after a stallion that has more than one mare at my age.”

“Did you tell him who you had a crush on?” I asked.

“Well, no, but-” Apple Bloom admitted.

“Your brother is worried about someone taking advantage of you. There are too many eyes on Spike for him to even try, and that’s not even mentioning that he’s a great guy. If there’s anyone around your age that I think could handle multiple love interests, it would probably be Spike.”

“I know! He’s so mature and confident, but he’s also really sweet and nice.” Apple Bloom interlaced her fingers, wearing a familiar, goofy smile.

“I sense another question.” I stated kindly.

“Well… What if Spike doesn’t like me back? I’ve already asked Applejack, but I wanna know what you have to say.”

“You know, I can’t really say that you should give up if he doesn’t like you. Hell, I didn’t really like Fluttershy when we started dating, but now I’d give my life for her. Even after Applejack almost killed me, I fell head over heels for her, but that just didn’t turn out well. It just depends on the person, I guess. I say that you should keep trying, even if he turns you down.”

“Wait, you’re in love with my sister?”

“... Not as much as I used to be, but... Yeah... I guess I still am.”

“... So not bein’ with her doesn't bother you?” She asked.

I closed my eyes and drew a deep breath, pinching the bridge of my nose like it would actually help with the headache. I thought about what I actually wanted from Applejack and knew that there was a lot more than friendship on that list. If breaking up with Fluttershy would get me Applejack, I honestly can’t say if I would think more than twice about it. I wanted romance with Firefly. I wanted to be close with her and be able to call her mine, to share drinks and a bed with her, but not have the pretence be for sex. It was obvious to me that I wanted Applejack in the same way I wanted Twilight, and it ached inside when I thought about the distance between us.

I sighed, my thoughts and mood having taken a dip for Downsville. “It does bother me, but Applejack doesn't want to be with me and I’m scared of her, so it just wouldn’t work out.”

Apple Bloom stomped her foot- er, hoof, suddenly determined. “Now just wait a darn-tootin’ minute, ya off-white egghead-”

“Off-white egghead.”

She stomped again. Don’t laugh, you fuck. “Darn it, Maximus! Just where do you think you’re derailin’ this here conversation!? I called ya an egghead ‘cause iffin’ you’re so smart, then why aren’t ya goin’ after the mare ya love!?”

Fuckin’ Christ, don’t laugh at that, Max. “It’s not that simple, love. Applejack blew her second chance and now we’re dealing with the consequences. It might not make either of us happy, but we keep getting hurt while we’re together so it’s just better to stay apart. We don’t know what the future holds, but the nearby stuff doesn’t seem like Applejack and I are going to be together during it.”

“Why don’t you just promise to never hurt each other again and mean it? Y’all love each other, Max, it ain’t right thatcha just… Ain’t together...”

“It might not be right, but not everything in the world is the way we’d like it, Bloom. There’s no point in being upset about it. Maybe Applejack and I patch everything up and we just… Get along? Maybe we fight again and that’s it. We just don’t know.”

I hated seeing the heartbreak on Apple Bloom’s face, but then she said, “So… What if Spike and I are like you and AJ?”

I snorted. “Yeah, because Spike is a sarcastic arsehole with more emotional baggage than good memories and you’re an adult mare that had to help raise her little sister, manages a business, and still gets treated like a little- uh… Filly, by her family.”

“... Max, who the hay are ya talkin’ about?”

“Me and Appleja-”

“You’re not an asshole, Max.”

“Language.”

“You said it first and you were wrong when you said it. I was right, so-” She stuck her tongue out and I got raspberries for the first time since like, primary school.

“... Okay then.”

“I’m gonna tell Applejack that you love her! I know my sister won’t just stand by and let love go to waste!”

I sighed. “It’s not going to waste, it’s-”

“You’re not lovin’ each other, so it’s goin’ to waste!” Apple Bloom said petulantly.

“Yeah, not arguing with a kid. Good luck with Spike, AB.”

“You’d better be wishin’ me luck with my sister, mister!” She said, pointing at me.

“You’d have a better chance of getting Rainbow into something prissy and frilly. Goodbye.” I said before walking off. I waved as I went, trying to think of what was next on my itinerary.

I couldn’t think of anything that I absolutely needed to do besides go grocery shopping again, so I did that and got my crap home and put away before pulling out my favourite bottle of comfort: strong tequila. It was a special import from Mexicolt, and it even had a few of the little hardy snakes swimming around in the bottle. It was my go-to bottle for playing my favourite drinking game; How Do You feel? With all the sobriety I’d had in the past two days, it felt like a good time to drown the heartache and melancholy that had decided to show up again, just like I had last time. All I needed was someone to play with and I’d be set. It was only about five in the afternoon, so I didn’t really have many choices. I ended up writing a note to Macintosh and invited him over to play with me. Macintosh knew the game pretty well himself, evidenced by the potent moonshine he brought along with him. We sat down in my living room and played through a few rounds, talking about what was on our minds.

“Oi, Mac.” We were a few rounds deep, taking a break to soak before one of us croaked. “You know Bloom’s in love with Spike, right?”

He sighed. “I know for sure now. Not too glad.”

“Why not? You get to have a hand in the man Spike’s gonna be, bruv,” I said, looking at him through the fog of strong white lightning.

“I know that, but Spike’s… Bloom’s got a bad past, Max. She got a lotta family, but she never knew Ma’ and Pops. They were gone before she got old ‘nough to remember, and-”

“You know Spike barely has parents, right?”

“... Come to think of it, he is awful young to just be stayin’ with Twilight for so long.”

“She’s his Mum, bruv.”

“... Poor little guy.” Mac shook his head.

“I know. That’s why I had to say something and get him some real guy-time. I’m worried about him too, Mac.”

“That’s not all…”

I poured us two more mugs of mixed death. “... Wanna hear somethin’ ironic?”

“Shoot.” He chuckled, chugging half soon after grabbing the mug.

“I drink too much.”

“That’s buckin’ great!” He laughed, cringing once he felt the burn. A shot of Zapple Cider had us right soon, however.

“Bruv… It’s just not healthy at this point. A lot of what I do isn’t healthy.”

“So how do you feel?”

I slammed the rest of my mug and a shot of Zap-Applejack with him. “Fuckin’ miserable.”

“Then get bigger mugs.”

By the time we both said ‘Good’ after being asked ‘How Do You Feel?’, we were fucking hammered. Although one should keep in mind that I cleared up a lot of that conversation from buzzed-speake, it was a good time to let loose and unload about some more of my problems. Once I was sure that Mac was too fucked up to remember a damn thing, I dropped a lot more knowledge, drank even more, littered the conversation with some state-secrets because we were the only ones in my house, and then blacked out entirely. I vaguely remember dropping Macintosh off at his house, but the next morning I didn’t wake up in my bed.

I rolled over and immediately went to clutch my head, but I found that my hands were bound. Through the fog and pain, panic streamed through my veins, though I controlled myself well enough to not freak the fuck out. I opened my eyes and surveyed my surroundings. I was on a bed in a rather drab, grey room. It didn’t seem like much. There was a dresser, a chair with some clothes on it and a couple of night stands, but that was pretty much it. I looked to my hands and saw that they were tied to the bed posts, though my feet were free to move. The knots tying my hands were definitely not done by an amateur, and my struggling only made my head hurt worse.

There were few options, so I figured that my first order of business would be to meditate and clear my head. Once I finished with that, I examined the knots that held me once more. They were well tied and tight enough to restrict movement without hurting too bad, but they still sucked. Whoever had tied me up knew what they were doing. I jostled around a bit under the cover and felt that the clothes below my waist were gone, and I could still feel my dick, so it’s not like I had been taken to some organ harvester. If someone went around chopping off dicks, would that make them a lumberjack or a psychopath?

I put that quandary aside and listened as the door opened to reveal a blast from the fucking past. “Mineral Zeal? Is that you?” I asked, unsure.

If you don’t recall, Mineral Zeal was Onyx’s old assistant. I’d met her back when I was looking for a job around town and we’d had a row within seconds of speaking to each other. I’d seen her around town a few times giving me shitty looks and occasionally trying to talk shit about me, but as the Baron of her town, it didn’t really work. She was easily one of the most hated people in town, and then there was the fact that she hired some goons to try and rough me up in an alley. Again.

We didn’t have the best relationship.

She was wearing fewer clothes than I would have liked her to be wearing seeing as how she was only wearing an open shirt and some panties, and the look on her face spoke volumes about how pissed she still was at me. “Yes, it’s me. I’m guessing you don’t remember last night.” The smirk that slowly formed on her face was creepy

“I wish I could say that I did.” I pursed my lips, very uncomfortable with the sensations coming back to me. A lot of shite hurt.

She scoffed. “Might be the best I’ve had in years, but that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t like you. Once I get you untied, I want you out of my house.”

… I need a shower… I really need a fucking shower… “Where are my pants? And trousers?”

Zeal came over and started working on the knots. Her cutie mark was of the same ball and chain that was somehow on my stomach. “They’re on the floor.”

“Look, I’m sorry we started out bad, but I’m sure-”

“Shut up. If I want another piece of you, I’ll tell you. I want you here within an hour. No exceptions,” She commanded, stopping her work on my hands to glare at me. The thing on my stomach seemed like it was real for a second, a sinking feeling forming as her horn glowed.

I looked at her like she’d lost her damn mind. … Not again… “Did you-”

She looked at me and whisked off the blanket covering my lower half. I saw an awful lot of candle wax. “Yes. I am your Mistress now. Yes, you are my toy. No, you don’t really have options right now.”

I stared in silence until I mustered up the courage to say, “I’m not much of a sub when I’m sober.”

Zeal got my hand free and climbed over me to get to the other one. “You’re not much of a sub when you’re drunk.”

I froze. “Mineral Zeal... Did I even come on to you last night?”

She gave me a genuine smile. It was genuine. “What, you don’t remember?”

“Bits and pieces...”

“Then it’s probably for the best that I don’t say.” She sang. The evil grin on her face didn’t go anywhere, and once my hand was free, it was around her throat, but I couldn’t squeeze.

“Did you rape me?” I asked, a centimeter away from her face.

“I thought you didn’t remember.” She said, maintaining that evil grin.

I cocked back to hit her. I couldn’t. I let her go. I got dressed. I went home. I wrote a note. My note was answered. The mark was removed. My memories were restored. I was mad. Blank slate mad. I went back. I went back with a friend.

I had just finished knocking on Mineral Zeal’s door when she whisked it open. “I thought I told you that I’ll tell you when I want you.” She hissed.

“I thought I’d stop by and make an example of you.”

“Good luck, bud. Until you clear my little hex, your cock is mine. Good luck getting that off.” She giggled, beaming at me.

“I brought a friend to speak with you.”

“Well tell them to buck off. You’re not wanted right now, so-” Mineral Zeal poked her head out to look for my friend. She saw Luna resting against the house, just out of sight if you were looking from inside. “... Princess… Luna.”

Luna smiled at her. “Hello, my little pony. I’ve heard that you’ve been quite the naughty filly.”

Zeal shook and stared. “Y-Your Highness… I-I um… I don’t think this is what it looks- looks like…”

Luna approached her and Zeal fell to her arse as the Princess ascended her short stoop. “Then why don’t you tell me exactly what happened last night and we’ll see if you’re arrested for that on top of a Silent Slave Hex.”

“I-I-I-”

“Oh, my little pony~ Your mana was all over it.” Luna stopped in front of Zeal and kicked her into the house, looking back at me before the scumfuck even landed. “One moment, my friend. Soon we shall know the complete story.” The door closed while I was still outside, so I just sat on the stoop and tried to think.

My mind was foggy. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t even really mad until I thought about how I’d been used yet again. This time I remembered parts of it, and if I hadn’t been so fucked up in the first place, or if I’d fuckin’ just kept Macintosh at my place for the night… There were more and more ‘if’s that kept popping up and pissing me off more, leaving me ready to bite someone’s fucking head off for looking at me the wrong way. Someone actually did try to get close enough to say something to me, but Ponies are all fur coat and no trousers anyway, so the dirty look I gave the gal warded her off. I did a lot of thinking on the stoop and little of it was actually about being violated since it wasn’t the first time and far from the worst. However, I was pretty adamant about making it the last.

Luna exited the flat, looking more annoyed than anything. “To think that a peasant of such an inconsequential town would have the gall to force herself on nobility.”

“Strange.”

Her gaze softened slightly. “... Does it still hurt?”

“Kinda.”

Luna sat next to me and took a deep breath, a spell flying off of her horn in a couple of seconds. “... Celestia had much to say when I was taken against my will. Many words of comfort for but a few scarring occurrences.”

“... What did she say?”

“She said that my strength was not in question and that I was simply too honourable to be as slimy as the knaves that took me. That I wasn’t weak for having been poisoned and used…” She took another deep breath and mulled over her next sentence. “... I still remember all three times it happened, and each was more infuriating than the last. Two men and one woman. It took fifty years after I found them for me to let them have their bodies back. To stop punishing them for their crimes. The mare was sewn closed and magically sealed, but was allowed to live. The stallions were given the choice of raping each other or fighting to the death for their freedoms. They chose to fight. I made the survivor rut the corpse of the only friend he’d had during incarceration. I cast many spells on him to incense him into hit. Used the strongest pheromones from mares that had given samples to hospitals.” She smiled.

I grinned a little myself. “What was the look on his face when he snapped out of it?”

“Do you know what a musket is?”

“Yeah, Earth had versions of them that were a thousand times more convenient and millions of times more deadly, depending on your definition of a missile or projectile weapon in general.”

“... More deadly than a metal ball flying at you faster than any being has ever been known to move without the aid and protection of magic?”

“An inter-continental ballistic-missile can destroy Canterlot and the mountain it’s on with the right payload, Luna. But yeah, I know what a musket is.”

“May the moon shine peacefully on the night this world comes to that level of lethal technological advancement. In any case, I offered the last stallion a choice; starve to death or shoot himself with a weapon defamed for its despicable nature. It took four days for him to blow his brains out, and I just so happened to be scrying him when he did it.”

We both chuckled at the dark satisfaction for a moment, but I took a deep breath and asked a question that I’d already answered for myself when I was young. “... Did it make you happy to know that you got revenge? That you got the last laugh?”

“Of course not, foal,” She barked. “The victory was empty from the moment I decided not to kill them myself, Maximus. It was empty when I let their deeds defile not my body, but my anima… I let them turn me into a custodian, and after I proved to be so effective at breaking them… It became a career. A path I strode down because I was hurt and I failed to deal with my pain.”

I scoffed. “... Face the pain and you get slapped down. Run from it, and it takes you from behind.”

She laid a hand on my shoulder. “... What do you want me to do, my friend?”

“... I don’t want Zeal to live past the end of the month. Killing her myself is attractive.”

“You could always allow the law to carry out justice. Once I tell Celestia of this horrendous event, I doubt that even she would extend mercy to the wretch. Even then, say the word and I will carry out your orders with precision you’ve yet to know.”

I puffed out a chuckle. “... No telling how many people’s she’s raped, Luna. Do whatever you want with her, I just want her dead soon.”

“And so it shall be. Is there anything else you need?”

“... I’m okay, Luna. Just a little shell-shocked. I’m going to take that shower, but because I actually need it, not to scrub off the grossness I feel inside.” I reassured her.

Luna pulled me in for a hug that I gratefully returned, despite not wanting to be touched anymore. “I will return soon.”

With that said, she was gone. I walked home and was glad that the ponies gave me a wide berth for once. Maybe it was the murderous look in my eyes or walking like I was ready to end someone, but I was glad that I wasn’t being bothered up until Pinkie caught up to me. The one person I would be prepared to end on sight came over to me and joined me on my walk. She skipped long by my side and waited for me to greet her, but when I didn’t she hopped in front of me and held out a hand. My lip curled and I almost reached back to smack her, but the look in her eyes stayed my hand. She was there for me specifically, though I doubted she knew what exactly was up. Pinkie grabbed my hand and held it, taking me to my house while looking back at me occasionally to tell a joke and smile. I couldn’t really return any of it, nearing tears as I was, touched by one of the most thoughtless people I knew of.

Once we got to my house Pinkie stayed in my living room, thankfully, which meant that I was free to head upstairs and see how much skin I could scrub off. I hadn’t really lied to Luna, but I did feel like I shouldn’t be touched. Somewhere between the disgust I felt with myself and the fact that I just wanted to fuck someone until they told me to stop, I couldn’t really handle everything going through my head. Luna’s own experience and her re-telling of the tale had been for a reason and I knew that she wanted me to cope in a healthy way. She’d brought up Celestia to drive home a point; Even the people I didn’t like would be over as soon as they could if I asked, and I found that to be touching. That being said, I didn’t want to be touched and focused on trying not to cry out of frustration I didn’t know had been building up.

