Once Pinkie returned with drinks, Sunset drew another black card. "Ready for more?" she asked.

"No, but we'll play anyway," Applejack said.

Chuckling, Sunset read her card. "What are my parents hiding from me?"

"Hoo boy, here we go," Applejack said, shaking her head as she looked over her cards.

Rarity frowned. "Oh, I so do not want to play this card on this question, but...I would rather save this other, delicious card for a more opportune time..." Sighing, she slid a card across the table. The others followed suit.

"Alright, let's see what we've got," Sunset said, picking up the cards and shuffling them. "What are my parents hiding from me?" She picked up a white card. "Chunks of dead hitchhiker. Well that's pleasant."

"Eww," Pinkie said, giggling.

"A lifetime of sadness."

"Uhh...next," Rainbow said.

"Land mines," Sunset said, raising an eyebrow.

"Ah heard of wantin' yer kids outta th' house, but damn," Applejack said.

"A cooler full of organs. Wow. These are some real sociopaths here," Sunset said. Shaking her head, she read the last card: "Grave robbing."

"Wow, this one's tough," Rainbow said, scratching her head.

"Yeah...so many answers are so...samey," Pinkie said.

"Yeah," Sunset said, frowning. "I think I'm gonna have to go with the cooler full of organs on this one."

"Point for me!" Applejack said. Sunset passed her the card.

As the girls drew new white cards, Rarity drew a black card. "Are we ready girls?" As the others nodded, Rarity cleared her throat. "Oh my. What did I bring back from Mexicolt?"

A ripple of laughter went around the table. "Oh, this is gonna be awesome," Rainbow said. In two seconds flat, she had a card on the table.

Sunset raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, this is the best possible place to use this one," she said, laying down a card.

In no time at all, Rarity had a pile of white cards in front of her. "Alright then," she said, "let's...let's see what I brought back from Mexicolt, shall we? Ahem." She picked up a card, then turned green. "A super soaker full of cat pee. How...lovely."

"You didn't have to go all the way to Mexicolt for that!" Rainbow said, laughing. "You've already got a cat!"

Rarity rolled her eyes. "The next thing I brought back from Mexicolt is...a gassy antelope?"

"Do they even have antelope in Mexicolt?" Pinkie asked.

"I don't think they do," Fluttershy said.

"They also don't have sperm whales, but that didn't stop me from bringing some back from Mexicolt apparently," Rarity said as she looked at the third card.

"Jeez, Rarity, how big a suitcase did you TAKE?" Rainbow cried, laughing.

"Next is...geese?" Rarity said. She shook her head. "If you say so, darlings. And lastly..." She picked up the final card, stared at it, and threw it down. "Oh, honestly, that is simply disgusting."

Sunset grinned malevolently at her. "Read the card, Rarity."

Rarity stared at her. "It's...it's your card, isn't it?"

Sunset smiled.

Rarity sighed. "Oh, very well. Apparently, I went to Mexicolt and, for reasons I will never quite fathom, brought home two midgets shitting into a bucket."

There was a pause.

"OH THAT IS SO GROSS!" Pinkie howled, falling over backward and laughing.

"EWWW!" Rainbow cried, screaming laughter as she kicked and flailed her arms.

Fluttershy shot up from the table and ran from the room. A moment later, they heard her vomiting explosively. This only served to make Pinkie and Rainbow laugh harder.

"Really, Sunset Shimmer," Rarity said archly.

"That's what you get for the horse meat card," Sunset said. "And don't pretend it wasn't you."

Rarity sighed. "Oh, very well."

Once Fluttershy returned, wiping her mouth, Rarity flicked the black card at Sunset. "As disgusting as your card was, darling...I have to admit you outshone them all this time...so to speak. The point is yours."

"My turn," Rainbow said, snatching up a black card. She barely waited for the others to finish getting their new white cards before reading it. "During sex, I like to think about blank."

"Oh god, I don't even want to know what you think about during sex, Rainbow Dash," Sunset said with a laugh as she studied her cards.

"You shouldn't even be having sex," Fluttershy said softly.

"I'm NOT!" Rainbow said hotly. "It's...it's just what's on the friggin' card, alright?"

Sunset and Pinkie each got a malevolent smirk as they played their cards at almost the same time. Applejack frowned at her cards, then pulled out her phone. A moment later, a slow, evil grin broke across her face, and she laid down a white card. Fluttershy had a sheepish look on her face as her card joined the others. Rarity sighed and flopped a card haphazardly onto the table.

Rainbow swept up the cards, shuffling them. "Okay, let's see what you sick pervs came up with," she said with a grin. "During sex, I like to think about...the cool, refreshing taste of fizzy apple cider." She stared blankly at the card.

Applejack raised an eyebrow.

Rainbow frowned. "During sex, I like to think about...the south." Her eye began to twitch. "Oh goddammit."

Sunset and Pinkie began cackling.

"Uhh...Rainbow...you know Ah like you as a friend an' all, but..."

"Shut it!" Rainbow cried. With a loud groan, she picked up the next card. "During sex, I like to think about...holding down a child and farting all over him?"

"Who's the sick perv now?" Sunset asked, laughing.

Rainbow shook her head and sighed. "During sex, I like to think about...queefing? The fuck is queefing?"

Giggling and snorting, Pinkie leaned in and whispered in Rainbow's ear. Rainbow turned green. "Gross!"

"Pretty accurate, though," Sunset said. "Or so I've heard."

Rainbow groaned. "Last one says incest. Gah. Who played that?"

"Sorry," Fluttershy said. "It's the only thing I had that made sense."

Rainbow flipped her off. "I hate all of you right now. You know that, right?"

