Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a treat for you! It is kind of cold and I have nopony to keep me warm right now so I shall sit by the fireplace and give you my synopsis on "Hearthbreakers."

Like I said I am cold and it looks like Hearth's Warming Eve has arrived again. Ugh, Hearth's Warming Eve is a rather depressing time for me. Twilight and Spike have their little tradition involving opening gifts, Rarity and Fluttershy have their own "special tradition" and my students are spending time with their folks so I'm all alone and want to know the worst thing? The baker got sick so there isn't anypony around to even make me a cake!

Like I said, Twilight and Spike have this stupid tradition of opening gifts on Hearth's Warming Eve. Everypony knows you don't open your gifts until the next morning. Well apparently Spike is such an impatient little bastard that Twilight has to break from tradition and what is even worse is that Spike is disappointed in the gifts Twilight gives him, which happen to be books. Hey you little asshole, Twilight could just leave you alone and come up here to be with me, where she belongs. I think once she is available, I shall punish her for putting that scroll hacking pet of hers above me.

It looks like Applejack and Pinkie have shown up to say goodbye before they head off to the Pie family's rock farm for Hearth's Warming. Considering that they may be related is a good reason to go. While they aren't sure they are or not, I'm going to let you in on something. I am checking out the genealogy records and they are related and it wouldn't just be Applejack being related to Pinkie, they're all related so hopefully they are able to do some good family bonding.

The train ride out there is rather mundane as nothing special happens, well with the exception of Applejack telling Apple Bloom a very shortened version of why we celebrate Hearth's Warming. Ok, I lied, it was an incredibly boring and uneventful train ride. Of course that would always be the case unless I am there keeping everypony company.

Once they arrive at the train station it is obviously a desolate place with pretty much no vegetation. I would love to know why that place has zero vegetation but that really doesn't matter given it is the middle of the winter. Maud arrives and is her usual self, somewhat quiet but extremely smart with what was on Applejack's hoof. I would have just thought it was dirt and not said anything but that is why she is the rock expert and not me. I have more knowledge when it comes to lavender frosting, white sprinkles and yellow cake, you know the tastier things in life.

Maud leads them to the farm and I must say, they have it decorated quite nicely. Yeah there are no candy canes or wreaths but hey, to each their own. Now for the interesting part, which I think should be entertaining. You know how Pinkie is all hyper and overly happy and how we saw in that flashback that her family is rather humble and straight laced, I wonder if they are still the same way.

Now it is time to meet the families and it looks like the Pie family is the same as they always were, well except that the daughters are older. Ok, the father, Igneous Rock Pie speaks kind of weird, even stranger than how my sister did back in the old days and even right after she returned from the moon. The mother, Cloudy Quartz seems nice enough but I'm with Granny Smith, I think the names Iggy and Big Mama Q sound much better.

Now it is time to meet the daughters. Well we already know Maud and Pinkie but wow, Limestone has quite the scowl on her face and seems rather rude while Marble is the cute and quiet type. Ugh, I can imagine all the colts loving her, you know how they are when it comes to the shy ones. You know, she reminds me a bit of a souped up Fluttershy while Limestone reminds me of the type that I would want as a castle guard. She is no nonsense and would likely tell ponies I don't want to see to go fuck themselves.

Back to Limestone for now. I can tell by the way that she acts that she is extremely protective over that rock farm and especially of Holder's Boulder. Limestone, I know you mean well and I have decided that you are my favorite Pie sister, please don't be overly rude to everypony. When it comes to Marble though, she really needs to talk to the Apples, they could all be fourth cousins twice removed and that is no way to treat family!

The time has come for supper and here are the Apples up in the guests' sleeping quarters thinking it is going to be just like what they have, especially given that they could be, and are, related. This however would not be the case. Sorry Applejack but they're not going to have cinnamon rolls or any of that other tasty stuff, instead they eat rock soup. Yep, you heard me, rock soup. Now how in Equestria they are able to chew up rocks, much less stomach them is beyond me. I may have to do some research about rock eating ponies because they certainly aren't like any ponies I know.

The supper went by awkwardly because of what was on the menu. Now yeah, I will admit while I wouldn't go acting the way the Apples did over something I wasn't used to but the rock soup thing is kind of odd. I can't eat rocks and I'm the most powerful pony in existence so of course the Apples aren't going to be able to. Oh well, it isn't my place to judge nor is it my place to intervene. They'll just have to stomach the rocks or starve.

Now it's time for the Hearth's Warming dolls, well sort of. Rather than having crochet dolls that are passed down from generation to generation the Pie family makes theirs out of rocks! Yep, rocks. I honestly am surprised that their last name isn't some sort of rock. Oh well, last names are no indication of talents or anything like that because Big Mama Q nor any of the rest of them make pies, that is Granny Smith's specialty.

Down in the quarry they are making their dolls, well trying to. Of course the Pie family is easily able to make theirs but things aren't going so well for the Apples and when Applejack tries to make hers, it winds up looking more like a ghost with a frowny face while the rest of the Apples can't even get their rocks shattered. Yeah I feel sorry for them but just like it is in every other situation, it isn't my job to intervene, especially with something this menial.

