"ANERN I'VE BERN WERKING ERN MAI MAGEIK WANNA SEE?"

"Oh god, I thought you died."

"I GOT BETTER."

You sigh, laying on your back on a park bench in Ponyville park. You were hoping to have a meeting of the tards with Rainbow, but Rainbom ate a tide pod or some tired meme and here we are.

"REMEMBER WHEN WE WENT TO BERNYCERN AND NOTHING HAPPENED?"

"Don't bring that up, please. Just do the stupid magic trick," you say.

"ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLRIGHT"

Lyler pulls a large wizard hat and robe out of her butthole. You notice small brown and red stains on it in places that look like stars and moons. You close your eyes and decide that checking out is probably your best option. You are in no mood for Lyler's shit today.

"WOULD YOU LIEK TO BE MY ASSISTERNT?"

"Sure," you groan, not moving.

"OKAY HUR WE GOOOOO. WOOOOOOSSSSHHH."

You chuckle to yourself, still not looking at Lyler.

"Wow, very impress-"

Then, you feel as if your nipples were zapped by 10,000 volts of pure battery power. You scream, you shake, your muscles contort. You fall to the hard earth. Then, it stops.

"WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK WAS THAT?!" you scream at the horse.

"YOU NOW HAVE SMOL PENER."

You pause, feeling otherwise fine. Then you shove a hand down your pants. By reasons that you cannot begin to understand, your 'normal' sized dick is now smaller than usual. And no, Anon. It's not the cold.

"PUT. IT. BACK," you growl at her.

"UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"I will actually kill you if you don't know how."

"I KNOW HAO."

"Are you lying to me, Lyler?"

She nods up and down vigorously.

"But I didn't say it out loud, so I didn't lie. I am a good mare," she says, her smile beaming.

You grind your teeth.

"Then we have two options. I take you to princess Twilight to tell her that you're doing magic." Lyler's face sinks. "Or you try to undo it."

A strange limp-dicked firework explodes from Lyler's horn, and then hits you.

You shove your hand down your pants. Then, you pause.

You rip down your pants.

Your dick is now a potato.

"FIXIT FIXIT FIXIT FIXIT."

Lyler begins to scream and neigh in fear. She shoots another blast of magic.

Your dick is now a vacuum hose. It begins to rapidly suck in air and whip around like an out of control firehose.

"THIS IS WEEEEIIIRRRDDD" you shout.

Another blast of lightning from Lyler's horn.

Your dick is now a recorder. Like, the stupid fucking flute thing you had to learn in 4th grade.

"WAIT. I GOT THIS," Lyler says.

Lyler puts her mouth to your dick flute and then begins to... this.

"PLEASE. NO. THIS IS IT. LAST CHANCE. GO."

And then one final flash of light, you feel your body contort. Your stomach burns. you fall to the ground, your ass in the dust.

Then, it stops.

You reach a hand down.

.....

"I GAVE YOU GIRL PARTS."

Yep. That's a vagina.

Well, fuck.

"Well, fuck."

"PLS NO TELL TWILIGHT"

You pull your pants up, which now feel quite spacious. You take a deep breath.

"Okay, Lyler. It's fine. I'm going to go make this work. I'm going to go home and... uh. 'test' this out, and then we'll decide if we need to go to Twilight, okay?"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY LYLER DO GOOD?"

"I... I don't know." you say, walking away. "But you certainly did... something."

Author's Notes: