The sun was well above the horizon by the time I got out of the shower the next morning, and I was still scrubbing a little water out of my goatee as I got dressed and walked out into the living room.  Even after the refreshing warmth of the shower, I was still at a borderline zombie state.  I had but one focus as I headed towards the kitchen: food.  I muttered as I pulled out a bowl and reached for the pantry.

"Oh, hey, dude!  Morning!"

I actually yelped out loud and dropped the bowl, which clattered against the countertop.  I felt much more awake as I turned around to see Rainbow Dash sitting at my makeshift desk, with several internet browser tabs open on my borrowed computer.  She waved at me cheerfully.  I narrowed my eyes in what I hoped was a dangerous glare.

"Dash, what the hell are you doing in my house?  It's eight in the freaking morning!"

At least she had the decency to look sheepish.  "I, uh—heh.  I sorta took your advice last night."

"Last night?"  I had to focus as my heart rate settled back into the double digits.  "We riffed, you helped me unpack, and... then what?"

She held up a sheet of notebook paper I'd scrawled on the other day.  "You said I needed to do some research on your world if we wanted to riff together.  I thought it was a ton of fun, and I wanted to know what your jokes were about, so I started going through this list of websites you made for me."

I blinked slowly.  "...all night?"

"Heh, yeah.  I sorta lost track of time, and by five in the morning, I just figured I'd nap on the couch and finish up in the morning."  She grinned.  "I finally get that 'knocking' joke you made yesterday!  That's pretty funny in hindsight."

I chuckled.  "Thanks.  What did you get through?"

She began counting off items on her pinions.  "Well, I started reading through memebase, TVTropes, and most of the news and history sites you wrote down.  I feel like I made at least some progress."  She looked away slightly.  "Also, I'm not real sure how to say this, but your world is messed up, dude."

I frowned.  "Yeah, I know it.  We've got issues to work through."

"But I absolutely love how you humans will race in anything," Dash said with a huge grin.  "Cars, boats, on hooves, bikes—anything."

I laughed.  "They're 'feet', and yeah, we're a pretty competitive race.  Heck, our space program was mostly because we didn't want to get beat by some other country."  I retrieved my bowl, quickly checking it for cracks.  "You want anything?"

"No thanks, I ate already."

I rolled my eyes.  "I bet.  You're welcome, by the way."  I heard Dash chuckle behind me as I filled my bowl with cereal and milk and started chomping away in a slightly surly, early-morning mood.

On the other side of Rainbow, the TV faded slowly to life.  On the screen, Luna looked quickly around the room and focused in on us.  "Ah, good morning to you both!  I am pleased to see you both up and active so early in the day!"

I grunted and continued with my cereal.

"Hey, Princess Luna," Dash replied, shutting down the browser and spinning idly in my custom-made computer chair.

"Since you are both awake, perchance you would like to partake in the next part of the riff?"

"Hell no," I deadpanned.  "Cereal now, riff later."

Luna pouted, sticking out her bottom lip like a petulant foal being sent to bed.  I rolled my eyes.  "Come on, don't give me that, Luna!  It's early!  How do you possibly expect me to be funny when your world doesn't even have decent caffeine to get me going?"

Rainbow frowned.  "We have coffee, you know."

"Coffee's disgusting," I huffed.  "I'm just lucky your world has decent tea, otherwise I'd really be screwed.  I practically lived on caffeinated soda back home, and now I'm here cold turkey.  It sucks, man."

"Well," Luna observed, "I feel I must remind you that I control your destiny, and also your doors."  She flicked a switch and the doors and windows latched with a loud thunk.  Rainbow facehoofed as I groaned.

"You know what, fine," I gave in.  "But I'm bringing my damned breakfast."

Rainbow slid off the chair and stomped over to the couch along with me, and we slumped onto the surface in almost perfect mirrored images of the other.

"Fine, let's have it," Rainbow scowled.

I simply took another spoonful of cereal in what I hoped was an intimidating manner.

"Very well, then," Luna crowed, "the second portion of your adventure begins... now!"

The wall-mounted light began spinning, throwing yellow beams across the face of the wall.

