Hello everypony, it is your malevolent dictator, I mean benevolent princess and I do have a surprise for you. Yes most of you have been complete assholes with the negative editorials, failure to pay taxes and a festival in Fillydelphia honoring Luna has pissed me off but I have nothing better to do so I shall share with you my synopsis of "Owl's Well that Ends Well."

Remember how those assholes in Fillydelphia held a festival in honor of Luna? Well I have discovered that it is because of some dumb meteor shower she has planned and thanks to her, Twilight just has to go out and watch it instead of kicking Spike out and inviting me to the library, dumb bitch anyway. Despite her doing this, I decide to do the invisibility and teleport spell anyway to keep an eye on her.

It looks like my little Twily is gathering everything she thinks that her friends would like. With all the crap she's taking I'd think she wants to have a six mare orgy tonight but I'll make sure that doesn't happen. I'm pissed that she's putting this ahead of me so I'm not giving her any love tonight but hey, Fluttershy is a different story.

Now here we have Spike being a narcissistic little bastard. My Twily makes a comment about him being her number one assistant and he keeps on saying "what was that, I didn't hear that." Little bastard anyway, you are her only assistant. He may think that but soon he will do something that might upset my sexy little student further down the road.

My Twily asks him to go and get some old book about the stars, planets and all that other boring shit and of course he complies. Here is what is funny, while he is grabbing it he sneezes and incinerates a good part of the book. Sweet, now I just have to wait for Twily to discover this, get all grumpy and then I can swoop in and calm her down. Alright, well he claims he can't find it, starts telling Twily she is super smart and they are on their way.

Once they arrive on top of this hill they are greeted by her friends and you're not going to believe this. Rarity made Spike this gem covered bow tie because he is such a star. Ugh, gag me and now I can see it in Spike's eyes, he thinks he is gonna get laid!

Now you're not going to believe this but Rarity said, "Screw the meteor shower. Come on Spike, you can come screw me instead!" I can't believe it, she's gonna put out for him. I decided to follow them and that is exactly what happened and even better for Spike, she was ovulating so chances are he knocked her up. Do I hear wedding bells ringing? Guess what, I do! Rarity asked Spike to marry her and he said yes!

"Princess Celestia!"

"What StormLuna?"

"Look, I know you probably find this funny but that did not happen. Rarity did not lure Spike to the boutique so he could knock her up."

*laughs* "But it would make Spike happy! If I say it happened, it happened, right?"

"NO! Look, do it right or I'm taking your lovelies away from you and giving them to my OC."

"No, not my lovelies! Please don't give them to your OC! He'd probably knock them up!"

"First they would become his wives and then he would knock them up so if you don't want them turning straight you'll do this right."

"Fine but I'm only doing this so your OC doesn't steal my harem."

"Ok, get back to work."

Ugh he can be so mean. I want to add some humor to this and he threatened to punish my lovelies. Alright, well once again Spike goes acting like he is hot shit as Twily's friends continue to patronize Spike until my hot little student told him to shut his fucking trap (well in the much better unedited version.) Ultimately the meteor shower started and ponies across Equestria began praising Luna and commenting how much better she is than me. Guess what, all those serfs are going to see a major tax increase. Nopony goes saying Luna is better than me!

Finally this accursed meteor shower is over and Twilight's glorified pet has fallen asleep in the punch pitcher. Ugh, how disgusting. Chances are he probably drooled in it and luckily for everypony, Twilight dumped it out because nopony wants to drink something with dragon spit in it and after that, Twilight and Spike headed home.

Now guess what, as soon as they got home Spike fell asleep again and rather than hoping on the train to Canterlot, Twilight decides to start writing useless information down about comets. Look Twily, I already know about the composition of comets so you don't need to write me some dumb report to impress me. If you really want to impress me, you'll tell Spike to get lost so I can reverse this invisibility spell and sexy times can ensue! Unfortunately that does not happen and what happens next will likely piss off a scroll hacking pet.

Ok, there is Twily writing about comets acting like hot shit when the wind picks up and blows her scroll away. Doesn't that dumb bitch know how to close windows? When I saw her scroll blowing away I was thinking "good, now I can get some action." Unfortunately for me some dumb ass owl decides to return her scroll and she thanks the damn thing and decides to invite it in to stay with her while she studies (aka become her new pet).

