Celestia's Views

by StormLuna

First published 25th of February, 2015

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is one of the greatest shows of all time. Equestria's main princess is going to tell us how she sees the episodes from her perspective.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is one of the greatest shows of all time. Princess Celestia has decided the time has come to share with us how she saw things transpire and how she occasionally intervened to make things funnier.

Rated Mature and tagged sex for a lot of sexually suggestive dialogue.

Chapter 1: Friendship is Magic, Part 1

Hello everypony, this is your Supreme Dictator Celestia and I want to share something with you. Remember the first two episodes of MLP: FIM? The beginning of the best show in history? Well I am about to tell you how things really happened!

**************************************Finding a Way to Get Twilight Out of Town***************************************

Alright, well let's get past all the beginning narrative because we had nothing to do with that. We will get right to Twilight's first interaction. Of course as we all know Twilight is a great student, a bit OCD though, is seen walking towards the tower that I so generously gave her to study in. She runs into three of my lesser students, Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine and Colgate. Well they ask her if she wants to go to a get together they are having with Moondancer. I was hoping she would say yes but oh no, she just can't go socialize, she has to get back up to her tower and find yet another reason to annoy me, dumb bitch anyway. What is even worse is that Yours Truly bought a gift for her to give to Moondancer. Well I deliver it to Spike thinking she would at least take a minute to go and socialize but she just had to knock that dragon of her's flying when she opened the door. What happens? The present gets stuck on Spike's tail and gets ruined. I spent 5 bits on that fucking thing, FIVE BITS! I should send a bill to her parents and threaten them with torture if they don't reimburse me.

Alright, next she decides to start digging through all these dusty old books trying to find information on an old mare's tale I told her about. She finds it and has Spike send me a message regarding her concerns regarding Nightmare Moon's return. What she told Spike to write during the show was not what she really had Spike write. Here is what she really wrote, "Celestia my master, I have been looking in a book and it says that the stars will aid in Nightmare Moon's escape and she will cast Equestria in eternal darkness. We have to do something! Love your little ho, Twilight Sparkle"

When I received this letter I couldn't help but laugh so hard I fell over. Well no shit Sherlock, I've known about this from the day I banished her, I just let everypony think she was banished permanently. I knew that something had to be done and luckily it would get her out of town, at least for a little bit. After all, Twinkleshine has been giving me bedroom eyes so I want to see how she is in bed. I decided to have her go supervise the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. Little did she know that I already had things set in motion that would make her pathetic life miserable down there.

*************************************Preparing for the Summer Sun Celebration***************************************

Alright, I watched Twilight and Spike depart for Ponyville. Thing is, I was going to make sure that she actually did her job. Sorry Twinkleshine, but I have to make sure that Twilight doesn't fuck things up or ignore her orders. After all, she was rather pissy over me sending her to do this. So what I did was cast an invisibility spell on myself and I flew by the chariot taking her down there. I saw her reaction and heard her whine when I told her in the letter to make some friends. I was not about to let her just go and hide out in the library.

When she landed she first ran into Pinkie Pie. I couldn't help but chuckle a little bit when she darted off to plan a party in the library to welcome her. One thing nopony except those who would become her friends know is that I flew down there a few days before and met with those who would accompany Twilight to my old castle. I knew they would be involved in the preparations and told them to be as nice as possible to a bitchy purple unicorn I was sending down there. While Applejack seemed reluctant at first, I reminded her that I was her overlord and could blow her to bits if I wanted to. That got her to agree in a hurry.

Speaking of Applejack, she was the first pony after Pinkie that Twilight would encounter. I stood there watching their interaction and while Applejack seemed truly happy to see her, I read her true thoughts. She was thinking, "So this is the bitchy purple unicorn Celestia has cursed upon me. Ok AJ, just be polite, try not to kill her and everything will be fine."

I absolutely loved the reaction the Apple Family had over her not wanting to stay to eat, especially the sweet innocent Apple Bloom asking her if she would stay for brunch or lunch, I couldn't make out what she said entirely. How could anypony say no to an adorable little filly like that. No wonder Twilight has the reputation of being my bitchiest student. The way she said "fine" would have pissed most ponies off but the Apple Family and their desire to feed everypony kept them from beating the shit out of her like she deserved.

I was watching her walk away from the farm and the way her gut was hanging down made me so hot. Had it not been broad daylight I would have pounced on her and made sweet love to her. Too bad I couldn't shoot sperm out of my horn so I could knock her up. She would look so hot being pregnant.

Next Spike mentions something about Rainbow Dash and how she was supposed to be keeping the skies clear. Well Twilight's reaction when she was looking around was quite funny. Her comment regarding the skies not being clear and Rainbow not doing a very good job was snide but true. But what was really funny when RD crashed into her, causing her to fall in a puddle and get wet. That got me so hot and bothered! She always was hot when she got wet like that, which is why I always forced her to shower with me, well once she matured into a mare. No way would I have done that when she was a filly.

Then of course Rainbow went on how she needed to practice for the Wonderbolts before she would clear the sky. This made me laugh. Rainbow has no clue that after I initially met her I told Spitfire to deny her entry to them. Who wants to watch a narcissistic, rainbow maned pony in an air show anyway. I would rather give Discord pegasus wings and have him fly with them. Alright, back to Twilight meeting with her. Rainbow takes a cloud and dumps rain on her, making her even hotter than before. I should have reversed the invisibility spell and pounced on her. Hell, I could have dragged Rainbow in with us and had a threesome for the whole town to see, but I resisted. I can't have my subjects knowing I am a nympho, that might cause a rebellion. Then Rainbow turned me off to Twilight completely when she fucked her mane and tail up. Ugh, gag me. I don't know if I'll ever get that grotesque image out of my mind. Thanks a lot Rainbow, now I have to find a new ho.

Oh boy next up is Rarity. I was bored by Twilight's initial reaction, simply saying the decor was beautiful. It was Spike's reaction that made me laugh. From the very first second he saw Rarity he wanted to bang her and the results of that could have been downright scary. Dragon/Unicorn hybrids? Those are things I would have had to banish to the moon just so they wouldn't scare anypony and besides, I doubt she would want a dragon. Hell, the little bitch shot me down when I came to tell her about Twilight coming so I cast a spell on Spike to where he would never leave her alone, to where he would always be horny as hell around her and just to spite him, I cast a spell on her to where she would always just see him as a cute child, nothing more.

I was laughing to myself when Rarity was putting Twilight in all those different outfits and fixing her mane and tail differently. Good thing she got rid of that hideous look Twilight had going otherwise everypony would have ran like hell from her. Bad thing, I'll still have that horrible image of Twilight looking like she did after Rainbow screwed her up. Oh well, I am hoping to seduce Twinkleshine and if she shoots me down there are plenty of other mares in my school that are hot to trot.

Finally she runs into Fluttershy to check on the music. While everypony watching thought she was simply timid, she was just scared that Twilight would scream and yell at her for having a beautiful mane and tail. I found it quite humorous though when Fluttershy got all excited over Spike. Leave it to her to get excited over a baby dragon. Nopony else would have even cared. The scowl on Twilight's face when she was being followed by Fluttershy on the way to the library was a repulsive sight to see. If I could have smacked her and got away with it, I would have. The more she interacted with those five, the more of a bitch she became. While I wanted to just snatch Fluttershy and take her home with me right then and there, I decided to let her keep her virginity for a while longer. After all, the Gala wasn't too far away!

Finally Twilight gets into the library where it is dark. While everypony thinks Pinkie is the one who set it up, she wasn't, I was. I just made everypony think she did. What amazes me is that Twilight got mad over the party because libraries are supposed to be quiet. She must have forgotten about all the trysts we had in the library in Canterlot. She sure didn't mind being noisy there with all those deafening squeals and moans of her's. Now when it comes to Pinkie being quiet in a library I can understand. All she does is yap, yap, yap. She is worse than those stupid miniature dogs that some mares keep in their saddlebags and we all know how annoying those little fuckers are.

For most of the party Twilight was up in what would become her bedroom pouting about how she couldn't do any research on the Elements of Harmony because she had to make friends. Finally a bit after four in the morning Spike comes and forces her to get her sorry ass over to the town hall for me to raise the sun. Now this is really funny. Remember how Twilight thought the stars freed my sister and she showed up instead of me when it was time for sunrise, well this was a little plan my sister and I concocted. The stars didn't free her, I did.

A couple of weeks before the Summer Sun Celebration, I decided to visit Nightmare Moon and I told her of what I wanted to do to see how everypony would react and asked for her assistance. Well she said she would but under one condition, that upon being defeated by the elements, that she would not be banished back to the moon. I told her that I would let her return to being Luna, but that she would be a more juvenile form of herself for a while. She wasn't overly thrilled over it but she finally agreed.

Well finally the time comes. Well Fluttershy got her dumb birds to start singing just so the mayor could speak. Are you kidding me? Why the hell would she have her birds sing anything just for that loser mayor when I was coming? Oh well, when they did announce I was coming the birds chirped a happier tune. The looks on everypony's faces were quite funny when I didn't show up. Then Pinkie's reaction when my sister's purple mist began to develop was hilarious! When my sister did appear, everypony's reaction was priceless.

When my sister began to speak to them I could sense the sarcasm in her voice. She was asking them if her crown no longer counted, if they hadn't seen the signs and if they knew who she was. Of course Twilight replied in her arrogant, I'm hot shit voice. I was hoping my sister would have flown down and smacked her but she probably feared being sent back to the moon if she did that.

Then when she said, "remember this day ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night shall last forever!" I was thinking that maybe it was a mistake setting her free. I then began to think about how funny it would be if I became a nightmare pony named Solar Flare and talked my sister into cutting Equestria in half. She could have frozen one half in eternal darkness and I could have baked the other half in eternal day. I finally decided against it because had I done that, I probably couldn't seduce any of the mares in my school. Hell, I probably wouldn't have a school anymore at all!

Author's Notes:

A first pony account by Celestia regarding Friendship is Magic, parts one and two.

Chapter 2: Friendship is Magic, Part 2

Alright, now here we go on to part two. Yadah, yadah, yadah, yes Hub, we know what the highlights of part one were, so lets move on.

****************************************************************************************************************

Alright, so I was standing there invisible watching the events unfold. My sister was laughing and causing lightning to flash inside the building. I was thinking, "Come on little sister, burn this baby down, it is an eyesore." But then the damn mayor had to order the royal guard to seize her because she was the only one who knew where I was.

While that was true that mane dying dingbat had no clue I was in there, well nor did anypony else except my sister. My sister's eyes turn white and her energy knocks the royal guard backwards. Ok, it is time to get different guard ponies. They are obviously pussies if they can't even handle a pony looking at them. My sister then turns into her purple mist and takes off. Alright, the first part of our plan to rid me of Twilight worked. The arrogant rainbow maned pony took off after her thinking she could actually catch her. That is your typical athlete though, all muscle and speed yet absolutely no brains or common sense. I mean come on girl, you aren't going to catch a fast moving purple mist.

****************************************************************************************************************

So Twilight heads off to the library and starts digging through all the books trying to find the book on The Elements of Harmony. I found it amusing how she kept digging through the books throwing them on the floor. For a pony who is allegedly so smart she sure was stupid when it came to finding a book in a small library. Those who will soon be her friends barge into the place and interrogate her. What I found funny that it was Pinkie, not Twilight, who found the book. Twilight asks her how she found it with the thoughts that an earth pony whose number one priority is partying couldn't find a book. I love Pinkie's response. "It was under E!"

I just realized something, the shelving system at the Canterlot library is horribly complex, no wonder even I can't find shit in there. I have decided that the common sense approach the previous librarian here used will be much more effective. Then of course later on Twilight had to fuck it up when she would reshelve the damn place every other day. Alright, enough of my rant involving Twilight's idiotic shelving system.

Well they finally discover where they can find the elements, at the old castle Luna and I have. Twilight says, "The ruins are in what is now..." then the all say the Everfree Forest in unison. They sound scared to death as they say it. One would think they were marching into Tartarus to have a hoof to paw fight with Cerberus. Well they head on in nervously but soon they will be in for a big surprise. My purple mist sister somehow manages to get herself into the rock that makes up part of a cliff. Well Twilight's soon to be friends get to talking about how unnatural the forest is when Rainbow tries acting like hot shit prowling around saying nopony who has ever went in has come out.

As soon as she finishes saying this, my sister sped out of the rock causing the cliff to give way. Well Rainbow kept Pinkie from falling while Fluttershy kept Rarity from falling. Twilight begins to slide down when Applejack, who managed to hold on to a small vine further up slid down to keep her from plummeting to her death (damn you Applejack). Well AJ then looks up and sees that the two pegasus ponies are ready to catch Twilight when she lets go of her. Applejack was telling Twilight to let go and everything would be ok. She was reluctant for a while but she finally let go. Rainbow and Fluttershy did catch her, although for a minute I thought Fluttershy was going to drop her. If she would have, I would have reversed the invisibility spell, scooped up Fluttershy, took her back to Canterlot and made sweet love to her.

****************************************************************************************************************

Next my sister turns into a thorn and rams herself into the paw of a manticore, which naturally pissed it off. Well Twilight and her soon to be friends run into it. I would have thought Rainbow would have been the first one to go and piss it off more but it wasn't, it was Rarity. Well she punches it and what does it do? It roars so loudly and with such force that it screws up that pretty mane of her's. Well forget her, I'm completely turned off to her now as well. Fluttershy tries telling them to wait but next AJ tries to ride that thing like it is a bull. End result? She can't ride it for eight seconds, so that was a failure on her part. Next up, Rainbow goes up to it and starts flying around him really fast, thinking that would calm him down. What an idiot. He just flings his tail and knocks her out of her wannabe tornado. Then all of a sudden Twilight tries to be all badass, she snorts and then acts like she is going to charge at him.

Finally Fluttershy gets them to stop. She smells his paw and he opens it up. Like the kind, sweet pony she is she is able to reassure him that it would only hurt for a second. Well she bites it and removes it from his paw. He grabs her and roars loudly. Next thing you know he is licking her hair and purring. Hell even I can't get a manticore to purr! Now if I can get Fluttershy to purr for me at the Gala, I'll be all set!

Next up my sister manages to fit herself into some trees, causing them to have scary looks on their faces. This scared all of them but one. It was quite funny that Rainbow, who I would think would attack the trees, got scared. It was Pinkie who just walked up to them and laughed at them. At first it was funny but then she had to break out into a song. Ugh, would someone but a muzzle on that bitch? If there is one thing I hate, it is ponies other than myself singing. After all, we all know how hot my singing is. She gets her friends to start laughing with her and soon Nightmare Moon decides to head off to her next target, which I think was the funniest.

I am assuming she was heading towards the castle I used to share with her but on the way she rips half of this river serpent's mustache off. Well he causes the river to flow so fast and causes so many rapids that Twilight and company couldn't cross. Twily hears him throwing a fit and asks him what is wrong. I swear, I have never seen any creature so flamboyant. He starts crying about a purple cloud of smoke ripping half of his "beloved moostache" clean off. I'm surprised they didn't hear me I was laughing so loud.

Give me a break, I didn't know such pathetic and weak minded creatures existed in MY kingdom. I am thinking perhaps I should have him killed for being an embarrassment to Equestria. He splashes them all with water and they look pissed but then little miss generosity rips one of his scales off and cuts part of her tail off. She fuses it into his face giving him a multi-colored mustache. Oh well, her tail is hideous to start with, it improved her looks dramatically. They then cross the river since the drama serpent calmed down.

Next up is the bridge leading up to our old castle. Twilight decides to charge towards it but soon finds herself about to fall off another cliff but Rainbow just had to save her, dumb bitch anyway. Well my sister decides to transform herself into three ponies known as the Shadowbolts. At first I thought Rainbow was going to say "the hell with loyalty, I'll join them instead of fixing the bridge." Too bad she didn't join them, I was starting to think eternal night wouldn't be that bad. But then she fixes it and tells the rest that she would never abandon them. Yeah right, I'm sure had they offered her a few bits she would have flown off and forced Fluttershy to fix the bridge. Had Rainbow abandoned them, just think of all the cold, dark days and nights that Fluttershy could have kept me warm! Well I guess I can't win them all.

Next they head into the old castle and discover the element stones. Twilight is so happy when she runs into them but her friends realize there are only five. They seem skeptical but in her I'm hot shit voice she tells them to stand back because she doesn't know what will happen. Well they leave while she starts putting energy into the stones thinking it will make them roar to life and cause the sixth to appear. I can't believe that she actually thought that just because the five stones were together that the sixth one would appear. Come on Twily, you honestly think using your magic on five stones is going to make the sixth one appear? I guess you aren't that bright after all! Go on and be Rarity's ho, I don't want your dumb ass anymore.

My sister then enters in her mist form and starts to make the element stones encircle her. Twilight jumps in the mist and is transported to another part of the castle. Upon arriving there was Nightmare Moon, my beloved sister, standing there levitating the elements. What happens next proves to me that Twilight is as arrogant as Rainbow. She lights up her horn and starts charging at my sister. I mean come on Twilight, you think you're going to beat my sister like that? She will mop the floor with you, she will kill you and feast on your nasty corpse!

Twilight then teleports past my sister to where the element stones are. She uses her horn to try to pump magic into them, AGAIN. My sister then looks badass as she heads over to get Twilight away from the elements. Twilight is then thrown backwards but the stones still have some magic in them causing my sister to be nervous. Come on little sister, there are only five of them and they are just sparking a bit with magic. The magic dies and then the funniest thing happens. Nightmare Moon rears up on her hind legs and then slams her front ones down, shattering the stones. Twilight's jaw drops and her face had the look of ultimate defeat. I wanted to reverse the invisibility spell, approach her and shout, "You FAILED Twilight. I should have never allowed a pathetic loser like you into my school!" I would have then looked at my sister and continued, "Come on sis, let me grab Fluttershy and we can go back to Canterlot and have a threesome."

But then what happens, the other five come and Twilight hears their voices. All of a sudden she realizes that they are truly friends. This was a most unfortunate event because when she started telling my sister about how they got them past every obstacle she threw at them, the broken stones suddenly start to float and fly towards the pony they represent. Twilight looks like she is going to cry when she says that she suddenly realized that they were her friends. Damn it, the elements form and the magic stone forms above her head. She starts to lecture my sister, dumb bitch anyway. Then she unleashes the same rainbow upon her that I unleashed upon her a thousand years ago. It doesn't cause her to be banished though, it causes her to be transformed back into Luna.

At first Twilight and her friends are admiring their necklaces and Twilight's tiara, except for Rarity who had her tail restored. Ugh, gag me. Then I decide the time has come to reveal myself. The sun rises, I reverse the invisibility spell and reveal myself to them. Twilight comes running up to me in a way that says she wants her and I to have fun basically idolizing me. I have to be nice to her friends and give her the "let's have fun tonight sexy girl" reaction. Then I blab about friendship to them (gag me). After that I walk over to my sister to discover that she has been reduced to being a filly, at least she returns to being a mare by the Luna Eclipsed episode. Her and I have some sappy ass moment before we all return to Ponyville to be greeted by the whole damn town.

After the little ceremony where a couple baby pegasi give Luna a wreath of flowers I see Twilight looking sad. I am thinking to myself, "Damn it, now I'm gonna have to really give you a good time tonight. All I'll be able to remember is that hideous hairstyle the rainbow maned pegasus gave you."

I ask Twilight if she wasn't happy to return to her studies in Canterlot and her response made me happy as a lark. She said that she finally discovered friendship and now she has to leave her friends. I then remember how in the beginning I told her to make friends. I realized that she had accomplished the mission I sent her down to this dump for. So I decide to make her study friendship down here so I can move on to hotter and sexier ponies. She hugs me since I allow her to stay and then the episode ends. But that wasn't the end of the sequences of what happened that day.

Remember how I said that I was going to wait until the Gala to take Fluttershy's virginity? Well I just couldn't help myself so after everything calmed down, I seduced Fluttershy with my sexy body and some sweet singing. She lead me over to her cottage and we made hot, sweet love all night long. Yeah I had to let Luna handle my duties but hey, taking Fluttershy's virginity was all worth it. I'm surprised we didn't keep the whole damn country up that night with as loud as she was! I told her that she would have to come up every weekend to Canterlot and have threesomes with me and Twinkleshine. I warned her that if she refused, that I would butcher her and mail her remains to her friends. That got her to obey me. Now every Friday and Saturday night, your overlord and queen gets threesomes and boy are they fun. Now leave me alone you pathetic serfs, I have mares to do and things to see.

Chapter 3: The Ticket Master

Hello everypony, this is your supreme dictator Celestia again. For starters I am rather frustrated with Fluttershy because forcing her to come up here every weekend was really taking it's toll on her so I released her from having to please me every weekend. Now I am bored and need something to do. My royal duties can be frustrating and boring so I have decided it is time to stir up some trouble. Twilight is having too much fun with her new friends, it is time to test their friendships!

Alright, where do we get started. Twilight seems to think that by helping Applejack carry apples that she'll be able to seduce her and bang her. Seriously, since she left and doesn't get any anymore, she has to be getting so frustrated, I can see it in her eyes. She has a serious problem though, her dragon throwing those apples on the ground, which she will have to pick up later ain't helping matters any. She is going to have to buck him off of her if she wants to get Applejack in bed. What really surprised me is how once Spike found the best apple in the bunch, he eats the damn thing. I didn't think dragons liked apples or any kind of fruit. Oh well, it upset Twilight and seeing her frustrated is so adorable. What I don't get is that once her stomach starts growling so loud I could hear it up her in Canterlot, why the hell doesn't she just eat one of those apples Spike threw on the ground instead of complaining about being hungry. It's not like there was a shortage of food.

Now the time has come for Yours Truly to stir up some trouble. Deep down I know that all of Twilight's friends are going to want to go to the Gala so just to watch them bicker I only send two tickets. After all, I need something to entertain myself with. Well Applejack sees these tickets and is so excited at the prospects of going thinking that she would be able to set up a stand and sell apple treats. What she doesn't know is that she would have to apply for a peddler's permit and those aren't cheap. After all I can't have ponies making money off of a royal event without paying their due first and I don't think she could afford a permit.

Ok, I get it. I can see the importance of wanting to fix Granny's hip but still, I can't just let her set a stand up for free. If I did that, every idiot and his dog would be wanting to set up a stand at the Gala. If she knew that my sister thinks earth ponies are better than other races because of their hard work ethic, she could easily convince Luna to give her everything she dreams of and then some if she would simply ask.

Just as Applejack thinks that the ticket is her's, who comes crashing down? Rainbow Dash, the idiot who sleeps in trees. What I would like to know is how the hell she can sleep on branches without falling out more often. She sees that Twilight has an extra ticket and all of a sudden she decides that she wants to go. I wouldn't think that a tomboy such as her would want to go but oh because the Wonderbolts perform there every year, she is all giddy wanting to go. She goes talking about how she would interrupt their show, showing off some of her lame street moves, impress them and then actually think they would want her as their newest member. Come on, that fancy ass strut she was talking about, any pegasus that can run could do that!

Ok, so all of a sudden Rainbow and Applejack try to convince Twilight on who has the better reason for getting the ticket. What makes me sick is that Twilight would even consider Rainbow's reason for wanting the ticket comparable to the reason Applejack wants it. Applejack wants it so she can help out the farm and help get Granny's hip replaced while Rainbow just wants it for her own selfish desires. What a conceited, narcissistic bitch. If I were Twilight I would have told Rainbow she is a selfish bitch and that she should go drown herself in a lake but that's just me.

Next up we have Pinkie Pie wanting the ticket. Once she sees the ticket she violates every noise ordinance in Ponyville going on and on about how she wants to go. Would somepony but a muzzle on that bitch? Come on, you can't be violating noise ordinances and get away with it. I tell you, she knows absolutely nothing about parties in Canterlot, especially the Gala. She thinks they are all fun and games like parties everywhere else in Equestria. She is going to be in for a huge surprise when she sees it is nothing more than a social gathering for the snobbiest ponies in the land and a complete waste of my time. Now that I think about it, why the hell do I even throw this event when it is just a waste of time and money.

Well, Pinkie's ruckus draws the attention of Rarity, who notices the tickets and seems to be immediately drawn to them. Of course she gets all dreamy eyed over the prospect of getting to go to the Gala. She goes on about how she could meet him. She acts all dreamy at the prospect of meeting and whoring herself out to my nephew, Prince Blueshit. Oh yes, she thinks they will meet, fall in love, screw all night long and get married. *Ugh....gag me!* Rarity is going to be in for a very nasty surprise when she discovers what an ass he is and that she can't marry him. I say that because he is so in love with himself that he actually married himself and unfortunately for Rarity, polygamy is illegal in Equestria.

Next up we have Fluttershy and that demonic rabbit of her's come along. What I hope to be a meal one of these days grabs the tickets and takes them to Fluttershy. She sees them and seems to think they are perfect, perfect for her to go and harass MY animals. She has her own dream of going in and wooing my animals into being best friends with her forever. What she doesn't know is that my animals hate everypony except me. Yes I know Fluttershy's special talent is communicating with animals but she'll likely get pissed when my animals think she is a meddlesome bitch who needs to mind her own business.

Well along come Applejack and Rainbow again, which leads to everypony bickering over who should get the ticket and causing Twilight a lot of undue stress. While Twilight left me and can be a bitch at times, I felt a teeny tiny bit sorry for her. I should have flown down to Ponyville, grabbed her and despite still having that image of her with her mane and tail screwed up, took her into my sleeping chambers and made her feel better, but I'm getting too much enjoyment out of this!

Twilight finally has had enough of her bitchy friends and sends them packing, well for now anyway. Get this, she is still bitching about being hungry when she could have ate like ponies used to a long time ago, she could have just ate some grass. But oh no, miss bitchy pants is too good for that! She has to go waste government funds at some fancy ass restaurant that is too cheap to carry gems for a dragon. She orders a daffodil and daisy sandwich. Yuck, the very thoughts of that make me want to vomit! How in Equestria could she stand to eat that? She may as well just eat Rarity's shit if she'll lower herself to eating crap like that.

Now her friends start to do favors for her to try and get her to give them the ticket. Rainbow is nice enough to kick a hole in the clouds to keep Twilight from getting soaked but oh no, Twilight just had to bitch about it saying she wouldn't accept favors. Rainbow zips up the cloud, she gets soaked and her lunch gets ruined. Hey Twilight, you could have at least waited until you finished that nasty sandwich to tell Rainbow to close it. Oh well, I got to see Twily in her hottest, sexiest form. I can't help it, seeing her soaking wet makes me so hot and bothered!

Now it's Rarity's turn. She takes Twilight and Spike in to her boutique. Despite claiming that she didn't want Twilight to get a cold, I know the real reason she had the two go in, and unfortunately for Spike, it was not for them to screw all day long. At first it seemed like Rarity genuinely cared about Twilight's well being but then her true colors show. She puts a "dress" if you can even all it that on Twilight and then low and behold, she has made one exactly like it for herself! Rarity must have thought that if they whored themselves out together that she could get twice the fun. What Rarity doesn't know is that Twilight only likes mares, which doesn't seem to be the case with her.

Finally Twilight decides to grow a brain and get out of Rarity's wannabe lingerie shop and is instantly greeted by Applejack, with a whole lot of food. Just swallow your pride and eat some bitch. Nopony ever said that if you ate some of Applejack's food you would be forever in her debt and have to give her the ticket. I swear, for as smart as you are supposed to be you don't have one ounce of common sense, but then again, neither does Twinkleshine or any other student I have banged. Poor Applejack, she slaves over a stove making all that delicious food and my bitchy purple student basically tells her to go fuck herself.

Guess what, Fluttershy has committed a crime in order to butter Twilight up. She breaks into the library and starts cleaning it. She isn't the only one guilty of breaking an entering, her demon rabbit is guilty too. If I didn't think I still had a chance of getting Fluttershy to return to pleasing me, I would banish her to the moon and put Angel in a stew. Of course Twilight gets home and is frustrated when she sees her friend doing something nice for her. What surprises me is that Angel, the greediest little demon rabbit in the universe, even had a salad for her, which she turns down. I swear, Twilight is so bull headed, she bitches about being hungry yet turns down every meal offered to her. It would have served her right if she would have never got any food and starved to death.

Of course Twilight leaves and is greeted by Pinkie, who does nothing to help her. She just breaks out into song and informs the whole damn town that Twilight has an extra ticket to the Gala. Now Twilight has a mob chasing after her. I couldn't help but laugh as all of a sudden everypony wanted to be her best friend and help her with anything and everything. Memo to Daisy, Twilight doesn't have a garden! She's a bucking librarian, not a gardener.

Well she and Spike get cornered and Twilight must be better with teleportation than I thought. She freaks out so much that she zaps both of them back into the library. She turns all the lights off and suddenly not only is it dark in the library, it is dark outside as well. She turned MY sun off! Who the hell does she think she is? If I didn't have further uses for her, I would banish her to the moon. Well the lights magically come back on, probably the work of Rarity, and there are all of her friends waiting for her, like some sort of stalker.

For starters I would like to know how the hell Fluttershy got a blue wing. Did she dye it that color or did she bite off one of Rainbow's and sew it on herself? Twilight finally has enough and starts screaming that she can't decide. Of course this causes her friends, well most of them anyway to realize their wrongs and say they didn't want the ticket anymore, EXCEPT for the most arrogant pony of all time, Rainbow Crash, oops, I mean Rainbow Dash.

Applejack is able to make Rainbow see that she is being a selfish bitch so she says she doesn't want it anymore either. Well Twilight decides to send the tickets back saying that if they all can't go, she doesn't want to go either. I thought to myself, "alright, I've toyed with them enough. I'll send them all tickets and maybe I can get them all in my sleeping chambers at once. After all, a seven mare orgy sounds really exciting! We can all make Rarity see that mares are better!"

Well I send a message back and send them six tickets. What is funny is that the little bastard who constantly said he didn't want any part of that girly-fru-fru Gala junk is sad when he doesn't get one. So I decide to be nice and send him one. He pretends to be all upset but is really happy. Well, now just a few months until the Gala and hopefully I can have tons and tons of fun!

Chapter 4: Applebuck Season

Hi everypony, it is your supreme dictator Celestia again and apple bucking season has arrived. I am a bit worried though because all the apples may not get harvested and it might be my fault. Well you know how Big Mac got hurt? I am partially to blame for that because I decided that, although I am into mares, I would give a stallion a chance. I decided that Big Mac was the only one deserving so I seduced him and took him to Canterlot. Well let's just say I got a little too rough with him and I managed to injure him. It's not a matter of him being weak, it is just a matter of how much bigger I am than him. While he was good, mares are far better so I'm not going to mess with another stallion ever again. After injuring him, I hurried up, got him home and told him to tell his family that he simply fell out of bed. They would probably have had Luna banish me to the sun if they knew I was responsible for his injury.

Back to the harvest. Wow, that is a hell of a big harvest at Sweet Apple Acres this year but thanks to Yours Truly, Applejack has to do it all alone. Big Mac, always the wise one tells his sister that she won't be able to do it alone. Being the stubborn pony that she is, she insists on doing it alone. This should be entertaining.

You know something, I never knew that the cows down there in Ponyville were such little chickenshits. They stampede over a snake, a snake! Now if they were down in Appaloosa I could understand since there are rattlesnakes there but there are not any poisonous snakes in Ponyville. So Applejack and Winona has to come and save the day. Well she manages to get the stampede's path turned right before they go thundering into town. I swear, Applejack is way too patient and way too nice. Had I been the one that had to save the day, I would have banished those fucking cows to the moon for making me waste my valuable time.

So they decide to hold a party and give Applejack a huge ass trophy. What about Winona, she did help too. So basically according to the citizens in Ponyville, it is fuck Winona, who cares that she aided in preventing the town from being flattened. During this ceremony, Twilight acts like it has to be all formal and shit. I've heard that when a pony is sexually frustrated they'll try to overcompensate in other areas. Maybe I need to pay her a visit since none of her friends are putting out, that ought to get her to quit acting like she is preparing a speech for some fancy ass university graduation. I find it funny that Rainbow, Pinkie and Fluttershy all interrupt her. After all, nopony would want to listen to a long-winded speech anyway and in the end the mane dying dingbat of a mayor realized that and stopped her before she could start to bore everypony.

Well Applejack, who has been being stubborn and working her ass to death finally shows up to the ceremony late. Don't get me wrong, Applejack is my favorite of Twilight's friends but why the fuck would she carry all those apples with her to the ceremony. Was she really so tired that she forgot to leave them at home. I couldn't help but laugh when after she was given the trophy that she was standing on the stage looking into it making weird noises. Naturally that prompts Pinkie to go and do the same thing, which is no surprise. Applejack decides to cut the party short and drag her trophy home. After all, she has to continue her nearly impossible task of clearing the whole farm on her own.

Ok, what I don't get is why in the hell she would go helping her friends if she is so dead set on getting that orchard cleared. It makes no sense to me . Well first she decides that she is going to help Rainbow with some trick that she thinks will impress the Wonderbolts. Rainbow must be a complete idiot if she thinks that some trick that can only be accomplished by getting launched off of an overgrown see-saw will impress the Wonderbolts. Well Applejack continues to jump off of this platform, missing the high end of the see-saw numerous times. I'm surprised she didn't break something, such as her whole body in doing this. I love how she just presses down on her end eventually. Finally she manages to land on her end, but unfortunately for the arrogant pegasus, it was while she was stunned, sending her soaring across the sky and crashing into Twilight's balcony.

Alright animators, you really FUCKED UP this one. You had it appear as though she was launched a mile and that the library was way out of town when the library is right there in town. Ok, I get it, animation errors. If I had a bit for every animation error I could probably build a new castle. Of course Rainbow cries and whines to Twilight about it so she goes and interrupts her from her tedious task and occasional naps. Well Twilight goes asking Applejack if she needs some help and naturally my favorite but most stubborn pony says no.

Now she is off to help Pinkie Pie bake some muffins at Sugarcube Corner. With as tired as she is, despite being the best baker in the world, this can only lead to a disaster. I have come to the conclusion that Pinkie has to be the most ignorant pony of all time. She tells Applejack what she needs and every time, she grabs the wrong item but Pinkie does nothing to stop her from putting it in there. In the end you would think she would notice the fucking worms she put in the mix. Well the muffins get done and suddenly you have a bunch of very sick ponies, including Pinkie Pie. Either Applejack didn't eat any or she has a stomach of steel since she didn't get sick. Also, those worms must be tough as nails to survive being baked. Well I have decided that I will never eat anything Pinkie makes, because baked bads do not sound very appetizing.

After poisoning half the town, Applejack goes back to harvesting apples. Once again, Twilight goes and reprimands her over what happened and basically demands that she allow somepony to help her. Come on Twilight, haven't you figured it out yet. She ain't going to go letting other ponies help her with this. The Apple Family, while I love them dearly, are a stubborn bunch. They are set in their ways so why don't you just drop it? Besides, Applejack now has to go help Fluttershy round up bunnies.

What I would like to know is why the hell is it so important to conduct a bunny census? I swear, Fluttershy really needs to come back up and be my lover every weekend. The fact that she is doing this is proof that she has way too much time on her hooves. Being the good friend she is, Applejack takes time away from the harvest she has been bitching so much about to aid in this worthless endeavor. Given the state that she is in, Applejack isn't exactly going to make the best decisions in herding them and having Winona help herd bunnies is a very bad idea. Winona probably saw them all as a bunch of little meals running around. Too bad she wouldn't have ate one of them, seeing Fluttershy cry would have been entertaining, then I could come to the rescue and make her feel all better if you know what I mean.

Well the roundup begins and immediately the bunnies go into a panic. Of course Fluttershy is whining about how they are scaring the bunnies. Who gives a fuck if they are scaring them? I sure don't care and I doubt Applejack does either. You ask her to help you but then you bitch about how she is helping. You should be glad she decided to help you at all. You are probably the only pony in Equestria that would give a rat's ass about the bunny population. Seriously though, I'm thinking of putting all the females down there on the pill so Fluttershy won't waste her time with this shit anymore. I can threaten her. I will tell her that if she doesn't start being my lover every weekend again I will sterilize every bunny, squirrel, rat, beaver and whatever the hell other animals she holds so dear. That should get her back in my bed.

After a bit of chasing bunnies around we have two stampedes in one episode, what fun! This time there would be nopony to stop the beasts from thundering through town. Luckily though the only thing that got destroyed were gardens and flowers, which only really bothered Roseluck, Daisy and Lily. Get over it girls, your damn flowers will grow back. And of course seeing the damage to the gardens and Fluttershy being unable to get the bunnies to listen to her, she goes to Sweet Apple Acres and once again starts to bitch out Applejack.

Applejack thought she was so close to achieving her goal. There she was up on a hill kicking what she thought was the last tree. Twilight states again that she needs help. With one last kick on that tree, the apples fall and Applejack appears to be victorious. She proudly states that she did it, that she cleared the whole orchard at Sweet Apple Acres without anypony's help. I loved what she said, "I did it. I cleared the entire Sweet Apple Acres crop without your help! What do you think about them apples?"

Big Mac, who is still injured, points to the other side of the orchard, which hasn't been touched and asks "what do you think about them apples?" She sees what still has to be done and passes out. I can understand why too. If I were about to drop dead of exhaustion and saw that I only had half the job done, I'd probably pass out to.

Finally when she comes to, and Twilight is kneeling over her. I am glad to see that Twilight finally appreciates the Apple Family ways but still insists that Applejack needs help. Surprisingly, Twilight is able to get Applejack to come to her senses and let her friends help her with the harvest. With the help of her friends, the rest of the harvest took no time. I tell you, Applejack claims she was a might stubborn, but she was horribly stubborn. To close things, no Spike, nopony wants those muffins you found in the garbage. Eat them yourself you little bastard, don't go making anypony sick. Had you forced those on anypony and made them sick, I would have came and banished your sorry ass to the moon.

Chapter 5: Griffon the Brush Off

Hi everypony, this is your Supreme Dictator Celestia again and do I have a surprise for you. I'm going to give you my analysis of Griffon the Brush Off. It was quite an interesting episode and it did prove one thing. It proved that griffons are generally assholes and the behavior of Gilda confirms why I consider them to be one of the lesser species in this world. Let's face it, ponies are the best and out of ponies, Alicorns are the best and out of the Alicorns, I am the best!

Alright, first off we have Pinkie who is yapping about Rainbow Dash's moves while Twilight is reading. You would think that with how Twilight was responding to her she would get the hint that she doesn't give a rat's ass about Rainbow's moves. I often respond the same way when somepony is being annoying.

I don't know why the hell Pinkie seems to think the sun rises and sets in Rainbow's ass. She sees her and immediately starts following her trying to get her attention. Pinkie thinks so highly of her that despite being treated like shit, she tries to warn Rainbow about a mountain which she immediately slams into. I couldn't help but laugh over that. It serves Rainbow right for being such a bitch.

Well, Pinkie goes looking for Rainbow AGAIN. What the hell is wrong with her? I wouldn't go looking for somepony who is being a total ass. Well she finds Rainbow and starts following her around everywhere. I swear, she has to be the most annoying of Twilight's friends. She is like a puppy dog, she constantly follows other ponies around until she gets what she wants. Well finally Rainbow realizes that escaping from Pinkie ain't going to happen since she has some sort of weird ability to show up anywhere and everywhere much faster than she should be able to.

Well she is able to convince Rainbow to start pulling pranks. I really feel for Spike, getting scared into getting the hiccups like that. What really pisses me off is that their stupid little pranks causes me to get buried in scrolls. Here I think I might be getting something important, such as a note from Twilight telling me to pay her a visit tonight and have some fun but all I get are junk scrolls. Scrolls advertising stagecoach insurance, life insurance, homeowners insurance and all sorts of other shit that doesn't affect my life any. I am Equestria's DICTATOR after all, I have everything provided for me. Well in the end Pinkie got her just deserts when the annoying pegasus scares her into getting hiccups as well.

One thing I don't get is when Rainbow tells Pinkie she isn't as annoying as she thought when she discovers she is a prankster. I thought those two had known each other for years and were friends. Hell, the writers have it seem as though they are just mere acquaintances that only met yesterday. Good job screwing up there writers. I would think that would have been caught by Hasbro or whoever the hell reviews this stuff but apparently not.

Well they decide to go and start pulling pranks on other ponies. I swear, that joke store in Ponyville has to have by far the worst architectural design in all of Equestria. I'll tell you one thing, something that hideous would NEVER be allowed up here in Canterlot. I'm surprised it is even allowed in Ponyville. It reminds me more of some crappy whore house in Las Pegasus. Ok, back to where I was. Well they decide to put some sneeze powder in some flowers they place on Rarity's doorstep. This is proof that Rarity is far too trusting. If I was to just discover flowers on my doorstep I would have one of my guards go check it for explosives, poison, sneezing power or anything else I wouldn't want around me.

Now the two jokers decide they are going to replace my star student and former ho's ink with vanishing ink. What are you two thinking? Yes she may not be my marefriend anymore but still, messing with her is not a wise idea. And I would love to know the hell they were able to so quickly paint Applejack's apples. Well this is a cartoon, so anything can happen. What gets me is that they would even think of pulling a prank on Fluttershy, well Rainbow anyway. Well she is a total bitch so I can see why she would do that. Thankfully Pinkie stopped it dead in it's tracks.

The next morning arrives and Pinkie is ready to make everyponies' lives hell again. This time she is in for a surprise though when she goes to get her partner in crime. She is greeted by Bitchda....oops, I mean Gilda. Yep, the bitchiest character to date has shown up, and given how she is, conjuring up a bigger bitch will be hard to do. Poor Pinkie, she keeps on trying to hang out with her friend but Gilda keeps on running her off in not so pleasant ways. Well it isn't all Gilda's wrongdoing here, Rainbow was equally as guilty in making Pinkie feel bad.

Well Pinkie runs off to Twilight to whine and complain. I'm thinking she should have ran off and whined to somepony else because Twilight is not only going to take a more analytical approach, she also ain't going to give a shit. I love Spike's comment, "green with envy, well pink with envy." Yeah he can be a little dick sometimes, but he does have a sense of humor.

Now comes the time when I would really like to snap Gilda's neck and feast on her corpse, when she goes into Ponyville. The bitch has the audacity to scare Granny Smith, who I probably hold in a higher regard than any other pony in Equestria. Some say she's senile but I think otherwise. She is simply elderly and something like what Gilda did would frighten most anypony. Then she STEALS an apple! I didn't know griffons liked apples, I thought they were primarily carnivorous. Even though I'm older than dirt, I still learn new things once in a while.

Ok, I honestly wonder about Fluttershy. Why the hell would she be leading a bunch of fucking ducks down main street? Doesn't she know that she will likely bump into somepony? Doesn't she know that other ponies have places to go and why doesn't she just have the damn things FLY? They do have wings. Her idiotic behavior still isn't an excuse for Gilda to be a grade A cunt to her though. I honestly wanted to kill her then as well. Hell, I've wanted to kill that bitch for years as I did accidentally run into her one time. She roared at me too but cowered in fear when she realized who she had fucked with.

Guess what? It's party time, Pinkie Pie style now! Before the bitch gets to Sugarcube Corner, other ponies are talking about her and you know something, I don't blame Fluttershy for asking Pinkie if this party was such a good idea. I don't blame her. If I was holding a party for Gilda, I would have a guillotine ready and once she got there, stun her and behead her. If a guillotine wasn't available, I'd just have Luna bite her head off, since she has done that to unruly griffons in the past.

Once Gilda gets there, let the fun begin! The hoof buzzer incident was hilarious, especially how Gilda's feathers were all fucked up afterwards. So now Pinkie wants to introduce the bitchy griffon to her friends. Well this ought to be a hoot. Now why would Pinkie want everypony to cheer for her and honor her in welcoming her to Ponyville? Pinkie knows she's a bitch and yet thinks everypony should honor her? Does she seriously think that will improve Gilda's attitude? No chance in hell is she going to improve her attitude.

The pepper covered lemon drops and the dribble glass with the punch was hilarious. Seriously though, Gilda must not be able to handle spicy foods if a bit of pepper seemed hot to her. Hell I eat five alarm chili all the time and it doesn't bother me. I could always just invite Gilda up here and serve that to her, it would likely kill her. Nah, that would be too easy on her. If I ever kill her, I want it to be gruesome and bloody.

Well apparently spitting snakes is a popular prank down there in Ponyville given that Applejack was pranked like that before. She laughed about it but Gilda didn't exactly care for it. Again she gets all pissy and then Pinkie gives her a cake. What the hell is she hoping for? Is she hoping she can get Gilda in bed? Ugh, the very thoughts of that make me want to vomit. I have decided that Gilda is way too thin skinned. Relighting birthday candles pissed her off. The more I see of her the more I want to kill her. She seems to get all mad but deep down this is what she is really thinking, "Waaaah, waaah! Poor me, poor little me! Why is everypony so mean to me? Waaaaaah!"

The pin the tail on the pony moment was priceless! Gilda in her arrogant stupidity decides to not listen to Pinkie. I know she distrusts her but come on, even I know how that game works. Apparently griffons don't. They probably play a game called pin the ass on the griffon. Well Gilda slips on some cake frosting and goes crashing into the kitchen. Once she returns she shows what a cunt she really is. She roars and goes on a tirade. Somepony forgot to tell that bitch to use her inside voice.

Then she starts yelling how every single prank was set up by Pinkie Pie, which was wrong. I will admit, I was shocked when Rainbow admitted that she was the one who set up those pranks and that Pinkie was just the one who threw the party. Pinkie must be very naive if she honestly thought that a party would turn Gilda's frown upside down. Nothing would get that bitch in a better mood, not even getting laid.

I was honestly impressed when Rainbow did not leave with Gilda and went off on her for treating her new friends like shit. I guess there is some hope for her after all. And well, I'm thinking that after this Rainbow will stop hanging out with party poopers, well she won't be hanging with Gilda anymore. One thing they don't show in the episode is me and my sister hunting Gilda down and punishing her for her behavior. Luna caught her and bit her head off which was quite the sight. We took her carcass back to Canterlot, skinned her and ate raw griffon. It was quite tasty. Hopefully another griffon will come along and give us a reason to kill it as well.

Chapter 6: Boast Busters

Hello everypony, again it is your supreme dictator Princess Celestia. Next up is Boast Busters, which is personally one of my favorites because who doesn't love ponies showing off their abilities. It doesn't bother me because I know I'm better than the rest of them combined.

Starting off, Twilight has a list of tricks she is working on. Tricks, seriously? I did not let Twilight into my school AND make her my personal protege to be practicing street magic that anypony, with the exception of a couple morons who I will get to later, could do. I am beginning to wonder about Spike. Why the hell would he want a mustache? Is he wanting to be like that flamboyant and possibly gay river serpent? Does Spike secretly have a boy crush on him and think that if Twilight gives him some facial hair he'll be able to score with him since he can't with Rarity? Well Twilight gives him the mustache and he suddenly acts like he is hot shit. Good thing she quickly took it away because he was so fucking ugly I thought I was going to vomit.

Apparently Spike must be trying to get Twilight to give him that hideous mustache back because while they are walking out in the street, he is praising her so much I thought he suddenly wanted to get her in bed. Poor Twilight, she should have smacked him and told him to shut the hell up. Now the morons I mentioned earlier come to make everypony's lives hell. Snips and Snails, probably the two dumbest and most powerless unicorns in all of Equestria run into Spike and start making a fuss about a new unicorn in town. Now why the hell would they even care and when they say that "they say she has more magical power than anypony, ever" what I would like to know is who the fuck is they? It sure the hell wasn't me or anypony else in Canterlot. Everypony up here knows that I am the one with more magical power than anypony in the history of the universe. That K Street whore has nothing on me!

Once Twilight and Spike arrive in the town square they see one of the worst sights ever, an arrogant blue unicorn doing lame street magic that refers to herself as "The Great and Powerful Trixie." What the hell is so special about making bouquets of flowers and the other crap she did. She thinks she is so great that she claims that anything somepony can do, she can do better. That is a crock of shit. Had she came up to Canterlot, I would have shown her up on numerous acts of magic and then had Luna banish the little cunt to the sun, since it is a hell of a lot more uncomfortable than the moon.

I have heard a lot of tall tales in my day but somepony making a claim that they vanquished an Ursa Major is by far the tallest and most ridiculous. Does Trixie even know anything about the Ursa Major except for the fact that it is a bear? Chances are she doesn't. She is just an overly confident dingbat that probably dropped out of school and started a magic show because she was too dumb to get a real job.

Ok, I can understand why other ponies would want to show this bitch up but come on, the only one who will be able to show up a unicorn in this setting is another unicorn. If Applejack truly wanted to prove that she is better than Trixie, she should have put a horn cap on her, dragged her sorry flank over to the farm and challenged her to an apple bucking contest. Chances are Trixie would have broke her back legs in the process of kicking the first tree but oh no, Applejack had to some fancy trick with a rope. While it is impressive, a unicorn will easily be able to counter that trick and come out on top, which unfortunately happened.

Rainbow Dash had a better chance of being better than Trixie. Her flying feat was quite impressive, still nothing compared to what I can do, but still impressive. What doomed her was that when she stopped on change she had that rainbow over her. Now where the hell did that come from? I suppose the writers needed to do something so Trixie could outwit her and make her sick. One thing I didn't know is that Trixie could make clouds. Perhaps I should fire all the pegasi and just have her make the weather. Yeah small, shitty thunderclouds won't produce much rain, if any, but it would still save the taxpayers a ton of money.

Now entering the scene is The Obnoxious and Prissy Rarity. So a unicorn is supposed to conduct herself with grace and look elegant in her eyes. What I would like to know is why do some unicorns think they have to dress to the nines to show off? This was far too easy for Trixie, just zap little miss priss with some magic and make her look hideous. Game over. So far the results are Trixie 3 Twilight's friends 0. I suppose another lesson I tried to teach Twilight never sunk in. She didn't want to try to show up Trixie because she was afraid she would make everypony else hate her. I taught her that if she could put a bitch in her place, do it. I should drag her ass back up here and pound it into her head that she is better than everypony except for me and Luna.

I have come to a conclusion, it is not so much a matter of Snips and Snails simply admiring Trixie like she thinks, I can tell by the way they are acting that they want to bang her and knock her up. Is that even possible? I know they haven't hit puberty yet so those boys will have to wait a while. Ugh the thoughts of a hybrid between Trixie and one of those two are even scarier than a dragon/unicorn hybrid. My suspicions were proven when Snips shows up with a hay smoothie holding it on his flank and presents it to Trixie. I don't know what he was thinking, there is no way him presenting his ass to her is going to get her in bed. I am betting that is what caused Trixie to tell both of them to go away and not bother her until the next morning. She probably didn't want Sanils presenting his ass to her either.

As they are leaving they run into Spike who tries telling them that Trixie ain't all she's cracked up to be. Of course they bring up the Ursa claim and Spike just has to open his mouth and give them a bad idea. He just had to mention an Ursa Major walking up the street and of course that causes them to decide to go get one! How fucking stupid are those two? I'm surprised they managed to find the cave and wake it up without getting eaten. What a shame they didn't become bear food, it's not like they'll ever be productive members of society anyway.

While the two stooges are off getting the Ursa Spike goes home and again tries to get Twilight to go and show off her stuff. Does he not listen? How many times does Twilight have to tell him that she isn't going to go and show up Trixie. At least one of those two learned something from me. If he could perform magic, he would have put Trixie in her place. Twilight's door making trick doesn't impress me though. Any adult unicorn could pull that off.

Well the idiotic colts find the cave and Snips starts complaining when he can't see his own hoof in front of his face. What an idiot. Perhaps he thought the Ursa would have his cave decorated with Hearth's Warming lights. Will wonders never cease! Although it was difficult for him, Snails actually managed to use some magic to light up his horn. I didn't know he had the smarts to do that. Maybe he won't be completely useless after all, key word, maybe!

Good thing, Snails proved he is smarter than Snips, which I always questioned. Bad thing, he wakes the Ursa up and pisses it off. I don't blame it, I would be pissed off if somepony woke me up like that too. Low and behold they show more intelligence, they run from the beast rather than standing there in awe and becoming bear food. Spike, all dejected happens to be out when he has another encounter with them. Good thing he did, because had he not that Ursa could have done some serious damage.

Spike runs home and finds Twilight reading a book. Chances are she was either reading a book about how to please herself since I can't be there for her all the time or she was reading a book on how to overthrow the government. If it was the latter, I will have to execute her for treason. Well she hears the roars from Ponyville's newest guest and decides to go out to see it for herself.

Now boys, what did Trixie tell you. She told you two to not bother her until morning. You just can't listen, can you? Banging on her door in the middle of the night won't get her to bang you. I found it quite hilarious when Trixie saw the Ursa approaching, looks like she is going to piss all over herself and runs off. For a pony who allegedly vanquished an Ursa Major, she sure took off like a little chickenshit when she saw it.

It was kind of a shame that the Ursa crushed Trixie's traveling house because she didn't have any insurance on the thing. So now Trixie is homeless and chances are she doesn't have the funds to buy a new one. Well if she is looking for a place to stay, unless she is willing to give me and Twinkleshine the time of our lives, she isn't welcome up here with me. Staying with me has it's costs, but it has it's perks as well.

Well the idiot colts finally admit to Trixie that they brought the Ursa into town and naturally this pisses her off. Well Trixie did claim that she could vanquish an Ursa so she brought this upon herself. Too bad those two had to put the rest of Ponyville in danger. Trixie's attempts to vanquish the beast were pathetic! Oh yes, tying a rope around a couple of fingers on one of it's paws is really going to do the trick! Trixie was probably thinking, "You see, Trixie vanquished it! Now move out of Trixie's way bitches, Trixie's gonna go brag some more!"

That was a joke. The Ursa breaks the rope and the two idiots encourage Trixie to continue with this impossible task. Trixie decides she will try to make her own weather again. I swear, she must not have any creativity at all. Once again she creates a shitty little thundercloud that only produces one weak little spark of lightning. She could at least create a tornado that would carry it, along with the rest of town, off into the forest.

My star student finally shows up and discovers that the two dumbest ponies in Ponyville brought an Ursa to town. Of course this pissed Twilight off but it was good to see Trixie finally get off her high horse (no pun intended) and admit that she never vanquished one. Now came Twilight's time to shine. With some encouraging by Spike, Twilight took action. If she is as good at vanquishing Ursas as she is in pleasing me, that thing is toast.

Well Twilight starts out by making some sappy music involving wind and broken cat tails. Spike referred to this as number sixteen. Ok Twilight, I doubt if street magic will aid you in this endeavor but surprisingly it did. Now for something new, she decides to turn the town's water tower into an overgrown milk bottle. How she fit that thing in the barn and milked the cows without being in there is beyond me. Wait a minute, this is bad news for the dairy workers. Now that Twilight has done this, I could see the Ponyville dairy hire her to milk the cows and fire their current workers. After all, paying only one pony will be much cheaper and it will make the dairy turn a profit for a change.

Well now that the Ursa is calmed and has a king sized milk bottle, Twilight puts as much power into it as she can and levitates that thing back to it's cave. I knew she could do it. Hey, she kept me happy in the bedroom so vanquishing an Ursa is nothing. Too bad for Twilight though, she didn't become the first pony to vanquish an Ursa Major. It was only an Ursa Minor that she vanquished. At least she was able to get rid of it instead of expecting me to come down and haul it's ass home.

Well Twilight tells everypony it was just an Ursa Minor and Trixie is shocked it was just a baby. She finally realizes how pathetic she is and runs off after bragging about her show stopping abilities. Guess what bitch, being a show pony won't save towns. It will just turn them against you. Everypony praises Twilight, including the two idiots brought the beast to town. They must be really stupid if they think praising Twilight is going to cause her to let them off the hook. Good job Twilight, they were responsible for Trixie's shattered home and deserved to have to clean it.

Ok Twilight gets a lot of praise for vanquishing the Ursa Minor but then decides to do some of that pathetic Trixie level street magic. That will impress nopony, it will just make them think she is a showboat that needs to be ran out of town. What is worse is that she gives a couple of moronic hacks with a combined IQ of one along with Spike mustaches. How wasteful. Of course in the end the mustache does not aid Spike in his endeavor to knock Rarity up and he thinks he needs a beard too. I highly doubt Rarity will want to fuck a hair ball. Opal coughs them up enough and I'm sure they don't get any action. Spike just needs to be himself, maybe some day in the distant future after Rarity has gone through menopause, she will want to screw Spike because nopony else will want to at that point.

Oh, and by the way you peasants, now you must refer to me as The Hot and Sexy Princess Celestia.

Chapter 7: Dragonshy

Hello everypony, this is your supreme dictator Celestia again. Now I shall do my commentary on Dragonshy, which is an episode that made me wonder about some of the ponies and made me want to banish one of them to the moon. I'm sure you'll figure out which one that is before too long.

For starters, I don't know why Fluttershy is so good to that demon rabbit of her's. Hey, if he doesn't want to eat anymore, then don't make him. Let the little bastard starve. Better yet, I would gladly come and take him off your hooves. I'm in the mood for rabbit stew anyway. He does prove that he isn't a complete waste of space though as he tries to get Fluttershy to notice smoke coming from a nearby mountain. Eventually he is finally able to get the sexiest of Twilight's friends to realize that the sky is getting filled with smoke but that isn't going to make me not want rabbit stew. Twilight would have relayed my message to the town soon enough anyway.

You know, if she would do more than whisper when she is panicking in the town square, she might get somepony's attention. Luckily I sent a message to Twilight's scroll hacking dragon telling her to warn the rest of the town about a smoke snoring dragon. Alright, it is time to get the gang together and go take care of the beast. I would have just went and taken care of it myself, but it isn't part of my royal duties. In an old scroll dating back to the earliest days of Equestria, it states that a princess is to never go confront a dragon like that. It says that she is supposed to find some common hacks to get it to leave.

Well they get ready to leave and while Twilight is looking at a map on how would be the best way to get to the mountain and get rid of the dragon. Personally I would have just flown up there or teleported myself there but none of them are Alicorns, so forget that idea. Twilight was so absorbed in that map that Fluttershy was almost able to convince her to just let her stay home. That would have been disastrous. She is the only one smart enough to handle wild animals like that. Luckily for Equestria, the rest of the gang was able to force her to go. Yeah grabbing hold of her and carrying her there may not have been the most pleasant of ways to get her there, but it had to be done.

The route up the mountain would not be easy for the ponies. They get to the base of the mountain and Fluttershy, despite being a pegasus, was too scared to even try to get up to the path that would lead them up the mountain. While I love Fluttershy to pieces, well when she puts out anyway, I was rather irritated when she was too chickenshit to fly up there. There is one thing I will never understand about pegasi, why the hell is it that when they get scared that their wings freeze shut? Of course this causes Rainbow to enter into bitch mode. I know she was not happy about Fluttershy's fear and her wings freezing shut, but she could at least not go into bitch mode. When I saw this I wanted to go and smack her. This would not be the first time I wanted to do that either. I guess that is the difference between Alicorns and pegasi, we don't panic in stressful situations, we get pissed and handle the problem.

I commend Applejack for volunteering to take Fluttershy around the mountain. Now where is this path around the mountain that leads up to the path? I've certainly never seen it but then again I generally don't go flying in that area either. Well while Applejack was doing what she probably thought was a civic duty, Pinkie and Rarity decide to play tic-tac-toe. Pinkie wins 35 in a row and Rarity asks best of 71? Come on Rarity, you already lost 35 and even I can't Pinkie at that accursed game so you would never win.

Well once Applejack gets Fluttershy up to the path they are finally able to continue their dangerous journey. The path takes them to a chasm, a very narrow one. Well for most of them it is an easy cross but for Fluttershy, it is impossible. One time I sent some ponies out to make a map of that mountain and you know how wide that chasm is? SIX INCHES! Yep, six measly inches but Fluttershy is terrified to cross. It didn't help any when my student and former ho tells her not to look down. Had she not done that getting Fluttershy across would have been much easier. Good job Twilight, way to slow everything down. You should have just kept your yap shut.

Well now the path takes them into an area where rock slides will happen if even the slightest amount of noise is made. This should be interesting. Well Rainbow Bitch decides to fly through a tree causing a couple leaves to fall out of it. Why doesn't she just walk like everypony else or at least fly OVER the tree. I am assuming she was doing it either to be a big shot or because she has some sort of sexual attraction to trees.

Unfortunately Fluttershy just happens to be walking under the tree as the leaves are falling and she decides to be a moron and start to scream "avalanche." Well isn't this just dandy! Now a rock slide happens and nearly crushes Twilight. How the hell are they supposed to defeat future villains if even one of those element bearers gets crushed? What am I supposed to do, go find somepony else to bear it? Create a carbon copy of said pony using my Goddess magic? Well luckily nopony got killed. Now while that would piss anypony off, it sent Rainbow into super-bitch mode. The way she treated Fluttershy again made me want to go and banish her to the moon. Well given that it was daytime I would have had to have Luna banish her to the sun, but that's beside the point. She was being a little bitch that I wanted to punish.