Dash and I sighed.  "We got story sign..."

When Rainbow Dash woke up, she found that she in the Golden Oaks Library, in Twilight's bed.  

Rainbow: “Oh, Luna, how much cider did I have last night.”

Getting up, she looked around for Celestia, or the two mayors, but found nothing.

Matt: Tia’s more of a “love-em-and-leave-em” type, it seems.  Can't form attachments.

Rainbow: It's sad, really.

"Thank Celestia, it must of been a dream," she sighed in relief, but her hopes were crushed when she saw not only her friends, but the princess and the mayors.

Matt: “Oh, Rainbow Dash, we’ve got piiiiiictuuuuures!”

"Good to see that you have awaken Rainbow, we were worried when you fainted," Celestia said.

"Well, what do you expect when you find out that you are not only an Alicorn, but Queen of an entire race!?" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, throwing her forelegs in the air.

Rainbow: Like she just didn’t care.

Matt: Very nice!  I can see that time on the internet wasn’t wasted.

"Rainbow Dash, I know that you are upset, but we had to keep it a secret," Celestia said, causing the rainbow maned Alicorn to raise an eyebrow.

"We?"

"Yes, King Wind Chaser, your parents, Dr. Bandage, and I had to keep it a secret that you were born an Alicorn, until it was your time to rule," Celestia explained.

Matt: “Dr. Bandage?”  That’s really the best we could come up with, huh?

Rainbow: “Dr. Doctor” would be the only step down, and it’s not that far, actually.

Rainbow Dash stared at the sun princess in disbelief, then glared at her.

Rainbow: She was apparently disconcerted that “sun princess” is no longer worthy of capital letters.

Matt: *in a British accent* Oh, they’re everywhere these days.  We’re practically tripping over sun princesses.  Bloody ‘eck...

"Tell me everything," she demanded.

Matt: “Well then, this is gonna take a while.”  *clears throat*  “About 2.6 billion years ago—”

Rainbow: “Tell me some things.”

"Okay Rainbow, it all began when your mother was pregnant."

Rainbow: More stories should start at that point.  You really miss out on the whole “origins” part of a character if you don’t mention that.

Matt: *eats more cereal*

~20 years ago~

~Cloudsdale Hospital ~

Rainbow: It was a dark and stormy night.

Matt: I’d just taken a creative writing course.

The pregnant Aurora Dash and her husband Spectrum Dash were sitting in the office of Dr. Bandage, who was checking the medical reports of Aurora.

Matt: Everypony caught up now?

Aurora, despite her name, was a dark blue Pegasus with a green mane, and wore glasses.  She was nervous, as she wanted to know if her foal was alright.  Her husband, Spectrum, was an almost purple Pegasus with a rainbow mane.

Rainbow: Almost purple.  So, like, blue?

Matt: He was actually pink, but he found he caught less flak for it if he said “almost purple” instead of “lightish red.”

Spectrum put his hoof on Aurora's leg and gave a reassuring smile, which helped calm his wife down.

Matt: Stories really don’t get any more “tell-y” than this.  It's narrative by Powerpoint.

Dr. Bandage checked the reports, put them back in their folders and put it in his desk drawer, then went back to the couple.

Matt: “The cancer is terminal, I’m afraid.”

Rainbow: “But I’m just here for a maternity checkup!”

Matt: “Huh.  Then what did I tell Mr. Skies when he was just in here?”

"Well Mrs. Dash, I am glad to say that you and the foal are perfectly healthy, and no defects were found on the foal,"

Rainbow: “On your husband, on the other hoof...”

Matt: “Seriously!  It’s not pink!”

"Thank you Dr. Bandage, but we are wondering something," Spectrum said, looking worried.

"And what is it?"

"Well, I have been experiencing pain whenever the foal moves," Aurora explained, rubbing her swollen stomach.

Dr. Bandage was puzzled at this.  "Well, what you are describing is a problem unicorn's bearing foals show, as the foal has a horn, and when it moves around, the horn will jab into the uterus.

*Matt and Rainbow wince*

Rainbow: Freaking OW.

