Two months after Tirek’s death and subsequent explosion

Crow awoke with a pounding headache and an aching spine, along with six fractured ribs, a broken arm, a dislocated shoulder, several still-healing muscles, no less than fifty-six lacerations that required stitches, a lightly fractured skull, three broken fingers on his left hand, a sprained ankle, some internal bleeding, a broken toe, a compound spiral fracture in his right thigh, and a broken nose.

“Ugh, did someone get the number of the truck that ran me over?”

“No, but we at least know how you got here, Mr….?”

Crow whipped his head to the left, immediately wincing at the pain.

“Ah ah ah, don’t try that. You fractured your skull, along with a whole host of other injuries. Enough that most humans would be dead by now. So, back on topic, your name?”

Staring up at the… humanoid pony?... the assassin replied, “Cameron “Crow” Murder. By the way, what are you? And where am I? Also, where’s my stuff?”

Although he was used to stranger looking beings- he’d had to help out during an alien invasion a few times; stupid older sister and her heroic tendencies- Crow still made a habit of asking what people were when confronted by something decidedly non-human.

“Well, to answer your question, Mr. Murder, I am Doctor Strong Beat and I am what we like to call a unicorn. You’re in the great nation of Equestria, ruled by our great leader Queen Sparkle- between you and me though, I’m not sure she’s really all there- and your stuff, as you call it, is sitting in the cabinet behind me.”

“I see.”

Crow paused, lightly testing the limits of his movement range. Strong Beat quickly put a stop to his ministrations with barely a protest from the still weak and weary Crow.

“Hrmm… How long until I can get out of here, Doc?”

“Only two weeks and nothing more, though even after, you’d still have to take it easy. You almost died, after all.”

Crow almost started before remembering his injured state. Sighing to himself, he relaxed once more; he’d almost died before, after all. One more near death experience wouldn’t exactly do much to him, now would it?

So lost in his thoughts was he that he didn’t even notice the time passing, until almost half an hour later, when a nurse informed him that the Queen had come to see him.

The queen strolled in decked out in full regalia, nearly blinding Crow with her sheer presence before he got a good look at her face.

“Hey! You’re that girl I saved…. like…. what was it… two?... months ago!” Crow shouted, realizing his mistake a second later, “Ah, heh… sorry about that your highness…”

“It’s fine, Mr… Crow, was it?” Surprisingly, the queen was rather easy to talk to. Perhaps she was new?

“Ah, yeah, well, that’s just a nickname. My name is Murder. Cameron Murder, at your service. Professional assassin, eighteen years old, registered superhero, and student straight out of my secondary schooling. I’d bow, but, well…” He motioned towards himself. The queen nodded, seemingly distracted by his words.

“I see. Well, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and I’m currently the reigning queen of Equestria by popular election. You know, you caused me a lot of paperwork these past few months.” She frowned down at him half-heartedly.

“I apologize, majesty, but I had no idea that my unintentional arrival would cause such ripples.”

She waved him off with a slight giggle, “It’s fine, it’s fine. Well, since you’ve been in a coma for the last two months, would you like to catch up on anything? I know that you may not be from this world, but I think that history would be nice for you.”

The injured man thought about the offer, “Eh, sure, why not. I could stand to learn more about the world I now live in.”

As the both settled into more comfortable positions, Twilight spoke, “Well, I guess some backstory is important if you don’t want to get lost. A little over two months ago, the land of Equestria was ruled by two Princesses, Celestia and Luna. The being that you k-killed… was Lord Tirek, a centaur that had been imprisoned in Tartarus until recently. Tirek has the ability to steal the magic from any being he encounters, and he stole enough magic to reduce almost all of the population to magic-less shells of their former selves.” She swallowed uncomfortably, “Tirek nearly drained my magic himself when you came in. But, that’s not all.” She steeled herself, “The Princesses had gifted me with almost all of their magic, hoping that I would protect it and keep the Sun and Moon from falling into Tirek’s control. Unfortunately, I managed to use all of it before you came and destroyed Tirek. I managed to gift back their control of the Sun and Moon, but they were no longer fit to rule.” Twilight’s head dropped into her hands as Crow processed the information.

