Hello my beloved serfs! I am in a very good day and most of you have been paying your taxes and worshiping me like you're supposed to, so I shall give you my views on Secret of My Excess.

It looks like it's just another boring day in Ponyville but something ain't right, Twilight has closed her curtains! What is she up to? Oh she better not be having any fun without inviting me. If she is, I will punish her severely. So I do the little invisibility and teleport spell and come to find out, it is re-shelving day. Boring! Now why would she close the curtains to re-shelve her books? Hell, why does she always re-shelve her books anyway? I am guessing that it is likely that Rarity and Fluttershy have been leaving her out of their sexy nights so she is frustrated. Poor thing, I'll have to ease her frustration after this episode. I would now but such things can't be done in front of a baby dragon, or any dragon for that matter.

Well she starts this task and I can't help but yawn. Ugh, how can she stand to do this. Well laughter is coming from upstairs and naturally my sexy little student gets upset over it. Come to find out Spike has a fire ruby that he will be eating next week as it will be his birthday. You know what that means? That means it will be the anniversary of Twily becoming my student too. I'll come down, throw Spike out and Twily and I can celebrate. He can go eat his gem while I'll be eating a gem of my own, a sexy lavender gem!

Well Twilight continues her task but is interrupted once again, this time by Rarity. Yeah so she needs some fashion book, big deal. Perhaps Twilight is rubbing off on her given that she suddenly wants reading material. Oh no, Rarity sees Spike's fire ruby and starts getting all dreamy eyed. I have a bad feeling that Spike is going to wind up losing his supper before he even has a chance to eat it. Guess what? That is exactly what happens. Rarity gives Spike bedroom eyes and now the gem is her's. Poor Spike, Rarity could have at least took him to her bedroom and banged him in return but all he gets is a kiss. Of course that is more than enough to make him happy and what is worse, Spike is claiming he will never wash that cheek again. I swear, Spike may not be greedy like other dragons but he obviously ain't the brightest either.

A week passes and it is time for Spike's party. Ewww....he still hasn't washed that cheek? Now that is flat out gross. I would think Spike would know that if his cheek was still dirty that his chances of scoring with Rarity would be zero. Let's face it though, he'll never score with her! Well the party goes on, boring as most other parties are. Spike gets presents from all of them, although I'm thinking one of Rarity's tampons would make him happy. Ok, I need to stop talking about that before I vomit.

Ok, back to the party. He wants it to last forever until Pinkie mentions the Cakes have something for him so out the door he goes. I must say though, I am amazed that the Cakes were able to afford those sapphires for that cupcake given that they are still paying restitution over the "baked bads" incident. Well Spike is happy and he decides to head back to the library, well until he runs into Cheerilee.

Well he is happy over his cupcake and mentions it is his birthday so Cheerilee gives him a hat. Oh shit, things can only go downhill from here. Now Spike's inner dragon is coming out and he does become greedy. I am going to have to "punish" Cheerilee. I will do that tonight, Twilight will have to wait until later. Spike goes on his way and now he charms Lickedy-Split out of his ball. Come on man, what are you thinking? I certainly wouldn't just hand something of mine over to somepony, well in this case somedragon else just because it was their birthday.

Next up is Junebug but luckily Twilight was able to catch him before he stole her flowers. Now why would he want her flowers? Well when a dragon becomes greedy I've heard they'll steal outhouses from farms just so they'll have more shit to add to their collection of stuff. Well Twilight gets Spike to see the error of his ways, or so she thinks. She thinks he's going to go give Cheerilee her hat back but he will continue on his quest to make sure that everypony in town gives him something.

Well night time arrives and I do indeed punish Cheerilee. I just hope the stains in her classroom aren't too obvious but I did notice Snips and Snails watching us. What a shame it wasn't more credible foals running home to tell their parents that Cheerilee is my ho! I'd love it if everypony knew the town teacher isn't little miss innocent. Oh well, I can't win them all. What a shame they couldn't have shown the two of us getting it on in the episode. She is quite kinky and loves it rough so I think I'm going to add her to my list of hot mares that have to please me every now and then.

The following morning arrives and things have returned to boring and normal for me but the same can't be said for Twilight. She wakes up to find a stash of all sorts of shit at the foot of her bed. Now she discovers that Spike has grown quite a bit. Ok, now I am questioning her intelligence. She thinks something is wrong with him and has the audacity to waste government funds by taking him to a pediatrician. Yep, you heard me right, a pediatrician!

Well naturally he discovers Spike is a dragon and refers Twilight to a vet. Well once again Twilight wastes government funds because the vet has never seen a dragon before. I'm thinking I will seize her parent's house and make them pay rent to live in it. That should make up for all the government funds Twilight has wasted and will likely waste in the future. Now Twilight does what she should have done in the first place, she takes him to Zecora.

Naturally Zecora knows what is going on, after all she is one of the smartest and wisest of my subjects. Twilight seems shocked with what Zecora is telling her. Why did Twilight not know this? Well I'm partly to blame. The day I was going to teach her about how dragons think was interrupted by her going into heat and she can't concentrate when she gets like that so we had a "special study session" in the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the library. Damn Spike is quick and good when it comes to larceny now. He steals everything in Zecora's hut without either one of them noticing it. Now that he has broken the law and he is Twilight's responsibility, not only am I going to seize her parent's house I will also jack up their taxes. They're wealthy so they won't be hurting any.

