"I got 99 problems but blank ain't one," Sunset said.

The girls looked through their hands, frowning, smirking, or scratching their heads. When they played their cards, Sunset picked them up, shuffled them, and drew off the top white card from the small pile.

"I got 99 problems but a micropenis ain't one," she said, snickering.

"Well that's a relief," Pinkie said. "If any of you had snuck a penis in here without telling me...!"

Sunset shook her head. "I got 99 problems but too much hair gel ain't one," she said.

The girls looked around at one another. "So uhh...pretty sure we know whose that is," Rainbow said.

"I got 99 problems but sharing needles ain't one," Sunset said. "That's good to know."

"Yeah, seriously," Rainbow said.

"I got 99 problems but daddy issues ain't one."

There was some uncomfortable shifting from that one.

Sunset coughed. "I got 99 problems but some goddamn peace and quiet ain't one." She snickered. "That's a good one."

"I like that one," Fluttershy said.

"Yeah, that one wins," Sunset agreed.

"Oh good, another point for me!" Rarity sang. "And I'm next, of course!" She collected her point card, then drew a black card for the next question, waiting for everyone to finish drawing white cards. As soon as she looked at the card, she let out a melodramatic shriek. "OH, WHY ME?" she wailed. "OF ALL THE CARDS, WHY MUST I HAVE CHOSEN THAT ONE?"

"Whuh-oh," Applejack said with a grin.

"This should be good," Sunset said with a sinister chuckle.

Rainbow snatched up the card, read it, then burst out laughing. "OH YEAH!" she shouted. "This. Is so. AWESOME!"

"NO! IT! IS! NOT!" Rarity wailed.

"Ah, quit yer bitchin' an' read th' damn thing," Applejack said.

"No. I refuse," Rarity sniffed prissily.

Pinkie picked up a half-empty can of grape soda and waved it at Rarity. "Wonder what I can do with this," she said.

Rarity's eyes widened. "You wouldn't!"

Pinkie grinned fiendishly.

"You would," Rarity said miserably. With a sigh, she picked up the card. "Oh, very well. Ahem." Her face turned very red. "How did...how did I l...lose my v...v...virginity?"

Dead silence.

The rest of the girls EXPLODED.

"Oh. My. GOSH!" Pinkie cried.

"Oh my goodness," Fluttershy said, giggling.

"Oh, this is gonna be epic," Sunset said, smirking.

The girls took a full minute picking just the right cards to inflict upon Rarity. Rarity, for her part, looked perfectly miserable as she picked up the cards as though they were poisonous vipers, delicately sifting through them. "Ahem. Yes. Well." With a shaky sigh, she pulled out one card, read it, and made a very rude noise. "I lost my virginity...teaching a robot how to love."

The girls giggled.

Rarity rolled her eyes. "How did I lose my virginity? Five...dollar...sandwiches..."

Rainbow started cracking up so hard she almost choked.

One eye twitching, Rarity continued, "How did I lose my virginity? Finger painting."

"Whoa. Started early, didn't you?" Sunset said, smirking.

"Quiet, horse girl," Rarity said. "I also apparently lost my virginity to...heartwarming orphans."

"Oh, that is SO wrong," Applejack said, grinning.

"But according to this one, I lost my virginity to a death ray," Rarity said flatly.

Rainbow howled. "A death ray! Oh my god!"

"So?" Sunset asked. "How DID you lose your virginity, Rarity?"

"I still have my virginity, thank you very much," Rarity said haughtily. "But...for the purposes of this sordid, shameful game...I suppose I lost it teaching a robot how to love."

Sunset grinned. "Gimme," she said, reaching for the black card. She added it to her own meager pile, then drew a new white card. "Your turn, Rainbow."

Rainbow drew a black card and took a look. "Meh, lame," she said. "Why can't I sleep at night?"

The girls frowned at their cards, then slowly picked cards to play, sliding them over to Rainbow. She shuffled them. "Okay, this question is boring, you all look like your cards are boring, so I'm just gonna read 'em all real fast." She fanned the cards out in front of her. "Soup that's too hot, goblins, scalping, Stirrupeans, and global warming." She shrugged. "Eh, scalping." She threw the cards carelessly onto the table. "Who had that?"

"Me," Pinkie said.

Rainbow tossed Pinkie the black card. "Point to you. Your turn."

"Well that was a dud round," Applejack said.

"Eh, there's still some really good questions in there," Sunset said.

Pinkie drew a black card. "Everybody ready? Okay...'It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with blank.'"

"Oooh, this could be fun," Rainbow said. She frowned at her cards. "Or not."

Once everyone played, Pinkie began reading the answers. "It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with...another goddamn vampire movie."

"Ugh, TELL me about it!" Sunset said, rolling her eyes.

"And that they're getting involved with...flash flooding?" Pinkie blinked. "The hell?"

"Don't look at me," Applejack said. "Not my card."

