I groaned as my Spartan disintegrated in a flurry of charged particles, courtesy of Rainbow’s superior aim and Forerunner firepower.

“WOOOO!” she yelled.  “That’s game!  Suck plasma bolts, loser!”

I shook my head, still not sure how I had earned such a drubbing at my own game.  “Yeah, yeah.  You might remember, though, that after all of the different games we played, I’m still leading overall, 5-2.”

Rainbow leaned back against the arm of the couch, buffing a hoof idly against her chest fur with the smuggest grin I’ve ever seen.  “Hey, I’m a pony who’s never even played video games before.  The fact that I’m winning anything doesn’t bode well for you.”

“I’m still getting over the fact that you’re able to hold the controller to begin with...” I muttered.  Earlier in the week, Luna had managed to acquire my video game consoles for me.  I wasn’t about to inquire as to how or why, especially after she had made a point of saying that bringing anything other than information across the dimensional divide wasn’t exactly easy.  I have a suspicion, though, that she did it because I was still a bit uneasy over being the only human in the world.  It was just another bit of my old life that I was able to integrate into Equestria thanks to Rainbow’s enthusiasm.

Come to think of it, she took to it rather well.  “I’m on a hot streak!  What’s next?” she demanded, practically bouncing on the couch.

I sighed, scanning my options.  “Hmm...  I think I need to regain some dignity here.  I’m gonna have to school you in Goldeneye,” I said, reaching for the battered and well-used cartridge.  “Sorry, Dash, it’s nothing personal.”

She snorted.  “Sure, you think that just because I—”

Rainbow’s challenge cut off as we were both thrown to the floor by a massive rush of wind and force.  We bounced off of each other, and I threw my arms over both of our heads as I heard a ground-shaking crash that echoed with the sounds of rending timber and falling debris from somewhere near my kitchen.  When the sound had dissipated and dust was starting to roll over us, we sat up and looked back to see the rear wall of my house almost completely torn apart.  Through the enormous hole I could just catch a glimpse of a monstrous, shambling mass of brownish fur lumbering off towards the forest.  I could only stare blankly at the creature that had just appeared out of nowhere and gone through my back wall like it wasn’t even there.

Rainbow jumped to her hooves, her wings flared and eyes wide.  “What the hay is THAT?!”  She turned to look at me.  “Did you see what it just did?!”  Her brow furrowed at my complete lack of comprehension and she batted a hoof at my hanging jaw.  “Dude, Matt, speak to me, buddy!”

“MY HOUSE!” I shrieked.

“Uh, yeah, that.”

“I just got this place!” I yelled, feeling a mild panic attack settling in.  “I just got everything where I wanted it!  I like it with no holes in it!”

“Look, dude, I think we can fix it up later,” Rainbow said, lightly shaking me, trying to get me out of my freak-out.  “Just for now, though, what in Equestria was that thing?  Are we supposed to go after it?  Should I go get the girls?”

“A-all I could tell was huge, ugly, and vaguely brown,” I said slowly.  “I—I don’t think it’s from here...”

I trailed off as I noticed Rainbow’s ears swiveling around, picking up a sound that I could only just now hear as it grew.  My eyes got even wider, somehow, as I realized just how well I knew that sound, and how impossible it was for me to be hearing it.

*vworp vworp vworp  vworp VWORP VWORP*

Dash’s jaw dropped right alongside mine as I climbed slowly to my feet, the two of us staring in dumb silence at the obscenely blue, human-sized box that had just materialized in my kitchen.

“You have got to be kidding me...” I muttered.

For some reason, I had to fight the urge to hide behind the couch as the door to the box unlatched.  The feeling of uncomprehending dread suddenly vanished in a flash, to be replaced with utter and complete confusion as a human stepped out of the box.  He was slightly taller than I was, and adorned in a chain mail shirt and iron cap, carrying a large, double-bladed war axe loosely in one hand.

“Okay,” the human growled as he stamped into my kitchen and glanced towards the rubble-strewn hole, “according to your coordinates, the thing we’re looking for should be around here somewhere.”

Behind the armored man, a hulking version of a pony stepped out as well.  “I wouldn’t have guessed. Though the huge hole there certainly looks like a clue.”

From still inside the box, a voice called out “We’re here; that’s what matters. I’ll try to get everypony else to safety. Take care of that thing while I’m on this!”

I finally managed to bring myself back into the moment.  “I—what the actual...  Wait a second,” I stammered, the cogs in my brain beginning to turn again as I stared at the other human.  “Human, axe, armor... Simon?  Is that seriously you?  What the hell are you doing here?”

The human spun around, noticing me for the first time.  His eyes widened slightly as he recognized me.  “Well, look who’s here!  Matt!  Long time no see.”

The gargantuan stallion turned to evaluate me.  “You know him?” he asked his partner.

Simon nodded, spinning his axe around in his hand.  “A fine lad. We’ve had a drink or two together before, in older days.”  He nodded towards what was left of my home.  “Is this your...”

I shrugged pitifully.  “It used to be, I guess...”

I felt Rainbow bump up against my backside, and I glanced down to see her trying very hard to not look like she was hiding behind my legs.  “Um, I'm really hoping you know these guys, Matt.”

“Somewhat, yeah,” I said, pointing at my old friend.  “That’s Simon O’Sullivan.  Writer, fellow snarky bastard, and all-around cool guy.  Just, you know, watch out for the pointy metal.”  I angled my extended finger at the stallion.  “I have no idea who that is—” I whirled to point at what was unmistakably a TARDIS, “—and THAT shouldn’t even be possible.”

A light brown tie-wearing stallion of much more reasonable proportions trotted happily to the doorway of the police box, twirling a sonic screwdriver in his hoof.  “Oh, my good friend, you wouldn’t believe how many things are considered impossible simply because no one believed enough to try.”

The massive stallion shook his head, chuckling in his deep, rich voice.  “There you go again, Doctor.  I am Drakkar Veiðǫrvarson, hoofcarl of Scandineighvia,” he announced, bowing slightly to Rainbow Dash and I as he clutched a hoof to the paw of the bear pelt thrown over his shoulders in a salutary gesture.

Rainbow stepped out from behind me, smoothing her mane down with a hoof distractedly.  “Uh, hey!” she said awkwardly.

“Drakkar?  But aren’t you...” I shook my head emphatically, turning to point at the tan time traveler.  “You can’t possibly be the Doctor, unless you possessed that pony whose body you’ve got.  I've met you - him before!  In Ponyville!  His name's Time Turner, and he's so normal it’s depressing!  My brain hurts...”

