The rain fell sparsely as I folded up yet another empty cardboard box and added it to a growing stack near the front door.  All around me, piles of what could only be called "stuff" were spreading, taking over this living space I now called home.  It was a fine enough domicile as such things went—and one that was actually built to fit a human's dimensions, no less.

I sliced open yet another box of freshly purchased items and dropped the pair of scissors to the carpet.  I glanced inside.  Hmm, mostly dishes.  I guess I'll move that one to the kitchen before unpacking it.

I stood, unable to resist taking a huge stretch.  It had to go sideways on account of the ceiling only being eight feet up, but it felt good to finally be able to expand myself in a room without knocking things over.  As I bent to pick up my crate of flatware, I heard a knock come from the open door.

"Hey!  Anypony home in here?"

Straightening back up, I turned to see my new friend, compatriate, buddy, and cohort; Rainbow Dash.  Despite only having been in Equestria for a few weeks, the two of us had hit it off fast.  Maybe it was because there was finally someone around who she couldn't outwrestle, or maybe just because we both had athletic backgrounds.  I don't know.  All I know is that once the initial shock of my arrival had worn off (as well as the surprise that I knew everything from the show about her and her friends), the two of us had hung out nearly constantly.  It was one of the few things that made me almost forgive Pinkie Pie for replacing my bathroom door with a portal to Equestria.

I had really needed the bathroom at the time, too...

At any rate, after realizing that I was the only human stuck in a world of talking equines with no obvious way of getting home again, having a best friend (and now a home) was the broken spar of normalcy that I was clinging to in an ocean of weird.

I shook myself back into the moment.  "What up, Dashie?  Come on in."

Dash walked in from the covered porch, obviously resisting the urge to shake more water out of her wings.  "Dude, are you really going to stick with that nickname?  You know I hate being called 'Dashie'."

I grinned.  "Yeah, I know.  S'why I do it."

Rainbow rolled her eyes as she stepped in and started looking around.  "So, Matt, this is it, huh?  The new place?"

"Seems so."  I glanced around, a bit proud of my home.  "And it's all mine, too.  I've got a spare bedroom, a large kitchen, and an absolutely perfect place for my new TV and stuff.  Once I finally get all of these boxes squared away, I'll be set!"

"Seriously, dude, where did you get all of this from?" she asked, looking over the pile of discarded boxes—and the remaining stacks of full ones.

"I, uh," I said, frowning slightly, "I had to get a bit of a loan from Luna.  She said I can pay her back when I get a job."

"So, she gives you a house for free, and makes you loan the bits to fill it?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, okay, why not..." Dash muttered as she threw herself onto my couch.  "So, where have you been lately?  I haven't seen you since Pinkie's 'Welcome the Extradimensional Alien to Ponyville' party, and you sorta disappeared halfway through that."

"Yeah, I still don't know why she couldn't have just said 'human' on the sign," I said, shaking my head.  "See, the thing is, well..."  I felt my face growing warm.  "There was an... incident."

Dash flipped over to face me, her muzzle propped up on the arm of the couch.  "Oh, I know that tone.  This is gonna be good."

I took a seat on one of my still-cellophane-wrapped kitchen chairs.  "Okay, see, the thing is, I'm taller than most ponies are.  By quite a bit."

She snorted.  "You're only a few inches taller than me, dude!"

"Well, yeah, sure, if you're standing on your hind legs.  Common rooms are built plenty high in this town, but hallways and back rooms  are generally sized more for getting about on four legs.  Plus, as it turns out, your buildings can be ridiculously prone to termite infestations."

"Seriously?" Dash replied, her face scrunched up in what I had come to recognize as disbelief.

"Yeah.  You've got it freaking nice up there in the clouds.  I mean, Derpy was able to sit straight through the floor of City Hall.  That ain't normal."

"Well, neither is the way you knew about things like that in our world before you ever showed up here."  Rainbow shook her head in amusement, her mane waving about.  "So, is there a point to this little architectural lesson?"

"Well..."  I blushed again.  "At the party, I was looking for the bathroom.  The ceiling in that hallway was only right at my head level, and I kinda stood up too fast."

"So, your head..."

"Yup."  I grimaced.  "Broke the ceiling."

Dash smirked.  "Okay, that's pretty funny, but hardly worth running away over."

"Oh, it wasn't my idea," I countered.  "See, it wouldn't have been a problem had someone not been on the second floor, directly above me at the time."

She smirked again, a mischievous grin working onto her face.

"And it really would have been less of a deal had it not been Princess Luna.  She didn't appreciate it when her weight and the cracks from my head caused the floor to collapse from under her."

Rainbow snorted, trying hard to not miss any of the story.

"I mean, she fell on me, not the other way around!"

The mare's snorts were almost constant now, her eyes starting to water from holding her laughter in.

"And it only looked improper at first glance!  Any pony could clearly see that I was being suffocated by her flank!"

