One of the most prevalent scourges we came across in our riffs was the dreaded Mary Sue.  They had all sorts of forms and popped up like weeds in badfics, but they weren't all that hard to take down and the stories themselves were usually enjoyably bad.  So when Luna popped up on the TV and told Rainbow and I that she had a bog-standard "Mary Sue has a meet-and-greet with the Mane6" fic, we were practically giddy with excitement.

The two of us bounded across the room and onto the couch, colliding against each other and laughing out loud.  She gave me a smack with a hoof and I pushed her back, and we were just about to the "roughhousing" stage when Luna cleared her throat.

"Ahem."

We both straightened up.

"Sorry mother," I said.

Luna smirked, adopting a matronly tone.  "Listen you two, mommy has to go out and run some errands.  I am going to leave you with a story, so be good and watch the awful fanfiction, okay?"

"Yes, mom!" Rainbow and I replied in unison.

"And no snacks before dinner."

"Yes, mom."

"And no parties!" Luna said, stifling a giggle.

"Awwwwwww!" we both groaned.

"To be serious, though, this story should not be too bad," Luna said, shaking off her mirth.  "It's called New Filly In Town, and it's nothing we have not seen before."

"Well, let's have it!" I called as Rainbow reached out to smack my arm again.

Luna sighed in mock exasperation.  "Kids these days..."

She flipped the switch and left the screen muttering to herself as the light did its merry dance on the wall.

"WE GOT STORY SIGN!"

Matt: Um... that's not right.  Luna?  Hey, Luna?

Rainbow: That's weird.

Matt: Did you catch the story tags before they disappeared?

Rainbow: All I saw was the [Human] tag.  I wasn't really looking.

The Ponyville Gym wasn’t usually the kind of place you would visit, but Rainbow Dash had you for the day, and that’s where she wanted to go.

Matt: Aww, second person?  Seriously?  I hate these things.

Rainbow: Ha!  This is awesome; now I get to pretend that this character is you and see how you like being riffed at.

Matt: *shrugs*  Fair is fair, I suppose.  Remember you're in it, too, though.

You hadn’t been able to spend much time with her as opposed to the other main six since she’d usually been busy with weather work any time you happened to be free. She’d confronted you about it a week ago, convinced you didn’t like her.

Rainbow: Because that makes sense.  You're avoiding me because I'm busy.

Matt: Maybe I shouldn't have given Pinkie my day planner.  I should have known she'd just fill in every day without asking.

After soothing her fears, you explained yourself and canceled your plans with Rarity to spend some time with her. After her previous outburst you certainly didn’t want to disappoint her, so the gym it was.

Matt: Well, aren't I just the gentleman.

Rainbow: Hey, I play video games with you.

Matt: Yeah, but you love doing that.

She flew above you, her strong wings flapping as her primary feathers flowed with the breeze. You tried to keep up, but you were really regretting not visiting the gym more after the first few minutes of jogging along below her. You didn’t consider yourself particularly out of shape, even for your lack of exercise, but it was like trying to keep up with a small plane.

Rainbow: Hey, are you calling me fat?

Matt: Never!

Rainbow: You just compared me to a Cessna!

Matt: Only a one-seventy-two, honest!

She noticed after a while and decided to land, examining you as you tried to catch your breath.

Matt: "Examining"?  That's a bit intense.

Rainbow: If you fail the exam, can you still graduate?

“Wow, looks like I picked the right place huh? You’re pretty slow,” she jabbed your leg with a hoof.

Rainbow: *chuckles*  True story, bro.

Matt: Hey, I'm not built for long distances, okay?

Rainbow: Like, anything over the distance from here to the fridge?

Matt: Ouch, my pride...

You’re pretty sure she didn’t realize just how hard those things could be when force was applied. But you hid the pain well.

Matt: I've always found hooves in Equestria to be rather soft myself, considering that on my world hooves are nothing but keratin.  Yours are still about as hard as a fist, though.

“I guess I can walk, but try to keep up, kay?” she giggled a bit turning to walk away.

You really can’t help it, you take a little peek at her ass as she walks, following behind to the best of your ability.

Matt: Oh, you won Cranky Doodle Donkey in a poker game or something?

Rainbow: Yeah, I just thought he'd be good company at the gym.  Not real sure why I thought that, though.

Her ass isn’t huge and cushy like Pinkie Pie’s,

Rainbow: Well, if Mulia would quit sampling the deserts she makes, that wouldn't be a problem!

and oddly, it’s not toned and hard like Applejacks despite her athleticism.

Matt: Joking aside, I'm a bit disturbed as to how he knows so much about the asses of various ponies.

It’s right in the middle.

Rainbow: That really seems awkward.  Isn't your bottom usually on your bottom, not your middle?

It’s a pert little plot with just a tiny little jiggle, a little bubble of flesh bouncing along with her hips. You could still bounce a quarter off it, but damn if it doesn’t look soft anyway.

Matt: Fur is great that way.  You could cover an anvil in pony fur and it would be cuddly.

Rainbow: I'm not sure if you comparing my flank to an anvil is a compliment or not...

This isn’t an ass you want to take and squeeze, it’s one you want to hug. It’s frankly adorable. And your lower nature certainly thinks so too.

Matt: I what?

Rainbow: You what?

You manage to look away before she turns to look at you over her shoulder.

“You’re gonna love this gym, it’s got lots of awesome things,” she chuckled. “Well of course it does, I wouldn’t go there if it wasn’t awesome.” she bounced in place a bit, almost Pinkie Pie style. “It’s gonna be...well...awesome!”

Matt: *snorts and claps a hand over his mouth*

Rainbow: Problems there, dude?

Matt: Oh Celestia, I can see it in my head, and it's adorable.  It's just so you.

Rainbow: *rolls her eyes*

You can’t help but smile, you had no idea she’d be so excited to hang out with you, it pretty much makes up for the activity she picked.

Rainbow: Not one for the workout, eh?

Matt: *slaps his stomach*  Maybe back in my school days when I was an athlete, but now I'm just too damn lazy.

Rainbow: You should get back into that.  Maybe we can work something out after this.

The two of you continue to walk, you stealing the occasional glance at her rump as you made your way through town. If you were going to be following her you might as well enjoy it just a little.

Rainbow: *turns to stare suspiciously at Matt*

Matt: What—I never!  I swear!

Rainbow: Well, either way, you're leading from now on.

She starts to bounce a bit as she walks.

Matt: Like a basketball?

Okay maybe a lot.

Matt: Ah, like Flubber.  Thanks for clearing that up, story.

Rainbow: Pony knees really aren't made for bouncing.  I have no idea how Pinkie does it all the time.

You finally reached the gym after a few minutes of walking. She paused suddenly with a frown. It was a large building, with various pictures of ponies in exercise positions. But for some reason...it’s dark and empty.

Rainbow: Well, that's the economy for ya.

Matt: Maybe it's a holiday?

“What?...It’s the middle of the day, it should be open...” her face continued to fall as she gets closer, you can feel the disappointment radiating off her as she looks for some sign that there’s been some mistake.

Matt: Instead, she finds a sign that says "Closed by order of the Health Department".

Rainbow: Wow, this is a classy place.

“Aww man...” she kicks the dirt with a hoof, looking down. “This is so lame! It should totally be open, no way would they close in the middle of the day like this. What the heck!?” she sighed, hanging her head. “I guess our hangout day is kinda ruined...I’m sorry..”

Rainbow: The whole day?  Just like that?

Matt: *smirks*  Well, maybe if you'd picked a gym that was closer than a three-hour walk to get to, we'd have time to do something else instead!

Rainbow: *giggling*  See, this is why we don't do anything together; we always end up fighting.

She looks so heartbroken. You can’t just leave...

Matt: But you can't go in, either.  We have reached an impasse.

“Um...wait a minute, let me try...” You walk forwards and examine the door. You really can’t help but blink.

Rainbow: If the door would just stop blowing air in your face for a moment you might not have to blink so much.

Matt: That's just rude.

The door he held close by a plank of wood on the other side of a gate....you can easily lift it even from this side...You guess with hooves the owner figured no one could open it...

You worked your hand through the gate and lifted it with ease, looking back at Rainbow with a grin.

Matt: Oh, yeah, and that was with one hand.  Just imagine what I could do with two! *waggles his eyebrows*

Rainbow: *mock swoons*

“Well M’lady, you wanted to spend the day at the gym? Well now we’ve got our own personal one.”

Rainbow: I mean, it was closed by the Health Department, sure, but that's no reason not to go in!

