Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess Celestia again and for the most part you have been doing your part and worshiping me as you should so I shall give you my synopsis of "The Hooffields and McColts."

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Here we go again, Fluttershy continues to prove that she cares way too much about a bunch of dumb animals and not nearly enough about me. Seriously Flutters, an animal book club? I could see Twilight doing this but you? You obviously have way too much time on your hooves and are likely frustrated. What a shame Spike wasn't visiting you, I'd just send a message and command that you come up to see me.

Wait a minute, Fluttershy's cutie mark is glowing! Woo-hoo, maybe the spot on the map it will tell her to go to will be my sleeping chambers. Guess what, since she has yet to be called by the map, Twilight's is doing this same. Now I know for sure where the map is going to send them and I'm going to wind up being one very happy princess! I'll get my yellow cake and lavender icing today after all! Wait a minute, their marks are not over Canterlot, they're over some place in Equestria I have never been. Well it looks like I'll just have to find them, no matter how long it takes.

Ok, so they're getting sent to the Great Smokey Mountains. At least now I know where to go. Unfortunately, this place is so far away I won't be able to just teleport there, I'll have to fly there. I should be able to beat that balloon. Once I get there, I can grab them, we can go into the forest and sexy times shall ensue! I've always wanted to get those two out in the middle of nowhere and now my dream shall come true.

Good grief, it's only been a few minutes and my Twily has already tore her library apart and has learned everything she can about the area. Typical Twily, go bat-shit crazy studying when she is frustrated. Poor thing, I'll help ease her frustration later, well unless Fluttershy beats me to it. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if they don't prove how naughty there are in that balloon on the way there.

Now I did something that I like to do. I cast that invisibility and teleport spell down there and then I flew alongside them as they rode in the balloon and Fluttershy made me jealous. Obviously the animators could never show this but Fluttershy ate her icing just right that it caused Twilight to glow! She never glows for me and now I'm a very jealous and upset princess. I'm thinking I shall punish both of them severely for this. No it won't be in my sleeping chambers but we'll likely rob those animals' eyes of their virginity!

After what seemed to be forever we finally arrive out there. This place seems awfully secluded. Kind of odd the map sent them out here because I don't see how they'll solve any friendship problems but I'm not going to complain! This is just how I wanted it, the map sends them out where they can fulfill the needs of your sexy Sun Goddess and take care of their own frustrations. The map wouldn't have sent the sexiest ones out together if that wasn't the plan now would it?

I'm a bit upset because now they're flying around trying to see if anypony lives there and what is worse, a damn pumpkin goes flying past them. Great, just great, it looks like they may have found something that just ain't right. Well as it turns out they have found a couple of families who have been feuding for ages.

Ok, they go see who is firing these pumpkins and it looks like a pony that goes by the name of Ma Hooffield is doing it. Hooffield, that name sounds so familiar. Oh, I got it now. They're the family that can grow food in nothing flat! I had always heard legends about some family that can do that and it looks like my girls found them. What a shame they can't build worth shit though. Ugh, look at their house. It is tiny, it is flimsy and it certainly wouldn't be anything I would even want to set hoof in. Oh wait, I doubt I could even fit in there. Want to know what is pathetic, the CMC's clubhouse is likely built better than it is.

Ok, so Ma is bitching about the McColts who live on the other mountain so my girls go to see what has them so pissy. Wow, look at the house of theirs. It looks more like a fort than it does a house. Now for the big question, can they grow their food really good too or are they one of those families that couldn't grow shit if their lives depended on it.

Once my girls get over there it sounds like it is the latter. These ponies can build good but they have to travel a great distance just to get their food. I am watching all of this and I can't help but think that if these two families would lose whatever idiotic grudge it is they have, they could help one another and life would be good. Perhaps this is why the map called them out here. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I'll still eat my yellow cake and lavender icing regardless. You know how it is, I'm the most powerful being in existence and if I want something, I'm taking it!

Now for something pathetic, the patriarch of the McColts, Big Daddy McColt, can destroy the Hooffield's house simply by yelling really loud. Now that is downright sad and why did they do it? They did it because the Hooffield's pulled the pin out of their wheel barrow that held the wheel on. How did they do that? I ask this because I wouldn't think they'd even be able to penetrate the walls of their fort. Well I suppose the writers just weren't thinking when they wrote this.

Alright, now the time has come to see if my Twily can get them to stop fighting. Yeah Twi, I'm real sure that flying up and yelling at them is going to get them to stop, NOT. She obviously isn't all that bright if she thought that will work. Now if I could strip her of her title and imprison her in my sleeping chambers for being stupid, I would do it. Unfortunately I can't but she's still getting punished over this and of course the fighting resumes!