The dam broke, and Rainbow fell off the couch, rolling on the floor in a fit of belly laughs.  I scowled at her, not that she noticed.  "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Skittles."

Dash tried to get herself under control, climbing back to her hooves and wiping the tears out of her eyes.  "Oh, wow, I'm sorry.  I'm better now," she claimed between chuckles.  "So you broke Sugarcube Corner, then—*snrrk*—molested the Moon Goddess herself, and you got a sweet new house out of the deal?  Seems pretty nice to me."

I shrugged, still pretty red in the face.  "It's not all bad.  The TV is huge, the bed is comfy, apparently the internet works between dimensions, and I finally have a refrigerator I can store my own food and drinks in."

"Not all bad?  Dude, it sounds all awesome to me."

"Yeah, well..."  I sighed.  "The thing is, I'm sort of under house arrest, and Luna made sure this house had a few extra... features."

Dash's muzzle scrunched up again.  "Such as?"

"Well, the door and window locks aren't in my control.  Every so often, Luna locks me in my house without my consent and forces me to sit through some of the worst fanfiction imaginable."

Rainbow stared at me blankly.

"Yup," I confirmed.  "This is my penance."

"Okay, wow."  Dash put a hoof to her head as though getting over a headache.  "That's a little bit hilarious, actually.  I knew Luna was a bit of a prankster, but this is a new level of greatness."

I couldn't resist a grin of my own.  "Yeah, she's got some epic-level trolling skills, no doubt.  I mean, it could be worse, of course.  Not that this won't be really, really bad on its own, but it could be worse.  I mean, I am allowed to riff them, so that'll be nice."

Rainbow nodded absently.  "So...  alone?"

I did a doubletake.  "I, what?"

"Did she say you had to do it alone?"

I think my own face scrunched a bit in confusion.  "Wait, what?  You did not just volunteer for this, did you?  Dash, this is gonna suuuuck."

Rainbow shrugged her wings in a way that I've always been rather envious of.  "Eh, why not?  It kinda sounds fun, and definitely not the sort of thing that you should have to suffer through by yourself.  I mean, we play pretty well off each other—and sarcasm?"  She snorted breezily.  "Forget about it, right?  That's right up my street.  Lemme try it out once, you never know.  Maybe we'll be a good team!"

I laughed.  "All right, but don't say I didn't warn ya," I agreed, holding out my fist to her.

"Deal."  She bumped it with her hoof, grinning.  "So, when does Luna usually send you these things, anyway?"

I frowned slightly.  "Well, she hasn't sent me one yet.  But she does know that I'm moving in today, so I'm almost half expecting her to—"

The large flatscreen TV in the corner of the room suddenly burst into life of its own volition, a loud punch of static coming from the speakers.  Both Rainbow and I jumped, startled by the intrusion.  Within a second, though, the screen steadied to show the face of Luna, still in her room in Canterlot.  "Well met, Matt.  I see thou—I mean, you—are settling into thy dwelling well.  We have a task for you and... Rainbow Dash?"

Rainbow stepped up to my side.  I felt her flail her hoof against my back a few times, apparently trying to reach my shoulders, before giving up and settling for my waist.  "Hey, Princess Luna," she said casually.  "Matt told me what's going on here, and I'm in."

The indigo-coated alicorn nodded agreeably.  "This is most unexpected, but certainly not unwelcome.  Thou should be grateful to have such a friend as Rainbow Dash."

I grinned.  "Oh, I am.  And if you stick to your Princess of Trolls method, I get the idea that I'm going to need the help."

Luna's face practically lit up.  "Huzzah!  The mental anguish has been doubled!"

Rainbow and I facepalmed simultaneously.

"Let us begin your penance!" Luna cried as the door magically slammed shut, an ominous click coming from every outside door and window.

Rainbow swallowed loudly as we both shrugged and sat down on the couch.  "You know," I said trying to distract myself, "this thing really is pretty comfortable."

"Your first assignment, should you choose to accept it—and thou must accept it or be imprisoned in our dungeons—is to view a story called Queen of Cloudsdale, featuring—"  She stopped, suddenly perking up even more.  "Oh, what happy circumstance!"

"Uh oh," I muttered, “she’s happy...”

"Featuring Rainbow Dash!"

"What?" Dash squeaked.  "Your first fanfic is about me?  So awesome!"

"Trust me," I said, "it's not the honor you think it is."

Luna picked up a notepad, scanning over it.  "Let us see here...  Twilight gave us notes as to the protocol for this sort of thing..."

I turned to Dash and silently mouthed, Twilight?  She shrugged back at me.

"Apparently I am to flip this switch here, which will activate your beacon."  The alicorn's hoof hit a toggle off-screen, and true to her word, a large yellow light appeared on the wall of my house and began to throw garish yellow light across the room.  "Once the indicator has been lit, it is customary for the recipients in question to declare the presence of the story, upon which the story may begin!"

I groaned.  "Seriously?  We have to call it?"

Luna scowled, almost pouting.  "Yes.  Or else dungeon.  One thousand years."