Matt: Ye gods, am I glad to be male right now.

But this never happens to a Pegasus unless she has a unicorn foal, and according to the reports, you're foal has wings," he explained.

Rainbow: Your, you’re; what’s the difference?

Matt: About a year of middle school.

"Could it be a defect?  I mean, we can't see the foal," Spectrum asked.

"You could be right, and while the reports do say that the foal is fine, medical technology has only gotten so far so we can't know for certain,

Rainbow: Our medical technology is advanced enough for me to say that there aren’t any defects on the foal, though.

Matt: And it can detect wings, but not horns?

Rainbow: Convenient excuse is convenient.

Matt: *grins* Wow, you made it all the way into memes?  This experience just got a lot more fun.

I suggest you take a look at your family tree, to see if there is a history you don't know," Dr. Bandage said.

Rainbow: Actually, there IS a unicorn in my family tree somewhere.  True story.

Matt: Huh.  Did any of your close relatives ever give birth to a unicorn?

Rainbow: Not that I knew, but my family is pretty scattered.

The couple thank their doctor and left the office.

Dr. Bandage looked over his reports again to see if he misread anything.

Matt: “Dammit, so that’s why Mr. Skies was so happy when I told him he was pregnant...”

"She is experiencing pain that a mother bearing a unicorn feels, but reports say that the foal has wings.  Could the foal be... No it couldn't,"

Rainbow: DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN!!

~Dash Household, Cloudsdale~

Matt: 9:45 PM.  I had just gotten back from my office to see that someone had trashed the place.

Rainbow: I knew that mare was trouble when she walked in.

The couple were searching through their attic, looking for their family tree.

Rainbow: Which was stupid, because it was clearly planted outside, in the garden.

Matt: *facepalm* Ow, Dash, that was bad.

"Found anything Spectrum?" Aurora asked, going through one of the many boxes.

"Not yet, wait I found mine!" Spectrum yelled in excitement, holding up an old book.

Matt: Maybe the pages were made from their family tree.

Aurora ran over and saw the book, it looked to be over a thousand years old, the spine was damaged, and it was covered in the thickest layer of dust she has ever seen.

Rainbow: Somewhere, right now, Twilight Sparkle is throwing a massive tantrum over this book’s treatment.

Matt: If it's a thousand years old, then presumably it's not very current.  It's not easy to add pages to most books.

"Are you sure we can find something in this book?" Aurora asked.

"I hope so, this book has been in the Dash family for over a millennium, my father gave it to me, but he never told me what ancestors we had, and I never bothered to read it, but now we have to," Spectrum admitted and opened the book, flipping the pages to find out if there was a deformity in his family.

Matt: “A deformity?”  Jeez, that’s harsh.

Rainbow: Never knew my parents were racist.  Or named something other than what I called them.  Or pink, for that matter.

The two saw many things that surprised them,

Matt: Big Johnny Dash, who married a bear!

Rainbow: Layercake Dash, the world’s fattest pegasus!

Matt: Heisty Dash, who robbed the Appaloosa Bank twelve times without getting caught!

Rainbow: “Heisty Dash?”  Seriously?

Matt: What?  It's still a better name than “Dr. Bandage.”

but they still found nothing that told of a deformity in the family, but when they got to the last page, Aurora jaw dropped, and Spectrum let the book fall.

*Matt and Rainbow jump as a loud BOOM echoes outside the house*

Matt: What the hell was that?

Rainbow: Judging from the fallout, my guess is it's Twilight throwing a fit over somepony dropping a thousand-year-old book like first-period chemistry.

"That-that can't be right," Spectrum said, he was beginning to hyperventilate.

Rainbow: Hey, look!  That period grew a tail and completely screwed up the sentence!

Aurora picked up the book and began to read it.

"King Spectrum Blitz, king of the Pagesi from 1 C.R (Celestia Rule) to 100 C.R.

Matt: Pagesi, huh?

Rainbow: Sounds foreign.  Maybe they were Bitalian?

King Spectrum Blitz is the one that led the Pegasi into Equestria and credited for creating Cloudsdale.  

