Hello everypony, it is your Sexy Sun Goddess again and I am feeling a little bit sad because another season is drawing to a close but nopony has caused me any problems and my lovelies have been putting out as mandated by law so I shall give you my synopsis of "Shadow Play, Part 1." And don't worry, I'll do Part 2 as well!

It looks like we are starting out with a history lesson abut the pillars of Old Equestria and how they had to face up against The Pony of Shadows. Come on now, everypony knows that thing was nothing more than an old mares' tale meant to scare. Now I would believe it was real but Sunbust, the one who Trixie and I gave a sex change operation at the start of the season is the one who claims to have Starswirl's old journal so I'm calling this nothing but bullshit.

Unfortunately, my sexy little Twily suddenly believes it is all real because it was in what she thought was his journal. Now that is her showing way too much adoration to a member of the lesser sex and you know what that means! It means a certain lavender Alicorn, a very sexy one at that, is going to be punished severely! I don't care if it is Starswirl, she's still going to learn her lesson tonight!

Well I am a very unhappy princess now, Twilight has decided she is going to do a massive research project to decipher whatever the hell is in that journal. Yeah his hornwriting looked like chicken scratches when he would grade the exams my sister and I had to turn into him and of course this means one thing, my Twily had no idea what the hell he was talking about and perhaps this will be the end of this. I say we just burn it and Sunburst alive in the courtyard below my balcony and go on with life but oh no, Starlight just had to ruin things!

As it turns out, she could sort of decipher what he wrote and now they have decided to go out to Pon-henge since that is apparently where the Old Pillars faced off against the shadow pony. Damn it, I have Flitter up here threatening to punish me if I don't hurry up and get to bed but this is too important to simply have a guard monitor. Unfortunately Luna sleeps during the day so I may wind up being punished severely by the second sexiest pegasus to have ever roamed the earth.

They headed out to Pon-henge and find nothing interesting until Twilight sat that journal on one of the rocks out there and what the hell, holograms of the Old Pillars show up? Damn, I guess that was Starswirl's old journal after all. Now how Sunbust, I mean Sunburst got that thing I'm not sure but I'm certain it was highly illegal so he will be put to death after Part 2 is over, that will teach him to go stealing ancient journals!

Now I am not thrilled, my Twily is going all fan filly over a mere hologram of Starswirl. Seriously Twily, are you doing this because you want me to punish you more severely than ever before? You should know that there is only one pony you are allowed to act like that towards, ME! Right now I am cursing myself for ever letting her learn about that old codger....I should have renamed that wing of the library "The Sexy Celestia Wing" since we had so many "sexy times" encounters in there. I know of one pony that could assist me with this but given that time travel can have serious consequences, I decided against forcing Starlight to do that for me.

Now for something even weirder, holograms of items connected to the Pillars. Before I continue on I am going to let you know that I am extremely pissed because Starlight is talking to Sunburst alone! I guess she wants to be punished severely for associating with that creature, especially alone. I'll figure something out, perhaps I should take the Twicane to both her and Twilight after all this is said and done.

Ok, I've decided that Twilight is going a little crazy in her desire to save the Old Pillars from limbo. She has created replicas of Pon-henge and now it looks like Starlight is back to her old ways, making duplicates of books. Tsk, tsk Starlight, what are we going to do with you? Well as long as she doesn't go back to being a commie and making those disgusting manifestos again she will be fine, well unless she decided to write a book about how awful I am, duplicate it and then give it to all the serfs, I mean citizens of this country, she will be fine.

Now it looks like they have discovered where these items that were connected to the Old Pillars are thanks to that map. Well shit, I was hoping to convince Fluttershy to tell Twilight to take her study session, shove it and come see me but oh no, now she is dead set on going out to that bayou and getting Meadowbrook's mask. To make matters worse, Rarity is going to go to that place where Mist Mane lived to retrieve her flower. Well I suppose that once this is over, I will have to face Flitter's wrath and she is getting madder and madder with every passing minute.

After Twilight reveals her plan that retrieving these objects can save the Old Pillars, there is one pony who is doubting her plan, Starlight. Naturally she brings up the dangers of opening up portals but oh no, my sexy Twily and that disgusting creature she befriended when she had that yeast infection are adamant on doing it. Memo to Twilight, Starlight didn't use the time spell Starswirl wrote, she PERFECTED it and don't you forget it. When I look back on that, I realize that Starlight is far more intelligent than he was. He could only go back a week for a minute or two while Starlight can go back as far as she wants and hang around as long as she wants.

