Applejack returned. "Did you flush?" Pinkie asked.

"Eeyup."

"Did you wipe your ass?" Rainbow asked.

"Eeyup," Applejack said crossly.

"And wash your hands?" Rarity asked.

"Of course."

"With soap?" Sunset asked, grinning.

Applejack scowled. "Yes. Ah flushed, Ah wiped, Ah washed my hands, an' Ah used soap." She sat down, inspecting her cards.

As Sunset started to draw a black card, Fluttershy piped up, "You've got toilet paper stuck to your foot."

Applejack blinked and looked down at her feet.

Fluttershy smiled slyly over her cards. "Made you look."

The girls all stared at her, then exploded with howling laughter.

"Go Fluttershy!" Rainbow cackled.

"Wow, Fluttershy, I didn't even know you had it in you!" Sunset said, clutching at her chest.

"You girls are a bad influence on me," Fluttershy said lightly, stealing Pinkie's grape soda and drinking the rest of it.

Sunset shook her head. "Alright, are we ready to play?" The girls looked to her attentively. She cleared her throat and read her black card. "What's a girl's best friend?"

"HER DILDO!" Pinkie yelled enthusiastically, thrusting a fist into the air.

Rainbow laughed. Rarity rolled her eyes. Fluttershy ducked her head, inspecting her cards.

"Y'all are weird," Applejack said, shaking her head.

"Watch that actually be her answer," Sunset quipped.

"My cards are dreadful for this one," Rarity said.

Once everyone played a card, Sunset picked them up and shuffled them. "Alright," she said. "A girl's best friend is..." She looked at the first card. "Attitude."

"Well, it's true," Rarity said.

"A girl's best friend is...fear itself?"

"Only if you're Fluttershy," Rainbow said.

"A girl's best friend is...genital piercings," Sunset said.

Pinkie, who had just opened a new drink, did a spittake. "WHAT?!" she cried, choking and laughing.

"Oh man," Rainbow cried, wiping her eyes. "That's awesome!"

Sunset snickered. "A girl's best friend is me time," she said.

"Eh...that one's good, but not as good as the piercings," Rainbow said.

"And lastly, a girl's best friend is being rich," Sunset said.

"Also true, but rather boring," Rarity said.

Sunset shook her head. "Who has genital piercings?"

"Umm...I played that one. I don't actually have any, though. And you really need to work on your phrasing."

Everyone STARED at Fluttershy.

"YOU played that?!" Rainbow cried.

Fluttershy ducked her head. "Umm...yes."

Sunset shook her head in disbelief and handed Fluttershy the black card to a round of applause.

Pinkie tilted her head. "I dunno, Fluttershy...you might look good in a clit ring."

Fluttershy turned red. "I'm not living this one down, am I?"

"Not a chance," Rainbow said with a grin.

Rarity suddenly had a choking fit. "Oh. Oh my."

"What is it?" Pinkie asked. "Oh! Is the next question really juicy?"

Rarity's cheeks reddened. "Oh...no, it isn't the question," she said. "I haven't drawn one yet. I was actually looking at the answer card I just drew." She fanned herself. "Oh my." She shook her head and drew a black card. "Ladies, if I may? Ahem. 'Federal guidelines now prohibit blank on airplanes."

"Pretty much everything," Sunset said as she looked at her cards.

"Yeah, Fluttershy wouldn't even be able to take her clit ring on an airplane," Rainbow said.

"Damn body cavity searches," Applejack said as she studied her cards.

Once the girls had each laid down an answer, Rarity began reading them. "Federal guidelines now prohibit dying on airplanes."

"Well that's a relief!" Pinkie said. The others laughed.

"Federal guidelines now prohibit men on airplanes."

The girls laughed loudly. "Flying just got 50% cooler!" Rainbow said.

Rarity snickered. "Federal guidelines now prohibit pterodactyl eggs on airplanes."

"Strangely enough, I believe that," Sunset said.

"Federal guidelines now prohibit...oh my. Soiling oneself."

Rainbow snickered. "That should be a real thing."

"Federal guidelines now prohibit party poopers on airplanes."

"Party poopers AND panty poopers!" Pinkie declared brightly. This sent the entire room into a fit of furious giggles.

"I almost want to give Pinkie Pie the point just for that," Rarity said. "That was much better than any of the actual answers."