She looked at you reproachfully, pointing a hoof accusingly in your direction. “Hey! That’s breaking and entering, what kind of jerk does something like that! No way am I sneaking in! It’s not right! It’s dangerous!”

Matt: You literally broke into my house just last week!

Rainbow: Well, I asked you for a key.

Matt: Speaking of which, I do finally have one for you.

You’re at a loss for words for a moment, you open your mouth to reply only to be interrupted by her laughter.

Matt: Uh oh, tense is getting shaky.  Better shore up those adjectives, Rainbow.  This fic could cave in at any moment here.

“Haha! You should see your face, heck yeah I want in! The whole gym to just us? I’m not turning that down. Come on!”

Rainbow: Oh, that sounds like a dream.

Matt: Not a fan of ponies watching you work out?

Rainbow: Nah.  It's kinda weird.

Matt: Yeah, I get that.  It's just not the same as it was back in school, when I was one of the most fit people in the room instead of the least.

She raced past you into the gym and with a laugh you followed.

You found the lightswitch after a moment, flicking it on, it was a fairly large gym, filled with treadmills and hay bales, bucking posts and even a flying course on the ceiling for pegusi.

Matt: Dat comma splice.  Or, rather, dem comma splices.

Rainbow: What's a "pegusi"?

Matt: Don't they make sports cars?

You look around, realizing suddenly that there’s not much for you to do, most everything inside is tailored to equines. Dash has already flown off to test herself against the obstacle course. Leaving you alone on the ground.

Rainbow: What genius thought that an indoor flying course made sense?  It's only, like, ten feet above the ground, and you couldn't get any speed up without plowing into a wall.

You’re really not sure what to do with yourself, the treadmills all have strange pony interfaces you’re not quite sure how to work and the barbells appear to be fitted with mouth grips...

Matt: Yeah, the treadmills are all fourth-dimensional hypercubes instead of flat conveyor belts in Equestria.  You know, to accommodate ponies.

Rainbow: And a mouth grip is just a padded handle.  Seems like a hand would work just fine for that.

you’re not quite sure how far Equestria goes for sanitation, but you’re not quite willing to test it either.

Rainbow: I think the sign on the front door answered that question well enough, thanks.

So you decide to just stand there, watching Rainbow as she flies through various hoops and loops, around poles and under boarders, testing her agility as she goes faster and faster.

Matt: Ah, now this is my kind of workout.  Watching someone else work up a sweat.

You really have to admire her body,

Matt: I do?

Rainbow: What, not good enough for you or something?

Matt: Of course it is, I just resent being forced to do things.

through years of training it had become a finely tuned instrument for her will. She could stop on a dime, change directions on a moment and fly through the course almost faster than your eyes could track.

Rainbow: *buffs a hoof against her chest smugly*  Damn right, I can.

Every time she slowed you could not help but notice how the muscles bunch and relax with every beat of her wings. When she opened those feathery appendages to slow for turns, you couldn’t help but particularly notice how she used her legs as rudders to comb through the air. The flesh of her thighs tensing like coiled springs before releasing sending her bubbly little plot bouncing with momentum as she shot off in the opposite direction.

Matt: *shifts awkwardly in his seat*

Rainbow: Problems, buddy?

Matt: Um, not yet.  *mutters*  Give it time...

It was quite a show.

Still...she didn’t bring you to the gym just so you could check her out while she works out. That would just be creepy, still there’s little else for you to do.

Rainbow: Oh would it?  Do you think?

Matt: What, you think it doesn't happen when you perform?

Rainbow: Dude, don't make me think about that right now.

She finally notices how lost you are and flies down to land in front of you, a little blush on her cheeks.

“Heh...sorry, I guess I didn’t think about your....size, when I picked this place.

Matt: *eyebrow waggle*

Rainbow: *facehoof*

Didn’t mean to leave you hanging.”

Matt: *waggling intensifies*

Rainbow: *double facehoof*

Matt: Man, if this fic doesn't let up, I'm gonna sprain an eyebrow or something.

She looked around for something you could do together. “Um....Oh! How about you spot me? With those hands of yours you’d probably be better at it anyway.”

Matt: I'm still not feeling like it's worth my being here.  Not really working up a sweat, you know.

