Hello everypony, it's your Supreme Dictator and Overlord Celestia again. Now I shall give you my views on one of the most interesting episodes, Bridle Gossip.

First off I think Spike thinks too highly of himself. He honestly thinks that everypony would shut themselves in just because his breath stinks more than normal? What a narcissistic little prick. Why would he think a smelly breath is so wonderful. Then he starts to wonder about a zombie pony. He must be as dumb as Snips and Snails if he honestly believes that zombies exist, what an idiot. Maybe next time he comes up here he needs to have his head examined. However, I can understand Twilight wondering if it is a pony holiday down there since she hasn't lived there that long.

Pinkie sees Twilight and her idiot dragon outside and tells them to come inside to hide. I wouldn't think Twilight would just go running inside without knowing why. It's not like a swarm of angry hornets was descending upon Ponyville. As it turns out, Pinkie wasn't the only one hiding. The rest of Twilight's friends were in there as well. Ok, I can understand Fluttershy and Rarity hiding but Applejack and Rainbow Dash? Those two are a lot tougher than the rest of the lot but I suppose that is not the case this time.

Finally Twilight discovers why they are hiding out. It is because a zebra has come into town and is trying to get herbs. Yes, they are scared of a zebra. I have come to the conclusion that Ponyville is one of the most judgmental places in all of Equestria. I suppose that is how backwater towns like that are given that most of the residents there have never seen somepony (well in this case somezebra) that doesn't fit what they are used to seeing. I have met Zecora before and she is quite wise and very friendly.

While they act all afraid, they also show signs of curiosity as they peek out the window and watch her digging at the ground. What she is digging for I'm not sure but I don't really care. Fluttershy can cry and whine about it maybe being innocent creatures she is digging for but if she needs it for something she is going to make, go for it. Fluttershy can cry over it and then I can come visit her and make her feel all better. Of course Twilight and Apple Bloom seem to be the only rational ponies after seeing her.

I have also decided that I need to fix the education system down there. The fact that only Twilight knew what a zebra was is bad, very bad. Now Twilight mentions that zebras come from a far away land. Well no shit, they aren't native to Equestria but thanks for informing those hacks you call friends of that anyway. Those ponies down there have been paying taxes to fund the school for ages and yet nopony has been taught about inhabitants from different parts of the world? Well that is going to change, pronto!

Rarity's reaction to the fact that Zecora was born with those stripes is pathetic, she faints over it! I'm pretty sure there would be plenty of folks around the world that would faint over that hideous mane and tail of her's. I almost did when I first met her. Key word, almost.

What I would like to know is why the hell the Everfree Forest freaks them out so much, it's not like they haven't been there before. So what if Zecora lives in the forest. I don't blame her for living there. All the ponies are judgmental as hell and she can live peacefully in there away from all the misjudgments of other ponies. Sometimes Luna talks about us moving back to our original home but I always tell her that the move would be too difficult and that fixing that place would be too tedious. It doesn't sit well with her but that's just how things have to be.

Hey morons, across most of the world the plants grow on their own, the animals care for themselves and the clouds move all on their own. I would love to know what the hell is wrong with this land. I can understand wanting to control plant growth and the weather but the whole issue with the animals is downright confusing. Back when Luna and I took over we wanted a land where we could control things. I was more naive back then and thought it would be fun to make everypony care for the animals. I should have listened to Luna when she voiced her concerns saying that the animals would just be a royal pain but oh no, I just wouldn't listen. Sadly though, that spell was permanent and now we're stuck with lazy ass animals that are too fucking stupid to care for themselves.

Well they continue to argue and Twilight, being the voice of reason, mentions that they should approach her and get to know her. Of course her friends are scared to death at the very mention of it but Apple Bloom thinks otherwise. She decides that since she is a big pony that she will take this task on herself. That is one thing I do like about younger ponies. They haven't been programmed to think a certain way by their older siblings and parents. Well she sneaks out and starts to follow Zecora. How she does it without being noticed is beyond me.

