Hello my subordinates, it is your overlord Princess Celestia again and since you have all been well behaved, well except for those punks in Fillydelphia and their bitching over me not coming to see them, I shall give you my synopsis of "Simple Ways."

Well, well, well, it looks like those hacks down in Ponyville are planning a festival. Boring! It is likely something that I would never find interesting, well unless it is an "Invite Princess Celestia to Ponyville so She can abduct the Hottest Mares and Bang Them" festival.

Come to find out it is the Ponyville Days festival where they celebrate the founding of Ponyville. Yeah it is exciting for them but it does not interest me in the slightest. Ok, it does a little because I like spying on them but I have no intentions on going to their lame festival.

It looks like they have to select somepony who will organize this and who are the judges? It appears to be Granny Smith and a couple of the other elderly ponies who were alive when it was founded. It looks like they have a rather diverse selection of ponies who may put it together. Personally I hope they select Derpy and I'm sure Twily wants them to pick that weird stallion that wears the telescope on his head but it turns out it will be neither one of them. Instead it will be Rarity. Now this will be worth watching because she'll likely have everypony wearing slutty outfits and turn it into some sort of disaster.

Upon announcing that she will be in charge everypony is cheering and suddenly acting like they want to eat her for lunch. They better not or I am going to force her to wear a sign that reads "property of Princess Celestia." Ugh and guess who is more than ready and willing to help Rarity? I swear, Spike must be an idiot if he thinks that will cause Rarity to take him to her sleeping chambers.

Well shit, Rarity has taken them in her boutique and I can't see what's happening so I do the typical invisibility and teleport spell and Rarity is making all these grandiose plans. So Rainbow and Pinkie will be hanging lights in the town square. Why Pinkie? Why not Fluttershy instead since she is a pegasus. Of course Applejack will get the farm ready for this and what Rarity asks of MY Twily and MY Fluttershy really pisses me off. She wants them to model her slutty outfits in the fashion show. If I wasn't trying to stay hidden, I would have slugged Rarity and hauled Twilight and Fluttershy up to my sleeping chambers to protect them from such an uncouth activity.

Now for something pathetic, Rarity is wanting everypony else to aid her so she can focus all her attention on making this festival special enough to impress this pony named Tenderhoof. Wait, she wants that narcissistic mare who thinks she is so hot but not me? Wait a minute, it isn't Tenderhoof, it is this travel writer of the lesser sex she wants. Ok, I'm going to have to punish her severely, again! When is she going to get it through her damn head that she is only to give her adoration to mares? Hell maybe I should ram my horn so far up in her the other end will come out of her mouth. Well I shall see how she behaves around him before I decide how severely to punish her.

Now everypony is leaving and rather than teleporting myself back to Canterlot, I'll just hide out in Ponyville. I am invisible after all so as long as I don't get wet watching Twilight and Fluttershy, I'll be fine. Over at the train station Rarity and Twilight are waiting for this Trenderhoof idiot to get there. Ugh, I saw those pictures of him in Rarity's place and gag me, he is uglier than a pile of shit. After what seems to be forever he finally arrives and Rarity is lost when she sees him. Give me a break Rarity, I don't get why you think he is so great. I'd rather have to hoof myself for all eternity than have to hook up with him, or any other member of the lesser sex for that matter.

Now Rarity is nervous and is hiding under my Twily's tail. How pathetic, here she is wanting to bang this idiot yet she doesn't even have the courage to go talk to him? Luckily my Twily forces her up there so she can take this hack to Ponyville and show him around.

Since I am down in Ponyville, I am watching this very closely. He better not try any funny business with her and she better not just jump on him and kiss him. If she does, I will banish her to the moon and find a new generous unicorn. Maybe Lyra would be a good substitute, she used to be in my school and always was generous with her friends.

Ok, enough about that, Rarity hasn't committed any crimes yet. So far her showing him around Ponyville has been rather boring. He doesn't seem overly interested and luckily he hasn't shown any interest in Rarity either. Maybe it is her hideous tail or he found out she wears false eyelashes. Everything seemed to be mundane until she takes him to Sweet Apple Acres.

I swear, for him being such a snobby pretty colt he seems fascinated with the farm. Unfortunately for a certain hard working earth pony the farm isn't the only thing he is interested in. He sees Applejack and suddenly thinks that they are fated lovers or something. Sorry pretty colt, but I don't think Applejack is going to be interested. Naturally this upsets Rarity and she is now devastated. Poor thing anyway, I'm still going to punish her but I'll make her feel better too.

Rarity heads back to her boutique hoping that I will show up and ease her pain but unfortunately Spike must be stalking her because he beats me there. Now this is sad, he finds Rarity in there crying at her stupid shrine she made for Trenderhoof. I would think Spike would know that she is never going to be interested in him and simply leave but oh no. He thinks that by being there for her she will want to screw him. Well that ain't happening.

Now Rarity is whining to Spike but what she says really pisses me off. "Oh Spike, how could you possibly know what it is like to be totally obsessed with somepony only to find out that they're obsessed with somepony else." WHAT A BITCH! She should know that Spike knows exactly how she feels. He has been obsessing over her from the moment he saw her and she has never seen him as anything more than a cute child. Kind of funny, back then I secretly cast a spell to create such a situation and even after all this time, it is still going strong! I'm not one bit sorry though, this has been so entertaining over the years and it will continue to be for years to come!

