A time I'm not too fond of recollecting was when I was trapped in stone.

I know, big shocker. I don't think anyone would enjoy spending a thousand plus years as a statue, but I don't think you realize just how horrible it was.

When it first happened I was laughing at something Celestia had said and the next minute I couldn't move. I don't just mean physically--I couldn't flex my magical muscles either. I felt panic shoot through me as I willed myself to stir in any way possible. Yet I couldn't. I felt numb, like the edges of my being were verging on pins and needles. My mind still worked; I was completely conscious but nothing else would budge.  If you've ever felt what medical doctors term "sleep paralysis" then you have some concept of the horror I was beginning to feel.

"Hey...hey...?" I didn't so much say as think (I couldn't do much else.)

"Very funny, guys. Good one. Touché ! Good show, and all that."

Silence.

Surely they would come back and release me? Surely? Ponies were all about friendship and harmony, weren't they? Those may not be concepts I understood but ponykind weren't cruel, were they?

Eventually I changed my mind on that.

I screamed every curse word under the sun I could think of at them. I called them horrible things, I fantasized about ripping their wings off and stomping on them. I had never felt such rage and terror. How could they do this? How?

Sure, I did cause all the crops to fail through a massive influx of rats, and I did start an infestation of parasprites and I did cause a lot of strife, but that wasn't enough to put me into stone.

I think it might have been because I inadvertently started a war.

You know me, I can't help but provoke people, and I may have said the wrong things to the wrong people here and there (possibly Royalty), but it resulted in bloodshed. This was not my intention, but as usual I was blamed for it. Blah blah, you can't keep your mouth shut Discord. Why did you have to tell the King in this particular part of Equestria that his Queen was sleeping with this other King in the Crystal Empire and he got so jealous he launched a campaign against all of the Royals in Equestria because he was a bit of a madman? Hmmm? Why can't you mind your own business?

I once spent several hours sobbing and howling until I was hoarse.

I spent days talking to myself. Babbling incoherently at nothing and no one. I just needed the sound to reassure myself that I was still there--that I still existed.

I could hear everything around me. In a way, this was both a blessing and a curse.

Listening to people around me meant I had something to do. Something to keep my mind occupied. I spent a lot of time trying to listen out for information that could potentially free me from my prison. But listening to people also meant I could hear them going about their lives. Something I was no longer capable of doing while encased in stone.

I could hear couples when they passed me in the night. They often used the garden my statue was placed in as a lover's tryst. The sounds of pleasure were painful to listen to.

As were the sounds of laughter when people passed by on daily walks. They could move, they could laugh. I could do neither.

Something strange began to happen. Sometimes I would block the sound out, and go into what I can only define as a “quiet place.” It was dark there. But also peaceful. I felt nothing, no passage of time or pain or frustration. Then without warning, I would snap back into reality and the sound of laughing foals or chatty families would fill my ears again and I'd realize with a shock that the people's voices I was hearing were markedly different in lingo and in the current events they would discuss. Which could only mean one thing: the passage of time.

I was losing track of time. In a way this was inevitable --- I had no clocks and no way of looking at the sun and the moon moving across the sky. I was frozen in a dark place with only my mind for company.

The moments when I went into my “quiet place” became more frequent. In this way, I was able to pass 1000 years without my mind turning into jelly.

Oh, buffalo balls. Listen to this sob story. I'm sorry, but I'm also not sorry.

No one could have come out of that with their mind intact. To say I came out of that statue completely card-carryingly sane is laughable. If anything it's a miracle I didn't become some bloodthirsty mage hellbent on revenge. But no, I made it a point to Celestia when I returned that I didn't turn ponies into stone.

So tell me, who is the more cruel of the two? Harmony, with its inflexible and static rules, or chaos, which always has loopholes and leeways?

Harmony, with its resistance to scary ol' change, or chaos which always at least will consider your point of view if its interesting and novel?

Harmony, which broke me several times over, or chaos which felt like aloe on a burn after all that darkness?

When I went back into stone, I was frozen in a position that displayed how much terror I felt at returning to that state.