Rainbow: Hate to break it to ya, but no, he didn’t.

Matt: I can see how somepony might think that Commander Hurricane was kind of a prick, but getting completely written out of history is a bit much.

He became allies with Princess Celestia and Princess Luna to stop Discord, and to help keep Equestria safe.  He had a daughter named Firefly, and a son named Thunder Crash.  Firefly married Fire Dash and moved away from Cloudsdale, while Thunder Crash became the next king when Spectrum Blitz died,"

Matt: Which, of course, would mean nothing to them since royalty follows male bloodlines.

Rainbow: In your world, maybe.  Do you see all the mares around here?

Matt: *grins* Yes.  Yes I do.

Rainbow: … Perv.

Matt: Seriously, though, if the crown doesn’t follow male lines, why wasn’t Firefly the Queen, and why is there a King at all?

The two stared at each other, then to the swollen stomach of Aurora.

"I'm going to have an Alicorn," Aurora said, not knowing whether to be scared or happy.

"And our foal will become the next King or Queen of the Pegasi," Spectrum said.

Matt: I’m sorry, but there was nothing mentioned in that book about alicorns anywhere.  Where did this knowledge come from?  How were we supposed to know this?

Rainbow: And besides, wouldn’t the crown be following Thunder Crash’s bloodline now, not Firefly’s?

Matt: Lineage 101, for when you just don’t care enough to set up your descendants properly.

The next day Spectrum wrote a letter to his brother, who happened to be Celestia's personal guard, so the letter could be sent to Celestia without waiting for days to get a response.

Rainbow: Taking advantage of your privileged station while on duty seems like the kind of thing that Shining Armor would frown on.

"Spectrum, are you sure this will work?" Aurora asked.

"I hope so, I don't want our foal to be treated like royalty the moment she or he is born," Spectrum answered, he put the letter in an envelope and but in the mailbox beside their house, now they had to wait.

Matt: He put his own butt in the mailbox?  Jeez, these ponies are eccentric.

~Royal Guards Barracks, Canterlot ~

Lightning Dash put on his armour for the day, today he had to guard Celestia as she did her routine of checking a city.

Matt: No city in particular, just any ol’ city was fine.

Rainbow: This narration is freaking boring.  And nonsensical.

"Lightning Dash, there is a letter for you, it's from your brother!" A mail stallion said walking up to him and giving the guard the letter.

"Thank you," Lightning opened up the letter and read it, his eyes widened and ran out of the barrack to find the sun princess.

Matt: Lightning Dash himself, though, stood and searched frantically with his hooves for his missing eyes.

Rainbow: That really seems like it would hurt.

~Canterlot Castle, Main Hall~

Matt: 12:30 am.  I awoke to discover that I was in a Phoenix Wright game...

Celestia waited patiently for her guard, Lightning Dash, to accompany her during her checking of Trottingham.

Rainbow: This is a thing, huh?  The Princess just comes by and “checks” your city?

Matt: This may be the laziest story I’ve ever read.  “What is she doing?”  “Eh, checking.   I dunno, whatever.”

She was sipping her tea when the door burst open to reveal a panting Lightning Dash.

"I'm sorry your highness, but I have some urgent news for you," Lightning Dash said in between pants.

Matt: I didn’t think ponies wore pants.

Rainbow: *cuffs Matt across the head*

"And what is it?" Celestia asked, curious about what could be so important.

"It appears that my brother and his wife are going to have a foal,"

"Well, I am glad to hear that, but I do not know why it is so urgent?"

"The foal is going to be an Alicorn,"

Matt: Because of reasons.

Celestia froze in place, taking this information in.  A Pegasus couple is going to have an Alicorn?  How is this possible?

Rainbow: I love how she just believes it without questioning.

Matt: That must be one trustworthy guard.  Or he's clairvoyant.  Ask him who's going to win next year's hoofball title!

"Are you sure you didn't misread it?" Celestia asked, getting a shake from Lightning Dash.

"No your highness, it says in the letter that the Dash family is apparently has King Spectrum Blitz as our great grandfather,"

Rainbow: Which apparently means something, but the author forgot to tell us if he was an alicorn or not.