As I thought about Celestia’s bribe and collaring, the misery hit and my lungs failed me. My own slutty nature and the fact that I practically screwed any woman I wanted to came to bear and stirred in my stomach. Losing someone I could truly identify with and rely on in a pinch gripped my heart. Knowing that there was no easy way out for me made my head ache, but nothing beat me down like the fact that I’d gone and let myself get raped again after I swore I’d make it stop. As I sat under the water and slapped plaster on the wall of the dam to keep the flood from killing me, heart and soul, I pasted the gunk a little too hard and a crack formed in the bottom of the wall. It stretched and I watched as the line formed branches and I quickly recognized the fact that there was nothing that I could do.

I took a deep breath and sobbed my fucking heart out like I’d wanted to since Celestia had sent me to my room as a woman. Like I’d wanted to since I’d felt closer to my friends as a woman than I had as a man. Since being told that I’d died by the hand of my best friend and been raped by another that I’d given multiple chances to. I cried like I needed to when Celestia tore my house down. When she showed me that defiance was a luxury I didn’t have time for. When it became clear that I wasn’t as free as I appeared to be. I wept for Max since I’d never cried for my brother and I kept going because I wasn’t going home any time soon. For the fact that I was barely functioning as a drunk, was a terrible lover outside of sex, and all the things I’d seen in my dreams that made me want to drink myself into a coma every night. I cried because my life felt empty, most people just wanted me for my body, and everything just hurt… Letting it out for once…

When I got a grip on myself, I felt better than I had in a long time. While alone, at least. I don’t know how long I sat there and let the ache run itself out under the steaming water of my unnecessarily awesome shower, but in any case, it had been time well spent and I looked considerably better once I finished freshening up. I sat and styled my hair for entirely too long, but my eyes were still pretty red and there wasn’t much I could do about it. Instead of hiding away in my room, I decided to go and see what Pinkie wanted since it was probably important to her.

I came downstairs and she ran up to me with a tender smile. Not bouncing or skipping; just a light jog. “Hey, Max! You’re looking pretty handsome!”

“Thanks Pinks. Sorry for being… A cock, to put it bluntly. It’s just been a rough day already.” It was only one in the afternoon when I glanced at the clock.

“It’s okay! You seem like you had a really rough night… Do you… Want to talk about it?”

“What do you know?”

“That my friend doesn’t look like he wants to live in his big fancy house with his tasty food and stupidly dark, kill-a-pony coffee.”

I chuckled a little and she came a bit closer, so I bit the bullet and tried to find the words. “Pinks…”

“Yes Max?” She asked, clearly concerned.

I took a deep breath and decided to just man up and say it. “I got raped last night by Mineral Zeal. Macintosh and I got hammered here, I walked him home, she caught me while I was getting along. She marked me with a Silent Slave Hex and I had to get Luna to dispel it. If I didn’t have my connections, I could have very well ended up as her sex slave.”

Pinkie’s hair lost what little bit of poof and floof it had. “... I’m… Max, I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t say that shite again, Pinkie. You had nothing to do with it. My pride already took that hit, and it doesn’t need another.” I gave her a smile I could put my heart behind, small though it was.

“Max… I’m so… Well, I didn’t know…” Pinkie said solemnly. “Did she hurt you?”

“Nothing that I didn’t already fix.” I told her.

She hugged me tightly, looking up to me from just about where the mark had been, though it really wasn’t what I wanted at the moment. I still felt dirty, and not in the fun way. “It’ll be okay, Max. We’ll go to the police, and they’ll take care of everything!”

“I went to Luna. Zeal is as good as dead.” I commented numbly.

Pinkie looked up at me and beamed. “Even better! Now she can’t hurt you or anypony else ever again!” Damn.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. I just had to suffer a little so we could get that sick fuck off of the streets.” I smiled.

Pinkie went back to trying to break my ribs. “Exactly! Don’t let what happened hurt you any more than it already has, Max! If you don’t let it get to you, then it’s like a slap in the face to Mineral Zeal! And plus she’s getting tortured to death to forever roam Equus as a sad ghostie!”

I returned Pinkie’s hug and picked her up off of her hooves so she’d let go and get a hold of something less breakable. “Sometimes your backwards logic kills me, but I think it’s just what I needed today. Thank you Pinkie.” I put her down gently.

Pinkie let me go and dialed her smile down a few notches. “I thought so! I knew something was wrong with you, but my Pinkie Sense doesn’t tell me what exactly is wrong, so I had to bother you and I’m glad I did!”

“So am I, love. So am I.” I patted her head and Pinkie just grinned.

A few moments later, Luna popped in and rolled her shoulders. “I see you’ve already come to your friends for help.”

“I came to a friend when I came to you, Lulu Moon-Moon. Don’t forget that so quickly.” I admonished.

“Yeah! Max was just telling me how you took care of his problem with that awful mare!” Pinkie said. “That sounds like a really nice thing that a friend would do to me!”

“That’s because you don’t know how I’m handling it.” Luna said casually. “Max, would you like a full report on what goes on?”

“I don’t really care. You know what I want.”

“I wanna know!” Pinkie waved her hand in the air.

Luna looked at me and I shrugged. “Pinkie Pie can keep a secret, and I don’t doubt that she already knows.”

Luna scoffed. “Tell me, Pinkie. Name two things I’ve done so far to punish Mineral Zeal.”

Pinkie thought about it for a moment. “Hmm. You sat her down on a big wooden triangle and you tied her hands to the floor so she can’t get off of the edge. It looks like it hurts a lot.” … Remind me to use you as a spy sometime.

Luna’s eyes widened. “H-How did you know?”

“Don’t ask, Luna. Just don’t ask, and you’ll get out of here with your sanity.” I warned.

Luna shook her head and launched into the time she’d spent with Mineral Zeal already, though it was more for Pinkie than for me. Normally, Celestia would have just sent her to Tartarus by way of punishment, but that’s why I asked Luna. I wanted Zeal dead, and I doubted that Celestia would have given me that pleasure seeing as how she bases her life off of the ideals of friendship. I know Celestia’s done some fucked up things in her time, but Luna had always struck me as the darker of the two. Beyond wanting things done my way, I was sure that I would be hearing from Celestia about why I hadn’t come to her first, so I wrote her out a note describing what had happened and made a couple of copies to be sent to Fluttershy and Twilight.

Once Luna finished her report and I wrapped my notes up, Luna went back home and Pinkie suggested that we go see Rarity. I told her that it might not be the best idea, but Pinkie told me to trust her, so I did. She’d already gotten me through the roughest part of the day and I was feeling a little stable, so I figured she would want me to be near someone sympathetic. She babbled about anything and everything on our walk over there, and I was happy that Pinkie was so good at providing distractions. I focused on keeping the conversation going and felt a bit of the weight on my heart lift. When we got to the Carousel Boutique, Pinkie Pie skipped right on in, though I knocked a few times before entering. Rarity was in the back of the shop, and I could hear her sewing machine going at full tilt. I tried to get Pinkie to leave her alone so she could work, but Pinkie dragged me to Rarity like my opinion didn’t matter.

Rarity continued with what she was doing for a few more minutes while Pinkie and I waited. I noticed that she’d put her hair in a ponytail, which I found both ironic and a little sexy. I pretended as if I could clip the ‘sexy’ out of that thought and cast it away. Rarity eventually finished up with her piece and turned to face us. “Hello Pinkie, Max. What brings you over?” Rarity asked.

Now that I could see her face, I noticed that she was wearing less makeup than usual. She was still beautiful, but it was a more muted beauty, like Rarity was being modest. I looked to Pinkie and she skipped out of the room. “Well shit. I was hoping that she could tell me too. Pinkie kinda just asked me to come with her. I figured she had something she wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh. Well, you know how Pinkie is sometimes. I’m willing to bet that she thought we needed to talk.” Rarity replied, shaking her head.

“That’s what I’m thinking. We do need to talk, Rarity...” I replied carefully.

She sighed. “We do, but I would really rather not.”

“I feel the same way, but at the same time we do need to discuss whatever it is that we have.”

“Max, I niggle at you and you stuff your member in my mouth until we both get off from it. I’m three holes and lubricant whenever you want, and you’re the debasement I’ve longed for more than the touch of a stallion that truly loves me. What do we have?”

“... A really kinky relationship.”

“A relationship that’s going nowhere and is going to end with my reputation in shambles. Max, I want you in a lot of ways, but what I want from you is bad for me.”

“... So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying we can’t keep doing this, Max. When I say no, I mean no from now on.” She looked me in the eye and dared me to say different.

“And if I stuff my member in your mouth?”

“I just won’t let you. The more you try, the more likely you are to be hurt.”

“So what do you want from me?”

“Nothing, Max. I don’t want any more than friendship.”

And I don’t want to lose that too. “... Are you sure?”

“A wise mare once told me that if you can only find happiness with another pony, then you need to fix yourself before you give out your love. You’re miserable when you’re alone, Max. Fix yourself before you come trying to ruin me.”

“... Ow.”

Rarity pulled a rueful face. “Max… I know you won’t talk to me or the girls, but you need to find counsel in somepony. I can tell that even now you’re hurting. You… You look like you’ve just had one of the worst days ever.”

I grimaced. “... Don’t really want to broach that one right now.”

Rarity chuckled. “I see you’re still not one for repeating yourself… I know you’ll take care of yourself, but… You’ve been spending a lot of time at home sick lately...”

“Yeah, just a bad time of year, I guess...” Liar. You’ve been drunk. Say it.

Rarity patted my man tiddy before sitting back down. “Whatever you say, darling. I hear you. Now, if you don’t mind, I really do have to get these dresses done.”

“Shuttling me out already?” I said, already hurt while feigning offence.

“You’re not going to talk about your problems unless I make you argue with me and I just don’t have it in me today, Max.” She replied.

“Damn.” I saw that she was wearing a smile when I left, so I considered my work there done, even if I didn’t really know what I did. I knew that I wasn’t any happier for having gone there.

The next thing I had to do was go see Twilight for that date, and explain what the fuck the note I’d sent her meant for me. While I was walking to Twilight’s, I thought about how many times I’d told my lovers that I’d loved them. I mean, it was something that rarely came out of my mouth in the past few months besides when I called someone ‘love’. It was a little strange that I’d started to feel things again, and even though the emotions were still rather muted, I thought that it was a welcome change. When I got to Twilight’s, she was nowhere to be seen, so while I was trying to figure out how to brighten my day I decided to go make my heart ache a little less and visit Mary for some rough, kinky, consensual sex.

Mary’s receptionist gave me a knowing smile when I asked to see her, despite me telling her that I wasn’t here for quote unquote ‘business stuff’. Still, she sent me on up to Mary’s office, and when I opened the door, I caught her doing something she probably shouldn’t have been. Mary was used to me just walking in willy-nilly, so she kept on with what she was doing when she realized it was me.

“If it isn’t my favourite Baron!” Mary purred. “Come to outperform this little toy?”

“Damn straight. I also need to buy the house in town that used to belong to Mineral Zeal, but I’m down to make you walk funny.”

She raised a brow. “It would be my pleasure, but you know-”

“Oh, I’m gonna shag you senseless.” I said evenly, looking her dead in the eye. “I’ve got some pent-up aggression I’m sure you can handle.”

“Oh dear…” She purred.

I left after making sure that I wasn’t pitching a tent, continuing on my way back to Twilight’s once I bought and set the house up to be destroyed. My walk had my head in the clouds and stuck in the mud for a little bit, but I arrived at Twilight’s again soon enough. She still wasn’t home when I got there, and Spike told me that she’d gone over to my house so I wrote a note and had him send it to her, telling Twilight that I was at her place. While I waited for Twilight to show up, I took the piss with Spike and led him around in verbal circles until he refused to talk any more. After a few minutes of me talking about Twilight and all the things I liked about her, he realized that I was rambling and wasn’t planning on stopping. The bastard actually asked if I wanted to try reading any of his precious comic collection just to make me shut up a little.

For those of you cunts who don’t know Spike, the guy is a fanatic about his collection. If you don’t know Spike, then I’m probably going to murderize you for invading my privacy. In any case, he’s had Twilight use magic to protect every single one of them and he even hides them in a place that I’ve never been able to find, and I spotted a wall safe from outside someone’s house once. Believe me when I say that it was a small miracle for Spike to allow me to browse some of his precious graphic novels. I asked for the first issue of the series he had been reading earlier and went downstairs to borrow some gloves from Twilight’s lab, as per his request. I wasn’t complaining since I was going to get to do something he’d never let any other person do. Spike met me in the library and set the book on the table.

The rules were that I could not lift the book, save for its pages. I was not to breath directly on its pages, and I wasn’t allowed to criticize the author for any plot holes, no matter how glaring. With those rules in place I made quick work of the relatively short book. It was alright, but they were really made for a younger audience, and I was not young enough to be a member of it. However, I told Spike that I’d liked what I’d read because I liked him and being honest about it would have eventually hurt his feelings. Even then, it really wasn’t as bad as some comics I’ve read.

Twilight came home while Spike was accessing his hiding spot, and when she saw me in the library, she tackled me to the floor before I could say so much as hello. She buried her head in my chest and I laid there for a moment with the wind knocked out of me. Once I could breathe, I tapped her shoulder and she looked up at me, giving me the perfect opportunity to flick her horn.

She sat up, straddling me, and held a hand to her horn. “Ow! Why’d you flick me?”

“Why’d you tackle me?” I asked.

Twilight blinked and looked around for Spike. “... Is what you said in that note true? Did you really get… Did that really happen?”

I propped myself up on my elbows and looked at Twilight. “Yeah, it’s true. Pinkie and Luna already did a lot to help me get over it-”

“Max,” She interrupted, “something like that isn’t ignorable like the rest of your problems! You-”

“Oi!” I cut her off. Twilight shut up and I softened my tone. “I know, Twilight. That’s why you know in the first place. I’m hoping that if I’m more up front about this than I am with my Operative stuff, I’ll start healing faster. I already feel alright, though that might just be because of where you’re sitting.” Twilight looked down and calmly got off of me, though she did turn bright red. Once she was kneeling next to me, I sat up and gave her a peck on the cheek. “If I think it’s getting to the point where I can’t handle it alone, I’ll come to you, Cherry. I’ll happily share this burden with you.”

Twilight looked at me and sighed. “I know, it’s just that I wish I could do more to help.”

“Just keep being you, Twilight. Between being my friend and lover, I can’t really say that there’s anything else that I want or need from you.” I gave her an honest smile.

Twilight returned it, her blush fading. “I’m glad that I can help without trying, though it kinda feels weird.”

I patted her head. “Don’t think about it too hard, you might make smoke pour out of your ears.”

She rolled her eyes. “That was one time, and it wasn’t even my fault!”

“I’ve gotta say, Cupcake Roulette was fun. We should play that at the next slumber party.”

“It was, but Pinkie’s hot sauce is too hot,” Twilight answered, shivering.

“Cherry, you think cinnamon is spicy.” I remarked.

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean that Pinkie’s sauce isn’t too hot. In fact, didn’t you say that yourself?”

“I never said you were wrong, I just wanted to talk about cinnamon for a little bit,” I grinned.

Twilight lightly swatted my arm and stood up. “I never know what I’m going to do with you.” She sighed.

“You could always try kisses. Those seem to make both of us pretty happy.” I replied, standing up myself.

Twilight stepped over and gave me a quick peck. I gave her a pouty look and she rolled her eyes before coming closer for a longer one. It was a long, meaningful kiss that I was in no hurry to break, the need for Twilight’s brand of kindness high on my list of priorities. The gal was the perfect aliment to my ailment. I let myself drift off while in her grasp, casually snogging her until I realized that we’d probably been doing it for some time. I had to pull away before I took it much further, though I was surprised to find that Twilight didn’t have that dreamy look on her face. Instead, she was smiling goofily.

“I came back and you didn’t even have to say anything.” She beamed.

“Looks like someone’s making progress.” I wrapped an arm around Twilight. “What do you say we go for that date?”

Twilight’s look changed from triumphant to worried. “Are you sure you’re okay with that? I mean, wouldn’t you prefer a nice night inside?”

I blinked a couple times and glanced at the window. “It’s not raining or snowing, so I don’t see why we would. Don’t tell me that you’re afraid of the ‘Big Bad’ Whitetail Woods.”

“It’s not that, I just thought that after what happened…” Twilight trailed off.

“Being stuck inside my own home like some shut-in, cowardly, invalid doesn't sit well with me. Pinkie told me earlier that I should live my life like it never happened as a slap in the face of that piece of shit, and I agree with her. I won’t let that cunt rob my love from my loved ones, and I’ll be damned if one little incident costs me what little peace of mind I have. I’ve been raped before, the only difference this time is that I don’t have to go back and get justice for myself. My friends have already done that for me.” I grinned.