I shrugged.  "All right, Dashie, let's do this thing."

She growled at my use of her hated nickname as I crowed my challenge to the task at hand:

"WE GOT STORY SIGN!"

*Knock* *knock* *Knock*

Matt: I couldn’t understand why the mail pegasus couldn’t just leave the package on the porch like I told him to.

Rainbow Dash stirred in her sleep from the knocking on her door.  She didn't want to answer it, it was her day off, and she wanted to sleep in.  She turned her head so her face was on the pillow, but felt some resistance, like there was something coming out of her head, but was too tired to check.

Rainbow: I would think that if I felt something coming out of my head, that would take priority over sleep.  I mean, I like naps as much as any pony—

Matt: Or more.

Rainbow: *glares* but really, something coming out of my head?

*knock* *knock* *knock*

Matt: Penny...

She was now getting irritated by the constant knocking; she grabbed her pillow and put it around her ears in hopes to muffle out the knocking.

Rainbow: How would somepony even be knocking on my door?  It’s made of clouds!

*knock* *knock* *knock*

Matt: Sounds like your house is knocking, there, Rainbow.  You might want to switch to a premium gasoline.

Rainbow: Say what now?

Matt: Okay, if we’re going to do this together, you have got to spend some time on the internet learning about Earth pop culture.  This just isn’t going to work as a one-way street.

She couldn't take it anymore; she jumped out of her bed and stormed to the door, not bothering to notice that everything looked smaller now.  She opened the door and glared at the knocker.

Rainbow: Stupid knocker.  It’s definitely my least favorite part of the door, right behind the mail slot.

"What do you want?" She growled, the knocker was no other than Pinkie Pie, being held afloat by balloons tied around her stomach.

"Hi yeah Dashie!  I wanted to see if you would like to come out to play and... Oh, when did you get so big, and when did you get a horn?" Pinkie was saying, until she noticed that the Pegasus looked different, but was still smiling.

Matt: Looking different always puts me in a bad mood, so I can see why Pinkie might be surprised by your smile.

"H-horn?  B-bigger?" Rainbow Dash stuttered, before running to her bathroom to see not a tomboy Pegasus, but a beautiful Alicorn.

Rainbow: *catches Matt staring at her* ...What?

Matt: I thought you might be offended by the implication that tomboys aren’t beautiful.

Rainbow: Not really.  I mean, maybe a little.

Matt: Huh.  Well, I’m sure the reaction I expected will come eventually.

She was most likely just a hoof smaller than Celestia, her wings were much larger, looking more like an eagles than a falcons,

Matt: "An eagles."  *sighs*  Anyway, I really wouldn’t have compared your wings in the show to either one, actually.

Rainbow: *spreads a wing out* Something wrong with my wings?

Matt: Nah, but the show has a really simplistic style.  It doesn’t do you pegasi justice.

her mane and tail were much longer, in fact, she swore she could see it sparkle.

Rainbow: *gags*

Matt: There's the reaction I expected.

Then there was her newest appendage, her horn, it was almost as long as Celestia's.  She began to hyperventilate, her mind refusing to believe the fact that she was now an Alicorn.

Matt: Well, it’s good to see a character in a fanfic that actually responds to changes in an understandable way.

She began to think about what happened yesterday.  “Okay calm down Rainbow, what did you do yesterday.  You got up, brushed your teeth, had a shower, had some breakfast while reading the Cloudsdale Press, to find out that King Wind Crasher died.

Rainbow: One of these things stands out somehow.

Matt: *NNNRRT* PLOT POINT  *NNNRRT* PLOT POINT  *NNNRRT* PLOT POINT

Then I went through my daily routine of work, friends, naps, and then sleep.  I can’t think of anything that could have done this, so why is it happening!?” She mentally screamed, shaking her head.

Pinkie came into the house, to see her friend hyperventilate.

Matt: She had been waiting to see it all morning.  It had gotten great reviews in the Foal Free Press.

"Dashie, are you alright?" Pinkie Pie asked, not sure how to handle this, she could handle parties sure, and the Cakes twins, but making an Alicorn happy was not something she had experience with.

Matt: Ow, these comma splices.

Rainbow: Ow, that nickname.

Rainbow Dash turned to her friend, "Pinkie, I'm going to Twilight’s, to figure out what happened,” with that she ran out of her house and flew to the library.

As she was flying, she did her best to not get spotted by passing Pegasi.

Matt: You hide from your fans now?

Rainbow: Hey, autographs are time consuming!

Whenever one did come she would hide behind a cloud, or fly below them.

Matt: Nopony ever thinks to look down...

It was hard work for her, but she did not want to be treated like a princess, she didn’t even know if this was permanent.

Matt: I would have thought that you’d be enjoying the popularity.

Rainbow: Why would you think that?

Matt: *cough*Mare Do Well*cough*

Rainbow: You jerk!  *punches Matt in the arm*

Rainbow got to Twilights house and began to slam her hoof against the wooden door.