Matt: I think that’s happening a lot, actually.

Celestia stood from her throne and turned to her scribe.  "Tell Mayor Worthy that I will not be coming to Trottingham, and that we are going to Las Pegasus to talk to King Wind Chaser,"

The scribe nodded and wrote the letter.

Celestia turned to her two guards with a stern face.

Matt: She used her special eyes.

Rainbow: MY BRAND!

"Get the chariot ready, we are going to Las Pegasus,"

Matt: VIVA LAS PEGASUS!!!!

~Las Pegasus Castle ~

Rainbow: Slightly behind the craps table.

King Wind Chaser was sitting across from Princess Celestia, he heard everything that was told to him, but was having trouble believing it.

Rainbow: This story just keeps on being dull.  The King was sitting across from the Princess.  That’s all.  No posture, no description, no expression, no setup—NOTHING.

Matt: He had trouble believing it, but no reaction, no expression, no movements—NOTHING.

"So Princess, you are telling me that the next King or Queen of the Pegasi is going to be born, from a family of Pegasi that happened to have King Spectrum Blitz as a grandfather over a thousand years ago?"

Matt: He said, remarkably deadpan for something that is apparently of EARTH-SHATTERING IMPORTANCE.

"Yes I do," Celestia simply stated, she was trying her best to convince the King of the Pegasi, but it was not going so well.

Rainbow: Yet another pesky comma splice.  So, in your world, just when does a student typically learn about basic sentence construction?

Matt: Um, about sixth grade, I think.  If they're slow.

Rainbow: *sigh*

"I'm sorry Princess, but how can a family of Pegasi just now have an Alicorn?"

Matt: There are forms to be filled out!  You can’t go having alicorns just now because you feel like it!  What about the zoning permits?

"We do not know, but it could be that a gene was finally able to be added, or nature itself noticed that you do not have an offspring to take the crown once you die," Celestia explained.

Rainbow: Did the author really just directly invoke magic because he or she had no idea how to explain this?

Matt: Ah, the good ol’ Deus Ex Magica.

Rainbow: What’s that?

Matt: It’s French for “Are you freaking kidding me?”

Wind Chaser couldn't help but agree with his higher up, sure he was king, but it was an honorary title given to the Alicorn royalty to stop confusion between the rulers of Equestria and the the ruler of all pegasi.

Matt: God, this hurts.  It hurts grammatically, it hurts from the comma splice, it hurts from the logic.

Rainbow: Yeah, honorary titles are always given to be a higher rank than the people that give them.

And his only son disappeared years ago.

Rainbow: Maybe he realized how badly he would have been written and faked his own death?

He stared at the sun princess and gave a sigh.

Matt: It was a traditional gift when a King is outranked by a PRINCESS.

"I will go to Cloudsdale to see if this is true, and if it is, I want this to be kept a secret if words get out, the Pegasus council would be furious that a Alicorn born from a lower class will be the next ruler,"

"Understood, I enjoyed having this talk," with that Celestia walked out of the room, with her two guards beside her.

Matt: Wat.

Rainbow: Wat.

Matt: FRAKING WHAT?  It’s complete nonsense with commas sprinkled in!  It’s like the flower shop scene in The Room!  It’s a masterpiece of directionless semi-prose!  This fic should be framed and displayed in museums!

Wind Chaser turned to his guards. "We are going to Cludsdale, and I want you all to keep this a secret, not even your family can know of this," he ordered, the guards saluted and ran out of the room, leaving the king to himself.

Rainbow: Is it just me, or is the writing actually getting worse?  Cludsdale?

Matt: It’s way too early in the day for this.

Rainbow: It's too early in my life for this.

He took off his crown and stared at it, thinking about how the family will react if it turns out that the foal really is an Alicorn.

Matt: Yeah, maybe his other son, Emperor Dash will take over instead.

Rainbow: Not gonna let that go, huh?

Matt: Not a chance.

~The Next Day~

~Dash Household, Cloudsdale~

Wind Chaser stood at the door with his guards beside him, thinking about how he would introduce himself.

Rainbow: “Hi” usually works.

