Hello my beloved serfs! This is your beloved dictator Princess Celestia. You all have been good, you have worshiped me how you are supposed to, you have paid your taxes and you haven't caused any problems so I shall share with you how I saw "Daring Don't."

Another glorious day in Ponyville has arrived and once again Fluttershy is proving that she cares way too much about some dumb animals and not nearly enough about me. She is trying to teach some baby birds how to fly! Isn't that the mother bird's job? It would have been far easier for her to fly up to my sleeping chambers than it would be to try and teach these things how to fly.

Well suddenly Rainbow Dash is flying around making a ruckus over one thing or another. Now we find out why, the next Daring Do book comes out in four months! Good grief, she is making a big deal out of that? She winds up getting so lost in that fact that she crashes into a tree. Damn she is stupid. She should watch where she is flying rather than fantasizing over a fictional character.

A few days pass and Twilight and her friends are throwing a "National Random Holiday Party Day" party or something like that? I swear, they will throw a party over anything. Why can't they throw a "Celestia's gonna get laid" party and then send Twilight and Fluttershy up to see me. That would be a much better type of party.

Ok, so Rainbow shows up and bitches about how she wasn't invited to this idiotic party. As it turns out she was, it was just that she was so absorbed in the last Daring Do book that she wasn't paying attention to her when she invited her. Hey, I'm a fan of the series as well but I don't get so caught up in one that I don't pay attention to my surroundings.

Now Rainbow is talking about how it will be 3 months and 26 more days until she can read the next one. Guess what Rainbow, that ain't happening. The book's release is being delayed an additional two months. Yeah I'm a bit disappointed but I'm not going to do what she is about to suggest. She suggests that they go out, find her house and help her with whatever everyday nonsense is keeping her from spending her every waking moment writing. Apparently she doesn't know that would be classified as stalking and stalking is illegal in Equestria. I'm thinking a few months in the dungeon ought to fix that problem!

Well they head out on their journey to one of the most far flung corners of Equestria. How the hell they managed to get there in the same day is beyond me. Alright, I get it. It is a cartoon so anything can happen. Once they get out there they find A.K. Yearling's house. Now why the hell would a famous author live so far out in the middle of nowhere? It's because she wants to be left alone so she can write in peace and not be bugged by fanfillies like Rainbow all the time.

It looks like her house has been broken into and ransacked. If Twily and her friends knew what was good for them, they would have traveled several hundred miles and reported the break-in since they can travel across great distances in nothing flat. Instead they go in and start wondering what happened when suddenly A.K. Yearling shows up. The moment Rainbow sees her she suddenly goes into a state of awe. I knew what was running through her mind. She was wanting to run her friends off and see if Ms. Yearling would take her up to her bedroom. Sorry Rainbow but just because she is a re-color of you, she isn't going to put out for you.

Now I don't blame Yearling for being upset that they were in her house and thinking they were probably the ones who ransacked it. Now we have Yearling being very nervous looking for something. While she is doing this Rainbow pushed things off of her desk and ordered her to hurry up and get back to typing. Now had I been A.K. Yearling, I would have beat the shit out of her and threw all six of them out. Instead, her search continues. Now she pulls a book out from under Rainbow and has to do all sorts of strange things to open it. Well she gets it open and takes out a golden ring. Oooh, I think that would look good up here in Canterlot! Maybe I should teleport out there and steal it. Perhaps not though, that ain't what the writers have in mind and it probably has some sort of use later on in the episode.

Finally Yearling is fed up and runs her uninvited guests out. Good, Twily is late for her regular visit and I'm frustrated. Now they can go home and she can come up and unwind with me. Once they are thrown out they notice some goons crawling into Yearling's upstairs window and soon she is surrounded. She must know who they are because she throws her clothes and glasses at them. I thought this was supposed to be a kids' show. I'm shocked that Yearling would do this, especially given how these guys broke into her.....wait a minute, A.K. Yearling IS DARING DO!

Just like with Twilight, my mind is officially blown! No wonder the book is being delayed, whatever adventure this book is supposed to be about, she is probably going to not get it all over and done in time to write about it. Now a fight ensues over this ring and it finally lands by the door and who shows up? I can't believe it, it's Dr. Caballeron. I never once imagined that he and Daring Do both were real ponies. Now for the big question, does this mean Ahuizotl is real too? I guess we will find out sooner or later.

Now I know he is real. Caballeron is going to sell that ring to him, make a fortune and retire from archaeology. Oh great, if he retires he won't be in any of the future books. He is my favorite antagonist in those books so I hope he fails in his quest to sell it. Now that he and his lackeys have left, Daring Do is alone in her hut trying to bandage her injured leg. Memo to the Mane Six: Get in there and help her instead of being a bunch of peeping toms!

Finally they go in and help her. Now comes what will become a regular part of this episode, Daring Do tells them that she works alone. Fair enough but guess who can't get that into her head? Yep, it is the fanfilly Dashie. Despite her not wanting the help, Rainbow takes off to find her. Ugh, sometimes I wonder how Rainbow managed to help save Equestria from the foes that she has. Well enough about that, back to the episode.

There is Rainbow flying over this forest trying to find her crush....oops, I mean hero. Finally she finds her and begins to pursue her. Now here she is talking about how great she is and then punches herself, what an idiot. If it hurts so much why did she keep doing it? Knowing her, fantasizing about having a make out session with Daring Do would cause her to do anything.