What made me laugh besides Pinkie's song is the fact that she believes that eating hay somehow makes Zecora evil, especially considering that all ponies eat it. I guess her sorry ass is evil too, right? I suppose mentioning hay was a good thing since that word is what caused them to notice that Apple Bloom is missing. Well they head on out to track the filly down. I don't blame them on this one, if I had a foal and he or she went running off like that, I would be concerned too.

Given that they all know Zecora lives in the forest, it didn't take them long to track down Apple Bloom. Their yells attract both the attention of Zecora and Apple Bloom. Now Zecora, despite being seen as evil, gives a warning to Twilight and her dunce friends but they take the way she talks as her putting a curse on them. She warns them about the blue plants but because of their arrogance they get in them anyway. Luckily for her, Apple Bloom is riding on Applejack's back as they walk through them.

What gets me is that Twilight's friends actually believe in curses. That is another thing I am going to have to add to the curriculum down there at the school. They need to be taught that things such as curses, hexes and zombies do not exist, that they are just old mares' tales that are meant to scare.

Twilight had a rather interesting night. Apparently the events of the day were seared into her mind more than she let on given the nature of her nightmare. When she wakes up her hair is a mess. Well sometimes it would look like that when her and I would roll around under the sheets a little too much so it did bring back good memories, although simply brushing it would not get it straight again given the nature of our activities.

Ok so she looks at herself and laughs about her hair being cursed, but then she discovers she has droopy horn! Now how in Equestria was she able to levitate the brush to fix her hair when her horn was like that. Once again the writers miss something. Sometimes I wonder if they don't do things like this just to see if anypony notices. I'm sure among the target audience that nopony notices but Bronies and Pegasisters do notice, as does your all powerful dictator.

Now the fun begins! One by one Twilight's friends come walking in, well crashing in in the case of Rainbow Crash and riding on Apple Bloom's back in the case of Apple Teeny. Pinkie can hardly talk (which might be a good thing), Rainbow can't fly worth shit, Applejack is the size of a bug, Rarity's looks have improved drastically, Twilight's horn has lost it's erection and Fluttershy sounds like a guy, hence the nickname Flutterguy. Hey if I were into stallions I'd think she sounded hot but with a voice like that, no matter how sexy she is, no thanks!

While everypony is trying to convince Twilight that this is a curse Apple Bloom decides to head off to Zecora's place to make things right. While she is leaving Applejack decides to jump in her tail to make sure she doesn't do anything she would regret. Apple Bloom must have an extremely thick tail for her to be able to just jump into it without falling out.

While Apple Bloom and an unexpected passenger head off to Zecora's place, everypony else is arguing over whether this is a curse, hex or some other bullshit or not. Suddenly they notice that the two Apples are gone. Hey morons, how could you have stepped on her or sat on her when she was standing on a table. It is quite obvious that they aren't the brightest bunch around.

I truly see that Rainbow is the dumbest one of the bunch here. She knows that she can't fly worth shit but what does she try to do when they get ready to leave? She does exactly what she did when she tried getting into the library, flying. She crashes into the side of the doorway, again. She caused some damage so she will be billed for it and if she doesn't pay within a week, I will cut her wings off and banish her to the moon for a few years.

While Twilight and company are getting ready to leave, Apple Bloom gets into the forest. Applejack pops out of the top of her mane and tells her to turn around. Wait a minute, wasn't she in her tail just a minute ago? How did she get to her tail from her mane in just a minute without falling off Apple Bloom's back. After all, that filly wasn't leisurely walking along and she would have felt her sister walking on her back anyway. What I find funny is Applejack yelling about her being the big sister but then Apple Bloom puts her on a branch and replies, "Sorry sis, but Ah'm the big sister now!" Well Apple Bloom sure acts like it. After all, she doesn't believe in foalish nonsense such as curses.