Matt: For the first time ever, you use the door.

Rainbow: Windows are quicker and easier, it’s true.

Twilight was busy cleaning the library with her assistant Spike, when she heard somepony slamming at her door.

Matt: Knocking hadn’t gotten results fast enough.  On to full-body slams!

"Twilight!  I need to talk to you!"

Twilight realized that the voice that was yelling was Rainbow Dash, but she always barged in, not slam her door.

Rainbow: Okay, I suppose I did just admit to that.

Matt: Though I’d have appreciated slightly more grammar in any case...

She opened the door, causing her mouth to gape open when she saw Rainbow Dash tower above her, as an Alicorn.

Rainbow: Is this going to be a thing in this fic?  Is “Alicorn” always going to be capitalized like that?

Matt: If I had to guess, I’d say yes.

Rainbow: How many more parts are there to this thing?

Matt: Um...

Luna (from TV): Several.

Rainbow: *groans*

"Rainbow Dash?  What happened to you?" Twilight asked, trying to wrap her head around this new dilemma

Matt: The author ninja’d the period there.

Rainbow: Is she actually trying to wrap her head around me?  Sounds hard on the neck.

"That is what I am wondering?  Can you send a letter to Celestia?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Rainbow: Do I really sound like that?

Matt: Maybe you did in a grade school play, but not now.

Twilight nodded and called to Spike.  "Spike!  Take a letter!"

Matt: You have one job to do, Spike!

There was some crashing coming from the room Spike was in, when he came over to them with a paper and quill.

Twilight cleared her throat and spoke.

Rainbow: It was much more successful than the letter she tried to dictate via interpretive dance.

Matt: Now that’s a mental image...

Dear Princess Celestia,

My friend Rainbow Dash woke up as an Alicorn, and she wants to know why this is.

Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle.

Matt: Brevity is the soul of wit, I guess.

Rainbow: Given the circumstances, Twilight could be forgiven for skipping the pleasantries.

Matt: Still, makes you wonder why she needed to go to the trouble of dictating it.

With that Spike rolled up the letter and blew his magic fire to send it.

Matt: Now get the heck out of this scene, Spike.  What do you think you are, a main character?

"Well Rainbow, Celestia will be getting it soon, then we can find out what happened," Twilight said, smiling.

Rainbow: Well Rainbow?

Matt: Is this fic introducing new characters now?

"Thanks Twilight," Rainbow Dash said, in a saddened tone.

Rainbow: And now we meet Thanks Twilight!

Matt: Commas are important, guys.  “Eats, shoots, and leaves.”

Twilight stared at her friend with concern, she never saw Rainbow Dash act like this.

"Rainbow, what's wrong?"

Matt: Did you forget about the javelin coming out of her forehead?

Rainbow’s eyes watered as she answered."I'm scared,"

Twilight couldn't believe what she heard, Rainbow Dash was scared?  She never heard her say that.  

Rainbow: Because it’s just such an unreasonable reaction to being freaking transformed in your sleep.  Sheesh...

"What are you scared of Rainbow?" she asked, sitting next to the saddened Pegasus turned Alicorn.

Matt: Aaaand, the fic answers its own question.

"I'm scared that I will have to leave Ponyville; scared that I will live longer than you girls; scared that you won't be my friends, and I'm especially scared that I will be forced to no longer see you,” Rainbow confessed, soon tears were falling out, she hated doing this in front of anypony, especially a friend, but she couldn’t help it.

Matt: Okay, it hurts, but I have to ignore the numerous comma splices for a moment.  The reaction is good, and I respect your mental skills, Rainbow, but you made some rather incredible leaps of logic pretty freaking quickly.

Rainbow: Yeah, I have to agree with you there.  In reality, I think I’d still be trying to get over the fact that a horn had grown out of my face.

"Rainbow, I know for a fact that Celestia would never force you to leave Ponyville, and we will always be your friends, Princess or not, and no force in Equestria can stop us," Twilight proclaimed, standing up to face her friend, a determined look on her face.

Matt: Intense Twilight is intense.

Rainbow: Do I hear electric guitars?

This caused the cyan Alicorn to smile and nuzzle Twilight.  "Thank you,"

Matt: Bow chicka bow wow...

Rainbow: *glares*

"That is what friends are for,"

Matt: BOW CHICKA BOW—OW, jeez, Rainbow!  *clutches at his now-sore arm*

Rainbow: *rubs her punching hoof, grinning evilly*

Spike stared at the situation with annoyance, and did a gagging expression, but was interrupted when an actual gagging reflex happened, and he burped up a letter.

Rainbow: Well, he sent a letter and received a letter.  Wanna bet on if he shows up again in this story?

Matt: Nooo thank you.  I like my bits right where they are.

"That was quick," Twilight commented before opening up and reading it.

My Faithful Student Twilight,

I can tell you why this,

Matt: Why, Twilight.  Why you this?

Rainbow: Hey look, there’s a “happened” on the ground.  Story, you drop this?