The Doctor chuckled.  “In that case, I’m sure you haven’t met the good version of me.”

I simply fell to my knees and clutched at my head with an anguished groan.  “Oh, God, it’s too much...” I muttered.

“So,” Rainbow said, “you guys are, like, chasing that thing?  What is it?”

“That, short answer, is a story,” the Doctor replied breezily.  “Long answer, it’s a physical manifestation of an atrocious piece of fanmade literature that is so awful that it became self-aware and grew a body of its own.”

Drakkar snorted.  “It’s a fanfiction monster,” he said curtly.

“You could say it like that, yes,” the Doctor said, slightly huffy at being simplified.

I finally stopped having a breakdown long enough to rejoin the conversation.  “Wait a second,” I protested, climbing back to my feet, “I thought badfics were just manifesting as some kind of psychic pressure or something, making ponies dumber.  Heck, Rainbow and I have been taking those things on for months now.”

The Doctor put a hoof to his chin thoughtfully.  “Hmm, perhaps there are different ways nefarious literature can strike.”

“Remember what Luna said?” Rainbow interjected, tapping my side with a hoof.  “All the travel between dimensions Pinkie and Twilight and various humans have been doing has weakened the barriers between the Equestrian universes.  Maybe this thing isn’t actually from our side.”

“What an interesting discovery!” the Doctor said brightly, eager to do some research.  “I’ll try to compare our notes. Think you two can handle this one on your own?”

Simon hefted his axe meaningfully.  “No problem.  Just give us what you know about this one.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” he replied, levelling his sonic screwdriver at the retreating fiction demon.  “It seems that this one comes from the story ‘Memories.’”

Simon winced.  “That title’s so vague that if it tried harder, it could qualify as vegetative.”

“I guess maybe that’s why it doesn’t seem to have any distinct shape?” I offered, trying to be helpful.

Drakkar nodded, his hooves scraping against the kitchen floor eagerly.  “Most likely. At least it promises to be a decent fight.”

The Doctor grinned, turning to head back into the TARDIS.  “I’ll leave you four there, then. This calls for further investigation!”

“For SCIENCE!” Rainbow yelled.  I snorted in laughter.

“Yeah, you do that,” Simon told his travelling companion.

Rainbow’s tail whipped back and forth, eager to get a chance to burn off her adrenaline.  “All right, guys, let's get that thing!” she yelled.  “For Equestria!”

“For my house!” I countered, grabbing my baseball bat from its rack on the wall.

“Gef grið eigi!” Drakkar bellowed.

“Onward!” Simon called.

“CHAAAAAAARGE!”

Matt: Please, please don’t let this be a crossover with Cats.

Simon: The readings mentioned nothing about that, so we should be fine.

Twilight Sparkle woke up, and got up from her bed,

Rainbow: The hoverlifts she had just had installed meant that she didn’t have to walk, crawl, clamber or climb - just up!

Drakkar: Well, at least we know that she’s not sleepwalking.

her legs started to shake and he took a step forward,

Simon: Looks like somepony has been going to Sugarcube Corner a bit too often.

Matt: Her gender changed in mid-sentence.  No one pony should have that kind of power.

Spike watched her and turned around seeing that Twilight might of been acting that she couldn't walk.

Rainbow: *puts a hoof over her mouth* I—oh wow.  This is gonna be bruuuutal.

Drakkar: Yup, Twilight must be REALLY fat here.

Matt: I hope that’s the explanation.  Or that the author is acting that he can’t write.

Twilight Sparkle kept trying to walk, it took her time to get to her book shelf.

Rainbow: As opposed to being there instantaneously, obviously.

Simon: Or saying “book, come here!” and levitate it close to her with her magic.

Drakkar: It works for Þórr, so why not?

Spike saw her looking for a book Spike took the book he wanted to read, so he can win Rarity's heart.

Matt: It was called “Fun With Roofies: Volume 1.”

Simon: Sometimes a way to a woman’s heart lies in correctly stimulating the nether regions. It’s not a surefire bet, but it surely allows to keep her around.

Rainbow: Either way, I’m pretty sure there’d be jail time in Spike’s future.

Drakkar: *shrugs* He’s a kid; he’d go to a correctional facility at worst.

He didn't notice Twilight was loosing the ability to do something.

Rainbow: The ability to spell.

Simon: Twilight was losing the ability to be Twilight.

Matt: You know, I’m almost glad this is a monster instead.  I can’t even imagine how dumb this story would make Equestria’s youth...

He went on his bed and started to read.

Drakkar: Spike doesn’t give a damn about Twilight after a few seconds. He’s amazingly selfish.

Matt: “Busy now.  Gotta learn about how to drug Rarity!”

Simon: It took him a rare jewel to get a peck on the cheek. Rarity MIGHT have a price, but it’s sure as hell going to be high as fuck.

Matt: Speaking of “high as fuck,” how about this author, eh?  HIYO!

Twilight sparkle was slowly trying to walk downstairs one step she took was wrong she dropped her book and fell down the stairs,

Rainbow: Is this a pony fanfiction, or a QWOP fanfiction?

Drakkar: A what now?

Simon: Don’t worry about him; you’ll get used to that.

Rainbow: I’ll show ya later, Drakkar.  It’s fun!

Spike dropped his book and ran to save Twilight,

Simon: So she’s basically unable to walk and Spike doesn’t give a damn until she crashes somewhere. Three hurrays for the so-called number one assistant!

Drakkar: Hip hip fuck you!

It was to late she tried to get up instead she fell back down.

Simon: “Help, I’m a pony and I can’t get up!”

Matt: “Damn you, MedAlert!  I’ve been here for four hours, you pricks!”

Spike gulped and went to her.

Matt: I propose a new title for this story.  “A Series of Unrelated Events”

Rainbow: Seriously...

"Twilight what happened!?" Spike asked.

Simon: At least he didn’t ask “are you alright”?

Matt: “Also, where do we keep the ether?”

Rainbow: You're gonna run with that joke, huh?

Matt: Yeah...

"I think.. I lost the ability to walk!, This morning I could barely walk to the bookshelf from my bed" Twilight sparkle replied.

Simon: I’m pretty sure her legs are numb. She should just shake them for a while.

Drakkar: That’s why I always sleep on my side.

