Hello my beloved subordinates! I'm going to let you know that you have been wonderful little underlings. You haven't bad mouthed me, you've paid your taxes like you're supposed to and you've worshiped me as required by law so I'll give you my synopsis of "Slice of Life."

Alright here we start out with Cranky and Matilda reminiscing about the time they've been together. From the way it looks, it looks like they live together. Now that's odd, I would have thought that Matilda would have waited until marriage to live with him. Oh well, you know what they say. If a couple co-habitates for a while and don't kill each other their marriage will be more likely to survive. Good! I don't want to have to officiate a divorce between two asses.

It looks like something is going wrong with the way Matilda is acting. Oh no, the invitations have the wrong date on them. It says their wedding is today instead of tomorrow. Shit, now Luna and I have to get going so we're not late. Well we decide we need to shower before we go because she had fritters stuck in her coat and well, I had a ton of fun with Lemon Hearts last night so I'm sure you know what was stuck in my coat.

Well we got washed up but we had a while before we had to go so I went to my balcony and continued to spy on what was going on.

Obviously Cranky is pissed and goes to chew out the pony who he had make the invitations and guess who it was? It was the local mailmare, Derpy Hooves who he hired. Now would I have hired her to handle the invitations? No I would not have. While she seems like a friendly mare I simply don't think she was the best choice for something like this.

Now she is complaining to the Doctor about her problems and as it turns out, she hired somepony who has no experience with a printing press, Featherweight. Now what the hell is a school colt doing handling this? Come on Derpy, I know you could do better than that. Yeah it was on short notice but still, I don't think you would have to had gone with a colt. Hell you could have asked me and I would have made them for free using my magic but oh well, what is done is done.

Now it looks like the Doctor has taken Derpy into his basement. Shit, I can't see what's going on so now for my usual response when this happens. I can't not know what is going on if I am to give you a good synopsis of this. Well it seems like me teleporting myself in there was rather unnecessary as absolutely nothing interesting happens! The doctor mentions bringing time forward to you to fix problems? How the hell would that even work? Thing is, that is fancy talk for just living in the present and here I was hoping that he would do something like Doc Brown and be able to travel back in time. Well he doesn't have a DeLorean nor does he have any plutonium so forget that.

So now the doctor suddenly realizes he has to get his suit tailored and who does he go to, Rarity! I didn't think Rarity did clothes for stallions, I thought all she did was slutty outfits along with the occasional modest dress. Well I guess even an old mare like me can learn new things. Unfortunately for the doctor, she is not home and get this, he runs into DJ-PON3 expecting her to know where she is. She must be able to read lips because she certainly can't hear him over her music. Well she doesn't lead him to Rarity, but somepony else.

She takes him to the bowling alley where he meets up with some rather fancy stallions, ones that make their own outfits. They agree to tailor his suit BUT he must bowl with them since their other team mate didn't show up. Here is the problem, the doctor and his overly analytical way of thinking has caused him not to want to bowl. You know how his type are, they analyze everything and decide that if there are too many variables, they won't mess with it. Eventually though he does decide to bowl given the bowling ponies told him to just throw it straight.

Now that that is taken care of now all of a sudden my girls are huddled together outside. Now what could possibly be going on that would cause them to do that. Probably something boring such as a friendship problem OR it might be something more fun! It might be something that will bring some real excitement to that town, something much more exciting than a wedding involving two asses.

Ok, this is odd. Half the town is watching their little meeting and Octavia, who has a semi-important role later on, wonders what is going on. Come to find out it is either a friendship problem or a monster attack. Well I'll let you in on a little secret, yours Truly decided to stir up some trouble to make this wedding exciting so it is the later. I decided to free the bug bear from Tartarus, not just because I wanted to make this fun, but I also wanted to test those six and cause another pony down there to freak out.

Well my bug bear unleashes its attack on Ponyville and immediately Matilda freaks out given the chaos this thing is causing. Even worse, Matilda's wedding planner is busy so she calls on somepony else to help her with the last minute things. She calls on the pony who used to plan everything before my sexy lavender student arrived, Amethyst Star. Now I'm going to admit something to you, I like Amethyst. Not in the same way as I do other mares though. She is the one who told Rainbow Crash that she was a narcissistic bitch and added that she needs to lose the hero complex a while back. Of course Amethyst happily agrees to aid Matilda in this and well, Derpy wants to help too.