Matt: Nice.

but I prefer to talk to her in person,

Matt and Rainbow: PONY

I will be there the next day, I am also bringing the mayor of Cloudsdale and Las Pegasus with me, all shall be explained soon.

Princess Celestia

"Why is she bringing the mayor of Equestria's two biggest Pegasus population?" Rainbow asked.

Rainbow: Because it was easier than finding two Alicorn populations?

Matt: Still with the needless capitalizations.  Jeez, this fic...

"I don't know, but we better tell all our friends about you," Twilight said.

Matt: That is a terrible sentence, and it sounds even worse coming from Twilight.

Rainbow nodded and walked out with Twilight.

Matt: Is it Beige in here, or is that just me?

Rainbow: What?

Matt: Beige Prose.  Completely boring writing.  As interesting to read as a blank beige wall.

Rainbow: Ah, I gotcha.

The day went by with the citizens of Ponyville not knowing whether to bow at Rainbow or not.  

Rainbow noticed them looking at her, and tried her best to hide behind her wing.

Matt: Again, I’m sorry, but you love attention.

Rainbow: I do not!  

Matt: *meaningful look*

Rainbow: Well, okay, maybe a bit...

“Rainbow Dash, I know that this is hard for you, but you have to realize that all Alicorns are considered royalty, and seeing you as an Alicorn makes them nervous,” Twilight explained, trying her best to cheer up her friend, but she noticed that it wasn’t working.

Rainbow: It didn’t help that Twilight was reminding her of the inherent racism and class elitism in the pony culture.

Matt: Alicorns always trying to keep the pegasus man down!

“Twilight, I don’t want them to see me as royalty, I want them to see me as Rainbow Dash, the Pegasus that did the Sonic Rainboom and won the Best Young Flyers Competition,”

Matt: Aaand, that’s all the author could remember about you, I guess.

Rainbow: I might have friends and emotions and stuff, too, but whatever.

Twilight couldn’t help but agree with Rainbow Dash, her friend loved to brag how awesome she was, but now being an Alicorn, well, ponies will suspect her of doing all those things.

Matt: ...what?

Rainbow: Ponies would suspect me of doing all the things I did?  Isn’t that redundant?

The two ponies got to Carousel Boutique, and went inside to find Rarity.

Matt: Welcome to Carousel Boutique, now apparently a town instead of a building!

Rainbows: “The” is such a small word, yet it counts for so much.

“Rarity!  Are you here!?” Twilight shouted, waiting for an answer.  What she got instead was a loud crash, followed by some yelling.

“Sweetie Bell!  Look at what you’ve done,”

Matt: "It’ll take all week to hide all these bodies!"

Rainbow: Daaaark.  Nice.

Matt: I try.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,”

Matt: Mass murder is just part of her programming.  Crush, Kill, Destroy, Swag.

Rainbow: I feel like I'm missing something...

The unicorn and Alicorn stared at each other and shook their heads.

“Sweetie Bell, go check who is here, while I clean up this mess,”

“Yes sis,”

Rainbow: "Good thing the police commissioner owes me all those favors."

Matt: *snort*

The two ponies saw Rarity’s little sister, Sweetie Bell, come down the stairs, but stopped mid step when she saw Rainbow Dash.

“Rarity!  Your friends are here, and Rainbow got a new look!” Sweetie Bell yelled.

Matt: Understatement, thy name is Sweetie Belle.

Rainbow: Gaining a horn and twelve inches in height counts as a "look?"

Rainbow Dash felt her heart stop,

Matt: It was a cardiac arrhythmia and she died.  The end.

she had no idea how Rarity would react to her, she held her breath while she saw Rarity walk down the stairs.

Rainbow: She held it too long and died.  The end.

Matt: Hey, that's you you're talking about!

Rainbow: What?  This is about as far from me as you can get!  Besides, you started the trend, I'm just going with it.

“Well, I was not expecting my friends to come over, and what is this new look... Rainbow... Has?” Rarity started to say, but was interrupted by the sight that befell her, Rainbow Dash as an Alicorn.

Matt: Dat comma splice.

Rainbow: Haven't we ignored at least a dozen of those by this point?

Matt: Dat comma splice again.

Her jaw was opened wide, and her eyes bulged.

Matt: Urge to make... dirty comment... rising...

Rainbow: *panicked look at the TV* Luna, please tell me we don't have to do any of those kinds of fics!

Luna (from TV): You don't have to do any clopfics.

Matt and Rainbow: Phew.

Luna: ...Yet.

Matt: What.

Twilight and Rainbow wanted to do something, but didn’t have to when a fly flew into Rarity’s mouth and down her throat, causing her cough.

Matt: The syntax seems rather off here.

Rainbow:  Apparently, the fly was so powerful that it went back in time and caused the cough Rarity already had.

“I’m sorry for staring, but why is Rainbow Dash an Alicorn before me!?” Rarity yelled.

