“HUNTY!”

“GAH!”

I fell from my bed in a rather awkward fashion, my legs hanging over the mattress and my shoulders on the ground.

“Ow.“ I moaned. “My everything.” I opened my eyes to see that Pinkie Pie was standing above me, looking a bit more smiley than usual. What’s got her so...oh…

That’s right. Today is Hearths Warming. As in ‘not Christmas’. Great. I’m ecstatic.

“Get up!” Pinkie squealed happily. “Getupgetupgetupgetupgetup!”

“Good morning to you too, Pinks.” I responded flatly. I got up from my awkward positioning, rubbing my aching back. And then I promptly fell back onto my bed, threw the covers haphazardly over myself, and buried my face in my pillow.

“What are you doing?” Pinkie trotted over to the bed and jumped up, laying next to me.

“Going back to sleep.” I responded, and then turned around so my back faced her. I have absolutely no intention of getting up today. I have a free day off, and it’s not even for a holiday I celebrate. All I plan to do is go back to sleep, and if I have time, brood. Maybe throw in some self pity, if it fits into my schedule.

Lemme elaborate here: No more Christmas for me. Ever. And apparently in this technicolor happy fun time world I’m stuck in, there’s a holiday on the exact same day that celebrates something completely different. A holiday which will remind me every year for the rest of my life of something that I once cherished that I am never going to be a part of again.

So yeah. Fuck getting up today. Fuck taking place in any festivities. Bah humbug.

“B-But,” Pinkie said, starting to sound panicky for whatever reason, “it’s Hearths Warming! We can walk around town, play some games, have another snow war, think of the snow Hunty, think of the snow!”

“Nah.” I responded nonchalantly. “I’m just gonna sleep. It’s a human thing. We hibernate one day a year. That day just happens to be today. Real pity, but hey, biology.”

I turned back to see that Pinkie’s face was all scrunched up and a hoof was to her chin, as if she was thinking really hard about something.

“I think…” Pinkie began, building up to her epiphany, “you’re lying!” She accused with a gasp, bopping me lightly on the nose. “Bad Hunty!”

“I’m not lying.” I lied. “I really do have to sleep all day today. It’s a real shame, but it’s a burden

I’ll have to bear.”

“Liar liar, plants for hire!” Pinkie recited.

“It’s ‘pants on fire’, Pinks.” I corrected flatly.

“Well you would know. Liar.” Pinkie replied, accentuating ‘liar’ with another bop to the nose.

I rolled my eyes and turned back around, hoping that she would just leave.

“...So you’re not gonna come downstairs?” I heard her ask.

“Nope.”

“For anything?”

“Nothing I can think of.”

“...Alright Hunty. You’ve forced my hoof.”

It was then that I felt something grip around the elastic waistband of my boxers and pull me- ah shit not again OW!

Oh hello floor, old pal.

Once I recover from my heads impact with the floor, I see that Pinkie has bitten down on my boxers and was pulling me towards the staircase. I suddenly regret deciding to sleep only in my underwear. If I hadn’t, this wouldn’t have so many possibilities to go horribly wrong.

“Agh, Pinks!” I yelped, already at the base of the staircase. “Bad touch!”

Pinkie mumbled something incoherent, seeing as my boxers were in her mouth, and I’m sorry, allow me to repeat in order to emphasis how horrifying this is, my boxers are in her mouth.

“Pi-ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!” I began, letting out grunts of pain from each individual stair that my head was hitting on the way downstairs.

I heard a small tearing sound, and nearly had a heart attack. Was that my underwear?! Shit shit shit shit shit!

We finally reached the bottom of the staircase, and Pinkie released her grip on the only thing hiding my modesty.

“Pinkie, what the heck are you...why is it so dark in here?” I asked in confusion, noticing that it was pitch black in the main room of the confectionery.

Pinkie flashed me a grin that practically shined in the darkness. Without saying anything, she moved over to the light switch and raised her hoof dramatically. She slammed her hoof down on the switch, nearly blinding me with all of the multicolored lights that suddenly turned on.

“SURPRISE!”

My vision slowly coming back to me, I saw something...strange.

The entire room was painted in red, white, and green stripes. Levitating somewhat randomly in the room were small orbs of light, also the same festive colors. In the center of the room was a gargantuan tree that actually bent at the ceiling and pressed along the ceiling for a few feet. The tree was covered in random everyday objects, from cutlery to tin cans. Hanging on the walls were several long fishnet stockings of varying colors, ranging the entire light spectrum. And across the room, each holding a wrapped box in their hooves, were Maud and Twilight, each smiling...which was a rather rare sight coming from the former.

