Hello everypony, again it is your supreme dictator Princess Celestia. Next up is Boast Busters, which is personally one of my favorites because who doesn't love ponies showing off their abilities. It doesn't bother me because I know I'm better than the rest of them combined.

Starting off, Twilight has a list of tricks she is working on. Tricks, seriously? I did not let Twilight into my school AND make her my personal protege to be practicing street magic that anypony, with the exception of a couple morons who I will get to later, could do. I am beginning to wonder about Spike. Why the hell would he want a mustache? Is he wanting to be like that flamboyant and possibly gay river serpent? Does Spike secretly have a boy crush on him and think that if Twilight gives him some facial hair he'll be able to score with him since he can't with Rarity? Well Twilight gives him the mustache and he suddenly acts like he is hot shit. Good thing she quickly took it away because he was so fucking ugly I thought I was going to vomit.

Apparently Spike must be trying to get Twilight to give him that hideous mustache back because while they are walking out in the street, he is praising her so much I thought he suddenly wanted to get her in bed. Poor Twilight, she should have smacked him and told him to shut the hell up. Now the morons I mentioned earlier come to make everypony's lives hell. Snips and Snails, probably the two dumbest and most powerless unicorns in all of Equestria run into Spike and start making a fuss about a new unicorn in town. Now why the hell would they even care and when they say that "they say she has more magical power than anypony, ever" what I would like to know is who the fuck is they? It sure the hell wasn't me or anypony else in Canterlot. Everypony up here knows that I am the one with more magical power than anypony in the history of the universe. That K Street whore has nothing on me!

Once Twilight and Spike arrive in the town square they see one of the worst sights ever, an arrogant blue unicorn doing lame street magic that refers to herself as "The Great and Powerful Trixie." What the hell is so special about making bouquets of flowers and the other crap she did. She thinks she is so great that she claims that anything somepony can do, she can do better. That is a crock of shit. Had she came up to Canterlot, I would have shown her up on numerous acts of magic and then had Luna banish the little cunt to the sun, since it is a hell of a lot more uncomfortable than the moon.

I have heard a lot of tall tales in my day but somepony making a claim that they vanquished an Ursa Major is by far the tallest and most ridiculous. Does Trixie even know anything about the Ursa Major except for the fact that it is a bear? Chances are she doesn't. She is just an overly confident dingbat that probably dropped out of school and started a magic show because she was too dumb to get a real job.

Ok, I can understand why other ponies would want to show this bitch up but come on, the only one who will be able to show up a unicorn in this setting is another unicorn. If Applejack truly wanted to prove that she is better than Trixie, she should have put a horn cap on her, dragged her sorry flank over to the farm and challenged her to an apple bucking contest. Chances are Trixie would have broke her back legs in the process of kicking the first tree but oh no, Applejack had to some fancy trick with a rope. While it is impressive, a unicorn will easily be able to counter that trick and come out on top, which unfortunately happened.

Rainbow Dash had a better chance of being better than Trixie. Her flying feat was quite impressive, still nothing compared to what I can do, but still impressive. What doomed her was that when she stopped on change she had that rainbow over her. Now where the hell did that come from? I suppose the writers needed to do something so Trixie could outwit her and make her sick. One thing I didn't know is that Trixie could make clouds. Perhaps I should fire all the pegasi and just have her make the weather. Yeah small, shitty thunderclouds won't produce much rain, if any, but it would still save the taxpayers a ton of money.

Now entering the scene is The Obnoxious and Prissy Rarity. So a unicorn is supposed to conduct herself with grace and look elegant in her eyes. What I would like to know is why do some unicorns think they have to dress to the nines to show off? This was far too easy for Trixie, just zap little miss priss with some magic and make her look hideous. Game over. So far the results are Trixie 3 Twilight's friends 0. I suppose another lesson I tried to teach Twilight never sunk in. She didn't want to try to show up Trixie because she was afraid she would make everypony else hate her. I taught her that if she could put a bitch in her place, do it. I should drag her ass back up here and pound it into her head that she is better than everypony except for me and Luna.

I have come to a conclusion, it is not so much a matter of Snips and Snails simply admiring Trixie like she thinks, I can tell by the way they are acting that they want to bang her and knock her up. Is that even possible? I know they haven't hit puberty yet so those boys will have to wait a while. Ugh the thoughts of a hybrid between Trixie and one of those two are even scarier than a dragon/unicorn hybrid. My suspicions were proven when Snips shows up with a hay smoothie holding it on his flank and presents it to Trixie. I don't know what he was thinking, there is no way him presenting his ass to her is going to get her in bed. I am betting that is what caused Trixie to tell both of them to go away and not bother her until the next morning. She probably didn't want Sanils presenting his ass to her either.

As they are leaving they run into Spike who tries telling them that Trixie ain't all she's cracked up to be. Of course they bring up the Ursa claim and Spike just has to open his mouth and give them a bad idea. He just had to mention an Ursa Major walking up the street and of course that causes them to decide to go get one! How fucking stupid are those two? I'm surprised they managed to find the cave and wake it up without getting eaten. What a shame they didn't become bear food, it's not like they'll ever be productive members of society anyway.

While the two stooges are off getting the Ursa Spike goes home and again tries to get Twilight to go and show off her stuff. Does he not listen? How many times does Twilight have to tell him that she isn't going to go and show up Trixie. At least one of those two learned something from me. If he could perform magic, he would have put Trixie in her place. Twilight's door making trick doesn't impress me though. Any adult unicorn could pull that off.