"Do it!" Rainbow cried.

"No no, we must abide by the rules of the game," Rarity said.

"Nah, Pinkie deserves somethin' for that," Applejack chuckled.

Rarity frowned. "Well...I admit, I'm having a hard time choosing between soiling oneself and dying."

"Oooh, that's a toughie," Pinkie said. "I mean, who wouldn't rather die than walk around with messy panties?" This earned her another round of howling laughter.

"Well, dying was mine," Rainbow said. "If you pick me, I'm just givin' Pinkie my point anyway."

"Soiling oneself was mine," Fluttershy said. "I'd rather Pinkie get the point." She giggled, covering her face with her cards.

Rarity shrugged. "Well...if that's the majority rule..." She flicked the card to Pinkie. "Congratulations. You won that round without actually winning it."

"What WAS your card, Pinkie?" Sunset asked.

"Pterodactyl eggs," Pinkie said as she scooped up the black card and added it to her pile.

"Okay, my turn," Rainbow said, taking a black card. "I get by with a little help from blank."

The girls took their time to pick cards, then passed them into the center, where Rainbow Dash collected and shuffled them. "Okay. I get by with a little help from roofies." She shook her head. "That had to be Pinkie."

"Oh my," Fluttershy said. "Pinkie, have you been date raping again?"

"Only when I'm really bored."

Rainbow shook her head. "I get by with a little help from natural selection."

"Well, we all do," Rarity said.

Rainbow spluttered as she looked at the next card. "What the FUCK?!" She broke out laughing.

"What is it?" Pinkie asked, grinning.

"Oh man," Rainbow said. "I think I already have the winner here."

"Read it!" Sunset said.

"Okay okay..." Snickering, Rainbow read, "I get by with a little help from a big black dick!" She broke into laughter, doubling over and clutching her stomach.

Sunset's eyes widened. Fluttershy turned very red and covered her face.

"Okay that's just...that's just...nasty," Applejack said. She grinned. "Ah don't know why Ah wanna laugh."

Rarity smirked.

"Okay okay," Rainbow said, struggling to recover. "Let's read the rest of these loser cards. I get by with a little help from being a motherfucking sorcerer."

"That...probably would've won if not for the big black dick," Sunset said, still chortling.

"And...I get by with a little help from lumberjack fantasies." The girls all laughed. Rainbow sighed, wiping tears from her eyes. "Okay, that round was awesome. Lumberjack fantasies...hehehe..." She sighed. "Any other time, that woulda won, but I gotta give this one to the big black dick. And I think we ALL know who had that one." She flicked the card to Rarity.

"ALL HAIL THE BIG BLACK DICK!" Pinkie exclaimed. The room erupted in giggles.

"Alright, alright," Sunset said as she took a white card. "Pinkie, your turn."

Pinkie took a black card from the deck. "What's the most emo?"

"Ugh, bad question," Rainbow said.

Applejack frowned at her cards. "Dammit...Ah'm goin' to hell no matter whut Ah play." She sighed. "Ah might as well get rid of th' worst thing in my hand."

Sunset sighed. "I've gotta waste a good card on this crap question?"

Once everyone had played, Pinkie looked at the first answer. "A woman scorned," she said.

"Yeeeeah, not so much," Rainbow said.

Pinkie picked up the next card. She looked at it and frowned. "Child abuse?"

Everyone stared at Applejack.

"Not. Cool," Rainbow said.

Applejack sighed and ducked her head. "Ah toldja Ah had a bad hand for this."

Pinkie sighed. "Getting drunk on mouthwash."

"That isn't even emo, that's just pathetic," Sunset said.

"A beached whale," Pinkie said.

"Don't cry, emo whale!" Rainbow said.

"And...the Amish," Pinkie said. "Wow. That...was pretty terrible. I mean, the question was bad, the answers were bad..." She sighed helplessly. "I just don't know."

"I kinda like the whale one," Sunset said.

"Yes, I think the whale is probably the best choice," Rarity agreed.

Pinkie sighed. "Yeah." She looked around. "Okay, whose whale is this?"

"My whale!" Rainbow said.

"Well roll his blubbery butt back in the ocean," Pinkie said, tossing the black card at Rainbow.

"Maybe this round will be better," Fluttershy said. She picked up a black card. "Okay...'Dear Gabby: I'm having some trouble with blank and would like your advice.'" She giggled. "This should be fun."