Ok, so they have to climb over the rock slide. It doesn't seem to be much of a task but of course Fluttershy falls down on the way down knocking Applejack and Rarity down. Rarity apologizes to Rainbow for no reason and of course Rainbow makes another snide comment directed towards Fluttershy. Rainbow better be careful or I will find some other pony that represents the element of loyalty. She isn't indispensable and she better realize that.

Well thank Faust they finally get up to the entrance of the cave. I didn't think they would ever make it with all the shit that slowed them down. Once again they are slowed down by Fluttershy's fears. Initially everypony, especially the arrogant Rainbow Dash thought it was because she was scared of caves and once again went into super-bitch mode. I'm thinking that when the Gala comes around, I will see to it that she disappears without a trace. After all, it's not like anypony would give a rat's ass and I'm sure the manticore will be hungry. Eventually they discover that Fluttershy is scared of full grown dragons. Of course Applejack is the voice of reason and states that they're all afraid of that dragon. Of course the arrogant blue pegasus claims she is not. Well she'll think otherwise later on. In the end Fluttershy refuses to join Twilight in the cave, goes home and my whiny star student has to go in alone.

Naturally Twilight would be the voice of reason but getting a dragon who needs to sleep for a hundred years to wake up and go nap somewhere else is no easy task. Obviously the dragon doesn't care that Equestria can't survive a hundred years in a dark haze. I would gladly send him off to the Griffon Empire and let him put them in a haze for a hundred years. Let those fuckers suffer. They deserve it after the shit Gilda pulled a while back.

What I would like to know is why does the bastard have to sleep for a hundred years? Sometimes I need some extra rest but a hundred years seems a bit excessive. Spike sleeps more than he probably should but at least he doesn't go sleeping for a century. Well I guess I should look on the bright side, at least he isn't going to take a nap for a thousand years like the G3 Spike did. Ugh what a little bastard he was. His voice sounded like that of a child molester and the fact that he would go to sleep whenever there was not a princess makes me wonder. Did he only stay awake when they had a princess because they had some sort of crazy law that the reigning Princess had to screw the resident dragon? Well I'll go more into my rant over G3 later on.

Next up is Rarity. Ok, Rarity obviously knows nothing about dragons. She goes waltzing into his cave and starts complementing him on his scales and every other part of him possible. She says he should go out and show them off. He looks like he will go and do that but then she just has to say she will watch over his gems. Does that bitch not know how protective dragons are of their gems and apparently with this one, his bits too? She goes out crying how she almost had that diamond. Guess what you greedy little bitch, that dragon almost had unicorn souffle too.

Pinkie is a complete moron. She goes in dressed as a present thinking that will get him to leave. All that did was make him think that she was a moron and booted her out, popping a couple balloons in the process. Finally Rainbow decides that she would go in there in bitch mode and piss it off. Rainbow ain't all that bright, I'll tell you that much. Any pony who goes in thinking that they can get a dragon to leave by simply pissing it off is an utter moron. One good thing though, she finally showed fear of that dragon. The dragon throws her out and knocks all her friends down. A good roar and breath of smoke throws them up against a rock, causing it to break. Low and behold, there is Fluttershy! I thought she went home.

Fluttershy sees her friends in the shape they are in and FINALLY, she shows the emotion she needs to show. This has pissed her off and it is not wise to piss off Fluttershy. Yes she is sweet, innocent, shy and submissive most of the time, but a pissed off Fluttershy is not something you want to deal with. I tell you, the way she went off on that dragon was epic. He goes from being ready to kill my student and her friends to crying like a little bitch. Thanks to Fluttershy they accomplished their mission and the dragon leaves. What I would like to know is why the hell little miss Rarity didn't go in and steal some gems after the dragon left. She could have taken as many as her and her friends could carry!

Well they get home and my student is writing her friendship letter to me praising Fluttershy's bravery and going into detail about their recent exploits in the bedroom. What the fuck? Fluttershy decides that she will put out for Twilight but not me now? Oh she is going to pay for this! Some animals are gonna die tonight. Maybe I can convince Luna to help me kill that bear since she likes bear meat too.

Rainbow is bouncing the ball on her head getting close to the ball bounce record. What? Who in the hell keeps records for such meaningless things. It is obvious that some ponies have way too much time on their hooves. I find it hilarious that Pinkie scares her with a fake dragon roar just as she was one away from tying the record. Good job Pinkie. I love how Fluttershy laughs over this while Rainbow admits to being scared. Yeah Fluttershy, not everyone is as brave as you are but be warned, you won't be so brave when I confront you over putting out for Twilight after saying the weekly trips to Canterlot are too much for you.

P.S. For those of you who ship Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash this episode is the best reason as to why that is a bad idea. Rainbow was a total bitch towards her for most of the episode but eventually she would piss Fluttershy off and the element of loyalty would wind up dead.

Chapter 8: Look Before You Sleep

Hello my subjects, it is your beloved Supreme Dictator Celestia. This time I shall share with you the events of "Look Before You Sleep" as I saw them.

First I would like to say that it must really suck to live in a backwater town such as Ponyville. I mean come on, they have to tear loose branches off of trees before a heavy rainstorm hits? I am so lucky that the residents up here in Canterlot don't have to worry about that. Unlike towns founded by earth ponies, we are allowed to just use our magic to fix things like this.

One thing I would like to know is why the hell was Rarity even out helping with this? I would think that little miss priss would just hide out in her home/boutique and let everypony else do all the work. Maybe she didn't want everypony to view her as lazy, but she caused a lot more problems than she provided aid.

So in the previous week the pegasi skipped a scheduled drizzle and now they have to make up for it with a heavy duty downpour. That makes no sense. I wouldn't think a week's delay would cause them to have to overcompensate in such a way. Dumb fucks anyway. Maybe I need to fire them and simply hire a unicorn mage who knows how to handle the weather to take over for them. Unfortunately Twilight doesn't know how to handle, Rarity sure the hell doesn't and none of the aristocratic hacks up here know how to do much more than levitate things and wipe their ass. So for now scatterbrained pegasus ponies will have to do.

Well Applejack rips down a branch that Rarity had fixed with her magic and the argument begins. Applejack approaches Rarity over why she can't be practical while Rarity bitches about how somepony has to beautify things. I know how she can be but I didn't know that she was this dumb. Well the rain starts and she starts whining because you know how she is, she just can't get wet. Now Applejack gives her a suggestion but this time I will side with Rarity. One can not hunker down under a picnic table during a powerful storm and expect to remain dry, especially when there is a mud puddle already under there.

Unlike Rarity, Appleack did hunker down under the picnic table, which wasn't all that bright in my opinion. Finally Twilight calls out to them to go inside the library with her. Of course from my vantage point I am thinking, "You little bitch, you're gonna get it on with these two but won't come see me?" I wanted to launch a powerful thunderbolt upon her but then I decided otherwise in the event she would be useful later on.

Well they head on over and go inside. Applejack has muddy hooves and Rarity basically orders her to go outside, in a horrid thunderstorm and wash up. Is that bitch really that stupid? Had Applejack been killed by lightning, I would have had to find a new element of generosity because that is something she would not have got away with. What happens while Applejack is out washing her hooves off out in the thunderstorm? Twilight decides that the three should have a slumber party.

Before I continue on with this there is one thing that I found odd. The way they have Rarity and Applejack talking about one another at first you would think they are mere acquaintances that hate the very thought of spending any time together rather than being friends. This is just as bad as how they made Rainbow and Pinkie act like acquaintances in Griffon the Brush Off. Well another fuck up on the part of the writers that not many ponies bitched about.

Ok, back to where I was. Twilight thinks they should have this slumber party and do it by the book. Yes, by the book. I know she is a bookworm but this is fucking ridiculous. Give me a break. Having fun at a slumber party shouldn't require doing it by the book. That sounds more like a regimented night at the office than something that is supposed to be fun. Hell, the slumber parties that her and I had were never done by the book and we still had fun, lots and lots of fun!

Well finally Applejack gets her hooves all cleaned up but then Twilight and little miss priss are covering their faces in mud! I don't care if it is a mud masque, it is still mud. What a hypocrite. I'd like to shove some of that shit down her throat and then smear it on her face when she shits it out. It would serve her right. What I don't get about these damn makeovers is why Twilight would use her magic to just fix their manes and tails back to how they used to be before they were put in curlers. It completely defeats the purpose. Apparently this was just a thing that Twilight and Rarity wanted to do to punish Applejack since she is my favorite of all Twilight's friends. Hell, I respect her more than I do Twilight, at least she thinks in a much more rational way than anypony else.

Next up come the ghost stories, oh this is going to be fun! Of course you have Applejack and her "story" mocking Rarity's unnecessary neatness and then Rarity's story mocking Applejack's "messiness." Applejack ain't messy, she just doesn't brush her mane a hundred times a day. Ugh, those aren't ghost stories girls, it is just mocking one another. Well Twilight tells the tale of the headless horse, which is one of the oldest ghost stories out there. I was in shock when Rarity and Applejack were embracing one another in fear. Come on girls, it's just some dumb old mare's tale that almost everypony over the age of three has heard.

Well now that that is done, up next we have the smores incident. Once again Rarity tries to make everything fancy by trying to make everything just so. Come on, one doesn't have to place everything down in place perfectly. Applejack is right when it comes to these things, you just eat the damn things. A memo to Rarity: Applejack shouldn't have to say "excuse me" to you! This was in Twilight's home and if she doesn't give a shit that Applejack burped, then why should she have to apologize over something natural?

I have come to the conclusion that none of those three know how to play the game Truth or Dare. Ok, just because you dare somepony to do something they have to do it? What happened to the answering a question part? Well the funny thing was when Applejack dared Rarity to go out into the rain and get her mane ruined. When she came back in with that wet mane I got so hot and bothered. If I could have got there in time I would have swept her up and made sweet love to her. Then Applejack has to wear some shitty fru-fru outfit. Poor Applejack, but rules are rules. Too bad they wouldn't have dared Twilight to engage in a threesome, that would have been quite the sexy sight.

Next up in Twilight's book is the pillow fight. How in the hell can Twilight not know what a pillow fight is? She claims to be all smart but obviously she isn't. Maybe I'm partly to blame since she lived a rather sheltered life since I raised her once she got her cutie mark. I feel kind of bad not letting her have more fun but those are the key words, kind of bad. Oh well, it ain't the end of the world. Rarity and Applejack taught her what it is soon enough and she doesn't seem to be very interested in it.

Finally Twilight decides it is time to go to bed and here is another thing I don't get. Why the hell doesn't Twilight just give Applejack and Rarity separate blankets to sleep under. They aren't going to cuddle the way Twilight hopes. I thought it would have been better had Twilight just invited Rarity into her bed because I know she wants to screw her. That way Rarity would have been happy and Applejack would have had the whole bed to herself and been able to sleep, well if she could sleep through all of Twilight and Rarity's moaning and squealing that would have definitely happened. Who knows though, she may have wanted to make it a threesome.

Well Rarity and Applejack begin to fight over the blanket and how in the hell Twilight didn't wake up right away is beyond me. Either she is a heavy sleeper or she just enjoyed listening to them fight for a while. Finally she sits up and yells. Poor widdle Twily, her slumber party got ruined because it didn't go exactly by the fucking book. Ugh she can be annoying. I remember how she asked what else could go wrong. I'm going to let all of you in on a secret. That was no random bolt of lightning. I am the one who caused it. I wanted to see how miss bitchy pants would react to it.

My bolt of lightning hit a tree causing the top of it to nearly become detached. At first it appeared as though it was going to fall away from the library but then Applejack has to be stubborn and use her rope to pull it back upright. Of course this caused it to fall into MY library. Yes, you heard it right, MY library. I just let Twilight live there since she is my student. If any damage is done to that library, Rarity and Applejack will be billed for the damages and given that Twilight is my student, I can't really punish her financially. I could punish her in other ways though, ways in which both of us enjoy. After all, she does like it rough.

Now that the tree is in Twilight's bedroom you'd think she would do something to try to get rid of it, right? I guess Twilight has even less common sense than I thought. While Applejack tries to get rid of it, Twilight is looking in her damn slumber party book to see if there is something in there saying that you're supposed to have giant tree branches at your slumber party. I swear, if it was to tell her to go jump in a volcano in that book she would have went and done it. Then we have Rarity who is so focused on cleaning up the little things that she may as well just be standing there sucking face with Twilight.

Well Applejack realizes that she can't get rid of it on her own and that she needs help. She knows that Twilight is too damn absorbed in her book to even pay attention to what is going on so she has to lower herself to apologizing to Rarity for yelling at her earlier. That had to be hard on her, given that she is much, much smarter than Rarity. Well after disgracing herself enough Rarity finally decides to quit being such a bitch and help her. What I thought was going to be a joke turned out quite well. Rarity uses her magic to turn a majority of the giant branch into some little leafy decorations.

Now Applejack was getting ready to kick the remaining part of the tree out the window but little miss priss glares at her so Applejack has to just bite it and throw it out. Applejack gets the window closed and there stands Rarity, covered in mud and started to whine about how awful she looked. Applejack decided to be nice and put a couple cucumbers over her eyes to make her feel better. Now I would have went and rammed my hoof down the bitch's throat for treating me like that.

Of course after that everything was just fine and dandy, they were all laughing, getting along and doing things together. The whole twenty questions thing was idiotic. Twilight wanted them to win together? Couldn't they have just had a threesome to accomplish that? Well Twilight writes me her sappy letter about how two ponies who have so little in common can get along. Again, I thought Applejack was friends with this hack. They sure seemed to get along perfectly fine when they set off to turn my sister back into Luna.

Well the skies clear and they are having fun and the show ends, well what they are willing to show. Yes Applejack went home and did her thankless job in continuing to provide that backwater town with food. Rarity however, did not go back to selling her whore costumes. Her and Twilight both had a lot of pent up sexual frustration after that night and they had to release it. A lot of ponies actually complained to that dingbat mayor but she has no authority. The final say when it comes to noise ordinances rests on my shoulders.

Oh and for those of you who were wondering what kind of "royal business" Spike had up here in Canterlot, here it is. Remember when Luna killed Gilda and the two of us ate her. Well we didn't get the whole corpse picked clean in time and some of the meat had went bad. I figured that if he could stomach those baked bads, some rotten meat would be nothing for him. After all, we were not about to allow any part of a good kill to go to waste.

Now be gone with you you serfs, Twinkleshine is giving me bedroom eyes and she always studies better after we have our fun.

Chapter 9: Bridle Gossip

Hello everypony, it's your Supreme Dictator and Overlord Celestia again. Now I shall give you my views on one of the most interesting episodes, Bridle Gossip.

First off I think Spike thinks too highly of himself. He honestly thinks that everypony would shut themselves in just because his breath stinks more than normal? What a narcissistic little prick. Why would he think a smelly breath is so wonderful. Then he starts to wonder about a zombie pony. He must be as dumb as Snips and Snails if he honestly believes that zombies exist, what an idiot. Maybe next time he comes up here he needs to have his head examined. However, I can understand Twilight wondering if it is a pony holiday down there since she hasn't lived there that long.

Pinkie sees Twilight and her idiot dragon outside and tells them to come inside to hide. I wouldn't think Twilight would just go running inside without knowing why. It's not like a swarm of angry hornets was descending upon Ponyville. As it turns out, Pinkie wasn't the only one hiding. The rest of Twilight's friends were in there as well. Ok, I can understand Fluttershy and Rarity hiding but Applejack and Rainbow Dash? Those two are a lot tougher than the rest of the lot but I suppose that is not the case this time.

Finally Twilight discovers why they are hiding out. It is because a zebra has come into town and is trying to get herbs. Yes, they are scared of a zebra. I have come to the conclusion that Ponyville is one of the most judgmental places in all of Equestria. I suppose that is how backwater towns like that are given that most of the residents there have never seen somepony (well in this case somezebra) that doesn't fit what they are used to seeing. I have met Zecora before and she is quite wise and very friendly.

While they act all afraid, they also show signs of curiosity as they peek out the window and watch her digging at the ground. What she is digging for I'm not sure but I don't really care. Fluttershy can cry and whine about it maybe being innocent creatures she is digging for but if she needs it for something she is going to make, go for it. Fluttershy can cry over it and then I can come visit her and make her feel all better. Of course Twilight and Apple Bloom seem to be the only rational ponies after seeing her.

I have also decided that I need to fix the education system down there. The fact that only Twilight knew what a zebra was is bad, very bad. Now Twilight mentions that zebras come from a far away land. Well no shit, they aren't native to Equestria but thanks for informing those hacks you call friends of that anyway. Those ponies down there have been paying taxes to fund the school for ages and yet nopony has been taught about inhabitants from different parts of the world? Well that is going to change, pronto!

Rarity's reaction to the fact that Zecora was born with those stripes is pathetic, she faints over it! I'm pretty sure there would be plenty of folks around the world that would faint over that hideous mane and tail of her's. I almost did when I first met her. Key word, almost.

What I would like to know is why the hell the Everfree Forest freaks them out so much, it's not like they haven't been there before. So what if Zecora lives in the forest. I don't blame her for living there. All the ponies are judgmental as hell and she can live peacefully in there away from all the misjudgments of other ponies. Sometimes Luna talks about us moving back to our original home but I always tell her that the move would be too difficult and that fixing that place would be too tedious. It doesn't sit well with her but that's just how things have to be.

Hey morons, across most of the world the plants grow on their own, the animals care for themselves and the clouds move all on their own. I would love to know what the hell is wrong with this land. I can understand wanting to control plant growth and the weather but the whole issue with the animals is downright confusing. Back when Luna and I took over we wanted a land where we could control things. I was more naive back then and thought it would be fun to make everypony care for the animals. I should have listened to Luna when she voiced her concerns saying that the animals would just be a royal pain but oh no, I just wouldn't listen. Sadly though, that spell was permanent and now we're stuck with lazy ass animals that are too fucking stupid to care for themselves.

Well they continue to argue and Twilight, being the voice of reason, mentions that they should approach her and get to know her. Of course her friends are scared to death at the very mention of it but Apple Bloom thinks otherwise. She decides that since she is a big pony that she will take this task on herself. That is one thing I do like about younger ponies. They haven't been programmed to think a certain way by their older siblings and parents. Well she sneaks out and starts to follow Zecora. How she does it without being noticed is beyond me.

What made me laugh besides Pinkie's song is the fact that she believes that eating hay somehow makes Zecora evil, especially considering that all ponies eat it. I guess her sorry ass is evil too, right? I suppose mentioning hay was a good thing since that word is what caused them to notice that Apple Bloom is missing. Well they head on out to track the filly down. I don't blame them on this one, if I had a foal and he or she went running off like that, I would be concerned too.

Given that they all know Zecora lives in the forest, it didn't take them long to track down Apple Bloom. Their yells attract both the attention of Zecora and Apple Bloom. Now Zecora, despite being seen as evil, gives a warning to Twilight and her dunce friends but they take the way she talks as her putting a curse on them. She warns them about the blue plants but because of their arrogance they get in them anyway. Luckily for her, Apple Bloom is riding on Applejack's back as they walk through them.

What gets me is that Twilight's friends actually believe in curses. That is another thing I am going to have to add to the curriculum down there at the school. They need to be taught that things such as curses, hexes and zombies do not exist, that they are just old mares' tales that are meant to scare.

Twilight had a rather interesting night. Apparently the events of the day were seared into her mind more than she let on given the nature of her nightmare. When she wakes up her hair is a mess. Well sometimes it would look like that when her and I would roll around under the sheets a little too much so it did bring back good memories, although simply brushing it would not get it straight again given the nature of our activities.

Ok so she looks at herself and laughs about her hair being cursed, but then she discovers she has droopy horn! Now how in Equestria was she able to levitate the brush to fix her hair when her horn was like that. Once again the writers miss something. Sometimes I wonder if they don't do things like this just to see if anypony notices. I'm sure among the target audience that nopony notices but Bronies and Pegasisters do notice, as does your all powerful dictator.

Now the fun begins! One by one Twilight's friends come walking in, well crashing in in the case of Rainbow Crash and riding on Apple Bloom's back in the case of Apple Teeny. Pinkie can hardly talk (which might be a good thing), Rainbow can't fly worth shit, Applejack is the size of a bug, Rarity's looks have improved drastically, Twilight's horn has lost it's erection and Fluttershy sounds like a guy, hence the nickname Flutterguy. Hey if I were into stallions I'd think she sounded hot but with a voice like that, no matter how sexy she is, no thanks!

While everypony is trying to convince Twilight that this is a curse Apple Bloom decides to head off to Zecora's place to make things right. While she is leaving Applejack decides to jump in her tail to make sure she doesn't do anything she would regret. Apple Bloom must have an extremely thick tail for her to be able to just jump into it without falling out.

While Apple Bloom and an unexpected passenger head off to Zecora's place, everypony else is arguing over whether this is a curse, hex or some other bullshit or not. Suddenly they notice that the two Apples are gone. Hey morons, how could you have stepped on her or sat on her when she was standing on a table. It is quite obvious that they aren't the brightest bunch around.

I truly see that Rainbow is the dumbest one of the bunch here. She knows that she can't fly worth shit but what does she try to do when they get ready to leave? She does exactly what she did when she tried getting into the library, flying. She crashes into the side of the doorway, again. She caused some damage so she will be billed for it and if she doesn't pay within a week, I will cut her wings off and banish her to the moon for a few years.

While Twilight and company are getting ready to leave, Apple Bloom gets into the forest. Applejack pops out of the top of her mane and tells her to turn around. Wait a minute, wasn't she in her tail just a minute ago? How did she get to her tail from her mane in just a minute without falling off Apple Bloom's back. After all, that filly wasn't leisurely walking along and she would have felt her sister walking on her back anyway. What I find funny is Applejack yelling about her being the big sister but then Apple Bloom puts her on a branch and replies, "Sorry sis, but Ah'm the big sister now!" Well Apple Bloom sure acts like it. After all, she doesn't believe in foalish nonsense such as curses.

Apple Bloom continues her journey while Twilight and her friends head into the forest, well except for Rainbow who goes crashing in and through it. Damn Rainbow, had she ate Applejack when she crashed I would have had to kill her. Luna and I had to eat an unruly pegasus back before she was banished and it was quite tasty so having roasted pegasus again would have been a treat.

While Applejack is riding Rainbow like a horse trying to get to Zecora's place, the rest of them arrive and everypony but Twilight is creeped out by the appearance of the tree she has hollowed out and lives in. You know for a bunch of ponies who are allegedly so scared of her they sure do like watching her. They actually peep through her window like a bunch of damn stalkers. They act like it is so horrible that Zecora is speaking in her native tongue as she is making her brew. Now I can understand their concern when Zecora said, "The perfect temperature for ponies I presume, now where is that Apple Bloom?"

Zecora speaking in her native tongue causes Pinkie to accuse her of stealing her song. What the fuck Pinkie? It doesn't sound anything like your stupid song and because you can't talk worth shit, you get Flutterguy to sing it for you. I don't blame her for not being thrilled about it but she isn't the type to say no to puppy dog eyes. I would have told you to go drown yourself but Fluttershy is too kind. I need to teach her that the only one she does anything for is ME!

Look, here comes Rainbow Crash and Apple Teeny, barging through Zecora's door. This is one of those instances where Zecora probably wished she had unicorn magic so she could freeze them in mid air instead of crashing into her cauldron and spilling her precious brew. Well now little miss bitch and her friends go in and accuse Zecora of cursing them and demanding that she remove the curse. I don't blame Zecora for blowing her stack here. To tell you the truth, I think Zecora was way too kind here. I would have hogtied them, gave them a few hundred lashes and then led them to my sleeping chambers, one by one, and kept them there for a week while Luna raised and set the sun for me.

Well Twilight demands to know where Apple Bloom is, which is understandable. Much to their surprise, in comes Apple Bloom perfectly fine. I am wondering if in the future Apple Bloom will aid Zecora in gathering herbs since she found everything she needed. Also a quick memo to Apple Bloom: Yes those silly fillies got into Twilight's head. It is rather pathetic that a student of mine would eventually cave in and believe in such nonsense. I think I will "punish" her for this, if you know what I mean.

Well they finally learn that Zecora did not curse them, that what happened was just a result of making contact with the poison joke. I guess now if any ponies up here piss me off I can go throw them in the poison joke rather than beat them violently with chains. Wait, I could do both! That would be a fun experience.

Now the ignorance and irrational fears of Ponyville show up again as Zecora heads into town to get an ingredient so she can make a new batch of the cure for the poison joke. All of the ponies run to their houses but three of them are especially judgmental. Roseluck, Lily and Daisy have really pissed me off with the way they acted. I have decided to abduct them and punish them the same way I will Twilight. I don't know if they are into mares or stallions but after I'm done with them, they will only like mares.

Well Twilight gets what she needs for Zecora and she makes another batch of the cure. For as scared as everypony initially was of her, all of a sudden everypony loves her. If I were Zecora, I wouldn't just give the recipe for that herbal bath to the spa ponies for free. I would first trademark it, then sell a copy of it to them and then they would have to pay Zecora royalties every time they mixed a batch of it. Zecora could be living on easy street!

Finally everything is back to normal once they bathe in it. Applejack is back to her normal self, Pinkie can annoy ponies again, Rainbow can fly normally again, Fluttershy sounds sexy again, Rarity looks hideous again and Twilight has her horn erection back. Twilight finally realizes that you shouldn't judge somepony just because they look different. Hopefully she will teach that backwater town that lesson. Now if you will excuse me, I have three hot mares in Ponyville to go abduct, take up to my bedroom and punish severely! I decided to let Twilight off the hook for aiding in getting the herb that Zecora needed.

On a side note, I have already drawn up adoption papers for Zecora to adopt Apple Bloom in the unfortunate event that something was to happen to the rest of the Apple Family. Now I want you to know that I will not do anything to them. I just want to make sure that if it did happen, that Apple Bloom would have a wise, caring individual there to raise her.

Chapter 10: Swarm of the Century

Hello everypony, it is your Supreme Dictator and overlord Celestia again. I have been scanning the land have decided that you have all behaved well enough that you deserve to see the events of Swarm of the Century as I saw them.

I was so delighted that some of the ponies were out gathering flowers for my visit. I knew that the sweet and sexy Fluttershy would be one of them. Even though she was just saying "la lala, lalala" Fluttershy's voice was so enticing. I wanted to just fly down there and bring her home with me but that would have prevented her from doing what is important, getting enough flowers to let me know that I am loved.

Alright, I'm not sure what these weird little bugs are but they sure are adorable. I knew Fluttershy would think it is the greatest thing in the world which really pisses me off. She needs to realize that I am the greatest thing in the world. She sure thought that for a while until she decided she didn't want to come up here every weekend and make me happy. I can't confirm it but she is probably keeping Rarity happy every weekend now. Damn seductress anyway. If I find out my assumption is true, I will banish her to the moon permanently and imprison Fluttershy in my bedroom for the next thirty years.

Well while Fluttershy is out giving adoration to annoying bugs that she should be giving to me, Twilight is in the library having only the type of panic that she would have. Twilight should know that the library doesn't have to be spotless for my visit. As long as her bed is cleaned off, that is all that matters. And Spike is right, Twilight should be reading the books she threw all over the place one at a time. Too bad she wasn't reading the Kama Sutra, she really needs to learn some new things. I get sick and tired of doing the same old things all the time.

While to me it would make more sense for Spike to check on the preparations and for miss magic pants to stay at home and prepare the library for my visit, she decides Spike should stay home and clean up her mess. It was a good thing that she did though because had she not, I would have had to banish Golden Harvest and Berry Punch to the moon for a million years. My name is Princess Celestia, not Princess Celest you dingbats!

Alright, I have had enough, Pinkie is going to pay for devouring the sweets that were meant for ME! If I were the Cakes, I would fire Pinkie and throw her out. How dare she have to taste their cooking to make sure it is suitable for me. I have had their sweets plenty of times and they are the best bakers in Equestria. Pinkie probably thought she could get me in bed if she made sure everything was perfect, but she was sadly mistaken.

Before Pinkie could devour all the treats Fluttershy shows up with her adorable little friend, which has suddenly become three little friends. With as much as she knows about animals I would think she would know what they were and with as smart as Twilight is, I would think she would know but unfortunately, she didn't. Pinkie on the other hand does and heads off to start gathering everything to drive the critters out of town.

One thing I would like to know is how did Rarity get Rainbow into that hideous looking outfit. Good grief, if she thinks that is Rainbow looking nice for me, then she must be a bigger idiot than I thought. With the exception of snobby events like weddings, coronations and the Gala, most ponies don't wear clothes! Suddenly Twilight comes waltzing in thinking that Rarity is going to give a rat's ass about a dumb bug. What surprised me is that both her and Rainbow seemed to suddenly think the sun rose and set in those things' asses. Well guess what, it doesn't. I move the sun and it most definitely does not rise and set in a bug's ass.

Now Pinkie, why would you go barging into the boutique thinking Rarity would have an accordion? The music store is a couple blocks down and besides, unless you rob the place, you're not getting one. Those things aren't cheap because they have to be imported from overseas since nopony in Equestria knows how to make the dumb things. Suddenly the police scanner in Ponyville goes off reporting a robbery at the Ponyville Music Store. The bad thing is that the town cop was up here at Donut Joe's feasting on donuts so Pinkie got her accordion. Oh well, it had been sitting there for two years so nopony was going to buy it anyway.

One thing I love to do is cast invisibility spells on myself and teleport myself into important places. Well right after Twilight turned off her light, I cast an invisibility spell on myself and teleported to her bedroom. While Spike and his bug friend were sound asleep, I saw and heard what Twilight was doing. She is such a naughty girl! She was massaging herself with her hoof and calling out my name, she must be getting ready for tomorrow night. While I am flattered, I am displeased at the same time. What if Spike would have woke up and saw this? That is something a pony should not be doing around children! I will be sure and punish her severely for this tomorrow night.

Everything seems fine and she assumes there is nothing to worry about. Well it wasn't too long after I teleported back to Canterlot that Spike decides to feed his little friend. Morning comes and Twilight realizes that either Spike screwed that bug and it mass produced or that more of them just found a way into the library. She starts to freak out again. She is so cute and sexy when she does that. Poor Spike though, slave-driver Twily makes him do so much hard work and then the bugs ruin it. I'm betting Spike won't consider those things friends anymore.

Rainbow wakes up and quickly gets attacked but she doesn't have near the problem that Twilight does. Rarity has tons of them too but at first she is still adoring them because she realizes she can enslave them to help her make the slutty outfits she is so famous for, well until she sees how they reproduce. She thinks it is icky but hey, it is clearly effective and it doesn't require hooking up with some ass who only wants to get in your coat. As long as we don't have a billion bug army fly in and overthrow me, they can hack up more of themselves all they want.

While Pinkie continues to try to find enough instruments to create a one pony orchestra, Rarity and Twilight bump into one another and see that they have the same problem. Despite the fact that she didn't know how one turned into three the day before, Twilight suggests they go see if Fluttershy knows how to stop them from throwing up babies. Here is where they are wrong. Fluttershy seems to think they are so adorable that they could multiply so much that they would fill her whole cottage, leaving her nowhere to live and she'd be fine with it. That wouldn't be so bad though because then I could get her to come live with me and fun times would ensue!

Well Twilight opens the door and a bunch of them head outside while many others stay in with Fluttershy, hoping that she will feed them enough that they can form an army big enough to overthrow me. Now I know why she didn't want them to stop multiplying and simply acted like she was trying to stop them. She can control the minds of animals and she would have them breed enough that she could form that billion bug army to come in and overthrow me and crown herself Supreme Dictator. If that is the case, I better fly in, destroy her army, abduct her and imprison her in my sleeping chambers until she loses her sex appeal. If you think I'm bad, having Fluttershy in power would be much worse. I've seen her bad side and she would probably execute over half of the ponies in this country for either being mean to animals, bullying others or simply because she thought they weren't worthy of being alive.

Finally in comes the voice of reason, Applejack. I would say that Fluttershy having her bring in apples as bait was a bad idea, but it did aid in getting most of the damn things in one place. Well everypony but Pinkie is able to get them rounded up into one huge ball and using her spectacular herding skills, Applejack and her friends are able to drive them back into the forest. Woo-hoo, my visit won't be ruined after all, or so I thought.

Here I thought that my visit would be a normal one now. I would mingle with the commoners, gorge myself on sweets and then go bang Twilight but no, Fluttershy just had to keep one of those fucking bugs in her house and of course it just had to try to rebuild the bug army. I don't blame the others for being so pissed about her keeping one when she knows how quickly they multiply. Well Rainbow seems to think that creating a mini-tornado will do the trick. Initially it does, until Pinkie just has to come along with some cymbals. Ugh, why must she always ruin things. First she sabotages the Cakes' attempts at making sure I am well fed and now this. Perhaps I should banish her to the moon along with those dingbats who can't even spell my name right.

Those cymbals of her's get sucked into the tornado and that could have caused Rainbow to be beheaded. Now she can be annoying a lot of the time but at this moment she was trying to help out. Rainbow gets thrown out of her tornado and all the bugs go flying into Ponyville. I am shocked that Pinkie's friends did not beat the shit out of her for this. Now my visit will be ruined because those fucking things will eat all the food.

It is rather obvious that nopony in town knows what they are, especially Bon Bon. She holds one of her hooves up for one to land on and gives it the same adorable smile you would a newborn foal. She thought differently when it went and ate her and Lyra's slices of pie. What I'd like to know is how could something so small eat things so much bigger than they are? Ok, I get it. Just like with Pinkie being able to be in Manehattan one second and Las Pegasus the next, it is a cartoon so anything can happen.

Well Twilight and her friends get back to town watching every bit of food get devoured. Applejack decides to run off to the farm and prevent these things from eating her apples. Now my star student has had many good ideas in her life and now she has another, she will cast a spell to stop them from eating all the food. I'm surprised Fluttershy didn't throw a fit over this because it would be preventing those things from practicing their true nature. Well she casts the spell and the food is safe, it is just everything else that is in trouble now!

Nice job Twilight, because of you I might have to have new maps of Equestria printed. From the way things are going, it looks like Ponyville will get eaten off the map. Where will they go next? Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Las Pegasus? I don't have to worry about them coming to Canterlot because I have already put a force field around the city so they can't get us. Oh well, don't any of you worry about what would happen to Twilight if this happens. I have a spot in my bed for her to sleep. I'll teach her new things, things much more important than friendship!

Well the reprogrammed bugs break into Rarity's store and begin to eat her merchandise. I know some ponies may think "poor Rarity" but it isn't really any loss. It's not like I ever wear clothes so why should I care? Then Applejack and her family are there waiting for the swarm to approach. Ok, a fly swatter, a pitchfork and a canister of Raid is not going to stop these things. Had Twilight not altered their mindsets the Apples would no longer have a farm, but instead they now have no home. Well I'll send in some of Canterlot's best builders to help her family out, after all they are wisest family in Equestria. I'll just punish Twilight further since she turned the bugs into building eaters.

It was just not that long ago that Twilight got on good terms with Zecora and suddenly she decides to grab one of these things and hauls it out to her hut to see what the hell it is. Unfortunately, when Zecora told her what it was, I missed what she called them. I do remember her telling Twilight that if they were in Ponyville that they're fucked.

Twilight gets back to town to discover half the town in ruins and total chaos ensuing. Pretty fun, right? Just when she thought things couldn't get any worse the one pony orchestra starts marching in. Twilight thinks it is my procession but what she forgot is that I don't have a fucking procession. That is wasteful, inconvenient and expensive. Naturally Twilight is pissed UNTIL she sees the bugs begin to behave in a different manner upon hearing her music. They go from devouring the buildings to following her! I have changed my mind, I won't banish her to the moon for eating all the treats after all and since I'm in a good mood, I won't banish Golden Harvest or Berry Punch for misspelling my name.

While Pinkie is leading these little pests into the forest I am greeted by her friends who bow down before me in a way that says, "will you punish us tonight?" Well I will punish Twilight more than I ever have but the others I will leave alone, yes, even Fluttershy. I know she is mad that her bug friends got driven back into the forest and it is no fun banging a pony in a bad mood.

Well Twilight gives me her friendship report basically saying that even if someone is an idiot you should listen to what they have to say. Normally I would have smacked her and told her she is simply being a bitch but in this instance, she is right. I have come to the conclusion that Pinkie must have had to deal with the things in the past. Perhaps that is why nothing grows at the rock farm, they had these things attack the place before she moved away.

Yes the things are cute and shit, but they are obviously a nuisance and guess what? I have to go to Fillydelphia and get rid of their infestation so sadly, I will not get laid tonight. Oh well, once I get done purging those bugs from the big city I will come and take care of Twilight.

On a final note, while I am driving them out of Fillydelphia, I learned that these bugs are called parasprites. I feel rather stupid that I, the Sun Goddess and supreme dictator of Equestria, did not know the name of something that lives within my domain. I have decided to put a barrier up around the Everfree Forest to keep the parasprites from invading the rest of the country. YOU'RE WELCOME you pathetic serfs!

Chapter 11: Winter Wrap Up

Hello everypony, this is your Supreme Dictator and Beloved Sun Goddess again! Next up on my commentary list is Winter Wrap Up!

The first thing I would like to know is why the hell was Twilight so excited to get up and start this thing. With as excited as she was you'd think she was coming up here to have some hot, raunchy fun with me. Perhaps that town is starting to rub off on her since she is getting excited over boring shit like that. Something that boring would not interest me in the slightest. I would have just faked an illness, said "screw it," peeked out the window every now and then and laugh my ass off when they were fucking everything up royally.

Well Twilight gets up and goes outside. Well for starters, it is still dark. She is obviously way too excited for this backwards, antiquated activity. Secondly, the ground is still dry and everything looks like it would on a normal summer night. So Twilight goes back in and gets a bit more rest.

A few hours pass and all of a sudden winter has arrived in Ponyville. In just a few hours everything has went from lively and cheery to horrible and gloomy. Pegasus shit (aka snow) now covers the whole town, the birds must have teleported themselves far off to the south, the lakes are frozen over and all the animals that were playful and active the day before are now comatose and holed up in their burrows. What is even funnier is that Twilight arrives LATE for the meeting for this event that she was so excited about. I guess her dreaming about me giving it to her rough kept her in late.

The dingbat mayor stands up there giving an inspirational speech. Yeah, like that will do any good. She's gave the same crappy ass speech every year since she took office and you know what? It never works, they always fuck up along the line somewhere and are always at least a day or two late getting winter wrapped up. Maybe they should start their winter wrap up a week before the equinox so maybe, just maybe, their spring will be on time.

Well after the mayor finishes yapping and everypony heads off to start this, they break into the greatest musical number I have ever heard, even though it's been a while since they did it, I still have it in my head.."Winter Wrap Up, Winter Wrap Up!" Twilight wonders where she fits in in this event. Here is the thing, she DOESN'T fit anywhere in this event. She should have just let them bungle their way through this, came up to Canterlot and readied me for when I had to change the season the next day. I always did better changing the seasons after having some fun with her.

I have come to the conclusion that the birds in Ponyville are extremely stupid. They have to have ponies make their nests for them! Can you believe it? The birds in the Everfree Forest don't need their nests made for them but then again everything runs normally in there. But then again the forest doesn't operate like the rest of Equestria. Ugh, once again I am kicking myself for not listening to Luna when she told me that casting a spell to where ponies would have to control everything would make things so difficult.

Alright, Twilight first decides that she will help Rarity, the town nest maker. Wait a minute, the town needs lots of nests and they only have one pony doing it? If she were allowed to use her magic I could see it but forcing one pony to make lots of nests the old fashioned way is ridiculous. How about we do things the really old fashioned way, have the dumb fucks make their own nests!

I would think Rarity would be trying to get these damn things done given how many she has to make but oh no, she has to take forever and a half just to make sure every nest is just perfect. Let me guess, after they get winter wrapped up she will make slutty outfits for them as well. Twilight sees how Rarity made her nest and gives it a shot. She tries to make it look the exact same as Rarity's but she fails miserably. I would think a pony as smart as Twilight would make them simple and practical, oh wait, I'm thinking of Applejack. Always the smart ass, Spike claims that the nest Twilight made could be used for an outhouse. He obviously said that because he wants to get in Rarity's coat. I'm betting had anypony else made the fancy nest that Twilight couldn't duplicate, he wouldn't have made that snide remark.

Well when Rarity got busy trying to fix Twilight's outhouse nest, Twilight and her glorified pet head off to make somepony else's job a lot harder. Now here we have Pinkie Pie, the pony responsible for scoring the lakes. What? Score the lakes? Why don't they just get a few ponies to go out there with axes and shatter that ice into slush? Or better yet, have Spike melt the ice with his fire breath? It would make life easier and be much more efficient. Why won't they do it though? They won't do it because it makes sense and Faust forbid they do something that makes sense.

I tell you, Pinkie is great on those skates but the way she is doing it is NOT that effective. Going out there like a damn figure skater and doing all those fancy moves won't get the lake scored. It is just showing off your useless skating skills. Well my little Twily gets the skates on and gives it a shot. Well one thing is obvious, she is definitely not as good on skates as she is in bed. Well very quickly she loses interest and trying to help Pinkie out with this thankless task so now it is time to move on.

I'm going to let you guys in on a secret. You may already know it but I think Fluttershy cares way too much about those animals and not enough about me. If she put forth as much effort in keeping me happy as she does in waking those fucking animals, I may not be quite the bitch that I am. Oh yes, real bright Fluttershy. There are hundreds of nests and yet there you are alone, ringing a bell trying to wake them up, one den at a time. Why can't you be up here ringing my bell instead?

Well Twilight sees some of the little furballs that Fluttershy has woken up and decides she wants to help get these little beasts up and running before the pegasi melt the snow. Instead of firing a powerful bolt of energy into that hill and waking them all up at once, she uses the same slow, time consuming and antiquated method that Fluttershy uses.

I have learned another thing about Twilight that I didn't know about. She is as stupid as those cows down there are. The snakes come out of their den and suddenly you have a one pony stampede waking other critters up as well. In her terrified state she winds up getting a bee hive stuck on her head and then wakes up some skunks. Now it is bath time for Twilight. Lots and lots of tomato juice should get rid of that skunk smell.

Bitch, bitch, bitch, is that all Twilight knows how to do. She has already proven that she is a terrible nest maker, can't stand on skates and isn't any good at waking animals. She is determined to find a way to help with this. When I saw all this I sent her a message that read, "Twilight, I see you suck at helping with winter wrap up. Come up and suck me instead."

Here I thought she would be all excited, have Spike send me a message that she's coming and get her ass up here. But oh no, she just couldn't do that. She has Spike send me a message that reads, "Princess Celesta, I can't. I want to help this town wrap up winter.
P.S. While I couldn't help Pinkie score the lakes I will just try to score with her instead."

How dare she! What does Pinkie have that I don't? I mean come on, I'm a sexy Alicorn Sun Goddess, Pinkie is just a party pony who talks too much. Well it looks like Twinkleshine and I will have to find somepony else for the threesome we have planned tonight. Maybe Moondancer will join us.

Well now Twilight heads over to the farm to lend a hoof. This can only lead to a disaster. Personally I hope she really fucks up since she turned down my invitation just so she could screw Pinkie. There are all the strong stallions, pushing those plows and clearing that snow. It truly frustrates me that those ponies are being put through so much hard work when all it would take is a beam of energy from my horn to make all of that unnecessary. After what is about to happen, Applejack will probably wish I would have done that.

Well Twilight gets it in her head that she can help out on the farm somehow. She actually thinks she can push a plow and clear snow! She is either overly enthusiastic, arrogant as hell or wants to get Applejack in bed. I was laughing my ass off when she was trying to push that plow and getting nowhere. I was thinking, "You know Twilight, it would be a lot easier for you to push your horn in me than push that thing so just forget it already."

While Twilight was taking her tomato juice bath Spike mentioned that this could be done quicker with her magic. Well she decides to use a come to life spell on that plow. At first it was going perfectly fine but apparently she forgot how to stop increasing the strength of the spell as that thing was no longer just clearing snow, it was building a huge snowball. Eventually she loses control of the damn thing and smashes into Applejack and Spike, making them part of the snowball. Sorry Twilight, but doing that to Applejack will not get her in bed.

I have taught Twilight a lot but apparently she was distracted when I was teaching her how to properly cast a come to life spell. I remember her staring at my ass during that lesson, daydreaming of the night that would follow so I feel that I owe Applejack an apology. I will apologize to her in a couple weeks when I go down there and see Fluttershy.

Naturally Applejack was pissed. She wasn't pissed because Twilight tried to kill her with a snowball, it was because she dared to use magic as part of this, especially on her farm. Lighten up Applejack, she was only trying to help. She just needs to learn how to control how much power she puts into her spells.

Now Twilight has officially proclaimed herself as a "winter mess up" as she is hiding in a bush. Damn straight she's a winter mess up. The only thing she's ever done good during the winter is keep me warm! Well while she is in a bush crying and whining, everypony else starts arguing. What a surprise! When nothing gets done and you are using outdated methods, arguments are sure to ensue.

Applejack is bitching about the pegasi needing to melt the snow but Fluttershy is whining that the flooding will damage her animal friends' homes. I know there are still animals that need to be woken up but Fluttershy is there bitching instead of doing her job. Well come to find out while everypony else was working their asses off, the mayor was in her office hoofing herself and calling out my name. Unfortunately for the mayor, that's the closest she'll ever get to scoring with me.

Finally the mayor crawls out of her office and starts bitching about how spring will be late again and that they need to be more organized. Well now, Twilight finally realizes she might be useful after all. She goes from wallowing in self-pity in a bush to arrogantly boasting that she was the pony to get them organized. With as much as she had screwed up that day, I was secretly wishing that they would all attack her at once and beat her senseless, but instead they all smiled and realized that little miss hot shit would likely save the day. Fucking bitch anyway, I'm the one who should be saving the day.

Well she did get them organized and got things moving along more efficiently. Yeah multiple bells to wake the animals is a bit more efficient, but still not as efficient as me simply striking the land with lightning that would cause thunder so loud all of them would wake at once. Oh my goodness, they actually decided to plant the seeds as soon as the plow cleared the ground. I am in a state of shock right now. Well now that the ground is cleared, the pegasi can FINALLY clear the damn skies and bring those dipshit birds home. With the help of Amethyst Star, Lyra and a few other unicorns, Rarity was able to get those hideous nests done.

Guess what? Spring arrived on time for the first time in ages in Ponyville. While I really hate to admit it, Twilight was the reason since her organization got their sorry asses in gear. Now it wasn't done nearly as quick as I could have got it done but for a backwater town full of incompetent hacks, it turned out well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know Twilight taking part in winter wrap up was special and shit but I'm still going to punish her for rejecting my invitation. I'm thinking I'll even allow Twinkleshine to join in. She's always wanted to help me punish somepony so the next time Twilight shows up here, Twinkleshine's wish shall come true. Twilight will be at our mercy.

Regarding the winter wrap up here in Canterlot, I took care of it in TEN SECONDS FLAT. Damn I love being an Alicorn! Maybe I should just cast a winter wrap up spell that will cover the whole country. It will save everypony a lot of time and make their lives easier. I just hope their methods for changing other seasons aren't equally bad. Hell I wouldn't be surprised if they spray paint the leaves to start off fall.

Chapter 12: Call of the Cutie

Hello everypony, it is your supreme dictator and overlord Celestia again. You peasants have been behaving for the most part so I will share with you how I saw Call of the Cutie.

For starters, I really need to go and have a talk with Cheerilee. That whore is giving them a lesson on cutie marks. Yep, you heard me right, cutie marks. Isn't that something that parents or other family members should be teaching their foals about? There are much more important things that should be taught in schools such as mathematics, science, history and the emphasis of how I am the greatest, sexiest and most powerful pony in existence. Besides, like we saw, a lesson on cutie marks is useless for the ponies that already have them and pure torture for the ones who haven't got theirs yet. Well things are going to change, not just in Ponyville, but nationwide.

I truly do feel for Apple Bloom. I can't say as though I know how she feels given that natural born Alicorns are already born with their marks but she does seem rather bothered by the fact that she has yet to get her mark. I am currently contemplating a way to punish Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon for the way they treat others. I wonder, what would happen if Diamond Tiara's dad were to lose all his money in a stock market collapse and he had to sell her tiara? Would that little cunt lose her cutie mark? I would do this but causing a market collapse would hurt so many ponies financially so I'll have to figure something else out.

I tell you, Twist is a lot different. She also hasn't got her mark but she doesn't seem fazed by it but she fails to realize that her friend is in no shape for such enthusiasm. If she doesn't want any of your damn treats Twist, don't go trying to push them on her. Besides, I have heard that her treats are made with high fructose corn syrup, and that will rot a pony's teeth quicker than real sugar.

Ugh can't Diamond Bitch and Silver Slut just leave the "blank flanks" alone rather than waltzing around making snide remarks. With the way those two rub their asses together I have come to the conclusion that they do all sorts of things together that fillies should not be doing together. Well once they mature they'll be able to more fully enjoy the fun they have together.

While I commend Applejack on trying to calm her sister down, she needs to realize that Apple Bloom ain't going to listen. She wants her cutie mark and she wants it NOW! Given how desperate she is, if she thought that overthrowing the government would get her her cutie mark, she would do it. Because of this, I have put her on a government watch list and told the royal guard to haul her to Tartarus if she were to try to overthrow my sister and I. I am not going to tell my sister about my fear though. If I did, she would likely go and kill Apple Bloom before anything could happen.

I am sure that many of you know that young children can help out on the farm BUT once that labor is moved off the farm, all the rules change. Despite her being my favorite of Twilight's friends, I will have to punish her this weekend for violating child labor laws. I need the release anyway since Twinkleshine isn't putting out as much as she used to. Besides, Apple Bloom was causing a lot more trouble than anything else. Let's see, she literally forces one pony to buy an apple, she terrorizes another pony into running away and she just starts filling another pony's bags with apples. I don't blame Applejack for not letting her sell apples anymore. She is a shitty businesspony who could single-hoofedly bankrupt the farm if she were allowed to continue helping at the market.

I know Apple Bloom wants her cutie mark badly but what I would like to know is why the hell would she want to go to Diamond Bitch's cute-ceañera anyway. If somepony treated me like shit I sure the hell wouldn't want to go to their fucking party. What, does she think she'll get a cutie mark by going to it? Now if she had plans to take a butcher knife to those two bitches I could understand her wanting to go. Perhaps she is just a glutton for punishment but likes to cry and whine about it. She's not like her sister, that's for sure.

Well she listens to her sister's advice and goes to see if Twist, the other filly without a cutie mark would want to go with her to the party. I don't know why Twist would want to go either. Diamond treats her like shit too. Much to poor Apple Bloom's dismay, Twist got her cutie mark! Oh boy, I have a feeling that a certain blue unicorn is going to be unhappy about this! Well she should look at it this way, the more ponies that eat Twist's sweets and gets cavities will simply give her more business.

This only causes Apple Bloom to fall into despair and here comes Rainbow Dash to try to help her. This is going to be interesting and likely comical. We all know Rainbow got her damn cutie mark in a race but she gives the filly the absolute wrong idea about how to get a mark. Oh yes, just try as much crap as you can in the shortest amount of time you can and you'll get a cutie mark. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Earning a cutie mark involves self-discovery, not just trying any old thing you know nothing about. Hell, Apple Bloom could always go slitting the throats of bitches and assholes, maybe that is her special talent. A bloody butcher knife with a severed head would make for a cool cutie mark too! Maybe not though, what if I was to be one of her targets?

I would really like to know what the hell is up with Pinkie. An "eating cupcakes" cutie mark? So, her special talent is going to be eating sweets, clogging her arteries and digging herself an early grave? Real bright Pinkie. The making cupcakes idea is better, at least she would be doing something productive and sending more ponies Colgate's way.

Well apparently Apple Bloom's special talent is not making cupcakes because she can't make them worth shit. I would love to know how the hell she was able to step on the oven door without burning her hooves. Is that a magical oven where the inside of the door stays cool despite the interior being brutally hot or does Apple Bloom have no feeling in her hooves? If the latter is the case, the Apple's better get her to the doctor ASAP. Well after she forced him to pay four bits for one lousy apple, I doubt Dr. Whooves will want to take her as a patient.

Well, Apple Bloom's quest for her cutie mark is once again fruitless, pardon the pun with her being expected to get a cutie mark that is apple related. I would love to know why Twilight even bothered trying to give her a cutie mark. She should have just been firm with her and said, "look bitch, I can't just give you a cutie mark. You have to EARN it." I suppose I could always go down there and use my Alicorn magic to give her one but the cost would be great for her sister. She would have to come up to Canterlot for a few weeks to pay me for the favor of shutting her sister up.

Apple Bloom really needs to pay attention to her surroundings. She decides she just won't go to the party but she is so upset about Twilight's failure that she goes waltzing into the party unnoticed. It must really suck to be that scatterbrained. I am really surprised that she managed to go unnoticed for as long as she did once she got to the party. The places she tried to hide were not exactly the best places. I know this is completely off point but that must have been an enchanted cake given that Snails could eat a majority of it and it remains standing. I think he is a fucking idiot but I am glad that he ate most of it. I would rather see a total moron get most of the cake than a complete bitch that needs to be beat senseless get it.

What I would like to know is why the hell did so many adult ponies showed up to this party. You'd think half the fucking town showed up. Well I guess in backwater towns any event is open to all. I have heard rumors that in some of the small communities that when a pony dies, every idiot and his dog goes to the funeral, whether they gave a fuck about the dead pony or not. IF I were mortal, I would only want a small graveside service but I don't have to worry about that being an Alicorn. Now if it were going to be a ceremony where Diamond Bitch got hung or beheaded, I bet everypony would be there for an epic celebration. Hell Luna and I would show up for that because public executions always have the best post ceremony celebrations.

Well Apple Bloom tries to make her escape but Applejack just has to come and ruin her plans. What is even worse is that she thought the rich bitches were her friends. I would think Applejack would know that her sister would never be friends with such lowly trash. While those two may be rich now, I'm guessing they'll wind up being prostitutes in Fillydelphia or some other big city someday. That's how the rich ones usually turn out because daddy always cuts them off once they grow up and they aren't smart enough to get real jobs.

Now I don't get what the hell Apple Bloom was thinking when she tied a tablecloth around herself so the FPE (Future Prostitutes of Equestria) wouldn't see her blank flank. I think she was incredibly stupid to lie to the two in saying she had a cutie mark. What was she supposed to do, wear something over her flank until she finally gets her mark. Please don't tell Applejack but I am quickly coming to the conclusion that her sister is an idiot. This was proven when she heads off to "mingle" and gets caught in her new "dress" and rips it off, exposing her blank flank for all to see.

Well her pathetic lie was exposed and of course the FPE fillies go and mock her. In come Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo to defend her. Now here is another EPIC FUCK UP on the part of the writers. They have it appear as though this is the first time that Apple Bloom has met her new friends. However, those three were cowering in fear together when my sister came back from the moon. I'm sure I'm not the only one that noticed that. But the good thing is that the two new adorable fillies took the attention away from Diamond Bitch and had everyone paying attention to Apple Bloom. Yes Apple Bloom was being an idiot towards the end but I'm glad to see she stole the party.

Ok, now those three have become friends and are starting to plan illegal activities. They are going to start a SECRET SOCIETY! Oh if they start something like the Illuminati that I've read about in Lyra's human books I will have to banish them to the moon. To make things fun, I'll banish one to the moon, I'll have Luna banish one to the sun and the third I will banish to Tartarus. That will teach them to try to form shadowy groups hell bent on removing me from power.

Twilight's letter was rather boring. So one of the youngest serfs learned a good lesson in friendship, so what? She needs to get her ass up here and make me happy since she obviously didn't learn anything. Now if you peons will excuse me, I have a new secret society I have to defuse. If they are like other secret societies, they could cause a lot of problems for me.

Chapter 13: Fall Weather Friends

Hello everypony, it is your beloved Supreme Dictator Celestia again and do I have a treat for you, Fall Weather Friends as I saw it.

One thing I would like to know is what the hell is up with the weather in Ponyville? Just two weeks ago they were wrapping up winter and now here it is fall. I am surprised that they are able to produce any food down there at all. I am thinking it is time to fire the pegasi that control the weather down there and simply hire a unicorn mage to handle the weather there. Of course the big problem with that is that they would need to be trained and the last time unicorn mages were trained to handle the weather was when Starswirl the Bearded was alive. However, if it means having normal seasons across Equestria, I'm up for training them. The pensions we have to pay those pegasi are bankrupting the country anyway.

I tell you, watching Applejack and Rainbow compete is always quite entertaining given their competitive nature. Of course both of them think they are the best at everything which is rather annoying because everypony knows that I am the best at everything! When it comes to horseshoes between those two, Applejack proves that she is better. Well come on, everypony already knew that. Watching Rainbow sulk and act like a whiny bitch over losing is hilarious. If she weren't such a tomboy, I would fly down there and make her feel better, but once I got there I know either Fluttershy or Twilight would wind up seducing me. Besides, those two are so much sexier than Rainbow, especially Fluttershy.

Alright you two, I get it. The horseshoes competition isn't enough. You have to prove who is the overall better athlete by setting up all sorts of competitions, an Iron Pony competition. I am so thankful that I have this telescope to monitor Ponyville. After all, how could I not keep my eyes on the oh so sexy Fluttershy and Twilight. Today however, I shall keep it on the two most competitive ponies out there.

I'm going to be honest with all of you, I have a feeling that this competition will turn nasty early, perhaps in the beginning. I say this because while both are extremely competitive, Rainbow is much more likely to cheat. After all, Applejack is the element of honesty, so she would never cheat.

I was shocked to see that after the first ten events, that they were even at five a piece but what shocked me even more was that Rainbow hadn't tried to cheat yet. But of course that would change all too soon when Rainbow realized that the upcoming events would favor Applejack. I really don't know why they didn't disqualify Rainbow after she started using her wing power to win these events. This is why when those two agreed to this "Iron Pony" competition, they should have drawn up an agreement that Rainbow is not allowed to use her wings in any of these events. Of course the overly trusting Applejack never thought of this and Twilight, the judge, was probably fantasizing over her next visit to see me to think about it.

Well event number twenty comes along and Applejack's chances to win had already been eradicated long ago but she wasn't going to give up. I am guessing that had Rainbow been the one in that situation, the moment Applejack had victory number eleven she would have thrown a fit and quit like the spoiled brat that she is. Well it looks like Applejack was going to come out on top when Rainbow, being the cheating bitch that she is, just had to use her wings. It is a good thing that Luna did not see Rainbow get away with all this cheating. She would have flown down there and banished her sorry ass to Tartarus. Hell she probably would have banished Twilight to the sun for not disqualifying Rainbow, you know how highly Luna thinks of the Apple Family and earth ponies in general.

Well Rainbow's cheating ass winds up winning and of course all the pegasi are wanting to eat her pussy. Yes she is one of their kind but did they not see what a disgrace she is, what a cheating bitch she is? Now they shall compete in The Running of the Leaves. I am glad to see that Rainbow is agreeing to a condition that she is not allowed to use her wings. I do have a bad feeling though that she will find one way or another to cheat. You know how she is when she loses. She is worse than a spoiled rich brat not getting what it wants, ugh it makes me want to vomit.

The day has come, the day to shake those leaves off the trees has finally arrived. This is another inconvenience that Luna and I forced upon the ponies of this land when we decided we wanted to control every aspect of life in this country. I wonder how many ponies even know that the sun and moon used to move on their own, that pegasi were not needed to control the weather and that the leaves used to fall off the trees on their own? I am guessing that there are very few that do.

I have come to the conclusion that Spike is an attention whore. First he had to do the announcing for the Iron Pony competition, which really didn't need any commentary. He could have just summed it up at the end and said, "Rainbow's a cheating, knifing bitch" and it would have been sufficient. Now he wants to do the commentary for The Running of the Leaves. One thing he seems to forget is that he has no way to actually watch the whole race. Well it looks like that problem will soon be solved as Pinkie decides to be the element of generosity and offer Spike a job as a co-reporter. I truly feel for all the ponies that have to listen to that commentary. Pinkie is a bad enough reporter but throwing Spike in the mix will only make matters worse.

Well here comes Applejack and the Iron Phony, as Applejack calls her. I am so glad that Rainbow said that she could win with her wings tied behind her back because this caused Applejack to do that to Rainbow. Now the race will at least have a chance of being fair but what will happen next will shock not just me, but the overly competitive ponies as well.

