“...” Wow that worked.

“What?” Maybe not.

“Shut your big mouth before you outlast your usefulness.”

“You’re... you’re a monster!” Ivy shouts. I just chuckle.

“Hey, I’m not the one who broke into my house and attempted to kill me. Even the guys from last time actually put up a fight.”

“You snuck up on us! We didn’t expect you look like... that!” Ivy shouts.

“What did I say about shouting?” She clams up. “Now,” I turn back to Nighty. “what can I do to stop this bullshit?”

“Uh… you can, uh… Oh! One way to cease us going after you is to lets us kill you.”

“Or?”

“Or you can go talk to our boss.”

“That’s it?” He nods. “Alright, lets do that then.”

“R-really?” They both say.

“Yeah, lets go, where is your boss?”

“... Uh, he works at the Naughty Filly at Canterlot.”

“There? Huh... I’d never think of that place... Alright, lets go.” I snap my fingers and I teleport to the front of the stip club. the only way I know of this place is that I took a small tour of Canterlot a while back.

“What just happened?” Ivy asks. She shakily gets off her chair along with Nighty.

“I just teleported the three of us here.”

“You managed to teleport us across Equestria!? All three of us!?” Oh yeah, forgot that teleportation is kinda rare. Eh...

“Yeah, lets go.” I walk inside the double-doors of the large, by pony standards, strip club. As soon as the doors open my ears are assaulted with ear-bursting electronic music. Which stops when I walk in. All the ponies in there stop whatever they were doing and stare directly at me, and begin to murmur. I look back at Ivy and Nighty and motion them to follow me. With them in tow I walk inside and let the doors close.

“Where’s your boss and what’s his name?”

“Uh… he works in the back, and nopony knows his name, so we just call him Boss.” I look towards the back of this place and look for anything that could look like an office or something like that. I spot a door that’s titled ‘STAFF ONLY’.

“Is that the back?” I point to the door.

“... Yeah.” I nod to myself and make my way to the door. But a large pony steps in out of nowhere and stands in between me and the door.

“Sorry, Staff Only.” He says, in a low, rumbling voice.

“I need to speak with the Boss.”

“I don’t know who you’re talkin’ abo-” I use my magic to throw him aside. I then calmly open the door and walk in. And the site is something to behold. The stirp club is what you would expect; flithy looking. But the room that this door holds is really clean. Like the president’s room clean; bright-red carpeting, nice red walls, elegant furniture and paintings, but the desk directly across the room stands out a bit. Not that it’s colored differently, or that it’s completely silhouetted against a window, it’s that the guy sitting at the desk is holding something from behind the desk, and a figure is bobbing up and down. Yeah, he’s getting a blowjob if you didn’t get it already. The door slams behind me and the guy looks to me startled. And the girl from under the table stops sucking and looks up, upon seeing me she screams and bolts out the room. The guy sitting behind the desk, just noticed the nameplate says ‘Boss’, asshole, composes himself and properly sits at his desk.

“Can I help you?” He asks, he sounds like Conor Pewterschmidt from Family Guy.

“Yeah, you can, if you can stop the hit-call on me. The name’s Ember.” Through the shadow his eyes widen.

“Ah, so you’re the new pony everypony’s been talking about. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Like what?”

“I’ve heard that you put three night guards in the hospital for three days, and that you helped the Elements of Harmony save Equestria. That’s pretty honorable if it’s true.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“My my, it’s a shame we were hired then.”

“Yeah, it is. So does that mean you can’t stop this bullshit?”

“I’m afraid not.” I scowl and walk closer. “But,” I freeze “I am willing to make an exception this one time.” I cross my arms.

“What’s the catch?”

“Straight to the point I like that.” He comments. “As to what I need you to do, all I need to do is tell me why I should stop this wonderful game?”

“How about this; you stop this bullshit and you get to keep your head on your shoulders, deal?”

“And what makes you think you can threaten me like that?” In a split second I have a sword made of my magic touching his neck.

“Because I can follow through.” It’s amazing that he didn’t flinch, not even move a fucking muscle. Even with my sword at his neck. I still can’t even see his face when I’m feet away! What the fuck!?

“Deal.” I back off and he chuckles. “I’ll tell my ponies to cease the hit. Just don’t piss off any more royalty.” He laughs at his own joke, I kinda did too, it was funny shut it.

“No promises. Anyway, it was a pleasure meeting you, ‘Boss’.”

