Hello everypony, it is your sexy Sun Goddess again and do I have a surprise for you! Most of you have paid your taxes, you have paid homage to me like you are supposed to and the Appaloosans and the buffalo had a joint celebration honoring me so I shall share with you my synopsis of "The Cutie Mark Chronicles."

A new day has arrived and it looks like the Cutie Mark Crusaders are once again trying something to get their cutie marks. Get this, this time they are going to try zip lining. Seriously girls, you think that is going to work? This is even more proof that those three must have skipped the line when common sense was being handed out to newborns. Oh well, I have a feeling this episode is going to be a good one so I have ordered my cake delivered to my balcony so I can watch the antics they are going to give us.

Alright, they failed in getting zip lining cutie marks, big surprise there right? Now they have decided to ask other ponies how they got theirs. That is good because maybe it will prevent them from ever adding "depose Celestia and Luna" to their ideas of how to get those marks on their asses.

Now they are bickering about who they should ask and guess who their final choice is? If you guessed Rainbow Crash, you are right. Seriously girls, you think she would have anything to teach you? You honestly think that a cutie mark in narcissism is going to be a good thing? Well guess what, it won't be. Just go find somepony with a brain and ask her instead. *hint, hint, come ask me* but remember, you'll be surrounded by guards with spears if you do.

They start their search and the first pony they run into is Applejack, who Apple Bloom initially wanted to ask. Alright, it looks like Applejack is going to tell her story and it is flashback time! Oh I love it when there are flashbacks of ponies when they were adorable little fillies! They are always so adorable and their little smiles are to die for!

To the first flashback. Alright, when Applejack was a filly she wanted to go live with her Aunt and Uncle Orange in Manehattan and live the sophisticated life. Wow, that is nothing like the Applejack of today! Naturally when she left Granny and Big Mac were sad but soon little Applejack would learn that life in Manehattan would not be what she had hoped....tiny meals, her relatives there have snobby friends and most of all, she got homesick.

One morning when the sad little filly was looking out the window she saw a rainbow that pointed her home and it was home she went and she got her cutie mark! So I'm guessing the moral of this story is run away from home, get homesick, come home, get greeted by your relatives and get a mark. Sounds simple enough, right?

Well Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom liked the story but Scootaloo found it too sappy. That doesn't surprise me but once again she is demanding that they go find Rainbow Dash and so off they went. The next pony they ran into was not Crash but instead it was the sexiest pegasus to ever roam the earth, a sexy pegasus that is on the docket for me tonight, Fluttershy.

Alright, once again Fluttershy is showing that she cares way too much about a bunch of dumb animals and not nearly enough about me! Helping baby ducks across the road? Seriously Flutters? I have an idea for you, fly up here and help me get to my sleeping chambers so we can have some fun. I'm really needy and I can see it in her eyes that she is too but she can't show it around those fillies!"

Despite Scootaloo being a little bitch about it, they decide to listen to Fluttershy's story. Awww....she was such an adorable little filly! Naturally her story starts in Cloudsdale at summer flight camp and I can't help but feel sorry for her. The poor thing was a weak flyer and got made fun of by those stupid, useless jocks who wound up not contributing to society at all. Now I would have executed them by now but I've had so many other things that cluttered my schedule over the years.

Alright, enough about those little bastards, back to Fluttershy. Naturally one pony didn't like seeing her get bullied and surprisingly it was Rainbow Dash, who was also an adorable little filly. She challenged those little bastards to a race and unfortunately, Fluttershy was the one waving the start flag and got knocked to the ground when the three racers flew by. Luckily for Fluttershy, the rest of Equestria and especially me, she was saved by butterflies.

Alright writers, you must be smoking crack or something because Fluttershy, even as a filly, would have fallen through and crushed those butterflies rather than them catching her. Next up she broke into song and sang about how she loves everything. Yeah, uh huh Flutters, I doubt you love everything. You don't love those piece of shit bullies and you haven't met me yet so no you don't!

Once she finished her song a loud boom scared the animals into hiding but Fluttershy was able to calm them down and she got her cutie mark! Before I move on though I must make note of something. In Cloudsdale she couldn't fly worth shit but suddenly she can fly up into the clouds and comfort some ducks? Perhaps it is a matter of flying in front of others that was her problem, not flying in general. Now back to where I was headed. Alright Scootaloo, I know you didn't like her story but there is no need to be such a little bitch about it. Hell maybe she will get a cutie mark for being a bitch but what would that even look like?

Next up they run into Rarity and she goes into her story. Now this doesn't surprise me, she was making costumes for her school's play. Of course they would be modest because what little filly even thinks about making slutty outfits? One thing that she was back then though was a perfectionist just like she is now. Now personally I agree with her teacher and think the outfits look nice but oh no, that isn't enough, they have to look spectacular!