Spike gasped, he ran to get Rainbow dash and Fluttershy,

Simon: Leaving a totally handicapped Twilight on her own. Bravo!

Matt: I’m sure there’s a book in there somewhere that will keep her alive.  If she didn’t loose it already.

once he told then both they all rushed to Twilight's house, Rainbow dash and Fluttershy took her to the hospital with a blanket.

Rainbow: What, am I not good enough to get my whole name capitalized?  Why do fanfic authors hate my name?

Drakkar: I’m more concerned about the fact that they won’t call the Hospital to take Twilight there themselves. I mean, a blanket?

Rainbow: That is a good point.  Why do these stories keep treating me and the girls as all-purpose emergency services?  We have EMS ponies, you know.

Drakkar: Not to mention that you would be able to carry Twilight on your own without help.

Matt: Wait, wait, maybe the author means they brought her and a blanket?  You know, for moral support or something?

Simon: You mean like that little kid from the Charlie Brown show?

Matt: Yeah, man, that’s it.

Twilight sparkle was put in a bed, Rainbow Dash looked at the doctor as he did the tests.

Rainbow: *throws up her hooves* Pffffft, finally.

The Doctor called the three into the waiting room. Leaving Twilight Sparkle alone.

Matt: I’m sensing a theme here...

Simon: Something’s cracking my engines, but I just can’t put my finger on what exactly.

"It Appear that,

All: *wince*

Twilight Sparkle lost her ability to walk,

Simon: Yes, we noticed that when she hilariously fell down the stairs.

She also has some brain damage and her neck is injured." The doctor told them.

Matt: Brain damage.  Just, out of nowhere?

Rainbow: Maybe the author is just writing what he knows?

Matt: Burn.

Simon: Or it could’ve been a fall of epic proportions.

Matt: So that’s what happened after she flew offscreen at the end of season 3.  She just wiped out on the landing and got all this brain damage!

"Would she ever be able to walk again?" Fluttershy asked

"Sadly, no.

Drakkar: Spike’s still a little dragon, right?

Simon: Apparently so.

Drakkar: And that Dash is the same age as *points at Rainbow Dash* this one.

Simon: *stares at Dash* Pretty much, yes.

Drakkar: So this is not a story that takes places in the FAR future when they’re all old and dying. Instead, Twilight and ONLY Twilight, because I guess she’s the pony the author hates the most, has the health of a crushed skeleton.

Matt: Sadly, this isn’t the first fic we’ve come across where the author seems to have a rage-boner for one of the cast.

and her injury in her neck is very serve.

Rainbow: No, she got served.

Matt: It was brutal...

We could probably have a meeting with Twilight's parents are her friends. Including her Brother as well if she has one"

Matt: If.  How famous is Twilight, again?

Simon: Well, in Canterlot they lose their shit for her, that’s as far as I know. I kinda expected her to be some sort of minor celebrity. Being Celestia’s student and the sister-in-law of the Princess of the Crystal Empire.

Matt: And nopony realizes if she has one of the most famous brothers in the land or not?

Rainbow: That just seems like a REALLY odd thing for a doctor to say.  “As well as her cat, if she has one.”

The docter replied.

Rainbow: ♫ “Docter, docter, give me the news, I’ve got a—BAD CASE—of spelling blues!” ♫

Matt: Should I regret letting you browse through my music library, Dash?

Drakkar: At least it can’t be worse than Simon’s repertoire.

Simon: Hey, my songs are nice!

Drakkar: We’re not going to have that discussion again. You really must listen to new songs.

"Of course, We should tell Celestia right away and have a meeting in the castle" Rainbow dash said.

Rainbow: Spike is right there.  He can send letters directly to the Princess. Why would you leave her again?  Also, spell my freaking name right!

The doctor nodded, and Fluttershy went with Rainbow dash, Spike ran home,  Celestia saw Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy she stopped to talk to them.

Matt: And all in the space of a single sentence!  Wow!

Simon: And Celestia was just coincidentally walking around the place.

Matt: We don’t need logic where we’re going!

"Is there something wrong" She asked

Matt: Somehow, despite the inflection one would typically need from a question mark.

"Yes, Princess, Its about Twilight" Fluttershy replied.

"She ended up in the hospital and the doctor wants a important meeting at the castle with  her family and friends and you guys" Rainbow dash added.

Simon: It’s amazing how sadness can overcome formality. Or maybe what shocks me is the fact that Dash doesn’t consider Celestia friends or family for Twilight, just “you guys”.

Rainbow: Do you think Spike counts as “family” or just “you guys?”

Celestia transported them to the meeting room, then brought the Doctor here.

Drakkar: Wow, he’s easier to locate than he lets us think.

Doctor: *from inside the TARDIS* That’s not me!

Drakkar: But he has the capital “d” and everything!

Rainbow: Hey, that’s MY capital “d”!  Give it back!

Simon: *laughs* Damn, Matt. Rainbow REALLY wants the D.

Matt: *falls over laughing*

Rainbow: *blushes furiously*  Hate you.  Hate you all...

Drakkar: Apologies; we’re not used to having mares around, so we’re not as inhibited as we probably should be.

She sent letters to everyone in Twilight's family and friends. They went to the meeting room as soon as Possible.

Matt: As I saw it, Possible beat them there by a nose, but we’ll call it a tie so everypony feels good about it.

Simon: I imagine Spike sending all the letters to Twilight’s family and friends, only to end up all of them in Canterlot’s palace for Celestia to read.

Matt: Tia forgot to turn off her swag.  She woke up covered in letters.

Shining Armor was very worried about his sister, The Doctor cleared his throat and Celestia let him talk first.

Matt: “Whatever you do, don’t blink!”

Drakkar: It really makes it hard not to think—

Doctor: I said that’s not me!

"Alright, all of you here today, Twilight's family and friends, Please don't be surprise,

Simon: That’s like saying “please don’t drown” while throwing you to a pool with concrete boots on.

Rainbow: Maybe he’s trying to say “please don’t be Surprise,” because he’s right, a second pony like Pinkie Pie would just ruin this story.

Drakkar: Still makes me wonder how she would organize a funeral party.

But Twilight has ended up in the hospital, she has a very serve neck injury,

Matt: Probably acquired from being flown to the hospital in a blanket.

She also lost her ability to walk, and she will not be able to, She might have forgotten

Rainbow: She could just remember again.  I mean, since forgetting is a thing that apparently happens...