How could they be this cruel AGAIN?

I was sure I was going to rot away the rest of my days in concrete. Sure of it.

Until Fluttershy.

I could hear everything Celestia was saying. I found it all laughable. Did she really think I was going to be reformed? Especially after all she had done to me? Screw her! I would continue to be a pain in the ass for as long as I existed. I wasn't ever going to let her feel as if she had won. Did she really think ponies displaying fake kindness so they could use my magic for their own ends was going to work?

I know no one truly likes me. If someone is nice to me it's because they want something. Xolotl wanted sex and to use my intelligence so I could help him destroy things. Baast was probably "rewarding" me for helping me bring down the jackals.

Celestia and Luna wanted my magic so they could track down bad guys.

Fluttershy was only trying to be my friend because Celestia told her to.

Even after we agreed to be friends part of me still believed this.

I wanted to believe otherwise. She was so kind, and soft. Plus she laughed at my jokes. Y'know, it's always a bonus when a girl doesn't run away in terror at the fact that you can remove your limbs and eyeballs and play golf with them.

I cannot pinpoint the exact moment I began to fall for her. It happened gradually.

Yet there was still a voice in the back of my head that insisted it was all an act. She couldn't possibly like me. She was only following the orders of Princess Pain-in-the-Butt.

Hindsight is a wonderful, wonderful thing. It also seems to slap you in the face at the most inconvenient moments, so I didn't really believe Fluttershy wanted to be my friend until I had betrayed her and I saw the waterworks.

Oh.

She meant it.

And something hard in me came undone and dissolved, because I realized after what felt like a lifetime of cruelty and scorn someone actually wanted me around.

Surely you saw this coming.

And even after all that she forgave me! She still wanted to be my friend!

Even now I feel some degree of bafflement. But I also feel extreme gratitude, among other things.

The boat ride along the river Neighle to the main city of Anugypt didn't seem to be moving fast enough, but in a way that was a good thing.

I'd been in a state of near panic since Twilight had dropped the bombshell that I'd been out of it for 11 years. I know what you're all thinking. I know. I can practically see your lips moving:

“Discord, this is all just a dream, silly! You're fine. You're still just tripping balls and when you wake up it'll just be an ordinary day and you and Zoena can laugh about it and make elephant bird egg omlettes.”

Except I knew I wasn't hallucinating, because of the way I reacted in the statue. Time reacts to me, the way it did when I was at the bottom of the ocean playing with fish, the way it bends when I stretch. Of course, it's also relative, which is why I can't feel it when it passes. And it's a bloody good thing I can't because if I had felt the passage of time the way people outside of the statue did, I would have lost my mind completely.

I may have been broken several times over while encased in stone, but at least I managed to put the pieces back together, even if they are somewhat wonky.

I lay down on the floor of the shaded boat and tried to get my breathing under control while Twilight and Spike continued to stare at me in concern.

“We thought you knew,” said Spike sheepishly.

“No!” I snapped, “I didn't know. I thought I was going to have a night off and it turns out I took more than a decade of nights off. And no, before you ask I'm not okay.”

I rolled over on my side. I felt nauseated.

“Is she okay, at least?” I asked, curling up into a ball and staring at the inside of the boat.

“Fluttershy? She's alive and well, but I think you need to speak to her. It's obviously going to come as a shock to her that you're alive and she was pretty upset when she thought you weren't coming back.”

“Well she had Pine to look after her,” I said in a wholly bitter way. I felt so rotten that I was through playing the “I'm not that jealous” card. I was acting like a stroppy teenager, and I knew it. And I didn't care.

“You need to talk to her about that too,” said Twilight after a beat.

I snorted.

To change the subject, I asked Twilight why she and the others had come to Anugypt.

“That's just it. We know why we're here, but we don't know what's causing it. Both the castle and Princess Celestia have indicated something has gone drastically wrong with the weather here.”

“Hey!” exclaimed Spike. “Maybe Di...”

He stopped halfway before he could finish as I shot him a death stare.

“What's that?” I said. “Were you about to blame me? Oh no, I can't imagine you people doing that. You're all about the harmony and friendship.”