You blinked, not quite sure what spotting a pony would entail but hey, it had to be better than standing around. “Alright, what do you want to do?”

Rainbow: Here's your binoculars and Pony Spotting Fieldbook.

“Well, help me do a few stretches”

She positioned herself in front of you and your jaw almost dropped, she streached like a cat,

Rainbow: I have no idea what "streaching" is, but damn does it sound painful.

Matt: Almost as painful as this grammar.

arching her back inwards, her plot tensing, the muscles obvious. That bubble wans’t all bubble,

Rainbow: What's with the "bubble" metaphors?  I'm a professional athlete, dude!  I'm toned as all get out!

Matt: *nods* Truth.

Rainbow: HA!  So you have been checking me out!

Matt: *pauses, realizing he'd been trapped*  There's no way to respond to that without digging the hole deeper, is there?

there was muscle in there too. Hell this filly could probably crack a walnut with those things.

Matt: *winces*  I'm really trying to not think about that, because there's just no way it isn't painful.

“Just place your hands on my back and stand to the side, I’m going to do some bucking exercises, get my legs loose.”

*Matt and Rainbow go silent, looking off into the distance as they try to envision the position described*

Matt: Back...to the side...why?

Rainbow: I'm not seeing the point here.

You snap out of your trance. She’s concentrating on the far wall. Thank God, otherwise she would have noticed you checking her out so blatantly.

Matt: *scowls* This fic is really going to drive this point home, isn't it?

Rainbow: *frowning at Matt*  Are you offended or something?

Matt: Oh, no you don't, you're not trapping me again.

“Um...okay...”

You step to the side, placing your hands on either side of her back. You can feel the muscles along her abdomen, and that tiny bit of adorable give in her belly.

Rainbow: Through my back?

She’s soft, like she’s covered in peach fuzz, but you can still feel the skin underneath, hot from working out.

Matt: Peach fuzz it ain't.  Fur that thin wouldn't do jack against the temperatures at altitude.

Rainbow: *shifts a little in her seat*  Yeah, that's the problem here.

“There we go, make sure you’ve got a good grip, don’t drop me okay?”

Rainbow: Merciful Harmony, this is cheesy.  And blatant.

Matt: You don't think...  Nah.

Rainbow: What?

Matt: Well, Luna sent us the wrong story.  I'm just desperately hoping that she didn't screw up the rating, too.

Rainbow: *stares at Matt, her eyes wide*  Aaaaand, it just got uncomfortable in here.

You tear your eyes away from her body to nod. And then, she lifts her hind legs.

Your eyes are drawn right back to her ass, the soft flesh bunching up for a moment as gravity falls out of the equation,

Matt: Oh God, it is.  I just know it.

her petite frame drawing it back into two perfect little spheres that hoover

Rainbow: Odd, but useful.  This place could use a good hoovering.

Matt: Maybe if they'd cleaned at all before now, they wouldn't have gotten shut down by the Health Department.

and jiggle for a moment before her legs kick out. Those same tendons and muscles drawing taunt, her thighs shaking with force as she kicks backwards, the force of it making you hold her a little tighter.

Matt: *shifts again*  Why does this have to be the first fic we get to do descriptions even decently well?

She bucks out a few more times, your eyes never leaving her ass as it shakes under the strain. The cheeks turning red to match that perfect blue as she begins to work up a sweat. Glistening under the lights of the gym ceiling. They looked so firm yet so...squeezable...soft...

Unfortunately that sweat makes her slippery.

Rainbow: Are you serious?  We're really going there?  I thought this plot device was banned under the Geneva Convention.

Matt: I never thought the day would come when I would long for the simplistic straightforwardness of "I'm here to fix the cable."

She lets out a rather unflattering yelp as your left hand loses it’s grip, the force of her buck sending her spinning towards you.

Matt: Physics!  What can't it do?

Rainbow: Well, that, for one.  I kicked in a straight line and glitched through the floor, apparently.

Your leg came out from under you as the force takes you by surprise.

Matt and Rainbow: HOW DID I USING TENSE?

WIth a yelp of your own you fall to the gym floor, thankful for the matt,

Rainbow: *snorts*

Matt: Oh, come on now, that's just unfortunate.

while it’s not the softest thing in the world, it’s better than the hardwood floor.

Rainbow: *reaches over and pokes Matt in the stomach*  I'll say it's softer.