Simon: Well, Peter Griffin forgot how to sit, so there’s a precedent.

Matt: “They did it on Family Guy” is not a reason to do anything.  Ever.  Not even breathing.

or something terrible happened to her legs." The Doctor explained.

Luna put her hoof on the table,

Simon: Hopefully saying “We can rebuild her! We have the technology!”

Matt: The Six Million Dollar Mare!

Celestia looked at her

Matt: ...and said “When the hell did you get here?”

and Luna took her hoof off,

Drakkar: So she has prosthetic hooves?

Rainbow: Aaaaaaaaaand, that’s the extent of Luna’s involvement in this fic.  Let’s thank her for coming out, shall we?

Matt: *applauds lightly*  Hell, cyborg Luna is the best part of this fic so far.

Celestia looked at the doctor.

"She also, will be stuck in the hospital, maybe for the rest of her life" The doctor added.

Simon: Which looking down the story, it won’t be long.

Matt: Nursing homes don’t exist?  Or live-in care?  Harsh.

"Doctor, Your saying my daughter is stuck in the hospital until you guys find out whats wrong?" Mr.Sparkle asked.

Drakkar: They know what’s wrong, but apparently there’s no way to get over it.

Matt: Honestly, I never thought I’d find anything dumber than dying of a broken heart in a fanfiction, but “I forgot how to walk” just did it.

"No, I am saying she is stuck in the hospital for awhile or the rest of her life" He replied.

Simon: For what you said, doctor, I don’t think this is a either this or that decision.

Drakkar: Maybe he’s going for a “she can either die any minute now or survive as a vegetative forever” kind of thing.

Simon: That’s some dark thoughts there, man.

"What about her neck injury!" Shining armor asked

Simon: Right, because Twilight is more fucked up than just having one of the most retarded memory gaps in the history of the universe.

Rainbow: He asked with an exclamation point instead of a question mark.

Matt: Seriously, did a question mark kill this author’s family or something?

"Oh that, You might loose her due to the neck injury" The doctor answered

Simon: This is Doctor House; I’m calling it.

Rainbow: Talk about your bedside manners...

Everyone gasped, Shining Armor was about to cry, Cadance patted his back.

Drakkar: It’s sad to see my buddy like that, much more for this preposterous events.

Mrs.Sparkle was crying into Mr.Sparkle's shoulders. Celestia sighed and teared up. Luna nuzzled her sister to make her feel better.

Matt: “COMMENCE SISTER SUPPORTING ALGORITHMS.  THERE THERE.”

Rainbow: *chuckles*

The meeting was over everyone went home,

Drakkar: And nopony cares about Twilight anymore.

Matt: At least she has all the leftover doughnuts and coffee from the meeting.

The doctor went to check on Twilight Sparkle.

"I want to see my Sister-in-law and Big brother" She yelled.

Dr. Caramel let them in, He left and they chatted.

Rainbow: Wait, Caramel?  As a doctor?  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Matt: The pony who lost grass seed?  I think this story might have just gotten funny after all...

"Twiley, I'm glad to see you.." Shining Armor smiled.

"It's glad to see you both again" She replied

Cadance gave Twilight Sparkle some roses.

Drakkar: Where and when did she buy those?

Matt: I would say she pulled them out of her ass, but OW. >_<

"We hope you get better Twilight" She says.

Simon: Well, as long as she doesn’t listen to heavy metal, she’ll probably survive long enough.

Rainbow: Some ponies just aren’t cut out for headbanging.

Dr.Caramel told them they had to leave so they did. Twilight sparkle looked at the tag knowing it was from both of them, Dr.Caramel smiled and exited her room.

Then her friends visited her, Rarity started to cry and then their visiting hour ended so they all left,

Matt: HOW DID I USING TENSE?!

Rainbow: Okay, that is officially a running gag now.

Simon: I really can’t be sad at this, because I just pictured ponies going “Hi, Twilight! Bye!”

Twilight sparkle was wondering why Rarity was crying, she looked at the thing Rarity gave her, A gem. It was Emerald.

Rainbow: I'm sure that means something in the author's head, but darned if I know what.

Drakkar: To me, it means that Spike would eat it in one bite when either nopony’s paying attention or when Twilight dies.

Matt: That seems about right.

Twilight sparkle gave her friends things as well when they visited her.

Matt: As is the ancient tradition when one is dying.

Simon: Where the hell did she get stuff for them in a hospital anyways? What did she give them, brochures and coupons for plastic surgery?

Rainbow: Amazon.com?

It got dark so Twilight sparkle turned of her light and tucked herself in.

Matt: This is clearly a metaphor for the smothering narrative.

Drakkar: Hmm it was dark, so she turned off the light. That’s a logic I just can’t follow.

She slowly closed her eyes and went to sleep. Dr.Caramel went to see her, she was sound asleep and okay, He had to check to make sure she was still breathing when she goes to sleep.

Rainbow: *flinches* Gah!  This story...

Matt: *pats her on the back*  I know, we'll make it somehow.

Simon: *shakes head* Another one of these.

Drakkar: You really expect something more to be needed to make readers cry themselves to death.

Matt: That’s just the feeling of your brain dying that makes you cry like that.

He left the room and went into his room for the night.

Matt: Doctor Caramel is a patient, too?

Rainbow: He's a mental patient!  This fic ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!

Simon: Either that or, according to this author, the medical crew live in the hospital. But I like your idea MUCH better. I’m sure there’s a movie about that somewhere.

Morning came and the dews of the sun

Matt and Rainbow: Wat.

Simon: I’d make a sex joke, but that would make this part have the slightest glimpse of logic. And I’m not prepared to do that.

made Twilight sparkle sneezed,

Rainbow: How - dews, sneezing, tense, logic—what?

she woke up and sat up, eating her breakfast that Dr.Caramel gave her.

She got visited by Princess Celestia and was given  a gift, a book, Twilight sparkle said her thank yous and started to read it,

Matt: She'd better, she ain't got much time left.

Celestia left the room and went back to her castle,

Drakkar: This is really depressing when you think about it, but not in the way the author wanted.

Simon: Yeah, Celestia just came and said “Here, a book. You... seem to like these things. Bye.”

She kept getting visited my everyone she knows and they give her something, She has a lot of things a lot of her friends gave her and her family gave her things to.

Matt: Things to what?!  Explain, story, explain!

Drakkar: Probably to end her misery. I would expect my friends to do that to me if I became unable to move a muscle without fear of dying.

