Hello everypony, Starlight Glimmer here. Well we have a rather interesting situation here. Normally Celestia would give the synopsis but she decided to take the local florists down to Tampa Neigh for Hearth's Warming. Knowing her, I have a feeling that we'll be hearing Roseluck crying out "The horror, oh the horror!" all the way up here in Ponyville. Luna is holding the annual Winter Moon Celebration over in Fillydelphia, Cadence has to wrap presents for Flurry Heart and Twilight has other things to do so guess what, I get to give you the synopsis for "A Hearth's Warming Tail!" I do hope I won't disappoint.

Ok, another Hearth's Warming has arrived and most everypony is out singing and having a fun time in the cold. Now this makes no sense to me, shouldn't they be inside by the fire rather than risking hypothermia? Now I know why Celestia hates winter, the cold is uncomfortable and unfortunately, we can't all just head south this time of year. Oh well, winter is one of those unpleasant things we all have to deal with.

Now we go inside to where the important things are going on, where I have decided to skip Hearth's Warming Eve. Yep, I'm going to skip it. All it is is an overly commercialized celebration centered around wasting money on gifts that have no real meaning. I might not be a commie anymore but still, the holiday glorifies greed. Oh I gotta have this to show up my neighbor, I want this because nopony else has it and so on. Ugh, perhaps I should have joined Celestia when she invited me to go to Tampa Neigh with her and the florists. The only reason I resisted is I don't think Trixie would have liked me being in the presence of three very hot florists.

Enough about me thinking the flower girls are hot for now, especially Roseluck. Twilight has decided to ask me why I'm skipping it. Look Twilight, it glorifies greed, consumerism and I'd rather be up hoofing myself dreaming of Trixie since she is visiting her mother. What a shame her mother is so intense. If she weren't, I'd be with Trixie having some fun!

Yeah, yeah, yeah Twilight. We all know about the bullshit involving ponies singing around a heart and the mythical windigoes. Wait, there is another Hearth's Warming story? Well she offers to read it to me and I may as well let her. I'm bored out of my mind so I may as well let her read this to me. Maybe if it is boring enough I'll fall asleep and not have to listen to her drone on too much.

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Alright, about this story. Apparently it is centered around this pony named Snowfall Frost. Wait a minute, this pony, with the exception of some tiny glasses, is supposed to look like me? I'll admit, I like her manestyle, my old manestyle. I swear, I utterly hate the writers for what they did to me. They ruined my mane, they made me nothing more than an idiotic sidekick to Twilight and they made me be friends again with a weirdo who likes to shit on the floor and claim he is a wizard.

Ok, so Snowfall hates Hearth's Warming, big deal? Maybe she doesn't have the money to waste or she just finds it stupid. Unfortunately though, her loyal yet idiotic assistant, Rainbow Crash....I mean Snow Dash....seems to think it is the greatest thing in the world. Oh well, simpletons will celebrate the most idiotic things. What would be worth celebrating is the wedding I hope to have one day with Trixie!

Back to the story, after Dash leaves Snowfall has decided to create some sort of potion to rid the world of Hearth's Warming Eve. Now yeah, I think it is a waste of time and money but using a spell to just get rid of it. Memo to Snowfall, if you wipe a day off the calendar everything will get screwed up. Give it a hundred years and Winter Wrap Up will be taking place in December. You can't just alter the length of a year and not have horrible consequences.

Ok Twilight, I get it. Snowfall had her reasons for doing things but she still needs to consider the ramifications of altering the length of a year. Alright, so she is singing a song and mixing this stuff out. Also, I can't believe she is stealing wreaths and gifts to put in her cauldron! Does she not know that larceny is against the law! Whoever wrote this book must have either had Canterlot back then have no police department or probably an overweight cop that does nothing but live at the donut shop!

Damn it Starlight, you have got to quit being overly analytical or you'll never get this done! Ok, Snowfall was ready to cast her spell and a spirit shows up. Maybe her house is haunted or something else is at work. What, how the hell did a spirit of Applejack get there? Ok, she is the spirit of Hearth's Warming past. Ok, travel back in time. You know, they should have just had me be in it and truly travel back in time! Ok, they got back to Snowfall's hometown and wasn't her as a filly adorable? She was just as adorable as me!

Now I wonder what caused Snowfall to go wrong because she wasn't forced by some demonic force to hang out with a little rat that would one day forego using toilets, play dress up and show Shining Armor a good enough time he would get promoted from book collector to crystaller. Ok, enough about that little rat, let's find out the real reason why Snowfall grew to hate Hearth's Warming.