Matilda gives her a simple task, go get her flower arrangement. There is one problem though, those oh so sexy flower girls don't even have the flowers in much less have them arranged. Those girls are so adorable, not to mention sexy when they go into panic mode the way they do. "Oh the horror, the horror!" What happened next is hilarious, the bug bear broke a stem on one of the zinnias. They fall over again and Roseluck cries, "The horror, oh the horror!"

I'm going to be honest, when they do that I just want to snatch them up, take them to my sleeping chambers and calm them down, especially Roseluck. Since I was already down there I figured I would just grab them, take them to the town hall and we could defile the place before the wedding. Unfortunately though, two mares who were decorating the place would beat me to it.

Now I have to teleport myself into the town hall where Lyra and Bon Bon were busy decorating the place. Alright simple enough but now they are talking about how a "best friend" always knows you the most. Ok, I call bullshit on the best friend thing. Many ponies think they are just close friends but I know better. They are basically inseparable and they often give one another looks that certainly aren't kid friendly.

Yeah yeah yeah girls, I know you think you'll get everything done together but if that ass bumping is leading up to what I think it is, I might have to come in with my flower girls and finish the job. Oh wait, if I have them with me I wouldn't get it done either. I'll just have to do it myself.

Holy shit, the way the way they are looking at one another definitely says that sexy times are going to ensue very soon, I can feel it. Maybe I could join them, a threesome with these two would certainly be fantastic. Maybe not though, these two truly do love one another and aren't merely friends with benefits. Ok, now all of a sudden there is some ruckus coming from outside and of course Bon Bon wonders what it is. What I would like to know is how did Lyra know it was a bug bear. Now all of a sudden Bon Bon looks like she is going into a panic.

You see, she actually works for a secret anti-monster agency in Canterlot. Long story short, I'm her boss and I do monitor her closely. Now she is freaking out wondering how it found her and what is even funnier is how Lyra suddenly thinks their whole relationship is a big sham. "What about the benches we sat on? The lunches? The long talks? The munchy-munchy sessions we had? The horn sex I gave you? Are you saying that none of that was real?"

Calm down Lyra, she just lied about her name being special agent Sweetie Drops and lied about her line of work but other than that, everything is perfectly fine! Once Sweetie Drops apologizes and tells her why she did what she did they embrace and give one another bedroom eyes, ON SCREEN, that basically makes LyraBon canon! Yes, finally! Thank you Larson, you finally shattered the whole concept of mares can't love each other in a kids' show. Maybe Hasbro will let him put an exploit I have had with Twily in an episode because that would be sweet! Who knows, maybe episode 150 will be of me marrying Lyra and Bon Bon. That would be sweet too because after I married them we could have a three way honeymoon!

What they couldn't show though, was that before Bon Bon went out after the bug bear, those two headed into the mayor's office and defiled her desk for an hour straight! I can't wait to see the mayor's reaction when she finds her desk covered in girlcum! As my sister would say it, "it will be most hilarious!"

After their intimate moment Bon Bon leaves to go out after my monster and of course Lyra acts like the upset wife saying they'll talk about it later. Yeah, uh huh, you'll just bang each other and forget about this entirely. Ok, now Lyra is all alone and sad continuing to decorate the town hall without her marefriend and given that I can't reveal myself, she has to do it all on her own.

Meanwhile back at the bowling alley the poor doctor has to hit a 7-10 split to win the game. Unfortunately for him, Derpy interrupts his concentration when she decides that his flameless fireworks would look better than the flowers. Normally I would hurl an insult at a pony who caused somepony else to screw up royally but Derpy is sweet, innocent and pure. She didn't know any better. Bad news for the doctor though, he missed converting the split and never got his suit tailored so I guess he'll have to wear a burlap sack or something else that is a crime against fashion to the wedding.

Well I have to do yet another teleportation spell, this time it is into the spa. Unfortunately for me though, it is not to bang Twilight in the steam room. I did see not only Matilda, but Steven Magnet, the sea monster that I have always thought was possibly gay. Well from the sounds of his chat with Matilda, he thinks of her as family and Matilda learned that her fiance's best steed is a sea monster. Quite a good choice if you ask me. It beats having another ass, right?

Now on to something I have been so curious about so I reversed the invisibility spell and shock not only the spa twins but also Matilda and Steven. They all were surprised to see me but there was one thing they didn't sow, my talk with Steven. Well come to find out while he acts happy and flamboyant all the time, he is depressed because some female sea monster he had been dating for a while dumped him in favor of another guy. That poor guy. I also did something I hate doing. I apologized to him for saying that he might be gay in my synopsis of the premiere. He accepted my apology and all is good. Now I have to get out of here, I need to show up at the town hall here soon.