Matt: *huffs* I'd prefer if this story gave me the means to end my misery...

Twilight sparkle decided to take a nap, she fell asleep, Dr.Caramel checked up on her and then left the room knowing she was still alive.

Rainbow: Merciful Harmony, the writing's getting worse!  Is this thing gaining power?

Drakkar: If would be the first time that happened, but I guess it’s possible.

Twilight sparkle woke up and yawned right when her lunch was given, she ate it all and the nurses left.

Twilight sparkle had some water and chugged it down, She kept reading her book and then night grew she put her book down and turned off the light and tucked herself in falling asleep. The doctor did his duty and went to bed after.

Simon: This is a story’s equivalent of going “blah blah blah blah blah”.

Matt: "Did his duty."  Heh.

Rainbow: *cuffs Matt in the back of the head* Oh, grow up.

Twilight sparkle woke up, She sat up and put her hoof to her chest,

Matt: It was still full of all her plundered booty.

Rainbow: *chuckles* Booty...

Matt: Did you not just hit me for doing that?

Simon: You have to ask; which one of the four hooves did she put to her chest?

Breathing slowly, she looked at Dr. Caramel coming in her room. Seeing he was concerned about her, She put her hoof down and smiled like she was okay. Nurse Red Heart came in with Twilight's breakfast, she handed it to her, Twilight sparkle looked down at her meal and ate it slowly,

Simon: Isn’t hospital food good enough to make you want to gobble that shit right down?

Matt: Haven’t spent much time as a patient, eh, Simon?

Dr. Caramel became very worried about his patient.

Rainbow: Most patients didn’t fall for his prank of replacing their food with ball bearings, but Twilight just chomped right down...

Drakkar: Being a doctor allows a lot of freedom for pranks, apparently.

Matt: You wouldn’t believe how many holes there are in Celestia’s Healthcare Reform bill.

Twilight sparkle still had a sharp pain in her chest, she groaned a bit, her chest hurting,

Simon: Am I the only one who noticed that Twilight woke up dying out of the blue?

Matt: Offering a medical diagnosis would tax the author’s writing beyond the breaking point.

She called Dr.Caramel in to talk to him.

Dr.Caramel entered her room and looked at her, Twilight sparkle smiled and then her eyes teared up. She couldn't take the pain she felt in her heart.

Matt: She had to—she would confess her love right here and now!

Simon: Aha!  She feigned this extreme sickness to be with Caramel!

Rainbow: *swoons* HOW WOMANTIC!

"What is it, Twilight?" Dr.Caramel asked

Drakkar: “I don’t know, you’re the doctor.  YOU tell me!”

"Dr.Caramel, I have been having pains today in my chest, I need help identifying what it is"

Rainbow: Heh, the ol’ “I’m having pains in my chest” line.  Gets ‘em every time...

Simon: Because self diagnose is one of the most underappreciated practices you can think of.

Twilight sparkle explained, Dr.Caramel nodded and touched one of her ribs,

Matt: Bow chicka—um—bow wow?  Damn...  Okay, I’ll admit that would have made a lot more sense on a human.

Drakkar: Really?

Simon: Oh yes.  Human females have a couple really fun bits at that height.

Matt: ^_^

Rainbow: *rolls her eyes*  Males...

he shook his head and exited the room,

Simon: Well, if she were actually a human female, that would’ve been the...  What’s the male equivalent of at cocktease?

Matt: Um... I have no idea, actually...

Drakkar: I don’t think it would exist as a term.  I don’t picture a male taking the effort to turn a female on just to leave her at that and walk away.

Twilight sparkle thought it was heart burn, but seeing Dr.Caramel's expression on his face while he shook his head and left the room, made Twilight worried.

Rainbow: Man, Caramel must have been really

Spike came to visit Twilight, He smiled at her, Twilight sparkle looked at him with a worried expression on her face, Spike then giggled.

Matt: CAPTAIN SENSITIVITY STRIKES AGAIN!

"Twilight, Why are you so worried?" He asked

Simon: “I don’t know, probably because I’M FUCKING DYING RIGHT HERE!?”

Rainbow: Dying?  Pfft, don wohrry aboutit.

Matt: O hai, comically underplayed drama!

"Well spike, I have been having Pains in my chest. I don't know what it is" She replied

Matt: “Obviously, we’ll need to amputate your chest.”

Drakkar: The doctor isn’t doing that much to help her anyways.

Rainbow: I’m telling you, mental patient...

Spike gave her a rose and left the room, Twilight sparkle sighed and held the rose,

Rainbow: It smelled faintly of chloroform.

Simon: “He had to wait til I was dying to declare his love.  What a prick!”

Matt: Good thing she saved herself for Caramel instead.

Twilight closed her eyes and a tear was shed she put down the rose and  laid down , She stared at the ceiling doing nothing, letting her chest hurt.

Drakkar: In that case she WAS doing something after all.

Rainbow: More than the doctor was, anyway.

Dr.Caramel entered the room with Nurse Red Heart. They chatted a bit then left the room.

Simon: …Okay, THAT is depressing.

Matt: I’d rather be getting my medical treatment from Doctor PEPPER.

Twilight sparkle wasn't listening but heard some of the conversation. She groaned in pain.

Dr.Caramel had a conversation

Rainbow: This stallion’s desk calendar must be a thing of beauty.  “9am, talk.  9:30, talk.  10am, converse.  11am, ignore patient, have chat.  12, lunch.  1pm, malpractice hearing...”

when Celestia tried to visit her student. Celestia was surprised.

"Sorry Princess, you can't visit Twilight at the moment" Dr. Caramel told her.

"Why?" Celestia asked

Matt: What a good question!

Drakkar: She’s the ruler of the land. She’s the reason that place was built!

"Twilight sparkle has been having chest pains, her neck is still injured and I don't think she can feel any pain in her neck, but I caught her with her hoof on her chest, This pain she is having probably wont end well, So we can't accept anymore visitors at this time"

Simon: “She’s in pain. A lot of pain. You can’t visit her.”

Drakkar: How hard is it to become a doctor here?

"Oh alright, I understand."

Matt: Gives up easy, don’t she?

Celestia walked off and flew back to her castle,

Simon: Even Angelina Jolie had more screentime in Sky Captain than every character in this story aside from Twilight and Caramel combined.

Matt: Obscure burn, dude.

Dr.Caramel was roaming the hall ways checking every pony in every room.

