Hello everypony, once again it is your beloved dictator, the Supreme Goddess Celestia, the sexiest, sweetest and most powerful pony in existence. You all have been very good and Twinkleshine gave me the night of my life last night so I'm in an extremely good mood. I shall share with you my views on Feeling Pinkie Keen.

Well it is another glorious day in Ponyville. You know, I sometimes wonder how they keep everything green down there given the lack of precipitation they receive. Ok, enough about the arid conditions down there, I promised to tell you about this episode and I'm going to. Well now, Spike and Twilight are practicing magic. Wait a minute, for Twilight's magic to work Spike has to be looking at her and giving her his undecided attention? I've never heard of magic like that but it must be horribly useless with that being the case.

Ugh watching her do this is so damn boring but suddenly something distracts the two. Pinkie Pie, one of those ponies I will not let in my chambers, is acting very strangely. Now why in Equestria is she hiding under stuff. Does she know of my abilities and does not want me watching her? Well hiding in bushes ain't going to work Pinkie, it'll take a lot more than that to escape my eyes.

Twitchy, twitch, twitch. Now why is that pony's tail twitching? Maybe it is her going into heat. Well if it is, I'm sure Rainbow will gladly please her given those two seem to be pretty close. Well it ain't her going into heat, it is some sort of weird sense of her's claiming that something is going to fall out of the sky. Now whether I believe this or not I'm sure. After all, Fluttershy is flying right over head carrying a bunch of frogs and one just so happens to fall on Twilight's face.

Ok, now before I continue on I must go on a little rant. Once again Fluttershy is proving that she cares about the animals down there a whole lot more than she cares about me. Guess what, I'm going to sterilize half the frog population over this AND drag her by the tail up here to Canterlot and punish her for a few days.

Now Pinkie is going off about this "Pinkie Sense" thing and naturally Twilight finds it ridiculous. I guess that comes from me. I told her not to believe anything that can not be explained, that she is to think rationally at all times. Ok so that moment is over and Pinkie runs off to cause somepony else some grief but once Twilight forces her little slave back into magic practice Pinkie comes along again with the twitchy tail. So something else is going to fall. Just look at the sky, it is clear and nopony is carrying anything above you so nothing is going to happen, I promise!

Well it looks like I was wrong, in her arrogance and bloviating about how great she is, she failed to watch where she was going and fell in a ditch. I wonder, perhaps there is something to this whole Pinkie Sense thing. Maybe she gets special senses that predict when I'm going to get laid and which mare will grace me with her presence. Thankfully for Twilight, Pinkie runs off again. Now Applejack comes along and finds out Pinkie predicted Twilight falling into a ditch. Like I've said before, I respect Applejack a lot but the disaster pony and her twitching tail have left. There is no need to go freaking out.

Ugh again she comes back and has flopping ears. I think somepony needs to put a muzzle on her, tie her tail down and glue her ears down. Uh oh, from what Pinkie's saying somepony's going to get a bath! Note to Twilight: Don't go standing next to mud puddles, especially when there is traffic coming. Now had I been down there to take that bath with Twilight, it would have been perfect!

Yeah, yeah, yeah Pinkie, we get it. You have all sorts of different involuntary body movements for various things. Wait a minute, there is an alligator in the tub with my Twilight? You better be glad that dumb thing is toothless. Had it bit Twilight or even worse killed her, you would have been fed to Cerberus. However, I am still upset that something scared Twilight and I wasn't able to get down there to calm her down. Great, just great. Now I have realized that Twilight can calm down on her own. Oh well, Fluttershy still needs me to calm her down every now and then!

Now Twilight gets an idea. She is going to haul Pinkie down into some sort of torture chamber in her basement that I never knew about. I never knew my Twily had a dark side like that, I'm so proud! Wait, it is just some boring science lab that she does dumb experiments in when she can't get laid. Anyway, she hooks Pinkie up to some sort of mind reading device wanting to see what happens when she gets one of her predictions coming.

Guess what Twilight, she is locked down in your basement of boredom so nothing is going to fall on her, no alligators in tubs will be present or anything else. The only sensation she gets is hunger. Speaking of hunger, I'm going to get a slice of cake during the next commercial break, that sounds really tasty right now.

Now don't be so bitchy Twilight, so nothing happened when you had your mind reader hooked up to Pinkie but guess what, you're about to experience the Pinkie Sense wrath. Pinkie predicts a door's going to open and it does, smashing Twilight behind it. Oh and just so you know Twilight, Spike and Pinkie did not concoct some sort of plan to squish you up against the door. Damn, you're getting overly paranoid. I guess frustration will do that to a pony. Don't worry, I'll fix that after the episode is over.

Now Twilight is losing it. She honestly thinks that spying on Pinkie is going to reveal the secrets behind Pinkies's strange ability. One thing Twilight does not know is that stalking is against the law and I know exactly how to punish her. I will hog tie her and force her to watch me, Fluttershy and Rarity engage in a hot, raunchy threesome while she won't get any! That will teach her to obey the law!

Alright, an itchy nose. Perhaps Pinkie is simply reacting to some pollen that she is allergic to or could it be something else. Well she's hiding under something so it certainly isn't a mere allergy. Pinkie is a hell of a lot smarter than I thought and my "star student" shows she ain't all that bright. Her loudness attracts a swarm of bees and she gets stung multiple times. That's what she gets for thinking that she is little miss hot shit. With her stings covered in band-aids she continues her espionage. I can't wait to see what happens next, hopefully it will be something funny.