“Just call me Tiny.”

-What!?-

“Alright, Tiny.” Tiny and me laugh and I take my leave.

*Wait for it...*

“Just one more thing.” I turn back around and something is flying at me with incredible speed. It was even too fast for me to grab it out of the air. So the thing, which turned out to be another dagger, but this one has a straight blade, sinks into my chest with a *shlick* noise. Right where my left lung is.

*Ruby dull the pain.*

~Done.~ I felt warm for a second and blood began to trickle out of the wound. I calmly reach for the blade to pull it out, *shlick* but another hits my arm. Cutting the muscle and rendering it useless. Quickly this time I pull both blades off with my working hand. And with the combination of magic and tech, the wounds close up pretty quickly. As the last cut closes I look back to Tiny, who from the looks of it is completely caught off-guard, probably from the fact that I didn’t die or fall to the ground screaming.

“Ch, big mistake Tiny.” In one smooth motion I throw both daggers back at Tiny, he saw them flying at him but he reacted a little too late. One of the daggers landed on his right eye, and the other landed right on the snout.

It took him a second to start screaming in pain.

“Oh come on, that shouldn't hurt at all.” I say sarcastically, I walk over to his squirming form and stand over him. Now he’s panting and babbling coherently.

*Do you guys think I should end him bluntly or sharply?*

-Blunt.- Embris suggests. Emby and Ruby suggested that I should go sharply, majority wins so I hold out my hand and a sword fills in the empty space. Since this guy barely deserves a quicky, after getting one earlier, I end him without him even knowing. Kinda funny that there wasn’t much blood splatter. At least none spurted on me. After that whole ordeal I walk out the room and out the club.

“Get back here!” Until that big fucker from earlier decided to go for me again. He managed to tackle me, not to the ground, just made me stumble a bit. The bastard just so happen to be right on top of my wings. So I flare them out, knocking him off towards the floor. In a second my war hammer forms and I almost slam it onto his face. But something kept me from doing so, I don’t know what, but some force was keeping me from smushing this pony’s face two feet into the ground. So I resolved to let go of my anger, and walk away. Leaving the entire place silent.

“Good morning Ember.” Spark says. “You woke up hours before you activated me, what happened?”

“Oh two ponies broke into my house and tried to kill me, again.”

“Again?”

“Yeah, I told you Prince Blueblood put out a hit on me remember?”

“Oh, I remember. Did the same ponies from last time come?”

“Actually no. It was a couple, I think, but they work for the same business that royal prick hired. Apparently it’s some bullshit tradition that the ‘target’, me, isn’t taken out, every other assassin tries to do the same.”

“How does this explain you waking up earlier?”

“The two that broke into my house today did it that early. I dealt with them, asked them a few questions, took them with me to where they worked, spoke with their boss, got everything resolved, and now I’m here.”

“Ah.So that’s it?”

“Pretty much.”

“Oh, well do you have anything planned for today?” Her question left me a little confused.

“You know you can do whatever you please right? You don’t need to follow me around.”

“I know, I just don’t know what rules or laws to follow here. I don’t want to do anything that could be seen as criminal.”

“Oh, you remember what laws humans have right? I told you about that.”

“Yes, why?”

“Well the legal system, as far as I know, works just about the same way here. There are just a lot of obvious things they don’t have here.”

“Oh. Ok then. I guess I’ll be back later today. Bye Ember!” She gleefully walks up the stairs and leaves the place. Leaving me to do what I initially planned to do today; fixing the desktop Spark fried.

“Later Spark!” I head over and take a seat in front of the system. I grab the tower, yes it’s a fucking tower! I know there were newer desktops but I like towers, they're easier to work with. And you're less likely to fuck up the screen if anything happens.

Anyway, I grab the thing and open it, revealing the burnt cables and circuit boards.

“Fuck this thing’s done for.” There wasn’t a thing I could do that could fix this thing, I would to replace everything. Which I always could, still sucks that I have to. And I don’t hate Spark for it. I don’t even she knew this would happen. I sigh and take out the burnt parts, luckily the hard drive wasn’t burnt so my data was still there. *The motherboard isn’t fried!? Fuck that’s surprising.* Well, time to spawn more parts…

*Ugh, what time is it? Feels like it’s late evening.* After spending a few hours replacing circuitry on this damn computer, and it also turned out that there was more wrong than meet the eye. I had to replace and reconfigure EVERYTHING. Spark really fucked up the thing. At least the data on the system wasn’t lost or corrupted. And I’ve managed to fix everything else, the only thing left to do is turn it on. *Whelp, here goes nothing*

-Fingers crossed!- I casually press the power button and watch as the screen brightens up. And the Windows logo pops up. Which is good, just gotta wait for the start screen to load, and it does! YES! All my files and programs are here! Wait…

“The fuck is that?” I mumble. There is a new icon, but it doesn’t a little image like the others. It’s only a name; Exit.exe.

