Hello my beloved serfs! Since all of you have behaved for the most part, paid your taxes and have not badmouthed me, I have decided that you are deserving of my synopsis of "Hearth's Warming Eve."

Well that time of year has arrived, again. Yep, Hearth's Warming Eve is here and everypony is in such a happy mood. I'll be honest, I don't get why they would be because the weather is terrible, the days are short and everypony focuses way too much on family, gluttony and gifts when they could be focusing on something far more important, ME!

As you all know, Canterlot holds a pageant every year over the holiday and I decided that Twilight and her friends may as well make themselves useful for once, I decided they should play the lead roles in it. I was initially deciding to hire a local theater troupe but that would cost money and I am not about to blow government funds when I could get ponies to do this for free. And to make things even better, I can force Twilight and Fluttershy to visit me in my sleeping chambers after the play. They haven't paid tribute in a while and I am not a happy princess.

Of course you all know the story of Hearth's Warming, the three tribes arguing over who the better race was and distrusting one another over petty differences like the earth ponies hogging all the food, the pegasi being a bunch of assholes and making it snow and the unicorns sitting up in their castle doing nothing productive. What a shame the master race had yet to arrive yet. If they would have had Alicorns to keep their petty squabbles in check, the windigoes never would have shown up because they never would have fought.

Ok, back to the play. As we all know, back in the day the three tribes each had a different style of government. The unicorns were the smartest of the three since they had a princess, the pegasi were led by some sort of dictator but the earth ponies had a very stupid system, a democracy. Seriously, what kind of fucked up shit is that? It is no wonder the earth ponies were always the butts of everypony's jokes. Anypony who would allow mindless serfs to elect other mindless serfs to run their country are a bunch of complete morons. To be honest, I'm surprised the inefficiency of their government didn't cause them to go extinct.

I'm going to let you in on something truly terrible about that whole democracy thing, especially the representative democracy model. One time Lyra gave me a report over the subject and about how a human nation nicknamed America wound up using that system. Get this, not only did they allow inferiors to elect other inferiors to run their country but there were even instances where the serfs' votes didn't count and some college put their leader in power! Now I'm pretty sure you know how horribly that turned out! From what her report stated, their leader went mad, nuked their allies and that is what led to the extinction of those inferior creatures so maybe that lunatic wasn't such a bad thing after all. Had it not been for that, us ponies never would have evolved and became the master species!

Now of course we all know that they did a pretty good job in portraying the tribes finding their new lands, fighting over it, the windigoes freezing them into a cave and then the leaders bodies' freezing. There was one thing though that the writers did not show. The three subordinates that did not get frozen over, it was not just singing under the heart that send those windigoes packing, it was something better, much better!

Now history has always brought up how the leaders and their subordinates were stallions but everypony knows that isn't true. If the lesser sex truly was the ones who discovered the new land, this play probably wouldn't be being put on at all. Ponykind would have went extinct due to constant warfare and retardation among the country's leaders. They were female and that is why I forced Twilight and her friends to play the lead roles while Spike fucked everything up with his annoying narrating.

Want to know what the subordinates really did? Well Clover the Clever and Private Pansy wound up having hot, raunchy sex under that heart while Smart Cookie watched and cheered Clover along since the earth ponies weren't overly fond of the pegasi because of their lack of weather control. Yes eventually the leaders bodies thawed and a little known fact for you, Princess Platinum joined in and made it a hot threesome. That is the real reason the ice and snow melted away! Too bad the animators couldn't have given everypony the real story.

I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting them to do as good as they did nor did I expect them to get a standing ovation but they did. In fact they did such a good job I decided that they were all deserving of a reward, well except for Spike. His narrating sucked and besides, it's not like he ever does anything real meaningful to start with.

This is what their rewards were. Luna bought a ton of fritters from Applejack, I ordered Spitfire to rock Rainbow's world and I bought some cake from Pinkie Pie. The much better reward was for Fluttershy, Twilight and Rarity. Their reward, a whole week of being locked up in my chambers with me! Now naturally they didn't just have to please me but one another as well. The fun thing, all of it was captured on video so I'll have another addition to my massive porn collection.

Now with any luck the writers will have winter over and done with by the time I let my girls go home. Winter is ok for a couple of days when you have three hot mares to keep you warm but anything past that, no thanks! Winter is unpleasant and besides, it really limits the story line.

Now be gone you serfs, I have three hot mares to have some fun with so I certainly don't have time to sit here and chew the fat with you.