"We know," Sunset said. "But we still love you. So, who wins?"

"Your butt wins. My foot," Rainbow grumbled. "The fizzy apple cider one, because the rest are just stupid."

"Yay!" Pinkie cheered. "I'm the least stupid girl here!" She accepted her Awesome Point with a little shake of her bootie, then drew a white card and a black card.

"Can we please stop making this game nasty and personal now?" Rarity asked.

"Ah second that," Applejack said.

"It's just the cards making it that way," Sunset said.

"Okay, is everybody ready?" Pinkie asked. When the others had their cards in order, Pinkie read the black card. "Ooh, this one's pretty safe: 'What don't you want to find in your Kung Pao chicken?'"

The girls laughed, then looked at their cards. "Ugh, I don't have anything good for this one," Sunset said.

"Neither do I," Rarity sighed.

Once the girls put their cards in, Pinkie mixed them up. "Okay, here's a list of five things you don't want to find in your Kung Pao chicken. First up: opposable thumbs!"

"I'd think you wouldn't want to find thumbs in it at all," Sunset said.

"Second: Homeless people!"

"Or any kind of people," Applejack said.

"Next: 72 virgins!"

"I ordered mine with 73 virgins, and I want all 73, dammit!" Rainbow said. The others snickered.

Pinkie giggled, then said, "Next: centaurs!"

They all looked at Sunset. "Hey, do they even have centaurs where you come from?" Pinkie wondered.

Sunset frowned. "I've only ever heard of one. He was...he was one of the most evil criminals in Equestrian history."

"Oh. Well that sucks. Okay, last thing you don't want to find in your Kung Pao chicken: a salty surprise."

Rainbow gagged. "Oh god."

Sunset's forehead crinkled. "Nasty."

"What?" Fluttershy asked. "Nobody wants to find too much salt in their food."

Rainbow whispered something into Fluttershy's ear. Fluttershy turned pale. "Oh. Oh my."

"I think I'm gonna give the 72 virgins one the win this time," Pinkie said.

"Oh, um...that's me," Fluttershy said.

"Here she goes again," Rainbow muttered as Fluttershy took another Awesome Point, then drew the next black card to play.

"She's smokin' us," Applejack said as she took a white card.

Once everyone was ready, Fluttershy read her card. "Coming soon to Bridleway: Blank, The Musical."

"Oooh, I like that one," Pinkie said.

Once the girls played their cards, Fluttershy picked them up. "Okay...um...Coming soon to Bridleway..." She looked at the first card, then blushed. "Concealing a Boner: The Musical."

Rainbow snickered. Pinkie giggled.

"Umm...oh! I like this one. Vigorous Jazz Hands: The Musical."

"Eh, kinda lame," Rainbow said.

"It fits real well though," Applejack said.

"Vigilante Justice: The Musical."

"Didn't they already do that? Like, twice?" Pinkie asked.

"Umm...oh my. This one's really nasty. Foreskin: The Musical."

"Ewww, gross!" Rainbow said, laughing.

"Another circumcision joke? Seriously?" Sunset asked.

"And last...oh...umm..." Fluttershy stared at the card, her mouth working like a fish. "Umm...oh...oh my..."

"Just read it," Applejack said tiredly.

"Well...a-alright..." Fluttershy swallowed, took a deep breath, and...

"Firing a Rifle Into the Air While Balls-Deep in a Squealing Hog. Umm...The Musical."

There was a long pause.

"...WHAT?!" Rainbow Dash roared.

"Please don't make me say it again," Fluttershy said quietly.

Sunset snatched the card away from her, read it, and burst out laughing. "Oh sweet Celestia that is the most fucked up thing I have ever read." She passed the card around the room; Rainbow and Pinkie exploded into laughter, while Rarity affected an air of disgust.

Applejack folded her arms smugly.

"That was yours, wasn't it AJ?" Sunset asked.

"Eeyup."

"Damn, girl," Sunset said, laughing.

Fluttershy ducked her head. "W-well...I liked the jazz hands one the most, but...but...Applejack can have this point," Fluttershy said, handing Applejack the card.

Applejack tipped her hat. "Much obliged. An' Ah finish off th' round again, right?" She drew a white card and a black card. Once everyone was ready, she read the card. "What gets better with age?" She smirked. "This oughta be good."

Once the cards were played, Applejack shuffled them and started. "What gets better with age?" She picked up the first white card. "My sex life."

"Eh," Rainbow said dismissively.

Applejack picked up the second card. She raised an eyebrow. "Walkin' half-nekkid in a Hinny's parkin' lot."

Fluttershy giggled. "Okay, that's actually pretty funny." The others laughed.

"The next thing that gets better with age is...lickin' things to claim 'em as yer own. Whut th' huh?"

"That doesn't even make sense in any context," Rarity said.

Applejack shook her head. "Next is...sweet, sweet vengeance." She shrugged. "An' last is..." She spluttered. "Sapphire Shores' vagina?!"

The room erupted into laughter.

"Heh...okay, that one's pretty good," Sunset said. "But I think I like the Hinny's one better. It's just...so out there."

"Yeah," Applejack said. "Ah think Ah'm givin' th' nekkid at Hinny's thing th' point."

"YES!" Rarity exclaimed. "Rarity has FINALLY ARRIVED!"

Applejack chuckled. "Good work, Rarity. Here ya go." She stood up and stretched. "Alright, Ah gotta take a leak."

"Me too," Pinkie said.

"I think I'll go pop some popcorn," Fluttershy said.

Author's Notes:

CURRENT SCORE:

Sunset Shimmer: 3
Rarity: 1
Rainbow Dash: 3
Pinkie Pie: 3
Fluttershy: 5
Applejack: 3