Matt:  "Is this an alicorn I see before me, the horn to my hand?"

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow and gave a small smirk. “Before you?”

“Well...Uh... You see,” Rarity stammered, trying to make up an excuse.

Rainbow: Rarity had been conducting a series of brutal experiments on ponies, searching for the key to alicorn ascension.

Matt: The Celestian Intelligence Agency had been searching for her for years.

Rainbow chuckled and waved her hoof.  “Don’t worry about it Rares, Me and Twilight are just here to see how you would react, and your reaction was pretty funny,”

Rainbow: Comma splice or missing one for the address.  Either way, really funny to read out loud.

“Oh, thank goodness, well Rainbow Dash, since of your new... size,

Matt: Beyotch, who you callin' fat?

Rainbow: Well, since of, after all.

I think you should get measured, what do you say?”  Rarity asked, hoping that the answer would be yes.

“Sure, I’ll come over later; just don’t make me wear all that girly stuff,”

“Rainbow, what type of mare do you think I am?”

Matt: Okay, context or no, that just sounded dirty.

Rainbow: As much as I want to make fun of you for being a typical male, you're kinda right.

 Rarity said, Rainbow just shook her head smiling, and walked out of the boutique with Twilight close behind.

Matt: This author must have gotten a great deal on commas to be sprinkling them around so liberally.

"That went better than I expected," Twilight said.

Rainbow: She knew about Sweetie's kill streak beforehoof, so it could have gone a lot worse.

Rainbow was not that optimistic, "Let's see how the rest of our friends will react,"

Matt: Because why not.  One reaction was dull, two was tedious, so six should be great.

"Should we go to Pinkie next?" Twilight asked.

Rainbow shook her head, "No, she already knows, and besides, she is probably planning a party for me," she explained, getting a knowing nod from Twilight.

"That's true, how about we go to Applejack next?"

"Yeah, let's go,"

Rainbow: How bad could this be?

Matt: Never ask that!

Thankfully, the walk to Sweet Apple Acres didn’t have that many ponies, so Rainbow could actually let her wings rest at her sides.

When Twilight and Rainbow Dash got to the farm, they saw Applejack doing her usual thing, bucking trees and having the apples fall down into baskets.

Matt: Having the apples... Whaaaa?  There's passive voice and then there's that.

Twilight thought that out of all their friends, Applejack would take the news quite well and not overreact.

Rainbow: Not exactly what you'd call subtle with the foreshadowing, is he?

“Well Rainbow Dash, let’s go talk to Applejack.. Rainbow Dash?” Twilight turned her head to see her rainbow friend staring at an apple on one of the trees.

Matt: Double period, check.

Rainbow: Missing commas for personal address, check.

Matt: And a sentence that tells us what we already knew was happening for the trifecta.

“Rainbow, what are you doing?”

Rainbow: "The apple spoke to me."

The question went unanswered as Rainbow closed her eyes and pointed her horn towards the apple.  Her face became tense and her body began to shake.

Matt: Diarrhea can strike without warning...

Twilight's eyes widened in realization, “She’s trying to use magic,” she thought to herself as she watched her friend.

Rainbow: DUCK AND COVER!

A couple of magenta sparks flew out of her horn, but she couldn’t take the stress anymore and fell on her haunches, panting.

Rainbow: Well that was underwhelmingly realistic.

Matt: Don't worry, this is how a bad author tries to write conflict.  One token failure before success comes with laughable ease.

Rainbow: Meh.

“That was a good first try Rainbow, but I think you should learn about magic later,” Twilight said, getting a weak nod from the Alicorn.

Matt: Well, that little diversion was neither interesting nor important, but at least it provided us no new information.

Rainbow: *snorts*

The two ponies trotted over to Applejack, who was now putting some of the baskets into the wagon.

Rainbow: This fic keeps jumping between tedious detail and not enough detail.

“Hello Applejack,” Twilight greeted, causing the orange mare to look away from her work.

“Howdy Twi, how are you... and... Rainbow Dash... Why is Rainbow Dash an Alicorn?” Applejack asked, staring at cyan Alicorn.

Matt: Because alicorn alicorn wingyhorns.

Rainbow: This writer does love that word, doesn't he?

“I woke up as an Alicorn, but we don’t know if it’s permanent or not,” Rainbow answered.

“So, Ah guess that makes you part Earth Pony also,” Applejack grinned.

Matt: ...

Rainbow: Huh.  Just skip right past surprise, disbelief, denial, explanation—

Matt: It's not a good sign when Pinkie's reactions are the most believable in a story.

“Yes it does, what are you getting at?”

Matt: Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Applejack?

“I was thinking on how strong you are, but you’re most likely not as strong as my babies,” Applejack proclaimed, bucking a tree behind her.

Rainbow: Bloomburg, no!

Matt: Oh, wow, I completely forgot about that.  That was a good one.

“Oh, you are on Applejack, how about tomorrow?”

“That works for me,”

Rainbow Dash and Applejack spit into their hoof and hoof bumped.