Well shit, I've been notified that I have yet another place to go, Vinyl and Octavia's place. What I would like to know is how those two can even stand to be together given how different they are. Once I did the invisibility and teleport into their place, I discovered something, something the animators never showed. They aren't just roommates, they're marefriends! Wow, I am discovering all sorts of exciting things without dealing with my bug bear.

Now on to what they could show, well Octavia is bored as hell with the standard wedding music. Well I don't blame her, standard wedding music is boring, bland and is horribly painful on the years. Luckily though the DJ helps her make things more interesting and I am also shocked to see that her music machine is mobile as well. So what happens, they decide to take that baby for a spin and collect a few ponies along the way.

Some bad things did happen on their way to the town hall though. Something showed up to wreck her music machine. The Twicane! Yes that damn Twicane came back. Ugh I hate that thing. I remember right after Twilight and her friends fought back the Everfree Forest, Twilight "punished" me with that damn thing and it hurt! I banished that thing to the moon but just like a damn ouija board, it found it's way back. I'll have Luna banish it to the sun, it shouldn't return from that. Oh, and on a side note, Cranky lost his toupee.

While this was going on, Pinkie's dumb alligator was watching this go on with that same mindless look on his face but you know what? He can actually think and had quite the interesting thoughts regarding cutie marks and bug bear attacks. Oh well, enough with that. The music machine and all it's pony passengers have crashed into the town all and Luna has shown up so time to go into the town hall now.

Well Luna arrives and shit on a stick, she forgot the gift! How the hell could she forget to grab the damn gift when she is usually the organized one between the two of us. Oh well, those asses are getting enough gifts as it is, what is one less going to matter? I'll just return it, get those 100 bits back and buy myself some cake.

Ok, I have come to the conclusion that Shining Armor is either a pussy, an overly emotional overgrown colt or is still traumatized by his own wedding which would explain why he cries at every single one he has been to since his own.

Good news for you all, my sexy Twily and her friends have defeated the bug bear! Now Bon Bon can come and try to make amends with her marefriend. What I find funny is that Lyra made a big deal out of her cooking and eating some fancy oats they had been saving for a special occasion. I can't help but wonder what that "special occasion" was. Oats don't last forever so I know they weren't saving them for their wedding night. Maybe come episode 150 or 200 girls, maybe then Hasbro will let you get married.

Now that the bug bear has been defeated, Twilight can come join me. I do hope that someday it will be us getting married. I can just imagine the ceremony. I'd be up there in royal guard garb since I would be the alpha-female and she'll be coming up the aisle in a magnificent gown, one that would be so much fun to remove once we got to a private place.

Wait a minute, Derpy and the doctor come in and Derpy locks my Twily and her friends out. How could she? How could she deny me the chance to have my lovely lavender hottie next to me. Oh well, I suppose now I can get some sleep while the mayor yaps and have Luna wake me up when the bride and groom say "I do."

Well they kiss and the doctor's flameless fireworks ignite. Yeah they may look spectacular to your common hack but Luna and I found them lack luster. Why get excited over something that lame when we could create explosions like that ourselves. Hell even that showboat Trixie could do that.

In the end Twilight is going on some sappy rave about how wonderful it is to live in this town and how much she loves her friends. Ugh gag me. Now I know this place has rubbed off on her way too much. I find nothing special about it so you know what? She can stay here tonight and I'll take the flower girls home with me. Besides, I overheard her talking to Rarity about having some fun tonight.

Now for what happened afterwards. I decided to let Cranky and Matilda spend a week up in that fancy suite Rarity stayed in so long ago for their honeymoon. I don't know what they did in there but one thing I do know, Lyra and Bon Bon kept the whole damn town awake. I've heard about noise complaints involving them before but this time the complaints were far more numerous. They weren't the only ones keeping everypony awake. Colgate and Twinkleshine got a room down here and holy shit were they loud. Normally I would be pissed that Colgate would take my Twinkleshine away from me but hey, I have three hot flower girls on tap for tonight, so it's all good.

Now if you serfs will excuse me, I have three hot florists to have some fun with. If you hear a mare squealing, "The horror, oh the horror!" you'll know which one I'm giving it to rough!