Apple Bloom continues her journey while Twilight and her friends head into the forest, well except for Rainbow who goes crashing in and through it. Damn Rainbow, had she ate Applejack when she crashed I would have had to kill her. Luna and I had to eat an unruly pegasus back before she was banished and it was quite tasty so having roasted pegasus again would have been a treat.

While Applejack is riding Rainbow like a horse trying to get to Zecora's place, the rest of them arrive and everypony but Twilight is creeped out by the appearance of the tree she has hollowed out and lives in. You know for a bunch of ponies who are allegedly so scared of her they sure do like watching her. They actually peep through her window like a bunch of damn stalkers. They act like it is so horrible that Zecora is speaking in her native tongue as she is making her brew. Now I can understand their concern when Zecora said, "The perfect temperature for ponies I presume, now where is that Apple Bloom?"

Zecora speaking in her native tongue causes Pinkie to accuse her of stealing her song. What the fuck Pinkie? It doesn't sound anything like your stupid song and because you can't talk worth shit, you get Flutterguy to sing it for you. I don't blame her for not being thrilled about it but she isn't the type to say no to puppy dog eyes. I would have told you to go drown yourself but Fluttershy is too kind. I need to teach her that the only one she does anything for is ME!

Look, here comes Rainbow Crash and Apple Teeny, barging through Zecora's door. This is one of those instances where Zecora probably wished she had unicorn magic so she could freeze them in mid air instead of crashing into her cauldron and spilling her precious brew. Well now little miss bitch and her friends go in and accuse Zecora of cursing them and demanding that she remove the curse. I don't blame Zecora for blowing her stack here. To tell you the truth, I think Zecora was way too kind here. I would have hogtied them, gave them a few hundred lashes and then led them to my sleeping chambers, one by one, and kept them there for a week while Luna raised and set the sun for me.

Well Twilight demands to know where Apple Bloom is, which is understandable. Much to their surprise, in comes Apple Bloom perfectly fine. I am wondering if in the future Apple Bloom will aid Zecora in gathering herbs since she found everything she needed. Also a quick memo to Apple Bloom: Yes those silly fillies got into Twilight's head. It is rather pathetic that a student of mine would eventually cave in and believe in such nonsense. I think I will "punish" her for this, if you know what I mean.

Well they finally learn that Zecora did not curse them, that what happened was just a result of making contact with the poison joke. I guess now if any ponies up here piss me off I can go throw them in the poison joke rather than beat them violently with chains. Wait, I could do both! That would be a fun experience.

Now the ignorance and irrational fears of Ponyville show up again as Zecora heads into town to get an ingredient so she can make a new batch of the cure for the poison joke. All of the ponies run to their houses but three of them are especially judgmental. Roseluck, Lily and Daisy have really pissed me off with the way they acted. I have decided to abduct them and punish them the same way I will Twilight. I don't know if they are into mares or stallions but after I'm done with them, they will only like mares.

Well Twilight gets what she needs for Zecora and she makes another batch of the cure. For as scared as everypony initially was of her, all of a sudden everypony loves her. If I were Zecora, I wouldn't just give the recipe for that herbal bath to the spa ponies for free. I would first trademark it, then sell a copy of it to them and then they would have to pay Zecora royalties every time they mixed a batch of it. Zecora could be living on easy street!

Finally everything is back to normal once they bathe in it. Applejack is back to her normal self, Pinkie can annoy ponies again, Rainbow can fly normally again, Fluttershy sounds sexy again, Rarity looks hideous again and Twilight has her horn erection back. Twilight finally realizes that you shouldn't judge somepony just because they look different. Hopefully she will teach that backwater town that lesson. Now if you will excuse me, I have three hot mares in Ponyville to go abduct, take up to my bedroom and punish severely! I decided to let Twilight off the hook for aiding in getting the herb that Zecora needed.

On a side note, I have already drawn up adoption papers for Zecora to adopt Apple Bloom in the unfortunate event that something was to happen to the rest of the Apple Family. Now I want you to know that I will not do anything to them. I just want to make sure that if it did happen, that Apple Bloom would have a wise, caring individual there to raise her.