Matt: The author's killing me, man.  It's like he just stitched scenes from the show into each character, and the results walk and talk like Frankenstein's monster.

After that, Twilight and Rainbow Dash walked away, on their way to Fluttershy’s.

Rainbow: Oh, Celestia, no!  Not another one of these pointless scenes!

Matt: Maybe Flutters will charge out and try to shank Rainbow for being an alicorn.

Rainbow: How does that make any sense?

Matt: Who's trying to make sense?  I just want something to happen!

“Did you really have to challenge Applejack,” Twilight asked.

Rainbow Dash just shrugged, “Applejack made a challenge, and I accepted it,”

Matt: Thanks for showing us that conversation, fic.  It was wonderful.

Rainbow: Um, are you jamming a pencil into your leg?

Matt: ...yeah...

The two mares were now at the steps of the cottage,

Rainbow: But there are still so many unanswered questions!

Rainbow Dash took in a deep breath and knocked on the door, causing it to open a little

Matt: The knock did not cause the door to open.

and show a cyan eye looking through the crack.

Matt: And it certainly didn't cause an eye to appear.

Rainbow: Pony not included, apparently.

Matt: *grimaces* Gyeesh...

“Oh, hello Rainbow, hello Twilight,” came a weak voice.

“Hello Fluttershy, can we come in?” Twilight asked.

Matt: I just can't bring myself to keep pointing out all of these stupid punctuation errors.

Rainbow: Please don't, I have weather stuff to do eventually.

The yellow pegasus gave a nod and opened the door two let the two ponies in.

Rainbow Dash walked in; confused by the fact that Fluttershy wasn’t even reacting to the fact that she was now an Alicorn.

Rainbow: As are we all.

All three ponies were now in the living room, drinking a beverage that Fluttershy gave them.  

Matt: This would be a much easier read if this fic would just pick a pace.  It drags in meaningless trivium, and then, out of nowhere, jumps to completely new scenes.  It’s maddening, I tells ya.

But Rainbow Dash was getting more confused by the minute that Fluttershy wasn’t even looking at her in a weird way, she couldn’t take it anymore and decided to ask. “Fluttershy, do you know anything different about me?”

Matt: "Of course I know different things about you.  For instance, I know that trick you do with ping pong balls and-"

Rainbow: Dude! *tackles Matt, punching him repeatedly before climbing back up onto the couch* Not cool.

Matt: ... Worth... It...

“Yes I do, you're an Alicorn now,” Fluttershy answered.

Matt: *winces* Ow...  Fluttershy, queen of the no-sell.

“Okay so you’ve notice, any reactions like, “Why are you an Alicorn?”, or “How are you an Alicorn?”?” Rainbow Dash asked,

Rainbow: A perfectly valid question, I'd think.

getting a shake from Fluttershy.

Rainbow:S-s-s-top s-s-sh-a-k-ing m-m-e-e!

Matt: Ha! *winces* Oh, it still hurts to laugh...

Rainbow: *glares* You deserved it!

Matt: I really did.

“Why should I, you're my friend Rainbow Dash, and nothing is going to change that,” Fluttershy said.

Matt and Rainbow: Wat.

Rainbow Dash stared at her friend; tears were forming in her eyes, and embraced Fluttershy in a hug.

“Thank you Fluttershy,”

Matt: No, really, what the hell?

Rainbow: I don't care how docile you are or how many drugs you're on, you have a reaction to something like this!

Matt: If you showed up here as a stallion instead of a mare, I'd flip my lid!  This kind of anti-reaction just makes no sense!

Fluttershy didn’t know how to react,

Rainbow: NO, really?

and just hugged her crying friend.  “It’s okay Rainbow,”

“Fluttershy, you have no idea how good it is to hear that,”

“I can only think about what you feel,”

Twilight couldn’t help but awe at the sight;

Matt: ... I'm gonna hurt this guy.  That's just awful.

 it was the most heartwarming thing she has seen today.

Rainbow: How did I using tense?

“Rainbow Dash, I’m sorry to say, but I think we should go, Rarity wants to get some measurements,”

Matt: If you know what I'm sayin'.  *winks*

Rainbow: What are you saying?

Matt: I'm not even sure anymore.

Rainbow Dash nodded and said good bye to her friend, then followed Twilight out of the cottage.

“I’m so glad that Fluttershy doesn’t see me differently,”

“Well Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy doesn’t judge ponies on appearances,”

Matt: *facepalm*

Rainbow: *facehoof*

“Yeah, that’s what I like about her,”

Matt: It takes a rare skill to be both nonsensical and to drop the morality anvil at the same time.

Soon the day was over, Rainbow got her new measurements and flew back home to feed Tank and to make supper.  But all of this could not stop her from being nervous of meeting the princess and two mayors.

Rainbow: Nervous of?

Matt: I would say there's no way English is this guy's first language, but I've been around way too long to give out that kind of credit.

