Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and I have a surprise for you. You have all been good little peons and worshiped me like you are supposed to so I shall give you my synopsis of "Hearts and Hooves Day."

Well another Hearts and Hooves Day has arrived in Equestria and all the fillies and colts are busy making cards for their teachers and each other. Before I wound up getting with Twilight, I despised the holiday with a passion. In this day and age though, I love it because it is usually the day she is the absolute most submissive to me. Ok, enough about my relationship with Twilight, this episode is going to be centered around the filly illuminati, who I always have to keep an eye out for.

Morning has arrived in Ponyville and those three are up in their clubhouse engaging in some sort of idiotic activity like they always do. Luckily their window faces Canterlot so I can see what is going on. What the hell? They are making a jumbo sized card for their teacher and expect it to fit in a tiny little envelope. What I'd really like to know is how the hell they are going to get that thing to the school. Alright, I'll share something with you. The animators never showed it but Rarity used her magic to carry it there, she is Sweetie Belle's sister after all. Twilight probably would have but she was getting the library ready for tonight.

Well those girls get that oversized card to the school and Cheerilee is stunned. I can't really tell if she is impressed, annoyed or what but I can tell she is wondering what the hell she is going to do with it. I'm betting she'll probably just burn it or dispose of it in some other way that those three won't know she didn't keep it. I could always dispose it for her but it would come at a price, a price I'm sure she would be more than willing to pay!

Oh boy, now the girls are asking her about a very special somepony. She may claim she doesn't have one but you all know better than that. Yeah she isn't as close with me as Twilight is but we've had plenty of fun. Naturally though, she can't let her students know that she is your sexy Sun Goddess's little bitch. Why is it I suddenly have a feeling that those girls are going to do something to stir up a lot of trouble? If they do, their sisters will be the ones to pay. I don't punish adorable fillies but I am the only one who is allowed to stir up trouble in Equestria.

As it turns out they're going to. Since she said she doesn't have a special somepony, they have decided to go out and find her one. Now I am extremely pissed. It is bad enough they go out looking for somepony to hook her up with but even worse they are going to try and find a stallion to hook her up with! I swear, those girls must not know their teacher all that well. Once they get older though they'll learn that an increasing number of mares across Equestria are turned off by the lesser sex.

It's song time! As they begin looking for some hack to hook Cheerilee up with they have burst into song describing potential mates for her. Give me a break girls, there is no reason to be doing this. Her reaction at the school should have been enough to let you know that she is happy not having a special somepony, well at least not having one that you can know about. Perhaps I should put a brand on her, one that reads, "Property of Princess Celestia" on it.

Enough about me branding Cheerilee. The girls think they have done it. Since he has no plans for this evening, the girls decide to hook Big Mac up with Cheerilee. Come on girls, he is extremely shy and isn't going to just ask her and I doubt Cheerilee is going to ask him out. It isn't a matter of her not being the type to do that, it is a matter of her knowing that she is my property. Of course the girls have already cooked up some sort of plan to try and change this.

Ugh, those girls are annoying. They con Big Mac into believing that the gazebo needs fixed and they lure Cheerilee to said gazebo by wanting her to identify a tree for them. I couldn't believe it when those girls acted like they didn't know what an apple tree was, especially Apple Bloom. Also, why would Big Mac give a shit about the town's gazebo? It's not like the town is paying him to do it, it is just him being a good ol' boy who will help anypony in need.

Now comes awkward moment number one. Seriously girls, a "romantic" picnic with sappy music. You three must be dumber than I thought if you actually thought this would work. Fortunately for me, both of them just walk away. While they never said anything, I could read their minds. Both of them thought the filly illuminati were just being a bunch of idiots who need to mind their own business.

Alright, failure number one. Now the girls run into my sexy Twily who is reading a book about the history of this holiday. WHAT? She is supposed to be getting the library ready for my arrival, not out reading books. If her bed isn't cleaned off, I am not going to be very happy. Because of this, Twilight will have to be punished severely! She should know that she is to put nothing ahead of me, and I mean nothing!

Now for a really bad thing, Twilight tells the filly illuminati that she is reading about the history of the holiday and how it got it's origin, which is a rather disgusting one. Some stallion wanted to get an Alicorn princess in bed so he created what he thought was a love potion. The two drank it and suddenly both of them were so lost in the other's eyes that they couldn't do anything. A dragon was involved, the kingdom fell and from what I understand, both of them were murdered by their subjects. Now that was a good thing, my sister and I didn't need some lesser Alicorn already being in power when we arrived to save this land.

Now I am pissed. The CMC are going to make this love potion. Now they are breaking the law as producing, possession and distribution of it is highly illegal. I know that I have this soft spot for fillies and don't like the idea of punishing them, well severely anyway but this is them going to far. I'm thinking that maybe if I make them clean the castle from top to bottom, that will make them think twice before doing something like this in the future.

