Once the six girls had settled around the table again, Sunset Shimmer drew another black card. "Whuh-oh," she said. "I've never actually had to deal with this card before."

"What card?" Rainbow asked warily.

"The haiku card," Sunset said. She frowned at it. "Umm...I think I know how this card's supposed to work." She studied the card. "Okay...you all have ten cards already, right? You each need to draw two extra cards. Then, you need to play three cards, in the order you want them read, to make...to make a haiku."

Fluttershy frowned. "So what if we don't have cards with five or seven syllables?"

Sunset shook her head. "Don't worry about the syllable count. It just needs to be three cards." She shrugged apologetically. "I'm sorry, girls. This is like, the weirdest card in the game."

The others looked at one another, shrugged, and drew two extra white cards each, then began studying their cards.

"This is a tough one," Rainbow said.

It took almost three whole minutes for the five girls to lay down their cards. "Alright...going in Queen order again," Sunset said. "We're going to do it slightly differently though. This time, instead of me reading your answers..." She smiled. "You are going to read them. You need to really sell it, girls. Rarity, you go first."

Rarity picked up her three-card haiku and cleared her throat. "Getting really high. Dying of dysentery. The folly of man."

"Whoa, that was deep," Pinkie said.

Sunset nodded. "Nice one. Rainbow Dash? You're up."

"Aw crap," Rainbow muttered. Groaning, she picked up her cards and, in much the same tone as she used to read out of the textbook in class, she mumbled, "My genitals, breaking out into song and dance, when you fart and a little bit comes out."

The others blinked at her.

"Umm...nice effort?" Sunset ventured. "Pinkie, let's see what you've got."

Pinkie picked up her cards and darted into her closet. There was some banging and rustling. A minute later, she emerged, draped in a black cloak, her hair completely straight and lank. She held a lit candle in one hand, casting an eerie glow over her face. "Poor people. Pooping back and forth forever. The inevitable heat death of the universe." She blew out her candle, then threw off the cloak, reappearing at the table with her hair once again poofy.

The other girls stared at her.

"That was...really disturbing," Sunset said, shuddering. "Fluttershy?"

"Huh? Oh...umm...alright." Fluttershy coughed politely, picking up her cards. In the most sultry, erotic voice she could muster, she breathed, "Tasteful sideboob. A sad handjob. The pirate's life."

"Woooow," Pinkie said. "You should do phone sex."

"Holy crap," Rainbow muttered, staring at Fluttershy.

Fluttershy blushed, toying with her hair. "Umm...please forget you heard that."

"Nothing doing," Sunset said, grinning. "Okay Applejack, finish this off."

Applejack groaned, but picked up her cards. "Okay, lessee here..." She cleared her throat. "Poor life choices. Pretending to care. Getting so angry that you pop a boner."

"That...was about Big Macintosh, wasn't it?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"No. No it was not," Applejack said. Her eyes roamed all around the room.

"WwwwwOW," Sunset Shimmer said, wide-eyed. "Ooooo-KAY then. Let's see..." She sighed. "Sorry, I gotta give Fluttershy this one, just for the phone porn voice."

"Yaaay," Fluttershy breathed erotically.

"Dammit, cut that out!" Rainbow cried, blushing.

"Okay, draw back up to ten," Sunset said. "Rarity, it's your turn again."

Rarity drew one white card, then one black card. She examined the black card, raising an eyebrow. "This will be fun," she said. Once everybody was ready, she read the card. "Why do I hurt all over?"

The others giggled; Fluttershy blushed. It didn't take long for the girls to pick their answers and slide them to Rarity, who swept them up and shuffled them. "Okay, let's see here...

"Why do I hurt all over? Autocannibalism. Oh my. Yes. That...that would hurt."

"Yes. Yes it would," Sunset said.

"I also hurt all over because of..." Rarity chuckled. "Horrifying laser hair removal accidents." She shook her head. "This is why I go for hot wax, personally."

"That sounds REALLY ouchie," Pinkie said.

"Alright, another reason I hurt all over is...not reciprocating oral sex?" Rarity frowned. "That has rather...disturbing implications." She shook her head. "The next reason I hurt all over is...an endless stream of diarrhea?"

"Well that'd definitely hurt in at least one place!" Pinkie said.

Rarity smirked. "Alright, one more reason I hurt all over..." She looked at the last card. She blinked. Her eyes widened. Her cheeks turned red. "Oh...oh my."

"What's it say?" Sunset asked.

"It says...50,000 volts straight to the nipples," Rarity said.

"OUCH," Rainbow said, cringing.

"That wouldn't hurt all over, that'd dead all over," Applejack said.

Rarity sighed. "Well, this is a conundrum. I can't decide whether to give it to that one or laser hair removal."

"Fried nipples, definitely," Pinkie said. "That one's too awesomely wrong to let go."

