Hello everypony, it is your supreme dictator and overlord Celestia again. You peasants have been behaving for the most part so I will share with you how I saw Call of the Cutie.

For starters, I really need to go and have a talk with Cheerilee. That whore is giving them a lesson on cutie marks. Yep, you heard me right, cutie marks. Isn't that something that parents or other family members should be teaching their foals about? There are much more important things that should be taught in schools such as mathematics, science, history and the emphasis of how I am the greatest, sexiest and most powerful pony in existence. Besides, like we saw, a lesson on cutie marks is useless for the ponies that already have them and pure torture for the ones who haven't got theirs yet. Well things are going to change, not just in Ponyville, but nationwide.

I truly do feel for Apple Bloom. I can't say as though I know how she feels given that natural born Alicorns are already born with their marks but she does seem rather bothered by the fact that she has yet to get her mark. I am currently contemplating a way to punish Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon for the way they treat others. I wonder, what would happen if Diamond Tiara's dad were to lose all his money in a stock market collapse and he had to sell her tiara? Would that little cunt lose her cutie mark? I would do this but causing a market collapse would hurt so many ponies financially so I'll have to figure something else out.

I tell you, Twist is a lot different. She also hasn't got her mark but she doesn't seem fazed by it but she fails to realize that her friend is in no shape for such enthusiasm. If she doesn't want any of your damn treats Twist, don't go trying to push them on her. Besides, I have heard that her treats are made with high fructose corn syrup, and that will rot a pony's teeth quicker than real sugar.

Ugh can't Diamond Bitch and Silver Slut just leave the "blank flanks" alone rather than waltzing around making snide remarks. With the way those two rub their asses together I have come to the conclusion that they do all sorts of things together that fillies should not be doing together. Well once they mature they'll be able to more fully enjoy the fun they have together.

While I commend Applejack on trying to calm her sister down, she needs to realize that Apple Bloom ain't going to listen. She wants her cutie mark and she wants it NOW! Given how desperate she is, if she thought that overthrowing the government would get her her cutie mark, she would do it. Because of this, I have put her on a government watch list and told the royal guard to haul her to Tartarus if she were to try to overthrow my sister and I. I am not going to tell my sister about my fear though. If I did, she would likely go and kill Apple Bloom before anything could happen.

I am sure that many of you know that young children can help out on the farm BUT once that labor is moved off the farm, all the rules change. Despite her being my favorite of Twilight's friends, I will have to punish her this weekend for violating child labor laws. I need the release anyway since Twinkleshine isn't putting out as much as she used to. Besides, Apple Bloom was causing a lot more trouble than anything else. Let's see, she literally forces one pony to buy an apple, she terrorizes another pony into running away and she just starts filling another pony's bags with apples. I don't blame Applejack for not letting her sell apples anymore. She is a shitty businesspony who could single-hoofedly bankrupt the farm if she were allowed to continue helping at the market.

I know Apple Bloom wants her cutie mark badly but what I would like to know is why the hell would she want to go to Diamond Bitch's cute-ceañera anyway. If somepony treated me like shit I sure the hell wouldn't want to go to their fucking party. What, does she think she'll get a cutie mark by going to it? Now if she had plans to take a butcher knife to those two bitches I could understand her wanting to go. Perhaps she is just a glutton for punishment but likes to cry and whine about it. She's not like her sister, that's for sure.

Well she listens to her sister's advice and goes to see if Twist, the other filly without a cutie mark would want to go with her to the party. I don't know why Twist would want to go either. Diamond treats her like shit too. Much to poor Apple Bloom's dismay, Twist got her cutie mark! Oh boy, I have a feeling that a certain blue unicorn is going to be unhappy about this! Well she should look at it this way, the more ponies that eat Twist's sweets and gets cavities will simply give her more business.

This only causes Apple Bloom to fall into despair and here comes Rainbow Dash to try to help her. This is going to be interesting and likely comical. We all know Rainbow got her damn cutie mark in a race but she gives the filly the absolute wrong idea about how to get a mark. Oh yes, just try as much crap as you can in the shortest amount of time you can and you'll get a cutie mark. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Earning a cutie mark involves self-discovery, not just trying any old thing you know nothing about. Hell, Apple Bloom could always go slitting the throats of bitches and assholes, maybe that is her special talent. A bloody butcher knife with a severed head would make for a cool cutie mark too! Maybe not though, what if I was to be one of her targets?