Did they...no way...they didn’t…

“P-Pinks?” I asked shakily, looked down to my side and seeing Pinks smiling happily at me.

“Happy Christmas, Hunter.” She said quietly.

They did it. They really did it. I felt my eye began to water, the feeling of happiness overflowi-

I’m suddenly painfully aware of how I’m only dressed in boxers.

“Be back in a sec!” I shout quickly before running up the stairs as fast as I could. I threw open my closet, grabbed a t-shirt, slacks, and socks, threw them all on, and bound back down the stairs. The girls were at the base of the stairs, exchanging confused glances, but were then caught off guard as an extremely happy human scooped them into it’s arms and hugged the everliving fuck out of them.

“Thankyouthankyouthankyou!” I belted out, giving them the most rigorous glomp ever to be given. “I can’t believe-how did you-! can’t even-”

“Um, Hunter.” Twilight groaned. “Crushing lungs. Lungs are being crushed.”

“Oh, whoops.” I chuckled sheepishly, putting them all down carefully on the floor. I looked around at the decorations again, surprised at how much they got wrong but thankful that they put forth the effort.

...The fishnet stocking do raise some questions though...ahem, anyway.

“How did you do all this?” I asked in legitimate wonder.

“Remember that thing I had you fill out?” Pinkie asked.

“Yeah, the...Christmas...oh. Ohhhhh.” Face, allow me to introduce you to hand. I’m sure you’ll be seeing each other often.

How did I not realize that? Oh, so Twilight just happened to give me a questionnaire on Christmas the day before when it would have been celebrated, and only happened to ask questions that only involve in how to go about celebrating the holiday. Good job, brain. Really lined that up neatly. Only took a day.

“Twilight mentioned the holiday to me,” Pinkie went on, “and I thought that it was so sad that you wouldn’t be able to celebrate it like you did on Earth anymore, so we got the idea to be super sneaky and ask you questions about how to throw you a Christmas party!”

“That’s awesome!” I said, genuinely touched that they went through all this effort for me. “But, ah...why isn’t anybody else here?” I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but it’s a fair question. I mean, it’s not like it really matters. Pinkie’s my best friend, and strangely enough I’ve been talking with Maud and Twilight more than any other of Pinkie’s friends.

“Oh, the girls are setting up festivities in Ponyville for Hearths Warming.” Twilight explained.

“And the Cakes are out visiting family.” Pinkie added.

“What about the Crusaders?” I inquired.

“We let them sleep in.” Twilight said. Okay…

“Shouldn’t you guys be celebrating Hearths Warming with your families?” I said, feeling slightly guilty.

“Hearths Warming is only celebrated during the afternoon and night.” Twilight said, sounding a bit cross. “I told you that when I was teaching you Equestrian history. Don’t tell me you didn’t remember.”

“Eh heh, sorry about that.” I apologized awkwardly. “But what about-”

Pinkie jumped right in front of me, stood on her back legs, and grabbed my face with the sides of her hooves.

“Hunty.” She said with alarming sternness. “This isn’t a Q and A session. It’s a party. Suspend your disbelief for a minute and enjoy yourself, okay?”

“Excuse me?” I said after a pregnant silence. Pinkie let go of my face and got back down onto all four hooves, smiling at me like nothing had happened.

“I said the Cakes were out visiting family.” She said innocently, overflowing with bubbly charm.

I’m beginning to think that the sooner I just accept this, the sooner we can move on to getting Christmas underway. That’s just too motivating to get hung up on something like this.

“Forget it.” I said, throwing my hands up into the air, as if throwing all the fucks that I once gave away into the ether. “Let’s do Christmas stuff!”

“Alrighty!” Pinkie said happily. “What’s the first thing we do?”

“We rudley wake each other up to get us downstairs as quickly as possible.” I said with a smirk. “But it looks like we can cross that one off the list.”

Pinkie, for her part, looked down sheepishly and scratched her hoof at the floor.

“Sorry about that.” She said timidly.

I smiled at her and scratched her head, causing her to bounce slightly and smile widely. Heh, Twilight looks jealous.

“Don’t be.” I said. “You don’t know how much all of this means to me.”

“Now,” I added, getting on to business, “the next thing after that is we all exchange gifts. It’s not really necessary, to don’t feel like I put you on the spot.”

The girls just gave each other knowing smiles. It was then that Pinkie pulled three wrapped lumps out of her mane and placed them at my feet.

...Nope. I’m not okay with this.

“Girls, I can’t accept these.” I said, somewhat guilty that they had gone out of their way to get them only for me to reject them.