Drakkar: Apparently he thinks he can heal ponies by getting inside the rooms they are in for a few seconds.

Matt: He actually reminds me a lot of the NPCs in the early Final Fantasy games.  Pre-programmed route, one or two pre-chosen lines of dialogue, no deviating.

Simon: I prefer those rather than those pesky kobolds in DDO. Jumping and bouncing around, little lizardy, fireball-throwing Pinkie Pies.

Twilight sparkle was still in pain, She grabbed a book and read it, She put it down and started to stare at the ceiling again,

Rainbow: “Arrgh, if only we had something like magic in this world!  Alas!”

Simon: Or medical gear, for that matter.

It was getting really dark, So Twilight turned on her light and just kept staring at the ceiling.

Matt: “I’m watching you, ceiling.  Don’t you try anything funny!”

Simon: Oh, her sickness gives her hallucination?  That’s some ball tripping I want to read.

Matt: This is what happens when you give patients control over their own morphine drip.

Twilight sparkle got very tired,

Drakkar: Damn, staring at the ceiling SURE is exhausting.

She turned off her light and turned to her side, she slowly fell asleep. Dr.Caramel check up on her as always and tucked her in, he closed the door as he left the room.

Rainbow: Did he then go power down in the closet for the night?  Geez, how useless can a pony get?

Simon: Hayseed has no cutie mark, and I’m sure he’d be a better doctor.

Twilight sparkle woke up at 5 AM, Still dark

Drakkar: The Princesses are still taking care of the solar cycles.  That’s good to know.  I’d be scared if they got depressed and stopped moving the Sun and the Moon.

she sat up and yawned, later the sun rose and Dr.Caramel came in with her breakfast, Twilight sparkle ate it slowly, when she was finished Dr.Caramel took it and then left the room.

Matt: The hospital has been severely understaffed for a while now, so he has to act as nurse and housecleaning, too.

Twilight sparkle had no visitors since Spike came last, she was little sad not seeing any of her friends yet, she took the jem stone Rarity gave her and looked at herself in it she then put down the emerald and sighed.

Rainbow: They would have dropped by, but today was the start of Spike’s drugging and ponynapping trial.

Matt: I knew Twilight shouldn’t have given him that book...

Simon: I really hope you can tune Cartoon Network with that thing.  Otherwise it’s going to be another boring session of “Twilight stares at shit in her hospital room.”

Matt: But this might be the day Caramel finally comes into her room!  OH WAIT. >_<

Dr.Caramel came in

Drakkar: When did we miss all the foreplay and sex?

Matt: HIYO!

and gave Twilight her daily check up,

Simon: Consisting of looking at her for a few seconds and leaving shortly after.

Dr.Caramel finally figured out what's going on with her chest pain, she might have heart burn or she might just be dying very slowly.

Rainbow: That’s quite a freaking jump!

Matt: “It could be a bruise, or it could be a necrotic flesh infection.”

Simon: That’s what I call margin of error.

Dr.caramel

Rainbow: He lost his space a while ago, and now he lost his capital “c”.  He’s being demoted as the fic goes on.

smiled and left the room to talk with Nurse Red heart.

Drakkar: “Okay, this is it.  If she kicks the bucket today, I’ll win the death pool.”

Twilight sparkle read her book that one of her friends gave her, she was very interested in it and loved the book, she kept reading it.

Matt: Couldn’t remember who gave it to her only yesterday, though.  Damn that brain damage!

Rainbow: Joke’s on her, Celestia’s been giving her the same copy of “Hop on Pop” every time she comes by.

She stopped and put it down, she smiled and took a nap.

Simon: I can’t handle all this fervent action!

Twilight sparkle woke up and her friends and family crowded the room,

Drakkar: Didn’t just Caramel forbid anypony from visiting Twilight?

They gave her alot of stuff and she smiled.

Matt: Is this a thing in Equestria?  Or maybe the northlands you come from?  You just give dying people “stuff” until they either die or get smothered by it?

Rainbow: Definitely not.

Drakkar: Well, I don’t think Hela is one to accept bribes.  We usually burn warriors with their gear and send boats full of wealth if a jarl died.  It was a way to show that the warrior was wealthy.  Other than that...

Simon: Maybe they’re just doing it so Twilight doesn’t think on the fact that she’s dying.

She was happy to see her friends and family. Her mom teared up and Celestia put a wing over her parents.

Matt: Worst.  Poker faces.  EVAR.

They had some decent conversations then they had to leave,

Simon: They talked about how their world domination plans weren’t going to happen without her.

Rainbow: I don’t care if they were asking Twilight if the ceiling had done anything interesting yet, I’d still rather read those conversations than any of this!

once Twilight looked out the window

Matt: WOAH WOAH WOAH, SLOW DOWN STORY.  TOO MUCH ACTION HERE.

her visitors stayed pretty long, it was the afternoon now. She was very happy, she stared at the ceiling

Drakkar: Oh, magical ceiling, what mysteries are you hiding from the unworthy eye?

Rainbow: Ceiling cat never comes when you’re watching.

again and then it became dark outside,

Simon: It was when Luna arrived to Canterlot and thought “Oh, shit, I have to make night time!”

she laid down and went to sleep. Dr.caramel check up on her then left knowing she was okay.

Simon: She was okay?  Why didn’t you just let her go home, then?

He wanted to keep this patient alive, and he might loose her a year later, depends on how slow she is dying out..

Matt: Wow.  Just wow, man.  Round of applause for the graduate of the Helen Keller School of Diagnostic Medicine. *slow clap*

Rainbow: *claps* Just think, she’s gonna be stuck in that stupid bed for months.  Nothing but ceiling watching and the “doctor” going in and out, in and out, in and out...

Simon: Just imagine the shit ton of books they’ll bring her as gifts.  She’ll be able to make entire book castles!

Two months later, Twilight Sparkle awoke from an amazing dream,

Drakkar: Did she sleep for two whole months?

Simon: She’ll have a lot of reading to do at the pace they bring her books.

although she was afraid she will not achieve the dream.

Matt: No man can eat fifty eggs!

Twilight still had pain in her chest and it has gotten worse.

Simon: This reminds of the yodeling veterinarian from the Alps, who thought he could heal animals by singing.

Matt: The infamous “going in and out” treatment would be a source of controversy in medical circles for decades.

She coughed and sighed, Dr.Caramel quickly entered the room.