Well shit, she already has Spike and now I'm going to have to kick TWO critters out before we can have some fun. Well I can think of one pony who won't be so upset, Fluttershy. With Twily being tied down by not just Spike, but this owl as well, I'll devote more time to the sexiest pegasus to have ever roamed this world....enough about how Fluttershy is going to see more action. Let's move on, shall we?

Finally I headed home because I needed to raise the sun and was hungry but hey, I can still watch her from my balcony while I feast on some cake, right? The next morning arrives and oh my goodness, Spike has slept in. I haven't seen him in this kind of panic in a while, quite a while actually. To make matters worse, I thought Twilight would be all grumpy and need calming down but she didn't. She was perfectly fine with him sleeping in because that owl of hers, that she named Owlicious, had done his chores for him.

Eventually Twilight decides to go out and Spike meets Owlicious. Naturally Spike met the owl and introduced him but that's not important. What is important is what my Twily did once she went out. Get this, she went to Rarity's and grabbed her, then they headed to Fluttershy's and had some fun. Of course yours Truly saw this as an opportunity so I teleported myself into Fluttershy's cottage and what they had planned to be a kinky threesome became a kinky foursome!

Wow, what a release. I didn't get any the night before and morning cake can only do so much. Now I think I shall prowl around Ponyville and keep an eye on those three, and if I get the chance, haul either one of them or some other hot mare to a secluded place and have some fun!

After we had some fun, Twilight and her sexy friends met up with their not so sexy friends outside of the library so they can meet Owlicious. Oh good grief, there are all her friends going all fan-filly over the dumb thing and there was poor Spike up in a windowsill listening to them. Now this is cold on the part of Rarity, very cold. She gave Owlicious a bow tie just like the one she gave Spike. Now this pisses him off and I don't blame him. I'm not thrilled either and rather than wasting time making apparel for owls, she should be submitting to me in the bedroom.

I don't blame Spike for being pissed and storming back inside one bit. Now there they are wondering why Spike was being such a little bitch and my Fluttershy makes the suggestion that Spike may feel threatened and worried that he may be replaced. Oh Twilight better not do that. I had to send crews out into the dragon lands to steal an egg and if she abandons Spike in favor of some dumb owl that can't talk, I'm dumping her as my protege. I'll demote her down to the role of royal sex slave and send somepony else down there to replace her. I've got it, I'll send Colgate down there because she scares me in the bedroom the way she is constantly staring at my teeth while she punishes me.

Alright, enough about this because if I don't stop going into so much detail this analysis will wind up being more like a book report. Moving on, well it looks like Twilight is writing more shit down to try and impress me again! Well while she is trying to impress me and failing miserably, her last quill breaks. Sweet, now she can forget about this, head up to Canterlot and make me happy! Now we have Spike to the rescue, he is bound and determined to find her another quill somewhere so he doesn't get replaced.

Well his initial search for a quill was fruitless. First the little dumb ass tears the library apart and then goes and tries to buy one from "Quills & Sofas" but unfortunately, they didn't have any so he had only one option. Despite knowing that a chicken's feather would be a sorry substitute for a quill he heads to Sweet Apple Acres and after getting his ass kicked by a chicken, he manages to get a feather. Of course he returns home to find that Owlicious had gave Spike one of his feathers to use as a quill.

Alright, now I am not happy. I was so busy following Spike that I'm not sure how she got him to give her a feather. Oh boy, she better not have put out to that damn thing in return for a feather. If she did, somepony is going to be in serious trouble and as punishment, I will chain her to my bed and let Colgate have her way with her and instruct my most intense student to torture her and then screw her. It would serve as a proper punishment for putting out for a damn owl.

Alright, again I'm going into too much detail but luckily for Twilight, I heard her thank Owlicious for the feather free of charge so sorry Colgate, but you'll have to wait until another time to get to punish Twilight for me. Ok, Spike has fallen asleep but that will not last for long when she dropped that book he burned up right in front of him and yelled at him.