Oh, now I see. She had a teacher that was downright awful. Good grief, that scowl on his face, that snarl in his voice and his overall unpleasant demeanor. He is obviously very intimidating because he manages to transform filly Snowfall from a cheerful filly into a mini-me of him in basically ten seconds flat. Luckily this is just a work of fiction because it would really suck if a pony did a complete 180 like that in real life.

Well now that vision is over and Snowfall is back in her house. Despite seeing that vision she looks like she is still going to cast her spell! Good grief bitch, didn't you hear what I said about fucking with the length of a year....ok Twilight, no need to bitch over me emphasizing this. Apparently the ghost of Hearth's Warming present has arrived....and of course Pinkie and her materialistic ways had to come with it.

You know something Pinkie, thanks for helping me make this short by doing this in song. I'm starting to get bored of doing this and the shorter you can make it, the better. I may not have Trixie waiting in my bedroom for me but I can at least fantasize about her. Well her song is over and Spike has to go get some hot cocoa....ugh, why can't he just say hot chocolate. Cocoa is a word that rich, materialistic snobs use.

While Spike is off getting his hot chocolate I may as well see if I can at least get something to go my way.

"StormLuna, can I ask you a question?"

"What is it Starlight?"

"Could you please let me out of this! I'm getting bored and I'm sick of hearing Twilight drone on and on. Her voice is so damn annoying, especially her Pinkie Pie singing voice."

"I'm sorry Starlight but I gave you this opportunity because you're my favorite pony."

"If I'm your favorite you'd just let me say that an asteroid destroyed the world, let me go hit the hay and have Trixie waiting for me in my bedroom!"

"No Starlight, I will not do that! My readers want to hear all of this and besides, an asteroid did not destroy the world in the show so you can't just alter this!"

"Oh fine but if you don't have things improve, I'm coming to your world and stealing all your plushies!"

"Oh, look who is materialistic now! Just do it and maybe I'll have a surprise waiting for you in the end."

"Well you better or I'll never do another one of these blasted things again."

"Ok, now get back to work!"

Well Spike is back and since StormLuna won't let me alter things, I better get back to this. Ok, Twilight starts to drone on again and apparently the present spirit is showing Snowfall what is happening at the party. I can't believe it, little miss Snow Dash, who is supposed to be loyal to me....I mean Snowfall....is in there complaining about her! What a bitch. I swear, had any of my subordinates out in our town tried that, I would have hauled them out in the town square and shot them.

Ok it is obvious that Snowfall is sad and now comes Twilight's favorite part. Yes, we're getting close to the end so I won't have to listen to her drone on for too much longer. Ok, back to the book. It looks like the ghost of Hearth's Warming future has arrived, and it is a huge, badass Princess Luna. I am glad the author saved the most badass pony of them all for this one.

Now this too will be short as Luna has begun to sing about the disaster that will unfold since Snowfall apparently will succeed. It looks like Equestria will be buried in a blanket of eternal snow, no way that would happen in real life. Hey, they can claim those windigoes exist in this book but it is a work of fiction! Unless somepony shows me actual proof, such as real time video or a body of one, I won't believe they ever existed!

Alright, now for the end of this book. Snowfall decides to round up some random stuff from her house and take it to the party that was going on. Of course everypony was shocked but delighted to see her. One thing I do wonder though, what did Snow Dash do with that dragon's toenail? Oh well, it is a work of fiction so that was up to the author.

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Alright, Twilight's drone fest has ended and even though I really just want to say "screw it" and hit the hay, I know I'll never hear the end of it from Twilight if I don't join her downstairs to burst into song. Well we burst into song and all seems to be good. I may look like I'm happy but I'm not. I want my beloved Trixie with me so bad I can't stand it.

Once they episode ended there were some things that they couldn't show. They couldn't show me grumbling over me having to do this synopsis nor could they show me having tears running down my face because I didn't have Trixie with me on one of the most special holidays of the year, even if it is just a holiday based around materialism.

Finally I got to my bedroom and closed the door. When I turned around guess who was waiting for me? It was Trixie! Yes, yes, yes!

"Oh thank you StormLuna! I didn't think you'd actually surprise me like this!"

"Well you are my fave so I decided you deserve nothing but the best."

"You certainly delivered and now I'm one very happy mare!"

"Well was doing that synopsis worth it now?"

"Yes it was. I'm as happy as Celestia is when she gets her cake and when Luna gets her fritters!"

"That is good. I'll leave you two alone now. A word of advice though, don't be too loud, I don't want Twilight being all bitchy."

*in unison* "Alright StormLuna!"

Well now that StormLuna is gone, Trixie and I can do things that they certainly could never show! I must say, if this is what Hearth's Warming is going to bring me, I'll do every synopsis for it every year from now on!