Rainbow: “Gah!  What the hell were you doing just listening outside my room!”

"Twilight, What's the matter!?" He asked

"Doc.. I ain't feeling to good" She coughed.

Drakkar: NOW she notices it?  Twilight, I thought you were MUCH smarter than this!

Rainbow: This is the pony who forgot how to walk in the first scene.

Dr.Caramel checked her heart beat, it was slowing down,

Matt: 65 bpm.  64...  63...

Everyone came to visit her later, and didn't leave her side.

Rainbow: For, like, the first time ever.

"T-Twiley?" Shining Armor asked.

"Twilight!" Mr. and Mrs. Sparkle yelled

Matt: “Sweet Luna, I’m right here! Stop yelling!”

Twilight Sparkle looked at all her friends and family, She smiled, Her eyes fogged up a tiny bit.

"Doctor.. Her eyes are fogging up" Cadance proclaimed

"That's a sign that she is close to her death" Dr.Caramel replied.

Drakkar: Bluntness is his middle name.

Matt: 48... 47... 46...

Cadance covered her mouth with her hoof and teared up, Oh no, not my best sister-in-law ever!,

Simon: ONLY sister-in-law ever. Unless her parents decide to have another one.

 Sunshine.. Sunshine.. ladybugs awake.. clap.. your hooves and do a little shake.. Nothing will be the same without Twilight Cadance thought.

Rainbow: *facehoofs*  That’s the best you can do for drama?

Simon: “I won’t be able to shake my ass ever again!”

Drakkar: Poor, poor Shining Armor.

Matt: 35... 72... 34...

Rainbow: 72?

Matt: She thought she saw the ceiling move and it startled her for a moment.

Celestia rubbed against Twilight sparkle, who teared up, she was very close to her death.

"I'm sorry, The doctor tried everything..

Drakkar: He tried looking at her.  He tried writing in front of her.  He tried talking to Nurse Redheart in front her, and nothing worked.

Rainbow: Don’t forget all the “going” he did.  He really went the extra mile.

Matt: 12... 11... 10...

I'm so sorry everybody" Twilight Sparkle whined

Simon: “I thought I was going to be an immortal Princess who’d outlive you all.”

"Twilight Darling, It isn't your fault.. It's your time" Rarity cried.

Rainbow: Well, Spike would have been there, but he couldn’t get parole in just two months.

Everyone tried to comfort Twilight.. But then, Twilight Sparkle's heart kept going slower, and she was very close. It was time for her to say her last words

Matt: 5... 4... 3...

Simon: “Now that I’m going to die, I can say...  I hated you all since I first met you!”  *dies*

"Everyone.. Thank you, every since I was a filly, My parents helped me get into Celestia's school for gifted unicorns, and if it wasn't for my brother, I wouldn't have any confidence when I was younger, Thanks to Cadance, I wouldn't have learnt a tune, My friends..

Matt: -1... -2... -3...

Simon: And this is why I hated the first Assassin’s Creed.  I wanted SO HARD to skip those boring conversation scenes.

Matt: Stick a knife in her neck.  It didn’t stop them from soliloquizing, but you never know until you try.

You are the best, Rainbow dash,

Drakkar: Oh, right, now that you’re about to die, rub on everypony’s faces who was your best friend.

I think you're totally fit to be a wonderbolt,

Simon: As if her time at Wonderbolt Academy didn’t show us that.

Rainbow: Hey, she’s not wrong, you know.

Drakkar: I think he complains because she’s just stating the obvious.  I’m sure something more could’ve been said about you there.

Matt: No, no, no, let’s NOT give her more of a swelled head.

Rainbow: *sticks her tongue out at Matt*

Fluttershy, You're so kind, and yet you get scared so easily, try being brave,

Rainbow: Now there’s a parting “screw you” if I’ve ever seen it.

Rarity, You're fashions choices are such wonderful amazing ideas, my gala dress was so.. awesome.

Drakkar: Eeeh, I don’t like Equestrian clothing that much.

Simon: She still was able to make you that suit, and Mjǫllna’s dress too.

Drakkar: Right, those were amazing.

Pinkie pie, You're the greatest of them all,

Rainbow: Hey!  You said I was the best!  You suck, Dying!Twilight.

you made us brave by helping us laugh at the scariest things.

Simon: But it HAS to be an honest laugh.  If you laugh like a villain or a madman, you actually make ponies around you MORE terrified.

Applejack, if it wasn't for you, and your family, The pure delicouse treats

Rainbow: “Delicouse.”  Huh, sounds Bitalian.

Matt: -34... -35... -36..

wouldn't of been made, and we would of never met,

Simon: Twilight might be taking TOO long to die, but her grammar has been dead for a while.

Rainbow: Just how bad was that brain damage?

but since we did, I never regret it. After meeting all of you guts, I would never regret.

Matt: You guts: I hate them.

Celestia, your my mentor, my teacher, and a part of my family, Luna, your the same,

Drakkar: Celestia, you’re the most wonderful being in the world.  Luna, I can’t copypaste my voice, but that goes for you too, in a nutshell.

Rainbow: *gasping* “Ten... out—out of... ten... W-w-would... bang...”

You needed help making friends, and I helped you, Shinging Armor, Your the best brother I ever had, You married my foalsitter, and I thought Princess Mi Amore Cadenza was a mare whom thinks she is such a princess, with attitude, Once I realized it was Cadance, I loved it.

Matt: Wow.  84-word sentence here.  That might be a new, horrible record for me.

Rainbow: “Shinging Armor” sounds like the name of a drunken pony attempting karaoke in a bar.

You taught me how to fly a kite,

Simon: “It’s not the most important or useful skill ever, but thanks anyways!”

Matt: “Could have taught me a healing spell or something, but nooOOOOoooo...”

the only fight we ever had was at the wedding.. Mom and Dad, Your the best parents a pony could wish for, Sweet and gentle, Me and shining armor are so glad to have you as parents.

Cadance, our times we had were so fun, now your my sister-in-law, your the best half sister ever, Don't forget..

Rainbow: Um... half-sisters do not work that way.  Did she just make Shining Armor’s marriage MUCH creepier?

Sunshine, Sunshine, Ladybugs awake, clap your hooves and do a little shake.

You will always be in my heart.

Drakkar: Considering how shitty it must be, I don’t think she wants to be there.

Matt: -175... -176... -177...

Simon: She’s going to die of reverse arrhythmia.

and I will be in everyone elses heart, I will be there.