“...What do you mean by that, Max? When you say your friends have already taken care of it for you? Don’t misunderstand: I’m glad you’re taking it so well, but what did Luna do to Mineral Zeal?”

My stomach churned again though luckily I didn’t have anything in it. Twilight looked on in concern. “Sorry, cherry, that name makes me a bit queasy. Luna took her away and that’s all we need to know. Luna’s handling the situation as she sees fit.”

Twilight bit her lip. “So you know exactly what Luna’s doing.”

“Yes, and I don’t want to tell you what that is. Trust me when I say that I don’t care and that you don’t want to know.”

“Well, if it doesn’t worry you or make you feel better, then I suppose I don’t need to know.” Twilight replied uneasily.

“Thank you for understanding, Twilight.” I kissed the base of her horn.

She returned my smile with one of her own. “If you want to go on that date, we should probably hurry. We won’t have light for much longer.”

I agreed, so Twilight let Spike know that we were leaving and we went to Blossoms and Blooms to grab a bite to eat. I ordered the fettuccine alfredo that I had been craving and Twilight followed my lead. She said that it was better with the daisy sauce, but I was pretty sure that would end up getting me killed until I came back to life, so I stayed away from it. Hell, before that good ol’ sob in the shower, I probably would have tried it. It’s strange how things change in the course of a couple of minutes. It really do be like that sometimes.

When Twilight and I went on our walk, we didn’t say much. We’d talked plenty during dinner and before, so some companionable silence was well warranted. It gave me far too much time to think, however, and my mind wandered back to sex. I didn’t know why I was craving it so badly, but I just wanted to… I don’t know, feel close to someone that still wanted me after it happened. Have sex and control of the action. Maybe I was just crazy or something, but I was hoping to have Fleur teach Fluttershy a few new tricks, though I guess I could just teach her myself. I shook those thoughts out of my head and turned my attention back to Twilight. Instead of keeping it bottled up or beating around the bush, I asked her if I could do a favour for her later and she didn't get the lingo, so I was a little more direct. Twilight didn’t say no, but she did ask why I was interested.

I couldn’t give her a real reason and apologized for asking, but I just got a hug and Twilight asked, “What’s eating you up, Amour?”

“... I don’t really know. A lot of stuff, but…” I shook my head. “Libido’s just been on fire all day… Don't really want to know why.” I let my arms loop around her.

“We both already have an idea.” She hugged me a little tighter. “... I love you, Max, but I don’t think that’s going to make you feel any better.”

“This hug’s doing a helluva job, I’ll say that much.” I held Twilight a bit closer and let her scent calm me down.

Twilight and I talked more on the way back to her place, but when she invited me in for tea, I bid her farewell and asked to see her again the next day. She agreed on the basis of free time and its availability, thus we parted ways when it was nice and dark out, so getting home took a little bit longer than usual. I live outside of town, obviously, so it’s not like my way back home was lit. The moon didn’t offer much light that night either, so I was practically walking blind until my eyes adjusted to the darkness. Even then, all I could make out were vague shapes in the inky cloak of the night, but I still managed to get back home because my house is a fucking monolith to luxury.

When I got home, I thought about just how luxurious my house was and wondered why I didn’t have a fucking hot-tub. It reminded me that I needed to talk to someone about getting a heated pool installed somewhere. I’d thought it would be cool when I first came across the idea and now it seemed like a good time to treat myself. When I got home, I wrote Celestia a note, asking if she enjoyed her cake and if she knew anyone who could put a hot tub in my house. I could totally use my bathtub as one, so I scribbled the last part out and asked if she could find someone who could convert my bathtub so that it serves a dual purpose. I wasn’t expecting a response anytime soon, so imagine my surprise when Celestia sent me back a note that simply said, ‘Why don’t you ask Luna?’

Going from having an awful morning to having a decent afternoon had left me feeling somewhat decent and the walk with Twilight had kept me smiling even after I’d got home. Dealing with Celestia’s salt didn’t seem attractive, but I still wrote her back and asked her to come see me so we could talk, even though I was getting awfully tired of having feelsy talks. I’d been having them all day and really wasn’t looking for another, but I knew that if I didn’t explain myself to her, worse would come of it than if I faced the music then and there.

A minute after sending that note, Celestia teleported in, arms crossed, posture standoffish. “Hullo, Celestia. Can I get you something to drink?” I asked politely.

“We can skip the pleasantries. Why did you go to Luna instead of me when you learned that you’d been violated?” Celestia asked with more than a little saline dripping from her tone.

“Well, there are three main reasons. The first two are that you would’ve either wiped Zeal off of the face of the planet without even checking to see what really happened, or you would have sent her to Tartarus after checking to see what happened. I didn’t want either of those things.”

Celestia scowled. “That’s untrue. I would have checked before obliterating her based on the information you gave Luna.”

“I didn’t know that for sure,” I replied evenly.

Celestia snorted. “Whatever you say. What’s the third reason?

“I just don’t like asking you for big things. I don’t want you to throw your weight around just because I ask-”

“But you’re perfectly fine with asking Luna?” Celestia asked sceptically.

“That’s because it’s just how Luna and I work. We give each other absolute Hell, but we still pull through. That, and Luna’s handling Zeal the way I would have if she’d raped one of my friends. At the end of the day I just want the cunt dead, but Luna wants her pound of flesh and I respect that. Don't fuck with someone’s friends, especially if those friends are as close as family.”

Celestia huffed, looking a lot less mature than a four-thousand-year-old woman had any right to. “I’d like to think you and I are more alike than you and Luna.”

I shrugged. “Luna’s darkness and my darkness are alike. We’re different. Luna and I are more hands on, but you’re an administrator. If you’re getting your hands dirty, then it’s for a good reason. Handling things ourselves is just how Luna and I operate. Remember when she went to Gryphonia in my stead?” Celestia nodded hesitantly. “And do you remember how I handled things in Gryphonia?” She nodded again. “Two different ways of being more hands on.”

“Be that as it may, I would like to think that our relationship would sway you towards my side when it comes to favours,” She maintained, looking more hurt than angry at this point.

I grimaced. “Actually, a large reason why I don’t ask you for many favours is because, well, look around you. I owe my house, most of my art, a lot of my possessions, and much of my fortune all to you. You’ve already done a lot for me, regardless of whether I wanted you to. I’ve been looking all of these gift horses in the mouth so hard, I can see what they ate last year. I don’t want you to think I’m getting greedy. I know it’s not the most logical thing, but it’s how I feel. That, and it’s really hard to ask someone you’re separated from for a favour. It’s just awkward.”

Celestia sighed. “You should know that you can ask anything of me, Max. If you want something handled a certain way, tell me and I’ll make sure it gets handled properly. If you feel awkward about asking something of me, don’t. Once you share your body with someone-”

“Niceties fall to the side.” I finished for her. “I know. I just… It feels wrong.”

Celestia gave me a womanly look. “Just keep it in mind next time something or someone hurts you like that. Hopefully there won’t be a next time, but your track record is terrible.”

“You’re telling me. Thanks for coming to talk to me,” I replied sincerely.

Celestia came over and gave me a hug. “Any time, Max. And I’ll look into having someone come by and convert your bathtub, but I want to be one of the first ponies in that tub when it’s finished.”

I pulled away and shook her hand. “I’ll have you and Luna over to christen it. Feel free to wear whatever you like… Or nothing at all.” I passed her a wink.

Celestia gave me an odd look. “You haven’t flirted with me since we broke up.”

“The pain is fading. Had myself a good old shower-cry and goddamn I gotta cry in the shower more often. Really kickstarted the right side of the brain.”

“Oh. I’d thought that there may have been some kind of… Cathartic talk between yourself and Fancy Pants at the party. The two of you share many points in your histories.”

I shrugged. “I talked to Fleur about suicide for a few minutes, but when she started digging, I started deflecting.”

Celestia nodded. “I’m well acquainted with them and their concern for their friends, seeing as how Fleur was personally trained by me, albeit in disguise, and Fancy was handpicked by me to become the Guard Captain.”

“That’s actually pretty cool. Anyway, Fleur gave me some advice and Fancy gave me his wife for a couple nights, so I’m doing better than I have been. Plus the shower cry, Luna’s own sordid experience, and Pinkie’s strange logic, I’m not as eager to die. I’ve even started to open up my heart again.” I guess my healing factor extended to more than just my physical well being, all it needed was a good jump to get back on the road.

Celestia’s face lit up like it was Christmas morning. I didn’t stand a chance at dodging her bone crushing hug in the slightest. “I’m so happy for you Max! I’ve been so worried about you these past few months, but I thought that once you got your shell up, there was no getting to you without risking our relationship as unsteady as it already is.” She looked away from me in shame. “I didn’t want to risk losing you more than I already have.”

“So you were willing to let me stay dangerous for months on end just so you could keep me around?” I took a deep breath and felt something pop, but I didn’t think it was a joint.

“... It sounds considerably worse when you say it like that… I… Max-”

I shrugged. “It is what it is. I understand why you held your tongue, but you already know that when we argue, things that need to be said get said, and then we make up. It’s pretty much how I work, though I’m trying to change that now.”

Celestia kept her eyes off of mine. “I didn’t think about what you needed. I just knew that I was afraid of losing you entirely.”

I patted her shoulder. “Hindsight is twenty-twenty, hun. Just keep it in mind for the future, yeah?”

She finally looked back at me. “I will. I didn’t take your words lightly, Max. I will change for you.” Her face was set in determination.

I examined her closely, looking for any hint of dishonesty. It touched my heart when I couldn’t sense so much as an insincere word. “Thank you, Celestia. That means a lot to me.”

Celestia let a smile slip. “You know, it’s been just as long since you’ve called me ‘hun’ as it has been since you’ve flirted with me.”

“What can I say? Once the healing process is started, I try to get it done quick.” I brushed my hair out of my eyes, sipping the tea I’d made earlier.

Celestia sighed and looked out of a window, into the inky blackness. “These fifty years won’t pass quickly enough, but I’ll be getting better while they take their time. I want to be ready to be the mare you deserve when our time apart is up.”

I was so very tempted to tell her that we didn’t need to wait fifty years, that we could start over again right here and now, but I remembered the pain she had caused. Although it didn’t hurt as much as it did once, I remembered it all the same. My innate scepticism told me that holding my tongue was the best move, so I carefully constructed a response, despite wanting to fuck the shit out of Celestia for shits and giggles.

“They’ll be as long as they need to be. I look forward to seeing how different we are when that time comes.” I gave Celestia a smile that I wasn’t quite feeling.

Celestia immediately saw through it. “I feel like you’re being honest, but something isn’t quite right.”

I sighed. “I’m scared, Celestia. I’m eager and scared. I want to be with you again because there’s no one else who makes me feel the way you do, but I don’t want to keep getting hurt, and I don’t want to be watching my back at every turn, waiting for you to delete whatever mistake you’ve made from my mind. I still love you, but I just don't trust you.”

She gave me a sad smile. “Thank you for being more honest with me, even though it doesn't make me very happy. I’ll find a way to prove to you that I’m worthy of your trust again, but I’m in no hurry. We’ll rejoin each other when the time comes, I’m sure of it.”

I gave her a crooked smile. “I agree, and I hope you do. I’ll be keeping an eye on you, Sunbutt.”

She rolled her eyes at the nickname. “I hope you’ll be keeping your eyes above the waist, otherwise you might not see anything important.”

“Hey, I can stare at your bottom and listen at the same time! And I suppose we could broker a deal to keep my eyes at chest level.” I grinned deviously.

Celestia just gave me another hug and a peck on the cheek. “As much as I would love to continue this, I was in bed when you wrote to me so I need to get back to that.”

“Sorry to keep you away from your beauty rest, as unneeded as it may be,” I complimented.

Celestia chuckled. “You know, it’s been so long since I’ve met a man who could make me smile and cry in the same day. You really are a special fellow, Max.”

Hold up, what? ”Did you just say ‘man’?” I asked, mildly shocked.

“What, you don’t think I say ‘somepony’ or ‘anypony’ to Nonpony races, do you? I just got back from a little conference in the Dragon Lands, so I’m back to the standard ‘man’ and ‘woman’ style of speak for right now. I’ll correct it once I go to bed.” So I couldn’t have even asked you for anything anyway. Dumbarse cuntfuck dickshit bitchmuff- Bitch pot pie.

“Actually, if you wouldn’t mind using the standard stuff around me, I would greatly appreciate it. The Pony specific words kinda make me feel like I’m just that much more different from all of you.” I requested.

Celestia blinked. “Huh. I never thought about that. It’s been a few hundred years since I implemented it in the first place, so I guess I haven't really considered how it would feel for you to be called ‘somepony’.”

“It’s weird, I’ll tell you that, especially since all the other races use the words that I’m familiar with for the most part.” I commented.

“I’ll try and keep that in mind. If I slip up in private, just let me know.”

“Will do, though that does make me wonder why you started using Pony specific words in the first place.”

“When Luna went to the Moon, I struggled to keep Equestria whole. I ended up using Pony specific words to breed patriotism and loyalty to Pony causes.” Celestia shrugged. “It’s made my people a little xenophobic, but at least they’re nice about it.”

I couldn’t help but break down laughing. At least the racists were more left wing than right, otherwise you’d have a nation of the Klu Klux Klan instead of your average social justice warrior who’s scared of their black shadow, although it was still bad that they were racist in the first place. I explained why I was laughing to Celestia and she just shook her head before asking if I needed anything else. I asked her if Magic could cure an addiction without withdrawal symptoms and she gave me a look, asking if I’d somehow found something I could get high off of besides weed. I told her that I needed to curb my cravings toward the sauce and Celestia complied, though she admitted to being uncomfortable with casting the spell. I didn’t give a shit and the thirst was so manageable that I could drink water to cure it. Celestia asked for a kiss as a reward and I let her have a good one since she’d saved me years of AA meetings that I couldn’t attend before she took her leave. In any case, I thought about the fact that Ponies were generally more liberal-racist than conservative-racist. The thought and the actuality both made me chuckle for hours after the fact.

There was sun when I got up at noon the next morning. It was the first night of truly restful sleep that I had got by myself in the longest time, and I didn’t even have a single nightmare. Not once did I wake up shaking or in a cold sweat, and dear God did it ever feel amazing. It felt so good that I lazed around in bed for an extra hour before continuing what I’d been doing last night before I went to bed. My new journal was coming along nicely, and I was picking up the pace as I wrote along. I had just written to the part where I’d gone and got lost in the Everfree when there was a knock at my door. I told the magical chime to shut up since I heard the damn door in the first place, but it ignored me, so I flipped it off.

After making my last sentence meet its grisly end at the tip of my mighty pen, I opened the door and saw Rarity and Fluttershy standing there wearing matching dresses. The colour schemes were different, though the designs themselves were rather similar. Fluttershy’s was based around greens and muted Earth tones while Rarity’s was a study in blue and violet. They each wore tights that matched their dresses and cardigans that complimented their outfits. It was like looking at two different styles, despite the fact that they were wearing identical clothing in different colour.

“Merry Christmas to me,” I said, beaming.

“Hearth’s Warming Day has already come and gone, Max.” Rarity remarked. I’d told them about the similarities between Christmas and Hearth’s Warming Day when they’d first brought it up.

Why are you here…? “And yet I’m still getting presents. Come in, girls, and let me get some tea prepared.”

I took their coats and hung them before we travelled further into my house. I decided on a fragrant, floral tea that Fluttershy had given me to try. I’d never had an occasion to bring it out, so now seemed like the best time to do it. Rarity used magic to make the tea boil faster since it had been fucking cold outside, and I looked through my pantry until I found some snacks to accompany the tea. Returning with the snacks, I set them on my coffee table and poured myself a cup of tea since the girls were already drinking theirs. I didn’t blame them: The wind had hurt my face when I’d let them in, so I could understand their desire to get warm. However, I didn’t understand why Rarity was at my house. Fluttershy? Yes. Rarity? No.

“So what brings you girls over?” I asked, sipping my tea. “Besides brightening my day, I can’t think of any other reason.”

“Has it been that bad already?” Fluttershy asked, concerned.

“What? No, it’s actually been great so far. I slept until noon without waking up or spending half the night tossing and turning. No nightmares, no old memories. Just good ol’ fashioned sleep. And after I was lazy in bed for an hour or so, I’ve been copying my journals into the enchanted book Twilight gave me for Christ- er, Hearth’s Warming Day up until you two showed up. My day’s been great.”

Fluttershy beamed. “I’m glad to hear that! Although, I think I was happier to hear that you’ve decided to smooth things out with Rarity.”

