Hello my beloved serfs! You have been behaving for the most part and have been worshiping me like you're supposed to so I'll give you my take on "Read it and Weep."

Alright, it is another sunny and glorious day in Ponyville. Rarity and Pinkie are gawking in the sky and turning their heads. Something rather stupid must be entertaining them because I'm not headed down there yet. I still have a couple hours of boring princess business I have to take care of before I go and see Twilight. Tonight we're going to go into the forest and have tons of fun!

Ok, enough about my plans with Twilight. Speaking of her, she decides to join in on watching whatever boring event is going on in the sky. Well as it turns out Rainbow Crash, oops I mean Rainbow Dash is flying around being a big shot when suddenly she crashes. I guess I can call her Rainbow Crash now. It must be pretty bad because they had to haul her to the hospital. I bet she ain't thinking she's so great now!

Wow, she must have crashed hard because she knocked herself out cold. When she comes to she sees her friends surrounding her and realizes she is in a hospital. Oh wah-wah-wah, quite your whining Rainbow Crash. Well the doctor says she is going to be ok. Well that's good because we do need an element of loyalty. Now I personally don't care if she ever flies again or not, all I care about is that she can be ready to help save Equestria and keep me in power if need be.

Well a nurse is pushing a cart of books past Rainbow's room and naturally this attracts the attention of the sexiest nerd in existence. She sees a book on it that she thinks Rainbow might like. She gets the book and nudges Rainbow with it. Wait a minute, does that dumb jock even know how to read? Ok, enough of the insults. Naturally Rainbow isn't interested and claims that she isn't going to read because she is a "world class athlete." Let me tell you something Crashie, a world class athlete wouldn't go showboating and crash. Just give the damn book a chance.

Alright, the nurse runs Twilight and her friends out so Rainbow can get some rest. Good thing too because I would have been rather upset had Twilight and I not been able to defile the forest! Well Rainbow is bored out of her mind, playing with a ball, gagging over her meal, playing with her lamp, telling jokes to her roommate who happens to be in a body cast and can't respond to her and banging her head up against the wall. What an idiot. Perhaps she's trying to give herself a concussion as well. Perhaps I should just look for a new element of loyalty since this one is a showboat who is too likely to injure herself being stupid.

Now that the Wonderbolt wannabe has ran out of stupid stuff to do the book is calling out to her. Will she resist or will she actually work that moldy brain of her's and read it. I don't believe it, she actually picks up the book and decides to read it. I'm betting she'll quit after less than one paragraph and go back to banging her head on the wall.

What is this? She starts reading and the images of the book start running through her mind! Perhaps she has a normal brain instead of a pile of mold after all! Ok, so now let's get on to Daring Do....for now anyway.

Yeah she's going through the jungle with a broken wing. Oh wah, wah, wah...so you can't fly up into the clear blue sky, deal with it bitch. You probably did something stupid to break it anyway, probably something stupid like the idiot reading your book. Ok Daring, so you're being pursued by predatory cats, so what? My sexy Twily and her friends have had to face off against my sister when she turned evil along with a disgruntled draconeqqus who was hell bent on bringing about eternal chaos so your situation is nothing.

Run, run, run as fast as you can but remember you're not the gingerbread man! I'm hoping that little white cat will get her and claw her up. I want her to live but I still want to see her have some scratches on her pretty little face. Well unfortunately she escapes the cats and finds herself face to face with some temple. Hmmm....that thing looks familiar. I could have sworn I saw that thing when I was flying over the most remote corners of Equestria when I needed to get away, after a former protege of mine refused to put out.

Now why the hell would she want to go in that thing? Oh right, she's a greedy treasure hunter and there's probably something she wants to steal it, bring it to Canterlot and try to sell it to me. Whatever it is, it must be of very high value. I've heard ancient temples like that are rather dangerous places.

She goes waltzing in there acting like she is hot shit when suddenly all sorts of threats try to wipe her out. Fire, crocodiles, axes and then she has to hurry and get through that door way before it closes on her. Well after going down some sort of slide and getting her hat filled with arrows, she arrives in the room with that relic she wants so bad. I must say, it is rather pretty. What a shame this is a work of fiction, I would love to have that sapphire statue on my mantle in my sleeping chambers.

Uh-oh! The story stops because Rainbow got distracted by my sexy Twily and the even more sexy Fluttershy. They decide to come and cheer her up. I will admit, while I love those two dearly, I am disappointed that Rainbow's thoughts were interrupted. Well they bring some boring board game that Rainbow apparently loves. Well it is quite obvious she has no desire to play this since not only does she let my girls go first, but she lies about what happened. They didn't find her seagull, sting her bumble bee or rain on her cumulus, although I do plan on raining on Twilight tonight! Rainbow "loses" the game for the first time and sends her unwanted visitors on their way.

