Hello everypony, it is your Sexy Sun Goddess again and I have a treat for you! Yeah I'm not overly thrilled with your behavior and the fact that only half you have paid your taxes pisses me off but I'm in a good mood so I shall share with you my synopsis of "Equestria Games."

Ah yes, that time of year has arrived again, time for the Equestria Games and all the delegations are headed to this year's host city, the Crystal Empire. I'll admit, while I do enjoy watching the games, I would much rather be hosting my own Equestria Games in my sleeping chambers. You know, I might consider that! Find the hottest mares from each community and have tons and tons of fun!

Ok, enough about me and my sudden desire to host my own Equestria Games, I have an episode to give my synopsis of. Like I said before, the delegations are heading to the Crystal Empire and it looks like Rainbow has the Ponyville delegation working out on the way there. What a bitch. Doesn't she know what could happen if the train was to have to stop in a hurry? Doesn't she remember what happened when they were doing their dumb routine to get Ms. Harshwhinny in bed....I mean get her to give the games to the Empire? Oh well, at least nopony got hurt by the time they got here.

Alright Rainbow, yes you have a great delegation but don't get cocky. I don't see everypony winning medals, although Fluttershy could easily win the gold in my own games while Twily would take silver and Rarity could win bronze. Come on Tia, I said I wasn't going to go on and on about my own games. Back to business now, Rainbow is already conceding her chances of winning the gold because her relay team is going up against the Wonderbolts. I'm not exactly counting on them winning given how slow Bulk Biceps is but I guess we'll see. Perhaps if we put a key to Spitfire's bedroom at the finish line it will prompt Rainbow to break the sound barrier so they can get the gold. You all know how much she loves her.

Well it looks like the relay team aren't the only ones with no chance at gold, the filly illuminati don't either. Well no shit Scootaloo, you're carrying the flag for Ponyville and Crashie is right, there are no winners. Tell you what Scoots, I'll take some tin foil, shape it into a medal, spray paint it gold and then you can have your participation medal....NOT! Sorry Scoots but this isn't like the human world in Lyra's comic books! We don't do participation medals in Equestria, you want a medal, you earn it!

Now that the delegation is here they can get their crap together and head to the stadium. That also means that my sexy lavender princess can come to the crystal palace to see me! Unfortunately though, Spike has learned that the crystal ponies think his shit doesn't stink. Why is that? It is because he saved the Empire from Sombra. Well so did Cadence and Shining Armor. Had Shining not thrown his wife like a football she would have never grabbed the heart, Sombra would have ate it and Spike would have gone splat so I think them building a huge crystal statue of him was very unnecessary, not to mention extremely wasteful.

What makes matters worse is that they are now feeding the little bastard gems like they're going out of style. How could these crystal ponies be so dumb? Hell it was ME who sent Twilight and her friends up there in the first place so if they should be giving anypony gems, it should be ME, well the sexier gems anyway!

Oh boy, now I have a feeling that a complete disaster is about to unfold. Get this, Cadence wants Spike to light the torch to start off the games. How dare she, I am the one who was supposed to do that! I think I am going to punish her severely for this, well that and punish Twilight for bringing him up here to start with. Oh well, I guess that's what I get for allowing any common hack to come to the games. If Canterlot ever gets the games, I'll make my own rules, rules that will make sure that I light the torch, can have my way with any hot mare I want and keep any lowly scum out that I don't want there.

Speaking of lighting the torch, the opening ceremonies opened as they normally would. The flag carriers did their routine, the delegations came into the stadium and of course, Spike headed up to light the torch. Well I was expecting this to go according to plan, a bit boring and uneventful, until the torch wasn't getting lit. I looked over to my right and saw Twilight beginning to panic as she realized that her scroll hacking pet was going to fail. Cadence and Luna too were concerned but I couldn't help but smile as I always like a bit of drama added to things.

After what seemed to be forever and Ms. Harshwhinny pissing herself Spike finally lit the torch but I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Twilight's horn was glowing which can mean only one thing, she cast a spell to do it for him. Oh she's going to pay now! It was supposed to be Spike the scroll-hacking dragon who lit it, not my sexy Twily. I'll tell you this, I'm thinking I might hog tie her, give Twinkleshine a whip and some chains and let her punish Twilight in any way she sees fit. She secretly resents her and I know it so perhaps that will make her be less resentful.

Back to the episode, not only did Twilight light the torch for Spike, she has no added fuel to his already overblown ego. Get this, after the ceremony he is stopped by a couple of crystal ponies who beg for his autograph. What a bunch of idiots, why would they want his autograph when the only autograph that is worth anything in this country is mine? Well ok, Luna's is valuable too but we all know mine is the best! Now for what is pathetic, Spike actually thinks he can light fire with his mind and tries to set fire to the autographed picture by just looking at it.

I'm going to tell you all something, Twilight better beat it into that idiot's head that he can't become an arsonist just by looking at something. If she doesn't, I will. Yeah he saves the day at times but as we all know I'm the one who normally saves things while he is just bungles his way through things and somehow gets lucky and makes things go alright. Unfortunately for him, he'll never get lucky when it comes to Rarity since I made sure of that on day one!

Luckily Twilight tells Spike that he is a fucking idiot if he actually believes he can set fire with his mind, well in the unedited version anyway. Bravo Twilight, maybe I won't let Twinkleshine beat you to a bloody pulp and then bang you after all, key word though, maybe! Any way now Spike is pouting like a little bitch and tells another pony who wants his autograph to go fuck himself, again in the unedited version. Now I'm going to need to get Twilight to get Spike to stop being such a little bastard, realize he fucked up royally and get over it.