I kind of glanced between them. “Well, I don’t really know where I stand with you, Rares, so…”

She tilted her head. “Square one, I just can’t afford to have you debasing me in public.”

“So it’s fine in private?”

“... Well, I likely won’t put up much of a fight…” She admitted bashfully.

I chucked and shook my head. “Nice to know I guess.”

Fluttershy started in carefully, tiptoeing around the elephant in the room. “So… Max… How are you feeling?”

“Pretty damn decent, all things told. I need to get second breakfast going, unless you gals are okay with snacks.”

Fluttershy and Rarity shared a look before turning back to me. “Are you sure you’re alright?” Rarity asked, leaning forward. “We heard about what happened two days ago, and I don’t think that’s exactly something to be happy about.”

I shrugged. “I bit the bullet so no one else had to. Or, in terms you would understand, I suffered so no one else had to. It might have rattled me a little, but Pinkie Pie and Luna gave me some solid advice that I’m sticking to, so I’m doing alright. At least, I’m better than I could be. Bitch is either dead or wishing she was, so I’m not really that upset about it. Luna’s doing whatever she wants and I know what I want is what I’ll eventually get from the situation, so there’s no point in being upset.”

They traded another look. “Max…?” Fluttershy asked cautiously.

“...Where is Mineral Zeal?” Rarity finished.

My stomach did a little flip. “I don’t know, nor do I care. What I do know is that Luna said that she would handle it personally, and that I trust her to do so,” I answered.

Fluttershy sighed her relief and Rarity leaned back. “We were worried for a second. We thought you might be… Taking care of it yourself...” Fluttershy mentioned, looking ashamed for having thought so.

“I considered it, but that would have got me arrested, no matter how friendly I am with the Princesses.” I sipped my tea.

Fluttershy turned a little green, so Rarity changed topics. “So, Max, what do you think of our dresses? Fluttershy came up with the designs and I made one for everypony, so whenever you feel like being Roxy you can stop by and grab yours.”

I nodded my approval. “I rather like them; quite fetching. Your colour schemes make me feel like I’m looking at two completely different outfits, and yet they still look like they’re cut from the same cloth, so to speak. Why don’t we have Twilight turn me into Roxy for a couple of days so we can do some stuff?”

“What a wonderful idea!” Rarity exclaimed. “We could go shopping!”

“Or to the- Well, not the spa…” Fluttershy cast a furtive glance my way.

“Anything but the spa,” I agreed, nodding sagaciously.

“Right. Well, we can still go shopping!” Rarity beamed.

I nodded and drained my cuppa. “Let’s. Once you girls get warmed up we can go see our resident wizard.”

“Weeell…” Fluttershy began with a grin.

Rarity mimicked her. “We had something else in mind first. You wouldn’t mind if we spent some quality time with you, would you?”

My heart skipped a beat. “That sounds like a stellar plan to me, but I need to ask you something before any intimacy ensues. A couple of things, actually.”

Rarity looked at Fluttershy, then back to me. “You mean me specifically?”

“Yes, Rarity. You specifically.” I answered. She gestured for me to continue. “Why?”

Rarity opened her mouth, closed it, then made a face. “Well, you give the best I’ve ever had. It would be a shame to stop.” You absolute. Fucking. Whore.

… You’re gonna eat Flutter’s arse, and I’m gonna like it. “I guess that’s fair.”

Fluttershy beamed. “Good! You have us to keep you busy for the moment, so why don’t I get- er, we get started?”

Rarity got a worried look. “Speak for yourself. I don’t believe I could keep up with Max, even if he went at my pace.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “You could at least try. In fact, why don’t we give that a shot now?”

A couple hours later, Rarity was walking funny and Fluttershy had a devious little smile on her face. Rarity ended up giving me a couple of my Hearth’s Warming Day presents in the form of livery for Roxy and some for herself. I would have preferred to have someone model my gift for me, but we were on our way to Twilight’s anyway, so I would get a chance to do it myself. We stopped by Rarity’s on the way so we could pick up my version of Rarity and Fluttershy’s collaboration. I had Rarity’s other gift in a bag that I was having her carry since I was still a dude and I didn’t want to be caught carrying around female undergarments, just in case some random bullshit just so happened to occur. Rarity thought I was just being paranoid and dramatic, but she still held my shit like I’d asked. Oddly enough, someone bumped into me and I dropped the dress for Roxy that I was carrying, thus sparking a question session from the mare about how sweet it was that I was bringing my sweetheart a new dress.

Rarity was quiet when the mare asked what was in her bag and after we parted from the mare’s company, she hit her catchphrase like clockwork. “We shall never speak of this again.”

“Rarity-” Fluttershy started.

“Fluttershy, do not speak of it.”

I got in front of her and decided to humiliate all of us in the cold and warm us up with embarrassment. “Ha-ha! Yoo-hoo! I’m right, you’re doo-doo!”

Rarity stared at me. Then the cunt had the ovaries to turn to Fluttershy and say, “My legs feel funny because of this?”

Fluttershy nodded. “Crazy dick is the best dick. Every mare knows that.”

“You say crazy, but I definitely implied foalish.”

“Oi!”

“Honestly, Fluttershy, I feel like a foalsnatcher.”

The Flutterslut giggled. “You’re being dramatic because you got served.”

“That’s my Butterbear,” I sniffed.

“So you’re okay with being crazy?” She asked, giving me a sly smile.

I raised a brow. “You think I’m not aware that I am? Who would fuck Rarity more than once if they weren’t insane?”

Fluttershy’s jaw dropped and Rarity looked like I shanked her. “Max…”

“To put it in a way you’d understand, just because I choose to be immature at times doesn’t mean I’m more colt than stallion, Rares. You know damn well you’re not going to take a free shot at me, yeah?”

She took a deep breath and let it out. “It was foalish, but I see your point.”

I shrugged. “And a guy actually would have to be insane to pass up on a casual lunch date with you, let alone a couple of interesting nights.”

Fluttershy sighed softly and Rarity gave me a mock-suffering look. “Yes, Max, feel free to toy with my other squishy things as well. I’ve heard my liver and kidneys are well-balanced for juggling.”

“Eh, if I can stick to juggling the entertainment of your mind, body, and spiritual being, I think I will.”

She stared. “... Right.”

Fluttershy pointed. “We’re- We’re not far from the Treebrary-”

Marshmallow went from shocked to annoyed. “Oh, stop.”

Fluttershy struck her look of innocence to a ‘T’ and dotted the ‘i’ with, “B-But… Max, Spike, and Applejack all call it the-”

“Max and Applejack also swear like sailors! Do you swear like a sailor, or do you speak like a true mare!?” Opalneria said, getting started on her shite in public.

Flutters glanced at me and winked before giving her full attention back to Rarity, looking nervous. “I-I… I don’t bucking know! Don’t be a nag, you ninny cunt bitch fuck!”

Rares stood there until I patted her back, forgetting that her legs weren’t working right as she went air-born. I waited until she landed and looked at me to say, “Yeah, don’t be a cunt, you fuck ninny nag bitch.”

She looked at our buttery friend and back to me before shaking her head and walking off. I gave Fluttershy a kiss and she gave me one in turn because we couldn’t stop giggling for mine. We got to Twilight’s in decent time, though I would have gotten there much more quickly if I’d been walking alone. Even then, Fluttershy and I caught up to a marshmallow mare that was starting to have a lot of trouble getting about with her metal shoes and cold hooves. I didn’t mind the cold that much, but the wind was still brutal and my companions had been slower than frozen molasses, leaving me no choice but to deal with it. I’d go on about how much of a pain in the arse it’d been, but there’s no real reason to and it’s not like Rarity or Fluttershy could control the weather. Well, Fluttershy could, but it wasn’t her actual job, so it’s not like I could ask her to do something with it. Rainbow, on the other hand, would be asked to make the weather warm the fuck up whenever she came around.

Bitching aside, Twilight got me changed so I could wear Rarity’s presents. Twilight was already wearing her version, which was mostly purple in various shades. My own version was the same, but in blue so that Rarity’s, Twilight’s, and my own could be told apart. Our colour schemes were a little on the similar side, but the accents and the details of the dresses made it a lot easier to tell them apart, though I do wish that someone wore red more often. Preferably Rarity or Twilight. It’s not like they couldn’t pull it-

Fuck, I just realized how fucking gay that was. I need to stop thinking like a chick and start thinking like a dick. Dick-magic, go!

Beef goat jerky, Chuck Norris, ooga fire boog spank arse. Booty! Booty! Fire! Booty hot! Booty lunch! Explode! Boom boom fire bang guns Micheal Bayslopsion! Vin Diesel fist fights Jason Statham and Ip Man with Bruce Lee and Mike Tyson jumping in. Dark Souls; halved invincibility frames. Uh… Shit, what else screams ‘My cock is small, but my truck is tall!’? Well, besides truck-nuts. Lorries look ridiculous with those things. Shite, I could always get some bourbon. Bourbons masculine, right? Fuck it, I’m good. Got 20p on the Man Card for that shite anyway.

After Twilight spent some magic, we had Spike send Applejack, Rainbow, and Pinkie a couple notes, telling them to join us for our trip. An hour later, everyone was ready to go, and there was already talk of turning our day out into a night awake, though I might have helped with that. I wanted to share my rising mood with my friends, so staying with them a little longer was a good way to accomplish my mission. I must say, when you actually kinda give a shit, the incessant talking is pretty fun to follow. Seeing where topics change and who changed them were my way of paying attention to what was going on without losing my mind to the constant babbling going on, and it allowed me to follow what was going on so that I could add my input whenever I thought that it was needed. However, Fluttershy and I mostly talked to each other since we couldn’t really get a word in edgewise.

While I was talking to Fluttershy, she let me know that Twilight and herself had talked about me the other day. The topic was, for the most part, who could have me when, where, and to what extent. They agreed that allowing me autonomy to go see who I wanted when I wanted was better than having scheduled days since it had worked pretty well with us so far. They also agreed that they needed to share as much information about me as possible, just in case someone makes a mistake and doesn’t know how to go about rectifying it, or if they learn about something I like or dislike. It was rather touching to hear about how much thought they were putting into being with me, which made me feel a bit guilty that all they were receiving for their efforts was me. Granted, it was probably going to mean that I’d be more pleasant or easier in general to deal with, but I couldn’t help but think that even me at my best wasn’t quite good enough.

As I came to think of my relationship with my girls, I wondered how many people they were seeing on the side on the same premise that I was, but I wouldn't find fault with Fluttershy sleeping with half of the town if she really felt like it. However, I was well aware that I wanted Twilight for myself and would only share her with someone I trusted, and the same went for Applejack. Thinking about that made me consider ever more about how much of a wank-a-lot cunt-bucket I was to Fluttershy since I basically had a FwB relationship with her, but called her my girlfriend. If her position was swapped with Applejack, there wouldn’t have been so much as a slight notion of disapproval in the back of my mind, let alone any displeasure with the alteration in my love life. I wanted Fluttershy for her body and that’s what she wanted from me. Applejack and Twilight had always been after my heart and mind, and I couldn’t say who wanted which more.

I kept my worries to myself since there was no point in ruining anyone’s mood, so I started telling bad jokes. Pinkie quickly joined our conversation because of her sense of humour and taste in conversation. After a few more groans, the rest of the girls started listening in for more opportunities to bemoan my brilliance. Pinkie and I decided to have something of a joke war, though few of hers made any sense to me whatsoever. I had a higher quality supply, but Pinkie had an entire arsenal of nonsensical punchlines, and I swear that she actually had a pattern to the jokes she told. On every third one, it seemed like the punchline coincided with the first. The second would go with the fourth, and then the cycle would restart, making it seem like she was just being random.

After thinking on it for a bit, I mentioned my findings to her offhandedly and received the blackest, deadliest look I’d ever received from a creature in real life, despite not really doing anything. I made a mental note to never try and make sense of Pinkie’s madness, just in case I figured it out and she came back to kill me for it.

Thoroughly disturbed by Pinkie’s sudden shift in demeanou00r, the girls and I threw ourselves into our shopping. I wasn’t really looking for anything in particular, so I had Applejack and Rarity help me pick out accessories. I don't normally wear anything without a purpose as far as accessories go, which is why I was having Applejack help me find something sturdy, though I was having Rarity find me something with drastic edges. Between the two of them, I found a heavy studded bracelet that looked like it would fit right in with the goth chavs. It really wasn’t light enough to be worn all the time, so I thought it would be perfect to protect my wrist, just in case I ever needed to backhand someone with poor aim. It was a stretch, but at least it was pretty unisex, so I could wear it as Max or Roxy. Even after getting it, I started to doubt that I would ever wear it unless it was for Nightmare Night or something, which I’d missed due to being drunk.

I’d set the pace, so the girls eventually gave up on shopping for new outfits and settled on joining me in looking for random baubles because Ponies are herd animals, and I’m the goddamn Alpha in this bitch. That, or the fact that I actually found something that I kind of wanted made the girls think they would find something too. Either way, I’m still cool. If I keep telling myself that, it’ll become true.

We finished up with shopping after sunset and everyone went their separate ways to get ready for the slumber party, grabbing favourite snacks, secret stashes, and whatever alcohol there was on hand. I brought out a couple bottles of wine, one blueberry, the other normal grape. I wasn’t really planning on drinking, so I didn’t take out any of my hard stuff. With the week’s events and Celestia’s little cure to my cravings, I hadn’t touched a drop since the incident with Zeal. There was precious little that could convince me to do so again. If I’d been in my right mind, it never would have happened and I could have killed that cunt then and there. I swore to myself that I would never get like that again. Not to the point of being unable to protect myself, let alone anyone I care about.

Thinking back on the months after Celestia turned me into a woman against my will, I’d dipped into my stores daily and there was rarely a time I didn’t have a buzz off of something. The more I dug through the misty mornings, dogged days, and nebulous nights, the more I realized that I hated who I was when I stayed drunk. It made me anti-social. Aggressive. Bitter. Cloudy. It made me bark at Fluttershy and make Applejack come talk to me to smooth things out. Even if it turned out for the better, I’d got worse. The drink had pushed me to smack the daylights out of Twilight when she was getting on me for a bad bender. The look in her eye sobered me up and made me beg her to let me sober up and get a real apology out. I hadn’t deserved her forgiveness and then I’d gone on to prove her decision foolish.

Not anymore.

Who I was with the drink reminded me a lot of what my mother and what she used to do while living her own hellish nightmare. Coke already made me act like Babs. Think and perceive like a sub-human. Like the beast she became. I’d always liked the sauce because I was generally more friendly with it, but… It hurt the people I cared about. It officially got me raped. I’d planned on slowing down in the days since talking to Lupa, but I’d failed. I’d failed hard. Thinking about how I failed made me fucking thirsty, though not for the sauce. I was alone in my house and I knew that if I cut, then someone was going to notice. Fluttershy loved sleeping with me when I was a woman, Twilight had expressed interest, and there could be a change of clothes with someone in the same room in any case since everyone already knew I had next to no modesty or shame. Other than the damn lines I knew wouldn’t heal in time. That I couldn’t explain with being a clumsy drunk anymore.

… I knew the dirty play and I thought about it hard. Blaming anything on Zeal and just telling the girls that my healing factor was slowing down because of her leftover magic… I could get my little bump of dopamine and get the bad thoughts out of my head, but then I thought about the fact that I was conniving to fucking cut myself. I set my bottles down, went to my icebox, and grabbed some pineapple juice. My addiction to coke had been magically cured before the session with Celestia. My… issue, with self-harm wasn’t something I needed magic for. It was something I could handle on my own by rationalizing my alternatives. Twilight was only a letter away, and I knew that everyone would rather have me distracted with waiting for her reply rather than stewing in the misery I brought upon myself when alone.

Once I asked Twilight if she wanted to have the slumber party, I sat around and heard some claws clicking on my floors. My face lit up and I beamed when I saw Lupa trotting toward me. “Puppy!”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Bitch.”

“... Hm, I think I preferred ‘Puppy!’, if you’d like my opinion.”

“Then el perro del noche should probably vamos on over here, yeah?”

“I am not a dog of the night, and why did you say ‘on’ twice?”

I chuckled as Twilight’s response came in and tried to read and speak at the same time. “I didn’t mean to, I just don’t know Spanish. We’re having a slumber party, by the way.”

“Lovely. I suppose the Pink Menace will be here soon, then?”

“Probably, now that you’ve mentioned her. Not to change the subject, but how long have you been home?”

“You just saw me enter your presence. It has not been long.” She climbed onto the sectional with me and laid her head on my lap.

There wasn’t any reason for me not to smile, so I let it happen and rubbed my pupper’s ears. “I always miss you until you come home.”

“Spend more time here sober and I’ll see you more often.”