=What is that thing?=

-It probably got there when Spark left the computer.-

~I’m confused.~

“We all are. I wonder if...” I move the pointer to click on it.

-Don’t! The fuck are doing!? You don’t know what might happen!-

“Fuck, you’re right.” I get up from my chair, cast a shield over me and the hole table and its contents, distance myself from the table, and use my magic to make the mouse click on the file. And for a minute, nothing happens. Doesn’t even look like anything’s going on. But being the patient motherfuck I am, I stay a few yards away. I even start to back, because I’m thinking ‘the longer it takes the worst it’s going to be’. It was until I was starting for the door when something finally happened. And by something I mean the screen flashes the whole rainbow, pretty brightly too, like a rootkit 4.0 took over the system. A multitude of colors fill the room. Naturally I cover my eyes so they don’t fuck up later on. A few minutes go by and I think the flashes stop, the room’s fallen back into darkness, from what I could sense behind the lids of my eyes. I open my eyes and everything looks to be fine; no burn marks and the walls, floor, and ceiling, nothing’s cracked or broken, all things seem to be in order. And the computer looks like it’s ok. I take a closer at it.

~Be carefull Ember.~

“I know Ruby, just looking to see if anything’s still screwing up.” When I felt there was nothing to worry about I sit back down on my chair. And to make sure the computer’s alright I open up Microsoft Word and a few other programs. I had to make sure nothing happened to the system. “alright, everything seem to be in order.” And just as irony rears it’s ugly fucking head, a bright flash of white light blinds me. *Just my fucking luck.* I think to myself.

-You really are the luckiest person right now.-

*Fuck off.*

-Whatever, can you at least find out what exactly happened? By you know, opening your fucking eyes?-

*I don’t know I think I’m ok with keeping my eyes closed for the rest of eternity, bitch…* I try to open my eyes, nothing happens, except for, you know, the eternal void colored black. *I can’t open my eyes! What the fuck!?*

=This is getting too weird for me.=

*No shit Sherlock! Ruby, you have any idea?* No response. *Ruby?*

~Huh?~

*What happened, did you zone out or something?*

~Yes, something like that. I was admiring how we are in this machine.~

*... What?*

-How the absolute FUCK are we inside the fucking computer and how the fuck do you know!?-

~I can see through the… Camera? Is it?~

*Yeah that’s what it’s called. How are you able to see!?*

~...I honestly have no idea.~ I grumble a bit and a thought forms in my mind. If I still have one, being in a computer n’ all.

*Since we know what happened to us, why don’t we try to get, the fuck, out?*

-Right…- Embris pauses. For about two seconds. -I got nothing-

=Me neither.= If we were in a room all our heads would turn to Ruby.

*Ruby?*

~Yes?~

*You have an idea that can help?*

~... Well, the only course of action I see possible is to turn into that, flame, form.~

*... Are you sure there isn't any other option?*

~Seeing that we are inside this machine with no other form of help for the following hours, I don’t believe so.~

*Aw fuck me…*

-I would absolutely love to, but we're kind of stuck inside a fucking computer!-

*Shut the FUCK up before you get me pissed off!*

-That’s how we’re gonna get out of this stupid thing!-

*Shut the fuck uuuuup! I’m tired of you bullshit! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UUUUP!* I felt heat building up in very being. It kept building. *I HATE your smart-ass attitude! I’m tired of it, FUCKING tired of it!* All the heat eventually burst into an inferno of anger, turning the black void into a blank white plane. The white plane faded to my room. I look at myself and my arms are blobs of fire, but it was yellow colored, and more so the table I’m standing on is burnt to ashes. “This is what the FUCK I wanted to avoid!” Now Embris lost her shit.

-You think I give a flying fuck!? We’re out of that fucking computer!-

“Fuck you! I worked HARD on that fucking thing! Hours of work, all for NOTHING!” God my temper was boiling over. To this day I regret losing my shit like that, especially to myself.