“Well you're the obvious candidate!”

“Spike, stop that. None of this weather looks like Discord's handiwork. It's too...normal. Well, if you can call extreme wind storms and earthquakes normal.”

“Technically earthquakes aren't even weather,” I said. “What IS Celestia teaching you nowadays Sparklepoo? Honestly, some of the books in that library must be so archaic that Starswirl the Bearded probably used them to wipe his bottom when he was still alive.”

“Remind me never to defend your honour again.”

“You're fighting a losing battle,” I said, grinning and flashing Spike my rows of sharp teeth. “Okay, so the weather is going haywire. What does Celestia expect you to do about it?”

“It hasn't been an isolated incident. There was a massive snowstorm in Nickeragua.”

“And tornadoes in Prance!” interjected Spike. “Actually, that might be odd enough to be you...”

“Spike!” Twilight scolded. “You aren't helping by blaming Discord. What would Rarity think?”

All of a sudden the young drake turned red and looked flustered. I raised an eyebrow.

Twilight turned to me again. “We need to know if there's a common thread to all these weather anomalies,” she said. “The High Jackal and Cat have agreed to let us stay while we investigate the latest disturbance. We really didn't expect to see you here.”

“Okay...” I said, scratching my back by detaching my eagle arm and holding it behind me so I could better reach the itch. “I will accept that explanation in place of a good old 'sorry'.”

Twilight sighed. “We're here,” she said.

I was almost disappointed that the boat ride was over, as I was beginning to enjoy the familiar patterns of banter with Twilight, when I looked up at the dock and was jolted back to reality.

Five pony faces stared back at me, in varying degrees of shock. Pinkie actually looked excited. Good old Pinkie.

Everyone else looked like they'd seen a ghost. Which in a way, I suppose they had.

They were all dressed in the traditional clothing of Anugypt for ponies- gold bangles, flowers of the Neighle lily behind their ears and loosely braided manes. And that was my first sight of Fluttershy after 12 years: Her hair in a loose braid, a blue flower behind her ear. She was a bit more lined under the eyes, and had slightly more weight on her belly, but she was no less stunning. At that point she could have looked like a lobster with thirteen heads and I still would have found her stunning, but I'm not a great benchmark for that sort of thing.

Still, I'm a sucker for a pretty mare. And the sight of her hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized I looked as surprised as she did.

“So are you coming ashore or not?” said Twilight to my open mouthed face.

Spike had already hopped off the boat and was giving Rarity a peck on the cheek. He whispered in her ear and she giggled.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack made gagging motions silently behind the couple and I grinned at them.

“Discord!” shouted Pinkie. “Oh my goodness! You were gone for so long! What did ya bring me?”

I laughed “Hi, Pinkie” I said, stepping onto the dock. My eyes, however were on Fluttershy. I desperately wanted to speak to her.

“Right, girls,” said Twilight authoritatively. “I know this is a surprise to all of us, but we can't forget why we're here. We need to touch base with the High Jackal, so let's go get that sorted. We can catch up with Discord later.”

We started to move towards the pyramids in a group. Fluttershy walked beside me.

“So...uh. Hi.” I croaked.

“Hi...” she said, looking at her hooves as we ambled along.

Twilight put her hoof on my lion paw.

“Except you two,” she said gesturing towards Fluttershy with her head. “I really think you guys need to catch up on some things.”

Before I could say anything Twilight had run after her friends. Pinkie was shouting something about baklava.

Soon the group could no longer be seen, and that was when I felt Fluttershy barrel into me and envelop me in a hug, the way she used to when she was happy to see me.

I felt my world come away. I hugged her back tightly. Then I felt the tears on my fur and feathers as she buried her face in them. “I thought you were dead,” came the whisper.

“No...no.” I said gently, rocking her back and forth. I looked around the dockyard.

“Do you want to go and talk some place more private?” I asked and she nodded.

I snapped my fingers and we were on the front steps of a temple. We could both see people bustling down below, but up here no one could hear what we were saying.

