Hello everypony, it is your beloved Sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a surprise for you! You have all paid your taxes so for the first time in ages Equestria isn't running a deficit so I have decided to give you my synopsis of "The Times They Are a Changeling."

Well it looks like Twily, Spike and Starlight are headed to the Crystal Empire for one reason or another and there are two extremely unhappy ponies. Me because Twilight promised me a raunchy afternoon of fun and Trixie because she does not like her marefriend, I mean friend with benefits, going up there because of what lives there. It is kind of funny because once Trixie learned that Starlight had a male friend, she vowed that if it ever touched her that she would go up there herself and kill it. Personally I hope she does since Cadence wouldn't let me do it.

Ok, enough about me wanting Trixie to kill Sunburst. I can't tell what is going on and I do have a synopsis to give so I do the typical invisibility and teleport spell onto the train. Well Twilight and Starlight are talking and Starlight better be glad Trixie isn't with them. She said that she is excited to see Sunburst again. How dare she! That is her showing adoration to a member of the lesser sex and as badly as I want to punish her for it, I'm thinking I might tell a certain overly possessive showmare about this. Hell I might loan her the Twicane so she can teach Starlight lesson number one, "The Great and Powerful Trixie thought Trixie told you that you are not to show adoration to members of the lesser sex!"

Now for something truly pathetic, Spike is wearing a disguise so he won't get mobbed by the crystal ponies once they get to the Empire. Now why would he do that? Last thing I remember he was an attention whore who bloviated about how he saved their asses twice and gobbled up all the attention they gave him. Oh well, either way he is an idiot. Let's just hope he doesn't fuck anything up this time around.

Once we all disembarked from the train, the streets are deserted. Now I wonder what the hell that is all about? Given nopony is out and about, he takes his dumb disguise off and suddenly he is mobbed by crystal ponies who must have been hiding behind the train station or something. Of course he begins to gobble up all their adoration but suddenly one of them asks "what if that isn't the real Spike" and then they all drop him and bolt. What the fuck was that about? Sorry crystal ponies but he didn't use some sort of time spell and come back to see himself.

As we all headed to the castle we were greeted by some of their guards who also think that we aren't the real us. What has everypony been doing up here, sniffing paint? Oh, now I know why! They just notified us that a changeling has been spotted in the area and think that one of us may not be real. What a lame excuse, what is a lone changeling going to do, imitate Shining Armor, haul Cadence up to their sleeping chambers, bang her and knock her up with a Cadi/changeling hybrid? Personally I think that would be cool because the offspring would likely be just as adorable as Flurry Heart!

Well once they realized that it was indeed us (well not me since they didn't know I was there) they let us proceed and very soon I would wish they had brought Trixie with them. That freak they call a crystaller shows up with the baby and immediately him and Starlight start talking. I do know one thing, had I brought her she likely would have strangled Sunburst with her bare hooves and then took Starlight up to Cadence's sleeping chambers and punished her for associating with that creature.

Enough about that for now and since the crystal ponies idolize Spike's shit, they have decided that Spike can accompany the guards out into the arctic to find this changeling. Oh sweet Mother of Faust, I hope he doesn't capture it because if he does, his already overblown ego will only get worse. He'll go claiming he saved the Crystal Empire three times and probably expect them to give him blow jobs since Rarity won't give him anything.

Now Spike has gone off to look for the changeling on his own and being the idiot he is, he manages to fall down a tunnel and nearly fall off a cliff. I suppose it is a good thing he didn't though because getting in touch with Twilight would be harder and more time consuming without her scroll hacking pet. After getting away from the edge of the cliff he sees his reflection in some ice. Oh joy, now we get to see him admire himself and talk about how great he is, well until his reflection doesn't move just like him. Holy batshit, he found the changeling and while the animators would never show it, he shit his scales!

Now Spike panics and nearly falls to his doom but this changeling seems different as he saves Spike instead of letting him go splat. Now I know this changeling is really odd, he actually helps Spike clean the shit out of his scales. Either this thing is into dragons and wants to get Spike in bed or Chrysalis dropped him on his head a few too many times when he was just a hatchling.

About this changeling, we learn his name is Thorax and he was scared of his siblings when he was first born. Oh cry me a river Thorax, you're a changeling. You were supposed to be born tough and I have a feeling that Chrysalis thought you would likely be either a failure, a traitor or an all around loser once you got older. Is that why you fled the cuckoo's nest? Was it because your mother let your sibling's beat you? Oh so that's it, you saw all the friendship and love that erupted at the Canterlot Wedding and wanted to share love instead of feast on it. What a loser, chances are his mama threw him out for being a whiny little bitch.

So Thorax wants Spike to go back to the castle and tell everypony that he is nice and simply wants a friend. What an idiot, he should know that they aren't going to want anything to do with him and Spike proved his idiocy for the millionth time by agreeing to do so. Well he returns and get this, he tells the guard that the changeling is nice and that he means no harm. Naturally this draws a good laugh out of them and causes Shining Armor to piss all over himself and blow his stack at the same time.

