Hello everypony, it is your Sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a surprise for you, everypony has paid their taxes, worshiped me as dictated by Equestrian law and I even had somepony send me a surprise cake so I shall share with you my synopsis of "Ponyville Confidential."

School is being dismissed down in Ponyville and it looks like one of the colts, Featherweight, just got his cutie mark! It always is a magical moment when a pony gets her or his cutie mark but I'm sure you know there were three fillies who were not happy about it. If you guessed the Filly Illuminati, you are right. Ugh I wish those three would quit whining, they'll get their cutie marks when they discover whatever the hell their special talent is.

Now I can't help but wonder what those three are going to plan next. What is this, now all of a sudden they think the school newspaper is going to help them with this endeavor. I'm pretty sure it will be doomed to failure like everything else they do is but it will likely make for some fun moments so I shall enjoy my cake on my balcony.

Where do they start first? Get this, they actually think that they are going to get a cutie mark in packing boxes! Good grief those girls are stupid but their attempts at making birds' nests and trying to use folded up pieces of the paper as a boat isn't any better. Yeah they may be trying idiotic things to get their marks but it beats them trying to depose my sister and I and it provides for great entertainment so I suppose I shouldn't be bitching about it too much.

Now I'm glad that I can see into the CMC clubhouse because Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo go in there a muddy mess but apparently Apple Bloom has a different idea. She thinks they should write for the school paper. Oh joy, this ought to be interesting. What are they going to do, write editorials in every single one bitching about being blank flanks? Whatever it is, I'm sure it will be entertaining.

The following day it looks like those girls along with some of the other foals are going to start their new year on the paper and apparently my sexy schoolteacher isn't going to be directly involved, she is just going to be the advisor for it. Get this, she has officially pissed me off because she has decided to make Diamond Tiara the editor. What I would like to know is why she would make that snotty little cunt the editor. I'll tell you one thing right now, Cheerilee is going to be punished severely for this!

Regarding that little bitch running the show, I can only imagine what kinds of stories she is going to want. Ok, she says she wants juicy stories? I don't know what she exactly classifies as juicy stories but I have a feeling that it is going to be something that will likely intrude on ponies' privacy and cause an uproar.

Now for what the girls are going to report, so Scootaloo is going to write a story about a nest of baby birds. Seriously Scootaloo, that is boring as hell and outside of my sexy Fluttershy, nopony is going to care. Sweetie Belle is going to write a story on Rarity's new hat. That is even worse than Scootaloo's story because absolutely nopony is going to care. Apple Bloom is going to do one on the history of Ponyville? Once again, LAME!

I have a feeling Diamond Tramp is going to throw these things back in their faces and that is exactly what she does. Look girls, she said she wanted juicy stories, not lame stories that only history buffs, fashion experts and animal lovers are going to care about. Go out there and get REAL stories!

Well it looks like the Filly Illuminati is sitting there completely frustrated, not knowing what to do. I have an idea, they could always go spy on Fluttershy and Rarity when they have their tea! They would most certainly get a good story there, with plenty of juicy details but I doubt that something that would fit into my porn collection would be suitable for the school paper.

Very soon though, their problems would be solved when the two dumbest colts in Equestria wound up getting stuck together with gum. Now how in the hell did that happen? Well considering it happened to those two, it could be for any reason and guess what, Sweetie Belle has found their story.

Oh wow, I managed to get a hold of one of those papers and it is freakin' hilarious! Now there are some things that the writers obviously couldn't put in. Want to know how they got in that situation? Well they were chewing gum and then thought it would be fun to stick it in each other's coats and then roll around on the floor together and get stuck! I swear, this is an instance where if ponies were put to death for stupidity, these two would meet the requirements and I would gladly burn them alive in the courtyard below my balcony for all to see!

The girls have taken the pen name of Gabby Gums and now they have a problem, there is nothing else going on in the school to report and once Sweetie Belle discovers that Rarity loves Gabby Gums, she decided that they should expand and start digging up dirt on ponies all over Ponyville and I have a feeling that this may not go over as well.

Now I have discovered that to begin pulling the shit they're going to, they need the photographer, Featherweight, to go around and start taking pictures and it looks like their new story involves the Cake Family and their foals throwing a fit at the store. I'll admit, that column was kind of funny but a major let down compared to their first.