Fluttershy was looking at me expectantly.

“So you first or me?” I said. “Though I admit if I try to explain things from my end it probably won't make a whole lot of sense.”

“I think you should start,” she said.

“Right....okay.”

Where to begin? Just say it plainly.

“Fluttershy, I drank some kind of tea when I was in Gallopgascar.”

“Tea?”

“Yes, not your kind of tea. Zebra's tea. It gives you visions. Anyway, what I thought were a few hours of visions ended up being 11 years of them. Except it didn't feel that way at all! I swear! I woke up thinking it was the morning after I drank the tea and all the Zebras were gone. I couldn't find them, so I came here.”

I winced at how ridiculous this all sounded.

“Why did you stop writing to me?”

“Huh? Fluttershy, I just explained that I was out of it for eleven years. I...”

“No,” she said stiffly. “You didn't write to me for almost a year before that.”

Oh.

“I...needed some time to think about things. I was going to write you back, I swear. I just...got sidetracked. But, I'm okay! I'm certainly not dead. I'm surprisingly difficult to kill, remember?”

“I missed you. You...weren't there.”

Something was off.

“I'm here now, Fluttershy. I'm very sorry I was gone for so long. I didn't mean to...time just slips away with me. Maybe it's because I've lived so long, but time as a concept just doesn't have the same meaning to me as it does to other people. Regardless, I really never meant to upset you. I honestly didn't know this would happen. You...you have no idea how glad I am to see you, Fluttershy.”

“But you weren't there.”

Something was definitely off. I decided I needed to know what it was before I put my cloven hoof in my mouth.

“Fluttershy, I think I may be missing something. Okay, I was gone for 12 years, so I missed a lot. Yes, I wasn't there, and I'm sorry. But you had your friends and Pine so you weren't alone. I...was pretty much alone until I met the Zebras.”

My ears drooped at the thought of the Zebra tribe. I really hoped they hadn't perished in the fire, but  part of me knew that was likely a false hope.

“I...I need to tell you something,” said Fluttershy. “About Pine.”

Here it comes I thought.

She took a deep breath and stared ahead with single-minded resolve, and I realized with surprise that she was trying not to cry.

“Pine's gone.”

“What?”

“He's gone. He left me four years ago.”

She took another deep breath then said, “He was a very loving person, up until...the incident. I...”

Her eyes were filling up with tears.

“Hey...” I said, feeling uncomfortable. I wasn't good with tears. I felt like I wanted to comfort Fluttershy but I wasn't entirely sure how.

Another deep breath, and she swallowed back the tears and continued.

“He left to take a job abroad, when he figured out things weren't working for him...for us.”

“I don't understand. I thought things were going well. From your letter you seemed very happy. Okay, I know that was early stages but from what you've said you were together since then.”

My paw lingered in the air. I wanted to hold and comfort her, but under the circumstances I wasn't sure that was the right thing to do. I edged closer just in case. Oh bollocks. I had no idea what I was doing.

"He..." Fluttershy's voice began to waver and she was hiding behind her mane.

"He went away, like you did."

I said nothing.

"Why did you go away?" she said, regaining control of her firm voice.

"You know why. My chaos was upsetting everyone."

"It wasn't upsetting me."

"You know that's not entirely true, Fluttershy. I upset you a lot when I let Tirek steal everyone's magic."

"That had nothing to do with your chaos."

I looked at her as if she had grown a second head.

"What? It had EVERYTHING to do with it. I threw you all under the bus because I thought I could be free and still be liked by someone. I was wrong. The only choices I have are to not be free and be liked, or be free and be hated. I can be free and not be hated by being away from everyone. That's the only way it's gonna work."

"No, it had NOTHING to do with your chaos," she repeated. "The problem isn't your chaos, Discord. It's that you hate yourself, and because you hate yourself you see yourself as unredeemable and you become a self-fulfilling prophecy. That's why you betrayed us all to Tirek. You don' t think you're good enough."

"Well it's pretty clear I'm not good enough! All I do is seem to upset you. I'm upsetting you now! Surely it's better if I stay away from Ponyville. That way I can never hurt you again."