Well the idiotic colts find the cave and Snips starts complaining when he can't see his own hoof in front of his face. What an idiot. Perhaps he thought the Ursa would have his cave decorated with Hearth's Warming lights. Will wonders never cease! Although it was difficult for him, Snails actually managed to use some magic to light up his horn. I didn't know he had the smarts to do that. Maybe he won't be completely useless after all, key word, maybe!

Good thing, Snails proved he is smarter than Snips, which I always questioned. Bad thing, he wakes the Ursa up and pisses it off. I don't blame it, I would be pissed off if somepony woke me up like that too. Low and behold they show more intelligence, they run from the beast rather than standing there in awe and becoming bear food. Spike, all dejected happens to be out when he has another encounter with them. Good thing he did, because had he not that Ursa could have done some serious damage.

Spike runs home and finds Twilight reading a book. Chances are she was either reading a book about how to please herself since I can't be there for her all the time or she was reading a book on how to overthrow the government. If it was the latter, I will have to execute her for treason. Well she hears the roars from Ponyville's newest guest and decides to go out to see it for herself.

Now boys, what did Trixie tell you. She told you two to not bother her until morning. You just can't listen, can you? Banging on her door in the middle of the night won't get her to bang you. I found it quite hilarious when Trixie saw the Ursa approaching, looks like she is going to piss all over herself and runs off. For a pony who allegedly vanquished an Ursa Major, she sure took off like a little chickenshit when she saw it.

It was kind of a shame that the Ursa crushed Trixie's traveling house because she didn't have any insurance on the thing. So now Trixie is homeless and chances are she doesn't have the funds to buy a new one. Well if she is looking for a place to stay, unless she is willing to give me and Twinkleshine the time of our lives, she isn't welcome up here with me. Staying with me has it's costs, but it has it's perks as well.

Well the idiot colts finally admit to Trixie that they brought the Ursa into town and naturally this pisses her off. Well Trixie did claim that she could vanquish an Ursa so she brought this upon herself. Too bad those two had to put the rest of Ponyville in danger. Trixie's attempts to vanquish the beast were pathetic! Oh yes, tying a rope around a couple of fingers on one of it's paws is really going to do the trick! Trixie was probably thinking, "You see, Trixie vanquished it! Now move out of Trixie's way bitches, Trixie's gonna go brag some more!"

That was a joke. The Ursa breaks the rope and the two idiots encourage Trixie to continue with this impossible task. Trixie decides she will try to make her own weather again. I swear, she must not have any creativity at all. Once again she creates a shitty little thundercloud that only produces one weak little spark of lightning. She could at least create a tornado that would carry it, along with the rest of town, off into the forest.

My star student finally shows up and discovers that the two dumbest ponies in Ponyville brought an Ursa to town. Of course this pissed Twilight off but it was good to see Trixie finally get off her high horse (no pun intended) and admit that she never vanquished one. Now came Twilight's time to shine. With some encouraging by Spike, Twilight took action. If she is as good at vanquishing Ursas as she is in pleasing me, that thing is toast.

Well Twilight starts out by making some sappy music involving wind and broken cat tails. Spike referred to this as number sixteen. Ok Twilight, I doubt if street magic will aid you in this endeavor but surprisingly it did. Now for something new, she decides to turn the town's water tower into an overgrown milk bottle. How she fit that thing in the barn and milked the cows without being in there is beyond me. Wait a minute, this is bad news for the dairy workers. Now that Twilight has done this, I could see the Ponyville dairy hire her to milk the cows and fire their current workers. After all, paying only one pony will be much cheaper and it will make the dairy turn a profit for a change.

Well now that the Ursa is calmed and has a king sized milk bottle, Twilight puts as much power into it as she can and levitates that thing back to it's cave. I knew she could do it. Hey, she kept me happy in the bedroom so vanquishing an Ursa is nothing. Too bad for Twilight though, she didn't become the first pony to vanquish an Ursa Major. It was only an Ursa Minor that she vanquished. At least she was able to get rid of it instead of expecting me to come down and haul it's ass home.

Well Twilight tells everypony it was just an Ursa Minor and Trixie is shocked it was just a baby. She finally realizes how pathetic she is and runs off after bragging about her show stopping abilities. Guess what bitch, being a show pony won't save towns. It will just turn them against you. Everypony praises Twilight, including the two idiots brought the beast to town. They must be really stupid if they think praising Twilight is going to cause her to let them off the hook. Good job Twilight, they were responsible for Trixie's shattered home and deserved to have to clean it.

Ok Twilight gets a lot of praise for vanquishing the Ursa Minor but then decides to do some of that pathetic Trixie level street magic. That will impress nopony, it will just make them think she is a showboat that needs to be ran out of town. What is worse is that she gives a couple of moronic hacks with a combined IQ of one along with Spike mustaches. How wasteful. Of course in the end the mustache does not aid Spike in his endeavor to knock Rarity up and he thinks he needs a beard too. I highly doubt Rarity will want to fuck a hair ball. Opal coughs them up enough and I'm sure they don't get any action. Spike just needs to be himself, maybe some day in the distant future after Rarity has gone through menopause, she will want to screw Spike because nopony else will want to at that point.

Oh, and by the way you peasants, now you must refer to me as The Hot and Sexy Princess Celestia.