“I asked Celestia for a favour. Well, a couple actually-” I paused and patted her head. “Oi, I need to grab my note stuff. Move a mo’, pretty please?”

“Of course. You know, you smell wonderful.”

“And you smell like nothing,” I replied, grabbing my shite and spare Dragon Fire from the inn table, “which isn’t a bad thing. I like that you don’t have a smell. I have to hear you coming.”

“Of course. A poor predator cannot mask their musk. I am not a poor predator.”

I sat back down and we got back to business with her on my right side more so than my left for once. It wasn’t hard to get my note done and sent, thus letting Twilight know to send everyone my way. I didn’t want to have to go back into town and she didn’t want Pinkie near her latest experiment, so it worked out for everyone concerned. Plus I had billiards. In any case, I cuddled and snuggled and petted and booped my pupper until she licked me half to death and made me have to go wash my face off. Thankfully she wasn’t shedding, but still. She decided to go off and hunt for something that I would actually want to eat and I thought that was nice of her.

Fluttershy and Applejack showed up first a little after Lupa left, which was perfect. I had a few questions I wanted to ask. Once they were settled in the living room with some tea, I asked, “So are you two romantically involved, or is it a ‘friends with benefits’ kinda deal?”

Applejack choked on her tea and Fluttershy coloured a little. “We’re just friends with benefits,” The buttery fluttery one answered.

“I was curious. So what made you two get together, if you don’t mind my asking? I thought you were straight, AJ.”

Applejack cleared her throat. “Well, it kinda just started off as Fluttershy tryin’ to make me get my head out of my rear. I was feelin’ somethin’ awful about buckin’ up all over again with ya and… Well, Fluttershy told me that sex always made her feel better, so we gave it a shot. It made me feel better, so we kept doing it, and that pretty much catches you up.

I nodded. “Well, I’m glad you appreciate Fluttershy for more than just her kind words and soft hugs. The gal’s the perfect cure to an aching heart if you’re not a complete arse. Most days.”

AJ rolled her eyes. “You say that like I don’t know. We get along as good as we do because we’re both real ‘pricks’ sometimes, as you might put it. Flutters here can handle prickly and make ya feel good and dumb for bein’ that way at the same time.”

I grinned at the blushing, also smiling Fluttershy. “Damn straight. Lord forbid Fluttershy love you enough to tell you to get your head out of your arse. Or if she wants you to do something.”

“Hey! Are you still mad about that!?” Fluttershy exclaimed.

I chuckled and raised my cup. “A toast to the quiestest, shyest prick to ever walk these roads.”

Applejack mimicked me. “I hear that one.”

“Hey! You know what!? Both of you are gonna get a finger in the bum next time we have a special moment and I’m gonna wiggle it!” Applejack and I giggled at her while she folded her arms and looked away. Well, up until she raised her brow and said. “If you two want to laugh, there’s something I find very funny.”

I shut the fuck up and AJ’s pupils shrank from what I could tell. Our gazes were locked and I didn’t even think smiling was wise. “... Nothing’s funny. Love the stockings, roses are so you.”

AJ chuckled awkwardly and went to say something, making Fluttershy smile and cut her off. “Are we in the mood to laugh? Because I still have that funny little thing~”

“... I-I think w-we should-” Applejack tried.

“Talk about why you and Max refuse to see the fact that there isn’t chemistry between two ponies like yours unless there’s true love?” Fluttershy waited for the awkward chuckles. “See? Funny!”

I decided to not feel awkward and brandish the phallic object lodged in my skull. And yes, that does mean I was gonna be a dickhead. “While we’re talking about funny things, I find it really funny when you cum buckets every time I fuck you in the arse and call you any variation of nag.” I winked at her.

Fluttershy paled as Applejack’s hand crept into her lap. “Does Miss Orchard Lily need to punish her little whorsie?”

I grinned evilly as Fluttershy licked her lips. “I’ve got plenty of experience with Marshmellow Minger. If you ever need a hand~”

“Oh, I think we both know Fluttershy’s a little wily for just one of us.”

We had our giggle after turning the tables on Fluttershy and shutting her up about the thing we didn’t want to talk about. We chit-chatted about them for a little longer up until Rarity and Pinkie showed up. Rainbow followed them, and Twilight was last, oddly enough. She lived closer than Rarity and Pinkie, but when I saw the ridiculous amount of board games she brought, I totally understood. I mentioned Cupcake Roulette to Pinkie while Twilight was busy putting her stuff in the parlour and Pinkie pulled fourteen different cupcakes out of her overnight bag, setting them with the other snacks. She told me to stick with my favourite colour, so I didn’t eat any of them since none of them were blue. My next favourite was dark green, but Fluttershy snatched that one up when Pinkie put it on the table, so I went with a purple one and cut my losses. Sadly, I knew from the first bite that I had fucked up. I fucked up real bad. Thankfully, I had plenty of milk in my icebox. I probably shouldn’t have finished the cupcake, but I never did like to let food go to waste. The girls laughed as I chugged, which made me laugh. Things got messy when I started laughing, so I put an end to my whimsy in favor of not having milk shoot out of my nose. I shot Pinkie an evil glare once my mouth stopped being on fire and she just smiled.

With that, the party was started. I suggested that we play hide and seek because my whimsy had returned, but all I received were chuckles for my efforts. Instead, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Rainbow bombarded me with questions about Canterlot. I considered leaving out the more intimate parts, but I decided to go with full disclosure and told them everything shy of the topics of a few conversations. I garnered a lot of blushes, but Rainbow and Pinkie were more excited about me meeting Vinyl Scratch in the first place, let alone laying her. Rarity mentioned that she had met Octavia some time ago, but she mostly apologized for making me think that our friendship was over. I waved her apologies to the side, stating that they were unnecessary, but she remained firm. It wasn’t hard to tell that she meant it in good faith, so I accepted her apology before Rainbow and Pinkie made me spill everything I knew about Vinyl. There wasn’t much to go on, though I did say that she was pretty fun in bed.

Rarity didn’t like that very much, so I switched topics. “So I’m thinking of turning my bathtub into a hot tub because reasons.”

“Because reasons?” Twilight asked. “What reasons are they?”

“They are, and that’s all that matters, init?” I answered cryptically. “I asked Celestia if she could look into it for me, but she hasn’t said anything yet. Speaking of, I need to check up on her some time.”

“You really should. I know it makes me happy to have some of my friends in Cloudsdale send me letters,” Fluttershy commented.

“Yeah! Everypony likes to hear from their friends!” Pinkie added.

“I agree with you wholeheartedly, which is why I’m going to write her tomorrow. I’d do it now, but she’s probably asleep,” I stated.

Twilight beamed. “I’m glad to see that you two are still so friendly. I saw a few bad break-ups when I lived in Canterlot, and I’m glad to say that you two don’t show any of those usual signs.”

That’s because Celestia’s a benevolent tyrant and I’m a broken mess. We don’t exactly have the same mannerisms as normal people. “We have our moments, but they usually happen in private. We both want to give it another shot, but unlike some people, we’re actually taking a step back to see what needs to change so that we’ll stay together next time around.”

“So do you and Celestia have a date set for when you want to get back together?” Rarity asked. Miss that one, did we? “You always say that you plan on bridging the gap between yourselves but you never say when.”

… Being a Baron probably means that I can probably marry her… Goddammit. “Our break is supposed to last fifty years, though I doubt I’ll last that long. I’ll probably cave in to her again within the next few years once I have some time to remember all the good moments I shared with her,” I answered casually.

“Fifty years!?” Applejack exclaimed. “We’ll all have grandbabies by then!”

I pursed my lips. “Not really. I can’t procreate.”

Twilight and Fluttershy’s faces fell flat. The mood in the room sobered considerably until Pinkie asked, “What’s procreate mean?

“It means Roxy can’t have foals,” Twilight answered sorrowfully. “We see her as a Pony, but Roxy is a Human. I guess Nopony ever thought about it.”

I sighed. “I have, I was just hoping that you girls had too. I don’t really want kids anyway, but I know that I’m probably the outlier here, so we’ll handle that when it comes to it.”

Fluttershy gave me a smile and patted my leg. “It’ll be fine. Just because we can’t have foals of our own doesn’t mean that we’ll never have the opportunity. Like you said, we’ll handle that when it comes.”

“Why don’t we just turn Max into a Pony?” Pinkie asked simply. “I’m sure either of the Princesses could do it!”

“No offense to you girls, but I’ll never become a Pony of my own free will. I was born as a Human, I’ve lived my entire life as one, and it’s one of the few connections I still have to my old world. It might be lonely being the only member of my species, but I wouldn’t trade who I am for anything.” And plus I don’t want a fucking kid, you simpleton. “I could only deal with it for so long before I would have to turn back. It just sounds so wrong to even think of betraying my species like that.”

“It’s not like you’d have to stay as a Pony.” Rainbow said. “Get it in, leave a gooey present, get it out, rinse and repeat until you get the ‘desired result’, as Twilight would say.”

I blinked at her. “That was probably the smartest thing you’ve ever said. Let’s just do that, whenever the time comes.” Because the time isn’t-

“Now!” Fluttershy blurted, her countenance exploding with a radiant elation I’d rarely seen from her. “Let’s do it now!”

Every eye turned to Fluttershy. “Flutterbaby, I’m not ready for kids. I need to be able to deal with myself before I try to raise another person.”

Fluttershy started to curl up. “Right…”

“I’m gonna have to agree with Roxy on this one, Flutters. Y’all still got plenty of time before ya need to start worryin’ about a foal,” Applejack commented casually.

“But I’m running out of time to have a foal! What if we wait too long and we miss our chance?” Fluttershy protested.

“You say that like you’re getting into your forties or something,” I scoffed. “You have years, poppet. I have multiple lifetimes, granted, but years are still quite long on their own.”

“I’m getting closer to thirty every day, though!” Fluttershy said.

“Fluttershy, chill. You’re making me feel like I’m your grandma or something.” Rainbow scowled.

“You’re only a year older than me.” Fluttershy objected.

“Yeah, I’m still older than you and here you are talking about how old you’re getting.” Rainbow shook her head. “Didn’t your mom ever tell you to respect your elders?”

Fluttershy grumbled, “Shut up, grandma.” under her breath. If I hadn’t been sitting next to her, I probably would have missed it.

We let the topic drop and picked up some cupcakes. No one caught the bad one that time around, but I’d already had two cupcakes now, so I wasn’t in the running any more. Rarity, Twilight, and Applejack were the only ones who hadn’t gotten their second ones yet, so Rainbow, Pinkie and I egged them on. Once they chose their cupcakes, they all bit into them simultaneously. Twilight and Applejack both breathed sighs of relief, but Rarity was in the kitchen before they could take a second bite.

Rarity told us that she had to go fix her makeup, and that she would be back in about fifteen minutes. I tripled that time to get my estimate, and doubled that to get an accurate E.T.A. The rest of the group filled the time with wine and random bits of conversation. I ended up showing off my new pipe, though no one besides Twilight really wanted to partake. We ended up smoking a lot more than we should have, although I can’t say it really mattered in the long run. I was surprised to find that Twilight was keeping up with me rather well. She told me that she’d asked Zecora to help her find some of her own on top of asking me for the sativas I didn’t like smoking. She really was a sativa speed-fiend, but she also had been smoking before bed for a month or so now. I was proud of her for maintaining her life while smoking like a responsible adult. I told her as much and was rewarded with a brilliant smile, though I had to explain why I was proud of her

By the time Rarity came back, Applejack was ready to crack open the jar of moonshine she’d brought along with her. “Hey Roxy, you ready to get the party started for real?”

“I think I’ll pass, Apple Pie of my eye. Drinking isn’t as attractive as it used to be,” I responded. And I just got cured of alcoholism, so...

“I figured you would. You’re usually the one who brings out the hard stuff first, and I haven’t even seen you drink so much as a glass of wine,” Applejack remarked. I shrugged, and she continued with, “So what’s with the sudden change of heart? As long as I’ve known you, you’ve always been a drinker.”

“I got raped because I wasn’t able to fend off my assailant. I couldn’t fend her off because I was blackout drunk. It just doesn’t seem like a good idea to keep putting myself at risk when I know that I could be in danger, and… I had a lot of problems with liquor.” I sipped my tea.

“Sugarcube, are you really going to give up doing something you enjoy because A terrible pony hurt you?” Applejack asked.

“Why wouldn’t I? I might drink again in the future, don’t get me wrong, but if I’d been able to get away from the cunt I never would have been raped,” I reasoned.

“Sounds an awful lot like you blame yourself for what happened, and I don’t think anypony here likes that very much.” Applejack stated. Her words received nods from the girls.

“Getting raped isn’t the only reason I’m putting a… Moratorium on it; taking a sabbatical from the sauce. If you lot were Human and this was Earth, the time when we would had a salt-intervention-thing about my drinking would have long since passed. I knew I had a problem. Most of you are aware I spent the last few months either hammered, sloshed, or fucked up, and it’s just not a perceived as a problem in Equestria. If I kept drinking like I was, without my healing factor, I would have died the first time I woke up covered in puke.”

Applejack met my gaze. “... Sounds like ya told Mac to buck off more often than not ‘cause you knew you were feedin’ the sickness…”

I nodded. “I asked Celestia to do something similar with alcohol as I had Luna do with cocaine. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the taste, I just… I don’t feel like I need to get drunk to be okay anymore. I’ll be okay in my own time.”

She put the jar down and brought me in for the hug. “Love ya, Twinkle.”

“Love you too, Firefly.”

Things got a little quiet. “...So are you better now?” Rainbow asked.

“I’m getting there, especially since the trip with Sunbutt. I think that taking a break from drinking will help a lot, and after the detox… Life’s a lot clearer,” I replied, grinning a little to myself as Applejack rubbed my back. “I honestly feel like I woke up from a bad dream that affected my life.”

Twilight was concerned, the lines of worry etching themselves into her face, even through her attempt to seem light-hearted. “W-Well, at least now you’ll be around more like you have been… Right?”

I smiled, sticking my tongue between my teeth before saying, “Oh? The softest lips in the land miss the biggest arse in the band?”

AJ shoved me. “Twi ain’t no kinda kiss-ass, asshole.”

I scoffed. “You should see her around Sunbutt.”

“Roxy!” Twilight protested. “She’s still the Princess and that nickname is so disrespectful!”

“That’s what you say, Glitterbottom Sparklebooty.”

Cherry lived up to the petname and gaped. “Glitterbottom!?”

“Your cutie marks are sparkles and glitter.”

“Roxy, I daresay you should find yourself a little quieter,” Rarity huffed.

“You hush, Granny Gem Jiggles.”

She stared at me and Fluttershy giggled. “I think you’re funnier when you’re not drinking very much.”

“Maybe you just need to learn some moderation!” Pinkie exclaimed.

I gave her the flattest look I could. “If literally anyone else had said that, I might have taken it seriously. As it is, I’m just going to wait until I feel safe drinking again. I know you girls would keep an eye on me and protect me if things got out of hand but it’s just too soon, you know?”

Twilight reached over and put a hand on my shoulder. “We understand, Roxy. It’s just odd to think that the only pony who could go hoof to hoof with the Apple Family when it comes to drinking would give it up so suddenly.”

Was it odd that a Baron got raped on his own land? “I thought Berry Punch was notorious for being able to hold her liquor.”

“She is,” Applejack chimed in, “but she can’t hold a candle to me or Big Mac. We’re probably some of the toughest drinkers between here and Canterlot,” She announced proudly. Lushes, the lot of you.

I chuckled. “Constantly drinking hot toddies made by Granny Smith probably never hurt. I swear, every time I drink some of her cider, there’s at least two shots in the mug.”

Rainbow Dash snickered. “You’re telling me! I went over to put my hoof in the race the other day with something or other and Granny Smith kept feeding me cider until I couldn’t fly anymore!”

We all got a laugh at that and started sharing stories of silly things we’d done while drunk. Rainbow’s stories often ended with her either striking out or getting laid, while Pinkie’s stories always ended with a mess to clean up. Twilight only had one, and that was the time when she’d come onto me so long ago. I filled in her blanks for that one and tried to embarrass the shit out of her. I succeeded because I get shit done, and Twilight ended up reciting damn near every incidence in which I misspoke and said something goofy. There were a lot of things that I’d forgotten I’d said, but the memories surfaced at their mention. Soon enough, Twilight managed to do something she’d never done before; She embarrassed the fuck out of me.

It wasn’t something the girls were about to let me forget any time soon. I took my punishment with a smile and laughed at some of the ridiculous things I’ve said, though I laughed harder when Twilight started taking turns with everyone. Twilight’s memory was truly astounding, seeing as how she could remember at least ten things for every person there. Eventually, Applejack, Rainbow and I began to think that Twilight was having a bit too much fun, so I caught their attention and synchronized our attack. Just as Twilight was about to move on to Pinkie (which would have been pointless), I grabbed Twilight and pulled her into my lap. Applejack seized her legs while Rainbow went for the kill.