Well my mind is officially blown. Twilight decides to be a late entry into the race. Yep, the oh so sexy Twily has decided to give it a go. I know she is down there to learn but I didn't expect her to take part in events that she has absolutely no chance of doing well in. Hopefully she won't wear herself out by taking part in this. I don't want her to be overly fatigued when we spend some time together this weekend, after all, she is so much more fun when she is feisty and full of energy. If she is dead tired it won't be any fun. Besides, who wants to screw someone who is just laying there. I was reading one of Lyra's human books and in there it said something about that scenario being called a "dead fuck." Who the hell wants to fuck something dead or something that resembles something dead? Not me, that's for sure.

Well the race actually started off rather boring. I was hoping that Applejack and Rainbow would have started trying to trip one another right at the very start. What I would like to know is why the hell don't they clear the path of obstacles before holding this race? Not everypony is going to run with their heads down. I mention this because Applejack trips over a rock. I find it hilarious how she thinks Rainbow tripped her. Of course rather than continuing on, my little Twily stops to try and reason with her. Oh well, I don't care if Twilight finishes dead last. As long as she can "perform her duties" this weekend, I will be happy.

What at first looked like was going to be a boring race might actually be worth watching after all, and not just because I get to see Twilight's ass shake as she runs either. Applejack has caught up with Rainbow and has now taken the lead! Just like Applejack, Rainbow trips over something, a tree stump. What I would like to know is why the hell they would not rip up a tree stump, especially with it being in the middle of the path. It is a good thing Rainbow did not hurt herself because had she done so, she could have sued me since this is a government sanctioned event. Don't worry everypony, next year I will make sure that the path is clear of all debris before allowing the race to start.

I swear, Twilight must not be all that bright despite having claimed to read numerous books on the subject of racing. If she had an ounce of brains, she would have just kept running instead of stopping to talk to Rainbow. I want her to still be well rested for our tryst this weekend but I don't think she needs to stop entirely to check on another runner, especially Rainbow. She can take care of herself.

So now Rainbow thinks the time has come to change the rules despite my Twily telling her that Applejack did not trip her does she? Now this is going to turn into the fun race that I devoted some of my time to watch.

Now the cheating has begun as Rainbow pulls a tree branch back to where it would smack Applejack and knock her to the ground. Alright, that's it. I'm flying to the finish line and after this race is done, I'm going to punish Rainbow one way or another over this. It is a good thing Luna didn't see this or Rainbow would be dead within the hour.

Alright, back to where I was. Some ponies say that Applejack isn't that bright because she is a farm pony, well she proved that wrong. I don't know how she did it, but she flung herself forward with that tree branch and soared past the cheater. Now this is more like it. I know Applejack is the element of honesty but this scenario warrants the measures she is using. Yes it is technically cheating but I don't care. Any advantage she can get will be fine in my eyes.

Now what Applejack does next really defeats the purpose. I would think she would know that those bees from that hive she kicked down would chase after Rainbow, causing her to run faster. Well now Rainbow has a sizable lead and has hid from the bees. Yeah it pisses me off that she does this but it is brilliant. She changes the direction that the arrow on the sign is pointing and hides. Of course Applejack follows the sign even though it leads her to where there are no trees. Ugh I wanted to go and bitch slap Rainbow when she did this. I would have to say that out of Twilight's friends, she is my least favorite. She is a loudmouth and she is a narcissistic bitch.

Yes I know what Applejack does next is cheating as well but hey, why not? Getting a lift with Pinkie and Spike seems fine to me. Rainbow cheated and to me, this is where two wrongs make a right. What I would like to know is why the hell there are buckets full of some sticky liquid attached to the trees along the race's path. Well Applejack kicks one of these buckets over onto the path and Rainbow gets stuck in this shit. What really surprises me is that none of the other racers got caught in it. Well Rainbow uses the stuff to her advantage and soars past Applejack.

Of course this gave Applejack her own forward momentum but eventually the two crashed into a cliff. I love Twilight's comment as she runs past them, "Forgive me, girls. I know I'm not an athlete, but shouldn't the Running of the Leaves actually involve running?"

Well the two finally realize this and decide to actually run! Now their tactics will change from trickery to using force in their attempts. I love the tail biting! Unfortunately Applejack winds up untying the rope holding Rainbow's wings down. Now that bitch decides she will just fly. I suppose she figures that since she won't win the traditional way, she'll just win by flying. This is where Luna's favorite of Twilight's friends truly shines. How the hell she jumps so high she can tackle Rainbow is beyond me. By this time I was already hiding in the bushes watching those two wrestle one another towards the finish line.

Finally those two cross the line and they think they won, but they were wrong. Pinkie lets them know they tied for LAST! While the looks on their face were priceless, what was really priceless was my sexy little Twily approaching them with a medal around her neck. I'm so proud! I might even let her dominate me this weekend I'm so proud of her.

Well I was thinking that until she admitted to only taking fifth. While I am happy that she finished far up enough that she won a medal, I am now wondering why in the hell they would give a medal to a pony who only takes fifth? What the hell is that thing made of, spray painted aluminum? I remember the good old days when you had to finish in the top three to win a medal. Oh well, at least Twilight will have something to hang in her bedroom that says, "Look at me, I'm hot shit now! I'll beat anypony in a race!" Twilight very well could have taken first had she not stopped to talk to Applejack and Rainbow when they tripped. Let that be a lesson to everypony, NEVER stop in the middle of a race unless you break your leg or have a heart attack.

Well Applejack and Rainbow are at a loss as to how Twilight beat them. Twilight, in her "I'm hot shit" voice lets her friends know that it was by pacing herself, something she learned about in books, is how she beat them. I suppose her nerdy ways actually helped her out in an athletic competition, which I didn't expect.

Well I finally decide to make my presence known and I loved seeing all those ponies bow down to me. That's right bitches! You better bow down to your Supreme Dictator if you know what's good for you. Now for the poor sports, I notify them that because of their idiotic behavior that they didn't do their job. What was said in the show was edited. What I really said to them was, "Look bitches, because of your fucking horseplay and cheating, the damn leaves didn't get knocked off. Now go clear those trees of their leaves OR ELSE!"

What they took from the "or else" part I'm not sure but I personally don't give a shit. What matters is that they clear the trees of those leaves.

Now for what happened after the show. I was so proud of Twilight that I took her up to Canterlot and locked us in my sleeping chambers. I certainly kept her busy and despite having to listen to us squeal and moan for six days straight, Luna enjoyed taking on my responsibilities. Yeah she nearly started a war with Saddle Arabia over a trade agreement but in the end they backed down and caved in when she banished one of their diplomats to the sun.

Note to self: Do not let Luna handle trade negotiations on her own from now on.

Chapter 14: Suited For Success

Hello my beloved serfs, this is your supreme dictator Celestia and have I got a surprise for you, my views of "Suited for Success."

Ok, I have decided that Rarity is a slave driver. Opal simply meows a bit and suddenly she thinks she wants to help so she puts a pincushion in her mouth. What a bitch, Opal meows in disapproval and Rarity thinks she wants to help her more. I am seriously thinking I need to contact animal welfare. I'm sure they would find a new home for her where she wouldn't be used as slave labor. Maybe I'll give Fluttershy the honor of caring for her since she is the only one Opal likes, but it will come at a price. She must let Opal kill and eat Angel while becoming my sex slave. She is the sexiest of Twilight's friends after all.

Luckily for Opal but unfortunately for Fluttershy, Rarity made her stop helping her but she seems to be in a bad mood and this is evident when Twilight and Applejack came to visit her. I can see why Rarity would get pissed but what should have pissed her off more was what Twilight wanted, which unfortunately for her was not to get laid. She wanted her to fix a button on some ugly ass dress, and I mean an incredibly ugly ass dress. That thing looks more like something a 100 year old aristocrat would be buried in. Good thing for Twilight Rarity offers to make her a new dress. Of course at first my sexy little student declines her offer but eventually accepts it, as does Applejack and the rest of her friends.

Now Rarity has one, two, three, four, five and one for herself, six unique dresses just like that. Now for the big question, will they all be slutty outfits that will guarantee getting laid or will they be something more appropriate. Knowing Applejack though, she would definitely turn down something too promiscuous as would the rest of her friends so I suppose she only has one slutty outfit to make, her own. Now Rarity breaks into song and starts work on the outfits.

Well eventually she gets the dresses done and my goodness, they look spectacular. They look so good that even Opal likes them and we all know that if Opal finds something good, then it has to be good. What frustrates me though is that when Rarity shows her friends the outfits she worked so hard on they seem hardly impressed. Well I suppose Rarity can't win them all so she gets to work on new outfits, one that her friends will dictate how they want them as they are being made. The results of this can only lead to disaster, and they would be much more disastrous than simply being an eyesore.

Well the new dresses are done and Rarity's friends love them. Sweet mother of Faust, those things are beyond hideous. They are so bad that Opal is hissing at them. I would never tell her friends that but those things need to be burned and the ashes be banished to Tartarus. Now the absolute worst possible thing is about to happen. I don't know how he found him but Spike told Hoity Toity about the fashion show they had planned. I'm guessing that Spike was hoping he could get Rarity in bed but with what was about to happen, Rarity probably wished that she had the ability to banish others to the moon and send Spike there for all eternity.

Now fashion shows are normal up here in Canterlot, but in backwater towns like Ponyville they are treated like they are better than the zapapple jam festival. Why that is I don't know but I'll tell you one thing, you wouldn't catch me at one as they are boring as hell. Once the snobby Hoity Toity arrives Spike starts things off thinking this is going to be Rarity's rise to being the best fashionista ever, instead the opposite happens. My Twily and her friends come out in those hideous outfits, it is no wonder the fashion snob made fun of those amateurous designs and of course Rarity's reputation has now went down the toilet. Real nice Spike, Rarity is a laughingstock and your chances of ever scoring with her have plunged to ZERO.

Now poor Rarity is devastated. I'm thinking, should I pay her a visit and comfort her in her time of need or not? Despite not having got any in a week, I think I will restrain myself and leave her alone, for now anyway. If I were in that situation, I wouldn't want anypony bothering me either. Several days pass and Rarity is now contemplating going into exile. I'm thinking, I could always invite her to move to my sleeping chambers for exile, once she is out of this funk anyway because she won't be any fun if she is still devastated over this.

Well Rarity's friends hear her crying and talking about going into exile and decide that something must be done to get her back to her normal self so they finish the dress she had started on for herself. Today I learned something new, I learned that Fluttershy has a good amount of knowledge when it comes to sewing. Perhaps I should invite her up to the palace to sew together new curtains. After all, the ones in my bedroom are becoming rather tattered and after she finishes that, the two of us would have more privacy and sexy times would ensue!

They finish the dress but getting Rarity out to see it will not take much. Despite Opal despising her, Rarity hears her beloved cat meowing out in a tree and rushes out to save her. Low and behold Rainbow has stranded her in a tree. Now in most instances this would qualify as animal abuse which is a serious felony that could result in execution, but I'll go easy on her since Opal wound up being safe and Rarity headed out to see her new dress.

Oh no, despite her friends working so hard on the damn thing she doesn't like it! What's it going to take for her to like it, Fluttershy hauling her over to her cottage and having some fun? Well as it turns out she loves it! Good, now maybe she will quit complaining but there is still one problem, she is still a laughing stock down in Ponyville, well until Spike convinces Hoity Toity to go back down there for a second fashion show.

Ugh, why did they have to hold this one inside? They should have held it outdoors so the town could see that she isn't an incompetent dressmaker. I wanted to see this up close but I didn't feel like teleporting down there. I could see some from through one of the windows so it isn't a total loss. Well it turns out Hoity Toity loved the original designs and now wants Rarity to make a ton of them for some fashion outfit of his or something like that. Well eventually Rarity became respectable again. Damn it any way, I was hoping she would come into exile in my sleeping chambers and despite that hideous tail of hers, become my full-time sex slave.

Ok Twilight, I get it. You learned that you should be happy when somepony works their ass off to make you a gift, too bad you didn't learn that when Applejack offered you all that food when I only gave you two tickets to the Gala. You want to know what you didn't learn? You didn't learn that you should not keep your master waiting. You are three hours late and you know how much I hate tardiness. So tonight, while Fluttershy and Rarity are getting it on, I shall pay Twilight a little visit. Spike can spend some time on the farm and let's just say the whole town will hear me "punishing" my little Twily.

That is all for now you peons, I have a sexy lavender student to go and punish. I'll be damned if I'm late for that so be gone with you!

Chapter 15: Feeling Pinkie Keen

Hello everypony, once again it is your beloved dictator, the Supreme Goddess Celestia, the sexiest, sweetest and most powerful pony in existence. You all have been very good and Twinkleshine gave me the night of my life last night so I'm in an extremely good mood. I shall share with you my views on Feeling Pinkie Keen.

Well it is another glorious day in Ponyville. You know, I sometimes wonder how they keep everything green down there given the lack of precipitation they receive. Ok, enough about the arid conditions down there, I promised to tell you about this episode and I'm going to. Well now, Spike and Twilight are practicing magic. Wait a minute, for Twilight's magic to work Spike has to be looking at her and giving her his undecided attention? I've never heard of magic like that but it must be horribly useless with that being the case.

Ugh watching her do this is so damn boring but suddenly something distracts the two. Pinkie Pie, one of those ponies I will not let in my chambers, is acting very strangely. Now why in Equestria is she hiding under stuff. Does she know of my abilities and does not want me watching her? Well hiding in bushes ain't going to work Pinkie, it'll take a lot more than that to escape my eyes.

Twitchy, twitch, twitch. Now why is that pony's tail twitching? Maybe it is her going into heat. Well if it is, I'm sure Rainbow will gladly please her given those two seem to be pretty close. Well it ain't her going into heat, it is some sort of weird sense of her's claiming that something is going to fall out of the sky. Now whether I believe this or not I'm sure. After all, Fluttershy is flying right over head carrying a bunch of frogs and one just so happens to fall on Twilight's face.

Ok, now before I continue on I must go on a little rant. Once again Fluttershy is proving that she cares about the animals down there a whole lot more than she cares about me. Guess what, I'm going to sterilize half the frog population over this AND drag her by the tail up here to Canterlot and punish her for a few days.

Now Pinkie is going off about this "Pinkie Sense" thing and naturally Twilight finds it ridiculous. I guess that comes from me. I told her not to believe anything that can not be explained, that she is to think rationally at all times. Ok so that moment is over and Pinkie runs off to cause somepony else some grief but once Twilight forces her little slave back into magic practice Pinkie comes along again with the twitchy tail. So something else is going to fall. Just look at the sky, it is clear and nopony is carrying anything above you so nothing is going to happen, I promise!

Well it looks like I was wrong, in her arrogance and bloviating about how great she is, she failed to watch where she was going and fell in a ditch. I wonder, perhaps there is something to this whole Pinkie Sense thing. Maybe she gets special senses that predict when I'm going to get laid and which mare will grace me with her presence. Thankfully for Twilight, Pinkie runs off again. Now Applejack comes along and finds out Pinkie predicted Twilight falling into a ditch. Like I've said before, I respect Applejack a lot but the disaster pony and her twitching tail have left. There is no need to go freaking out.

Ugh again she comes back and has flopping ears. I think somepony needs to put a muzzle on her, tie her tail down and glue her ears down. Uh oh, from what Pinkie's saying somepony's going to get a bath! Note to Twilight: Don't go standing next to mud puddles, especially when there is traffic coming. Now had I been down there to take that bath with Twilight, it would have been perfect!

Yeah, yeah, yeah Pinkie, we get it. You have all sorts of different involuntary body movements for various things. Wait a minute, there is an alligator in the tub with my Twilight? You better be glad that dumb thing is toothless. Had it bit Twilight or even worse killed her, you would have been fed to Cerberus. However, I am still upset that something scared Twilight and I wasn't able to get down there to calm her down. Great, just great. Now I have realized that Twilight can calm down on her own. Oh well, Fluttershy still needs me to calm her down every now and then!

Now Twilight gets an idea. She is going to haul Pinkie down into some sort of torture chamber in her basement that I never knew about. I never knew my Twily had a dark side like that, I'm so proud! Wait, it is just some boring science lab that she does dumb experiments in when she can't get laid. Anyway, she hooks Pinkie up to some sort of mind reading device wanting to see what happens when she gets one of her predictions coming.

Guess what Twilight, she is locked down in your basement of boredom so nothing is going to fall on her, no alligators in tubs will be present or anything else. The only sensation she gets is hunger. Speaking of hunger, I'm going to get a slice of cake during the next commercial break, that sounds really tasty right now.

Now don't be so bitchy Twilight, so nothing happened when you had your mind reader hooked up to Pinkie but guess what, you're about to experience the Pinkie Sense wrath. Pinkie predicts a door's going to open and it does, smashing Twilight behind it. Oh and just so you know Twilight, Spike and Pinkie did not concoct some sort of plan to squish you up against the door. Damn, you're getting overly paranoid. I guess frustration will do that to a pony. Don't worry, I'll fix that after the episode is over.

Now Twilight is losing it. She honestly thinks that spying on Pinkie is going to reveal the secrets behind Pinkies's strange ability. One thing Twilight does not know is that stalking is against the law and I know exactly how to punish her. I will hog tie her and force her to watch me, Fluttershy and Rarity engage in a hot, raunchy threesome while she won't get any! That will teach her to obey the law!

Alright, an itchy nose. Perhaps Pinkie is simply reacting to some pollen that she is allergic to or could it be something else. Well she's hiding under something so it certainly isn't a mere allergy. Pinkie is a hell of a lot smarter than I thought and my "star student" shows she ain't all that bright. Her loudness attracts a swarm of bees and she gets stung multiple times. That's what she gets for thinking that she is little miss hot shit. With her stings covered in band-aids she continues her espionage. I can't wait to see what happens next, hopefully it will be something funny.

Now Pinkie is predicting an opening door again. Now where in Equestria is a door going to open, well near her anyway. Little miss hot shit decides to leave the safety of her bush and stands by the barn door boasting that there is nothing to worry about. While the barn door ain't going to happen, nopony ever said a door in the ground wasn't going to open up. My little student crashes into Applejack's new apple cellar. Maybe Pinkie's tail should have twitched instead since she did fall.

Well despite her injuries Twilight is back to spying on Pinkie in a bush again, in a device holding her front hooves up. Well now things are really going to get interesting. Pinkie's tail is twitching again and Spike nearly gives their presence away. In this case he was right, something was going to fall and it wouldn't be good. Let's see, a flowerpot, an anvil, a cart of hay and a piano all crash onto my student. Wait a minute, is this My Little Pony or Loony Tunes? I'll tell you one thing, if Twilight died because of that shit falling on her, those moving ponies are going to die.

Luckily she didn't die but sadly she didn't heal up in one second like that coyote does that tries to eat the roadrunner all the time. Applejack is hauling more apples to her cellar and it is discovered that Pinkie has known all about her stalker. While Twilight has been busy breaking the law all day, failure to report somepony breaking the law is a crime as well. How will I punish her? I plan on hauling her to Canterlot, throwing her in the dungeon for a week and forbid her from eating any sweets. Next time Pinkie will report crimes when she sees them!

I find it hilarious how Twilight is all bandaged and looks horrid as she yells at Pinkie. While I have seen Twilight in a bitchy mood before, this time it was so bad that I had to look away. Seeing her in that foul of a mood is a major turnoff. Now Pinkie's whole body is shaking. Either she's cold as hell or that is the prediction for Rarity and Fluttershy are going to have fun with me. So it's gonna be a doozy at Froggy Bottom Bog? Well that isn't the sign for me having fun with those two hotties because I will not go to that Faust-forsaken place. I would rather spend a week in Tartarus than go there.

Shit, now they think something is going to happen to Fluttershy. I hope not, she is the hottest and sexiest pony besides me out there. Ok, I have come to the conclusion that Pinkie and Spike are fucking morons. Ponies don't just explode and they sure the hell don't explode and then explode again. Now I am questioning the intelligence of the dragon that laid the egg that Spike was in. She was probably a dumb whore that took drugs before laying his egg. No wonder she abandoned him and it was her drug use that probably caused him to never develop wings as well.

Finally they get to that swamp and Fluttershy is perfectly fine! Yay! My sexiest lover will be joining me and Rarity tonight! Well my arrogant little student goes boasting about how she was right. I know I taught her to think she's the best (except for me) but when that stench arrived she should have known something was wrong. Well to come out there is a hydra living in that swamp. Here I am the ruler of Equestria and even I didn't know one of those things lived in my domain.

Well it's time to go everypony unless you want to be hydra food. How stupid is Pinkie, she just stands there shaking in terror watching the thing approach them. She's worse than those two moron colts that woke up the Ursa. At least they had the brains to run when they saw they may become some beast's next meal. Well Twilight gets her ass in gear and saves Pinkie and then saves Spike when he got stuck in the swamp.

Now what is about to happen is surprising yet disappointing at the same time. They reach a chasm with tall rocks. Fluttershy gets there and realizes they need to cross. Good news, she knew it was a hop, skip and a jump....well several of them to cross but the bad thing is that she could have just flown across, she is a pegasus after all. All of them get across except for Twilight who is trying to be a show off. Yeah they didn't think they would all make it with as close as it was getting but she could have teleported across, I did teach her how to teleport more than three feet after all.

I must say that I am shocked that Twilight's sudden desire to act like a cocky, arrogant pegasus didn't result in her death. Yeah in the end it made her jump much harder and had she not been saved by a bubble rising from the swamp, she would have fallen to an early death. I'm going to let you in on something, the reason that bubble was able to throw her back up and to safety is because I created it from afar. I was not about to see my star student die like that because we do need a bearer of the element of magic after all. If any of the other unicorns up here had even a tenth of her knowledge in magic, they would have sufficed but that is not the case so I had to save her....besides, she is so sexy!

Ok, the hydra is no longer a threat and Pinkie is still shaking. What, does she think I'll just take all of them including Spike in my chambers? Well that ain't happening so her shaking is for something else. Now I personally think she has completely lost it but Twilight finally decides to accept Pinkie Sense after nearly burning herself up and the shaking stops. The hydra wasn't the doozy but Twilight accepting Pinkie Sense was? I have one word to describe that, BORING!

Yeah, yeah, yeah Twilight. I get it, now you've understood to not say something is wrong or stupid just because you can't see it. You may have learned to not question a friend's weird abilities but you still have not learned what happens to ponies who stalk others, yet.

After the episode was over I gathered Fluttershy, Rarity and Twilight and we all headed up to Canterlot and proceeded to my sleeping chambers. I tied Twilight to a column in my room and as promised, I forced her to watch Fluttershy, Rarity and I make hot, raunchy, kinky love all night long! Yeah she didn't like it but oh well. I told her that if she had not broke the law this would have been a foursome.

Now leave me alone you commoners, I had a very exhausting night and it is time for breakfast in bed.

Chapter 16: Sonic Rainboom

Hello everypony, it is you beloved dictator Celestia and since none of you have led any protests over my new laws so I have decided to share with you my synopsis of "Sonic Rainboom."

Another lovely day has arrived down in Ponyville and there is my oh so sexy Fluttershy doing something with Rainbow Crash. What I would like to know is why is she spending any time with her? It's not like anything she would ever do would be worthwhile to start with. Ok, Rainbow is practicing some dumb routine for the young flyers competition and Fluttershy is basically there for moral support, cheering her on. What's that Crashie? You are upset because she is saying "yay" instead of going completely nuts over you? Go and find Scootaloo, I'm sure she'll give you the adoration you certainly don't need.

Alright, now she's working on her routine. I am watching this and I can't help but think BORING! Nothing she is doing is worth my time but hey, I promised all of you I would give you my synopsis of this so I'll endure her lackluster antics and keep on watching. The weaving between the trees and making the clouds spin is nothing special. Hell I'm betting that any pegasus that can fly could do that but get this. Little miss bitch has decided that she is going to try and do a sonic rainboom. Yeah Crash, I'm real sure you'll be able to do it, NOT! Now I wait for her to grind to a stand still and for the bow shock to throw her Faust only knows how far away.

Enough with Crashie, Twilight, Pinkie and Rarity are in the library doing something. Luckily for me I can see through that window and luckily they aren't filming a porno because I would be angry if Twilight put herself out on film like that. You know how embarrassing it would be if everypony learned that one of MY students, especially my protege, was training to be a porn star? It could really damage my reputation. It might damage it so much that parents may not want to send their fillies to my school anymore! They might see if Luna would educate them instead and that would not be a good thing.

For what they are doing, they are re-shelving books. Wow, I'm shocked that my Twily would allow anypony to assist her in that. Now for the funny thing, just as those three finished getting that tedious task done, Rainbow comes crashing in through that window and the library is a mess, again. Poor little Twily, she is so distraught now! You know what that means, it means that I'll have to go down there tonight and make her feel all better! Thank you Rainbow, I was getting a bit needy anyway.

Now to make things even better, Fluttershy has landed in the window sill to see if Crash is ok. Woo-hoo, I always love staring at her sexy flank! Alright, so now they all know that Rainbow is practicing doing a sonic rainboom for this competition and Pinkie is acting like it is all that and then some. Oh Pinkie, she thinks she's never seen a rainboom before. I don't want to give away too much of what might happen in a later episode but I have a feeling she may be mistaken here.

Oh yes, and despite fucking up royally, Rainbow is bragging about how she is the best flyer to ever come out of Cloudsdale and is claiming that she could do those rainbooms in her sleep. Bullshit bitch, you couldn't even do one while you were wide awake! Just admit it to your friends that you are a mediocre flyer at best and that your arrogance is how you keep yourself from falling into a deep depression. Had I not had a cake being delivered to me, I would have flew down there, smacked Rainbow, told her she is a fucking idiot and then hauled Fluttershy and Twilight up here and had some fun.

Well now Rainbow has flown home to hoof herself while Fluttershy is telling her friends that Rainbow is an arrogant, conceited bitch who can't fly worth shit and should just give this up. (Well in the unedited version anyway) Now Fluttershy has left and of course you all know the animators can't show were she went to! If you guessed she came up to join me for some cake in my sleeping chambers, you are right. We had cake and then we had each other for dessert!

Yes I'm having fun but I also can't help but wonder why the hell Rarity suddenly wants to get in Rainbow's coat. She is demanding that my Twily find a spell to get them into Cloudsdale. I really didn't think Rarity was into racing but I guess even I learn new things every now and then. Well Twilight decides to cast a spell on Rarity to give her wings and it works. That is all good for her but ugh, those wings are hideous. I thought that Twilight would be gifted enough to give her real wings that would be permanent. I didn't know that she only had enough ability to give her fake ass, temporary wings. Hell I'm betting that even Trixie could pull that off.

I'm going to let you in on something, while it looked like everypony headed up to Cloudsdale immediately, it wasn't until the following morning. After all, Fluttershy did not just have a quickie since she flew up to Cloudsdale with Rainbow. Now for what really pisses me off, the moment they get up there, three undesirables wind up approaching them and making fun of the least favorite of Twilight's friends. Hey, I don't particularly care for Rainbow but I certainly do not like bullies. Those three have been on my shit list since they were colts and I'm hoping they'll do something one day that would warrant a public execution! For now though, I must resist my urge to kill.

Now Rarity has arrived with those fake wings of hers. Look at her, acting like she is hot shit and all that. Ugh, I know I enjoy dragging her into my sleeping chambers sometimes but I certainly will not do that as long as she has those grotesque wings. I would think she would consider it a crime against fashion but since she can fly now, she loves them. They may not be a crime against fashion but they are an insult to real wings everywhere, especially mine.

Now Twilight is a smart pony as you all know but another thing troubles me, she is lazy. Yep you heard me, lazy. Get this, doing that wing spell on Rarity was so hard on the poor thing that for the rest of her friends and herself, she just cast an easier spell that would allow them to walk on clouds. She is pathetic, truly pathetic. That isn't a matter of a spell being too difficult, it is a matter of her being a lazy bum. Hell I wonder if that is any indication of how she is going to be in the bedroom tonight? You know what, screw it! I'll just have a solo session with Fluttershy.

Now that they have arrived and thanks to Twilight's spell, the non-pegasi can walk on clouds. Wouldn't you know it, the second Rarity gets there she starts being an attention whore, well worse than she already is. A very carefully placed mirror has drawn her attention and of course she can't stop adoring herself and her new wings. Get over yourself Rarity, I know you think you're hot but even among your circle of friends, you only rank third. Oh well, it ain't only her who is in love with her wings, the construction pegasi seem to think they are wonderful too. I don't care what they think though because it doesn't affect me any.

Now my sexy Fluttershy and her ugly, narcissistic friend have decided to give everypony a tour of Cloudsdale. I can understand why they'd find it fascinating given that this will likely be their only chance to look around but still, I think Twily will still find my bed more entertaining. Regarding Applejack though, since she is a farmer I can see why she would be interested. Oh and memo to Pinkie Pie: Rainbows are not exactly meant to be consumed. I tried one once and yuck! After that I decided I would never try tasting things from the weather factory ever again.

I swear, those Cloudsdale ponies must be idiots. It seems like everywhere Rarity goes, everypony can't stop looking at her wings. Even those undesirables are impressed with them. I have a suggestion, since they love Rarity's wings so much that even one of them wants a pair, maybe I should make that desire come true. What I would do is cut their wings off, find a spell to give them permanent fake wings and they can fly around like delicate flowers from now on. I'm sure then those bullies would be bullied by the REAL pegasi and guess what, I would turn the other cheek and laugh.

Oh great, somepony has suggested that Rarity enter the competition and that is exactly what she does. You know something, I honestly thought Rarity wanted to get Rainbow in bed the way she wanted to attend this event but now she is in it for her own selfish desires. What a bitch! Hey I'm not a fan of Rainbow but I actually feel bad for her. I'm pretty sure with Rarity in the competition, her wings will impress the judges so much that she'll likely win.

Speaking of the judges, guess who they are, the Wonderbolts. So now Rainbow is all giddy that her heroes are going to be determining the winner of this. Soon though her joy of trying to impress her heroes becomes extreme paranoia over Rarity and her wings. She gets so nervous that she even starts switching numbers so that she won't have to go out there right away. Guess what Crashie, you'll have to go out there eventually. Speaking of switching positions, Rarity has decided to let other ponies go ahead of her so that she can make herself look perfect. Let me guess, she's going to go out there with her face caked in makeup and be donning some very slutty outfit.

Finally it is performance time and here comes Rainbow, nervous as hell and here comes Rarity. Ugh, gag me with a spoon! She may not be in a slutty outfit but her face is downright repulsive. I have never seen anything uglier in my life! A little mascara is ok but tons of it, lipstick and doubling the false eyelashes is going way too far. I don't know how long I'll have that awful image stuck in my head. There are some things in this world that simply can not be unseen, and this is one of them.

To make matters worse, Rarity has changed the music and it is horrid. Well the performances start and just as expected, Rainbow is making mistakes and Rarity is up there acting like a damn figure skater, doing all these fancy moves and acting like it is the best thing in the world. Personally I'm not impressed. If I were the judge I would just yawn and decide that she isn't worthy of even being considered.

Now comes Rarity's ultimate attention whore moment. She flies up in front of the sun, spreads her wings and basks the city in multi-colored sunlight. I'll admit it is pretty but it still isn't enough to make me go all fangirl over her. What's that? Her wings have incinerated and now she is plunging. Shit, if she falls and goes splat, I'll need to find a new generous unicorn. Maybe Twinkleshine can have her job, she is quite generous, well in my sleeping chambers anyway.

Well it looks like the Wonderbolts are going to be more than judges, they are going to be lifesavers, well that was the case until Rarity kicks them unconscious. Hell, now I might have to replace not only the element of generosity, but replace three Wonderbolts. Rainbow hears Rarity screaming and despite her being a total attention whore, Rainbow goes to save her ass.

I'm going to be honest, I didn't think Rainbow would reach them in time and there would be four fatalities that day. But I would be surprised when everypony's favorite little narcissist broke the sound barrier. Not only did she create a sonic rainboom, but she also saved her friend and her heroes. Good, now I won't have to worry about perhaps putting a pony in as the element of generosity who may not be up for the challenge. After all, simply being generous and submissive in the bedroom doesn't exactly make a pony element bearer material.

Now the time has come for Rarity to eat crow. There she is, sitting in that balloon basket, telling everypony she's sorry for being an attention whore and telling Rainbow how great she is. It is good to see her humbling her self like this, not to mention being out of that outfit and having her face clean. Ugh, I seriously think that next time makeup should be banned from this competition. You may think that would be an unnecessary ban but damn it, ponies need to look presentable! Makeup and hideous shit like that may be ok for boring events like the Gala but when it comes to athletic events, it is uncouth!

Now since the Wonderbolts were kicked unconscious, they now have no memory of the event so somepony else had to be the one who decided would win, and naturally that pony is ME! I will admit, I wanted to give Derpy the win since she was the one who did ten barrel rolls in a row but there is something they didn't show. Twilight promised me that if I would give Rainbow the win, that she would allow me to be extra rough with her that night so I caved in.

Oh boy, now the bullies have shown up and are suddenly wanting to eat Rainbow's pussy along with wanting her to show them how she pulled that sonic rainboom off. Sorry boys but Rainbow only likes mares and besides, why would she want anything to do with bastards such as you to start with?

Now the Wonderbolts have shown up and of course Rainbow is going all fanfilly. She is ecstatic that she gets to spend the whole day with them! I'll let you in on something, there is only one Wonderbolt she cared to spend much time with and that was Spitfire. Yeah I'm not sure if she is going to want to take Rainbow into her bedroom given that she is relatively young compared to her, but who knows. Rainbow might be pleasantly surprised or she might be devastated if Spitfire turns her down.

Now for what happened after the show. As you all know I told Twilight that I would give Rainbow the title of "best young flyer" if she would let me be rough with her that night. That is not what happened. Remember how I said that I wasn't going to give Twilight any action over her laziness when it came to those spells? Well I held true to that so the only one I took home with me was Fluttershy. Yeah Twilight wasn't happy that she wouldn't get to be with me but oh well. I'm sure her and Rarity can go at it tonight and have plenty of fun!

Now if you serfs will excuse me, I have a lovely yellow pegasus waiting for me. She is standing by my bed with a disapproving look on her face trying to persuade me to shut up and join her. I better hurry up or she will punish me severely and I certainly don't want that!

Chapter 17: Stare Master

Hello my beloved serfs, it is your ruthless dictator benevolent princess and do I have a surprise for you! You have all been very good, you have worshiped me as dictated by law, paid your taxes and an article showed up in the Manehattan Times about how I am the sexiest pony in existence so I will share with you my synopsis of "Stare Master."

Another day has begun in Ponyville and Rarity seems rather frantic, the type of frantic that makes me wonder if I should pay her a special visit. Well as it turns out she is freaking out over being behind on these outfits she has to make. Alright, I'm thinking that might be my fault because I did go and pay her a visit last night. I'm not sure if Sweetie Belle knew what the squealing was all about but hey, if she did that will give her a head start over her friends, right?

It looks like Sweetie wants to help and wouldn't you know it, she wound up causing a huge mess, again and now Rarity is freaking out worse than ever. That soon will be put at ease as the sexiest pegasus ever, Fluttershy, drops Opal off from her grooming. I'm going to let you in on something. Fluttershy did not take Opal to the groomer, she took her in last night so her ears would remain virgin. I don't want a kitty's ears, regardless of how mean she can be, losing their virginity.

Oh wow, that silk Rarity made is quite impressive but did she really make it? I ask this because Sweetie's friends have came over and are discussing a cutie mark planning sleep over. Oh joy, it looks like the Filly Illuminati are going to try something stupid, again, to get their cutie marks. Seriously girls? Why don't you just quit stressing over it, let it happen when it happens and enjoy the thrills of life without having ponies having high expectations from you. Well this should be interesting.

Now to that yellow silk. Sweetie Belle has apparently made them matching cloaks with their logo on it and oh no, she used the silk Rarity made! Even worse, she is claiming she made it! Well that really doesn't matter because now Rarity has to make more if she is to finish them and deliver them to Trottingham by tomorrow morning. Ok writers, you fucked up, AGAIN. Do you not know that Trottingham is across the freaking ocean? Do you really think Rarity can teleport that far, or at all! No she can not! Unless by tomorrow morning you mean late next week, it isn't going to happen.

Alright, I need to stop bitching about every little detail or I'll never get this done. Now since Rarity is going to be so busy, the Filly Illuminati's sleepover has been cancelled, well until a certain yellow pegasus really pisses me off. Get this, Fluttershy has offered to take them in for the night! How dare she, we had a hot and raunchy night planned that night and now I am one extremely angry princess. Rarity will be busy, Twilight is going into the forest to Zecora's to get some sort of herb that will make our experiences more intense and my students up here have an extremely important exam tomorrow so I guess I'll be stuck either hoofing myself or gorging myself on cake....or maybe both.

Well the evening has arrived and my Fluttershy is taking those three little "angels" into here house. Angels my white ass, they are little demon fillies who are dead set on overthrowing the government one day. I would cast them into Tartarus or banish them to the moon but I don't want to devastate three of my element bearers so I'll just have to watch my back.

Oh good grief, the moment my Flutters gets them in, they already begin thinking of things they can do to get their cutie marks. They try being carpenters, being creature catchers, pretending that playing in a chimney will make them coal miners and who knows what the animators didn't show. Hell they could have tried things fillies should not be dong and had one of them recording the other two. I know my Fluttershy has a video camera and I just hope the girls didn't find it. I'm sure if they did find it, Scootaloo would have been recording the other two and then hoped she could get a cutie mark in distributing filly porn which is against the law. If she tries that, she will wind up in the dungeon.

Alright, enough about what would get Scootaloo thrown in the dungeon. Now the girls have been put to bed but Sweetie Belle has to start yelling some lame lullaby. Oh no, now the chickens have got loose and they have to go round them up. Cutie Mark Chicken Herders? Sorry girls but that ain't happening and who wants a picture of a chicken on their ass anyway? I sure the hell wouldn't and I doubt my sister would either.

Once Fluttershy gets the chickens rounded up it is bedtime for the girls again. Oh wow, Fluttershy has decided to lay down on her couch and leave the girls upstairs! Perhaps it is time for me to pay her a visit. If we're quiet enough maybe we can have lots of fun and they'll sleep through it. Unfortunately that won't happen as they go downstairs and sneak past Fluttershy with her not even noticing! Yeah Fluttershy, you can claim nothing can get past you but this proves that is a crock of shit and there go the girls into the forest to look for a missing chicken. Yay, since they're gone maybe I can pay Fluttershy a visit after all, woo-hoo!

Unfortunately, she goes to check on the girls before I can even take off from my balcony! Damn her flank anyway! Here I thought I would get to go have some fun but oh no, she just has to go and discover the girls are gone. Even worse, she has discovered they are going into the forest. Well, I'm not going to be able to see anything unless I follow her so I do the typical invisibility and teleport spell and follow my sexy pegasus into the Everfree.

Now luckily I can see up ahead of us so I can see that the Filly Illuminati have decided to start arguing over first how to call a chicken and now are suddenly thinking that arguing is their special talent. Now I know for sure that they are idiots. Now if they were those lame humans that are part of some evil cult known as a congress in Lyra's comic books, maybe it would be. Get this, in those nations in her comic books they actually allow uninformed serfs to elect people to run their country. Now if that isn't backwards and stupid, I don't know what is.

Ok, enough about Lyra's comic books and back to this synopsis. Their arguing continues until my sexy Fluttershy finds them but before she does, she discovers that my sexy Twily has been turned to stone. Oh shit, that means there is a cockatrice on the loose. Even though I am invisible, that damn thing could still turn me into stone so I better be careful. As soon as the girls finally run into that thing, they start panicking and in their panic, they find my Twily turned to stone.

Now comes Fluttershy's time to shine. She winds up staring that thing down and even though she started to turn to stone, she was able to break out of it and forced that thing to fix Twilight and her chicken. Now those girls see Fluttershy as a hero and have vowed to listen to her from now on. Lesson number one from Fluttershy, "Hey girls, don't bug me on nights when I'm supposed to see Celestia. You know that pisses her off!"

Now Twily has found Fluttershy and seems a bit disoriented. You know, if the fillies weren't around, I'd reverse the invisibility spell and have some yellow cake with lavender icing right there in the forest! Unfortunately they are and I don't want to rob their eyes of their virginity at that young of an age. Once they reach legal age, I'll let them watch a live porno involving me, Twily and Fluttershy. I'm sure they'll enjoy that.

The next day week arrived and Rarity has returned from delivering those outfits to Trottingham. The time has come for the girls to go but Rarity just can't get them to listen. Luckily for me though Fluttershy got them to listen and they headed home. Now Rarity needed help with Opal but that didn't take long and Fluttershy told her to go home.

Now for what they couldn't show. Since I had my three lovelies with me, we all headed into Fluttershy's cottage and had lots and lots of fun! I had my yellow cake with lavender icing and white sprinkles. What made it even better is that they were so playful and feisty! This is when princess life is good, I have my lovelies whenever I want and naturally once I got back to Canterlot, I had a huge cake waiting for me too!

Now be gone you serfs, I had a long night following Fluttershy in the forest, a long day of lovely time, a late afternoon cake and then I had to set the sun. I think I'll forego supper and just hit the hay. Of course I can't forget to mention I have lovely time tonight with Colgate, my most intense lovely. I say she is intense because she has never let me dominate her, is far more assertive than the others and for some reason, she always has my mouth pried open with her aura and is staring at my teeth. I'll admit, it unnerves me a bit but I find it kinky at the same time.

Chapter 18: The Show Stoppers

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again. Well you have all been good, well for the most part, you have all paid your taxes and nopony has bashed me in the papers so I will give you my synopsis of "The Show Stoppers."

Another lovely day has arrived in Ponyville and Applejack is leading the Filly Illuminati to a secluded part of the farm. Is she going to spank them over something? Did they steal some apples or try to kill a pig in the name of getting a cutie mark. Oh well, if she does I'm sure it was warranted. Actually no, she has decided the time has come for those fillies to have a clubhouse.

Great, just great. Now they are going to have a place to make plans on over throwing the government. There is one good thing though, one of the windows faces Canterlot so I can keep tabs on them. There is just one problem though, their clubhouse is in horrible shape. I would think that thing should be condemned, not given to fillies or anypony else for that matter!

Now this is something I am having a hard time believing actually happened. Apple Bloom has transformed a pile of scrap wood into what looks like a clubhouse built by professional builders. Now why the hell did she not earn her cutie mark for this? Why did she not get a hammer cutie mark and be destined to be a carpenter? I get it, the writers don't want to wipe out an important part of the show just a few episodes after they joined forces so they can try to depose me.

Oh boy, the fillies have a map of Ponyville and guess what they are going to try and do? If you guessed go to various places and do dumb shit to try and get a cutie mark, you are right. Ok, first they go to the barn and feed the pigs. Sorry girls but feeding pigs will not get you a cutie mark. Want to know why? Any dumb hack can feed pigs, hell even a mule could feed them, a mule!

Next up is dying mane. I have a feeling that this will only lead to disaster and of course I was right. That poor mare! Her mane is ruined, absolutely ruined. Luckily for her the spa ponies' mane stylist was in that day so she was able to get it fixed before she embarrassed herself in front of too many ponies.

The mane dying attempt was a nice try but the next three are ridiculous. Playing a stupid card game, scuba diving and climbing a rock not much bigger than them. That right there is proof that they are complete morons....especially playing that stupid card game where you try to guess what the card is. That reminds me of something that they set up in the cheat stand section of a carnival. Sorry girls but your destiny is not lowering yourself to the bottom rung of society and being a disgusting carnie.

To finish off their fruitless attempt in getting cutie marks they have gone and ruined Twilight's library. Apparently they think they can tear the place up and re-shelve the books. Unfortunately for them all they do is fuck things up and piss Twilight off. Now Cheerilee has an idea for them, compete in the school talent show. Yeah, like that will help them any but as long as it prevents them from trying to overthrow me, I'm all for it.

Now for something they couldn't show. Once the Filly Illuminati left, I teleported myself into the messed up library. I threw Spike out and then Twilight, Cheerilee and I had a whole lot of fun! As you all know Twilight is one of my lovelies but I'm thinking of adding Cheerilee to my harem. She is incredibly hot and she loves it when I am rough with her so she'll be perfect!

Enough about me adding another hot mare to my harem, I need to get back to this. It looks like the girls are getting ready for the talent show and not much exciting happens except for Scootaloo trying to come up with lyrics, "With our cutie marks we'll rock Equestria, we use our stomachs to digestia?" I must admit, I got quite the laugh out of that but I can actually relate with her. I have the sexiest voice in all of Equestria but when it comes to writing my own lyrics, I'm horrible at it!

After getting a fan and borrowing a book from Twilight, the fillies are ready for this talent show but before their performance were some others. Snips and Snails' magic act was ok but nothing to write home about and Peachy Pie and Sunny Daze did a good job reciting their favorite poem on roller skates but I do know one thing, Luna and I would have sounded a whole lot better.

Next up was the Filly Illuminati and I will say this, I think they did a great job. Yeah they had a few things go awry here and there and Scootaloo can't sing worth shit but oh well, I think it made the whole thing more interesting. In the end they won the award for the best comedy act and I will admit, they were very funny.

Now that the talent show is over and the credits are running, I can go and have round two of fun with Twilight and Cheerilee. I swear, those two are so much fun together! Cheerilee is always trying to lecture Twilight over how a certain position should be done and I am there trying to comfort her because she cries when Cheerilee lectures her! Hey, I enjoy it because it makes giving it to Twilight all the better.

Now be gone with you, I have a sexy lavender student and an extremely hot school teacher on the docket tonight and you know how I am if I don't take care of things on my docket!

Chapter 19: A Dog and Pony Show

Hello my beloved subjects, I am in an extremely good mood and you have all paid your taxes, contributed to society and worshiped me so I shall give you my synopsis of A Dog and Pony Show.

Well we start out with Rarity working in her shop, most likely making some slutty outfit to try to impress me in when who comes in her shop but Sapphire Shores! I'm going to admit, I'm such a huge fan. I don't know how Rarity found her way into Clothes Whore magazine or why Sapphire would read it but she decided to see if Rarity had anything worthy of her purchasing. I'm in shock, Rarity shows her a spectacular outfit covered in gems that is not slutty and of course Sapphire wants it! Bad thing, she wants six of the things all done in a different gem pattern and Rarity is out of gems. Now Rarity has to go out and look for more gems.

As you all know I enjoy stirring up trouble every now and then so while Sapphire was paying our fashionista a visit I paid a visit to some gem loving dogs out in the desolate wastes where Rarity finds her gems. I told them that they need to kidnap Rarity for illegally harvesting resources out of Equestrian soil. I gave them an ultimatum, it was either do what I say or die. That got them to agree in a hurry.

Now Rarity is going out into the hills to gather gems and of course she was easily able to convince Spike to go with her and pull the wagon. I'm sure Spike was thinking he would get to push the wagon in her for doing this but the most he'll get is a couple gems. I swear, those dogs must be incredibly stupid. I explicitly told them that they are to kidnap a WHITE UNICORN when she is out harvesting gems yet they think it is the dragon who is the gem hunter. If I didn't want to give my plans away I would have went down there and turned those mutts into dog food but finally they see that it is little miss priss that they need to abduct so they do exactly as I instructed them.

Naturally this terrified both Rarity and her little slave and while he did his best, Spike could not stop the diamond dogs from dragging her down a hole in the ground. Well Spike runs off to Faust only knows where. Maybe he headed off to hang himself for failing to save his crush. Well next Twilight and her friends are heading out into the hills to try to save Rarity and we find out how they know. Thankfully when Spike ran off he went and told his primary master and her friends rather than hanging himself. If he would have hung himself that would have sucked because then I would either have to personally deliver messages to Twilight or send them through the mail and when urgent messages need to be sent, that would not have worked.

Well now they discover a ton of holes and they begin to conjure up visions of what might have happened to Rarity before trying to get down them. You know, had they just tried to get down the holes immediately they would not have had such a hard time getting underground. Sadly for them, they were unable to get in the ground until most of the holes were filled up, except one. Now here is something funny. After Rarity had gathered enough gems she gave Spike a gem to prevent him from wanting to screw her but I know after that he wanted to do that more than ever.

Now where that comes into play, Spike sees one unfilled hole and decides to use it as bait to lure the dogs out and of course while he is doing this he is fantasizing over how he will save Rarity. Oh yeah, Spike has to overcompensate in this fantasy. He is a bigger dragon yet still stands like a little one with some sort of rod to keep the dogs at bay. Like in every other fantasy he dreams of doing shit he has no way of doing and in the end it is his fire breath that scares the dogs off. Next up, he goes in and kisses Rarity. The show inaccurately portrayed that though. In his real fantasy he banged her, knocked her up, she gave birth to unicorn/dragon hybrids and then he cried his eyes out when I banished him and the little beasts to the moon. Well now that we're past that and we know that Rarity won't fall prey to a horny little dragon, let's move on shall we?

Finally those dumb mutts take the bait and pull Twilight and her friends down the hole and while they are on their way to the bottom most bowels of this hideous place, Rarity has become the slave of the diamond dogs, just like I wanted! Oh I'm going to admit, the events that will soon unfold will prove to me that Rarity is either a lot smarter than I thought OR that those diamond dogs are incredibly stupid....chances are it will be the latter.

They order her to start finding gems and of course she does so but when asked to dig them up, she barely drags her hoof over the ground. Now comes the time that she actually proves her intelligence. Eventually those dumb dogs have their unintelligent hacks digging up the gems but alas, Rarity still has to pull the wagon, for now. Pretty soon the diamond dogs begin to piss her off with their disrespect. I don't blame Rarity for being upset over how they treat her. I would be pissed too if I were being called "pony" all the time. Luckily since I am an all powerful Alicorn Sun Goddess, I don't have to worry about falling into the trap she did. What a shame Rarity didn't even have ten percent of the magical abilities of Twilight. If she did, she could have teleported herself out of this mess.

Now for the funny part, she starts complaining about anything and everything. Well if she were in any other situation I would say she was bitching but this is different. Now the idiot dogs think she is whining and what does she do? She starts whining in the most horrid sounding voice! It was so loud and hideous that I had to cover my ears all the way up here. Believe it or not though, her whining is what begins to drive them nuts and eventually she gets them to treat her like royalty. Oh boy, now I am pissed. Yes this is aiding in her cause but NOPONY with the exception of Luna and me are to be treated like royalty. Once this is over, those dumb dogs are in for a world of hurt.

One thing that is quite funny though is those dogs trying to pull those wagons full of gems, barely being able to move them and sweating like stuck pigs and well now Rarity's princess moment is over. The diamond dogs realize that doing that was not their job, it was Rarity's so she is back to pulling the wagon, well until they smack the bitch and call her a mule, causing her to cry and whine. I almost feel sorry for Rarity. Key word, almost!

Well her whining and crying is finally heard by her friends and I can see the wheels turning in Spike's head. He probably thinks he can score with her if he saves her but before he can even attempt that the diamond dog's minions capture Twilight and her friends and think they have more work horses. Well I'm thinking Applejack must have taught them all a thing or two about being rodeo ponies because they bucked those big mutts off of them. Now it is Spike's time to shine! He grabs a piece of rock from the ceiling and yells, "Hi ho Twilight, I gotta go screw Rarity, AWAY!" Well that was in the unedited version. The unedited versions are always funner but unfortunately Hasbro won't let those be seen.

Just as Twilight storms through the door and thinks he's gonna score with Rarity, the dogs are running away! What a role reversal, now the diamond dogs are the ones that are whining! Well those dogs did get one thing right, she is picky, critical and won't stop talking. It is that pickiness that will prevent Spike from ever having a chance with her. Well the dogs give her back and then they do something really STUPID. They let Rarity and her friends take six huge wagons of gems with them! Why the hell wouldn't they just keep them. I have decided because of their stupidity, that I am going to take them to the vet after this episode is over! If they are that dumb they shouldn't be procreating.

So they leave and Twilight decides to say her friendship letter to me in her thoughts. Yeah I've gotten to where I can read her mind from afar so she doesn't have to waste paper by having Spike send me scrolls. This was not a matter of a "defenseless pony" using her wits to outsmart and outshine them all. This was a matter of me choosing the wrong diamond dogs to stir up trouble. I should have found some smart ones to abduct her instead. Oh well, Rarity got her gems for those outfits and that's all that matters.

Speaking of those gems and the outfits, Sapphire looked great in them when she was up here in Canterlot. I am shocked Rarity could make six great outfits like that that provide modesty but she did. Maybe I'll let her join Twilight and Fluttershy the next time they see me, maybe!

Regarding the diamond dogs, I took them to the vet to be neutered. I don't need them fathering more diamond dogs because they would likely be just as dumb as them. As an added bonus, I had their overgrown buddies neutered as well. They're all dumb and I don't need more of them running around either. No leave me be you peons, I have things to see and ponies to do!

Chapter 20: Green Isn't Your Color

Hello my beloved serfs, this is your Supreme Dictator Celestia again and you know what, you have been good little serfs so I shall share my views on "Green Isn't Your Color" with you!

Well what seems to be a rather normal situation for her is going on, Rarity is in the spa and so is Fluttershy. I just hope that they don't do things in there that they shouldn't be doing. After all, I have decided that Fluttershy can only have so much fun with her friends, approximately 49.9% of the amount that she has with me. Well I decide to cast my invisibility and teleport spell so I can keep an eye on them.

Good grief Rarity, all you can do is brag on yourself. Photo Finish compliments you on your hideous hat and all of a sudden you think you're hot shit? You think she is going to make you the most popular designer in Equestria? Don't count on it but knowing her she will have some sort of plan and chances are I won't like it. So now she is going to try to dress Fluttershy in her slutty outfits to get recognition. Now of course my sexy pegasus doesn't want to expose herself like that. Eventually though, Rarity begs her to the point where she gives in. I'll tell you this much, if I find even one picture of Fluttershy in something revealing, Rarity will be dead. I'm sure I can find some other generous unicorn to take her place.

Well now Rarity has Fluttershy in her boutique and is getting her ready for a photo shoot. Wow, I don't believe it! The dress Rarity has her in is actually quite modest, a whole lot more modest than what most models across Equestria wear. She must know that I am keeping an eye on her and realizes that my beloved Fluttershy is not to be exposed.

Ok, now this is pathetic. Spike is allowing himself to be used as a pin cushion. Guess what Spike, that ain't going to get you in Rarity's coat so why don't you just give it up already? Ok, now it is time for Spike to share a secret with Twilight and Pinkie, "I have a crush on Rarity!" Well no shit Spike, everypony who watches the show knew that from the first time you saw her! Good grief, what do you think those two are, stupid or something?

Well Photo Finish arrives with her envoy and begins to take pictures. Ugh, I can't stand Photo Finish. She waltzes around acting like she is Faust's gift to the world. Everypony knows that there is only one pony who is Faust's gift to this world and that is me! Well the photo shoot starts and apparently Photo Finish wants Fluttershy to look like a submissive doormat in all the pictures because she won't take pictures of her looking confident. Now this is really pissing me off. The only one Fluttershy should ever look submissive towards is me! She should not be portrayed that way to every hack in Equestria.

Well the photo shoot ends and Rarity thinks things didn't go well since the hot shot photographer didn't take many pictures. Oh well, I don't think Fluttershy should have her image appearing everywhere. Now Photo Finish comes back and announces she has found the newest fashion star in Ponyville. It isn't Fluttershy who celebrates, it is Rarity. Now she is bouncing around her boutique like she does when I give her the privilege of dominating me in the bedroom, which is very rarely! What is sad though is that Spike doesn't care that she is jumping up and down on his tail, despite it obviously being painful for him. This is just another sign that he is truly pathetic. Hell she could probably hold a knife to his throat and he'd still want to screw her.

The next day arrives and Rarity is certain that she will soon become the most popular fashionista in all of Equestria, so popular that she'll be able to afford dragon repellent. Guess what Rarity, that won't be happening. While that outfit you put on Fluttershy is the embodiment of modesty, it won't impress Photo Finish. Now for a crushing blow to Rarity's ego, it is Fluttershy who will be the new fashion star, it will be her who shines across all of Equestria, not you!

Alright, now Rarity is having a meltdown. She decides to make a simple black cloak and begins talking about going into exile. Well I can think of one place where she can go into exile. She can come up here, move into my sleeping chambers and keep me happy for years, well until she loses her sex appeal and starts going through menopause. After that, yuck, I will throw her out!

Poor Fluttershy, getting dragged off to face who knows what kind of horrors. I swear, when they are putting the blush on her can't they make up their minds on how much they want on her? It is obvious that Fluttershy is getting frustrated so I guess I know where I'll be tonight! One thing I didn't know, and I probably should, is how tiny her sneezes are. They're nothing like mine that's for sure!

I decided to pay Rarity a little visit. She was crying her eyes out, kind of like how she does when I decide to simply make her watch me and Twilight get it on. Well we had a little bit of fun but she was too distraught to make it really enjoyable so I decided to go see Twilight and of course with her, whether she is happy, sad or distraught, my presence always makes her feel better.

Well it's photo shoot time for Fluttershy. Here Photo Finish thinks that she is going to be happy and excited, well she doesn't know Fluttershy very well. She is nervous and Photo Finish thinks it is ridiculous. Well what can you expect from a pony who has been an attention whore since she was five? Well Fluttershy goes out on the runway but she does marvelously, the ponies love her. Soon images of her will be used by advertisers everywhere. Wait a minute, I just realized they probably won't pay her royalties for using her image and if they don't, I will make sure she gets her money....even if it means using torture! Nopony cheats my sexy Fluttershy and gets away with it!

Now the advertising is coming out with Fluttershy's image. I am keeping track of this. I won't go after Sweet Apple Acres because I'm assuming since Applejack is a friend of her's, Fluttershy gave her permission to use her image. Everypony else though, they'll pay dearly for this!

Ok, now I know Fluttershy hates attention but why would she walk through town without any disguising clothing on? She is a star now, everypony and their pet is going to harass her. Suddenly everypony is chasing after her and she can't get away from the cameras. She finally finds refuge in Rarity's boutique. That was obviously hell on Rarity. It is quite obvious that she is jealous of Fluttershy but she tries to put on a happy face and you'd think she would be able to tell Fluttershy was miserable. But of course Fluttershy MUST, SHE MUST, SHE MUST do this for Rarity. I was going to go tell Rarity to tell Fluttershy that she didn't HAVE to do it so everypony would be happier, but I decided against it. I figure if Fluttershy is more stressed out, she'll need me around to unwind more.

Well Fluttershy's refuge wouldn't last for long. Photo Finish hunts her down and drags her off. Good gravy you whore, can't you just leave her alone for a bit? Unfortunately the answer to that was no and poor Rarity, ponies come in looking for Fluttershy. You know what Bon Bon, there is no need for you to be such a bitch when Rarity tells you she is having a sale. Oh yes, you and Berry Punch just had to go see if you could get in Fluttershy's coat didn't you? I'm thinking, just to stir up some trouble I should tell Lyra that her marefriend wants Fluttershy. That would be quite entertaining. I wonder if those two ever fight and if they do, I wonder how kinky the make up sex is? I've always heard it is really kinky. I've heard the same is true about hate sex, so maybe Bon Bon and Rarity should have an intimate encounter sometime. The hateful sexy times would be quite hot!

Well now Rarity is at the spa waiting for Fluttershy and my sexy little Twily shows up. I'm wondering, I didn't see any of the spa ponies around so perhaps things happened that they couldn't show in the episode. Turns out I was right, they had hot, raunchy sex right there in the spa and I wasn't invited! Now both of them are going to pay. I've always wanted to get laid in that spa and now I'm jealous!

Now for what they could show. Rarity admits to Twilight that she is jealous of Fluttershy's fame, well no shit! Everypony already knows that. Shame on you Rarity, you want her bright star to burn out? How could you even think that? Fluttershy is supposed to be your "best friend!" Let me guess, you're afraid Fluttershy won't want you as her "bestie" anymore once she becomes the hottest supermodel in all of Equestria.

Now on to more important topics, Rarity makes Twilight Pinkie Promise that she won't tell Fluttershy about her jealousy. First it is Spike's secret she has to keep and now she has Rarity's. Hmmm....how well will she do at keeping these? Oh and Twilight, next time you do the Pinkie Promise, close your eye when you say "stick a cupcake in my eye." You are supposed to be one of the smartest ponies in Equestria and you fail to do the simplest of things.

