Hello my subjects, it is your beloved Supreme Dictator Celestia. This time I shall share with you the events of "Look Before You Sleep" as I saw them.

First I would like to say that it must really suck to live in a backwater town such as Ponyville. I mean come on, they have to tear loose branches off of trees before a heavy rainstorm hits? I am so lucky that the residents up here in Canterlot don't have to worry about that. Unlike towns founded by earth ponies, we are allowed to just use our magic to fix things like this.

One thing I would like to know is why the hell was Rarity even out helping with this? I would think that little miss priss would just hide out in her home/boutique and let everypony else do all the work. Maybe she didn't want everypony to view her as lazy, but she caused a lot more problems than she provided aid.

So in the previous week the pegasi skipped a scheduled drizzle and now they have to make up for it with a heavy duty downpour. That makes no sense. I wouldn't think a week's delay would cause them to have to overcompensate in such a way. Dumb fucks anyway. Maybe I need to fire them and simply hire a unicorn mage who knows how to handle the weather to take over for them. Unfortunately Twilight doesn't know how to handle, Rarity sure the hell doesn't and none of the aristocratic hacks up here know how to do much more than levitate things and wipe their ass. So for now scatterbrained pegasus ponies will have to do.

Well Applejack rips down a branch that Rarity had fixed with her magic and the argument begins. Applejack approaches Rarity over why she can't be practical while Rarity bitches about how somepony has to beautify things. I know how she can be but I didn't know that she was this dumb. Well the rain starts and she starts whining because you know how she is, she just can't get wet. Now Applejack gives her a suggestion but this time I will side with Rarity. One can not hunker down under a picnic table during a powerful storm and expect to remain dry, especially when there is a mud puddle already under there.

Unlike Rarity, Appleack did hunker down under the picnic table, which wasn't all that bright in my opinion. Finally Twilight calls out to them to go inside the library with her. Of course from my vantage point I am thinking, "You little bitch, you're gonna get it on with these two but won't come see me?" I wanted to launch a powerful thunderbolt upon her but then I decided otherwise in the event she would be useful later on.

Well they head on over and go inside. Applejack has muddy hooves and Rarity basically orders her to go outside, in a horrid thunderstorm and wash up. Is that bitch really that stupid? Had Applejack been killed by lightning, I would have had to find a new element of generosity because that is something she would not have got away with. What happens while Applejack is out washing her hooves off out in the thunderstorm? Twilight decides that the three should have a slumber party.

Before I continue on with this there is one thing that I found odd. The way they have Rarity and Applejack talking about one another at first you would think they are mere acquaintances that hate the very thought of spending any time together rather than being friends. This is just as bad as how they made Rainbow and Pinkie act like acquaintances in Griffon the Brush Off. Well another fuck up on the part of the writers that not many ponies bitched about.

Ok, back to where I was. Twilight thinks they should have this slumber party and do it by the book. Yes, by the book. I know she is a bookworm but this is fucking ridiculous. Give me a break. Having fun at a slumber party shouldn't require doing it by the book. That sounds more like a regimented night at the office than something that is supposed to be fun. Hell, the slumber parties that her and I had were never done by the book and we still had fun, lots and lots of fun!

Well finally Applejack gets her hooves all cleaned up but then Twilight and little miss priss are covering their faces in mud! I don't care if it is a mud masque, it is still mud. What a hypocrite. I'd like to shove some of that shit down her throat and then smear it on her face when she shits it out. It would serve her right. What I don't get about these damn makeovers is why Twilight would use her magic to just fix their manes and tails back to how they used to be before they were put in curlers. It completely defeats the purpose. Apparently this was just a thing that Twilight and Rarity wanted to do to punish Applejack since she is my favorite of all Twilight's friends. Hell, I respect her more than I do Twilight, at least she thinks in a much more rational way than anypony else.

Next up come the ghost stories, oh this is going to be fun! Of course you have Applejack and her "story" mocking Rarity's unnecessary neatness and then Rarity's story mocking Applejack's "messiness." Applejack ain't messy, she just doesn't brush her mane a hundred times a day. Ugh, those aren't ghost stories girls, it is just mocking one another. Well Twilight tells the tale of the headless horse, which is one of the oldest ghost stories out there. I was in shock when Rarity and Applejack were embracing one another in fear. Come on girls, it's just some dumb old mare's tale that almost everypony over the age of three has heard.

Well now that that is done, up next we have the smores incident. Once again Rarity tries to make everything fancy by trying to make everything just so. Come on, one doesn't have to place everything down in place perfectly. Applejack is right when it comes to these things, you just eat the damn things. A memo to Rarity: Applejack shouldn't have to say "excuse me" to you! This was in Twilight's home and if she doesn't give a shit that Applejack burped, then why should she have to apologize over something natural?