We tortured Twilight until she warned us that she had to pee. Rarity used her magic to pull Rainbow off her, and I held Twilight until she caught her breath, resting her head between my funbags. That detail wasn’t important, I just wanted to write ‘funbags’ down at least once. Twilight had some choice words for us when she finally stopped twitching, though they were saved until after her bathroom break. She scolded us for not letting her just have her revenge, but Rainbow and I teamed up to tell her that it was just how we do. Twilight was the one who was late to the game, though she took it rather well once Fluttershy and Rarity agreed that getting back at a friend for getting back at you was perfectly fair play until someone went too far.

Pinkie and Rainbow were unusually silent.

The living room was fine and all, but I had a fucking billiards table and I knew how to play plenty of games with it. Snooker, 8 Ball, 9 Ball, and Straight Pool were my favourite four, so I taught the Galpals how to play and had Twilight and Rarity set up a tournament for Straight Pool first. Applejack and Pinkie would face off, then me and Fluttershy, ending with Rarity and Rainbow. Twilight said that she’d played a lot of it with her dad, so I debated with the girls in order to give Twilight the bye because I knew that she would wreck the shit out of anyone she played with if she had faced off against her dad when he was serious.

Out of Applejack and Pinkie, Applejack took the victory, though it was probably because Pinkie just liked the noises that the balls made. I tried not to destroy Fluttershy, but she’d said that she could count the number of times she’d played pool on two hands. I took it easy on her during the first few shots, but when she completely missed three duck-fuck shots that I’d set up for her in a row, I buckled down and ended the match without giving her another turn. I say duck-fuck because ducks are sluts and are therefore easy. Applejack was understandably nervous after that since we would be facing off in the next round, though I was more nervous about Twilight than anything. I would enjoy the challenge, however, I just didn’t want to get obliterated. I’m not a sore loser or anything, I just prefer to win like a fucking normal person. Anyone who says otherwise is weird.

Rainbow and Rarity were just about dead even with Rainbow taking the game because she outmaneuvered Rarity on the last few balls. They were both actually pretty good, and Rarity said that it was because of her experience with it. Rainbow attributed her success to her skill at flying, saying that comparing angles in a high speed maneuver to a game of pool just made sense to her somehow. Applejack and I took to the table and squared off. Unfortunately for her, she got to break, meaning that I was able to poach stripes since they were in better positions. I went up to five balls straight without missing a shot, and when Applejack missed two shots, it was all over. Rainbow and Twilight were up next, and Twilight got to break. Rainbow got to shoot once after Twilight botched a trick shot, but that was the only time the Aerial Ace got a chance to do anything.

Twilight and I were the clear front-runners, so everyone was pretty interested in the game. We had to flip a coin to decide who would go first since neither of us wanted to give the other an edge. It was decided that we would play a best of five, and since I won the coin toss, I had the advantage. I got lucky on my first break and cleared half of the solids from the table. Twilight pulled out some mad skill and knocked all but one of her stripes into the pockets. She really was a formidable opponent and my pride wouldn’t let me lose without trying everything, so I decided to play dirty.

I ended up taking the first game, so I was doing my best to get inside Twilight’s head. Just as she was lining up her break shot, I said, “Twilight sure does have a great arse, doesn’t she? Especially when she sticks it out like that.”

Twilight jolted and bollixed the shot. She glared at me with her face bright cherry red, but all I could do was smile and line up the three easy kills she had given me. I’d learned how to spin the ball from Night Light, so I tried to make it happen on my fourth shot, but it was no going. Still, I had cleared a decent amount of my balls from the table, so now I was just waiting to see what Twilight was going to do. Twilight let me know that she was no longer holding back and I just grinned. Up until she had two balls left on the table, I was feeling good about myself. With her last shot, Twilight had screwed me something fierce, so I took a moment to figured out a plan. Once I had it in my head, I started carrying it out, taking measures to calm down so I could analyse every shot. Twilight tried to make embarrassing comments, but I barely heard her. My attention was fully on the game, and I knew how to keep it there. I made every ball up until the last one, so I made sure to give Twilight the worst possible shot for her first of two, but it just wasn’t bad enough.

With a little extra thought, just as she was about to take her final shot on the eight I said, “God, I fucking love that rack. Tits like that were made for sucking.”

She stood upright so fast that she knocked the queball into the pocket, scratching on the eight and giving me the game. “You cheater!” Twilight protested, hugging herself and dropping my one-hundred-twenty-bit, ebony cue. “You know I’m sensitive about my chest!”

“Sweetie, I love your chest, and that’s all I said,” I smirked devilishly at her and folded my arms, hoping to catch her attention.

She glanced, although she barely fumbled for a split second. “Still, you knew it would be distracting!”

“Of course, darling. That’s why she said it,” Rarity commented idly, inspecting her non-existent nails. “Really now, Twilight, you should know that mental manipulations is fair play as long as nopony gets hurt.”

Applejack put in her two shillings with, “Now wait just a minute, that just ain’t right. Gettin’ inside your opponent’s head is playin’ dirty.”

“Not really. It’s a part of the challenge of the game. As long as you don’t actually like, touch someone to make them mess up, then it’s all fair-play. Why do you think I try to psyche you out whenever we compete?” Rainbow casually defended.

“Because you suck?” Applejack raised a brow.

Dash shot her a wink. “And a few other fun tricks~”

“Pinkie? Fluttershy? Do you two have anything to say that isn’t about sleeping with someone?” I asked.

Fluttershy shrugged non-committally. “Not really. It doesn’t really bother me, but if somepony asks you to stop, then you should.”

“Well I think that messing with somepony’s head is wrong!” Pinkie objected.

“Looks like we’re at a deadlock then.” Rainbow said, grinning.

“Not if you count Fluttershy’s vote as the deciding one.” I pointed out. “If you do, then it’s up to the people playing to decide whether or not trash talk is allowed.”

Everyone agreed with that since it was a nice compromise, and that’s how we played. Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow were all game for trash talk, despite Applejack’s earlier issue with it. Of course, I was better at it than anyone else, but that’s because I cared less about certain boundaries. We ended up playing four tournaments, one for each game I had taught the girls. I won one more, and Twilight took the other two, so we played a loser’s bracket, which ended with Rarity taking two tourneys, Rainbow one, and Applejack one. Fluttershy and Pinkie were awarded a punishment for sucking by way of a three shot Quick Draw. The name of the game says enough about it, but in case you’re not very attentive, the basic rules are that you have to finish your shots before your opponent. If you lose, then you have to do three more even faster. If someone flummoxed their second attempt, then it was a two shot penalty. Maxwell and I used to play all the time between jobs, and I was glad that I could share an old memory with the girls. Rarity and Fluttershy got all teary eyed when I started reminiscing, so I didn’t do it very long, but when I stopped, they asked me to continue.

“Roxy, why don’t you ever talk about the original Max?” Twilight asked.

“Please, call the bloke Maxwell. It was his real name and it’ll stop us from getting confused about which Max we’re talking about,” I asked politely. Twilight nodded, so I continued. “I don’t talk about him because I never really accepted that he was gone. I mean, it’s not like I ever went to the fuck’s funeral, though I did see his death certificate. I knew he wasn’t coming back, but my heart still held hope, you know?”

Applejack came and wrapped an arm around me. “Trust me, Sugarcube, I know what you mean. When my parents passed, I never really dealt with it either. Big Mac and Granny Smith were torn to pieces, but I just kept things movin’ so we wouldn’t fall behind on the work that still needed to be done. Granny Smith sat me down after about six months and made me face it.”

“How’d she do that?” Rainbow asked.

“She took me to their graves and told me to say goodbye,” Applejack answered simply.

I nodded. “I tried to do it with Maxwell, but I could never muster up the courage to say anything. Guess I lost my chance. Why do we keep getting on depressing topics?”

“Because it seems like a good time for you to break down some of the walls you’ve put around your heart.” Rarity stated factually. “I, for one, am glad that you’re being so forthcoming with information.”

“Miracles do happen!” Fluttershy slurred from the floor. She’d fucked up the second round of Quick Draw and was paying for it.

We chuckled at her and I replied, “I’m fine with the personal questions, but let’s not ruin the mood of the party, yeah? We’re here to have a good time; if you want to take me aside and talk to me, then just ask or something. I don’t want to depress all of you or something.”

“Why don’t you tell one of your hap- Happier stories about your time with Maxwell?” Pinkie asked, bobbing and hiccuppig a little. On top of being a lightweight, she’d drank plenty of wine, and her three shots were doing her few favours.

“Sure, why not?” I thought about telling them how Max and I met, but they already knew that one. “How about the second job Maxwell and I did together?” I asked.

I got a round of nods, so I began my story. “Alright, so Max and I had turned in the swag from the first run we ever did together and were talking about doing another one in a few days. I had a target that I’d been scouting for a while, but there were so many valuables up for the taking that I’d never thought to go it alone. With Maxwell, I actually had a shot of pulling it off with enough to pay off the fuckers I’d need to in order to avoid bars, iron and soap. It was a lot of shite and a rich mark, so we had to do prep like no other, except for maybe my lorry-looting. Other than that, shit was insane to attempt alone, and with his new skills on my roster it was possible.” I blew air through my nose in amusement. Maxwell had been hype beyond hype to get his hands dirty with a partner that wasn’t going to charge him a finder’s fee and I was excited to have a tech-spert on the team.

“We get it, y’all were terrible ponies,” Applejack said flatly.

I raised a brow. “The only reason the fucker was a mark in the first place was because he owned the tenements outside of Garland Market. Shit was horrible before the junkies moved in and after it just became… Well, home for a little while, but after my Mum died, I never went back Would’ve burned the shitescape down myself if there wasn’t a fire back in… What, Oh-nine?”

Rarity cocked her head. “... I hate to ask such a morbid question, but how did your mother… Pass away?”

Heads turned and unease entered the atmosphere. I stared at Rarity. I wondered if they were ready to hear that one. I wondered if I was ready to say that one. I killed her, if you look at it the right way. If you don’t squint at all or obscure the truth of the matter, that is.

I blinked and inhaled. “Max wanted to take a little more time in scoping out the mark-”

“Max…?” Applejack asked carefully.

“So we kept looking for other places to get in from-”

“Max, what- What happened-”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. ‘I bet you think you were so smart. Knew I was down to my feet and couldn’t chase ya.’

‘Yeah. Kinda waited til now.’

‘You know Robbie and them ain’t gettin’ up, kiddo. You killed ‘em.’

I shook my head, looking at my emaciated mother. Seeing her for what she had always been, her insides and flesh rotting just as her soul was. ‘I just brought it here. They told me in school that you can always say no to drugs. The only time I ever did them was when you held me down. I said no. You didn’t listen. You told me to get ‘dope’. You didn’t-’

I buried my face in my hands. ‘You know what the good shit is, kiddo.’ She wheezed, one of her ribs exposed to the open air. She’d long since given up on dressing herself. Not since The others started falling apart. ‘Ah, fuck… Y’know, I always hated you. Only had you to keep Kinkaid-’

‘Yeah, I know. You told me a time or two.’

‘... Just gonna stand there and watch your own Mum rot away.”

I looked to her left. There was a needle and dope. I didn’t care what it was. To her right were MRE’s I’d bought from the surplus shop. I had a few for myself in my bag. “Well, you look like you’re pretty set up. Think I’m gonna… Find somewhere to go.”

‘... I thought you were gonna leave.’

I shrugged. “You hate me. I loved you. I hate you too, Babs, and you’re not my fuckin’ Mum. You’re the only vulture with a vagina that could ever give live-birth.’

Someone shook me. She burst into pained, strained, bloody laughter. ‘You- You got that from the- the damn tell- telly!’

I chuckled along with her. ‘No, actually. Books n’ stuff…’ I picked up my bag and stepped away. ‘... Bye Babs.’

She puffed out one last chuckle. “... I’m sorry, Kaid. Mummy hopes you get better.’

‘I don’t know what to say to that.’. I never could figure out what I should have said to her. I’d thought it over a million times on a thousand different days. I let my hands fall and took another deep, shaky breath. Applejack was rubbing my back and I just shook my head. “Fuck, it’s been a rough week.”

“Bad memories?” My orange friend asked.

I took my time in directly not answering that question. “Maxwell and I took our time with scoping out the marks house, making sure to note any security that went off by accident or any that we could see. Maxwell was always better with the electrical side of casing a place, so he rigged the alarms to go off at a set time every night for a week. We made sure to never be seen while we were doing our groundwork, and always scouted the place out in a different spot every day. Of course, we didn’t stick together so we could cover more ground and see more, so when the day came that we were ready for a midnight stroll, we were well-prepared.” I took a break to sip my tea.

Rarity seemed a little green around the gills. “M-Max…?”

Even Fluttershy had rolled over on her side to watch me as I told my story, so I continued. “The night we went to case the joint, the property’s owner decided to get a guard dog. Luckily, it wasn’t trained much yet, so I pacified it with some snacks I brought along with me while Maxwell tried to pick the lock to get us inside. After I fed the dog and Maxwell couldn't get us in, I took a turn and cracked the lock within a few minutes and got us access, which reminds me that I need to pick up lockpicking again. Anyway, Maxwell and I took everything we could fit in our bags, but we hadn’t accounted for the people living there to have a live in maid who was a night owl. She caught us on our way out and Maxwell had to cold-cock the poor scrubber so we could get out.” I started chuckling at the memory. “Damn, that guy had one helluva hook.”

“Roxy, that’s just terrible!” Fluttershy garbled. “How could you hit a mare like that?”

“In fairness, I didn’t hit her, Maxwell did, and don’t let him come back to life and tell you any different.” I rolled my eyes, my voice having evened out.

Rainbow rolled her eyes right back at me. “I’m sure that it was you. Not like you won’t box a broad.”

Rarity looked around. “... So we’re-”

“Yes,” Applejack snapped, giving her a deadly look.

“Hey, just because I’m not the gentlest in bed doesn’t mean that I beat women!” I argued.

Rarity blushed and shut up, and the rest of the girls giggled. Twilight coughed a couple times to get everyone’s attention and said, “Is that the end of the story?”

“Pretty much. We fenced our swag and lived like street kings for a couple months, occasionally taking jobs so we wouldn’t just play Quick Draw or ‘How Do You Feel?’ all day.” I answered.

“How do you play ‘How Do You Feel?’?” Rainbow asked.

“You and a buddy get a bottle or two of something strong and ask each other how the other feels. If you say anything other than ‘Good’, then you take a shot. The game continues until either no one can talk straight anymore or you both say ‘Good’.” I replied.

“...Isn’t that the game you played with Big Mac the day… The other day?” Applejack asked.

“It sure is, and getting that fucked up is asking for trouble.”

“... With the shape y’all woke up in, I’m not surprised you quit drinkin’ anymore if that’s what you consider fun. Hay, Big Mac didn’t get out of bed until the evenin’ after, and even then he ate and went back to sleep. I’m surprised you were up and moving at all.”

“My healing factor makes getting drunk a little harder than it used to be.” I said. “It also helps stave off the worst of hangovers, and if I meditate, then they go away faster.”

Rarity caught my attention. “So, Roxy…”

“Yes, Fluffypuff?” I asked.

“Okay, whatever. Can I ask what it was like? To be… You know…” She trailed off. What is fuckin’ with you, bitch?

“Raped? Yeah, sure. I was too drunk to remember what happened during much of it, but it’s happened with women before. They get you hard, and for a guy, it’s not a task at all unless you have erectile dysfunction or something. You can pop wood while taking a walk, the thing does what it wants. Having a woman force herself on you doesn’t hurt you physically as much as it does mentally because if she’s on top of you, doing what she wants, then there’s obvious no way you can stop her. It’s not going to end when you want it io and you didn’t want it in the first place. You can still walk away aching all the same.”

It’s really a toss up on whether or not I should have kept my mouth shut. On one hand, it was hot under all of the girls, and if they’d stayed there much longer, I might have had a problem with it, but on the other hand, there was always something squishy under each hand, so that was nice up until Applejack put her thumb in my ribs for palming her hindquarters. I told her that it had been an accident, which it actually was. I didn’t say, however, that I had been targeting Rarity instead. In any case, the group hug wasn't needed, but it was still nice to know that the girls would comfort me, even if I was treating the ordeal like a small event.