Matt: Hey!  *pushes her hoof away*  Don't make fun of my pudge!

Speaking of soft things, Rainbow’s ass has landed squarely on your chest.

Matt: Cracking several of my ribs.

Rainbow: Really, dude?

Matt: What?  You weigh almost three-quarters of what I do.  That would freaking hurt, no matter how short the fall!

What little chub there was spreading out along your abs, not very far at all from your face, her prismatic tail tickling against your chin.

Rainbow: Please don't sneeze on my backside, dude.  That would just be gross.

Matt: Wouldn't make the room any worse off, though.

Rainbow looks confused for a moment, she turns around, looking for you,

Matt: Really?  You can't realize that you're sitting on me?  I'm six feet tall—hardly inconspicuous.

Rainbow: I think the fact that physics just reversed itself to let me end up on top sort of broke my mind for a moment there.

which does very interesting things to her cheeks as they rub against your chest. You can feel every facet of that adorable little plot as they shift around. You’re quite thankful she’s not extremely heavy, the motion forces a bit of air from your lungs, but nothing too bad.

Matt: I mean, breathing in is a never-ending agony with those broken ribs, but still, I hate to complain.

She freezes, you can feel her body stiffen, not unpleasantly above you. Her blue body turning a shade of red. She slowly turns her head down to look you in the eye.

“OHMYGOSHOHYMYGOSH!!” she yelled.

Rainbow: Apparently the Wonderbolts just walked in.  Sorry, Matt, but you're out.  Dash has got bigger fish to fry!

She was off you in a flash, and you suddenly notice how cold the gym is for the loss for her warmth.

Matt: You don't exactly qualify as "blanket-sized".  Not sure the warmth was as all-encompassing as we're being led to believe.

“I’m SO sorry! I mean I just wanted to come here, and work out,” she says, talking a mile a minute. “Maybe show you some of my moves, get to know you a little better, you know, because I like you and...” Suddenly she goes from red to crimson. “I MEAN NOT LIKE LIKE...” she pauses. “Well....maybe a little...b-but I....YOU DIDN’T HEAR THAT.”

Rainbow: Now I have to kill you so you don't tell anypony.

Matt: I'm flattered, Rainbow.  Unfortunately, I'm also slightly flatter now as well, so if you could just get me to a hospital, I'd be most appreciative.

Rainbow: *blushes and punches Matt in the arm*  Will you quit making me sound fat?  Sheesh...

You stare at her for a moment, unsure how to respond.

She looked back, suddenly aware that it was all out in the open. She rubbed one foreleg with the other, looking at her hooves, still blushing furiously. “I...I mean...I...”

Matt: Awww, you're just too cute when you're flustered.

Rainbow: *snorts*

You get up, and walk over to her, blushing a bit yourself. “Um...I think I know what you mean...” You smile.

Matt: "I like you like you, Flint!"

She looks up at you, and, seeing your smile she smiles back. “Y-you do?”

You nodded. “I do...” you placed a hand on her chin and tilted her head up a bit more.

Rainbow: "Sorry, but you've got something in your teeth.  It's really bugging me."

And that’s when she flipped you over her shoulder and slammed you to the ground.

Matt and Rainbow: *winces*

Matt: Da fuq?

Rainbow: Well that was... random.

Stars swam in front of your vision. You’re really not quite sure how this kind of thing usually goes in pony circles, but you’re fairly certain body slams aren’t usually involved.

As your vision clears you see her smiling above you, a bit of her old confidence back.

Matt: Okay, but that doesn't explain why there's suddenly three of you, Dash.

Rainbow: Crap, I hit him too hard...

“Then let’s have some fun! Rainbow Dash style, I saw some pony wrestling in the town square the other day,

Rainbow: Yes, and they're in jail now for doing that in public!

I’ve been dying to try it out...I wasn’t going to do it with you since...well that’d be awkward if I didn't know you liked me...but” her blush returned a bit. “Since you do...”

Matt: Rainbow, you realize that when your mommy and daddy told you they were wrestling, they weren't actually wrestling, right?

Rainbow: Dude! *punches Matt in the arm again*  Harmony, but you are awful sometimes.

She jumped up and landed on your stomach, she wasn’t all that heavy but it still knocked the wind out of you. Her plot squishes against your belly, those adorable little blue bubbles compressing like cushions against you.

