It's your run of the mill day in Equestria. Well, as run of the mill as it can get when you take care of a mare named Lyler.

"HALLOW"

Lyler, don't talk to the audience please.

"OKAAAYYY."

"Who are you actually talking to?" you ask, staring at the lime green ball of crazy.

"MY BESTEST FWIENDS."

"Uhh-huh," you say skeptically, strapping on the rest of your hockey pads.

See, today is a special day. Not because you're going to play hockey. Although the idea of Lyler being some sort of defensive bruiser humors you and probably two other people to no end. Rather, this is the one day a week when Lyler is nearly unhandlable.

Lyler hops around Lyra's home happily minding her own business. Whatever that is. All you can do is hold your breath. You've been through this at least four other times. That is until lyler's cage- er. Quiet place, is properly fixed.

Lyler may be a complete menace to society, but there's one thing that can be said. She's usually very happy. Or at least, ignorant to the plight or irritation to the other ponies. Unless someone is directly mean to her, she's as happy as a clam that is a few pearls short of a scampi. Or something. I dunno. You got a better joke? Put it in the comments below. Most upvoted Lyler joke gets to decide what the next Lyler is about. Cool.

What was I saying?

"YOU WEERE BREAKING THE FORF WALL N TALKING BOUT THE HAPPS."

Oh right.

"Lyler, please, I'm trying to focus," you say to the horse who seems to just be screaming into nothingness. Again.

You wish you could say that's unusual.

Then, there's the sound of a carriage outside. Oh Shit. It's time.

"HAY!" Lyler yells. "THEY'RE HERE AGAIN."

"Lyler, now let's just calm down."

You look outside, and sure enough, two stallions with a rather large cart stand outside of Lyra's home and are walking up to three metal bins by their mail box.

"NO. THEY'RE GONNA DO IT AGAIN. THAT'S OUR TRASH. THEY CAN'T TAKE OUR TRASH. IT'S ILLEGAL."

"Lyler, please. It's their job."

However, you know it's not going to be of any use. You dart to the window. Because this is Lyler we're talking about. She's not going to use something like a door. Besides, you locked it. Things that take more than 2 steps to do are difficult for her.

"THATS OUURR TRAASSHH! REEEEEEEEEE!"

Lyler catapults herself at the window, well, more specifically you. Because you're in the line of fire. The mare's body slams into you, leaving you winded. However, you slap your arms around her and try to hold her tight. Her front hooves drape of your shoulder and flail wildly, slapping the back of your head and back as she screams right by yoru ear.

"STOP STEALING OUR TRAAASH! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT, YOU MEANIES! WHAT DO YOU EVEN DOOO WITH IT? I HOOPE YOU STICK IT UP YOUR ASS."

"Lyler!"

"I HOOPE YOU STICK IT UP YOUR BUM."

"That's better," you say reassurringly.

The stallions dump the cans onto their cart and then begin walking off. Lyler's voice cracks and you feel your shirt become slightly damp.

"NOOOOOO MISTER TRASHY TRASH WAS MUGGED AGAIN!!! THIS HAPPENS EVERY WEEK."

"Lyler, it's okay. Mister trashy trash likes-"

Wait, what the actual fuck are you saying.

Lyler breaks through your grasp and busts through the window, marking the fifth window you've needed to fix in five weeks. Not even Cheerilee is this needy, and all she wants you to do is bone her.

Lyler sprints to the trashcans and picks up one with a crudely drawn smiley face on it. She picks up the can, holds it tightly, and begins to stroke it lovingly.

"IT'S OKAY MISTER TRASHY TRASH. IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY. ONE OF THESE DAYS I'LL STOP THESE THEIVES. AND THEN YOU CAN COLLECT ALL THE TRASH YOU WANT."

You sigh to yourself, looking at the scattered broken glass on the ground, and the many cuts and bruises that cover Lyler's body. Well. What's done is done. Let's at least get her inside.

"Lyler! It's time to cook come dino-tendies!"

"DINO-TENDIES?!" Lyler exclaims! She gently sets down Mister Trashy Trash. "IT'S OKAY TRASHY TRASH. WE WILL GET THEM NEXT WEEK. THEY WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT THEM."

And so, the vicious struggle between Lyler and the trash man continues. Her only sworn enemy in Equestria.