Well after everypony refused to listen to the one rational thinking pony in the castle, they all took off to find their artifacts. Applejack headed off to find Rockhoof's old shovel and is treated like she is an idiot by this snobby professor who claims it is just a myth. Now I would have thought the same thing until I saw those holograms of the Old Pillars and I was amazed how Applejack saved those ponies from that huge rock. Rockhoof saved his village from lava and Applejack saved a bitch from a rock that was many times bigger than her. Guess what, the shovel is real and when Applejack grabbed it, it glowed. I'm not sure if I should be amazed or if I should be scared because that might be a bad sign.

Now for Rarity, it looks like she found some run down dump in a place that at one time had an empress. As you all know, this pisses me off just as much as those punks down in Somnambula who idolized false leaders and believed in a sphinx that looked like a very bad OC or an animation error. Anyway, back to Rarity. She tried to get that flower that had somehow been preserved for ages and is stopped by an old pony who probably doesn't worship Equestria's overlord. Give it up Rarity, she ain't going to give you the flower just so you can go give Twilight a reason to buck you. Now for what displeases me, she prunes that garden, makes it look like it did in the old days and now she has the flower. Shit, this ain't looking good. I have a bad feeling that Starlight's fears of everything going to hell might come true.

Next up is Crash and Spike going to the dragon lands to retrieve Flash Magnus's shield and guess who has the shield? If you guessed that narcissistic little bastard Garble, then you are right. I honestly don't get why I haven't killed that dumb bastard yet. He proved his stupidity in the past but because I have been too preoccupied with satisfying my appetite in more ways than one, I haven't got around to it. Back to the show, well he has challenged Spike to a race down a lava flow and guess what, Spike wins! Sadly, garble won't hand over the shield but then proves he is a moron again when he challenges Crashie to a race back up the flow. Now it gets funny, Rainbow tells him that shield would slow him down and he hands it to her and she took off. Now for the funniest thing, the other dragons tell him that he is a fucking idiot and should go kill himself, well in the unedited version anyway. They did rub it in face that he was outsmarted though.

Now we have the sexiest pegasus to have ever roamed the earth heading out to the bayou to get Meadowbrook's mask and of course she is greeted by Cat Tail who is having problems with those stupid bees again. What is sad, Fluttershy once again proved that she cares way too much about stupid animals and not nearly enough about me. She used that mask to get those bees to get lost so some critters can cross the river and then Cat Tail lets her use the mask so she can impress Twilight enough that she will let her dominate her in the sack tonight. Well guess what Flutters, that ain't happening! You will find yourself at my mercy or perhaps I should turn Flitter loose on her, she can be even worse than me when she is pissed like she is right now.

Now only one artifact has to be retrieved and it is by Pinkie Pie. I tell you, I wanted to go with her down to Somnambula and see if there were some more hotties I wanted to bring home and force into my harem. Sadly I have a synopsis to give and besides, I just had a cake delivered to my balcony so I shall resist my urges. I don't believe it, they are draining that pool of slime and sadly, Pinkie found the blindfold and now I'm certain some sort of disaster will happen unless Starlight butchers Sunburst and rocks Twilight's world so much that she forgets about saving the Old Pillars.

Here we are back at Pon-henge and while Twilight and that disgusting creature she calls a friend now are going all fanfilly over the prospects of getting Starswirl in bed, I mean saving him from limbo, Starlight is once again the voice of reason. She has her concerns that saving them could lead to dire consequences and I'm betting she is right. Yes she has shown adoration to a creature that I should have euthanized a long time ago but she isn't blinded by emotion either. Memo to Twilight: Just listen to your superior, bring those artifacts up to me and then make me a happy princess and things will be just fine!

Well everypony returns with their artifacts and have placed them on the proper stone and isn't this just dandy, the Old Pillars have returned and I'm sure you know what happened next. My Twily went all fanfilly over Starswirl and immediately begged him to follow her to his castle and have some fun, well in the unedited version anyway. Now as you all can tell I'm not exactly a big fan of Starswirl but he did make a point, you can't just bring them back. Way to go Twilight, you just brought the Pony of Shadows back. I have decided that not only am I going to have Starlight take her cutie mark, but I will turn an increasingly pissed off Flitter loose on her once this is taken care of.

Well everypony, I better go and take care of Flitter's anger before the second half starts and if I don't return, just know that I loved you all and Luna will banish a sexy pegasus with a bad attitude to the sun.