Matt: “Hey, I’m a fake king.”

Rainbow: *sigh*

"Your majesty, shouldn't we knock now?" one of the guards asked.

"Hmm, oh, yes, please do,"

The guard nodded and knocked on the door.

The door opened to reveal a light purple Pegasus.

Matt: Wait, don’t tell me, the pegasus said words.

Rainbow: And he did things.

Matt: Wow.  Truly, this is a work of great power.

"Hello sirs, and hello King Wind Chaser," the Pegasus said smiling, but his smile turned into shock in an instance.

"King Wind Chaser!?" the Pegasus bowed before the king and began to apologize, "I'm sorry your highness, I did not mean to be disrespectful!"

Rainbow: “How dare you say hello to the King!  Off with his head!”

Matt: *tsks* Such disrespect these days.

"It is all right Spectrum Dash; you did not know that I would be coming,"

"You know my name?" Spectrum asked, now scared for his life.

Matt: It had taken him ten years and several fake identities to be free of the police.  Would it all crumble down around him now?

"Yes I do, and I also know that your wife, Aurora Dash, is pregnant, and you think that the foal will be an Alicorn,"

"Yes your highness, we do, I found out that my great grandfather is King Spectrum Blitz," Spectrum admitted.

Rainbow: Which apparently means something.

"Can I see your wife?" Wind Chaser asked.

Rainbow: What an impertinent thing to ask somepony.

Matt: It’s good to be the king!

"Of course your highness, please come in," Spectrum said rather quickly, letting the king and his guards inside.

Wind Chaser looked around the room, and realized that he never been in a home like this, in fact, he never talked directly to one of his subjects before.

Rainbow: Quite a ruler for the common pony, yeah?

Matt: For an honorary monarch, he’s kinda stuck up his own backside, isn’t he?

"Honey, we have a very important guest," Spectrum called.

Aurora came into the room, and saw Wind Chaser.

"Your highness, what brings you here?" Aurora asked scared.

Matt: Scared was clearly unable to reply, though, as it was a mere metaphysical concept and not an actual pony.

Rainbow: Don’t know why she bothered to ask it at all, actually.

"I came to find out if your foal is actually an Alicorn," Wind Chaser said.

The Dash couple looked at each other scared.

Matt: Again with that freaking word!  That’s it, I’m passing the hat.  We need to buy this author a freaking thesaurus.

Rainbow: My bits are staying right where they are, thank you very much!  This dude's on his own!

"This won't hurt the foal will it?" Aurora asked.

Wind Chaser shook his head, "No, all I will do is to sense if there is any magic other than Pegasus in the foal," with that his horn glow a bright blue.

Rainbow: Wow.  I wish our advanced medical technology had been able to do this.

Aurora walked to their king and allowed him to put his horn to her swollen stomach.

Matt: She exploded like a balloon.  The end.

Wind Chaser concentrated; his eyes were closed, in order to see the magic that was coming out of the foal.

Rainbow: Wait a second!  Is that...?

Matt: Couldn’t be...

Rainbow: It IS!  It’s an actual semicolon!  I’m impressed the author found out where it lived!

Matt: And it’s STILL used wrong!  *cries and pounds the arm of the couch* Oh, Luna, please let us out of here...

"I sense Pegasus magic, that is for sure, but I can also sense Earth pony, and unicorn magic, she is an Alicorn, but what is this fourth magic I sense, it could be from the foals mother, but I'm not sure," Wind Chaser thought, he brought his horn away and opened his eyes.

Matt: Oh, sweet Steven Magnet.  That’s just tragic.  That is one trainwreck of a sentence.

Rainbow: Are you overlooking that fact that the author is clearly trying to introduce a non-canon magical ability?

Matt: Yes.  Yes I am.  If I concentrate on that right now, I’ll have an undeniable urge to slit my wrists.

"Aurora, you are having an Alicorn,"

Both: DUH!

Aurora didn't know how to react, she wasn't sure if she should be happy, or scared.

Matt: Well, “scared” has been the most popular choice by far, to this point.

Rainbow: Scared, happy; these are pretty much the only emotions that have been used in this chapter so far.

