You stare up at your bedroom ceiling, wondering what this glorious brand new day holds for you. Unfortunately, it seems to hold Lyler. Your window shatters into a million tiny pieces, as your ego did long ago, and in bursts the flailing, drooling, shit-stained creature that is Lyra's "special" sister."

"ANERN" she screams like a banshee. "I AM HER IN YOUR HOUSE. I FLEW IN THE WINDOW LIKE A PRETTY DOVE. COO!"
You let out a gasping wheeze as the pony lands directly on your diaphragm. Any illusions you had about starting the day with a good fap evaporate, as fast as the wind leaving your lungs.

"Why?" you choke out.

"CAUSE."

"But..."

"BUTT CAUSE!"

You give up entirely. On this conversation, on lyler, on life in general. Unfortunately for you, you can't easily commit suicide with a grown ass pony sitting on your midsection. Believe me, I thought about it.

Just as you open your mouth to let out a groan of frustration and hatred for your mere existence, you hear your doorbell ring.
"DING DONG" lyler screams back at it, like she's having an actual conversation with the mechanism.Before you can correct her, that it should have been "dong ding if she wanted to give a proper response, she leaps off your belly, like a bat out of hell, and exits the room in a smelly, spazzing flash of green.

You hear the sound of the front door opening, and then lyler's hearty "HALLO," and realize you have to get over there quickly, just in case this is your landlord or another goddamn princess or some shit. You don't need that level of embarrassment. You half stumble, half crawl your way to the front of your home, where you spot Lyler speaking to a strange, gray pony. He gives you the vaguely disapproving but polite side eye that only the gays can truly pull off, before he grants you a subtle smile.

"Oh... I see there's someone else here."

Not exactly the most polite introduction but you decide to give it a go.

"er, hi," you say. "My name's anon, and you are...?"

"Unimpressed," he says lightly. "I thought you'd be less... boring."

You've been insulted before. So many times. Usually by girls. But for some reason, being called boring really sets your nerves on end. Your face flushes, and instantly lyler begins to laugh like n airline taking off.

"HAW, YOU GOT ALL PINK LIKE A SHAVED RAT!" She crows.

Then, she turns back to the new pony, clapping her front hooves together like a retarded seal.

"DO IT GAIN!" she says, and pees a little on his front hooves.

He recoils, but gets the sense that he's upset you somehow. For some reason, that doesn't bother him.

"Well," he goes on. "This Anon here, he's obviously struck dumb with... no, wait, just dumb. That seems to be his natural state of existence, by the look of it."

Lyler guffaws louder, and your blush deepens.

"H-hey, what's the idea you asshole?!" you stutter out.

Impressive comeback. That'll show him.

He scoffs at you, and tosses his mane.

"See? He can barely even form sentences. What a specimen of inferiority."

You let out a growl and lunge towards this strange, spotted, jackass of a pony, and promptly trip over lyler, who is literally rolling on the floor laughing. The impact of your foot on her midsection sends out an erp of what you're pretty sure is partially digested grass and wood shavings, which you slip on. You fall, a little satisfied that you've gotten some vengeance on lyler for her earlier abdomen attack, waving your hands like you just don't care, your face quickly coming down towards your hardwood floor.

The gray pony smiles as you fall into a heap and begin to bleed, semi-conscious on the ground.

You gurgle out some unintelligible words, woozy and embarrassed, as he steps over your twitching, prone form.

"You know," he says appraisingly to Lyler "I think I could get along with you. What's your name?"

"MY PARENTS CALLED ME OH GOD WHY BUT YOU CAN CALL ME LYLER."

He takes her hoof, goes to kiss it, stops, grimaces, and puts it back down.

"Well, lyler, I am Schadenfreude, and I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

The two ponies step over your quietly bleeding body, and walk out into the world.
God help them all.

-The End-