-What the fuck ever, we’re back to normal and that’s what’s fucking important.- Embris mutters.

“Go fuck yourself Embris, you knew that would piss me off.” After I said that Embris went silent. I don’t know why but she loves to piss me off. And this time she went too far. “You better shut the fuck up.” I said as my anger died down. I gently dropped to the floor as the fire that made up my being turned back into flesh and bone. Still very pissed off. “Ugh, I need to get out.” I decided to take a stroll along the Everfree, with perfect timing too, as it was sunset and the sky was a beautiful mixture of reds, oranges, and purples with blue. It helped when it came to simmer down. And without any incident to boot, while walking I managed to get my mind in order and think things over, and even reconcile with Embris. She promised to stop with her smart-ass comments, as long as I don’t that mad at her again. Even though we both know that isn’t a promise I can’t keep.

Speaking of promises, I need to check on Chrysi, without wasting time I teleport to the front gates of Canterlot Castle, brief the guards and walk in. No matter how many times I walk around this fucking place I’ll never fully comprehend how many corridors anyone has to walk through to get anywhere, and not get lost. It’s a wonder how I didn’t get lost. Alright I did, tell that to another soul and I’ll make you wish you didn’t, can’t have my reputation ruined by some stupid mistake. Yeah it’ll ruin my image! What wouldn’t? What? You think they wouldn’t exploit something like that? Need I to tell you that Applebloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle did that a while back? I was lucky enough I wasn’t there for that.

Anyway, I managed to navigate my way to the throne - or courtroom as the ponies call it - room after a guard directed me, be quiet. The guards clad in full armor look to me, nod slightly, and open the giant doors with their magic. Guess there weren’t any cases today, and I walk in.

“Ember! Its great to see again!” Luna happily squeed. She stood up from her throne and trotted over to me, giving me a hug. Guess all those visits and the dream world made us good friends. Not that I don’t like it, mind you. It’s nice having a good, trusted friend for once. Luna just has this… trusting character. I know I can keep all my deepest, darkest secrets with her. And even if she were to tell anything sentient being it would only be Celestia. You have no idea how good that pony is at keeping secrets. And NOT hating you for what you’ve done.

“Hey Luna, how’s it goin’?”

“Things have been well. Today we hardly had ponies come and complain about their salaries being ‘too small’ and requesting larger pay.”

“That’s good to hear.” Celestia stood up and calmly walked over to us, stopping at Luna’s side.

“Good evening Ember.”

“Evening Celestia.” I perform a mock bow to the sisters, I was waiting for Celestia, and they chuckle.

“Very funny.” Celestia commented. “Had a good day today?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” I decided to not tell them about the ‘computer’ incident. “Nothing really eventful happened, though, I did make a friend the other day.” At that both their eyes lit up.

“Is your friend's name ‘Spark’?” They both asked.

“Who told you?” I ask incredulously.

“Princess Twilight sent us a letter telling of Spark, from she has said Spark is from the same world as Golden Streak?” Celestia answered.

“Not exactly, you see, I... literally made a new friend.” A smile, The sisters give confused looks before Luna understands what I meant.

“You created a living being!?” Her features go from confused to astonished. “There have been attempts to create artificial intelligence, but I never thought I’d hear it done this century!”

“How did you accomplish such a feat?” Celestia asked.

“Remember those parts I asked for a while back?” She nods. “Not all of them were intended to make that computer. And I also, ‘spawned’ a few parts that you weren’t able to supply.”

“I see, but what magic did you use to create Spark?” From the sound of it Celestia was a little pensive, for what? I don’t know.

“I didn’t use any magic, I just re-created the human mind in a sense with good-old human tech.” I said with as much pride as I could.

“What do you mean?”

“Well I had to create a complex program that simulated the human brain, and give it a thought process and a name.”

“I see...” Her tone lightened up a bit. “May we see Spark?”

“Of course, just today, or the next few days, she’s still getting used to this place. She should be alright to meet you two, I just don’t know if she’d be comfortable to come so soon.”

“I understand, can you promise me then that you will tell Spark know that we would like to meet her?” I nod a smile.

“I can do that.”

Author's Notes:

So Ember finally gets a much-needed break, even though he just destroyed the computer he built. Hopefully you guys like it! And I can seriously use some criticizing, I would like to improve as a writer and make better chapters for you wonderful readers.