Matt: This is what happens when you write with a fourth grade vocabulary, people.

"You won't take our foal away when it is born, will you?" Spectrum asked.

"No, I won’t; in fact, nopony will know that the foal is even an Alicorn,”

Rainbow: This author will do anything to avoid using a freaking period.  Did a period murder his parents or something?

Matt: He’s like the Batman of punctuation.

"What do you mean?" Spectrum asked.

"You will see when it is born," with that, Wind Chaser left the house, leaving the couple confused.

Rainbow: Confused.  That’s a new one.

Matt: It’s still as simplistic as possible, but it’s not scared, I’ll give him that.

~5 months later~

~Cloudsdale Hospital~

Matt: What is that now, four time jumps?  Five?  Someone should explain to the author what “narrative” means.

Screams of pain ran through the hospital as Aurora panted, trying to push her foal out.

Rainbow: So, if she was panting, who was screaming?

Matt: This hospital is dangerous!  There’s just rogue screams of pain running around unsupervised!

Spectrum was at her side, holding her hoof, and Dr. Bandage was at the other side, watching while the Royal Canterlot doctors did their work.

Matt: And they were in Cloudsdale why?

Rainbow: I’m just glad somepony realized that Dr. Bandage was incompetent and didn’t let him help.

Matt: *snorts* Bandage...

"Come on Mrs. Dash, you are doing great," the doctor said.

Matt: Push em out, shove em out, waaaaaayy out!

The screams continued until she the pain went away,

Rainbow: That is how it usually works, yes.

only to be replaced with the crying of a foal.

"Congratulation, it's a beautiful Alicorn filly," the doctor said, cleaning the filly and wrapping her in a blanket, giving it to Aurora.

"Spectrum, she's beautiful, she has your mane and eyes," Aurora said, crying from joy.

Matt: “I was wondering where they were!”

The filly was a cyan coloured and had magenta eyes, and her mane was a rainbow of colours, she also had a horn, and wings.

Rainbow: How... bland.

Matt: She was described as completely normal and typical—oh and she also had this one amazing thing that made her totally special.  I’m gonna need to fetch my Sue-huntin’ guns, arent’ I?

Rainbow: I'm just so amazed that someone could make a description of somepony as distinctive as me so dull.

Spectrum couldn't help but also cry at the sight.

Rainbow: Because the author didn’t really give him an option.

"Hello there my little Dashie, I'm your daddy,"

Rainbow: *grits her teeth*

Matt: Ha!  Dashie...

Rainbow: Come on, dude!  The story is one thing, but you, too?

Matt: *sticks out his tongue* When it stops bugging you, I stop using it.

Spectrum brought his hoof to his daughter, who grabbed it with weak hooves, causing Spectrum and Aurora to giggle.

Matt: Now she’s got his eyes, his mane, and his hoof.

Rainbow: Seems like she’s kinda greedy.

"What should we call her?" Aurora asked, smiling as their foal went to sleep.

"How about Rainbow," Spectrum suggested.

"Rainbow, I love that name, our little Rainbow Dash,"

"I like it as well,"

Rainbow: “I love that name.”

Matt: “I like it.”

Rainbow: “It’s not bad.”

Matt: “I mean, it’s okay, right?”

Rainbow: “It’s not thrilling.”

Matt: “I’m not a fan.”

Rainbow: “I hate it!”

Matt: “It’s terrible!”

Everypony turned their head to see their king, Wind Chaser walk into the room, the ponies bowed, all expect for Aurora and Spectrum.

Rainbow: Who had paid attention earlier and realized that he wasn’t a real king.

Wind Chaser walked to the couple and looked at the baby.

"I definitively see you both in her,"

Matt: That’s like definitely, but not.

"Your highness, what are you doing?" Spectrum asked.

Rainbow: “Celestia told me all about this ‘checking’ thing she does.  I’m giving it a shot!”

"I am making sure that she doesn't get treated like royalty," Wind Chaser's horn glowed, and he brought it to the foal, and before their eyes, the Alicorn became a Pegasus.