Now the time has come to take part in another Pie family tradition, finding this rock to decide who will raise the Equestrian flag up the flagpole, uh I mean on top of Holder's Boulder since they don't have a flagpole. I'm honestly surprised that Limestone would allow that. I would think she would go Pinkamena on anypony who would do anything like that to Holder's Boulder.

Now for what they do to determine who gets to do it, the pony who finds this rock that Limestone hid earlier that day gets to do it. Ok, fair enough and Pinkie decides to make teams. We have Maud and Apple Bloom in team one, Big Mac and Marble in team two, Granny, Iggy and Big Mama Q in team three and of course Pinkie and Applejack in team four. Now for the fun part, go out and search for that rock.

In the mine Pinkie and Applejack are searching for the thing and suddenly it is becoming apparent that perhaps their families are not so much alike after all. The Apples have their much more traditional ways while the Pie family has their own unique ways, that are very rock based. Come on Applejack, you know I like you but you don't need to think the Pie family is so strange. Now Pinkie has found the rock and it is a picture! It isn't an actual rock and this only makes Applejack more confused.

Now Applejack learns that they hide their presents and that on most years nopony even gets a present. Ok, now I'll admit, that is weird but then again it is their tradition so I shouldn't be one to judge. Well it is getting late and everypony is getting ready to turn in for the night. While the Pie family quickly gets to sleep Applejack is up fretting over the fact that the Pies have never had a "real Hearth's Warming." What does she mean by that? Hell the Pies could go visit them and assume the same thing. After all, who doesn't like rock soup, having to find your presents, raising the flag on a rock and finding a picture of a rock?

Well something very odd happened that night. Applejack is up the whole night putting traditional decorations up and want to know where she got them? They didn't show this but Trixie was there with her lame ass street magic making all those decorations just like she made a bouquet of flowers appear out of nothing. Why is it I have a very bad feeling that this is going to turn out to be a disaster?

The following morning arrives and of course Pinkie Pie wakes everypony up with her loudness. Everything seemed to be fine until everypony went outside to discover that Applejack had transformed the rock farm entirely. Not only was the whole Pie family unhappy, even her own family wasn't thrilled about it. Apparently Granny, Big Mac and Apple Bloom respect the Pie family traditions more than Applejack. Now everything has gone down hill big time and things are about to get worse. The flagpole Applejack planted, well she planted it in a fault line and the ground fractured. Even worse, Holder's Boulder has fallen down into the quarry.

Oh boy, this is looking bad for Applejack now, along with the rest of the Apple family. While the rest of the Apples are up in the guests' quarters packing up getting ready to go home, Applejack has fled into the mines, and so has Pinkie. Those two are devastated and it is kind of odd how they are saying such similar things at the same time. Well they are related so that comes as no big surprise. Both of them are too ashamed to go back above ground but Applejack must because she needs to get home.

Now the Apples are heading home but Granny must have been told about the history of the farm and the importance of Holder's Boulder because she told Applejack why it is important and then something falls from the ceiling. What is this? A gift has fallen! Now how did Pinkie hid a present on a moving train and WHY would she hide it there? Well she is Pinkie so anything is possible. Now Applejack finally sees why what the Pie family does is so special. Apparently nopony else must have been on the train since they were able to get it to go back.

Now I feel bad for the Pie family, they are going to have to try and push that heavy boulder out of the quarry. Hell this could take them so long that it may be next Hearth's Warming before they get it out OR your sexy Sun Goddess could go and lift it out for them. I suppose if they don't get it out by the end of the episode, I'll go and do that or maybe I'll have Luna do it because I will likely be having a lavender snack.

Well Limestone is getting angrier by the second, no big surprise there, and who should show up but the Apples! Of course this only pisses Limestone off further until they offer to help get the boulder out of the quarry. Surprisingly they are able to do so and since Applejack apologized to the Pie family for screwing everything up and forcing her traditions on them they decide to have a Hearth's Warming that mixes both of their traditions.

Wow, Limestone suddenly has a smile on her face and she has cinnamon rolls! That looks very tasty but unfortunately my sister and I won't be able to get there before they eat them all. What a shame, too. Oh well, I guess I can't win them all.

Now for something that I find rather troublesome. Big Mac and Marble Pie are blushing at one another. No way in hell am I going to allow them to hook up! Yes they are just barely related but still, ponies of the opposing gender can not hook up unless they are sixth cousins or further removed. Now when it comes to same sex relatives, sisters can marry one another if they want since they can't procreate. Personally if Flitter and Cloudchaser ever decided to get married since they are so close, I would gladly officiate it and be even more happy to join them on their honeymoon.

Well now everypony is happy, well almost. I'm still all alone, my students are gone to see their folks, Twilight has headed to Rarity's place where them along with Fluttershy are having tons of fun. Oh well, I'll just have to hoof....wait a minute, why am I throwing this pity party? I am the most powerful pony in existence so I am going to Ponyville and I will pay Cheerilee a visit. She hasn't paid homage to me in a while and I really need a release.

Now if you serfs will excuse me, there is a hot school teacher that needs to be taught a lesson!