Good grief Twilight, calm the fuck down! I would try to calm her down right now but I don't like dealing with her when she goes into grade A bitch mode. It was getting late, I was tired and I had a certain pony on my docket that night that despises tardiness more than Twilight, a pony who would punish me severely if I'm late. I just have to hope she won't rip my teeth out while we're having fun.

"Princess Celestia!"

"What now StormLuna?"

"Would you just tell everypony what they want to hear? I highly doubt they want to hear about how Colgate will punish you if you're late."

"Oh fine, I just got side tracked. I'll get back to work on this right away."

Sorry about that everypony, I'll try to stay on track now. The next day arrived and Spike has decided that he is going to try and fix this obsession Twilight has with that owl once and for all. I think he must have known that Rarity and Opal were headed over to Fluttershy's house for some fun. Flutters will have some Rares and Opal will hopefully kill and eat Angel. I would go and join them but I have to keep my eye on Spike because I'm sure that whatever he has planned is going to blow up in his face.

Get this, he wants to make it look like Owlicious killed a mouse in the library and what is ridiculous is that he thinks Opal's toy mouse will suffice. Come on Spike, I know you want to hurry up and frame Owlicious for rodentcide but please, Twilight is going to know that thing ain't real. Unfortunately in his fit of jealousy, he not only tears that thing open but he takes it home, throws it on the floor, covers it in ketchup but then as an added act of idiocy, he tears Twilight's pillow up right in front of her not knowing she was there. Now I am pissed, that pillow was really comfortable and who is to say if she'll find another one that good.

I'm not the only one pissed, Twily is too and after yelling at Spike, she leaves and after she left, Spike ran away from home. Well shit on a stick, how the hell am I supposed to communicate with her? Yeah I could always fly down there to tell her what I need but rather than going on and saving Equestria if need be, she would be satisfying my needs and sometimes that can't be on the top of her priority list....what a shame, right?

Night has fallen and Spike is wandering through the Everfree Forest pouting about how Twilight hates him now and how he let an owl unseat him as Twily's number one pet, I mean assistant. Once a rainstorm hits he finds a cave and goes in to get dry. Well shit, now I'm going to have to actually go there and monitor him. What a little bastard, I had a cake right in front of me and nopony else wanted to go to the forest and make sure he doesn't fall prey to timberwolves or some other creature that may be hungry.

Oh fun, just as I arrived a huge adult dragon has discovered that Spike is eating his gems. You'd think Spike would know that a big pile of gems would not just be sitting in a cave for no reason. Unfortunately for him, not being able to eat any more gems is the least of his problems at this point. It looks like this dragon is going to kill Spike but what the hell happens next? Get this, despite him trying to frame him for rodentcide and pillow destruction, Owlicious has come to save him! Now this is proof that Twily's pet owl ain't all that bright. I would have just let the dragon eat Spike but I would TAX HIM over the value of those gems and if he can't pay up, he'll be sleeping with the fishes.

Not only had Owlicious came to save Spike, but so did my sexy little student. Finally Spike, Owlicious and Twily got away from the dragon and out of the forest. Twilight can claim that she was worried about Spike all she wanted but I know what her initial reaction was when she discovered he ran away. She was thinking, "Good, now if I can just find a way to dispose of this owl, Celestia can come for sexy times any time she wants!"

Sadly the writers would pound it into her head that she better go save him and finally Spike decided to apologize to Owlicious for trying to frame him. Finally Twilight decided to have Spike try to write me some sort of sappy message how he learned not to be a knifing little bastard and that he shouldn't be jealous that Twilight has two pets now. That's right Spike, you shouldn't be. The only one who has that right is ME!

Now for what happened afterwards, I was not thrilled with Twilight for putting herself in danger for a disobedient little dragon so I made myself known, hauled her ass up to Canterlot and took her someplace that she would not exactly like. I decided that one of my hot students should get to fulfill her dreams. I took her to Colgate's house where she wound up getting brutally punished. Now I did get it on video but Colgate promised me that if it were mass produced that she would ram her whole leg up in me so it will remain a "Celestia's Porno Collection" exclusive. Perhaps this will teach Twilight not to put herself in unnecessary danger in the future.

Now if you will excuse me, Colgate is impatiently tapping her hoof because now it is time for us to punish Twilight together and I am sorry, but this one will not be on tape.