I have come to the conclusion that none of those three know how to play the game Truth or Dare. Ok, just because you dare somepony to do something they have to do it? What happened to the answering a question part? Well the funny thing was when Applejack dared Rarity to go out into the rain and get her mane ruined. When she came back in with that wet mane I got so hot and bothered. If I could have got there in time I would have swept her up and made sweet love to her. Then Applejack has to wear some shitty fru-fru outfit. Poor Applejack, but rules are rules. Too bad they wouldn't have dared Twilight to engage in a threesome, that would have been quite the sexy sight.

Next up in Twilight's book is the pillow fight. How in the hell can Twilight not know what a pillow fight is? She claims to be all smart but obviously she isn't. Maybe I'm partly to blame since she lived a rather sheltered life since I raised her once she got her cutie mark. I feel kind of bad not letting her have more fun but those are the key words, kind of bad. Oh well, it ain't the end of the world. Rarity and Applejack taught her what it is soon enough and she doesn't seem to be very interested in it.

Finally Twilight decides it is time to go to bed and here is another thing I don't get. Why the hell doesn't Twilight just give Applejack and Rarity separate blankets to sleep under. They aren't going to cuddle the way Twilight hopes. I thought it would have been better had Twilight just invited Rarity into her bed because I know she wants to screw her. That way Rarity would have been happy and Applejack would have had the whole bed to herself and been able to sleep, well if she could sleep through all of Twilight and Rarity's moaning and squealing that would have definitely happened. Who knows though, she may have wanted to make it a threesome.

Well Rarity and Applejack begin to fight over the blanket and how in the hell Twilight didn't wake up right away is beyond me. Either she is a heavy sleeper or she just enjoyed listening to them fight for a while. Finally she sits up and yells. Poor widdle Twily, her slumber party got ruined because it didn't go exactly by the fucking book. Ugh she can be annoying. I remember how she asked what else could go wrong. I'm going to let all of you in on a secret. That was no random bolt of lightning. I am the one who caused it. I wanted to see how miss bitchy pants would react to it.

My bolt of lightning hit a tree causing the top of it to nearly become detached. At first it appeared as though it was going to fall away from the library but then Applejack has to be stubborn and use her rope to pull it back upright. Of course this caused it to fall into MY library. Yes, you heard it right, MY library. I just let Twilight live there since she is my student. If any damage is done to that library, Rarity and Applejack will be billed for the damages and given that Twilight is my student, I can't really punish her financially. I could punish her in other ways though, ways in which both of us enjoy. After all, she does like it rough.

Now that the tree is in Twilight's bedroom you'd think she would do something to try to get rid of it, right? I guess Twilight has even less common sense than I thought. While Applejack tries to get rid of it, Twilight is looking in her damn slumber party book to see if there is something in there saying that you're supposed to have giant tree branches at your slumber party. I swear, if it was to tell her to go jump in a volcano in that book she would have went and done it. Then we have Rarity who is so focused on cleaning up the little things that she may as well just be standing there sucking face with Twilight.

Well Applejack realizes that she can't get rid of it on her own and that she needs help. She knows that Twilight is too damn absorbed in her book to even pay attention to what is going on so she has to lower herself to apologizing to Rarity for yelling at her earlier. That had to be hard on her, given that she is much, much smarter than Rarity. Well after disgracing herself enough Rarity finally decides to quit being such a bitch and help her. What I thought was going to be a joke turned out quite well. Rarity uses her magic to turn a majority of the giant branch into some little leafy decorations.

Now Applejack was getting ready to kick the remaining part of the tree out the window but little miss priss glares at her so Applejack has to just bite it and throw it out. Applejack gets the window closed and there stands Rarity, covered in mud and started to whine about how awful she looked. Applejack decided to be nice and put a couple cucumbers over her eyes to make her feel better. Now I would have went and rammed my hoof down the bitch's throat for treating me like that.

Of course after that everything was just fine and dandy, they were all laughing, getting along and doing things together. The whole twenty questions thing was idiotic. Twilight wanted them to win together? Couldn't they have just had a threesome to accomplish that? Well Twilight writes me her sappy letter about how two ponies who have so little in common can get along. Again, I thought Applejack was friends with this hack. They sure seemed to get along perfectly fine when they set off to turn my sister back into Luna.

Well the skies clear and they are having fun and the show ends, well what they are willing to show. Yes Applejack went home and did her thankless job in continuing to provide that backwater town with food. Rarity however, did not go back to selling her whore costumes. Her and Twilight both had a lot of pent up sexual frustration after that night and they had to release it. A lot of ponies actually complained to that dingbat mayor but she has no authority. The final say when it comes to noise ordinances rests on my shoulders.

Oh and for those of you who were wondering what kind of "royal business" Spike had up here in Canterlot, here it is. Remember when Luna killed Gilda and the two of us ate her. Well we didn't get the whole corpse picked clean in time and some of the meat had went bad. I figured that if he could stomach those baked bads, some rotten meat would be nothing for him. After all, we were not about to allow any part of a good kill to go to waste.

Now be gone with you you serfs, Twinkleshine is giving me bedroom eyes and she always studies better after we have our fun.