Come on Twily, you can talk to Ma about how you wanted them to quit fighting all you want but it isn't going to work. Now how are my girls going to get this to stop. My Twily has it! She thinks that if the Hooffields give the McColts an apology cake that they'll all gather around a campfire and sing Kumbaya. Sorry Twily, but I doubt that is going to work but I'm sure this situation will make for some good humor.

Damn, now I am going to say this, that is a huge cake. If I weren't trying to stay hidden, I would head over to the McColt's compound and help them eat it. You know that if there is anything I can't get enough of, it is cake! Well they arrive at the McColt compound and are naturally met with suspicion. I would be suspicious if an enemy of mine suddenly showed up with a cake too. My biggest concern would be that my enemy poisoned it and wanted to take Equestria for themselves.

Apparently the McColts haven't had cake in ages because they look at the thing in awe, almost in as much awe as I am. I don't believe it, they let a sworn enemy inside of their compound. Now I have a feeling that something funny is about to happen, something that Ma probably won't like. Get this, Ma planted ponies in that cake and now they are in the compound assaulting their enemies with vegetables. What idiots, now they have been taken captive and Ma is run out. I would go and save the McColts new captives but I can't let anypony know I'm here. That could very well ruin the reason I came out here, which is to have my Flutters and my Twily in the forest.

Now this has only made matters worse, they have both emptied their mountains and are now fighting in the valley. My poor Twily is so frustrated as she has exhausted every single tactic she had in this book she took with her. Guess what Twily, you're not going to solve a friendship problem with a book. What's that Twily, you're throwing in the towel? You're giving up? I can't believe it! Out of all the ponies that would fail in a mission that map gave them, I never imagined it would be you. Well Twily, you're going to be punished severely because of this. Because Fluttershy isn't ready to give up, I'm going to let her join me in punishing you. You'll be at our mercy.

Now for one thing none of us have noticed, yes not even me. That valley is supposed to be the most beautiful place in Equestria but it looks like shit! It looks so bad that even Moondancer's overgrown yard looks better! Now we are about to find out why as the animals start talking to my sexy Fluttershy. Speaking of her, she is wanting to take those animals home with her, give them hot cocoa and have them join in on her dumb animal book club. What a bitch. She should know by now that she is not to give so much adoration to those animals, all of that should be reserved for me and me alone. Forget her joining me in punishing Twilight, I'll just punish them both at once.

So apparently this feud has ruined this place but there is one thing I would like to know, how do these animals know what happened? Are they part of some crazy sub-species that lives for hundreds of years? I ask this because they proceed to tell Fluttershy about how the patriarchs of these two families were once friends until they moved out here. They couldn't agree on what to do so they began to fight like crazy. Well now that they know what is wrong it is time to tell these backwards hacks what has happened over the ages and that they need to stop.

Now all of a sudden my Twily has gone from throwing herself a pity party and has gone into a "Look, I'm hot shit! I'll fix this, just you watch!" Yeah Twily, sure you will. I'm putting my bits on you two failing miserably and being punished but since Fluttershy is taking part in this, we'll see.

Well my Twily freezes them, all of them! She must be more powerful than I thought. Freezing her friends is one thing, but freeing a couple large families is another. Now is my Fluttershy's time to shine. Fluttershy tells these ponies about how their ancestors were best friends and pretty much told them about what the animals told her. There are a couple of things that the animals told her to say that the writers couldn't put in. Well as it turns out the real reason they started fighting was because their wives were friends with benefits and couldn't decide on what the best sex positions were! What a dumb reason to feud. Finally though, Fluttershy was able to get it through their heads that they need to stop fighting.

Now it looks like things are going to be much better as the Hooffields are going to help the McColts grow food and the McColts are going to help the Hooffields rebuild their house. That is all good because now I get to see the flanks of my sexiest lovelies glow! What a shame my Twily wasn't sopping wet too because you all know how hot she is like that!

It appears as though they are heading home now but that is not what really happened. Once they got out of eyesight of those new friends, I reversed the invisibility spell and led them deep into the woods out there. Let's just say that we had plenty of fun! Yeah I know I said that I was going to punish them but I decided to spare the horn if you know what I mean. Since they fixed the problem, I even let them dominate me and unfortunately for some of the animals out there, their eyes lost their virginity. Oh well, the young ones have to learn about what fun is sooner or later!

Now it is time to get home and I have plans. It is still a while until my lovelies have to be back in Ponyville so we took that balloon up to Canterlot and landed it right outside the castle. Yes some ponies were looking strangely at me as I led them inside with a huge smile on my face. Oh well, they probably figured that it was just me being happy that Twilight was up there.