After many assurances that Mineral Zeal was getting exactly what she deserved and that I was so strong for making it all through okay, the girls eventually got off of me and continued to shower me with praise and consolations. It was nice. They tried asking me about a few more personal things like what it was like to kill someone, or what it was like to have sex as a man compared to how it was being a woman. I tried to give them satisfactory yet honest answers, and for the most part, I think I succeeded. I eventually got tired of talking about myself and turned the tables on them, asking in depth questions about whatever I could remember that they do. I asked Twilight about repairing books, Applejack about how to make shine, and Rarity about making dresses. Pinkie and Rainbow told me about baking en masse and flying in general. Fluttershy was out cold, so I took the opportunity to practice moving and using telekinesis since I don’t do it very often. I couldn’t go much faster than a half decent walking pace, but it was easier than carrying her and it was still some much-needed practice.

I came back after tucking Fluttershy in to find that Applejack had passed out soon after. Pinkie and Rainbow took themselves to bed, which left myself, Rarity and Twilight to keep the party going once I’d levitated Applejack to her room. It was about five in the morning, so we still had plenty of darkness left. We stayed in my parlour to keep playing some billiards. I showed them how to play Cutthroat, and they took to it like sluts to dicks. Or sluts to pussy. Whichever, I don’t judge on preference. I took the first few games, but when Twilight and Rarity got a better understanding of the game, things got a lot more difficult for me. Rarity and Twilight were constantly knocking my balls in, teaming up to take me down. I started playing extra dirty after I lost three straight games in a row.

Rarity was up, preparing to the first shot of the game when I whispered in her ear, “I can’t imagine what your bumhole tastes like you little whorse.”

She floundered, botching the break completely and slamming her forehead on the pool table. I couldn’t help but fall on the floor, laughing my arse off. Rarity abused the Hell out of me while I was busy laughing and Twilight was trying to pull her off of me to see if she was okay. Besides a lump that was quickly forming, Rarity was just fine, if not a little disturbed about what I said. Twilight cast some magic and the bruise faded just as quickly as it had formed.

“Really, Roxy? That was so vulgar!” The white one chided once she was healed.

I was still working out some of my giggles. “But it was so worth it! You should have seen the look on your face before you hit the table!” I broke into another round of laughter. “And after! Fuckin’ after!”

Rarity huffed, crossing her arms and turning her back to me while Twilight was just shaking her head. “Really, Roxy, you should apologize,” Twilight admonished.

I waited until I caught my breath. “Rarity, whorsie, I’m honestly sorry that you got hurt. That wasn’t my intention.” I started cracking up again.

“You- I’m going to hit you, I really will. What was your intention, foal?” She asked testily.

“To make you miss your shot. I succeeded, right?” I got off the floor and looked at the table. “Yes! If it’ll makes you feel any better, I’ll pay you back with hard to answer questions wherever you want them.”

Rarity uncrossed her arms and gave me some serious side-eye. “Kiss my tail, you insufferable mare!”

I shrugged and grabbed her tail by the base since she still had her back turned. Rarity went limp as I pulled on it, and when I kissed it, Twilight started giggling. When I let her go, Rarity looked scandalized and Twilight was turning beet red because she was trying not to laugh too hard. “Don’t look at me in that tone of voice! You told me to do it!” I protested.

“I didn’t think you actually would!” Rarity exclaimed, her back against the wall.

Twilight was getting over her giggle fit. “You shouldn’t be surprised. You should know better than to tell Roxy to do something you don’t want done.”

Rarity’s blush deepened. “I suppose I should have. Let us never speak of this again.”

“Fine by me, but I can’t wait to tell the girls about how you face planted!” I chuckled.

“If you can repeat what you said, you’re welcome to it.” Rarity sniffed. “Although, I could never see how you could repeat such terrible words.”

“What did you say, Roxy?” Twilight asked once she had gotten her giggles.

I made a come hither motion and whispered it into her ear. Twilight ended up headbutting my boob, which hurt more than I thought it would. “Fucking ow! Why are you overreacting so hard?” I asked petulantly.

Twilight stood up straight and covered her face. “I can’t believe you just said that!”

“Oi! Short, purple, and horny! That shite bites!”

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” She exclaimed. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but you didn’t need to react like that,” I chastised, “I would have gotten the point if you’d just covered your face or something.” I shook a finger at her.

“Roxy, I’m sor-” Twilight started.

“And why do you have to have a horn anyway? I don’t have a horn, and I’m perfectly fine! Does having a horn make Unicorn just want to headbutt me and my possessions!?”

“Wait, What-”

“And another thing! Why are you so damn purple all the time? Why don’t you ever dye your coat a different colour? Are you too good to be blue or green or something!?” I chided.

“Roxy, I-”

“And that nose! Why can’t you have a bigger, honkier schnoz? Are you racist? Do you hate the Italilians? Spaghettiphobe.” I curled my lip at her.

“... Are you even mad at me?” Twilight asked after I finished.

“What? No, I just wanted to bitch at you since I never get to do it,” I stated plainly.

Twilight gave me that look women give to men when we do something we know we shouldn’t have. If you haven’t received that look, you probably either aren’t a guy or you’re not very active. Either way, Twilight gave me a stern talking to about leading people on to think that I feel a certain way when I’m really fine. Rarity chimed in and they double teamed me, flinging their accusations into my face, spraying their sticky, hot rebuttal all over me. When they really let loose, the whiteness washed over me and stuck to my lips as they were spewing their hot, salty words like it was some kind of verbal bukkake.

By the end of it, I was feeling very metaphorically sticky, and I had a few choice words stuck in my mouth that I had to swallow because I had to be a good girl for my mistresses. Once they were done bitching at me (and I was done ignoring them), we took ourselves to bed because the sun was starting to rise. Twilight and Rarity flipped another coin to see who would join me in my room, and luckily for my nose and morals, Twilight won it. The funny part was that I was going to tell Rarity to nut up and ask me out if she wanted to share my bed anyway. I would have preferred it if there wasn’t a flip in the first place and Twilight just assumed she was coming to bed with me, but the end result was satisfactory and I had no reason to be an arse.

In any case, it was rare enough that Twilight and I shared a bed, though when we did we usually spent most of our time snogging like a couple of teenagers who just figured out that locking lips felt nice. After going to bed happier than I could have, I gently kissed Twilight into dreamland and followed her shortly after. All in all, it was a good end to a good day. I woke up in another great mood. Twilight was using me as a pillow and her breath didn’t smell terrible, so I didn’t mind that she breathed in my face. I gently extricated myself from her embrace and looked at the clock on my night stand. It was a little after eleven, meaning that I had gotten all of three hours of sleep. Not being one to waste a good thing while it’s going, I sat up and noticed that a note was on my bed. I gave it a read and all it happened to be was an apology from Fluttershy for not staying up as long as everyone else. She’d gone back to her house to feed her animals and would be back in an hour or so to, though unfortunately, she didn’t timestamp it, so I didn’t know how long she’d been gone. I guessed that she had just left, otherwise I wouldn’t have woken up for no reason.

I got out of bed and got my morning routine done, plus a few extra steps since shaving downstairs as a woman was a lot less harrowing than as a man. Some might argue that point, but those people aren’t me so they can fuck right off and shove it. I rarely attempted to shave myself with a knife as a man because I don’t know if they can reattach the important dangly bits. I know that Unicorns can, however, heal minor cuts, so yes, I considered it much safer. Once my clam was free of fuzz, I got a good look at myself in the mirror. I was happy that alterations to myself stayed the same between my forms, though the scale of those alterations could be wonky sometimes. For example, as Max, my Kingslayer scar takes up the entirety of the underside of my forearm, but as Roxy, it’s about half the size. As I came to the realization that I was turning myself on, I thought of how hot it would be if I watched myself with some toys.

Oh wait.

Without bothering to get dressed since everyone in the house was probably still asleep, I was on my way to the newly named ‘toy closet’. I didn’t hear anyone stirring in the house and figured I could get some private masturbation done in a space large enough to be called public because why not? It was a little disconcerting that I could still pick out which room everyone was in solely based on their breathing patterns, but I tried to ignore it, fingered myself, and opened a few boxes of various things that I’d purchased for no real reason. I settled on something like the one that I had given Twilight, though I was pretty sure that it was made for the alternate entrance. I wasn’t completely certain, but then again it’s not like I was exactly familiar with half the toys I had. A sexy thought crossed my mind, so I found the camera that I’d never actually used, donned the livery that Rarity had made for me, and started taking pictures. I’d spent plenty of time looking at old pinups in Onyx’s shop when I’d worked with him, so I had plenty of poses to pick from. I ended up taking a lot of pictures. Like, there were thirty in all. I ran through half of my film in one go, and when I surveyed my efforts, I used the toy I’d gotten from the closet.

How narcissistic is it to masturbate to yourself?

Well, how narcissistic is it if you don’t identify as the person in the mirror?

Thanks to the miracle of magically focusing lenses, most of the pictures were actually pretty solid, though six of them were just bad. I had twenty-four pictures to distribute, so I cordoned off six each for Twilight, Applejack, and Fluttershy. I signed each picture with something different for each of the ones I’d happily turn to for a kiss or more, though that left me with six that weren’t going to anyone. A bright idea popped into my head, so I signed the rest and sent three to Fleur and the others to Mary using Dragon Fire. Fleur was the first to respond, though she was just angry that I sent her pictures of another mare up until I explained that I was that mare. Once that was cleared up, Fleur sent a few creative photos back, and I was rather thrilled. They immediately went into my dresser, and while I was hiding them I got a response from Mary.

I’d written on one of them that I would see her soon, and she told me that she wanted to see me now. I responded, telling her to wait her turn and she sent me a rather good drawing of a pouty face. I’d never known that Mary was the artistic type, but dear Lord, was she fucking good at it. She’d used her own face as the template and the drawing was incredibly detailed for only having taken about fifteen minutes. I put the drawing on the dresser that had my female clothes in it and picked out an outfit for the day.

After switching livery to something that was dry, I ended up going with form fitting jeans and a plain navy T-Shirt. I checked myself out in the mirror because Roxy is hot and I’m not her. I promptly exited the room to masturbate to myself again. Don’t blame me for thinking I’m hella sexy; you probably would too up until you saw my face. Dressed and ready for my day, I went downstairs and made some coffee before catching my journals up. I longed for the day when I would be able to stick bookmarks in between entries so I could find them more easily, but for that to happen, I needed to get the new journal filled with the old stuff. I had about four hours to nothing but write and so I did. With plenty of time to do what I wanted, I got up to getting through the part where I turned into Roxy for the first time, and I’d had a laugh while doing it up until I reread about the break up and went back to the feelings I’d had before I’d settled ground with the girls. That… Those parts just reopened some wounds that I would have preferred to stay closed. Seemed like a lot of wonds were getting reopened, but even while they hurt, it wasn’t an unbearable pain.

I took a break after that because most of the girls had woken up. Fluttershy had come back some time ago and had made breakfast for everyone because she’s sweet. She even cooked some fish that Lupa had caught earlier for me, and I was extremely grateful since hadn’t had meat in the past couple of weeks. I’d been trying to get back into the Everfree, but the place had quieted down a lot and most of the residents had gone rather far into the forest. I asked Fluttershy if she knew why Lupa was spending so much time in the Everfree. I missed my pupper, and getting to see her away from Fluttershy’s house was even rarer than seeing her in the first place. I understood that my drinking had a hand in it, but Lupa had usually stayed around Flutter’s cabin and even then she’d been absent a lot.

The ‘Broodmother’ told me that she was longing to return to her ancestral home, but when I’d asked what she meant, all she did was stare at the sky. I asked Fluttershy again, pressuring her for once in the past few months and the girl clammed up until I tickled her, smooched her, and promised to not be mad. In any case, Lupa was either preparing to leave for a while or she was going to die soon. I didn’t like either of those options, so I dropped what I was doing and immediately went to Fluttershy’s house. Lupa asked me not to tell anyone about what she was going to do, so I won’t record it here. I will say that it brought me no small amount of relief and a larger amount of pure, unadulterated joy from the potential benefits of the new finding. When I returned to my home with Lupa right behind me, relieved sighs were heard all over my living room. Lupa went straight to the pantry and ate the last few strips of dried meat that I’d been saving like a naughty little bitch, putting my meat in her mouth without my permission. Lupa stared at Rainbow until she got uncomfortable and moved off of the couch so she could take up her usual spot.

“Dude, have I ever mentioned how weird Lupa is?” Rainbow asked.

I gave her my attention. “You know she can understand you, right?”

She shrugged. “I already said it. It’s not like I can take it back.”

“I like this one,” Lupa chimed in.

“Lupa says she likes you.” I told Rainbow.

She scratched her head. “I don’t see why. I just insulted her.”

My pupper yawned. “Tell her it’s because she looks tasty.”

“Lupa! That’s not nice!” Fluttershy exclaimed. “Roxy, don’t translate that!”

I turned to Rainbow. “She says you look tasty.”

“Roxy!” Fluttershy objected. Rainbow and I cracked up at her reaction, though Rainbow kept an eye on Lupa after that.

“She’s not going to eat anyone, so chill.” I addressed Rainbow more than anyone else.

“Right. Any’one’, not any’pony’,” Rainbow answered sceptically.

I rolled my eyes and sat next to Lupa. “It doesn’t work like that. Anyone includes Ponies too, racist.” There was space on the couch for someone else, but the only person willing to get close to Lupa now was Fluttershy.

“You ponies should be ashamed of yourselves! Lupa wouldn’t hurt a fly!” Fluttershy contested, turning to glare specifically at me. “And Rainbow is not racist!”

Lupa and I traded a look. “I won’t tell her if you don’t,” She turned around and snuggled me.

“Like Hell. I’m not saying a damned thing,” I scoffed, getting her fur out of my face.

“Roxy. Lupa.” Fluttershy said in a warning tone.

“Drop it, Broodmother. You will not find happiness on this path,” Lupa advised.

“You drop it! You’re the dog!” Fluttershy said harshly

I gave her an annoyed look. “Fluttershy, that was very unnecessary.”

Fluttershy turned away from me. “Well maybe I wouldn’t have said it if you two kept me in the loop!”

“It’s Operative business, dearie. Lupa is held to the same oaths I am.” I lied through my teeth, but it was easier that way.

Fluttershy’s shoulders slumped a little and she pouted. “It’s not fair.”

Rarity shook her head. “Oh, darling, you should have been there when he talked to a near stranger about his Operative business, but not me.”

“Fleur was an Operative! She’s one of like, four that I know. I can’t really discuss Operative business with someone isn’t or hasn’t been one.”

“Is that handsome black and red stallion one of your Operative friends?” Fluttershy asked.

“I forgot you met Crimson. Yeah, he’s one of my Operative buddies.”

Fluttershy blushed and looked down at her hands, murmuring, “I wish I could’ve gotten to know him better...”

I leaned over and stage-whispered, “He’s gay and has a boyfriend.”

Fluttershy just sighed wistfully and gave me a look. “Am I not allowed to dream?”

“No, apparently not.” I grinned and patted her leg.

Twilight finally came downstairs, a little miffed at being the last to arrive again. Her arrival rounded out our group, and since she was present, that was the unspoken cue for everyone to start leaving. IT was also a good time for me to turn back into a guy, so we did that and I wiggle the wang at Twilight to make her giggle, succeeded, then got ready for a talk I didn’t want to have. I knew one was coming, just not from who. Fluttershy and Rarity walked out together, and Twilight along with Rainbow made up the second pair to go. Just before she skipped out the door, Pinkie whispered something to Applejack that made her wait around until we were alone. I poured us both cups of tea and waited for Applejack to stop wasting time, debating on whether or not she should just leave.

Eventually, she decided to rip the band aid off nice and quick and came around the corner. “Maximus, we need to talk.”

I gestured at the seat across the coffee table and her rapidly cooling tea. “Full name, bad sign. I know, I was waiting for you to hurry up and get over here.”

Applejack blushed and had a seat. Her hands trembled ever so slightly as she lifted her cup up to take a sip. “So…”

“So. What did Pinkie tell you?” I asked.

“... She told me somethin’ that my sister told me too. Somethin’ I think we both know.”

“Did she tell you that I still love you, despite everything that went wrong?” I asked casually.

AJ chuckled at that, taking her hat off. “To keep it honest, she said, ‘Max loves you more than almost any other mare. I dare you to walk out this door without saying something.’. I did not want to make that Pinkie Promise, but damn, is Pinkie scary.”

We both had a giggle at that. “Don’t I know it! Don’t you wonder how I feel about the Lockpad thing!? And what about her knowing my deepest thoughts up until like, when I slept with you and Flutters!? Christ, Applejack, looking at that gal makes me uncomfortable sometimes!”

She tried to wipe the smile off her face. “She told me about the wireless vibe, y’know?”

“I’ll get one for you if you want one.”

AJ rolled her eyes. “Maybe. Let’s see how this talk goes.”