Daring Do realizes that somepony is following her so she pounces on whoever it is and discovers that it is her fanfilly stalker. Obviously she is not very happy and now what does Rainbow do? She starts telling her how she is such a huge fan and then begins to beg her to let her help her retrieve that golden ring. Look Rainbow, Daring Do has let it be known that she works alone but you won't listen!

Finally Daring Do caves in and let's Rainbow help her. What in Equestria was she thinking? Chances are now she'll try to get Daring Do to rock her world after they either finish or fail at this quest. It looks like they have caught up with Dr. Caballeron. I don't know where she got them from but she has a huge bag of bits to pay him for that ring. She puts a bunch of leaves on her face to make herself look like a stallion and proceeds to make this transaction. Shit, she can't succeed! If she does, Caballeron won't be in any future books. Unfortunately, despite him having another buyer, he winds up agreeing to sell the ring to her but guess who shows up, Ahuizotl!

I can't believe it, he is real too! I never knew that such a creature actually existed, especially in my nation. Well as long as he stays out in that corner of Equestria, everything will be just fine. Caballeron winds up grabbing that bag of bits and runs away upon his arrival. Shit, now Caballeron has a ton of money. Ahuizotl demands Daring Do give him the ring but she says that she can't give it to him until she properly proposes. As Rainbow is watching this confrontation between the two, I read her mind and she really wished that Daring Do would propose to her! Big surprise, right?

Now Daring Do is trying to fend off Ahuizotl's feline friends and Rainbow starts trying to get Daring's attention because she has her hat. Bad idea Crashie, I mean Dashie. Now Ahuizotl has Rainbow captured in his hand tail and Daring Do gets captured by the big cats. They must be very talented given that they not only had rope on them, but they were able to tie our protagonist up. Now she is being hauled off to the temple and it is all Rainbow's fault!

Finally her friends find her and she is throwing herself a pity party. Good grief Rainbow, get over yourself and quit whining. Now suddenly she doesn't want to go save Daring, the pony that she dreams about every night and according to Luna, let's just say that those dreams turn out like my romps with Twily do in real life. Finally Twilight is able to get Rainbow to see that she has value and they head off to save Daring. Hopefully they can get that ring back because I have a bad feeling Ahuizotl has rather sinister plans in using it.

So now we find Daring Do chained to a wall above a pool of water with piranhas in it. Shit, she better not get eaten because it will be Rainbow's fault and I will throw her in Tartarus if that happens. Hey, I'm sure I can find some other loyal pegasus, one that isn't a show off and doesn't go all fanfilly over Daring Do and The Wonderbolts. Sorry Daring but it does look like Ahuizotl will get away with this. Hell I might have to intervene. I can save your ass and stop our big blue friend from doing whatever it is he is going to do.

Now water is beginning to pour into the chamber Daring is trapped in but guess who comes to the rescue? Rainbow comes and rescues her like a knight in shining armor does a damsel in distress. Now for what they wouldn't show. After Daring Do broke those stone bricks on her hooves, she decided to "thank" Rainbow for saving her. Yeah it wasn't quite as much as Rainbow was hoping for but it was much more than I ever imagined Rainbow would ever get in her life.

Now back to what they can show. Ahuizotl and this whole tribe of ponies have gathered for the ring placing ceremony to bring about 800 years of unrelenting, sweltering heat. Oh shit! Now he is going to try to keep MY sun up non-stop for 800 years in a remote corner of Equestria. Now if he succeeds I will have to intervene. Nopony tries to take control of something that is mine, especially MY sun!

You know, Ahuizotl must be an idiot. You would think that the moment Twilight and her friends showed up, that he would have simply placed that top ring on the stack of other rings and accomplished his objective. Instead, he is so careless that he allows Twilight and her friends to get a hold of it and play keep away. Now after an intense make out session, Daring and Rainbow finally show up and while everypony else is distracted, they begin to remove the rings from that column. Apparently the further down they go, the heavier those things get.

As they are removing these things Daring finally realizes that having some help is necessary sometimes. Had my girls never shown up, she would have been fish food and Ahuizotl would have began to bake that place for 800 years, or at least until I went there and lowered my sun, destroyed those rings and hauled him to Tartarus for the crime of trying to seize control of my sun. Luckily that did not happen. Instead Rainbow and Daring got that bottom ring out of the temple and the rest of the Mane Six were able to escape the collapsing temple.

Once they got far enough away they dropped the big ring and it broke. Daring thanks Rainbow and lets her know that she couldn't have done it without her. Now this is where they had to alter things. While Twilight and her friends went home, Rainbow flew home with Daring and let's just say that her dream came true. Her and Daring defiled her cabin for several days straight.

A few months pass and Rainbow gets the new book a week before everypony else. Even better, it is an autographed first edition and those aren't easy to come by. Even better for her, it is the unedited version which includes their make out session in the temple and their sexy times after they got back to Daring's cabin. Rainbow wasn't the only one to get that version, I did as well. I have already read it and damn, Daring went into graphic detail about their tryst.

Regarding trysts, I decided to reward Twilight, Fluttershy and Rarity for aiding in saving that part of Equestria from 800 years of unrelenting, sweltering heat. While the sexy times Rainbow had were hot, the time I had with my girls was even hotter, hotter than any heat Ahuizotl could ever unleash. Don't worry, Applejack and Pinkie were rewarded as well. Luna took 10,000 bits from the treasury and gave them to Applejack. She also gave Pinkie some money too but it was confiscated by the Cake Family and they were FINALLY able to finish paying off the damages they owed from the baked bads incident. It's about time! I was beginning to wonder if they would ever get that paid off.

Now be gone with you all, I still have a lavender gem, a yellow muffin and a white cake to finish off!