"But I hurt because you left."

I groaned and buried my face in my hands.

"Fluttershy, I don't understand."

"I wish you had been there. But you went away. And you could have been there. I don't understand why you weren't."

"Because!"

"Because what?"

"Because it's clear my chaos just doesn't belong in Equestria. Because Celestia will always try to keep me on a leash. Because I would make your life very difficult and you don't need me to. "

"I needed you there."

"Why?"

"Because you're my friend."

"You have lots of friends, Fluttershy. Why me?"

"The...the reason Pine left. He...he thought that keeping the animals would be bad for my...condition. He wanted me to get rid of them."

Asking Fluttershy to get rid of her animals was about as ridiculous as asking me to stop being chaotic. It wasn't going to happen. What condition could she possibly have where he would have asked that of her? I asked her.

She hesitated, then leaned close to me and whispered in my ear as I listened, and I felt my heart break. I looked down at her in horror. Fluttershy would have been a good mother. Tender and caring. She would have blamed herself for what had happened. And to have her mate leave her at such a delicate time; It would have also no doubt have been embarrassing for Fluttershy to be abandoned by him. I know better than anyone that Ponyville can be full of vicious old gossips.

How could nature be so cruel to her?

I realized what I had just thought and pushed it out of my mind quickly.

"When it happened, of course he insisted that he had been right and I should have gotten rid of the animals or stopped running the sanctuary. He said he was worried about my health and the foal's health. But I know it wasn't the animals. I was feeling pressured by...by everything. Then, when he left because he couldn't stand seeing me “do this to myself” I started to question everything he and I had been through. He was loving, we loved each other—but he made me feel like a selfish person for wanting things. And I thought he wasn't like that. I needed you there because my friend, my BEST friend wasn't around to talk to. Yes, I have friends, but you were the only one that understood. It's like you said in your letter to me: "Unless you've been to a really dark place, you won't see everything in the night sky clearly."" You understood that. I could talk to you about that. And you WEREN'T THERE. I couldn't even write you because I had no idea where you were. Why didn't you come home?"

By now she was shouting at me and sobbing at the same time.

Needless to say, I felt like cowpat. A very confused, frightened and saddened cowpat.

I couldn't even feel joy at the fact that Piney Boy was out of the picture. At least I didn't have to feel guilty about that. At least I wasn't a total bastard. The thought gave me little comfort.

After all, I couldn't do the friendly, comforting thing and bitch about what an awful person Pine was for leaving Fluttershy when I had done exactly the same thing.

Yes, I hadn't asked Fluttershy to give up her animals because I was some kind of overly-protective manchild who thought he knew more about mares than mares themselves, but I had abandoned her. Not for the first time, I felt like a rotten friend.

"Fluttershy, listen. I can fix things," I said said in a panicked voice.

"How?"

I placed my paw and claw on both sides of her head, cradling her face.

"We can go back in time--like when we went to see the dinosaurs. I can take you back to before I left, and I won't leave. I'll stay," my voice was beginning to waver and it almost sounded like I was babbling when I spat the words out. "I'll stay...and I...I'll be your friend and make sure that Pine looks after you and doesn't leave and..."

She was shaking her head.

"You can't do that for me. If we go back in time, all the good work my friends have done over the years...they'll have to repeat it. I can't put them through that."

Typical Fluttershy. Always putting others before herself. So unlike me.

“So, please tell me the truth,” said Fluttershy, staring at me intently. “Why did you leave?”

After a long pause, I whispered, "Because I was afraid."

She reached out for me and I did the same for her  and she held onto me while I clung to her tightly.  By now I was crying too.

"Because I'm an idiot," I sobbed.

She hugged me tighter.

Because I love you desperately.

There it was then. I had finally admitted it to myself. I only wished I had done so in happier circumstances. But no, that's not what idiots do, is it?

I held her and we rocked back and forth, trying to heal each other through the simple repetitive movement. But I knew it was going to take a lot more than that.