Ok writers, you fucked up again! You show Rarity sewing and she said the school play opened that night but then have her horn spend a whole day dragging her out to this rock? Alright, now for what is absolutely adorable! Filly Rarity getting mad because she thinks her destiny is a rock. I swear, angry fillies are the most adorable fillies but then some boom winds up splitting that rock and it is full of gems! Yep, you heard me right, gems. Now had I known she done that I would have taxed her parents for it but oh well, it is all a moot point now.

Now for another mess up, how did she get those gems back to Ponyville? How did she get them attached to the costumes and how did she get them back so quickly? I get it, again it is a cartoon so anything can happen but still, they could have tried to make it look semi-realistic.

As it turned out the play turned out great, her teacher gave her a huge smile over those costumes and she got her cutie mark! Oh good grief Scootaloo, would you stop bitching already? I have a message for her as well, getting a cutie mark IS a result of discovering who you are! It is not about doing dumb shit like zip lining or other pointless things that will never result in gainful employment.

And so the search for Crashie continues but up next they run into my sexy Twily and of course they listen to her story and she, like all the others, was a very adorable little filly! You know, I think I remember seeing her cut to the front of the line and watching me raise the sun. If you didn't notice, I saw her down there and gave her a smile because I had a feeling she would be somepony special, somepony with powerful magic and no, I did not think about her growing up into a sexy, kinky unicorn! Only complete sickos think that about fillies and colts!

Of course we all know that even before she got into my school that she was OCD when it came to studying and next up we have her entrance exam. I remember that day too. Yeah I didn't see her failing but I did see her when her magic was in overload, she had made Spike huge and turned her parents into plants. What I remember most though was that moment when she got her cutie mark, "Yes, yes, yes!"

The adorable little thing was jumping around but that wasn't the only time she did that. Once she matured she would do that when I told her it was time for a "special study lesson" and she still does it sometimes when I come to visit because she knows that sexy times are going to ensue!

Scootaloo, would you quit being such a bitch and lose the Crashie obsession because outside of you, nopony else cares how she got her mark. It was probably doing something stupid like crashing into a wall or something. Ok, enough about that because next up they run into Pinkie Pie.

Scootaloo, just listen to her story alright? Pinkie goes into her story and what a sad little filly she was. Poor little Pinkamena was working hard on the rock farm and had no happiness in her life until she saw a rainbow for the first time, a rainbow that cleared away the dreary skies out there. Now suddenly she is happy and even stranger, she somehow has the means and money to go and get presents and cake! Her family was shocked to see this and I'm really bummed out, I could have had cake had I known about this!

That was the moment that she transformed from being Pinkamena to Pinkie and would not go down a path of being a serial killer and instead would become an Element bearer. Alright, now they have arrived at Sugarcube Corner and I can see inside and sadly, there is no cake! They have no cake whatsoever and now I am a sad princess. I was going to go down there too!

Finally they find Crashie and she goes into detail about her cutie mark story which outside of defending Fluttershy's honor was boring! Yeah, yeah, yeah Crash we get it. You broke the sound barrier, created a sonic rainboom, became a narcissistic bitch and got a mark on your ass, big fucking deal!

Wait a minute, from what they all are saying it was that sonic rainboom that caused things to happen where they would get their marks? Ok, maybe her cutie mark story isn't as bad as I thought it was but I still have a memo for Scootaloo: Give it up bitch, you're not going to get a mark the way your hero did so get over it. Maybe you can try packing boxes, stealing candy, testing pillows or some other dumb shit since you can't do it the Dash way.

Ugh....they're all going to have a sappy hug moment, *gag, gag, gag!* Give me a break girls, so you've been connected for quite some time but so what? All that matters is that Twily, Fluttershy and Rarity put out on demand and everything will be fine. And finally, Twilight is writing a sappy letter to me while staring at a rainbow.

What they had her say was not what she really wrote. This is what she really wrote,

"Dear Master Celestia,

My friends and I just finished telling the Filly Illuminati about how we got our cutie marks and now I'm really stressed but I'm not the only one. Rarity and Fluttershy are also stressed out and the three of us need a release so we will be up there before nightfall. We shall see you soon and be ready for you to "punish" us!

Love your little Ho,

Twilight Sparkle"

I tell you, that night those three were so ready, so energetic, so kinky and so feisty. Yeah my sister was a bit concerned that I would be too tired to raise the sun but you know what, I proved her wrong and even better, those three stayed with me for an extra five days until they would be needed for the next episode! I tell you, sometimes princess life can be a bitch but moments like that make it all worth it!