Matt: Um... which alicorn became a pegasus now?

Rainbow: Ambiguity, you strike again.

"What did you do?" Aurora asked, confused at the sight.

Matt: “I turned myself into a freaking pegasus!  Oh, why am I so bad at magic?”

"I cast an illusion spell on her, it will last till I die, or until she dies," Wind Chaser explained.

"What do you mean, aren't Alicorns immortal?" Dr. Bandage asked.

Rainbow: Incoming canon-rape...

"In most cases yes, but since Rainbow here has more Pegasus than Alicorn in her; she will have the life span of a Pegasus,"

Matt: *cough*Bullshit*cough*

Rainbow: Need some water there?

Matt: Sorry ‘bout that, I have an allergy to retarded storytelling.

"Your highness, what do you want us to do?" Spectrum asked.

Rainbow: “I’d like you to come up with a more plausible story than I just did.”

"I want you to raise her like you would raise a Pegasus, tell her nothing of her heritage, I want her to rule in my place, with the knowledge of how the world works, and feels," Wind Chaser ordered.

Matt: “This will make her a much superior ruler than I am, since I had never even been in a regular home before I met you.”

Rainbow: Merciful Luna, he is such a crap king.

The couple bowed their heads at their king.  "Yes, your highness,"

"Good, now I will be going back to Las Pegasus, Celestia will be coming to get her royal doctors; I trust them to not tell anypony,"

Rainbow: Thanks for finally explaining what they were doing there, story.

Matt: We still have it only on the barest of logical conjecture that they’re even pegasi.

Rainbow: I'm not even sure they're alive.  I'm just imagining a cardboard cutout standing near the bed.

The couple didn't listen, as they went back to their daughter, smiling at the fact that they now have somepony to love them.

Matt: Isn’t that sorta backwards from the way a family is supposed to work?

The rest is history.

Matt: As are we.  Let’s get the hell outta here, Dash.

Rainbow: Right behind ya.

The two of us were in the kitchen a few minutes later.  Rainbow sat on the table, swinging her rear hooves in the air as I dug uselessly through the fridge for the third time.  "Aw, man, I really thought I had some in here..."

"Whatcha lookin’ for?" the mare chimed in.

"Booze.  I could have sworn I had some, and I have a suspicion that this job is only gonna get worse as we go on."

Rainbow laughed.  "Want me to call up AJ and see if I can get us a stash of cider?"

I scowled, almost slamming the refrigerator shut.  "Meh.  That stuff's alright, but it gets old pretty quickly.  Don’t you have anything else in Equestria?"

"Like what?"

"Note to self," I muttered, "research how to distill bourbon..."

The TV blinked back on to show Luna.  "Matt?  Rainbow?  Is this viewer functioning?"

" We’re in the kitchen, Princess," Rainbow called out.

" Ah.  I shall have to have my visual field expanded in the future.  At any rate, you have both done well.  This story is awful, surely, but you both have taken it in good humor!"

Rainbow buffed her hoof on her chest smugly.  "Yeah, well, what can I say?  It’s what we do."

I smiled.  "Thanks, Luna.  I guess Dash here just brings out my sarcastic side."

"Me?" she blurted.  "I used to be a sweet, innocent mare before you showed up!"

"Oh please," I snorted, laughing.  "Like I’d buy that even if I hadn’t known about you before I got here."

"Which does remind me, Matt," Luna called to us.  "I have taken the liberty of securing your mobile computer from your former world."

I jumped into the air, cheering.  "You got my lappy!  Oh thank you!  Thank everything!"

Luna smirked.  "Thou art most welcome.  It should arrive soon, and will be delivered to you thence.  Until next time!"  The TV shut off as I pumped my fists in exultation.

"Yes!  My music!  It's coming home to me!"

"Nice," Rainbow grinned.  "Can’t wait to see what you’ve got worth listening to.  In the meantime, though, what’s for lunch?  I’m starving over here."

"And what makes you think I’m providing food for you?"

"Because you are."

I sighed, knowing I wasn't winning this argument and not really into trying.  "Fine, let’s go hit the market.  There ain’t much in here."

-fin-