Later that afternoon we caught up with the others. They all seemed genuinely happy to see me and Pinkie and Dash made me promise to play them at a game of Anugyptian chess later. Fluttershy said she needed to rest for a bit so she went to lie down in her quarters. The High Jackal and Cat had given us all accommodation in one of the pyramids—two large rooms with lots of cushions and soft seats. Though the rooms were walled on three sides, the third side was left open, and gave us all a spectacular view of the Neighle river and the city. The floor stretched further out so that just a few feet from our sleeping mats was a pond with koi fish and lily pads in bloom.

“I could get used to this life!” said Rainbow Dash, putting her hooves behind her head as she stretched out on a cushion.

“Where's Twilight?” I asked. For some reason I felt a desperate need to speak to the Princess of Friendship.

“Oh, after the meeting with the Royals she said she needed to de-stress for a bit.” said Rarity. “The poor dear still worries so much about whether she's following the correct customs of a particular country. We have our first proper council meeting with them to discuss a plan of action tomorrow.”

“De-stress?”

“She's in the bath, love,” said Rarity. “Wait, Discord, where are you...!”

But I'd already flashed into the bathtub with Twilight.

She shrieked, but I paid no attention.

“Twilight! I need to speak with you.”

“Can it wait?” she said through gritted teeth.

“No, Twilight, Fluttershy's upset with me.”

“I'm not surprised.”

“So how do I fix it?” I asked, gripping both sides of the bathtub and staring at her intently.

“You'll have to figure that out yourself.”

“I thought you were supposed to be the Princess of Friendship.”

“I am, and as a Princess I'm ordering you to get out of my bath tub.”

I shrunk myself and began riding over the soap suds in the tub in a miniature boat. “I'm not actually in your bath now, I'm on the surface of it,” I said, the tiny vessel chugging away.

Twilight rolled her eyes and groaned.

“What do you expect me to say? You were gone for years and she's upset you left.”

“What if she hates me?” I said, my boat coming to a halt. “What if she wants nothing to do with me any more?”

Twilight picked up the boat with me in it.

“She doesn't hate you,” she said softly. “If she did she wouldn't have been so upset that you left.”

“She was upset Pine left,” I pointed out.

“To be honest, I think after Fluttershy realized why Pine had left, she missed you a lot more. She still values your friendship, Discord. She knows you didn't mean to sleep for eleven years. It's just going to take a while before things get settled. You've both been through a lot.”

“Y'know, normally I'm glad when I make a mess,” I said. “But not this time. Twilight...she looked so hurt.”

“So make it up to her.”

“How?”

“You'll think of something. You're the god of chaos. You always managed to change things, maybe not always intentionally for the better, but they seem to work out that way.”

“You know, you're like an annoying little sister to me,” I said, grinning as I grew back to my normal size, making her shriek again.

“You are DEFINITELY like an annoying brother,” she said.

I took her hoof and kissed it in gratitude, then I snapped my fingers and left Twilight to her bath.

I stayed awake quite late that night and beat Rainbow Dash three consecutive times in a row at Anugyptian chess. Boy, is that girl a sore loser. She moaned for hours until Applejack told her to get some sleep because she was making too much noise.

Pinkie had passed out hours ago on one of the floor cushions. I'd like to believe it was because Dash bored her to death.

I went to sleep last, curled up on a large round cushion on the side of the room overlooking the Neighle. Lights in the distance were reflected on the water. I watched them flicker until my eyes became heavy lidded and sleep took me.

Xolotl was angry.

“But it hurt me last time,” I said.

“Maybe that's because you're frigid,” he snarled.

“Maybe you could be a bit more gentle.”

“Hah! The Lord of Chaos wants me to be gentle? What's wrong with you, man? Do you seriously think anyone is going to love us besides ourselves? It's just you and me versus the world. So we may as well get used to it.”

He put his paw on my back and pushed me down on my chest while I braced myself for the inevitable.

I woke up when I felt a soft weight on my chest. Bleary eyed, I glanced down to see the top of a pink mane. I could feel Fluttershy's soft breath where my neck fur met the feathers on my chest. Her arm was around my neck. She had undone her loose braid and her mane looked wavy and soft from being tied up all day. My heart leapt in my chest at the sight.