I shrugged. “I love you. I want to be with you. The main reason I’m not is because I don’t want you to-”

“Flinch when you say ‘I love you’, and you know I still can’t get past my own buck-ups,” she finished for me. “Just like you can’t get past the fact I stabbed ya in the back twice over bein’ hot-headed, one way or the other.”

I spread my free hand. “We have good reasons to stay apart and all that, you know.”

“We got some damn good reasons to get together.”

“It’s rare to have chemistry like we do.”

“Rare to find somepony who thinks like us.”

“Rare to find someone who can handle their own in Equestria.”

“Hard to find somepony so unafraid of makin’ a name for themselves.”

I smirked at her. “Hard to find someone more willing to tell you what you need to hear, regardless of what you want.”

She gave my smarmy look right back to me. “And you think just anypony is gonna go down your throat just to tell you that you’re worth the shit ya shovel?”

Applejack picked up her tea and we sipped at the same time, the mood… Companionable. Friendly, but loaded all the same. I was comfortable in the thermite I sat in and Applejack relaxed in her seat of nitro-glycerin. “You know… You were right. It really was a brick wall I had to hit myself.”

“After Zeal proved that some ponies are lower than scum?”

I nodded. “In the shower after Pinkie brought me home… I thought about a lot of stuff then, and one of the reasons I cried was because I love my best friend and I feel like we can’t be together.”

Applejack had a little laugh at that. “At least you only cried once over it! Stars above! If I had a bit for every night I shed a couple a’ tears for buckin’ up my chance with the wiliest, cleverest, sweetest, most down-to-Equus stallion I ever done met in my years, then… Shiiiet, I coulda renovated the farm!”

“Speaking of, how’s your room looking these days? It’s not like you’ve ever invited me in there.”

She got the shifty-eyes. “I haven’t? H-Huh.”

“Applejack Jaqueline Apple, are your panties on the floor?”

I received a look for my words. “With Granny in the house? You wish, Lover-Colt.”

“Then what’s with that? We’ll get back to ‘us’ in a sec.”

She took a deep breath. “... You really wanna see my room?”

“Actually, yeah. We walked and talked a lot and I miss it, so…” I tried for a winsome smile.

AJ just chuckled and drained her tea before smacking her lips. “... What the hay was that, anyway?”

“Hm? Briddish Black, the best I can get so far.”

“... Tea?”

“Yea, black tea.”

“Black- There’s black tea? Does it all taste like this?”

“Tea has its ranges and notes that are a lot more noticeable than coffee. Briddish Black is the closest I can get to Irish Breakfast in Equestria, and Scotch Black tastes like that awful candy.”

“Is Briddish Black expensive?”

“Actually, no. It’s pretty bitter, so it’s a coffee-level acquired taste.”

“Can we get some to go?”

“I do have a thermo-mug~”

“Sweet!”

I prepared the tea and Applejack joined me as we talked about pieces of our history, as patchy as it was. For the duration of the tea-making, we just talked about sex and the new stuff we’d found that we liked away from each other. However, once we got out of the house, the conversation lulled and I had to start it off. “So…”

Applejack sighed. “Yeah, it’s weird…”

I reached for her hand and she let me have it, a rueful smile coming to her lips. “You know you haven’t actually said it, right?”

We were already on the same page. “You probably knew I loved you before I did, goofball.”

“Hell, it was weird when I figured out I was already head over heels for you.”

“How’d it make you feel?”

I hesitated to reply. Not because I was afraid of her reply, but because I felt embarrassed for not being more… Straightforward, I guess. “... I was terrified, AJ. I was scared because we said we’d keep feelings out of it and I knew I couldn’t any more. That it wasn’t just sex.” I shook my head and chuckled, looking up to the waxing crescent above us, the sky considerably lighter than it had been the last time I’d been out at dark. “... It was never sex, to be honest with you. Yeah, we called it casual…”

Applejack bumped me with her shoulder, giving my hand a squeeze. “So I wasn’t the only one who thought it was makin’ love~ Nice to know I wasn’t imaginin’ stuff.”

I gave her a look as we strolled down the starlit road. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, what about you, though? When did you realize you had it for me?”

“I’ll get to both if you tell me first.”

“Ah, it was after we came up with the pet names. At least that’s when I really faced it for what it was, even if I did just think it was a crush to a certain point. The shower… The shower was the moment that slapped my heart, though. I still can’t quite forget about the magic…”

“Yeah… I’ve never shared something like that with somepony… Bein’ so exposed, and not just ‘cause I was naked. Ain’t neither of us the modest type, but… I felt like we were seein’ through each other, Max.”

I met her gaze. “Like all of our stories and advice couldn’t compare to feeling the words on my skin and your fur.”

“Like there wasn’t another pony on the planet who cared less about what ya did wrong or more about what ya learned from it…”

We walked on in silence for a while, up until we came to the Sweet Apple-Care Cabin fork that split the road between Applejack’s and Fluttershy’s. It wasn’t that we’d said it all or that there was more to say, it was just that we were both waiting for the moment we thought would come. It was a rare time when I felt so distant from Applejack, despite being on the same page and having it all out in the open, having the metaphorical floor be cluttered with the pros and cons of making something of what we had. It took until the farmhouse for us to take a break, just the two of us standing on the porch in the darkness. It was a scene I’d played my part in a time or two, setting withstanding. The same mare across from me. Usually with a drink or two between us.”

“So,” I said ever so loquaciously.

“Ain’t nopony close enough to hear us in the livin’ room, and the walls are thicker than liqueur anyways. Wherever ya wanna talk.”

“Your room?”

“I was kinda hopin’ ya forgot,” She admitted with a nervous chuckle.

Her hand was still in mine, so I went for the other. “Are you thinking I’m going to judge you for it?”

She bit her lip and decided to spit it out after a few seconds to chew on her words. “... My room’s the only thing I truly own, Twinkle. At least, it’s where I keep the stuff that matters… There… There ain’t nothin’ in that room I’m willin’ ta let even one of our friends touch, Max. Don’t nopony set hoof in that room if I ain’t with ‘em, and if they do, they hear how hot I am about it. My room’s my castle. My vault. My diary…” The look in her eye made me smile at her. “... And you absolutely do not care.”

“I want to see you, and not just the parts you want me to see. I’ve known a lot of Applejack Apple, but this is a piece you’ve kept from me until now… It’s not that I don’t care; I’m excited to hear what you have to say about the stuff you keep closest to you. It’s… It’s like talking to Fluttershy about her animals or Twilight and her experiments. When they talk about that stuff, it’s straight from the heart; no filter. I get that from you anyway, but you just peeled back another layer and told me there was more to your story.” I couldn’t really stop smiling. “How could I say I love you, having the history that we do, and then go on and fuck up your sanctuary?”

Applejack became the snack that smiled back, a brief kiss enough to express her gratitude. “If ya pull a Rainbow, I’m hittin’ ya twice as hard.”

“I’ll be sure to hit on Fluttershy and unsuccessfully try to sleep with her.”

She snorted and led the way in, trying not to make much noise, despite saying that we didn’t have to be terribly quiet. In any case, her room wasn’t far from Macintosh’s or Apple Bloom’s, but I already knew that the eldest Apple had the biggest single bedroom in the house outside of the master upstairs that Granny slept in. However, her room was across from Macintosh’s and he caught us before entering. He kind of just grunted and fucked off until he turned around, looked at me as Applejack entered her room, then continued fucking off.

I like that guy. He’s usually cool these days.

In any case, AJ flipped her light on and I learned what her room looked like. For one, there were hand-painted murals on every wall along with a palette and a brush. So many different kinds of apple trees, all with their distinct characteristics lined the wall and I couldn’t help the mild shock coursing through my system. I mean, who the fuck expects their most tomboyish friend to be an artist worth buying from? Faces were formed from the branches and leaves of the tree, all that were visible being unique and lifelike, despite mostly being made of shades of green. I couldn’t help but stare when I came across another kind of tree that had a different theme to it rather than conventional apples and other fruits.

The trunk of the tree was painted violet with blue shadows and the leaves were candy-coated in pink and white. The fruit of the tree was toned orange and yellow save for six that were painted with the Cutie Marks of our friends. It was odd that she knew their butt-tattoos, but so did I and thus I couldn't say anything. However, there was one more apple on the tree higher than the rest, coloured as a zap apple like I’d seen on a few of the trees. However, whenever a zap apple popped up, there was usually a white and gold leaf on it. On the one and only apple that had shine-marks, there were green leaves. The same colour as my eyes.

“Christ almighty…”

Applejack shook me. “Max, what?”

I shook my head. “Is this all you?”

She pointed at the west, northern and southern wall, the southern wall being the one with the door. The west wall was the one with the tree I’d last looked at, which was also my favourite. The east wall was the one she left out. “I did those three. Mom did the one with the darker colours, and no, I ain’t touchin’ it no time soon.”

I gave it a good look, studying every individual stroke as my eyes glided over them before widening my focus. “You two have pretty similar styles, but it’s like that little flick you see on the leaves is a little curvier with your Mum’s. She had a helluva hand for art, I’ll say that much.” I thumbed my nose. “Christ, between the two of you with the right buyers, you probably wouldn’t have to do much actual farming… I’d love getting a painting or a sketch from you if you ever found the time.” Applejack was blushing when I looked at her, looking a little nervous, but happy all the same. I glanced around her and saw an old, worn acoustic that looked like it had been loved for years upon years. “Oi, was that your Dad’s old six-string? You said he played, right?”

She chuckled and looked at it. “Yeah, still got all the picks he collected over the years too. If you wanna sit down…” AJ nodded toward the bed and the stool in front of her vanity.

I kicked off one of the few pairs of casual shoes I owned and sat on her bed. “Oh shite, you must get amazing lumbar support with this mattress.”

Her own boots had been left at the front door, so she closed the one to her room and shrugged off the jacket she usually wore, tossing it on the bedpost. Applejack had a seat next to me and answered with, “Eh, kinda. It’s great after a hard day, but the easy ones make it rough tryin’ to get any rest, y’know?”

“Kinda. Over the years I’ve slept on a lot of shite, and I honestly think the best sleep I usually got was from my hammock. Kinda like being hugged to sleep.”

She chuckled along with me. “I know the feelin’ to a point. When I was little, I had insomnia real bad and could never get to sleep. Used to pass out in the weirdest ways all wrapped up like a burrito and Dad always took me to bed…”

“I really want to ask about your Dad, but you owe me a couple of answers. Specifically about when you figured it out and how you felt.”

AJ hugged my arm and we laid back, her bed big enough to mostly have something under us while laying down the width. “Well… I guess it really hit me the second day after you were lost in the Everfree. I’d been gettin’ so worked up and worried that I had another panic attack and Granny sat me down, laid it out to me, and asked me if I was upset because I was scared for someone I loved or… Or if I was afraid for somepony I was in love with. She knew the truth before I did, but… The shower kinda made it obvious, yeah.”

“And how’d you feel about it?”

“... Buckin’ awful. Max, I already bucked up my chance-”

“Last time I checked, neither of us were dead. We still stroll this planet with our own two walky-sticks and the things attached to the bottom bits. The future is never set in stone, and we’ve said it ourselves, AJ; What’s holding us from being us is nothing other than us.”

“... We just don’t think we deserve each other.”

“You’re goddamn right.”

She took a deep breath and sighed, putting her head on my chest. “We know what we want, we just don’t wanna give ourselves that gift…”

“Because neither of us think the other deserves to have to put up with us.”

Applejack giggled and started drawing some polygon on me. I didn’t care what it was. “... So…”

“I really don’t know.”

“Neither do I, Max. My family loves ya, I love ya, and I want ya. Nopony understands me like you do, but…”

“I could tell you to forgive yourself all day and take the advice about as well as you would.”

“You’re gosh damn right.”

We both sighed and I rubbed her back. “Can we at least start doing shite together outside of the farmhouse and our friends? When you came with the olive branch… It was pretty nice.”

“I know you know that it’s gonna get to be somethin’ more if we don’t put down lines, Max…”

“I’m afraid of that. I was afraid of Babs too, Applejack, but… I was brave enough before I was a teenager to turn my back on my own birth-giver. I don’t want to be afraid of someone I actually love.”

“I won’t hurt ya as long as ya don’t lie to me. All I ask is that ya don’t lie to me, and I swear on everything I hold dear that I will never betray your trust again, Max… But I need ya to know that… That I can’t risk ruinin’ what we have just for a chance to hurt you worse than I ever thought I could…”

I hugged her to my chest, yet another weight slipping from my shoulder. “... I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you, AJ.”

“I know the feeling, but it’s… It’s for the best, right?”

“I don’t know, but I hope it goes alright.”

There was a silence between us for a solid ten minutes. My heart didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would, even though we were essentially saying that we were letting it go, despite knowing that there was more between us than there should be between friends. No, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but having to bury a burning flame is never fun if it’s a romantic fire. If it’s a normal fire then it’s too mundane to be amusing anyway.

Applejack’s hand eventually laid flat on my chest and I asked, “So what do we do now?”

“Stuff at your place, duh,” She scoffed. “What, did you think we were done being friends?”

I hugged her a little tighter. “Friends that cuddle?”

“Well… If Flutters is with Twi, then I don’t see why not…”

It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but I took what I could get. “Is that all you want?”

“No, Max, I want so much more… I just don’t deserve it.” She looked up at me.

My hand rested on her cheek. The kiss came with much more than either of us intended, but when we had both failed to break the contact after thirty seconds, it was clear where we were going. If my eyes left Applejack’s, it was because I was kissing her or using my mouth to bring her pleasure. If my hands left her body, it was to find another place to hold onto. My focus never shifted from the story unfolding in the painted orchard; The tale of trust and pain, the web of hurt and love, the ramblings of lingering looks and fleeting touches…

It was another magic moment… And I never thought sex could… I never thought making love really felt like that. The memory is firmly in my mind, and while I lay with Applejack in her bed for the very first time, I couldn’t help but confess the depth of my love. She, in turn, went on to elaborate on what Granny meant when she mentioned that her granddaughter doted on me. Our conversation never left intimate topics, things that we each held to ourselves and never spoke on… In Applejack’s arms… I felt cared for. When I kissed her, the warmth of the hearth and the smell of mulled cider filled my nose. The touch of someone I’d known since childhood, the weight of the love in that gentle gesture… It all came to me, and I couldn’t help but compare it to what I felt from Twilight. Rather than adoration, safety, and innocence, I felt… Passion. Passion, trust, and comfort. Each feeling was so unique, but there was no way to say that either outweighed the other.

While I laid there looking at Applejack, I murmured, “So… Have you ever heard of the ‘Single Pact’?”

She drew a spiral on my back like she had been for the past few minutes. “When you marry your friend because y’all are both spinsters?”

I chuckled. “Yeah, basically.”

“Like you’ll ever end up single,” Applejack scoffed. “... I think we’re gonna have to face it, Twinkle… We can’t keep this candle burnin’.”

“We can’t bury it.”

“And snuffin’ it out ain’t gonna happen til one of us bucks up too bad to apologize for.”

“Eeyup.”

“Eeyup.”

“... I love you, Firefly.”

“I love you too, Twinkle.”

“... I don’t have to leave, right?”

“I’m all yours. Just for tonight.”

I held her a bit closer. “Just for the night.”

… I’ll end this one here. I mean, all I did was go home and write this out, but… Last night was…

Fuck… Man…

The worst thing about polygamy is being able to keep searching for the ones you have that real connection with… And then not being able to have them.

Author's Notes:

And here comes another chapter, complete with patch notes that I'll get to here in a second. In the meantime, I just finished chapter fifty-four a few days ago and am working on 55 now, so I'll be getting to Re: 27 when I finish up with that.

Patch Notes: Max returns to Ponyville with a different relationship between him and Rarity and I'd like to think that the depth and severity of his depression has been elaborated upon plenty. As there was no cathartic coversation with Fleur, now Zeal is the catalyst for Max hitting a 'brick wall' breaking point where he can start to heal from. Max, however, just wants his assailant dead. I.e, his inner rage has officially burned out and he's trying to rekindle that fire by shaking off the blow

As for more minor relations, I'd wanted to develop things between Max, Spike and Apple Bloom a little more, but I honestly shouldn't have let the timeskip between 'Baron' and Hearth's Warming Day go down if I wanted to expound upon the type of figure Max is to the younger secondary characters

So uh... We all know the Mailight ship (Max/Twilight) but uh... If you haven't noticed from the original... Well, the fuckin' rewrites say a lot more, but I may or may not be pushing Ajax (Apple-Max)... For all you fuckin' know, after chapter Re: Chapter 50, Max marries fuckin' Luna. Fuck you. Maybe. I'm sorry, don't be mean to me pls ;-;

As always; Stay Cool, Kids