Matt and Rainbow: *shift awkwardly in their seats*

You try to keep your blush to a minimum...but hey if she wanted to wrestle...

Matt: Are you sure I can't call a "time-out" until after I've healed up a bit?

You smiled a crafty smile and rolled over, Rainbow yelped as she was thrown to the ground.You rolled on top of her, your arms going around her plush little belly to hold her.

Rainbow: Who you callin' "plush", story?

Matt: I can vouch for you on that respect.  Your abs are like cinder blocks.

Rainbow: Thank you.

Matt: Again though, covered with pony fur, so still cuddly.

“Hey!”

You chuckled. “Well you’re the one who picked someone three times your size, with opposable thumbs as a wrestling partner.”

Matt: Three times her size?

Rainbow: I really hope you're just bad at estimating, or I get the feeling that this is about to get a lot more uncomfortable very quickly...

She wiggled under you, trying to get free. Well...that was an interesting sensation.

Her rump happened to be right at crotch level.

Matt: Which would apparently put her head about the level of my chest, it seems.

Of course you’d have to wear thin gymshorts today.

Rainbow: Why would you wear those ever?

Matt: No kidding.  I don't even own any basketball shorts from the 1970s.

You can feel her lieth,

Matt: *strikes a Shakespearean pose*  One canst not trust a booty, for they always lieth.

Rainbow: But dem hips don't lie, right?

practiced muscles tensing under that nice little layer of fat, right up against you. She wiggled back and forth, up and down trying to get out of your grip, that slightly raspy voice of hers in your ears as she makes the cutest little sounds of struggle.

You really couldn’t help but get excited.

Rainbow: Okay, I realize this is going to sound weird no matter what, but I'm almost offended here.

Matt: Almost?

Rainbow: Not about that.  I mean, you realize that I'm female, right?

Matt: Of course.

Rainbow: And yet, this version of you can apparently only focus on my ass.  I know I'm a tomcolt, but sheesh.  It's a bit upsetting that my best asset is going unappreciated.

Matt: *blushes intensely*

And of course...she couldn’t help but notice.

Matt: Of course?  Well, I suppose if I were actually three times your size, that might make a pretty big difference.

Rainbow: Aww, come on.  You're not bad off.  You can't compare yourself against a stallion, dude.  I'm sure you could do things that no pony cou—

Matt: Dashie, buddy, you might recall that we agreed that we would not bring that up again.  Do you need another lecture about respecting closed doors in someone else's house?

Rainbow: *sorts and rolls her eyes*  Males...

She stopped wiggling,and it just so happened the little tent in those shorts was poking directly between those blue, soft hills.

There’s silence for several moments. Oh God, you should say something.

Matt: "So, how about those Yankees, huh?"

Rainbow: Thinking of baseball at a time like this?

Matt: It's necessary.  Just trust me.

“I-”

“Are you gonna take those pants off or what?” she says, a little too quickly, even with her underneath you you can see the deep blush on her cheeks.

“W-what?...” is all you can manage.

Rainbow: You don't catch on very fast.

Matt: I really don't, it would seem.

“You’ve been staring at my ass all day...apparently you like it...”

Rainbow: I mean, you've put, like, five hundred words into describing it alone.

She turned to look at you over her shoulder, she was...smiling a little, was she trying to be seductive?

Matt: Oh God, that's adorable.

Oh God, that’s adorib-

Matt: Hey, that's what I said!  Only it's spelled wrong.

Any thought process you might have had was interrupted as she gave her rump a little wiggle, the tent in your pants roaming over the left cheek, then the right.

“Well...wanna get rid of them? This place is closed...”

Rainbow: Yeah!  And I remember why it's closed, too!

Matt: I wouldn't take my pants off in there for fifty bits.  Who knows what I might catch?

You couldn’t move fast enough.

Matt: The clock struck midnight and I turned back into a pumpkin.

Rainbow: Should have moved faster, dude.

You managed to wiggle out of your shorts while holding onto her with a hand, she gives a shy laugh as you struggle with them, the waistband sinking down, but in the process you had to let her go. You did not realize just how much of a mistake that was until several seconds later.

Rainbow: Apparently you just now noticed the security cameras.

The second your pants drop you get the wind knocked out of you as she slams backwards onto your lower chest, her ass hitting you like a pair of beanbags fired from a cannon.