Now Pinkie is predicting an opening door again. Now where in Equestria is a door going to open, well near her anyway. Little miss hot shit decides to leave the safety of her bush and stands by the barn door boasting that there is nothing to worry about. While the barn door ain't going to happen, nopony ever said a door in the ground wasn't going to open up. My little student crashes into Applejack's new apple cellar. Maybe Pinkie's tail should have twitched instead since she did fall.

Well despite her injuries Twilight is back to spying on Pinkie in a bush again, in a device holding her front hooves up. Well now things are really going to get interesting. Pinkie's tail is twitching again and Spike nearly gives their presence away. In this case he was right, something was going to fall and it wouldn't be good. Let's see, a flowerpot, an anvil, a cart of hay and a piano all crash onto my student. Wait a minute, is this My Little Pony or Loony Tunes? I'll tell you one thing, if Twilight died because of that shit falling on her, those moving ponies are going to die.

Luckily she didn't die but sadly she didn't heal up in one second like that coyote does that tries to eat the roadrunner all the time. Applejack is hauling more apples to her cellar and it is discovered that Pinkie has known all about her stalker. While Twilight has been busy breaking the law all day, failure to report somepony breaking the law is a crime as well. How will I punish her? I plan on hauling her to Canterlot, throwing her in the dungeon for a week and forbid her from eating any sweets. Next time Pinkie will report crimes when she sees them!

I find it hilarious how Twilight is all bandaged and looks horrid as she yells at Pinkie. While I have seen Twilight in a bitchy mood before, this time it was so bad that I had to look away. Seeing her in that foul of a mood is a major turnoff. Now Pinkie's whole body is shaking. Either she's cold as hell or that is the prediction for Rarity and Fluttershy are going to have fun with me. So it's gonna be a doozy at Froggy Bottom Bog? Well that isn't the sign for me having fun with those two hotties because I will not go to that Faust-forsaken place. I would rather spend a week in Tartarus than go there.

Shit, now they think something is going to happen to Fluttershy. I hope not, she is the hottest and sexiest pony besides me out there. Ok, I have come to the conclusion that Pinkie and Spike are fucking morons. Ponies don't just explode and they sure the hell don't explode and then explode again. Now I am questioning the intelligence of the dragon that laid the egg that Spike was in. She was probably a dumb whore that took drugs before laying his egg. No wonder she abandoned him and it was her drug use that probably caused him to never develop wings as well.

Finally they get to that swamp and Fluttershy is perfectly fine! Yay! My sexiest lover will be joining me and Rarity tonight! Well my arrogant little student goes boasting about how she was right. I know I taught her to think she's the best (except for me) but when that stench arrived she should have known something was wrong. Well to come out there is a hydra living in that swamp. Here I am the ruler of Equestria and even I didn't know one of those things lived in my domain.

Well it's time to go everypony unless you want to be hydra food. How stupid is Pinkie, she just stands there shaking in terror watching the thing approach them. She's worse than those two moron colts that woke up the Ursa. At least they had the brains to run when they saw they may become some beast's next meal. Well Twilight gets her ass in gear and saves Pinkie and then saves Spike when he got stuck in the swamp.

Now what is about to happen is surprising yet disappointing at the same time. They reach a chasm with tall rocks. Fluttershy gets there and realizes they need to cross. Good news, she knew it was a hop, skip and a jump....well several of them to cross but the bad thing is that she could have just flown across, she is a pegasus after all. All of them get across except for Twilight who is trying to be a show off. Yeah they didn't think they would all make it with as close as it was getting but she could have teleported across, I did teach her how to teleport more than three feet after all.

I must say that I am shocked that Twilight's sudden desire to act like a cocky, arrogant pegasus didn't result in her death. Yeah in the end it made her jump much harder and had she not been saved by a bubble rising from the swamp, she would have fallen to an early death. I'm going to let you in on something, the reason that bubble was able to throw her back up and to safety is because I created it from afar. I was not about to see my star student die like that because we do need a bearer of the element of magic after all. If any of the other unicorns up here had even a tenth of her knowledge in magic, they would have sufficed but that is not the case so I had to save her....besides, she is so sexy!

Ok, the hydra is no longer a threat and Pinkie is still shaking. What, does she think I'll just take all of them including Spike in my chambers? Well that ain't happening so her shaking is for something else. Now I personally think she has completely lost it but Twilight finally decides to accept Pinkie Sense after nearly burning herself up and the shaking stops. The hydra wasn't the doozy but Twilight accepting Pinkie Sense was? I have one word to describe that, BORING!

Yeah, yeah, yeah Twilight. I get it, now you've understood to not say something is wrong or stupid just because you can't see it. You may have learned to not question a friend's weird abilities but you still have not learned what happens to ponies who stalk others, yet.

After the episode was over I gathered Fluttershy, Rarity and Twilight and we all headed up to Canterlot and proceeded to my sleeping chambers. I tied Twilight to a column in my room and as promised, I forced her to watch Fluttershy, Rarity and I make hot, raunchy, kinky love all night long! Yeah she didn't like it but oh well. I told her that if she had not broke the law this would have been a foursome.

Now leave me alone you commoners, I had a very exhausting night and it is time for breakfast in bed.