Pinkie shook her head. "It's a pity kids are getting involved with...re-gifting."

"Oh, re-gifting is just awful," Fluttershy said.

"They're also getting involved with...cybernetic enhancements?"

"That might explain Vinyl," Rainbow said. "Or Derpy."

"How would it explain Derpy?" Sunset asked.

"She breaks things with her butt all the time."

"And it's really a pity that they're getting involved with women in yogurt commercials." Pinkie giggled.

"Some good answers there," Sunset said.

"Yeah." Pinkie tilted her head. "I think I'm gonna go with the vampire movie one, though. Just because I'm so over those. So who had that?"

"I did, darling," Rarity said.

Pinkie gave Rarity her card; Fluttershy took the next black card. She waited for everyone to finish drawing white cards. "Alright, the next...oh." Her cheeks turned pink. "Oh my." She giggled.

"What's it say?" Sunset asked.

Fluttershy coughed to suppress her giggles. "Today on Cherry Zinger: 'Help! My son is blank!'"

The others laughed as they started looking for the best card. "Oh, this WILL be fun," Rarity tittered.

"Ugh, I don't have a good card for this one," Sunset muttered.

"Me either," Rainbow said.

"I have the BEST one for this," Pinkie grinned as she laid a card down.

Sunset and Rainbow were the last to play. Fluttershy shuffled the pile, then reread the question. "Today on Cherry Zinger: 'Help! My son is...'" She picked up the first white card. "Doing the right thing?"

"Boooo," Pinkie jeered, cupping her hands around her mouth.

Fluttershy flicked that card away. "'Help! My son is...'" She picked up the next one. "Winking at old people!"

A round of light laughter met that one. Fluttershy giggled, then picked up the next card. "'Help! My son is figgy pudding!'"

Pinkie cackled. Rainbow blinked. "That's just really weird," she said.

Fluttershy picked up the next card. "'Help! My son is...'" Her eyes widened. "Oh my." She started giggling.

"What is it? Read it!" Rarity said, leaning forward excitedly.

"Wearing underwear inside-out to avoid doing laundry."

The girls burst out laughing. "That's perfect!" Rainbow cried. "Oh my god..."

After she recovered somewhat, Fluttershy read the last one. "Last one is 'making a pouty face'." She shook her head. "The underwear one definitely wins."

"Gimme," Pinkie said. Fluttershy handed over the black card.

"Okay AJ," Sunset said with a chuckle as she drew a white card. "See if you can top that one."

Applejack picked up a black card, read it, and snickered. "Oh yeah, this is a good one. There's a new reality show that features eight washed-up celebrities livin' with blank."

"Uh-oh," Rainbow snickered, looking through her cards. "Oh! Oh man! Oh, I've got the BEST answer for this one!" She slapped a card on the table with an overly smug expression.

"I don't," Fluttershy said miserably, laying a card on the table unenthusiastically.

"Eh, I've got a good one, but..." Pinkie shrugged and put hers down.

Rarity sighed. "I won't be winning this round," she said.

"I think I've got a good one," Sunset said. Once she and Rarity had played, Applejack scooped up the white cards and shuffled them.

"Okay," Applejack said. "There's a new reality show that featured eight washed-up celebrities livin' with..." She looked at a card. "Balls."

"Laaaaaame," Sunset said.

"Livin' with...the gays," Applejack said, snickering.

"Oh, that is SO wrong," Rainbow said, grinning.

"Livin' with...goats eatin' cans." This one was met with some light laughter. Applejack shook her head, then read the next one. "A bag of magic beans."

"WEAK!" Rainbow and Pinkie chorused. Fluttershy ducked her head, giving that away as her answer.

Applejack shook her head. "Alright. Last one is..." She blinked. "Passable tranvestites?"

Sunset and Pinkie burst out laughing. Rainbow stood and took a bow.

"Oh, well played, Rainbow Dash!" Rarity cried, chortling and clapping.

Applejack chuckled. "Okay, Rainbow gets this one." She stood up. "An' on that note, Ah gotta take a shit."

"Thanks for sharing," Sunset said dryly. As Applejack left, she looked at the score sheet. "Okay, girls...we've got two rounds left, and it's getting serious. If any of us has any hope of taking Applejack down, now's the time. If she takes a single point in the next round, she'll be unbeatable."

"Hey, the home stretch is where Rainbow Sprinting to the Finish Line Dash really shines!" Rainbow said.

"I honestly don't care who wins, as long as we all have a good time," Fluttershy said. "And...even though this game is...really embarrassing to play and very strange and wrong...I'm enjoying myself."

"Agreed, darling," Rarity said. "Still, I intend to step up my game." She smiled dangerously. "Applejack and Rainbow Dash aren't the only ones here who love a little competition..."

Author's Notes:

CURRENT SCORE:

Sunset Shimmer: 6
Rarity: 7
Rainbow Dash: 7
Pinkie Pie: 7
Fluttershy: 9
Applejack: 12