The next day arrives and my girls are in the spa checking out the latest edition and while they are doing it, I just received the latest edition and I AM PISSED. I am thoroughly pissed! I don't know how that photographer did it but he got a picture of me with cake all over my face and the Filly Illuminati just had to write up something. Now they never showed it but I have no problems sharing it with you, I want you to all see what little cunts they were being,

"Here is Princess Molest....I mean Celestia feasting on cake. I have always heard that she likes her cake but I never knew she was that messy with it. It almost makes me wonder what else she is messy eating because I've heard my sister talking about how she always winds up with lavender icing all over her face after she snacks on her yellow cake with white sprinkles."

Not only have those little bitches shown a very unflattering image of me but they revealed that I have an appetite for other things. I just hope that everypony across Equestria just thinks that it is literal cake, icing and sprinkles and not my lovelies. I could actually have a horrible uprising happen and have ponies demanding I step down if they found out I'm screwing the Element bearers, well the sexy ones anyway.

I was so angry after seeing this that I didn't even give a shit about the mayor dying her mane. I have much bigger issues than an idiotic mayor wanting to make herself look older than dirt. Don't worry everypony, I'll find a way to get around this. I've got it, I'll blame Photoshop for the cake image and cast a spell that will cause everypony to think that the article itself was just a product of a filly's unsound imagination!

I went to bed angry that night and when I woke up, I took a quick peek at the paper and saw that there more lies in there so I decided to do the invisibility and teleport spell into the Ponyville spa since that is where my girls were. The ones that day didn't anger me but I knew it would Twilight and her friends. This should be fun, very fun. They may be so distraught that I will have to make them feel all better!

As my girls begin to read it, they find so many lies and naturally some will need comforting. Applejack asleep on the job, Pinkie being a party animal, Rainbow being a softy, Fluttershy having tail extensions, my sexy Twily being a Canterlot snob and get this, Sweetie Belle stole Rarity's diary for the paper to print her entries. Oh boy, I have a feeling that a squeaky voiced white filly is going to be punished severely!

Do I want to punish those three over these? Hell yes I do but I'm still so pissed over what they reported about me that right now I really don't trust my judgement. I might wind up killing those three over this and I'm sure killing some fillies would not help my image any. What is worse though is that none of my lovelies are in the mood for any fun! Fluttershy is flooding her cottage with tears, my Twily is so mad she put up a force field around the library and while they never showed it, Rarity beat Sweetie Belle's flank until it looked like she had a red spot for a cutie mark and of course Rainbow and Applejack were pissed too.

Well after Rarity tells her little sister she is a fucking cunt and should go kill herself (in the unedited edition), those three decide that they are going to quit writing gossip. Unfortunately for them, Diamond Tramp had photos of them that are not flattering and threatened to publish them if they quit! Oooh, what's going to happen? Are they going to go dig up some dirt on somepony else and piss more ponies off, will Sweetie Belle heed her sister's advice and have her friends join her or will they kill Diamond Tramp and but her obituary in there? Personally I hope it is the third because I never have liked that little bitch.

Now it looks like everypony in town hates them and will have nothing to do with them and while they hid out in the clubhouse all night they finally decided on what they will do. Sadly they're not going to kill their editor, they decide to write an apology letter to the whole town and somehow manage to get it past Diamond Tramp and it ends up in the paper. It is nice and all that they apologized to the ponies down there but they still haven't apologized to the one pony who matters the most, ME!

Right now I am thinking of a proper punishment for them but since they are fillies, it can't be anything overly bad. Now that they have apologized and everypony has forgiven them, Cheerilee demotes Diamond Tramp from editor to running the printing press. If she had any brains she would have kicked her off the staff entirely but since she didn't, she's still getting punished!

Since Diamond Tramp was the editor and she ordered the Filly Illuminati to write trashy stories I had Luna banish that little bitch to the sun right away. I tell you, she, that photographer and the CMC better be glad that they didn't get any unflattering photos of her or write anything bad about her or the sun would have had five new permanent residents.

Now that the episode is over I will share with you the punishments I handed out. I forced Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo to come up to Canterlot and be custodians here in the castle until they are needed again. I was not very kind with Cheerilee though. Let's just say that I was incredibly rough with her that night and after that, I had Luna banish her to the sun until she is needed again.

Let this serve as a warning, NEVER print anything defamatory about me or publish unflattering pictures of me or you'll suffer the same fate as Cheerilee! Now if you will excuse me, I have some yellow cake with lavender frosting and white sprinkles to eat. Don't worry though, I'll wash my face before anypony has a chance to take any pictures.