Now comes the big event, the aerial relay that Rainbow has been making such a big deal over. Before I get started, get this. The Equestria Games higher ups have decided that unicorns have to go through some sort of device to disable their magic to prevent cheating. I'm not overly fond of them doing this because it is preventing unicorns from doing what makes them unicorns, using magic. While I would never even consider punishing Ms. Harshwhinny the way I would Twilight, I will hit her where it hurts most, her pocketbook. I'm going to fine her a thousands bits for each unicorn that was forced to go through that disabling device. That will teach her to mess with what makes a unicorn a unicorn. Luckily though, that didn't apply to us Alicorns since we're princesses. Had she tried to force either Luna or myself through one of those things, she wouldn't have lived long enough to see the aerial relay.

Back to the relay, well it starts out normally. Bulk Biceps can barely fly and has dug Ponyville into an extremely deep hole. What I would like to know is why didn't they choose a less bulky pegasus, one who can fly faster, to fly the first leg. Derpy ain't perfect but she would be able to fly faster. Next up is the sexiest pony competing in the Equestria Games, my dear beloved Fluttershy! She is faster but doesn't get Ponyville in the lead. Now comes Crashie, their best flyer. Damn, maybe I should rethink calling her Crashie because she flew fast, very fast. She flew so fast that Ponyville took silver! Just think had somepony other than Bulk flew that first leg, they would have taken gold. Oh well, they still took silver and I'm going to make sure that Fluttershy gets a whole lot more than a shiny silver medal! Let's just say that we're going to have some kinky, one on one fun tonight.

Oh boy, now that the relay is over Spike has decided he wants to sing the anthem of the winner. I can't help but wonder if he even paid attention to the race or if he knows the Cloudsdale anthem. One thing I do know though is that he is an attention whore, probably the biggest attention whore in the history of Equestria. I could see what was going on and of course Ms. Harshwhinny wasn't thrilled about him wanting to do something more for the games but very soon, he would regret wanting to get more attention.

He is shocked when he realizes that it is the Cloudsdale anthem he has to sing. Now here he is whining about not knowing their anthem and being unsure of himself. Hey Spike, you are the one that wanted to do this so now you must sing! It doesn't matter whether you know the words or not, just do it. These crystal ponies are expecting you to sing and you better not let them down!

Now comes the most hilarious part of the episode, Spike singing. Oh my goodness, he is butchering that thing. I can get why he'd think it is a Blunderwolt....i mean Wonderbolt glorifying song and this obviously isn't going well for him. He is clearly embarrassed and most everypony is cringing over it, except for three. I look down and see Pinkie enjoying the song with a smile and bobbing her head. Cadence was shocked and Twilight was horribly embarrassed but the same could not be said about my sister or myself. We were both laughing our flanks off and bobbing our heads to the music like Pinkie. Yeah Twilight wasn't thrilled but oh well. If something is funny, I'm going to laugh.

Now Spike is throwing an even worse pity party and has hidden out for several days. Do I feel sorry for him? No, I do not, not one bit. Now for another funny part, the filly illuminati have gone to check on Spike. Sorry girls but he ain't going to listen to you. He is going to continue to lay back there and wallow in self pity. After they fail to get him to come out they go to Twilight, who is much more forceful on making him leave his pity chamber. Guess what, my sexy Twily was able to get him to come out!

While all this is happening, the ice archery final is going on and this is what will determine who wins the medal count. At that time Ponyville had the lead but it looks like the best they will do is tie if not finish second since Cloudsdale has two ice archers. What a shame too, I wanted to see them win it. Oh well, I guess you can't win them all....or maybe you can! It looks like an ice archer has tripped and shot his arrow into a cloud. Now we have an ice cloud heading into the stadium, an ice cloud that could claim some lives! Woo-hoo, I was hoping something would happen that would lead to fatalities! As long as none of my lovelies, my sister or myself gets hurt, everything will be fine.

Now for something that shocked me. Spike sprung into action, jumped on some pegasi's back and breathed his fire breath on that cloud and melted it. Damn, that sucks. I really wanted to see something exciting like fatalities or at least property damage. Now all this is so boring, yet controversial at the same time. Because of this, the ice archery final was never completed so no medals were awarded and Ponyville won the medal count. I certainly didn't expect that to happen! Want to know what the award is for that? The sexiest mare from their delegation gets to spend a whole week with me and of course you all know who that will be, FLUTTERSHY!

Now for the closing ceremonies, Cadence has decided that since Spike saved everypony from that ice cloud that he should light the fireworks to finish things off. Give me a break, the little bastard couldn't even breathe to light the torch, I doubt he'll be able to use his fire breath to light these fireworks. Surprisingly he was actually able to do it despite being in front of over ten thousand ponies. Well I suppose he finally got over himself.

Now there were some things they couldn't show. The four ice archer finalists all filed lawsuits claiming that they were deprived of their chance to win a medal. Now of course this did not sit well with me because I wanted Ponyville to keep their title of medal champs and had I allowed that final to be done over, Cloudsdale would have likely won and I'm not a fan of that place to start with so I threw the suits out. Besides, law suits are annoying, wasteful and filed by crybabies who are just mad they didn't get their own way.

On a much more positive note, I was able to take my lovely Fluttershy into my sleeping chambers and we had such a wonderful time. Like always she is so sweet, so innocent, so lovely and of course after our fun she serenaded me to sleep with that sexy voice of hers.

Now if all of you will excuse me, I still have a few more days with my lovely Fluttershy before I have to return to the Crystal Empire for a boring visit from some foreign dignitaries. Oh well, so goes the life of a princess. Not all of it is enjoyable, as my sister would say it, sometimes I have to do things that are most unpleasant.