Rarity leaves and now the hot and sexy Fluttershy shows up. Poor Fluttershy, I heard her and Rarity were going to have fun in the sauna but oh no, Photo Finish just had to make her miss it. That is the REAL reason she was so agitated, well I'm sure her hating modeling had something to do with it too. Oh, and now Fluttershy makes Twilight promise not to tell Rarity that she hates modeling. Now Twily has three secrets to keep. Can she do it? I've decided that if she can, sexy times will ensue and I'll let her dominate me! If not, sexy times will still ensue but I'll be the one in charge and after I'm done, Twinkleshine can have her way with her.

Now Fluttershy brings up something that gives Twilight and idea. What if the ponies didn't like her anymore? What Twilight does next is a stroke of genius. Since Fluttershy can't do anything unattractive on her own, which I know all too well!, Twilight will use her magic to make it happen. This should be quite interesting. Either way, I know Fluttershy will be distraught and I'll have to make her feel better, which makes both of us feel better!

Now it's time for the fashion show. There's that smug ass Photo Finish there along the runway, with that pompous ass smile on her face. What I wouldn't do to rip those sunglasses off of her and smack the shit out of her. I wonder, why does she always wear those things? Is she missing an eye and would look downright hideous without them? Oh well, on to more important matters. Twilight is briefing Fluttershy on what is going to happen and Fluttershy seems to like the idea.

The music starts and Fluttershy heads out on the runway. Now here comes little miss jealous in an incredibly hideous dress and an even more hideous hat. Ugh, sometimes I wonder about Rarity. She is jealous as hell but she still wants to go see Fluttershy shine. Now the fun part begins. Twilight uses her magic and suddenly Fluttershy is doing all sorts of things! Barking like a dog, flying upside down, scratching herself, picking her nose. Now everypony is booing her and Photo Finish just had a coronary. You'd think those idiot ponies would know some external force was influencing Fluttershy.

Just as Fluttershy thought her nightmare was over, Rarity starts cheering "Bravo!" Oh good grief, other ponies see what she is wearing and now they applaud Fluttershy's altered performance as well. Poor Fluttershy, now she is even more popular? This is terrible! What if she was to become more popular than me? Nah, why should I worry? Nopony will ever be more popular than your sexy Sun Goddess!

Now Fluttershy is complaining to Twilight and Rarity comes along, trying to comfort her. Now finally, Rarity admits her jealousy to Fluttershy and now Fluttershy admits her hating modeling to Rarity. It was funny as they were talking though, the measures Twilight took to prevent herself from spilling the beans first. I wonder, was that dirt very tasty? Ponyville must be rubbing off on her, I heard some ponies there eat dirt but you'd never catch me doing it, ugh that is just gross!

Ok, Photo Finish shows up and starts saying what Fluttershy did was brilliant. It was not brilliant, it was just her being controlled by my sexy purple student. Now that she doesn't have to worry about Rarity being mad at her, Fluttershy tells Photo Finish to go fuck herself when she brings up all these new photo shoots. (Well in the unedited version anyway)

Twily was doing so good at keeping those secrets and then she just has to yell "Spike has a crush on Rarity!" around Photo Finish. Memo to Twilight, Photo Finish doesn't give a shit. She has much bigger issues right now, such as finding a new model. Small issues like a horny little dragon wanting to bang Rarity don't mean shit to her.

Now back in the spa, Twilight reads her message off to Spike and yeah I get it. You learned that sometimes being afraid to tell the truth will make your life miserable. Well guess what Twilight, you will be dominated tonight, by both me and Twinkleshine. As far as Rarity and Fluttershy go, I'm pretty sure they will have plenty of fun tonight. Oh and Spike, just send the damn message rather than doing anything you can to bang Rarity. Tonight is Fluttershy's turn, tomorrow night is Twilight's, after that it is me and then Rarity will be having fun with all three of us! She ain't into BABY dragons so get over it!

Now be gone all of you, I need to go inform Twinkleshine that her and I will be dominating Twilight tonight. I'm sure she will be very excited over this, she loves to dominate Twilight, but then again who doesn't?

Chapter 21: Over a Barrel

Hello everypony, it is your beloved sexy Sun Goddess Celestia again and I have a surprise for you. Yes most of the ponies in Equestria have failed to pay their taxes, have disrespected me a lot, some have called for me to abdicate but since three of my lovelies aren't available and the rest have exams to study for, I have nothing better to do so I shall give you my synopsis of "Over a Barrel."

I'm not a very happy princess right now because three of my lovelies and their friends are traveling out to some backwater town in the absolute middle of nowhere and why are they doing this? They are doing it so that Applejack can take this special tree of hers, Bloomberg, and give it as a gift to her family down in Appaloosa. Couldn't Applejack have done that on her own or at least have only taken Pinkie and Rainbow with her? I had plans with my lovelies for tonight but now I won't get any action, none at all! Oh well, I'll punish them accordingly once they get home.

Back to the train and get this. Applejack has got a private sleeper car for that tree of hers! Yep, you heard me right, a sleeper car for a tree! Aren't there cargo trains to transport things like that? It looks like I'm not the only one less than thrilled, Rarity is as well. Yeah she was whining like a little bitch over it but I can see her point because I know what she was thinking. She was thinking that she, Fluttershy and my sexy little Twily could go in there and have fun but instead, she has to sleep with the other ponies in a regular car. I know what I'll be doing when they get back, I'll be making a fashionista with a hideous tail feel all better!

Alright, I need to stop going into every single detail or I will never get this done. After my lovelies and their friends were being incredibly annoying, obnoxious and loud enough to keep Rarity awake, Spike decides to go back to the sleeper car and curls up next to Bloomberg. Sorry Spike but I doubt that tree is going to give you the action Rarity won't. Yeah it is quiet but still, sleeping with a tree is weird and creepy.

Alright, before I continue on I'm going to make a comment about the train they are using. It is backwards, very backwards. Get this, they have something that looks like an engine in the front but they have stagecoach stallions pulling it! Is that all the more they have out in that hellhole? The train left Ponyville so I would think that modern trains would be used but oh well, it's not any skin off of my flank.

Now for something fun! It looks like the buffalo aren't exactly thrilled with trains running out through their territory, well I think it is their territory. I'd have to look at a map and see where the buffalo lands are but looking at the place, I'm guessing it is.

Alright writers, once again you fucked up big time! Those buffalo trying to knock over the ponies pulling that thing would have worked! Those buffalo are much bigger and the ones trying to knock over the train should have succeeded in derailing that thing. I get it, the tree has to get there safely but seriously, can't you at least make it a bit realistic? They could have had the buffalo derail it, then have me go use my magic to transport that tree to Appaloosa and then had me have some fun with my lovelies at the hotel there!

Speaking of the buffalo, there is one smaller one, a female who manages to not only jump on top of the train but also detach that sleeper car from the rest of the train. Oh no, the buffalo have Spike and Bloomberg now. Naturally Rainbow Crash tries to go after her and without anypony else noticing, Pinkie manages to jump off the train and look for Spike as well. I know the ponies across Equestria, especially the earth ponies, would want me to intervene but I have more important things to do, such as eat some cake and a side of Twinkleshine since she has been giving me bedroom eyes.

Enough about me going to have some cake and Twinkleshine, let's get back to this. Finally the train arrives in Appaloosa and they are all greeted by Applejack's overly enthusiastic and mildly annoying cousin, Braeburn. Good grief cowcolt, I know you like your town but good grief.....wait a minute, did he just say that his town had been built in just the past year? If that is the case you know what that means don't you? It means that if that town was built on buffalo land and they came complaining to me, I could force them to move their town elsewhere. I suppose we'll see if they come and bitch to me or not.

Now we go to Pinkie and Crashie who are out in the desert searching for Spike and good grief you bitches, don't be so damn loud! Unfortunately for those two their noisiness has caused them to be surrounded by buffalo but luckily for them, Spike is able to convince the buffalo to not attack them. I'm surprised he was able to do that given that the buffalo aren't fond of ponies, well most of them anyway. They totally respect me because they know of my powers.

Night time has arrived and it looks like those two are out with the buffalo. I don't know if they took those two hostage or what but if they did and they do something terrible to them, I won't care. I can always find another overly joyous earth pony and another loyal pegasus....it's not like the buffalo took one of my lovelies!

Alright, now we find out why the buffalo are so mad, the ponies have planted an apple orchard right in their traditional stampeding ground! Oh my goodness, what do I do here? I know that I should intervene but not only is Twinkleshine begging me for some love, so are Lemon Hearts and Colgate. Hell even Lyra came up and is begging me for it too so you know what? I'll just have Applejack and her friends deal with it, four little hotties in heat and some cake is way more important!

Alright, the next day has arrived and I must admit, I am one very happy princess! I had a bunch of cake last night, I had a fun time with four hotties although I'm going to admit....one of my students, Colgate, really unnerved me when she pried my mouth open with her magic and looked like she was checking my teeth out and then suddenly rammed her hoof up in me but oh well, I know she prefers to be dominant so no problem there. I'll let you in on a little secret none of you better tell anypony, I find it really hot the way she asserts her dominance over me!

"Princess Celestia!"

"What is it StormLuna?"

"Look, I know you like talking about your sexual exploits with your students but now is not the time to do it! You have a synopsis to give!"

"But StormLuna...."

"No buts! Unless you want me to have Colgate brutally molest you with a sharp object, you'll get back to work on this!"

"Oh fine but just know I'm only doing this so Colgate won't hurt me."

"Just get back to work, alright?"

*grumbles* "Whatever"

I guess I better get back to work on this so StormLuna won't have Colgate hurt me. Alright, like I said the next day arrived and apparently my sexy Twily and her friends are going to go hiking into buffalo territory to find their friends but luckily for them, they won't have to because Pinkie and Crash found them first BUT they have Little Strongheart, the smaller female buffalo with them.

Ok ponies, ok buffalo, let's have a good, civil discussion over this orchard that is creating so many problems. Now before they can even begin to discuss anything Pinkie breaks out into one of the most annoying songs about sharing and caring. I could see it in the eyes of not only the sheriff but Chief Thunderhooves that they were going to sit down and negotiate but now the buffalo are going to go in and not only destroy the orchard, but the whole town! I really hope they do and there are fatalities on both sides because that would make this episode a lot more fun!

Now that the Appaloosans know the buffalo are going to come and level that sorry excuse of a town they are preparing for it. Oh my goodness, they think wooden barriers are going to stop the stampede? They think apple pies are going to stop them? I swear, they obviously aren't the brightest bunch around but I suppose they are just doing what they can with what they have. I would simply use my magic to move the orchard but you know I have other things on my agenda because the castle chef just placed a whole cake right in front of me and I can't say no to cake!

Not only are the Appaloosans preparing for the stampede, but so are the buffalo and Crash honestly thinks Chief Thunderhooves doesn't want to do this? Look bitch, they took their land, they planted a damn orchard on it and they never even asked for permission!

The following day has arrived and it looks like the buffalo are ready to stampede, crush that town and hopefully take a few lives. If that happens, that will give me the authority to deem that place unsafe for ponies and the buffalo can have all of their land back. One thing I can't help but wonder, where the hell do those Appaloosans get their water from? I ask this because there certainly aren't any lakes or rivers out there.

What is this, suddenly the buffalo aren't going to stampede? What a shame....oh boy, Pinkie is singing that annoying song and CHARGE! The buffalo have begun their stampede and are creating havoc out in that backwater town. Oh please buffalo, wreck it to the ground! Everything seems to be going fine until poor Chief Thunderhooves gets hit in the face with a pie and falls to the ground.

Ok writers, I want to know something. How is it that apple pies can bring the buffalo down? I get it this is a cartoon so anything can happen but still, the buffalo aren't that weak. I have some good news though, the chief got a taste of that pie and now he is all better and he has come up with the perfect solution! They have decided to clear a path through that orchard for the buffalo to stampede through but the Appaloosans must give them some of their apple treats every time they go through.

Alright, that is fair enough. In the end though this wound up being boring because nopony and nobuffalo got hurt and to make matters worse, my lovelies are going to stay down there one more night just so they can feast on apple pies! Now I am one very pissed off princess. Not only do I hurt down south because of Colgate shoving her hoof up in me but I won't even get one of my three favorites tonight! Well I suppose this will give me time to heal and I will tell you one thing, I'm seriously wondering about ever letting Colgate in my chambers again. Yes I find her dominance sexy but the pain that comes along with it is anything but sexy!

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to hide in my chambers because I hear a blue unicorn banging on my door demanding I let her in because she is in the mood. Oh Mother Faust please don't let her know how to unlock doors, please!

Chapter 22: A Bird in the Hoof

Hi everypony, this is your supreme dictator Celestia and all of you have behaved quite well recently so I have decided that I will share with you my synopsis of A Bird in the Hoof.

Well here we start out with Fluttershy again showing that she cares way too much for those animals and not nearly enough about me. Ugh, what pony in their right mind would allow a disgusting family of mice to live in their home? Does Fluttershy not realize that those things carry diseases and are downright nasty? I'm thinking I will avoid her cottage for a while, well at least until she evicts those dirty little vermin. Having a demon rabbit is one thing, but rodents are one thing I don't want to have to be exposed to.

Speaking of demon rabbits, along comes Angel. The way he is panicking you'd think he is worried that I'm coming and he is urging his owner to clean her cottage. Well the clock tower strikes four and the sexiest of Twilight's friends is just standing there completely clueless. Now why would she be completely clueless, it's just a damn clock going off. Suddenly it's her, she has an event she must attend, an event in which I will be present. Now she realizes what is going on and gets ready to go. But what does she do, she keeps on running back and forth thanking Angel. Finally the demon rabbit locks her out so she'll come to my event. I am shocked, that demon rabbit has done something useful! Don't tell anypony this but had Fluttershy not shown up, I would have tied her to a chair and forced her to watch me screw Rarity and Twilight tonight.

Well I have learned one thing about Rainbow. She must be incredibly stupid if she thinks she can get into my royal guard. One thing she doesn't realize is that I only allow stallions into the guard. Yes I tend to think that males are the "lesser sex" but they sure the hell are useful when it comes to being guardsponies. Oh and Rainbow, being in the guard does pay well, well as long as you are higher ranked. The newbies only get room and board. Making them stay on the base keeps them out of trouble.

Ok, now on to the party. Well after a bit of trouble with my guardsponies, Fluttershy was finally able to get in. When I saw she arrived I was both happy and irritated. I was happy because I would get to watch her flank sway back and forth as she walked BUT I was irritated that she was late! She was tardy and you know how I feel about tardiness!

I know Twilight wants me to approve of her friends but come on, I've met them before and I know some of them a lot better than the others, a lot better! I'm not sure what is wrong with Applejack but she can't bring herself to eat anything, Rarity is freaking out over something getting on her dress (big surprise) but what pissed me off was that Pinkie had the audacity to eat MY cupcake! She better be happy that she did this in a social setting where half the town was present. Had she done that anywhere else, her ass would have been on the moon ASAP.

Enough about Twilight's other friends, Fluttershy comes to talk to me! I'm always happy when I get to talk to her but I'm still irked she invests so much time and energy into a bunch of dumb rodents who never thank her in return. Well I brought my pet with me and she seems curious as to what she is. Well I don't mention it because it simply didn't cross my mind. Well I get notified that the mane dying dingbat mayor wants to speak to me. Great, just great. Here I was about to tell Fluttershy I needed to see her after this party but royal duties call. I'll tell you one thing, if that mayor wants to get laid it ain't happening. I'd rather have to hoof myself for all eternity than get it on with her ugly ass.

Well the Cakes get to cleaning everything while the other ponies leave. Little did I know that a disaster was about to strike. What is even worse is that the events that were about to unfold would happen while I would be ignoring the mayor and fantasizing about Fluttershy as she flapped her jaw. From what Luna saw up in Canterlot, I seriously wished that the mayor would have left me alone.

From what Luna told me she saw Fluttershy steal MY pet, she stole Philomena. Luna told me that she was going to come down and stop her but figured that I gave Fluttershy permission to care for her. Oh boy, now Fluttershy is going to pay! Nopony takes anything of mine without me giving them permission. I don't know how I will do it but I'll tell you one thing, despite me loving her, she must be punished and punished severely!

Ugh I wish Luna would have came down here and rescued Philomena. I know Fluttershy meant well but the things she would do to my pet infuriated me. For starters, she obviously doesn't know much about taking care of a patient. She covers my precious Philomena up until she overheats, then uncovers her and puts an ice bag on her head until she freezes. Here's an idea, instead of doing that bring her back where she belongs. Ugh Fluttershy, you are not going to like what I have planned for you, Tartarus for a week perhaps?

Next up she wants to shove a pill down my pet's throat! What if she were allergic to it and it killed her? If that would have happened I would have killed Fluttershy, found a different sexy and kind pegasus and replaced her. Luckily that didn't happen and Fluttershy soon learned that ordinary bird seed did not sit well with her. Memo to Fluttershy: Philomena only eats the finest bird seed imported from Saddle Arabia, not that low grade shit you feed your birds. No wonder she threw it up.

And also, she tries to feed her some nasty soup, well that ain't happening! Philomena won't eat that shit either, got that Flutters? Just as I prefer your fine nectar over that of lesser mares, my bird only likes the best soup. So now you think a humidifier is going to help? Well you obviously don't know anything about phoenixes now do you? Aromatherapy? Hell that shit makes me gag so she sure the hell ain't going to like it. Another thing that proves Fluttershy is a ditz is that she puts my phoenix in a tub of water. Once again, stupid.

Now during all this Philomena has been shedding her feathers, like phoenixes always do towards the end of their life cycle. Now this is where I do a facehoof, Fluttershy is taping the feathers back on her. I'm thinking it is time to strip her of her veterinary license. Nopony in their right mind would think doing that would help.

So now Twilight is headed over to see Fluttershy, probably to have some fun with her to prep for tonight. You know how my Twily is, she always likes to be ready and a bit of practice will ensure that she won't screw up. Sadly for her things may not turn out so well. Twilight all of a sudden decides what is best for my pet. She forces that pill down her throat! Ok Twilight, you've screwed up and regardless of how things turn out, somepony's going to get punished tonight and it will NOT be in my sleeping chambers just in case you're wondering!

Well my guard goes and tells Twilight that my bird is missing. Guess what you moronic hacks, she already knows that! Once they leave the fun part arrives, trying to return Philomena to her cage. I must say, Philomena is a chip off the old block as she would not make this easy. So a chase ensues and the same twangy country music the writers always use goes on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they keep on thinking they'll catch her but they can't. It's not surprising though considering the animators forgot to show that ten minute make-out session those two engaged in.

Well finally, despite lacking almost all her feathers, Philomena finds her way up to the top of a pony statue and after some of the melodramatic death scene acting, she falls and bursts into flames. Oh boy, Fluttershy is in for it now! I am going to charge her with first degree murder of a royal pet. The punishment: Death by fire in town square. This will teach everypony that you do not steal my pet and kill it!

Well I show up and see that Fluttershy is obviously distraught over this so maybe I will spare her my wrath, key word, maybe! So now Twilight and Fluttershy are both claiming responsibility. They are so adorable bickering like this I have decided to let them both live, despite being responsible for the death of my bird. Now for the fun part! They didn't kill Philomena but they don't need to know that, yet! So I go over, told Philomena's ashes to stop being such a bitch and reform. Now everypony's happy but the little miss hot shit animal mare still doesn't know what she is, nor does my little miss hot shit student. Perhaps I need to "educate" the two sometime!

Ok Fluttershy, I get it, you learn you shouldn't steal something without permission and next time you plan on committing larceny, you'll ask permission first. I doubt you'll get it but I'll spare the rod for now. While it was funny to see Philomena to make my guardsponies laugh, what was even funnier was the priceless look on Twilight and Fluttershy's faces when I loaded Rarity up on my chariot and left them home. Hey, the worst she did was whine about her dress being in danger. Let's just say that having Rarity all to myself was fun, very fun.

Now just leave me alone, I am grieving because I only get to keep Rarity for a few more days before she has to engage in whatever stupid shit it is that she does with her friends. The less time I have to deal with you is the more time I can focus on my slutty fashionista.

Chapter 23: The Cutie Mark Chronicles

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a surprise for you! Most of you have paid your taxes, you have paid homage to me like you are supposed to and the Appaloosans and the buffalo had a joint celebration honoring me so I shall share with you my synopsis of "The Cutie Mark Chronicles."

A new day has arrived and it looks like the Cutie Mark Crusaders are once again trying something to get their cutie marks. Get this, this time they are going to try zip lining. Seriously girls, you think that is going to work? This is even more proof that those three must have skipped the line when common sense was being handed out to newborns. Oh well, I have a feeling this episode is going to be a good one so I have ordered my cake delivered to my balcony so I can watch the antics they are going to give us.

Alright, they failed in getting zip lining cutie marks, big surprise there right? Now they have decided to ask other ponies how they got theirs. That is good because maybe it will prevent them from ever adding "depose Celestia and Luna" to their ideas of how to get those marks on their asses.

Now they are bickering about who they should ask and guess who their final choice is? If you guessed Rainbow Crash, you are right. Seriously girls, you think she would have anything to teach you? You honestly think that a cutie mark in narcissism is going to be a good thing? Well guess what, it won't be. Just go find somepony with a brain and ask her instead. *hint, hint, come ask me* but remember, you'll be surrounded by guards with spears if you do.

They start their search and the first pony they run into is Applejack, who Apple Bloom initially wanted to ask. Alright, it looks like Applejack is going to tell her story and it is flashback time! Oh I love it when there are flashbacks of ponies when they were adorable little fillies! They are always so adorable and their little smiles are to die for!

To the first flashback. Alright, when Applejack was a filly she wanted to go live with her Aunt and Uncle Orange in Manehattan and live the sophisticated life. Wow, that is nothing like the Applejack of today! Naturally when she left Granny and Big Mac were sad but soon little Applejack would learn that life in Manehattan would not be what she had hoped....tiny meals, her relatives there have snobby friends and most of all, she got homesick.

One morning when the sad little filly was looking out the window she saw a rainbow that pointed her home and it was home she went and she got her cutie mark! So I'm guessing the moral of this story is run away from home, get homesick, come home, get greeted by your relatives and get a mark. Sounds simple enough, right?

Well Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom liked the story but Scootaloo found it too sappy. That doesn't surprise me but once again she is demanding that they go find Rainbow Dash and so off they went. The next pony they ran into was not Crash but instead it was the sexiest pegasus to ever roam the earth, a sexy pegasus that is on the docket for me tonight, Fluttershy.

Alright, once again Fluttershy is showing that she cares way too much about a bunch of dumb animals and not nearly enough about me! Helping baby ducks across the road? Seriously Flutters? I have an idea for you, fly up here and help me get to my sleeping chambers so we can have some fun. I'm really needy and I can see it in her eyes that she is too but she can't show it around those fillies!"

Despite Scootaloo being a little bitch about it, they decide to listen to Fluttershy's story. Awww....she was such an adorable little filly! Naturally her story starts in Cloudsdale at summer flight camp and I can't help but feel sorry for her. The poor thing was a weak flyer and got made fun of by those stupid, useless jocks who wound up not contributing to society at all. Now I would have executed them by now but I've had so many other things that cluttered my schedule over the years.

Alright, enough about those little bastards, back to Fluttershy. Naturally one pony didn't like seeing her get bullied and surprisingly it was Rainbow Dash, who was also an adorable little filly. She challenged those little bastards to a race and unfortunately, Fluttershy was the one waving the start flag and got knocked to the ground when the three racers flew by. Luckily for Fluttershy, the rest of Equestria and especially me, she was saved by butterflies.

Alright writers, you must be smoking crack or something because Fluttershy, even as a filly, would have fallen through and crushed those butterflies rather than them catching her. Next up she broke into song and sang about how she loves everything. Yeah, uh huh Flutters, I doubt you love everything. You don't love those piece of shit bullies and you haven't met me yet so no you don't!

Once she finished her song a loud boom scared the animals into hiding but Fluttershy was able to calm them down and she got her cutie mark! Before I move on though I must make note of something. In Cloudsdale she couldn't fly worth shit but suddenly she can fly up into the clouds and comfort some ducks? Perhaps it is a matter of flying in front of others that was her problem, not flying in general. Now back to where I was headed. Alright Scootaloo, I know you didn't like her story but there is no need to be such a little bitch about it. Hell maybe she will get a cutie mark for being a bitch but what would that even look like?

Next up they run into Rarity and she goes into her story. Now this doesn't surprise me, she was making costumes for her school's play. Of course they would be modest because what little filly even thinks about making slutty outfits? One thing that she was back then though was a perfectionist just like she is now. Now personally I agree with her teacher and think the outfits look nice but oh no, that isn't enough, they have to look spectacular!

Ok writers, you fucked up again! You show Rarity sewing and she said the school play opened that night but then have her horn spend a whole day dragging her out to this rock? Alright, now for what is absolutely adorable! Filly Rarity getting mad because she thinks her destiny is a rock. I swear, angry fillies are the most adorable fillies but then some boom winds up splitting that rock and it is full of gems! Yep, you heard me right, gems. Now had I known she done that I would have taxed her parents for it but oh well, it is all a moot point now.

Now for another mess up, how did she get those gems back to Ponyville? How did she get them attached to the costumes and how did she get them back so quickly? I get it, again it is a cartoon so anything can happen but still, they could have tried to make it look semi-realistic.

As it turned out the play turned out great, her teacher gave her a huge smile over those costumes and she got her cutie mark! Oh good grief Scootaloo, would you stop bitching already? I have a message for her as well, getting a cutie mark IS a result of discovering who you are! It is not about doing dumb shit like zip lining or other pointless things that will never result in gainful employment.

And so the search for Crashie continues but up next they run into my sexy Twily and of course they listen to her story and she, like all the others, was a very adorable little filly! You know, I think I remember seeing her cut to the front of the line and watching me raise the sun. If you didn't notice, I saw her down there and gave her a smile because I had a feeling she would be somepony special, somepony with powerful magic and no, I did not think about her growing up into a sexy, kinky unicorn! Only complete sickos think that about fillies and colts!

Of course we all know that even before she got into my school that she was OCD when it came to studying and next up we have her entrance exam. I remember that day too. Yeah I didn't see her failing but I did see her when her magic was in overload, she had made Spike huge and turned her parents into plants. What I remember most though was that moment when she got her cutie mark, "Yes, yes, yes!"

The adorable little thing was jumping around but that wasn't the only time she did that. Once she matured she would do that when I told her it was time for a "special study lesson" and she still does it sometimes when I come to visit because she knows that sexy times are going to ensue!

Scootaloo, would you quit being such a bitch and lose the Crashie obsession because outside of you, nopony else cares how she got her mark. It was probably doing something stupid like crashing into a wall or something. Ok, enough about that because next up they run into Pinkie Pie.

Scootaloo, just listen to her story alright? Pinkie goes into her story and what a sad little filly she was. Poor little Pinkamena was working hard on the rock farm and had no happiness in her life until she saw a rainbow for the first time, a rainbow that cleared away the dreary skies out there. Now suddenly she is happy and even stranger, she somehow has the means and money to go and get presents and cake! Her family was shocked to see this and I'm really bummed out, I could have had cake had I known about this!

That was the moment that she transformed from being Pinkamena to Pinkie and would not go down a path of being a serial killer and instead would become an Element bearer. Alright, now they have arrived at Sugarcube Corner and I can see inside and sadly, there is no cake! They have no cake whatsoever and now I am a sad princess. I was going to go down there too!

Finally they find Crashie and she goes into detail about her cutie mark story which outside of defending Fluttershy's honor was boring! Yeah, yeah, yeah Crash we get it. You broke the sound barrier, created a sonic rainboom, became a narcissistic bitch and got a mark on your ass, big fucking deal!

Wait a minute, from what they all are saying it was that sonic rainboom that caused things to happen where they would get their marks? Ok, maybe her cutie mark story isn't as bad as I thought it was but I still have a memo for Scootaloo: Give it up bitch, you're not going to get a mark the way your hero did so get over it. Maybe you can try packing boxes, stealing candy, testing pillows or some other dumb shit since you can't do it the Dash way.

Ugh....they're all going to have a sappy hug moment, *gag, gag, gag!* Give me a break girls, so you've been connected for quite some time but so what? All that matters is that Twily, Fluttershy and Rarity put out on demand and everything will be fine. And finally, Twilight is writing a sappy letter to me while staring at a rainbow.

What they had her say was not what she really wrote. This is what she really wrote,

"Dear Master Celestia,

My friends and I just finished telling the Filly Illuminati about how we got our cutie marks and now I'm really stressed but I'm not the only one. Rarity and Fluttershy are also stressed out and the three of us need a release so we will be up there before nightfall. We shall see you soon and be ready for you to "punish" us!

Love your little Ho,

Twilight Sparkle"

I tell you, that night those three were so ready, so energetic, so kinky and so feisty. Yeah my sister was a bit concerned that I would be too tired to raise the sun but you know what, I proved her wrong and even better, those three stayed with me for an extra five days until they would be needed for the next episode! I tell you, sometimes princess life can be a bitch but moments like that make it all worth it!

Chapter 24: Owl's Well that Ends Well

Hello everypony, it is your malevolent dictator, I mean benevolent princess and I do have a surprise for you. Yes most of you have been complete assholes with the negative editorials, failure to pay taxes and a festival in Fillydelphia honoring Luna has pissed me off but I have nothing better to do so I shall share with you my synopsis of "Owl's Well that Ends Well."

Remember how those assholes in Fillydelphia held a festival in honor of Luna? Well I have discovered that it is because of some dumb meteor shower she has planned and thanks to her, Twilight just has to go out and watch it instead of kicking Spike out and inviting me to the library, dumb bitch anyway. Despite her doing this, I decide to do the invisibility and teleport spell anyway to keep an eye on her.

It looks like my little Twily is gathering everything she thinks that her friends would like. With all the crap she's taking I'd think she wants to have a six mare orgy tonight but I'll make sure that doesn't happen. I'm pissed that she's putting this ahead of me so I'm not giving her any love tonight but hey, Fluttershy is a different story.

Now here we have Spike being a narcissistic little bastard. My Twily makes a comment about him being her number one assistant and he keeps on saying "what was that, I didn't hear that." Little bastard anyway, you are her only assistant. He may think that but soon he will do something that might upset my sexy little student further down the road.

My Twily asks him to go and get some old book about the stars, planets and all that other boring shit and of course he complies. Here is what is funny, while he is grabbing it he sneezes and incinerates a good part of the book. Sweet, now I just have to wait for Twily to discover this, get all grumpy and then I can swoop in and calm her down. Alright, well he claims he can't find it, starts telling Twily she is super smart and they are on their way.

Once they arrive on top of this hill they are greeted by her friends and you're not going to believe this. Rarity made Spike this gem covered bow tie because he is such a star. Ugh, gag me and now I can see it in Spike's eyes, he thinks he is gonna get laid!

Now you're not going to believe this but Rarity said, "Screw the meteor shower. Come on Spike, you can come screw me instead!" I can't believe it, she's gonna put out for him. I decided to follow them and that is exactly what happened and even better for Spike, she was ovulating so chances are he knocked her up. Do I hear wedding bells ringing? Guess what, I do! Rarity asked Spike to marry her and he said yes!

"Princess Celestia!"

"What StormLuna?"

"Look, I know you probably find this funny but that did not happen. Rarity did not lure Spike to the boutique so he could knock her up."

*laughs* "But it would make Spike happy! If I say it happened, it happened, right?"

"NO! Look, do it right or I'm taking your lovelies away from you and giving them to my OC."

"No, not my lovelies! Please don't give them to your OC! He'd probably knock them up!"

"First they would become his wives and then he would knock them up so if you don't want them turning straight you'll do this right."

"Fine but I'm only doing this so your OC doesn't steal my harem."

"Ok, get back to work."

Ugh he can be so mean. I want to add some humor to this and he threatened to punish my lovelies. Alright, well once again Spike goes acting like he is hot shit as Twily's friends continue to patronize Spike until my hot little student told him to shut his fucking trap (well in the much better unedited version.) Ultimately the meteor shower started and ponies across Equestria began praising Luna and commenting how much better she is than me. Guess what, all those serfs are going to see a major tax increase. Nopony goes saying Luna is better than me!

Finally this accursed meteor shower is over and Twilight's glorified pet has fallen asleep in the punch pitcher. Ugh, how disgusting. Chances are he probably drooled in it and luckily for everypony, Twilight dumped it out because nopony wants to drink something with dragon spit in it and after that, Twilight and Spike headed home.

Now guess what, as soon as they got home Spike fell asleep again and rather than hoping on the train to Canterlot, Twilight decides to start writing useless information down about comets. Look Twily, I already know about the composition of comets so you don't need to write me some dumb report to impress me. If you really want to impress me, you'll tell Spike to get lost so I can reverse this invisibility spell and sexy times can ensue! Unfortunately that does not happen and what happens next will likely piss off a scroll hacking pet.

Ok, there is Twily writing about comets acting like hot shit when the wind picks up and blows her scroll away. Doesn't that dumb bitch know how to close windows? When I saw her scroll blowing away I was thinking "good, now I can get some action." Unfortunately for me some dumb ass owl decides to return her scroll and she thanks the damn thing and decides to invite it in to stay with her while she studies (aka become her new pet).

Well shit, she already has Spike and now I'm going to have to kick TWO critters out before we can have some fun. Well I can think of one pony who won't be so upset, Fluttershy. With Twily being tied down by not just Spike, but this owl as well, I'll devote more time to the sexiest pegasus to have ever roamed this world....enough about how Fluttershy is going to see more action. Let's move on, shall we?

Finally I headed home because I needed to raise the sun and was hungry but hey, I can still watch her from my balcony while I feast on some cake, right? The next morning arrives and oh my goodness, Spike has slept in. I haven't seen him in this kind of panic in a while, quite a while actually. To make matters worse, I thought Twilight would be all grumpy and need calming down but she didn't. She was perfectly fine with him sleeping in because that owl of hers, that she named Owlicious, had done his chores for him.

Eventually Twilight decides to go out and Spike meets Owlicious. Naturally Spike met the owl and introduced him but that's not important. What is important is what my Twily did once she went out. Get this, she went to Rarity's and grabbed her, then they headed to Fluttershy's and had some fun. Of course yours Truly saw this as an opportunity so I teleported myself into Fluttershy's cottage and what they had planned to be a kinky threesome became a kinky foursome!

Wow, what a release. I didn't get any the night before and morning cake can only do so much. Now I think I shall prowl around Ponyville and keep an eye on those three, and if I get the chance, haul either one of them or some other hot mare to a secluded place and have some fun!

After we had some fun, Twilight and her sexy friends met up with their not so sexy friends outside of the library so they can meet Owlicious. Oh good grief, there are all her friends going all fan-filly over the dumb thing and there was poor Spike up in a windowsill listening to them. Now this is cold on the part of Rarity, very cold. She gave Owlicious a bow tie just like the one she gave Spike. Now this pisses him off and I don't blame him. I'm not thrilled either and rather than wasting time making apparel for owls, she should be submitting to me in the bedroom.

I don't blame Spike for being pissed and storming back inside one bit. Now there they are wondering why Spike was being such a little bitch and my Fluttershy makes the suggestion that Spike may feel threatened and worried that he may be replaced. Oh Twilight better not do that. I had to send crews out into the dragon lands to steal an egg and if she abandons Spike in favor of some dumb owl that can't talk, I'm dumping her as my protege. I'll demote her down to the role of royal sex slave and send somepony else down there to replace her. I've got it, I'll send Colgate down there because she scares me in the bedroom the way she is constantly staring at my teeth while she punishes me.

Alright, enough about this because if I don't stop going into so much detail this analysis will wind up being more like a book report. Moving on, well it looks like Twilight is writing more shit down to try and impress me again! Well while she is trying to impress me and failing miserably, her last quill breaks. Sweet, now she can forget about this, head up to Canterlot and make me happy! Now we have Spike to the rescue, he is bound and determined to find her another quill somewhere so he doesn't get replaced.

Well his initial search for a quill was fruitless. First the little dumb ass tears the library apart and then goes and tries to buy one from "Quills & Sofas" but unfortunately, they didn't have any so he had only one option. Despite knowing that a chicken's feather would be a sorry substitute for a quill he heads to Sweet Apple Acres and after getting his ass kicked by a chicken, he manages to get a feather. Of course he returns home to find that Owlicious had gave Spike one of his feathers to use as a quill.

Alright, now I am not happy. I was so busy following Spike that I'm not sure how she got him to give her a feather. Oh boy, she better not have put out to that damn thing in return for a feather. If she did, somepony is going to be in serious trouble and as punishment, I will chain her to my bed and let Colgate have her way with her and instruct my most intense student to torture her and then screw her. It would serve as a proper punishment for putting out for a damn owl.

Alright, again I'm going into too much detail but luckily for Twilight, I heard her thank Owlicious for the feather free of charge so sorry Colgate, but you'll have to wait until another time to get to punish Twilight for me. Ok, Spike has fallen asleep but that will not last for long when she dropped that book he burned up right in front of him and yelled at him.

Good grief Twilight, calm the fuck down! I would try to calm her down right now but I don't like dealing with her when she goes into grade A bitch mode. It was getting late, I was tired and I had a certain pony on my docket that night that despises tardiness more than Twilight, a pony who would punish me severely if I'm late. I just have to hope she won't rip my teeth out while we're having fun.

"Princess Celestia!"

"What now StormLuna?"

"Would you just tell everypony what they want to hear? I highly doubt they want to hear about how Colgate will punish you if you're late."

"Oh fine, I just got side tracked. I'll get back to work on this right away."

Sorry about that everypony, I'll try to stay on track now. The next day arrived and Spike has decided that he is going to try and fix this obsession Twilight has with that owl once and for all. I think he must have known that Rarity and Opal were headed over to Fluttershy's house for some fun. Flutters will have some Rares and Opal will hopefully kill and eat Angel. I would go and join them but I have to keep my eye on Spike because I'm sure that whatever he has planned is going to blow up in his face.

Get this, he wants to make it look like Owlicious killed a mouse in the library and what is ridiculous is that he thinks Opal's toy mouse will suffice. Come on Spike, I know you want to hurry up and frame Owlicious for rodentcide but please, Twilight is going to know that thing ain't real. Unfortunately in his fit of jealousy, he not only tears that thing open but he takes it home, throws it on the floor, covers it in ketchup but then as an added act of idiocy, he tears Twilight's pillow up right in front of her not knowing she was there. Now I am pissed, that pillow was really comfortable and who is to say if she'll find another one that good.

I'm not the only one pissed, Twily is too and after yelling at Spike, she leaves and after she left, Spike ran away from home. Well shit on a stick, how the hell am I supposed to communicate with her? Yeah I could always fly down there to tell her what I need but rather than going on and saving Equestria if need be, she would be satisfying my needs and sometimes that can't be on the top of her priority list....what a shame, right?

Night has fallen and Spike is wandering through the Everfree Forest pouting about how Twilight hates him now and how he let an owl unseat him as Twily's number one pet, I mean assistant. Once a rainstorm hits he finds a cave and goes in to get dry. Well shit, now I'm going to have to actually go there and monitor him. What a little bastard, I had a cake right in front of me and nopony else wanted to go to the forest and make sure he doesn't fall prey to timberwolves or some other creature that may be hungry.

Oh fun, just as I arrived a huge adult dragon has discovered that Spike is eating his gems. You'd think Spike would know that a big pile of gems would not just be sitting in a cave for no reason. Unfortunately for him, not being able to eat any more gems is the least of his problems at this point. It looks like this dragon is going to kill Spike but what the hell happens next? Get this, despite him trying to frame him for rodentcide and pillow destruction, Owlicious has come to save him! Now this is proof that Twily's pet owl ain't all that bright. I would have just let the dragon eat Spike but I would TAX HIM over the value of those gems and if he can't pay up, he'll be sleeping with the fishes.

Not only had Owlicious came to save Spike, but so did my sexy little student. Finally Spike, Owlicious and Twily got away from the dragon and out of the forest. Twilight can claim that she was worried about Spike all she wanted but I know what her initial reaction was when she discovered he ran away. She was thinking, "Good, now if I can just find a way to dispose of this owl, Celestia can come for sexy times any time she wants!"

Sadly the writers would pound it into her head that she better go save him and finally Spike decided to apologize to Owlicious for trying to frame him. Finally Twilight decided to have Spike try to write me some sort of sappy message how he learned not to be a knifing little bastard and that he shouldn't be jealous that Twilight has two pets now. That's right Spike, you shouldn't be. The only one who has that right is ME!

Now for what happened afterwards, I was not thrilled with Twilight for putting herself in danger for a disobedient little dragon so I made myself known, hauled her ass up to Canterlot and took her someplace that she would not exactly like. I decided that one of my hot students should get to fulfill her dreams. I took her to Colgate's house where she wound up getting brutally punished. Now I did get it on video but Colgate promised me that if it were mass produced that she would ram her whole leg up in me so it will remain a "Celestia's Porno Collection" exclusive. Perhaps this will teach Twilight not to put herself in unnecessary danger in the future.

Now if you will excuse me, Colgate is impatiently tapping her hoof because now it is time for us to punish Twilight together and I am sorry, but this one will not be on tape.

Chapter 25: Party of One

Hello everypony, this is your beloved dictator Celestia again and do I have a surprise for you, my analysis of "Party of One"

Well it looks like another wonderful day has arrived in Ponyville and as usual, my hot little student is reading away when what happens, Pinkie Pie decides to go deliver a singing telegram to her about her stupid alligator's birthday. Come on, nopony cares about the birthday of a toothless alligator. I am not happy that she interrupts my student from reading a book I sent to her about new sex positions! Well after she finishes annoying my little Twily she goes and annoys the rest of her friends. By the end of her singing telegram she is so tired she collapses on Fluttershy's doorstep.

Well her annoying her friends is bad enough but the fact that she was able to get them to attend this ridiculous party is even worse. I invited Twilight and Fluttershy to a party in my bedroom that day too but they just had to pick this instead. Well next time I see them, I'll punish them severely if you know what I mean. Seriously though, why would anypony choose a party for a brain dead alligator over a party with the sexiest pony to ever exist? Well they have their dumb party, engage in boring Pinkie party antics and then go home. Then Twilight has to make the dumbest suggestion ever, that they'll have to have another party soon.

Well shit, here I was thinking I could drag Twilight up here the next day for some fun but the party pony just has to ruin it. She shows up the next day and invites Twilight to "an after birthday part for Gummy." Seriously? Who in Equestria throws an "after birthday party?" That has to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. Twilight however, has other plans. Pinkie approaches her over this but this time my student was ready, she pulled all her books out and told Pinkie she had to hit the books. Well yeah she has to hit the books, she has to learn something new! After all, I can only enjoy the same old stuff for so long. Sadly that was not what Twilight was going to study, she was simply making an excuse so she could plan out Pinkie's birthday party.

Well I suppose all I will get to do is watch Twilight and her friends do what it takes to get everything ready for Pinkie's party, which winds up becoming rather humorous....so humorous in fact that I can put my urges aside for some comedy. Now back to the episode, her other friends make excuses as well as to why they can't attend the party. She acts more and more suspicious as they all decline her invitations. I don't blame them, I would decline that kind of invitation as well. I would have simply told her that after birthday parties are stupid but that is just me.

Unfortunately for her friends, they don't manage to do that good of a job when it comes to avoiding detection. For starters, my beloved Twily must not be all that bright. She just had to go to the sweets shop to pick up the cake. I would think that if those five had an ounce of common sense, they would have had the cake delivered to Sweet Apple Acres the night before, that or had me watch over it and deliver it that day, under the condition that Twilight and Fluttershy compensate me, but it is too late for that now! Now you'd think Mrs. Cake and Twilight both would wonder what the hay is going on with the tin can in Sugarcube Corner but both of them lack common sense and don't think a thing about it.

Well Twilight gets the cake and heads over to Rarity's. What she doesn't know is that she is being followed by Pinkie, wearing the lamest and most overused disguise of all time, the glasses, human nose and mustache. I swear, while she does have her moments, she is quite dumb there. Anypony would know that is her. Well Rarity thinks she hears something and Gummy blows their cover so she has to find a new disguise. Speaking of Rarity, she is actually putting that hideous tail of her's to use. She is using it to carry the cake. Bravo Rarity! I didn't know she was that smart! Perhaps I should give her some special treatment at the Gala, if she decides to want me instead of my idiot nephew that is.

Well she delivers it to Fluttershy and who is right around the corner, a haybale with that stupid disguise on! Come on, that disguise will give Pinkie away no matter what. She could disguise herself as a pile of shit and as long as that disguise is on it, everypony will know it is her! Ok, the oh so sexy Fluttershy grabs that cake in her mouth and heads off but low and behold, she bumps into Haybale Pie and flies off. One thing most of you don't know. She was so scared she came up to Canterlot for a quickie to calm herself down. It's about damn time she put out, I was seriously considering banishing her to the moon if she would have waited much longer.

Once she got here and I took her to my sleeping chambers, I told a guard to keep an eye on this. From what he told me, Rainbow Dash walked by her and knew it was her. I must say that despite being an arrogant jock, that she is very observant. The guard broke down laughing as he told me about how no matter what she tried, she couldn't get away from Pinkie. I have some advice for Rainbow, fly up to Cloudsdale and hide....well maybe not, Pinkie would just beat her there in that balloon and manage to walk on clouds without having a spell cast on her. Suddenly I have the guard rushing in just as Fluttershy got me to climax yelling that Pinkie is chasing Rainbow towards the farm. I thought, "Oh shit! I can't have Fluttershy and the cake be missing!" With that I teleported her and the cake to the barn. What her friends thought when she was soaked with my nectar I'm not sure, but as long as she got washed off before Pinkie's party, all will be fine.

Well once I get back to my window to spy on Ponyville some more I see Pinkie interrogating poor Applejack over what is going on. Good thing my sister didn't see this or she would have flown down there, threatened to banish Pinkie to the sun if she didn't leave her alone and despite claiming she doesn't like sweets, she would have probably ate most of the cake herself.

Now the truly fun part ensues, Pinkie decides she must interrogate innocent little Spike over this. For me to see the next part, I had to cast an invisibility spell on myself and bolt to Ponyville. When I get there she has poor Spike in a chair and is interrogating him. Now you'd think Spike would wonder what is up with her offering him gems just to talk. Yeah he can be useful at times but at other times he is far too trusting. Pinkie keeps on yelling at him as he talks. I'm thinking, "Would you just shut up bitch? He wasn't in on this, alright?"

Finally Spike tells Pinkie what she wants to hear, AFTER WHAT SHE TELLS HIM WHAT TO SAY! Guess what, now we have Pinkamena Diane Pie! What a shame it wasn't the fan version of her, I was in the mood to watch some pony going on a killing spree, oh well though, I guess seeing her completely lose it and befriend inanimate objects will have to do. I suppose she decided that a bucket of turnips, a pile of rocks, a piece of lint and a sack of flour would be sooooo much better than real friends! Well they sure the hell won't be element bearers. Oh great, if this keeps up I'll have to find a new pony to bear the element of laughter.

Well after imagining her new "friends" are talking and moving on their own, Rainbow finally shows up to drag her ass to her party. Now something happened that should not be happening in a children's cartoon, in their struggle, Pinkamena ends up sitting on Rainbow's head. Now whether she was simply trying to suffocate her or wanted to give her a golden shower is beyond me, when it comes to these two, I'd rather not know.

Well finally Rainbow drags Pinkamena to Sweet Apple Acres for her party. In the crazed state she was in, Pinkamena thought they were throwing her a farewell party. Now why in Equestria would anypony throw somepony else a farewell party. With the way she was acting, they should have just thrown her out, told her to go to Tartarus and threw a "Twilight and Fluttershy are off to see Celestia party." Well eventually they get Pinkamena to see that it was her birthday and she returns to normal. Guess what though, she then wants to turn it into an "After Birthday party for Gummy" because he was upset his got cut short. Give me a break, it lasted for several hours.

I did get a good letter from Twilight which really read, "Dear Master Celestia, While I am enjoying Pinkie's stupid birthday party Fluttershy and I have plans on bolting early. Don't worry, we'll be there by nightfall. Love, Twilight Sparkle

P.S. Could you get Luna to do your duties for a few days, we're both really frustrated right now and need several days with you."

Of course my answer was yes and I'm seriously thinking that maybe I should just let Luna take over everything, make Twilight and Fluttershy immortal and have a threesome with them for all eternity.

Chapter 26a: The Best Night Ever

Hello peasants, this is your Supreme Dictator Celestia again and one of the biggest events of the year is upon us, the Grand Galloping Gala. While I tend to find this event increasingly boring and useless, the dressmakers of Equestria have convinced me for decades to keep it going given the money they make off of it so I keep this shitty tradition alive.

Let's get started on this. It appears as though the pegasi have created yet another wonderful day down in Ponyville and up here in Canterlot. It would have been a shame had they decided a nasty rainstorm would have been necessary, causing my girls to get wet down there before coming up here. Well in the case of my sexy Twily, it would have been a good thing. Speaking of Twily, she has suddenly decided that her and her friends are too good to take the train up here so she uses some fancy spell to turn an apple into a carriage. Ugh, that reminds me of something that lame ass showboat Trixie would do. What would happen next would horrify everypony. She uses street magic to turn four mice into the ugliest horses of all time. I know she wants to get up here to see me as soon as possible but no way in Tartarus am I letting those hideous beasts into Canterlot! Luckily for me Opal attacks one of them and they take off.

Now they have no way to get to the Gala, well until Rarity promises to whore herself out to a couple of her neighbors. How dare she, first she wants to seduce my idiot nephew and now she wants to bang these two hacks? Not after I'm done with her. After tonight, she will realize that MARES are the way to go! She'll never bat an eye at a stallion ever again. Again I had to do a little teleport and invisibility spell to see how Spike wanted in while they were getting dressed. It wasn't Spike wanting in that shocked me, it was the fact that Rarity wears false eyelashes. Yep, she has no natural eyelashes. Well they always say that when a pony lacks in one area, they overcompensate in other areas, hopefully she will prove that right tonight in my sleeping chambers.

Well after what seems to be forever they finally get going on their way to the Gala. I know Spike is excited to get to the donut shop but damn it, must he treat those hacks pulling their carriage like stagecoach horses. Come on boy, this ain't the Dodge Junction Express! They finally get here and burst into a magical number involving their dreams and of course, my sexy Twily's involves giving me bedroom eyes and talking about magic. Oh we'll be doing more than talking about magic tonight, we'll be experiencing it too!

Of course after their magical number they go off their separate ways and leave Spike all alone. Oh well, I'm sure Donut Joe won't mind given that Spike will be his only customer for most of the night. Now naturally Fluttershy goes off to piss off MY animals. What she doesn't realize is that I approached them earlier today and told them to do whatever it took to frustrate a yellow pegasus with a pink mane and tail and three butterfly cutie marks. I figure that if she is overly frustrated, I can make her feel all better!

Of course Rarity sees my nephew and naturally starts her pursuit. Ugh, her taste in potential mates is as hideous as her tail is. I wouldn't wish Blueblood on those vile witches from G1, much less any Equestrian pony. Enough about Rarity, Applejack has set her pie stand. Luckily for her my sister paid the vendor fee for her so she can sell her sweets. I know Luna appreciates her hard work ethic but to bend over backwards for her seems a bit excessive. Luckily for Applejack, Soarin' is hungry, as usual. He buys one of her pies and naturally she is happy. Sadly though, none of the rest of these ponies want her treats. Then again what can you expect when most of the guests are upper class snobs that eat caviar and demand imported apples?

Regarding Soarin's apple pie, he drops the damn thing and who comes to the rescue? Rainbow Dash of course! She must think that if she can save it, she can get one of them in bed....I highly doubt it is Soarin' she wants though. My sister has visited her dreams and reported rather disturbing images of her and Spitfire defiling the Wonderbolt Academy mess hall. Well Spitfire asks her if she wants to hang out and she goes all fangirl and nearly pisses in her dress before following them into the VIP section.

Pinkie Pie gets her chance to party, which would prove to be futile because the guests are way too boring and stupid to know how to have fun. She bounces around like always and bursts into song, which they don't like. Now she is relegated to sitting at a table singing to herself. She should just go join Spike in the donut shop since she obviously won't fit in here. I feel bad for her but she should have known better. This ain't the foal and filly fair!

Now comes my beloved Twily running up the stairs shouting, "Celestia Master, let's get started! I can't wait!" Of course the writers edited that to something more fit for a kids' show. I gave her a seductive smile and whispered, "Not now Twily, we have to wait for the others!" Hey, just because Twily's already in heat doesn't mean I'm going to leave her friends out in the cold.

For a while Twilight and I have this long line of ponies that need being welcomed to the Gala. I suddenly notice something, it seems like I have the same damn ponies going through that line several times. Is that all you got animators? Do you only have a few generic designs for ponies. I swear, Fine Line must have gone through that line a dozen times. Next time I'm only going to give tickets to a select few and I'm thinking I will exclude most of the wealthy ponies, they are far too boring.

After nearly nodding off a couple of times and being bitched at by a couple rich scum ponies, things start to get interesting. From the ball room I hear the band playing a tune that sure ain't fit for the Gala and I hear Pinkie singing "The Pony Pokey." I'm thinking, "Thank Faust, maybe this accursed event will be fun after all!"

Now I start to hear Pinkie making more noise in the ballroom and I can see from afar that Applejack has decided to find a different way to get these snobs to eat her treats, too bad she won't make any money on it. And what is this? Rarity is still trying to whore herself out to Blueblood? If I were her I would have just left, came up with me and Twilight and waited to have some fun. Pinkie dives and launches Applejack's cake into the air and good grief, I learn that my nephew is a bigger pussy than I thought. He puts Rarity in front of him to take the hit from the cake. Maybe this isn't all bad though, Rarity is rather worked up and I'll be just the one to calm her down! I might even let her tie that hideous tail of hers around my back hooves if it will make her feel better, key word, might!

Ok Rarity's mad and Blueblood winds up knocking the Alicorn over. Eventually Rainbow Dash catches it but knocks a column over, which caused all the others to fall over as well. I know she was thinking that she could get Spitfire in bed if she kept the whole room from being destroyed. Sadly for her, Spitfire only has eyes for Fleetfoot. Just as she thinks she has saved the day, the statue breaks and I decide that I should go check it out. Of course Twily won't leave my side, fearing that if she does she won't have the time of her life.

The place is a disaster area but I am actually happy, I hoped this boring event would have some excitement for a change. Now the ultimate fun comes, my animals stampede into the room as an enraged Fluttershy chases them in. What? My dear, sweet, innocent Fluttershy is in a rage? Such a rage that she has my animals on the run? Yeah it is irritating that she did this to my animals but hey, I'll get compensated for it tonight.

As all out chaos ensues and more damage is done to the ballroom Twilight and her friends run off to the donut shop and after I throw all the rich snobs out, I go looking for them. When I find them I discover that Spike said that his plans of them sticking together would have been so much better. How dare he, he wants a boring Gala and he probably wants Rarity for himself! Well that ain't happening.

After everypony agrees with that smug ass dragon I have a talk with them. Remember how I have brought up a seven mare orgy in the past. Well I have decided against it because some of them I simply don't find attractive. Applejack, bless her heart simply doesn't remind me of the type that would engage in that activity, Rainbow Dash is as close to a boy as you can get without having a penis and Pinkie is just too damn immature. Applejack looked relieved, Pinkie was talking about throwing a "You're gonna get laid" party for Rarity, Fluttershy and Twilight while Rainbow Dash grunted and flew away.

I led the three chosen ones towards my chambers but first I told a guard to relay a message to Luna. I told him to tell her, "Twilight and her friends aren't going to be busy for a while so I'm taking three of them on a vacation. Could you perform my duties for a few months?"

He obliged and I took my lovely slaves up to my room and we started our several months of fun! Now be gone with you serfs, I have several months of non-stop fun with the three hottest mares in Equestria ahead of me!

Chapter 26b: The Best Night Ever from Luna's Perspective

Greetings citizens of Equestira, this is thy Princess of the Night and our take on The Best Night Ever.

Ok, for starters we do not attend this event as we find it most unpleasant. What we did do though was cast an invisibility spell upon ourselves and monitor it. Unlike our sister who likes to comment on every last detail, we shall just give a general synopsis on it.

Our dear friend Applejack was only able to sell one apple pie and the rest of the Gala was awful for her. Once our sister is preoccupied with something else, we shall go into the treasury and take her a few thousand bits. Granny Smith needs that hip replaced, they need their roof fixed and they could use a few new plows.

Pinkie Pie couldn't get the rich jerks to have fun. It is no wonder that we hast no desire to spend time with them.

Fluttershy made our sister's animals most angry. We feel bad for her but even we can't get our sister's animals to approach us. We get along better with timberwolves than our sister's animals.

Rainbow Dash was being most annoying and couldn't realize that she wasn't going to get into the Wonderbolts with a few slick moves.

Rarity is an idiot. She should know that our nephew would have no use for her. We wish to share a little secret with thee. When he was born, our sister could tell he would be evil so she neutered him. So even if Rarity was able to hook up with him, no foals could be created.

Twilight is too clingy to our sister yet we have known this ever since we returned from the moon. We do hope that one day she will become a bit more independent so our sister can relax.

The last thing we learned was that Spike almost ate Donut Joe out of house and home. We don't care though as we find his treats most disgusting. Applejack's treats are far better.

And the guard did relay our sister's message to us. We are most suspicious of our sister's claims as we hear much moaning and squealing coming from her room but we are most scared of what we would discover if we barged in. Besides, we find doing Celestia's duties as most enjoyable. It will be most fun when we decide to scrap the summer sun celebration and replace it with the Winter Moon Celebration!

One a side note, we nearly started a war with Saddle Arabia over a trade disagreement. Once we banished their ambassador to the sun, they knew not to mess with thy Princess of the Night so all is most fine!

Chapter 27: The Return of Harmony Part 1

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess and season two has begun. The good news, I'm certain to have plenty more exploits with my lovelies, bad news, I have to release one of my lovelies from my sleeping chambers. Overall though, I am in a very good mood so I will provide you with my synopsis of "The Return of Harmony: Part 1." Don't worry, I'll do part two since it would make no sense to only do half of it.

Today is actually a very good day, well sort of. The school down in Ponyville is having a field trip up here to look at the sculpture garden that is so famous and you know what that means! It means that while those foals are roaming the palace grounds, I will be engaging in some sexy times with the hottest school teacher in Equestria.

Ok, enough about my plans for Cheerilee. She has brought the three most dangerous things to my rule with her so she must be punished! Ok, about the Filly Illuminati, it seems like they aren't exactly getting along all that well and really begin to fight when they come across a stone statue of an old foe of mine from long ago. Wait a minute, is the stone starting to crack? Shit, I hope not or having some flower butt as a snack may not be on the agenda after all.

Meanwhile, down in Ponyville Rainbow is having problems with chocolate milk clouds? Now where the hell would something that unnatural come from? I get it, those stupid pegasi are trying to play jokes so guess what, I'm hiring weather mages to serve every town in Equestria and firing the pegasus ponies. It will save the country millions in annual pensions and perhaps save us from bankruptcy.

I guess I better quit making plans on saving the economy and focus on this. Apparently the chocolate milk rain isn't the only problems Ponyville is having. The corn is turning into popcorn, Applejack's apples are growing huge and now the damn rabbits are growing really long legs? I was really hoping that this would cause the sexiest pegasus to have ever roamed the earth to get distraught and need comforting but unfortunately it did not.

Along comes my sexy little student thinking that she can fix these problems with a spell but unfortunately she can't. Now normally I would punish her severely for failing at a spell but something bad has happened so I summoned them to Canterlot, all of them. I honestly wish it was just the hot ones for some sexy times but sadly, they all must come.

Now the writers will finally let me tell them what the hell happened. An old foe of mine, one that was a royal pain in the ass has escaped his stone prison and has decided to go cause problems in Ponyville. In the past Luna and I had to turn him to stone using the Elements but unfortunately, since Twily and her friends used them on my sister, they won't work for me anymore and they must use them on Discord. It seems simple enough but I have a feeling this may not go as planned.

Oh joy, the Elements are missing from Canterlot Tower and as it turns out, my foe comes to taunt me and boast about how he "borrowed" the Elements. Now I honestly think that he must not be that bright because he gave my lovelies and their unsexy friends a riddle as to where they would be. Eventually my little Twily decides that they are somewhere in the hedge maze. You know something, I think I know the REAL reason she wants to take her friends into that thing, and it ain't to find the Elements!

I wish them luck and tell my lovelies that they better not have any fun without me unless they want to be punished and sent them on their way. Now what would happen next would not make me happy. Discord decided to show up and he turned them all into earth ponies. Noooooo! Now Twily and Rarity can't give me horn sex and I can't preen Fluttershy's wings for her anymore! THIS IS THE WORST POSSIBLE THING! Ok, enough about the bad things, I better get moving if I ever want to finish this.