"Hello?" I said uncertainly.

"Hi, I couldn't sleep."

"I couldn't either," I half lied. I hadn't had a fitful sleep, but I had dozed off. Fluttershy had woken me up, but I was glad my nightmare was over. Besides, I wasn't one to complain about a beautiful girl visiting me in my bed.

Gingerly, I touched the top of her head with my paw, and when she relaxed further into my fur and feathers I gently stroked her mane. The back of my eagle hand gently moved up and down her arm. She must have felt how fast my heart was beating from the position of her head. Even in the deserts of Anugypt, she still smelt faintly of grass and something that was indefinable but definitely Fluttershy.

After a moment I said, "I would fix it all if I could."

"I know."

"You...you were right to yell at me."

"Oh, um. I'm sorry about that."

I laughed. "Oh, don't be, Fluttershy. I must admit I like your assertive side. Plus I did totally deserve it. I screwed up...again."

"You don't have to be so defeatist, you know."

"Oh, but I do or someone else will do it for me, I'm just pipping them to the post," I joked, though she must have sensed the edge of sadness in my voice, as she sat up and leant on one arm, looking down at me so I had a view in the moonlight of her green eyes and soft mane above me. She really was beautiful.

"Discord?"

"Mmm?"

"I know you don't mean to cause trouble."

I chuckled.

"Most of the time I do, Fluttershy. But I get what you mean--I don't mean to cause trouble for us. I'm just worried that I'll end up doing so whether I mean to or not."

"So that's why you really left."

"Yes."

She lay back down on my chest.

We lay there silently for about a minute or two then Fluttershy said:

"I like your chaos, Discord."

"You do?"

"Yes, sometimes I admit I find it scary, but that's only because it's exciting not knowing what's going to happen next. It's part of who you are."

She finds me exciting.

"Do you find me scary?"

I felt her smile against my feathers. "I did at the beginning. But it's pretty clear I don't now."

"Yes, mares don't tend to hug things they find scary, I must say."

She laughed into my feathers.

I wrapped both arms around her. I think if she had asked me, in that moment I would have kissed her. I would have run my paw and talon through her mane, kissed her, made love to her. Anything she wanted. I would do anything for her. Anything.

As it was, the thought frightened me. I knew what I was like when I was in love. Xolotl had practically chewed me up and spit me out.

Of course, Fluttershy would never treat me the way Xolotl had. But the intensity of the way I felt did worry me. I hate feeling vulnerable. Absolutely hate it. Vulnerable is how your enemies get you, and I had a lot of enemies. Fluttershy wasn't an enemy...

Nevertheless, I felt that if she ever knew how much I loved her it could potentially be used as a weapon against me. If  ever screwed up horribly again (and I would. I'm me.) then she might not want me around any more. Or I could go back into stone.

Yeah, I'll admit it. I'm still terrified of being statued again.

So it's a good thing she didn't ask me to kiss her, or make love to her, because I might have not been able to resist. And we all know how these things work out. I'm sure eventually I would do something else to hurt her, because that's who I am. I am clumsy with matters of the heart.

People who spend their life alone usually are.

But...I could enjoy this moment, couldn't I? A few hours of having her here with me while I held her and she held me. I rested my cheek on the top of her head and inhaled the familiar scent of her mane.

Eventually Fluttershy dozed off and I listened to her snoring sweetly. I knew I wasn't going to get any sleep that night. My heart was beating too fast for me to feel relaxed. I lay awake lazily playing with strands of Fluttershy's mane while she slept.

Which was how Twilight found us in the morning.

"Oh! Am I interrupting anything?" she said, looking startled.

"Sadly not, though I would have loved to have seen the look on your face if you had been."

"Ugh!"

Fluttershy shifted at the sound of Twilight's voice.

"Oh, it's morning," she said.

"Yes, and we have a council meeting in an hour."

I got up and stretched my back, which made a sound like a xylophone as each vertebrae shifted.

"Great. We have so much boringness to look forward too,” I said.

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