Hello everypony, it is your beloved sexy Sun Goddess Celestia again and I have a surprise for you. Yes most of the ponies in Equestria have failed to pay their taxes, have disrespected me a lot, some have called for me to abdicate but since three of my lovelies aren't available and the rest have exams to study for, I have nothing better to do so I shall give you my synopsis of "Over a Barrel."

I'm not a very happy princess right now because three of my lovelies and their friends are traveling out to some backwater town in the absolute middle of nowhere and why are they doing this? They are doing it so that Applejack can take this special tree of hers, Bloomberg, and give it as a gift to her family down in Appaloosa. Couldn't Applejack have done that on her own or at least have only taken Pinkie and Rainbow with her? I had plans with my lovelies for tonight but now I won't get any action, none at all! Oh well, I'll punish them accordingly once they get home.

Back to the train and get this. Applejack has got a private sleeper car for that tree of hers! Yep, you heard me right, a sleeper car for a tree! Aren't there cargo trains to transport things like that? It looks like I'm not the only one less than thrilled, Rarity is as well. Yeah she was whining like a little bitch over it but I can see her point because I know what she was thinking. She was thinking that she, Fluttershy and my sexy little Twily could go in there and have fun but instead, she has to sleep with the other ponies in a regular car. I know what I'll be doing when they get back, I'll be making a fashionista with a hideous tail feel all better!

Alright, I need to stop going into every single detail or I will never get this done. After my lovelies and their friends were being incredibly annoying, obnoxious and loud enough to keep Rarity awake, Spike decides to go back to the sleeper car and curls up next to Bloomberg. Sorry Spike but I doubt that tree is going to give you the action Rarity won't. Yeah it is quiet but still, sleeping with a tree is weird and creepy.

Alright, before I continue on I'm going to make a comment about the train they are using. It is backwards, very backwards. Get this, they have something that looks like an engine in the front but they have stagecoach stallions pulling it! Is that all the more they have out in that hellhole? The train left Ponyville so I would think that modern trains would be used but oh well, it's not any skin off of my flank.

Now for something fun! It looks like the buffalo aren't exactly thrilled with trains running out through their territory, well I think it is their territory. I'd have to look at a map and see where the buffalo lands are but looking at the place, I'm guessing it is.

Alright writers, once again you fucked up big time! Those buffalo trying to knock over the ponies pulling that thing would have worked! Those buffalo are much bigger and the ones trying to knock over the train should have succeeded in derailing that thing. I get it, the tree has to get there safely but seriously, can't you at least make it a bit realistic? They could have had the buffalo derail it, then have me go use my magic to transport that tree to Appaloosa and then had me have some fun with my lovelies at the hotel there!

Speaking of the buffalo, there is one smaller one, a female who manages to not only jump on top of the train but also detach that sleeper car from the rest of the train. Oh no, the buffalo have Spike and Bloomberg now. Naturally Rainbow Crash tries to go after her and without anypony else noticing, Pinkie manages to jump off the train and look for Spike as well. I know the ponies across Equestria, especially the earth ponies, would want me to intervene but I have more important things to do, such as eat some cake and a side of Twinkleshine since she has been giving me bedroom eyes.

Enough about me going to have some cake and Twinkleshine, let's get back to this. Finally the train arrives in Appaloosa and they are all greeted by Applejack's overly enthusiastic and mildly annoying cousin, Braeburn. Good grief cowcolt, I know you like your town but good grief.....wait a minute, did he just say that his town had been built in just the past year? If that is the case you know what that means don't you? It means that if that town was built on buffalo land and they came complaining to me, I could force them to move their town elsewhere. I suppose we'll see if they come and bitch to me or not.

Now we go to Pinkie and Crashie who are out in the desert searching for Spike and good grief you bitches, don't be so damn loud! Unfortunately for those two their noisiness has caused them to be surrounded by buffalo but luckily for them, Spike is able to convince the buffalo to not attack them. I'm surprised he was able to do that given that the buffalo aren't fond of ponies, well most of them anyway. They totally respect me because they know of my powers.

Night time has arrived and it looks like those two are out with the buffalo. I don't know if they took those two hostage or what but if they did and they do something terrible to them, I won't care. I can always find another overly joyous earth pony and another loyal pegasus....it's not like the buffalo took one of my lovelies!