“Hunty, c’mon.” Pinkie said, rolling her eyes. “Just take ‘em.”

“I can’t.” I repeated. The girls motioned to the object, but I interrupted them. “Let me explain myself.” The girls glanced at each other with confused looks, but nodded to me anyways.

“I wrote on that questionnaire that present giving was optional.” I began. “What I didn’t write was just how unimportant that is to me. Holidays shouldn’t be materialistic, and certainly not this one. What I was so bummed about wasn’t that I wasn’t going to get any presents this year; I was sad that I wouldn’t be able to experience the sense of love and togetherness that comes with Christmas ever again. It was too much to bear.”

I wiped my suddenly wet eyes before continuing.

“But knowing that you three have put forth such an effort in order to make me happy is just...it makes me have that experience all over again. And I couldn’t be more grateful to have such amazing friends.”

There was a pause in which no words were spoken, and all of us just gave each other warm looks, the girl’s emotions gradually building until Maud broke the silence.

“Group hug.” She said with a small smile. The mares suddenly rushed me, creating a dog pile on top of me where they proceeded to snuggle the shit out of me.  

“Oh, isn’t this precious.” An unfamiliar voice uttered.

“GAH!” Everyone yelped.

All of the girls fell off of me, surprised at the appearance of...I’m sorry, what the fuck am I looking at?

Floating above us is some sort of...creature. It’s like...part...everything. Bat, horse, lion, alligator, everything. And it’s giving me and girls the biggest shit eating grin I’ve ever seen.

“Who are you?” Me and Maud asked in unison.

“Allow me to allow Princess Friendship here to introduce myself.” The creature says regally with a bow. Twilight doesn’t say anything for a moment before sighing and rolling her eyes.

“It’s Discord.” She said briefly. Discord held a paw to his chest and let out a small gasp.

“Oh, Princess, you wound me so!” he said overdramatically. “Not, ‘Master of Chaos’, or, ‘World’s Hottest Stud’, but just ‘Discord’? I thought we had something.”

“Whatcha doing here, Disscy?” Pinkie asked.

“Oh, I was just in the neighborhood and heard that you were throwing a shindig for our little anomaly here, and couldn’t pass up the chance for a cameo.” Discord explained.

Wait, what?

“I hope I brought the right attire.” He continued before he disappeared in a flash, and reappeared in some...oh my God.

He was wearing a yarmulke, had curly locks hanging down either side of his face, and was holding a menorah.

“Mazel tov!” He said excitedly, shaking the menorah.

I couldn’t help it. I completely bust a gut at his appearance, falling on my back and holding my stomach.

“What?” Discord said, completely confused. “I wasn’t even making a joke that time.” He pondered for a moment before shrugging. “I guess I’m just inherently hilarious. Was there ever any doubt?”

I got to my feet, letting out a few final chuckles. I pointed at Discord and looked at Twilight.

“I like him.” I stated simply.

“Yes! Victory for chaos!” Discord said. “Muhahaha-ack, *cough*, ack. Ugh. Sorry, the sappy atmosphere in here was choking me. Now how to go about fixing that…” He suddenly snapped his fingers and disappeared.

“...Is he gone?” Maud asked.

“I wouldn’t bet on it.” Twilight said, looking around the room. “I swear, that draconequus is the most...oh my.” Twilight was looking up towards the ceiling, and then looked back to me, her eyes wide.

Confused by her expression, I looked up, and saw Discord floating above us, stifling a laugh.

But the true horror wasn’t the master of chaos. It was what he was dangling above us, between me and Twilight. On a string gripped in his paw hung a small bundle of leaves with white berries.

Mistletoe.

“Um, Twilight.” I began, still looking at the mistletoe. “It’s just a silly tradition. You don’t hav-“

I felt a quick movement in front of me, a light pressure on my cheek, and the moisture that the contact had left. My eyes darted to Twilight, who was slowly backing away, a smile and a huge blush on her face, her eyes cast down. Realization quickly dawned on me, and my hand flew to my cheek as my eyes widened. I think I could actually hear the Pie sister’s jaws hit the floor.

“Did you…but you’re…and I’m…and we…but the….and you-“ Alright, good to know I’m still as smooth as ever.

“I, um, have to go book some reads.” Twilight said in a rush. “I mean, flower the waters. Uh, letter a write- BYE!” And with that, she teleported away, presumably outside of Sugarcube Corner and towards her castle.

“But…but the-what?!” I yelled in confusion. “Bububu-what!? What, mistletoe, what?! DISCORD!!!!”

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!”

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