Matt: And again with my ribs.  How about some advance notice here, eh?

Rainbow: Wasn't the backup beep enough of a warning?

Matt: I wasn't aware your wings even had a reverse gear.

You hit the wall, pinned by her her plot as she lowers her forelegs and keeps her rear ones high, your erection pinned right between her cheeks as she starts to wiggle.

“I don’t like losing at wrestling by the way, so I’m going to show you just how good I am at it.”

Matt: *grimaces awkwardly*  I've heard of angry sex, but I'm not sure about competitive sex.  Doesn't sound all that appealing to me.

Rainbow: *slightly flushed*  I dunno, I could get used to it, I think.

Matt: Somehow, I'm really not surprised...

She starts to move her ass in a more direct focused manner, the softness of her blue cheeks caressing against your member from all angles, the marshmallow plot making you squirm against the wall,

Rainbow: Marshmallow?  Woah, woah, woah; who the hell invited Rarity to this fic?

Matt: What, you don't feel like sharing me?

Rainbow: Cute, dude.  And no, not really.  Certainly not with her.

Matt: *blushes*

though you can’t hope to escape, she’s an athlete and her strength is suddenly quite obvious, the pressure of that blue bubble butt tells you you aren’t going anywhere.

Matt: Yeah, I mean, I'm only three times her size, how could I possibly free myself?

Rainbow: Why would you want to?

Matt: I didn't say that.

Your cock is totally smothered in the deepest hotdog you could possibly receive,

Matt and Rainbow: *grimaces*

Rainbow: I know humans have some weird euphemisms for sex, but under no circumstances does that sound sexy.

Matt: Agreed.  It makes me think that someone's about to eat my—why am I thinking about this?

you can’t even see it under her pressing plot. She jiggles and bounces those adorable blue bundles of flesh against you as she looks over her shoulder.

“You ready?"

Matt and Rainbow: "Nope."

You can only nod weakly and try not to moan.

In that very second she lifts her ass, only to slam it back down against your hips, your cock entering her asshole to the hilt.

Rainbow: *screams and throws her hooves between her legs protectively*  Oh, BUCKING HELL!  *falls off of the couch to roll on the floor*  OW OW OW OW!

Matt: *winces and curls up*  Sweet mother of pony, that just ain't right!

Rainbow: *from the carpet*  Oh, Harmony, not even any foreplay!

Matt: I don't even want to think about how much damage that could have caused to both of us if you had missed even a little bit.

Rainbow: That would cause pretty extreme damage to me no matter what!  Dear Luna, I mean, that would hurt from you, but if you were three TIMES my size?!

You’d expected her slit, but no, she knew you liked her ass,

Rainbow: Yeah, that's what I was saying earlier.  I suppose it makes more sense now that I know I'm apparently a masochist!

and she was planning to use it, it was so unbelievably tight, she grunted as she did it, moments before it turned into a moan.

Matt: And then a whimper, and then crying, and then a request for a trip to the hospital due to all the internal bleeding.

Your own sounds join in harmony with hers, everything about her speaks of athletics, she controls that ass of hers with precision and grace, she was fast and hard, and so to would htis be,

Matt: Oh, God, here come the typos.  The author's getting too close to his climax to bother proofreading now.

Rainbow: *slowly crawls back up onto the couch, still curled into as small of a ball as she can manage*

she pulls up again leaving only your tip inside, moments before slamming back into your groin sending your balls shaking about at the force of it, pressing you back agaisnt the wall again,

Rainbow: *winces*  Man, I really think you might be dead now, after all the abuse your chest took earlier.

there would be no escaping this until she was good and ready. She gyrates and thrusts up and down riding you as you can do nothing but clench your hands against the wall and cry out at the pleasure. It doesn’t take you long.

Matt: Even though in reality, the friction from that first thrust would have damn near torn the skin off of my—holy fuck, why am I thinking about these things?!  OW.

You cum in seconds.

Matt: Don't you dare laugh.

Rainbow: Are you kidding?  I may never laugh again after this.  Hell, just thinking about sex hurts right now.

She pauses, your cock still inside her ass, and those cheeks still pinning you to the wall.

“And I thought I was fast...” she commented, moments before she starts again.

Matt: BA DUM TISH

Rainbow: Obvious joke is obvious.