“I hope I don’t become a princess, or become immortal,” she thought, she noticed that she was tired when she yawned and her eyelids became heavy.

Matt: Awful.  Just awful.

Rainbow: Are most ponies constipated when their eyes get heavy?  Do we need to be told that she's tired also?

“Wow, I’m tired, must be all the walking I had to do today,” she reasoned,

Matt: Pansy.

Rainbow: Wow, it's like the author forgot that I'm a world-class athlete or something!

she ate her dinner and went straight to bed, but found it hard to get comfortable on her now small bed.

“I hope Celestia brings a bed with her,” with that final thought she went to sleep.

Matt: You seem to get a bit nonsensical when you're tired.

Rainbow: Well, it's not easy to think when I'm half-asleep!

It was time,

Matt: Ow!  Jeez, scene, whiplash much?

Rainbow and her friends were waiting for Celestia and the two mayors to arrive.  Pinkie was bouncing in excitement.

"Oh I can't wait for Princess Celestia to come, and with two mayors, this will make the "Rainbow Dash turns into an Alicorn Party" so much better.  

Rainbow: In what world does Pinkie sound like that?  It's just.  So.  Dull.

Matt: *rocks gently and holds his head* I can't, man, I just can't...

"Pinkie let’s wait till the Princess gets here to see if Rainbow Dash will stay as an Alicorn," Twilight said, in hopes to calm down the hyperactive pony.

Rainbow Dash was nervous, she had no idea why Celestia would want to come, or why she would bring the mayors of Equestria's two biggest Pegasus populations.

Rainbow: Because it was too hard... to...  Didn't we do this joke already?

Matt: Oh, God, the fic is iterating!  Abandon fic!  Everypony for themselves!

From the sky, the Princess of the Sun's chariot came into view, with said princess on it, and the two mayors.

Matt: Welcome to World of Cardboard, where no one does looks, speaks, or acts differently, or stands out in any way worth mentioning or describing.

Rainbow: Saves time, I guess.

Matt: Yeah, but I’d rather read a shampoo bottle.

The chariot landed and the three ponies got out meeting the six ponies.

Matt: Three Ponies For Six Ponies was a terrible play, and confusing as hell, too.

Everypony in Ponyville bowed to Celestia all expect for Rainbow Dash, as she did not know if she should or not, and she did see the two mayors bow down, to her.  Now she was confused.

Rainbow: Now she was hungry.  Now she was sleepy.

Matt: Kinda makes you wonder what reactions Dash would have actually had if the author wasn't pasting all these reactions onto her.

"Princess Celestia, why are the mayors of Cloudsdale and Las Pegasus bowing down to me?" she asked, having a nervous look on her face.

Matt: Aarrgh, I quit.

Rainbow: Aw, don't be like that.  It's just an incorrect word usage.

Matt: No, it's all too much.  I just can't anymore...

Rainbow: There’s only, like, a few lines left.  Don’t be such a foal.

"I have to go with Rainbow Dash, why are they?" Twilight asked.

"Well, I think these two should tell her themselves," Celestia answered.

The two mayors got up and looked at Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow: Nothin'?

Matt: Hmph.

"Queen Rainbow Dash, it is an honor to meet you," the mayor of Cloudsdale said.

Rainbow Dash was taken back by the title she was given. "Queen?  Queen of what?"

Rainbow: ...Oh, come on, Matt!  This one's a cheap shot!

Matt: Okay, fine, um...  "Dancing Queen, so don't get excited."

Rainbow: There ya go, buddy.

"Queen of the Pegasus race, you are the last descendant of Alicorn that rule the Pegasi," Celestia explained, with a smile on her face.

Rainbow: It's on my face!  Get it off!

Matt: This doesn't even make sense.  Pegasi were historically a military oligarchy, right?

Rainbow: Yeah, but I do you think this author actually did any homework for this?

Matt: Touché.

Rainbow Dash, being the awesome pony that she is, did the most reasonable thing after hearing that she was Queen of the Pegasus.

She fainted.

I rolled my eyes, slumping against the couch next to my wingmare.  "Man, I wish I'd have fainted like that about 30 minutes ago..."

"That was absurd," Rainbow whined.  "Are we done?  Can we leave now?"

Luna's face expanded from the PIP corner window to the main screen as the fic faded off to black.  "Yes, thou art done for now.  You have performed adequately, Matt and Rainbow Dash."  The doors and windows unlatched with a loud clatter.

"Gee, Luna,  thanks for the glowing review.  And you chose this method of punishment why?"

Luna's grin was terrifying.  "Twilight has a theory that we may be able to create an Equestrian defense weapon powered by mental anguish!"

"I—I'm sorry I asked."

Rainbow patted my forearm with a hoof.  "Come on, dude, let's get a drink.  I think we deserve it after that madness."

"Hasten back, though," Luna chirped brightly from the television.  "Part two awaits!"

We stared at each other, our eyes fearful.

"Run?" Dash asked.

I nodded.  "Run."

-fin-