Remember Spike, there is no such thing as a nice changeling so now you must go back out into the arctic and tell Thorax the bad news. Once he gets out there he tells him that the crystal ponies told him to go fuck himself and then crawl in a hole and die, well in the unedited version anyway....and we all know how much better the unedited version is!

Now Thorax has come up with a plan, he will take on the form of a crystal pony and think that nopony will notice. Well that may seem like a good plan but there is one problem, he won't have a birth certificate, an Empire ID number and given that he is taking on the form of a colt, he won't have parents either so he will wind up being spotted and taken out in no time!

Well the two return to the castle and suddenly Spike has a new friend nopony knew about before. Apparently his name is Crystal Hoof, what a lame, generic and dumb name that is. Certainly Spike could have come up with something more original. Now for what is more pathetic, Spike tells my little Twily that they are pen pals and even worse, she believes him. Come on, I would think she would know if he were sending out mail but apparently not.

Now Spike has decided to take "Crystal Hoof" out to meet the other crystal ponies. You'd think they would wonder where he came from given that he has never been seen before and that there are no records of crystal ponies living outside of the Crystal Empire. Well I suppose they see what they think is one of their own who is new and they'll flock to him like flies flock to shit.

Guess what, Cadence has decided that "Crystal Hoof" is deserving enough to meet Flurry Heart! Now everypony probably thinks this is just a matter of a new citizen meeting the royal baby and will be uneventful but I know it will be anything but that. Well little Flurry radiates so much light and love that suddenly Thorax reveals his true self and now everypony is all pissy, well except for me of course. I know he means no harm and besides, I thought it was kind of funny seeing him feed on that love like that. *HISS, HISS, I WANT TO SUCK YOUR LOVE!*

Now Spike shows he ain't such a good friend after all. He brings Thorax into the castle in disguise and gets everyone to like him but once he takes his true form because of love overload, Spike suddenly turns on him and acts like he doesn't know him. What a little bastard. I guess the love and adoration of the crystal ponies is WAAAAAY more important than somechangeling who gave you genuine friendship. The more shit he pulls like this, the more I wish they would have grabbed a different egg for Twilight to hatch.

Now Spike, who is crying crocodile tears, has went out into the arctic to find Thorax and eat crow. Once he finally finds him Thorax isn't exactly glad to see him and I don't blame him. Get this though, Spike again falls into that chasm but Thorax, once again, flies down and saves him. I sure the hell wouldn't save some asshole who betrayed me like that, I would have let them plummet to their death and then ate a celebratory cake to dishonor their pathetic corpse.....speaking of cake, I hope we can get this over with so I can get home. I'm late and you know what a bitch I can be without my cake!

Now it looks like Spike is going to be a real friend for a change and take Thorax into the throne room in his true form and once again, everypony but me gets all pissy and if looks could kill, Spike and Thorax both would have been dead. You know I truly feel bad for Thorax. He seems like a nice changeling, too caring towards traitors though, but still nice.

Now Spike goes singing some sappy song about how he should have been a good friend and wondering if the crystal ponies will still love him. Enough about that, I see something that Trixie must know. Starlight is standing next to Sunbust. Oh boy, I can only imagine how Trixie is going to react when I tell her this. I'm sure Starlight will have a very angry wife, I mean friend with benefits, for a few days. At first I was thinking of punishing Starlight myself but having Trixie do it will be much more effective! I'll save my punishment for a certain wannabe wizard crystaller.

Now my little Twily finally realizes that Thorax isn't bad because he is friends with Spike and she befriends him too. Now everypony is more than willing to befriend him and he even gets to see the adorable little Flurry Heart in his true form. Even better, he doesn't start hissing and sucking her love. Now things can get back to normal for the most part, although I did see Starlight giving Twilight bedroom eyes but hey, that beats her associating with a wannabe wizard who shits on the floor.

Now I did have plans as to what I was going to do with nopony noticing, something that disgusting little crystaller of theirs would not like but there is a whole cake calling out to me at home. Yes I hate Sunburst and want to either kill him or at least maim him in one way or another, but CAKE IS MORE IMPORTANT!

On the way home things went normally for the most part though I'm sure Trixie would not be thrilled with the romp Twily and Starlight had in an empty car. I have decided though not to tell Trixie about this because despite being her lover, Starlight is a lot like me, she has to have her Twily when the opportunity presents itself.

Now if you will excuse me, I have decided to go and join Starlight and Twilight in their little romp. Yeah they'll be surprised to know I was there all along, monitoring their every move but it will give me the chance to reprimand Starlight and warn her that in the future if she pulls shit like she did, I will tell Trixie and loan her the Twicane.