While poor Spike is listening to Rarity whine Applejack has an attachment that she just can't seem to rid herself of. Yep, Trenderhoof is now following her around like a puppy and is being as annoying as one of those stupid miniature dogs that some mares carry in their saddlebags. I honestly feel bad for Applejack. While I could easily fry such a problematic pony to death with my magic, she doesn't have that luxury. I could read her mind though, she wanted to kick him in the head so hard he would have a year long concussion but she resisted. If she would have done so and got charged with aggravated assault, I would have pardoned her anyway so she shouldn't have held back.

Get this, Rarity has it in her head that Trenderhoof has a thing for farm life so she makes herself a "country" outfit. Oh come on Rarity, that drugstore cowgirl outfit ain't going to sway the object of your affection. It is just as fancy as the rest of the shit that you make. Just give up on Trend, focus on the damn festival and let Applejack figure out what the best way is to get rid of this pest on her own.

Now Rarity's plans of impressing Trend have reached a new low. She is sitting on a plow expecting it to just start plowing the field. Doesn't that bitch know that you have to actually pull that thing. She could have at least went out and found Twilight. She could have taught her how to cast a come to life spell on the thing. When Applejack comes along and sees her doing that, she tells her to get her sorry ass off her plow (in the unedited version) and then proceeds to do this necessary chore.

Ugh, I seriously wonder about Trenderhoof. He acts like she is the sexiest thing in the world as she plows that field. Why doesn't he go find some other country pony to go and harass since Applejack has, on multiple occasions, made it clear that she is not interested in him.

Now for what is truly pathetic, Rarity thinks that by apple bucking that she will get Trend in bed. Once again Rarity, that ain't going to work and until you lose the drugstore cowgirl outfit, he ain't going to pay attention to you, especially since you can only buck ONE apple off a tree at a time. He is attracted to REAL country ponies, not some fashionista who is simply posing.

Well Applejack has more chores to do and thankfully for her, they are in the hen house. I can only imagine how much it must stink in that thing. It gets hot in there and that will only cause the chicken shit to smell worse. While she is doing this Rarity is once again hitting on Trend but what is funny is that he asks her if Applejack would want to go to the festival as his date. I almost feel sorry for Rarity, almost. Wait, what am I thinking, I don't feel sorry for her one bit.

Oh boy, now this should get interesting. Rarity is changing the theme of the festival from "Small Town Chic" to "Simple Ways." What the hell, she is actually wearing country pony clothes and sweet mother of Faust, her mane and tail look spectacular. They look so much better than that fancy style she usually has them in. I have decided that once in a while I might make her wear it that way when she comes to see me.

Now everypony thinks she is ridiculous for doing this but Applejack is coming up with a plan to put Rarity in her place. Now this ought to be funny but first Rarity has decided to torture the CMC and a couple other fillies. Ok, so now more means more. Good grief, that shit she put on Apple Bloom looks horrid, absolutely horrid. Now she wants the rest of them to make fools of themselves and dress the same way. What's this, we have another model. Rarity seems intrigued but I have a feeling as to who this "Apple Jewel" pony is.

It looks like I was right in thinking that it was actually Applejack. Now she is the fashionista dressing in style, I'm sure G3 Rainbow Dash would love it. Now Rarity is all grumpy but I have no plans on making her feel better just so you know. Oh boy, now those two have decided to start fighting over their style and who is truly the better representation of what they are dressed like.

Come on Rarity, you look good with your mane and tail like that but quit trying to act like you're a country pony. What I find the funniest though is when she jumps in the mud. Now Rarity must be overly desperate. Normally she wouldn't even touch mud unless it is that shit she likes to smear all over her face.

It looks like the real Rarity is coming to the surface given that she is concerned about getting shit on Applejack's dress but what is the funniest is when she discovers that it was HER dress that Applejack was wearing. Now there is the Rarity we all know and love. I prefer her regular personality but her new mane style is much better. If she would just lose the overalls she would be incredibly hot! She would be so hot I would reverse the invisibility spell, scoop her up and take her to my shower and then my sleeping chambers.

While they were reversing roles it looks like Trend has a new look too. Oh no, he's moving to Ponyville so he can continue to stalk Applejack. If this goes much further I am going to have to intervene and banish him to Tartarus for stalking. Poor Applejack can't bring herself to tell him to go fuck himself so Rarity in a much more polite way lets him know that Applejack simply doesn't find him appealing. Well he finally realizes this and cancels his plans to relocate.

Now the festival has started and everything is as boring and lame as I figured it would be. Rarity decided to go with "Small Town Chic" and it was basically the local townsponies dressing like snobs although I think a few Canterlot ponies showed up because Fine Line was there and she is no Ponville native.

One bit of good news though, Rarity decided to have the filly illuminati model dresses instead of Fluttershy and Twilight. There is a reason for that. They were readying themselves for the hot night that I had planned for us. Just as soon as I finish spying on this that will happen.

One final thing before I leave. Applejack must like Trend just a little bit because he invited Granny Smith to dance and she looked jealous as hell and here I thought she had no interest in him at all. Well I'm sure that once he skips town she'll forget all about him and focus on her work. Now regarding Rarity and her crime of showing adoration to a stallion. I would punish her tonight but I have other plans so her punishment can wait until tomorrow night. I can guarantee you one thing, she will be screaming in pain so bad she will keep the whole town awake.

Now be gone with you, your sexy Sun Goddess has a lovely yellow pegasus and a sexy lavender Alicorn to have some fun with and I certainly don't want to keep them waiting.