Alright, now we find out why the buffalo are so mad, the ponies have planted an apple orchard right in their traditional stampeding ground! Oh my goodness, what do I do here? I know that I should intervene but not only is Twinkleshine begging me for some love, so are Lemon Hearts and Colgate. Hell even Lyra came up and is begging me for it too so you know what? I'll just have Applejack and her friends deal with it, four little hotties in heat and some cake is way more important!

Alright, the next day has arrived and I must admit, I am one very happy princess! I had a bunch of cake last night, I had a fun time with four hotties although I'm going to admit....one of my students, Colgate, really unnerved me when she pried my mouth open with her magic and looked like she was checking my teeth out and then suddenly rammed her hoof up in me but oh well, I know she prefers to be dominant so no problem there. I'll let you in on a little secret none of you better tell anypony, I find it really hot the way she asserts her dominance over me!

"Princess Celestia!"

"What is it StormLuna?"

"Look, I know you like talking about your sexual exploits with your students but now is not the time to do it! You have a synopsis to give!"

"But StormLuna...."

"No buts! Unless you want me to have Colgate brutally molest you with a sharp object, you'll get back to work on this!"

"Oh fine but just know I'm only doing this so Colgate won't hurt me."

"Just get back to work, alright?"

*grumbles* "Whatever"

I guess I better get back to work on this so StormLuna won't have Colgate hurt me. Alright, like I said the next day arrived and apparently my sexy Twily and her friends are going to go hiking into buffalo territory to find their friends but luckily for them, they won't have to because Pinkie and Crash found them first BUT they have Little Strongheart, the smaller female buffalo with them.

Ok ponies, ok buffalo, let's have a good, civil discussion over this orchard that is creating so many problems. Now before they can even begin to discuss anything Pinkie breaks out into one of the most annoying songs about sharing and caring. I could see it in the eyes of not only the sheriff but Chief Thunderhooves that they were going to sit down and negotiate but now the buffalo are going to go in and not only destroy the orchard, but the whole town! I really hope they do and there are fatalities on both sides because that would make this episode a lot more fun!

Now that the Appaloosans know the buffalo are going to come and level that sorry excuse of a town they are preparing for it. Oh my goodness, they think wooden barriers are going to stop the stampede? They think apple pies are going to stop them? I swear, they obviously aren't the brightest bunch around but I suppose they are just doing what they can with what they have. I would simply use my magic to move the orchard but you know I have other things on my agenda because the castle chef just placed a whole cake right in front of me and I can't say no to cake!

Not only are the Appaloosans preparing for the stampede, but so are the buffalo and Crash honestly thinks Chief Thunderhooves doesn't want to do this? Look bitch, they took their land, they planted a damn orchard on it and they never even asked for permission!

The following day has arrived and it looks like the buffalo are ready to stampede, crush that town and hopefully take a few lives. If that happens, that will give me the authority to deem that place unsafe for ponies and the buffalo can have all of their land back. One thing I can't help but wonder, where the hell do those Appaloosans get their water from? I ask this because there certainly aren't any lakes or rivers out there.

What is this, suddenly the buffalo aren't going to stampede? What a shame....oh boy, Pinkie is singing that annoying song and CHARGE! The buffalo have begun their stampede and are creating havoc out in that backwater town. Oh please buffalo, wreck it to the ground! Everything seems to be going fine until poor Chief Thunderhooves gets hit in the face with a pie and falls to the ground.

Ok writers, I want to know something. How is it that apple pies can bring the buffalo down? I get it this is a cartoon so anything can happen but still, the buffalo aren't that weak. I have some good news though, the chief got a taste of that pie and now he is all better and he has come up with the perfect solution! They have decided to clear a path through that orchard for the buffalo to stampede through but the Appaloosans must give them some of their apple treats every time they go through.

Alright, that is fair enough. In the end though this wound up being boring because nopony and nobuffalo got hurt and to make matters worse, my lovelies are going to stay down there one more night just so they can feast on apple pies! Now I am one very pissed off princess. Not only do I hurt down south because of Colgate shoving her hoof up in me but I won't even get one of my three favorites tonight! Well I suppose this will give me time to heal and I will tell you one thing, I'm seriously wondering about ever letting Colgate in my chambers again. Yes I find her dominance sexy but the pain that comes along with it is anything but sexy!

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to hide in my chambers because I hear a blue unicorn banging on my door demanding I let her in because she is in the mood. Oh Mother Faust please don't let her know how to unlock doors, please!