So far they are guilty of production and possession of the love potion. Now will they violate the third law as well. Well here we go again, they have lured both Big Mac and Cheerilee to the gazebo, AGAIN! Good grief, are those two stupid or something. I'm going to have to talk to Applejack about how her brother is far too trusting and as far as Cheerilee goes, I shall punish her severely. She likes it rough but if she thinks last time was rough, just wait till next time. I have decided that shall be tonight, Twilight and I can punish her together and defile the schoolhouse again.

Ok, the girls are hiding in a bush again watching the ones they want to hook up and now they have decided to drink this "punch." Well shit, they drank it and are now lost in one another's eyes. Ok girls, now you are not only guilty of production, possession and distribution of this shit but you are also guilty of fooling two ponies into drinking it. I don't care what anypony thinks now. After this episode, all three of them are going to spend all day cleaning the castle for the next six days. I know some ponies will see that as cruel but look at it like this, it beats me banishing them to the moon, flogging them or throwing then in Tartarus.

Now everything has gone to hell, my slave and one of the best apple farmers in the country are now lost in one another's eyes and can't even think straight. All they can do is mumble gibberish that basically says, "I have a special somepony, I'm so happy!" Ugh, gag me. The girls seem to be thinking the same thing but here is the thing, they wanted them to act like this. If they didn't, they wouldn't have mixed up that highly illegal potion. Once they are up here cleaning this castle, I will continue to emphasize that what they did was illegal. I might even threaten their sisters just to scare them into behaving.

Under the advice of the CMC, now those two have decided that they are going to get married, well get ready to get married. Well guess what, that ain't going to happen. I will not allow the mayor to marry them and I sure the hell won't marry them. They can get ready all they want but luckily for me that won't happen. Ok, back to them going to get ready to get married, those girls learned that if they can keep them from gazing into one another's eyes for an hour, the spell will be broken. I am hoping they can keep them apart for that long but that might be tough.

Ok, Sweetie is going to have my property try on wedding dresses while Apple Bloom and Scootaloo are taking Big Mac to try and find a good diamond for Cheerilee. When things are looking good, Apple Bloom just has to take her eyes off of her brother for a second and suddenly he has made his purchase and is gone. What an idiot. She should have just let Scootaloo keep her eye on the clock. Well now they have to chase him down, which isn't going to be easy.

While Apple Bloom is trying to stop Big Mac from getting to Cheerilee, Scootaloo has went to join Sweetie Belle in keeping their teacher locked in the dressing room. I can't help but think "what in the hell" as Big Mac is so strong that despite Apple Bloom somehow getting him tied to a house, he drags the damn thing with him. Has he been taking steroids since the Applebuck Season episode? I am pretty sure he has but I can't do anything about it because unless he is playing sports, steroids are not illegal.

Great, just great. Now he is yelling out for Cheerilee and of course once she hears him, she is quickly able to smash through the damn road block the girls put in place. One thing I forgot to mention though, Sweetie and Scootaloo must have been expecting this because not only were there conveniently placed shovels right around the boutique, they were able to dig a hole in nothing flat. Luckily for those three, Big Mac broke loose from the house and fell straight into that hole. Even stranger, how the hell did a mattress get in there? I get it, it is a cartoon so anything can happen but this is really stretching it.

Now my sexy little schoolteacher is heading out and unfortunately, it looks like their eyes meet right before the hour has passed. Who knows though, maybe they didn't pay enough attention to one another to keep the spell going. Oh please be normal, please be normal. Thank Faust, they are back to normal. Now Ponyville won't starve and I won't be deprived of my schoolteacher! Woo-hoo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah girls, I get it. You learned you shouldn't meddle in other ponies' relationships BUT you didn't learn not to break the law. Because of that, like I said earlier, you are going to be punished to the full extent to the law, well what is the full extent for fillies. Six days of cleaning the castle, with MY SISTER supervising you! You think I could be tough, she'll be tougher and with her royal Canterlot voice, she'll strike fear into you!

Now for the punishment Big Mac and Cheerilee issue them. They have to do the rest of Big Mac's chores and what is funny is those two pretend to be back under the spell. That is funny but I'm still agitated that they would even pretend to be like that. Will I punish Cheerilee over it, of course I will! She is my property and is not behaving in a way that I approve of!

Now for what happened afterwards. Despite it being Hearts and Hooves Day, I was so frustrated over those girls that I decided to forego my fun with Twilight and Cheerilee that night and simply hauled those girls with me up to Canterlot. The next day they began their punishment and of course they did not like it. Hey, lawbreakers must be punished and they could have caused a lot of damage with that love poison. In the end they learned not to piss me off and learned that they better never break the law again.

Now if you serfs will excuse me, I have a sexy lavender student and a very sexy schoolteacher to go and punish. That should be quite fun and don't worry, my sister will make sure the girls clean the castle from top to bottom. Also, I will have them back to Ponyville in time for the next episode.