I would really like to know what the hell is up with Pinkie. An "eating cupcakes" cutie mark? So, her special talent is going to be eating sweets, clogging her arteries and digging herself an early grave? Real bright Pinkie. The making cupcakes idea is better, at least she would be doing something productive and sending more ponies Colgate's way.

Well apparently Apple Bloom's special talent is not making cupcakes because she can't make them worth shit. I would love to know how the hell she was able to step on the oven door without burning her hooves. Is that a magical oven where the inside of the door stays cool despite the interior being brutally hot or does Apple Bloom have no feeling in her hooves? If the latter is the case, the Apple's better get her to the doctor ASAP. Well after she forced him to pay four bits for one lousy apple, I doubt Dr. Whooves will want to take her as a patient.

Well, Apple Bloom's quest for her cutie mark is once again fruitless, pardon the pun with her being expected to get a cutie mark that is apple related. I would love to know why Twilight even bothered trying to give her a cutie mark. She should have just been firm with her and said, "look bitch, I can't just give you a cutie mark. You have to EARN it." I suppose I could always go down there and use my Alicorn magic to give her one but the cost would be great for her sister. She would have to come up to Canterlot for a few weeks to pay me for the favor of shutting her sister up.

Apple Bloom really needs to pay attention to her surroundings. She decides she just won't go to the party but she is so upset about Twilight's failure that she goes waltzing into the party unnoticed. It must really suck to be that scatterbrained. I am really surprised that she managed to go unnoticed for as long as she did once she got to the party. The places she tried to hide were not exactly the best places. I know this is completely off point but that must have been an enchanted cake given that Snails could eat a majority of it and it remains standing. I think he is a fucking idiot but I am glad that he ate most of it. I would rather see a total moron get most of the cake than a complete bitch that needs to be beat senseless get it.

What I would like to know is why the hell did so many adult ponies showed up to this party. You'd think half the fucking town showed up. Well I guess in backwater towns any event is open to all. I have heard rumors that in some of the small communities that when a pony dies, every idiot and his dog goes to the funeral, whether they gave a fuck about the dead pony or not. IF I were mortal, I would only want a small graveside service but I don't have to worry about that being an Alicorn. Now if it were going to be a ceremony where Diamond Bitch got hung or beheaded, I bet everypony would be there for an epic celebration. Hell Luna and I would show up for that because public executions always have the best post ceremony celebrations.

Well Apple Bloom tries to make her escape but Applejack just has to come and ruin her plans. What is even worse is that she thought the rich bitches were her friends. I would think Applejack would know that her sister would never be friends with such lowly trash. While those two may be rich now, I'm guessing they'll wind up being prostitutes in Fillydelphia or some other big city someday. That's how the rich ones usually turn out because daddy always cuts them off once they grow up and they aren't smart enough to get real jobs.

Now I don't get what the hell Apple Bloom was thinking when she tied a tablecloth around herself so the FPE (Future Prostitutes of Equestria) wouldn't see her blank flank. I think she was incredibly stupid to lie to the two in saying she had a cutie mark. What was she supposed to do, wear something over her flank until she finally gets her mark. Please don't tell Applejack but I am quickly coming to the conclusion that her sister is an idiot. This was proven when she heads off to "mingle" and gets caught in her new "dress" and rips it off, exposing her blank flank for all to see.

Well her pathetic lie was exposed and of course the FPE fillies go and mock her. In come Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo to defend her. Now here is another EPIC FUCK UP on the part of the writers. They have it appear as though this is the first time that Apple Bloom has met her new friends. However, those three were cowering in fear together when my sister came back from the moon. I'm sure I'm not the only one that noticed that. But the good thing is that the two new adorable fillies took the attention away from Diamond Bitch and had everyone paying attention to Apple Bloom. Yes Apple Bloom was being an idiot towards the end but I'm glad to see she stole the party.

Ok, now those three have become friends and are starting to plan illegal activities. They are going to start a SECRET SOCIETY! Oh if they start something like the Illuminati that I've read about in Lyra's human books I will have to banish them to the moon. To make things fun, I'll banish one to the moon, I'll have Luna banish one to the sun and the third I will banish to Tartarus. That will teach them to try to form shadowy groups hell bent on removing me from power.

Twilight's letter was rather boring. So one of the youngest serfs learned a good lesson in friendship, so what? She needs to get her ass up here and make me happy since she obviously didn't learn anything. Now if you peons will excuse me, I have a new secret society I have to defuse. If they are like other secret societies, they could cause a lot of problems for me.