Rarity chuckled. "Alright. Who had the extremely crispy nipples?"

"Umm..." Fluttershy raised her hand. "Me. Again."

Rainbow's jaw dropped. "HOW DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS?"

"I...I don't know!" Fluttershy squeaked.

"Well, however you're doing it, you're beating the panties off the rest of us," Rarity said, sliding the black card to Fluttershy.

"My turn," Rainbow said. Once everyone was ready, she picked up another black card and read it. "What never fails to liven up the party?"

"Oh wow, so many good ones for this," Applejack said. After much shuffling and pondering, she and the others each laid down a card.

"Okay, what never fails to liven up the party?" Rainbow asked again. She picked up a random card and looked at it. "Sniffing glue."

"Just ask Snips and Snails," Sunset quipped.

"Eating the last known bison." Rainbow grinned. "Mmm, bison burgers."

"That's terrible," Fluttershy said sadly.

"Assless chaps," Rainbow said.

"It all depends on who's wearin' 'em," Applejack said.

"Taking off your shirt," Rainbow said.

"Again, it all depends on who's taking it off," Sunset said.

"Last one: spontaneous human combustion." Rainbow snickered, as did Pinkie, Applejack, Rarity, and Sunset. "Okay, yeah, that one wins."

"Yee-haw!" Applejack cried, taking off her hat and waving it around. Rainbow flicked her the black card, then grabbed a handful of popcorn.

"My turn again!" Pinkie said, drawing a black card. "What's my anti-drug?"

"GOOD QUESTION!" Sunset, Rainbow, Rarity, and Applejack all shouted back.

"And one of you five has the answer, so pony up!" Pinkie said, blowing a raspberry. As soon as five cards were on the table, Pinkie said, "And just for that little outburst, I'm invoking a new rule for this question! You all have to read your answer, and we're going in Queen order!"

"You can't do that!" Applejack said. "Can she?"

Sunset sighed. "I'm afraid she can."

"Dammit."

"And no taking back your answers!" Pinkie said as she saw Applejack trying to sneak her card back into her hand. "We're starting NOW!" She slapped the table hard. "SUNSET! GO!"

Sunset sighed. "An icepick lobotomy."

"Oooh, OUCH," Rainbow said.

"RARITY! GO!"

Rarity coughed delicately. "Laying an egg, darling."

"If anyone could, it'd be Pinkie Pie," Applejack said.

"RAINBOW DASH! GO!"

"Pictures of boobs."

"Don't need pictures of boobs, mine are awesome. FLUTTERSHY, GO!"

Fluttershy ducked her head and mumbled something.

"LOUDER!"

Fluttershy sighed and looked up. "A bitchslap," she said.

The room exploded in laughter.

Pinkie looked stunned. "Seriously? You'd bitchslap me?"

"N-no! Not at all! It's...it's the cards!" Fluttershy looked to be on the verge of tears.

Pinkie sighed. "Even if you did bitchslap me, I'd forgive you," she said. "APPLEJACK, GO!"

"Ah don't wanna," Applejack said.

"FLUTTERSHY, BITCHSLAP APPLEJACK!"

"Okay okay, sheesh!" Applejack turned red. "Ummm...uhhh...m-mah vagina."

Sunset, Rainbow, and Rarity stared at her. She blushed more furiously, hiding her face with her hat.

"APPLEJACK GETS THE POINT! I'LL CLAIM THE VAGINA LATER. NEXT QUEEN!"

"H-hey now, wait a sec there!" Applejack said as Pinkie flung the black card at her. "Ah...Ah never said Ah wanted t'..."

"Whoa, Pinkie, I didn't know you swung that way," Sunset said.

Pinkie blinked. "Actually, I don't know which way I swing. I think maybe both ways?"

"There's a surprise," Rainbow said as she drew a white card.

"Oh, umm...it's my turn now, right?" Fluttershy asked meekly. At Pinkie's nod, she took a black card. She looked at it. "Oh my...!"

"Ah already have a funny feelin' about this one," Applejack said.

"Oh, umm...are you all ready? This...this is a pick two." She looked around at the others, swallowed, then read the card:

"That's right, I killed blank. How, you ask? Blank."

The other girls erupted into giggles. "Oh my gosh!" Rainbow cried. "Awesome!"

"Oh my goodness...this is going to be an...odd answer round," Rarity said.

"Oh, and, um...I'm going to do that Queen's rule thing Pinkie did," Fluttershy said timidly. "If...if that's okay. I...I'm really not comfortable with reading the answers to this one, so...so I want everybody to read their own answers. Umm...if that's alright."

"Sure, that's fine with me," Sunset said.

"Yeah, I'm cool with that," Rainbow said absently as she looked over her cards.

"Oh, and..." Fluttershy ducked her face behind her hair. "I...I want you to read your answers in your best gangster voice."