Eventually they headed into the maze and Discord has decided to have a little bit of fun with them. Ok Applejack, you should know that there aren't going to be apples falling in the maze because there are no trees in there but she falls into the trap and follows the apples to where she is greeted by talking piles of apples. Now I would have just told Discord to stop playing stupid games but that is just me, commoners are more likely to fall into silly traps like this.

Great, just great. Now Discord has Applejack convinced that she and her friends are going to break up because of all this. Because of that, she has lost some of her color and once Twilight finds her, she winds up lying about not talking to anypony! Well there goes her status as being the Element of Honesty. Well as long as my lovelies manage to escape that fate, I will be fine.

Next up is Pinkie who is greeted by a balloon garden. I'm standing at my window shaking my head because she should know that something that useless would NEVER be in my hedge maze. That was created for me to haul lovelies out into to have fun outside, not throw mindless parties in.

Well it looks like another one of the Element bearers are falling under Discord's spell and has turned gray. Once she is found by my oh so sexy student and Luna's favorite of those six, she is suddenly revealed as an overly paranoid grump. Hey, I have no problems with the paranoia but the grumpiness will be a problem with her being the Element of Laughter.

So far Discord has fallen two of them to fall and now I am not happy, he is targeting one of my lovelies now, with three diamonds. Yeah Discord is being a complete asshole right now but he knows exactly how to get Rarity to give up her true nature. At first I thought Rarity would be able to resist but then she just had to fall under his spell and once she is found, she has become the Element of Greed and thinks a huge boulder is a diamond.

Now for something the writers certainly couldn't show, you know how Fluttershy hid in the bushes for so long? Well she really wasn't there the whole time. She spent a lot of that time up in my chambers with me! Even as an earth pony though, she still rocked my world during the little time we had.......

"Princess Celestia!"

"What?"

"You can not say that happened because it didn't! Fluttershy hid in the hedge because she was scared, she was not rocking your world!"

"Come on, they never showed her up until that point so she could have been doing anything!"

"Sorry Celestia but you can't go claiming things that didn't happen."

"Oh fine, she just hid in the hedge like a coward then."

"There, that's better. Now get back to work."

*grumbles* "Whatever."

Ok, so Fluttershy was hiding in the hedge like a coward when she should have been up with me! Finally some butterflies, three of them to be exact drew her out and she suddenly started having a conversation with them. Of course this is Discord but what is this, is he not going to get her to change? Yes, I knew the hottest one wouldn't cave in UNTIL Discord simply touches her and decides that it was time for her to be a bitch.

Yes she lost some color but I was really hoping that when she was found by most of her friends, that she was still normal but sadly that would not be the case, she was indeed a bitch and she even slapped my still perfectly sexy Twily in the face with her tail. Now that gives me an idea, should I force them to swat each other in the face with their tails in the future? Perhaps I will but now back to the episode.

Finally Discord targets the ugliest and my least favorite of Twilight's friends, the so-called Element of Loyalty. Now it doesn't surprise me much that she was so easy to corrupt but hell, he could have simply presented her with a key to Spitfire's bedroom and she would have bailed without getting her wings back. I guess I shouldn't bitch too much though, I would bail on the scene if it meant I got my wings back too.

Well now everyone of them except my sexy little student have been corrupted. Applejack is now the Element of Dishonesty, Pinkie is now the Element of Grumpiness, Rarity is the Element of Greed, Fluttershy is the Element of Being a Total Bitch and Rainbow is the Element of Dishonesty. Well at least he hasn't got to my sexy Twily yet, she still has all her color and probably still has her ability to satisfy my appetite too!

Now Discord has made the maze disappear and is gloating over how they didn't find the Elements, how he had won. You know, I'm not a fan of eternal chaos but if he will leave Twilight alone, tell her to come up to my sleeping chambers until she loses her sex appeal and not spy on us, I'll let him off the hook. As long as I have Twilight as my slave, that is all that will really matter!

One good thing though, Twily and Rarity got their horns back and Fluttershy got her wings back! That is a relief because I seriously thought I'd have to force one of my other students to give me horn sex, one of which I am a bit afraid of.

Despite there being chaos all over the place, the castle chef has just brought me a cake so while I feast on it, I shall take a short break. Don't worry folks, I'll do part two as well!

Chapter 28: The Return of Harmony Part 2

Yeah, yeah, yeah Hub. We all know what just happened a few minutes ago, no need to go reminding everypony of it. Hell the way they act you'd think it was a week ago or so. As promised, here we go with part two of "The Return of Harmony."

Well it is a horrid day in Canterlot now, two of my lovelies and their not so sexy friends have become the opposite of what they are, chocolate rain is falling and Twilight is getting mocked by Discord. I feel so bad for the poor thing. If someauthor would let me change things up a bit, I would bring her up here and make her feel all better. Well if she fails because she is too distraught, it ain't my fault, it will be the fault of an uptight author!

Oh boy, thanks to Discord and his taunting, my girls are now fighting with one another and are representing their new, not so pleasant Elements....well except for Twilight who has yet to be corrupted. You know Twilight, you can claim he ain't playing fair but Discord doesn't know the meaning of the world "fair." Look Twily, I know you're upset he took the maze away before you found the Elements but I'm going to give you some advice. Simply tell your friends you're done with them, come up to my sleeping chambers and make me happy!

Now Discord has a moron moment, he takes my Twily back to their moment in the throne room to listen to what he said again and now my sexy student has figured out Discord's riddle, the Elements are somewhere in Ponyville. Now why couldn't Discord have just said that they were in MY favorite place instead? That's right, because he even has to make my life miserable by denying me the girls that I need to function properly!

Now that my Twily has figured things out, it is time for her and her so-called friends to return to Ponyville without coming up and paying me tribute if you know what I mean. Well guess what, I'm going to punish her in one way or another and even thought the thoughts of a male watching me and one of my girls getting it on repulses me, if he isn't defeated I'll just have Discord record me punishing Twilight and then send it out across Equestria as a PSA....do not deny your sexy Sun Goddess what she wants or you may not like what will happen!

Ok, enough about me maybe having Discord record me punishing my Twily. Now that they are on the way home some of those long legged rabbits trample Twilight into the ground. Bravo rabbits, bravo....that will teach Twilight a lesson, maybe she will pay me tribute before she leaves in the future.

What the hell? Now Discord is playing with my sun and Luna's moon and neither one of us are very happy princesses right now. I swear, I really wish that my sister and I were still tied to the Elements instead of Twily and her so-called friends. Instead of us turning gray and becoming the opposites of our true selves, we could have turned him back into stone in ten seconds flat but oh no, the writers just couldn't leave well enough alone now could they?

Enough about how Luna and I would be able to turn Discord back to stone in nothing flat, it looks like my girls are arriving in Ponyville so more fun antics are sure to ensue! Now my Twily is trying to convince her friends to go into the library and they are suddenly losing all their color and getting worse! This is horrible because Fluttershy will likely be horrible in bed now! I have got to do something to save my number one lovely!

Well they have gone inside the library and Fluttershy has become an even bigger bitch, she has dumped water all over Spike and woke him up. Wait a minute, why should I care? Oh well, moving on and now Fluttershy has dumped water on Twilight and said that she is soaking wet and clueless. Sweet, my dream has come true and since StormLuna is distracted by the Winnipeg game, I'm going to try a little something.

"Don't even try it Celestia."

"Hey, I thought you were distracted by the Winnipeg game!"

"They won so I'm not distracted anymore. Now do this right or I'll throw you off the project and have Luna banish you to the sun."

"No, please no! Don't do that!"

"Very well then, will you do it right?"

*grumbles* "Fine but I'll find a way to do things my way in the future."

Well I tried but back to the library. Now it looks like my Twily's friends are continuing to be total bitches to her and are now keeping the Elements of Harmony book away from Twilight. Sweet, Twilight is getting so agitated that it is adorable but when she is agitated like this, I usually try to steer clear of her. I tried something with her once when she was like this and she shoved her whole leg up in me and I tell you, that hurt like hell!

Well now, it looks like they have found the Elements of Harmony in Twilight's book and now they are off to defeat Discord so they won't ever have to talk to one another again. Well the bad news is that with Fluttershy being a brutal gray bitch and Rarity being a greedy gray bitch they won't be allowed in my chambers anymore but now I can force Twily to move home and into my sleeping chambers so perhaps things aren't going to be so bad after all.

Alright Twilight, so you and those bitchy friends of yours are going to defeat Discord with the Elements eh? Well guess what, you don't have Rainbow Crash and the friends you do have simply don't give a shit so I'm quite certain this won't work and it looks like Discord is in the same mindset and in the end it didn't work! Guess what Twily, you failed! Your friends failed too and now we are going to have eternal chaos. Hey, if Discord keeps it confined to Ponyville I don't give a shit. I know my sister will since that is where her fritters come from but I don't!

Now Discord is gloating about how he won and suddenly Twilight's friends have decided to unfriend her, if that is even possible in Equestria, and have now gone off on their separate ways, leaving my Twily all alone. That poor little thing, I'll be sure to give her some TLC when she gets her ass back home where she belongs. Wait a minute, now she has turned gray too?

Damn you Discord, you have turned ALL my lovelies and their not so attractive friends gray and Twilight will likely suck in the bedroom now since she seems to be completely hopeless now. Yeah I do have other students I can bang but still, it won't be the same without my yellow cake, lavender icing and white sprinkles.

Now when I saw Twily go gray, I knew something had to be done to try and fix that so what I did was send all of the letters Twilight had ever sent me back and make her scroll hacking pet sick. Yeah I know that may seem a little cruel but what was I supposed to do, send them to her through the mail? Hey, that would take longer and the local mail pony pissed me off here lately so I'm not giving the postal service any of my money!

Regarding Twilight and the scrolls, well she started to read them and she gained her color back and her determination back, woo-hoo! At least one lovely will still be able to put out, now it is a matter of can Twily fix her friends, defeat Discord and then get her ass in my sleeping chambers or simply be ran out of town? Either way I will get to keep her so all is good!

Ok, now for Twilight to go and fix her friends. Well she does succeed for the most part but I couldn't help but notice how they had Fluttershy tied up. What the hell happened there? Did she try to rape Twilight in a sex-crazed rage or something and Applejack had to do what she could to save Twily from a wrathful mare in heat? What matters is that they got all of them fixed, except for one....Crashie who has gone MIA and damn her hide, she is needed to help defeat Discord.

After searching just about everywhere they find her and it looks like catching her ain't going to be easy. Get this, my little ditz Fluttershy asked Rainbow if she could hold her down so Twilight could cast the memory spell on her. What an idiot, she obviously isn't the brightest bulb in the box. Sorry Flutters but I'm right, you may put out very well but that was an epic stupid moment.

Get this, Twily and her friends have put Fluttershy in charge of pulling their balloon along to catch Rainbow. Good grief, she is a horribly weak flyer and if you needed somepony to pull that balloon, you should have just came up and talked to me. I would have done it but at a price! A four mare romp and just for shits and giggles, I'd make the three unattractive ones engage in their own threesome, get it on video and sell it all across Equestria! Hey, some ponies are into ugly ones screwing one another!

Wait a minute, Twilight promises Fluttershy that she will let her dominate her and suddenly Fluttershy is flying so fast they are gaining ground, or air I should say, on Rainbow. Sweet Mother Faust, since when did she become such a strong flyer? What matters is that they caught Rainbow, Twilight cast the loyalty spell and now they're all happy again. Now the time has come for them to go and defeat Discord.

Yeah, yeah, yeah Discord, we get it. You're still gloating over their failed attempt to defeat you and think the same thing will happen again. If you had even a tenth of the intelligence I do you'd notice they aren't gray anymore and that they're all there. I do hope that they can defeat him this time, I'm getting hungry and I can't have what I'm hungry for until after the episode is over.

Well Twilight and her friends told Discord how important friendship is and then they proceeded to defeat him. Now he is turned back to stone, Ponyville is normal again and now they are up here for another overpriced, time consuming ceremony that the writers make me do for these six every time they wipe their asses correctly. Oh and speaking of them being up here, I'm sure you know what's going to happen after the episode is over, right?"

Now for one more little thing the writers are going to force me to do before I haul the sexy ones up to my chambers and send the ugly ones home, the mandatory stained glass window presentation. Ugh, I am getting so sick and tired of all these damn things being put up. Hey writers, have you ever thought that I might want to actually see outside instead of looking at images from the past?

Well shit, I'm so upset over this stained glass window thing that I'm not even in the mood now. I have made a change of plans, I decided to send them all home and I took a little vacation. I decided to go to Las Pegasus where I rented the most expensive room with the best view and with that room came cake deliveries on demand. I got my cake, I got my spectacular views and I did pick up a couple hotties for bootie calls down there so it wasn't bad at all.

Since I was able to unwind in Las Pegasus, I'm ready for the next episode and that is a good thing because I will actually get role in it for a change.

Chapter 29: Lesson Zero

Hi everypony, it is your magnificent and glorious supreme dictator again! You have all been extra good so I will share with you how I saw the episode "Lesson Zero."

For starters, I must say that I was disappointed last time I saw Twilight and her friends. After that fancy celebration I gave them along with a new stained glass window glorifying their most recent victory, they head off home without even saying goodbye, how inconsiderate. Twinkleshine is ill so I guess I'll just have to hoof myself, for now anyway.

Oh how I love to see my little Twily planning her new day. She is the only pony I have ever seen make a long list like she does. I remember back in the day when she lived up here with me and she'd make lists like that. It would read, "Boring event, make Celestia happy, boring event, meet Celestia in her sleeping chambers, boring event, share lunch with Celestia in my tower......" well you get the idea. Ok, about her list. I have seen what is on it and it must really suck to be her, not a single fun activity on there and there certainly isn't "leave Spike home and go have fun with Celestia" on it. What a shame.

So I'm spying on her with my telescope as she starts to do everything on her list and I can't help but yawn, "Boring!" I was thinking of stirring up some trouble like I did shortly after she moved down there but something in the back of my mind was telling me not to intervene, to let her screw something up on her own. Now like always, when she went into the sweets shop I had to cast an invisibility spell and teleport myself down there and I was appalled by what I saw. Mrs. Cake was being generous by giving her an extra cupcake and those things had plenty of icing on them. What does Twilight do, she bitches and complains "Oh I'm having a party and I don't want somepony else to feel like they're getting extra icing." For starters, she has 13 cupcakes so somepony is going to get an extra cupcake unless she feeds it to her scroll hacking pet. Second, nopony is going to care that one of them has more icing on it than the others. The only thing that matters to me is that I get Twily's icing after this episode!

Well then she decides to just start removing it. If I were Mrs. Cake I would have been insulted. I would have thrown her out and banned her from ever coming in, but she just takes it in stride. Well now my hot little student leaves and heads home, with almost every item checked off. Everything except for "Triple-check the checklist to make sure that we didn't miss anything when we double-checked the checklist." I swear, if she put as much work into keeping me happy as she does her damn checklists, maybe I wouldn't have to lock Twinkleshine in my bedroom every weekend.

Now the fun part comes, Spike mentions them not having to report anything to me. Well this naturally causes Twilight to panic and frantically search for her calendar. She is so adorable when she goes into panic mode like this. As it turns out it has been a week since she last wrote me and if she fails to send me something by sundown, she'll be tardy! And you know what the punishment is for being tardy is don't you? I'll let you in on a secret, it is me tying her up and letting Twinkleshine have fun with her without me. So far she hasn't had to endure that punishment but you never know, tonight could be the night Twinkleshine's dreams come true, having Twilight all to herself!

Ok, so now Twilight thinks I'm going to send her to magic kindergarten if she is tardy. Now why would she think such a thing, you know how awful I would look if it were discovered I had a kindergartner, regardless of her age, as my sex slave! It would make me look awful and everypony would demand I hand full power over to my sister, which I'm sure she would gladly take.

Once her drama queen moment is over she asks Spike if he has any problems that "She as a good friend" could help? For Faust's sake Twilight, you live with him! If he had any problems I'm sure you'd already know about them. Well Spike says no and now my little Twily is headed out to cause herself undue stress. Remember how at the end I let Twilight know that Spike sent me a message stating that she had started to freak out? Well he did that the minute she left but I decided rather than simply go and help her out then, that I would watch her descend into madness without her knowing it. After all, I love seeing her get all riled up. This will just give me an excuse to stay the night down there with her if she can't get things sorted out before sundown.

Ok, I'm glad I did that little teleport and invisibility spell because I couldn't see what was about to happen. Rarity is screaming for one reason or another, perhaps because she is frustrated because Fluttershy calls out my name when they get it on, who knows? Twilight gets in there to find that Rarity has lost some fancy ribbon she uses on her slutty outfits. Big deal! Now Twilight tries to comfort her and asks her what is wrong. I notice that Twilight sure puts a lot of emphasis on "That I as a good friend" can help you with. Hey Twily, they already know you're a good friend, I don't think you have to do that!

Well after Twily finds her ribbon and measuring tape my beloved pupil heads over to Sweet Apple Acres to stir up some trouble. She sees Rainbow Dash destroying a barn and immediately thinks she has serious issues with Applejack. If anypony has serious issues, it is me. I am having serious issues with her not coming to see me enough and having to please myself. After grabbing Rainbow with her aura and trying to act like a "I'm hot shit" counselor, she discovers that Rainbow was merely helping Applejack tear down an old barn so she can put up a new one. Boring! Well I wasted my time watching this.

Now I see my little Twily heading over to Fluttershy's. What? She is going to see Fluttershy but didn't invite me first? HOW DARE SHE! Oh she's in for it now. Alright, enough of my rant. Here Twilight thinks it will be oh so easy to fix one of Fluttershy's problems over her fear of everything, well everything except manticores and my bedroom anyway. Twilight notices what is going on and thinks Fluttershy has suddenly stopped being such a chickenshit. If she knew Fluttershy as well as she claims she does, she would know that she is the local animal doctor and they come to her to fix their problems. Yeah the bear looks ferocious, but even I knew she was going to fix it's back, and I don't even live there!

So far Twilight has been unsuccessful in finding any problems her friends have. If she would have had her bearings straight, she would have went over and helped the cakes resolve the class action lawsuit filed against them over the baked bads incident. Rather than making herself useful, she decides to go into self-pity mode and start fearing little fillies as she became more paranoid over me sending her to magic kindergarten. Good thing is, her mane and tail are starting to get a little messy, reminds me of how she would look after our quickies in the Starswirl the Bearded wing after lunch.

A lot of times Spike can be a little ass but throughout this episode, he is the voice of reason. He arrives to find Twilight talking to her reflection in a mud puddle. I'm really starting to enjoy this. I guess even the best students can go a bit haywire when they aren't under their sexy teacher's supervision all the time. Ok, back to Spike. Spike shows up with the cupcakes and suggests she sees her friends. Way to go Spike, pound some reason into her head!

I know how she is when she is stressed but I would think going to see her friends would calm her down, well it doesn't. By the time she gets there her mane and tail are so messed up you'd think her and I locked ourselves in the library and got hot and heavy all weekend long. Alright, I know I need to calm down but seeing her like that brings back so many sexy memories, memories that have suddenly made me wet! What if I were to be detected by smell alone? Alright, while they're yapping I'm headed to the lake to wash off.

It must have been a rather short talk as when I returned I see that she is gone and Rarity is calling her a drama queen. Excuse me? Yeah she threw a fit but nopony calls my Twily a drama queen except me. If I weren't down here trying to keep my presence hidden, I would have smacked her, hogtied her and let Spike have his way with her, which is something I know she would not like!

Here I am prowling around trying to hide and before too long out of the library comes my little Twily with her smarty pants doll. What is she going to do, cast a come to life spell on it and solve it's friendship problem? If she does that I'll really punish her. If she does that I WILL put her back in magic kindergarten and make her go back to living with her parents! That will teach her to try and cheat.

Luckily for her my suspicions were proven to be incorrect but what she is about to do is just as bad if not worse. She is going to try to make the Cutie Mark Crusaders fight over her, then come in and tell them why they shouldn't fight over it and get out of me letting Twinkleshine punish her. Unfortunately that plan fails. I don't blame those three. Why would they want an old stuffed toy that is falling apart but what happens next is funny. They fight over who should play with it because they don't want to! This is too rich. She should have just stepped in, asked "Girls, what seems to be the problem here? Is there anything that I AS A GOOD FRIEND can help you with?"

Now she decides to be a big shot and cast the want it, need it spell on that doll. Good grief, if she is going to cast that spell on anything she needs to go up to my sleeping chambers when I am home, cast it on herself and sexy times would ensue! Wait, she wouldn't have to do that but it would make it all the more fun. Well now those girls genuinely want the doll but guess what, soon the whole damn town wants it! And I mean everypony wants it, everypony from Big Mac, the mane dying dingbat mayor and the rest.

Soon I would discover why it is that Big Mac likely has no marefriend, somepony steals the doll from him and every mare that was surrounding him gets blasted off of him in his determination to get that thing back. He is too big and strong for the mares here, not big enough and injury prone when it comes to me and unfortunately, my sister prefers her solitude and likes her personal space. Maybe I can find some mare out there that can handle him.

Well enough about finding Big Mac a mare, now a stampede is thundering through town, luckily it didn't do any damage but once the sun sets and my poor little Twily looks like she could really use some comforting I decide to let my presence be known. I reversed the want it need it spell and suddenly nopony wants that torn up old doll....except one. Now why would Big Mac want that thing? Perhaps he knocked Cheerilee up and she's expecting and that will be the foal's first toy. Who knows, I can't trouble myself with that, I have a student that must be punished!

A broken and devastated Twily heads towards the library to meet me but before we could start having any fun her damn friends just had to show up. To be honest I never had any plans to punish Twilight, well badly anyway, I felt like punishing THEM for keeping me out of Twily's coat. Ok, I get it. You don't want me to punish Twilight in the way she has made you think I will. Tell you girls what, write me friendship lessons when you learn something and I won't take Twilight back to Canterlot and make her my full time sex slave. There, happy?

Kudos to Spike for informing me of what was going on. I had a good time sneaking around Ponyville watching the oh so sexy Twily driving herself batshit crazy but hey, I have to go. I'm expecting some mail and I better get that letter pronto or it won't just be Twilight that I take away from them, FLUTTERSHY will become my slave too!

Now be gone with you serfs, Twinkleshine is feeling all better so your Sun Goddess has a sexy night ahead of her!

Chapter 30: Luna Eclipsed (Luna's View)

Greetings citizens of Equestria. Thy Princess of the Night shall give thee her perspective of our episode Luna Eclipsed. Our sister had planned on doing this but since we hast banished a couple Saddle Arabian diplomats to the sun recently Celestia decided to go to Saddle Arabia and try to deescalate the situation. Hey, it's not our fault their diplomats called us "Moonbutt!" When somepony makes fun of us, they must be punished!

The evening starts out simple enough as Twilight and Spike are readying themselves for the festivities. We see that Twilight is going as Starswirl....excellent costume choice....and Spike hast decided to go as a dragon. We find his costume choice as most ridiculous. Why would one go as what they already are?

Now some adorable foals show up at Twilight's doorstep to get some candy but much to their dismay, one of Twilight's friends shows up to take it instead. We are most surprised that Pinkie hast not lost all her teeth yet as she seems to not eat anything but sugary snacks. One thing that does disturb us is that Pinkie, nor anypony else for that matter, knows that Twilight is dressed as Starswirl. Perhaps we need to talk to our sister about expanding the curriculum down here, they need to learn some history.

While we find it displeasing that most ponies know not of Starswirl, we do find it humorous how Twilight is getting frustrated over nopony knowing who she is supposed to be. We do like her idea of her starting a history club, it would save the taxpayers many bits and Twilight would get to do what she loves most, sharing knowledge. While they are going along Rainbow Dash decides to pull a most unpleasant prank on Twilight and Spike with her lightning. Poor Spike nearly got choked. Wait a minute, is Rainbow a Shadowbolt? We dost not care for her choice of costume as it brings back too many bad memories for us.

Now Twilight hast been mistaken for a country music singer by Applejack, one of the hardest working ponies out there, the one that we purchased a peddler's permit for at last years Gala which she found most disappointing. We shall admit though, Twilight dost look like a country singer. Now everypony is headed to the town square to listen to the horribly dressed mayor. Come on, a clown wig like that? It hast been a long time since we attended any kind of costume party but she looks downright awful.

Now comes Zecora to inform the foals what this celebration is about and like our sister does, we can listen in from afar. We discover that this is not a normal celebration, it is Nightmare Night. Nightmare Night? How dare they hold a celebration to dishonor thy Princess of the Night. We must head to Ponyville at once to correct this problem!

Once Zecora tells the foals why they must dump their candy at our statue we decide to make our presence be known. We do hope that we will be met with much happiness and open hooves but unfortunately that is not the case. When we arrive in town and disembark from our chariot, everypony is scared of us. Yes, they are scared of us. Why would anypony be scared of us? Certainly it canst be our Royal Canterlot Voice!, canst it?

They are all scared of us so we decide that perhaps we should leave, without even doing the royal farewell. That ought to teach them. While we appeared to be just upset as we left, we were sad, most sad. We just want to feel like we belong, we just want somepony to like us after having been gone for a thousand years. We will let thee in on a little secret, we do still resent our sister for banishing us and allowing such degrading festivities to happen every year but we canst let it show as we do not wish to be banished again.

We are eventually found by Twilight as we were laying at the base of our statue. We must say though, at least she knows we are not evil and we are most happy to see that somepony actually put together a Starswirl costume correctly. We are going to have to have a talk with our sister though, she hast obviously never taught Twilight about the Royal Canterlot Voice. She hast never taught her that we are to speak using the royal we or use a lot of volume when addressing our subjects. Leave it to our sister though, she is the one that abandoned our home in the Everfree Forest and discarded all of the old traditions. She could have just fixed the castle and left well enough alone but sadly, she just had to move on to a new era. If they were here, we are sure that mother and father would be most upset over what our sister hast done.

Twilight Sparkle hast decided that it is our voice which makes us unapproachable so she takes us to see if Fluttershy can help us speak to where ponies will like us. We shall admit, we found it unpleasant that it had to come down to this but decided to give it a try. When Fluttershy opened the door and saw us, she thought we were Nightmare Moon. Luckily Twilight got her to realize that we are not Nightmare Moon. This really displeases us, despite all of them meeting us before, why dost all of Twilight's friends not know we are Princess Luna?

Fluttershy attempts to get us to speak in a lower volume but it is Twilight who helps us in the end yet when somepony flings false accusations at us like Pinkie did, AGAIN, it will cause us to raise our voice. We head back into town and everypony cowers down in fear and we realize that they will never like us. One part of us thinks we should just go back to Canterlot but another part of us wants to win these ponies' adoration. We hast decided we shall stay in Ponyville for now.

When we visit Applejack we learn something new, we learn what fun is. At first we were unsuccessful with throwing spiders into the web we tried again and succeeded. We also found pumpkin chucking most enjoyable but what upset us is that when we saved Pipsqueak from drowning, Pinkie (again) claimed we were going to eat somepony. We are growing beyond most tired of this. If we did not fear any punishment from our sister, we would stay around till dawn and banish Pinkie to the sun for making it impossible for us to win over the adoration of Ponyville.

We hast decided that all this screaming and running around every time this pink pony yells is not acceptable. We decided that the Royal Canterlot Voice wast necessary and used it to let them know that this insulting celebration shall be cancelled forever. We decided to leave town for some solitude before heading home but Twilight would stop us.

We had given up all hope yet Twilight Sparkle still thinks that the town will eventually love us. We are most happy that she finally decided to get Pinkie to know that we are not evil. Perhaps banishing her to the sun shall not be necessary. We approach her to make peace when Rainbow uses her thundercloud to make us still appear evil and scare Pinkie. Do not worry though, she shall get what is coming to her before the end.

Twilight Sparkle tells us a little secret, that these ponies actually enjoy being scared. We are thinking, "Art Twilight Sparkle nuts? Why wouldst anypony have fun being scared?" Despite us finding her revelation as unbelievable we go in with her on our plans, plans which will result in us taking on a form which we hoped we would never do again.

We see the children along with the mayor coming to offer us more candy when we decide to appear as Nightmare Moon. Of course this scared them and disappointed us as we returned to our real form. Suddenly we feel our mane being yanked on. A colt that goes by the name of Pipsqueak told us that they like to be scared. That is when we realized that we were simply misinterpreting their reactions. Then the unthinkable happened, the colt said that we were his favorite princess ever! This made us most happy so we decided we shall allow Nightmare Night to stay and now we are loved by the townsponies.

Before the episode ended we did have one last surprise for Rainbow. She wast going to scare Twilight and Spike with a thundercloud but we used one ourselves and scared her. We along with Twilight had a most enjoyable laugh.

Shortly after the episode we received a message from our sister letting us know that she had got the Saddle Arabians to realize that the rudeness of their diplomats was what got them banished and that our punishment on them was legit. Sadly, we will no longer be allowed to engage in negotiations with the Saddle Arabians alone as we are too likely to banish them to the sun.

Not to worry dear subjects, our sister shall return next time. She apologizes for missing this week but with this episode focusing on us, it was better that we did it anyway.

Chapter 31: Sisterhooves Social

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess and I am in a good mood. Twinkleshine put out last night so despite half of you being late paying your taxes, I shall give you my synopsis of "Sisterhooves Social."

Another morning has arrived in Ponyville and my Rarity is laying there having some sort of dream. Hopefully it is one about me giving it to her rough but soon she smells smoke and panics. In her state of panic she falls down the stairs and discovers that not only is Sweetie Belle there, but so are her parents. I'm not overly thrilled that her parents are dropping her off so they can go on a vacation. I was planning on spending the night with her tonight but that will now be impossible. I can't go getting it on with Rarity with a filly in the house!

It appears as though Sweetie Belle has fixed Rarity some breakfast, well burned her some breakfast. Good grief, she burned everything, even the juice. Now how in Equestria does she do that? Well come to find out her mother has been teaching her to cook. Chances are that is not a good idea because Pearl, I think that is her name, simply can't cook and I'm pretty sure Magnum, her dad, can't cook either. Either they eat out a ton or they simply graze like ponies used to eons ago, before we evolved into the smartest, most sophisticated species on the face of the planet.

From the sounds of things this vacation that their parents is taking will be seven days and six nights long. They say this but I have a very bad feeling about this. Judging by the amount of luggage Sweetie has brought with her, I have a feeling that this may be them just pawning Sweetie off on Rarity clear up until she is an adult while they go and travel the world. Am I going to punish those two? Nope but I will punish Rarity for not telling them to go dump Sweetie Belle off at Sweet Apple Acres since her and Apple Bloom are friends.

Well their parents leave for Faust knows how long and Rarity decides to clean up the kitchen and make a proper breakfast. Yeah I agree that burnt food would not be very tasty but what Rarity fixes is not much better. The eggs, yes but the carrots and parsley, no thanks! Carrots are ok for lunch and supper, but not at breakfast. Substitute those carrots out for a couple slices of cake and you'll be fine, or in Luna's case, a plate of fritters.

You know something, I like Sweetie Belle for the most part. Yeah she is part of that secret society that is hell bent on removing me from power but I do think that she could be reformed. Speaking of Sweetie Belle, she is wanting to help Rarity fix breakfast. Given the fact that she has yet to learn how to access her magic, this will likely end in a disaster. Rarity continues to cook and fix this meal until she finally allows her little sister to put the parsley on the plate. Well things don't go so well. She ends up tipping the table over and sends the plates of eggs flying. Surprisingly though, the eggs are fine and the garnish lands perfectly! Despite Sweetie getting it right, Rarity is mad at her. Because of that, despite Sweetie being in the house, I'll go down and punish Rarity severely for her anger. If Sweetie asks about it, I'll just tell her that Rarity was having a bad dream and needed me to calm her down.

Some time has passed and once again Sweetie Belle wants to help her sister. That filly must know that her parents aren't coming back for her given that she is trying to get on her good side. Now it is laundry time and Sweetie tries to help but things didn't turn out so well. Sweetie wound up hanging some fancy wool sweater of Rarity's out in the sun and of course we all know that in the heat of the sun wool shrinks. I don't get why Rarity is so upset, it's not like she's ever wore the damn thing to start with. Now I know I am going to punish her, I might just have to send Sweetie to Sweet Apple Acres to do it.

Now Rarity has decided that she doesn't want her little sister's help. In the edited version of the episode she simply told her to stay out of trouble but in the unedited version she said, "Look bitch, don't go causing me any more trouble and besides, I have to go screw Twilight." How dare she! Here she knows that I've gone into heat but she is going to go and have fun with Twilight? Well I should still be needy tonight when I go down to punish her.

Back to Sweetie Belle, she decides to do some drawing since that has never got her into trouble in the past. That sounds all good but unfortunately for her, one addition to this arts and crafts project is about to cause Rarity to go into full blown bitch mode, again. Sweetie has the audacity to use some of Rarity's gems with this. When Rarity discovers this she gets mad and is now yelling about how she has to go find some more gems. Good, I know where she goes to find them so as we speak, I am speeding to that area. Hey, nopony lives there so what does it matter if I bang her in broad daylight?

Well while Rarity was out looking for gems she was interrupted when I showed up and demanded a gem of my own, which of course she gave me because she knows what the punishment is for not giving your sexy Sun Goddess what she wants! After that Rarity goes back home in a very good mood. After all, getting some action with me always makes her feel better, even when I'm rough with her so it's a win/win situation for both of us.

Meanwhile while Rarity and I were having fun Sweetie Belle decides she is going to try and help, again. Don't you get it Sweetie? Rarity doesn't want your help and going in and cleaning up her inspiration room isn't going to make her happy. I wouldn't be thrilled if somepony did that with my sleeping chambers either, especially if they tried to wash my heavily stained sheets! Rarity gets home and sees what Sweetie has done and of course this pisses her off. Well it looks like I'll stay in the area because Rarity needs to be calmed down again, YAY!

Finally Sweetie does the smart thing and leaves the house which gives me time to go and make Rarity feel better again. I secretly hope she gets mad a whole lot more and then I have plenty more chances to make her feel better. Yeah when she's angry she starts out a bit unpleasant but it isn't long until she becomes playful and feisty, which is something I enjoy so much!

Back to Sweetie Belle, she runs into Apple Bloom and is not in a good mood. While what they put in the episode was kid friendly, that is not what Sweetie said. He proved that she is not innocent when she yelled, "You know what Apple Bloom? My sister is being a grade A cunt and she is doing nothing but yelling at me over nothing! I wish I could fucking kill her right now!" Now Sweetie Belle, where did such an adorable little filly learn such language? Oh wait, she learned it from her sister.

Alright, enough about Sweetie Belle and her sudden burst of profanity. Apple Bloom is listening to her friend and has made what I think is a wonderful suggestion, they should compete in the Sisterhooves Social together. You know something, maybe Luna and I should compete too! Maybe not because we are Alicorn Goddesses so we would easily win and that wouldn't really be fair. Then again though, since when have the two of us cared about fairness as long as we can win? Oh well, it's too late to sign up for this year but there is always next year.

Now Sweetie Belle is headed back to the boutique to make this suggestion to Rarity. Unfortunately for Sweetie Belle, this causes Rarity to get mad again and claim that the social is uncouth. What? How could it be uncouth? Oh wait, I forgot that Rarity can't stand a single speck of dust on her yet has no problems getting covered with my juices and then having me smear dirt into her coat. Now for the funny thing, their argument has turned to the point where they decide they would be better off without sisters. So now Rarity and Sweetie Belle are "unsisters." I don't think that is what their parents had planned but oh well, they're off doing Faust knows what so that is irrelevant at this point.

Now Sweetie Belle is over at the farm where she seems to be a bit more relaxed, only a bit though. She is still bitching about Rarity telling her to go fuck herself when it came to competing in the social. Ok that isn't the kid friendly version but oh well, since when has yours Truly ever cared about things being kid friendly? Come to think about it, they should let me write the episodes and make them much more entertaining. If they let me do that though, MLP would have to be moved from Discovery Family to Comedy Central late night when all the foals are asleep.

Nighttime has arrived and Sweetie is still at the farm roasting marshmallows with Applejack and Apple Bloom when Rarity shows up. I'm pretty sure if Sweetie had her way, she would want to roast that marshmallow sister of hers over the fire but I'll make sure she doesn't. After all, that marshmallow is very tasty and I'm not about to allow the little marshmallow to destroy it. Alright, back to Rarity, she shows up hoping she can make amends with her unsister but that ain't happening. Sweetie doesn't like being treated like shit and I don't blame her.

What does look promising though is that suddenly Sweetie Belle has adopted Applejack as her big sister. Yes, now I can go bang Rarity anytime I want and we can be as loud as we want. I think now Rarity will be the easiest one. Twilight has Spike who she has to send away, Fluttershy has all those annoying animals she has to lock out and the only one Rarity will have now is Opal and she likes me along with the fact that her owner is my little bitch. She just gives me a smile when I lead Rarity into her bedroom before closing the door. I'm sure she knows what is going on and she obviously approves and as we all know, if Opal approves, then it is obviously acceptable.

Back to Sweetie's new sister, it looks like Apple Bloom isn't going to give in so easily. For some odd reason she thinks that if Sweetie takes Applejack as her sister, then she won't be her sister. I know she is overprotective of her sister but at this moment she is also being an idiot. Just like what Pinkie sang to the Appaloosans and the buffalo, "You gotta care, you gotta share!" Hey, Twily shares me with Rarity and Fluttershy so what is the big deal? Hopefully Apple Bloom will see that she is just being an overprotective bitch who needs to calm the fuck down.

The next day arrived and since Sweetie stayed on the farm last night, Rarity and I are both in very good moods. Now I did plan on returning to Canterlot and watching this event from my balcony while having a slice of cake but I have a feeling something strange is going to happen. I'm thinking I'll just cast my invisibility spell and catch the action up close, and I'm glad I did. Apparently since Applejack and Apple Bloom do this thing every year, Apple Bloom has decided to be nice and let Sweetie take her sister for a test drive. Now isn't that nice of her, maybe she did learn that sharing is caring, even if it is just for a day.

Now the race starts and things seem to go awry right off the bat as Applejack gets stuck in that mud bog in the beginning. That kind of surprises me as I would think she would be fine. Next up Sweetie can't jump up on that top box thing all that well and needs help. Damn those two are falling further and further behind. Next up we have the pie eating and damn, I figured Applejack would be able to eat it in nothing flat but Sweetie Belle, that seriously shocks me. Just imagine if Luna and I competed and they had cake! The two of us would simply inhale it!

Now things seem to be going much easier for them. They push the hay bale with no problems, the grape juice making was beyond easy for them, the apple catching was also very easy and the method they used for carrying that egg was brilliant! Why don't the other ponies just carry it together? Well not everypony is as smart as Applejack so that is likely why. Now things are starting to get dirty as Berry Punch and her little sister race by, sending Applejack and Sweetie spinning. Now they have ground to gain and just as it looks like they might win, they fall short. I feel bad for them, I really wanted to see Sweetie Belle and Applejack win. Oh well, next year it will be Luna and I so it doesn't really matter.

The race is over and they fell short but Sweetie Belle is still so happy that she jumps on Applejack and knocks her hat off. What the hell? Since when does Applejack have a white horn. Oh wait, as Sweetie wiped the mud off of Applejack she discovered that it was actually Rarity. Wow, I am shocked that Rarity would allow herself to be covered in mud like that but one question I have is where the hell is Applejack?

Oh, she was hiding in the mud and as I listen in on this apparently all three of them were in on this. Rarity wanted her sister back, Apple Bloom wanted her sister back and apparently Applejack didn't want to drive a wedge between Sweetie and Apple Bloom. Now for the funny part, Rarity thinks a trip to the spa would be a good way to celebrate this. First off, you lost so there is nothing to celebrate. You only celebrate when you win!

Now it is time for Rarity to report what she learned to me while she and her sister have a contest on who can dress the most hideously. Yeah Rarity, I get it, now all of a sudden you think having a sister is just about the best thing in the world. What beats that? That's right Rarity, being dominated by me! Ok, overall I think you learned your lesson and hopefully you won't be treating Sweetie Belle like shit anymore. If you do, your punishment will be brutal and I'll invite ALL your friends to watch and then just for fun, I'll let Spike knock you up! That ought to ensure that you're nice to your little sister!

Now if you'll all excuse me I have plans. I've had plenty of fun with Rarity but Twilight and Fluttershy are frustrated and need a release. If you want, I can give you commentary on that too!

Chapter 32: The Cutie Pox

Hello everypony, this is your Supreme Dictator again and you have all been good so I have decided that you have proven you are worthy of hearing my synopsis of The Cutie Pox.

Well here we go again, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are now going to be trying to get their cutie marks in bowling. I honestly think these girls have no clue as to what getting a cutie mark is really about. I guess I should consider myself lucky that overthrowing the government is not in their cutie mark planning so this will make for some funny moments.

Well first off those silly little fillies are arguing over what their new name will be once they get their marks. Sorry girls, but you already tried arguing and that didn't get you your marks. Well once they decide on The Bowling Dolls they head in but I have some advice. Girls, before you give yourselves a new name at least get your damn marks first and I have a feeling that this will be another epic fail on your parts.

First up is Sweetie Belle. Her attempt looks simple enough but I couldn't help but shake my head in disappointment in how she did it. Pushing the ball with your nose Sweetie Belle, seriously? Well it ended up just as I thought, it went in the gutter. Epic fail number one. Now Scootaloo decides to give it a shot and I know this can only end in disaster. Kicking that ball ain't going to do it and of course it doesn't. Memo to Scootaloo, keep the ball in your own lane and in your own gutter. Epic fail number two. Now up is Apple Bloom. First thing I have to say is "gross!" Memo to self: Never go bowling with Apple Bloom, slobber covered bowling balls are something that an Alicorn Goddess should not be touching. She spits the ball out and we hear pins fall over. Ponies are celebrating over a bowling cutie mark. Could she have done it! Could this be the death of that secret society? Well Apple Bloom looks at her flank and unfortunately for her, it was somepony else that got a strike and a mark and unfortunately for me, I still have a secret society I have to be on the lookout for.

Well the girls leave the bowling alley still markless but in different moods. Despite the fact that she will likely be banned from the bowling alley, Scootaloo seems happy. Despite only getting gutter balls, Sweetie Belle is still happy. Apple Bloom however, is in a bad mood. Perhaps it is because she still has no mark OR it could be because Mr. Kingpin made her clean the lane they used after her slobber covered balls left spit all over the place.

Pout, pout, pout, is that all Apple Bloom knows how to do? Rather than running off and making plans to overthrow me on her own, why doesn't she just have fun with her friends? Maybe this is a good thing, running off into the Everfree Forest is not a wise decision for a filly and if she were to fall prey to the timberwolves, there would be one less threat to me and the Filly Illuminati would likely disband.

Does that filly not watch where she is going? She falls and breaks a tooth! Luckily for her Zecora shows up just in time to take her to her hut, give her some medicine and fix her problem. Perhaps that wasn't such a wise idea. While Apple Bloom did get her chipped tooth fixed, she begins to wonder about what all sorts of tonics Zecora has and could possible make. Luckily for everypony, Zecora lets the filly know that she can not make a cutie mark appear. Now everypony and everyzebra has told Apple Bloom that she will have to wait.

I'm sitting up here watching everything unfold and I think that perhaps this will be the end of it and ready myself for lunch but then something horrible happens. Zecora leaves her hut to go get some flowers or herbs and she leaves Apple Bloom in her hut alone! For the love of Faust, what in Equestria is she thinking? Now I know some impending disaster is going to happen. I'll just have my lunch delivered to me so I don't miss any of the action.

Well it must be the next day when Apple Bloom shows up to school with a brand new cutie mark! She did it, she did it! Finally, that secret society will die! Your Sun Goddess shall reign forever! Woo-hoo! Now that I can rest at ease I can sit back, watch the show and laugh at the shenanigans that are ahead.

Well what her cutie mark is, I'm not sure. It looks rather boring so maybe her talent is something boring like spelling or making rings but to come out it is spinning a hoop around her waist. Seriously, that is something to celebrate? I'll tell you one thing, she sure the hell ain't going to engage in any gainful employment. The only way she'll be able to get a job is if she decides to join the circus and live no better than those disgusting carnies that work the cheat stands at carnivals.

Yeah seeing her classmates do terrible trying to spin hoops around their waists did make me chuckle a bit but what really made me laugh was when she decided to act like she's all shit and fly up like a helicopter with a hoop on her tail. Suddenly another cutie mark shows up and she crashes! A second cutie mark? This can't be good so I get myself a biohazard suit because I know what she has and if the virus she has were to get carried by the winds up here, Yours Truly could get really sick and Luna would have to take over for us. Faust I hope not, Luna tends to do nothing but put a strain on foreign relations when she handles things so I have to make sure I don't get sick.

So now she can spin plates on sticks too, big deal. Yeah I know for your common hack that is special but when you're an Alicorn, shit like that isn't impressive, not to mention it is LAME! Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is so special she has to lead a parade through the streets. I am utterly shocked by what ponies in backwater towns celebrate. If a pony were to suddenly develop two cutie marks here, they would be locked up somewhere that said pony would be isolated from others until their cutie pox went away.

Ok Applejack, we all get it. You don't need to keep on saying you're proud of Apple Bloom for catching a disease....I mean getting two cutie marks. Now things are going to get fun! Applejack can't sleep and discovers her little sister has three cutie marks. Shit's getting real now. Now they know something is wrong and who do they take her to, Twilight! That's right, they take her to my prize pupil to see if she can help. You know I respect you more than the others Applejack but if you need to take your sister anywhere, it is the hospital! Twilight is not a damn doctor.

Luckily for everypony Spike finds the right book and it now they know what is wrong with Apple Bloom, cutie pox. Rather than getting her isolated so she won't get sick they lead her down main street! Oh wonderful, isn't this just dandy! Now the EHO (Equestrian Health Organization) is going to have to cordon off Ponyville and if I were to need the element bearers to save Equestria, we'd be up Shit Creek without a paddle!

Oh boy, now it is cutie mark city for Apple Bloom! Mark after mark after mark shows up on her. It is kind of like what happened when Rainbow Dash was trying to get the filly ready to go to Diamond Bitch's party but in reverse. Here it is get the mark and then do the completely useless and moronic task. Finally the ponies in that town realize she is cursed and when Spike tells them what is really wrong, they run for their lives! The reaction of the flower girls is priceless, THE HORROR, OH THE HORROR!

Finally Zecora shows up. Obviously she has some sort of plan to handle this but at first she wants answers out of Apple Bloom, she knew she stole her flowers. One more cutie mark for Apple Bloom, a tornado. This has to be by far the worst one for her. Zecora plants the truth seeds and finally Apple Bloom realizes that eating crow and owning up to her mistakes is more important than cutie marks. A wonderfully majestic plant grows and Apple Bloom eats the plant. End result, Apple Bloom returns to normal, she apologizes to everypony and everything seems to be fine....ALMOST.

Since she is a blank flank again, I must now worry about those three trying to dethrone me in the name of getting their cutie marks. Wait a minute, why the hell am I so scared of a little earth pony filly, a unicorn filly that hasn't figured out how to use her magic and a filly pegasus who can't fly? Perhaps I'm letting my sister's paranoid nature rub off on me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah Apple Bloom, you claim you've learned that good things come to those who wait. I call bullshit on that and I am right. Not even five seconds after the letter being sent, those three decide to go try and get potion making cutie marks. I do hope Zecora just tells them to get lost. Maybe someday they will realize that simply trying any old thing will not get you a cutie mark....key word, maybe.

Well after the episode ended my sister and I headed to Ponyville to go bowling and guess what, I bowled a 300 game! So I think you should be proud of me. I kept my balls out of the gutter and I actually managed to keep my mind out of the gutter in this synopsis. Let's celebrate by having Pinkie throw an "After a perfect game of bowling" party. There will be cake, ice cream and plenty of dancing. Wait a minute, that sounds boring as hell so maybe I'll skip this one. Perhaps I should take Twilight to Canterlot and dance with her instead!

Oh shit....there goes my sex free synopsis. Hey I tried, I get an A for effort, right?

Chapter 35: Sweet and Elite

Hello everypony it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and you have all been very good little serfs so I shall share with you my synopsis of an episode that takes place completely up here in Canterlot, "Sweet and Elite."

For starters, I am going to say that sometimes I think I am way too good to Rarity. Yes I bitch about her tail sometimes but she is generally a good pony. Twilight let me know that she was coming up to Canterlot and needed a place to stay so I decided to let her stay in a private suite here in the castle, at a cost of course! You know I'd never allow her, or any other hot mare for that matter, to just stay for free.

Ok, get this, she is coming up here so that she can make Twilight's dress or so it seems. One thing I'd like to know is why she can't make it down there in her wannabe lingerie shop. Alright, I get it. Sweetie Belle has a big mouth and would likely go tell Twilight what fabric she was using and what it would look like. This is a positive for yours Truly though because had she not decided to do it here, I wouldn't have a hot little sex toy for a few days.

Before I left the tower there she starts kissing my hooves and acting like a complete doormat. Yes! That is how I like them, completely subservient to me and being a doormat. After all, why would your Sun Goddess want an alpha-female. The only reason I ever let them dominate me every now and then is because I do find it kinky.

Rarity has decided to have a fancy meal at one of the local cafes, a rather nice one that caters to ponies who have pets. While Rarity is having her meal a couple of the city snobs, Jet Set and Upper Crust, see her hat and decide to talk to her. At first they are acting like they are going to become "friends" but much to everypony's surprise, Hayseed Turnip Truck is washing windows and manages to get caught in some rope and fall. It is all downhill from there, especially when he mentions that he met Rarity at a hoedown in Ponyville. Now the snobs know Rarity is a hack from a small town and insult her. Ugh I hate ponies like them. Just for fun I think I'll jack up their property taxes 200%, they'll still be able to afford it and not have to change their lifestyles any.

Now poor Rarity is devastated and will need some extra TLC tonight. Things for her about to change though as she bumps into Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis. Now this causes her to spill everything yet think he is the greatest thing in the world. I know she thinks he is hot and for that I will punish her and I have a feeling I won't be the only one. Fleur de Lis is the type of pony who doesn't like other ponies hitting on her husband but the animators certainly don't show her anger. Fancy Pants finds out that she is staying at the castle and knows me so he invites her to the Wonderbolts Derby. Ugh, why would anypony want to go to something that boring. I would rather have a hoof to paw fight with Cerberus. At least that wouldn't cost me any bits.

Well Rarity returns to her suite and is torn between either working on Twilight's dress and going to the derby. I know what she is secretly thinking. She is hoping that she can get Fancy Pants to cheat on his wife and bang her. Oh boy, now I am pissed. I let her stay in that suite and she breaks one of the rules I have for MY mares, she is not to give an ounce of adoration to those of the lesser sex. I don't care if it is a stallion with the social status of Hayseed or Fancy Pants, MY PROPERTY must do as I say! Now I will be extremely brutal with her. She wants something rammed up in her, well her dream shall come true tonight! She is the funnest one to violate anyway so I'm looking forward to this.

Rarity heads off to the derby and as she is headed to the VIP box *the snobs who belittled her earlier see her headed up to the fanciest and most expensive seats. They are probably thinking "whatever" until they see Fancy Pants let her in and interact the way he did with her. Now they are jealous and most likely grumpy. Oh well, I don't give a shit if they are annoyed or had their feelings hurt. I'm not overly fond of Fancy Pants but I can see why he would prefer Rarity's company over them. They are just mad he has more money than they do. They are upset that they are just part of the gentry while Fancy Pants is part of the much wealthier nobility. Both groups however, have nothing on me and Luna and they certainly aren't as important! Who am I kidding, your average mule is more important than them!

Fancy Pants has made his prediction that some Wonderbolt I had never heard of was going to win and soon we will learn that no matter what he says, everypony around him agrees. This was not the case with Rarity though, she picked Fleetfoot, most likely because she is the only one she knows the name of. The race starts and while I normally wouldn't care and just go gorge myself on cake, I watched this just to see who would be right. Guess what, Rarity correctly picked the winner. Now Fancy Pants and his buddies think her shit doesn't stink and her lie only makes her better to them. Then she lies about Rainbow being the trainer of the Wonderbolts and saying she knows her. Now they are begging her asking if they can come by her suite and have some fun but she very smartly lets them know that she has but one master, ME! Yeah they were jealous because she gets laid by your Sun Goddess but oh well.

I have a feeling that these overdressed low lives just don't get it. They continue to follow her around, laughing at every little thing she says and of course they beg her for rump calls that night but just like before, she told them that she is my property and that not only would they face my wrath but so would she. Eventually they stop asking for rump calls but now they are begging her to come to all these events of theirs for the next few days which actually makes me happy. It means she will be extending her stay and of course that means plenty more action for me!

Now little miss Rarity has started attending all these high society events, juggling that along with paying me tribute. How she did it I'm not sure but all that matters is that she is there when I need her. I will admit though that I am still pissed that she is drooling over Fancy Pants. I'm honestly thinking of tying her up in my sleeping chambers, inviting Fleur de Lis to the castle and let her punish Rarity in whatever way she sees fit. Personally I hope Fleur likes mares too because having both of them at once would be quite nice.

Bad news, the time for Rarity to leave has come and I still haven't been able to get Fleur de Lis to join me in punishing her for her crimes but wait a minute, somepony is delivering a letter for Rarity. Sweet, the snobs want Rarity to show up to the Canterlot Garden Party the next night so that means another night with her and this time, Fleur will join me whether she likes mares or not. Both of them will be at my mercy. Rarity because she is my property and is breaking my rules and Fleur just because I want to punish her. I don't need a reason, I am Princess Molest....I mean Celestia after all. One thing that makes Rarity even more worthy of punishment is the letter she wrote to Twilight lying about Opal being sick. Yes I'm glad she'll be here another night but come on. She could have either said, "Hey Twily, the rich snobs want me to stay here for a party and I won't be there for your birthday so go fuck Fluttershy since I won't be available."

Of course the animators could never show this but I was able to get both mares into my chambers and we had so much fun! Given that Fleur's horn is longer, she was able to give me more pleasure than anypony else ever has. I'm thinking that I might add her to my list of hot mares that must put out on demand! Alright, enough about the secret threesome, let's get back to what the animators could show.

Rarity is getting ready to go to this boring event when her friends showed up. Now they made Twilight look all happy when she saw her but she did say one thing that they couldn't add in. She said, "Rarity, how dare you try to get out of coming to my party! Fluttershy and I wanted a threesome and we're going to get it whether you like it or not!" Guess what Twily, you and Flutters will get a foursome because I'm joining you whether you like it or not!

Now that Rarity has had her cover blown they head to the ballroom where they are going to hold my Twily's party. Thing is, the windows to that place face the place where the garden party is being held. While everypony else was celebrating Twilight's birthday, Rarity was all miserable wishing she could be at the garden party. Now she is starting to engage in trickery that is not pleasing me. She is going back and forth from one party to another because it would be a federal crime if she doesn't go over and act like she wants to get Fancy Pants and Upper Crust in bed. Ugh, that is just gross. Fancy Pants is bad enough given that he is a stallion but Upper Crust is worse because she is uglier than a pile of shit. What Jet Set still sees in her is beyond me.

Now Rarity has blown her cover as she goes back to Twilight's party with a croquet mallet in her mouth. Now Rarity has to explain herself and she just can't but Twilight is way too understanding. I have some news for you Twily, Rarity wasn't over there because she is a savvy business pony, she was over there because she doesn't give a flying fuck about you. She only cares about her new status symbol as a very important pony among these morons. The only pony she should be worrying about her status with is her status with ME! And unfortunately for her, right now she is falling fast and will be more likely to be punished severely!

Twilight and her friends have now went out and crashed the party. Good, it is about time that damn thing has some excitement. I would have made an appearance had Pinkie not ate all the cake but oh well, I don't like mingling with the gentry and nobility unless I absolutely have to, well except for Fleur de Lis now that she has to pay me homage every now and then.

Now things continue to fall for Rarity as she has to admit that her Ponyville friends are actually her friends to the elite up here that honestly don't give a fuck about her. You know something, I have actually gained a great amount of respect for Fancy Pants. Not only does he find the dress that Rarity made for Twilight good but he finds my Twily and her friends charmingly rustic. Now all of a sudden Upper Crust wants a replica of Twilight's dress and the rest of them don't see my Twily and her friends as unrefined.

Now for another thing that could not be shown. I was able to get Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy and Fleur de Lis together and the five of us had a ton of fun. You're not going to believe this but Fleur said that if Fancy Pants weren't so wealthy, she would divorce him and move in with Fluttershy since those two got especially kinky. I suppose her lavish lifestyle still beats out a hot mare who gave her the time of her life. My view is that is a good thing. I don't want her banging my Fluttershy all the time. She is my property after all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah Rarity. I get it, you learned that you shouldn't be ashamed of where you come from but let me tell you what you didn't learn. You didn't learn that you should put your friends above rich hacks who don't really like you. They only liked you because Fancy Pants likes you. Next time you come up here to do something like make Twilight or anypony else a dress, you will be staying in my sleeping chambers so I can make sure you behave and don't go mingling with undesirables, got that Rares?

Author's Notes:

* From that point forward Jest Set and Upper Crust, when being mentioned as a pair will simply be known as "the snobs." After all, Tia hates them!

Chapter 36: Secret of My Excess

Hello my beloved serfs! I am in a very good day and most of you have been paying your taxes and worshiping me like you're supposed to, so I shall give you my views on Secret of My Excess.

It looks like it's just another boring day in Ponyville but something ain't right, Twilight has closed her curtains! What is she up to? Oh she better not be having any fun without inviting me. If she is, I will punish her severely. So I do the little invisibility and teleport spell and come to find out, it is re-shelving day. Boring! Now why would she close the curtains to re-shelve her books? Hell, why does she always re-shelve her books anyway? I am guessing that it is likely that Rarity and Fluttershy have been leaving her out of their sexy nights so she is frustrated. Poor thing, I'll have to ease her frustration after this episode. I would now but such things can't be done in front of a baby dragon, or any dragon for that matter.

Well she starts this task and I can't help but yawn. Ugh, how can she stand to do this. Well laughter is coming from upstairs and naturally my sexy little student gets upset over it. Come to find out Spike has a fire ruby that he will be eating next week as it will be his birthday. You know what that means? That means it will be the anniversary of Twily becoming my student too. I'll come down, throw Spike out and Twily and I can celebrate. He can go eat his gem while I'll be eating a gem of my own, a sexy lavender gem!

Well Twilight continues her task but is interrupted once again, this time by Rarity. Yeah so she needs some fashion book, big deal. Perhaps Twilight is rubbing off on her given that she suddenly wants reading material. Oh no, Rarity sees Spike's fire ruby and starts getting all dreamy eyed. I have a bad feeling that Spike is going to wind up losing his supper before he even has a chance to eat it. Guess what? That is exactly what happens. Rarity gives Spike bedroom eyes and now the gem is her's. Poor Spike, Rarity could have at least took him to her bedroom and banged him in return but all he gets is a kiss. Of course that is more than enough to make him happy and what is worse, Spike is claiming he will never wash that cheek again. I swear, Spike may not be greedy like other dragons but he obviously ain't the brightest either.

A week passes and it is time for Spike's party. Ewww....he still hasn't washed that cheek? Now that is flat out gross. I would think Spike would know that if his cheek was still dirty that his chances of scoring with Rarity would be zero. Let's face it though, he'll never score with her! Well the party goes on, boring as most other parties are. Spike gets presents from all of them, although I'm thinking one of Rarity's tampons would make him happy. Ok, I need to stop talking about that before I vomit.

Ok, back to the party. He wants it to last forever until Pinkie mentions the Cakes have something for him so out the door he goes. I must say though, I am amazed that the Cakes were able to afford those sapphires for that cupcake given that they are still paying restitution over the "baked bads" incident. Well Spike is happy and he decides to head back to the library, well until he runs into Cheerilee.

Well he is happy over his cupcake and mentions it is his birthday so Cheerilee gives him a hat. Oh shit, things can only go downhill from here. Now Spike's inner dragon is coming out and he does become greedy. I am going to have to "punish" Cheerilee. I will do that tonight, Twilight will have to wait until later. Spike goes on his way and now he charms Lickedy-Split out of his ball. Come on man, what are you thinking? I certainly wouldn't just hand something of mine over to somepony, well in this case somedragon else just because it was their birthday.

Next up is Junebug but luckily Twilight was able to catch him before he stole her flowers. Now why would he want her flowers? Well when a dragon becomes greedy I've heard they'll steal outhouses from farms just so they'll have more shit to add to their collection of stuff. Well Twilight gets Spike to see the error of his ways, or so she thinks. She thinks he's going to go give Cheerilee her hat back but he will continue on his quest to make sure that everypony in town gives him something.