The girls looked through their cards, occasionally snickering or snorting. Once they played their cards, Fluttershy picked them up.

"Hey!" Pinkie said suddenly. "Make this one more fun by actually giving some advice for each answer!"

"Yeah!" Rainbow said. "That'd be awesome!"

"Oh. Well. Alright." Fluttershy brushed her hair away from her face. "Okay. Umm...first one. Dear Gabby: I'm having some trouble with nubile slave boys and would like your advice." She tilted her head. "Hmm. I'd say...if you're having trouble with them, you're either whipping them too much, or not whipping them enough. Also, sometimes the carrot works better than the stick."

Sunset snickered. Rainbow grinned. Pinkie giggled.

"Okay, next. Dear Gabby: I'm having some trouble with a passionate Latin lover and would like your advice." Fluttershy frowned. "Tell him to get in the kitchen and make you a taco."

Rainbow howled.

"Wow, Fluttershy's on a rampage," Sunset said, raising her eyebrows.

With a smile, Fluttershy picked up the next answer. "Dear Gabby: I'm having some trouble with guys who don't call and would like your advice." She frowned. "Stop being boring. Or put out more. Or put out less." She picked up another. "Dear Gabby: I'm having some trouble with a rival dojo and would like your advice." She shrugged. "Burn it down?"

"Oh my god!" Pinkie cried, giggling.

"Simple, yet effective," Sunset said.

Fluttershy picked up the last card. "Dear Gabby: I'm having some trouble with friends who eat all the snacks." She looked around the room at the empty boxes, bowls, plates, and other miscellaneous refuse the girls had generated over the course of the game. "Go to their houses and eat up all their snacks."

The girls all laughed.

"Okay, so who wins that one?" Rainbow asked.

Fluttershy frowned thoughtfully. "Probably...nubile slave boys."

Rarity squeed and reached for the card. Fluttershy handed it over.

"Okay, Applejack, you're up!" Rainbow said.

Applejack picked up a black card. She read it, raising an eyebrow. "Alright y'all, get ready...this one's a hoot. In a thousand years, when paper money is a distant memory, how will we pay for goods an' services?"

"Ooooh, I love this question!" Rarity said.

"This'll be awesome," Rainbow said, grinning.

The girls all laid down cards, which Applejack picked up. "Alright...ain't readin' that whole thing again. Here's what we'll be usin' for money in a thousand years: Hot Pockets!"

"Awww!" Pinkie said. "Dashie'll be broke all the time, because she'll keep eating all her money!"

Applejack chuckled. "Next one: A bloody pacifier!"

"Eww, gross!" Rainbow said, pulling a face.

"Clams!"

"That actually makes sense," Sunset said.

"Team-building exercises!"

"Laaaaame," Pinkie said.

"And th' last one..." Applejack stared at the card. "Coughing into a vagina," she read.

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie laughed like hyenas. Fluttershy meeped and ducked her head. Rarity's eyebrows went north.

"Oh man...!" Rainbow wheezed. "That...that...that's the best..."

"Yeah, that..." Pinkie gasped for air. "I can't...!"

Applejack chuckled. "Yeah, Ah gotta say, that's a good play. Who had that?"

"I did," Sunset said. As she took the card from Applejack, she said, "Alright girls...it's time. Get ready, because this is the final round. Six more questions. Six more points. This is it."

"Good, because I don't know how much more of this I can take," Rarity said. "I think I've cracked a rib from laughing."

"I don't think I'll ever be the same again after tonight," Fluttershy said.

"Yeah, Ah think Ah'm gonna need t' wash mah brain out with gasoline," Applejack said. "Where'd you even get this game?"

"Well...Flash Sentry introduced me to it, back when we were dating," Sunset said.

"Seriously?" Rainbow said.

"Wow. Imagine if Twilight knew Flash played things like this," Pinkie said with a laugh. "Hey, I wonder if they've got a game like this in her world!"

Sunset shrugged. "I doubt it, but...maybe? I can't really see Twilight and her versions of you all playing it, though." She shrugged. "Anyway...get ready for the last round!"

Author's Notes:

CURRENT SCORE:

Sunset Shimmer: 7
Rarity: 9
Rainbow Dash: 8
Pinkie Pie: 8
Fluttershy: 10
Applejack: 12