“So… what happened next?”

“Well, after I’d returned the Princesses’ magic…. or what was left of it…. oh, I almost forgot; there’s one other Princess that gave her magic to me, but I never used hers. Her name is Cadence and she's my sister in law. She rules the Crystal Empire in the north.” Twilight seemed a bit out of it, just a tiny bit disheveled from her new station.

“Go on…”

“Well, after you defeated Tirek, I was elected into office, since the Princesses were weakened so much. And it’s been two months since then; I’ve been visiting every day, hoping to thank you for saving Equestria.” She blushed again, slightly embarrassed about her daily visits.

Crow also blushed, not used to anyone caring for him that much; not even his late parents had visited that often whenever he was injured.

“A-ah, it’s nothing, your highness… I just like helping people…. and assassinating some of them…” Crow stuttered, quietly mumbling the last part before Twilight could hear him.

“What was that?”

“Nothing!”

“...” She decided to let that one go, her savior was still injured after all, and pressing for answers too hastily might only worsen the wounds.

“Anyway, I, Queen Twilight Sparkle do bestow upon thee, Crow Murder, the title of Knight of the Realm in return for services to the nation of Equestria! As I have said so, so mote it be!” A bright flash of light filled the room as a large, ornate scroll dropped into existence and unfurled, revealing a list of names, all of them crossed out. The scroll unfurled further, revealing a blank space and popping out a quill, the writing instrument glistening with ink as it fell into Crow’s unbroken hand.

“I…. what?”

“I… okay then. Well, since it’s already official, I might as well…” Though normally Crow would be much more suspicious, he was hopped up on painkillers and somehow felt that the woman in front of him could be trusted, even though he barely knew her.

The strange childhood dream of becoming a knight in shining armor also held some weight regarding his decision.

With a pained flourish and a half concealed wince, Crow’s name wound up as the most recent entry on a long, long list of the highest ranking knight positions in all of Equestria. A flash of magenta light sealed the scroll once more, blinding the occupants of the room. When the light died down, Crow was standing, apparently mostly healed, though some minor bruising and scabbing was still present, and once again dressed in his mission clothes.

“The fuck just happened!?” he cried, noticing his new position.

Twilight blinked the spots from her eyes and replied, “The Knight of the Realm title manifests as a rapid acceleration in the recipient’s healing process, and the act of signing the contract allows the contract to somewhat reverse causality and return the Knight to near their prime condition should they be injured at the time of signage. However, the contract is rather limited, seeing as it is only an acceleration of the healing process, not regeneration, which is why you’re still slightly injured.”

Crow grunted and adjusted his slightly crooked collar, flipping his feathery hood onto his head and flaring out his coat. “Have to make sure the newest Knight can go into service as soon as possible, yeah? So, your highness, what should your newest subject do first?”

“Well, since Equestria’s fairly peaceful most of the time… well, I guess that’s not true…” Twilight trailed off as she stood in the doorway.

“Eh?”

“The whole world seems to have some disaster, random monster attack, villain attack, etc every week or so. Last week the Manehattan Power Ponies had to deal with the Maneiac for the fifth time this month while the Fillydelphia Marevengers had to save the city from a minor alien invasion.”

“....” Crow stopped and stared at the queen, “Holy… our worlds are almost the same…”

“Oh that’s right, you mentioned being a registered superhero.” she muttered, motioning for Crow to follow.

And thus, Crow became the Queen’s personal bodyguard, as modern vernacular would put it. Though, considering the relative lack of danger around Ponyville, there wasn’t much need for a superhero or a bodyguard, and thus Crow was relegated butler duty, though he had also been shuffled into the newly formed Equestrian Black Ops division as the second in command, just under the Director; a newly found and reformed, though no longer technically a Queen, Chrysalis.

Author's Notes:

UGGGGHHHHH THIS CHAPTER
*Flips out in silent rage*
WHY DO I SUCK SO MUCH AT WRITING MINOR FILLER CONTENT WITH PLOT POINTS IN IT