Well night time arrives and I do indeed punish Cheerilee. I just hope the stains in her classroom aren't too obvious but I did notice Snips and Snails watching us. What a shame it wasn't more credible foals running home to tell their parents that Cheerilee is my ho! I'd love it if everypony knew the town teacher isn't little miss innocent. Oh well, I can't win them all. What a shame they couldn't have shown the two of us getting it on in the episode. She is quite kinky and loves it rough so I think I'm going to add her to my list of hot mares that have to please me every now and then.

The following morning arrives and things have returned to boring and normal for me but the same can't be said for Twilight. She wakes up to find a stash of all sorts of shit at the foot of her bed. Now she discovers that Spike has grown quite a bit. Ok, now I am questioning her intelligence. She thinks something is wrong with him and has the audacity to waste government funds by taking him to a pediatrician. Yep, you heard me right, a pediatrician!

Well naturally he discovers Spike is a dragon and refers Twilight to a vet. Well once again Twilight wastes government funds because the vet has never seen a dragon before. I'm thinking I will seize her parent's house and make them pay rent to live in it. That should make up for all the government funds Twilight has wasted and will likely waste in the future. Now Twilight does what she should have done in the first place, she takes him to Zecora.

Naturally Zecora knows what is going on, after all she is one of the smartest and wisest of my subjects. Twilight seems shocked with what Zecora is telling her. Why did Twilight not know this? Well I'm partly to blame. The day I was going to teach her about how dragons think was interrupted by her going into heat and she can't concentrate when she gets like that so we had a "special study session" in the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the library. Damn Spike is quick and good when it comes to larceny now. He steals everything in Zecora's hut without either one of them noticing it. Now that he has broken the law and he is Twilight's responsibility, not only am I going to seize her parent's house I will also jack up their taxes. They're wealthy so they won't be hurting any.

Now Spike is really going to pay! He is trying to steal Scootaloo's scooter. Come on Spike, stealing from a filly? I'm thinking it might be time for another spell, a spell to make Rarity want to kill him and constantly scare him. We'll see though, if he succeeds it's going to happen. If not, well I'll figure something else out. Luckily for Scootaloo, my sexy student is able to lure him away with "an amazing broom!" Now this is absolute truth about how stupid greedy dragons are. He is already Twilight's assistant and janitor, why would he want to steal a larger version of what he is enslaved to? Well Twilight gets him into the library but all he does is mess up the room she just re-shelved. Poor Twily, she is now a bit distraught and while they could never show it, she was hoofing herself and calling out my name. I guess I'll be having some fun tonight!

Now for what really makes me wonder about things, he goes and steals all of Applejack's apples AND leaves! Where the hell did he put all of that and how was he able to take it all? I get it, this is a cartoon so anything can happen. Twilight lets Applejack know Spike needs to be lassoed because he is running wild and naturally she laughs until she sees him running with stolen produce. Applejack is good with a lasso but with the help of Twilight, she screws up royally. Now they're tied to a tree and need Rainbow Dash to free them. I can only imagine what was running through her mind, probably something not fit for a kids' show.

Now Spike scares Fluttershy and steals her chicken coop. It looks like I will be having Fluttershy joining Twilight and I tonight because she really needs calming down and the two of us know how to make her feel so much better. Now Pinkie has to put up with Spike and the dumb ass is giving him cake! I guess she doesn't know jack shit about dragons and how they are when they're greedy either. Yes she is distraught too but she won't be getting any from me because she isn't that attractive and her immaturity is a huge turn off.

Well Spike has grown bigger and is now off to abduct Rarity. Given his size now that should be easy. The bad thing for him about being that big, his friend down south is likely larger than her, so no scoring now and besides, once he does abduct her, I think Rarity will be scarred for life. That won't be all bad, I'll find a different unicorn who is generous and take Rarity home with me. Yeah I bitch about her tail all the time but she is hot overall and does perform well in bed.

Now Spike is rampaging and destroying Ponyville. Alright, since Twilight's pet has done so much damage, I'm seizing her parents' house, all the money they have in the bank and they are moving into the castle where they will become my indentured servants. As far as their house goes, I'll sell it to the highest bidder and that money can be used to repair all the damage in Ponyville....unless Twilight rocks my world tonight, then I will consider letting her parents off the hook.

Well another strike against Twilight, Spike has now stolen the town's water tower to put all his crap in. Even if Twilight rocks my world tonight, her parents will still see their taxes increase. Now Spike has Rarity in his tail and has used her to try and knock her friends out of the sky but all he does is ruin Rarity's cape. Poor Rarity, she will be joining Twilight, Fluttershy and I tonight. A four mare romp does sound good after all!

Apparently the dragon alert reached Cloudsdale so in come the Wonderbolts. It did no good though because Spike just caught them with the water tower. I am really hoping something will snap this beast out of his greed mode or Twilight will need a new assistant. Well now, Rarity removes her dress, exposing her necklace with the fire ruby in it. Suddenly Spike starts acting weird. Could this be what does it? I certainly hope so.

Well he sees the fire ruby and remembers him giving it to Rarity and getting as close to getting laid as he ever will by her and it isn't long until he shrinks down to his normal self. Now they are in a free fall and Spike tries to admit his crush to Rarity but she puts his hoof over his mouth before he can finish the sentence. She knew what his feelings were. Sorry Spike but admitting your crush to her ain't going to get you laid!

Now on to bigger problems. Unless somepony can catch those two I will have to find a new element of generosity. In come Fluttershy and Rainbow to save the day using Rarity's torn cape. Well they succeed and I breathe a sigh of relief. I won't have to find a new element of generosity nor will I be one short when it comes to my list of sexy mares that must keep me happy.

Ok Rarity, you're proud of Spike, good for you! The little bastard nearly destroys the town and here you are leading him on again. I swear, it is no wonder that he can't get it through his head that he won't score with her. If she would stop giving him bedroom eyes all the time maybe he would figure it out that she doesn't lust after him the way he lusts after her. Again she kisses him and he is probably thinking he's going to get laid. Unfortunately for him, he is sadly mistaken.

Ok Spike, I get it. You learned that giving is better than receiving. You learned that being greedy will turn you into a town destroying monster. Guess what, I don't give a shit. What upsets me is that your owner can't control you. I care about what she learns, not you. Here is what Twilight learned, "I can't control my dragon and I'm a total dumb ass because I don't know about a dragon's true nature."

The day is getting late and I have three, no make that four mares to grab to have fun with. Fluttershy, Rarity, Twilight and just for fun I shall add Cheerilee. She is very hot after all. To make things more fun the five of us have decided to defile the schoolhouse tonight, especially Diamond Bitch's desk. I'll make sure that our girlcum coats it so much that her seat will still be wet come tomorrow morning! Now this will be priceless, seeing her sit in that and be grossed out. The funniest thing though will be her going home to daddy and him thinking his daughter has been a naughty girl! She'll be grounded for a month, I guarantee it!

Chapter 37: Hearth's Warming Eve

Hello my beloved serfs! Since all of you have behaved for the most part, paid your taxes and have not badmouthed me, I have decided that you are deserving of my synopsis of "Hearth's Warming Eve."

Well that time of year has arrived, again. Yep, Hearth's Warming Eve is here and everypony is in such a happy mood. I'll be honest, I don't get why they would be because the weather is terrible, the days are short and everypony focuses way too much on family, gluttony and gifts when they could be focusing on something far more important, ME!

As you all know, Canterlot holds a pageant every year over the holiday and I decided that Twilight and her friends may as well make themselves useful for once, I decided they should play the lead roles in it. I was initially deciding to hire a local theater troupe but that would cost money and I am not about to blow government funds when I could get ponies to do this for free. And to make things even better, I can force Twilight and Fluttershy to visit me in my sleeping chambers after the play. They haven't paid tribute in a while and I am not a happy princess.

Of course you all know the story of Hearth's Warming, the three tribes arguing over who the better race was and distrusting one another over petty differences like the earth ponies hogging all the food, the pegasi being a bunch of assholes and making it snow and the unicorns sitting up in their castle doing nothing productive. What a shame the master race had yet to arrive yet. If they would have had Alicorns to keep their petty squabbles in check, the windigoes never would have shown up because they never would have fought.

Ok, back to the play. As we all know, back in the day the three tribes each had a different style of government. The unicorns were the smartest of the three since they had a princess, the pegasi were led by some sort of dictator but the earth ponies had a very stupid system, a democracy. Seriously, what kind of fucked up shit is that? It is no wonder the earth ponies were always the butts of everypony's jokes. Anypony who would allow mindless serfs to elect other mindless serfs to run their country are a bunch of complete morons. To be honest, I'm surprised the inefficiency of their government didn't cause them to go extinct.

I'm going to let you in on something truly terrible about that whole democracy thing, especially the representative democracy model. One time Lyra gave me a report over the subject and about how a human nation nicknamed America wound up using that system. Get this, not only did they allow inferiors to elect other inferiors to run their country but there were even instances where the serfs' votes didn't count and some college put their leader in power! Now I'm pretty sure you know how horribly that turned out! From what her report stated, their leader went mad, nuked their allies and that is what led to the extinction of those inferior creatures so maybe that lunatic wasn't such a bad thing after all. Had it not been for that, us ponies never would have evolved and became the master species!

Now of course we all know that they did a pretty good job in portraying the tribes finding their new lands, fighting over it, the windigoes freezing them into a cave and then the leaders bodies' freezing. There was one thing though that the writers did not show. The three subordinates that did not get frozen over, it was not just singing under the heart that send those windigoes packing, it was something better, much better!

Now history has always brought up how the leaders and their subordinates were stallions but everypony knows that isn't true. If the lesser sex truly was the ones who discovered the new land, this play probably wouldn't be being put on at all. Ponykind would have went extinct due to constant warfare and retardation among the country's leaders. They were female and that is why I forced Twilight and her friends to play the lead roles while Spike fucked everything up with his annoying narrating.

Want to know what the subordinates really did? Well Clover the Clever and Private Pansy wound up having hot, raunchy sex under that heart while Smart Cookie watched and cheered Clover along since the earth ponies weren't overly fond of the pegasi because of their lack of weather control. Yes eventually the leaders bodies thawed and a little known fact for you, Princess Platinum joined in and made it a hot threesome. That is the real reason the ice and snow melted away! Too bad the animators couldn't have given everypony the real story.

I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting them to do as good as they did nor did I expect them to get a standing ovation but they did. In fact they did such a good job I decided that they were all deserving of a reward, well except for Spike. His narrating sucked and besides, it's not like he ever does anything real meaningful to start with.

This is what their rewards were. Luna bought a ton of fritters from Applejack, I ordered Spitfire to rock Rainbow's world and I bought some cake from Pinkie Pie. The much better reward was for Fluttershy, Twilight and Rarity. Their reward, a whole week of being locked up in my chambers with me! Now naturally they didn't just have to please me but one another as well. The fun thing, all of it was captured on video so I'll have another addition to my massive porn collection.

Now with any luck the writers will have winter over and done with by the time I let my girls go home. Winter is ok for a couple of days when you have three hot mares to keep you warm but anything past that, no thanks! Winter is unpleasant and besides, it really limits the story line.

Now be gone you serfs, I have three hot mares to have some fun with so I certainly don't have time to sit here and chew the fat with you.

Chapter 42: Read it and Weep

Hello my beloved serfs! You have been behaving for the most part and have been worshiping me like you're supposed to so I'll give you my take on "Read it and Weep."

Alright, it is another sunny and glorious day in Ponyville. Rarity and Pinkie are gawking in the sky and turning their heads. Something rather stupid must be entertaining them because I'm not headed down there yet. I still have a couple hours of boring princess business I have to take care of before I go and see Twilight. Tonight we're going to go into the forest and have tons of fun!

Ok, enough about my plans with Twilight. Speaking of her, she decides to join in on watching whatever boring event is going on in the sky. Well as it turns out Rainbow Crash, oops I mean Rainbow Dash is flying around being a big shot when suddenly she crashes. I guess I can call her Rainbow Crash now. It must be pretty bad because they had to haul her to the hospital. I bet she ain't thinking she's so great now!

Wow, she must have crashed hard because she knocked herself out cold. When she comes to she sees her friends surrounding her and realizes she is in a hospital. Oh wah-wah-wah, quite your whining Rainbow Crash. Well the doctor says she is going to be ok. Well that's good because we do need an element of loyalty. Now I personally don't care if she ever flies again or not, all I care about is that she can be ready to help save Equestria and keep me in power if need be.

Well a nurse is pushing a cart of books past Rainbow's room and naturally this attracts the attention of the sexiest nerd in existence. She sees a book on it that she thinks Rainbow might like. She gets the book and nudges Rainbow with it. Wait a minute, does that dumb jock even know how to read? Ok, enough of the insults. Naturally Rainbow isn't interested and claims that she isn't going to read because she is a "world class athlete." Let me tell you something Crashie, a world class athlete wouldn't go showboating and crash. Just give the damn book a chance.

Alright, the nurse runs Twilight and her friends out so Rainbow can get some rest. Good thing too because I would have been rather upset had Twilight and I not been able to defile the forest! Well Rainbow is bored out of her mind, playing with a ball, gagging over her meal, playing with her lamp, telling jokes to her roommate who happens to be in a body cast and can't respond to her and banging her head up against the wall. What an idiot. Perhaps she's trying to give herself a concussion as well. Perhaps I should just look for a new element of loyalty since this one is a showboat who is too likely to injure herself being stupid.

Now that the Wonderbolt wannabe has ran out of stupid stuff to do the book is calling out to her. Will she resist or will she actually work that moldy brain of her's and read it. I don't believe it, she actually picks up the book and decides to read it. I'm betting she'll quit after less than one paragraph and go back to banging her head on the wall.

What is this? She starts reading and the images of the book start running through her mind! Perhaps she has a normal brain instead of a pile of mold after all! Ok, so now let's get on to Daring Do....for now anyway.

Yeah she's going through the jungle with a broken wing. Oh wah, wah, wah...so you can't fly up into the clear blue sky, deal with it bitch. You probably did something stupid to break it anyway, probably something stupid like the idiot reading your book. Ok Daring, so you're being pursued by predatory cats, so what? My sexy Twily and her friends have had to face off against my sister when she turned evil along with a disgruntled draconeqqus who was hell bent on bringing about eternal chaos so your situation is nothing.

Run, run, run as fast as you can but remember you're not the gingerbread man! I'm hoping that little white cat will get her and claw her up. I want her to live but I still want to see her have some scratches on her pretty little face. Well unfortunately she escapes the cats and finds herself face to face with some temple. Hmmm....that thing looks familiar. I could have sworn I saw that thing when I was flying over the most remote corners of Equestria when I needed to get away, after a former protege of mine refused to put out.

Now why the hell would she want to go in that thing? Oh right, she's a greedy treasure hunter and there's probably something she wants to steal it, bring it to Canterlot and try to sell it to me. Whatever it is, it must be of very high value. I've heard ancient temples like that are rather dangerous places.

She goes waltzing in there acting like she is hot shit when suddenly all sorts of threats try to wipe her out. Fire, crocodiles, axes and then she has to hurry and get through that door way before it closes on her. Well after going down some sort of slide and getting her hat filled with arrows, she arrives in the room with that relic she wants so bad. I must say, it is rather pretty. What a shame this is a work of fiction, I would love to have that sapphire statue on my mantle in my sleeping chambers.

Uh-oh! The story stops because Rainbow got distracted by my sexy Twily and the even more sexy Fluttershy. They decide to come and cheer her up. I will admit, while I love those two dearly, I am disappointed that Rainbow's thoughts were interrupted. Well they bring some boring board game that Rainbow apparently loves. Well it is quite obvious she has no desire to play this since not only does she let my girls go first, but she lies about what happened. They didn't find her seagull, sting her bumble bee or rain on her cumulus, although I do plan on raining on Twilight tonight! Rainbow "loses" the game for the first time and sends her unwanted visitors on their way.

Once they are gone Rainbow gets back to the book. Ok, back to Daring Do. Well she must now find her way across that thing on the floor that goes in a pattern. Why haven't I thought of something like this. It would keep unwanted visitors from reaching my sleeping chambers, well unless it is my sister or a pegasus pony. Alright, so everything on there except one is a predator, rats. Ugh, I hate rats.

Well Daring Do goes and steals the relic and suddenly the place starts to collapse on her and magma comes up from the floor. Somehow she manages to escape but once she hits the ground and loses her grasp on that relic she wanted up, a big blue thing shows up and says, "HELLO RAINBOW DASH!" Wait a minute, this scary looking thing has Pinkie's voice. Well that made it a couple hundred percent less scary. Chances are it throws parties and simply annoys everypony rather than serving some useful purpose.

Well thankfully for that blue thing, that is not his voice. It was Pinkie coming in with Rarity and Applejack to visit with Rainbow. I think it is funny seeing Rainbow get upset that nopony will let her finish the book she has gotten so into and to think, it wasn't very long ago that she wouldn't have touched a book with a ten foot pole. Kind of ironic don't you think?

Well it is lunch time for Rainbow and to get rid of her unwelcome visitors, she starts eating and making a huge mess. Ugh, I don't blame them for leaving. I wouldn't want to be around somepony that messy either although I must admit, I am kinda messy when it comes to eating certain meals, especially if they are lavender so I guess I'm not one who should be talking.

Good, they're gone and now we can get back to Daring Do. So this blue thing is known as Ahuizotl? I've never seen anything like that and thank Faust he is just a creature in a fictional book. If something like that really existed, I would have to contain him into a remote corner of Equestria and seal it off. Oh no, now our hero has been tied to a slab and Ahuizotl has begun to fill the chamber with sand. Spikes with spiders crawling on them are headed towards Daring Do and good thing that isn't Twilight tied to that slab because cobras are coming in as well and we all know how Twilight is when it comes to snakes!

Oh damn, another interruption! Unfortunately for Rainbow, it is the doctor telling her she is being discharged. I'd think the bitch would be happy she was getting out so she could eat real food again. Well she is now whining about being sick that she won't know what happens to Daring Do, who I seriously think, despite being a fictional character, that Rainbow has developed a serious girl crush on. Well I do hope that she won't stop pursuing Spitfire because of her infatuation over a fictional character. I know how much Spitfire loves the attention and can be a bitch if she doesn't get it.

So Rainbow goes right back into the emergency room whining about her wing hurting. For the love of Faust Rainbow, you could have at least had the doctor touch your bad wing instead of your good wing. The doctor's diagnosis? Lazyitess. I've never heard of it but it sure seems to fit her. She should have done something to piss the doctor off to where he would be so mad he would hurt her to the point she would have to be hospitalized again. She is sent off on her way and continues to whine and whine. What's going to happen to Daring? Swallow your pride bitch, just ask Twilight if you can borrow her copy. So what if she knows you are joining "Eggheads United?"

So now Rainbow has decided to break into the hospital, over a book! She would rather risk jail time and punishment by me, which would likely be a hundred lashes. Well she gets in and finds her way to the room she was in but oh no, somepony else is in her bed now. No problem, the book is under the bed so she gets under it and continues reading.

Back to Daring Do, yay! Well she struggles to get out of the bounds Ahuizotl had her in and suddenly a talking spider! Shit, the pony in the bed woke up and is accusing Rainbow of trying to steal his slippers! Well now a chase ensues, Rainbow loses the book and is now being pursued out of the hospital.

Well now the whole town is being woke up because of not a dog, but some crazy pony that barks like a dog. Well the chase ends outside of Twilight's library and all of her friends along with the doctor and nurses have surrounded Rainbow. It doesn't take long until everypony knows Rainbow broke into the hospital just so she could finish that Daring Do book. Twilight is shocked that Rainbow would try to steal A BOOK! Good job Twilight, you turned Rainbow into a criminal.

Well after all is said and done Rainbow reports that she learned that she shouldn't knock something until she tries it. Big deal, Twilight learned the same thing the first time I rained on her not too long after we became more than student and teacher.

Good, now Rainbow is back to reading! Time to finish this. Well Daring Do has shown the brains that any good explorer/treasure hunter has, she somehow gets her hat to fly around just right to push that lever back up. The sand drains, the spikes retreat and the snakes go away. While she is escaping Ahuizotl is sitting there with his cats gloating about how he is victorious. One major problem, he is holding that relic in his hand tail and in comes our hero and steals it. Wah-wah-wah Ahuizotl, you're not going to defeat Daring Do.

Our story is over and Rainbow has finished the book. Now she has Twilight's book collection and has decided to go on a binge when it comes to reading. Well I would rather her be reading books than flying around injuring herself.

Now be gone you serfs, I didn't get to see Twilight last night so I'm off to have a bit of fun. I'm extremely frustrated and you know how I get when I'm frustrated! If I don't get some action, nopony wants to be around me until I get what I want and whether she wants to or not, Twilight is going to give me what I want!

Chapter 43: Hearts and Hooves Day

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and I have a surprise for you. You have all been good little peons and worshiped me like you are supposed to so I shall give you my synopsis of "Hearts and Hooves Day."

Well another Hearts and Hooves Day has arrived in Equestria and all the fillies and colts are busy making cards for their teachers and each other. Before I wound up getting with Twilight, I despised the holiday with a passion. In this day and age though, I love it because it is usually the day she is the absolute most submissive to me. Ok, enough about my relationship with Twilight, this episode is going to be centered around the filly illuminati, who I always have to keep an eye out for.

Morning has arrived in Ponyville and those three are up in their clubhouse engaging in some sort of idiotic activity like they always do. Luckily their window faces Canterlot so I can see what is going on. What the hell? They are making a jumbo sized card for their teacher and expect it to fit in a tiny little envelope. What I'd really like to know is how the hell they are going to get that thing to the school. Alright, I'll share something with you. The animators never showed it but Rarity used her magic to carry it there, she is Sweetie Belle's sister after all. Twilight probably would have but she was getting the library ready for tonight.

Well those girls get that oversized card to the school and Cheerilee is stunned. I can't really tell if she is impressed, annoyed or what but I can tell she is wondering what the hell she is going to do with it. I'm betting she'll probably just burn it or dispose of it in some other way that those three won't know she didn't keep it. I could always dispose it for her but it would come at a price, a price I'm sure she would be more than willing to pay!

Oh boy, now the girls are asking her about a very special somepony. She may claim she doesn't have one but you all know better than that. Yeah she isn't as close with me as Twilight is but we've had plenty of fun. Naturally though, she can't let her students know that she is your sexy Sun Goddess's little bitch. Why is it I suddenly have a feeling that those girls are going to do something to stir up a lot of trouble? If they do, their sisters will be the ones to pay. I don't punish adorable fillies but I am the only one who is allowed to stir up trouble in Equestria.

As it turns out they're going to. Since she said she doesn't have a special somepony, they have decided to go out and find her one. Now I am extremely pissed. It is bad enough they go out looking for somepony to hook her up with but even worse they are going to try and find a stallion to hook her up with! I swear, those girls must not know their teacher all that well. Once they get older though they'll learn that an increasing number of mares across Equestria are turned off by the lesser sex.

It's song time! As they begin looking for some hack to hook Cheerilee up with they have burst into song describing potential mates for her. Give me a break girls, there is no reason to be doing this. Her reaction at the school should have been enough to let you know that she is happy not having a special somepony, well at least not having one that you can know about. Perhaps I should put a brand on her, one that reads, "Property of Princess Celestia" on it.

Enough about me branding Cheerilee. The girls think they have done it. Since he has no plans for this evening, the girls decide to hook Big Mac up with Cheerilee. Come on girls, he is extremely shy and isn't going to just ask her and I doubt Cheerilee is going to ask him out. It isn't a matter of her not being the type to do that, it is a matter of her knowing that she is my property. Of course the girls have already cooked up some sort of plan to try and change this.

Ugh, those girls are annoying. They con Big Mac into believing that the gazebo needs fixed and they lure Cheerilee to said gazebo by wanting her to identify a tree for them. I couldn't believe it when those girls acted like they didn't know what an apple tree was, especially Apple Bloom. Also, why would Big Mac give a shit about the town's gazebo? It's not like the town is paying him to do it, it is just him being a good ol' boy who will help anypony in need.

Now comes awkward moment number one. Seriously girls, a "romantic" picnic with sappy music. You three must be dumber than I thought if you actually thought this would work. Fortunately for me, both of them just walk away. While they never said anything, I could read their minds. Both of them thought the filly illuminati were just being a bunch of idiots who need to mind their own business.

Alright, failure number one. Now the girls run into my sexy Twily who is reading a book about the history of this holiday. WHAT? She is supposed to be getting the library ready for my arrival, not out reading books. If her bed isn't cleaned off, I am not going to be very happy. Because of this, Twilight will have to be punished severely! She should know that she is to put nothing ahead of me, and I mean nothing!

Now for a really bad thing, Twilight tells the filly illuminati that she is reading about the history of the holiday and how it got it's origin, which is a rather disgusting one. Some stallion wanted to get an Alicorn princess in bed so he created what he thought was a love potion. The two drank it and suddenly both of them were so lost in the other's eyes that they couldn't do anything. A dragon was involved, the kingdom fell and from what I understand, both of them were murdered by their subjects. Now that was a good thing, my sister and I didn't need some lesser Alicorn already being in power when we arrived to save this land.

Now I am pissed. The CMC are going to make this love potion. Now they are breaking the law as producing, possession and distribution of it is highly illegal. I know that I have this soft spot for fillies and don't like the idea of punishing them, well severely anyway but this is them going to far. I'm thinking that maybe if I make them clean the castle from top to bottom, that will make them think twice before doing something like this in the future.

So far they are guilty of production and possession of the love potion. Now will they violate the third law as well. Well here we go again, they have lured both Big Mac and Cheerilee to the gazebo, AGAIN! Good grief, are those two stupid or something. I'm going to have to talk to Applejack about how her brother is far too trusting and as far as Cheerilee goes, I shall punish her severely. She likes it rough but if she thinks last time was rough, just wait till next time. I have decided that shall be tonight, Twilight and I can punish her together and defile the schoolhouse again.

Ok, the girls are hiding in a bush again watching the ones they want to hook up and now they have decided to drink this "punch." Well shit, they drank it and are now lost in one another's eyes. Ok girls, now you are not only guilty of production, possession and distribution of this shit but you are also guilty of fooling two ponies into drinking it. I don't care what anypony thinks now. After this episode, all three of them are going to spend all day cleaning the castle for the next six days. I know some ponies will see that as cruel but look at it like this, it beats me banishing them to the moon, flogging them or throwing then in Tartarus.

Now everything has gone to hell, my slave and one of the best apple farmers in the country are now lost in one another's eyes and can't even think straight. All they can do is mumble gibberish that basically says, "I have a special somepony, I'm so happy!" Ugh, gag me. The girls seem to be thinking the same thing but here is the thing, they wanted them to act like this. If they didn't, they wouldn't have mixed up that highly illegal potion. Once they are up here cleaning this castle, I will continue to emphasize that what they did was illegal. I might even threaten their sisters just to scare them into behaving.

Under the advice of the CMC, now those two have decided that they are going to get married, well get ready to get married. Well guess what, that ain't going to happen. I will not allow the mayor to marry them and I sure the hell won't marry them. They can get ready all they want but luckily for me that won't happen. Ok, back to them going to get ready to get married, those girls learned that if they can keep them from gazing into one another's eyes for an hour, the spell will be broken. I am hoping they can keep them apart for that long but that might be tough.

Ok, Sweetie is going to have my property try on wedding dresses while Apple Bloom and Scootaloo are taking Big Mac to try and find a good diamond for Cheerilee. When things are looking good, Apple Bloom just has to take her eyes off of her brother for a second and suddenly he has made his purchase and is gone. What an idiot. She should have just let Scootaloo keep her eye on the clock. Well now they have to chase him down, which isn't going to be easy.

While Apple Bloom is trying to stop Big Mac from getting to Cheerilee, Scootaloo has went to join Sweetie Belle in keeping their teacher locked in the dressing room. I can't help but think "what in the hell" as Big Mac is so strong that despite Apple Bloom somehow getting him tied to a house, he drags the damn thing with him. Has he been taking steroids since the Applebuck Season episode? I am pretty sure he has but I can't do anything about it because unless he is playing sports, steroids are not illegal.

Great, just great. Now he is yelling out for Cheerilee and of course once she hears him, she is quickly able to smash through the damn road block the girls put in place. One thing I forgot to mention though, Sweetie and Scootaloo must have been expecting this because not only were there conveniently placed shovels right around the boutique, they were able to dig a hole in nothing flat. Luckily for those three, Big Mac broke loose from the house and fell straight into that hole. Even stranger, how the hell did a mattress get in there? I get it, it is a cartoon so anything can happen but this is really stretching it.

Now my sexy little schoolteacher is heading out and unfortunately, it looks like their eyes meet right before the hour has passed. Who knows though, maybe they didn't pay enough attention to one another to keep the spell going. Oh please be normal, please be normal. Thank Faust, they are back to normal. Now Ponyville won't starve and I won't be deprived of my schoolteacher! Woo-hoo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah girls, I get it. You learned you shouldn't meddle in other ponies' relationships BUT you didn't learn not to break the law. Because of that, like I said earlier, you are going to be punished to the full extent to the law, well what is the full extent for fillies. Six days of cleaning the castle, with MY SISTER supervising you! You think I could be tough, she'll be tougher and with her royal Canterlot voice, she'll strike fear into you!

Now for the punishment Big Mac and Cheerilee issue them. They have to do the rest of Big Mac's chores and what is funny is those two pretend to be back under the spell. That is funny but I'm still agitated that they would even pretend to be like that. Will I punish Cheerilee over it, of course I will! She is my property and is not behaving in a way that I approve of!

Now for what happened afterwards. Despite it being Hearts and Hooves Day, I was so frustrated over those girls that I decided to forego my fun with Twilight and Cheerilee that night and simply hauled those girls with me up to Canterlot. The next day they began their punishment and of course they did not like it. Hey, lawbreakers must be punished and they could have caused a lot of damage with that love poison. In the end they learned not to piss me off and learned that they better never break the law again.

Now if you serfs will excuse me, I have a sexy lavender student and a very sexy schoolteacher to go and punish. That should be quite fun and don't worry, my sister will make sure the girls clean the castle from top to bottom. Also, I will have them back to Ponyville in time for the next episode.

Chapter 45: Putting Your Hoof Down

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a surprise for you! You have all paid your taxes, the castle chef made me a cake to die for and Twilight rocked my world last night so I have decided to give you my synopsis of "Putting Your Hoof Down."

Ok, another day has arrived and my Tia sense is letting me know that Fluttershy is up to something but I can't see it because she is in her cottage. To check on her I did the invisibility and teleport spell because I most certainly am not going to ask StormLuna if I can just monitor her off site. If it were Pinkie or some other unattractive pony, it would be different but this is Fluttershy here so off to her cottage I go!

Once I arrived I immediately began to get pissed off. Once again she proved that she cares way too much about all those stupid critters of hers and not nearly enough about me. To make matters worse, she seems to care more about that little demon rabbit I plan on making a meal out of one day. Get this, she gives her other animals measly pellets while she gives him what was her breakfast and it wasn't good enough for him. He throws a fit and decides he wants something my number one lovely can't make!

Well my lovely decides to head to the market to get the ingredients to satisfy that little bastard's appetite, why the hell can't she just let him starve, head up to Canterlot and satisfy my appetite instead? I've decided since she is putting his needs ahead of mine, that she will be punished and I might let Twilight and Rarity join in on it so tonight is going to be fun, very fun!

Well my sexy Flutters arrived at the market and it looks like she probably isn't going to get any asparagus because she lets everypony cut in front of her in line and good grief, those two valley filly ponies, what bitches. You know something, that one with the bow in her mane and tail would make perfect lovely material if she wasn't such a cunt. You know something, forget punishing Fluttershy tonight, those two are going to feel my wrath in my sleeping chambers tonight and after that, they're going to the dungeon until they are needed again.

Unfortunately for Fluttershy, she would not get any asparagus at all since some nerd pony bought the last of it but guess who comes to the rescue, Rarity and Pinkie. Now I must say, I am not very happy with Rarity because she used seduction to get the nerd pony to give her the last of the asparagus that he bought. The looks she gave him and the way she talked to him probably had him thinking we was finally going to get a marefriend. Unfortunately for him though, that would not be the case.

Am I mad at Rarity right now, hell yes I am. Am I mad at her for giving him adoration, no. I am mad because she was leading a pony on who will likely never get any action. I can't believe I'm saying this but she could have put out for him just once and I would have actually forgiven her....wait a minute, am I going nuts! If she would have done that I still would have punished her!

Ok, now Fluttershy has one last thing to get, a cherry. Now this is odd, the cherry pony had one cherry left, one cherry! Now about the meal that Fluttershy's demon rabbit wanted, it required a cherry on top. Now Fluttershy has a ditz moment and says that she just has to have that cherry so the pony running the stand says it would be ten bits? Seriously, ten bits for one cherry. If this pony knew what was good for him he would just give her the damn thing, its not like giving away a cherry would hurt him.

Get this, I think Fluttershy will be punished along with those valley fillies for being dumb enough to actually pay that much for it. After that, she tried using tactics like what Pinkie did with the tomato salespony but it didn't work. To make matters worse, she was willing to pay twelve bits for it. Good grief bitch, just how stupid are you. In the end the cherry sold for two bits to Lemon Hearts and Fluttershy headed home without that all important cherry.

Well she headed home and I followed her of course and she fixed that stupid rabbit a meal that is bigger than he is. Why didn't she just tell that little fucker that it was bigger than him and force him to eat pellets if he didn't want to wind up on her overlord's dinner plate? Get this, he not only throws it back in her face but throws her out of the house! Now that rabbit is going to pay! I'm thinking next time she goes out and about, I'm killing that rabbit whether she likes it or not. Besides, if she is distraught enough I can make her feel all better!

Get this, StormLuna is now distracted by basketball and Fluttershy is distracted by some flier she got in the mail so I made myself visible and decided to unleash my wrath upon Angel. I levitated him right in front of my face and gave him a death look. You'd think the little fucker would cower down in fear but he glared back at me! At that moment I decided to just end this so I bit his head off! Now I know Fluttershy will need some TLC after discovering his headless corpse.......

"Princess Celestia!"

"What?"

"Look, I hate Angel just as much as you do but unfortunately, he didn't die in this episode and you know you can't go altering endings or any other part of an episode!"

"Please, can't I do it just this once?"

"No you can't. Either you stick to the script or I will take away your cake and lovelies!"

"No, not my cake, not my lovelies!"

"Alright then, will you do this right?"

*sighs* "Yes but just know I'm only doing this so you won't take away what makes me happy."

"As long as you do it right, everything will be fine."

*grumbles* "Whatever."

Apparently I'm going to have to wait until he is distracted by hockey or baseball to pull this off. Alright, about this flier, it is advertising a self-help seminar this Minotaur Iron Will is holding. I've never heard of him but get this, Fluttershy is now claiming she will never be a pushover again! That is a crock of shit Flutters, you'll be a pushover in my sleeping chambers and like it!

Alright, well she is headed to this seminar so I decided to follow her. That Minotaur better not convince her to not submit to me anymore because if he does, I'll wind up banishing him to the moon OR perhaps I will have Minotaur stew, whichever I'm more in the mood for.

As I am watching this I see nothing wrong, he is simply giving ponies advice on what to do so they won't be doormats but all of a sudden he needs a volunteer and everypony but my sexy Fluttershy raised their hooves. Ok, I just learned something. Apparently Fluttershy isn't the only pony who can communicate with animals because Iron Will can with his goats and it turns out one of them points out Fluttershy and guess what, Iron Will wants her on stage, NOW!

I really hope that this doesn't turn out bad but after having her path blocked by a goat, Iron Will finally shows her the assertive way to get somepony, well in this instance somegoat, to get out of her path. There is my Flutters smiling as Iron Will is holding her up by her hoof. Either Fluttershy is simply happy that she impressed Iron Will or something very bad is going to happen, something that will make my sexy Fluttershy a total bitch.

Well the day is drawing to a close so I decided to head home, well after abducting a couple of bitches that nopony knows what their names are. That night was quite fun, well for me. I gave those bitches that were mean to Fluttershy rough hate sex. I had other ponies in the castle bitching about their cries but you know what, I don't care! I'm the most powerful pony in existence so if I want to basically rape a couple of bitches, I'm doing it!

After I was done with them, I threw them in the dungeon and got some sleep. I was late to rise the next morning because hate sex even wears me out but I headed to my balcony and cast my gaze off towards Ponyville to see some mule over watering Fluttershy's flowers. Get this, when she caught him she was not one bit pleased. Now I thought she'd just wind up saying, "Hey, run my water bill up, I don't care. Instead she calls him out on it, causes him to get soaked and she is so happy. Way to go Flutters, I am thinking maybe that self-help course helped.

Now for what baffles me, as she is headed into town her path is blocked by a couple of ponies hauling garbage and she gets mad. Memo to Fluttershy, you are a pegasus, you could just fly over them and fly up to see me like you would if you knew what was good for you. Instead, after being blown off a couple of times, she kicked their trash onto them and went on their way. Wow, I am really liking what I'm seeing! She is carrying herself with so much confidence!

Now she has got into town and headed into Sugarcube Corner but unfortunately there was a line. Now I am not happy, somepony cut in front of her in line but instead of being a little doormat, she got mad at this pony and what is even funnier, she got everypony to let her cut in front of them.

Well shit, she has headed inside so I did what I always do when one of my lovelies goes inside and I have discovered that Fluttershy has a new personality, "New Fluttershy." I certainly hope New Fluttershy is just as good in bed as the old one. Now this isn't looking good, Fluttershy got mad over Pinkie laughing at her and all of a sudden I have realized that "New Fluttershy" is not the same sweet thing I love so much and after seeing her literally beat up and throw a pony off of a cab, I am actually kind of leery of her. Granted she couldn't kick my flank but what if she was to hurt me? What if she was to ram her whole leg up in me out of anger?

Well another day comes and goes and rather than heading home that night, I just stayed with Twilight and we had tons and tons of fun. I let her know that Fluttershy had become Flutterbitch and she was suddenly terrified that if she pissed her off, that Fluttershy might rape her. Now come on Twily, just teleport away, preferably into my sleeping chambers, and you'll be fine. She can go force Rarity into non-consensual sex.

The next day arrived and Fluttershy is being a total bitch again! First the almost blind mailpony and then some tourist faces her wrath. Good grief, I'm thinking I may have to boot her out of my harem because she is simply becoming too violent. Now for something really, really bad. Rarity and Pinkie confront her over being a total bitch and something really, really bad happened.

Now this was something that the animators certainly couldn't show but Fluttershy knocked Pinkie out cold, gave Rarity a concussion and then rammed her hoof up inside of her. Oh sweet Mother of Faust, Rarity's cries were so painful and the look on her face was downright awful. Now given that I saw her not only assault two ponies but brutally molest another, I am legally obligated.....screw it, I'm Equestria's overlord so I can get away without reporting this crime. I'll punish Fluttershy in my own way, well if she ever gets out of total bitch mode.

Now back to what they could show. After belittling and assaulting her friends, Fluttershy sees her reflection and finally realizes that she has been being a total bitch. Too bad she wouldn't have realized that she is overdue in putting out for me as well.

Well, well, well, it looks like my Flutters has went back to being a wimpy little doormat, hiding in her cottage and vowing never to come out again. I'll tell you one thing Flutters, that ain't going to be the case. You might be needed to save Equestria, Twilight might want you to have a special study session with her in the library, Rarity may need you to clean out her gem OR most important of all, I may need you up in my sleeping chambers! Anyway, it looks like Rarity and Pinkie are trying to get her to come out but failing.

Alright, Iron Will has come to collect what Fluttershy owes him and despite being delayed by Pinkie and Rarity, he knocks on the door and gets Fluttershy to come out. Now get this, despite him getting in her face and demanding she pay up, she says no! Wow, she has a lot of guts to stand up to him like that. Maybe she isn't back to being a doormat after all. Want to know why she can get away without paying him? Well he claimed 100% satisfaction guaranteed at his seminar and said that if a pony wasn't completely satisfied that they pay nothing. Fluttershy got him on that and once he realized he wasn't going to get paid, he headed off on his way.

Now what would happen after that was truly magical. After Fluttershy, Pinkie and Rarity had their sappy moment and the episode was over, I revealed myself and shocked them all. I let them know that I had been watching the whole time and told Fluttershy since she was being such a bitch, that not only was I going to punish her, but so was Rarity and Pinkie.

Now you're not going to believe this, I thought Pinkie was all innocent when it came to this but she sure seemed to know what she was doing when she had my Flutters pinned down and was grinding her. Of course after her and Rarity punished her, I ran them off and punished her in my own way. This might surprise you but I wasn't rough with her because she needed calming down so she received plenty of TLC from Yours Truly.

Now be gone with you serfs, I have a tasty yellow cake just waiting to be eaten and to make things better, I'm rushing off to get some lavender frosting and white sprinkles. Hey, unfrosted cake just isn't all that appealing!

Chapter 46: It's About Time

Hello everypony, it is your beloved ruthless dictator, I mean beloved benevolent princess again and do I have a treat for you. Yeah I'm pissed because almost nopony has paid their taxes but it is a holiday in some areas of Equestria so I shall give you my synopsis of "It's About Time."

Well it is the middle of the night and Spike is having a dream, a dream about an ice cream house and Rarity. Let me guess, he's going to take her into that thing and impregnate her with unicorn/dragon hybrids. Well I guess at least he can score with her in his dreams, or can he. Oh no, Spike has been woken up by my Twily pacing around frantically, AT THREE IN THE MORNING!

What I would like to know is why is my Twily up pacing at this hour? It's not like I'm running behind or anything. Come to find out she is pacing like crazy because when she made her schedule for next month, she forgot to put in time to make another schedule. I absolutely love it when she freaks out like this, she is so adorable and of course it makes things more fun when I make her feel better. I guess I know what I can add to my schedule here pretty soon. That is the good thing about being an Alicorn Goddess, I don't need a schedule. If I have to change things at the last minute I just do it. I don't care who I piss off and they know better than to question my decisions.

It seems as though Spike is questioning her sanity because she is so distraught over this, not to mention she woke him up from a dream where he was just about to lure Rarity into an ice cream house and score with her. Well hey, Spike can pick up on that dream later but now something strange is happening in the library. I really want a good view of what is going on so I do the typical teleportation and invisibility spell to see this.

Now what is that bright light and the wind that is accompanying it. I'm not sure what it is but it has scared Spike bad enough he is hiding under Twily's bed. Now we know what it is, another Twilight! Woo-hoo, maybe if I hurry up and get down there I can score with her, TWICE! Given that there were two Twilights and that this would likely be a once in a lifetime opportunity, I undressed future Twilight and scored with both of them before future Twily got sucked back into the future. What was even funner was that before she had to go I forced present Twily to bang future Twily so that if anypony ever told her to go fuck herself, she could say that she already has. Yeah Spike saw all of it but don't worry, I cast a spell on him to where he had no memory of this so it won't make things awkward between those two.

I really need to move on because I can't have my sister knowing that I made my student bang herself nor can I let her know that I banged two Twilys at once. She would claim it was unethical and knowing her, she would blackmail me. Wait a minute, why should I care. All I have to do is pay her off with a hundred fritters to keep this a secret and she won't say a word. Seriously though, I do need to get going. I need to raise the sun here pretty soon and then eat breakfast.

The morning has arrived and it appears as though Pinkie is planning some sort of party and it looks like Fluttershy cares way too much about Pinkie's dumb party and not nearly enough about me. She is carrying these heavy bags of party supplies. Why I don't know but I do know enough about my sexy pegasus that it isn't to get Pinkie in bed because she told me she simply doesn't find her attractive. Now for something kind of funny and something kind of disgusting. My Twily crashes into Fluttershy and got a lame ass disguise caught on her face. Want to know which one? If you guessed the idiotic glasses with the human nose and mustache you are right. What is worse is that my little student doesn't even notice and makes an ass in front of herself in front of some of the townsponies.

Yeah Twily, you claim you have something important to say in that? No wonder everypony thought she was a joke. She removes the moron disguise and announces she has been visited by herself from the future and again they laugh. I suppose it is a good thing she didn't mention what she, her future self and I did or they would have laughed even further. Now she goes on about how her future self told her about a disaster next Tuesday morning. I, of course know that there is no disaster so I'll just sit back, eat some cake and watch these events unfold.

Now Twilight is claiming they are going to disaster proof Equestria yet they are only taking care of things in Ponyville. What is worse is that Pinkie is LOOSENING one of the bolts holding the bridge together. Hey Pinkie, to tighten things you turn them clockwise! Turning it counter-clockwise loosens it. Well that disqualifies her from any kind of construction work or any future she might have had as a carpenter. Oh well, she is a party pony and would have sucked when it came to gainful employment to begin with so no biggie.

Now regarding this disaster Twilight is predicting, I have a bad feeling that it may actually happen because Cerberus has left his post and has decided to visit Ponyville. Well shit, now there is a decent chance that at least one of the dangerous creatures that have been locked up in Tartarus might escape. Well I'll have to be on the lookout because even just one of those things could overthrow me and make life for everypony hell, much less several of them.

Here I thought Ponyville would likely be destroyed but the sexiest pegasus in existence has come to calm that mutt down. I know Fluttershy is good with animals but holy shit, I didn't know she was this good. I suppose she is just as good with them as she is in bed. I think I will reward Fluttershy for doing this next time I go to see her. I might even let her ram her hoof up in me I'm so pleased with her.

Now Pinkie has found a ball for Twilight to lure Cerberus back out to his post but I am not happy with him. I am thinking that once Twilight returns him, I am going to take the vet out there and once she is done with him, he won't have a set of balls. It may seem like a rather pointless form of punishment but it is the principle of the matter. One does not just leave their post and go unpunished. If a guard pony did that, he would be tortured to death so Cerberus's punishment will be nothing.

Spike is just waking up as Twilight is getting back to her library. Yeah she was gone for a bit longer than expected but there is a reason for that. I grabbed the vet, took her out there and we neutered Cerberus. Twily was out there and protested me doing this because it would upset Fluttershy if she ever found out but I don't care. He was punished for his crimes and then I decided to punish Twilight for opposing my punishment for Cerberus. That is why she was covered in mud, it wasn't just because she ran quite a ways to get him home.

You know how I like to stir up trouble every now and then? I decided that this would be the perfect moment to do so. I couldn't help but remember how freaked out Twily was over her future self's appearance so I decided to send a lost dog flier just as Spike was facing her. Now she has a cut on her face, just like future Twilight. Yes, my plan is working and she is getting more freaked out. While I wanted to go make her feel better right then and there, I had a feeling that things would get worse, much worse so I contained my urge.

Some time has passed and guess what, my Twily has paced a groove into the floor! I don't know how she managed to it so quickly but I find it adorable. Get this, now she has decided that perhaps it is what she doesn't do that will prevent the disaster so she is just going to stand still and not move a muscle. Oh Twily, what am I going to do with you? Because of this, now Spike has decided to start gorging himself with ice cream. I guess when it comes to ice cream, he not only likes to dream about houses of it where he can screw Rarity but he also likes to binge eat it.

Now for something funny. Rainbow has barged in to discover Spike eating a tub of ice cream and Twily not doing anything about it. This is too rich, now loudmouth dash knows that my Twily is going into freak out mode. Personally I hope she goes and tells the whole town about it so they will agitate her further. After all, she is so much fun when she is overly distraught.

Things are about to get worse for my Twily as Rainbow is trying to get her to move and then Spike tries to. He gets on her back and starts to tickle her. Bad idea. She throws him off of her and now, thanks to his fire breath, she has the exact same mane style as future Twilight. Sweet, I think she looks hot like that anyway. Maybe I'll make her wear her mane like that every now and then.

I have come to the conclusion that Spike is an idiot. He is taking Twilight to a fortune teller who just happens to be Pinkie dressed up as one of those "fortune tellers" that cheat foolish ponies out of their money down in Neigh Orleans. Ok, enough about me thinking Spike is an idiot because Twily is about to prove that she ain't much smarter. She actually believes that Pinkie's Pinkie Sense can predict the future. I remember when she thought Pinkie was a moron with it and now here she is thinking she can predict the future with it. *Twitchy, twitch, twitch* Guess what, a carefully placed flower pot has fallen on my Twily and now she has a bandage on her head, just like future Twilight.

Pinkie must be feeling a bit of remorse because a few days pass and she is now going over to check on Twilight since she hadn't seen her in a while. Now this is hilarious, she goes in to discover Twilight in all out panic mode and what is funnier is that Spike is still eating tons and tons of ice cream. What I would like to know is where Twilight stores all of this, how she afforded it and why Spike hasn't already shit his guts out. I would think he would have done that a couple of days ago. Oh well, watching Twily panic is too much fun to worry about that.

You thought watching her panic was fun before? Once she finds out that Tuesday morning is the following morning, she only gets worse. Now for the funniest thing, normally Luna doesn't care about what Twily does but she decided to spy on her with me. She got quite the look on her face but couldn't help but sigh in disappointment when Twilight was dumb enough to stare straight into the sun with her telescope. Yep, in her increased state of panic, she forgot that you NEVER stare into the sun, especially with a telescope. I just hope the hell she doesn't go blind in that eye because that would be a true disaster.

Luckily for Twilight though Pinkie has a stash of eye patches all over Ponyville. Kind of convenient, don't you think? Yeah I know the writers need the episode to flow smoothly so that is why they had that happen and didn't include my romp with both Twilys. Besides, like so many other things they don't show, that wouldn't be fit for a kids' show.

Now Twilight has come up with a plan that is certain to lead to some sort of disaster, she is going to stop time. Now she has truly lost it. Even Starswirl had a few issues with his time spell at first and here Twilight thinks she can just go and find a way to stop time. Guess what Twily, that ain't happening because he never wrote a time stopping spell but there is one good thing, she is coming up to Canterlot. Maybe I can lure her into my sleeping chambers and let her know that everything is going to be fine.

Now they have arrived in Canterlot and Twilight has put on a black body suit and looks exactly like future Twilight. I know what is going to happen now but I shall wait to approach her until the right time. I shall wait because I have a plan on how I can make this even funner for all four, oh I mean all three of us!

At first she is wandering around trying to find the Starswirl wing when it was right there in plain sight. To make matters worse it was Pinkie who found it. This is either a sign that Pinkie is very observant or that Twilight forgets the location of everything when she is in a panic. After all, her and I did have lots and lots of fun in that place when she still lived up here. Well once a guard let her in there I decided to spring into action. I headed to the Starswirl wing and waited for just the right moment.

Oh she is so adorable when she is in her worst panic mode! Here the sun is rising and she is thinking there is going to be a horrid disaster. Get this, she hides underneath an open window thinking it will protect her. Come on, if there were to be some sort of horrible explosion, one like those radioactive ones mentioned in Lyra's human books, it won't help her any. Hell no where would be safe if that were to happen.

Finally she discovers that it is a nice day and I decide to pay her a visit. I compliment her on her new mane style and it appears as though I leave after wishing her a happy Tuesday. That is not what happened. After Pinkie found the time travel spell and Twilight cast it, she wasn't the only one who traveled back a week. They didn't show it but I stood right by her so I got sucked into the past as well. Now this is going to be really fun! Two Twilights along with past me and present me, now I am going to get to do something that I never imagined I could. Not only will I get two Twilights, I will also get to try myself out! You see, I cast a spell to slow time down so I would have time to have fun with both Twilights and past me. It was so nice to have fun with a pony the same size as me, especially with a horn of the same length.

Of course the time to return arrived all too soon and once we returned, I had to go wash off. Hey, being covered in the juices of not just past me, but past and present Twily is not how a princess should greet her sister, or anypony else for that matter. Once I left they could show what was going on again.

Now come on Twilight, you don't look that ridiculous but your dumb ass dragon could learn a few things. He needs to learn that eating too much ice cream will make him sick and I'm sure holding all that shit in for a week can't be good for him. Oh well, it ain't my problem. I really need to get some food in my system. I am very hungry and the cake is always the freshest this time of day.

Now go away you commoners, I'm hungry and I have a big breakfast ahead of me. Eggs, oats, pancakes and cider. After that, I shall have some cake for dessert and then just for fun, I'll have some lavender icing for my after dessert snack.

Chapter 49: Ponyville Confidential

Hello everypony, it is your Sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a surprise for you, everypony has paid their taxes, worshiped me as dictated by Equestrian law and I even had somepony send me a surprise cake so I shall share with you my synopsis of "Ponyville Confidential."

School is being dismissed down in Ponyville and it looks like one of the colts, Featherweight, just got his cutie mark! It always is a magical moment when a pony gets her or his cutie mark but I'm sure you know there were three fillies who were not happy about it. If you guessed the Filly Illuminati, you are right. Ugh I wish those three would quit whining, they'll get their cutie marks when they discover whatever the hell their special talent is.

Now I can't help but wonder what those three are going to plan next. What is this, now all of a sudden they think the school newspaper is going to help them with this endeavor. I'm pretty sure it will be doomed to failure like everything else they do is but it will likely make for some fun moments so I shall enjoy my cake on my balcony.

Where do they start first? Get this, they actually think that they are going to get a cutie mark in packing boxes! Good grief those girls are stupid but their attempts at making birds' nests and trying to use folded up pieces of the paper as a boat isn't any better. Yeah they may be trying idiotic things to get their marks but it beats them trying to depose my sister and I and it provides for great entertainment so I suppose I shouldn't be bitching about it too much.

Now I'm glad that I can see into the CMC clubhouse because Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo go in there a muddy mess but apparently Apple Bloom has a different idea. She thinks they should write for the school paper. Oh joy, this ought to be interesting. What are they going to do, write editorials in every single one bitching about being blank flanks? Whatever it is, I'm sure it will be entertaining.

The following day it looks like those girls along with some of the other foals are going to start their new year on the paper and apparently my sexy schoolteacher isn't going to be directly involved, she is just going to be the advisor for it. Get this, she has officially pissed me off because she has decided to make Diamond Tiara the editor. What I would like to know is why she would make that snotty little cunt the editor. I'll tell you one thing right now, Cheerilee is going to be punished severely for this!

Regarding that little bitch running the show, I can only imagine what kinds of stories she is going to want. Ok, she says she wants juicy stories? I don't know what she exactly classifies as juicy stories but I have a feeling that it is going to be something that will likely intrude on ponies' privacy and cause an uproar.

Now for what the girls are going to report, so Scootaloo is going to write a story about a nest of baby birds. Seriously Scootaloo, that is boring as hell and outside of my sexy Fluttershy, nopony is going to care. Sweetie Belle is going to write a story on Rarity's new hat. That is even worse than Scootaloo's story because absolutely nopony is going to care. Apple Bloom is going to do one on the history of Ponyville? Once again, LAME!

I have a feeling Diamond Tramp is going to throw these things back in their faces and that is exactly what she does. Look girls, she said she wanted juicy stories, not lame stories that only history buffs, fashion experts and animal lovers are going to care about. Go out there and get REAL stories!

Well it looks like the Filly Illuminati is sitting there completely frustrated, not knowing what to do. I have an idea, they could always go spy on Fluttershy and Rarity when they have their tea! They would most certainly get a good story there, with plenty of juicy details but I doubt that something that would fit into my porn collection would be suitable for the school paper.

Very soon though, their problems would be solved when the two dumbest colts in Equestria wound up getting stuck together with gum. Now how in the hell did that happen? Well considering it happened to those two, it could be for any reason and guess what, Sweetie Belle has found their story.

Oh wow, I managed to get a hold of one of those papers and it is freakin' hilarious! Now there are some things that the writers obviously couldn't put in. Want to know how they got in that situation? Well they were chewing gum and then thought it would be fun to stick it in each other's coats and then roll around on the floor together and get stuck! I swear, this is an instance where if ponies were put to death for stupidity, these two would meet the requirements and I would gladly burn them alive in the courtyard below my balcony for all to see!

The girls have taken the pen name of Gabby Gums and now they have a problem, there is nothing else going on in the school to report and once Sweetie Belle discovers that Rarity loves Gabby Gums, she decided that they should expand and start digging up dirt on ponies all over Ponyville and I have a feeling that this may not go over as well.

Now I have discovered that to begin pulling the shit they're going to, they need the photographer, Featherweight, to go around and start taking pictures and it looks like their new story involves the Cake Family and their foals throwing a fit at the store. I'll admit, that column was kind of funny but a major let down compared to their first.

The next day arrives and my girls are in the spa checking out the latest edition and while they are doing it, I just received the latest edition and I AM PISSED. I am thoroughly pissed! I don't know how that photographer did it but he got a picture of me with cake all over my face and the Filly Illuminati just had to write up something. Now they never showed it but I have no problems sharing it with you, I want you to all see what little cunts they were being,

"Here is Princess Molest....I mean Celestia feasting on cake. I have always heard that she likes her cake but I never knew she was that messy with it. It almost makes me wonder what else she is messy eating because I've heard my sister talking about how she always winds up with lavender icing all over her face after she snacks on her yellow cake with white sprinkles."

Not only have those little bitches shown a very unflattering image of me but they revealed that I have an appetite for other things. I just hope that everypony across Equestria just thinks that it is literal cake, icing and sprinkles and not my lovelies. I could actually have a horrible uprising happen and have ponies demanding I step down if they found out I'm screwing the Element bearers, well the sexy ones anyway.

I was so angry after seeing this that I didn't even give a shit about the mayor dying her mane. I have much bigger issues than an idiotic mayor wanting to make herself look older than dirt. Don't worry everypony, I'll find a way to get around this. I've got it, I'll blame Photoshop for the cake image and cast a spell that will cause everypony to think that the article itself was just a product of a filly's unsound imagination!

I went to bed angry that night and when I woke up, I took a quick peek at the paper and saw that there more lies in there so I decided to do the invisibility and teleport spell into the Ponyville spa since that is where my girls were. The ones that day didn't anger me but I knew it would Twilight and her friends. This should be fun, very fun. They may be so distraught that I will have to make them feel all better!

As my girls begin to read it, they find so many lies and naturally some will need comforting. Applejack asleep on the job, Pinkie being a party animal, Rainbow being a softy, Fluttershy having tail extensions, my sexy Twily being a Canterlot snob and get this, Sweetie Belle stole Rarity's diary for the paper to print her entries. Oh boy, I have a feeling that a squeaky voiced white filly is going to be punished severely!

Do I want to punish those three over these? Hell yes I do but I'm still so pissed over what they reported about me that right now I really don't trust my judgement. I might wind up killing those three over this and I'm sure killing some fillies would not help my image any. What is worse though is that none of my lovelies are in the mood for any fun! Fluttershy is flooding her cottage with tears, my Twily is so mad she put up a force field around the library and while they never showed it, Rarity beat Sweetie Belle's flank until it looked like she had a red spot for a cutie mark and of course Rainbow and Applejack were pissed too.

Well after Rarity tells her little sister she is a fucking cunt and should go kill herself (in the unedited edition), those three decide that they are going to quit writing gossip. Unfortunately for them, Diamond Tramp had photos of them that are not flattering and threatened to publish them if they quit! Oooh, what's going to happen? Are they going to go dig up some dirt on somepony else and piss more ponies off, will Sweetie Belle heed her sister's advice and have her friends join her or will they kill Diamond Tramp and but her obituary in there? Personally I hope it is the third because I never have liked that little bitch.

Now it looks like everypony in town hates them and will have nothing to do with them and while they hid out in the clubhouse all night they finally decided on what they will do. Sadly they're not going to kill their editor, they decide to write an apology letter to the whole town and somehow manage to get it past Diamond Tramp and it ends up in the paper. It is nice and all that they apologized to the ponies down there but they still haven't apologized to the one pony who matters the most, ME!

Right now I am thinking of a proper punishment for them but since they are fillies, it can't be anything overly bad. Now that they have apologized and everypony has forgiven them, Cheerilee demotes Diamond Tramp from editor to running the printing press. If she had any brains she would have kicked her off the staff entirely but since she didn't, she's still getting punished!

Since Diamond Tramp was the editor and she ordered the Filly Illuminati to write trashy stories I had Luna banish that little bitch to the sun right away. I tell you, she, that photographer and the CMC better be glad that they didn't get any unflattering photos of her or write anything bad about her or the sun would have had five new permanent residents.

Now that the episode is over I will share with you the punishments I handed out. I forced Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo to come up to Canterlot and be custodians here in the castle until they are needed again. I was not very kind with Cheerilee though. Let's just say that I was incredibly rough with her that night and after that, I had Luna banish her to the sun until she is needed again.

Let this serve as a warning, NEVER print anything defamatory about me or publish unflattering pictures of me or you'll suffer the same fate as Cheerilee! Now if you will excuse me, I have some yellow cake with lavender frosting and white sprinkles to eat. Don't worry though, I'll wash my face before anypony has a chance to take any pictures.