I love you all.. never forget."

Matt: *retches*

Rainbow: *retches*

Simon: Between Hurricane Katrina and this fic, I’m honestly not sure which is worse.

Twilight sparkle stopped breathing, her heart stopped bumping.

Rainbow: It started grinding instead.

Matt: THE CLUB CAN’T EVEN HANDLE ME RIGHT NOW.

She died.

Simon: About time!

Everyone was crying, they left.

Drakkar: They were getting bored too, numb hooves and all.

Her words were glued into their minds.

Rainbow: It was every bit as sticky and unpleasant as that sounds.

Mane 6 couldn't help it but sing a song for her.

Simon: So Twilight’s ghost is singing along with them?

Matt: Oh god... not a song...

"Twilight Sparkle, the greatest friend we ever had..

She's the best pony we have known, the smartest and greatest of them all,

the egghead, but a friend.

She came to our town, for a quest, and she stayed because of us, everything was such a blast with her around.

Now she's dead due to a injury, now she will never return

Take care

Farewell

Goodbye

Twilight Sparkle

Rainbow: Booo!  Your rhyming stinks!

Matt: Get off the stage!  You’re not funny!

Simon: The author was lazy enough to use colors to save himself from mentioning who was singing each one.

Drakkar: Who sang the third line, though?

All: O_O

Matt: Ye gods, even death can’t shut Twilight up!

Simon: Maybe it’s the Death from Discworld?  No, she speaks in capital letters.

“We’ve got it weakened, but it’s not going down!”

Rainbow touched down next to me, trying to catch her breath.  “It’s tough.  We can’t get through to do lethal damage.”

Simon, crouched, calling to his partner.  “Usual tactic, Drakkar.  Flanking time!”

“You take the left?”

“As usual!”

“Hey, wait a second,” I interjected, “we’ve got two more bodies available!”

Rainbow fluttered her wings.  “Hey, yeah, and a whole third dimension!”

“Okay, so what’s the plan?” Simon asked.

I glanced over at my wingmare.  “You thinking what I’m thinking, Dash?”

“Orbital strike?”

I grinned.  “Bingo.  Grab Drakkar and go vertical.”  She galloped off towards Drakkar as I turned to Simon.  “Help me out, dude, we gotta flank this thing and keep it from moving!”

Dash skidded to a stop next to the Norse pony.  “Hey, mind if I borrow you for a moment?”

He smirked.  “I don’t think my wife would mind given the circumstances.”

She snorted irritably and rolled her eyes.  “I’ll hit you for that when I’ve got the time.  Come on!”  She grabbed Drakkar around the chest and sprang into the air, gaining altitude as quickly as she could.

I battered at the beast with my bat, flailing wildly.  “Hold it down, Simon!”

Simon grunted his assent, alternating between precise strikes at the monster and distracting it with loud smacks of his axe against the ground.  “You’re not going anywhere!”

Barely visible in the sky above, Rainbow yelled, “Axe out, Drak!  LOOK OUT BELOW!”

The pony pair turned, suddenly plummeting.  Rainbow flapped for every ounce of speed she could manage, trailing a rainbow and a startlingly intense scream.

“DUCK AND COVER!” I yelled, throwing myself behind a tree.

Simon glanced up and catapulted himself into a pathside ditch.

Just before impact, the Doctor wandered out of the house, dusting his coat off with a hoof.  “Okay, I’m done with the synchroni—oh...”

Rainbow and Drakkar struck, Drakkar’s axe and Rainbow’s hoof extended equally as they impacted with a seemingly nuclear impact.  I didn’t bother to look, but it wouldn’t have surprised me in the least if there had been a full-on mushroom cloud.  All I could see was dust and dirt billowing in the shockwave, followed by a grisly rain of monster fragments.  Simon and I stepped back onto the path to survey the damage.

The Doctor grinned, his irrepressible humor undaunted by his being coated in a spray of mostly-unrecognizable gore.  “Glad to know I didn’t miss the fireworks!” he chirped.

I scrambled over to the crater, looking for Rainbow.  “Hey, you two okay?” I called out to the mostly still ponies.  “Rainbow, you good?  Talk to me, Dash!”

She rolled over onto her back with a grunt.  “That... was... frigging... AWESOME.”

Drakkar sighed wearily.  “I prefer the ground, but it was... an experience.”

Rainbow panted breathlessly.  “Oh... oh yeah...” she said, reaching out a hoof and lightly tapping Drakkar’s shoulder.  “Yeah... you deserved that.  Phew...”

Simon laughed.  “Well... this was more intense than usual, but we’re done.  Drakkar, can you get up?”

The Scandineighvian warrior laughed shakily.  “You offend me... with your doubts.”  He slowly clambered to his hooves before taking a deep, calming breath and reaching out a hoof to Rainbow.  “Come on, let me help you.”

She managed to accept his help without blushing, surprisingly.  “Thanks.  You guys were a big help.”

I had to agree with her there.  “Yeah, I’m not sure what we would have done otherwise.”

Simon grinned, looking around for some unsoiled grass to clean his blade on.  “I’m glad we were able to help.  I hope we can come back again—next time without monsters to kill.”

I offered my hand and clasped his wrist against my own.  “Well, if there’s such a thing as a dimensional door, I’ll leave it open for ya.”

“Oh, um... Matt?”  Rainbow tapped my elbow and nodded her head back towards my house.  Or rather, what was left of it.

I sighed.  “Ah.  Yeah.  Guess I’ll have to call somepony about that.”

“Damn...” Simon said.  “Well, if you need help, I’m sure we could stick around a little longer.  At least to clear the debris and such.”

“That would be appreciated, but man... I dunno if I’m up to it at the moment.”  I glanced down at my wingmare, throwing an arm across her shoulders.  “How about some celebratory dinner and drinks first?  Our treat.”

Drakkar nodded.  “Sounds good to me.”

“Same here,” Simon agreed.

The Doctor chuckled, wiping remnants of monster off of his fur.  “I’ll pick you gentlemen up later, then, shall I?”

Rainbow leaned easily against my side, though I could still feel the slight tremor of her muscles after that ordeal.  “Pffft.  Too good to join us then?” she jested, sticking her tongue out at the Time Lord.

He chuckled.  “Oh, on the contrary.  I think this should be a celebration for the warriors to share.”

I grunted.  “Suit yourself, Doctor.  Well, guys, one last conquest.  To the pub!”

-fin-

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