Hello my serfs! It is your sexy Sun Goddess Celestia and do I have a treat for you. You have all paid your taxes, not paid homage to foreign leaders and have turned a blind eye to my exploits with Princess Twilight so I shall share with you "Pinkie Pride" from my perspective.

Well we start out in Appaloosa where there is a party going on. Wow, and I remember back when the Appaloosans and the buffalo despised each other. Whoever threw this thing for them must have plenty of money to be able to afford so many decorations. Well it turns out this pony's name is Cheese Sandwich. Suddenly he starts trembling because his "cheese sense" is telling him there is another party to go plan, and it is in Ponyville. It looks like I'll get to watch more things unfold down there soon. It also means that there will be cake, yay! Even better, there will be lavender ice cream to go with it!

As it turns out, Rainbow Dash's birthday is today and Pinkie is going to throw a party for her. While Rainbow is my least favorite of Twilight's friends and in the bottom tier of ponies overall, I might show up for her party if I think I can get some cake, key word though, maybe. Well she breaks into song about planning a party just for you while she gets all the shit she needs for Crash's, oops I mean Dash's party. I honestly don't get why she thinks Rainbow is so great. She doesn't go all out for her other friends' parties and she sure the hell doesn't come up here and throw me any parties, dumb bitch anyway. I'm thinking maybe an off-season in Tartarus will fix that.

Well she has everything all ready and Rainbow shows up. Pinkie asks who wants to help her make this party great since not only is it Dash's birthday, but the anniversary of when she moved to Ponyville. Ugh, this is going to be a Rainbow Crash love fest so I'm going to avoid this party, I'll just have the chefs make me my own cake.

Now regarding somepony going to help Pinkie with this, some stranger shows up and says that he is ready to do so. Why is it that I have a bad feeling about this one? Well we'll see what happens, I'm not going to deem this one, despite being of the lesser sex, anything bad, yet.

Well as it turns out, this pony is Cheese Sandwich, the same one who threw the party in Appaloosa. He bursts into song about what a great party planner he is. What a narcissistic prick. Ugh, I can't stand ponies like him. Maybe I should just save myself the trouble and deem him a trouble maker right now and banish him to the moon at the soonest possible moment.

Now I am not happy, suddenly everypony is acting like he is the greatest thing in the world and suddenly forgets that Pinkie even exists. Yes Pinkie can be annoying and immature sometimes, but she has helped save Equestria on multiple occasions while this idiot has done nothing for this fine country. What is even worse Rainbow goes talking about how this party will be epic with Pinkie right there in earshot. So much for her being the element of loyalty. Maybe I need to find a different pegasus who will be loyal. I'll start looking around for one that isn't a narcissistic bitch and possesses a sense of loyalty.

Now Pinkie heads home and is sad, very sad. She begins to question her future and cries some. I truly feel sorry for her but I don't think there is much I can do at this point. I would have to kill Cheese Sandwich in the town square and punish her so-called friends in a very violent way for her to maybe feel better....well if she were the fan version of Pinkamena anyway.

Now she is looking at some old pictures of hers, ones of the parties she has thrown. She finally realizes that she is a good party planner, especially after seeing the ones of the reception she held for Cadence and Shining Armor. Good, I certainly don't want the element of laughter being sad, especially if she were to be needed to save Equestria.

Well she arrives at this party that is in full swing and holy shit, where the hell did he get the money for all that stuff. I highly doubt that a pony who just wanders Equestria throwing parties would have the money for that. Either he has a wealthy family, he has robbed a lot of banks or he has taken out a lot of loans that he'll likely never pay back. Personally I hope it is the third because then I can throw him in the dungeon, banish him to Tartarus or banish him to the moon OR I could always have my sister banish him to the sun, he would deserve that, dumb bastard anyway.

Now Pinkie has a plan on how she can show up Cheese, a goof off. Now what the hell a goof off is I don't know but I'll find out. Ok, so it is whoever can make the judge laugh the most. In this case the winner gets to headline Crash's dumb party and the loser doesn't. Fair enough and it looks like the element of disloyalty is the judge. The way she has been fanfillying over that miserable waste of space Cheese I have a bad feeling she will just say he won whether he does or not.

Ok, the goof off begins and it is typical party pony antics, silly stuff that is boring the hell out of me. I think I'll go get a slice of cake while they continue this non-sense, it's not like I'm missing anything important anyway.

Alright, I return with my cake and Pinkie has this huge ass cake, which looks very appetizing, suspended by a hook on a crane when some dumb bird lands on it and causes it to crash down on Dash. Well something happens to Pinkie and she suddenly realizes that her so-called disloyal bitch of a friend isn't having the best time of her life. Well no shit, she's not getting screwed by Spitfire so of course she isn't! Pinkie decides to forfeit the contest and Cheese wins. I know Pinkie is genuinely a good pony but she should not have just gave up. She should have turned into Pinkamena and taught the residents of that backwater town a thing or two about surgery by harvesting organs from a moronic jackass with a superiority complex.

Well Pinkie has her party cannon and is getting ready to skip town when her friends catch up to her and apologize for being disloyal bitches. They can apologize all they want but Twily, Rarity and Fluttersy are all going to be punished severely, and it will NOT be in my sleeping chambers. I'm thinking five days on the moon will serve as a warning to them. You do not betray your friend like that, especially not over a mindless colt in a stallion's body.

Now Cheese comes along and admits that he is a lying bastard to Pinkie. Even better, he tells her about his past and how it was her who inspired him to become a part planner. What happens next is ridiculous, now all of a sudden Pinkie and Cheese act like they are best friends and work together to throw Rainbow the most epic party ever. How dare they! The only pony who should get the most epic party ever is ME!

Ok, I'm thoroughly pissed with all of them now, yes even Pinkie. Yes in the end Cheese Sandwich gives Pinkie his dumb rubber chicken which will serve some purpose later on given that a rainbow shot across it but that is beside the point. I have decided to hand down the following punishments.

Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack will each receive 100 lashes and then spend six days on the moon for their disloyalty. Pinkie will be flogged for 10 minutes straight and then be locked in the dungeon for forfeiting that goof off and aiding one who I have deemed an enemy to Equestria. Rainbow Dash shall serve a sentence of six days in Tartarus for her crime of being a disloyal bitch.

Now for what will truly make Cheese Sandwich have such a horrible punishment. You know how he afforded all that party shit? Well he has taken out many, many loans under various aliases from The Royal Bank of Equestria and has defaulted on over 300,000 bits worth of loans. So for defaulting on all those loans and making Pinkie cry, Luna banished him to the sun for 1 million years. Hell she is even thinking of releasing some Saddle Arabian diplomats because being stuck with Cheese Sandwich is beyond cruel and unusual in her eyes.

Now if you will excuse me, since I banished my three hot element bearers to the moon for a few days, I have a threesome with Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts tonight and I certainly don't want to be late!