Chapter 55: Too Many Pinkie Pies

Hello everypony, it is your beloved sexy Sun Goddess again and I have a surprise for you. I have been scanning the country and there haven't been any uprisings, everypony has worshiped me as dictated by law and everypony has actually paid their taxes on time so I shall share with you my synopsis of "Too Many Pinkie Pies."

Alright, it is another peaceful day in Ponyville and my sexy little student and her scroll hacking pet are out working on magic it appears. What is this? Is my little Twily trying to turn an apple into an orange and she can't get it done? That is pathetic, absolutely pathetic! I made her my protege when she was young and here she can't do one of the most basic transfiguration spells? Perhaps I was wrong in taking her in like that, I'm sure one of my other students could do this. Oh well, too late for that now so no use bitching about it too much, key words though, too much!

It looks like Pinkie is out engaging in typical Pinkie antics and bumps into my Twily as she is doing this and causes her to misfire. Ok, Twilight can't turn an apple into an orange but she can a bird? Perhaps she had other things on her mind earlier but now it appears as though Pinkie is wanting to throw hugs around all her friends. Ugh, how boring. Couldn't she buy Twilight a train ticket to Canterlot instead? That would prove to be far more useful and would create a very happy princess!

Now there are not just one but two sexy ponies present as Rarity has arrived and oh my goodness, she is showing off a high quality, modest dress! Are the ponies down there starting to shy away from slutty outfits and are going for a more modest look? If they are, good for them. I don't like the ponies of this country dressing like skanks and that is especially true for the hot mares that I either already own or the ones I hope to own someday.

Alright Pinkie, Twily isn't going to turn you into an orange so quit annoying Rarity and Twilight. Finally she decided to go bug her other friends and it seems like there isn't much for her to do. Yeah the thinning out the fog did aid Rainbow but all she did with Applejack and the oh so sexy Fluttershy was annoy them. Oh well, I'll continue to watch her bug everypony while I feast on some cake.

Ugh, here we go again with Twilight being unable to do a basic transfiguration spell and once again Pinkie aids in the creation of an orange/animal hybrid. This time it is a frog she screws up and get this, Pinkie actually thinks that she can get back and forth between Sweet Apple Acres and Rainbow's snoozefest by the pond in 20 seconds. I swear, she must be even dumber than I thought. Yeah I know she wants to help Applejack and then lick Rainbow's pussy but come on bitch, it just ain't possible.

Of course my Twily is the voice of reason and tells her that she is a dumb bitch and can't do it all at once, in the unedited version of course. In the version everypony saw she simply told her that there would need to be more of her to go around and Pinkie brings up the legend of the mirror pool. Well shit, now this means two things. One I'm going to have to do the invisibility and teleport spell to monitor Pinkie in the forest and chances are we'll wind up with two overly hyper dingbats instead of just one.

Pinkie has headed into the forest and I have done what needs to be done to follow her. Good grief Pinkie, couldn't you have chose a different route, one which won't cause my beautiful coat to get all screwed up and risk getting bloody? Finally Pinkie finds this pool and I have a very bad feeling about this. Well she recites the proper words and oh great, now we have two Pinkies. I suppose as long as they don't cause too many problems things will be fine.

Back to Ponyville now, apparently Pinkie has instructed her clone to go annoy Applejack while she goes to try and get in Rainbow's coat, ugh that sounds disgusting. Which one do I follow, the one who will keep it clean or the one who has a thing for narcissistic pegasi? I think I'll follow the clone, maybe I can steal some treats at the farm without anypony noticing.

Now here I am following the clone to the farm but she just had to bump into my sexy Fluttershy. I was not thrilled when I saw this though. Once again Fluttershy has proven that she cares way too much about a bunch of dumb animals and not nearly enough about me. Why is it that she takes those dumb critters on picnics but she never invites me especially when she'd have a whole lot more fun! Hey, I'd happily put out for her while all those dumb critters do is chatter away in whatever language it is they all speak in.

Fortunately for Fluttershy Pinkie doesn't stay for long but unfortunately for me, I have to follow her rather than rocking Fluttershy's world. Now I am very upset with this clone because rather than going to the apple farm she goes to find her real self. I followed her and so far the real Pinkie has not scored with Rainbow, yet. Now that there are two Pinkie's, maybe they can gang rape her. Now I honestly wouldn't care but according to Equestrian law, if I saw that happened I would have to report them and I certainly wouldn't want that.

Luckily for me and Rainbow that didn't happen but the fake Pinkie is throwing a fit about how she didn't have any fun and what is this? Suddenly Pinkie has decided she wants to make even more of herself? Well shit, I have a feeling that this isn't going to turn out well. For now, I must follow the Pinkies back to the mirror pool and watch them make more of themselves.

I can't help but wonder, what would happen if I cast a really neat spell on them right before they began reciting whatever it is she calls it? What if I were to transform both of them into the fan version of Pinkamena? You all know how I wish I could see fatalities but it never happens? Well this is my chance, I'm going to do it! I want to have a whole army of serial killers on the loose! I lit up my horn and readied myself for this spell......

"Princess Celesita, don't even think about it!"

"But StormLuna, it would be so much fun. I could round them up, have them kill a bunch of undesirables and then we could all throw a 'Pinkamena killed an undesirable' party!"

"Celestia, what did I tell you about your lovelies before?"

*sighs* "That you'd marry them off to your OC if I don't do this right?"

"That is correct so no crazy spells to create serial killers, alright?"

"Fine."

Good grief, StormLuna can be so irritating sometimes. Here I want to make things more fun and he just has to make me keep it boring. Alright, back to what Pinkie and her clone are doing. Eventually two turns into a whole bunch of them. I'm not keeping count of them because I know they're just going to go and cause everypony problems.

Now it is time for the real Pinkie to teach her clones about her friends and she only gave them info on a couple of them! I would think she would have showed them a picture of Twilight and said, "Alright, this is Twilight. She's the one that is always busy making Princess Celestia happy so leave her alone!"

After teaching all her clones about some of her friends they all part ways and I'm pretty sure all hell is going to break loose. I have a couple of places to monitor so I better make it quick. The first place, Sweet Apple Acres where all the clones ruin Applejack's barn raising. The nerve of them, ruining a hard working pony's construction project but I better get going because I have a feeling a narcissistic pegasus is about to get gang raped. Don't worry folks, I won't let them violate her. I may bitch about her narcissism all the time but I wouldn't even wish that on her.

I was late arriving but at least Rainbow only got annoyed and disturbed, she did not get violated and now we have a serious problem, all these Pinkies have been harassing everypony. Rarity is bitching about them going through her boutique and my sexy Fluttershy is whining about them trashing her critter picnic. Good, I'm glad they did that. That will be a valuable lesson for her to forego stupid things like that and fly up to my sleeping chambers instead.

Well it is time to get in the library while my Twily and her glorified pet look for a spell to get rid of these little pests. Luckily for the town they find one but the bad news is that if they can't figure out which one is the real Pinkie they could send her back to the pond by mistake? Damn, they better find the real one because I doubt one of these dumb clones would make for a decent element bearer.

Now my Twily once again proves that perhaps she isn't as bright as I thought she was when they went to look for Pinkie. Good grief you dumb ass, can't you tell that one of them is behaving differently? Can't you tell one of them is feeling a lot of regret over how her dumb clones screwed everything up? Because of her inability to tell her apart from the others I have decided I will punish her severely. How I will do it I'm not sure but I'll make sure a couple of her friends benefit from it.

Finally they have Applejack and her family rounding up all these annoying Pinkies but as they led them in I saw one that was still outside. Oops, it looks like they might miss one! Luckily for everypony Crashie rounded her up and just threw her on the floor like it was nothing and I'd think even Rainbow would have enough of a brain to tell that was the real Pinkie.

Oh no, these Pinkies have to take a test, a very boring test. They have to watch paint dry and whoever passes gets to stay. Personally I think a much better test would have been give them all video cameras and have them record me, Twily, Fluttershy and Rarity having a four mare romp. Of course we'd have to run AJ and Rainbow out first and whoever got the best footage got to stay! Oh well though, if they can weed out all the fake Pinkies we'll be fine.

I tell you, seeing my Twily zapping away all those Pinkies made me kind of worried. I was constantly thinking "what if she sent the real Pinkie back? What if some villain was to come and depose me because of it?" Well if that happened I guess we could have taken the fake Pinkie back to the pool and made her recite her thing until the real one was back.

Luckily though all the fake Pinkies were sent back and our element of laughter was still there to annoy us. I have decided that I will not punish Twilight for not being able to tell the real Pinkie apart from the real one since she didn't send the wrong Pinkie back to the pond. In the end Pinkie decided to have some fun by sleeping and she wasn't the only one to have fun!

After the episode ended I revealed myself and while they were shocked to see me, my Twily, Flutters and Rares were very happy to see me because they knew that sexy times were about to ensue! Now if you'll all excuse me, I have three hot mares to have some fun with. If you must have a princess deal with something important, talk to Luna. Yeah she may get pissed if you bug her during the day but deep down she loves it when I'm busy because doing my duties makes her feel more important.

Chapter 65: Magical Mystery Cure

Good morning my subordinates! This is your beloved Sun Goddess Celestia and you've been fairly good so I have decided to give you my analysis of "Magical Mystery Cure." Now this is a good one since I have a role in it, a very important role.

Well it is morning in Ponyville and Twilight has decided to burst into song. I think I know why, I think it is because she is still thinking about the the fun her and I had a few days ago and just can't get that happiness out of her system. Twilight is right when she says everything is certainly fine, for now. What a shame it won't stay that way. You see, Yours Truly decided to stir up some trouble. I have been planning something for quite some time that involves Twilight. This trouble I stirred up will be the ultimate test to see if she can truly handle what I have planned.

Well her little musical number comes to an abrupt end when she gets water dumped on her. Oh thank you Rainbow Dash, you made Twilight soaking wet! You know how hot and bothered that makes me but don't go thinking I'm going to give you any special favors over it. Well suddenly I see that it isn't Rainbow that made her look so hot, it was Rarity. Now why in Equestria is Rarity handling the weather...hmmm...I wonder! Well I will say this, despite her making Twilight extremely sexy, she sucks at handling the weather. A checkerboard sky? Seriously? That is why you don't let fashionistas handle the weather, they'll just screw everything up.

I am watching from up here in Canterlot and I see Rarity has Rainbow's cutie mark. What in the hay is going on down there. Now yeah, things certainly aren't fine now! Oh boy, this is going to be quite funny! What a shame Discord is off gathering herbs with Zecora, he would find this absolutely hilarious! He probably would have laughed himself to death.

Well now Twilight is headed off to Fluttershy's....wait, did I just hear that right? Did Twilight say that was Rainbow Dash's cottage? Either I'm hearing things or the writers really screwed this one up. Once Twilight get's to the cottage she discovers that Rainbow is in there and what is this, Rainbow Dash has Fluttershy's cutie mark. Now something bad has happened, very bad. I do worry about Rainbow's welfare though. Despite her having Fluttershy's cutie mark, she has no control over those animals.

Well Rainbow breaks out into song questioning her destiny as she tries to handle those beasts in the cottage. I can't help but wonder, how much shit piles up in that cottage with all those animals in there? Well given that Fluttershy keeps most of them outside probably not much. Since Rainbow has them all in there with her though, it's probably pretty bad.

Well now I'm watching all of Twilight's other friends break out into song as well. Let's see, suddenly Fluttershy has Pinkie's cutie mark but can't make ponies laugh, Pinkie has Applejack's cutie mark but can't do shit on the farm, Applejack has Rarity's cutie mark but can't make slutty outfits and like what happened earlier, Rarity has Rainbow Dash's cutie mark but can't handle the weather. What in Equestria happened. Well, I'm thinking my attempt at stirring up trouble and testing Twilight may have had unintended consequences.

Here is how it happened. I sent Twilight Starswirl's old magic book with his failed spell in it. I sent her a message telling her that I think she is the one to rewrite it and I promised that if she could fix it and make it work, that sexy times would ensue! Well I know how her mind works. She decides to cast the damn thing without knowing the first thing about it. The result? The element bearers all have the wrong mark now. I am now going to have to humble myself and apologize to Ponyville for doing this. Ugh I hate the thoughts of having to admit doing something wrong to commoners. Maybe some other disaster will take place and I can get out of it.

So now Twilight is starting a sob song. Another song? This makes three already! She's crying and whining about how she's fucked everything up royally and wondering what she's going to do. Waah, waah, waah. Well guess what Twilight, I'm not coming down there to fix this nor am I going to come down there and make you feel better. You screwed everything up and now you're gonna fix it!

Well Spike makes himself useful and convinces Twilight that she'll figure a way out to fix it. Yeah right, even I wouldn't know how to undo the damage she has done. Yes, even your all powerful and sexy Sun Goddess doesn't know everything so it is either Twilight fixes this or Ponyville will have to simply be abandoned and I'll cordon off that area forever.

Well she stares at a picture of her friends and starts to glow. How the hay is she doing that? She sure the hay never glows for me when we're having fun! Well now she gets Spike to get the elements and runs off acting like she's hot shit! She's thinking, "Oh yes! I know how to get everything right! Just you watch Tia, I'll do it!" Now that is a strike against her, NOPONY EVEN THINKS OF ME AS TIA! I'll have to punish her severely for this!

Well she runs off to find Fluttershy moving back to Cloudsdale. What? Why in Equestria would she want to move back to the place that brought her so much heartache as a filly? I'm wondering if maybe she is afraid that since she has a different mark that she may not be good in bed anymore and that is why she isn't moving up here to be with me. Well with the way things are going, Fluttershy losing her ability to perform in the bedroom may be the least of my problems.

Well Twilight manages to get her to go help Rainbow Dash with "her" animals despite her knowing absolutely nothing about them. Well they get over to "Rainbow's" cottage and suddenly it looks like Rainbow is going to get cooked by the animals! Oh shit, now not only am I partially responsible for ruining the element bearers, I may be indirectly responsible for the death of one of them. Crap, I knew I should have decided against making grandiose plans for Twilight but oh no, the perverted side of me said that "oh if she can complete this task she'll be even better in bed" and I just had to listen to it! I'm starting to feel dumber and dumber as this episode progresses.

Well Twilight tells Fluttershy that SHE has to be the one to keep those beasts from feasting on Rainbow. Well at first she can't but suddenly she starts getting through to them and before long Rainbow doesn't have to worry about being put in a stew. Now is the time to see if little miss hot shit discovers if she was right or not. She puts Fluttershy's necklace on her and she is transformed back to herself! Yay! At least I know she'll still have her sex appeal and be able to perform!

Well here comes yet another song. This episode has been more song than anything else but at least they're tying them in with the story line. So now the time has come for Twilight to fix everypony else. She convinces Rainbow to give cloud busting a chance and she discovers she is still good at it. Twilight puts her necklace on her and the element of loyalty has been restored. Good, now she can go fix the rest of them and when the next threat arises, Equestria won't be screwed. Once she fixes everypony, their wonderful magical number ends with a midair hug. Now how they managed that I'm not sure but all that matters is that for the first time in her life, Twilight fixed a mess she created on her own rather than expecting me to do it for her.

She is so close to finally doing what she needs to do for me to go through with my plans. She hears a voice in her head and leads her friends to the library. Well here she goes grabbing Starswirl's book and getting ready to write the revised spell in it. She writes, From all of us together, together we're friends. With the marks of our destinies made one, there is magic without end!"

With that the elements start acting very strangely and now here she is encircled in energy. Very soon I finally get my part. Well Twilight looks as though she was incinerated, leaving a burn mark in the shape of her cutie mark. You killed Twilight, you bitches!

Alright, they didn't kill Twilight but she finds herself in a realm of just stars and darkness. Now I have decided to pay her a visit. I have decided that she has done a sufficient amount of things to finally be worthy of what I have planned for her. I approach her and plaster all sorts of images from her life around us, and I will admit, despite her fouling up quite a bit I am proud of her. Anypony that can put up with my bitchiness and satisfy me as much as she has deserves this. Now comes the best part, another song....but this one is sang by me, the pony with the absolute sexiest voice ever.

"You've come such a long, long way

And I've watched you from that very first day

To see how you might grow

To see what you might do

To see what you've been through

And all the ways you've made me proud of you

It's time now for a new change to come

You've grown up and your new life has begun

To go where you will go

To see what you will see

To find what you will be

For it's time for you to fulfill your destiny"

Well now the time has come to do what I had planned since she let Spike take the crystal heart to Cadence. She became encircled in energy and suddenly she has transformed. This transformation will not be revealed until I make sure she is ready so before she is allowed to return home, we have some fun in that dark realm and my oh my, she is absolutely spectacular now! Now the time has come for her to return to Ponyville.

It is obvious it took me a while because it is now dark in Ponyville as she returns. I could read her friends' minds when they saw that dark pink star coming towards them. They were nervous but once Twilight landed, she spread her wings and looked magnificent. One thing Rainbow needs to realize that before she deems Twilight a new flying buddy, she needs to learn how to use those wings first.

Fluttershy is quite observant, yes Twilight looks like a princess now because she IS a princess now! Luna opposed this for quite some time until Twilight showed she wasn't selfish when it came to saving the Crystal Empire. After that, Luna was on board. Now I must dip into the treasury to give Twilight the coronation that she deserves....well that along with some regalia for myself and my sister that will match this occasion.

Now the coronation begins. Look closely at me and my sister. We have special regalia for this. My sister claimed she would look better in silver rather than gold and after seeing this, I should have had her's made silver, but oh no, I DIDN'T LISTEN! I had to make it gold! But look at my regalia. You see that huge crown! It says, "That's right bitches, your Sexy Sun Goddess is the best pony out there and don't you forget it! Bow down before me or meet you doom!"

I finally feel like a true champion as for the first time one of my students has deemed herself worthy of being a princess, so happy that I even allowed another song to be sung despite this episode being done mostly in song. While Twilight looked sexy all sopping wet, she looked even better with those curls in her mane! Let's just say that I had further plans for her and tonight those plans are going to come true!

Although I know Twilight wanted to go to my chambers immediately and let Cadence and I initiate her into the royal system, first she had to give a speech. Yeah it was boring and shit but after that she decides to go prancing through the streets singing what would thankfully be the last song of the show. She again goes singing about how everything is certainly going to be fine. I sure hope the hell so, Cadence and I have plans for her tonight and we can't have anything go awry.

Oh and just so you know, according to Spitfire, the seven songs in this episode is an academy record. Now be gone you commoners, Cadence, Twilight and I have sexy times ahead. Yeah I know it's wrong to be getting it on with my niece but hey, I'm not rigid and straight laced like Luna. This initiation requires that Cadence and I do this with her together. As far as Luna goes, I'll let her do my duties but I will NOT let her handle anything involving foreign relations.

Celestia Punishes Her Serfs: Synopsis of Equestria Girls

Hello, this is your Supreme Dictator Celestia again. Now many of you have been very, very bad serfs. You have failed to do your part to contribute to Equestria, you have failed to pay your taxes and you have disrespected me a few too many times so I am going to punish you severely. I have decided to FORCE you to listen to my synopsis of Equestria Girls.

I'll make this short because I don't feel like going into too much detail over this abomination for two reasons. Number one, I didn't like it. Number two, I'm not going to punish you that badly!

Ok so now my Twily decides to leave her crown by her bed as she sleeps. How dumb can she be, doesn't she know those things are supposed to be locked in a vault when one sleeps? Maybe I shouldn't have made her a princess after all. Some dumb mirror that I had forgot about opens up and Sunset Shimmer, one of my former students, one who refused to put out after I was too rough with her, decided to come through it and steal Twilight's crown and replace it with some fake replica from this other world. Well she took the real crown back with her. Where they got the idea for a fake crown like this I'm not sure but I do know one thing, if I can get my hooves on Sunset Shimmer there will be a public execution here in Canterlot. Just for fun I'll hunt her parents down and execute them as well. If I can't get my hooves on her, her parents will still be put to death. We haven't had a public execution in Canterlot in a few hundred years and I'm just itching to execute somepony.

Luckily Twilight woke up and chased after her but it was too late, she got through the mirror. Now I had no clue where this mirror lead to, neither did my sister or Cadence. It could have lead to a world of carnivorous sea ponies but one thing is for sure, Twilight had to go through there and get her crown back. Now had the element of magic not been in that crown I would have told Twilight to forget about it, make me happy and we'd make her a new crown. However, since it has that gem in it, she has to put her life at risk heading to a world we know nothing about. Well we send her off and wish her well. I just hope she can make it back through that accursed thing before it closes. If she doesn't return, some villain will probably destroy Equestria, overthrow me and as far as Twilight goes, she'll become sea pony food or the victim of whatever creatures lie there.

One thing they didn't show in that dumb movie was the fun Twilight and I had before she left. I knew this might be the last time I see her so we had the hottest, raunchiest fun we ever had. I had to exclude Twinkleshine though as I just wanted it to be me and my sexy Princess Twily. Well the next morning arrives and after a good breakfast, I send her and Spike to what could be her doom. When she arrives she has transformed into something completely hideous. She has transformed into one of those Faust-forsaken creatures out of Lyra's comic books but she has lavender skin and Spike has turned into a dog, an extremely hideous purple and green dog. Hell, carnivorous sea ponies would have been preferable to what this world had to offer.

Well ok, now the bad part of this starts so I'll make it quicker. Twilight turns into a naive dingbat, a dingbat so dumb she makes Trixie look like the second coming of Starswirl. Well what can one expect when a pony is transformed into an inferior creature with a primitive brain. Well she meets some humans that resemble her friends here in Equestria and surprisingly they aren't as stupid as she became. Maybe it is because they have always lived there but that is beside the point.

She has to enroll in some high school. Yes, a high school for ordinary, lame brained humans. Good thing though because she discovers her crown is being held hostage by some human who resembles me. Sadly though, the human me is just as primitive as the other hacks in that world and what makes that world truly terrible, no one (yes, it is no one instead of nopony since they aren't ponies) there has magic. Ugh that must suck.

Well my now naive and moronic little Twily has friends but eventually she bumps into something truly inferior. She runs into one of those disgusting bipeds, one of the lesser sex, named Brad, aka Flash Sentry. Alright, if he touches my Twily inappropriately, I'll go through there and kill the bastard. He looks like a pretty boy so maybe he is a lot like that river serpent, flamboyant and possibly gay, well in this human's case, most likely gay.....BUT they blush at one another so he is likely bi. Alright, Twilight is in for a world of hurt if she ever gets home. I will force her to bathe in a bath of rubbing alcohol to cleanse her and then lock her in my chambers for months to purify her.

Now it is discovered that this crown is given to the princess, whore, queen or whatever title they give the most popular girl of some dumb dance. Now Twily and her new friends have to turn the school against Sunset Shimmer, who has apparently become some dictator bitch that has them all under her control. How the hell that little whore could get everyone to fear her is beyond me. Maybe she rapes them with spiked rods if they don't obey her, who knows? As long as my Twily gets home with her crown I'll be fine.

Well now it looks like Twilight is going to get framed for destroying the decorations for this human version of the Gala which I see is extremely dumbed down and made for serfs. Oh boy, now my human self won't let her go and is likely going to execute her. Shit, I've gotta do something so you know what I did? I temporarily handed all power over to Luna, went through the mirror and went through the trash to clear Twilight's name. In the movie they made it look like the bisexual pretty boy cleared her name, but it was really me. Boy oh boy was the human version of me surprised to meet me! I warned her that if she didn't let Twilight go to this dumb dance I would take her to Equestria and banish her to the moon. That got her to clear her in a hurry.

Well I return home to discover that Luna was making plans to invade and conquer Saddle Arabia. Good thing I got back when I did, I really don't feel like ruling over a land of magicless horses. I told Luna that they would just be a pain in the ass and while she seemed to agree, I could see she was just itching to expand our empire. Note to self: Don't hand over complete power to Luna ever again.

Well they get this dance off and as I watch I can't help but think, "Boring! This is as bad as the Gala! Something fun could happen such as a terrorist attack or a car come crashing into their gym. After all, humans like doing shit like that because they are braindead morons." Well as it turns out the students had to vote which slut gets Twilight's crown. I should have engraved "Property of Princess Celestia, GODDESS of every living thing" on it before I gave it to my little student. Well shit happens and I just have to hope more of the peons there vote for Twilight than Sunset. If Twilight loses, I'll have to return to that world, get the crown myself, drag both Twilight and Sunset back to Equestria, destroy that damn mirror and execute Sunset! I secretly hope that happens, I want to execute Sunset so bad I can't stand it!

Time for the vote, Twilight wins! Well now she has that crown on her head and she can get her ass home. Just as I thought she was going to come home Sunset steals her crown and turns into a she-demon. Do I want to mess with that thing? I'm not sure. Well in the end Twilight "reforms" Sunset, got her crown back but she jeopardizes her chance to come home by deciding to dance with that bisexual pretty boy at their stupid dance. Oh boy, if she gets home she's really going to pay now! Maybe if she gets home I should strip her of her wings in public, take away her title and execute her along with her whole family in front of the whole city. That will teach her to willingly let an inferior creature of the lesser sex touch her. I'm sure I can get Moondancer to be more sociable and shape that gem into the shape of a moon. She is good with magic after all.

Well finally Twilight realizes it is time to go. She says her farewells to her friends and her and Spike step into the portal, just as it was going to close. When she returned we acted all happy she was back. I was happy she was back because she had that element where it belonged. However, I was not so thrilled to see her at first. They didn't show this but she gave me an extremely nervous look upon her return. She cold sense I knew what she did and knew that her punishment was going to be brutal. What is even worse is she bumps into a new guard that just graduated from the academy. It is the pony form of him, the pony form of that bisexual pretty boy Flash Sentry. What is worse is that she blushes at him. I have decided that Flash must go. I was going to execute him but Cadence convinced me to go easy on him and let him go up to the Crystal Empire.

Now for what they could never show. Twilight engaged in horrid activities in the human world and blushing at that guard upon her return didn't help her case either. I told the city about her crimes and we all agreed she deserved 100 lashes, so that is what she got. After that I gave her the bath of alcohol which really hurt because of the wounds from those lashings. Finally after a night of stinging pain, I hauled her ass up to my sleeping chambers and made her my slut for five months straight. This ought to make her realize that humans are not to be touched and really make her realize that she is not to give any adoration to the lesser sex. I'm guessing that by the time I release her so she can ready herself for whatever boring endeavors she will have next she will KNOW that she has but one master, ME! Well ok, I'll let Twinkleshine and Fluttershy have fun with her too since they enjoy it so much.

Well while I was punishing Twilight, Luna again encountered trouble with the Saddle Arabian government. This time though, she banished their monarchs to the sun for calling her "moonbutt" and now Saddle Arabia is a commonwealth of Equestria. Yeah they get to keep SOME of their revenue but a lot of it comes to Equestria since we own them now. Oh well, I guess the extra revenue will help out, we have some roads that could be improved upon. Now Luna is wondering what nation she should take the next time I have Twilight locked up in my chambers for an extended amount of time. Maybe it will be Neigh Zealand, I never did like those punks and I could straighten that backwards land out.

Oh and I would like to apologize to you serfs. Talking about this crappy movie put me into full bitch mode and I just lost control of myself. Hey look at it this way, I could have given you all my synopsis of Howard the Duck, the absolute worst movie of all time. Ugh, whatever humans came up with that abomination should have been hung for the crime of idiocy.

Oh and just so you know, I executed Sunset Shimmer's parents in courtyard one and after that, my sister and I held the biggest party in the history of Canterlot. Of course Pinkamena Diane Pie organized it, she does throw the best "after public execution" parties.

Chapter 69: Daring Don't

Hello my beloved serfs! This is your beloved dictator Princess Celestia. You all have been good, you have worshiped me how you are supposed to, you have paid your taxes and you haven't caused any problems so I shall share with you how I saw "Daring Don't."

Another glorious day in Ponyville has arrived and once again Fluttershy is proving that she cares way too much about some dumb animals and not nearly enough about me. She is trying to teach some baby birds how to fly! Isn't that the mother bird's job? It would have been far easier for her to fly up to my sleeping chambers than it would be to try and teach these things how to fly.

Well suddenly Rainbow Dash is flying around making a ruckus over one thing or another. Now we find out why, the next Daring Do book comes out in four months! Good grief, she is making a big deal out of that? She winds up getting so lost in that fact that she crashes into a tree. Damn she is stupid. She should watch where she is flying rather than fantasizing over a fictional character.

A few days pass and Twilight and her friends are throwing a "National Random Holiday Party Day" party or something like that? I swear, they will throw a party over anything. Why can't they throw a "Celestia's gonna get laid" party and then send Twilight and Fluttershy up to see me. That would be a much better type of party.

Ok, so Rainbow shows up and bitches about how she wasn't invited to this idiotic party. As it turns out she was, it was just that she was so absorbed in the last Daring Do book that she wasn't paying attention to her when she invited her. Hey, I'm a fan of the series as well but I don't get so caught up in one that I don't pay attention to my surroundings.

Now Rainbow is talking about how it will be 3 months and 26 more days until she can read the next one. Guess what Rainbow, that ain't happening. The book's release is being delayed an additional two months. Yeah I'm a bit disappointed but I'm not going to do what she is about to suggest. She suggests that they go out, find her house and help her with whatever everyday nonsense is keeping her from spending her every waking moment writing. Apparently she doesn't know that would be classified as stalking and stalking is illegal in Equestria. I'm thinking a few months in the dungeon ought to fix that problem!

Well they head out on their journey to one of the most far flung corners of Equestria. How the hell they managed to get there in the same day is beyond me. Alright, I get it. It is a cartoon so anything can happen. Once they get out there they find A.K. Yearling's house. Now why the hell would a famous author live so far out in the middle of nowhere? It's because she wants to be left alone so she can write in peace and not be bugged by fanfillies like Rainbow all the time.

It looks like her house has been broken into and ransacked. If Twily and her friends knew what was good for them, they would have traveled several hundred miles and reported the break-in since they can travel across great distances in nothing flat. Instead they go in and start wondering what happened when suddenly A.K. Yearling shows up. The moment Rainbow sees her she suddenly goes into a state of awe. I knew what was running through her mind. She was wanting to run her friends off and see if Ms. Yearling would take her up to her bedroom. Sorry Rainbow but just because she is a re-color of you, she isn't going to put out for you.

Now I don't blame Yearling for being upset that they were in her house and thinking they were probably the ones who ransacked it. Now we have Yearling being very nervous looking for something. While she is doing this Rainbow pushed things off of her desk and ordered her to hurry up and get back to typing. Now had I been A.K. Yearling, I would have beat the shit out of her and threw all six of them out. Instead, her search continues. Now she pulls a book out from under Rainbow and has to do all sorts of strange things to open it. Well she gets it open and takes out a golden ring. Oooh, I think that would look good up here in Canterlot! Maybe I should teleport out there and steal it. Perhaps not though, that ain't what the writers have in mind and it probably has some sort of use later on in the episode.

Finally Yearling is fed up and runs her uninvited guests out. Good, Twily is late for her regular visit and I'm frustrated. Now they can go home and she can come up and unwind with me. Once they are thrown out they notice some goons crawling into Yearling's upstairs window and soon she is surrounded. She must know who they are because she throws her clothes and glasses at them. I thought this was supposed to be a kids' show. I'm shocked that Yearling would do this, especially given how these guys broke into her.....wait a minute, A.K. Yearling IS DARING DO!

Just like with Twilight, my mind is officially blown! No wonder the book is being delayed, whatever adventure this book is supposed to be about, she is probably going to not get it all over and done in time to write about it. Now a fight ensues over this ring and it finally lands by the door and who shows up? I can't believe it, it's Dr. Caballeron. I never once imagined that he and Daring Do both were real ponies. Now for the big question, does this mean Ahuizotl is real too? I guess we will find out sooner or later.

Now I know he is real. Caballeron is going to sell that ring to him, make a fortune and retire from archaeology. Oh great, if he retires he won't be in any of the future books. He is my favorite antagonist in those books so I hope he fails in his quest to sell it. Now that he and his lackeys have left, Daring Do is alone in her hut trying to bandage her injured leg. Memo to the Mane Six: Get in there and help her instead of being a bunch of peeping toms!

Finally they go in and help her. Now comes what will become a regular part of this episode, Daring Do tells them that she works alone. Fair enough but guess who can't get that into her head? Yep, it is the fanfilly Dashie. Despite her not wanting the help, Rainbow takes off to find her. Ugh, sometimes I wonder how Rainbow managed to help save Equestria from the foes that she has. Well enough about that, back to the episode.

There is Rainbow flying over this forest trying to find her crush....oops, I mean hero. Finally she finds her and begins to pursue her. Now here she is talking about how great she is and then punches herself, what an idiot. If it hurts so much why did she keep doing it? Knowing her, fantasizing about having a make out session with Daring Do would cause her to do anything.

Daring Do realizes that somepony is following her so she pounces on whoever it is and discovers that it is her fanfilly stalker. Obviously she is not very happy and now what does Rainbow do? She starts telling her how she is such a huge fan and then begins to beg her to let her help her retrieve that golden ring. Look Rainbow, Daring Do has let it be known that she works alone but you won't listen!

Finally Daring Do caves in and let's Rainbow help her. What in Equestria was she thinking? Chances are now she'll try to get Daring Do to rock her world after they either finish or fail at this quest. It looks like they have caught up with Dr. Caballeron. I don't know where she got them from but she has a huge bag of bits to pay him for that ring. She puts a bunch of leaves on her face to make herself look like a stallion and proceeds to make this transaction. Shit, she can't succeed! If she does, Caballeron won't be in any future books. Unfortunately, despite him having another buyer, he winds up agreeing to sell the ring to her but guess who shows up, Ahuizotl!

I can't believe it, he is real too! I never knew that such a creature actually existed, especially in my nation. Well as long as he stays out in that corner of Equestria, everything will be just fine. Caballeron winds up grabbing that bag of bits and runs away upon his arrival. Shit, now Caballeron has a ton of money. Ahuizotl demands Daring Do give him the ring but she says that she can't give it to him until she properly proposes. As Rainbow is watching this confrontation between the two, I read her mind and she really wished that Daring Do would propose to her! Big surprise, right?

Now Daring Do is trying to fend off Ahuizotl's feline friends and Rainbow starts trying to get Daring's attention because she has her hat. Bad idea Crashie, I mean Dashie. Now Ahuizotl has Rainbow captured in his hand tail and Daring Do gets captured by the big cats. They must be very talented given that they not only had rope on them, but they were able to tie our protagonist up. Now she is being hauled off to the temple and it is all Rainbow's fault!

Finally her friends find her and she is throwing herself a pity party. Good grief Rainbow, get over yourself and quit whining. Now suddenly she doesn't want to go save Daring, the pony that she dreams about every night and according to Luna, let's just say that those dreams turn out like my romps with Twily do in real life. Finally Twilight is able to get Rainbow to see that she has value and they head off to save Daring. Hopefully they can get that ring back because I have a bad feeling Ahuizotl has rather sinister plans in using it.

So now we find Daring Do chained to a wall above a pool of water with piranhas in it. Shit, she better not get eaten because it will be Rainbow's fault and I will throw her in Tartarus if that happens. Hey, I'm sure I can find some other loyal pegasus, one that isn't a show off and doesn't go all fanfilly over Daring Do and The Wonderbolts. Sorry Daring but it does look like Ahuizotl will get away with this. Hell I might have to intervene. I can save your ass and stop our big blue friend from doing whatever it is he is going to do.

Now water is beginning to pour into the chamber Daring is trapped in but guess who comes to the rescue? Rainbow comes and rescues her like a knight in shining armor does a damsel in distress. Now for what they wouldn't show. After Daring Do broke those stone bricks on her hooves, she decided to "thank" Rainbow for saving her. Yeah it wasn't quite as much as Rainbow was hoping for but it was much more than I ever imagined Rainbow would ever get in her life.

Now back to what they can show. Ahuizotl and this whole tribe of ponies have gathered for the ring placing ceremony to bring about 800 years of unrelenting, sweltering heat. Oh shit! Now he is going to try to keep MY sun up non-stop for 800 years in a remote corner of Equestria. Now if he succeeds I will have to intervene. Nopony tries to take control of something that is mine, especially MY sun!

You know, Ahuizotl must be an idiot. You would think that the moment Twilight and her friends showed up, that he would have simply placed that top ring on the stack of other rings and accomplished his objective. Instead, he is so careless that he allows Twilight and her friends to get a hold of it and play keep away. Now after an intense make out session, Daring and Rainbow finally show up and while everypony else is distracted, they begin to remove the rings from that column. Apparently the further down they go, the heavier those things get.

As they are removing these things Daring finally realizes that having some help is necessary sometimes. Had my girls never shown up, she would have been fish food and Ahuizotl would have began to bake that place for 800 years, or at least until I went there and lowered my sun, destroyed those rings and hauled him to Tartarus for the crime of trying to seize control of my sun. Luckily that did not happen. Instead Rainbow and Daring got that bottom ring out of the temple and the rest of the Mane Six were able to escape the collapsing temple.

Once they got far enough away they dropped the big ring and it broke. Daring thanks Rainbow and lets her know that she couldn't have done it without her. Now this is where they had to alter things. While Twilight and her friends went home, Rainbow flew home with Daring and let's just say that her dream came true. Her and Daring defiled her cabin for several days straight.

A few months pass and Rainbow gets the new book a week before everypony else. Even better, it is an autographed first edition and those aren't easy to come by. Even better for her, it is the unedited version which includes their make out session in the temple and their sexy times after they got back to Daring's cabin. Rainbow wasn't the only one to get that version, I did as well. I have already read it and damn, Daring went into graphic detail about their tryst.

Regarding trysts, I decided to reward Twilight, Fluttershy and Rarity for aiding in saving that part of Equestria from 800 years of unrelenting, sweltering heat. While the sexy times Rainbow had were hot, the time I had with my girls was even hotter, hotter than any heat Ahuizotl could ever unleash. Don't worry, Applejack and Pinkie were rewarded as well. Luna took 10,000 bits from the treasury and gave them to Applejack. She also gave Pinkie some money too but it was confiscated by the Cake Family and they were FINALLY able to finish paying off the damages they owed from the baked bads incident. It's about time! I was beginning to wonder if they would ever get that paid off.

Now be gone with you all, I still have a lavender gem, a yellow muffin and a white cake to finish off!

Chapter 70: Flight to the Finish

Hello everypony, it is your Supreme Dictator Celestia again and I'm in a good mood today so I shall share with you "Flight to the Finish" how I saw it.

Another school day has arrived in Ponyville and it appears as though it won't be your normal school day as there are two guests waiting outside the school, waiting for the cue from Cheerilee to go in and give some sort of presentation. One of them is everypony's favorite narcissist, Rainbow Crash....I mean Dash and the other is this rather snobby looking pony with a trophy cutie mark. I don't know why but I have a feeling that it won't take me long to not like her.

Well the snobby looking one goes in first and shit, I can't see what's going on so like always, I do my invisibility and teleport spell. I do have a synopsis to give and I want to see what goes on anyway. I have a feeling that a certain arrogant pegasus is going to piss off what is likely a narcissistic earth pony.

I do my spell and there stands this pony in front of the class, Ms. Harshwhinny. Ugh, look at her up there with that smug look on her face. Ok, so now she begins going on about something that everypony already knows, the Equestria Games are coming up. Now something good for the little ones, they get a chance to go too! They could have a role as flag carriers IF they impress her. Given her attitude, I have a feeling that they will have to perform brain surgery or some other impossible feat to do so.

I tell you, not only is Ms. Harshwhinny a pompous bitch, she is also boring as hell. I thought I was going to fall asleep while she was yapping. Luckily for me and the kids, Rainbow comes flying in announcing that she is going to be the coach. Oh fun, I'm sure this is going to either lead to plenty of humorous antics or a complete disaster. I'm not going to make any guarantees but I'm betting that it is the latter of the two.

Oh joy, now the two are having issues with this presentation. There is Rainbow acting all enthusiastic which is something I would expect out of her here but there is Ms. Harshwhinny being a rigid bitch who has to be all prim and proper. Alright, I have come to a decision. I have decided to hate her already rather than waiting until later on in the episode. I may bitch and complain all the time about Rainbow and her egotistical attitude but I've found one who is worse. At least Rainbow knows how to let her mane down.

Finally their presentation is over and all the fillies and colts go out to start coming up with their routines. I will turn my focus onto the filly illuminati first, since they are the only ones who will likely create anything original. Forget Snips and Snails, that weightlifting routine they did in the classroom was ridiculous and when it comes to Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, it will likely just be them boasting about how great they are.

I am closely monitoring the CMC making sure that their routine does not include something that would involve trying to overthrow me and luckily, that is not the case. Instead, they mention how three different kinds of ponies live in Ponyville and then they burst into song and start doing all sorts of things. Memo to the filly illuminati: While all that looks nice, it will not impress Ms. Harshwhinny. It was so lame that I nearly fell asleep watching you.

Oh great, now the bully bitches are there to bash the CMC over their routine. Yeah it wasn't the best performance but there is no need for them to be so mean about it. You have no idea how many times I've wanted to banish those two either to the moon, Tartarus or have Luna banish them to the sun. She can't stand them either and I'm sure she would gladly do it too.

Well the CMC decide to take a different route, something that will be done on a stage. I hope that it is better than the first routine. It better be or they can forget all about carrying that flag. They start the new routine with not only Rainbow watching, but the little bitches and yours Truly. That new routine of theirs is fantastic! I have a strong feeling that with this routine, that they should win this and carry that flag!

At first Rainbow seems to love it but then she remembers how the pompous trophy pony told her to keep her emotions in check. She has trouble doing it but in the end she does so the CMC really don't know what to think. Scootaloo is right though, if they keep working hard they'll have a shot.

Now I am thoroughly pissed! How dare those bullying bitches plot to get under their wings. I don't know what I'm going to do to put them in their place but I do know one thing, their families' bank accounts will not like it! I'll fine their fathers for their daughters being such bitches and what is worse, they plant doubt in the mind of Scootaloo. Now she is wanting to change what is a perfectly good routine.

Ok Scootaloo, I know that suddenly you think that you're going to have to fly to win this but guess what, your wings aren't big enough to get you off the ground. Now I find this as a horrible, cruel fate the writers have given her. Bulk Biceps has wings even smaller than hers and he can fly just fine! Yeah it is a bit slow but at least he can fly. If I didn't think I'd ruin everything by revealing my presence, I would reverse the invisibility spell and let Scootaloo know that they are just bullies and that she shouldn't listen to them. Unfortunately, if I were to reveal myself, I'd ruin the whole episode so I keep watching all this undetected.

Oh come on Scootaloo, this new routine is not working! For the love of Faust, you can't get off the ground and your friends are obviously growing very impatient and extremely unhappy with you. I'll admit, Scootaloo is my favorite of the three since she is a tough little filly but still, she is going to ruin their chances of winning if she keeps this up! Finally though, her friends throw in the towel for the night because they're tired and hungry.

Well given that I wanted to continue to monitor this I decided to just hide out in Ponyville for the night. I didn't get a room at the inn or seek other lodging so I just slept behind some bushes. Yeah I put myself in grave danger of being discovered but luckily that did not happen and I did wake up in time to watch the girls' final run through.

Well I saw it and good grief, it was horrible! They were extremely fatigued, they barely knew what they were doing and worst of all, Scootaloo could not fly through the hoop. I seriously think they need to go back to the original version for two reasons. First, it actually worked and second, Scootaloo looked quite awesome doing that trick on her scooter. What the hell is it going to take to get her to see that she needs to stop thinking solely about herself?

While her friends have left, Scootaloo is there on that stage continuing to try to fly. I honestly feel sorry for her, I really do. I know it is extremely rare for me to feel sorry for anypony but this is an exception. I'm going to let you all in on a secret, while a pony can not just use magic to get a cutie mark, there are wing growth spells out there. I have wanted to cast it on Scootaloo but way back in the day, the writers told me that I couldn't do it. I think that is horrible that they would do this to her but sadly, there is nothing I can do.

I am tired, extremely tired. I am so tired that I nearly collapsed multiple times but I managed to stay awake to watch over Scootaloo. She keeps on trying clear until I raise the sun and she still can't fly. Finally the poor thing passed out but I would make sure she woke up soon enough to go catch the train, well at least head to the train station. After all, I can't have her missing the train if she is to compete.

She heads to the train station to meet up with her friends, followed by yours Truly of course! Good grief Scootaloo, you're not going now? Your friends need you and here you are quitting? Ugh, now that is behavior that is unacceptable. Guess what? You're not my favorite CMC anymore! I think I like Apple Bloom the most now.

Yeah I'm mad as hell at Scootaloo for just quitting on her friends so I have decided to get on the train and keep my eyes on the other two. Guess what, Rainbow finally lets her emotions flow and she has announced that she wants the CMC to win so bad. Guess what? I do too but without Scootaloo that won't happen unless they suddenly come up with a routine on the train. I tell you though, Rainbow was not one bit pleased when she found out that Scootaloo was not making the trip and was able to convince the CMC that they shouldn't leave a friend behind.

Well this trip is going to be pointless now. The only reason I was going was so that I could watch these girls compete and hopefully win the competition. While Rainbow is taking the girls back to Ponyville, I have already took flight back to Ponyville and teleported myself into Scootaloo's house. Alright Scootaloo, you should be happy that your friends have come back and are showing enough loyalty to you that they don't want to compete without you.

I must say, I'm impressed that Rainbow is being so understanding with Scootaloo because she reminds me of the type that would be very angry over this and basically tell Scootaloo to stop being a whiny brat, but then again Scootaloo does adore her like she would her own sister and naturally Rainbow just gobbles up that attention.

Now for something that probably wouldn't be possible if this weren't a cartoon. Rainbow, Scootaloo and her friends somehow manage to get to the Crystal Empire in time to take part in the competition and guess what? They do the original version of the routine and they won! Woo-hoo! I knew they could do it, after all, they are the most talented fillies in Ponyville. They are much more talented and intelligent than those mindless hacks in her class.

What happens next is hilarious! The CMC get their awards and Rainbow simply says that they did acceptable. Get this though, Ms. Harshwhinny, the one pony who I thought wouldn't be impressed at all, is suddenly going all fanfilly over the performance those three put forth. I guess she isn't an uptight, rigid bitch after all, well most of the time anyway. And Scootaloo, give me a break, you're not going to get your cutie marks in flag carrying. I don't know what I'm going to do with those girls. I honestly don't know if they'll ever get their cutie marks as long as it involves them just doing ordinary, every day activities.

Now for what they couldn't show. Once I got home I began to celebrate because I finally managed to do something that nopony thought was possible. Unlike how I failed at the end of "The Cutie Pox" episode, I managed to get through a whole episode without my mind wandering into the gutter. I am quite proud of the fact that I pulled it off. Not only was I happy, but my sister was happy as well once she found out.

Well everypony, since I managed to pull this off, Luna has offered to take me down to Sugarcube Corner for cake since she knows I like it so much. While I am thrilled she is taking me there, I'm pretty sure she'll wind up dragging us to Sweet Apple Acres so she can gorge herself on fritters. After all, she likes the Apple Family's fritters just as much as I like the Cake Family's cake.

Now if all of you will excuse me, I need to get to Ponyville. I really don't want to keep Luna waiting because you know what a bear she can be to live with if somepony makes her late for anything.

Chapter 71: Power Ponies

Hello everypony it is your Supreme Overlord again and I'm going to go easy on you guys. Yeah I am not in a good mood because of all the derogatory letters to the editor in papers across the country regarding my rule but I have decided I will give you my synopsis of "Power Ponies." Keep this bad mouthing me up though and I'll throw another Equestria Girls review your way.

It is night and Twilight is trying to get some sleep but something is already pissing me off. Spike is laying there, with a lamp on, reading a damn comic book! Yep, a damn comic book. Listen Spike, Twilight and her friends are going out to fix up the castle that Luna and I used to live in tomorrow and Twilight needs her rest. I'm thinking I might join them because I need a release and there are plenty of places there that provide plenty of privacy! Finally after several more minutes Spike finally puts the comic book down and gets to sleep. Good thing he did too because Twilight couldn't sleep so she started hoofing herself calling out my name. She is such a naughty girl sometimes!

The next day arrives and I notice that my girls are out at my old castle. Like I said last night, I am going to go out there so I do the invisibility and teleport spell. I don't want them knowing I am out there and besides, once I find Twilight alone, I'll undo the spell and lure her into that room where they found my old journal. If I can't find her alone, I'll take Rarity or Fluttershy in there. When it comes to those three, you know I'm not picky.

I'm glad to see that they're cleaning that place instead of making me do it. After all, your sexy Sun Goddess should not be having to clean up messes like that. Get this, Spike is wanting to help too but everypony knows that whenever he tries to help with anything that he fucks up royally. Because of this, Twilight tells him to go fuck himself (well in the unedited version). In the edited version, she simply told him to let them take care of things, go take his comic book and find a quiet place to finish reading it.

While it is fun watching Twilight and her friends cleaning the place, I decide to follow Spike and watch him whine about not being allowed to help. Yes I would rather stare at Twilight's ass but something is telling me that I should hang around Spike and his pity party. Yeah it sounds lame as hell, but when I hear voices like this, I tend to listen to them.

It is break time for my girls and now they are calling out trying to find Spike. I'm sure Spike probably wished that it would be Rarity calling out his name while they were having fun but he didn't even hear any of them. Now to Spike, he has discovered that his comic book ends before it should and has discovered some writing so small that he needs a magnifying glass to read it. Spike gets that magnifying glass and begins to read this small writing. Shit, why is it that I have a feeling that some sort of disaster is about to unfold?

Now back to Twilight and her friends searching for Spike. It is good that they were by the entrance to that secret chamber when they were given what was about to happen. Spike finises reading that tiny text and suddenly a bright ball of light is radiating from that damn comic book. What happened next would terrify me. Spike began to get sucked into the comic book and since they were close enough, my sexy little princess and her friends went to save him. Unfortunately they would be unable to and since I have to make a synopsis of this, I followed Pinkie through the comic book.

Ugh, where am I? What is this place? It looks a bit like Manehattan but it looks a lot like the city of New York in Lyra's human comic books. I mean seriously, the buildings are bigger and they look like they took a hell of a lot of work to build. I suppose I'll find out what has truly happened and why we are here very quickly.

What? My Twily and her friends have become the Power Ponies? I've read those comics and I love them! I just wish that I could make myself visible and get a much better look at the place. Alright, we have Masked Matter-Horn, Fili-Second, Zapp, Radiance, Mistress Mare-velous and Saddle Rager! Wow, this is amazing but I never imagined that my girls would become The Power Ponies.

Oh no, that laughter. From reading the books I'm pretty sure I know who that is, the Mane-iac, and it looks like I'm right. Now what the hell is she up to this time? She has pulled a lot of shit in earlier comic books but this time, could she be doing something to enslave the citizens of Maretropolis? Could she be coming up with a sinister plan to shave everypony bald since her shampoo factory went belly up after her accident. I suppose I'll find out.

Ok, so she is going after this electro-orb thing that she is going to use to power up some doomsday device and destroy the city. Well isn't that just dandy. This obviously isn't going to be an easy thing to stop but my Twily, I mean Masked Matter-Horn and her friends will have to stop her if they want to get back home, and if I want to get home. Hey, I love these comic books but being stuck in Maretropolis would suck. Not only would I not be ruling over anypony, chances are Luna would find a way to destroy Equestria.

Oh great, now Spike, I mean Hum-Drum is suggesting things, he suggests to Rain....I mean Zapp, that she unleash the lightning bolt to stop their foe but the idiot unleashes a tornado instead. Well I guess this is what happens when you have replacements in here instead of the real Power Ponies. The same can be said with Applejack....I mean Mistress Mare-velous and the problems she had with her lasso as well. Oh and way to go Hum-Drum, you look like you might be trying to be useful but you drop that electro-orb so the Mane-iac can get it right back. Why is it that I have a feeling we will never get home and Luna will crown herself Queen Luna of Equestria?

After bungling their way through this and failing to catch the Mane-iac, the replacement Power Ponies finally realize who they're really supposed to be and hopefully they can act more like they're supposed to instead of fucking everything up. Now I would reveal myself and defeat the Mane-iac on my own but given that would completely ruin this comic, I can't. It would be cool to have me be in this though, especially if they had me lead one of my lovelies into a hotel room and have fun! Of course if that happened, this comic book would only be available in the adult comic book store.

Now the Power Ponies have to head to this shampoo factory to defeat the Mane-iac. Most of them seem confident except for Saddle Ranger, who is supposed to turn into a savage if she gets mad so I better hope she loses her temper or we all might be stuck here. Upon arrival at this shampoo factory it looks like this awful fate may come to pass. They've all been frozen with hairspray! Shit, they're frozen in place, can't use their super powers and only Hum-Drum is safe, well I am too but you know I can't reveal myself and ruin things.

Oh great, now the Mane-iac is in there bloviating about how great she is and how she and her hench ponies have defeated the Power Ponies. Would somepony shut this bitch up already? I hear enough bloviating from foreign dignitaries back home so I certainly don't need to hear any here. Fortunately though, my Twi.... I mean Masked Matter-Horn goes on about how Hum-Drum will stop her and how he always saves their asses. That is true but I still don't care, he fucks things up enough in Equestria as it is.

Speaking of Hum-Drum, he has found a way into the heating system and falls through to where he can see his friends in a cage. After hearing Twilight praise him he realizes he isn't a complete idiot and starts to set things in motion that would save the day. Ok, now I've come to the conclusion that the Mane-iac and her hench ponies are complete idiots. You would think they would have seen him doing all these things to make sure she can be defeated. I suppose that is what bloviating too much and having brainwashed hench ponies will do to you.

Oh my, Spi....I mean replacement Hum-Drum must be smarter than the real Hum-Drum because he knocks down that can of hairspray and freezes the hench ponies. Now Radiance can make something to cut that cage open and hopefully defeat this bitch that has them locked up. Alright, they're out and now while they are fighting the hench ponies, their boss is just sitting up on her overgrown hair dryer shouting at them. Talk about being lazy, it is no wonder it is looking like we might get to go home now. Well that is a good thing because I don't want to become Celestia, ordinary citizen of Maretropolis.

I am so proud of these six, I mean five. Saddle Ranger is just getting ready to jump ship! How dare she abandon this mission when she is needed. If we ever get back to Equestria, Fluttershy is going to be punished and punished severely! Luckily though, a dumb firefly gets in the way of the Mane-iac's plans to use her hair dryer on Saddle Ranger. Now just like my sweet Fluttershy, Saddle Ranger obviously cares way too much about some dumb bugs.

Now it is time for Saddle Ranger to shine, she gets mad over this and holy shit, I knew she turned into a huge monster but never did I imagine she'd get that big. Just imagine if that happened if Fluttershy got that big in Equestria when she got mad. Even I might have troubles handling her, and I'm being serious. I'm not talking about in the bedroom here, I'm talking about preventing her from deposing me.

Now to see how powerful Saddle Ranger really is. The Mane-iac fires her hairspray ray of doom at her and it doesn't even affect her! It looks like the Mane-iac is going to be defeated so I better get by my girls so I will return with them. I just hope Saddle Ranger doesn't stay huge like that upon getting home. Even I couldn't defeat a magic resistant beast like that. She'd probably kill me and all the other princesses, take control of Equestria for herself and kill anypony who is mean to animals and bugs.

Luckily for all of us though, once we return to my old castle, everypony has been returned to normal. Good, because I would have really missed all those wonderful nights with my three lovelies, and likely would not have survived Fluttershy. Now somedragon has learned a valuable lesson. You don't have to have superpowers to be a super friend. That is true and apparently I have underestimated him, yet again. I have thought of him as an idiot a lot of times and I'm sure it will happen more but this time he really proved he is useful.

Ugh, I am exhausted. Going through that portal twice took a lot out of me so I'm going back to Canterlot, Fluttershy's punishment will have to wait for another day. Believe it or not but I managed to not interrupt an episode to make love to one of my girls. Yeah I know it isn't as impressive as last time when I kept my mind out of the gutter entirely but it still isn't as bad as what I usually do, right?

Chapter 72: Bats!

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again. Most of you have been well behaved, you haven't called me any dirty names and you've paid your taxes so I shall give you my synopsis of "Bats!"

I have yet to raise my sun and Applejack is up early, waiting for apple bucking day to start. Now I know why my sister likes her so much, such industriousness is a virtue. Just imagine if she weren't like this, Ponyville would likely starve or at least not have any apples or cider.

I raise my sun and she is ecstatic. She begins trotting through her orchard trying to decide where she is going to start. Well she gets started and oh no, the apples just splat on the ground. She looks up and shit, vampire fruit bats have infested Sweet Apple Acres. I'm upset but I know Luna will be worse because she tends to be bitchy if she doesn't get her fritters.

Once everypony is up Applejack rings a bell I never knew she had to alert everypony that she needs their help. They all arrive and there is Rarity telling her to calm down. What a bitch, I know how Applejack is. She isn't like Roseluck and her girlfriends who freak out over everything. Speaking of those three, they haven't paid me homage in a while so maybe I'll take care of that tonight.

Ok, back to Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack is informing her friends about the vampire fruit bats and what they are capable of. I remember that year when they destroyed most of the orchard. Granny Smith and her folks were worried that I would be angry over them not being able to get me any cider but hey, I'm an understanding pony and didn't do anything bad to them. The vampire fruit bats however, weren't so lucky. I thought I had drove them to extinction but unfortunately, that is not the case.

Now we have Rainbow Dash freaking out because there is a high probability that there won't be any cider. Good grief, is that all that bitch cares about is cider? Well I suppose that is better than her being overly concerned about the Wonderbolts. While she seems to be at least semi-rational, it is the other pegasus that I will not be so happy with.

Get this, Fluttershy thinks that Applejack should just let the bats have part of the orchard. Ok, now I know for sure that she cares about destructive creatures WAY TOO MUCH and of course she doesn't care even remotely enough about me. I think she needs to be punished for this. Roseluck has mentioned how she hopes she can sit on Fluttershy's face one day, well tonight her dream shall come true. Come to think about it, so has Twinkleshine, Cheerilee and all the other mares that have to pay me homage.

Now in comes my sexy Twily and makes a fantastic suggestion, cast a spell to keep the bats from wanting to destroy the orchard and this huge apple Applejack grew that I forgot to mention earlier. Wow, that apple is spectacular and it would really suck if it were to fall victim to these little beasts. For Twilight's suggestion to become a reality they must go to the library to do some studying.

She finds a spell and now we know that for it to work that my sexy Twily must have the bats' full attention and the only way that will happen is for Fluttershy to do her stare on the bats. There is just one problem, Fluttershy doesn't want to do the stare on the bats because it would be taking away their true nature. Oh boy, now Fluttershy is really going to pay. Roseluck's dream shall come true and you know what, I'm going to record all this, after all sometimes I have to hoof myself and having a good porno always makes it a bit better.

Finally though Twilight was able to make her see that Ponyville having apples is more important than those dumb bats still having their nature to ruin ponies' livelihoods. Now they head to the orchard and after a bit more persuasion and rounding up the bats Fluttershy starts her stare on the damn things. Now my Twily does her part and success, the bats no longer want to eat the apples. Applejack's orchard is saved BUT that doesn't mean that Fluttershy will escape her punishment. She will still be at Roseluck's mercy since she cared too much about those dumb bats to start with.

That night, while I had intended on abducting Fluttershy, rounding up the flower girls and taking them all up to Canterlot so Fluttershy could be punished, I got sick to my stomach so Roseluck's dreams would have to be fulfilled on another night. The next morning arrives, I feel better and Applejack is again waiting for me to raise my sun so she can start applebucking. I raise it and she gets to work. Unfortunately for her, the apples are still going splat on the ground. With the bats no longer sucking the juices from the apples, what could it be? Could it be drained apples that the Apple family simply forgot to get bucked off the trees or is it something else. Personally I hope it is the latter of the two, it would be more interesting.

Night time has arrived and Applejack and her friends have decided that they are going to do a stake out in the orchard so they can catch whoever or whatever is doing this. Of course Fluttershy is nervous about doing this and of course Rarity is trying to calm her down. Just wait, they'll probably have some make out session in a secluded part of the orchard. Surprisingly, that does not happen. Fluttershy has her sights set on something else and unfortunately, it is not me. I will have to punish her further for this and I'm sure Daisy and Lily will be thrilled since I'm going to let them join Roseluck on Fluttershy's punishment.