Once they are gone Rainbow gets back to the book. Ok, back to Daring Do. Well she must now find her way across that thing on the floor that goes in a pattern. Why haven't I thought of something like this. It would keep unwanted visitors from reaching my sleeping chambers, well unless it is my sister or a pegasus pony. Alright, so everything on there except one is a predator, rats. Ugh, I hate rats.

Well Daring Do goes and steals the relic and suddenly the place starts to collapse on her and magma comes up from the floor. Somehow she manages to escape but once she hits the ground and loses her grasp on that relic she wanted up, a big blue thing shows up and says, "HELLO RAINBOW DASH!" Wait a minute, this scary looking thing has Pinkie's voice. Well that made it a couple hundred percent less scary. Chances are it throws parties and simply annoys everypony rather than serving some useful purpose.

Well thankfully for that blue thing, that is not his voice. It was Pinkie coming in with Rarity and Applejack to visit with Rainbow. I think it is funny seeing Rainbow get upset that nopony will let her finish the book she has gotten so into and to think, it wasn't very long ago that she wouldn't have touched a book with a ten foot pole. Kind of ironic don't you think?

Well it is lunch time for Rainbow and to get rid of her unwelcome visitors, she starts eating and making a huge mess. Ugh, I don't blame them for leaving. I wouldn't want to be around somepony that messy either although I must admit, I am kinda messy when it comes to eating certain meals, especially if they are lavender so I guess I'm not one who should be talking.

Good, they're gone and now we can get back to Daring Do. So this blue thing is known as Ahuizotl? I've never seen anything like that and thank Faust he is just a creature in a fictional book. If something like that really existed, I would have to contain him into a remote corner of Equestria and seal it off. Oh no, now our hero has been tied to a slab and Ahuizotl has begun to fill the chamber with sand. Spikes with spiders crawling on them are headed towards Daring Do and good thing that isn't Twilight tied to that slab because cobras are coming in as well and we all know how Twilight is when it comes to snakes!

Oh damn, another interruption! Unfortunately for Rainbow, it is the doctor telling her she is being discharged. I'd think the bitch would be happy she was getting out so she could eat real food again. Well she is now whining about being sick that she won't know what happens to Daring Do, who I seriously think, despite being a fictional character, that Rainbow has developed a serious girl crush on. Well I do hope that she won't stop pursuing Spitfire because of her infatuation over a fictional character. I know how much Spitfire loves the attention and can be a bitch if she doesn't get it.

So Rainbow goes right back into the emergency room whining about her wing hurting. For the love of Faust Rainbow, you could have at least had the doctor touch your bad wing instead of your good wing. The doctor's diagnosis? Lazyitess. I've never heard of it but it sure seems to fit her. She should have done something to piss the doctor off to where he would be so mad he would hurt her to the point she would have to be hospitalized again. She is sent off on her way and continues to whine and whine. What's going to happen to Daring? Swallow your pride bitch, just ask Twilight if you can borrow her copy. So what if she knows you are joining "Eggheads United?"

So now Rainbow has decided to break into the hospital, over a book! She would rather risk jail time and punishment by me, which would likely be a hundred lashes. Well she gets in and finds her way to the room she was in but oh no, somepony else is in her bed now. No problem, the book is under the bed so she gets under it and continues reading.

Back to Daring Do, yay! Well she struggles to get out of the bounds Ahuizotl had her in and suddenly a talking spider! Shit, the pony in the bed woke up and is accusing Rainbow of trying to steal his slippers! Well now a chase ensues, Rainbow loses the book and is now being pursued out of the hospital.

Well now the whole town is being woke up because of not a dog, but some crazy pony that barks like a dog. Well the chase ends outside of Twilight's library and all of her friends along with the doctor and nurses have surrounded Rainbow. It doesn't take long until everypony knows Rainbow broke into the hospital just so she could finish that Daring Do book. Twilight is shocked that Rainbow would try to steal A BOOK! Good job Twilight, you turned Rainbow into a criminal.

Well after all is said and done Rainbow reports that she learned that she shouldn't knock something until she tries it. Big deal, Twilight learned the same thing the first time I rained on her not too long after we became more than student and teacher.

Good, now Rainbow is back to reading! Time to finish this. Well Daring Do has shown the brains that any good explorer/treasure hunter has, she somehow gets her hat to fly around just right to push that lever back up. The sand drains, the spikes retreat and the snakes go away. While she is escaping Ahuizotl is sitting there with his cats gloating about how he is victorious. One major problem, he is holding that relic in his hand tail and in comes our hero and steals it. Wah-wah-wah Ahuizotl, you're not going to defeat Daring Do.

Our story is over and Rainbow has finished the book. Now she has Twilight's book collection and has decided to go on a binge when it comes to reading. Well I would rather her be reading books than flying around injuring herself.

Now be gone you serfs, I didn't get to see Twilight last night so I'm off to have a bit of fun. I'm extremely frustrated and you know how I get when I'm frustrated! If I don't get some action, nopony wants to be around me until I get what I want and whether she wants to or not, Twilight is going to give me what I want!