Rarity raised an eyebrow. "Well well. That is a novel stipulation."

"Heh, this'll be fun," Applejack chuckled.

When the girls had their card pairs picked, Fluttershy nodded to Sunset. "Sunset Shimmer, if you'd start please?"

"WAIIIIIIT!" Pinkie cried. She jumped up and ran to her closet. A minute later, she came back to the table with six fedoras. "Here! Put these on!"

"Why in tarnation do you have so many fedoras?" Applejack asked as she traded her Stetson for a fedora.

"Duh! For gangster emergencies!" Pinkie said, rolling her eyes.

Once every girl had on a fedora, Sunset Shimmer picked up her cards, smirking. In her best Chicagoat gangster voice, she said, "That's right, I killed your weird brother. How, you ask? Extremely tight pants."

Everyone laughed.

"Alright, my turn," Rarity said. She coughed, then said, in a thick, raspy voice, "That's right, I killed altar boys. How, you ask? Chainsaws for hands."

"Oooh, scary!" Pinkie giggled.

"Chainsaw hands would be awesome," Rainbow said. "Okay, my turn." With a smirk, she said, "That's right, I killed Grandma. How, you ask? A mopey zoo lion."

"That...was kinda lame," Pinkie said.

"Oh yeah?" Rainbow shot back. "Think you can do better?"

"You bet!" Pinkie said. She tightened her face into a smug, superior smirk. In a raspy voice that sounded like garlic being dragged across a cheese grater, she hissed, "That's right, I killed bitches. How, you ask? Flesh-eating bacteria."

Sunset laughed. "Pinkie should get this one just for that horrible voice!"

"Oh my...did you hurt yourself doing that?" Fluttershy asked.

Pinkie shrugged. "Eh. It's a thing I do." She looked at Applejack. "You're up last!"

Applejack's brow furrowed. She coughed. "Uhh...that's right, Ah killed th' milk man. How, you ask? A matin' display."

"I...just don't even know where to start," Rainbow said.

Sunset shook her head. "So, Fluttershy? Who gets it?"

"Rarity," Fluttershy said. "I'm sorry, but...I just...really liked hers." She handed Rarity the black card.

"Okay, last card of th' round," Applejack said as she drew two white cards, then a black card. Once everyone had replenished their hands, she turned over the card, looked at it, and turned beet red. "Uhh...heh...well...dang."

"What's it say?" Rainbow asked.

"Yeah, spit it out!" Pinkie said.

Applejack scratched her head. "Uhh...well...shoot. 'Fun tip! When your man asks you to go down on him, try surprising him with blank instead.' Hoo boy."

"Meep," Fluttershy said.

"Oh, this'll be interesting," Sunset said, smirking as she rifled through her cards.

Rainbow coughed. "Yeah. We'll...learn way too much about each other from this one."

One by one, the girls handed Applejack their cards. She shuffled them, then coughed, tugging at the collar of her pajamas. "Right. Well...let's uhh...let's start. Fun tip! When your man asks you to go down on him, try surprising him with blank instead." She picked up a card. "Try surprising him with a pyramid of severed heads instead."

"Wow, that'll kill the mood," Pinkie said.

"Or, uhh..." Applejack picked up another card. "A balanced breakfast."

"What, balanced on his dick?" Sunset asked. Fluttershy let out a giggle.

"Or surprise him with..." Applejack picked up another card. "Fartin' an' walkin' away."

"Meh," Pinkie and Rainbow said.

"Or you could surprise him with, uh..." Applejack picked up the next-to-last card of the round. "A bucket of fish heads?"

"Gross!" Rainbow said, making a face.

"An' uh...last thing Ah reckon you could surprise him with is, uh..." Applejack picked up the last card. "A can o' whoop-ass?"

Rainbow broke out laughing. "Yeah! Awesome!"

Sunset snickered. "I like it."

Applejack chuckled. "It's a mighty good'n alright." She shook her head. "But Ah like th' balanced breakfast one, mostly 'cuz o' what Sunset said about...about balancin' it on his pecker."

"Dick. I said dick."

Rainbow snickered. "And here I thought that was the lamest thing I coulda put down this round," she said. Applejack flicked the black card over to her.

There was a knock on the door. It opened, and Maud stepped in, holding two big boxes. "I brought you girls some donuts," she said in a flat voice.

"Thanks, Maud!" Pinkie cheered, jumping up and taking the boxes from her sister. "Hey, you wanna join us?"

"That's alright," Maud said. "I have to give Boulder his bath and put him to bed. Goodnight, girls. Have fun." She left, closing the door behind her.

"Let's break for donuts, then pick back up with Sunset," Pinkie said.

Author's Notes:

CURRENT SCORE:

Sunset Shimmer: 3
Rarity: 2
Rainbow Dash: 4
Pinkie Pie: 3
Fluttershy: 7
Applejack: 5