Rarity is walking in the orchard when a shadow flies overhead. At first she doesn't seem overly worried until it flies over again. Now I wonder what that could possibly be. What surprises me though is that Rainbow is actually a bit nervous, normally she would be wanting to hunt down and hurt whatever it is she saw fly overhead. However, when Rainbow sees a figure off in the distance she goes into her arrogant "look at me, I'm hot shit" mode and attacks the figure. Come to find out it was a lousy scarecrow. I should have used my magic to have it attack her but other things were distracting me, such as Twilight's swaying ass as she headed to see what was up with Applejack, who has apparently seen something odd.

There stands Applejack with her flashlight and her jaw hanging open. My sexy Twily notices this and sees what is going on up in a tree. Pinkie, always the curious one has climbed up in the tree and is shouting "suspicious" at whatever is in it. She shines her flashlight at it and guess what, Fluttershy has transformed into a fruit craving vampony. Now how could this have happened? I'm not sure but I do find it funny. I guess it is a good thing I didn't go to satisfy my sexual appetite that night.

Now we have Flutterbat on our hooves and Pinkie has suddenly went from being overly curious to digging a tunnel in the ground like a little chicken shit. Flutterbat of course knows that they are going to try and catch her so Twilight can try to reverse the spell. She wants none of that though and starts flying around and eating apples. Normally when she flies around I can't help but watch her and get wet but this is a different case. Fruit vamponies are not all that attractive and if she were to come up here, what if she were to develop a taste for blood? If that were to happen, she would likely try to kill me.

After causing a bit of mayhem my sexy little princess has come to the conclusion that Fluttershy's transformation is their fault. Ok, she figures out that her spell backfired and caused the craving for fruit juice to go from the bats into Fluttershy. I have decided that for doing this to Fluttershy, that she too will be punished. Hey the flower girls have wanted to get in Twilight's coat for ages but were simply afraid to ask her to go out on a date.

Now it is time to catch Flutterbat and restore her back to her sweet, sexy self. At first their attempts are fruitless, not so much for Fluttershy though since she was able to drink more apples dry. Finally Pinkie, out of all ponies, brings up Fluttershy doing her stare on the Flutterbat. Holy shit, I never thought that she would be the one to suggest that. Twilight and Applejack, yes but Pinkie, no.

Unfortunately for Applejack, she must sacrifice her prize apple to do this. What a shame too because I know it would have won first prize down in the Appaloosa Produce Competition. They also need some mirrors which Rarity easily supplies. You know how she is, she has a mirror in every room so she can admire herself all the time. Ugh, she's as bad as my idiot nephew and you all know what a narcissistic bitch he is.

Now for the sad part, they cut open Applejack's prize apple to lure Flutterbat to them. Well that works perfectly and just before she can latch on to the thing and start to suck it dry, they kick it out of the way so she will stare at herself. I honestly wish they would have let her have some of it but unfortunately to get this to work my sexy Twily has to have her full attention. Flutterbat flies back and forth between mirrors until she is finally giving herself the stare. Now my Twily's time to shine has come and she succeeds in restoring Fluttershy back to her sexy self.

By the time they finish everything it is daylight and now they are writing their rather boring journal entry. Blah, blah, blah, so Applejack learned not to force a friend to do something they don't want to and Fluttershy learned that sometimes one has to tell their friends no. I thought she learned that when she told Iron Will she wasn't going to pay him for his shitty self help lesson. To finish things now Fluttershy has convinced Applejack to give those damn bats part of the orchard. I thought those things didn't crave fruit anymore. I did ultimately find out why they craved fruit again though. Without me noticing, Fluttershy clamped down on Twilight's ear until she restored them to normal. Now both shall be punished worse than ever. Tonight is going to be extremely fun.

Now on to that night. I headed to Ponyville and first I grabbed the flower girls. They were ecstatic when I said that each one of them would have a hot element bearer to force to eat them and after that, I abducted Twilight, Fluttershy and just for shits and giggles, Rarity as well. Yeah Rarity didn't do anything bad but I am the most powerful pony in existence so I can do what I want. Once we got back to Canterlot I led them into my sleeping chambers. Of course just like I promised them, the flower girls had their night dominating the ones they wanted and just as I promised, I grabbed my digital video recorder and recorded a very hot porno.

Yes the night is over but could you serfs just leave me alone now. I have decided to hold these six captive for a few more days. After all, I want to have fun with them too and the flower girls need to further their release with my sexy element bearers. Oh and I hate to disappoint you but I will be the only one to have a copy of that porno. So before you ask, it is NOT for sale nor will it be mass produced!

Chapter 76: Three's a Crowd

Hello my beloved serfs, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and you have done your part. You have paid your taxes, you have worshiped me like you are supposed to and the hot mares that must put out on demand have done so so I shall give you my synopsis of "Three's a Crowd."

Another morning has arrived in Ponyville and Twilight's little slave is bringing in the mail. Now why the hell is Twilight so excited about the mail. She knows that if I need her to come up here that I just have Spike hack it up. It won't be long until I find out. So she was expecting Cadence to come see her and she is notified that she can. How sweet, two sisters-in-law are going to be getting it on! I think I shall join them. We can send Spike to Rarity's and Cadence's Auntie Celestia can have fun with her and her little sister-in-law.

It looks like Twily isn't the only one getting good news on that day. Fluttershy has been given permission to go watch these breezie things gather pollen in western Equestria. This better not take her too long because she is on the docket for later this week. No what I find ridiculous is Pinkie's excitement over a flier regarding a sale on USED PATIO FURNITURE! Good grief, look at the shit pictured on there. That is crap that should be thrown in the dump, not sold to foolish ponies who are easily parted from their money.

Now Fluttershy and all her friends are at the train station. Fluttershy is waiting for the train to west Equestria and Twilight is waiting on Cadence. I'm going to be honest, I am not happy with Fluttershy right now. Once again, she has proven that she cares about some stupid creatures way too much and not nearly enough about me! Why would she want to go watch some critter gather pollen when she could come up and make me happy. She could watch as I lowered my gem into her face so she could have a snack. I would think that would be much more important but oh well.

Fluttershy's train arrives and leaves and now that leaves Twilight waiting for Cadence. Now I can't help but wonder what kind of plans those two have and whether or not I will find it fun. If I know those two well enough it will be. Besides, despite me being her aunt, Cadence likes it when I give her the love that Shining Armor just can't. Well her train finally arrives and of course she has horns sound when she gets off her car and her royal guard comes out first.

Wait a minute, is that who I think it is? It is and now I am thoroughly pissed. She had the audacity to bring Flash Sentry with her. I gave her a stern warning when that fucker bumped into Twily after she got back from that world of disgusting humans. I told her that she is never to bring that low life anywhere near my Twily. Forget giving her any love, I have a different form of punishment planned for her now. It will not be in my sleeping chambers and it will be extremely painful. After this, she will know never to bring that piece of shit anywhere near MY Twily again.

Luckily for Flash Sentry though, just from the way he acted, I'm not sure if he even knew Twilight was there. Wait a minute, now that I think about it I think he may have given her a half-smile. Whatever he did, I am not happy. I shall let this slide but if Cadence ever allows him and Twilight to be within a mile of one another again, a certain niece of mine will experience never before known realms of pain and a certain royal guard will be executed for the crime of being too close to a prized possession of mine.

Now that the train along with the undesirable has left, Cadence and Twilight decide to go engage in whatever activity they had planned. What the hell? They are going to a traveling exhibit involving Starswirl the Bearded? Hey, it looks interesting from up here but I have no plans on flying down there and attending. There are two reasons for this. First, there is no cake. Second, I honestly don't know what I might do if I ran into Cadence right now. It would not look very good if I killed her right there in Ponyville. I want to punish her but I don't want to kill her.

Now that Twily and Cadi have headed off to the Starswirl exhibit, Twilight's other friends are still at the train station waiting for something. It is a good thing too because I have decided to stir up some trouble. After the shit Cadence pulled I summoned a former foe of mine and told him to go to Ponyville and make a couple of Alicorns' lives a living hell. If you guessed Discord, you are right. Yeah we aren't best friends but hey, he doesn't want to be turned to stone again so he'll do what I say.

Now what is funny is that he is blue. Yep, blue. He is blue because I told him to fake an illness, one which would be contagious. Now I know some hilarious stuff is going to happen so I have ordered that a cake be delivered to my window. Hey, I'm hungry and I need something to calm down from the shit Cadence pulled.

Naturally Twilight's friends are not thrilled about Discord's presence but you know what? I don't care. I sent him down there to cause trouble and that is exactly what he's going to do. Alright, I have learned that Rainbow is a complete bitch. Yeah they aren't the best of friends but Discord is a friend now so she could at least help him get well. Typical Rainbow though, speed off and not give a shit. Oh well, I heard her talking about how she was supposed to be Spitfire's little bitch so it wasn't all bad.

Now we have Pinkie offering to take care of him but he doesn't want her care, he wants Rarity and Applejack's. I find that kind of funny since they still don't particularly care for him and what is funnier is that he gets them sick! They turn blue and now Discord knows that he has to find a different caregiver. After all, with them being sick, all that would happen is that they would continue to share germs and none of them would get better. Don't worry everypony, they got better once Discord left so Luna will still get her fritters and I'll still have my marshmallow if I want her.

Now to the Starswirl exhibit, there are Twilight and Cadence looking at all that stuff in awe. I swear, some ponies get way too excited over things other than me. Well they are about to go from a state of happiness to one of shock as Discord has disguised himself as a candle that Starswirl used for some reason, I don't remember exactly what it was. Now Discord is harassing Cadence and Twilight. Good, now perhaps I can get some laughs and really lighten the mood.

Yay, Cadence and Twilight are grumpy now! I was hoping to see those two turn blue too but unfortunately once she sees Discord is sick, Cadence just has to cast a health bubble around them. Oh well, funny times are still about to ensue. Wait a minute, am I hearing this right? Twilight is going to let Discord crash at her place. Now I am stunned. I thought for sure she would tell Discord to go to hell when he asked this since her and Cadence had "other plans."

Alright, I can just barely see through the window into Twilight's bedroom but I can see enough that I won't have to do the invisibility and teleport spell. Besides, even if I did, Discord would still be able to sense my presence and knowing him, he would start laughing and I would start laughing and neither one of us would want them to know we were in on this together.

Ok, now for more fun. Just as it looks like Twily and Cadence are going to leave Discord alone in the library, he asks for some water. He doesn't just ask for it though, he bursts into song over it. You know how a lot of times I find songs boring, his way anything but. All sorts of funny things happened along with this. I think the best part was when he swapped Twily and Cadence's manes. I'm thinking, perhaps next time I have those two together I will have him do that to them because they do look hot like that! Who am I kidding, they always look hot!

Well now that Discord's musical number is over, Twilight began digging through her rather limited collection of books to see if there is someway to heal him. Give me a break Twily, if you were even a tenth as smart as I thought you were, you would know that he isn't really sick. I suppose I can't blame her entirely given that she has been watching Cadence's flank ever since she got there. I can tell the poor little thing must be so frustrated. Well she might not get to have any fun with Cadence but hey, I'll make sure she feels all better after the episode.

Now Discord has told them about some flower out on the edge of Equestria, a place so distant that you can actually see the neighboring country. Now for the funny part, Discord creates this huge chariot for Cadence and Twilight to pull since he doesn't feel well enough to just teleport himself out to this place. I find it kind of funny that Cadence is having so much trouble flying. Hey Cadi, that's what happens when you just sit on your ass and do nothing! If you'd bother to FLY down to Canterlot every now and then to make your Auntie Tia feel better once in a while, you wouldn't have this problem!

They finally arrive where this flower is that is supposed to heal him and remember how I said you could see the neighboring country from there? Well there it is, it looks like a rather lifeless place, devoid of any vegetation. Kind of odd how a single gorge can separate a wonderful country full of life and magic and a desolate place that is without magic and not to mention BORING!

Ok, at first they couldn't find the flower despite it being huge. Once they find it they realize that retrieving this thing is going to be much harder than they thought Now for the scary part, once they uproot this flower some snake monster jumps out and attacks them. I have a bad feeling that my attempt in using Discord to stir up some trouble may have had some unintended and potentially fatal consequences. When that thing started trying to eat them I honestly thought I was going to lose my Twily or that Cadence was going to die before I could punish her. Luckily that did not happen and Cadence saved the day.

Now for what is funny. There those two are carrying that flower back down to the chariot thinking they'll be able to get home in time to bang each other when suddenly Discord is feeling better. Yes! My plan worked perfectly, Discord faked an illness, caused Cadence and Twilight a lot of undue stress along with inconveniencing them. The part about Discord testing their new friendship was a bonus. I suppose Twily really does see him as a friend. Even though him and I are no longer enemies, I still wouldn't literally go to the edge of Equestria for him. Now for the bad part, that damn snake thing resurfaces and makes Discord sick. Great, just great. Now he really is sick and could make it harder for me to see some action.

Well now Twily and Discord are back in Ponyville and guess who is back to baby him? Yep, Fluttershy. I am very unhappy with her now. First she shows too much interest in some dumb things that need to get pollen and now she is showing that she cares way, way too much about Discord and not nearly enough about me. I was supposed to pay her a visit tonight but thanks to Discord and his legitimate illness, I can't! Oh well, I have other things on my agenda.

Yeah Twilight, I hear you. So you learned that when you are with your marefriend/sister-in-law that even the worst days can be enjoyable. So what, I don't care. What matters to me is that as soon as you're available, you get your flank up here and pay me tribute OR ELSE!

Now regarding my other thing on my agenda. I took Cadence up with me to Canterlot and told the city of what she did. I told them about how she took Flash Sentry to Ponyville and how he might have given Twilight a half smile. Once I told them about what the punishment for that was, 100 lashes along with me giving it to her rough, everypony began to cheer. While everypony was able to see me flog her a hundred times, the sexy times would take place in the privacy of my sleeping chambers. While I most certainly enjoyed these sexy times, Cadence did not. I'm thinking that after this, she'll know not to bring Flash Sentry anywhere near MY Twily.

Chapter 77: Pinkie Pride

Hello my serfs! It is your sexy Sun Goddess Celestia and do I have a treat for you. You have all paid your taxes, not paid homage to foreign leaders and have turned a blind eye to my exploits with Princess Twilight so I shall share with you "Pinkie Pride" from my perspective.

Well we start out in Appaloosa where there is a party going on. Wow, and I remember back when the Appaloosans and the buffalo despised each other. Whoever threw this thing for them must have plenty of money to be able to afford so many decorations. Well it turns out this pony's name is Cheese Sandwich. Suddenly he starts trembling because his "cheese sense" is telling him there is another party to go plan, and it is in Ponyville. It looks like I'll get to watch more things unfold down there soon. It also means that there will be cake, yay! Even better, there will be lavender ice cream to go with it!

As it turns out, Rainbow Dash's birthday is today and Pinkie is going to throw a party for her. While Rainbow is my least favorite of Twilight's friends and in the bottom tier of ponies overall, I might show up for her party if I think I can get some cake, key word though, maybe. Well she breaks into song about planning a party just for you while she gets all the shit she needs for Crash's, oops I mean Dash's party. I honestly don't get why she thinks Rainbow is so great. She doesn't go all out for her other friends' parties and she sure the hell doesn't come up here and throw me any parties, dumb bitch anyway. I'm thinking maybe an off-season in Tartarus will fix that.

Well she has everything all ready and Rainbow shows up. Pinkie asks who wants to help her make this party great since not only is it Dash's birthday, but the anniversary of when she moved to Ponyville. Ugh, this is going to be a Rainbow Crash love fest so I'm going to avoid this party, I'll just have the chefs make me my own cake.

Now regarding somepony going to help Pinkie with this, some stranger shows up and says that he is ready to do so. Why is it that I have a bad feeling about this one? Well we'll see what happens, I'm not going to deem this one, despite being of the lesser sex, anything bad, yet.

Well as it turns out, this pony is Cheese Sandwich, the same one who threw the party in Appaloosa. He bursts into song about what a great party planner he is. What a narcissistic prick. Ugh, I can't stand ponies like him. Maybe I should just save myself the trouble and deem him a trouble maker right now and banish him to the moon at the soonest possible moment.

Now I am not happy, suddenly everypony is acting like he is the greatest thing in the world and suddenly forgets that Pinkie even exists. Yes Pinkie can be annoying and immature sometimes, but she has helped save Equestria on multiple occasions while this idiot has done nothing for this fine country. What is even worse Rainbow goes talking about how this party will be epic with Pinkie right there in earshot. So much for her being the element of loyalty. Maybe I need to find a different pegasus who will be loyal. I'll start looking around for one that isn't a narcissistic bitch and possesses a sense of loyalty.

Now Pinkie heads home and is sad, very sad. She begins to question her future and cries some. I truly feel sorry for her but I don't think there is much I can do at this point. I would have to kill Cheese Sandwich in the town square and punish her so-called friends in a very violent way for her to maybe feel better....well if she were the fan version of Pinkamena anyway.

Now she is looking at some old pictures of hers, ones of the parties she has thrown. She finally realizes that she is a good party planner, especially after seeing the ones of the reception she held for Cadence and Shining Armor. Good, I certainly don't want the element of laughter being sad, especially if she were to be needed to save Equestria.

Well she arrives at this party that is in full swing and holy shit, where the hell did he get the money for all that stuff. I highly doubt that a pony who just wanders Equestria throwing parties would have the money for that. Either he has a wealthy family, he has robbed a lot of banks or he has taken out a lot of loans that he'll likely never pay back. Personally I hope it is the third because then I can throw him in the dungeon, banish him to Tartarus or banish him to the moon OR I could always have my sister banish him to the sun, he would deserve that, dumb bastard anyway.

Now Pinkie has a plan on how she can show up Cheese, a goof off. Now what the hell a goof off is I don't know but I'll find out. Ok, so it is whoever can make the judge laugh the most. In this case the winner gets to headline Crash's dumb party and the loser doesn't. Fair enough and it looks like the element of disloyalty is the judge. The way she has been fanfillying over that miserable waste of space Cheese I have a bad feeling she will just say he won whether he does or not.

Ok, the goof off begins and it is typical party pony antics, silly stuff that is boring the hell out of me. I think I'll go get a slice of cake while they continue this non-sense, it's not like I'm missing anything important anyway.

Alright, I return with my cake and Pinkie has this huge ass cake, which looks very appetizing, suspended by a hook on a crane when some dumb bird lands on it and causes it to crash down on Dash. Well something happens to Pinkie and she suddenly realizes that her so-called disloyal bitch of a friend isn't having the best time of her life. Well no shit, she's not getting screwed by Spitfire so of course she isn't! Pinkie decides to forfeit the contest and Cheese wins. I know Pinkie is genuinely a good pony but she should not have just gave up. She should have turned into Pinkamena and taught the residents of that backwater town a thing or two about surgery by harvesting organs from a moronic jackass with a superiority complex.

Well Pinkie has her party cannon and is getting ready to skip town when her friends catch up to her and apologize for being disloyal bitches. They can apologize all they want but Twily, Rarity and Fluttersy are all going to be punished severely, and it will NOT be in my sleeping chambers. I'm thinking five days on the moon will serve as a warning to them. You do not betray your friend like that, especially not over a mindless colt in a stallion's body.

Now Cheese comes along and admits that he is a lying bastard to Pinkie. Even better, he tells her about his past and how it was her who inspired him to become a part planner. What happens next is ridiculous, now all of a sudden Pinkie and Cheese act like they are best friends and work together to throw Rainbow the most epic party ever. How dare they! The only pony who should get the most epic party ever is ME!

Ok, I'm thoroughly pissed with all of them now, yes even Pinkie. Yes in the end Cheese Sandwich gives Pinkie his dumb rubber chicken which will serve some purpose later on given that a rainbow shot across it but that is beside the point. I have decided to hand down the following punishments.

Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack will each receive 100 lashes and then spend six days on the moon for their disloyalty. Pinkie will be flogged for 10 minutes straight and then be locked in the dungeon for forfeiting that goof off and aiding one who I have deemed an enemy to Equestria. Rainbow Dash shall serve a sentence of six days in Tartarus for her crime of being a disloyal bitch.

Now for what will truly make Cheese Sandwich have such a horrible punishment. You know how he afforded all that party shit? Well he has taken out many, many loans under various aliases from The Royal Bank of Equestria and has defaulted on over 300,000 bits worth of loans. So for defaulting on all those loans and making Pinkie cry, Luna banished him to the sun for 1 million years. Hell she is even thinking of releasing some Saddle Arabian diplomats because being stuck with Cheese Sandwich is beyond cruel and unusual in her eyes.

Now if you will excuse me, since I banished my three hot element bearers to the moon for a few days, I have a threesome with Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts tonight and I certainly don't want to be late!

Chapter 78: Simple Ways

Hello my subordinates, it is your overlord Princess Celestia again and since you have all been well behaved, well except for those punks in Fillydelphia and their bitching over me not coming to see them, I shall give you my synopsis of "Simple Ways."

Well, well, well, it looks like those hacks down in Ponyville are planning a festival. Boring! It is likely something that I would never find interesting, well unless it is an "Invite Princess Celestia to Ponyville so She can abduct the Hottest Mares and Bang Them" festival.

Come to find out it is the Ponyville Days festival where they celebrate the founding of Ponyville. Yeah it is exciting for them but it does not interest me in the slightest. Ok, it does a little because I like spying on them but I have no intentions on going to their lame festival.

It looks like they have to select somepony who will organize this and who are the judges? It appears to be Granny Smith and a couple of the other elderly ponies who were alive when it was founded. It looks like they have a rather diverse selection of ponies who may put it together. Personally I hope they select Derpy and I'm sure Twily wants them to pick that weird stallion that wears the telescope on his head but it turns out it will be neither one of them. Instead it will be Rarity. Now this will be worth watching because she'll likely have everypony wearing slutty outfits and turn it into some sort of disaster.

Upon announcing that she will be in charge everypony is cheering and suddenly acting like they want to eat her for lunch. They better not or I am going to force her to wear a sign that reads "property of Princess Celestia." Ugh and guess who is more than ready and willing to help Rarity? I swear, Spike must be an idiot if he thinks that will cause Rarity to take him to her sleeping chambers.

Well shit, Rarity has taken them in her boutique and I can't see what's happening so I do the typical invisibility and teleport spell and Rarity is making all these grandiose plans. So Rainbow and Pinkie will be hanging lights in the town square. Why Pinkie? Why not Fluttershy instead since she is a pegasus. Of course Applejack will get the farm ready for this and what Rarity asks of MY Twily and MY Fluttershy really pisses me off. She wants them to model her slutty outfits in the fashion show. If I wasn't trying to stay hidden, I would have slugged Rarity and hauled Twilight and Fluttershy up to my sleeping chambers to protect them from such an uncouth activity.

Now for something pathetic, Rarity is wanting everypony else to aid her so she can focus all her attention on making this festival special enough to impress this pony named Tenderhoof. Wait, she wants that narcissistic mare who thinks she is so hot but not me? Wait a minute, it isn't Tenderhoof, it is this travel writer of the lesser sex she wants. Ok, I'm going to have to punish her severely, again! When is she going to get it through her damn head that she is only to give her adoration to mares? Hell maybe I should ram my horn so far up in her the other end will come out of her mouth. Well I shall see how she behaves around him before I decide how severely to punish her.

Now everypony is leaving and rather than teleporting myself back to Canterlot, I'll just hide out in Ponyville. I am invisible after all so as long as I don't get wet watching Twilight and Fluttershy, I'll be fine. Over at the train station Rarity and Twilight are waiting for this Trenderhoof idiot to get there. Ugh, I saw those pictures of him in Rarity's place and gag me, he is uglier than a pile of shit. After what seems to be forever he finally arrives and Rarity is lost when she sees him. Give me a break Rarity, I don't get why you think he is so great. I'd rather have to hoof myself for all eternity than have to hook up with him, or any other member of the lesser sex for that matter.

Now Rarity is nervous and is hiding under my Twily's tail. How pathetic, here she is wanting to bang this idiot yet she doesn't even have the courage to go talk to him? Luckily my Twily forces her up there so she can take this hack to Ponyville and show him around.

Since I am down in Ponyville, I am watching this very closely. He better not try any funny business with her and she better not just jump on him and kiss him. If she does, I will banish her to the moon and find a new generous unicorn. Maybe Lyra would be a good substitute, she used to be in my school and always was generous with her friends.

Ok, enough about that, Rarity hasn't committed any crimes yet. So far her showing him around Ponyville has been rather boring. He doesn't seem overly interested and luckily he hasn't shown any interest in Rarity either. Maybe it is her hideous tail or he found out she wears false eyelashes. Everything seemed to be mundane until she takes him to Sweet Apple Acres.

I swear, for him being such a snobby pretty colt he seems fascinated with the farm. Unfortunately for a certain hard working earth pony the farm isn't the only thing he is interested in. He sees Applejack and suddenly thinks that they are fated lovers or something. Sorry pretty colt, but I don't think Applejack is going to be interested. Naturally this upsets Rarity and she is now devastated. Poor thing anyway, I'm still going to punish her but I'll make her feel better too.

Rarity heads back to her boutique hoping that I will show up and ease her pain but unfortunately Spike must be stalking her because he beats me there. Now this is sad, he finds Rarity in there crying at her stupid shrine she made for Trenderhoof. I would think Spike would know that she is never going to be interested in him and simply leave but oh no. He thinks that by being there for her she will want to screw him. Well that ain't happening.

Now Rarity is whining to Spike but what she says really pisses me off. "Oh Spike, how could you possibly know what it is like to be totally obsessed with somepony only to find out that they're obsessed with somepony else." WHAT A BITCH! She should know that Spike knows exactly how she feels. He has been obsessing over her from the moment he saw her and she has never seen him as anything more than a cute child. Kind of funny, back then I secretly cast a spell to create such a situation and even after all this time, it is still going strong! I'm not one bit sorry though, this has been so entertaining over the years and it will continue to be for years to come!

While poor Spike is listening to Rarity whine Applejack has an attachment that she just can't seem to rid herself of. Yep, Trenderhoof is now following her around like a puppy and is being as annoying as one of those stupid miniature dogs that some mares carry in their saddlebags. I honestly feel bad for Applejack. While I could easily fry such a problematic pony to death with my magic, she doesn't have that luxury. I could read her mind though, she wanted to kick him in the head so hard he would have a year long concussion but she resisted. If she would have done so and got charged with aggravated assault, I would have pardoned her anyway so she shouldn't have held back.

Get this, Rarity has it in her head that Trenderhoof has a thing for farm life so she makes herself a "country" outfit. Oh come on Rarity, that drugstore cowgirl outfit ain't going to sway the object of your affection. It is just as fancy as the rest of the shit that you make. Just give up on Trend, focus on the damn festival and let Applejack figure out what the best way is to get rid of this pest on her own.

Now Rarity's plans of impressing Trend have reached a new low. She is sitting on a plow expecting it to just start plowing the field. Doesn't that bitch know that you have to actually pull that thing. She could have at least went out and found Twilight. She could have taught her how to cast a come to life spell on the thing. When Applejack comes along and sees her doing that, she tells her to get her sorry ass off her plow (in the unedited version) and then proceeds to do this necessary chore.

Ugh, I seriously wonder about Trenderhoof. He acts like she is the sexiest thing in the world as she plows that field. Why doesn't he go find some other country pony to go and harass since Applejack has, on multiple occasions, made it clear that she is not interested in him.

Now for what is truly pathetic, Rarity thinks that by apple bucking that she will get Trend in bed. Once again Rarity, that ain't going to work and until you lose the drugstore cowgirl outfit, he ain't going to pay attention to you, especially since you can only buck ONE apple off a tree at a time. He is attracted to REAL country ponies, not some fashionista who is simply posing.

Well Applejack has more chores to do and thankfully for her, they are in the hen house. I can only imagine how much it must stink in that thing. It gets hot in there and that will only cause the chicken shit to smell worse. While she is doing this Rarity is once again hitting on Trend but what is funny is that he asks her if Applejack would want to go to the festival as his date. I almost feel sorry for Rarity, almost. Wait, what am I thinking, I don't feel sorry for her one bit.

Oh boy, now this should get interesting. Rarity is changing the theme of the festival from "Small Town Chic" to "Simple Ways." What the hell, she is actually wearing country pony clothes and sweet mother of Faust, her mane and tail look spectacular. They look so much better than that fancy style she usually has them in. I have decided that once in a while I might make her wear it that way when she comes to see me.

Now everypony thinks she is ridiculous for doing this but Applejack is coming up with a plan to put Rarity in her place. Now this ought to be funny but first Rarity has decided to torture the CMC and a couple other fillies. Ok, so now more means more. Good grief, that shit she put on Apple Bloom looks horrid, absolutely horrid. Now she wants the rest of them to make fools of themselves and dress the same way. What's this, we have another model. Rarity seems intrigued but I have a feeling as to who this "Apple Jewel" pony is.

It looks like I was right in thinking that it was actually Applejack. Now she is the fashionista dressing in style, I'm sure G3 Rainbow Dash would love it. Now Rarity is all grumpy but I have no plans on making her feel better just so you know. Oh boy, now those two have decided to start fighting over their style and who is truly the better representation of what they are dressed like.

Come on Rarity, you look good with your mane and tail like that but quit trying to act like you're a country pony. What I find the funniest though is when she jumps in the mud. Now Rarity must be overly desperate. Normally she wouldn't even touch mud unless it is that shit she likes to smear all over her face.

It looks like the real Rarity is coming to the surface given that she is concerned about getting shit on Applejack's dress but what is the funniest is when she discovers that it was HER dress that Applejack was wearing. Now there is the Rarity we all know and love. I prefer her regular personality but her new mane style is much better. If she would just lose the overalls she would be incredibly hot! She would be so hot I would reverse the invisibility spell, scoop her up and take her to my shower and then my sleeping chambers.

While they were reversing roles it looks like Trend has a new look too. Oh no, he's moving to Ponyville so he can continue to stalk Applejack. If this goes much further I am going to have to intervene and banish him to Tartarus for stalking. Poor Applejack can't bring herself to tell him to go fuck himself so Rarity in a much more polite way lets him know that Applejack simply doesn't find him appealing. Well he finally realizes this and cancels his plans to relocate.

Now the festival has started and everything is as boring and lame as I figured it would be. Rarity decided to go with "Small Town Chic" and it was basically the local townsponies dressing like snobs although I think a few Canterlot ponies showed up because Fine Line was there and she is no Ponville native.

One bit of good news though, Rarity decided to have the filly illuminati model dresses instead of Fluttershy and Twilight. There is a reason for that. They were readying themselves for the hot night that I had planned for us. Just as soon as I finish spying on this that will happen.

One final thing before I leave. Applejack must like Trend just a little bit because he invited Granny Smith to dance and she looked jealous as hell and here I thought she had no interest in him at all. Well I'm sure that once he skips town she'll forget all about him and focus on her work. Now regarding Rarity and her crime of showing adoration to a stallion. I would punish her tonight but I have other plans so her punishment can wait until tomorrow night. I can guarantee you one thing, she will be screaming in pain so bad she will keep the whole town awake.

Now be gone with you, your sexy Sun Goddess has a lovely yellow pegasus and a sexy lavender Alicorn to have some fun with and I certainly don't want to keep them waiting.

Chapter 79: Filli Vanilli

Hello, it is me, your beloved Sun Goddess again! You all have been good little serfs here lately so I shall give you my synopsis of "Filli Vanilli."

It is another peaceful morning in Ponyville and Fluttershy is waking up. Well once again she proves that she cares way too much about those dumb animals and not nearly enough about me. Well I have a feeling that something good is about to happen so I shall have my morning cake delivered to me. Besides, spying on Fluttershy always makes me feel so good, and often times, wet.

Yes, she is starting to sing! I have always loved her singing and when she flies around and sings, it is even better. Oh my, she has put flowers in her mane. I suddenly feel weak in the knees and my heart has skipped a beat. She is so lovely, she is so wonderful, she is so sexy, she is so perfect. I honestly think I could give up my harem and marry Fluttershy right now. We could spend our nights having fun and then she could serenade me to sle...."

*THUD*

Oh no, our sister hast fainted because of Fluttershy. Well we shall continue the commentary of this episode until she wakes up. Well everything seemed perfectly fine for Fluttershy until her friends show up. Suddenly she stops singing and shrinks back. We will be honest, we feel sorry for her being so shy. Well we know what that is like, sort of anyway.

Alright, moving on. Now Fluttershy's friends are complementing her on her beautiful voice. That is all and good until Rarity suggests she join the Ponytones and to make matters worse, Pinkie terrifies her by telling her how ponies would turn on her if she messed up. We find her actions most heartless, see if we visit Sugarcube Corner anytime soon!

Finally Rarity realizes that Fluttershy has no desire to perform and they stop bugging her about it. Now they have headed to the site of the fund raiser to help the animals. The Ponytones are practicing and we must say, they do sound spectacular! No wonder they have such a big following down there. We wonder if they would be willing to come up to Canterlot and put on a show, we know they would be most popular.

The practice goes fine and the next day arrives but our sister is STILL asleep! Fluttershy must have had a real impact on her....don't ask us about her dreams though. While she claims that she sees Fluttershy as lovely and perfect, her dreams express her true desires and they certainly aren't foal friendly!

Now Rarity tells them to rest their voices but that does not happen. One of them simply doesn't know how to listen. You see, Sweet Apple Acres was holding this turkey call contest. While we weren't sure if we should do it or not, we decided to leave our slumbering sister home and went to it because it sounded fun. We went, competed and guess what? Thy Princess of the Night won! She defeated the six time champion! We are sure when she finally wakes that our sister will be most proud.

The next day arrives and Big Mac can't sing because he lost his voice. That is bad enough but the writers make it look as though Pinkie won the turkey call contest, not us! Now we are most unhappy, perhaps somewriter needs to be banished to the sun for a few years. Enough about that though, now it appears as though the Ponytones won't be able to perform that night until Fluttershy suggests a remedy for Big Mac's voice.

Now we must use tactics that our sister uses since Rarity, Fluttershy and Big Mac all go to Zecora's hut. We do the invisibility and teleportation spell and discover that Zecora can't heal Big Mac in time for the performance and now Fluttershy must drink the poison joke tonic to have a deep voice. Perhaps it is best that our sister is still in a deep slumber, we all remember how she found her voice most unpleasant after their unfortunate encounter with that blue plant so long ago.

Now Fluttershy's time to sing has come. She hides behind the curtain while Big Mac is on stage moving his lips. It reminds us of some human pop group from Lyra's human books, Milli Vanilli was their name. The performance goes perfectly fine and all the animals got good homes. We figured that Fluttershy would be able to bathe in the antidote and sound like herself again but some filly wants the Ponytones to sing at her cute-ceañera the next day. Great, just great. Now we must hope our sister remains in her slumber so she doesn't hear Fluttershy sounding like a stallion.

Luckily she does and that filly's party goes fine but now the mayor wants them to sing the next day. Why can't Big Mac's voice get better? Our sister will wake up eventually! Performance after performance and day after day passes and they continue to get more requests until one night arrives and things don't seem right. They began to sing like always but Fluttershy seems to have either forgotten the words or has gotten too excited. She is flying around behind the curtain and shoves Big Mac forward. In her joy of singing she knocks the curtain down and now everypony knows it was her singing! They cheered for her but we knew deep down that they found Fluttershy sounding like a stallion a bit disturbing. We do feel bad for Big Mac though, now Applejack is most angry with him because he was still letting Fluttershy sing for him despite his own voice being fine.

Fluttershy flies home, bathes in the antidote and now sounds like herself again. However, we still hope that our sister remains in a slumber until this blows over because if she found out that she drank poison joke, Fluttershy could be in trouble and you know our sister's methods of punishing ponies, well mares she is attracted to anyway, are most unconventional.

Fluttershy's friends find her at home and try to comfort her, well except for Pinkie who continues to be ridiculous and does nothing to help. Poor Fluttershy speeds away from her friends but eventually they catch her and tell her that she sounded good, except for Pinkie (again). Now Fluttershy will never sing in front of anypony ever again. We don't blame her though, after what she went through, we would not wish to do so either.

Finally though, they are able to convince Fluttershy to join the Ponytones and they have a performance for their friends and the animals, with Fluttershy as the lead singer. That is understandable though given that her voice is the most soothing on the ears. We are happy for her though we do hope she gets to where she will want to sing in front of other ponies.

Now not only is she writing what she learned in their journal, but our sister is finally waking from her slumber. Oh no, we can not allow her to see this because Fluttershy is singing to herself. We can't allow her to faint again because foreign diplomats do not like dealing with us and we have a summit coming up!

****************************************************************************************************************

Well Fluttershy has headed home and our sister comes to the window to spy on Ponyville thinking the episode is still going on.

"So Little Sister, what did I miss?"

"Big Sister, thou missed the whole thing but don't worry, thou didst not miss anything important."

"Oh, what happened?"

"Fluttershy had her pet center fundraiser and it went fine."

She then saw our medal from the turkey call and asked, "Luna, where did you get that from?"

"We got it at the Sweet Apple Acres turkey call competition! We defeated Big Mac who was the six time champion."

"Oh, so other than you winning a turkey call competition it was a rather boring episode? So I didn't miss anything?"

"No big sister, thou didst not miss anything."

After that we headed to breakfast and thy Princess of the Night can breathe a sigh of relief. Now we just have to hope that Twilight and her friends do not bring this up to her. Our sister would be most angry if she found out that we lied about what happened. Do not worry though, our sister shall return to do the next episode, well unless Fluttershy makes her faint again.

On a side note, our sister was still most tired so we had to deal with all the diplomats at that unpleasant summit. Thou will be most proud of us though, despite the governor of Saddle Arabia calling us "Moonbutt" we were able to contain our anger and did not banish him to the sun! We did however seize all the money they received in taxes. Perhaps they will vote him out of office for being so disrespectful to thy Princess of the Night.

Chapter 80: Twilight Time

Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a treat for you. You have all been good little subordinates and worshiped me as you should so I shall give you my synopsis of "Twilight Time." Don't worry, Fluttershy doesn't show up in this episode so I won't be fainting on you.

It's another day in Ponyville and Twilight has started something new. She has decided to help the filly illuminati in their fruitless quest in getting their cutie marks. Yes I think it is good that she is teaching them new skills so they won't be living off the system but seriously, they aren't going to get their cutie marks this way. Oh well, the more she distracts them is less time that they will be making plans on trying to overthrow me.

Well shit, I can't see what is going on so I do the typical invisibility and teleport spell and it looks like Scootaloo is trying to become a mechanic, which didn't get her a cutie mark when they made that float for the summer harvest festival. It also looks like Apple Bloom is trying to learn how to grow plants with potions and apparently Twilight is training Sweetie Belle to be her custodian since Spike will likely defect and decide to bug Applejack again or clean up Rarity's bloody tampons, which I'm sure he wants to do so badly.

Well the three fail in their lessons, again. Big surprise there, right? Oh well, once the girls left to do whatever moronic thing they do when they're not pursuing cutie marks I can have some fun. Luckily for both me and Twilight, since Spike was cleaning Rarity's wannabe lingerie shop, that is exactly what happened. I had a very tasty lavender gem and she had some white cake which she loves so much. Damn I love our private time together, it helps me unwind after dealing with boring princess business all day long.

Now it is the next day and the girls are at recess instead of being inside studying, well that was the case with all of the fillies and colts so guess who's going to get punished tonight? That's right, Cheerilee! Well she likes it rough and we haven't defiled Diamond Bitch's desk in a while so tonight will be quite fun.

Speaking of Diamond Bitch, she is bragging about some worthless routine she has come up with but guess what? The little skank is too tired to do it so she makes her family's butler do it instead. Poor guy, he already has to clean their place up and now he has to cover for that bitch here too? Well he covers for her and of course she still gets all the credit for it, well from most of her class anyway. Only the CMC don't think she is so great. Despite them being a constant threat to my being in power, I will admit that they are smarter than the rest of their class.

Well shit, Sweetie Belle has to go and ruin that thought when she boasts about how they hang out with my sexy Twily all the time, or at least once a week. Now Diamond Bitch and Silver Slut want in on the fun and since Twilight Time is that afternoon, time to do the invisibility and teleport spell again. Yeah I know I should try something different every now and then but this method is effective.

Ok they go into the library and of course I'm there with nopony knowing about it. The girls show how they're doing in their skills but given their closeness, Twilight wanted the rich snobs to show off some skills of their own. Unfortunately the animators had to leave that out because I don't think Hasbro would have taken kindly to showing a couple fillies eating one another. I however did see it and I think I might be traumatized for life....well shit, that is forever in my case. There are somethings that can simply not be unseen. I guess that's what I get for my excessive espionage.

The next day arrives and all of a sudden, because of the rich sluts, the CMC are the big shots at school since they are everypony's ticket to see my sexy Twily. What is worse, Diamond Bitch and Silver Slut have become the only way to talk to the CMC about getting time with Twilight. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo seem unsure about this but I'm beginning to think that Sweetie Belle is becoming an attention whore since she thinks it is so wonderful that everypony wants to be their friend now. I just hope that the rich fillies don't start demanding special favors from those three for what they are doing. Thing is though, I could see Sweetie giving them the favors and enjoying it.

Now it is meal time and the CMC have invited Twilight to the local diner for lunch. Wait a minute, how could those girls afford to take Twilight out for lunch. I would soon find out though, Twilight pulled out the government credit card and paid for it. I think I will punish her tonight. I will bring her up here, hog tie her to my bed and leave her alone with a former student of mine, Colgate. Colgate has rather sadistic desires when it comes to bedroom activities which you will all eventually find out about.

Wow, I guess Twilight is a bit more like me than I thought. During her meal, she was gorging herself on hayburgers like I do with my cake. Many ponies would find watching her stuff her face like that as unappealing but that is not the case with me. Hell it got me really hot and bothered and unfortunately, wet. What is the worst though is Luna had gotten up and could smell it. Yeah she told me to go wash off but hey, I'm not going to go wash off if I don't want to, I am the primary princess after all.

Now all of a sudden the CMC's whole class is out there taking pictures of my Twily. How dare they! If I find even one picture of her stuffing her face anywhere, the filly illuminati will no longer have any classmates. Perhaps that would be for the best though since two of them are idiots, two of them are rich skanks that will one day be prostitutes and the others aren't all that bright either.

Twilight finally catches them and goes outside to see what they are doing. Now my Twily is surrounded and is giving out autographs, for free. What the hell? Now I am beginning to wonder if Twilight isn't becoming a narcissistic bitch just like Rainbow Crash. That does remind me of something she would do. What is even worse is that Twilight tells those whiny brats that she is only at that diner because the CMC were there. Now everypony thinks that anywhere those girls are, that there is a chance that Twilight will show up. Now their classmates want them going to all their events and are doing all sorts of favors for them. Let's just hope that they don't demand favors in return eventually.

After the girls go to a boring lemonade party, the slutty rich fillies have now invited them to Diamond Bitch's house. Great, just great. Now they will be forced to give them special favors for what they have done for them, well Sweetie Belle anyway. My sister has visited the dreams of Diamond Bitch and Silver Slut and both have dreamed of having a threesome with Sweetie in the Rich family's living room. She has yet to visit any of Sweetie's dreams so who knows with her.

Luckily nothing happened at Diamond's house but now it is time to leave as it is Twilight Time. Unfortunately for them, Diamond Bitch gets mad because they hadn't asked Twilight if they could bring them along. Those girls rush off towards the library but sadly for them, they would be greeted by a couple moronic colts, not the dumb unicorns but two other ones along with the rest of their class. Diamond orders the colts to knock on the door and Twilight answers. Now that little bitch thinks my Twily will be upset but luckily she wasn't so into the library goes the whole class. Well shit, it is time for the teleport and invisibility spell, again.

So I hid up in Twily's bedroom but looked down to see all the action. Of course Twily is getting things organized just like any good little slave of mine would. Next up she asked Pip what he wants to do. So he wants to be a cutie mark crusader. Well shit, now there could be a colt member of the filly illuminati too. If that happens, I will just have to make them all disappear without a trace. Luckily for me, that does not happen. Instead he exposes the filly illuminati for taking advantage of their friendship with Twilight to gain fame in their school.

Now Twilight is upset which is good because she will need me to come and make her feel all better after this fiasco. Now the CMC must prove that they actually are there to learn by showing off their skills. That is all good except for the fact that they forgot their stuff so they have to make due with what Twily has. Guess what, they all fail and it looks like Twilight Time is over as Twilight runs all those little brats out of the library, well until the CMC apologize to her and suddenly show off that they can do their special skills.

Oh great, just great. I'm getting weak in the knees because Sweetie Belle has put a flower in Twilight's mane. Ok Celestia, just breathe and hope that your little slave doesn't start flying around and singing like Fluttershy. Luckily for me she doesn't do that and luckily for the CMC, Twilight forgives them. Would I have forgiven them? Not just no, but hell no. I would have banished them to the moon until they were needed for another episode and fined their sisters a few hundred bits for their sisters taking advantage of me. Yes I am counting Rainbow as Scootaloo's sister even though chances are she isn't.

Things must be fine now because Twilight is letting them do a journal entry in that book of theirs. Well that is good and what is even better now is that the CMC are leaving the library. Now I shall make myself known once Twilight closes the door and sexy times shall ensue. I'm thinking we should grab Cheerilee and the three of us could go and defile Diamond Bitch's desk. Hell just for the fun of it, we'll do the same to Silver Slut's too.

Now be gone with all of you, my sexy lavender slave, the hot schoolteacher and myself have a couple of desks to defile. I'm sure Cherilee will find it hilarious when those rich bitches sit down in wet seats! Their parents are going to think they have been naughty little fillies and hopefully ground them until they're 18.

Chapter 81: It Ain't Easy Being Breezies

Hello everypony, it is your beloved Princess Celestia, the sexiest, most powerful and smartest ruler Equestria has ever had. Now you've been disappointing me a bit here lately but I'll still give you my synopsis of "It Ain't Easy Being Breezies."

It's another lovely day in Ponyville and the oh so lovely Fluttershy is out talking with her friends about something. I'm not quite sure what it is yet but I'll find out soon enough. Wait a minute, she is telling her friends that the breezies are coming through Ponyville and that they have to learn how to cheer quietly. For starters, this once again proves that she cares way too much about some small life form and not nearly enough about me.

Ok, enough about how she doesn't care about me, for now anyway. So there she is telling her friends to basically whisper cheer for these damn things as they pass through Ponyville. I have something to tell you Flutters, they flew through Canterlot too and were met with absolutely no fanfare. Luna was asleep, I was doing boring princess shit and all the other ponies here merely thought it was a small swarm of fruit flies so nopony cared. If Ponyville were like that, your lives would be much easier and you could be cleaning your cottage for when I come down there tonight.

Fast forward a couple hours and a whole damn festival has been set up for them. With the way it looks you'd think that both my sister and I were coming down there with the amount of cake and fritters that they had. Now here comes Rarity in a sparkly purple gown of some sort that the sun is really reflecting off of. It was shining so brightly that I thought it was going to damage my eyes, much less those dumb critters that Fluttershy cares way too much about. Luckily for Fluttershy, Rarity removes it but is still glowing white! How dare she, she never glows for me. I think I will punish her severely for this. Hmmm...maybe I can punish two mares at once tonight.

Well Rarity stops glowing and Twilight begins to try and give a speech. Oh that poor thing must be so frustrated. She always does try to give speeches when she needs some so make that three mares I'll punish tonight, all at once! Luckily for her voice the damn things arrive ahead of schedule and the whole damn town is staring at them like they are the most wonderful thing in the world. What makes things the worst is that Spike is bound and determined to get a birds' eye view of the things so after failing to get on Pinkie's back he climbs a tree to see them.

There he is standing on a limb acting like a little kid jumping up and down right as they passed by. I was thinking of sending Twilight a message at that moment but then I realized that would kill a bunch of breezies and it ain't their fault some ponies are idiots and waste a day of productivity to watch them. Unfortunately for those things, Spike knocks a leaf loose and that separates some of them from the others. Now we have Fluttershy going into panic mode, extreme panic mode.

Now we have Rainbow, Thundelane and the hot little Flitter trying to get the breeze just right to help the separated group catch up with the others. I just realized something, Flitter is rather sexy with that bow in her mane so guess who's getting added to the list of mares who MUST please me every now and then so make that four mares for tonight! I'll just haul them all up here since nowhere in Ponyville has room for all of us.

Unfortunately for the breezies their attempt failed and now there are probably over a dozen of these things left over and of course my Fluttershy saves them and even worse, she takes them into her cottage. Great, just great. If she keeps those things around for too long, especially if it ends up being after the portal to their homeland closes, forcing her to make me happy will be almost impossible. Well we shall see what happens.

What seems to be forever passes and Applejack along with MY Twily go over to see if those things are ready to go and of course Fluttershy says they are not. I have some advice, just have the damn things climb in your mane, have the smart one tell you what direction to go and then you could easily get them home. Hell, you'd probably even beat the other group back home but oh no, that makes way too much sense and in the eyes of Fluttershy, that would be abandoning them to the cruel world. Guess what Flutters, they're going to be going home, not to Tartarus so just throw the damn things out already!

I swear, she is doing way too much for them. She is treating them like they are special little snowflakes who will cry and whine if they don't get their own way. Wait a minute, with the exception of Sea Breeze, that is the case. They fake illnesses, pretend to be cold, pretend to have panic attacks and do whatever else it takes to continue to take advantage of Fluttershy. I know she's the element of kindness but come on! Can't she show me a bit of kindness and send these things packing.

Finally one of the breezies is fed up and has decided he will face the winds alone, Sea Breeze. Yeah is an arrogant, demanding little bastard but he is thinking with his head. Well he heads out and discovers that his endeavor is going to be far more difficult than he imagined. Acorns nearly crush him and then the wind carries him straight into a beehive. Oh shit, now the bees are pissed and are likely going to sting him to death. Do I feel sorry for him, a little but it is part of the circle of life so I won't intervene. Luckily for him, Fluttershy discovered that he was missing and finds him before this tragic event could happen.

Once she found him he had a bunch of angry bees ready to kill him but when she started talking to the damn things, they obviously weren't listening. At first she tried to tell them that Sea Breeze was sorry and the fuckers were still readying themselves to attack. Next up she dresses in a bee costume that suddenly showed up out of nowhere and that didn't work either so she had to be firm with them. Now in the unedited version she called them all pieces of shit and said they need to go fuck themselves but of course that wouldn't be fit for a kids' show.

Once she saved Sea Breeze she took him back to her cottage and finally told those breezies that they better get going or they'll never get home and that would really suck. I'm sure they have families that would worry them and that would make Fluttershy unavailable for a whole year and chances are she will have to help save Equestria from some super villain and of course you know how I am when I don't get my Flutters!

Now the time has come to get those things on their way home but "Ponyville, we have a problem!" There aren't enough breezies to hold the breeze together. Now my sexy Twily comes up with an idea, she will turn herself along with her friends into breezies to help get those things home. Good news, it actually works and they can keep the breeze together. Bad news, it looks like it will just be me and Flitter tonight. Oh well, I figure breaking her in would be best done if we are alone.

Now Fluttershy is leading those breezies toward the portal to their homeland and holy shit they go through a lot of different landscapes, snow, desert and temperate zones. Where the hell is this thing located anyway? I can't think of any place that you would go through such areas to get anywhere. It takes them quite a while and yes I did have to have one of the guard ponies tell me some of what was going on since I was having my Flitter time but they eventually get to that opening and once they cross into their homeland I can't see anything! Even worse I can't teleport there so I'll just have to assume everything went fine since they did come back out unscathed.

Now that they are back in Equestria they have a hell of a long trip back home, a trip that is going to take quite a while. This is frustrating because I am really needy and was hoping that Twily and Fluttershy would be back to have some fun. Oh well, I'll keep Flitter with me and make Twinkleshine join us.

Oh and memo to Rainbow: Twilight isn't going to turn you into a dragon or a griffon. If she ever did I would banish her to my sleeping chambers for the next hundred years.

Now be gone with all of you, I have a hot pegasus with a bow and a lovely white unicorn to have some fun with.

Chapter 82: Somepony to Watch Over Me

Hello everypony, it is your Supreme Overlord Celestia again and do I have a surprise for you! You've all paid your taxes, you haven't badmouthed me and I was named "Pony of the Year" by this human magazine known as Time! Because of all this, I shall share with you my synopsis of "Somepony to Watch Over Me."

It is early morning and I can sense that something is going on at Sweet Apple Acres but there is one problem, I can't see what's going on in their house! I have to give you my synopsis so I will do my usual invisibility and teleport spell so I can see and hear everything. Ok, now for what is going on. Some sort of meeting is going on between Applejack, Big Mac and Granny Smith while the Filly Illuminati are out waiting. Now what could be going on? Hopefully they are discussing a way in which they can get those girls no know not to try to overthrow the government.

Well unfortunately that's not it but instead it sounds like they are going to leave Apple Bloom home alone while they go out and make pie deliveries. What, are they nuts? They're going to just leave her alone so she and her friends can make evil plans like all other secret societies do? Oh thank goodness, she has to do the chores so that will keep her occupied for a while, disaster averted! I just love the girls' reaction to the news that they're leaving Apple Bloom home alone. Yeah they're excited but they manage to keep their composure. This should be an interesting day so I think I'll just hang around the farm today. Don't tell Luna though, you know how she gets when I come down here without her.

Alright, now they are getting ready to leave town and while Big Mac and Granny seem perfectly confident that Apple Bloom can do this, Applejack does not. I know she loves her little sister but come on, she will be fine. Look at Scootaloo, she is always roaming around free. Hell I don't even know who here parents are and despite always monitoring everything, I wonder if she even has a home. For all I know she could either be an orphan who lives in the Everfree Forest or just sleeps in a different place every night. I swear, one of these days I'm going to find out. I do not like seeing such a young filly being alone like that all the time.

Well it looks like the adult Apples are leaving and now I must make a decision. Do I stay here and keep an eye on Apple Bloom or do I follow Applejack? I have a feeling I better stay here in the event that she finishes her chores early. I certainly don't want her calling her friends over to plot a coup attempt. If she does, I don't care what anypony thinks, they're going to Tartarus.

Well everything seems to be going along normally, Apple Bloom is doing her chores like a good filly and I'm guessing the other two are out doing something stupid to try and get their cutie marks. Now Apple Bloom has her chores done and she can make all the decisions! Why is it that I have a feeling that this will wind up in some sort of disaster. Good grief filly, you want to stand on the table and talk to yourself? Yeah I think it is stupid but at least she isn't plotting to overthrow me.

What the hay? Applejack has come back and Apple Bloom trips and knocks the table over! Now Applejack has realized that leaving her sister home alone was likely a mistake. Now Applejack has realized this and despite needing to make a pie delivery, she will stay at home, make sure her little sister doesn't do anything else stupid and I have a feeling that plenty of funny moments will ensue. It is just a matter of me not making so much noise laughing I give away my presence.

It is time for more chores but what Applejack has done will make the first one impossible. Seriously Applejack, a pillow on the end of a rake? Sorry but that isn't going to help in getting anything done, well except piss off Apple Bloom. Now comes the helmet and apple bucking. Good grief, nets in the trees and yet another helmet on Apple Bloom? Now the next moment is an epic screw up on the part of the writers. Apple Bloom is pushing this miniature wheel barrow full of apples but suddenly the damn thing has training wheels? I know Applejack can get things done in a hurry but how would she do it without being seen? To do that it would require magic and I certainly didn't do it nor did anypony else, well that I know of anyway.

Apple Bloom has had it, she is sick of Applejack babying her but things are only going to get worse. Somehow she has managed to baby proof everything in the house. When did she have the time to do this? Ok, I know this is a cartoon so anything can happen but seriously, I think this is going a bit excessive and now Apple Bloom has two helmets. You all know I respect Applejack the most out of the element bearers but I think she is going way too far here. I don't blame Apple Bloom for being pissed, I would be too had Mother ever done that to me.

Poor poor Apple Bloom, now she has been put in a crib and her friends are over to console her. Yes I'm not thrilled that those three are being left alone together but at least with Apple Bloom in a crib, she can't take part in a bloody coup, Applejack will see to that. Now here they are scheming, scheming on a way to make Applejack see that her little sister isn't a baby who must be coddled at all times. Personally I hope it fails so that the secret society will collapse. Hey, if one of them is basically imprisoned by her older sister, she can't aid in its evil causes.

Now for the plan, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are going to put on bows and try to make it look like Apple Bloom is back in her crib while she makes that pie delivery. Oh great, now I'm going to have to make a decision again. Do I hang around here to see what happens or do I follow Apple Bloom? Wait, I got it! I'll hang around here until Applejack freaks out and then teleport myself out to Apple Bloom when the time is right.

Ok, Apple Bloom has headed off to make her delivery and Applejack is checking on "Apple Bloom" constantly, seeing if she wants something. Applejack, she isn't answering you so she is obviously asleep, or at least pretending to be. Ugh, waiting around in this dark bedroom is so boring. Ooh, I better be quiet, here comes Applejack!

Ok, get this, there she is standing over the crib while Sweetie Belle sleeps. I would think she would notice that Sweetie Belle is in the crib but in that low of light, that isn't the case. Yep Applejack, you're right. You don't need to baby your little sister the way you are. Real smart Scootaloo, Applejack says this then you yell how happy your friend would be to hear that? Now Applejack discovers that Apple Bloom isn't there and is having an epic freak out and discovers that her sister headed out to make the pie delivery. Now it is time for me to go and follow Apple Bloom! Hey, you need to know what she's doing too.

Alright, the path to this place the pies are being delivered to is incredibly dangerous. I don't know why Applejack would take a path like this. Ok, so it is likely the quickest route but I don't think saving a few minutes is worth putting up with flame geysers. Now one has incinerated the map but that is going to be the least of Apple Bloom's problems as something really bad is coming after her.

What the hell is that thing? A head of a tiger, a head of a goat and a literal snake tail? You know, I feel incredibly stupid not knowing what kind of creatures reside within my realm. This is almost as bad as me not knowing about the hydra but hey, at least this thing isn't so big that not missing it would be impossible. Now for what is interesting, each head on this thing can speak and from the way it sounds, it sounds like the tiger is a male while the snake and the goat are females. Yet the way those heads talk, it sounds like all three of them are female.

Ok, so this thing apparently likes apple pie. Ok, so Apple Bloom should be able to escape. She can just give it a few pies to satisfy its appetite and go on her way but oh no, that would make way too much sense. She has decided that she is going to try to be a big shot and get through the swamp without feeding this thing. This is proof that she isn't very bright. If I were in her situation, I would have swallowed my pride and gave it a couple so it wouldn't want to eat me.

The thing pounces and misses Apple Bloom but I don't see her getting far and naturally she doesn't! She slips out of the harness she used to pull that cart and now it looks like she is going to be monster food. Poor Apple Bloom and poor Applejack. I know it is going to take a great amount of consoling to make the Apple Family feel better and chances are that Luna will be the only one that will be able to help them heal from this. Chances are though that they won't be using this route for any future deliveries either.

Just as it looks like Apple Bloom is going to get eaten, Applejack comes to the rescue. I knew she would eventually come out looking for her but for just a moment I honestly thought Apple Bloom was going to die. Would I have intervened though? While I may talk like I would have just let her die to end the Filly Illuminati, yes I would have saved her. Back to Applejack's arrival though, I have a feeling she has dealt with this thing before because she knew exactly how to handle it.

Now I know why she was asking Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo if she wore flame proof boots, took a snake charming flute, brought a lion tamer's chair and brought a hunk of ricotta because apparently that thing, well the goat head anyway, likes it. You see Applejack, your sister actually got the pies this far and didn't fall prey to that monster so you don't have to baby her.

Well they finally get the pies delivered to this extremely remote town, a town that I didn't even know existed. While I am still invisible, I decided to snoop around with nopony noticing. Somehow a community has managed to exist in Equestria for ages without me knowing about it. It seems like they have almost no contact with the outside world, well with the exception of the Apples. Now I wonder how the hell they paid them because it looks like they don't use currency out here. Well as it turns out one of those ponies makes a great salt water casserole that the Apples really like.

Now this is very upsetting because these ponies get away without paying any taxes and sadly, I can't force them to pay any! I can't force them to because they don't use money. Their transaction with the Apples is using the ancient barter system, the system that was used in a long forgotten era that existed prior to the arrival of my sister and I. Am I going to force them to join the modern world? No, I will not. I will just let them continue to live in this commune style. As long as they aren't causing any problems or engaging in monetary transactions, everything will be fine.

Now I must be returning home. I am extremely hungry and I'm sure Luna is wondering where I am. Oh, I just realized something. This is probably the only kid friendly synopsis I've ever done because not only did my mind not wander into the gutter, I didn't swear or call anypony any bad names, not even once! You should be quite proud of me for being so well behaved this time! Don't worry though, come next time I'll be back to my normal self!