Now Spike is really going to pay! He is trying to steal Scootaloo's scooter. Come on Spike, stealing from a filly? I'm thinking it might be time for another spell, a spell to make Rarity want to kill him and constantly scare him. We'll see though, if he succeeds it's going to happen. If not, well I'll figure something else out. Luckily for Scootaloo, my sexy student is able to lure him away with "an amazing broom!" Now this is absolute truth about how stupid greedy dragons are. He is already Twilight's assistant and janitor, why would he want to steal a larger version of what he is enslaved to? Well Twilight gets him into the library but all he does is mess up the room she just re-shelved. Poor Twily, she is now a bit distraught and while they could never show it, she was hoofing herself and calling out my name. I guess I'll be having some fun tonight!

Now for what really makes me wonder about things, he goes and steals all of Applejack's apples AND leaves! Where the hell did he put all of that and how was he able to take it all? I get it, this is a cartoon so anything can happen. Twilight lets Applejack know Spike needs to be lassoed because he is running wild and naturally she laughs until she sees him running with stolen produce. Applejack is good with a lasso but with the help of Twilight, she screws up royally. Now they're tied to a tree and need Rainbow Dash to free them. I can only imagine what was running through her mind, probably something not fit for a kids' show.

Now Spike scares Fluttershy and steals her chicken coop. It looks like I will be having Fluttershy joining Twilight and I tonight because she really needs calming down and the two of us know how to make her feel so much better. Now Pinkie has to put up with Spike and the dumb ass is giving him cake! I guess she doesn't know jack shit about dragons and how they are when they're greedy either. Yes she is distraught too but she won't be getting any from me because she isn't that attractive and her immaturity is a huge turn off.

Well Spike has grown bigger and is now off to abduct Rarity. Given his size now that should be easy. The bad thing for him about being that big, his friend down south is likely larger than her, so no scoring now and besides, once he does abduct her, I think Rarity will be scarred for life. That won't be all bad, I'll find a different unicorn who is generous and take Rarity home with me. Yeah I bitch about her tail all the time but she is hot overall and does perform well in bed.

Now Spike is rampaging and destroying Ponyville. Alright, since Twilight's pet has done so much damage, I'm seizing her parents' house, all the money they have in the bank and they are moving into the castle where they will become my indentured servants. As far as their house goes, I'll sell it to the highest bidder and that money can be used to repair all the damage in Ponyville....unless Twilight rocks my world tonight, then I will consider letting her parents off the hook.

Well another strike against Twilight, Spike has now stolen the town's water tower to put all his crap in. Even if Twilight rocks my world tonight, her parents will still see their taxes increase. Now Spike has Rarity in his tail and has used her to try and knock her friends out of the sky but all he does is ruin Rarity's cape. Poor Rarity, she will be joining Twilight, Fluttershy and I tonight. A four mare romp does sound good after all!

Apparently the dragon alert reached Cloudsdale so in come the Wonderbolts. It did no good though because Spike just caught them with the water tower. I am really hoping something will snap this beast out of his greed mode or Twilight will need a new assistant. Well now, Rarity removes her dress, exposing her necklace with the fire ruby in it. Suddenly Spike starts acting weird. Could this be what does it? I certainly hope so.

Well he sees the fire ruby and remembers him giving it to Rarity and getting as close to getting laid as he ever will by her and it isn't long until he shrinks down to his normal self. Now they are in a free fall and Spike tries to admit his crush to Rarity but she puts his hoof over his mouth before he can finish the sentence. She knew what his feelings were. Sorry Spike but admitting your crush to her ain't going to get you laid!

Now on to bigger problems. Unless somepony can catch those two I will have to find a new element of generosity. In come Fluttershy and Rainbow to save the day using Rarity's torn cape. Well they succeed and I breathe a sigh of relief. I won't have to find a new element of generosity nor will I be one short when it comes to my list of sexy mares that must keep me happy.

Ok Rarity, you're proud of Spike, good for you! The little bastard nearly destroys the town and here you are leading him on again. I swear, it is no wonder that he can't get it through his head that he won't score with her. If she would stop giving him bedroom eyes all the time maybe he would figure it out that she doesn't lust after him the way he lusts after her. Again she kisses him and he is probably thinking he's going to get laid. Unfortunately for him, he is sadly mistaken.

Ok Spike, I get it. You learned that giving is better than receiving. You learned that being greedy will turn you into a town destroying monster. Guess what, I don't give a shit. What upsets me is that your owner can't control you. I care about what she learns, not you. Here is what Twilight learned, "I can't control my dragon and I'm a total dumb ass because I don't know about a dragon's true nature."

The day is getting late and I have three, no make that four mares to grab to have fun with. Fluttershy, Rarity, Twilight and just for fun I shall add Cheerilee. She is very hot after all. To make things more fun the five of us have decided to defile the schoolhouse tonight, especially Diamond Bitch's desk. I'll make sure that our girlcum coats it so much that her seat will still be wet come tomorrow morning! Now this will be priceless, seeing her sit in that and be grossed out. The funniest thing though will be her going home to daddy and him thinking his daughter has been a naughty girl! She'll be grounded for a month, I guarantee it!