The result is the same, the tightness, the softness, the speed and skill of her, you cum again...

Matt: Wat.

and again...

Matt: WAT.

and again,

Matt: WAT.

Rainbow: Okay, I may not be a very experienced mare, but even I know that males can't just "get up and go" like that.

Matt: Hell, it's even worse for human males.  A pony might only have a refractory period of a few minutes, but a human could take up to an hour.

Rainbow: Bummer.

Matt: Nah, that just means more time for cuddling afterwards.  That's the best part anyway.

she leaves you howling on the gym wall

Matt: Yeah, in pain.

Rainbow: Apparently it's "death by snoo-snoo" for you.

and never lets you rest, you wanted an athlete and you got one.

Matt: *grizzled soldier voice* I wanted an athlete, and for my sins, they gave me one.

It seems like hours, but your mind becomes a haze,

Rainbow: Seriously.  I think you're dying.

Matt: Seriously.  I think I'd want that around this point.

you can hardly think as pleasure overwhelms your mind. Somewhere around the 10th time, she finally comes,

Matt: Good.  God.

Rainbow: Okay, I get that sex is nice, but if I actually did that it would be straight-up cruel.

her back arching and her wings flaring out to either side as she squirms on the floor, her ass moving against your hips.

The sight of her so pleasured is too much.

You black out.

Matt: Dehydration, exhaustion, and copious amounts of bleeding will do that to a man.

Rainbow: *grimaces and shakes her head*  Dude, dude, dude, dude!  Gah!  No!

When you finally open your eyes it’s nighttime,

Rainbow: Having finally blown his load—

Matt: Literally and metaphorically...

Rainbow: —the author completely gives up on error-checking and just falls asleep.

the gym is still there, but where is....

Matt: My chest?  Why can't I feel my chest?

You look up to find her fast asleep on your stomach, snoring lightly. You can’t help but smile at that, you reach up and stroke through her rainbow colored mane, this had been an interesting day to say the least...You chuckle, and then stop immediately as she opens one eye.

“Oh good you’re awake.”

Rainbow: Because that was a serious concern after that ordeal, right?

You nod. “Yeah...I needed, some rest after that.”

Matt: I'd need a coma after that.  Along with about a gallon of orange juice and three pounds of Vitamin D tablets.

She smiles. “Oh, so you’re rested?” Her face takes a competitive edge. “Then it’s time for round 2...”

Rainbow: Well, that confirms it.  He died.  This is hell.

Matt: Ironic punishments are the worst.

The fic faded to black and Luna's typical room reappeared on the screen, but sans the nocturnal ruler's face.  It seemed fitting, considering how there was an almost unearthly silence on our end of the line, too.

Rainbow and I sat as far away from each other as we could possibly get.  I dunno about her, because I couldn't bring myself to look, but I don't think I've ever felt more awkward and embarrassed than I did right then and there.  I'm sure you could start fires by getting too close to the heat coming off of my face.

I heard a clattering of hooves approaching the screen, and Luna skidded to a halt in front of the camera.

"Well, you two, it seems that you—why are you both sitting so far away from each other?"

We said nothing, not even acknowledging the screen in the least.

"Hello?  Rainbow?  Matt?"

Reluctantly, we both slowly turned to look at the TV.

Luna huffed.  "I swear, what has gotten into you both all of a sudden?"  She started looking through files on her desk.  "One would think that you two had just—oh motherbuck."

The sheer absurdity of hearing Luna swear so bluntly shook me out of my trance.  "What did you say?"

Luna looked back up, and now her ears were flat against her head and she had a burning blush.  "It would appear that I have made an error..."

"DO YA THINK?" Rainbow blurted out.

"I apologize.  I did not mean to send you that story."

I frowned.  "Well, that's good to know, but why did you even have it in your—"

"Perhaps we'll get to the original fiction next time," Luna quickly piped up, cutting me off.  "For the moment, I suppose you two have earned some time off."

Rainbow and I both looked at each other, our eyes wide, before taking off in opposite directions.  As we each slammed a door behind us, Luna sighed.

"Nice job, Luna.  Now they'll probably never get together..." she muttered before switching off the TV.

-fin-

Next Chapter: [09] The Tour (ft. Simon O'Sullivan) Estimated time remaining: 1 Hour, 49 Minutes